Addicted to Creating and Avoiding My Grief

It took me about fifteen takes to say one sentence at the start of this, and I left every one of them in. We think we have to arrive polished before we are allowed to share anything, and what people actually feel is the part we cut out. So this is the uncut version. It is about creating, and what creating had quietly turned into for me. I am good at it, it is easy for me, and every time something was not working or I was feeling low I would go and make a new thing so I could pat myself on the back. New brand, new offer, new artwork. It is no different to any other thing a person reaches for. It was covering the grief. That does not make the creating wrong, a painting has carried me through things that words could not, but there is a difference between creating from power and creating from lack. There is also a piece in here about the luminescent codes and why they rise up wanting to be made into something. These episodes come from my archive. Years of lives, courses and conversations that were sitting on a channel doing nothing, so I am bringing them back one at a time. Some of it I would say differently now, and that is fine, it is all part of how I got here. First published 15 August 2023. __ I’ve burned through enough identities to stop believing in a final version of myself. For a long time, I stood in the middle of reality demanding answers. Reality laughed, lit a cigarette, and left me holding the blueprint. Now I trace the patterns in identity, belief and human behaviour, and talk about what I find. My Ego Says Hi holds all my old podcasts, alongside whatever comes next. Different versions of me speaking from different points in the same life. My books, Money Surge, Body Surge and Love Surge, explore the patterns, beliefs and behaviours that shape our relationships with money, our bodies and love. Together they form the Surge Trilogy, three 21-day protocols available as full audiobooks on Spotify. Money Surge https://open.spotify.com/show/0MnVWHQgPQiaQLgzWADVRd Body Surge https://open.spotify.com/show/1wyLX50IhCOaRMeuncGd6Z Love Surge https://open.spotify.com/show/14jYtxSRLHrd8cfOmDtvNU I write about identity, belief and human behaviour on Substack. My website brings together my writing, art, portfolio and systems. Writing & Essays https://annachitticksego.substack.com Portfolio & Systems https://annachittick.com