20 | WHY THAT RELATIONSHIP FEELS OFF.

Why that relationship feels off, could be because it is trauma familiarity. Here’s what I’ve learned about trauma: It doesn’t always show up as pain. Sometimes, it shows up as familiar. It teaches your nervous system, “This is what love feels like” — even if it’s unsafe. Even if it hurts. But just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s right.   Welcome to Emotional Healing for Christian Women. Thank You! For listening. Podcast Transcript is at the bottom of this page. I’m Marvel C. Adeyemi⁠, a licensed Psychotherapist and Faith -Based Coach who supports Christian women.  Imagine waking up without the weight of shame, fear, and loneliness. Imagine finally feeling worthy, confident, and at peace — and doing it with God by your side. That's the healing we begin together Perhaps you’re struggling with low self-worth, rejection, persistent anxiety, spiritual confusion, neglect, abandonment, or feeling disconnected from your purpose… If you're afraid of repeating painful patterns in parenting or relationships… If your past still triggers you — please know that healing is possible. Through biblical lens, I’ll help you rebuild self-worth, trust, peace and clarity — so you can feel empowered, beautiful, and confident. WHAT NEXT? ✅ Download my ⁠free resources⁠ for guidance and healing from past wounds and  finding clarity and purpose. ✅ Order my new book, Beyond the Hurt. ⁠E-book ⁠ and ⁠Paper back⁠ 📌Work with me 1:1: book a session: ⁠Book Here⁠  ✅Please leave a comment/review, subscribe/follow and share. ✅ Join my private ⁠face book group ⁠ ✅ Book a 1:1 Coaching Call if you’re ready to dive deeper into your healing journey. ⁠https://marveladeyemi.com.au/⁠ ✅ Send me an⁠ email⁠  📢Disclaimer: I share content from my reflections for educational purpose only and should not replace professional therapy. If you need immediate support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Transcript: God Didn’t Send Him — Trauma Did You were right all along… something felt off, didn’t it? I thought he was an answer to prayer… but he was actually a reflection of my pain. I convinced myself it was “God’s will,” but really — it was just familiar dysfunction wrapped in hope. Have you ever spiritually justified someone who constantly triggered your anxiety, ignored your boundaries, or made you feel like you were asking for too much? Let’s talk about it — honestly, gently, and without judgment. Here’s what I’ve learned about trauma: It doesn’t always show up as pain. Sometimes, it shows up as familiar. It teaches your nervous system, “This is what love feels like” — even if it’s unsafe. Even if it hurts. But just because it feels familiar doesn’t mean it’s right. And can I just say this gently? This was never about shame — it’s about clarity. Because when you finally name the pattern… you take the first step toward breaking it.   The truth is: not every relationship that feels intense is from God. Sometimes, it’s not divine alignment. Sometimes… it’s trauma reenactment. I’ve heard this story so many times — from women who are smart, prayerful, and deeply faithful… Women who love God but find themselves entangled in painful relationships that mirror the rejection, chaos, or emotional abandonment they experienced growing up. So when someone triggers your abandonment wound or treats you how your emotionally unavailable parent did… Your body might interpret that as chemistry — not danger. Trauma doesn’t just make you tolerate red flags. It trains you to chase them. Let me give you a real-life example from my practice (shared with permission, details changed for privacy): A woman I worked with kept getting involved with men who were emotionally distant — but spiritual on the surface. One man would pray with her on Monday… then ghost her by Friday. She stayed, hoping he’d change. Why? Because deep down, it wasn’t just about him. It was about a father who was present in the church… but absent in her emotional world. And when this man repeated that pattern, it felt like home. Until she did the healing work, she kept calling it “God’s process.” But really… it was unresolved trauma calling her back to familiar pain. The wilderness is lonely. Quiet. Uncomfortable. But sometimes God leads us there… not to punish us, but to heal our choosing pattern. To reset our nervous system. To remind us: You don’t need to earn love. You already are loved. Another one? In Genesis 29, Jacob loves Rachel — but gets Leah on the wedding night. He labors seven more years for love. Some of us are still laboring emotionally for someone who isn’t even ours to carry. But God never told you to work for love — He offered it freely. And until you receive His love as your anchor, you’ll keep chasing human connections that destabilize you.   if you’re listening and this resonates… Here’s what I know you truly long for: A relationship where you're seen, chosen, and emotionally safe To feel confident setting boundaries without fear of rejection To stop mistaking anxiety for chemistry To choose from wholeness, not from your wound To wait well — not from pressure, but from peace To recognize God’s voice over your trauma’s voice    Steps to Start Healing: Name the pattern – Ask yourself: who does this person remind me of emotionally? Pause the chase – The more dysregulated you feel around someone, the more you need space to evaluate. Do your inner work – Therapy, coaching, journaling — anything that helps you trace the root of the familiar pain. Let God re-parent you – Ask Him to show you what healthy love feels like… by receiving it first from Him. Don’t spiritualize dysfunction – If it steals your peace, manipulates your hope, or ignores your worth — it’s not from God. If this episode spoke to you, I want to invite you to go deeper. Download my book Beyond the Hurt — where I share real stories and proven steps to heal from trauma, shame, and unhealthy patterns. 💬 Or book a 1:1 faith-based counselling session with me — let’s walk through this together. God didn’t send him — but God can still use the lesson to redirect you into love that is safe, secure, and sacred. You’re not broken. You’re not too much. And you’re not too late. You’re just healing. And healing will change who — and how — you choose. With love, Marvel