The Vault Of The Wanderer

What if our thirst is never meant to be quenched?I explore how my experience in the fellowship has moved through cycles of enthusiasm, friction, and deep self-examination — and why keeping my Higher Power as the source of guidance is essential not only to physical sobriety, but to emotional sobriety as well. I also reflect on a dream and the song “Tennessee” by Arrested Development that brought this into focus.

In this episode, a scene that arose in meditation reveals a practical way I experience Steps One, Two, and Three of Alcoholics Anonymous—not as ideas or slogans, but as something lived.Through the vision of a basketball court, I come face to face with the daily choice between self-will and reliance on a Higher Power.Passages from pages 60–62 of the Big Book are woven in, showing what it looks like for me to step out of self-will and call my Higher Power off the sidelines in this game of life.

In this episode, I share an inner experience that shifted the way I relate to external guidance and a Power greater than myself.There came a point in my sobriety where I began to feel a quiet pull inward — a sense that what I had been relying on externally was not meant to carry me for the entire duration of my sobriety.Through self-reflection, deep study and meditation upon the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, study of other traditions such as Buddhism and Hinduism, and a vivid dream, I began to see the difference between borrowed recovery and a more direct relationship with my higher power, which I call the innermost self.This is simply my experience as it continues to unfold.

Step Ten taught me that awareness alone isn’t enough. This is my experience of moving beyond inventory into comprehension — because if I don’t understand why my character defects keep appearing, they will continue to return. Through self-observation, moments of clarity, and daily practice, Step Ten has become a process of understanding, not just observation.