How To Blow Up Your Life

In this deeply personal season finale of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry sits down with her mother, Sally Dunn, for a candid, tender conversation about family, addiction, recovery, and what it takes to interrupt generational patterns with honesty and compassion.Together, Sara and Sally reflect on the realities of growing up inside dysfunction, the long road of sobriety, and the quiet courage it takes to tell the truth about the past without blame. Sally shares openly about her experience with alcoholism, what it meant to become sober, and how recovery reshaped the way she shows up for life. Sara reflects on her childhood, the complexities of loving a parent in addiction, and the deep work of holding both pain and grace at the same time.This episode is not about perfection or resolution — it’s about understanding. About recognizing that generational patterns repeat until someone is willing to look at them directly. About acknowledging that parents do the best they can with what they have, and that healing doesn’t require erasing the past — only meeting it with truth.At its core, this conversation is an example of what becomes possible when vulnerability replaces silence, and when two people are willing to speak honestly across generations in service of healing.Key Topics CoveredFamily dynamics and generational patternsAddiction and the reality of “functioning” alcoholismSobriety and recovery as lifelong practicesGrowing up without emotional safetyBreaking dysfunctional cycles with awarenessParenting, forgiveness, and compassionVulnerability as a bridge to understandingHealing through honest communicationEpisode Takeaways“Life just steps in and all of a sudden there’s a magic wand — and not only are we older, then the question is, are we any wiser?” — SallyGenerational patterns repeat until someone is willing to stop themAddiction doesn’t always look chaotic — functioning addiction is realEmotional safety profoundly shapes childhood experienceSobriety can radically change how someone shows up for lifeHealing doesn’t require perfect parents — only honest reflectionParents do the best they can with what they haveVulnerability creates space for understandingGrowth is possible at any stage of lifeHonest conversations can change the future of a familyAs This Season ClosesSeason 2 has been a journey through awareness, embodiment, family systems, trauma, relationships, and rebuilding — not as a straight line, but as a deeply human process.If you’re just finding the podcast, you’re invited to revisit Season 1 and Season 2 episodes at your own pace. These conversations are meant to be returned to — listened to again when something new opens, shifts, or clicks.To stay connected between seasons:Follow along on social media for reflections, clips, and ongoing conversationSubscribe on Substack for weekly essays every Tuesday, where Sara goes deeper into the themes explored on the podcastShare this episode with someone who might need permission to have a hard — but healing — conversationThank you for being part of this season.Thank you for listening with openness.And thank you for choosing awareness — for yourself, and for what comes next.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry is joined by life coach Kerry Rasenberger for an illuminating and compassionate conversation about breaking the cycle of toxic relationships.Together, Sara and Kerry explore how dysfunctional family patterns can quietly shape our romantic relationships — often without our awareness — and why toxic dynamics can feel so hard to leave, even when we know they’re harming us. They unpack the nuances of covert narcissism, inconsistent behavior, and manipulation, emphasizing that abuse doesn’t always look loud or obvious to be deeply damaging.A central focus of the conversation is the trauma bond — the addictive emotional loop that forms in relationships built on instability, intermittent reinforcement, and fear of abandonment. Kerry explains why these bonds are so powerful, how they mirror early attachment wounds, and what it actually takes to begin breaking free.This episode also honors the grief that comes with letting go — not just of a person, but of the future you hoped for. Sara and Kerry discuss boundary-setting as an act of self-protection, the long road of rebuilding self-worth after emotional abuse, and how reconnecting with passion and purpose can support the healing process.This conversation is for anyone questioning their relationship patterns, struggling to trust themselves after emotional harm, or ready to reclaim their power and clarity.Key Topics CoveredRecognizing toxic relationship cyclesHow family patterns quietly repeat themselvesCovert vs. overt narcissismInconsistency as a major relational red flagTrauma bonds and emotional addictionBoundary-setting as self-protectionGrief after leaving a toxic relationshipRebuilding self-worth after emotional abuseHealing as a patient, non-linear processPassion and purpose as tools for recoveryEpisode TakeawaysAwareness is essential to breaking toxic cyclesFamily patterns can be subtle but deeply influentialCovert narcissism can be just as harmful as overt abuseInconsistent behavior is a key warning signTrauma bonds create powerful, addictive dynamicsBoundaries are necessary for emotional safetyGrief is a natural part of leaving toxic relationshipsSelf-worth must be actively reclaimed after abuseHealing requires patience and self-compassionReconnecting with passion can support recoveryLooking AheadNext week, Season 2 concludes with a deeply personal and powerful conversation as Sara sits down with her mother, Sally Dunn. Together, they explore family patterns, healing across generations, and what it looks like to speak honestly — and lovingly — about the past in order to move forward with clarity and compassion.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry is joined by writer, teacher, and creative guide Tiffany Han for a powerful conversation about unperforming your life — and what it really means to stop living for approval, productivity, and appearances.Sara and Tiffany explore how many of us are quietly living in a state of barely getting by while telling ourselves it’s normal. They unpack the cost of overperforming — emotionally, relationally, and spiritually — and why authenticity often feels terrifying when you’ve built an identity around being capable, agreeable, or “fine.”The conversation dives into grief as an unavoidable and necessary part of transformation, especially when we begin to shed old roles, habits, and coping mechanisms. Tiffany speaks candidly about alcohol as a tool many people use to mute emotions, and how removing it can bring clarity, discomfort, and ultimately self-trust.Together, they examine what happens to relationships when you change, how values — not obligations — should guide decisions, and why reclaiming your power can feel destabilizing before it feels freeing. This episode is an invitation to create space for truth, expression, and connection, even when the next step isn’t clear.For anyone exhausted by performing their way through life, this conversation offers permission to slow down, tell the truth, and trust that unperforming is not a failure — it’s a return.Key Topics CoveredWhat it means to “unperform” your lifeAuthenticity vs. overfunctioningWhy barely getting by isn’t normalGrief as a catalyst for changeAlcohol and emotional suppressionPower, fear, and self-trustValues-based decision-makingRelationships during personal transformationCommunity as a source of supportMaking space for truth and self-expressionEpisode TakeawaysUnperforming is about choosing authenticity over approvalMany people are surviving, not thriving — and that mattersGrief is a necessary part of growth and transformationAlcohol can suppress emotions and delay self-discoveryReclaiming your power can feel scary before it feels freeingValues should guide choices, not others’ expectationsOverperforming often leads to burnout and disconnectionCreative and emotional expression support healingCommunity makes change more sustainableYou don’t need all the answers to keep moving forwardLooking AheadAs Season 2 continues, Sara keeps exploring what it looks like to live with intention — unpacking identity, grief, relationships, embodiment, and the courage it takes to stop performing and start choosing yourself.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry is joined by empowerment coach Jill Vyn for a deeply honest conversation about old patterns — the familiar ways of thinking, behaving, and protecting ourselves that quietly resurface just as we’re trying to grow.Together, Sara and Jill explore how these patterns often emerge during moments of uncertainty, grief, or transition, bringing self-doubt and resistance along with them. Jill shares her personal experiences with fear, loss, and the emotional undercurrents that shaped her journey, offering a compassionate look at how grief can live in the body and influence our choices long after we think we’ve “moved on.”The conversation weaves together embodiment, visualization, and the power of community support, emphasizing that personal growth isn’t a solitary act of willpower — it’s a relational, embodied process. Sara and Jill unpack how trusting yourself often feels hardest right before a breakthrough, and why learning to notice, rather than shame, old patterns is what allows them to loosen their grip.This episode is an invitation to meet yourself with curiosity instead of criticism, to celebrate small wins along the way, and to trust that letting go of what no longer serves you creates space for something new to emerge.Key Topics CoveredHow old patterns of thought and behavior resurfaceResistance as a response to fear and uncertaintyEmbodiment as a tool for personal growthThe impact of grief on behavior and self-trustSelf-worth and identity during transitionsVisualization as a way to shift limiting beliefsThe role of community in healing and growthCelebrating progress instead of perfectionTrusting the unfolding process of changeEpisode TakeawaysOld patterns can reappear unexpectedly and trigger self-doubtEmbodiment reconnects the mind and body in healingCommunity support is essential during growth and transitionResistance often points to fear of the unknownSelf-worth shapes how we interpret challengesGrief can quietly influence patterns and behaviorsVisualization helps rewire limiting thought loopsSmall victories deserve acknowledgment and celebrationTrusting yourself is a practice, not a destinationReleasing old patterns creates space for new opportunitiesLooking AheadAs Season 2 continues, Sara deepens these conversations by exploring how awareness, embodiment, and relational support help us break free from inherited and habitual patterns — allowing us to build lives rooted in choice rather than fear.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry introduces listeners to parts work, a powerful therapeutic framework rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS), developed by Richard Schwartz.Sara explores the idea that we are not one singular personality, but a collection of inner parts — each formed to help us survive, cope, and stay safe. She breaks down the core IFS parts — exiles, managers, and firefighters — and explains how they quietly influence our emotions, behaviors, relationships, and patterns, often without our awareness.Rather than framing these parts as problems to fix, Sara invites a radically compassionate reframe: every part of you has a reason for existing, and every part is trying to help — even when its strategies cause harm. Through personal insights and real-life examples, she shows how understanding these inner dynamics creates space for healing, clarity, and self-trust.This episode emphasizes that parts work isn’t about self-improvement or self-erasure. It’s about integration — learning to listen, relate, and lead from your wise self, the grounded, present part of you capable of holding complexity without judgment. For anyone who’s ever felt “too much,” conflicted, or confused by their own reactions, this conversation offers a deeply validating framework for understanding yourself more fully.Key Topics CoveredWhat parts work is and where it comes fromInternal Family Systems (IFS) explained simplyExiles, managers, and firefighters — and how they operateWhy parts aren’t flaws, but protective strategiesThe difference between fixing and integratingLeading with the wise selfHow parts show up in emotions and relationshipsJournaling and reflection as entry points to parts workWhen and how therapy or coaching can support integrationEpisode TakeawaysParts work helps us understand and integrate different aspects of ourselvesIFS is the foundational framework behind parts workExiles, managers, and firefighters shape our internal worldHealing isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about creating harmonyEvery part has a positive intention, even when its behavior is harmfulAwareness and acceptance are key to personal growthIntegration leads to greater balance and fulfillmentJournaling can help identify and communicate with partsProfessional support can deepen the integration processLeading with your wise self is the goal of parts workLooking AheadAs Season 2 continues, Sara builds on this work by weaving parts awareness into conversations about trauma, embodiment, relationships, and healing — offering tools to help you respond to life with more clarity, compassion, and choice.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry explores the practice of embodiment — what it means to live inside your body instead of just inside your mind.Sara reflects on her own long history of ignoring her body’s signals, pushing through exhaustion, discomfort, and emotional overwhelm — and the cost of that disconnection. She unpacks how many of us were conditioned to prioritize thinking, logic, and productivity over physical awareness, often learning to override the body as a survival strategy rather than a source of wisdom.This conversation invites listeners to reconsider the body not as something to manage or fix, but as an intelligent communicator constantly offering information about safety, stress, boundaries, and truth. Sara explains how emotional neglect, chronic stress, and trauma can sever our connection to bodily awareness — and why reconnecting with the body is essential for mental health, intuition, and growth.Rather than offering rigid practices, this episode gently reframes embodiment as a relationship: learning to listen, respond, and trust what your body has been trying to tell you all along. It’s an invitation to slow down, tune in, and remember that healing doesn’t only happen through insight — it happens through sensation, presence, and care.Key Topics CoveredWhat embodiment actually meansHow disconnection from the body developsThe consequences of ignoring bodily signalsWhy society prioritizes the mind over the bodyStress as a physical, not just mental, experienceThe body as a source of intuition and informationEmotional neglect and bodily awarenessRebuilding trust with your physical selfEmbodiment as a foundation for self-care and growthEpisode TakeawaysEmbodiment is the practice of being fully present in your bodyIgnoring bodily signals often comes with real consequencesMany of us were conditioned to override physical awarenessThe body communicates essential emotional informationDisconnection can be a learned survival strategyListening to the body strengthens intuition and clarityStress shows up physically, not just mentallyBodily awareness supports healthier self-careEmotional neglect can disrupt mind–body connectionReconnecting with the body is essential for healing and growthLooking AheadAs Season 2 continues, Sara builds on this work by exploring how embodiment intersects with trauma, relationships, identity, and self-trust — offering tools to help you live more fully, honestly, and connected in your own life.DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry sits down with intuitive eating and body image specialist Kristi Koeter for an honest, nuanced conversation about food, body image, and the quiet ways diet culture shapes women’s self-worth — often without us realizing it.Kristi shares her personal journey through dieting, body dissatisfaction, and the turning point that came as a mother navigating eating disorders within her own family. That experience fundamentally shifted how she understood food, control, and healing — and ultimately led her to intuitive eating as a more humane, sustainable way to relate to the body.Together, Sara and Kristi unpack the emotional baggage many women carry around food, the invisible “rules” that govern eating behaviors, and how childhood experiences with food often echo into adulthood. They explore the stigma surrounding fatness, why body positivity can feel inaccessible for many people, and how body neutrality offers a gentler, more realistic path toward self-acceptance.The conversation also turns toward midlife — how aging, hormonal changes, and shifting priorities invite a reevaluation of long-held beliefs about worth, beauty, and success. Rather than striving for perfection, Sara and Kristi invite listeners to redefine their goals, release comparison, and build a relationship with food and their bodies rooted in awareness, compassion, and trust.This episode is for anyone who’s tired of measuring their value through mirrors, scales, or restriction — and ready to come home to themselves.Key Topics CoveredThe impact of diet culture on women’s self-worthIntuitive eating: what it is — and what it isn’tFood rules and the emotional weight they createChildhood eating patterns and adult relationships with foodFat stigma and cultural misunderstandingMindful eating and emotional awarenessFood as comfort vs. coping mechanismMidlife, aging, and shifting body perspectiveBody positivity vs. body neutralityRedefining goals as we grow and changeEpisode TakeawaysKristi Koeter specializes in intuitive eating and body image workDiet culture profoundly impacts self-worthIntuitive eating centers listening to the body’s signalsFood rules often create shame and emotional baggageLetting go of dieting can be destabilizing — and liberatingEarly food experiences shape lifelong patternsFatness is widely misunderstood and stigmatizedIntuitive eating is not one-size-fits-allSelf-worth should never be tied to weight or appearanceMindful eating includes awareness of emotional triggersFood can be comforting, but shouldn’t replace coping skillsMidlife often prompts a reevaluation of self-acceptanceAging can foster body appreciationComparison erodes self-trust and self-loveBody neutrality can be more attainable than body positivityRedefining personal goals is essential as we ageConversations about body image shape future generationsEmbracing imperfection creates freedom and self-acceptanceDisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry takes on one of the most tender and charged topics of all: dysfunctional family systems — and how they quietly shape the way we love, relate, and see ourselves.Drawing from personal experience and years of coaching work, Sara explores how dysfunction often shows up not as chaos, but as emotional manipulation, conditional love, unspoken rules, and role-casting that follows us well into adulthood. She unpacks how families can weaponize emotions, deny reality, and blur boundaries — leaving us questioning our instincts and ignoring the body’s signals that something isn’t safe.This conversation isn’t about vilifying parents or cutting ties. It’s about learning to recognize unhealthy patterns, understand your emotional and physiological responses, and begin choosing yourself without shame. Sara walks listeners through what happens when boundaries are introduced into dysfunctional systems — why they’re often met with resistance — and why protecting your emotional health is not a betrayal.At its core, this episode is an invitation to redefine family, reclaim your worth, and create relationships — biological or chosen — that are rooted in respect, safety, and truth.Key Topics CoveredWhat defines a dysfunctional family systemEmotional manipulation and conditional loveFamily roles and how they follow us into adulthoodThe body’s response to unsafe emotional dynamicsWhy boundaries often trigger backlashLoving your family without abandoning yourselfHealing family wounds to transform all relationshipsChoosing your family of choiceSelf-worth as the foundation for growthEpisode TakeawaysDysfunctional families often weaponize emotion and attachmentConditional love creates confusion and self-doubtFamily roles can shape adult identity and behaviorYour body signals when dynamics aren’t safeBoundaries may provoke strong reactions — and that’s informationYou can love your family and still protect yourselfHealing family wounds impacts every relationshipYou’re allowed to choose your family of choiceYour feelings and perceptions deserve to be honoredHealing is a lifelong process that requires self-compassionWhat's NextAs Season 2 continues, Sara builds on these insights by exploring how early family dynamics intersect with trauma, identity, relationships, and self-trust — offering tools to help you create safer, more aligned connections moving forward.Stay ConnectedFollow me for more reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes:Substack: https://sarastansberry.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarastansberry/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarastansberryFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarastansberry/DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

⚠️ Content Note / Trigger WarningThis episode includes discussion of sexual trauma, childhood sexual abuse, coercion, grooming, repression, and their impact on intimacy, relationships, and the nervous system. Please listen with care and at your own pace.If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual violence or assault, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is available at 800-656-HOPE (4673) for confidential emotional support and crisis intervention.Episode Description:In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara is joined by author and survivor April Daniels for a compassionate, deeply honest conversation about sexual trauma and how it shapes intimacy, trust, embodiment, and our relationship with ourselves.April shares how repressed memories surfaced during her healing journey, and how trauma can disconnect us not only from the past, but from joy, creativity, presence, and our bodies. Together, Sara and April explore how sexual trauma often shows up in adulthood through over-functioning, emotional distance, difficulty with boundaries, and disconnection from the self.This episode also unpacks how sexual trauma isn’t always overt—it can include coercion, grooming, psychological violation, and power disguised as normalcy. Healing, as April shares, isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about returning to who you already are.April also reflects on how her story is tragically connected to those of Elizabeth Smart and Kacie Woody—two cases that underscore the lasting impact of sexual violence. Elizabeth Smart’s advocacy and foundation have brought awareness and change, while Kacie Woody’s story, shared through public reporting and her Wikipedia page, reminds us of the devastating stakes when children are not protected.Her message to survivors is clear and powerful: If I can do it, you can do it.About the Guest:April Daniels is the author of Paper Dolls and Cowboy Boots, a memoir about healing from sexual trauma and reclaiming the self.Book: Paper Dolls and Cowboy Boots by April Daniels and Carol ScottAdditional Links:- Book: My Father’s House: Memoir of Incest and Healing by Sylvia Fraser- Resource: Elizabeth Smart Foundation- More Information: News report on Kacie WoodyComing Next:🎧 New episodes drop every Wednesday.Next week’s episode explores Dysfunctional Family Systems and how family patterns shape what we tolerate, normalize, and repeat—until we decide to heal.Work With Me:Learn more about coaching and apply here:👉 https://www.sarastansberry.comStay ConnectedFollow me for more reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes:Substack: https://sarastansberry.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarastansberry/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarastansberryFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarastansberry/DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry completes the Adult Chair Model series by stepping fully into the Adult Chair — the part of you that is grounded, present, emotionally regulated, and capable of conscious choice.The Adult Chair represents your wisest and healthiest self — not a perfect version of you, but the one who can stay connected to emotions without being overtaken by them. Sara shares personal stories and real-life applications that show how to access this part of yourself in moments of conflict, uncertainty, and emotional intensity.Rather than reacting from old patterns shaped by the inner child or the adolescent chair, the Adult Chair allows you to pause, breathe, and respond with intention. Sara explores what it truly means to set boundaries with love, how self-compassion stabilizes the nervous system, and why emotional awareness — not emotional suppression — is the foundation of a balanced life.This episode serves as the capstone of the Adult Chair Model framework, while opening the door to deeper conversations ahead. The tools and insights shared here become the grounding lens through which the rest of Season 2 unfolds — from relationships and trauma to identity, healing, and conscious change.Key Topics Covered- What the Adult Chair represents in daily life- Choosing response over reaction- Presence as a pathway to regulation and clarity- Boundaries rooted in love rather than fear- Self-compassion as an adult skill- Feeling emotions without letting them dictate behavior- Grounding techniques to access your healthiest self- Relationships as catalysts for growth and awareness- Conflict as information, not failureEpisode Takeaways- The Adult Chair represents your wisest and healthiest self- Presence creates space for conscious choice- Loving boundaries are essential for healthy relationships- Your adult self operates outside of automatic patterns- Self-compassion supports emotional regulation- Emotions are meant to be felt, not acted out- Grounding techniques help access clarity- Relationships activate healing and growth- Conflict reveals areas that need care- The Adult Chair is a powerful tool you’ll return to again and againRelevant Links From This Episode- The STOP Method- My Creative Destruction WorkbookWhat's NextWhile this episode completes the Adult Chair Model series, it also lays the foundation for the rest of Season 2. In the episodes ahead, Sara builds on this framework through deeper conversations about trauma, relationships, recovery, embodiment, and what it truly means to live with intention.Stay ConnectedFollow me for more reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes:Substack: https://sarastansberry.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarastansberry/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarastansberryFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarastansberry/DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry continues the Adult Chair Model series by introducing the Adolescent Chair — the part of us that learned to survive through control, protection, and resistance.Formed during moments of fear, uncertainty, or emotional overwhelm, the adolescent chair steps in when we don’t feel safe. It’s the voice behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, hyper-independence, judgment, and the need to manage outcomes. While this part of us is deeply protective, it often keeps us stuck in rigid patterns that damage relationships, exhaust our nervous systems, and block true growth.Sara unpacks how the adolescent chair differs from the inner child — and why it’s often misidentified as “confidence” or “strength.” Through clear examples and compassionate reframing, she shows how this part isn’t the enemy, but a younger version of you that learned control because it didn’t feel supported.This episode offers practical tools for recognizing when your adolescent chair is activated, how to engage with it without shame, and how to begin shifting out of defense and into the grounded clarity of the Adult Chair. If you’ve ever felt locked in power struggles — with others or yourself — this conversation will help you loosen your grip and create space for something healthier.Key Topics CoveredWhat the Adolescent Chair is and why it developsControl, perfectionism, and judgment as survival strategiesHow protection can quietly turn into self-sabotageThe difference between true strength and defensive controlWhy your adolescent chair isn’t the problemRecognizing signs you’re operating from this partUsing curiosity instead of criticism to create changeHow awareness helps you transition into the Adult ChairEpisode TakeawaysThe adolescent chair is a protector part of youControl strategies often backfire and harm connectionPerfectionism is a learned survival responseYour adolescent self is trying to keep you safe, not sabotage youAwareness creates choice — and choice creates growthRecognizing adolescent patterns is key to healingAsking questions builds understanding instead of shameEmotional health requires engagement, not suppressionTransitioning into the adult chair takes practice and self-awarenessCompassion toward your adolescent self is essential for healingWhat’s NextIn the next episode, Sara brings the model together by stepping fully into the Adult Chair — the grounded, present, fully actualized part of you capable of choice, boundaries, and emotional regulation.Stay ConnectedFollow me for more reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes:Substack: https://sarastansberry.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarastansberry/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarastansberryFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarastansberry/DisclaimerAlways seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this foundational episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, Sara Stansberry introduces the Adult Chair Model, beginning with the chair that shapes us first and often loudest: the Inner Child.Sara breaks down how our inner child is formed between the ages of zero and seven, and how unmet needs, early attachment wounds, and childhood coping mechanisms quietly continue to run the show in our adult lives. From emotional reactivity and people-pleasing to shutdown, shame, and overwhelm — this part of us is often trying to protect us, even when it’s causing harm.This episode isn’t about pathologizing your past or blaming caregivers. It’s about learning how to recognize when your inner child is activated, understanding the difference between honoring that part of you versus being hijacked by it, and beginning the work of reparenting yourself with compassion, structure, and safety.Sara shares personal insights, real-life examples, and practical tools you can start using immediately — including how boundaries, play, creativity, and emotional attunement become powerful healing practices. This conversation lays the groundwork for the entire Adult Chair Model and offers a new lens for understanding your triggers, patterns, and emotional world.Perfect for anyone who feels like they “know better” but still reacts in ways they don’t understand — and for anyone ready to stop abandoning themselves and start becoming the safe adult their inner child has been waiting for.Key Topics Covered:- What the Inner Child actually is — and how it’s formed- The difference between honoring your inner child vs. being run by it- How childhood wounds show up as adult triggers- Why emotional reactivity is information, not failure- Reparenting yourself with safety, consistency, and care- Boundaries as an act of love for your inner child- The role of play, creativity, and joy in healing- How awareness creates choice — and choice creates changeEpisode Takeaways:- The inner child develops between ages 0–7 and shapes our emotional responses- Unmet childhood needs can create a wounded inner child- Triggers are often signals from unhealed parts of ourselves- Honoring your inner child is essential for emotional health- Boundaries are a critical form of self-care and protection- Creativity and play help restore joy and safety- Awareness is the first step toward healing- Reparenting yourself builds trust and emotional resilience- Listening to your inner child deepens self-understanding- Healing doesn’t erase the past — it changes your relationship to itWhat’s Next:This episode kicks off a multi-part series on the Adult Chair Model. In the next episode, Sara dives into the Adolescent Chair — exploring rebellion, defense mechanisms, and the parts of us that learned to survive by pushing back.Stay ConnectedFollow me for more reflections, tools, and behind-the-scenes:Substack: https://sarastansberry.substack.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarastansberry/?hl=enTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sarastansberryFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarastansberry/Disclaimer:Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to address specific medical conditions. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

🎧 How to Blow Up Your Life — Season 2 TrailerHow to Blow Up Your Life is a podcast about deliberate change—burning down what’s breaking you so you can build what’s meant for you.Season 2 is the rebuilding.Host Sara Stansberry explores healing patterns, rebuilding identity, navigating ambivalence, and learning how to live from the Adult Chair—through honest solo episodes and powerful guest conversations.Season 2 launches February 4.Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Substack, and wherever you listen.You’re not broken. You’re becoming. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this powerful conversation, Sara sits down with serial entrepreneur and author Jess Greenwood to explore the profound difference between happiness and joy. After navigating her mother's terminal cancer diagnosis, single parenting during COVID lockdowns, and her husband's devastating motorcycle accident that required ten surgeries, Jess discovered something life-changing: joy doesn't abandon us during our darkest moments - it hangs out with our trauma, waiting for us to make space for it.Unlike happiness, which Jess describes as floating "in your eyebrows," joy lives deep in your gut. It's involuntary, organic, and shows up sideways when you least expect it. Through raw storytelling, Jess shares how she went from believing joy was "b******t" to understanding it as a constant companion that requires no action from us except openness.This isn't about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It's about recognizing that you can experience profound joy even while sitting in hospital waiting rooms, even while grieving, even while everything feels uncertain. As Jess puts it, "Joy is the resistance" - choosing to make space for these moments is an act of rebellion against fear and anxiety.Perfect for anyone who's ever felt guilty for laughing during hard times or wondered if they're "allowed" to experience joy while others are suffering. Sara and Jess explore the relationship between joy and hope, the importance of embodiment, and why learning to recognize joy in your body might be the most important skill you never knew you needed. This conversation with life coaching for women will leave you with a completely new understanding of what it means to truly live, not just survive.00:00 - Welcome and introduction to Sara Stansberry01:45 - Meet Jess Greenwood: From genetics to writing to joy exploration03:20 - The trauma that started everything: Mom's cancer diagnosis and COVID05:15 - Single parenting through grief and career changes06:30 - The motorcycle accident that changed everything08:45 - Finding humor in the ER: "This is how we cope"10:20 - Four years of survival mode and losing touch with happiness12:10 - What does joy actually mean? Joy vs happiness defined15:30 - Is joy something we have or something we cultivate?17:45 - The whiteboard story: Finding agency in powerlessness20:15 - Joy as a constant companion, even in the canyon22:40 - The difference between joy and love25:20 - From thinking joy was "b******t" to building trust28:10 - How joy has softened and opened space30:45 - Joy as the resistance against fear and anxiety33:20 - The self-worth component: "Joy wasn't in the cards for me"36:15 - Gratitude as the gateway to joy38:45 - Joy at the beach: All versions of yourself in one place41:30 - Real life joy: When your book arrives but gymnastics waits43:20 - The relationship between joy and hope45:50 - Writing as a tool for healing and pivoting48:10 - Creating space for joy in 8 million different ways49:30 - Sharing stories instead of prescriptive advice50:45 - Where to find Jess Greenwood and closing thoughtsDisclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

Ever catch yourself wondering why the same relationship drama keeps happening with different people? In this episode, we're diving deep into those sneaky patterns that keep us stuck in cycles we don't even realize we're in.Sara breaks down the most common unhealthy relationship patterns - from the rescuer who's always fixing someone to the conflict-avoider who'd rather suffer in silence than rock the boat. We're talking about that push-pull dynamic, the perfectionist performance trap, and why some of us keep choosing emotionally unavailable people like it's our job.But here's where it gets real - these patterns aren't random. They're usually rooted in childhood survival strategies that helped us navigate our early environments but are now sabotaging our adult connections. Sara explains how unresolved trauma gets re-scripted in our current relationships as we unconsciously try to "win" situations we couldn't control as kids.The good news? Awareness is the first step to change, and taking responsibility (without self-blame) gives you back your power. This episode is packed with practical steps for breaking these cycles, from mapping your relationship history to developing new responses to old triggers.Whether you're stuck in romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, or workplace patterns, this episode offers hope and actionable strategies. Female empowerment coaching meets real talk about why we do what we do - and how to do it differently.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

Ever feel like you're back in middle school, standing with your cafeteria tray, wondering where to sit? That's exactly how I felt at Cheryl Strayed's writing conference - until I met Amy and Kendra. We bonded over our shared anxieties: wrong socks, awkward parking encounters, and the universal fear of not being accepted.This episode dives deep into how three grown women navigated vulnerability, imposter syndrome, and the truth beneath the truth. We explore why we fixate on small things (like socks) when we're really worried about bigger issues (like belonging). From Amy's sweat-soaked hill climbs to Kendra's writing prompt panic to my bizarre parking lot confrontation, we share the messy, beautiful reality of showing up authentically.We unpack why even successful women in their 40s and 50s still carry middle school wounds, and how finding your people can happen in the most unexpected moments. Sometimes you need to embrace being awkward and weird to find where you belong.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of "How to Blow Up Your Life," Sara Stansberry dives deep into the often misunderstood concept of forgiveness. She explains that true forgiveness is more about acceptance than relationship restoration - it's cutting the invisible string that ties you to pain and resentment.Through a compelling client story, Sara illustrates how holding onto hurt actually makes us slaves to our past, preventing us from building the future we desire. As one of the top female life coaches in the space, Sara offers practical wisdom on how to recognize when forgiveness might be necessary in your life and why it doesn't require interaction with the person who hurt you.Sara emphasizes that forgiveness is an internal process that frees YOU, not the other person. She provides insight on how to trace back wounds to their origin, heal them properly, and release the resentment that may be poisoning multiple areas of your life. Whether you're struggling with a past relationship, family conflict, or workplace incident, this episode offers a roadmap to freedom through forgiveness.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this enlightening episode, Sara Stansberry interviews Dr. SG Gettman, a naturopathic doctor who specializes in treating chronic illness, burnout, and autoimmune conditions. They dive deep into the fascinating connection between unprocessed emotions and physical ailments. Dr. Gettman shares compelling research showing how emotional suppression increases inflammation markers in the body, while properly processing feelings actually lowers them.The conversation explores what it truly means to metabolize emotions and why so many of us avoid doing it. Dr. Gettman shares a personal story about how her unresolved grief manifested as physical symptoms that didn't fully resolve until she completed the emotional processing. They discuss practical techniques anyone can use - from the medically-endorsed "one song dance party" to dedicated "feelings time" with a timer, to seeking professional help through modalities like EMDR, tapping, or somatic experiencing. This episode offers a female empowerment coaching perspective on dealing with emotions, encouraging listeners to honor their feelings as legitimate physical experiences rather than dismissing them.Dr. SG Gettman is a licensed naturopathic doctor serving individuals with chronic illnesses, burnout, and autoimmune conditions while also maintaining a keen focus on prevention and health optimization. In addition to treating patients in their private practice, Dr. Gettman writes a Substack called Sunny Wellness, where they offer brighter insights about naturopathic medicine, wellness, and what it means to be human. Dr. Gettman also serves as a volunteer preceptor at a free clinic for LGBTQ+ migrant individuals.They received their Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine from Sonoran University of Health Sciences, Master of Arts in Teaching from George Washington University, and Bachelor of Fine Arts from Corcoran College of Art & Design, and is a proud alumna of Emma Willard School.When not supporting patients on their healing journeys, you can usually find Dr. Gettman painting watercolors, hiking, reading, enjoying Taylor Swift music, and drinking bubbly water.You can reach Dr. Gettman here:🌐 https://www.summersunintegrative.com 📸 https://www.instagram.com/dr_gettman ✍️ https://drgettman.substack.comThis podcast is intended for educational purposes only, is not medical advice, and does not constitute a patient-doctor relationship. If you have or suspect that you have a psychological or medical problem, contact your healthcare provider promptly. For information on how to find a provider near you, see the notes below.Find a naturopathic doctor near you: https://naturopathic.org/search/custom.asp?id=5613 Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this revealing episode, Sara Stansberry breaks down what codependency really is versus what most people think it is. Drawing from her 15+ years in codependency recovery, she explains that codependency isn't simply being financially dependent on a partner, but rather a trauma response rooted in childhood emotional neglect.Sara clarifies that codependents are those who overextend themselves in relationships, taking on more than their fair share of responsibility to make the relationship work. This pattern stems from childhood wounds where the person learned to caretake their parents in hopes of eventually having their own emotional needs met.As a women's empowerment life coach, Sara distinguishes between unhealthy codependence and healthy interdependence, explaining how enabling behaviors perpetuate dysfunction in relationships. She emphasizes that healing from codependency means focusing on your own happiness rather than expecting others to fulfill you.Whether you're questioning your own relationship patterns or concerned about someone you love, this episode provides clarity on a commonly misunderstood topic, offering the first steps toward healthier relationship dynamics.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this heart-to-heart conversation, I chat with Shannon Yonge, an intuitive master life coach who specializes in helping women navigate midlife transitions. We dive into the concept of inner child work and how our early childhood experiences (ages 0-7) shape our adult relationships. Shannon explains that during those formative years, we develop strategies to belong and connect, which often continue to influence how we show up in relationships decades later. We discuss how reconnecting with your inner child can help you reclaim joy, heal relationship patterns, and live more authentically. Shannon offers practical suggestions for starting inner child work, including mirror exercises and connecting with childhood photos. We also explore how to distinguish between feeling your emotions (which leads to healing) versus just thinking about them. Perfect for anyone feeling disconnected from themselves or struggling with relationship patterns they can't seem to break.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In this first episode of "How to Blow Up Your Life," I share my personal journey from being a seemingly perfect suburban wife and mother who was secretly struggling with emptiness and rage to discovering a path toward authentic living through what I call "creative destruction." I reveal my "garage door moment" – when a simple malfunction triggered an emotional breakdown that became my wake-up call. I openly discuss my battles with codependency, unaddressed childhood needs, unhealthy communication patterns, and various forms of numbing behaviors. I explain that "blowing up your life" isn't about destruction but about intentionally evaluating your beliefs and behaviors to clear space for authenticity. I introduce the concept of showing up as your healthiest self and offer questions to help you determine if creative destruction might benefit your life. Most importantly, I extend an invitation to join me on this journey of self-discovery, promising that whatever stage you're at, you're not alone.Disclaimer: Always seek the counsel of a qualified medical and/or mental health practitioner or other healthcare provider for an individual consultation before making any significant changes to your health or lifestyle, or to answer questions about specific medical conditions. This podcast is for entertainment and information purposes only. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

Ever catch yourself thinking: "This isn't how my life was supposed to turn out"?You're doing everything "right." Being the good daughter. The supportive partner. The one who keeps the peace, holds it all together,The one who makes sure everyone else is okay.But something's off.Maybe you're exhausted from walking on eggshells.Tired of doubting yourself.Sick of watching the same patterns play out (over and over) in every relationship.Or maybe you've just hit that moment where you realize…I can’t do this anymore.Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is blow it all up and start again.I'm Sara Stansberry, and trust me – I know that moment. I've lived it.DivorceGaslightingDysfunctional family patternsAddictionCodepenencyAnd more…I’ve been there. And I've spent the last 15 years learning how to turn those breaking points into breakthrough moments.That's why I created "How to Blow Up Your Life" – because sometimes you need to deliberately destroy what isn't working to build something beautiful in its place.No more sacrificing your needs to keep the peace.No more doubting your gut.No more living someone else's story.We’re not doing that anymore.Here, in each episode, we take a deep dive into what it really takes to transform your relationshipsAnd learn how to- break free from people-pleasing and conflict avoidance- heal from past relationship wounds- move beyond constant anxiety and self-doubt-  learn to set boundaries that actually stick-  transform the old family patterns that have been holding you backLook, I get it. Change is scary. Messy. Uncomfortable.But, what if you’re holding onto what’s slowly killing you?What if that discomfort is actually your signal to grow?What if the mess is where the magic happens?Welcome to "How to Blow Up Your Life" – where each episode offers practical tools and raw wisdom for turning your relationship challenges - with yourself and others -  into transformational growth.Join me for real conversations about what it takes to create change. No sugar-coating. No generic advice. Just honest talk about to build the life and relationships you deserve.Your comeback story starts now.Get ready to blow up your life starting this spring.Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.If you like this show, please like and subscribe  - I would greatly appreciate it. It helps more than you know.Join me on Substack at sarastansberry.substack.com, where we continue these conversations.Also, follow me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok @ sarastansberry. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

This post is part of my Holiday SOS series where we learn how to better navigate tricky relationships, especially over the holidays, so we can better understand ourselves and others. This week, I’m sharing my interview with Alexa Juanita Jordan, a fellow Substack writer and life coach, about ways to navigate holiday stress and cultivate a meaningful life. Our discussion delves into the pressures and expectations we experience during the holiday season and how intentional living, self-worth, and setting boundaries are crucial during this time more than ever. Alexa shares her insights on how to align one's inner world with external actions and pressures and the importance of feeling worthy of making choices that prioritize personal well-being over others' expectations. Alexa has launched a 'Holiday Survival Kit,' a resource designed to help you enjoy a more fulfilling holiday experience. I encourage you to check it out!Navigating the Holidays with Intention and AuthenticityThe holiday season is a time for joy, togetherness, and celebration. Yet, for a lot of us, it also brings a significant amount of stress. As we head into the thick of things, it's important to reflect on how we can fill the season with intention and expand our inner worlds instead of simply adding more to our calendars. Breaking Traditions with IntentionTradition equals connection. Alexa and I explored the topic of holiday stress and traditions. What is it about the holidays that creates such pressure? Often, it's about expectations—both those we set for ourselves and those imposed by others. Traditions can be beautiful, but not when they feel oppressive. Alexa emphasized the importance of asking ourselves what we truly want from this season. Are we attending parties or travelling out of obligation or because it genuinely brings us joy? And more importantly, do we feel worthy of choosing our own path? The answer should always be yes.Change and WorthinessThe idea of worthiness came up a lot in our conversation. Alexa shared how much of her life was spent prioritizing others' happiness over her own, a sentiment that many can relate to. Yet, as she eloquently put it, "There is no one unworthy of what they want."This worthiness ties into our ability to make choices that might disappoint others but are ultimately healthy for us. Alexa suggests getting curious about our inner world to expand it and, in turn, create the holiday season and life we truly want.Communication is KeyIf you're considering breaking tradition this year, then honest and loving communication is crucial. How do you express your desire to do things differently without damaging relationships? Alexa advises looking at the quality of your relationships. Some conversations may be open-hearted and receptive, while others may require setting firm boundaries. Ultimately, it's about acknowledging others' feelings while staying true to your needs.Navigating Others' ExpectationsA recurring theme throughout our discussion was the balance of managing expectations—our own and others'. It's natural for people to feel insecure or fear losing connection when traditions change. Remember, just because someone is upset doesn't mean you're wrong or bad.Finding this balance is vital during the holidays and every aspect of our lives, no matter what time of year. Setting boundaries is not about shutting people out; it's about maintaining healthy relationships where everyone feels respected and valued.Towards a More Meaningful HolidayAre you ready to choose a holiday season that reflects your authentic self? Whether starting new traditions, setting boundaries, or communicating openly, the goal is to enjoy your time more and stress less. Alexa's Holiday Survival Kit, available through her website and her Substack, offers resources to help navigate this journey. It’s a support system designed for those who want to get the most out of their holiday season. I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did.LYLAS -S Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

I was on deadline. Five thousand words due, of which zero words were written.  So, naturally, I did the thing you do (or rather the thing I do) sometimes when under a daunting deadline. Procrastination is delaying or postponing a task despite knowing its importance and the potential consequences of not completing it. It’s a simple concept, but it feels so big, especially when you’re in its throes. How can this daunting invisible force bring us to our knees so quickly?  And with it, the unwelcome guests of guilt, shame, and self-doubt?If you’re one to procrastinate, remember there is nothing wrong with you. You are not lazy or undisciplined.But there is usually something underneath that drives us to put things off. Tune in as Sara shares 4 ways to beat Procrastination... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

In last week’s post, I considered the experience of experiencing multi-dimensional feelings (i.e., being nervous but confident, scared but excited), and I realized I wanted and needed to go a bit deeper on this topic. For you and for me. So this week, I sat down with my stagemate and friend, Stacy Smith Rogers, for a conversation on feeling our feelings, and what happens sometimes when you try something new. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

Do you ever get all the feels? You know, where you have many different emotions all at once? When my daughter was young (I hope you had a fabulous Mother’s Day yesterday), she used to say she was ‘nercited,’ a combination of nervousness and excitement. It was super cute and also very wise.This week, I’ve pondered the topics of authenticity and the importance of feeling your feelings. I wanted to show that you can be both confident and nervous. Both are possible at the same time. When you’re living in a grounded, authentic place and feeling your feelings, life is a full experience—not one-sided. Authenticity and feeling your feelings are keys to personal healing and transformation. I’m a true believer– this is the way. Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

The staircase from the greenroom was too steep for my 4” heels, and I was a little wobbly—or maybe that was just my imagination.You might have seen on social media that I repped Team 50s at the last Generation Women show. The event is—well—genius, really. Each month, the producers take a topic and ask someone from each generation to share a story from their life perspective on that topic. The show goes chronologically, starting with the 20s and working its way up. The last generation is 70+; this month, the 70+ was 81. Incredible. I didn’t know what to wear. A friend told me earlier that week to wear black. You’ll fit in anywhere in NYC if you have on at least one piece of black, so black it was—I wore an entire piece of black just to make sure. I also wore a pair of 4” Stiletto sandals, which were gold. I felt much more dressed up than the rest of my stage mates. I was in velvet; they were mostly in jeans. I was in gold heels while they were in flats and sneakers. (And I think it’s too early to wear open-toed sandals in NYC—you can take the girl out of Florida…)My middle school self showed up in all her glory -  awkward, doubting. Maybe I should throw my tennis shoes on with this jumper… In true pubescent pack mentality, I asked the groups’ opinion. You think I should change into my sneakers? No, they all agreed- you look great - wear what you came to wear. I felt vulnerable and maybe a little insecure.What if it fell flat? What if I was making a mistake?It was too late to turn back, so off I went—clomping up the stairs too steep for the heels and perhaps my story... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

I take Shasta for her afternoon walk.A police car turns on our street, sirens blazing. Loud - Deafening. She jumps.There is a couple with a baby in a stroller.The woman's face lights up as she spots Shasta. She is so cute! she exclaims, her voice filled with genuine affection.She’s very elegant, the man agrees. The baby is silent.A group is taking a selfie—or attempting to take a selfie. There are five of them, faces smiling, reluctant to leave each other or whatever it is they are doing.Join me for an afternoon walk in New York... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

It’s 1:00 am, and I never stay up until 1:00 am.I’ve started this new thing, and the tasks are adding up.I had issues with my computer this week—the ‘L' and' P’ keys stick intermittently, and I eat and drink too much while working - honestly, it was getting gross. On a whim, I got a new one, and there’s been a learning curve, so I’m behind on said tasks. Tonight, I chose to ‘do’ something instead of just lying there thinking about it. And here we are…If you’re reading this, you know I’ve started this new thing because you’ve subscribed to this Substack. (Thank you, THANK YOU—your support means the world!). It’s a project that’s been on my heart for almost a year. I’ve put it on the back burner several times since its inception—primarily because of our move to New York last summer— at least, that’s what I tell myself... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

I don’t like ramen. I’ve never liked ramen. Is it soup? Because you only eat soup when you’re sick. Is it noodles? Because noodles are pasta and pasta is for spaghetti, you eat it with a fork. Plus, it raises blood sugar too quickly and messes with the glycemic index. I’m not sick, nor do I want diabetes, so I don’t like ramen. It was a decision I made decades ago.Was I being rigid about this whole ramen thing? Rigidity is a protective mechanism we use to help us feel safe. I will not move because it is safer to stay where I am, to know what I know, and to believe what I believe.  Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

How often do we allow our expectations to determine how we feel? How often are those expectations living outside of us, in a place we have no control over? Those wrestling with or recovering from codependent behaviors tend to look outside of themselves for their happiness. So, how does one create their own safety and better manage expectations? I’m glad you asked! A Simple Strategy for you... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe

I’m presenting at the next Generation Women event (April 30), representing Team 50s. I’m excited  - and nervous and all the things. This is new to me. How is this my life? Almost a decade ago, I asked myself the same question, but back then, I asked out of disbelief instead of astonishment.Then I deconstructed my life, and learned to live authentically... Get full access to How To Blow Up Your Life at sarastansberry.substack.com/subscribe