Third Culture Thriving

One of the things I have noticed, both within this specific work and in the broader global worker context, is the tendency to play what I'm going to generally call the "God Card." The God Card is when, in a conversation, someone says "God told me to do this" and then there is no opportunity for further conversation. It ends with this card, because we can't argue with "God told me so." It's essentially the Christian trump card. And the more towards the "surviving" end of the spectrum someone is, the more likely they are to play this card. It's also a Hail Mary.

A quick-ish overview of the treasure trove of free resources available for download at thirdculturethriving.com

Today, I want to tackle a topic that can be a bit heavy: grief, and particularly displaced grief, grief that we have to take with us. We're going to do so gently, but I want to remind you: this is a podcast, and you can pause it, turn it off, come back to it, or even skip it if the timing isn't right for you. You have my full blessing to care for yourself well as you consider the grief you carry.

Today, we are talking about one of the most emotional, difficult, violating things that can happen when we live and work abroad, and unfortunately it's very common. Nearly everyone I know had a story about a difficult situation with their national workers, whether domestic or ministry staff. The truth is, we are all human and we all make mistakes and let each other down. But how should were handle it when a staff member betrays our trust, or lets you down in a big way? The answer to this will be different from person to person, and from culture to culture. But today, I'm hopeful that we can walk through some questions we can ask ourselves that can bring some clarity and wisdom.

If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, well…you know that there hasn't been much to listen to in the last year. I've been quiet, and while the main reason for that has been purely logistical, I can't totally blame my silence on my schedule. In truth, another large part of this has been the very deep, intimate, internal work the Spirit has been walking me through. It's been special and sacred and quiet, and really hasn't felt like it was to be shared. Only a few friends, and at times only my husband and my professional supports, have been aware of the shifts within my heart, and the deep healing that the Spirit has brought. I'm so grateful.   But, as seasons do, I am beginning to feel the season changing. What has been a quiet winter of introspection and putting down deep roots is now giving way in my heart to a spring of growth and transformation. I feel the energy of the shifts that the Spirit has led me through beginning to reach out to be shared and seen. But, like the first spring leaves, it feels fragile. Vulnerable. Unsure. Like it needs to be protected. Like it's not sure it's time yet.

A few months ago, we had the privilege of hosting a dear friend here in our home in Kigali. He also happens to be an extremely talented videographer and media specialists and had come to visit in order to make a mini-documentary about our family to help us fundraise. Cool, right?   A lot of our time together was spent answering questions on camera. Most of them were pretty predictable- when did you fist feel called to work abroad, tell me about your work, how did you feel the Lord leading you into this specific field, what's your long term vision for your ministry. But one discussion we had stopped me in my tracks, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. The question was this: what would you say your mission is, as a family, here in Rwanda? What unifies all your work and ministry and keeps you here?

My (and everyone's) favorite: what's saving my life! Unfiltered and unedited thoughts about the practices, items, and thoughts that are tipping the scales towards thriving for me right now.

Hi friends. It feels so incredibly good to be back on here with you, after a quite long unplanned hiatus from the podcast. I feel like I owe you some explanations, so, here we go.

I am fresh off of a month of messy travel, and today I want to do a special travel edition of everyone's favorite episode: what's saving my life. Because travel is a big part of our lives as global workers, whether we travel often or we travel infrequently but very long trips, and having some tricks up your sleeve can make or break your time. So, here's some of my favorites.

Today's episode is an intensely practical one: we are going to explore three different techniques you can use to ground yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed or panicky or even just OFF. Of course, this isn't just something that global workers struggle with, these things apply to everyone, but it certainly does seem to come up for us, doesn't it?

Today, I want to take some time to chat a bit about some of the books that have been released in the last few years, specifically targeting global workers. I have read all of these books and they have each blessed me in different ways, and I hope they will bless you, too.   Grit to Stay, Grace to Go (Eenigenburg and Burkholder) Raising a Family Overseas (Danforth) The Grief Tower (Wells) Sacred Siblings (Eenigenburg and Grumelot) Yet Still We Hope (Hilkemann and Beck) Liturgies and Laments for the Sojourner (Fallis, Boyce, and Rubinski)

This week, I want to do something a little different than I've done before, and guide you through a time of reflection and processing, in hopes that the next few months can be joyful, intentional, and leave you feeling exactly as you'd like to as the year ends. We'll go through a series of questions and prompts for you to name and think about. You can go at your own pace stopping and starting as needed, or listen all at once and then refer back.

Hey friends, welcome back to Third Culture Thriving. I'm your host, Karli Von Herbulis. I'm a wife and mom living in Kigali Rwanda, where I serve in my local congregation, run this podcast and online ministry, study spiritual direction, and recently was selected to serve as a Regional Director for my sending agency, New International, based in Ft Myers, FL.   But- if you had asked me to write that bio at the beginning of this year and predict what I would be doing for this school year? I would've given you a very different picture of my life.   Back in the pilot episode for this season (episode 101) I alluded to my new positions changing my long term plans for Third Culture Thriving, and I want to get into a bit of that today. But first, I want to ask you: have you ever had a dream or calling or vision you were confident in, only to have it change as time goes on and n ever come to fruition quite the way you thought it would?

I didn't plan to do a sabbatical over the summer, the way that some people plan years in advance when they'll take an intentional season away from certain professional or ministerial duties. No, my idea to take a sabbatical was born out of the depths of trauma and burnout, and it felt like the only path forward. The last year has been an intense one for me personally, wrought with trauma and conflict and change and challenge. By April, I was completely exhausted and couldn't fathom what the next months would look like. So I cleared my schedule the best I could, took as many responsibilities off my plate as possible, and gave myself a lot of permission to rest.   The problem was- I didn't really now what I was doing. I had guidance from my spiritual director and my therapist, and I am grateful for those, but I also was missing one element I have some to believe is key for setting up a meaningful and effective sabbatical: I wasn't coming from a place of solid Sabbath practice. I work for our church, so Sunday's aren't restful for me at all. The weekend is often spent getting ready for Sunday, or doing household chores. I didn't have a weekly day of rest in my life: how was I supposed to pivot into an entire season of rest?

Yes, I'm saying "summer off" instead of a "sabbatical" for a reason. Because when it came down to it, my sabbatical didn't go as planned in a number of ways. Today, I'm sharing some reflections and updates from the summer, as well as some of the small rhythms I've developed that I'm increasingly grateful for. I hope this will inspire you to reflect on your own last few months with both clear eyes and a thankful heart, whatever life threw your way.

Life feels like a lot right now, both in some overwhelming ways and some great ones, so I feel like it's best to give you kind of a "state of the soul" today. Both for your information, and my own need for processing. And then, to give you a bit of a manifesto as I enter a summer sabbatical of sorts. Thanks for being here.

We love WSML episodes! Here's my top 10 as we head into the end of the podcast season.

This morning, as I was again ruminating on this, coffee in hand, I heard a gentle whisper: "Why don't you instead ask: what do I desire FOR you?"   My breath caught as I let the question linger quietly in my spirit. Am I asking the wrong question?   What could the Lord desire FOR me, instead of FROM me?

Today, I want to take the time to walk you through resource that we've provided for free on our website for over a year now, but we haven't really devoted a lot of energy to here on the podcast. I hav e heard from a number of you that are making the difficult decision to transition from your host countries back to your home countries this year, and still others who are shifting assignments from one country to the next as is the norm in your field. Many of you are about to go through a major shift, and I want to support you through it.   Last year, we released a resource called "The spaces between nations: a transitions workbook." This document is over 40 pages of lists to make, journalling prompts, memories to capture, timelines to make, themes to identify, and even packing tips and travel tricks to support you on your journey. It's a resource that I poured a ton of time and emotion into, as I have watched many of my best friends make these transitions in the last few years. I pray that it will be a blessing to you, too.

In this life overseas, we all journey through these seasons where life feels like too much, but being able to step away and bring it to God feels like just another impossible thing to add to our never-ending to do list. We might even have tools at our disposal, but often we just need something that's already done and prepared for us. Something we can just plug and play.   So, today, I want to give an unsolicited and unpaid recommendation to the forthcoming Velvet Ashes Online Retreat. The Velvet Ashes team does a really incredible job crafting a beautiful retreat for expat ladies every year, and it's always a highlight for me.

Today's episode topic is deeply personal to me, because it's been a constant battle in my home really since I got married. Today, we're talking about practically valuing and protecting your family and prioritizing it over your mission. Let's get into it.

Today, we're talking about something that you're all told me is heavy on your hearts and something you don't always know how to handle: money requests from staff or local friends.

Most of us can make a list of "great things to have in our country" pretty fast by now. Seasoning mixes, seasonal teas and treats, Ziploc bags, essential oils, Western candy and snack foods, makeup and sunscreen and bug spray, passport holders, decaf coffee. We fill our suitcases and our visitors' suitcases with these things with ease.   But what about some items to really make your life easier? That maybe you haven't thought about before? Let's get into it.

Last week, we chatted about different questions you could ask a prospective or current sending agency. On Instagram, you all shared so many more, so I wanted to give you a part 2 episode. In addition, later this week we'll have a beautiful download on our website of all these questions, organized for you to used. It's been a great thing to crowdsource, and I'm hopeful that it'll be useful for our community for years to come!

I've adapted the original 30 Days of Prayer and Learning into a Lenten guide, including journaling prompts, sabbath practices, and opportunities to write your own prayers for your host country. Each day, we'll pray together for a facet of your host country or a relevant topic: for example, for the government, for the lonely, for single mothers. There are also questions top help you dive deeper into this topic with further research into what that looks like where you are serving. What resources are there for single mothers? What is the government really like, and how does it function within the region, or globally? You'll also have the opportunity to partner with local friends who can add depth and dimension to your understanding.

Here's the number one thing I want you to keep in mind as you go through this: more than anything else, your supporters need to feel connected to YOU. Yes, they need to understand your ministry and believe in your "why". But in the end, they need to know your heart, your personality, and be connected and invested in you as a person, as a family. And because of this, not every newsletter needs to be an impact report! I know, mind blowing, right?

Today, we're chatting about how to plan our weeks well. Between non-negotiables like school or meetings, self care time, and goals we are working towards, it can be hard to know what to prioritize. Let's figure it out!  We're also talking about what to expect from TCT in 2023. Plan to join us for our FREE Lent of Prayer and Learning ommunity experience, starting Ash Wednesday, Feb 22.

This year, I've been challenged by several wise, older people in my life to move away from a faith that relies on routine and checked boxes, and more towards a faith that is more intuitive and spirit led. Sounds easy, right? But in reality, I relied heavily on very strict rhythms in almost every area of my life to keep myself afloat, including in my faith. And while it worked at a base level, it wasn't the liberating, life giving faith experience I knew God wanted to give me. So, as I go into this Advent season, I'm considering what to fast or what to adopt with this intuitive, spirit-led faith in mind.

As we get to know how the church operates in another culture, it's to be expected that we find new ways that the Gospel manifests itself, often that are very different from how we have seen the gospel presented in our own cultures. Some things that are only tangentially important to our culture's interpretation of the gospel are much more important and central where we find ourselves now, and other central parts of our own faith become secondary in our new culture. Of course, there are the basic tenants of christianity that shouldn't change from culture to culture. But often, there are "grey areas" that are more nuanced and can look very different ways in very different places!

The last time I put out a call for episode topics, I got a number of responses about having realistic expectations for ourselves, how to grieve the loss of our capacity and ability to whip through a to-do list, and reframing success. Friends, today I'd like to introduce you to a little something I call the "minimum successful day."