All Episodes
Election Profit Makers — 376 episodes
Episode 376: Reflecting Pool Reflections
Episode 375: The Tell-Tale Apostrophe
Episode 374: Biblically Accurate Vice Presidents
Episode 373: Ezekiel 6:14
Episode 372: They Could Just Put The Oil In The Shoes
Episode 371: Let's Brainstorm Ideas To Lower Gas Prices
Episode 370: A Celebration Of Operation Epic Fury And America's Warrior Ethos
Episode 369: The State Of Our Union Is Basically Kash Patel Chugging Beer In An Italian Locker Room
Episode 368: A Quick Survey Of Bipedalism, Hindlimbs, And Forelimbs In Elite American Mammals
Episode 367: From the EPM Patreon Archives: Field Recording Of Weaver Dairy Frog Pond
Episode 366: From the EPM Patreon Archives: Tournament of Number Songs
Episode 365: A Celebration Of Minor League Baseball Team Names And Stadiums
Announcement
Episode 363: My Desires Are Human
Episode 362: Jon’s 100 Questions
Episode 361: The Emptiness Economy
Episode 360: The Driest Place’s Wettest November
Episode 359: Gas-Pumpin’ Shoes
Episode 358: Nuzzi Lizza Pizza Paparazzi Dazzles
Episode 357: Skinny Jonny comes around
Episode 356: Sammy Dammy
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: The Runarounds Season Finale Recap
Episode 354: Trump's Golden Ballroom Will Leave You Soaking Wet
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: The Runarounds Episodes 6 & 7 Recap
Announcement
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: The Runarounds Episodes 4&5 Recap
Episode 350: It Was Actually Pretty Chill
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: The Runarounds Episodes 2&3 Recap
Episode 348: Space Smells Like Something Burning
Episode 347: From The Conference Room Of A Prestigious Southern University
Episode 346: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: The Runarounds Pilot Recap
Episode 345: Practicing Politics The Right Way
Episode 344: Maximum Lethality, Not Tepid Legality
Episode 343: Donald Trump Is Not Dead And Will Probably Live Forever
Episode 342: We Need To Be Having More And More Information As We Head Into The Future
Episode 341: POO-tin Versus PEW-tin
Episode 340: Invisible Men
Episode 339: Epstein Has Legs
Episode 338: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Highlights From The Second EPM Call-In Show.
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Ed Scofield Talking About Orgasms And Burl Ives (Among Other Things).
Episode 336: A Pal Is A Wonderful Thing
Episode 335: Jesus Is That Superhero
Episode 334: The Angel Of The Triassic Basin
Episode 333: The Only Third Party I Will Support Is The Yacht Deck Foam Party
Episode 332: Post-Fordo
Episode 331: Green Tanks Are On The Move!
Episode 330: Generating Passive Income Via Affiliate Links: An Explainer
Episode 329: Elon Musk, Bladder Issues And Body Dysmorphia
Episode 328: The Danger Of Hollow Muscles
Episode 327: Tariffs Are Probably Going To Destroy American Guitar Pedal Manufacturing
Episode 326: Talking About Tariffs At GNC
Episode 325: I Don’t Wanna Wait For Our Lives To Be Over
Episode 324: The Sellers Manufacturing Company Lake
BONUS EPISODE: 27 Minutes Of Context-Free Cats Purring
Episode 322: Hegseth Sideburn Template Dot Net
Episode 321: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Lifting Weights With The Election Profit Makers.
Episode 320: June 2026 Goals
Episode 319: Further Useful Remarks Concerning The Intersection Of Weightlifting And Politics
Episode 318: Trump Is The Least Non-Trump President At This Point In His Term
Episode 317: Bonus Episode: North Carolina Political Gossip (with Thomas Mills)
Episode 316: Rejecting Wealth And Hell-ness For Health And Wellness
Episode 315: Your Health & Wellness Journey Begins Today
Episode 314: Either Show Their Heads Getting Chopped Off Or Move On
PREVIEW Patreon Episode: Highlights Of The First EPM Call-In Show
Episode 312: Router Name Resistance
Episode 311: Dumbbells are important
Episode 310: Did DEI Cause The American Airlines 5432 Crash? A Good-Faith Investigation Into An Intriguing Theory
Episode 309: 100 Years
Episode 308: In This Moment All Sides Should Give One Another A Bit Of Grace
Episode 307: DM Me On Watch Duty
Episode 306: The Bunny Rabbit Boys
Episode 305: Last Episode Of 2024!
Episode 304: Post-Christmas Mini Episode
Episode 303: Cormac McCarthy And Avalanches
Episode 302: Holding Space For Brainrot
Episode 301: Temu Tom Waits
Episode 300: TOURNAMENT OF TOUGHEST ROAD SIGNS
Episode 299: 2024 Election Recap For A Low-Information Voter
Episode 298: The 2024 EPM Slide Whistle Jukebox
Episode 297: The Feelings Attached To The Numbers
Episode 296: Two-Week Horizon Gut Check (With Janie Haddad Tompkins)
Episode 295: Trump’s Sound Bath (Featuring Starlee Kine)
Episode 294: Four Weeks Until Election Day
Episode 293: Let The October Surprises Begin
Episode 292: ANNOUNCING: The 2024 EPM Slide Whistle Jukebox
Episode 291: Emergency NC Limelight Update: Black Nazi Piss King
Episode 290: What’s The Deal With Grimsley High School?
Episode 289: I'll See You In The Booth
Announcement: Live Debate Watch Party on Discord Tuesday Night
Episode 287: A Vale Of Humility Between Two Mountains Of Conceit
Episode 286: Let’s Follow The Chemtrails Up Into RFK Jr’s Nose
Episode 285: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: 2024 DNC Recap
Episode 284: Sweet Baby James
Episode 283: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Negative Risk Explainer
Episode 282: Nickname Crisis
Episode 281: Monday Special: The Last VP Market Ever?
Episode 280: Couch Me Ousside, Howbow Dah
Episode 279: Joe Biden Listens To The Numbers
Episode 278: The Best Week Of Donald Trump’s Life
Episode 277: PATREON PREVIEW: Q&A Catch-up
Episode 276: Biden Campaign Death Watch, Week 2
Episode 275: Post-Debate PredictIt Turbulence
Episode 274: Won't Need Your Eyes
Episode 273: PATREON PREVIEW: Tournament of Number Songs
Episode 272: Infoworse
Episode 271: The Summer Of Chaos Begins
Episode 270: Introducing: The Cinderblokes
Episode 269: Chasing The Cheese
Episode 268: Flag Vs. Sign
Episode 267: Will You Let Me Put Your Name On A Doormat?
Episode 266: UNC Successfully Protects Its American Flag From Hamas’s Army
Episode 265: Cricket’s Revenge
Episode 264: The Tortured POTUS Department
Episode 263: 100-Decibel Frogs
Episode 262: Mama’s Gonna Buy You A Mockingbird
Episode 261: Tim Sheehy’s Magic Bullet
Episode 260: Have Faith, Believe, Just Trust, You’ll See ...
Episode 259: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: 2024 NCAA Tournament Recap 3
Episode 258: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: 2024 NCAA Tournament Recap 2
Episode 257: Storms Operate In Your Eyes
Episode 256: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: 2024 NCAA Tournament Recap 1
Episode 255: Fixing A Bicycle Chain While Pedaling
Episode 254: A Pissle-stop Tour
Episode 253: Super Tuesday Recap
Patreon Episode Preview: Tournament of Toughest Road Signs
Episode 251: Battle Of The Jan. 6 Games
Patreon Episode Preview: Abraham Lincoln Was The Best President: Remembering Dexter Romweber
Episode 249: A Journey To Aphantasia
Episode 248: There’s Too Many Buttons Here
Episode 247: SEO Optimization Factor (Extreme Mode): Apple Vision Pro, Taylor Swift, UNC Versus Duke
Episode 246: Buying Nikki Haley At Two Cents
Patreon Episode Preview: NH Primary Recap
Episode 244: New Hampshire Primary Preview
Episode 243: Iowa Caucus Recap
Episode 242: The Milkiest Way
Episode 241: 2024 Will Be The Best Year Yet!!!
Patreon Episode Preview: Bad Boy Of The Year Tournament
Episode 239: Biden And Baphomet Can’t Catch A Break
Episode 238: Ron DeSantis’s Pedalboard
Episode 237: Who Would Win The Super-War Between All States?
Episode 236: More high-pitched whining
Episode 235: A Midjourney Thanksgiving
Episode 234: Biden, Israel, Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Episode 233: 60,000: The Number Of People Kenan Stadium Used To Hold
Episode 232: Halloween Spaghetti
Episode 231: Who’s There? Ghost.
Episode 230: EPM Hiatus Special: The Unknown Guest (A James Bond Mystery) (1981)
Episode 229: EPM Hiatus Special: Satchel (2023), Mystery Truck (1981)
Episode 228: EPM Hiatus Special: The Alley Men In New York (1981)
Episode 227: Two Two Seven
Episode 226: Wanted Dead ’N’ Alive
Episode 225: We Are Directly Between Two Ancient Sacred Relics
Episode 224: EPM Mugshot Review
Episode 223: Bodies Bodies Bodies: GOP Debate Preview
Episode 222: Why Don’t Our Presidents Sing?
Episode 221: You Have A Plane That Can Only Fly Straight
Episode 220: Vivek’s Got The Juice
Episode 219: PredictIt Is Saved
Episode 218: Titanic Vs. The Moon
Episode 217: Pronounced Like “Looting"
Episode 216: They Found Cocaine In The White House
Episode 215: Ten Football Stadiums Of Large Dogs Falling On You
Episode 214: Erotic Bad Boys Of The Week
Episode 213: I Don’t Want Anybody Looking Through My Boxes
Episode 212: Hello Skinnyapolis
Episode 211: Marvel Comics Presents: The Uncanny X-Men & The Residents
Episode 210: $TUD
Episode 209: Patreon Unlocked: Fashion Spectacular (Part 2 of 2)
Episode 208: Patreon Unlocked: Fashion Spectacular (Part 1 of 2)
Announcement
Episode 206: The Scofield Files: Case Closed
Episode 205: The Scofield Files
Episode 204: Your Sacrifice Completes My Sanctuary Of One Thousand Testicles
Episode 203: Harlan Crow’s Garden Of Evil: The Musical
Episode 202: Trump Arrest / Thrift Store LP Treasures
Episode 201: “I Was A Fiend For The Soft Stuff"
Episode 200: Iraq War 20th Anniversary Celebration Spectacular!
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: NCAA Tournament Recap #1
Episode 198: Brief, Chaotic, And Lo-Fi
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Field Recording Of New Hope Creek At Night
Episode 196: Is The Universe Expanding Or Not
Episode 195: If It Landed In Your Yard You’d Be Screaming
Announcement
Episode 193: Could Tony Robbins Have Been Elected President?
Episode 192: Water Ad Libitum
Episode 191: The Goldsboro Incident
Episode 190: Cash: Zero. Shares: Zero.
Episode 189: The Most Exciting Friday Night In PredictIt History?
Episode 188: Micro-Episode About David’s Underground Cave
Episode 187: 2,000 Shares In Hakeem Jeffries Yes
Episode 186: 2022 = 2+0+2+2 = 6
Episode 185: Donald Trump NFT In Rick Owens Drip
Announcement
Episode 183: Total Vindication Of America’s Greatest Prognosticator (with Alex Pareene)
Episode 182: If There’s A Bustle In Your Hedgerow
Episode 181: Cat Stevens Recorded A Whole Concept Album About Numbers
Episode 180: Travelin’ Down To Hell With The Devil On My Ass
Episode 179: Voice Memos From A Pizza Hut(?) Employee
Episode 178: Midterms 2022: The Chaos Bowl
Episode 177: Surprising Things Have Been Known To Happen (And May Well Continue To Happen Into The Future)
Episode 176: We Have Prepared A Thrilling Rollercoaster Ride Of Terror For You
Episode 175: Herschel Walker Safety Patrol
Episode 174: Ancient Aliens
Patreon Episode PREVIEW: A Celebration Of Minor League Baseball Team Names And Stadiums
Episode 172: Midas Manifestation Dot Beauty
Episode 171: Where We Go Footbone We Go Football
Episode 170: The Famous Left-Wing Journalist Who Was Your Uncle
Episode 169: nervy.touchy.spectators
Episode 168: Seven Billboards
Episode 167: “You Know What, Baby? I’m Gone. I’m Gone With The Wind."
Episode 166: The Billboards Are Happening
Episode 165: I’m At Wegner’s, My Wife Wants Some Vegetables For Crudité
Episode 164: Who Rides The Wrecking Ball Into Our Guitars?
Episode 163: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Jon’s Dad Talks About Nope
Episode 162: Like Sands Through The Hourglass ...
Episode 161: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Johnston Mill Preserve Field Recording
Episode 160: Feet Don’t Fail Me Now
Episode 159: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Design Lessons From Guitar Pedals (with Clive Thompson)
Episode 158: “Strongly Approve” = 1%
Episode 157: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Conference Realignment
Episode 156: Fit Crazy Describe It For Us Right Quick
Back Next Week
Episode 154: We'll Fight For You If You Simply Vote Harder (with Janie Haddad Tompkins)
Episode 153: I Just Gave Myself A Headache
Episode 152: Body Horror
Episode 151: A Million People On Mars By 2050
Episode 150: Highway To The Gain-ger Zone
Episode 149: The Bison And The Scorpion
Episode 148: What Makes Man Lower Than A Turtle? His Ego!
Episode 147: I Don’t Know Whether To Throw Up Or Cry
Episode 146: Man Vs. Robot
Episode 145: You Call Yourself The Riddler And You Show Up With This?
Episode 144: Has Anyone Seen My Milk Bucket
Episode 143: On A Scale From 9 To 10
Episode 142: The Numbers Are Communicating With Us
Episode 141: Is Ginni Thomas A Bad Boy?
Episode 140: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Fish Weir Field Recording
Episode 139: The Only March Madness Podcast Episode You Will Ever Need
Episode 138: To All The Pizza In The Place With Style And Grace
Episode 137: Balls And Numbers (A Wizard’s Tale)
Episode 136: Engaging The Enemy's Memes In A Modern Battlespace (a.k.a. Warfighting 101)
Episode 135: 2:22 2/22/22 (2222222222222)
Episode 134: Krallice Tremolo Picking Reference
Episode 133: Blood Incantation Logo Joke
Episode 132: You Sheltered Me With Abundance
Episode 131: Standing Behind Aaron Rodgers At The Airport
Episode 130: Patreon Episode PREVIEW: Q&A Spectacular With Aimee Mann
Episode 129: 4 Hill 4 Billy
Episode 128: Nancy Pelosi’s Bingo Card Triumph
Episode 127: I Didn’t Have Making A 2022 Bingo Card On My 2022 Bingo Card
Episode 126: Florida Pizza Restaurant Infomercial
Episode 125: 2021 Can Go Eat A Donkey’s Ass
Episode 124: You With Your Fishing Weirs And Me With My Cheese
Episode 123: Try Crazy Stuff
Episode 122: Bedroom Fun 2021!
Episode 121: Thanksgiving Weekend Meetup Announcement!
Episode 120: Bingo-Card Comedian Vs. Discogs Democrat
Episode 119: Versace Spring 2022 Collection
Episode 118: Aesop, RoboCop, Bitcoin Bad Boys
Episode 117: The Nude Dudes Are Decidedly Rude
Episode 116: We Sell Party Stethoscopes (with Alex Pareene)
Episode 115: Jon Will Never Watch Squid Game
Episode 114: Kayaks, Bathrooms, Fake Names, & Close Calls
Episode 113: Build Back Better vs. Pasta Face-Off
Episode 112: Art Thou But A Dagger Of The Mind?
Episode 111: The 9/11 Wuhan Drum Machine Mystery
Episode 110: Horse Shampoo
Episode 109: Will Larry Elder Live to See the California Recall?
Episode 108: A Table Called Bob
Episode 107: Afghanistan 3030
Episode 106: 29 Feet Below The Highest Point In Nebraska
Episode 105: Twenty Minutes Of Madison Cawthorn Yelling About Freedom From The Bottom Of A Well.
Episode 104: GeoGuessr vs. The Olympics
Episode 103: Tweetsie Railroad
Episode 102: Election Profit Makers in Space
Episode 101: Don’t Fall For It
Episode 100: Helicopters are Infrastructure
Episode 99: In Between Time
Episode 98: Bridges and Fridges
Episode 97: Hot God Summer
Episode 96: Mayor of Easttown
Episode 95: All Hail the Harmonica Ripper
Episode 94: It’s Complicated
Episode 93: The Story Of The Horse Who Did Drugs
Episode 92: Announcement
Episode 91: Celebrities Are Terrific
Episode 90: Nothing Lasts Forever
Episode 89: Area Codes Are Everything
Episode 88: Sports and Sex Scandal Talk Radio
Episode 87: Moon > Mars
Episode 86: Are We Ready To Go Back
Episode 85: Twilight of the Covid Governors
Episode 84: Joe Manchin Hype House
Episode 83: The great political pedal analogy
Episode 82: EPM Movie Club: Lonely in Space
Episode 81: Burr!
Episode 80: Celebrity Guest Centrist Bill Scher
Episode 79: Impatientment
Episode 78: Missed Connections Spectacular
Episode 77: Will He Keep Wearing the Hat?
Episode 76: Boring Normal Week
Episode 75: FACT CHECK: Does the COVID vaccine contain a distortion pedal?
Episode 74: Best Year Ever 2020 Gained
Episode 73: Thirty $20 bills
Episode 72: The Return of Long Jon Silver
Episode 71: Covid Comes Home
Episode 70: Losers Never Quit
Episode 69: I Am Gonna Make It Through This Week If It Kills Me
Episode 68: Subaru Nights
Episode 67: REVENGE IS OURS
Episode 66: Waiting
Episode 65: Ban Wars 2020: The Epic Finale
Episode 64: Final Episode Unless Trump Loses
Episode 63: Apparently there’s gonna be an election?
Episode 62: Steroid City
Episode 61: Nothing But Bans
Episode 60: 1600 Gainnsylvania Ave
Episode 59: Special Episode
Episode 58: ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of The Banned
Episode 57: Ruth Bader Gainsburg
Episode 56: The Ban Wars Begin
Episode 55: I’m Thinking Of Betting Things
Episode 54: Shia
Episode 53: That’s Me In The Corner
Episode 52: Beckett Reviews the DNC’s Fourth Night
Episode 51: Beckett Reviews the DNC’s Third Night
Episode 50: Beckett Reviews the DNC’s Second Night
Episode 49: Beckett Reviews the DNC’s First Night
Episode 48: Quibi is cool
Episode 47: Hurt God, Hurt the Bible
Episode 46: Pump the Bass
Episode 45: Tied to machines that make me be
Episode 44: Jon’s Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
Episode 43: Mental Health Day
Episode 42: Hamilton is Cancelled
Episode 41: Summer Slam Jam 2020
Episode 40: Trump Is Very Normal and Cool
Episode 39: Key State Party
Episode 38: Ken Burns Presents Frog Princess
Episode 37: American Cucumbers Are Bountiful
Episode 36: Helicopter Tony
Episode 35: BOFADEEZNUTSACHLOROQUINE
Episode 34: Masks are for Losers
Episode 33: Celebrity Guest Investor Jena Friedman
Episode 32: Celebrity Guest Investor John Hodgman
Episode 31: Celebrity Guest Investors Paul F. Tompkins and Janie Haddad Tompkins
Episode 30: I Love the Deep State
Episode 29: Bernie Lets Go of the Tree Branch
Episode 28: Interview with a Biden Bro
Episode 27: Hang In There Kitty Cat vs. Thanos
Episode 26: Bernie, Biden, Bloomberg, Burr
Episode 25: Infection Profit Makers
Episode 24: Breakfast Betrayal
Episode 23: Super Gainsday
Episode 22: Back to the Beach
Episode 21: EPM Mixtape 2: MUSIC FOR STANDING
Episode 20: BONUS EPISODE: Second Mixtape Leak
Episode 19: Episode 17 (This is what it sounds like when Daves cry)
Episode 18: BONUS EPISODE (The EPM mixtape)
Episode 17: Episode 16 (Do it for Jon)
Episode 16: Episode 15 (MIKE PENCE NEEDS TO DROP OUT SO I CAN GET PAID)
Episode 15: Episode 14 (Post-debate)
Episode 14: Episode 13 (They're rigging the drug tests)
Episode 13: Episode 12 (The ecstasy of Kid Midas)
Episode 12: Episode 11 (The Diseased)
Episode 11: Episode 10 (First debate recap)
Episode 10: Episode 9 (The Four B's)
Episode 9: Episode 8 (Clinton's collapse)
Episode 8: Episode 7 (Special press conference)
Episode 7: Episode 6 (EXTREME VETTING COCAINE CITY!!!)
Episode 6: Episode 5 (Investing in the softening)
Episode 5: Episode 4 (Says who?)
Episode 4: Episode 3 (The great North Carolina bedroom summit)
Episode 3: Episode 2 (C'mon! We're America!)
Episode 2: Episode 1 (ACKNOWLEDGE LUCIFER)
Episode 1: Episode 0 (Explainer)