009 – SDP – Forgiving Your Ex

What this episode covers

Forgiving Your Ex is ToughAfter going through the pain of divorce even the thought of forgiving your ex can seem impossible.  But forgiving is one of the keys to truly healing after your divorce.5 Stages of GriefIn episode 2 we discussed the 5 stages of grief in detail.  In summary they are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Somewhere during this process you need to forgive your ex.Why Forgive?As a Christian I believe that forgiving is not an option, it is a command.  Jesus states in Luke 6:37 "...Forgive and you will be forgiven".  Our receiving God's forgiveness is tied to our willingness to forgive those that have hurt us..A recent article from the Huffington Post titled "Seven Reasons To Forgive Your Ex"  caught my eye.  The seven reasons given are (paraphrased):Forgiveness is for you.Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what your ex did to you.Forgiveness helps you turn the corner.Forgiveness allows you to release difficult emotions.Anger and resentment are toxic.It's good for the kids.The pleasure of getting even is short lived.These match very closely with what I've learned and observed from leading a DivorceCare support group for 6 years.Now let's look at those in a little more depth.Forgiveness is for you and it doesn't mean you condone what your ex did.  It's not for your ex, it's for you.  Forgiving releases your hold on your ex and puts them in God's hands.  Until you can truly forgive your ex, their actions will continue to control your emotions and cloud future relationships.  They obviously hurt you in some way and forgiving doesn't say that was OK.  It simply means you are choosing to move beyond the hurt and let healing start.Forgiveness allows you to turn the corner toward a healthy you and release all those toxic emotions you have pent up inside.  If you hold on to your anger it will soon turn to resentment and eventually bitterness.  No one likes to be around an angry and bitter person. It's been said that bitterness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.But there are some things that forgiveness is not.Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.  If you wait until you feel like forgiving you probably never will.  From a Christian perspective you need to choose to forgive and then let God work on your feelings.Forgiveness is not a one time event.  As you work through the grieving process there will be new things come up that require you to forgive your ex again in order to move on through the process.And finally, forgiveness does not mean the restoration of the marriage.  It may simply mean you release your anger.  It may mean you can be civil.  It may mean you can actually be friendly.  In a few cases you may actually become friends again.  And it could actually be the first step that leads to a rekindling of the relationship and restoration of the marriage.But you don't understand.You may be say "but you don't understand, they did ________" (fill in the blank).  The Bible doesn't give us a choice.  If we want to be forgiven of our sins, we must be willing to forgive others.So what do you think?Leave a comment below or call the listener feedback line at (347) 433-7664

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