Ep #131: "I'm Going to Miss You... and I'm Ready for You To Go"

There’s a particular feeling that happens when your adult child has been home for a while—and suddenly, you realize their time at home is coming to an end. Maybe they’re heading back to college. Maybe they’re going back to their apartment. Maybe they’re leaving for a new job or a new chapter. And you can feel it coming. And there’s this ache. You start noticing the little things you’re going to miss. And there can be this very real sadness. And then… There’s another feeling. One that we don't always talk about. Relief. You might be looking at the calendar and thinking: Okay… three more days. And then immediately feeling guilty because you’re thinking: Wait. Why am I counting down? Maybe you’re ready to get your routine back. You’re ready to eat what you want for dinner. You’re ready to go to bed when you want to go to bed. You’re ready to have the bathroom to yourself. You’re ready to put things where you want them. You’re ready to have your quiet house back. You’re ready to have your space back. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can miss your child and be relieved that they’re leaving. Those feelings don't cancel each other out. In fact, I think sometimes we misunderstand relief. We think relief means, I'm glad you're gone. But that's not necessarily what relief means. Sometimes relief simply means: I love having you here, AND I love having my life back. Because when our children come home, even when they're adults, we often shift. We accommodate. We adjust our schedules. We think about what they might want to eat. We listen for the front door. We make room—literally and emotionally. And when they leave, there can be this exhale. Not because we don't love them. But because we're allowed to love our own lives, too. And I think that's one of the beautiful challenges of this second season of motherhood. We're learning that loving our children doesn't require us to abandon ourselves. We can be deeply connected to them without needing them physically present. We can miss them without needing them back. We can be sad when they leave and excited about what we're going to do with the space they've left behind. And maybe that's the invitation here: Instead of judging the feeling, let yourself feel the whole thing. Let yourself be sad. And, then, ask yourself: “Now that I have my space back, what do I want to do with it?” Because maybe this isn't about choosing between missing your child and enjoying your freedom. Maybe this season is about learning that you get to have both. You get to love them. You get to miss them. And you get to love the life you're building when they're not home. And none of that makes you a bad mom. It might actually mean you're becoming a very healthy one. If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate grief and welcome relief, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link: Coaching Call with Terri Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you.  If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast.  Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode.  My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour: Intentional Intoxication Book If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat: [email protected] For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory: Intoxication Inventory