What You Took Back Podcast

I'm Skye. And this is What You Took Back. A podcast for women who've spent years surviving on fragments of themselves. I'm here to hand you back the whole damn thing. Picture it. You're at a function, glass of average chardonnay in hand, and someone you barely know asks, completely innocently, "So what do you do for yourself?" Go on, actually put yourself there for a second, and notice what comes up when you try to answer. For many, many years, I could not have told you who I was. Underneath all the roles, there was grief, old trauma, heartaches I'd never let myself feel all the way through. On top of that, I did everything society hands you as the blueprint — work hard, buy the house, get married, have the kids, be the good wife. That's the mould. I poured every part of myself into it until, by my thirties, I felt like I was about to explode. My identity belonged to my husband. My kids. My parents. My friends. Every single person except me. This episode walks through the frozen, non-answer moment near a plate of sausage rolls at a school carnival that showed me exactly what needed finding — and the ordinary morning, two years into being a divorcee, that became the real beginning of taking myself back. In this episode: Why some women survive the empty nest and others feel like they've lost a limb Self-complexity theory — the real psychology behind why one role holding your whole identity leaves you so exposed The "bucket" test for telling a real hobby from another chore wearing a nicer outfit One small, deliberately useless thing to build this week, with zero justification required Take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up, and if you're ready to go deeper, The Noticing and The Awakening are both built for exactly this kind of rebuilding. What will you be taking back? 🎙️

I'm Skye. And this is What You Took Back. A podcast for women who've spent years surviving on fragments of themselves. I'm here to hand you back the whole damn thing. Before you read another word, answer this honestly: what did you love, before anyone needed something from you? Not what you're good at now. Not what keeps the house running. What you loved — quietly, for no reason except that it was yours. I became a mother young enough that I never really got a version of myself before it happened. For years I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn't grieve "the woman I was before I became a mum" the way I heard other women describe grieving her. Here's what I finally understood: you can't lose a version of yourself you never got the chance to finish building. This opens a brand new series — Motherhood, Identity, Purpose, Rediscovering Yourself — and it starts with the truest thing I've said on this show yet. In this episode: Why motherhood was never supposed to be the whole house — just one room in it The real difference between losing yourself and never getting the chance to build her Why "building the rest of the house" is the actual work of this whole month, starting today Take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up, and if you're ready to go deeper, The Noticing and The Awakening are both built to help you find the rest of the rooms. Checklist here What have you taken back? 🎙️

I'm Skye. And this is What You Took Back. A podcast for women who've spent years surviving on fragments of themselves. I'm here to hand you back the whole damn thing. I made a hundred decisions a day without a second thought — what they ate, what they wore, whether that cough needed a doctor. I spent my twenties and thirties living for my children and my husband, and then I became my mother's carer too. Somewhere in all of that, there wasn't room left to ask what I actually wanted. Five years ago, I finally had to make a decision that was just for me. Not the kids. Not my husband. Not my mum. Just the woman underneath all those roles. I froze. I didn't trust myself to get it right. This is the final episode of the July series — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Guilt, Self-Trust. Self-trust isn't really the fourth lesson. It's the foundation the other three were quietly resting on the whole time. In this episode: Why running a household of other people's needs teaches you nothing about trusting decisions made only for you The moment I realised I'd lost myself, and what it actually took to start finding my way back Why self-trust isn't built by being right — it's built by finding out you can survive being wrong and choose yourself again anyway Take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up, and if this series has stirred something bigger, come find The Noticing and The Awakening — the two programs built to help you rebuild what these patterns cost you. What will you take back? 🎙️ www.whatyoutookback.com

I'm Skye. And this is What You Took Back. A podcast for women who've spent years surviving on fragments of themselves. I'm here to hand you back the whole damn thing. I said no. Then, before anyone could even react, I heard myself apologising for it. Nothing bad happened. Nobody was hurt. I just held a boundary — and some old, exhausted part of me still felt like I owed someone a "sorry" for it. This is Part 3 of the July series — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Guilt, Self-Trust. Boundaries was the door. People-pleasing was why it stayed open. This episode is the toll booth that charges you every time you try to walk through anyway: guilt. Here's the truth nobody tells you when they hand you a boundary script — guilt doesn't disappear once you learn the skill. If you're a recovering people-pleaser, guilt isn't a sign you did the boundary wrong. It's the toll you pay for doing it right, at least for a while. In this episode: Why guilt shows up even when, on paper, you did absolutely nothing wrong The reframe that changes everything — guilt as a doorbell, not a verdict A realistic timeline for how long this actually takes to get easier Take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up to find out where your own guilt tends to load in. What have you taken back? 🎙️   www.whatyoutookback.com

I'm Skye. And this is What You Took Back. A podcast for women who've spent years surviving on fragments of themselves. I'm here to hand you back the whole damn thing. Someone tells you, "Honestly, you're just so easy to work with." You smile. You say thank you. Inside, some tiny, exhausted part of you goes, oh no — because you know what that sentence actually means once you translate it. You've never made this person manage your feelings, negotiate with your limits, or wait for you to think about what you actually want. You made yourself frictionless. And frictionless people don't get protected. They get relied on. This is Part 2 of the July series — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Guilt, Self-Trust — and this episode goes straight at the mechanism underneath every collapsed boundary from last week: people-pleasing. Not the dictionary version. The real one. It's not about wanting to be liked. It's about a nervous system that decided, a long time ago, that being needed was safer than being known. In this episode: Why "just say no more" has never worked on anyone, ever The tiny question that gives the whole game away — pizza or Thai, this or that — and why your honest answer might be static Four small, deliberately uncomfortable reps to start rebuilding a preference this week Take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up and find out exactly where yours started. What have you taken back? 🎙️

Picture your family or friend group chat. Someone's asked you to host Christmas again — same as every year — and for the first time, you type the word "no." Then you delete it. You write it again, this time with a paragraph attached: how tired you've been, the kids' schedule, a "maybe next year" so nobody feels rejected. That's not a boundary. That's a boundary wearing a disguise so it can sneak past everyone's disappointment without anyone noticing. This is Part 1 of a four-part July series — Boundaries, People-Pleasing, Guilt, Self-Trust — and this episode is about the tell that gives away a fake boundary every time: the length of the explanation. A real boundary is a sentence. The kind most of us were taught to build is a paragraph. In this episode: Why over-explaining a "no" isn't politeness — it's a Power Leak The one question to ask before you speak: are you informing someone of a decision, or applying for their permission Three phrases to practise this week that hold a boundary without writing a legal brief to defend it If this one hits close to home, take the free Power Leak Checklist at whatyoutookback.com/power-leak-check-list-sign-up — it'll show you exactly where your energy is leaking before you even get to the boundary conversation. What have you taken back? 🎙️

Someone decided you were the strong one. Nobody asked your permission. And somewhere along the way, it became the only thing you were allowed to be. This episode is for the woman underneath the strength — the one who has held everyone else together and never once been the person someone rushed to check on. It's time to talk about what that costs. You became the ceiling that holds everything up. And ceilings don't get to have bad days. They don't get to sit on the kitchen floor at 10pm and just not be okay for a minute. They don't get to say I'm struggling. Because if the ceiling comes down, everything underneath it does too. This is the episode for the strong one. The one who nursed people through illness. Who held families together through things that would have broken most people. Who went through her own heartbreak, her own losses, her own falling apart — and handled it, because that's what you do. And not one person asked if she was okay. In this episode, I talk about how the strong one role gets assigned without your consent and hardens over time, the quiet, unspoken fear that keeps the people around you from ever asking — if she's broken, what happens to all of us? — the grief that lives underneath the strength, and the permission you were never given but always deserved. This episode won't give you a five-step strategy. It'll give you something simpler. The strongest thing you will ever do is let someone in. 🔗 Download the free Power Leak Checklist — start identifying where your energy, confidence and sense of self have been quietly leaking away. 👉 whatyoutookback.com/checklist

Episode 17 — "She Was Always the Strong One. Nobody Checked on Her." Everyone decided you were the strong one. Not because you asked for it. Not because anyone sat down and voted. But because when things fell apart, you stayed steady. When there was a crisis, you handled it. When everyone else needed holding — you held them. And because you did it so well, so consistently, so quietly — nobody thought to ask if you were okay. Not because they didn't care. Because they genuinely couldn't imagine that you needed it. This episode is about the hidden cost of being the strong one. Not the exhaustion — you know about that already. The deeper cost. The grief of never being the one who got to fall apart. The loneliness of competence. The slow erosion of the woman underneath the role. And the boundary nobody ever talks about — the one that was set for you without your permission. The boundary around your own vulnerability. This month we're taking our power back. And this week, that starts with something quieter than a boundary conversation or a hard no. It starts with the permission to not be strong. Just for a minute. Just for today. In this episode: — How the strong one label gets built — and why it sets like concrete — What it actually costs you to make it look easy — The boundary around your vulnerability that was never yours to set — Why unfelt feelings don't disappear — they just go underground — The grief of being the woman nobody thought to check on — Permission to not be okay — and what that actually looks like Grab the free Power Leak Checklist: whatyoutookback.com/checklist If nobody has checked on you lately — consider this your check-in. I see you. And you are allowed to put it down.

Episode 15 — "You are not difficult. You are just done." You were the easy one. The agreeable one. The one who never caused a fuss. You let things roll off your shoulders. You swallowed the truths that deserved to be said out loud. You kept the peace — even when it meant losing yourself. And somewhere along the way, you called it strength. It wasn't strength. It was self-abandonment. In this episode, we're talking about what happens when you finally stop pretending you're fine. When you stop performing agreeable. When the real version of you — the one with opinions and needs and things she actually thinks — starts showing up. And why, when that happens, suddenly you become difficult. This episode is for the woman who has been called too much, high maintenance, or dramatic — when the truth is, she just stopped being convenient. Because you were never difficult. You were just done. In this episode: — Why "being the easy one" is a survival strategy, not a personality trait — Where the guilt comes from when you stop performing fine — What "difficult" actually means — and who it serves — The small, quiet moments that are actually seismic — Why the strongest thing you can do is stop pretending Grab the free Power Leak Checklist: whatyoutookback.com/checklist If this episode made you feel seen — share it with a woman who needs to hear it. She knows who she is.

EPISODE 14: THE BARE MINIMUM IS STILL SOMETHING Ever had one of those days where simply getting through it felt like an achievement — but you still convinced yourself it wasn't enough? This episode is for the woman carrying the mental load, juggling everything, showing up for everyone else, and quietly beating herself up for not doing more. Somewhere along the way, you started believing every day needed to be productive, exceptional, purposeful. You stopped giving yourself credit for surviving hard seasons. You made "just getting through it" something to be ashamed of. In this episode Skye talks about the pressure you place on yourself, the unrealistic standards you've normalised, and why the bare minimum deserves far more recognition than it gets. Because sometimes the win is getting out of bed. Sometimes the win is making it through the day. And sometimes the win is simply not giving up. The bare minimum is still something. And so are you. If this episode hit close to home, start here: The free Power Leak Checklist will show you exactly where you've been losing energy, confidence and yourself — in five minutes or less. It's the first honest look most women take at what's actually draining them. → Get it free at whatyoutookback.com/checklist Ready to go deeper? The Noticing (7-day) and The Awakening (28-day) are built for the woman who is done performing fine and ready to start reclaiming herself. → whatyoutookback.com/programs Follow + subscribe so you don't miss what's coming. This is just the beginning.

Episode 13 — The Price Of Being Everything To Everyone Following on from last week’s episode My Sister’s Keeper, this conversation goes deeper into the roles women inherit… and the identities they slowly disappear inside of. Some women were never taught how to belong to themselves. Only how to be useful. Needed.  In this episode, Skye explores the quiet conditioning many women carry through relationships, motherhood, marriage, family and even friendships. The unspoken agreements to stay manageable, emotionally available and easy to hold onto… even when it comes at the cost of themselves. Because sometimes the hardest thing to admit is not that someone kept you. It’s that somewhere along the way, being needed began to feel safer than being free. Raw, reflective and deeply honest, The Price Of Being Everything To Everyone is a continuation of My Sister’s Keeper — but this one turns inward. This episode is for the women who: feel emotionally exhausted struggle to ask for more carry everyone else fear disappointing people mistake loyalty for self-abandonment have spent years shrinking themselves to keep relationships comfortable The Power Receipt Method™ programs are now open. The Noticing — 7 Days The Taking Back — 28 Days Explore the programs: https://whatyoutookback.com/programs/ Follow @whatyoutookback on socials. Join the quiet rebellion.

# My Sister's Keeper: Navigating the Complexities of Caregiving in Childhood  Explore the emotional journey of childhood caregiving in "My Sister's Keeper". Understand the impact of early responsibility on personal growth and mental health. In this deeply personal episode of "What You Took Back", host Skye Underhill opens up about the intricate dynamics of being a caregiver from a young age. For many, especially women, childhood can often demand roles that require them to be the strong, capable ones—often at the expense of their own emotional well-being. In this podcast, we'll explore the themes presented in Skye's reflections, the challenges faced by caregivers, and what it means to break free from the roles imposed upon us. ## Understanding the Caregiver's Role: In many families, certain individuals take on the responsibility of caregiving, often from a young age. Skye shares her experience of becoming the caretaker for her younger sister, a role she assumed without any formal recognition or choice.   ## The Burden of Responsibility: Often, the child who becomes the caregiver does so because of an environment that necessitates it. Skye describes a pivotal moment at the age of eight when she realised her home was not always a safe space. This awareness led her to take on the responsibility of protecting her sister, shaping her identity from an early age. ##The Emotional Toll: Skye reflects on the emotional complexities of this role, explaining how it required her to read the atmosphere of her home constantly. This hyper-vigilance, although a survival skill, often came with significant emotional costs. It created a pattern of suppressing her own needs and feelings in favour of managing those around her. ## The Impact of Family Dynamics: As Skye narrates her journey, we see how family dynamics can shape a child's experience and understanding of relationships.   ##The Complexity of Parental Roles: Skye discusses her mother's struggles, highlighting that the parental figure may not always fit into a villain role. Instead, they can be complex individuals battling their own demons. This understanding adds depth to the caregiver's experience, as they navigate their own emotions while supporting others. ## Internalising Pain: The act of absorbing the pain around them often leads caregivers to develop coping mechanisms that may not be healthy in the long run. Skye emphasizes that the behaviors learned in childhood, such as emotional suppression and self-sufficiency, can carry into adulthood, affecting personal relationships and mental health. ## Breaking the Cycle: One of the critical themes in Skye's narrative is the need to break free from the roles imposed by childhood experiences.   ## Recognising the Past: Skye urges those who resonated with her story to acknowledge their past without judgment. Understanding that the protective mechanisms developed in childhood were necessary for survival can be the first step toward healing.   ##Creating New Narratives: It’s essential to recognise that the skills developed to survive are not the same as those needed to thrive in adulthood. Skye encourages listeners to challenge the identities formed through caregiving roles and to seek new ways of living that prioritise self-care and emotional expression. ## Key Takeaways   - Caregiving in childhood can lead to complex emotional landscapes that require attention and healing.   - Understanding family dynamics is crucial in recognising the roots of caregiving roles and the impact they have on personal identity.   - Breaking free from imposed roles involves acknowledging the past and creating new narratives that prioritise personal well-being. The journey of reclaiming oneself from the shadows of childhood responsibilities is a path worth exploring. If you find yourself resonating with Skye's experiences, perhaps it’s time to consider your own journey and the stories you carry.

Episode 11: I Don’t Need a Holiday, I Need Everyone to Stop Asking Me for Things This week’s episode is lighter, honest, and probably a little too relatable. We’re talking about the kind of exhaustion that isn’t fixed by sleep or a weekend away — the mental load, constant accessibility, emotional labour, invisible responsibility, and what happens when being “capable” quietly becomes your entire personality. From unfinished thoughts and overstimulation to why women fantasise about cabins in the middle of nowhere, this episode explores the difference between needing a holiday and simply needing nobody to need anything from you for five minutes. Funny, personal, and uncomfortably accurate. If you’ve ever said “I’m just tired” when what you really meant was “I cannot answer one more question today” — this one’s for you.

Skye Underhill discusses a transformative approach for women seeking lasting change, emphasizing honesty, structure, and accessibility over gimmicks. She shares her methodology rooted in genuine understanding and internal development. Key Topics: The pitfalls of temporary gimmicks in women's self-help A structured, honest approach to lasting change The importance of internal authenticity in personal development Sound Bites: "Women need to stop sitting in quiet despair." "Gimmicks create temporary lifts, not lasting change." "Our methodology comes from inside, not outside." women's empowerment, lasting change, personal development, honest methodology, accessible strategies

Have you ever sat down for dinner with your partner, only to find that both of you are distracted, scrolling through your phones or lost in thought? If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many couples are experiencing a gradual drift in their connection amidst the chaos of daily life. In this podcast, we will explore how we can reclaim what belongs to us—genuine intimacy and connection with our loved ones. We’ll discuss the reasons behind this disconnect and offer actionable steps to reverse this trend.

What if your perfect life feels empty inside? This episode is for anyone who seems to have it all, yet still feels lost or unfulfilled. Skye gets into the psychology of why this happens to so many of us — men and women — and why it has nothing to do with making bad choices. In fact, it happened because you made all the right ones.   She shares her own story of lying in the pitch black one night seventeen years ago, hearing nothing but her own heartbeat, and saying out loud for the first time — I can't do this anymore. I need to love myself more.   And what happened the very next day?   This episode covers: — Why capable people disappear inside their own lives — The difference between a life that looks good and a life that actually feels like yours — Why your partner cannot be your entire emotional world and what to do about that — The moment you stop blaming everyone around you and start taking your life back — Practical ways to find yourself again without burning everything down.   This is not a self-help episode. There are no five steps and no journal prompts. This is just an honest conversation about what it actually feels like to lose yourself — and what it looks like to go back and get yourself again. What You Took Back — with Skye Underhill. No fluff. No performance. Just real.

Episode 7. Skye navigates life after 40, and how it’s easy to feel adrift in our friendships. We have our lifelong pals, sure, but what about those new connections that can spark joy and understanding?  Here’s the thing: the gap where new friends should be can feel vast. It’s not because we’re broken or anti-social; it’s a structural issue. We grew up in a friendship model built on forced closeness through school or work. Now, as adults, that model has faded, leaving many of us feeling isolated.  If you’ve struggled to make new friends, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about it! Embrace the idea that it’s okay to seek out friends who resonate with who you are today, not who you used to be. 

We all have moments when we lose our confidence, often without even realising it. It doesn’t happen all at once; it’s a gradual process where life’s demands overshadow our true selves.   Confidence slips away like the tide, leaving us standing on unfamiliar ground, questioning who we are. It’s a feeling many women share, and today we dive deep into understanding and reclaiming that lost confidence.   Let’s break down the truths about confidence:   - It’s not the absence of fear, but the choice to act anyway.   - It’s a muscle that needs regular training.   - It’s about being kind to yourself after setbacks.   Remember, you are not defined by your doubts or past failures.  

Skye Underhill shares her powerful story of resilience, motherhood, and overcoming societal stigma. This episode explores themes of identity, shame, and the strength it takes to step into your truth, especially as a young mother facing judgment. Skye examines the subtleties of labels, judgment, and understanding in human behaviour, highlighting the importance of empathy and recognising complexity beyond surface-level judgments. *labels, judgment, empathy, human behaviour, understanding, complexity key topics The role of labels in simplifying human stories The impact of judgment on empathy Understanding complexity beyond surface labels

Have you ever stopped for a second—somewhere in the middle of doing everything for everyone—and thought, what am I actually doing all this for? If that question has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. In this episode, Skye talks about purpose—but not in the big, overwhelming, “find your life calling” kind of way.  Skye discusses the small, real moments when you begin to come back to yourself. The part of you that’s been a little quiet under the weight of responsibility, routine, and everyone else’s needs. This is a conversation about learning how to listen to yourself again. About noticing what you actually want, not just what’s expected of you. And understanding that purpose doesn’t have to be something huge—it can be as simple as carving out time that feels like yours again.  When you start prioritising yourself, even in small ways, everything shifts.

You look like you’ve got it together. You show up. You deliver. You handle it. But underneath it? There’s a quiet thought you don’t say out loud— “What if I don’t actually belong here?” This episode dives into the silent weight of feeling like a fraud in rooms you’ve already earned your place in. Not the loud, obvious self-doubt… but the subtle, persistent fear that one day, someone’s going to “figure you out.” We unpack: Why high-capacity people feel this way the most The hidden patterns keeping you stuck in self-doubt And the shift that changes how you see yourself completely Because this isn’t about you being unqualified. It’s about you not fully owning who you’ve become. If you’ve ever questioned yourself while holding everything together— this one will hit harder than you expect. Look at what you’ve built while carrying it all.

Most women are taught to be the "strong one"—the calm, capable, constant in chaos. But what happens when that strength becomes a mask, draining your energy and hiding your true needs? In this candid episode, Skye Underhill exposes the quiet toll of overfunctioning, revealing how the 'infrastructure' of emotional labour can quietly strip away your sense of self. You'll discover why the role of the reliable woman often costs her more than she realises—and how stepping back can actually empower you and your relationships. Skye shares eye-opening insights on the patterns learned in childhood that keep us stuck in the 'strong' persona, and how that impacts our mental health and connections. Learn practical ways to reclaim your strength without sacrificing your authenticity, including small shifts like pausing before offering solutions and embracing vulnerability as a strength rather than a threat. This episode breaks down the unspoken truth: strength isn't a mask you wear constantly; it's a choice that should come with boundaries, rest, and permission to be uncertain. Whether you're the caregiver, the saver, or the glue in your circle, you'll leave with clarity on how to stop serving others at your own expense—and start honoring your real needs.Perfect for women feeling exhausted but afraid to show weakness, this is your call to rewrite what strength means. If you're tired of performing and ready to rediscover the power of being truly yourself, tune in now—to take your strength back and find freedom in authenticity.

Welcome to episode 1, The Woman Who Never Drops the Ball. # The Woman Who Never Drops the Ball: Understanding Strong Women and Their Hidden Struggles.  Discover the emotional cost of being the reliable one. Learn how strong women can reclaim their identities and boundaries as they navigate life's challenges. In today’s fast-paced world, many women find themselves labelled as the "reliable one"—the person everyone turns to when things go awry. This podcast explores the emotional labor that comes with this role, the unspoken expectations, and the journey to reclaiming one’s identity. Drawing insights from Skye Underhill’s powerful discussion, we delve into the challenges faced by capable women and offer paths to self-discovery and healing.