Don't take your child's eye roll personally

If your child’s eye roll affects you more than seems reasonable, there’s a reason.Not a modern-parenting reason. A much older one.Today’s Pause looks at why the tiniest thing - a sigh, an eye roll, a shrug - can feel so personal, even when your child hasn’t actually done anything much. We explore the uncomfortable truth that many of our strongest reactions have very little to do with our children and almost everything to do with the younger version of ourselves still living inside us.You’ll hear the story of a father who was undone by his daughter’s dramatic sighing. Not because she was being rude, but because her breath landed on an old wound from his own teenage years. And once you start noticing it, you realise how often the past jumps in and takes over. Your inner teenager leaps up, thinking she needs to defend you from humiliation or disappointment all over again.This audio invites you to do something deceptively simple: when you feel yourself reacting too strongly, ask, “How old do I feel right now?” The answer is usually immediate, and surprisingly young. Naming it brings your adult self back into the room. Out of memory. Into the present. Back with the real child standing in front of you.Your inner teen can offer wisdom. She can remind you how sharp words can cut, how quickly shame sticks, and how much you longed to be properly heard. But she is not the one who should be parenting your child.Let her teach you, yes. But you stay in charge. You’re the grown up now, and you get to end the pattern.Thank you for pausing with me. Take care. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kimmccabe.substack.com/subscribe