059 – SDP – Dealing With Rejection

What this episode covers

RejectionOne of the most painful aspects about divorce is the rejection we feel. It doesn’t matter if you were the one to want the divorce or the one who was totally surprised by it. Rejection is part of the process.The rejection often starts long before the divorce is even on the table. It can often be feelings of rejection that actually start the divorce process in motion.For men, we can feel rejected in the marriage when our spouse chooses our children’s needs over ours. Not that men/father’s don’t love their children, we do. The issues arise when a wife is continually placing her priorities on the kids and has no energy or desire to keep the marriage healthy, a man will feel rejected.Women will often feel rejected when their husbands put work above everything else. Like kids, a man’s job is important but it can easily become a higher priority in his life than it should be. When he only comes home to eat and sleep, the wife will soon feel rejected.In cases such s these, the feelings of rejection may be a big part of one spouse wanting a divorce.There are also many instances where the relationship seems to be doing OK and then one spouse is blindsided by the other’s request for a divorce. This kind of sudden action brings about strong feelings of rejection. These feelings haven’t festered for years but show up as a result of a sudden action.One spouse having an affair will bring strong feelings of rejection to the faithful spouse. The feelings of rejection, betrayal and anger are so strong in these situations that they sometimes lead to crimes of passion. Just this year, a man stood up in a church and shot his preacher because the preacher was having an affair with the man’s wife.We can be rejected by mutual friends. Friends rarely stay neutral in a divorce, they will typically choose one side or another. This can cause strong feelings of rejection.Our own children can reject us, especially if they are adult children and perceive that one parent was primarily at fault. Children in these types of situations can and often do take sides.So, how do you deal with rejection?When you are feeling rejected, it’s often accompanied by feelings of anger, betrayal, depression, etc. These feelings only compound the issue.First of all, know that you are not alone. The feelings you are experience are normal. Virtually everyone going through a divorce feels rejection in one form or another.If you are the innocent party, don’t blame yourself. Determining where the blame lies in the breakdown of a marriage is seldom easy. There are usually plenty of things that each spouse could have done to improve the relationship. However, no one deserves to be cheated on, lied to, abused, etc.If you are feeling rejected because of your actions, it’s time to try to make amends. Some relationships may be beyond saving but others could be salvaged if you would simply apologize for what you have done and start fresh.Finally, if you are feeling rejected know that you are in good company. In Isaiah 53:3, part of a prophetic passage talking about Jesus, the Bible says “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”Jesus, the only perfect human to ever live, was rejected. He knows how it feels like and knows what you’re going through, He will be there for you even if it seems like nobody else is.

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