21| DON'T DATE UNHEALED | WHY EMOTIONAL HEALING MATTERS BEFORE DATING

Today’s episode is simple, but powerful. Before you pray for a husband… Before you call that connection “God-ordained”... Ask yourself: This one question... Because the truth is: unhealed pain doesn’t go away just because we want to be loved. I hope this episode blesses you. Please remember to follow, leave a review and share. Thank You! For listening. ⁠I’m Marvel C. Adeyemi⁠, a licensed Psychotherapist and Faith -Based Coach who supports Christian women.  Imagine waking up without the weight of shame, fear, and loneliness. Imagine finally feeling worthy, confident, and at peace — and doing it with God by your side. That's the healing we begin together Perhaps you’re struggling with low self-worth, rejection, persistent anxiety, spiritual confusion, neglect, abandonment, or feeling disconnected from your purpose… If you're afraid of repeating painful patterns in parenting or relationships… If your past still triggers you — please know that healing is possible. Through biblical lens, I’ll help you rebuild self-worth, trust, peace and clarity — so you can feel empowered, beautiful, and confident. WHAT NEXT? ✅ Download my ⁠free resources⁠ for guidance and healing from past wounds and  finding clarity and purpose. ✅ Order my new book, Beyond the Hurt. ⁠E-book ⁠ and ⁠Paper back⁠ 📌Work with me 1:1: book a session: ⁠Book Here⁠  ✅Please leave a comment/review, subscribe/follow and share. ✅ Join my private ⁠face book group ⁠ ✅ Book a 1:1 Coaching Call if you’re ready to dive deeper into your healing journey. ⁠https://marveladeyemi.com.au/⁠ ✅ Send me an⁠ email⁠  📢Disclaimer: I share content from my reflections for educational purpose only and should not replace professional therapy. If you need immediate support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.  TRANSCRIPT Today, I want to sit with you heart to heart. This isn’t going to be a long teaching. It’s not even going to be filled with a hundred tips. It’s just one question. One that could change everything about how you approach love, Before you pray for a husband… Before you call that connection “God-ordained”... Ask yourself: Am I choosing love from my healing — or from my wounds? Because the truth is: unhealed pain doesn’t go away just because we want to be loved. It shows up in how we see ourselves, how we settle, and who we say “yes” to. when you haven’t healed, you won’t just feel lonely — You’ll feel unworthy. Insecure. Silent in rooms where you should speak. And that doesn’t just affect your confidence at work or in friendships — It affects who you let close to your heart. Let me tell you a real story — shared with permission — that captures this perfectly. Amanda was beautiful. Resourceful. A university graduate. But somewhere along the way, life chipped away at her self-esteem. So she took a job far below her qualifications. Every day, she worked beside people who had the same degree — but they were leading teams, presenting ideas, getting promoted. She dressed plainly. She avoided attention. And she quietly assumed, “Maybe I’m just unlucky. Maybe this is all I’m worth.” She couldn’t say no. She avoided asking for help. She stayed quiet — and small — even when she had ideas. Then… the attention started. Not from the man she hoped would notice her — a respectful, professional Christian colleague who kept his boundaries and showed no mixed signals. But from other men. One by one, they started coming around. A married colleague asked her out. Another — who openly used drugs and alcohol — started spending time with her. And she let him. Not because she didn’t know better. But because something in her still felt: “This is the best I can get.” He’d call her after work. Visit her. Stay on the phone for hours. She knew it wasn’t aligned with her values. But it felt like affection. Like attention. And that… felt like love. Until one weekend — she called his line. And his friend answered: “He can’t come to the phone… he’s at his customary wedding.” Her heart broke. Deep down, she had known. But she stayed — because the fear of being lonely was louder than the fear of being used. Later, when she confronted him, he said something that shook her: “I was dating you both… just waiting to see who was ready to marry first.” That moment — that heartbreak — became her turning point. She asked herself, for the first time: “What is it about the way I show up… that makes emotionally unavailable, dishonorable men feel comfortable with me?” And the truth? It wasn’t her fault. But it was her responsibility to heal.   What most people didn’t know was that Amanda’s parents divorced when she was just 10 years old. Her father remarried quickly, found a new sense of purpose in his new church community, and became a committed husband — just not to her mother. And not fully present in her life. Her mother, on the other hand, never remarried. She worked two jobs and carried the emotional and financial weight of the home alone. There wasn’t much time for affection — or attention. So this young woman learned to stay quiet, to not need too much, and to survive by becoming self-sufficient. Fast forward to adulthood — Amanda looked stable on the outside. But inside, she carried grief she hadn’t given herself time to feel. Just recently, she had walked away from an engagement to a pastor — a relationship that started in faith but ended in deep confusion and betrayal. She hadn’t properly grieved that either. She had just… moved on. Or tried to. Meanwhile, her close friends were all getting married. One by one. She cheered them on — but each wedding reminded her of what she didn’t have. She told herself she was fine. But underneath her success and kindness… She was carrying layers of rejection, abandonment, and emotional exhaustion she had never had the space to heal. If you haven’t healed… You might settle for crumbs and call it attention. You might confuse flattery with commitment. You might ignore your boundaries just to feel wanted. And worst of all… You might avoid the very kind of person who would treat you with consistency, honor, and love. Because healing doesn’t just change your standards. It changes what you’re drawn to. When you’ve healed, you won’t chase mystery. You’ll choose stability. When you’ve healed, you won’t need someone to complete you. You’ll want someone to walk with you. so before you pray for a husband… Pause and pray for this first: God, heal the part of me that thinks love must hurt. Heal the part of me that calls anxiety chemistry. Heal the part of me that confuses attention with commitment. Heal the part of me that fears being alone more than being mistreated. Because who you are before the relationship… Will shape how you show up in the relationship. If this story hit close to home — you are not alone. You are not broken. And you don’t have to settle for being tolerated when you were born to be chosen. So my love, if you’ve been praying for a husband… that’s beautiful. God hears you. But make sure you’re also healing. Not to be perfect. Not to be “ready” in some impossible sense. But to protect your peace… and prepare your heart  Grab my book Beyond the Hurt — it’s filled with real stories and gentle tools to help you heal what’s still shaping your relationships.  Or send me an email or book a 1:1 session with me. I’d be honored to walk alongside you on your journey to emotional wholeness. You deserve love that doesn’t cost you your peace. Before you pray for a husband, pray for healing. And healing will change who — and how — you choose. Heal first, love better. Until next time stay beautiful. Stay confident With love, Marvel