Relational Lives Podcast

Most of us want to believe that when we start a relationship, we’re beginning with a clean slate. But the truth is, we all bring "uninvited guests" into our partnerships, old hurts, family patterns, and painful memories that we thought we’d left behind. In this episode, we’re opening up about a new direction for the show. We’re stepping away from general advice to focus on the messy, high-stakes reality of couples who are truly struggling. We’re talking about what happens when life gets heavy, whether that’s through broken trust, the shadow of addiction, or those deep wounds from the past that just won’t stay buried. The Realities We’re Facing We want to pull back the curtain on why we react the way we do when we’re hurt or scared. We’ll be exploring: The "Why" Behind the Fight: Understanding how the things you went through long ago are actually driving your arguments today. Staying in the Trenches: What it really looks like to fix a bond that feels shattered by betrayal or chronic struggle. Changing the Script: Moving past the blame game and learning how to look inward so you can show up differently for your partner. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to New Focus on Couples Therapy 03:34 Understanding the Impact of Past Experiences 06:35 Exploring Addiction in Relationships 09:17 The Role of Shame and Belonging 11:00 Building Healthier Relationships Moving Forward   ⭐Keywords Relationships | Therapy | Past Experiences | Addiction | Betrayal | Emotional Healing | Couples Therapy | Mental Health | Personal Growth ✨ Join the Relational Lives Community Are you navigating the complexities of trauma-informed healing or looking to deepen your connection through attachment-based insights? We want to hear your story! 🎙️ Be Our Guest Have you and your partner experienced a transformation through couples therapy? Whether it was Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), trauma-informed coaching, or attachment repair, we’d love to have you share your journey as guests on the show. Email us: [email protected] Share Anonymously: Fill out our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT 💡 Suggest a Topic What relationship hurdles should we tackle next? From anxious-avoidant traps to nervous system regulation in marriage, let us know what you want to learn about. 🔗 Connect with Us Stay updated on the latest episodes regarding mental health, trauma recovery, and secure attachment: Instagram: @relational_lives Facebook: Relational Lives TikTok: @relational_lives LinkedIn: Tempo Psychotherapy Services 📺 Explore More Loving the show? Subscribe to stay informed on trauma, attachment theory, and relational wellness. If this episode resonated with you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Perfect for: Anyone interested in EFT couples therapy, attachment styles, CPTSD recovery, and building healthier, more resilient connections. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music: Stile Tree Studio ⚠️ Disclaimer This podcast is for educational and self-reflection purposes only and is not a replacement for professional medical advice or personal therapy. If you are seeking individualised support for trauma or relationship distress, please reach out to a professional in your area.

Constantly nagging or feeling 'never good enough' in love? ADHD's hidden role in relationships explained—bridge the neurotypical clash now." ADHD suspicions (diagnosed or not) disrupt partnerships silently. Hosts Ali and Ros reveal therapy insights: why ADHD brains spark friction beyond "lazy" labels, and proven bridges to deeper connection. 00:00 Understanding ADHD in Relationships 01:20 The Impact of ADHD on Non-ADHD Partners 03:55 Managing Chores and Responsibilities 06:16 The Dynamics of Attention and Interest 08:58 Building Awareness and Compassion 12:06 Takeaway Tips for Couples 15:05 Resources and Future Episodes   📍 Resources mentioned: https://www.adhdmarriage.com/ Books: The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps - https://amzn.eu/d/0eqHRESO Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD - https://amzn.eu/d/0e48TJKi   ✨ We want to hear from you: Couples! If you have had couples therapy and it has transformed your relationship and you would be happy to share your experience as guests on an episode, we would love to hear from you. Suggest a Topic: What relationship hurdles should we tackle next? Do get in touch to let us know. ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ If this episode helped you, and you would like to contribute to production of future episodes, you can help us via this link: buymeacoffee.com/relationallives  Any amount is helpful to us.  ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

Struggling to communicate because childhood never taught you how? Or maybe you're outgrowing your partner? Ali and Ros explore real listener dilemmas in this 'Dear Therapists' episode of Relational Lives. 00:00 Exploring Communication Patterns in Relationships 02:25 Understanding the Impact of Childhood on Adult Relationships 05:23 The Role of Awareness in Communication Challenges 08:12 The Consequences of Suppressed Emotions 08:37 Navigating the Dilemma of Unspoken Needs 11:16 Navigating Personal Growth and Communication 14:45 Understanding Relationship Dynamics After 25 Years 20:52 Reframing Relationship Endings 23:27 Exploring Alternatives to Traditional Separation   ✨ We want to hear from you: Couples! If you have had couples therapy and it has transformed your relationship and you would be happy to share your experience as guests on an episode, we would love to hear from you. Suggest a Topic: What relationship hurdles should we tackle next? Do get in touch to let us know. ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio  

What happens when your partner’s brain is wired differently than yours? In this episode, hosts Ali and Ros explore the unique dynamics of neuro-mixed (or neuro-distinct) couples, where one partner is on the autism spectrum and the other is neurotypical. We move past the stereotypes to look at the daily reality of loving across neurological lines, offering a roadmap for couples looking to bridge the gap between two different ways of experiencing the world.   00:00 Understanding Neurodiversity in Relationships 03:16 Navigating Change and Anxiety 05:13 Sensory Differences and Intimacy 07:54 Communication Challenges and Alexithymia 10:52 Processing Speed and Relationship Dynamics 13:57 Fairness, Justice, and Conflict 16:50 Social Engagement and Exhaustion 18:31 Takeaway Tips for Couples 📍 Resources mentioned: Embrace Autism | The ultimate autism resource   ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio      

In this episode, relationship therapist Catherine Topham Sly shares insights on rekindling intimacy after having children, addressing the emotional and physical challenges couples face, and practical tips for reconnecting. 00:00 Introduction to Catherine Topham Sly 01:32 Catherine's Journey into Relationship Therapy 05:29 The Impact of Parenthood on Relationships 11:34 Navigating Sexuality and Intimacy Post-Childbirth 17:16 Communication Challenges in Relationships 19:00 Seeking Help: When to Reach Out for Support 20:00 Navigating Relationship Transitions 23:08 The Impact of Parenthood on Intimacy 27:13 Understanding Emotional Connections in Relationships 32:47 Opening the Conversation About Sex 35:14 Utilizing the Workbook for Relationship Growth 41:17 Awareness and Compatibility in Relationships 42:20 The Risks of Self-Discovery 43:30 Navigating Relationship Patterns 44:31 Key Takeaway Tips for Couples 📍 Resources: Ways to contact or follow Catherine: Website: https://insightconnection.uk/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/insightandconnection/ Back In The Sack: https://insightconnection.uk/sex-after-kids/   ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio  

In this episode, we explore what it really means to feel “triggered” and why some reactions in the present are powered by unhealed moments from the past. We look at how triggers show up in the body and nervous system, how they’re shaped by earlier relationships, and why they can feel so fast and overwhelming. You’ll hear practical ways to spot your own triggers, pause before reacting, and respond with more self-compassion. We also explore how triggers play out in close relationships, and how understanding them can move couples from blame and shutdown towards more safety and connection. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Triggers 01:19 Understanding Triggers and Reactions 04:01 Recognizing Personal Triggers 07:03 Defensive Reactions and Their Roots 10:01 The Impact of Triggers on Relationships 13:01 Exploring Emotional Responses 16:01 Triggers in Digital Communication 17:55 The Impact of Exclusion on Self-Perception 20:15 Understanding Triggers from Past Experiences 26:36 The Role of Core Beliefs in Emotional Reactions 31:29 Strategies for Managing Triggers and Reactions ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

In this episode, we’re joined by Monica Tanner, host of Secrets of Happily Ever After, to explore the myths that quietly shape our expectations of marriage. We dive into what actually helps couples communicate more openly, rebuild intimacy, and create relationships grounded in mutual respect. If you’ve ever questioned the “rules” you’ve been taught about love, this conversation offers a refreshing and practical new perspective. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Marriage Myths 01:51 Monica's Journey and Background 07:00 Communication: The Key to Relationships 10:09 Identifying Common Marriage Myths 18:50 The Importance of Collaboration in Marriage 22:31 Navigating Communication in Relationships 27:16 Challenging Myths Around Sexuality 30:56 Cultivating Compassionate Curiosity 37:10 Key Takeaways for Relationship Growth 📍 Resources mentioned: Book: https://a.co/d/025VpZLO Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6KnkyQGEr20TnQsfmx7kX0?si=01e6f9237346405f ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio  

In this episode of Relational Lives, the hosts explore what it really means to listen, and to feel heard, in our relationships. They unpack the idea of ‘holding space’ for one another, the subtle barriers that get in the way of meaningful communication, and the difference between simply hearing and truly being present. Blending personal stories with professional insight, they reflect on how different communication styles shape connection and disconnection alike. The conversation offers practical ways to build deeper understanding, patience, and curiosity, reminding us that genuine listening is less a skill we have, and more one we keep learning. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Listening and Being Heard 02:54 Understanding Holding Space 05:51 Barriers to Effective Listening 08:40 The Impact of Emotions on Listening 11:44 Examples of Effective Listening 14:37 The Role of Curiosity in Communication 17:47 Influences on Our Ability to Listen 18:34 The Importance of Being Heard 21:29 Overcoming Communication Barriers 23:52 Navigating Relationship Dynamics 27:15 Finding Courage to Communicate 30:01 Techniques for Effective Listening 32:57 Creating Space for Both Voices 36:38 The Journey Towards Better Communication   ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

In this episode, Ros and Ali explore the vital role that boundaries play in our relationships, how they shape connection, protect well-being, and promote self-respect. They unpack what boundaries really are, the different forms they take, and why so many of us struggle to set or maintain them. Along the way, they consider the influence of family dynamics, workplace norms, and personal history, highlighting how self-awareness is key to boundary setting. The discussion wraps up with compassionate, practical guidance on building boundaries that feel both confident and kind. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Boundaries in Relationships 06:24 Types of Boundaries: Physical, Emotional, and More 12:09 Navigating Boundaries in Family Dynamics 17:51 Workplace Boundaries and Professional Relationships 21:09 Understanding Boundaries and People Pleasing 24:37 The Impact of Childhood on Boundaries 29:39 Recognizing and Changing Boundary Behaviours 35:46 Practicing Assertiveness in Setting Boundaries 39:43 Reflecting on Personal Boundaries and Growth 📍 Resources mentioned: Things you might notice in yourself and in the relationship when your boundaries are being crossed. Many people only recognise boundary crossings through these kinds of feelings and patterns, and that noticing them is often the first step toward making kinder, clearer choices in relationships.   What you might notice in yourself A sense of dread or heaviness before seeing or replying to a message You say “yes” when you mean “no,” then feel resentful, used or quietly angry You find yourself over‑explaining, justifying or defending quite basic needs or preferences. You apologise a lot, even when you haven’t done anything wrong, just to smooth things over.   You leave interactions feeling small, guilty, ashamed or “too sensitive”. You feel responsible for managing the other person’s mood, reactions or disappointment. You’re exhausted by how much emotional support you give and notice they’re rarely there for you.   You’re walking on eggshells, monitoring what you say or do to avoid a reaction. What you might notice in the other person’s behaviour They ignore or push past your “no,” or keep asking after you’ve clearly declined. They guilt‑trip you, sulk, give the silent treatment or make you feel you’re selfish for having limits. They tell you you’re overreacting, too sensitive, or that it’s “not a big deal” when you raise something. They don’t respect your need for time or space sending multiple messages, pressure to respond immediately, irritation if you’re not available. They invade your physical or digital space, standing too close, touching without checking, reading your messages, turning up uninvited. What you might notice over time The relationship feels lopsided – their needs, crises or opinions always seem to take centre‑stage. You’re losing touch with what you like, want or believe, because it’s easier to go along with them. You start to withdraw, wondering how to escape, or avoid contact rather than having an honest conversation. ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

In this episode of Relational Lives, couples therapist Michael Preston opens up a thoughtful conversation about the inner emotional worlds of men in relationships. He reflects on the challenges men often face when trying to connect emotionally with their partners, and how cultural expectations can shape, and sometimes limit their capacity for vulnerability. Michael discusses the role of father–son relationships, the power of emotional language, and the importance of non‑sexual touch in building closeness and safety. Throughout the conversation, he invites men to recognise their own emotional needs and highlights how seeking support can lead to deeper, more authentic connections. 00:00 Introduction to Men in Relationships 01:55 Michael's Background and Experience 02:21 Men's Emotional Connection Challenges 05:52 Understanding Men's Needs Beyond Sex 08:44 Cultural Expectations and Emotional Vulnerability 11:16 Changing Parenting Dynamics 12:39 Building Emotional Vocabulary 15:36 Accessing Inner Emotions 19:14 The Myth of Men's Emotional Expression 21:18 The Importance of Validation 26:36 Personal Experiences and Empathy 28:08 Navigating Vulnerability in a Dangerous World 31:13 The Emotional Landscape of Male Relationships 37:46 Sexual Intimacy vs. Emotional Connection 46:09 The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch 52:41 Building Emotional Vocabulary in Relationships   📍 Resources mentioned: www.michaelprestonlpc.com Couples In Focus Podcast   ✨ We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? ✨ Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT ✨ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ ✨ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! ✨ Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   ✨ Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio  

✨This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, disordered eating, and body image. It may be distressing or triggering, especially if you are currently struggling. Please take care while listening and feel free to skip this episode if you need to. If you are affected by eating difficulties, consider reaching out to a GP or mental health professional, or contacting an eating disorder support service in your area for help. ✨   In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali opens up about her deeply personal journey with an eating disorder. She traces her story back to childhood experiences of emetophobia and the cultural pressures that shaped her relationship with body image and control. Ali reflects on how her eating disorder evolved, the impact it had on her family, and her time in an adolescent mental health unit. Through her recovery, she explores the central role of community, the transformative power of good therapy, and the nourishment—both physical and emotional, that supports healing. Ali shares thoughtful insights and hope for anyone navigating similar struggles. #EDAW2026 #eatingdisordersawareness 00:00 Introduction to Eating Disorders Awareness Week 00:45 Ali's Personal Journey with Emetophobia 03:22 Cultural Influences on Body Image and Eating Disorders 06:28 The Development of Restrictive Eating Behaviors 09:32 The Impact of Family Dynamics on Eating Disorders 12:33 Seeking Help: The Role of Medical Professionals 15:31 Admittance to a Psychiatric Adolescent Unit 18:29 Experiences in the Treatment Facility 21:33 Community and Belonging Among Peers 23:49 The Struggles of Reintegration into Family and School Life 26:42 Triggers and the Return to Restrictive Eating 29:38 Reflections on Recovery and Ongoing Challenges 30:37 The Dormant Struggles of Anorexia 32:42 The Impact of Relationships on Recovery 36:39 Hitting Rock Bottom: The Turning Point 39:45 Finding Help: The Role of Support Systems 42:38 The Importance of Nourishment in Recovery 45:40 Understanding the Complexity of Identity 48:42 The Therapist's Journey: Empathy and Collaboration 52:40 The Role of Music in Healing   📍 Resources mentioned: The UK's Eating Disorder Charity - Beat We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio   56:37 Final Thoughts: Seeking Help and Support

In this episode, psychotherapists Ali and Ros unpack the often misunderstood experience of social anxiety. They explore what social anxiety really is, how it shows up in everyday life, and why so many people are struggling with it more since the COVID pandemic. The conversation looks at the impact of technology and social media, the role of early life experiences, and how anxiety can become a self-perpetuating cycle. Ali and Ros discuss common coping strategies, why some can unintentionally keep anxiety going, and how approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help break the pattern. Along the way, they share practical, compassionate tools for managing social anxiety, offering reassurance, insight, and hope for anyone who finds social situations challenging. 00:00 Understanding Social Anxiety 04:29 The Cycle of Anxiety and Avoidance 07:30 The Impact of Technology on Social Anxiety 10:30 Childhood Experiences and Social Anxiety 13:30 Neurodiversity and Social Anxiety 16:14 Public Speaking and Social Anxiety 21:46 Understanding Social Anxiety and Its Triggers 25:09 The Cycle of Avoidance and Anxiety 30:56 Safety Behaviours and Their Impact 34:36 Therapeutic Approaches to Social Anxiety 41:00 Practical Steps for Managing Social Anxiety 📍 Resources mentioned: Social Anxiety Safety Behaviours: Conversation behaviours ✨ Keeping very quiet, talking softly, or giving only brief answers. ✨ Avoid talking about yourself or giving opinions. ✨ Planning and rehearsing what you might be able to talk about. Attention and mental strategies ✨ Focusing intensely on yourself (how you look, sound, or feel) as you talk. ✨ Having excuses ready so you can leave early if anxiety rises. ✨ Suppressing anxious thoughts or images, or silently repeating reassuring phrases. Positioning and participation ✨ Standing or sitting on the edge or at the back of a group/room. ✨ Staying close to one safe person at social events. ✨ Taking on a “busy” role (in the kitchen, behind the scenes, on tech) to avoid direct            interaction.​ ✨ Interacting with a pet instead of engaging in conversation. ✨ Choosing quiet times or less crowded places to go out. Eye contact and body language ✨ Avoiding or minimising eye contact. ✨ Holding objects tightly (cups, bags, papers) to hide shaking or to feel steadier. ✨ Fidgeting with phones, keys, or other items to look busy and unapproachable. ✨ Use of phones, devices, and props ✨ Frequently checking or using a phone during social situations. ✨ Wearing headphones or appearing engrossed in a screen to limit interaction. ✨ Keeping a drink, bag, or notes in hand as a “shield” or distraction. Appearance and hiding physical symptoms ✨ Wearing certain clothes (layers, long sleeves, dark colours) to hide sweating or                shaking. ✨Using makeup to conceal blushing or other visible signs of anxiety. S Substances and situational avoidance ✨ Using alcohol or other substances to relax. ✨ Avoiding caffeine, exercise, warm rooms, or spicy foods to prevent anxiety like                sensations.​ ✨ Limiting or declining invitations to many social events (partial avoidance rather than        total). Reassurance and checking ✨ Asking others for repeated reassurance about how you came across (“Did I sound            stupid?”). ✨ Replaying conversations afterwards to check for mistakes or signs of humiliation. ✨ Practising or overpreparing for routine social tasks (emails, phone calls, meetings)            to avoid possible errors. We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

In this episode, we sit down with Liz, who has recently discovered her ADHD diagnosis and is now re-examining her life through this new understanding. Liz candidly reflects on her journey, from childhood and education to her career and relationships, revealing how ADHD has shaped her experiences in ways she’s only now beginning to see clearly. Together, we talk about the relief and grief that can come with late diagnosis, how self-compassion becomes essential in healing old narratives, and the unique challenges of navigating ADHD alongside menopause. Liz also shares the practical strategies and tools that have helped her manage her symptoms, and we explore how technology and AI can play a supportive role. This conversation is an honest, hopeful exploration of what it means to embrace neurodivergence later in life, and a reminder of the power of understanding and compassion, both for ourselves and others. 00:00 Understanding Adult ADHD Through Lived Experience 01:03 Recognizing ADHD Traits and Their Impact 03:33 Navigating Relationships with ADHD 04:04 Challenges in Education and Career 08:01 Emotional Unravelling and Seeking Help 09:09 The Impact of Childhood Experiences 12:08 Finding Creative Outlets 17:26 The Saboteur Within 19:25 Grounding Through Relationships and Work 20:40 Understanding Personal Struggles and ADHD 23:57 The Impact of ADHD on Relationships 27:14 Navigating Menopause and ADHD 29:26 Coping Strategies for ADHD 32:37 The Role of AI in Managing ADHD   We want to hear from you: What did you love most?  
What should we do more of (or less)?  
Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics?
Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected]
Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives  
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/  
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk  
Music by: Stile Tree Studio  

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore how artificial intelligence is changing the landscape of therapy, mental health, and personal relationships. From ChatGPT offering relationship and mental health advice to AI-driven emotional support tools, they discuss real-world examples, personal experiences, and insights from a listener survey. The conversation tackles the big questions: Can AI ever replace the human aspects of therapy? What are its benefits and risks for people seeking emotional help online? Ali and Ros unpack the balance between innovation and human connection, and reflect on the implications on their roles as psychotherapists. We want to hear from you: What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio   00:00 The Impact of AI on Jobs and Relationships 04:55 Survey Insights on AI Usage 09:37 AI in Personal Problem Solving 13:09 The Limitations of AI in Therapy 16:06 Introduction to AI in Personal Relationships 18:29 Personal Experiences with AI Support 22:08 Concerns About AI and Vulnerability 25:41 AI vs. Human Therapy: A Comparative Analysis 29:53 The Future of Therapy in the Age of AI

In this episode of Relational Lives, hosts Ali and Ros explore the tender and universal experience of grief, the pain that accompanies the loss of those we love, whether human or animal. Together, they unpack the many faces of grief, from its emotional and physical expressions to the cultural stories that shape how we mourn. The conversation reminds us that grief is not a sign of weakness but a reflection of love, its depth often mirroring the strength of our bonds. As the dialogue unfolds, Ali and Ros offer thoughtful perspectives on navigating grief with compassion and authenticity. They discuss how grief looks different for everyone and why it’s essential to give ourselves permission to feel, even when society encourages us to “move on.” Drawing on models like the dual process framework, they highlight the ebb and flow between loss and restoration, showing that healing is not linear but deeply human. The episode closes with gentle, practical guidance on embracing self-care and allowing grief to unfold at its own pace. ✨ Perfect for anyone interested in grief, loss, attachment, mental health, coping with grief, emotional support, bereavement, and self compassion. 00:00 Understanding Grief and Its Impact 02:37 The Physical and Emotional Experience of Grief 06:55 Navigating Grief: Personal Stories and Insights 10:28 Coping Mechanisms and Cultural Perspectives on Grief 13:30 The Non-Linear Nature of Grieving 16:48 The Role of Attachment in Grief 18:41 Understanding Self-Reliance in Grief 20:52 The Impact of Attachment Styles on Grieving 24:13 Cultural Expectations and Individual Grief 27:19 Navigating Support for Grieving Individuals 30:59 Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Grief 35:20 The Importance of Self-Compassion in Grief 📍 Resources mentioned: John Bolby's book on Loss: https://bit.ly/45Ta6KH Dr Tonkin - growing around grief: https://bit.ly/45Tauc7 https://bit.ly/4pJ0p8K Dual Process Model: https://bit.ly/4r0JEXT We want to hear from you: What did you love most? What should we do more of (or less)? Topics you want: Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites! Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio

In this episode, Ali and Ros explore what it really means to take accountability in relationships — or, as they put it, to “own your own shit.” They unpack how recognizing the impact of our actions and reactions can transform the way we connect with others, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or at work. Using everyday examples — including the classic disagreement over how to load the dishwasher — the hosts reveal how small moments often reflect deeper patterns in communication and understanding. Ali and Ros also dive into the discomfort that comes with facing our own shortcomings and the defence mechanisms that can get in the way. They remind listeners that accountability isn’t about self-blame; it’s about awareness, empathy, and learning to respond rather than react. With practical tools and honest reflection, they offer ways to break unhelpful cycles and build stronger, more supportive relationships grounded in honesty, growth, and mutual respect. ✨Perfect for anyone interested in understanding the taking of accountability, being self reflective, having better communication, relationship dynamics, and partnership. Chapters: 00:00 The Importance of Accountability in Relationships 06:35 Understanding Impact and Self-Reflection 14:24 Defensiveness and Shame in Communication 14:33 Understanding Defensive Behaviours and Accountability 16:26 Navigating Shame and Rejection in Relationships 17:35 The Importance of Self-Reflection and Acknowledgment 20:07 Normalizing Human Imperfection and Accountability 24:24 Effective Communication and Validation in Relationships 28:14 Owning Your Defensiveness and Seeking Growth We want to hear from you: What did you love most? What should we do more of (or less)? Topics you want: Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites! Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio

In this episode, Ali and Ros unpack the connections between the sexual cycle and the relational cycle, offering insights into how emotional and physical intimacy mirror one another. They explore the distinction between responsive and spontaneous desire, how attachment patterns influence sexual connection, and why communication is at the heart of a satisfying sexual relationship. The discussion also touches on cultural expectations around sex, the challenges of mismatched desire, and how understanding each partner’s experience can help couples build renewed closeness and vitality in their relationship. 📍 Resources mentioned: Relational Lives previous episode on Negative relationship cycle: https://youtu.be/qfDFwVSH5sU?si=O5ZzfQsFm-nTNrCe Spontaneous or Responsive Desire TED talk by Emily Nagoski: https://youtu.be/lon25Nc1Vx8?si=-jhXJi81K1XGloVW   Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Sexual Cycle 02:53 Understanding the Dynamics of the Sexual Cycle 05:39 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire 08:33 The Role of Emotional Connection in Sexual Intimacy 11:16 Exploring the Cycle of Desire and Rejection 13:55 The Impact of Attachment Styles on Sexual Relationships 16:35 Influences on Sexual Dynamics 19:30 Addressing Sexual Trauma and Its Effects 22:15 Navigating Health and Aging in Sexual Relationships 25:14 The Importance of Communication in Sexual Cycles 27:58 Conclusion and Future Discussions   We Want to Hear From You What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want:  Intimacy? Parenting? Any mental health topics? Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Dear Therapists? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!  Subscribe so you don’t miss Season 3. If this episode resonated, please like, share, and tell a friend.   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio    

In this episode, Ali and Ros unpack the mental load in relationships – the invisible emotional labour of planning, organizing, and remembering that often falls on one partner. They explore how this uneven cognitive and emotional load creates resentment, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy, while the other partner may feel criticised, confused, or like they can never get it right. Ali and Ros look at how relationship dynamics, communication styles, gender roles, and family and cultural backgrounds shape who carries the mental load at home. They invite listeners to recognise common patterns in couples – the over-functioning partner who “keeps everything in their head” and the under-functioning partner who waits to be asked – and how these cycles keep both people stuck. The conversation offers practical, therapist-informed strategies for sharing the load more fairly, improving communication in couples, and making the invisible work visible. Ali and Ros also encourage couples to use 2026 as a turning point to reset expectations, build healthier boundaries, and create more balanced, sustainable partnerships. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Sharing the Load in Relationships 01:31 Understanding the Mental Load 04:55 The Dynamics of Carrying the Load 09:28 The Impact on the Non-Load Carrier 10:34 Exploring the Negative Cycle 17:35 The Long-Term Effects of the Cycle 18:14 The Shift from Adult to Parent-Child Dynamics 19:35 Influences on Relationship Dynamics 21:25 Understanding ADHD and Task Management 22:30 The Impact of Upbringing on Responsibility 25:00 Anxiety and Performance in Relationships 26:51 Life Events and Relationship Dynamics 28:06 Understanding the Cycle of Conflict 30:33 Exploring Internal and External Dynamics 33:17 Challenging Expectations and Finding Solutions 36:02 From Carrying to Sharing the Load   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio

Join Ali and Ros for a raw, heartfelt, and unscripted conversation as they look back on eight months and over 30 episodes of Relational Lives. In this special episode, the hosts pull back the curtain on their journey — from the shock of going viral on Shut Up & Talking (160,000+ views!) to building a podcast from scratch, all while navigating friendship, vulnerability, and the realities of being two women in their 50s in the digital world.   They reflect on standout guests (like Caz’s powerful journey to embracing single life), explore how recording together has triggered old patterns, and share the moment one host bravely called out a “pedestal” dynamic — and how they repaired it. With warmth and honesty, they discuss what’s worked, what hasn’t, and why they’re pausing the podcast to regroup, recharge, and listen to YOU.  This isn’t just a recap, it’s a real conversation about growth, repair, and walking the talk of relational therapy.  Plus, they’re asking: What did YOU love? What should we do more of? Less of? (Sex and intimacy? More casual chats? Bring back “Would You Rather”?)  Your feedback will shape Season 3.   Timestamps   00:00 – Welcome: Why This Episode Feels Different   00:30 – From Zero to 30: How It All Began   01:00 – The Viral Moment: Shut Up & Talking (160K Views!)   01:49 – The Younger Generation’s Mental Health Awareness   02:49 – 30+ Episodes in 8 Months: The Numbers   03:26 – Being 50+ in a Gen Z Podcast World   04:05 – “Mum, I wouldn’t watch you because of your age”   05:11 – Caz’s Story: Losing Yourself in Relationships   06:20 – Other Guests That Moved Us   07:30 – When Friendship Meets Therapy: The Pedestal Moment   40:57 – Calling It Out: Courage & Repair   41:43 – “The trouble with pedestals…”   42:54 – Catching Triggers Early: Walking the Talk   43:50 – Why We’re Pausing: Regroup, Recharge, Listen   44:19 – What’s Next? Sex, Intimacy & Your Ideas   45:11 – Feedback Wanted: More Chats? More Guests?   45:58 – Bring Back “Would You Rather”?   46:23 – Thank You & See You in Season 3 We Want to Hear From You  What did you love most?   What should we do more of (or less)?   Topics you want: Sex? Intimacy? Parenting?   Style: More casual chats? Shorter episodes? Drop us a message: [email protected] Or fill in anonymously: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Connect with us  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ All past episodes are still available — go back and revisit your favourites!  Subscribe so you don’t miss Season 3. If this episode resonated, please like, share, and tell a friend.   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits  Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio (Thanks, Paul!)

For a decade, RED (Rise Every Day) January has inspired thousands to move more, feel better, and support one another through the darkest month of the year. Now, it’s taking a bold new step forward — and it starts with you.  Join the nationwide warm-up to RED January 2026 at redjanuary.com.   Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for an inspiring conversation with Hannah Beecham, founder of Red January, as she shares the deeply personal story behind this life-changing initiative. Born from her own family’s battle with depression — watching her mum struggle through the winter blues and finding solace in simple side-by-side walks — Hannah reveals how a single act of connection sparked a global movement. At just 29, she turned helplessness into hope, creating a challenge that’s now helped countless people rise every day with gentle movement, community support, and real behavioral change.  From its evolution to a community interest company to exciting new research on its impact, this episode explores why January — with its short days and post-holiday slump — needs a splash of red more than ever. Whether you’re signing up for 2026 or seeking motivation now, Hannah’s journey is a reminder that small steps, shared stories, and self-compassion can light the way through the toughest seasons.   Timestamps   00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Hannah Beecham   01:06 – What is Red January? Rise Every Day Explained   02:34 – The Inspiration: Hannah’s Mum’s Battle with Depression   04:45 – Family Walks: Finding Connection Side by Side   06:20 – Turning Helplessness into Action: Starting the Challenge   07:59 – The First January: Small Goals, Big Impact   10:00 – Evolution from Daily Runs to Flexible Movement   11:18 – Why January? Tackling the Darkest Month   13:10 – Behavioral Activation: Science Behind the Movement   14:43 – Winter Blues, Christmas Pressures & Red’s Role   16:06 – Community Power: Sharing Stories and Support   18:00 – Red January Today: A Community Interest Company   20:00 – New Research: Measuring Real Change   22:00 – Global Reach: Anyone, Anywhere Can Join   24:00 – Advice for Getting Started: Motivation When It’s Hard   26:00 – Pets, Family & Everyday Wins   28:00 – Future Plans: Advocacy and Expansion   30:00 – Hannah’s Journey: From Personal Pain to Purpose   32:00 – Mum’s Legacy: Walking Together Still   34:00 – Call to Action: Sign Up for 2026   36:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Sign Up for RED January 2026: https://join.redjanuary.com/ (Free to join, set your own movement goal) Connect with us  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives   Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/   TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits  Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk   Music by: Stile Tree Studio   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio  

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for a deeply moving conversation with Julie Russell, who shares the tender and inspiring story of her son Fraser, born with a rare life-limiting genetic condition. From the shock of his diagnosis hours after birth to the profound care provided by their local children’s hospice, Julie reflects on the joy, love, and support that defined Fraser’s two short years.   With music therapy at the heart of their journey, she highlights how it brought connection, comfort, and celebration of life, even in the face of loss. Now, Julie and hospice music therapist Vicky have co-edited a powerful book amplifying family and practitioner voices in paediatric palliative care.   This episode is a heartfelt reminder to live fully in the moment and honour every life, however brief. Have tissues ready, this is a story of love, resilience, and legacy. Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome & Honouring Fraser’s Story 02:01 – Julie’s Journey: Fraser’s Diagnosis at Birth 04:31 – From SCBU to St Thomas’ NICU: A Terrifying Start 06:15 – Bonding Through Crisis: “I Just Needed to Be With Him” 08:36 – Discovering the Children’s Hospice: A Turning Point 11:28 – Music Therapy: Building Connection and Joy 15:29 – Family Life at the Hospice: Sibling Support & Normal Moments 18:00 – Celebrating Fraser: Birthdays, Christmas, and Love 22:43 – The Final Days: A Peaceful, Supported End of Life 27:32 – Grief, Legacy, and Staying Connected to Fraser 36:26 – The Book: Collaborative Voices in Music Therapy & Palliative Care 40:11 – Why Family Stories Matter in Paediatric Palliative Care 43:34 – Co-Editing with Vicky: Honouring Lived Experience 46:02 – The Power of Music Therapy: Life-Changing for Families 47:57 – Closing Reflections: A Good Life, A Good Death 48:32 – Thank You & Call to Action Connect with us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Links to the book: Music Therapy in Children’s Palliative Care Collaborative Family and Practitioner Voices https://tinyurl.com/5n833vtd: https://amzn.eu/d/83U3jqJ https://tinyurl.com/3ybk3bbw https://julesrussellillustration.co.uk/ - Jules Russell Illustrations   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives as we sit down with Philippa Smethurst, author of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma, to explore the complex world of trauma and recovery. Inspired by the varied responses to the pandemic, Philippa shares her insights on trauma responses beyond fight or flight, using powerful metaphors like the trauma thermometer and jam jars to explain how overwhelming experiences can shake us up like a Coke bottle. From the isolating nature of trauma to the hope of post-traumatic growth, she offers practical strategies—like breathing exercises and self-compassion—to help release the “fizz” of trauma. With references to her book’s tools, including the “Trauma Kit” and stories like the Japanese kintsugi bowl, Philippa highlights how small steps can lead to resilience and healing. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand and navigate trauma with clarity and hope.   Timestamps 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Philippa Smethurst 01:14 – Inspiration Behind 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma 02:22 – Understanding Trauma Responses: Beyond Fight or Flight 04:00 – The Trauma Thermometer: Too Much and Too Little 06:26 – The Coke Bottle Metaphor: Trauma’s Lasting Fizz 08:36 – How Trauma Distorts Relationships 10:38 – Judging Trauma Responses: A Common Pitfall 13:23 – The Brain Under Trauma: Overwhelm and Disconnection 16:13 – Strategies for Healing: Releasing the Fizz Slowly 22:43 – The Role of Self-Care in Trauma Recovery 27:32 – Philippa’s Breathing Exercise for Calming the Nervous System 36:26 – The Long Haul: Patience and Faith in Healing 40:11 – Post-Traumatic Growth: The Kintsugi Metaphor 44:27 – Practical Tools: The Child’s Slide Breathing Exercise 46:06 – Keeping On: Small Steps for Big Change 47:24 – Compassion and Self-Care: The Heart of Recovery 49:15 – Stories of Resilience: Terry Waite and Post-Traumatic Growth 50:58 – Philippa’s Book and Resources for Healing 51:55 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Follow Philippa Smethurst YouTube: https://youtube.com/@philippasmethurst Newsletter: https://philippasmethurst.com/news#contactform Order 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma: https://philippasmethurst.com/bookshop (Currently £13.79 on Amazon) Blogs: https://philippasmethurst.com/news | https://talkingtrauma.substack.com/ For This Episode Trauma Thermometer: A visual tool to understand trauma responses, from the “red zone” (hyperarousal) to the “blue zone” (hypoarousal). View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/19MDNHPnfI5Y4k5xIrGGGTGvfOJOmTV7a/view?usp=drive_link Jam Jars Metaphor: From Appendix 2 of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma, illustrating how trauma accumulates and can be processed. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1e5gbchTdzR1wRTI7Psazw0J_v_zaNebD/view?usp=drive_link Margaret Forster’s Over: Referenced as an illustration of incident trauma. View book cover: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qk9pusrufnj_3vm-SuyKuhoLhDTmfjCj/view?usp=drive_link Breath Practice (p. 37, Chapter One): “Breathe in for a count of four, out for a count of seven, or use the child’s slide technique: inhale through your nose like climbing small steps, then exhale long through your mouth.” 20 Pathways to Resilience and Recovery After Trauma: A visual guide to the strategies in Philippa’s book. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bXQbyBkpHenI0zG7wV84FpHRUgmumRYj/view?usp=drive_link Trauma Kit: “In a medical trauma kit, you may find a stethoscope, needles, a trauma blanket, gloves, scissors… but what might we need in a psychological trauma kit? Because trauma is often hidden inside, we need an even wider array of self-help, and other kinds of help - one size does not fit all. Philippa Smethurst’s new book is your go-to handbook.” View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/17hSkDG9KHgxtl2fdllXMnnEmi5gtHK_W/view?usp=drive_link Book Cover: Front cover of 20 Ways to Break Free from Trauma. View image: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1xmN3LI8Lga1LINDUCrrHxFZN-D3ol7JG/view?usp=drive_link Connect with us Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join hosts Ali and Ros on Relational Lives for a heartfelt follow-on from our autism episode, as we welcome Rose, who shares her inspiring journey of being diagnosed with autism at 15.  From early signs like shying away from eye contact as a baby to navigating meltdowns and masking in secondary school, Rose opens up about the challenges of sensory sensitivities, emotional overwhelm, and finding her place in a neurotypical world. She reflects on the transformative impact of homeschooling, counselling, and embracing her passion for working with children in a nursery. Rose encourages self-compassion and openness, offering hope to anyone exploring their own autism journey.  This episode is a must-listen for those seeking to understand autism through a personal lens, filled with resilience and practical wisdom. Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Rose 01:19 – Rose’s Autism Journey: Early Signs from Infancy 02:56 – Developmental Delays and Misconceptions About Autism 05:07 – Secondary School Struggles: Meltdowns and Masking 07:11 – A Turning Point: Autism Awareness Day at School 09:07 – Navigating the Diagnosis Process: NHS and Private Routes 11:28 – The Impact of Autism on Family Dynamics 13:38 – Emotional Blockages and the Power of Counselling 15:29 – Homeschooling: Finding Freedom in Intensive Interests 18:00 – Building Self-Awareness and Confidence 22:43 – Sensory Sensitivities: Managing Bright Lights and Noise 27:32 – Rose’s Career: Thriving in a Nursery Environment 36:26 – The Support of Family: A Mother’s Understanding 38:23 – Connecting with a Neurodivergent Cousin 40:11 – Living Independently: Controlling Her Own Space 42:00 – Workplace Support and Managing Masking 43:11 – Strategies for Self-Compassion: Journaling and Cheerleading 44:39 – Finding Balance Through Hobbies: Clay and Watercolour Painting 45:35 – Advice for Others Exploring Autism 47:07 – Rose’s Message: “Don’t Diss Your Ability” 48:19 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   For This Episode:  National Autistic Society: Learn more about autism and support services https://www.autism.org.uk/ Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode.  Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT.  We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.  Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join us on Relational Lives as we welcome back Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare in Sussex to dive into the world of autism in adults.  Dr. Graham unpacks what autism spectrum disorder is, debunking myths about its presentation and exploring its core traits, from social communication challenges to sensory processing differences. He discusses why autism is often missed in women due to masking, the complexities of diagnosis, and the mental health challenges like anxiety and depression, that can accompany undiagnosed autism.  With warmth and expertise, Dr. Graham shares practical advice for those wondering if they might be on the spectrum, emphasising the power of self-understanding and acceptance. This episode is a must-listen for anyone curious about autism, its impact, and how to navigate it with compassion. Resources Mentioned: https://embrace-autism.com/raads-r/ https://embrace-autism.com/cat-q/ https://open.spotify.com/show/1f9iLg1OLTqphlx9EQKSZv https://flinthealthcare.co.uk/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Dr. Graham Campbell 01:17 – What is Autism Spectrum Disorder? 02:39 – The Foundations of Autism: A Neurodevelopmental Perspective 04:00 – Gender Differences: Why Autism is Often Missed in Women 06:39 – The Rise in Adult Autism Awareness 07:55 – The Diagnostic Process: Screening and Assessments 10:38 – Sensory Processing: Hypo- and Hyper-Sensitivity 12:06 – Stimming and Individual Differences in Autism 13:23 – Social Challenges: Navigating Relationships and Communication 15:12 – Masking: The Exhaustion of Hiding Autism 16:13 – The Self-Critical Voice and Shame in Autism 24:56 – Co-occurring Conditions: Anxiety, Depression, and Eating Disorders 27:32 – The Value of Diagnosis: Understanding, Not Medicalisation 29:56 – Seeking a Diagnosis Without Medical Records 33:42 – Autism and Work: Challenges and Strengths 36:23 – Advice for Those Exploring Autism: Learn and Reflect 38:33 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round 40:56 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/  Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma?  Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT.  We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Join us on Relational Lives as we sit down with Jason ‘Wip’ Roberts, who shares his heartfelt story of navigating childhood abandonment and finding belonging. From his biological mother leaving at age four to the shock of his stepmother’s departure in his 20s, Jason opens up about the persistent void that shaped his life. He reflects on how the 90s rave scene provided a sense of community, how his travels embraced the familiar feeling of being “lost,” and how meeting his wife, Katie, became his anchor at 30. With humour, wisdom, and a touch of silliness—including a song from his famous shed—Jason discusses overcoming emotional barriers, the courage it takes to talk openly as a man, and building a family that feels complete. This episode is a moving exploration of resilience, connection, and self-discovery, perfect for anyone seeking to understand their journey through loss and love. Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Jason ‘Wip’ Roberts 01:18 – The Weight of Being a Deep Thinker 02:10 – Childhood Loss: Jason’s Mother Leaving at Age 4 06:04 – A New Family with His Stepmother & the Shock of Her Departure 09:35 – Embracing the Feeling of Being “Lost” in His 20s 13:15 – Finding Belonging in the 90s Rave Scene 18:00 – Meeting Katie: Finding an Anchor at 30 22:40 – The Void of Loss & How It Persists 28:15 – Jason’s Humour: A Silly Song from the Shed 31:27 – A Recent Loss: Finding Closure After His Mother’s Passing 33:18 – Therapy & Making Sense of Childhood Wounds 36:22 – The Courage to Talk: Breaking the Stigma for Men 39:51 – Jason’s Shed: A Creative Haven of Escapism 41:28 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round 43:38 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways  Follow Jason: Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.   Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio    

Join us on Relational Lives as we sit down with Will Adolphy, a psychotherapist, educator, and speaker who specialises in men’s mental health and masculinity.  Will shares his powerful story of navigating panic attacks, depression, and the pull of online masculinity influencers during his early 20s. From finding validation in rigid ideologies to discovering healing through therapy, community, and self-reflection, he opens up about the challenges of emotional isolation and the “man box” that shapes how men experience the world.   This conversation is raw, honest, and full of insights—covering vulnerability, the impact of online culture, and how Will now helps boys and men find healthier ways to connect with themselves and others through his organisation, Empath. Whether you’re curious about men’s mental health or seeking tools to navigate your own relationships, Will’s journey offers a path to understanding and growth.   Timestamps: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Will Adolphy 02:10 – Will’s Early Struggles with Panic Attacks & Depression 07:45 – Discovering a Masculinity Influencer & Online Rabbit Holes 12:20 – The Pull of Validation & Rigid Ideologies 18:00 – Emotional Isolation & the Block to Opening Up 22:40 – Breaking Free: Therapy, 12-Step Recovery & Community 28:15 – The “Man Box” & Its Impact on Men and Others 33:10 – Working with Boys: Modelling Vulnerability in Schools 40:05 – Red Pill Culture & the Search for Answers Online 47:30 – Advice for Parents: Supporting Boys with Empathy 52:20 – Will’s Ongoing Journey & Building Empath 55:30 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round 57:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways   Follow Will: @psychwill  https://www.willadolphy.com/   Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/   Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us, and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment, and more mental health topics.  If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Shownotes: Episode: Happily Single: Cas on Freedom, Healing & Living Life Her Way Cas joins us on Relational Lives to share her inspiring and often funny story of choosing to live happily single. From navigating breast cancer and surgical menopause to finding freedom, independence, and joy, she reflects on relationships, compromise, and why being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. This conversation is full of laughter, honesty, and wisdom - touching on family, friendship, child-free living, adventure, and the importance of creating a life that feels true to you. Whether you’re single, coupled, or somewhere in between, Cas's story is a reminder to embrace life, live it fully, and define happiness on your own terms. In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome & Introducing Kaz 02:10 – Choosing to Be Single After Breast Cancer 07:45 – Discovering Peace & Joy in Independence 12:20 – Compromise, Overgiving & Relationship Lessons 18:00 – Freedom vs. Loneliness: Breaking Social Expectations 22:40 – Life Without Children & Finding Fulfillment as a Godparent 28:15 – Adventures, Travel & Loving Independence 33:10 – Childhood, Family Influences & Fear of Feeling Trapped 40:05 – Healing from Trauma, Grief & PTSD After Cancer 47:30 – Advice for Younger Women on Relationships & Choices 52:20 – Embracing Adventure, Contentment & Living Fully 55:30 – Would You Rather? Fun Quickfire Round 57:00 – Closing Thoughts & Takeaways Follow Cas @danceyertitsoff https://www.instagram.com/danceyertitsoff Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio"

Shownotes: Episode: From Trauma to Triumph | Jamie Rudd on Inspiration and Healing In this powerful episode of Relational Lives, Jamie Rudd shares his journey of surviving a near-fatal car accident, the trauma and recovery that followed, and how he transformed his experience into SoulKind - a storytelling and community project inspiring hope through adversity. This is a moving conversation about resilience, optimism, vulnerability, and the healing power of stories. In this episode: 00:00 - Welcome & Introduction to Jamie Rudd 01:10 - The 2018 Car Accident 05:40 - Acts of Kindness: The “Superheroes” Who Saved Jamie 10:15 - Injuries, Hospital & ICU Experience 15:20 - Optimism, Determination & Early Recovery Mindset 20:05 - Learning from Other People’s Stories 26:30 - Vulnerability, Acceptance & Growth 33:00 - Creating SoulKind: From Book to Non-Profit 40:10 - Walk the Ways Fundraising Challenge 45:20 - Closing Reflections & “Would You Rather” Resources mentioned: SoulKind: https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/ Walk the Ways: https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/walktheways Acceptance & Commitment Therapy: https://contextualscience.org/act Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio"

We’re wrapping up Series 1 of Relational Lives and taking a short two-week break. Thank you for joining us on this journey so far - it’s been amazing! 🎉 Series 2 will be even more exciting, with more guests and real-life stories to inspire and encourage you. If you’d like to share your story, get in touch at [email protected] Stay subscribed, and we’ll be back very soon on 11th September. Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros take an honest, practical look at Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). They unpack what OCD really is and explore how intrusive thoughts, compulsions, and emotional distress interact. Ali explains different subtypes of OCD, how therapy can help, and offers hope to anyone struggling. Whether you’ve lived with OCD for years or are just beginning to question your thoughts and behaviours, this episode is packed with understanding, reassurance, and practical steps forward. Please note that this episode covers harder aspects of OCD including paedophilia OCD and harm OCD Shownotes: Episode: OCD: What It Really Is - And How Therapy Can Help In this episode: 00:00 – Intro 02:08 – What Is OCD? Obsessions, compulsions & misunderstandings 09:14 – Is It OCD or just a quirk? 13:37 – The role of trauma, control & childhood experiences 16:20 – Taboo thoughts & shame in OCD 23:36 – Types of OCD 30:00 – How therapy works: CBT & ERP explained 36:17 – Challenges in treatment: Internal rituals, resistance & EMDR 42:20 – Client stories & self-help recommendations 43:04 – 3 takeaway tips & thought experiments 📍 Resources mentioned: 'Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' by David Veale and Rob Wilson British Association for Behavioural & Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP): https://www.babcp.com Therapy types mentioned: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP), EMDR Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, we take a deep dive into the reality of toxic relationships - how they differ from unhealthy ones, the warning signs to look out for, and why even strong, self-aware people can find themselves trapped in them. We explore behaviours like gaslighting, love bombing, manipulation, coercive control, and isolation, as well as the underlying psychological dynamics that keep people hooked. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, family member, or even in the workplace, understanding toxic dynamics is the first step toward reclaiming your power. If you or someone you know is in a relationship that feels harmful, this conversation could make a difference. Shownotes: Episode: Toxic Relationships: How to Spot the Signs and Protect Yourself In this episode: 0:00 – Introduction & what makes a relationship toxic 1:06 – Recap: healthy vs unhealthy relationships 3:12 – The food analogy: unhealthy vs toxic 6:28 – Narcissism: traits vs personality disorder 9:45 – Gaslighting explained with example 15:20 – Why people stay in toxic relationships 20:42 – Manipulation, coercive control & love bombing 26:18 – How toxic behaviour erodes self-esteem and creates shame 30:50 – Isolation tactics & “walking on eggshells” 35:12 – Childhood patterns, boundaries & first steps toward change 📍 Resources mentioned: Episode on healthy relationships: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Episode on unhealthy relationships: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-b4zgq-191258e Episode on the inner critic: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-p5jy5-18625d5 Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner. Shownotes: Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters In this episode: 00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter 03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions 11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game 14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection 20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation 27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance 30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect 34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe 38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it 42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment 📍 Resources mentioned: 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict styles Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussion Understanding attachment styles: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Negative relationship cycles: Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros dive into the concept of negative cycles in relationships - the invisible patterns we fall into when things go wrong with our partners. Whether you’re a “pursuer,” “withdrawer,” or locked in blame–blame dynamics, this episode breaks down what’s really going on beneath the surface. Using relatable examples (including that infamous dishwasher debate!), they explain how these emotional loops are driven by vulnerability, attachment, and unspoken needs. With practical metaphors like the “infinity loop” and the “main floor vs. basement,” Ali and Ros offer insights that can transform how you relate and repair. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or reflecting on your own patterns, this is essential listening for building connection, safety, and understanding. Shownotes: Episode: The Negative Relationship Cycle You Need to Know In this episode: 00:00 – Introduction & why understanding negative cycles matters 04:08 – The Infinity Loop: How couples get stuck 08:10 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Cycle: The dishwasher example 14:03 – Why we react the way we do: emotion beneath the behaviour 19:42 – Blame–Blame Dynamics (Find the Bad Guy cycle) 23:55 – Two Withdrawers & the danger of disconnection 29:40 – When cycles are quiet but still painful 32:05 – Raw Spots: Our emotional triggers from the past 38:00 – How to begin breaking the cycle: Self-awareness & repair 42:26 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment 📍 Resources mentioned: The Infinity Loop: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_xski0fK11JTfN2CLYndjsucJqYxZ_Z3/view?usp=drive_link Understanding Attachment Styles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTc Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – framework referenced throughout Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore a vital question: "Am I in an unhealthy relationship?" Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a business partnership, this conversation helps you identify the subtle yet damaging signs of unhealthy dynamics. From emotional disconnection and conflict avoidance to people-pleasing and shutdown behaviours, Ali and Ros unpack what these patterns mean and how to begin addressing them. Drawing from emotionally focused therapy, this episode offers practical examples and three takeaway tips to help you reflect on your relationships and take meaningful steps toward repair. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship dynamics are helping or harming you, this is a must-watch conversation. Shownotes: Epiosde: Am I in an Unhealthy Relationship? In this episode: 00:00 - Intro 01:05 - Why talk about unhealthy relationships? 02:30 - What's the difference between unhealthy and toxic relationships? 04:00 - Signs of unhealthy relationships 05:15 - Sign #1: Not being able to calmly discuss difficulties 07:40 - Sign #2: No repair after conflict 10:00 - Sign #3: People-pleasing & ignoring your own needs 12:45 - Sign #4: Shutting down or stonewalling 15:10 - Sign #5: Indifference or unintentional neglect 17:30 - Sign #6: The negative cycle explained 21:15 - Sign #7: Lack of trust or emotional safety 24:00 - Understanding what you bring into relationships 26:00 - How to start repairing unhealthy dynamics 29:00 - Sharing the episode as a starting point for discussion 30:00 - Resources to help without therapy 31:10 - 3 Takeaway Tips (incl. journaling prompt) 📍 Resources mentioned: 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0 Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick Understanding attachment styles: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-xwpd3-186c726 The fearful avoidant attachment style: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-npv9y-18e4e79 Healthy relationships: https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In the second Dear Therapists episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros respond to two powerful listener letters, offering comfort, validation, and gentle reflections for those navigating emotionally complex relationships. Letter 1: This dilemma from a listener explores the painful question of whether it's okay to end a friendship over racist and anti-immigrant comments. Letter 2: This letter shares the emotional weight of living in a home overshadowed by trauma, silence, and a father’s unpredictable anger. If you've ever struggled with loyalty versus boundaries, or found yourself stuck in a difficult home environment, this episode is for you. Shownotes: Episode: Dear Therapists: Boundaries, Beliefs & Family Struggles | Listener Dilemmas In this episode: 00:00 – Introduction 00:43 – Letter 1: Is it okay to end a friendship over politics? 03:00 – Politics vs. personal identity 06:00 – Boundaries, beliefs & losing a friend 10:00 – Changing friendships in early adulthood 13:14 – Letter 2: Walking on eggshells at home 15:23 – Trauma, silence & cultural complexity 18:15 – Surviving a difficult home environment 22:00 – Finding support outside the home 25:30 – Final words to our letter writers Resources mentioned: 📍 Domestic violence and family trauma support (check local services or charities) Previous episodes on: Understanding Anxiety: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6 Understanding Gen Z - A Cross-Generational Chat: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qpewe-18a1acc Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, we sit down with former paramedic, Dave Zaple, to hear his honest and moving story of mental ill health, recovery and finding purpose. From witnessing daily trauma in the emergency services to confronting the stigma around men’s mental health, Dave opens up about his breakdown, therapy, identity loss, and eventual healing through connection, creativity, and community. This episode is an unmissable listen for anyone interested in male vulnerability or finding purpose after crisis. Whether you’re struggling yourself, or supporting someone who is, Dave’s story shows there is life - and growth - after trauma. Shownotes: Episode: Breaking Point to Breakthrough: A Men's Mental Health Journey In this episode: 00:00 – Intro 01:40 – When professional and personal trauma collide 03:51 – Getting help: TRiM, taking time off, starting therapy 05:07 – What PTSD looked like for Dave (and what surprised him) 07:12 – Growing up male: cultural silence around emotions 10:15 – Identity and recovery 13:47 – Support networks: Rock2Recovery, REORG, gym community 20:30 – Finding purpose with SoulKind and human stories of resilience 24:15 – Letting go of an identity 26:00 – Using photography to connect and help others 32:00 – Supporting others: you don’t have to fix it, just show up 34:00 – Finding community, rebuilding identity 38:00 – Dave’s final thoughts: from crisis to creativity 41:06 – How others can find help – and why support matters If this episode resonated with you or you know someone it might help, please share it. You can also reach out or comment - we love hearing from you. Talking helps, and you’re never alone in the dark. 📍 Resources mentioned: Rock2Recovery - Charity supporting armed forces and blue light workers https://www.rock2recovery.co.uk/ REORG Charity – Supporting service personnel through physical fitness https://reorgcharity.com/ Surfwell – Surf therapy for emergency service workers https://www.surfwell.co.uk/ Walking With The Wounded https://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/ Millimetres 2 Mountains - A mental health charity that supports individuals to redifne their limitations through the great outdoors https://www.millimetres2mountains.org/ SoulKind Journal (CIC) – Human stories of resilience and adventure. Pre-order edition 4 now: https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/ Connect with Dave Zaple: Website: https://www.davezaple.com/ Email: [email protected] Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/davezaplephoto Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/davezaplephoto Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trauma and PTSD? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Audio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros delve into the complex experience of health anxiety - what it is, how it develops, and what practical steps can be taken to manage it. Ali shares insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, discussing effective tools such as identifying safety behaviours, understanding personal values, and building tolerance for uncertainty. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or trying to understand a loved one, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice. Shownotes: Episode: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety In this episode: 00:00 – Intro and what’s coming up 01:00 – What is health anxiety? 02:50 – Common misunderstandings and impact on daily life 04:30 – How CBT and EMDR can help 06:00 – The roots of health anxiety: trauma, personal history, illness 10:30 – How health anxiety shows up in the body 13:00 – Safety behaviours explained 18:00 – Triggers: friends’ stories, news, social media 22:00 – Real-life therapy examples and checking behaviours 26:00 – Safety behaviours experiment 31:00 – The problem with reassurance-seeking 36:00 – Introducing values-based work 38:30 – Therapy options and what to do if you can’t afford private help 41:00 – Three takeaway tips for managing health anxiety 45:00 – Outro Resources mentioned: 📕 Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson (Part of Overcoming Series) 📍 NHS Talking Therapies (UK) – Free CBT referral via GP Previous episodes on: Understanding Anxiety - Why Your Brain's Alarm System Freaks Out: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6 Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on health anxiety? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Audio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how it affects our relationships, communication, and self-perception. If you've ever felt stuck in a push-pull dynamic, terrified of being hurt but also craving intimacy, this episode will help you make sense of what's going on. We break down what causes this attachment style, what it looks like in practice, and how people can begin to heal. Whether you relate personally or are trying to understand a partner, parent, or friend with this pattern, this conversation is packed with insight and empathy. We explore how fearful avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and why people with this pattern often feel confused, ashamed, or stuck in love. Show notes: Episode: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style? In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome & why this topic matters 00:42 – What is fearful avoidant attachment? 01:55 – Early childhood roots: inconsistent caregiving and trauma 04:10 – The internal push-pull dynamic: craving closeness, fearing harm 06:35 – How it plays out in adult romantic relationships 08:18 – Shame and identity struggles for fearful avoidants 10:12 – How fearful avoidant differs from anxious and avoidant styles 12:26 – Common patterns in dating and communication 14:43 – Signs you're in a fearful avoidant cycle 17:05 – Therapy, healing and the role of nervous system regulation 19:28 – How partners can support a fearful avoidant loved one 21:15 – Tips for recognising your triggers and building self-awareness 23:30 – Self-soothing and final thoughts Resources mentioned: 📕 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller 📕 The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges (for understanding nervous system regulation) Previous episodes on: Attachment Styles: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Building Healthy Relationships: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk Music by: Stile Tree Audio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Welcome to a very special episode of Relational Lives - our first Dear Therapist edition. In this episode, Ali and Ros respond to two deeply personal letters from listeners grappling with loss, betrayal, and the search for closure. Letter 1: Jo Jo opens up about losing their first love after being groomed into an abusive relationship. Now, blocked and isolated, Jo is looking for ways to process the guilt and trauma. Letter 2: Owen After nine years, Owen’s girlfriend ends the relationship unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day - just before moving in together. Owen seeks answers and support as he faces heartbreak and the fear of rediscovering his identity alone. This episode offers empathy, practical steps, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating emotional pain, attachment trauma, or the confusing road to closure. Show notes: Episode: Dear Therapist: Heartbreak, Abuse & Clousre | Listener Dilemmas In this episode: 00:00 – Welcome to our first Dear Therapist episode 00:50 – Why listener dilemmas matter and what to expect 01:30 – Letter 1: Jo’s story of first love, grooming, and abuse 03:50 – How abuse can be hidden and isolating 05:30 – Understanding grooming, love bombing, and trauma 07:00 – The power of attention and why manipulation feels good 08:45 – Talking about shame, guilt, and getting support 10:00 – Why forgiveness is about you – not them 11:15 – Acknowledging Jo’s strength and moving forward 12:10 – Finding closure when you’ve been blocked 13:30 – How writing unsent letters can help 15:10 – Grieving the relationship and spotting red flags 16:45 – Letter 2: Owen’s sudden break-up after 9 years 18:20 – The pain of losing your imagined future 19:45 – What avoidant attachment might explain 21:00 – Was the break-up triggered by fear of commitment? 22:30 – Can you ask your ex for answers – and should you? 24:00 – Managing expectations and emotional readiness 25:30 – Rebuilding identity after a long relationship 27:00 – Seeking support and moments of relief 28:15 – Final reflections and how to send in your own dilemma 30:00 – Thank you for listening – more letters coming soon! Resources mentioned: Healthy relationships - explore what defines a healthy romantic dynamic: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd Attachment styles overview: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Break-ups - navigating the grief of a break-up and reclaiming joy: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ugjxj-187698d Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.  Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Audio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this episode we dive into the anxious attachment style, exploring its origins, how it manifests in adult relationships, and practical ways to navigate it. We discuss the impact of inconsistent caregiving in childhood, the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, and common behaviors like excessive messaging or seeking reassurance. With relatable examples, we highlight the difference between blaming and expressing needs effectively. The episode wraps up with three actionable takeaway tips to help you reflect on your attachment patterns, recognise triggers, and practice self-soothing or open communication in relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable insights to foster healthier connections. Show notes: Episode: What is an anxious attachment style? Welcome to our latest episode where we unpack the anxious attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.   In this episode: 00:00 - 01:00 | Welcome Back to Relational Lives   01:00 - 02:28 | Quick Overview of Attachment Styles A quick recap of secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles, rooted in early caregiving experiences.   02:28 - 07:49 | What is Anxious Attachment? We dive into the inconsistent caregiving that leads to anxious attachment, using the fruit machine analogy to explain the cycle of seeking closeness.   07:49 - 12:47 | Anxious Attachment in Adult Relationships Exploring the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, including the preoccupation with connection and fear of rejection.   12:47 - 20:51 | Behaviours of Anxious Attachment Common behaviours like excessive texting, criticism, blaming, or pulling away to seek closeness, and how they differ from avoidant attachment.   20:51 - 27:09 | Navigating Anxious Attachment in Dating and Relationships Practical advice for singles and those in relationships, emphasising self-reflection, understanding personal needs, and recognising partner dynamics.   27:09 - 30:43 | Communicating Needs Effectively Using the dishwasher example to contrast blaming communication with vulnerable, need-focused communication to foster connection.   30:43 - 32:00 | Practical Application How self-reflection and compassionate communication can help soothe anxious attachment and improve relationships.   32:00 - 34:10 | Three Takeaway Tips & Closing Three practical tips for understanding and managing anxious attachment.   Three Takeaway Tips:   Reflect on Your Upbringing: Write down aspects of your childhood or upbringing, such as how your parents or caregivers were, that may have contributed to developing an anxious attachment style. (32:00 - 32:22) Notice Feelings and Sensations: When you recognise behaviors associated with anxious attachment (e.g., excessive texting or seeking reassurance), note the feelings and physical sensations you experience when activated. (32:22 - 32:50) Practice Self-Soothing: When feeling anxious, explore compassionate ways to soothe yourself, referring to the episode on self-criticism for self-compassion tips. (32:50 - 33:24) Resources mentioned: Still Face Experiment by Edward Tronick: Referenced as a key study showing infant responses to inconsistent caregiving. Attachment Styles Overview: For a broader look at secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles. https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Avoidant Attachment: For more on how avoidant behaviors contrast with anxious attachment.   https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qcp7g-18b5e9d Self-Criticism Episode: For guidance on practicing self-compassion to soothe anxious feelings. https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-p5jy5-18625d5 Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at [email protected]. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Audio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

In this heartfelt Pride Month episode of Relational Lives, we’re joined by Robyn, a trans woman, to share her journey of self-discovery and joy. We explore Robyn’s story—from realising her gender incongruence at age 11 to finding her community on the UK south coast. We discuss the shame of societal expectations, the impact of a recent UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights, and the euphoria of living authentically. Robyn shares advice for those questioning their identity, emphasising the power of finding your “pack” and embracing joy. Tune in to celebrate trans joy this Pride Month!   Show Notes:   Episode: Celebrating Trans Joy: Robyn’s Story for Pride Month   Welcome to a special Pride Month episode, where we celebrate trans joy with our guest, Robyn, a trans woman sharing her powerful story. From her early awareness of femininity to navigating a hyper-masculine career in the army, Robyn takes us through her journey of acceptance and euphoria. We also address current challenges, including a UK Supreme Court ruling affecting trans rights, and discuss hope for future generations.   In This Episode:   Pride Month Special: Raising trans awareness (starts around 1:00:00, 01:00:00:16).   Trans Rights Context: Global threats to trans rights (around 1:00:46, 01:00:46:02).   Robyn’s Early Years: Awareness of femininity at age 11 (around 1:02:10, 01:02:10:01).   Gender Stereotypes: Growing up with rigid roles (around 1:04:13, 01:04:13:06).   First Discovery: Finding a cross-dressing service (around 1:06:34, 01:06:34:09).   Hyper-Masculine Career: Joining the army (around 1:10:19, 01:10:19:06).   First Makeover: A mix of euphoria and shame (around 1:12:22, 01:12:22:13).   Double Life: Quarterly relief as Robyn (around 1:14:14, 01:14:14:17).   Finding Community: Building her “pack” on the south coast (around 1:16:16, 01:16:16:17).   Euphoria as a Woman: From acceptance to joy (around 1:19:18, 01:19:18:07).   Visibility Challenges: Navigating passing and reactions (around 1:20:13, 01:20:13:22).   UK Supreme Court Ruling: Impact on trans rights (around 1:25:13, 01:25:13:06).   Practical Impact: Reluctance to go out publicly (around 1:27:16, 01:27:16:07).   Emboldened Bigotry: Facing increased hostility (around 1:29:00, 01:29:00:07).   Queer Community Divisions: Some resist trans inclusion (around 1:31:21, 01:31:21:12).   Hope for the Future: A direction toward equality (around 1:32:21, 01:32:21:12).   Ongoing Transition: Challenges of not being fully out (around 1:34:37, 01:34:37:03).   Final Message: Find your pack, embrace joy (around 1:36:05, 01:36:05:14). Three Key Insights:   It Doesn’t Go Away: Robyn emphasises that feelings of gender incongruence persist and need exploration (01:34:37:03).   Focus on Joy: Living authentically brings joy—don’t let others’ negativity dim that (01:32:59:12).   Find Your Pack: Surround yourself with supportive allies who love you for you (01:36:30:00). Resources Mentioned:   For more on mental health and identity, check out our recent episode: [Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell](insert Podbean link here) or [YouTube Link](insert YouTube link here).   Learn more about the UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights mentioned at 01:25:13:06: UK Supreme Court Ruling on Trans Rights. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trans joy? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on identity, relationships, and self-understanding.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode inspiring, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

In this episode of Relational Lives, we dive into understanding ADHD in 2025 with psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare. We explore what ADHD is, its different presentations in males and females, and its effects on self-esteem, relationships, and rejection sensitivity. Dr. Campbell shares insights on the diagnostic process, the role of medication, and what’s happening in the brain with his air traffic control metaphor. We also discuss NHS waiting list challenges, the impact of social media on awareness, and steps for seeking a diagnosis. Plus, enjoy our new quickfire segment and key insights to better understand ADHD!   Show Notes:   Episode: Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell   Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack ADHD in 2025! Joined by psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell, we aim to shed light on this important topic, offering clarity and support for those affected by ADHD, whether personally or in relationships. From brain science to practical advice, this episode is filled with expert insights and actionable steps.   In This Episode:   ADHD in 2025: We introduce the topic of growing ADHD awareness (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).   Meet Dr. Campbell: Introducing our guest, a psychiatrist from Flint Healthcare (around 0:03, 00:00:03:07).   Psychiatrist vs. Psychotherapist: Understanding the difference (around 1:00, 00:00:35:22).   What Is ADHD? A neurodevelopmental condition explained (around 1:46, 00:01:46:19).   Gender Differences: How ADHD presents in boys vs. girls (around 4:00, 00:04:25:21).   Late Diagnoses: The grief and relief of adult diagnosis (around 6:00, 00:06:04:02).   Stigma and Labels: Addressing misconceptions about ADHD (around 9:00, 00:09:26:21).   Diagnostic Process: What a full assessment involves (around 10:00, 00:10:20:12).   ADHD Traits in Everyone: It’s about impact, not just symptoms (around 14:00, 00:14:23:01).   Adults and Gender: Differences persist into adulthood (around 16:00, 00:16:38:09).   Brain Science: Dopamine, hot vs. cool systems, and the air traffic control metaphor (around 18:00, 00:18:03:18).   Superpower or Struggle? Creativity vs. medication effects (around 24:00, 00:24:44:10).   Medication Options: Finding the right fit for you (around 29:00, 00:29:16:15).   NHS Challenges: Long waiting lists and the Right to Choose pathway (around 31:00, 00:31:37:20).   Why More Diagnoses? Social media and global trends (around 35:00, 00:35:05:01).   Rejection Sensitivity: A key challenge with ADHD (around 37:00, 00:37:10:10).   Relationships and ADHD: Impact and improvements (around 43:00, 00:43:27:16).   Seeking a Diagnosis: Advice for NHS and private routes (around 46:00, 00:46:48:09).   Quickfire Segment: Coffee, forests, and evenings with Dr. Campbell (around 52:00, 00:52:07:03).   Flint Healthcare: About Dr. Campbell’s clinic (around 55:00, 00:55:19:02). Three Key Insights:   ADHD Is a Spectrum: We all have traits, but diagnosis depends on impact and distress (00:14:23:01).   Medication Isn’t a Cure-All: It’s like an electric bike—helpful, but you still need to pedal (00:26:31:14).   Start the Diagnosis Process Early: Despite NHS waiting lists, the Right to Choose pathway can help (00:47:18:19). Resources Mentioned:   For more on mental health, check out our episode on anxiety: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube.   Dr. Campbell recommends the ADHD Self-Rating Scale for self-assessment (mentioned at 00:50:25:05). The latest version as of 2025 is the ASRS v1.1: ADHD Self-Rating Scale (ASRS v1.1). Note: This is a screening tool, not a diagnosis.   Learn more about Dr. Campbell’s clinic, Flint Healthcare, in Brighton, UK (mentioned at 00:55:47:16): Flint Healthcare.   We reference the BBC show Chris Packham: Inside Our ADHD Minds (mentioned at 00:15:37:18), which includes ADHD insights: Available on BBC iPlayer (UK viewers only). Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your thoughts on ADHD? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!    

In this episode, we explore the avoidant attachment style—its origins, signs, and ways to manage its effects on relationships. We discuss how it often develops from unmet emotional needs in childhood, leading to a protective “unplugging” from emotions. We highlight behaviours like emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and ghosting, alongside strengths such as excelling in practical crises and careers. We also address challenges in romantic relationships, like discomfort with intense emotions, and offer empathy for why this style exists as a survival mechanism. Tune in for our three takeaway tips to help you reflect, understand yourself better, and foster deeper connections.   Show Notes:   Episode: What is an avoidant attachment style?   Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the avoidant attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.   In This Episode:   What Is Avoidant Attachment? We introduce the style and its roots (starts around 0:00, 00:00:06:12).   Attachment Styles Overview: A quick recap of secure, anxious, and avoidant styles (around 1:00, 00:01:19:20).   How It Develops: Unmet emotional needs in childhood lead to “unplugging” (around 3:00, 00:03:14:25).   A Survival Strategy: Why avoidant individuals deactivate emotions (around 5:00, 00:05:17:26).   The Stigma: Addressing the negative stereotypes around avoidant attachment (around 7:00, 00:07:21:27).   Recognising the Signs: Emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and more (around 9:00, 00:09:24:22).   Strengths: Thriving in crises and career success (around 12:00, 00:12:05:23).   Relationship Challenges: Dating, ghosting, and seeking “the one” (around 15:00, 00:15:27:17).   Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours happen (around 21:00, 00:21:37:27).   How to Manage It: Self-reflection, therapy, and sharing with partners (around 27:00, 00:27:15:13).   Takeaway Tips: Three steps to reflect and connect (around 32:00, 00:32:34:27). Three Takeaway Tips:   Reflect on Your History: Write down what in your past might have led to this style—why you unplugged emotionally (00:33:00:24).   Identify Distancing Behaviours: List the behaviours you notice and what’s not working in your relationships (00:33:26:06).   Share with Your Partner: Open up about your reflections and be curious about yourself with kindness (00:33:54:26). Resources Mentioned:   We reference our earlier episode on attachment styles (mentioned at 00:00:57:17) for a broader overview—check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTc We mention Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating (00:30:25:10) as a helpful resource for dating with attachment styles in mind.   Check out Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Emotions by David Kundtz for understanding emotional expression (mentioned at 00:30:44:21): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nothings-Wrong-Guide-Managing-Emotions/dp/1684810280 Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!    

In this episode, we explore worry—what it is, why some people are more prone to it, and practical ways to stop it. We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, a key part of anxiety, and discuss its origins, from learned behaviours in families to past experiences like humiliation or health concerns. We break down the pros and cons of worrying, its impact on your body and mind, and why it can feel so exhausting. Through a roleplay, we show three ways to respond to the “worry gremlin”—engaging, ignoring, and acknowledging without feeding it. Plus, we share three takeaway tips to help you notice, assess, and stop worrying. Tune in to start managing your worries today!    Show Notes:   Episode: How to Stop Worrying   Welcome to our latest episode, where we dive into the world of worry! We’re here to help you understand what worry is, why it happens, and how to stop it effectively. With insights from CBT, a roleplay to demonstrate strategies, and actionable steps, this episode is all about empowering you to handle worry with clarity and compassion.   In This Episode:   Understanding Worry: We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, distinct from overthinking (starts around 1:00, 00:01:04:21).   Why Do We Worry? It’s a safety mechanism, but it can spiral (around 3:00, 00:03:12:20).   What Makes a Worrier? Learned behaviours, past experiences, and intolerance of uncertainty play a role (around 4:00, 00:04:07:12).   The Brain’s Role: Worry triggers the fight-or-flight response, creating a vicious cycle (around 7:00, 00:07:06:14).   Pros and Cons: Worrying might feel protective, but it’s exhausting and limiting (around 9:00, 00:09:25:08).   Steps to Stop Worrying: Start by noticing your “what ifs” (around 15:00, 00:15:16:15).   Types of Worry: We discuss hypothetical, solvable, and worry-about-worry types (around 19:00, 00:19:04:16).   Roleplay: We demonstrate three ways to handle the “worry gremlin” (around 21:00, 00:21:20:07).   Takeaway Tips: Three steps to stop worrying in your daily life (around 26:00, 00:26:25:16). Three Takeaway Tips:   Assess Your Worry: Write down the pros and cons of worrying for you—are the pros really helping? (00:26:27:11)   Notice Your What Ifs: Spend two days tracking your worries on your phone to build awareness (00:27:08:07).   Don’t Engage: Acknowledge the worry gremlin but don’t feed it—focus on the present, or schedule worry time (00:27:34:01). Resources Mentioned:   We reference our anxiety episode (mentioned at 00:01:50:07) for more on the connection between worry and anxiety—check it out for a deeper dive: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your worry strategies? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-growth.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!    

In this episode, we welcome our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective on life, social media, and generational differences. We dive into what Gen Z wants other generations to understand—from the surprising normalisation of cocaine use to their reflective and community-focused nature. Fin highlights the dual role of social media, offering connection (like queer communities) but also challenges (like far-right pipelines and echo chambers). We also explore the impact of Covid, climate change, and societal pressures on Gen Z’s views of work, relationships, and the future, alongside their openness to diversity and desire for work-life balance. Join us for a candid cross-generational conversation—and hear about Fin’s gothic band, Coma Red!   Show Notes:   Episode: Understanding Gen Z: A Cross-Generational Chat   Welcome to our latest episode, where we bridge generational gaps with our first guest, Fin, from Gen Z! We’re diving into their experiences, challenges, and hopes, from social media’s impact to their views on work and relationships. With honest insights and cross-generational reflections, this episode is all about understanding and connecting across generations with clarity and empathy.   In This Episode:   Welcoming Fin: We introduce our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).   What Gen Z Wants to Share: Fin discusses the normalisation of cocaine use and Gen Z’s reflective nature (around 1:00, 00:01:11:22).   Social Media’s Role: It fosters community but also poses challenges like addiction and echo chambers (around 3:00, 00:03:02:26).   Finding Community: Social Media helps Gen Z connect, especially in queer spaces (around 8:00, 00:08:09:22).   The Downside: Doomscrolling and far-right pipelines are real risks (around 10:00, 00:10:16:12).   Generational Differences: We compare Gen Z’s social media use with Gen X habits (around 13:00, 00:13:13:05).   Dark Influences: Social media can lead to polarisation and far-right ideologies (around 17:00, 00:17:08:04).   Gen Z on Diversity: They’re open to learning about gender, sexuality, and history (around 26:00, 00:26:18:20).   Life Paths and Work-Life Balance: Gen Z values flexibility and rejects rigid life paths (around 32:00, 00:32:20:19).   Climate and Future Concerns: Climate change and societal issues weigh heavily on Gen Z (around 38:00, 00:38:01:00).   Fin’s Band: Fin shares about their gothic band, Coma Red (around 42:00, 00:42:03:28). Resources Mentioned:   Check out Fin’s band, Coma Red, for some gothic music vibes: Instagram - @coma_red_band (as mentioned at 00:42:03:29). Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your generational insights? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and cross-generational understanding.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode insightful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

In this episode, we explore body image—how we perceive our bodies and the path to improving our relationship with them. We dive into how early messages from family, media (from 80s diet culture to today’s social media filters), and comparisons shape our self-view, often fueling self-criticism and scrutiny. Through personal stories—like childhood labels and the impact of filtered selfies—we highlight the societal and internal pressures that maintain a negative body image. We also share practical steps to break the cycle, from noticing self-criticism to embracing gratitude and self-compassion, especially as our bodies change with age. Plus, we offer three takeaway tips to help you improve your body image. Tune in to start this journey today!   Show Notes:   Episode: Improve Your Body Image   Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the complex topic of body image! We’re here to help you understand how your self-perception forms, what keeps negative patterns going, and how to improve your relationship with your body. With personal insights, reflections on societal pressures, and actionable steps, this episode is all about fostering a healthier self-view with kindness and clarity.   In This Episode:   Understanding Body Image: We define body image as how we view our appearance, shaped from childhood (starts around 1:00, 00:01:32:15).   Childhood Messages: Family and cultural messages, like diet culture in the 80s, set early narratives (around 2:00, 00:02:27:21).  Media’s Impact: From magazines to social media filters, media distorts our perception of “normal” (around 3:00, 00:03:23:01).   Modern Pressures: Filters, TV shows like Love Island, and AI amplify unrealistic standards (around 6:00, 00:06:10:22).   Maintaining Factors: Comparison, self-scrutiny, and self-criticism keep negative body image alive (around 8:00, 00:08:13:02).   The Inner Critic: Self-criticism, a familiar voice, aims to “help” but fuels negativity (around 12:00, 00:12:15:13).   Steps to Improve: Awareness and choosing not to engage with the critic can break the cycle (around 15:00, 00:15:29:02).   Gratitude and Self-Compassion: Appreciating your body and building a compassionate inner voice are key (around 20:00, 00:20:19:12).   Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to improve your body image (around 27:00, 00:27:31:23). Three Takeaway Tips:   Reflect on Early Messages: Journal about childhood messages that shaped your body image, whether positive or negative (00:27:31:23).   Identify Negative Patterns: Write down habits fueling a poor body image, like comparing or media exposure (00:28:24:11).   Make One Change: Choose one habit to change, like unfollowing triggering social media accounts (00:28:46:15). Resources Mentioned:   We reference our self-compassion episode (mentioned at 00:25:33:10) for more on building a kinder inner voice—check it out! We also reference our overthinking episode (00:14:07:09) for tips on noticing unhelpful thoughts. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.   Credits:   Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your body image story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-acceptance.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

In this episode, we unpack what makes a relationship healthy—whether you’re dating, partnered, or reflecting on your connections. We introduce the ARE framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged) to show how safety and security create a strong foundation, even when life gets busy or conflicts arise (like dishwasher disagreements!). Through personal stories—like feeling disconnected or finding comfort in a partner’s support at social events—we explore the role of communication, mutual respect, and emotional safety. We also discuss how secure relationships foster independence and teamwork, even for those with insecure attachment tendencies. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you reflect on and strengthen your relationships. Tune in to build a healthier connection today!   In This Episode:   What Makes a Healthy Relationship? We set the stage for understanding healthy relationships for everyone (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).   Feeling Disconnected: We share how busy lives can lead to disconnection, even in strong relationships (around 1:00, 00:01:12:12).   The ARE Framework: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement are key to feeling safe and secure (around 3:00, 00:03:19:04).   Engagement and Presence: Being truly present shows care and interest, even in small moments (around 8:00, 00:08:24:00).   Bids for Connection: Why responding to your partner’s bids (like sharing a storm moment) matters (around 11:00, 00:11:44:18).   Security Fosters Independence: A secure relationship allows for individuality without fear (around 13:00, 00:13:01:18).   Communication and Emotional Safety: Deeper communication and emotional safety are vital for connection (around 18:00, 00:18:19:08).   Facing Challenges as a Team: Healthy relationships tackle differences together, from parenting styles to hobbies (around 22:00, 00:22:19:00).   Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reflect on and improve your relationship (around 26:00, 00:26:18:10). More on Attachment Styles (Referenced in This Episode):   Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from attachment episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In healthy relationships, this security fosters independence (00:13:01:18).   Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness and may feel insecure, but a healthy relationship offers reassurance to ease this (00:13:58:08).   Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence and may struggle with closeness, but a healthy relationship provides safety to engage (00:13:58:08). Three Takeaway Tips:   Reflect on Your Relationship: Write down how the ARE elements show up in your relationship, or what you’d want in a partner if you’re dating (00:26:18:10).   Assess Your Connection: Ask yourself: Can I be myself? Do we share respect and trust? Can I share emotions safely? Is my partner willing to work on issues with me? (00:27:13:23).   Improve One Behaviour: Identify one thing to improve—like appreciating your partner more—and put it into action this week (00:27:40:05). Resources Mentioned:   We reference our attachment episode (mentioned at 00:03:19:04) for more on security in relationships—check it out! It’s inspired by Therapists Uncensored’s colour-coded approach to attachment: https://therapistuncensored.com. Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your relationship story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and wellbeing.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Music by: Stile Tree Music   Produced: Synergy Podcast Studio: www.synergypodcaststudio.co.uk  

In this episode, we explore overthinking, why our minds get caught in endless loops of worry, rumination, and planning, and how it leaves us knackered. We celebrate the brilliance of our thinking brain (it’s behind art, technology, and innovation!) but also dive into its downsides, like activating our threat system and pulling us out of the present. We discuss how smart technology (like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings) can fuel overthinking, the unique challenges for neurodiverse minds (like ADHD), and how to reconnect with your body to calm the chatter. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you manage overthinking, starting today. Tune in to quieten your mind and find some peace. In This Episode:   What Is Overthinking? We define overthinking as dwelling on thoughts excessively, leading to mental exhaustion and anxiety (starts around 1:00, 00:01:16:23).   The Pros and Cons of Thinking: Our thinking brain is brilliant for creativity and problem-solving, but overthinking can paralyse us (around 3:00, 00:03:42:22).   Overthinking and the Threat System: How excessive thinking triggers our nervous system’s alarm, disconnecting us from our bodies (around 6:00, 00:06:14:00).   Smart Technology’s Role: Wearables like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings can fuel overthinking by creating a need to “know” everything (around 8:00, 00:08:01:22).   Overthinking and Neurodiversity: For those with ADHD, overthinking can be more intense due to hyperactive brain activity (around 11:00, 00:11:20:13).   The Nervous System Connection: Overthinking activates our threat response, leaving us drained (around 14:00, 00:14:13:10).   Strategies to Manage Overthinking: Create distance by naming your “overthinker” character and choosing when to engage (around 18:00, 00:18:13:14).   Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reduce overthinking and bring calm (around 26:00, 00:26:03:01). Three Takeaway Tips:   Notice When You’re Overthinking: For one day, catch yourself when you’re stuck in your head, then shift focus to the present, like feeling your feet on the ground (00:26:03:01).   Ditch Smart Technology for a Day: Try going without your smartwatch or tracking apps to break the cycle of constant checking (00:27:17:21).   Don’t Engage with the Overthinker: Name your overthinking character, thank it, and choose to do something else instead (00:29:08:00). Resources Mentioned:   Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your overthinking story? Reach out at [email protected] Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-awareness.     Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Music by: Still Tree Music Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios

In this episode, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup—why it feels so painful, how your attachment style shapes your experience, and how to heal. We share personal stories, from the devastation of a first love at 19 to the anxious-avoidant cycles of past relationships, showing how breakups can shake us at any age. We explore the science behind the pain (it lights up your brain like physical pain!), the impact of ghosting and orbiting, and what research says about healing—like the role of self-esteem and support. Plus, we offer three practical takeaway tips to help you move forward with self-compassion. Tune in to start healing your heartache today. Show Notes:   Episode: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache   Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the messy, painful world of breakups! We’re here to help you understand why they hurt so much, how your attachment style plays a part, and what you can do to heal. With personal stories, research insights, and actionable tips, this episode is all about guiding you through the heartache with kindness and clarity.   In This Episode:   Why Breakups Hurt So Much: We dive into the science—brain scans show breakup pain is as real as physical pain (starts around 1:00, 00:01:22:11).   Attachment Styles and Breakups: How anxious (approach) and avoidant (distance) styles affect your experience, from intense pain to initial relief (around 3:00, 00:03:59:05).   Our Stories: We reflect on the lingering pain of a first love at 19 and the anxious pull of past relationships (around 5:00, 00:05:06:00).   Factors That Influence Healing: Who initiated the breakup, how it happened (like ghosting), and ongoing contact like orbiting all play a role (around 7:00, 00:07:11:22).   The Role of Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours can ease pain temporarily but often prolong the hurt (around 10:00, 00:10:14:13).   What Helps: Research shows better self-esteem helps recovery, and friends can be a lifeline (around 14:00, 00:14:29:15).   Self-Compassion and Reflection: Why reflecting on the relationship and practising self-kindness are key to growth (around 19:00, 00:19:05:11).   Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to help you heal and move forward (around 25:00, 00:25:18:02). More on Attachment Styles:   Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from previous episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In breakups, you’re likely to recover faster due to better self-esteem (00:14:37:11).   Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may feel hypervigilant about distance, often seeking reassurance (00:03:59:05). Breakups can hit you hard, with intense pain and a pull to maintain contact (00:16:32:09).   Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may shut down to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:04:18:08). In breakups, you might feel relief initially and avoid the pain, but it can surface later (00:11:55:10). Three Takeaway Tips:   Find a Breakup Friend: Surround yourself with supportive friends to remind you you’ll be okay, and text them instead of your ex when the urge hits (00:25:18:02).   Journal Your Reflections: Write down what you’ve learned about yourself and the relationship—what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d do differently next time (00:26:11:03).   Practise Self-Soothing: Treat the pain like a physical illness—try a massage, gym session, or a drink with a mate to ease the hurt (00:26:56:05). Resources Mentioned:   We reference attachment styles from our last episode, inspired by the colour-coded approach from Therapists Uncensored. Check out their podcast for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com. Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your breakup story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and healing.   Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!   Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Music by: Still Tree Music Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios

Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack attachment styles and how they influence your relationships. We’re diving into the science of connection, sharing relatable stories, and offering actionable steps to help you navigate your own patterns with more awareness and compassion.   In This Episode:   What Are Attachment Styles? We explain how early experiences with caregivers shape your ability to connect. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  Secure Attachment (Green): A felt sense of safety—knowing someone’s got your back, allowing you to explore the world confidently (around 3:00, 00:03:12:04).   Anxious Attachment (Red): Craving closeness due to unpredictable caregiving, often leading to a need for reassurance (around 7:00, 00:06:46:00).   Our Stories: We share how anxiety shows up in parenting (waiting for people to text) and dating (preoccupation with responses) (around 9:00, 00:09:17:21).   Avoidant Attachment (Blue): Seeking distance after consistent unavailability in childhood, often cutting off emotions to cope (around 11:00, 00:11:13:04).   The Push-Pull Dynamic: Why anxious and avoidant styles often attract, creating a challenging cycle in relationships (around 17:00, 00:16:46:12).   Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three steps to understand and work with your attachment style (around 20:00, 00:19:51:20). More on Attachment Styles:   Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025).   Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may be hypervigilant about distance, often needing reassurance and contact (00:06:46:00). You might feel, “I’m not okay without someone else.”   Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may unconsciously shut down emotions to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:11:13:04). You often feel, “I’m okay on my own—I don’t need anyone.” Three Takeaway Tips:   Reflect on Your Childhood: Think about your early experiences with caregivers, were they consistent, unpredictable, or distant? This can reveal your default style (00:23:47:09).   Notice Your Behaviours: Spot patterns, like seeking constant contact (anxious) or pulling away (avoidant) and how they feel in your body (00:24:16:04).   Practise Secure Behaviours: Try open communication, like saying, “I need space now” or “I need to hear back from you,” to build healthier connections (00:25:40:12). Resources Mentioned:   We reference the Therapists Uncensored podcast for their colour-coded approach to attachment styles—check it out for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com. Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your attachment style story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and self-awareness.     Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!