Quest For You

Celebrating 600 episodes coincides with the end of an epic year and I want to take to opportunity to invite you to reflect together with me. I want to help you see that this year may have not been the most productive, as you have witnesses with the irregularity of my last 100 episodes, but that doesn't mean it was a waste. Lets zoom in on it and find meaning.

Join me on this Thanksgiving day 2020 with some gratitude, no matter how hard that might be to find this year. We can find gratitude in the past, by acknowledging all the wonderful experiences we have had. We can also find it in this present moment, and in the future.

The moments that are bigger than us tend to lead us into many directions - hiding, frantically searching for answers, or we feel overwhelmed. I have found that such moments, of which we have many this year, are meant to lead us back to ourselves. They require reflection and contemplation as it is often in that quiet time with ourselves that we get to the insights we need to move forward.

Its election week and I am less concerned about who wins, and more about what our reaction as a country will be to the incoming president. The word civility has been on my mind lately and this week is a good time to remind ourselves that we cannot afford to forget about it. Being polite may not always be easy, but its the more effective and productive way to deal with issues we don't agree with and to treat people that are different from us.

I have been silent for a few weeks with this podcast and this episode is an attempt to explain my reasons. And while there are many potential explanations - the bottom line is this - I haven't gotten it done. And while I am tempted to blame 2020 with all its newness and not-normalness, I have also have to be honest with myself. I had ideas, but they haven't turned into action. This episode may resonate with many of you as I am certain we all in stuck in some areas of our life. And to get unstuck, we just need to take one small step. This episode is my first step.

In the last months, our lives have been pretty restricted, and we had to follow many guidelines devised by others. But that doesn't mean we need to give up control of our entire life. Being restricted is not the end. We are still in control of our life. Before we echo what everyone says or does, lets think for ourselves and lets make decisions that are best for us. This requires a constant choosing of ourselves over others, or whatever may seem easiest.

When life is challenging, its our tendency to escape. Or we furiously try to work out solutions to our issues. Yet there is a simpler answer that doesn’t waste so much effort and time. Its called presence. Being attentive with what is. Even if its uncertain or difficult, as it is for many of us at this moment.

I am fascinated by this grounding and yet inspiring book that brings home the importance of connecting with ourselves first before we can try to try love another. Piver beautifully connects the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism to love and relationships, which begins with the love for ourselves.

A life-altering tragedy can be a stopping point for many of us. But not for Marilyn Washington Harris. Her love for her son has guided her through extremely challenging times, and at the same time gave her to fuel to turn her pain into action. Today she helps other mothers who have experienced loss through her organization named after her son and thereby inspires others to not stop with pain, but to move forward with love.

Things have fallen apart lately quite a bit for all of us. Pema Chödrön's book offers a light that can help us see in the darkness. And it begins with us. We have to change our grasping for safety and need for control and learn to see the lessons within the challenges before us.  Things falling apart then becomes good news, because it offers us the opportunity to begin again.

Meet Sarah Germany - a chef, educator and writer who provides hands-on nutrition, health and wellness education to low income communities of color. In this impactful conversation Sarah dives deep into food - her passion and her struggle with food, and how she turned food into a success story as well as a mission to help others heal with food. She is currently seeking representation her first full-length work, Stories from the Kitchen: There’s Healing at the Table, Ya’ll. And this conversation offers insight into the powerful stories Sarah has to share on her journey of redefining food for us.

Who likes to talk about fear? The things that worry or scare us are better kept hidden. The problem is, fears find another way to show up. Sadly, that way may be less manageable - anger, jealousy, stress. There is an alternative that Pema Chödrön calls intimacy with fears. Its a befriending and a welcoming of those things that scare us, so we can see what they show us about ourselves and learn to move forward with them.

Tune in as I am sharing some key insights gained from reading Essentialism, a book that reminded me again that I have more control over my life than I often think. Especially during these difficult times, we are distracted more than ever and getting the important goals done can be hard. This book is packed with tips on how to gain control over our life and the things that matter to us.

Inspired by the book Essentialism, I have reconnected with the magic word Action. Action, no matter how tiny, will get us out of any rut. While the world is in a state of confusion and we feel helpless and floating from one day into the next without direction, we can still work towards our goals. Do the minimal viable thing you know will make a difference. It may not get you to your goal tomorrow, but it will pave the path to get there eventually.

Join me in this wonderful conversation with my friend and the Director of Business Development at the Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute, Mehmet Sevinç. He teaches us how to use personal stories to humanize our workplaces and our lives. When we share more of ourselves, we have the ability to build deeper and more meaningful connections with the people in our life.

At any given time, we are either above the line or below the line. We are above the line when we come from a place of trust and openness. But quite often, we come from below the line, meaning we feel threatened. We react defensively because we want to be right, and that causes conflicts and misunderstanding. In this episode we will talk about becoming more aware of the line which then helps us shift from below to above and have more effective interactions with the people in our life.

Join my conversation with Cathy DeForest who started a powerful organization called VisionQuilt that aims to reduce gun violence in our communities through art and dialogue. Cathy took action on a dream and combined her knowledge and experience from teaching and art to bring together people and partners to create positive change. The time is ripe for all of us to think on a bigger scale and contribute with our strengths and resources to make this world a better place. Allow yourself to be inspired by Cathy and her mission.

Darkness does not mean its all negative and the end is near. Often it is through darkness that we find the light. Darkness can show us what we are capable of. It can also help us become stronger for the next steps ahead.

Many of us are struggling with focus these days because to many issues, and all important, want our attention. It can be overwhelming and may result in fatigue and complete disorientation. My time out in nature has taught me how to find some focus again our current, often uncertain lives.

Join me in this wonderful conversation with Amana Harris, the Executive Director of the Attitudinal Healing Connection in Oakland. In a time when more people feel lost and disoriented, Amana offers another way: Love. We have love already within us and we can choose it every day. Learn more about her impactful work at the AHC and allow yourself to shine your light onto this world with your gifts. Find out more about AHC here: http://www.ahc-oakland.org/

This is a special time for all of us - to listen and see what it is we need to learn. And then use our new understanding and make better decisions going forward.

A short but important message during a difficult time: Shine your light for the world to see. Lets make being human great again. Bring your gift to the world and help make it a better place. We all need it.

Love is always available to us. When the right words don't come. When we struggle with people and circumstances. Love is always an option. Just with a few deep breaths, we can connect to the love that we all have inside of us. And when we bring it out into the world, we help others find their love as well.

When I think of the moments in my life that I consider perfect, I realize that they teach me something very important: Life is always perfect. I just need to take a more proactive approach. It starts with my thoughts. And when times are less favorable, I can still always find something good.

Life currently is pretty uncomfortable for most of us. Yet, we continually should challenge ourselves and expose ourselves to just a bit more discomfort. I realized than a new challenge, even a small one, distracts me from my worries and makes me feel more alive. Listen to this replay episode originally published as in Episode 467 and see if you can tackle something new that will help you grow.

Somehow we all adopted the new catchy phrase The New Normal, as if it were that easy to just jump from old to new. I think letting go is easier said than done. We grief over what we lost, especially if it mattered. Lets talk about the importance of a transition and allowing our feelings to be present for that.

Hope can sometimes feel overly optimistic. But total negativity on the other hand also doesn't seem right. Whats a hope that is active and engaged? Lets learn about wise hope. Wise hope encourages us to stay aware and involved, while recognizing our limitations. Wise hope is a good middle ground that keeps is mindful and present.

All this alone time has taught me how to have more conversations with myself. These are more than just self talk. They are actual inquiries into my heart. I seek stillness in nature, and then I ask questions. And quite surprisingly, after a dialog with myself, I obtain answers. These then give me more clarity and direction for my life.

Looking for the positives in a tough situation can be hard. When there is sadness, we need to allow it to be. And then we can look for meaning in the circumstance. We can look at what we have available to us, and what we can do with that. The search for meaning requires asking questions, having a conversation with ourselves, and some experimentation. But that keeps us engaged. And that will take us somewhere and not keep us stuck.

Join me for a deep and mindful conversation with Charlie Rebich, creator of Beyond Polarization, a project that aims to help us communicate better despite opposing viewpoints. In this interview you will learn that conflict does't have to polarize us. Instead we can learn how to dance with it and thereby improve our relationships. Charlie shares simple mindfulness tools such as breathing and journaling that can help us stay centered when things heat up around us. We talk about hope, how to remain positive in challenging times, and how to move forward.

When we face a negative situation, its natural to deem it as something bad. Equally, a pleasant surprise is often considered great news. But these are judgements in the moment and we don't really know what this event turns into in the long-term. Right now we are all facing adverse circumstances, but can we know for sure what happens down the road? An ancient Chinese parable can help us shift our thinking.

Sometimes we find friends in unique and unexpected ways. In this interview with my friends Bharat Nain and Mallory Whitfield, you can learn about importance of being open-minded, compassionate and vulnerable. And you will also notice how this has helped us become friends, even though we are all very different.

We all desire more inner peace but we think the search for it is complicated and time-consuming. In this episode I share the most basic tool we all have at our disposal to access that peace, which doesn't have to be found. Its already within us. It just needs to be drawn out.

Getting up early, earlier than everyone else, and earlier than your normally would, is the most important routine you can have. The answer to the tasks you're currently not tackling, and the goals you are currently not reaching lies in the early hours of the day. When everyone is asleep, you can get ahead. In this episode I share a strategy that works for me when I am determined to establish a new routine.

This is a unique time in our life and instead of asking what it is teaching us, we need to look for the lessons we are learning. These will be different for everyone. But it usually the things we struggle with that teach us the most. Take some time for reflection on the things you are learning during this time.

Have you observed a trend towards more kindness and generosity in your community? People are stepping up by sharing their content more freely and being more available. There might be a correlation between peace and love. While we are forced into peace, we are reaching out and extending more love. We are seeking connection with others and I believe we are (finally) more proactive about it and more compassionate with each other. Its a good trend.

Is life good when I am happy, or am I happy when life is good? Life is who you are. We are our life and we are responsible how it plays it.We can't control what happens in the world around us, but we can control our inner world. This is an important consideration especially during the current pandemic where many of us are at a loss and looking for answers and certainty on the outside.

Part 2 of my interview with the amazing Dre, where he shares important life wisdom. Dre not only got himself out of trouble, but now lives a prosperous life which he continually improves upon. And - he helps others to do the same. He runs a barbershop in one of the poorest parts of Oakland, not to make money, but to make a difference. Listen to learn from Dre on how achieve a life true that is aligned with your values.

My friend Dre shares his very personal story that began in the poorest neighborhoods in Oakland. He still works in that area but now has a much different life. The streets have taught him principles he still uses and applies. He is a successful entrepreneur and in this first part of the interview, we meet Dre at his Barbershop where he talks about his journey. The lessons from his life can serve us today as we are trying to adjust to change and adversity.

Just as if a long-term relationship just ended, I have a hard time accepting my new reality. Yet, I realized that this is exactly what I need to do in order to move forward. Wishing for my old life to return keeps me hanging on to a past that will not come back. Without accepting, I can't move forward. And most importantly, I will miss the opportunity that lies in this moment.

It may feel as though we are a victim in this current pandemic because so much is out of our hands. Stuck at home, all we can do is worry and wait. The Stoics would disagree. Worry is an unproductive emotion that only hinders how we show up for ourselves and others every day. Lets go over some of the ancient Stoic advise and apply it. We can control more than we think.

Our worries take us into the future. While worrying, we miss the beauty of the current moment. Right now, right here, our worries haven't yet materialized. While the world definitely is NOT ok at the moment, we can find small joys in every day. Lets focus on those.

Breathing well is the most basic form of self care that we can all do in these challenging times. Worry and stress can cause us to hold our breath more than we realize. Combine your conscious inhales with conscious thoughts of peace. What you breathe is also what you breathe out. By taking in more peace, more love will be able to emerge.

Our vision has become very blurry. We had goals, we had resolutions, we had plans. And now? Everything is on hold. This is a pause. It does not mean everything is lost. But it may look different than we thought. Now is the time to reflect, to meditate, to become still and to clear our vision so we can see better again. 2020 is a year of clear vision - but it will require more effort to see. Lets come together and help each other see. I created a Meetup group called Vision 2020. Join me! https://www.meetup.com/Vision-2020-What-do-you-see/

Especially in difficult situations, we like to find someone to blame. We are in a pandemic, and yes, its easy to look east and just blame a country or a group of people. But that does not help us get out of the situation we are in. We are in this together. We are all connected. We are all part of the problem and the solution. Its our opportunity to contribute to this solution.

In this uncertain time, we look for any signal from the outside that can give us some peace. We read news, hoping it will get better. Sadly, there are very few lights at the end of what appears to be a long tunnel. We cannot find peace on the outside - peace always come from within. And when we find it within us, we can then carry it outward.

During these challenging times, where we all try to make sense of our life, Monk has a message for us. Its about coming home, not just physically, as we are all forced to do right now, but also in our heart. Come home to yourself, sit with yourself, and in the stillness, discover yourself. Your strength, your wisdom, and love for yourself and the world - its all within you. Allow Monk to teach to you a very critical lesson that can decide how you will overcome the current obstacle.

Every day these days I wake up feeling like its a brand new day. In absence of my regular routine, my plans and my appointments, I need to gather strength and courage to get my days moving along in a productive way. But I can also look at it as a new opportunity to do something different. To use the time I have in a new way. To change my approach, and come out of my routine-driven thinking and think in different, more creative ways.

The uncertainty we are all currently facing presents a war-like scenario within ourselves. Stress and anxiety go up, potentially leading to panic and depression. We need to find peace. Sounds easier said, than done, I know. I have the same battle within me. Meditation has helped me to accept what is. And the 10 mantras of peace recently shared with me by my company CEO also are very helpful. Enjoy them, take them in, listen to them as often as need be. Until you find some peace.

An unscripted episode during an unscripted time. An unprecedented time, a difficult time. And yet, I still want to bring you a few thoughts that I am encouraging you to write out. In this strange time I don't find it so easy to just read or learn a language, as so many people now recommend. Its normal to be worried. What helps me is to write my worries out, and then give them a time limit each day. And then, I try to shine, in whatever way I can. The connection with others is critical now that we are more physically isolated than ever before.