All Episodes
Roast Mortem Cast — 297 episodes
289 - Sterling Hayden (pt3): RED, white & Blue
288 - Crappy Colonies: Charlesfort, Fort Caroline & St. Augustine
You Can Have Better Memory (1959) - Reading
287 - Sterling Hayden (pt2): A very cool, hot headed man who is very hot.
286 - Sterling Hayden (pt.1): Hard Wandering
285 Lord Minimus (Jeffrey Hudson) pt.3: A loss and gain of stature
284 - Lord Minimus (Jeffrey Hudson) pt.2 - Pint-size Pandemonium
283 - Lord Minimus (Jeffrey Hudson) pt.1 - Pickle-chokingly small boy.
282 - Crappy Colonies: St. Croix, Charlesbourg-Royal & France-Roy
281 - William Penn (pt.3): Always Crumby in Philadelphia
280 - William Penn (pt.2): The City of Brotherly Lovin'
279 - William Penn (pt.1): The Mid Oatmeal Boy
278 - Crappy Colonies: Santa Maria de Ochuse
277 - Evel Knievel (pt3): Slow Decline into Boner Pills and Booze
276 - Evel Knievel (pt.2): The Human Skidmark
275 - Evel Knievel (pt1): The Butte Boy
274 - Rube Waddell (pt.3): Stepping off the mound
273 - Rube Waddell (pt.2): Drunken Baseball Master
272 - Rube Waddell (pt.1): Part Time Pitcher, Full Time Master Baiter
271 - Crappy Colonies: San Miguel de Gualdape
270 - Richard Wagner (pt.2): The Ultimate Annoying Drama Kid
269 - Richard Wagner (pt.1): The 'voice' of a generation
268 - Diego Maradona (pt2): Past the Paella Prime
267 - Diego Maradona (pt1): Football boy wonder
266 - Ermine de Reims (pt2): 14th Century Jackass
265 - Ermine de Reims (pt1): Gaping Catholicism
264 - Douglas Haig (pt6) - A legacy shaped by smooth brains.
Roast Mortem 2022 Countdown
263 - Douglas Haig (pt5): Par 22 Million
262 - Douglas Haig (pt4): The Passchen of Haig
261 - Douglas Haig (pt3): The Butcher of the Somme
260 - Douglas 'Horsegirl' Haig (pt2): Prancing into WWI
259 - Douglas Haig (pt1): Brogue, Boers and Brown Noses
258 - The Fox Sisters (pt3): Not this time... It's fiction!
257 - The Fox Sisters (pt.2): Ice Cold Mediums
256 - The Fox Sisters (pt.1): White rappers & spoopy ghosts
255 - Queen Elizabeth II (pt.4): Tales from the Walking Royal Crypt
254 - Queen Elizabeth II (Pt.3): Used Beans and License to Kill
253 - Queen Elizabeth II (pt.2): Royal Doodies
252 - Queen Elizabeth II (pt.1): The Country of Cousinly Love
251 - Klaus Kinski (pt. 2): Pissing semen in all the wrong places
250 - Klaus Kinski (pt.1): He does have sex
249 - Sir Richard Burton (pt. 10): A Naughty Author's End
248 - Sir Richard Burton (pt.9): Damascus, Trieste & Bitter Tonics
247 - Sir Richard Burton (pt. 8): Burton in Brazil
246 - Sir Richard Burton (pt. 7): Gorilla Hunting & the Cannibals
245 - Sir Richard Burton (pt. 6): Burton Does America
244 - Sir Richard Burton (pt.5): Where the White Nile Grools
243 - Sir Richard Burton (pt.4): An Examination of the Gash.
242 - Sir Richard Burton (pt.3): Undercover Hajj to Mecca
241- Sir Richard Burton (pt.2): A Soldier's* Life
240 - Sir Richard Burton (pt.1): Yung Ruffian Dick
239 - Humphrey Bogart: The Stiffest Drink and the Blackest Lungs
238 - Carl Sagan: The Language of the Cosmos are Boners
237 - Alexander the Great (pt6): All GREAT things come to an end
236 - Alexander the Great (pt5): Hitting the Hindu Kush
235 - Alexander the Great (pt4): Empire Building 101
234 - Alexander the Great (pt3): Epic Darius vs Alexander Showdown
233 - Alexander the Great (pt2): Hard Hellenic Hell-Raising
232 - Alexander the Great (pt1): Greek Salad Extra Ranch
231 - Chiang Kai-shek (pt4): Taiwan!!! second times a charm, right?
230 - Chiang Kai-Shek (pt3): WWII Gangbang
229 - Chiang Kai-Shek (pt2): The Sloppy Nanjing Decade & Donald of China
228 - Chiang Kai-Shek (pt1): The Virgin Boy Egg of China
227 - Walt Disney - Cultural Icon, Suppressed Furry & Chu-Chu man
226 - Melvil Dewey: The Double D Dewey Decimal System
225 - Hiroshi Yamauchi : Nintendo's Willy Wonka Hates You
224 - George C Scott (pt2): The Sophisticated Strangler
223 - George C Scott (pt1): The Meathead Thespian
222 - Gustav Krupp (pt2): Spicy Germany and the Big Boom Booms
221 - Gustav Krupp (pt1): A Match Made in Germany
220 - Hergé: The Misadventures of Tintin
219 - Alfred Krupp (pt2): We Build This City on Steel & Horse Shit
218 - Alfred Krupp (pt.1): The Smell of Success
217 - Harry Selfridge: Department Store Sugar Daddy
216 - Agrippina the Younger: Move Over Dummies, Mom's Driving
215 - Dimebag Darrell: Beta-Pantera Shredder & White Wine Enthusiast
214 - Calamity Jane: BUT WAIT... She's wearing PANTS!
213 - Hetty Green: The Witch of Wall Street
2021 Roast Mortem Countdown
212 - Chris Benoit: The Ultimate Family Man
211 - V.I. Lenin (pt2): Founder of the USSR (a.k.a. Karl Marx's Afterbirth)
210 - V.I. Lenin (pt1): The Armchair Revolutionary with a MASSIVE dome
209 - Dan Sickles (pt2): Civil War One-legged Wonder
208 - Dan Sickles (pt1): F*ck the Star-Spangled Banner, Kid!
207 - John Barrymore: Drew's Drunk Hung Grandad
206 - Iceberg Slim: Legendary Pimp with the Drip
205 - King John: Robin Hood, Magna Carta & England's Softest Sword
204 - Richard the Lionheart: The English* Crusader King
203 - Henry II of England: ANGRY mattress-eating king!
202 - Robespierre: Rope Shootin' Revolutionary
201 - Gaius Marius: The Roman Consul with 7 eggs on his face
200 - Nostradamus: WE STOP 9/11 FROM THE FUTURE USING THE PAST!!!
199 - Mock Duck: NY Chinatown Tong Wars
198 - Oliver Reed: Drinking the Pub Dry - Part 2
197 - Oliver Reed: Perfect English Mayhem - Part 1
196 - George Adamski: EARTH'S AMBASSADOR TO THE SPACE BROTHERS
195 - John Gotti: I'm not a Pervert, just the Teflon Don
194 - Nietzsche: Nihilistic Incel Ubermensch
193 - Harry Houdini: Wiggle Man Supreme
192 - Nero: Emperor, Anti-Christ, Mommy F*cker
191 - Master Series: Civil War Confederate Soldiers
190 - Johann Konrad Dippel: Macabre Alchemist
189 - Rush Limbaugh: Personality and Face for Radio
188 - Confucius: OG Chinese Philosopher
187 - Daniel Dancer: Inspiration of Scrooge
186 - Milton S. Hershey: Chocolate Reign
185 - President John Tyler: His Accidency
184 - Stanley Clifford Weyman: Brooklyn Chameleon
183 - Joan of Arc: Teenage Frenchie Heroine
182 - John Wesley Hardin: Prideful Lawless Gunslinger
181 - Arnold Rothstein: Word Series Fixer
180 - Bernie Madoff: Embezzler Extraordinaire
179 - Anna Nicole Smith: The Creamy Blonde Bombshell
178 - Phil Spector: Gun-Toting Music Producer
177 - Thomas Jefferson: Founding Daddy
176 - C.L. Blood: Nitrous Oxide Doctor with a flare for Malpractice
175 - Sherlock Holmes: The Ultimate Druggie Detective
174 - Olive Oatman: Pioneer Suicide Girl
173 - Ayn Rand: The BEST Soviet capitalist cat-lady
172 - Frederick Duquesne: Spy Ringleader
171 - Ludwig II of Bavaria: The Spoiled Wagner Groupie
170 - Samurai William: The First Weeaboo P2
169 - Samurai William: The First Weeaboo P1
168 - Bonnie and Clyde: Partners in Crime
167 - Joan Crawford: Abusive Hollywood Diva
166 - Master Series: WWII Soldiers
165 - Alcibiades: Athenian Dick Stealing & Spartan Labe Smashing
164 - Thomas Midgley Jr.: The most destructive human in the history of the Universe
163 - Dr. Spock: Boomer Childcare 101
162 - King Farouk I: Pudgy Klepto King of Egypt
161 - Agnes Blannbekin & Jesus' Foreskin
2020 Roast Mortem Countdown
160 - Mary Baker Eddy: Christian Science Charlatan
159 - Ned Kelly: Australia's Dirty Robin Hood
158 - Cary Grant: The Ultimate Man and his Ultimate Chin
157 - George Washington (1781-1799): The President, The Master... The King
156 - George Washington (1759-1781): Shootin' Blanks
155 - George Washington (1732-1759): Failing Upwards
154 - Marquis de Sade: The Unhinged Granddaddy of BDSM
153 - Jack Parsons: Satanic Sexy Rocketnerd
152 - Cattle Kate: Wyoming Cattle Wrangler
151 - Percy Grainger: Unhinged Willy Wonka of Music
150 - King Henry VIII: The Quest for the Cream Queen
149 - Benedict Arnold: Loyalist Unamerican Traitor
148 - William Chester Minor: Verbose Self-Mutilating Maniac
147 - Soapy Smith: The Mr. Clean of Wild West Con Men.
146 - Davy Crockett: American Frontiersman & Raccoon Casanova
145 - The Coors Family: A Legacy of Beer and Bullshit
144 - Arthur Orton: The Tale of Two Penises
143 - Count Dante: Martial Arts Fingering Master
142 - Louis Armstrong: Tootin' Doody
141 - Alexander Graham Bell: Ring, Ring, Ring... Eugenics Phone!
140 - Victor Lustig: Smooth Talk meets Smooth Brain
139 - Sam Adams: Spicy, Revolutionary Puppet Master Deadbeat
138 - Vlad The Impaler: Human Shish kabobs, Anyone?
137 - Andrew Carnegie: Monopoly Man Meets Momma's Boy
136 - Robert Kardashian: The Simp, the Momager & the Hell Spawn
135 - John R. Brinkley: Hot & Heavy Goat Balls for Everyone!
134 - Gandhi: India's Extremely Racist Pacifist with a Spicy Enema Fetish
133 - Elizabeth Taylor: Once a Child Star, Always a Child!
132 - Jim Morrison: The Doors' Violent Anal Troubadour
131 - Walter Jackson Freeman II: Freestyle Lobotomy Smooth Brain
130 - Heinrich Schliemann: The Lost City of Troy & the Glory-seeking Archaeologist the 'Found' it.
129 - Idi Amin: Uganda's Big Dumb Dumpster Dictator
128 - Charles Guiteau: Serial Masturbator to Presidential Assassin
127 - Yoshie Shiratori: Expert Escape Artist and Soup Spitter.
126 - Joanna Southcott: Gross 64 y/o Pregnant Prophetess
125 - Jimmy Superfly Snuka: Coconut-brained, homicidal Hawaiian WWF Superstar
124 - Leonardo da Vinci: Penis-Obsessed Renaissance Master Artist
123 - H.P. Lovecraft: Cosmic Introverted Horror Incel
122 - Beau Brummell: History's First Talentless Influencer
121 - Harold von Braunhut: Racist Inventor of the Sea Monkeys
120 - William S Burroughs (The Writer): King of the Goof Troupe
119 - William S Burroughs (Early Years): King of the Goof Troupe
118 - Fritz Lang: Maniacal Monocled German Film Director
117 - Father Amorth: Make Exorcisms Great Again
116 - Henry Beecher: Founder of the 'Megachurch Backroom Special'
115 - Stevie Ray Vaughan: Texan Meth-head with Saucy Licks
114 - Leopold II of Belgium: Crimes Against The Congo & Condangs
113 - Jakob Fugger: History's Richest Idiot
112 - Rob Ford: Toronto's Rotund Crackhead Mayor
111 - George Psalmanazar: Phony Asian with a Fantastic Imagination
110 - Theodosius I: The Roman Emperor that Started the Dark Ages
Roast Mortem 2019 Countdown Special
109 - Giovanni Belzoni: Tomb Raiding Strongman Waterboy
108 - Dr. Seuss: Manchild Author for Children
107 - Aretha Franklin: The Soul Diva surrounded by Butthole Weenies
106 - Roy Cohn: The Ultimate 20th Century Lawyer Scumbag
105 - Basil Zaharoff: WWI Merchant of Death with an Acorn Penis
104 - Gaston B. Means: 100% Shyster with a Dash of Geriatric Murder
103 - Master Series: Child Stars 'Alfalfa and the Gang'
102 - Frank Sinatra (pt2): Ain't That a Kick in the Dick.
101 - Frank Sinatra (pt1): The Lady is a Tramp... Let me get in it tho!
100 - Alfred Latell: Travis' OG Furry Great-Grandfather!
99 - Anthony Wayne: American Revolutionary War General Blasting in your Wife
98 - Lord Byron: Poetic Party Animal with Peculiar Penis
97 - Jack Slade: Western Bad Boy with an Ear Fetish
96 - Jimi Hendrix: A Lineage of Alcoholic Abusive Anuses
95 - John Harvey Kellogg: Enema Enthusiast Extrodinaire
94 - Lou Pearlman: A Very Hands on Boy Band Manager
93 - Rasputin: Magic Sex Sorcerer or Siberian Village Idiot?
92 - Charlie Chaplin: Silent Film Sex Addict
91 - ODB: Wu-Tang Clan Member, Crack Connoisseur, & Child Support Dodger
90 - David Marshall Williams: Inventor of the American Chode Rifle
89 - Mother Teresa: Dirty Old Pain Succubus
88 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Allegro Analingus
87 - King Edward II (pt.2): Hugh Despenser, Royal Anus & YAS QUEEN Isabella
86 - King Edward II (pt.1): Flesh Jousting with Piers Gaveston
85 - Stede Bonnet: The Wussiest Pirate Ever
84 - The Collyer Brothers: NYC's Trash-Beast Hoarders
83 - Carry A. Nation: Hatchet-toting Grandma & Party Pooper Extraordinaire
82 - President James Buchanan: The Dough-Faced Southern Sympathizer that Broke America
81 - Ivan the Terrible: Was pretty damn terrible
80 - Sam Hughes: WWI's Canadian Cry-Baby
79 - Andy Warhol: Voyeuristic, Commercial Meme Lord
78 - Valerie Solanas: The Feminist Eugenist that gunned down Andy Warhol
77 - Francisco Pizarro: Illiterate Pig-Farmer Conquistador
76 - Francisco Macías Nguema: Africa's Hitler that HATED smarty boys!
75 - Benjamin Franklin (1776-1790): Franklin's War against Crown, Country & Family
74 - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1776): Royal F-ckboy, Tabloid Journalist & Half-assed Inventor
73 - Charles Domery: The Grotesque Human Dumpster
72 - Kim Jong-il: Ass-eating Communist Dictator of North Korea
71 - William Shakespeare: To Cream or Not to Cream!
70 - Al Capone: Creamy, Syphilitic Italian Penne
69 - Hugh Hefner: Self Proclaimed 'Goo Boy'
68 - Boss Tweed: NYC's Obese Political Swindler
67 - Tallulah Bankhead: The Flapper that Flops Out All the Two-Handers
66 - L. Ron Hubbard: Sailing, Scientology & Satanic Sex Magic
65 - Jacob Frank: The Second Unkosher, Orgy Throwin', Jewish-Illuminati Messiah
64 - Sabbatai Zevi: Ham Sammich Eatin' Jewish Messiah
63 - Pablo Picasso: Hefty Bag Cubist Paella Boy
62 - Nikola Tesla: Electricity Boners & Pigeon Banging
61 - William Walker: The American 'President' of Nicaragua
60 - Thomas de Marle: Medieval Crusader with the Truck Nutz to prove it.
59 - Jack "Sloppy Boy" Kerouac: Goof Troupe pt. 2
Roast Mortem 2018 Countdown Special
58 - George HW Bush: Presidential Oil & Cheerleading CIA Death Squads
57 - Gregor MacGregor: 19th Century Trouble in Paradise
56 - Edward Drinker Cope: History's Most Bone-Headed Paleontologist
55 - Commodus: The Most Erect Roman Emperor
54 - Django Reinhardt: Gypsy Jazz Legend and Extra Hardt
53 - Andrew Jackson: America's First Maniac President
52 - Master Series: Horror Actors of Hollywood
51 - Matthew Hopkins: Witch Hunter with an Eye for Third Nipples
50 - Helen Duncan: The Last Goopy Witch of Britain
49 - Ty Cobb: Baseball's Dirtiest Player slides into your DMs
48 - Charles Darwin: The Science of Boobies & Barnacle Dong
47 - Martin Luther: The 95 Feces
46 - Janis Joplin: Attention-seeking, Free-loving Wannabe
45 - Albert Einstein: The Stanky Cousin Pounder
44 - Wilbur Glenn Voliva: Flat-Earther, Evangelical Radio Host & Cult Leader
43 - Master Class: Cooks 'Typhoid Mary and the Gals'
42 - Tarrare: The Ravenous French Horror
41 - Ching Shih: China's Unforgiving Pirate Queen
40 - Sawney Bean: All in the Cannibal Family
39 - William Lyon Mackenzie: Canada's Try-Hard Revolutionary
38 - Allen 'Kid Diddling' Ginsberg: Goof Troupe pt. 1
37 - Sir Isaac Newton: Asexual Asshat Astronomer
36 - Coco Chanel: The Fashionable, Fascist SS Operative
35 - Hank Williams: The Sauced Southern Icon
34 - Wyatt Earp: Shoddy Lawman & Wild West Wuss
33 - John Mytton: History's Drunkest Aristocrat
32 - Jerry Garcia: Keep on Truckin' till You Drop!
31 - Archimedes: Heavy Weapons Nerd
30 - Elizabeth Báthory: Tub Girl con Carne
29 - Diogenes: The OG Cynic & Smelly Eccentric Turd
28 - P.T. Barnum: PT Cruis'n USA
27 - John VI of Portugal (a.k.a J6 Hot Pocks)
26 - Crown Prince Sado: Korean Crazy Boy
25 - Sylvia Browne: TV Psychic and Tour Guide to Browne Town
24 - Boris Yeltsin: The Drunkest Russian President in the Room
23 - Liberace: Too much of a good thing will kill ya!
22 - Jack Tramiel: Video Game Dangus
21 - Caravaggio: Master Painter & Pox-ridden Sociopath
20 - John Dillinger: Pubic Enema No.2
19 - Edward Chapman: Triple Agent Jelly Boy
18 - Marlon Brando: The Sexy Human Vacuum
17 - Keith Moon of The Who
16 - Charles II of Spain and his Family of Inbreds
15 - Schemin' Carlo Ponzi
14 - General Douglas MacArthur
13 - Che Guevara: Tobacco Pen15 Sucker
12 - Steve Jobs (not sorry iTunes)
11 - Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols
10 - Thomas Edison
9 - Joan Rivers
Bonus Ep. 2017 New Years Countdown
8 - Swashbuckling Blackbeard
7 - Astronomer Tycho Brahe
6 - Chuck Berry
5 - 'Emperor' Joshua Norton
Bonus Episode 1 - Thanksgiving & Squanto
3 - Yogi Berra
4 - St. Brendan the Navigator
2 - Mad Jack Churchill
1 - Pliny The Elder