Prayers and Cusswords

I think this episode is a funeral.Not for me…but for the version of me that only knew how to survive.No intro music.No edits.No polished production.Just me realizing — in real time — that I have not fully felt HERE in a very long time.This episode ties together every spiral, every late-night rant, every contradiction, every grief-filled reflection, every moment of trying to survive loudly enough so I wouldn’t disappear silently.Because maybe this whole time, Prayers & Cusswords was never about “having it together.”Maybe it was about documenting the very human experience of surviving while slowly trying to find your way back to yourself.Tonight, I finally understood the lesson.I survived beautifully.But I do not want survival to lead my life anymore.Consistency is my next evolution.If you’ve been emotionally absent from your own life… if you’ve been functioning while quietly drowning… if you’ve been overwhelmed for so long that rest, presence, and stability feel unfamiliar…This episode is for you.Welcome to Survival’s Funeral.

Can I get a witness?Not for perfection.Not for productivity.Not because I suddenly figured life out.Just… for trying.In this deeply personal episode of Prayers & Cusswords™, Ashley opens up about what it feels like to publicly narrate your pain while privately trying to hold your life together in real time.From caregiving for her mother, struggling emotionally behind the scenes, navigating overwhelm, work instability, motherhood, exhaustion, and purpose — this episode is a raw reflection on survival, community, and the quiet human need to feel witnessed while becoming.Ashley shares:• Why she disappeared for a few days• The thread that emotionally cracked something open in her• A meaningful conversation with Maryland Congressional candidate Shavonne Hedgepeth• The unexpected softness and support she found through a friendship with Adeline• The difference between surviving and actually living• Why honesty has become the thing keeping her afloatThis isn’t a polished success story.It’s an honest conversation about trying really hard not to lose yourself while life keeps demanding pieces of you.And honestly?I think a lot of us need a witness right now.

What happens when your inner world is falling apart at the exact moment your outer world starts validating you?In this episode, Ashley unpacks emotional addiction to “potential” — in relationships, careers, healing, and identity. From spiraling over an unanswered text from someone she knows is emotionally out of reach… to avoiding responsibilities while simultaneously building a viral platform… this episode explores the uncomfortable intersection of limerence, burnout, attachment wounds, boundaries, self-worth, and becoming visible online.This isn’t a polished healing episode.This is emotional honesty in real time.Topics:limerence & fantasy attachmentemotional unavailabilityburnout & avoidanceunconditional love vs boundariesnervous system exhaustionself-awareness during emotional spiralsbecoming visible while still healingIf you’ve ever felt like your life was simultaneously falling apart and aligning at the same time… this episode is for you.

After a viral post sparked thousands of women to share their experiences with limerence, Ashley finds herself in a real-time unraveling:What if limerence isn’t just about romance?What if it’s been shaping how we show up in friendships, family, grief, and even trauma responses?This episode is an unfiltered stream of consciousness exploring dopamine, disconnection, emotional overstimulation, and the question that won’t let her go:“Do I have to be in limerence to stay connected to you?”This one is intimate.This one is honest.This one might change how you see yourself.

This episode is what spiraling actually sounds like…Not the cute, aesthetic version.The real one.The kind where you’re up at 1:30AM emailing your therapist and psychiatrist, running on no sleep, questioning your job, your future, and your ability to hold it all together.The kind where you say “fuck it” to responsibilities because you genuinely don’t have anything left to give.But somewhere in the middle of all that chaos…something shifted.While cleaning my depression-filled home, I was reminded — through conversation, through presence, through energy — who I really am beneath all the burnout, diagnoses, and survival mode.Not broken.Not failing.Remembering.A soul navigating a human experience.A god in the middle of forgetting and becoming.And just when I grounded back into myself?Life responded.This is not a breakdown.This is me… spiraling into alignment.

700K views. 1,000 followers.And I haven’t checked my work email in over a week.In this episode, I’m sitting in the tension of it all—celebrating my platform’s growth while preparing for my mom to start treatment tomorrow.This is raw, real-time honesty about:– success that doesn’t feel stable– being self-aware enough to question your own momentum– and what it means to hold pride, fear, grief, and purpose… all at onceAm I building something bigger than me?Or am I falling apart with good branding?Maybe both.If you’ve ever felt like your life was expanding and unraveling at the same time—this one’s for you.Welcome to Prayers and Cusswords.Where softness and survival coexist.

(Am I Rebuilding or Ruining Everything?)You always knew.You just wanted to be wrong.In this raw, unfiltered episode, Ashley Jaye sits in the uncomfortable space between intuition and self-sabotage—questioning whether she’s rebuilding her life or quietly unraveling everything she worked so hard to become.From career, motherhood, discipline, and identity… to the emotional cost of ignoring that inner voice we all hear but don’t always follow—this is what it sounds like to be in the middle of it.No clarity.No clean ending.Just truth.Because sometimes the most expensive decisions aren’t the ones we didn’t see…They’re the ones we saw coming and chose anyway.

Some mothers are celebrated.Others are… invisible.This is for the woman who is tired of being tired.The one carrying grief, anxiety, and a never-ending to-do list.The one who doesn’t feel like she deserves celebration today.In this unfiltered Mother’s Day episode, Ashley Jaye speaks from the shadows—the overwhelmed, overstimulated, emotionally exhausted version of herself she once called “toxic”… and is now learning to love.This isn’t about perfect motherhood.This is about showing up anyway.Because motherhood isn’t just biological—it’s emotional, spiritual, and deeply human.And every woman… in one way or another… is a nurturer.Even in the dark.

This is a love letter.Just not the kind you think.In this episode, Ashley Jaye speaks to the one she won’t name—the one who didn’t stay but still changed everything. The one who felt like a mirror, a lesson, a loop she couldn’t break until she finally chose herself.There’s no anger here.No chasing.No closure conversation.Just truth.About loving someone who never fully held you.About confusing intensity for alignment.About what it means to walk away… while your heart still remembers.No love lost.Just… finally found.

Content Note:We’re talking about mental health, including moments where life felt too heavy to carry.If that’s where you are right now—pause this, breathe, and reach out.You are not meant to survive this alone.📞 Call/text 988 (U.S.)🌍 findahelpline.comSoftness is still available to you—even here.It’s Mental Health Awareness Month… and Ashley Jaye is not okay.Not in a polished, inspirational, “I healed and came out stronger” type of way.In this episode, she tells the truth about unmasking as a neurodivergent Black woman while her life feels like it’s falling apart. From almost choosing not to be here in January… to creating Prayers & Cusswords instead… to navigating burnout, grief, time blindness, avoidance, and rebuilding in real time.This isn’t a success story.This is the in-between.The part nobody prepares you for:When you don’t want to die anymore…but you also don’t know how to live like this.

I was “high-functioning”…until I wasn’t.In this episode, I unpack what it really means to be a neurodivergent Black woman navigating burnout, misdiagnosis, workplace trauma, and unmasking in real time.From being accused of drug-seeking while trying to get diagnosed…to advocating for myself at work and watching everything shift…to realizing how many relationships were built on performance instead of truth…this one is raw.If you’ve ever been holding it together publicly while falling apart privately…press play.

What’s the difference between feeling your emotions and explaining them?In this episode of Prayers and Cusswords, I explore the tension between intellectualizing emotions and actually experiencing them.I share why both are important—but how overanalyzing can sometimes lead to misplacing what we haven’t fully felt.If you’ve ever found yourself explaining your emotions instead of sitting in them…this conversation will resonate.

Sometimes I go quiet.Not because I don’t care…but because I don’t have the capacity to show up the way I want to.In this episode, I’m speaking directly to the people who love me through those moments — the ones who still check in, still invite me, still hold space for me even when I disappear.This isn’t an apology.It’s a thank you.If you’ve ever struggled with showing up while navigating your own mental and emotional capacity…this episode will feel like home.

I’m going viral… and I don’t even feel good about it.In this episode, I share what it actually feels like to be overwhelmed in real time—navigating mental health, the possibility of losing my job, and unexpected attention all at once.This isn’t about having answers.It’s about what happens when you realize you’re burnt out, misaligned, and still responsible for showing up for your life.If you’ve ever struggled to do the “basic” things while everything around you keeps moving…this is for you.

I’m on the brink of losing my job.At the same time, my mom is beating cancer…and Shonda Rhimes liked one of my posts.So tell me…how can life feel like it’s falling apart and coming together at the exact same time?In this episode of Prayers and Cusswords, I’m sharing what it feels like to exist in the middle —of uncertainty, identity shifts, and unexpected alignment.This isn’t about having it all figured out.It’s about what happens when you realize you’ve outgrown the life you built…and something new is trying to emerge.If you’ve ever felt like you’re on the edge of losing everything…while also feeling like something bigger is calling you—this episode is for you.

In this episode of Prayers and Cusswords, Ashley Jaye shares her personal experience navigating ADHD in the workplace—including receiving an “unsuccessful” performance rating despite measurable impact and contributions.This episode explores:– ADHD and productivity myths– Workplace culture and neurodivergence– Burnout, misalignment, and self-advocacy– Creating alternative paths and purpose-driven workIf you’re struggling to fit into traditional career structures, this conversation offers both validation and perspective.

I Almost Shrunk… But I Remembered Who I AmThey laughed. They whispered. They gave me a nickname.Not in high school…At my grown job.And for a second? I almost shrunk.This episode is about workplace bullying, being triggered by old wounds, and the moment you decide you’re not that version of yourself anymore. It’s about reclaiming your power, your presence, and your identity—without waiting for anyone else to validate it.Because Bad B!tch Energy isn’t about how you look…It’s about who you decide to be when people try to play with your name.If you’ve ever been talked about, laughed at, or made to feel small—this one is for you.Press play. Walk in different.

Today wasn’t just a drive through Baltimore and Westminster—it was a drive through my mother’s past.What started as a beautiful day turned into something deeper… a quiet realization about time, identity, and the uncomfortable space of not having life figured out yet.While reflecting on her life, I couldn’t ignore my own—feeling stuck, undervalued, and searching for meaning in a place I no longer feel aligned with.This episode is about seeing your parents as people, confronting your own uncertainty, and learning how to exist in the “in-between” without rushing your story.

I had a parenting moment that forced me to look in the mirror.This episode is about accountability—not just for our kids, but for ourselves.Because growth starts when we stop avoiding our role in the story.

There’s something deeply backwards about a world where truth disrupts the room more than violence does.With everything trending right now about men violating women and turning it into content… I had to speak.This episode is about:Medusa and the story they got wrongOwning your truth out loudWhy survivors are never the ones who “ruin the vibe”This one is raw. Personal. Necessary.🎙️ Prayers and Cuss Words™Because healing isn’t always pretty… but it’s always real.

Women in your mid to late 30s…Are you actually happy?Or just holding it together really well?I asked this question out loud, and the responses didn’t feel like content—they felt like truth.One woman said she wouldn’t even be mad if it was her last day here. She laughed, but I felt the weight behind it. Another said her early 30s were hell and that she’s no longer chasing happiness—just peace.And that’s the part that stayed with me.Because nobody really talks about this age.We celebrate turning 30 like it’s an arrival. But what about everything that comes after? The rebuilding. The letting go. The quiet grief. The becoming.This is a forgotten age.We’re not new to life anymore, but we’re not settled either. We’re carrying careers, kids, healing, expectations—and trying to find ourselves somewhere in the middle of all of it.And if I’m honest?I don’t think a lot of us are unhappy.I think we’re tired.Tired of carrying life this heavy.It took me years of rebuilding, reimagining, and redefining what my life even looks like to get close to peace. And I’ve learned something along the way:Happiness is something you do.Peace is something you become.So maybe that’s the shift.Maybe we stop asking if we’re happy…and start asking if we’re at peace.And if the answer is “not yet”?That doesn’t mean you’re behind.It means you’re becoming.

What if you’re not failing, but evolving? Ego Death Is Not Failure is a reflection on outgrowing old identities, survival patterns, and roles that no longer fit. This episode is for anyone moving through change, grief, and transformation—and learning that becoming someone new can feel a lot like losing who you used to be.

You always knew.You just wanted to be wrong.In this raw, unfiltered episode, Ashley Jaye sits in the uncomfortable space between intuition and self-sabotage—questioning whether she’s rebuilding her life or quietly unraveling everything she worked so hard to become.From career, motherhood, discipline, and identity… to the emotional cost of ignoring that inner voice we all hear but don’t always follow—this is what it sounds like to be in the middle of it.No clarity.No clean ending.Just truth.Because sometimes the most expensive decisions aren’t the ones we didn’t see…They’re the ones we saw coming and chose anyway.

It’s not just a podcast.It’s my life in real time.My grief.My mental health.My journey as a single mother.My discrimination case at work.My third furlough in six months.My faith. My frustration. My becoming.It’s me learning how to regulate my emotions…while raising a son who already has the tools I had to survive to understand.This episode is for anyone who has ever felt sacred and messy at the same time.If your healing isn’t clean…if your faith doesn’t fit in a box…if you’re still figuring it out while living it…You’ve found your tribe.Welcome to Prayers and Cusswords™️.

This episode is raw on purpose.No edits. No smoothing. No fixing myself in post-production.Just my real voice, real pauses, real emotion — exactly as it came out.In this episode, I’m closing the door on 2025 and stepping fully into 2026 with clarity, self-awareness, and honesty. I talk about metacognition — not as a buzzword, but as a lived practice. How learning to observe my thoughts instead of battling them helped me survive, heal, and reframe some of the most defining moments of my life.This episode sits inside a larger conversation about thinking differently, not fixing yourself.You’ll hear moments where I pause to think. Where I repeat myself. Where I find the words in real time. That’s not a flaw — that’s the work. Healing doesn’t happen in clean soundbites. It happens in the middle of the mess, in the silence, in the processing.If you’re entering 2026 feeling like you don’t need a new version of yourself — just permission to be the one you already are — this episode is for you.This is me, healing out loud.This is me choosing presence over polish.This is me saying: 2025 was last year.

It’s been a long week but I made it to Friday. Listen while I talk out my thoughts before bedtime.

In this deeply personal 10-minute episode, I open the door a little wider and invite you deeper into my world—past the first introduction and into the raw truth of how it feels to navigate healing, mental health, and visibility all at once.I talk candidly about the labels placed on me, the assumptions people make, and the constant push to defend my humanity in spaces that should uplift me. But I also share what’s real beneath it all: how grounded I am in my journey, how self-aware I’ve become, and how determined I am to keep choosing myself—every day, in every season.This episode is a reminder, to myself and to anyone listening, that I am the most important being in my own timeline. And from this point forward, I’m loving, fighting, advocating, educating, and honoring myself with the same intensity that life has demanded from me.If you’re navigating your own healing, redefining your story, or reclaiming your power—this one is for you.

In this 7-minute, off-the-cuff intro, Ashley opens the door to her world with raw honesty, humor, and heart. It’s a warm, unfiltered ramble about who she is, what she’s survived, what she’s building, and why this podcast matters. Think of it as a voice note to the collective — a quick vibe-check, an energetic handshake, and a reminder that healing doesn’t have to be polished to be powerful.Short, real, and straight from the soul — this bonus episode sets the tone for everything that’s coming.