You've Got to Be Critting Me
by You've Got to Be Critting Me
You've Got to Be Critting Me is a story-driven Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast following a chaotic band of adventurers; Malcius the flamboyant tiefling bard, Sefi the towering goliath fighter, Thormir the mischievous dwarven druid, and Todd the masked half-elf rogue; guided by their long-suffering Dungeon Master, Jeff. Blending comedy, heartfelt roleplay, and cinematic storytelling, the party stumbles through bandits, beans, mysteries, and magical disasters as they try (and often fail) to become heroes. If you love character-focused adventures, unpredictable dice rolls, and a party that thrives on questionable decisions, this is the show for you. Visit our website.
Episodes
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Episode 47: Lost and Found
As the Unfated Ones explore South Reach, a visit to the Hall of the Fallen brings Sefi face-to-face with a long-buried part of her past. Meanwhile, Todd ventures alone into the woods, hoping to protect his companions from his impending transformation, unaware that something sinister is following...
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Episode 46: It's Time
The Dragon King threatens all of Kyranda, but first our heroes must face their greatest challenge yet: bureaucracy. With Grand Sorcerer Alatar out of reach, tensions rise, tempers flare, and a suspicious butcher shop offers more than meats the eye. DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius: Travis Stewart Sefi:...
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Episode 45: The Pendilorian and Grogu
After surviving their encounter with the mysterious rift, the party makes camp for the night, giving Jeremiah a chance to learn more about his new companions and uncover a few surprisingly personal stories. While Todd struggles with Shala’s disappearance, the group finally reaches the outskirts…
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Episode 44: P.S.Hell
The party faces a terrifying new threat as a mysterious void portal tears open in a wheat field and brings a horde of sinister scarecrows to life. In this episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me, our adventure takes a dark autumn turn filled with strange powers, dangerous magic, and one very...
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Episode 43: Honor is Proven in Deed
On the road to Pendilor, the party gets sidetracked by a roadside dispute that threatens to become much more serious than it needs to be. After a little diplomacy, a little deception, and some less than honest extracurricular activity, they continue their journey, only to find that something...
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Q&A Behind the Scenes 1
Look, sometimes we can't all get together and play D&D. Sometimes only a few of us can get together and answer listener questions and just shoot the shit. This is one of those times. In this first episode of YGTBCM Q&A Behind the Scenes Jeff, Travis, and Nick answer listener questions and try to...
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Episode 42: Show Me What You're Packing in the Back
After a hard-fought battle, the party settles in for a much needed night of rest, reflection, and some questionable financial decisions. While Todd unloads a suspicious amount of merchandise, Thormir and Malcius deepen their connections with their mysterious motes, and Jeremiah gets his first…
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Episode 41: What's in my Hole?
On the road to Aldenhold, the party encounters a mysterious hermit who asks them to reveal their hidden burdens in exchange for a peculiar gift. Their moment of reflection is quickly interrupted by a stampede and a deadly battle against a pair of monstrous insects. DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius:...
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Through Your Tubes and Out Your Boobs
We maybe should have divided the last episode into two because, once again, we're having to skip a week. This podcasting thing is hard when we have to squeeze it in between our jobs that actually pay us. But I did promise a little bit of content before the next release, so feast your ears on this...
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Episode 40: Crop Dusted by Ghost Mom
Back in Sestone, the party takes stock of their belongings, gets a few mysterious magical items identified, and learns that Todd’s mask may be connected to something far more powerful than they realized. After sharing the story of their recent adventures with the townsfolk, Sefi is approached by...
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A Quick Update on Episode 40
Hey guys, Travis here. Quick update on Episode 40: I’m working hard to get it finished, but unfortunately my full-time day job keeps insisting on being “important” and “necessary to survive.” I don’t want to rush the episode out before it’s fully polished and sounding the way you’ve come to…
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Episode 39: Grand Theft Arcana
The dream is over… and everything they stole is gone. Back in the real world, the party sets their sights on Pendilor, but first, a detour south. A midnight break-in, memories brought to life, and Thormir’s first swimming lesson await. DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius: Travis Stewart Sefi: Morgan…
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Episode 38: One Giant Problem
Our heroes make it to the mountain in search of the missing villagers, only to discover that something huge might be waiting for them in the shadows. DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius: Travis Stewart Sefi: Morgan Gibson Thormir: Nick Miller Todd: Bryce Shearer Podcast art by Ada Hath Theme song "Royal...
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Episode 37: What about my Taint?
Rory is back, but that does not mean the party is any closer to escaping the trial. After learning Todd’s transformation may be tied to the void, the Dragon King, and something far more dangerous than they understood, the group returns to Moonstone and finds the village completely abandoned. With...
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Episode 36: Blessed are the Unfated
Todd is back to normal. Mostly. Probably. For now. After some unexpected divine intervention, the party tries to unpack Todd’s sudden transformation, his new connection to a terrifying rat patron, and the very inconvenient fact that this may happen again. Soon. But there’s still a festival to...
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Episode 35: The Early Rat Gets the Cheese
What should have been a celebration turns into chaos when Todd transforms far sooner than anyone expected. As the party scrambles to contain the fallout, they’re left with troubling new questions about the Blessing of the Newborns, Todd’s fate, and Rory’s disappearance DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius:...
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Parental Advisory - Episode 3: Cantrips? I thought you said Catnip
Proll and his bandits make the mistake of standing in the party’s way, forcing Eric, Nyl, and C-Smooth into their first real fight. As the battle turns messy and the party scrambles to survive, they get their first taste of how dangerous the road to the caves really is, and what victory might…
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Parental Advisory - Episode 2: Bad Signs on the Trail
A strange job. An abandoned wagon. A trail full of bad signs. In Episode 2 of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me: Parental Advisory, Eric, Nyl, and C-Smooth press onward toward a mysterious cave system as odd encounters and mounting danger make it clear their first adventure will not be a simple one.…
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Parental Advisory - Episode 1: Pretend for Grownups
For this special episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me, Travis and Jeff welcome two brand-new players to the table for a one-shot built around the Heroes of the Borderlands starter set. What begins as a simple introduction to character sheets, spells, and class choices quickly turns into a…
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Episode 34: They Wanted Us to Win
The Winter Lunar Festival continues, but the longer the party stays, the harder it becomes to ignore that something is deeply wrong. As night falls without warning, the music stops and a makeshift arena is revealed at the heart of the celebration. What begins as harmless festival entertainment...
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Episode 33: The Illusion of Home
The party finds itself deeper within Rory’s trial as the illusion around them grows increasingly convincing, and increasingly dangerous. What began as a familiar Winter Lunar Festival in Thormir’s homeland quickly reveals itself to be something far more unsettling: a version of the past where…
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Episode 32: The Winter Lunar Festival
The party awakens from Rory’s unsettling trial and steps into a world transformed. Snow covers the earth, the cold cuts to the bone, and a familiar fear settles over Thormir as he recognizes a place that should not exist. The Winter Lunar Festival is alive with music, color, and celebration, yet...
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Episode 31: Fun Guy, Yeah Right
The party finally begins their long-promised training with Rory, the enigmatic druid who’s been guiding Thormir’s connection to his mote. What starts as peaceful meditation (and Sefi’s ill-advised mushroom trip) quickly spirals into a chaotic, high-stakes battle as Rory pushes the group far…
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Episode 30: Do You Know the Mushroom Man?
After their brutal battle with the bandits, tensions simmer as the party hauls their prisoners back toward Beckinsdale, only for Thormir’s glowing mote to suddenly dart off the path, leading them into a mysterious spore-filled forest. There, they encounter Rory, a weathered dwarven druid wreathed...
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Episode 29: Mercy or Vengeance
The battle at the bandit camp reaches its breaking point as spells flare, blades clash, and tempers run hot. When one of the surviving bandits surrenders, the party finds themselves at odds, especially Todd and Malcius, whose clashing beliefs over justice and mercy threaten to tear the group…
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Episode 28: Into the Bandit Camp
The party pushes deeper into the woods outside Beckinsdale and finally discovers the bandit camp behind the recent burglaries. Malcius tries to talk his way out, but blades are soon drawn. What begins as a tense standoff quickly erupts into chaos as Sefi wades into the fray, Todd and Thormir…
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One Year Anniversary Giveaway Announcement
A year ago, our party set out on a wild quest. Now, one year later, the adventure’s only just begun. Join the celebration (and maybe win some loot)! Check with us in the next few days to find out how to enter to win! DM: Jeffery Jordan Malcius: Travis Stewart Sefi: Morgan Gibson Thormir: Nick...
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Episode 27: East? I Thought He Said 'Weast'
The party wakes at the Brave Lion, where breakfast brings more than just food, it brings reminders of last night’s chaos. With the mysterious tree now gone, they return to the Lion’s Den to settle damages, test Todd’s questionable “repair” skills, and confront the costs of their choices. But as...
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Special Recap: Episodes 15-26
Need to catch up before diving into the next chapter? This special recap episode of You’ve Got to Be Critting Me covers everything from Episodes 15–26. Join Malcius, Sefi, Thormir, and Todd as they battle cavern-dwelling horrors, fight off gnolls alongside a vengeful one-tusked giant, stumble...
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Episode 26: Thormir and the Beanstalk
A quiet night at the Lion’s Den turns into absolute chaos when Thormir plants one of Malcius’ mysterious beans. What sprouts is no ordinary garden variety tree, it’s a massive magical fruit tree that blasts straight through the tavern roof. Things go from bad to worse when Todd, already a little...
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Episode 25: Beans, Burglars, and Binding Shackles
The party continues their investigation into the string of burglaries plaguing the town. At the Dependable Depot, the group learns that weapons and healing potions were stolen in a meticulous break-in, raising suspicions about someone preparing for something larger. While questioning the...
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Episode 24: Let’s Get Down to Business (Eventually)
After a chaotic night at Jimbo’s farm, the party regroups at the Lion’s Den for some much-needed rest… and a questionable number of breakfast beers. Thormir sharpens a femur into a makeshift weapon, Malcius gets magically freshened up, and Todd discovers he may not be the only one watching. The...
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Episode 23: New Cape, Who Dis?
The party wakes up after a harrowing night at Jimbo’s farm, where a mysterious giant escaped through a portal but not without promising to return. As Sefi contemplates her mortality and Malcius strums away in quiet reflection, the team regroups at the Lion’s Den for a hearty breakfast (with…
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Episode 22: You Can't Handle the Tooth
A mysterious giant, a moonlit battlefield, and a very revealing tooth. The party finds themselves in a chaotic showdown as they fight to stop an unexpected escape. Thormir makes a shocking connection to his past and tries to keep the giant pinned with Moonbeam, and Sefi throws herself (literally)...
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Episode 21: Traps, Trips, and Trouble
The party's farmyard stakeout finally kicks off! After a night of elaborate planning, questionable traps, and plenty of animal antics, the team faces off against a group of gnolls and a towering, rune-covered giant stepping through a mysterious portal. Chaos erupts as stealthy setups devolve into...
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Episode 20: Jimbo was his Name-O
The party’s stay in Beckinsdale takes a surprising turn as they meet a mysterious figure named Jimbo at the job board, and he's got just the kind of odd quest they didn’t know they were looking for. Between emotional shopping sprees, cryptic hints, and suspicious new allies, our adventurers find...
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Episode 19: The Gang Goes Shopping
After surviving a battle underground, the party heads to Beckinsdale and sets their sights on something far more dangerous: shopping. Todd gets mysterious with his money, Malcius seeks magical upgrades (and maybe a little flair), Thormir stocks up on natural remedies, and Sefi debates the merits…
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Episode 18: Well, Well, Well...
The party returns to the well beneath Almore Island, determined to finish what they started. With rope in hand and tension high, they make the dangerous descent into the darkness once more. Navigating the familiar stone corridors, they prepare themselves for a confrontation with the creature they...
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Episode 17: Statue of Limitations
The party tries to enjoy a peaceful morning in town... until Malcius drops a bombshell over breakfast: a cursed statue version of himself, born from a magic bean, wants him dead. As they debate whether to smash it, sell it, or study it, tensions rise and secrets surface. With old ghosts stirred…
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Episode 16: The Idiots and Their Beans
Episode 16 – “The Idiots and Their Beans” Back in Sestone, the party takes a moment to rest, reconnect, and reflect, but peace is a fragile thing. As strange gifts are unwrapped and unsettling questions arise, even the comfort of home can't keep the nightmares away. A bizarre magical discovery...
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Episode 15: No One Left Behind
Episode 15: No One Left Behind Cornered in the dark tunnels beneath the monastery, the party faces their deadliest challenge yet - a monstrous carrion crawler lurking in the shadows. With magic and steel, they rally together, fighting not only for their own lives but for the freedom of every...
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Special Recap: Episodes 1–14
New to You’ve Got to Be Critting Me and want to catch up fast? This special recap episode covers the story so far - from our party’s arrival in Setstone, to the horrors of Almore Island, to the whispers of the Far Realm itself. Meet our heroes: Malcius Sorrow - tiefling bard with flair (and...
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Episode 14: The Weight of a Name
Episode 14: The Weight of a Name The battle may be over, but the aftermath is just beginning. In the shadow of the rift, our heroes come face to face with their newfound powers-and the haunting whispers that accompany them. Malcius wrestles with imposter syndrome, Todd forms a strange new pact…
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Episode 13: The Unfated Ones
Deep beneath the ruined monastery, the party’s plan teeters on the edge of discovery. With Zaharel still under Malcius’s charm, the adventurers navigate treacherous tunnels, deceiving monstrous enforcers and dodging ancient threats in the shadows. But time is running out, and the rift waits. As...
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Episode 12: Descent into Darkness
In this thrilling episode of You've Got to Be Critting Me, the party ventures deeper into the treacherous ruins of the monastery. When a mysterious druid, Zaharel, emerges from the shadows, alliances are questioned, and Malcius’s charm magic is put to the ultimate test. With each step, the heroes...
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Episode 11: Light is the Weight of Wisdom
Trapped in the depths of the monastery’s ruins, our adventurers face their greatest enemy yet: puzzles. With spectral hauntings behind them and eerie statues ahead, Malcius, Sefi, Thormir, and Todd must unravel the mystery of a cryptic inscription, a locked lantern, and a glowing orb that...
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Episode 10: Possession is Nine-Tenths of the Todd
A simple exploration turns into a haunting encounter as the party delves deeper into the monastery ruins. Between eerie whispers, floating bones, and a cryptic stone door, tensions rise as they uncover a long-forgotten tomb. But when curiosity gets the best of them, they quickly learn that some...
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Episode 9: The Curse of Common Sense
In this episode, the party delves deeper into the eerie ruins of Almore Island, uncovering unsettling mysteries and facing dangerous foes. With traps, moldy corpses, and a sinister discovery waiting around every corner, they’ll need to rely on wit, magic, and a bit of luck to survive. Will they...
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Episode 8: Three Blind Mice
The party continues their journey through the eerie monastery, encountering unsettling visions and uncovering remnants of the past. From a tense standoff with giant rats to mysterious voices and the discovery of cryptic artifacts, their exploration takes a darker turn. With every step deeper into...
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Episode 7: Math is Hard
As the party ventures further into the ominous monastery, they encounter unsettling horrors. A half-mutated man, a graveyard of rising skeletons, and the ever-looming threat of discovery. Tensions escalate when a thunderous spell reverberates through the island, culminating in the ominous tolling...
About this show
You've Got to Be Critting Me is a story-driven Dungeons & Dragons actual play podcast following a chaotic band of adventurers; Malcius the flamboyant tiefling bard, Sefi the towering goliath fighter, Thormir the mischievous dwarven druid, and Todd the masked half-elf rogue; guided by their long-suffering Dungeon Master, Jeff. Blending comedy, heartfelt roleplay, and cinematic storytelling, the party stumbles through bandits, beans, mysteries, and magical disasters as they try (and often fail) to become heroes. If you love character-focused adventures, unpredictable dice rolls, and a party that thrives on questionable decisions, this is the show for you.
Visit our website.
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You've Got to Be Critting Me