Where Do We Go From Here?

The Truth About Sexual Health and Purity Culture with Erica Smith In this deeply insightful conversation, Erica Smith unpacks the lasting impact of purity culture and explores what it means to pursue truly holistic sexual health. From anatomy education and puberty, to consent, contraception, desire, libido and fantasy, Erica offers a compassionate, shame-free framework for understanding sexuality. This episode challenges harmful narratives around sex while providing practical, evidence-based education for people of all genders and backgrounds. Whether you're healing from purity culture, raising children, navigating relationships, or simply wanting a healthier understanding of sexuality, this conversation delivers clarity, empathy, and actionable insight. Erica Smith is an award-winning, internationally recognized sexuality educator specializing in sex education for people recovering from purity culture and high-control religious environments. She is the creator of the Purity Culture Dropout™ Program, which provides comprehensive, medically accurate, LGBTQ+ inclusive, and trauma-informed sexuality education through coaching, support groups, workshops, and online community programs. Erica has more than 25 years of experience helping people heal sexual shame, build confidence, and develop healthier relationships with their bodies and sexuality.Top of FormBottom of Form In This Episode Defining purity culture and sexual health and how the two are incompatible A look at anatomy and how female genitalia is homologous with male genitalia Understanding puberty, menstruation, and body literacy Contraception options and STI prevention strategies Why consent and communication are foundational to healthy relationships The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire Healthy conversations around masturbation and libido The complexities of pornography and fantasy Debunking myths like "soul ties" Creating shame-free, LGBTQ+ inclusive sex education Resources & Mentions Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski Desire: A Guide to Managing Libido Differences by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill  World Health Organization definition of sexual health Purity Culture Recovery Guide by Erica Smith

In this expansive and thought-provoking conversation, Dr. Lauren D. Sawyer unpacks the complex legacy of purity culture—tracing its historical roots, cultural entanglements, and deeply personal impact. Drawing from her academic research and lived experience, Lauren explores how purity culture is not just a theological framework, but a social system shaped by race, power, and control. Together, we examine how purity culture has been influenced by historical moral panics like the "white slavery" scare, and how its ideals have been disproportionately constructed around white femininity. Lauren offers a critical lens on how these narratives intersect with white supremacy, while also highlighting the varied ways purity culture is experienced across different identities. The conversation moves into the role of queer theory in reimagining sexuality, particularly as it relates to children and adolescents. Lauren challenges dominant assumptions about childhood innocence, emphasizing the importance of recognizing children as moral agents with the capacity for curiosity, embodiment, and choice. We also explore the concept of childism and why it's essential to creating more ethical, inclusive frameworks for discussing sexuality. We also expound on the idea of "orgasmic failure" and how redefining sexual success can open up more compassionate, realistic understandings of intimacy and connection. Throughout the episode, Lauren emphasizes the importance of storytelling and narrative in reshaping how we understand sexuality, identity, and belonging. With insight and care, Lauren discusses how therapy and education can support healing from purity culture, while also creating space for more honest, age-appropriate conversations about bodies, consent, and power. She introduces a more human-centered sexual ethic—one that prioritizes agency, relational awareness, and embodied knowledge over rigid rules and shame-based narratives. This episode invites listeners to question inherited beliefs, listen more deeply to young people, and imagine a more inclusive, liberating approach to sexual ethics. Guest Dr. Lauren D. Sawyer is a scholar, educator, and researcher specializing in Christian social ethics, gender studies, and purity culture. She serves as Affiliate Faculty at The Seattle School and Manager of Curriculum and Instruction at The Allender Center. Her forthcoming book, Growing Up Pure: White Girls, Queer Teens, and the Racial Foundations of Purity Culture (NYU Press, 2025), explores the intersections of race, gender, and evangelical sexual ethics.

What does it actually mean to "honor your parents" when the relationship is strained, distant, or painful? In this thoughtful and nuanced episode, we explore the tension between faith, family expectations, and lived experience. We unpack cultural and biblical interpretations of honor, distinguish it from obedience and access, and offer a compassionate framework for navigating boundaries, estrangement, and healing. This conversation makes space for complexity—acknowledging grief, validating emotional realities, and encouraging self-awareness—while offering grounded insights into how respect and integrity can coexist with necessary distance. We invite our listeners into a more spacious, honest understanding of family relationships—one that allows for both compassion and clarity. Honoring your parents doesn't mean abandoning yourself. It may, instead, look like living truthfully, setting wise boundaries, and choosing dignity for everyone involved—including you. Email: [email protected] Instagram: @wheredowegopod Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod Key Themes & Topics Reframing Honor: Moving beyond simplistic definitions to understand honor as dignity, integrity, and non-dehumanization—not blind obedience or unlimited access. Scripture: A brief look at Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1–4, and Colossians 3:21, including the often-overlooked responsibilities of parents. Boundaries as Healthy & Necessary: Understanding that boundaries are not rejection, but clarity—creating space for sustainable, honest relationships. Psychological Realities of Family Dynamics: Discussing attachment patterns, emotional distance, enmeshment, and the long-term impact of early relationships. Estrangement & Cultural Shifts: Examining increasing trends in low-contact relationships and generational differences in how family, duty, and emotional health are prioritized. Compassion Without Excusing Harm: Holding empathy for parents while still naming personal truth and honoring lived experience. Grief, Healing & Self-Awareness: Making room for mourning the relationship you hoped for, while moving toward acceptance and growth. WWJD article: https://thefaithfulcitizen.substack.com/p/where-did-jesus-go?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1pgj0j&triedRedirect=true Estrangement articles: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jomf.12898  Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents https://bookshop.org/p/books/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents-how-to-heal-from-distant-rejecting-or-self-involved-parents-psy-d-lindsay-c-gibson-psyd/c76b830ed14fe568?ean=9781626251700&next=t  The Place We Find Ourselves - 4 part series called "Engaging with Someone Who Has Harmed You"  (episodes 93 to 96) https://open.spotify.com/episode/2zk8LNivIxf2vH0bj4q1V8?si=8ed69a76f0af407c 

In this deeply insightful and expansive conversation, Chantal McKinney shares her journey through spiritual deconstruction, healing from church harm, and reimagining faith beyond traditional structures. Drawing from her experiences as an ordained priest, mystic Christian, and community builder, Chantal invites listeners into a vision of church rooted in love, inclusion, and the divine feminine. Together, we explore the impact of systemic misogyny in faith spaces, the power of prayer and inner authority, and what it means to co-create a more compassionate and expansive spiritual future. This episode is a powerful resource for anyone navigating faith shifts, seeking healing, or longing for authentic, liberating community. Petition mentioned: https://www.ipetitions.com/petition/los-women About Chantal McKinney Chantal McKinney is an author, mystic Christian, and visionary leader dedicated to supporting those on the margins of traditional church spaces. A former Episcopal priest, she is now the founder of Root Thrive Soar, Founding Pastor of Christ's Beloved Community, and founder of Contemporary Mystics Publishing. Through her work, Chantal creates supportive networks for those impacted by church harm and for spiritually expansive individuals seeking new expressions of faith. She lives in North Carolina with her family. Chantal's book: Following Jesus Beyond Church Walls: A Catalyst for Your Spiritual Growth available here: https://a.co/d/01oNjK8R Learn more: chantalmckinney.com rootthrivesoar.com contemporarymysticspublishing.com Petition: https://www.ipetitions.com/petition/los-women Key Themes & Topics Spiritual deconstruction and faith reconstruction Healing from church harm and systemic misogyny The divine feminine and reimagining God The role of prayer and Christ's example Reclaiming inner authority and spiritual autonomy Building authentic community outside institutional church Co-creating the future of Christianity The mass "exodus" from traditional church structures Reframing angels, demons, and spiritual language Spiral fractals as a model for spiritual growth Jesus' spiral prayer in John 17 reflects both spiritual growth and interconnectedness—like fractals in nature: o  Begin with praying for yourself o  Extend prayer to family and friends o  Move outward toward the broader community, your state and nation. o  Pray for the world

In this insightful and empowering conversation, educator and domestic equity expert Laura Danger joins us to unpack the invisible systems shaping our homes, relationships, and sense of fairness. With over a decade in education and a background in special education, Laura brings a practical, inclusive lens to topics many families struggle to name—let alone solve. As the creator of That Darn Chat and the author of No More Mediocre, she helps people navigate burnout, emotional labor, weaponized incompetence, and the unequal distribution of care work. Together, we explore how societal expectations around gender and parenting continue to influence family dynamics—and what it actually takes to build more equitable, supportive partnerships at home. Laura shares actionable strategies for discussing redistribution of labor, reducing resentment, and moving toward intentional, egalitarian relationships—without perfectionism. What We Cover The differences between physical, emotional, and mental workload Emotional and mental loads are real, measurable, and often unevenly distributed The estimated monetary value of a care worker, particularly a parent The impact of gender roles in parenting and partnership Navigating relationship challenges while striving for equity The cultural pressure of motherhood and its consequences Why many online parenting spaces center "motherhood" over inclusive "parenthood" Domestic engineering and social reproduction We are all carers and care work is essential labor Egalitarian relationships require intentional conversations not assumptions How to recognize incompetence versus weaponized incompetence Negotiating who is competent to complete various tasks as care givers in one household Mental health challenges in care work New family structures Community support plays a crucial role in sustainable change About the Guest Laura Danger is an educator and domestic equity expert helping individuals and couples navigate household labor, mental load, and relationship dynamics. She is the creator of That Darn Chat and author of No More Mediocre, and her work has been featured in major outlets including HuffPost and Business Insider. Connect with Laura: Website: lauradanger.com Instagram: @thatdarnchat

In this special bonus episode, we're giving you a behind-the-scenes look at what a typical month sounds like on the Where Do We Go From Here? Podcast. You'll hear: An excerpt from our March RomCom Recap Sneak peeks from two upcoming April interviews Clips from EDJ's conversation with Dr. Kevin Jenson on the Epstein files A teaser from March News & Views A timely reminder from February's No Hard Feelings discussion This episode is designed to give both new and longtime listeners a feel for the range of conversations we explore—from pop culture and media analysis to deeper discussions on power, purity culture, and sexual ethics within deconstruction spaces. Supporting the Podcast Some of our content is free for all listeners, while other episodes are available exclusively through our Patreon community. For just $3 USD/month (roughly $4–5 AUD/CAD or just over $5 NZD), paid subscribers get full access to: The complete RomCom Recap Full News & Views episodes The Epstein Files deep dive All interviews This episode also breaks down where your support goes and shares additional ways you can help sustain the podcast. www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod A Note from the Hosts We deeply appreciate every listener. We know transitions can be challenging, especially as we move from the original hosts, Devi and Jessica—who built something truly meaningful—to our current host: EDJ (Eady Jay / Evangelical Deconstruction Journey) Our hope is that you'll continue with us as we: Learn and grow together Engage thoughtfully with faith deconstruction Explore topics like purity culture and sexual ethics And keep asking the question: Where do we go from here? Stay Connected Follow, rate, and comment Find us on Instagram @wheredowegopod Review the podcast and share episodes with friends Join us in the Green Room March 31st (April 1st AUS / NZ) & April 28th/29th Join us on Patreon for full access and bonus content: www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Does church still have a purpose when you're questioning everything you were taught? ·         EDJ, Emily and Kristen share their current relationship with church and one word (or a few) describing their deconstruction season. ·         They discuss what church actually is and what they find important about a church or spiritual community. ·         They suggest that podcasts and online communities are ways of doing and being "church." ·         They explore questions around why people leave church and why people stay, particularly during deconstruction. Some of the reasons mentioned for leaving have to do with panic attacks or anxiety, burnout, LGBTQIA+ concerns or disagreements. Reasons for staying vary from relationships, to worship practices, to wanting to give children exposure to other opinions about God, to quality discussion with others and more. ·         The hosts delve into the gender (sex) of people attending church and why in the past this has been more feminine, but in the present leans more masculine. Naturally, they look at patriarchy and hierarchical issues, women preachers, pastors and leaders, and gender equity. ·         Kristen, Emily and EDJ, question the future of church and what it could evolve to become. They discuss Denominations that might be considered "safer" or more "progressive," and some denominations they would no longer attend. ·         Finally, the hosts discuss two Reddit questions for their unsolicited advice section: 1) I wish I didn't start deconstructing & 2) Parents keep asking me to go to church ·         Find us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wheredowegopod/ ·         Support this podcast on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod 

In this episode, EDJ interviews Adam Harris, the Executive Pastor at God Why? Church—a church built on people's raw and unfiltered questions. He earned a B.A. at Oral Roberts University, a Masters of Theology at Vanderbilt University, and a Doctorate of Leadership at Portland Seminary. He is dedicated to integrating spiritual formation and education for a faith equipped for the 21st century.  Adam shares his journey to God Why? church, discussing the impact of purity culture, the challenges of deconstruction, and the stages of faith as outlined by James Fowler. He reflects on the emotional turmoil of navigating faith and doubt, the role of conscience shaped by cultural constructs, and the importance of complex conversations across different beliefs. He emphasizes the need for liberation from shame and the value of community in spiritual growth. In this conversation, EDJ and Adam explore the evolution of their own faith journeys, the complexities of belief, and the importance of love and compassion. They discuss personal experiences with loss, the impact of near-death experiences and research, and the challenges of dogmatism and political division within faith communities. The dialogue emphasizes the need for civil discourse, understanding, and the role of community in fostering spiritual growth. Breakdown: Pastor Adam Harris shares his journey to God Why Church: www.GodWhy.com The church's name reflects a commitment to addressing questions about faith. Growing up in purity culture led to feelings of shame around sexuality. One youth pastor taught that nocturnal emissions were sinful. In some ways marrying young helped alleviate shame for Harris, but he urges that the broader framework of purity culture—the shame and the fear of punishment—needs to be deconstructed. Exposure to biblical criticism challenged Adam's understanding of faith. Navigating faith and doubt is a common experience for many. James Fowler's stages of faith provide a framework for understanding spiritual development. Stage four of faith often involves emotional turmoil and confusion. The shift to stage five allows for more complex conversations about faith. Peer pressure can manifest in various ways within faith communities. Embracing a new concept of God can lead to profound changes in faith. Personal loss can significantly impact one's faith journey and facilitate a shift from one stage to another Universalism and progressive Christianity can be just as dogmatic as conservative Christianity. EDJ and Adam explore universalism and the universality of God's love Adam shares research into near-death experiences and the insight they offer to the love of God. Perception of God influences mental and emotional health. Positive thinking can rewire the brain for better emotional health. Adam mentions the book "How God Changes Your Brain" by Andrew Newberg. Truth can be subjective and vary from person to person. Experiential faith emphasizes the importance of lived experiences. Compassion is essential in navigating faith and relationships. Deconstruction can lead to humility and a deeper understanding of others. The illusion of separation can hinder our understanding of community. Political division can stem from different stages of faith development or from reverting back to the same mental operating system despite changing beliefs. Civil discourse is necessary for bridging divides in faith communities. Experiencing love can transform perspectives on others. Adam shares a powerful spiritual experience he had in 2025. Listening to people at all different points on the political spectrum is crucial to stage five and beneficial to broader society. Fighting injustice should be done with love and compassion. Boundaries are important in maintaining healthy relationships. Community and connection are vital for spiritual growth.

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, EDJ, Kristen and Emily explore the complex history and cultural significance of surnames, particularly focusing on the tradition of women changing their last names. They discuss the historical context of coverture, the evolution of women's rights, and the impact of naming conventions across different cultures. The conversation also delves into modern practices in queer relationships, the legal and political implications of name changes, and the intersection of identity and faith. Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize the importance of personal choice and reflection in navigating these topics, ultimately inviting listeners to consider what their surnames mean to them. Subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod ·         Coverture definition: English Common law defining a married woman's legal identity as suspended and merged into her husband's, creating a single legal entity. A wife couldn't own property, sign documents, sue in their own name. Things like "Mrs. John Smith" convention come from this. ·         History: English tradition that began sometime after the Norman Conquest around the 11-15th Century;  ·         In 1765, is when it was codified into English law which is part of how it became a piece of both American and Australian tradition.    ·         Lucy Stone became the first recorded American women to insist on keeping her birth name in 1855 and there were other laws in the mid 1800s that allowed property ownership and changed some inheritance laws. ·         1966 is when the US Supreme Court states covertures was "obsolete" but it was still in existence in at least 11 states. Within the 1970s - with the rise of feminism and continued Supreme Court rulings laws requiring women to change their name were far more widely removed.  ·         Only about 20% of women keep their birth name currently. ·         Patronymic names - surname based on the given name of a person's father/paternal lineage - ie Danish tradition "Christiansen" literally means "Christian's Son." or in Russian "Ivanovich" would be Ivan's son. Some Scandinavian traditions also used "datter" for a female child. ·         Hispanic tradition - generally 2 surnames. First surname represents the paternal line and second surname the maternal line. Women typically keep their name after marriage and children then take the first surname of each parent. So Juan García Martinez marries Maria Lopez Rodriguez and their child is Anna Garcia Lopez. See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surnames_by_country#English-speaking_countries ·         No default tradition in queer partnerships. Options: keep, hyphenate, combine, create new name. ·         Legal navigation in states with varying protections. While still protected federally under Obergefell and Respect for Marriage Act, Tennessee alone has advanced five anti-LGBTQIA+ marriage bills THIS WEEK ·         Voter registration and ID laws require exact name matches. ·         Marriage/divorce name changes complicate registration. ·         Administrative burden often falls on women ·         Hosts delve into "unsolicited advice" at the end of the episode, discussing deconstruction, adult music choices and church attendance. ·         Stay tuned for the next episode of No Hard Feelings where we will unpack the purpose of church during deconstruction some more! Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members.   

Raised in an agnostic family in Adelaide, Australia, Jason John studied zoology because he wanted to work with animals. After these scientific studies, Jason experienced a spiritual transformation that led him to became a six-day creationist, no-sex-before-marriage Conservative Evangelical with a dose of the Charismatic and a dash of Pentecostalism. At theological college he discovered that Christianity was a very broad umbrella, re-embraced evolution and, though married himself, advocated for a more open approach to sexuality within the church. He explores the intersection of science, Christianity, politics and Earth Care as an ordained minister and founder of ecofaith.org. Jason is also a performance poet and author. Listeners of this podcast can download his book Faithful Fornication: Bacteria, Bonobos the Bible and Beyond for free from ecofaith.org/freebies, password SpiritualMisfits, with the hopes that they will rate and review it on Goodreads and Amazon. Jason has B.Sc in Zoology and a Post Grad Diploma in Environmental Studies from Adelaide University; B.Min & PhD in Theology from Flinders University. In this episode of the Where Do We Go From Here podcast, host EDJ and Jason John explore Jason's journey from agnosticism to Christianity, the impact of purity culture on the church, and the evolution of human relationships. This conversation delves into the contrasting creation stories of the Bible and scientific evolution as well as the role of Jesus in modern Christianity. They discuss the importance of open and deeply honest communication in relationships and the past, present, and future of monogamy. Jason's book "Christian Sex Today" was attracting the wrong kinds of readers. Conservative Christians found it too progressive and progressives assumed it was conservative and weren't picking it up. So, Jason changed the title to "Faithful Fornication." When he became a Christian Jason initially rejected his scientific studies to embrace a literal 6-7day creation story. When he attended seminary, Jason learned that not all Christians reject evolution and he was able to re-negotiate his Christian beliefs in light of his scientific studies. Jason contrasts the Genesis creation stories with the evolution story: In the beginning…life reproduced asexually. EDJ and Jason discuss how life evolved from asexual reproduction to hermaphrodite and homosexual reproduction and eventually to heterosexual reproduction and the implications for Christianity. Jason elaborates on gametes and DNA including the unique (and exquisite) DNA of the platypus. The Bible should be approached as a historical document rather than a literal guide. Jesus' teachings emphasize love, grace, and acts of kindness and service to one another. This is a conservative view and yet it stands in contrast to American-Evangelicalism which has an over-emphasis on sexual behavior and identity and an under-emphasis on the beatitudes and Jesus' more challenging teachings. EDJ and Jason touch on the history of monogamy, polyamory, polygamy and polygyny and where homo sapiens' may be headed. Jason talks about Freud and the invention of the vibrator to treat women with "hysteria" by inducing orgasms. Women have a very similar libido to men. Open communication is essential in relationships to avoid secrecy and shame. Domestic abuse is a critical issue that needs to be addressed within the church. Human relationships are evolving, with changing views on monogamy and commitment. To listen to the entire 73min episode for free, subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members. 

In this episode, Katherine Spearing discusses her experiences with spiritual abuse, particularly within the contexts of purity culture and the Christian Patriarchy Movement. She shares insights on how these environments shape beliefs about gender roles, emotional labor, and personal values. The conversation explores the dynamics of cult-like behavior in religious communities, the importance of consent, and the journey towards healing from spiritual trauma. Katherine emphasizes the need for diverse communities and the significance of understanding one's own emotions as a pathway to recovery. Takeaways: ·         Many churches perpetuate patriarchal values under the guise of spirituality. ·         Spiritual abuse often uses religious texts to control behavior. ·         Purity culture is overt spiritual abuse that can lead to significant emotional and psychological harm. ·         Women are often conditioned to prioritize perfection over bravery. ·         Emotional labor disproportionately falls on women, even in egalitarian settings. ·         Spiritual bypassing can invalidate genuine feelings of grief and sadness. ·         Differentiation of feelings is crucial for healthy relationships. ·         Healing from spiritual abuse requires understanding personal values and emotions. ·         Diverse communities provide essential support for recovery from spiritual trauma. Katherine has a Masters of religion and culture. She grew up in an extreme Christian patriarchal movement (a cult) and has worked for several evangelical churches. After leaving spiritually abusive workplaces, she went on to found Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of Spiritual Abuse, producing and hosting its groundbreaking affiliate podcast Uncertain, which pioneered pivotal conversations around Spiritual Abuse and has been quoted in scholarly articles, seminary papers, and PhD dissertations. Her book, A Thousand Tiny Papercuts was published in October 2025. Find Katherine on Instagram: @katherinespearing & @tearsofedenofficial And websites: www.katherinespearing.com & www.tearsofeden.org Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members. 

This episode marks the final chapter of Where Do We Go From Here? hosted by Jess, and it's centred on a deeply personal, wide-ranging conversation with long-time co-host and author Eady Jay. At the heart of the episode is an interview about Eady's latest book, Reconstructing Sexual Ethics, a part-memoir, part-theological work that traces her journey from growing up in Australian evangelical purity culture to reimagining a Christian sexual ethic shaped by grace, consent, dignity, and justice. The conversation moves fluidly between personal story and theological reflection, including: Eady's early public commitment to abstinence and the "virgin vs vixen" binary she was placed into as a teenager How purity culture shaped desire, shame, mental health, and expectations around marriage Why deconstruction alone isn't enough, and what reconstruction actually requires The vulnerability and risk of speaking about sex personally, not just abstractly Reframing Christian sexual ethics around consent, love, and lived experience Navigating progressive and conservative tensions without collapsing into certainty The episode also includes the regular Thoughts & Prayers segments: Unsolicited Advice for Christians on Reddit, including a candid discussion about "body count," virginity, and the long shadow of purity culture A closing Prayer of the People, holding space for grief, justice, transition, and hope This episode is both a farewell and a handover, honouring what this space has held while opening the door to what comes next. Get the Bundles: The Jess and Devi Show Bundle - $30USD (++ on iOS) The Jess and Friends Show Bundle - $10USD (++ on iOS) If you're looking for discounts as a previous Patreon member, send a request via email to: [email protected]  Links Mentioned / Relevant Resources Eady Jay's website and bio: https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (book): https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com Patreon archive bundles: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod/collections Making Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr (mentioned in discussion) Sheila Wray Gregoire's work on consent and arousal non-concordance (referenced) If you're looking for support after sexual assault (USA) If this episode brings things up for you, you're not alone, and help is available. Healing support does not require certainty, a clear memory, or a particular story. You deserve care simply because something hurt you. Immediate and confidential support: RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) Chat online at rainn.org Available 24/7. Free, confidential, and anonymous.

In this special Ask Jess Anything episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess opens the vault and shares one of the most personal conversations from behind the Patreon paywall. As Jess prepares to step away from the podcast she founded, she reflects honestly on purity culture, sex, faith, parenting, creative burnout, and what it's like to leave a space you helped build. Listeners submitted their questions with no topic off-limits, and Jess answers them with the clarity, nuance, and vulnerability that has defined the show for the past five years. In this episode, Jess talks about why she's stepping back from podcasting, the emotional and physical toll of documentary filmmaking, her experience making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and her complicated relationship with Joshua Harris and the film's legacy. She also shares how purity culture did (and didn't) shape her marriage and sex life, how her views shifted after her first kiss and first sexual experiences, and how she's thinking about consent, bodies, and faith as a parent to young twins. Jess also reflects on content creation, Patreon, monetisation, and the tension between integrity and algorithms in today's creator economy. This episode serves as both a thank-you to longtime listeners and a thoughtful handover as EDJ steps into the future of the podcast. Some sections of this episode have been intentionally edited for public release, with a small number of moments remaining exclusive to Patreon for personal safety. In this episode, we explore: Why Jess is stepping away from Where Do We Go From Here? What an "Ask Me Anything" revealed about her deconstruction journey Purity culture, sex, shame, and agency First kisses, first sex, and dismantling fear-based narratives Parenting without purity culture Creative burnout, documentary filmmaking, and boundaries Patreon, paywalls, and the realities of independent podcasting What happens to the archive and how to access it for a limited time If you've been with the podcast for a short time or a long time, this episode is a moment of reflection, closure, and gratitude. 🎧 Note: A limited-time archive of previously paywalled episodes is currently available via Patreon before it is permanently removed. Link for Collections: Jess & Devi Show - $30USD Jess & Friends Show - $10USD 

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess sits down with Erin Moon, writer, podcaster, and author of I've Got Questions, for a deeply honest conversation about purity culture, faith deconstruction, curiosity, and what it looks like to stay tethered to God while letting certainty fall away. Erin reflects on growing up fully immersed in evangelical purity culture, including the long-term impact it had on her body, marriage, and sense of self. She shares candidly about why deconstructing purity culture can take decades, how shame keeps so many people silent, and why asking questions is not a failure of faith but an expression of it. Together, Jess and Erin explore why curiosity was discouraged in many evangelical spaces, how political power and Christian nationalism accelerated Erin's own deconstruction, and what it means to be "suspicious of certainty" while still loving scripture. Erin also discusses her work as Resident Bible Scholar on Faith Adjacent, the shift from The Bible Binge, and why humour, humility, and community matter when navigating heavy theological terrain. This episode is for anyone who feels unmoored by faith questions, is re-examining purity culture, or is trying to stay connected to God without suppressing their doubts. It's also for parents, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand the deconstruction journeys happening around them. In this episode, we cover: Growing up "all in" on purity culture and its long-term effects Why sexual shame doesn't magically disappear after marriage How asking questions can deepen faith rather than destroy it The role of politics and power in evangelical disillusionment Being curious without demanding certainty Reading scripture with humility and openness Why community matters, both online and in real life Erin's book I've Got Questions and the companion guided journal Resources & Links: Erin Moon's website: https://www.erinhmoon.com I've Got Questions by Erin Moon: https://www.erinhmoon.com/book I've Got Questions: Guided Journal: https://www.erinhmoon.com/journal Faith Adjacent podcast: https://faithadjacentpod.com If you've ever felt afraid to ask questions about faith, sexuality, scripture, or God, this conversation offers permission, honesty, and hope.

What happens when algorithms profit from our outrage? In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess is joined by Emily and Kristen to unpack a piece of viral rage bait that sparked intense online reactions around dating, loneliness, and gender. Using a widely shared clip from a Diary of a CEOinterview as a case study, the hosts slow the conversation down and ask a different set of questions. Rather than reacting, blaming, or feeding the algorithm, they practice what they call their No Hard Feelings muscle: noticing emotional responses without immediately responding fact-checking claims and statistics zooming out to full context questioning binaries like men vs women, single vs partnered and sitting with nuance instead of certainty The conversation explores how statistics can be used as authority without accountability, how loneliness is often conflated with relationship status, and why phrases like "childless women" are emotionally loaded and culturally shaming. The hosts challenge the idea that romantic partnership is the primary solution to loneliness and ask whether community, friendship, and social structures deserve more attention. They also examine how social media incentives reward division, why rage bait spreads so effectively, and how engagement itself becomes a vote for more of the same content. Along the way, they discuss dating apps, emotional labour, shifting gender expectations, declining birth rates, and the difference between correlation and causation when it comes to health outcomes and relationships. This episode is not about defending or cancelling anyone. It's about learning how to engage thoughtfully in a culture that thrives on outrage, and asking what kind of social, economic, and relational conditions actually make connection feel safe and chosen. If you've ever felt angry, defensive, or exhausted after watching a viral clip about dating or gender, this episode invites you to pause, breathe, and think again.

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture. Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States. Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone. This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction. Topics include: Purity culture as a political and racial project Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism White feminism and its limits Disembodiment and bodily shame Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics The After Purity Project and lived experience   Core Readings Referenced in This Episode After Purity — Sara Moslener Pure — Linda Kay Klein Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture. Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs? The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection. The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey. This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear. Topics include: Christian dating after purity culture Consent, agency, and sexual ethics Celibacy as choice vs obligation Deconstruction without deconversion Dating privilege and power in church spaces Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies Faith, grief, and communal prayer

This Christmas Eve, we're unwrapping a special gift for everyone. Normally, our Rom-Com Recaps are exclusive to our Patreon partners, but for December we're sharing this one on the main feed as a thank-you and a holiday treat. In this episode, Jess is joined by Bri from our Patreon community to recap and unpack Happiest Season. The 2020 holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis set out to be a festive queer love story, but left many viewers divided. We dive into: The central relationship between Abby and Harper and why it frustrated us more than it warmed our hearts The emotional cost of closeting a partner and where consent breaks down Why Dan Levy's character delivers the most honest moment in the entire film The chemistry that arguably should have changed the ending Whether this movie was made for queer audiences or about them How family pressure, image management, and unspoken expectations shape holiday dynamics This conversation goes beyond a simple movie review. We talk honestly about coming out, family roles, emotional labour, and why "happily ever after" sometimes feels unearned. If you love rom-coms, have complicated feelings about Christmas, or have ever watched a holiday movie and thought "wait… this isn't actually okay," this episode is for you. 🎁 A Christmas gift from us to you. Enjoy. For access to the RomCom Recap of Saved! simply sign up as a free or paid member at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Summary: In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess, Emily, and Kristen take on one of the most timeless questions for Christians navigating doubt and deconstruction: Can you question your beliefs without losing your faith? Jess shares reflections from making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye with Joshua Harris and a recent conversation with her boss who's struggling not to "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Emily walks us through James Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Kohlberg's Moral Development, offering a developmental lens for understanding why deconstruction can actually be a sign of growth rather than loss. Kristen brings warmth and honesty to the emotional fallout of leaving evangelical spaces, exploring how community, inclusion, and re-reading Scripture through a "Jesus lens" can help rebuild faith on new foundations. Together, the trio asks: What is the "baby" we're trying to keep? Is it Jesus? Love? Mystery? The creeds? And can we learn to hold uncertainty as a form of faith itself? Timestamps: 00:00 — Intro: What even is the baby and the bathwater? 04:00 — Jess on Joshua Harris, Josephine Butler, and modern deconstruction 13:00 — Emily explains Fowler's Stages of Faith and what they reveal about deconstruction 30:00 — Where we are now: bouncing between Stage 4 and 5 35:00 — Kristen's story of leaving church and finding belonging again 48:00 — So what is the baby? Defining what's worth holding onto 57:00 — Ancient creeds, mystery, and rediscovering Jesus 1:02:00 — Closing reflections: curiosity, courage, and faith that grows up Links Mentioned: I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye documentary James Fowler, Stages of Faith (1981) https://www.ngumc.org/files/fileslibrary/james+fowlers+stages+of+faith.pdf "Religious Deconstruction: The Process, Themes, and Psychosocial Dynamics…" (academic dissertation) https://www.proquest.com/openview/ba405ff9b1a90e17f43a39de1ddf40b3/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y Josephine Butler biography (When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams) Patreon community: patreon.com/wheredowegopod Keywords for SEO: faith deconstruction, Fowler stages of faith, Joshua Harris, evangelical deconstruction, progressive Christianity, exvangelical podcast, Christian faith development, Kohlberg moral development, losing faith, reconstructing faith, deconstruction without deconversion, No Hard Feelings podcast

In this special interview, EDJ sits down with writer and cultural critic Anna Rollins, author of Famished, to talk about the haunting overlap between purity culture, diet culture, and the ways women learn to shrink themselves — in body, desire, and voice. With honesty and nuance, Anna speaks about her own story, the systems that shaped her, and the practices she's now reclaiming. This is an episode for anyone who grew up equating holiness with self-erasure, or who has ever sensed that controlling the body is often a proxy for controlling sexuality, worthiness, and belonging. In this conversation, we explore: ✨ The shared logic between purity culture and diet culture — and why both teach women that their bodies are a threat ✨ How thinness, obedience, and "good girl" energy become spiritualised ✨ Anna's journey through disordered eating and recovery ✨ Why evangelical spaces often reward self-denial but punish desire ✨ The shame-fear cycle that forms when food, sex, and worth collapse into each other ✨ How Anna rebuilt a relationship with her body, appetite, and autonomy ✨ The theological stories that keep harmful systems alive — and the better ones that can replace them EDJ and Anna also dig into the deeper question this podcast always circles back to: What happens when we stop starving ourselves — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — and start living as whole people? ⚠️ Content warning: This episode includes discussion of diet culture, disordered eating, and a reference to sexual assault. Take care of yourself as you listen.

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together. This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify. You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind? This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack: ✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset. Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers. This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom. For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions: What does celibacy really mean? How is celibacy different from abstinence? Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"? And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between? Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests: Peter Valk A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares: What vocational celibacy is (and isn't) How he discerned his call Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life Dr. Dani Treweek Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture: The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought. You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture. ✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner Equip Your Community – Peter Valk Nashville Family of Brothers Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex? Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered: How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook? What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories? How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment? What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex? …this episode is for you. Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed. You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope. Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion. ✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts MathiasRoberts.com Instagram: @mathiasroberts

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality. Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal. This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence. In this episode: Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at" How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love Resources Mentioned: Lydia Adéla's website Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard

In this month's Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what's been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about "saving sex for marriage" to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church. The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women's bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J's interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods. They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction. And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question. In this episode: Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex? Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women's leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast   Angela J. Herrington — Website: angelajherrington.com angelajherrington.com+1 Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Google Books Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: "Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?" Bare Marriage France legal reform on consent — Article: "France's Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law" (Le Monde) lemonde.fr+1

In this episode, EDJ talks with Angela Herrington, author of Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Decolonizing the Sacred Feminine and Reclaiming Your Power. Together, they explore what it means to reconnect with feminine wisdom in a world shaped by patriarchy and Christian purity culture. Angela unpacks: The witch as a metaphor for women's ancestral wisdom and strength How patriarchy and colonialism vilified feminine power and indigenous knowledge Why rage and pleasure are essential parts of healing The truth about Christian teachings on submission and mutuality How epigenetics reveals generational trauma—and the science behind healing it The difference between equality and equity in feminist theology This conversation dives deep into spirituality, sexuality, and self-trust, inviting listeners to rediscover the sacred feminine in themselves—no matter their gender. 📘 Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods is available wherever you buy books. Follow Angela Herrington on Instagram and visit angelaherrington.com. 🎧 Listen to Where Do We Go From Here? wherever you get your podcasts, and follow @where_do_we_go_pod for more.

In this month's No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen take a deep dive into one of purity culture's biggest promises — that saving sex for marriage leads to better, holier, and more satisfying sex. Spoiler: the data (and lived experience) tell a different story. They explore: The "sexual prosperity gospel" and why it set so many up for shame and disappointment Sheila Wray Gregoire's landmark Great Sex Rescue study of 20,000 evangelical women The "flip-switch myth" and how lack of education and consent led to painful first experiences The 47% orgasm gap and how theology often reinforces it How purity culture erased queer people entirely — and the lasting impact of that What Christians can teach instead: consent, embodiment, mutuality, and choice A surprisingly wise bit of secular sex advice: "Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hand your unlocked phone to." Whether you waited for marriage or not, this episode dismantles the shame, misinformation, and silence that shaped so many of our sexual stories — and offers a better, kinder path forward. Referenced: The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex Dr. Camden Morgante's "Flip Switch Myth" Santification and Sexual Satisfaction: https://ematerials.ulethbridge.ca/server/api/core/bitstreams/51cab0e8-67d7-48c5-923d-543a9873ff0b/content https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-19407-001 Guys We F**ed* podcast

In this fun and thoughtful Where Do We Go From Here? conversation, Jessica and Devi revisit one of their favourite RomCom Recap episodes from Patreon — a deep dive into the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. They explore why this show hit such a cultural nerve, how it portrays the complexity of love between two people from different faiths, and what it teaches us about emotional honesty, boundaries, and belonging. From the "hot rabbi" to the spiral-inducing unanswered text, Jessica and Devi unpack how Nobody Wants This manages to make relationships feel real — messy, beautiful, and worth fighting for. If you've ever wondered what healthy love looks like after religious conditioning or purity culture, this one's for you. In this episode: Why Nobody Wants This resonates so deeply with modern audiences How pop culture is reimagining "good men" through characters like Noah The parallels between religious devotion and emotional integrity Why our culture is hungry for models of honest, emotionally mature relationships The power of female introspection in romcom storytelling Mentioned in this episode: Nobody Wants This (Netflix) Fleabag (Amazon Prime) The Faith Adjacent Podcast

In this reflective and wide-ranging Thoughts & Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ explore the intersection of politics, faith, and deconstruction — from the rise of Christian nationalism in the U.S. to the way purity culture still shapes dating and marriage expectations today. Together, they talk about: How Christian nationalism differs between Australia and the U.S. What the Charlie Kirk controversy reveals about polarization and online discourse. Learning when to disengage from unproductive debates — and how that can be an act of wisdom, not defeat. Why waiting for "God's timing" in dating can keep women passive and disconnected from their own agency. Reflections on The Myth of Good Christian Parenting and the need to unlearn harmful discipline models. Jessica's bittersweet announcement about stepping back from Where Do We Go From Here? and what's next for the show. A closing prayer for peace, courage, and connection. ✨ Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, politics, or parenting, this episode offers grounded honesty, laughter, and a gentle invitation to keep growing. Mentioned: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting by Marissa Franks-Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis April Ajoy interview episode Prayer by Dr Lisa Hancock

Guests: Marissa Franks-Burt – Instagram | Substack Kelsey Kramer McGinnis – Instagram | Substack | Writer at Christianity Today About the Episode: In this episode, EDJ sits down with Marissa Franks-Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families. Together they trace how James Dobson's Dare to Discipline shaped decades of Christian parenting and why authoritarian, fear-based models continue to echo in today's influencer culture. They explore: How "good Christian parenting" emerged from post-1970s evangelicalism Why the focus on control and obedience took hold The theology behind corporal punishment and gender hierarchy How religious parenting ideals became social media aesthetics What it looks like to move toward empathy, autonomy, and grace Trigger warning: Discussion of spanking, strict discipline, and religious trauma. Book release: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting releases October 14, 2025. Pre-order bonuses include downloadable resources making the Christian case against spanking.

This week on Where Do We Go From Here? EDJ sits down with content creator, podcaster, and author April Ajoy to talk about her new book Star-Spangled Jesus: Christian Nationalism in America. April grew up in purity culture as a pastor's kid, surrounded by the metaphors we all know too well—chewed-up gum, licked cupcakes, torn roses. But as her journey unfolded, she began creating satire on TikTok, co-hosting the Tim and April Show, and now writing a book that helps us understand how Christian nationalism took hold in America. In this conversation, you'll hear: April's personal deconstruction journey, from purity culture to politics. What Christian nationalism actually is, and how it has shaped American evangelicalism. Why purity culture and Christian nationalism often go hand in hand. How April and her non-binary spouse live out a faith that embraces authenticity and hope. Why she still chooses to ground herself in the words of Jesus. EDJ also reflects on the contrasts between voting in Australia and the United States, and how compulsory voting changes the landscape of politics and faith. This episode will help you name the forces shaping the evangelical church in America, and it offers hope that change and healing are possible. Find April Ajoy online: TikTok & Instagram: @aprilajoy Podcast: The Tim & April Show Book: Star-Spangled Jesus (available now wherever books are sold)

Responding to the Assassination of Charlie Kirk The assassination of Charlie Kirk has shaken Christian communities across the U.S. and beyond. In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess (Melbourne), Emily (Texas), and Kristen (Tennessee) sit with the grief, confusion, and deep polarization surrounding Kirk's death. Together, we ask: how do we resist letting tragedy harden us into tribalism? How do we hold the tension between condemning violence and naming the real harm of Kirk's rhetoric? And what does it mean to choose love over retaliation in an age of outrage? In this conversation, we explore: Why reactions to Kirk's death split so quickly into polarized "camps" The role of social media algorithms in fueling anger and division, with insights from Jonathan Haidt (The Coddling of the American Mind). Mark Noll's critique of evangelical anti-intellectualism in The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind. A pastoral response from Kristin Mockler Young, reminding us that empathy in the face of enmity is a supernatural calling Reflections on collective grief, generational impact, and the temptation to idolize or demonize leaders. Why stepping away from online debates and reclaiming in-person conversations might be our best path forward. This is not an easy conversation — but in No Hard Feelings fashion, we try to hold complexity, honor grief, and root ourselves in love. Sources:  https://jimrigby.substack.com/p/my-prayer-today-in-a-liberal-church https://tialevings.substack.com/p/evangelicals-are-venerating-charlie https://www.straightwhiteamericanjesus.com/episodes/political-violence-before-and-after-charlie-kirks-murder/ https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/ladies-we-need-to-talk/misogyny-sexism-ai-ladies-we-need-to-talk/105775024 https://turningthegem.substack.com/p/one-pastors-response-to-the-effect https://www.aei.org/society-and-culture/the-unraveling-how-political-violence-reveals-americas-fraying-social-fabric/  

In this special one-off reunion episode, Jessica is joined by former co-host Devi Abraham to do a kind of "Dobson autopsy." When Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, passed away last month, his legacy sparked heated debate. Was he the warm fatherly voice who helped parents raise families—or the architect of purity culture and harmful teachings? 📻 Dobson's global reach — Focus on the Family aired in 164 countries, translated into more than a dozen languages, and reached *200+ million daily listeners (Britannica, Radio Hall of Fame). 🧬 Eugenics roots — the surprising connection between Dobson's mentor Paul Popenoe, a eugenicist, and the framing of Dare to Discipline (Baptist News Global). ⏱ The 72-Hour Rule — teaching couples not to go more than three days without sex, widely critiqued as unscientific and harmful (Bare Marriage). 🏫 Purity culture & adolescence — how Preparing for Adolescence shaped generations and linked teenage sexuality to loss of faith (Dobson Family Institute blog). ✋ Masturbation — Dobson's contradictory teaching that it was "not much of an issue with God," leaving many adolescents confused (Evidence Unseen). 🪓 Corporal punishment — "Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked…" (Dare to Discipline, 1970), making spanking mainstream in Christian homes. 👉 Listen in as Jessica and Devi unpack the paradox of Dobson's life: the man who created a global empire of evangelical family teaching, and the movement that shaped—and scarred—millions. 🔗 Sources & Further Reading Encyclopaedia Britannica – Focus on the Family Radio Hall of Fame – Focus on the Family Baptist News Global – Dobson's eugenics connection Bare Marriage – Critique of the 72-Hour Rule Dobson Family Institute Blog Evidence Unseen – Biblical Ethics of Masturbation Religion Dispatches – "I Will Always Be Afraid of James Dobson" Focus on the Family – Jim Daly tribute

We're bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of the last 5 years — and for good reason. This riveting conversation with Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, author of Jesus and John Wayne, explores how white American evangelicals came to embrace a model of masculinity rooted not in Jesus, but in militarism, patriarchy, and cultural conservatism. Jess and Devi unpack how purity culture intersects with Christian nationalism and gender roles, and how evangelical ideals of "biblical masculinity" and "feminine purity" were shaped more by cultural warriors than the gospel. Plus, listeners will hear powerful voice memos from men who saw themselves in this book — and whose lives were changed by it. Why listen (again): If you've ever wondered how we got from the church youth group to Donald Trump, or if you've struggled to reconcile your faith with the gender roles you were raised with, this episode is a must-listen. What We Cover: The history behind evangelical support for Donald Trump How Christian masculinity became militarized Why "biblical manhood" and "biblical womanhood" aren't biblical The deep links between evangelicalism, nationalism, and patriarchy Why so many men found healing in Jesus and John Wayne The real impact of evangelical "enemy culture" How power, fear, and authority are used to control communities What it means to resist the us-vs-them narrative in faith communities Listener Stories Included: Throughout the episode, you'll hear from men around the world whose experiences with evangelical masculinity echo the findings in Du Mez's research. These voice memos are raw, honest, and unforgettable. Resources: Kristin Du Mez's Website Buy Jesus and John Wayne Follow Kristin on Twitter

In this month's Thoughts and Prayers episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica and EDJ reflect on some of the biggest conversations we've had together: 🎬 Shiny Happy People: Season 2 — what it reveals about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, and the power of survivors speaking out. 📖 Danielle Taminio Henson on Speaking of Rape — redefining rape, broadening the conversation around consent, and why "agency" may be a better word than "autonomy." ✝️ A New Christian Sexual Ethic — moving away from "premarital sex is a sin" toward a consent-centred ethic for Christians today. 💍 Submission and Gender Roles — do Christians still believe in wives submitting to husbands? How purity culture and complementarianism shaped this teaching. We close with an Anglican-inspired Prayers of the People, offering space for listeners to process grief, shame, hope, and healing together. 📌 Mentioned in this episode: Wild Goose Festival (Harmony, North Carolina) where EDJ will be speaking on purity culture and sexual ethics. Patreon – Where Do We Go From Here for extended conversations, early releases, and community debriefs. Shiny Happy People on Prime Video Danielle Taminio Henson's book Speaking of Rape Instagram - @wheredowegopod Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, questioning old beliefs, or seeking a faith anchored in consent and equality, this conversation is for you.

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen tackle the loaded word submission in Christian culture. What did Paul really mean in Ephesians 5? How has the concept been shaped by history, purity culture, and translation choices? And is submission a word worth redeeming—or should we let it go? We explore: The Greek word kephalē (head, source, origin) and how translation choices influence theology. Historical context: Roman household codes, women's legal status, and why Paul's words may have been countercultural. Women in the early church: Phoebe (Romans 16:1–2), Priscilla (Acts 18:26), and Lydia (Acts 16:14–15) as leaders and patrons. Industrial Revolution & Victorian ideals: how cultural shifts reinforced gendered hierarchies. Modern reframing: mutual submission as respect, humility, and partnership rather than hierarchy. Contemporary concerns: #MeToo, Doug Wilson's public comments, and the church's ongoing debates about women's leadership. References & Links Margaret Mowczko on Ephesians 5 and mutual submission: https://margmowczko.com/pauls-main-point-in-eph-5_22-33/ Christianity Today on Genesis 3:16 translation debates: https://www.christianitytoday.com/2025/02/esv-update-genesis-316-gender-submission-desire-contrary-what-women-want/ John Townsend & Henry Cloud, Boundaries

After years of believing that premarital sex was a sin without exception, Jessica invites us into a vulnerable, thought-provoking solo episode to explore a different kind of Christian sexual ethic — one rooted not in rules, but in love, consent, agency, and mutual care. She reflects on her own journey out of purity culture, dives into the historical and biblical context of sexual norms, and challenges the idea that "no sex before marriage" is a core tenet of the faith. Instead, she suggests we build an ethic that teaches emotional maturity, boundaries, and enthusiastic consent — one that honors human dignity in the way Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Whether you agree, disagree, or are still figuring it out, this episode invites honest reflection, open conversation, and courageous rethinking of how we talk about sex in church communities today. In this episode: p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> Jessica's personal journey from purity culture to a consent-based sexual ethic p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> Why biblical sexual norms were rooted in property, patriarchy, and survival — not romance p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> What "sexual immorality" (porneia) meant in its ancient context p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> Why the Bible never explicitly calls all premarital sex a sin p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> How consent, agency, and safety might be more holy than virginity p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0" style= "box-sizing: border-box; border-width: 0px; border-style: solid; border-color: oklch(0.3039 0.04 213.68 / 0.1); --tw-border-spacing-x: 0; --tw-border-spacing-y: 0; --tw-translate-x: 0; --tw-translate-y: 0; --tw-rotate: 0; --tw-skew-x: 0; --tw-skew-y: 0; --tw-scale-x: 1; --tw-scale-y: 1; --tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; --tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; --tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; --tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246 / 0.5); --tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; --tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000; margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-inline-start: 0.375em; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"> Moving from fear-based compliance to love-based discernment in our faith

Content Warnings: This episode discusses rape, sexual assault, purity culture, childhood sexual harm, and childbirth trauma. Listener discretion is advised. In this deeply moving and thought-provoking conversation, EDJ is joined by theologian and author Danielle Tumminio Hansen to explore how our language, theology, and justice systems often fail survivors of sexual harm. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Speaking of Rape, Danielle discusses the need to reframe how we talk about rape, the myths of the "perfect victim" and the "obvious perpetrator," and the damaging intersections between purity culture and rape culture. This episode also tackles the importance of sex education, why impact matters more than intent, how restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment-based systems, and what it means to raise children with justice and empathy in mind. Danielle shares from her own story with remarkable vulnerability, offering theological, psychological, and cultural insight that's both challenging and deeply hopeful. Topics Discussed: Why our words around sexual harm often fall short The myths of the "perfect victim" and "clear perpetrator" How purity culture contributes to victim-blaming Redefining rape through agency, power, and desire The role of sex education in prevention Restorative justice vs. retributive justice Why survivors' stories reshape culture Teaching justice through parenting Autonomy, agency, and interdependence Understanding impact over intent Resources Mentioned: Speaking of Rape by Danielle Tumminio Hansen South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva & Tom Stranger Know My Name by Chanel Miller Works by theologian Sally McFague and philosopher Linda Alcoff Research on contact theory and restorative justice   🇦🇺 Australia 1800RESPECT Australia's national sexual assault, domestic, and family violence helpline. 📞 Call: 1800 737 732 💬 Online chat: 1800RESPECT.org.au 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Counselling, information, and referrals Full Stop AustraliaFindaHelpline+351800RESPECT+35White Ribbon+35Health and Ageing Department+31800RESPECT+31800RESPECT+3NASASV State-Based Services Victoria: Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292 (5 pm–9 am weekdays; 24/7 on weekends) Queensland: Sexual Assault Helpline – 1800 010 120 (7:30 am–11:30 pm daily) Western Australia: Sexual Assault Resource Centre – 1800 199 888 (24/7) South Australia: Yarrow Place – 1800 817 421 Tasmania: Sexual Assault Support Service – 1800 697 877 Northern Territory: Sexual Assault Referral Centres – 08 8922 6472 (Darwin) Australian Capital Territory: Canberra Rape Crisis Centre – 02 6247 2525 New South Wales: Full Stop Australia – 1800 FULL STOPOCRCC+2au.reachout.com+2Healthdirect+2Healthdirect+1au.reachout.com+1Full Stop Australia 🇺🇸 United States RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline. 📞 Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673) 💬 Online chat: RAINN.org 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Confidential support, referrals, and information OCRCC+5RAINN+5FindaHelpline+5CSA Centre+12Verywell Mind+12Glamour+12The Guardian+9The Hotline+9Verywell Mind+9 Other National Helplines Love Is Respect: For teens and young adults experiencing dating violence. 📞 Call: 1-866-331-9474 💬 Text: Text "LOVEIS" to 22522 💬 Online chat: loveisrespect.org National Domestic Violence Hotline: For domestic violence support. 📞 Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 💬 Text: Text "START" to 88788 💬 Online chat: thehotline.org Crisis Text Line: For general crisis support. 💬 Text: Text "HOME" to 741741 🇬🇧 United Kingdom Rape Crisis England & Wales Provides the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line. 📞 Call: 0808 500 2222 💬 Online chat: rapecrisis.org.uk 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Emotional support, information, and referrals NASASV+1Full Stop Australia+1endingviolencecanada.org+2Verywell Mind+2TAASA+2survivorsnetwork.org.uk+10Rape Crisis England & Wales+10Sexual Abuse Support+10Verywell Mind+1324/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line+13Rape Crisis England & Wales+13 Other Support Lines Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone in distress. 📞 Call: 116 123 💬 Online chat: samaritans.org Childline: For individuals under 19. 📞 Call: 0800 1111 💬 Online chat: childline.org.uk The Survivors Trust: For survivors of sexual violence. 📞 Call: 0808 801 0818 💬 Text: 07860 022 956 💬 Online chat: thesurvivorstrust.org 🇨🇦 Canada Sexual Violence Helpline (Canada) Provides confidential support and referrals. 📞 Call: 1-888-933-9007 💬 Online chat: sexualviolencehelpline.ca 🕒 Hours: 24/7 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Support for survivors and their supportersassaultservicesknowledge.org+5thesurvivorstrust.org+5endingviolencecanada.org+5Verywell Mind+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4CIUSSS Centre-Sud+1Info-aide violence sexuelle+1 Other Support Lines Kids Help Phone: For individuals aged 5–29. 📞 Call: 1-800-668-6868 💬 Text: Text "CONNECT" to 686868 💬 Online chat: kidshelpphone.ca Trans Lifeline: For transgender and gender-diverse individuals. 📞 Call: 1-877-330-6366 💬 Online chat: translifeline.org Victim Connect: For general victim support. 📞 Call: 1-855-484-2846 💬 Online chat: victimconnect.org

Originally released as episode 52. This episode is part therapy, part masterclass. Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers joins us to talk about parenting and re-parenting in a world where many of us never got real sex education. If you're a parent wondering how to raise kids free of shame—or an adult figuring out how to parent your younger self—this episode is a warm hug and a roadmap.

A raw and cathartic conversation about Shiny Happy People Season 2, Teen Mania, the Honor Academy, and the teenage evangelical pipeline. Episode Summary: Season 2 of Shiny Happy People shifts the spotlight from the Duggar family to Teen Mania Ministries and its high-control youth movement. In this debrief, host Jessica is joined by Kristen (an Acquire the Fire attendee) and Emily (a former Honor Academy intern) to reflect on the docuseries, spiritual trauma, radicalisation of Christian teens, and what it means to deconstruct from inside the movement. We dive into: What Acquire the Fire and the Honor Academy actually were How evangelicalism created a "teenage holy war" The use of fear, control, and purity to recruit and retain young people Why teenagers are especially vulnerable to religious indoctrination What happens when you leave a movement like this And the long road to healing and reclaiming identity Whether you were part of Teen Mania or are just processing what you watched, this is your space to debrief. Timestamps: 0:00 – Introduction to the episode 3:00 – What was Teen Mania & Acquire the Fire? 10:00 – Inside the Honor Academy: unpaid labour and control 20:00 – Radicalisation, binary thinking & purity culture 35:00 – Columbine, martyrdom, and glorifying teenage death 44:00 – From faith to politics: the evangelical machine 55:00 – What happens after you leave the cult? 1:03:00 – Final reflections and advice for healing Resources Mentioned: Shiny Happy People Season 2 – Amazon Prime Video Recovering Alumni blog (archived) EMDR International Association – Find a Therapist Patreon: Join the Inner Circle Join the conversation: Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod Support this work and get bonus content on Patreon

In this episode of Thoughts and Prayers, Jessica and EDJ reflect on three key conversations from the past month — with queer theologian Brandon Robertson and Catholic academic Donna Freitas — while taking a deep dive into the question: Is it time to reimagine Christian sexual ethics? Join them for a vulnerable, theologically rich, and sometimes hilarious discussion on queerness, purity culture, hookup culture, parenting, masturbation, and what Jesus might really have meant when he talked about lust. We finish the episode with heartfelt prayers for those navigating deconstruction and for peace in the wider world. In This Episode: What does it mean to be queer affirming? Evangelicals vs. Catholics on sex: who talks more and says less? Deconstructing lust, sin, and abomination Parenting kids with new sexual ethics Why Jesus might've been talking about rape not just lust A buffet of sexual options: beyond purity and hookup culture The grief and grace in letting go of black-and-white certainty   Mentions: Brandon Robertson interview Donna Freitas interview EDJ's upcoming book Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (Coming soon via Sacrosage Press) Support us at Patreon.com/WhereDoWeGoPod

Author, scholar, and survivor Donna Freitas joins us for a raw and deeply thoughtful conversation on the ways purity culture, religious silence, and institutional failures around sexuality have left lasting wounds — and where healing might actually begin. In this episode, we talk about: 📚 Donna's personal story of church trauma and spiritual silence ✝️ The impact of purity culture on desire, consent, and autonomy 🧠 Why Christian spaces still struggle to talk about sex without shame 💔 How writing became Donna's way back to something like prayer 🔍 The difference between sexual ethics and sexual rules 🧎‍♀️ What healing can look like when religion has been the source of harm 👀 The things that don't get said in evangelical and Catholic conversations around sex — and why they matter This one is for anyone who's been handed shame in the name of God — and is still trying to sort through what's true, what's trauma, and what's worth keeping.   Donna Freitas is an author, researcher, professor, and leading voice in conversations around sex, consent, spirituality, and young adult faith. Website: www.donnafreitas.com Substack: @donnafreitas Instagram: @donnafreitas.writer   Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast by Jessica Vanderwyngaard For more content and to partner with the show: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod Today's Host was EDJ - https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com/  

Is it time to reimagine a Christian sexual ethic? That's the big question Jessica, Kristen, and Emily take on in this bold, honest, and expansive No Hard Feelings conversation. Together, we dive deep into the history of Christian sexual ethics—from the Garden of Eden and ancient Israelite practices to purity culture and the modern church. This isn't just a theology class. We're asking: What was the biblical sexual ethic really? How has marriage changed over the centuries? What role did empire, patriarchy, and purity culture play? What do we owe to queer theologians in rethinking Christian sexuality? How can we build a framework that values consent, agency, dignity, and inclusion? Whether you've left purity culture behind, are raising kids, are single in the church, or just want to better understand how we got here—this episode is for you. 🔑 Plus, Jessica shares a deeply personal vision for a new Christian sexual ethic—available exclusively on Patreon. Join us for this no-holds-barred conversation. Because when it comes to faith and sex, there are no hard feelings—just open hearts and honest questions. 🔗 Links & Resources Jessica's solo episode: A New Christian Sexual Ethic? → Patreon Exclusive Episode with Brandon Robertson on queer theology → Listen now Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod

Originally released as Episode 49.  This episode is all about one word: agency. Jessica and Devi revisit their conversation with Sheila Gregoire about what it really means for women to experience pleasure, make choices, and have autonomy in their sexual relationships. From obligation sex to pleasure gaps in marriage, we dissect the ways purity culture erased agency—and what reclaiming it can look like.  

Host: EDJ Guest: Rev. Brandan Robertson – author of Queer and Christian, TikTok pastor, theologian, and public speaker. In this heartfelt and deeply thoughtful conversation, EDJ speaks with Rev. Brandan Robertson about growing up evangelical, discovering his queerness, and finding a theology that held both faith and identity. Together, they unpack: Brandan's journey from Moody Bible Institute to affirming theology The trauma of purity culture and conversion therapy Why "obedience" and biblical literalism can be harmful What the Bible really says about queerness – including the infamous word arsenokoite Queer readings of scripture and the radical inclusivity of Jesus How deconstruction can lead to more honest, expansive faith What it means to let love—not fear—guide your theology Whether you're curious, questioning, or walking your own road of reconstruction, this episode offers theological insight, personal stories, and radical grace. 🛒 Buy Queer and Christian: https://QueerChristian.org 📍 Follow Brandan: TikTok, Instagram, and more via QueerChristian.org 🔗 Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

In this Thoughts and Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ wade into the murky waters of what it means to engage with faith, critique evangelicalism, and still remain spiritually alive. It's part deconstruction, part spiritual therapy — with a side of sass. They ask: Can you love Jesus but be done with church? What happens when purity culture gives way to embodied faith? And how do you hold grief and hope in the same breath when it comes to faith traditions that shaped you — and hurt you? This conversation isn't tied up in a bow — and that's the point. If you're craving raw honesty and nuanced faith, this one's for you. In this episode: Church trauma and the long shadow of spiritual abuse "Healing" and the commodification of it in Christian spaces Why it's okay to say "I don't know" The spiritual cost of being a "good girl" Rebuilding a relationship with the divine on your own terms Join the conversation and let us know your biggest takeaway.

Is Christianity still good news for women? It's a big question — and in this episode, Jessica is joined by Emily and Kristen for a thoughtful, vulnerable conversation that doesn't shy away from the tension. Together, they explore: 🧠 How growing up in the church shaped their views on womanhood, sex, and submission ✝️ The parts of Christianity they've kept — and what they've had to leave behind 💔 The difference between Jesus and the institutions that claim to represent him 🧎‍♀️ Whether the "good news" can still be good when it's caused so much harm 🪢 And what hope, faith, and spirituality can look like after the unraveling This isn't a theological debate — it's an honest look at what it means to be a woman who still wants to engage faith after everything. No easy answers. No hard feelings. Just an open conversation for wherever you're at.

What happens when saying yes to God means leaving behind everything you built — and trusting Him in the silence? In this deeply moving episode, Jessica talks with evangelist, author, and podcast host Brenda Palmer about her upcoming book The Journey of Yes. But this conversation goes far beyond the book. Brenda opens up about growing up in purity culture, losing her church community after choosing to speak out, walking away from a thriving career, and learning to hear God's voice in the wilderness of financial uncertainty and emotional pain. With wisdom, joy, and radical honesty, she reminds us: That hearing from God is a process, not a lightning bolt That obedience isn't about transaction, but transformation And that our trauma doesn't disqualify us — it's often where God meets us Whether you've walked away from church, are learning to trust God again, or are somewhere in between, this conversation is a breath of Spirit-filled air. Where to find Brenda: https://www.iambrendapalmer.com/ Pre-orders: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/762936/the-journey-of-yes-by-brenda-palmer/ Where to find us: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod  

This episode of No Hard Feelings is one for the books: we're tackling two wildly different but surprisingly rich topics — emotional cheating in the age of smartphones, and the global significance of the first American pope, Leo XIV. First, Jessica, Kristen, and Emily unpack what emotional cheating actually is (spoiler: it's not as cut and dry as you think). From secret texts and blurred lines to purity culture hangovers and relational ethics, we sit in the tension and explore the gray areas of emotional intimacy. Then we shift gears to talk about the newly appointed Pope Leo XIV — what it means for the global church, the far right's response, and how Catholicism's center of gravity may be shifting away from Europe. We don't offer all the answers. But we ask the questions with honesty, curiosity, and no hard feelings. 🎧 Support the show and get bonus content at patreon.com/wheredowegopod