Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. We... Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro you would say fresh. Matters? It does! Find fresh meals and deals at Metro!
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Though you see no water for miles around you, you are, like me, nonetheless marooned. We are castaways in this terrible bad dream somebody decided to name Barovia. To switch up the metaphor, we are imprisoned, and the fog is the bars of our cell, and our jailer is Baron von Strahd. As far as I can tell, there's no way to escape other than possibly by dying. Maybe by being eaten by a wolf, let's say. Sitting in the throne is Sir Godfrey Gwilym. The blood of Strahd flows through. Bow your head. I bow my head.
One of the knights draws his greatsword and stands next to you. Gretchen gives a cry, and you realize they mean to execute you. I bow my head as if I was to like, oh, he wants me to kneel or whatever. Then when I'm realizing it's great, so I stand up. Right. Combat begins. What? No. I say wait. I understand. But I do say wait. How are you going to get out of this one, dude? Oh, boy. They were always going to kill you, man. Yeah. There are rules. Yeah. Pop. Yeah. You can also go to initiative.
You land bodily next to Keening, as I said, and Keening turns to you and he's about to say something. You're about to say something, actually. You're about to tell him about the... Yeah, that. Okay. Now, without any of my pip abilities, let's fight a reborn, so perfectly healed, vampire. Well, I mean, you know, you've got pop's abilities. Or at least you think you have pop's abilities. Yeah. So ambush. Can the two of you please do paper, scissors, rock? Paper, scissors, rock. Got his ass. Yeah. Scissors beats paper. So pop is an ambush predator. Correct. Yes. But I don't know if I know that about him.
That's true. It's not like at the time we hung out. You know that he has a sickle and a hammer. A hammer and sickle are the weapons he picked. And what else do you think you know about? I'm assuming Pop fights just with his fists, really. That's why you collected a sickle and a hammer? Well, no, I mean, like, he doesn't do anything fancy. Right. If Pip had to say what class he thought Pop was, it would be just like a fighter. You know, when are they sitting down? The only time I ever imagine Pip and Pop really meet up after the time in the orphanage is when Pop asks Pip for money.
I've got some venture I found a place where I was born can you pay me some money so I can turning towards trumpets asking for money Alright, pop your first. Okay, is Trumpets just basically right in front of you? You hear the noise. I spin around on the spot, hammer and sickle at the ready, seeking out Trumpets. Alright, I'll call that your action if you want to look for Trumpets. Oh, nat 20, get a good boy card. You spot, just past the riverbank, it's like a rocky embankment, there is the slavage wood begins. Low, over the slavage woods, coming at an incredible speed, you spot Trumpets. She is close.
Does it look like she intends to basically kind of like swoop down? Yeah. Oh, she looks like she's going to do a classic magpie maneuver. Okay. She's going to fly by attack. You were able to, well, your numbers really helped in the last battle, but you were able to kind of fix her in place and then pummel her. She looks like she's going to try and stay mobile this time. Okay. Just having a look at what I can do. Well, actually, I will say that was your action. So you've got your bonus action and maybe now is a good time to get into the new mechanic for companions. So.
I, he sounded almost like, yeah, dubious. So to simplify my maths on this one, just to make things easier for me, because I'm managing a lot of NPCs, I'm using a new set of mechanics where rather than hit points, your allies have levels of health. It starts at healthy. It goes down to wounded, bloodied, exposed, and then downed, which would be the equivalent of zero hit points. Downed is not dead. It's just zero hit points. So they're bleeding out. On your turn as a bonus action.
you can make or you can direct an ally to move up to their movement speed. And then I've given you, for each of your allies, I've given you three, quote unquote, signature moves. And aside from that, outside of your bonus action, they will, rather than rolling initiative independently, because that's a fucking nightmare for me, just at the end of the round of combat, all your allies will get an action. So if you don't order them, they'll still do something, but it's going to be kind of like randomly almost selected by me as you aren't fighting necessarily as a cohesive unit. Yeah, sure. Hmm.
Who have I got with me? I've got Keening, Elenial, and Tiny, don't I? Yeah. Well, maybe I two either Elenial or Woken. Kind of just the people with me. I point her out. She's coming over the tree. She's going to swoop us. Put her down. And you're directing that to Woken, perhaps? Yeah, let's say Woken. Okay. Keening, with his fire whip, tries to strike at Trumpets. He rolls, and he connects. Hell yeah. Trumpets takes 13 points of fire damage, and then she needs to make a strength save or be restrained in place, which is going to be interesting. She'll probably pass this, but...
If she doesn't, she passes. The whip wraps around Trumpets' midsection, but she gives a little pulse with her wings, and she breaks the flaming whip instantly. She keeps coming in low and ready. Hector, it's your turn. Okay. How many of these undead paladins are there? There is Sir Godfrey Gwilym, Sir Robin Turay, Sir Arthrond Borwin, Sir Damien Hargrove, Sir Eric Norenthal, and finally... The last guy who is a little bit more morose. He might be on your side. Yes, correct. The last one, Sir Vladimir Horngard, who, when he draws his weapon, you see, once again, that look of sadness on his face, Hector. He doesn't look like he's particularly willing here, but he has drawn his...
Well, you're still going to do it. Yeah, but you'll feel bad about it. Well, yeah, that's all right. So six in total. Now, they are skeletons. Yeah. They're undead. They're not skeletons. They're the undead. So what do I know about undead? But these are different undead. Yeah, I don't know if they work the same. I don't know if you call these Bogman. Yeah, like radiant damage would be good. Probably. It's probably a safe bet. But at the same time, but if they're paladins, do they cast their own radiant damage? Or because their evil is good, radiant damage is going to hurt them more than... Well, they're not good. Okay. Okay. So...
Well, firstly, I'll grab my shield. I'm here to negotiate. Do Undead see in the dark? I don't know. I mean, Pip probably does. Do I remember, Adam? It depends on the undead. I've spent enough time, I think, in Barovia with Old Mate yapping on about Emmanuel. Do I remember anything? It really depends on the undead. Bog standard bog men do not.
Okay. All right. I think we need to run, hey? Yeah. There's only two of you. Behind you is the set of doors that you came in through and the rest of Argen Vosthold. Ahead of you is that set of windows just past the- Yeah, can you describe- So we're three stories up. Yes. God, I really wish I could fly again. But also the idea of you jumping out, activating your wings and just setting out a blazer is really funny.
Behind you is a set of double doors. That's where most of the enemies are currently standing. You have a full four of them are standing behind you. One is standing to the side, and then one is directly in front of you. And then none of them have eyes on, basically. None of them have swords on Gretchen. Gretchen's standing a little bit behind you. What do you mean by swords on? Well, they're mostly going to target me. It looks like, yeah. Ahead of you is a set of windows just past that dragon statue. And then you can see on either side of the dragon statue is a single door. You don't know where those lead. All right.
My options are, do I cast Darkness? And then we try and flee. But knowing that even if we do try and flee, they know where we're going to go down. And then there's heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps of the undead there to fight. So that's one thing. One is to activate the new wings, as it were, to at least provide radiant damage in a circumstance around myself, which is maybe good. And then the other one is to cast Shatter. Okay. And hope that it's fairly dilapidated so we can try to escape that way. Yeah.
Well, in front of you, everyone's behind you, right? Yeah. So no attacks of AWP or only one attack of AWP if you try and run. Yeah. I guess they're behind you, actually. So you'd be moving out of... Technically, the way D&D works is if you ran towards the windows, you'd get the most attacks of AWP. Because you take an attack of AWP when you leave someone's range. But yeah, basically the way behind you is pretty much actually almost blocked. Like you would need to hip and shoulder yourself a little bit to get through the line of enemies behind you. Ahead of you, well, like I said, just immediately to your side is one of them. And the one on the throne...
the one who summoned you here. So, Gwilym, he is, well, he's not right next to you, but if you try to run past him to the windows, you feel like with the reach of a greatsword, he might be able to catch you. Okay. The flooring here is not the best. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's seen better days. Absolutely. Okay. If I was to cast Shatter, sort of on where the throne is, where Godfrey is sitting, or there, ideally, if that could fall. It would depend on how much damage you dealt. Okay. I think that's going to be the best option right now. Awesome. I just, I came here to a new...
We are wanting the same thing. You could just listen to me, but shatter. I don't think you do want the same thing because they clearly want you dead. That's what I mean. I thought you were on the same page. Calling upon your horrid deal with Eileen. I want to do that. That's where you get the wall across from. I don't want to ask. I'm just doing it. You cast shatter. Well, you don't so much cast as you ask Eileen to create a shatter. There's a brief, like if shatter normally takes five seconds to cast.
You wait an extra second. And then, the floor detonates. You see, as Gwilym, he dives aside. He takes only five points of damage as he resists the blow. But the floor beneath the throne sags, crinkles, and then crash. A hole appears. All right. We need to run. I grab Gretchen. Okay. And we hoof it. You take...
Every single attack of opportunity, I believe. Okay. You'll be fine. Let's see what happens. Do I cast shield now? Or do I cast shield when Adam tells me they've rolled a critical? Well, if they've rolled a critical, it's not going to help. Yeah, I cast shield now, brother. Yeah, yeah. Wait. Wait until one. We'll see. Maybe none of them hit. Maybe they all miss. What's your armor class currently? Your armor class is? 17. 18. 18? Okay, well. Shield is a reaction, so. You might want to cast it.
I mean, actually, I have to give it if you cast it. Yeah, if you cast it, it won't help. For this roll. Hang on. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss. Miss.
You take from the first attack. Oh man, I forgot all the rules I have for these guys. Have they sworn vengeance against you? What? Technically no. They don't even know him. They don't need to know you to do that. I haven't even done anything bad for them apart from ruining their throne that they love. Yeah, but that happens now. Now they can. All right. No, they haven't sworn vengeance against you yet. Lucky.
You take 13 points of damage from the first blow and 11 from the second. So that's 24 total. That's okay. I'm still standing. That's fine. Your hit points are, by my count, 56. And then, Hector, you and Gretchen stand at the threshold for the hold down. Let me tell you what you're looking at. You know, in my effect, it's a jump.
I mean, maybe, but I don't think so. Tell me what's there as well. I think it would have to be pretty bad. Oh, that's Adam's mouth. Sorry, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Which would you like? Bad news first. Bad news first? There is nothing below this. The good news is you're on the ground floor.
You fall all three stories. That's okay. That's fine. Hey, it worked one time before. Misty snap at him. And I'm going to strain it by freaking Gretchen. It's already strained by casting it while you're moving. Can you double strain? It's a bonus. Yeah, I think it's already strained as you're doing it while moving. You can double strain it and I'll give you disadvantage. As we up the precipice and it's nothing there below us.
No, I'll allow you to stand at the precipice. You know what, actually? No, I'll allow you to do it, but it's a dexterity save. Alright, sure, sure, sure, sure. Okay, you get to the precipice. You realize, I shouldn't do this. And then, the bricks beneath you cave and you fall. Double strain it, dude. How wrong could it go? What's your arcana? You're real clever, right? He said, looking at a plus one. Plus two. Oh yeah, sorry, that's your wisdom. Would you like me? I can re-roll anything. Yes, you want that.
Do you want to re-roll anything? Okay, with a plus two, you successfully strain the spell. You wink out of existence on the third floor and you wink back into existence on the ground floor. You look around and you can see some of those less minded undead, not mindless, but some of those other knights are standing around and whatever was stopping them from attacking, they seem to inherently know that they can attack you now. You don't think you're out of this fight just yet. But surely they can't be worse than the main Argonvossault knights. We don't know. Adam's shrugging, but he knows.
It's his realm. Unfortunately, that's your bonus action, your movement, and your action. What is in the room? Looking around. Looking around? Sorry? What is around you? Exit? There is, directly in front of you, the double doors that you came in through. Standing in front of those double doors is one of those creatures. Behind you is the stairs that you went up. There's two creatures on the stairs, and then there's rooms either to your left and to your right, both of which are...
Full of undeads. And the stables or whatever, that was like completely dilapidated. That's not part of this? Oh yeah, that's a separate building. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, there is... Hey, look, to peel back the curtain perhaps a little bit. Obviously, when you made the deal with Strahd, this was never going to happen. But in the battle against Strahd, you could have recruited 200 of these knights. Okay. Could I still do that? They will never fight for Hector or with Hector. Okay.
They, you are probably, even without Hector, they probably, they've been here for so long and no one's been able to figure out how to get them to help them. Yeah, fair. Right. Anyway, yeah, in another life, these might have been allies, but unfortunately, they will never fight with you. I mean, you know, other than this. Anyway, it is Trumpets' turn. Okay. Everyone's favorite.
And Trumpets comes in low and fast. Did the Empire drown? Only Pip was here for me to ask. By the by, with the new mechanics of, say, our NPCs, do they act on our turn, by the by? They act at the end. So at the end of initiative, after everyone else is gone, I'll go through and every one of them gets to act, including Gretchen. She has something to increase our AC, which does sound nice. She will, however, act as I see fit. Gretchen! Gretchen! Alright, so.
Trumpets, as she swoops past, she attacks Keening. Okay. All right. So Keening screams as a slash appears on his side. Keening goes from healthy to wounded. Okay. And then she keeps going. At the end of her turn, she flips around and...
disappears. She becomes invisible. That's bad. That's really bad. Okay. Then it is the Knights of Argenvosstholt's turn. The Knights at the Stairs and the Knight at the Door charge trying to converge upon you. Hector, you are surrounded. Did you cast Shield in the end? No. Hit, miss. Okay. Miss, miss. Miss, hit. You can block one hit if you'd like. That's okay.
You take, as they start wailing upon you with their swords, you take 11 plus... Oh, I have a riposte. I can riposte somewhere. 11 plus 8. So you take 19 points of damage. Jesus Christ.
Okay. Alright, I'll riposte. One of them, I guess. And that just gives you an attack against them, right? Yep. Alright, one of them slams their greatsword into you, and while the greatsword cuts its way, sore-like through your shoulder, you grunt and bear through the pain and jab upwards with your spear into its chest. You strike dead and true. You deal.
You deal 11 points of damage back to that undead knight. Yeah, okay. They also have regeneration. You gotta get out of there, brother. Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our families? Freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butchers custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Hey, it's Kat Nat from Kat Nat Unfiltered. You know what matters most to us when cooking for our family's freshness. That's why we always choose Metro. Their produce is hand-picked, their bread is baked in store, and their butcher's custom-cut meat to our exact needs. Freshness is the thing that can make a simple meal simply amazing or turn an ordinary bite into an extraordinary night. At Metro, fresh matters because fresh changes everything. Find fresh meals and deals at your local Metro.
Regeneration, you say? Yeah, it's truly been the bane of our existence here in Borovia. Every fucking thing regenerates. Except for us. Except for us. We quite aggressively don't regenerate. All right, your allies' turn. Elenial fires twice with her longbow. Oh, no. Oh, come on, dude. For God's sakes. Elenial tries to aim at the last place where Trumpets was, but Trumpets makes up.
noise, and Eleniel's, the string on Eleniel's bow snaps. She cries out in pain. Oh, she manages to resist it. She cries out in pain and is not permanently blinded. Oh my god, that was a bad one. Then, that was Eleniel. Woken tries his fire whip again. He hits. His fire whip wraps around something in the middle of the air. You hear trumpets give a cry of surprise and shock. Okay, that's good, that's good, that's good.
Trumpets takes nine points of damage, putting her on nine damage. Okay. Hey. And then she needs to make a strength saving throw. You watch as whatever the fire, well, you watch as Trumpets' invisible form falls prone and hits the ground. Trumpets takes eight points of damage from hitting the ground. And then you see from in the river as smoke bubbles out of the river. And Trumpets takes a further from running water. Ah.
Takes a further nine points of damage. Okay. Trumpets becomes visible, and you can see that she's not regenerating. Okay. All right. That was Woken's turn. Gretchen's turn. Gretchen charges forward towards the one who is barring your way out, and she swings her sword.
And lowering its greatsword, that half-intelligent undead grabs Gretchen's sword and twists it aside. She cries out. And Tiny. Tiny leaps into the water. Splash. He hits the water hard. Tiny goes 30 feet.
That's really funny. And that is, I believe, all of your allies. I've only got three people with me. Pop, back to the beginning. It's your turn. How close is... She's 30 feet away. From the river. Oh, how close are you from the river? How close am I to Trumpets? So Trumpets is 30 feet away from me, and I'm right on the river. And my movement right now is what? It'd be like 30 feet. Your movement is 30 feet, yeah. What do you mean? My ideal situation here is I grab Trumpets and slam her head into the river.
push her into the running water so that it damages her. Because if she's restrained and in the water, maybe the water will take care of the problem. Yeah, but I'd have to go to her and then go back. So it's like 60 feet. No, she's in the water. Oh, she's already in. Oh, she was over the water. She was over the water. She got fire whipped. Keening with like a huge tug pulled at her. Fucked up her flight. She tumbled into the water where she is currently. All right, sweet. That's why Tiny jumped into the water. It was trying to do basically the same thing. God, I must suck being like a vampire with that weakness. And every time you wake up like...
Go through this running water every time. Trump has a lot of reason to be pretty mad at you. I can see why Pip did it. From a height here, running water, wrapped in chains. I wade into the river being like, Pip wasn't so stupid after all, was he? Because you're going into heavy running water, you'll need to make a check, and it will take your whole turn to get to her. That's okay, that's fine. I'll make that check.
You succeed where Tiny failed. You understand why he failed? The river gets really strong here. And while you won't be actually swimming, you are stepping on very wet, obviously, slimy rocks. You get to her. You still have a bonus action. I guess as a bonus action, I'll just call to my allies and be like, make sure she doesn't leave the water. Keening hits his fire whip again.
He pulls on it, and you see as it tightens around trumpets, but it does no further damage. Okay, that's fine. As long as she's restrained, that's all that matters. All right. That is your turn, Pop. Hector, it's your turn. Okay. There's two behind you, one in front of you. Gretchen is obviously focusing on the one in front of you, hoping that if you kill it, you can just fucking leave. Yeah. The one in front of me, I can get to it with my spear? Yeah. Cool. All right. I'll say that was the one you stabbed. Sweet. Let's do that.
I don't know if I mentioned this already, but you watch as it heals around the wound that you just made. You can see these guys also have some sort of, well, I shouldn't say also, because you don't know about the other fight, but for Joel, they also have some sort of healing power. Okay, well, on the one in front of me, because at least then I can just do this, and it might help me. I'm going to, as a bonus action, Hexblade's Curse on him. Hexblade's Curse on that undead creature, so that easier to hit, and I get some health if it dies. And then I'm going to use a next... Ooh.
Ooh. Yeah, do an extra attack on it. Nice. And a good boy card and do an extra attack. You do two attacks normally? Yes. Okay. So you do three attacks. Your first attack. Oh.
No, that's a hit. Okay, second attack, miss. I follow up. So if my last attack roll was a hit, I can automatically hit. All right, three hits. And could I perhaps, with one of the attacks, could I have tripped? You can attempt to trip, yeah. He makes a, oh, that attack does an extra D8 damage from memory. And then he makes a strength saving throw. He passes. And then each of these does an extra, each of these is plus eight.
This feels familiar. 24 points of damage. Here we are again. As much as things change, they stay the same. Plus 38 damage total. And for some reason, not resistant or immune to this. Crazy. Should have done that. You know what? It does no damage. No, no, no. It's a magical spear. It's made of angels or whatever. 49. Would you be nice to us if we cry? Yeah.
I'm just going to accidentally shit myself. Best not. Yeah. That was your action. You'll have a bonus action. I'll use my bonus action for the curse. Oh, yes. Okay. They're still standing. Yeah. They're not even bloodied, dude. Thank God you didn't fight the actual Knights of Argan Vosthal, dude. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay.
I guess you have nothing else. Without your movement, you can actually just try to run past it. But then I'll get attack of ops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Best not. Rude. Could I have tried that to trip them on all my... No, that seems silly. What if I give you this good boy card? Seriously ready for anything. Choose where you go in initiative and you go next. I don't think you can spend that now. Damn it. I thought I was being clever. Let's... I guess let's wait. Yeah, just wait and see. Alright, it is... Oh my god. Trumpets is done. Oh, crazy that.
I feel like Trumpet's gonna get a bunch of turns, I feel like. What does he mean by that? What does he mean by that? These are the grunts. These are the grunts. These are just the dude. You gotta go back to Stride and say, raise that thing to the ashes. No. He's gonna say, burn it down. No. Trumpet tries to take a swing at you, Pop, but misses quite badly. Fuck off, doll. Pop, would you prefer momentary confusion or cramp?
Let's go momentary confusion. You don't add your proficiency bonus to your attacks for three rounds. You don't know Jackson, but that is really good. Awesome, dude. Her proficiency bonus is like eight. Oh, fuck. That is good. That's really, really good. Especially if you're trying to get out of the bindings and stuff. Yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And that was her turn. Then it is her turn. Hang on a damn tick. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. She attacks you again. Fuck.
She misses. Can I riposte? Sure, yeah, if you have that power. I do. Hey. Yeah, I riposte. And you hit her with what, sorry? With, I guess, the hammer. Okay. Bonk. Bonk. Welcome back to Fresh Matters, where we discuss matters of freshness. I'm the grossier here with Kat from Metro. Kat, your produce is impeccable. We have high standards. We... Meat is custom cut on site to my very delight. Yep, it's important that we... And the baked goods? More like baked grates. Fresh in store every day. So at Metro, you would say fresh. Matters? It does. Find fresh meals and deals at Metro.
Um... I don't think you... You missed. Okay, that makes sense. I'm in the middle of basically Whitewater Rapids, so... And then it is... Is it Trumpets' turn? Hang on a minute. Let me just have a quick... Wait a minute. Hang on, I'm just going to quickly look. Wait a minute. Let me check my... It's Trumpets' turn? Oh my lord. She doesn't heal, thankfully, but she is going to try and get out of this one way or another. She... Hmm, what would be the funniest way of doing this? Okay. Trumpets begins... Oh yeah, oh yeah, why would I not do that? Trumpets...
begins to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and her feathers begin falling out and becoming scales. And then you're not fighting trumpets anymore. Suddenly you're fighting a giant crocodile. Okay. When that happens, when she shifts into the giant crocodile, she stops taking damage from the running water. And when that happens, she explodes. She's now too big for Keating to keep control of with the fire leash. So she explodes out of that. That is, however, her turn. Then it is... Hang on a minute. Wait a minute. Check the charts. Check the stars. I think...
That's fucked up. It's her turn. How does this keep happening? Hopefully what this means is she's burning through her moves. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay.
Oh, no. It would be really awesome if I got the accent one again. Pinned or pierced hand? Both are bad. Yeah, pinned may drown me. Pierced hand means you could lose your weapon or could fuck up your hand for eternity. Let's go pierced hand. Double damage. Okay, that could be worse. I was really waiting to lose a hand, which would be funny when I come out of the fugue state and I go, what the fuck?
Didn't I have a hand? Matching with Keening. Oh, best friends. Oh, you're very lucky. It's minimum damage. Oh, thank God. Jesus. That's fine. I got you on 76 now. Yeah, I'm healthy as a horse. Then you need to make a grapple check. What's that thing crocodiles do again? Float. Float. It was actually going to be suck your blood. But you managed to resist. Okay. Then, hang on a minute.
Wait. No, that can't be right. That's been seven turns in a row. The charts are crazy. No, I'm just kidding. It's the... I was very willing to believe it, too. It's the Knights of Argenbrust. They get one turn, though, right? There's a lot of them. No, they don't have legendary. I've certainly not given them legendary actions yet, so you don't think so. First things first. Yeah, I was afraid of that. Six times. I forgot. I lost count. Six times. As the...
as the leadership of Argen Vostolt land all around you. That's their turn, but they don't take fall damage. They're immune to it. Okay. What? Well, they're immune to it. Man, being undead's awesome. Yeah, dude, we should get in on that. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. The undead knight that you're fighting, Hector, you watch as it heals. Gosh darn it. Okay. And then...
The three around you, oh, actually, you know what? They're about to start attacking you. But so Gwilym points a finger at you, accusatorily, and you hear, I curse thee. May you never prosper. May you die in a pauper's grave. He does it. And then another one does it. And then another one does it. And it's their turn. But every single one points a finger at you and you feel as you are being cursed.
Fucking as if there wasn't enough going on for old Johnny Hector. I came here in good faith. Honestly, that is the... Look, I've been through a lot. And that is the thing that hurts the most. So rude. It's your allies. I think right now, best thing is we're going to just... We're going to leave. You've insulted us. I've had enough of this. It's about as much as I can take. I'm going home. Honestly, rude.
Still David. Aleniel gets as close as she can to the river and she fires two arrows simultaneously. You watch as both arrows, as they fly, they begin to spin around each other. And as they spin, you watch as little threads connect the two arrows and then they become thicker and heavier. And essentially, it's not like a net, but it forms this net of wooden vines which falls over the crocodile. And you see that there's all these tiny little razor sharp teeth in it that dig in and tear whenever the crocodile moves. It takes eight points of piercing damage, but...
Never mind. It breaks out immediately. Okay. Oh, wow. You've done no damage to her. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And that was Elenial. It is Woken. He can't restrain with the fire whip anymore. So instead, you see him get in the low and ready, and he draws a make-believe revolver, fans his thumb, and fires six bolts of flames, which unerringly strike. Okay. He does 15 points of damage. That's something. That's something.
Yeah. It's Gretchen's turn. Okay. Gretchen just starts wailing on that one in front of you. You can see a bit of panic in her attacks. Need to run. Good job. Oh, my God. Gretchen Crows. Oh, nice. All right. First critical is either Slashed Shoulder or Terrifying Slash. Terrifying Slash sounds fun. They shouldn't name them like this. The other one's much better. Excellent damage. And the target must make a DC 12 wisdom saving throw, which it could fail. It's a mean to five.
Oh, you bastard, man. Yeah. Maximum damage. You bastard, man. What did the shoulder one do? It was triple damage. Not as cool. She does maximum damage, which isn't nothing. That's cool. That's 11 points of damage. And then her second one, I think, was a miss, did I say? Yeah. And then her third one was also a critical hit. Your options are knave to chops or slash to the ribs. Oh, knave to chops. That's good, isn't it? Feels good to say. Double damage. She does 18 points of damage on the second hit. Excellent. That's good innings.
Yeah. 50, 68. All right, it's bloodied. Hey, that's, hey, dude. We gotta get the hell out of here. Yeah, you're in trouble, dude. You gotta cop the op and get on your horses. Cop the op? Yeah, cop the op, dude. All right, that's Gretchen, then Tiny. Tiny launches itself at Trumpets, landing next to you, right as those jaws are about to close around you again, Pop. Tiny lands there and then starts boxing that fucking giant crocodile head like it's a speed bag. He attacks five times. Tiny.
He really runs the gamut on that one, damn. Alright, first things first. Would you prefer... What? What is it? Quite the riposte, or Took It Out Of You.
These are critical fumbles, yeah? Yeah. Quite their post surely means that Tiny will get attacked. Yeah. Took it out. Could be like you're, you know, taking it out of you, right? Like a level of exhaustion. Like you're exhausted, like you're winded, but it could also be like, oh, took it out of you. Your tongue is gone. It really bummed Adam out when he picked it up. But which one? Oh, okay. Oh, it's not great. But actually, I read out the wrong one. Sorry, it should be sword beats fist or off form. And so he punches and then he gets cut in his hand. Yeah. Off form, he drips. Do we go off form?
Adam looks pained. I think they're both... Is there one that's clearly better or are they both bad? They're both pretty bad. Okay. Let's go off form. Okay. Disadvantage on melee attacks.
For five days. Days? No rounds. Jesus Christ. What was the other one? The other one was that Trumpets would have gotten a free attack, which would have been a swallow. Sorry, doesn't get a free attack. Succeeds on an attack that Trumpets gets for free, which would have been a swallow. Etta boy. Yeah. Wow. That's very funny. The idea of like, you know, you just have disadvantage of attacks for five days is clearly something that could have happened. It could have happened. Oh yeah, hey. Oh, you stub your toe. Yeah, yeah. Owie. Is that causing anything? No. Tiny's other four attacks hit.
But unfortunately, Tiny does not get the two criticals that it would have gotten otherwise. But that's still four hits. It's something. But what it could have been was impressive. Yeah, exactly. Now it's just fine. You might find this impressive. You would find this. I mean, yeah, well, Tiny does it. Tiny does 30 points of damage. It's the heart and soul of this party. Yeah, it is. God, I'd be doing so much more damage if I wasn't Pop. That's very funny. And is that everyone? That's everyone. So it is back to the top, and it's... Hang on a minute.
This can't be right. It's Trumpets' turn? Surely Trumpets is burned through all of their extra turns. Surely. It's not like a thing that just happens. They used a bunch and then they had their turn where they got them all back. Or is it just something that just happens every turn where they get them all back? Could attack eight times if they wanted to. I feel good about this. You really should be having to deal with lair actions. But a lot of those summon extra creatures, and I feel like that's too mean to you right now. It is mean. It would be mean. You don't want that in that case. You've got to remember, Adam, D&D is created by people whose players are competent and know what they're doing. And by people who are...
role-playing their little hearts out right now, and not playing optimally. Exactly. Just saying. You should give me a good boy card, probably. It's Trumpeter's turn, and she tries to swallow you. That's okay. That was kind of my plan, so...
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