EPISODE · Oct 30, 2012 · 19 MIN
015 – SDP – Dealing With Anger
from Surviving Divorce Podcast · host GD Lengacher
In Episode 2 I discussed how the grieving process applies to divorce. In the next few podcasts I will discuss the stages in more detail.Dealing With AngerI can't imagine going through divorce without being angry. You are facing a time when your dreams are crashing down around you. You've possibly been rejected by the person you pledged the rest of your life to. Your ex may have cheated on you or you may be facing extreme financial difficulties.Anger Is NormalYou will most likely be angry at your ex or soon-to-be ex. You may also be angry at friends who took your ex's side in the divorce. Family may not be as supportive as you would like them to be and this can cause you to be angry. You may find you're just angry at life in general and if you're a person of faith you may find you are angry at God.Anger Is HealthyDealing with anger is a part of the normal grieving process. When you come through denial and realize that you, in fact, are either divorce or soon to be divorced, anger is the normal response for all the reasons listed above. Suppressing your anger is not healthy and can lead to bitterness and depression. Learning to express you anger in a non-destructive way is essential.Destructive AngerThere are numerous destructive ways of dealing with anger. A common destructive way of dealing with anger is lashing out. You may yell at your kids, family, friends, or coworkers who are just innocent bystanders. It's likely you will lash out at your ex but this is not productive. Divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction. Your best hope of getting the best possible settlement is to negotiate in a businesslike fashion with your ex. Being angry and trying to "punish" your ex will only pad the pockets of the lawyers.There are also many other destructive ways of expressing anger. From throwing your ex's belongings on the front lawn to slashing their tires. These types of behaviors can get you a restraining order if your lucky or criminal charges if your ex isn't in a forgiving mood.How To Deal With AngerI don't have any revolutionary advice for dealing with the anger. The proverbial "count to 10" is one of the best strategies for dealing with anger. If you just take away the knee jerk response and think about what to do you will usually make a much better decision. After the fact, you can analyze what is making you angry and decide if you can do anything about it. If you can do something... do it. If not, then you need to work on accepting it and move on. Easier said than done.Wrap-upYou can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com herePlease consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at [email protected]
What this episode covers
In Episode 2 I discussed how the grieving process applies to divorce. In the next few podcasts I will discuss the stages in more detail.Dealing With AngerI can't imagine going through divorce without being angry. You are facing a time when your dreams are crashing down around you. You've possibly been rejected by the person you pledged the rest of your life to. Your ex may have cheated on you or you may be facing extreme financial difficulties.Anger Is NormalYou will most likely be angry at your ex or soon-to-be ex. You may also be angry at friends who took your ex's side in the divorce. Family may not be as supportive as you would like them to be and this can cause you to be angry. You may find you're just angry at life in general and if you're a person of faith you may find you are angry at God.Anger Is HealthyDealing with anger is a part of the normal grieving process. When you come through denial and realize that you, in fact, are either divorce or soon to be divorced, anger is the normal response for all the reasons listed above. Suppressing your anger is not healthy and can lead to bitterness and depression. Learning to express you anger in a non-destructive way is essential.Destructive AngerThere are numerous destructive ways of dealing with anger. A common destructive way of dealing with anger is lashing out. You may yell at your kids, family, friends, or coworkers who are just innocent bystanders. It's likely you will lash out at your ex but this is not productive. Divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction. Your best hope of getting the best possible settlement is to negotiate in a businesslike fashion with your ex. Being angry and trying to "punish" your ex will only pad the pockets of the lawyers.There are also many other destructive ways of expressing anger. From throwing your ex's belongings on the front lawn to slashing their tires. These types of behaviors can get you a restraining order if your lucky or criminal charges if your ex isn't in a forgiving mood.How To Deal With AngerI don't have any revolutionary advice for dealing with the anger. The proverbial "count to 10" is one of the best strategies for dealing with anger. If you just take away the knee jerk response and think about what to do you will usually make a much better decision. After the fact, you can analyze what is making you angry and decide if you can do anything about it. If you can do something... do it. If not, then you need to work on accepting it and move on. Easier said than done.Wrap-upYou can support the podcast by starting a free trial with Audible.com herePlease consider leaving a review in iTunes if you enjoy the podcast. It will help keep it visible for others to find it.If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.And finally, if you have a question you would like me to address you can leave a message on Listener Feedback Line at 347-433-7664 or email me at [email protected]
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015 – SDP – Dealing With Anger
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