Bargains that Kill

Bargaining is a stage, a phase really, of the acceptance process. And the acceptance process is very similar to the grief process in that the phases don't really have any order, but they include denial, anger, sorrow, bargaining and finally acceptance. Bargaining is the toughest of these phases because it provides us the illusion that we don't really have to accept that tough reality, instead we can fix it. So, let's say my father was indifferent to me—bargaining with this might mean I continually tried to get him to be loving, and then married men who were indifferent hoping that I could get them to be loving. And the bottom line is that the more I'm bargaining with them—those people who are least likely to become loving and kind—the less the chances are that I'll meet those hungry needs—so I'm really being indifferent to myself. Well, we can stay stuck there for whole lifetimes. And today we're going to talk about how to get unstuck. And don't miss the Oprah clip on today's show.