Welcome To Patchwork
by Christian, Dion and Josh
Welcome to Patchwork is a Melbourne comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. Christian Pisasale, Dion Factor and Joshua Porter debate the obvious, challenge social conventions and improvise sketches, more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie. Have you ever wondered whether it's acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it home if nobody ate it? Then you're in good company. Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards in 2018 and 2019.
Episodes
-
Patch #166 - Should You Always Tip A Busker?
You find a phone on the footpath. You're fairly sure you know whose it is, you're fairly sure they're already long gone, and you've got a sandwich that isn't getting any fresher. How much of your Sunday afternoon do you owe a stranger? Josh has a story, a timeline, and a defence he's prepared to...
-
Patch #165 - Do You Pump Your Tyres Before A Long Drive?
Do you pump your tyres before a long drive? Josh does - two and a half hours out of town and the mental checklist kicks in, windscreen wipers included. Christian has owned his car for some number of months he'd rather not commit to and has never once checked the pressure. One of these men is…
more -
Patch #164 - Do You Confidently Sing Along To Songs?
How long can you refrain from opening a package delivered to your house? Josh managed several hours and a car trip, which Dion considers admirable restraint and Christian considers a moment that stopped being a moment about a decade ago. Is there any wonder left in a parcel arriving at your door,...
-
Patch #163 - Do People Think You Look Your Age?
Do people think you look your age? Christian's been forced to find out the hard way after a shaving mishap wipes out an entire winter's worth of beard growth in one accidental swipe - and the office small talk that followed was brutal. Does more hair genuinely buy you a few extra years of…
more -
Patch #162 - Are You Obliged To Visit A Friend's New Home?
Would you eat a piece of gum that's been rattling loose in your pocket for a week? Dion has strong feelings on the matter, plus a backstory involving bulk-buying half a kilo of gum pellets to avoid the little plastic tubs. There's a genuine attempt to establish exactly where the hygiene line sits...
-
Patch #161 - Do You Deserve Credit For Organising A Group Gift?
Josh admits he doesn't know his grandfather's name. Doesn't know when he was born, doesn't know where he lived. Is that fair enough, or is it something he should know? More clear-cut is Josh never computing that his parents had grandparents. Then Josh gets thanked for a birthday gift he had...
-
Patch #160 - Do You Trust a Warning Sign?
Are you a rule follower, or is a warning sign more of a suggestion? Josh finds himself stuck behind a temporary fence on a coastal walk while everyone in front of him just strolls straight past it - is that healthy scepticism of authority, or something else entirely? Is a road sign a genuine…
more -
Patch #159 - Do You Prefer To Sit Next To, Or Opposite Someone?
Dion ordered himself something at Hungry Jack's by tacking it onto Josh's order, and Josh has been holding onto the receipt ever since. The boys try to work out whether the principle is worth more than the money ($6.90 to be exact). Then Christian wants to know: if you change tables at a...
-
Patch #158 - Is A 'Maybe' RSVP Actually A 'No'?
Josh has run the numbers on his 40th RSVPs and discovers what every host secretly suspects: a "maybe" is a "no", a non-reply is a "no", and even the yeses can't be trusted. Then Dion gets pulled into the strange social grey zone between a Marketplace transaction and a friendship. The buyer wants…
more -
Patch #157 - If You Drop A Chopstick, Should You Ask For A New One?
Josh drops a chopstick at a restaurant and, without thinking, flags down the waiter for a new one. Dion and Christian are baffled. To them, you pick it up, you wipe it, and then you keep eating. To Josh, that's grub behaviour! We try to work out where the line is between sensible hygiene and…
more -
Patch #156 - Can You Uninvite A 'Plus One'?
If someone offers you a hot cross bun and it arrives without fruit, have you been deceived? Christian thinks his mum needs to manage expectations better. Josh argues hot cross buns have evolved into a category, like pizza, and you should be able to ask for the variant you want. And Dion wonders…
more -
Patch #155 - Should You Eat A Bad Sandwich Out Of Politeness?
If you take a sandwich from a shared platter and discover you hate it, are you allowed to throw it out, or are you obligated to keep eating? Josh found himself in this exact situation with a salmon sandwich and chose to power through, whilst retching. The boys try to work out what kind of brain...
-
Patch #154 - Should a Gift Voucher Cover the Entire Gift?
Should you accept a "congrats" for buying a house? What about moving into a rental? The boys try to work out where the line sits between earned achievement and a windfall you didn't quite deserve. Then a debate about gift vouchers - specifically, the ethics of giving someone a voucher worth less...
-
Patch #153 - Does Listening to a Book Count?
Christian notices that some of the old European men in his neighbourhood have netted their fruit trees - but left others completely uncovered. Does that mean the uncovered ones are fair game? At what point does abundance become an invitation? And is it trespassing if you're just grabbing a lemon?...
-
Patch #152 - Is Sewing A Button A Basic Skill?
Why won't Josh commit to an arrival time? When he says "I'm 25 minutes away," is that best practice or is it just forcing everyone else to do maths? And at what point does "I'm heading off now" become a riddle? This week, a friend's shirt button pops off and ignites a surprisingly heated argument...
-
Patch #151 - Where Do You Wait For Friends Outside The Toilets?
We're back! After 160 days away, a refreshed studio, and some very big life updates, we ease back into the important stuff - like underwear. Josh is staring down the barrel of doubling his underwear usage, and he doesn't like it. Christian walks us through his two-pair rotation system while Dion...
-
Patch #150 Livestream - Is This How You Celebrate 150 Episodes?
After eight years, 150 episodes and approximately one and a half Bibles worth of words, Christian, Dion and Josh gather to celebrate the tangled quilt they’ve been slowly unravelling since 2017. This very special Patch, recorded live on YouTube on September 10, 2025, is best experienced by…
more -
Patch #149 – Do You Know How Loudly You Chew?
We begin with Josh’s so-called “worst idea ever”: a heated debate about monitor timeout settings that morphs into a discussion about energy saving, screen burn, and whether you can feel your password in your fingers. Then Dion unveils a mysterious crack on his phone’s screen protector—but can’t...
-
Patch #148 - Do You Panic When A Ball Rolls Your Way?
With Dion back on the mic, we begin by questioning his curious choice to take place his call in another room but on speaker. This quickly turns into a debate about phone etiquette, hands-free habits, and whether Dion’s long-standing fear of mobile radiation is paranoia or just good prep. We also...
-
Patch #147 - Patch Full O' Scraps
From coughing fits to crusty sourdoughs, this episode is made entirely of scraps - old notes, fleeting thoughts, and the kinds of ponderings that once felt too small, too odd, or too unworthy to make the cut. But today, they shine. In this rapid-fire, patchwork-style patch, we discuss: The weird...
-
Patch #146 - Do You Bring Your Bins In On Time?
Christian finally gets his ear pierced — but what does it mean to permanently alter your body? Is it self-expression, a longing for transformation, or simply an overdue homage to a bodybuilding uncle from childhood? Meanwhile, Josh is quietly seething at his neighbours who refuse to bring their...
-
Patch #145 - Do You Trust Friends To Look After Your Pets?
With Dion away, Christian and Josh settle in for a two-hander that begins with Christian’s recent holiday — and the logistical challenge of who would feed the cats. Christian reveals he enlisted six different friends (including Josh) and provided an extensive PDF detailing every aspect of Moe and...
-
Patch #144 - Are You Confident Licking An Ice-cream?
We begin this patch with Josh recounting a recent trip to the Great Australian Beer Spectacular and Dion arriving at the wrong venue, shitting himself. Which kicks off a discussion about lateness, accountability, and how best to communicate when you're running behind. Should you send an ETA, or...
-
Patch #143 - Should You Answer An Unknown Number?
How do you answer a phone call from someone you know? Christian insists on full name protocol, Josh still lives in landline times, and Dion’s trying to avoid getting deepfaked by AI. We discuss phone etiquette, voicemail anxiety, and the emotional scars of group chats that never end. Then it’s…
more -
Patch #142 - Where Do Mice Sleep?
Christian’s car is on empty, Josh’s brain is on husk, and Dion thinks a mouse has a mortgage. Christian kicks things off by pushing his car well past the fuel light, trusting the mysterious dot-dot-dot to get him home. Josh prefers a more conservative two-thirds–full approach, and Dion shares his...
-
Patch #141 - Do You Dread Waking Up In The Morning?
Dion has finally succumbed to caffeine dependency, and Christian and Josh interrogate his new addiction. What makes a good coffee order? Why does Dion refuse to learn the difference between a flat white and a cappuccino? Meanwhile, Christian grapples with existential dread every morning, and Josh...
-
Patch #140 - How Much Pizza Should You Order?
In this Patch, we crown pizza as the best party food for a large group of people before trying to define some rules around quantity, presentation and flavour. Christian feels that hosts must announce the arrival of the pizza to the party, Dion reflects on the pathetic image of guests hovering...
-
Patch #139 - Have You Ever Walked Away From A Queue?
Dion and Christian argue over whether someone can feel proud of arriving to a location on time. Josh tries to share a frustrating experience of being stuck in a queue that wasn't moving at the Australian Open but neither Dion or Christian can understand what he's saying. After some translating…
more -
Patch #138 - Do You Have Unreasonably High Expectations?
We're back with Season 10! Misdelivered packages, passive-aggressive laundry, and the correct way to clean a percolator. This week Dion's Rooibos Challenge for a Fridge Friend takes a turn for the ethically ambiguous. Josh reveals the depths of his percolator cleanliness standards, and Dion...
-
Patch #137 - Should You Mow Your Neighbour's Nature Strip?
After 27 weeks, 3 additional kilos and no ageing, Dion is back in the Patchwork Studio! He tells us some brothy stories of his culinary experiences and recalls an awkwardly silent breakfast experience at a hostel. We then discuss what factors make for a positive hostel experience - is atmosphere…
more -
Patch #136 - Do You Read The Other Messages In A Farewell Card?
After countless people telling him to get one, Christian has finally purchased an air fryer and won't shut up about it! But what really is an air fryer? Is it just small oven? Is small oven better cook reddit? As the discussion develops, both Christian and Josh lose the ability to form full...
-
Patch #135 - Are You Good At Napping?
After another lengthy break, Josh and Christian are back in the WTP studio and the first thing they can think to talk about is how podcast consumption aint what it used to be. It's all content, content, content these days! Maybe if we posted a little more regularly, we would actually have some...
-
Patch #134 - Can You Handle Silence In Conversations?
We have wiped away the emotional cobwebs of the Depression Sessions and are ready for a little more unstructured fun. Christian picks up on Josh's brute force attempt to bring colour to the podcast before we both become self-conscious of our most overused phrases. We quickly move onto discussing...
-
Patch #133 - The Depression Sessions (Frankly Mr Chatly)
On a cold Monday night in August 2024, tired from just existing, Josh and Christian decided to record Patch 133, "The Depression Sessions" aka Frankly Mr Chatly. For any first time listeners, this is not the Patch for you. Christian and Josh reflect on winter and the sadness of realising that...
-
Patch #132 - Is Your Fridge Overflowing With Half Filled Jars? ft. Nelson Allingham
Christian and Josh are joined in the Patchwork studio by the handsome and hilarious Nelson Allingham, host of the Read It On Reddit podcast. Christian welcomes Nelson by confessing that he often passively listens to his podcast while completing chores before tragically revealing that he…
more -
Patching Up With Dion in Japan
While they were busy lining up the next Patchwork guest host, Christian and Josh decided to kill two birds with one stone and turned their long overdue catch up with Dion into content for the podcast. Through the miracle of "internet", Dion joins Christian and Josh in the studio to talk through...
-
Patch #131 - Where Does A Used Teaspoon Go? ft. Nat Harris
Christian and Josh are joined by the supremely talented comedian Nat Harris for Patch 131! Nat is about to perform a replay of her Melbourne International Comedy Festival show "Lathered" at Comedy Republic on Tuesday July 16. Purchase tickets through the Comedy Republic website! We kick off the...
-
Patch #130 - Do You Make Offers You Can't Keep? ft. Michael Campbell
Michael "Cambo" Campbell of Cancelled Movie Report and Read It On Reddit joins Josh and Christian and is immediately attached for his nickname and the silent "p" in his surname. Don't we treat our guests well! Christian kicks off proceedings by asking Cambo and Josh what they would do if someone...
-
Patch #129 - What's Your Approach To Taking A Sick Day? ft. Laura Dunemann
While Dion is away, the cats will play! And these cats have decided to invite veteran of the comedy scene and Patchwork's first ever repeat guest co-host, Laura Dunemann, onto the podcast! We kick off Patch 129 by making Christian feel more self conscious about his most recent Uniqlo purchase, an...
-
Patreon Bonus - Do You Wear Shoes Around The House?
Surprise, main feed Patchworkers! Get a taste of what the Patreon subscribers are receiving every fortnight with this weeks Bonus Patch. Join for as little as $2 a month to support the show and guarantee yourself some Patchwork every week. Jump onto patreon.com/welcometopatchwork In this Bonus...
-
Patch #128 - What Are the Signs You've Overstayed Your Welcome?
This Patch starts with Josh expressing concern over his own reaction to a message chain in the Patchwork thread. Christian and Dion can't hold back their pride for a Josh looking to grow and learn. We scratch the surface of Josh's brain and try to understand whether it's to react with frustration...
-
Patch #127 - Is A Sniff More Annoying Than A Cough?
Christian is sick! He's sick and selfish. He begins the Patch by telling Josh and Dion about the poor decision he made to ride public transport while sick and the consequent pressure of having to 'cover up' his illness. After some light berating, we get to the heart of the matter, which is more...
-
Patch #126 - Are You Ever Obliged To Give Up A Parking Spot?
Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders...
-
Patch #125 - Do You Confidently Slice Food In Half?
Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection…
more -
Patch #124 - How Should You Subtly Glance At Someone?
Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history....
-
Goodbye...for now
Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year. We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher…
more -
Patch #123 - How Should You Kill Time At A Chemist?
Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it. We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into...
-
Patch #122 - Is It Rude To Text Someone During A Speech?
Christian questions whether Josh can sell his abandoned basketball for profit. He's simply a man looking for answers. Josh's comedy group Game Boys won a freakin Green Room Award! So we discuss what genuine surprises we still have in life and if it's rude to send messages and be on social media...
-
Patch #121 - Are You Easily Embarrassed In Public?
Christian and Josh open this episode with a rather frank discussion about the many hairstyles of the artist P!NK. We explore the unspoken bravery of dying her hair blonde and her notoriety in Australia. Christian then finds a subtle way to tell Josh he's balding and shouldn't colour his hair.…
more -
Patch #120 - Do You Shake Hands With Friends?
Josh hosted another party and this time he's taking aim at those partygoers who take other people's drinks. Is it expected that the host will supply drinks? Should you be precious about the drinks you bring to a party? Dion then asks Christian and Josh for the right context in which a handshake…
more
About this show
Welcome to Patchwork is a Melbourne comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. Christian Pisasale, Dion Factor and Joshua Porter debate the obvious, challenge social conventions and improvise sketches, more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie. Have you ever wondered whether it's acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it home if nobody ate it? Then you're in good company. Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards in 2018 and 2019.
Hosted by
Christian, Dion and Josh