This is Corolla Digital. Hey everybody, welcome to episode 48 of Hammer and Nails. And here we are. Hey, you ever look through your laundry basket and like all of a sudden find a sock you've been looking for forever? Well, this is like the lost sock. Yeah, we found this sock amongst the big bag of socks and we realized we never wore this sock. Socks? You mean the lost episode, right? Yeah, it's a lost episode. We recorded it in the spring while we were still filming Catch a Contractor, which will explain why. We talk about some things that aren't really going on right now because it happened in the spring. Yeah, so check it out and enjoy. Welcome to Hammer and Nails with Skip and Allison Vidal.
Yeah, we're back. Hey, everybody. Thank you so much for coming back and listening to the podcast. Yeah, evidently you guys are coming back more and more because we're getting a lot of listens on this podcast, but who knew it was actually going to be good. Yeah, we had a really, really amazing podcast premiere release on Corolla Digital, and it's been really exciting because we were on New and Noteworthy. We're on there, and we're on...
What is it called? Podcast One, Corolla Digital, iTunes, and some other apps that people have on their phones that I have never heard of, don't know anything about. But people have been finding us and listening and giving us some really positive feedback. They've actually given us some really good reviews. Yeah. Yeah. So super nice. Who knew that anybody would want to listen to me talk? I don't. I think, you know. Definitely not you because I can't. They're coming from me. I'm so sick of hearing you talk. No, you're not. Don't say that. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, honey. Come on. Don't insult me for people to laugh at. No. No, but we've been having some really nice positive feedback. We do have the best fans. Even before the podcast, though, our fans have been really sticking with us and everybody's been online and talking to us and we've been communicating back. So we are just so grateful for you guys coming back.
Thank you very much. Yeah, even the Ace Man's fans are, like, you know, being really complimentary. I thought, like, you know, oh, man, they're going to tear us a new album. Harsh critics, yeah. After coming from listening to Adam's podcast and hearing us, it's, like, obviously two totally different animals. So different. And I got my fingers crossed. I'm like, I'm thinking, like, oh, no, right here come the reviews. Yeah, people are writing. It's not what I expected, but I really like it. I don't think they expected quite so many fucks. There's a lot of fucks. There's a lot of fucks. In this room alone. Yeah. There's three fucks sitting right here as we speak. Hello, Joe Kimia. Yeah, that's right. Let's not forget Mr. Joseph Kimia over there on The Levels, man, making us sound good.
I'm the engineer fuck. Fuck you. Fuck. Fuck you, you fucker. Fucking fuck. So we have a lot to catch up on. We've been busy every week, every weekend. It's been like, go, go, go, go, go. I've been busy doing my thing because for those who don't know, following along.
I've been out in California now for like three, almost four months, filming straight through on Catch a Contractor. You, my dear Mrs. Allison Bedell, private investigator slash law enforcement full-time officer, have been going back and forth every week, which I still don't know how you managed to do it. Yeah, sometimes between two and four times per week I've been flying full coast to coast. So as a result of that, I have a lot of stories.
A lot of airline-related stories. I do, I do. Yeah, you all have seen passenger shaming. Allison is the voice of passenger shaming. Well, actually, by coincidence, they are actually, the woman who does that, who has that Twitter account and also the Instagram, she contacted me yesterday on Facebook Messenger, and they're setting up this new, like, I'm not surprised. You constantly tweet about stuff, and it's like, you know, some of the stuff that you witness on planes, it's just like off the meter. It's endless. People are fucking animals, and it's really disgusting, and people are stupid, and people are animals, and there's just a plethora of stories to tell about stupid animals. Passenger shaming, Joe. Yeah. Welcome to my world.
is not right. People are stupid animals. Yeah, so I love to, it's just really in my head, I'm like, I want to scream the things at them that I'm thinking, you know, but I just, I've been keeping it to myself, I've been taking notes on my phone so I can remember to talk about it when we come here. You've been working on your filter. It's been building. So, yes. You've been developing a very strong filter. I did have a couple, actually, I think either two or three, three that I can remember off the top of my head, confrontations with passengers that I'm looking forward to talking about. Whoa, like fisticuffs? No, no. Any headlocks or leg sweeps? No.
You know what? I think about that sometimes, but I don't go that far. Because you know how it is on these planes these days. They're looking for a reason to kick you off. You know what I mean? And then ultimately you're just cutting off your nose to spite your face because then you'd miss your flight. You've got to rebook it or you'd face criminal charges. I don't need that. You and I have flown like, I don't know, a hundred times together. But I recall one flight. There was something that happened, right? It was that cunt of a flight attendant. Oh, my God. And there's the C-bomb. That's a whole other story. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the C-bomb. You know what? She...
was a cunt. Just like that bitch that was in, what was that fucking place in Mohegan Sun? Wow, Joe, the mouth on her, right? Oh, my God. Was that Johnny Robbie? Did you catch that? There was a cunt fucking bitch all in one breath. She didn't even take a breath. I love hearing a girl say the word cunt. I really do. It just doesn't make me feel so bad about my daily language. It's an entirely different contents than pussy, though, right? Oh, yeah. No, this is very, very different. No, because when a girl says pussy, it's either talking about her own or talking about a guy who is a pussy. Ah, okay. Yeah. Okay, I just want to make sure I'm correct with the proper...
What would you call it? Terminology. Terminology and context. You know what? I'm glad you just reminded me about that, because I'm going to write that down to talk about it on another podcast. Terminology. That's a whole other story. That was the last podcast show.
Oh, my God. My tappage. Yeah, no more tequila shot before you do a podcast. That was all Carol's fault. She's like, Skip, you look a little tense. Why don't you have it? You are. Let's have some tequila before we go down into the studio and start recording. We had stress before we had come here. Like, it was like that day. You can't listen to Carol when it comes to alcohol consumption. I was like, okay, that sounds like a good idea. Let's have a couple of shots before we record. And he had already had a couple of glasses of wine upstairs before. And then I didn't see him do that first tequila because he was still upstairs. No, you just noticed it when I came downstairs. He was slurring his speech. And it's Carol. It's Patron. Just saying. Yeah, and then recording the thing for iTunes. Oh, look how cute he is. Yeah.
See, we won't do that again. All right, we're not going to tell you which podcast that was, but... Yeah, you can just listen to them all and try to figure out... Yeah, Skip is slurring everything. We're going to be touching on several topics. Oh, my God. Yeah, but I definitely... I'm going to talk about that another time because that was like a story. That was like a 10-minute story. You should leave the outtakes for that, too. The outtakes were very funny. For what? Oh, yes! You know what? You have it, too. I do. And, yeah, we are going to play that, actually. Yeah, you know... Yeah. Because we recorded this, like, one and a half minute thing. It's supposed to be like an introduction to your podcast that you submit. It goes to iTunes, and it's kind of like your podcast...
mini before your podcast starts. Right. Let's also remember, this is what lives on iTunes forever. So anyone who's never listened to our podcast and wants to just get a 30-second taste of what it's about to be, decide whether or not they want to click subscribe. This is what they're going to hear. And that was after a few shots of Patron and a couple glasses of wine. It lives on iTunes forever. It lived in this studio almost forever. Oh, my God. It took nearly three hours to record a minute and a half. Oh, my God. A minute and a half worth. Toppish. Toppish. Yeah, because Slurinory kept messing up. We had to select a script in front of us, and we had recorded it originally in California, but the sound quality was bad. So we did it again here in the studio where it should have been done to begin with.
Unfortunately, Skip had those shots before we started recording, and then he had slurred speech. But what happened prior to us recording was actually the noteworthy part. We wanted them to include it on iTunes. It was only like a paragraph or two, and I was doing really good until there was a tongue twister that somehow involved the words topics. We're going to be talking about many topics, and I just couldn't get that. I was topich. I couldn't get it out. So me being like the bossy wife before we started recording, it was actually funny because it sounded like it was funny and real. So we submitted it to Gary, and I don't know if he...
Cut it off or like they just cut off this beginning part. Well, it might have been too long also. It has to be a certain amount of time. Yeah, but so Joe, we're going to have to have that handy the next time we get together. You guys are going to do like a bloopers reel of me? Yes. Great.
That's awesome. What's been going on with us lately? Well, filming the wrapping up the season of season three of Catch a Contractor, of course. And it's just been an amazing season. All the behind the scenes stuff that we're doing and, you know, the change in format this year is awesome. It's been a lot of very, very cool surprises to us as it's as it's playing out live. Like as we're recording, there's been a lot of twists this season and unexpected things that have happened. Like like the first episode is already aired and there was a twist in it, like a voicemail that somebody had that we.
Did not. Don't go with my phone talking. You're popping. All right, I'm popping, but now it sounds like I'm far away. There you go. Now I'm popping. Look at that. Joe's like, thanks, bitch. That's great. Now I've got to go and edit this. I'm like the guy in the Little Rascals sound engineer booth when they're doing the Silver Strength submarine band. Every time that pop happens, my hat flies off and my hair goes. Sorry. Your bow tie spins around. So anyway, the appearance of an extra guy that episode and also a voicemail that he had was a surprise to all of us. Yeah, there's a lot of really cool surprises. So there's more surprises to come. So we've been actually really enjoying filming this season because of all of these twists and turns that we weren't even anticipating. And it's been cool filming. We've got about another month.
worth of filming to go before the whole thing is completed. Well, the best part for me, what I'm enjoying most is, really, the reveals have been amazing. Like, every single one of them has just been, you know, each one is incredible in their own way. And we're getting huge reactions from the people this season. Because some of the stories that we tell this season seem like they get progressively worse. And the contractors get progressively worse. And we always say, like, how can we possibly find any hacks that are any more hacktastic at hacking up a hack job than these fucking clowns? But it's like, you know, we do. It seems like every single episode, there's just like an endless supply show of these guys out there that are just destroying homes and lives and families.
They keep getting worse. Depleting back accounts. Job security is good. Yeah. Yeah. So this season has really proven to be really interesting on this side of the camera for us because there's been a lot of twists and turns. And if you guys have been watching at all, you know, of Catch a Counter, you know there's all kinds of stuff that you really never expect when you watch it. And that's what makes it really entertaining. Yeah. Yeah. So I've been enjoying watching it as well. Yeah. On my side of the pond, while you're busy filming, I've been dealing with our car at home, which is about to die. This car has a little bit of history.
Well, while we started filming, the car started having problems, and I wasn't able to pass inspection. I like that car. I really love the car. It's not a fancy car. It's a Nissan Murano. What year is it? Like 2010? 2009. You got it in 2009? No, I got it in 2008. They released the 2009 in April 2008, and that's when I got it brand new because I had gotten into a pretty bad car accident. I have fond memories of that car.
That's where our whole entire relationship started in that car. We had a lot of sex in that car. Oh, my God. In every part of that car. The driver's seat, passenger's seat. We put the back down. We put the back seat down, so we had the whole back area. You should have just saran wrap the entire interior of that car. Remember we were going to hang curtains in the back, remember? Joe, you know like the expandable shower curtain rods? I was trying to figure out something we can get that we can leave in there that will have some curtains we can pull around us. Yeah, we were totally going to do that because our whole relationship. Well, of course, the windshield anyway. Well, that whole story how we met is a whole other part. Yeah, the side windows were kind of blacked out, but the windshield was like, you know.
Shy or something? Well, no. How we met, a whole other podcast. But the beginning of the first month and a half, that's an entire fucking podcast. But our whole relationship, the first month and a half, took place in my car. It actually is going to be an entire fucking podcast because it was pretty much talking about. We were making love.
So anyway, so that car got a lot of action, and we really enjoyed that car. It has a really smooth ride. That was one of the first things that started to go in the car when he took it to the mechanic was the suspension. That's not true. That's not true. It was something with some kind of a, I don't know, gasket that had an oil leak, and it was a $200 part, but it would have cost $3,000 to fix because it was all labor because they had to take the whole engine apart. What happened to the days you could work on your own car? Remember muscle cars? You got in the driveway, you lift the hood, you pull the carburetor off, you're working on the whole thing, the heads off, the valves. We could do all of that stuff, right? Now, you've got to be a fucking NASA technician to even figure out how to open the hood latch.
Well, that was the fancy stuff. That was the fancy stuff. I used to do my own breaks. Well, you can still do that. Nah, not really. There's just so many different systems. Well, what about the guy who's been doing my brakes for the last four or five years, your buddy Mike? Yeah, but he's doing the mechanic thing. He's up on the changes. I'm talking about the regular dude that's got a set of tools in his garage that one day he's taking apart his lawnmower, the next day he's taking apart his GTO. You can't do that anymore. These cars now are all computerized. Which is what part of the problem was, because this was a fix that had a very cheap part, but I couldn't get it fixed because it was too expensive and the warranty ran out. So I was like, fuck it, I'm not fixing this thing because who knows? Because once the warranty goes, everything starts to go. Isn't that crazy, though? It was like...
I swear to God, the day the warranty ran out, every fucking light on the dashboard started lighting up. Everything. Bricks, you know, pressure tire, this thing, that thing, every sensor, every warning light, it was like a freaking light show across the dashboard. It's like, really, it's like, they make it do that because they know you have no choice but to go and fix that shit. And so because the car wouldn't pass inspection, then my next registration couldn't take place. I couldn't renew the registration because I didn't have a current inspection. So then I was like, all right, I'm going to take a chance right now because the car wouldn't pass inspection. I couldn't afford it. If the check engine light comes on, it's like, you know, you can't pass inspection with that. So the computer's reading now. The thing was, the reason when we went there and of course,
They plugged the diagnostic computer into it because you can't open the hood anymore and figure out, oh, there's the problem. Now you've got to plug a fucking computer in. And it gives you 20 different codes. And one of those codes was like a seal in the camshaft that was going. It's only like a $200 part. I said that already. But it's like 18 hours of labor. And it doesn't affect the ride. Like, it wasn't going to make the car break. I rode for, what, a year and a half like that? Yeah. Yeah. So it was like $4,000 to fix it. Yeah. But meanwhile, the car rode perfectly fine. There was no problems. But, you know, it's not like we couldn't spend the $4,000. It's like, what do you do? Do you put $4,000 into a car that has no warranty? You know, it's still a good car. No, I'm not. But it's like, or do we just like trade the car
car in and take that four grand and put it towards something better and nicer and whatever. It just didn't make sense to fix it. We made the decision to do that, but we wanted to hang on to the car for as long as it would work. We were driving it and every day we drove it, it was thinking we're getting that much closer to something else breaking down. And then it's going to have no trade in value. When the motor finally blows up, it's like, all right, so what do we do? Yeah, so we went to a dealership and they offered $13,000 on a trade. We went to a Nissan dealership. They offered $13,000 on a trade. We're like, okay, great. So in the meanwhile, the car was still driving and then we had a new season. I think it was season two coming up. So we were like, okay, well, let's just take the car off the road. Yeah, we're going to be home anyway. Yeah, so I took it off the road with the
Came back. The battery was dead. Started it up. You know, we charged it. And all of a sudden, the light's not on anymore. I was like, cool. No, we ran over to the repair shop so we can get the inspection done. And it passed inspection. And I shit you not, two miles after I rode out of that place, that light came back on. Ding. Ding. But meanwhile, I was eligible to get my new registration. So I got the new registration. So then I was like, okay, let me drive this thing as much as I can. Hold it. Because we really don't want to spend the money because I don't know what kind of car I want. Whatever. So now it skips back in California, season three. I start shopping by myself.
which was very exciting because I was going to... Is it exciting going car shopping or going by yourself? Let's clarify. Car shopping was exciting. No, the car shopping was exciting because I've never really gone car shopping. I thought you were excited about going by yourself. No, no, no, no, no. I really didn't want to do it by myself because your opinion is like 50% of the whole process. Well, yeah, occasionally I might have to drive the car too. Well, yeah, of course, it's our car. Once she comes home, she goes, honey, I was at the Mercedes dealership. Well, we did that actually before...
that we had gone away for the season just to see, because I was like, that's a nice SUV they have. Mercedes, but they were so expensive. Can we go look at those? Can we go look at those, honey? Yeah, we can look. Yeah, so we went to the dealership. Can we test drive one? Definitely not, because as soon as you test drive, you can. We weren't looking at anything fancy. I was looking at pre-owned SUVs, and they were still very expensive, and I was trying to figure out the financing, and they wouldn't give us as much on the trade because it was a Mercedes dealership, so I kind of let that.
whole idea slip out of my head because that was just, it was too expensive. We're not there yet. No, it's like, you know, we use the car to get around to work and stuff. And it's like, you know, the problem is we just moved into our house about four years ago now. And it's a beautiful little house, but it has no garage. So one of the things on my list to do on this property is build a nice two-car garage and maybe some space above it. I need a place to keep the car. I'm keeping my Harley across the street in my neighbor's garage. Jack, Jack, who died? I have no, I don't have a garage for my Harley. We have these monster pine trees that are like 100-foot pine trees that are...
kind of like looming over our driveway. So it seems like, you know, my truck, her car, everything we put in the driveway, it gets like sap on them. And pine needles that stick to the sap. I'm not, yeah, we went to go look at a Mercedes. I'm like, oh, they're really nice and everything. I got no garage to keep it in. I'm not putting a brand new Mercedes in the driveway and trying to worry about sap dripping on it. I'm not doing that, you know? And the Murano, it was already paid off, you know? And to get a Mercedes would mean a car payment all of a sudden. Yeah, they're nice and everything, but it's like, I really like, like, both of our vehicles are paid for. You know, I bought mine outright and so did she, new. So people question, well, is that a good thing to do with your money? Or, you know, like, I don't know. I had the money at the time and I'm like,
I hate making payments on anything. So I'm like, you know what? Let me go. Let me do that. So it was nice having two vehicles with no car payment. So now we're thinking about that whole, you know, what's that going to be like? You know, we want to get another car. It's like, do we want to deal with that? So let's get something that's affordable, trade in the Nissan, something that we can just buy out the rest of it and not have a payment. And I won't mind leaving it in the driveway until we build the garage. You know, it's kind of like the car before the horse thing. You know, it's like we have a nice car, no place to keep it. It's almost like, you know, I wasn't digging it. And you can relate to that. I mean, you've got your motorcycles up in the garage. Imagine if you had to keep them out in the driveway. So where this is leading is Skip's going to actually hint to you.
more room in there if he could fit his in there if somebody buys Jack's house I would have to get the eight kids bicycles out of it oh my god we'll buy you the hooks that hang it on the ceiling how many motorcycles do you have in your garage what were those things that Carol and I were riding last week those are yeah those are kids bikes oh my god they're electric they're electric actually and they uh they're made for yeah they're made for like you know anywhere between I guess five I couldn't believe she said 10 years old let's go run on these these are fun and it's like really literally for like it looks like a three-year-old would be on it and so she sits on it she got like a nice little sundress on and knees way out to the sides like you're at the GYN Is there stirrups on that bike? You need stirrups to keep your little feet. So then she's riding it like real fast. I'm like, oh my God. All right. So then I get on it and I'm trying to balance and everything. And yeah, I got the knees way out. You got to have some good stretch on your inner thighs to sit on that thing, by the way. Congratulations, Joe. Stretching the thighs. And yeah, it was really fucking fun. Who do you think put that stretch on? Yeah, man. There you go. There you go. It's got the built-in, what do they call the thing that the doctors use? Speculum. Oh, yeah, baby. It's got the built-in speculum on the seat, Joe. When you sit down on there.
That way you can take it out in the dirt. You never get thrown. The bike stays with you. Oh, my God. So, yeah, those things. I actually got those from these two little kids up the road. They said, wait a second. We got to bring Uncle Jack. Uncle Jack was the guy that was, like, you know, I guess supervising these kids for the summer. They had these two bikes sitting on the side of the road with a sign out that said 300 bucks.
For both of them. So I was thinking Lily and Layla. I was thinking my daughter and my, well, it's actually Carol's granddaughter. Oh, right. So they figured they'd have bikes to start learning how to ride motorcycles. And yeah, the kid's uncle came out and he said, yeah, they want to sell these bikes to buy an Xbox. Oh, what? Yeah. Wow. And then these kids, and they said, you want to see how they work? Because like, you want to see how they work? I said, yeah, go ahead. They take it out. They have this huge yard. I mean, acres.
you know, grass, and they're just tooling around these little things. That is the problem with today's youth, man. Dude, I had a minibike when I was a kid, and it started out, my dad actually got one later on, but when I was about maybe 10 or 11, I got my first one. But it started with me, like, trying to figure out how to take the motor off the lawnmower and bolt it to my bicycle when I was, like, six or seven, you know? I needed to have something with two wheels and a motor. And other kids on my block had, like, you know, half-assed, like, you know, those little minibikes with, like, the lawnmower engine on it, you know, little, like, brakes and brakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's like, you couldn't drag me in the house when I was a kid. I mean, it was like, you know, you had to literally drag me in the house. I wanted to
stuff all the time. And kids today, man. Dude, I sold junk at a flea market. It was one of those, like, you know, old drive-in flea market. I sold literal, like, shit from around the house to get half the money because my dad said he would match whatever I put up for my first minibuy. That's exactly what my, the same exact thing. Yeah, because he wanted me to work. Yeah, I had to mow lawns and rake leaves and do all that stuff. He said, when you get together half the money, I'll give you that. And then you guys went out and got a 15-cent slice of pizza? And a foot-long hot dog. When I was your age, five cents, they'd show a cartoon, a newsreel, and three features.
And we rode the horses to the movie theater. Uphill both ways. In the snow. Can you imagine kids today are going to want to trade in their dirt bikes for an Xbox? That's what happened. And I got two of them for $300. Holy crap. Can you imagine? You would have tore off your own nutsack to have one of those. They're trading in two of them for a fucking Xbox. You rode around your whole complex on that thing like...
They're fast. They're great. We look like assholes. They've got the bobber, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got that cool little chopper. It's got a springer front end, and it's like a little bopper. It's got little mini apes on it, little apes on it, handlebars. The thing is cool as hell, and it's got like a Honda 50 motor on it. It's got a 49cc Trail 50. But it totally looks like a full-size motorcycle. And it sounds like a mini bobber. I mean, it's got the open headers on it. Yeah, we've got to show pictures of this thing, man. It's so cool. It looks great. That thing is so cool, man. If you ever want to get rid of that, I will snatch it. I will love it. Yeah, you're never going to see it. You can ride it anytime. One more thing I don't have any place to keep. Put it in poor dead Jack's garage.
Oh, my God. So let me move on because we have so many things we want to talk about. It's really a big list. Get to it. No lack of content. Let's go. I know. So listen, this is what happened. I ended up, I just had this brainstorm. Let me go to the dealership. There's a Nissan dealership near where I work. I went during lunch. I looked at their whole lot. First, I went online because everything's online now. So you can see what's on their lot. So I picked out like three or four cars. I said, that looks good. That looks good. Good price. Good mileage. So I get there. One of those cars was a Mustang convertible.
So these were all pre-owned? I'm only looking at pre-owned, yeah. Because I'm thinking combined with the trade-in, we could afford to pay the difference on something that's pre-owned. 2014, so it's basically only a few months old. Yeah, it's not that old. The 15s just came out. Yeah, so I took a ride and I loved it. So I was thinking, oh my God, I sent you pictures, I think. And then I was thinking, that's, I like it. Sorry, it's only about a year old. Yeah, yeah. The 15s came out just a few months ago. But this particular one, it had 25,000 miles on it. And I think the car cost $25,000. So I was like, okay, I really dig this car, but I'm going to California tomorrow. I don't have time to do any of this stuff right now. I got to go. So I left, went to California for the weekend, came back.
The day I came back, I started scrolling through my phone, looking through pre-owned vehicles on these websites, on these websites. I mean, like, unless you're searching for a car, you'd never really know about it. But there was, like, cars.com. You don't really need to go to the dealership anymore with all these sites, right? Like, CarMax. You can almost buy a car online. Obviously, you've got to test drive it. But it's like you can just flip through thousands of cars with, like, you know, keystrokes. It was because of that that I was able to actually shop for a car right from my lunch break, air quotes, meaning I was doing it during the day. So I'm looking now for this Mustang because I really liked how it rode. I liked how it looked. It's kind of like it's a cool car. It's a guy car, but it can also be a chick car because I'm thinking something that we could both enjoy because I'm...
I'm so done with the SUV thing because originally I needed something where I can go to Home Depot and put big shit in there, you know. But Skip's got the Dooley. We don't need that. I want to enjoy something. So within one day, I found the same car, but the same price, but with 10,000 less miles on it, at a better dealership that didn't have all those bullshit fees. You know, like, they wouldn't charge $1,000 at this one dealership for, like, what is it? Like, dealership. Delivery. All that shit. $1,000. They have, like, all these fees. Speculum on the seat. Yes. Did you want the optional speculum? Oh, my God. Yeah. It's like it was ridiculously expensive. All these extra charges. So this other dealership I found, none of that.
This car really hugs the road. Oh, my God. Yeah, so now we are the proud owners of a 2014 Ford Mustang convertible, and we love it. It's not the GT, but I don't care. It really moves great. It's got a great pickup. It's a cool car, and I've never had a convertible, and we love to ride on the bike with the air and all that, so this is like a whole other experience. We spend a lot of time on the bike, so. Yeah, so now we get the wind in our hair. Not lately, because. Well, you've been in California. I don't think we've ever gone riding together. I know. How long have we known each other and we've never ridden together? We've never ridden together. Well, because last summer I was away all summer because we filmed over the summer, so this year the schedule's a little different, so I'm actually looking forward to having.
the summer home. I have holes in August all over the place. Yeah, man. We need to set up a trip. No doubt. You take your bitch, I take mine. There you go. And we'll do the road trip. Throw them on the back. Throw them on the back. Well, usually when we go out riding skip, you usually ride bitch. No, I don't. I know.
So actually, recently, that was going to be something we were talking about today was the road trip that we just took on a rented Harley. Oh, yeah. We rent bikes out there a lot because California's just got the most amazing riding that you could ever. Oh, my gosh. It's just incredible. Between the Pacific Coast Highway, which is just phenomenal. People come from all over the world to ride that road. I live right off of the Pacific Coast Highway. Oh, so then you know, man. It's incredible. And there's so many different things to see just on that one road because if you're down south, you're down low to the beaches. As you get further up north, you climb up into the cliffs. You get like 1,000 feet up overlooking the beach. It's just insane scenery. But then, of course, there's all the valleys, and then you get out to the desert. There's so much diversity in the riding out there. So.
It was my birthday weekend. Yeah. Happy birthday. Yeah, thank you. Get out. I had no idea. Yeah. You don't post that on Facebook or Twitter or anything? I don't really make a big deal out of it, but Skip was making a big deal out of it. He wanted to make it a whole weekend of things to do. Well, because why should a birthday be just confined to one day? I agree. I happen to have the weekend off from filming, which is rare that I have a couple of days shrunk together off. Usually it's one day off and then three days of working and another day off. So I had a few days off that weekend. Yeah, so he planned a whole bunch of things, but unfortunately some top secret plans, of which I still don't know what they are, got canceled because of the weather. It was like a drought. There's a drought in California, and then it was like this really sh**.
They should be out there filming for months. I don't think it's rain, like any steady rain in California or Southern California for like five months. It's ridiculous. They'll get like a drizzle for maybe 15 minutes, and that's it. The sun comes back out. So it figures the one day that I'm planning for weeks is really cool thing to do that requires good weather. And I'll include the fact that it requires being up in the air. And other than that, I can't tell any more information. But something really, really cool that I know she's never done before. That's the thing. You want to do something original and fun, right? So I planned this really cool thing, and the day that we're supposed to go and...
Go on this excursion. It's fucking pouring. And I'm like, seriously? Like, really? Like, what are the chances of that? Yeah. But it never rains in Southern California. Oh, but it did that day, Joe. It did that day. Yeah, it did. So we had a change of some plans. But one of the things that we did was we actually had a really cool couple of days.
One of the things that we did was the Corollas had given us a gift card at Christmas. They gave us a very generous gift card to this very fucking cool restaurant, Nobu. They have a few of them out there, and it's like a popular celebrity spot. There's one here in the city also? Yeah. There's one here in New York, too. We were contemplating, like, which one are we going to go to? When are we going to go if we get picked up for another season? The one that we went to was in Hollywood. Yeah, it was in Hollywood. And this place was just like, I've got to say, I've been to both Nobu's on either coast. There's one near Malibu, I think, right? Yeah, we went to the one in Hollywood, and we went with the gift card, and we were going to contribute that to my birthday dinner.
Kilo with us, of course, in the fancy restaurant. Kilo goes with us everywhere. You know, she stuffs him in a little, like, what looks like a pocketbook, you know? He was the second course. Yeah. That's what I said to her. I go, don't let anybody here see him, man. You're going to wind up at the end of his chopsticks with some fucking soy sauce. That'll be the end of Kilo. Spin it on his spit. It'll be the Mexican roll. Aww.
Who was there that night? What celebrity was that from? What was his name? The guy with the hair with Fergie. What's that band? What's that group? Oh, my God. Black Eyed Peaks. Yes. Who's the guy from? Will.i.am. He was there that night. Yeah. That place is full of celebrities all the time. So we had this very, very cool waiter because as soon as they put the menu on the table, this guy's like, you know, you can look at that. You know, the menu goes, but we have a ton of things off menu. And, you know, do you know what you like? Do you know what you don't like? Well, like, yeah. I'm like, I like salmon. He's like, yeah, I like tuna. You know, like, that was all we really knew. So he was like, well, I can recommend some things. So Skip is like, you know what? Just, you know, like, bring out whatever you think is good
And I was like, well, we got this $200 gift card. I'm thinking, you know, we'll use the whole thing for dinner. And I'm realizing that $200 doesn't even buy you appetizers in that place, right? But we didn't realize just how much. I knew it was going to be really expensive, you know, because I've heard. But I didn't realize exactly how expensive. But, you know, I figured, you know what? I don't care. It's like we're just going to do something really different. Let's kind of go off the path. And you bring us whatever you think is going to be good. And he's like, if you want, I'll just set you up. He's like, you just, you know, follow my lead. And you tell me what you like. And I'm going to bring you, you know, plate after plate. And I'm telling you, Joe, if we had one course, what did we have, like 15 courses? Yeah.
This guy just kept bringing little plates of everything, like all the top stuff on the menu. Top stuff. And it was the coolest way to do it because I never even actually cracked open the menu when we got there. I just began to when he came in and was going to tell us the specials. And I never even looked at anything. And that's one of the problems of sushi restaurants. I know you like sushi too, Joe, because we've sat down and had a few meals together. You don't know what to ask for. But it's like, you know.
You have the staples, the things that you know you're always going to find on every sushi menu, right? But otherwise, it's like there's so many selections, and a lot of them seem very similar, right? So to me, when I look at a sushi menu, I kind of like glaze. I blank out. I glaze because it's like so much information comes in, and I just always go back with a safe bet. You know, I want this, this, this, and this. I know I'm good with those four or five things, and we're going to be good. But there's probably a lot of other things on the menu that I just didn't take the time to really get into the description, you know? So this guy comes over, and he's like, listen, man. He just takes the menus out of our hand. He's like, can you trust me? And I'm like, absolutely. Let's do it, dude. We sat there for about two hours, and he just kept.
bringing plates of food. There was some point, there was this Kobe beef that he started telling us about. It was sliced almost raw? Yeah, and he was saying that it was, I forget how much he said it was per ounce or something, but it was a lot. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous, but it was so delicious, and everything that he brought us was amazing. Yeah. We had the most amazing dinner, and Kilo sat there very nice and quiet, and it was the best birthday dinner ever. Ever. It was awesome. And then the bill came.
I was like, yo, this should be, you know, we got the $200 gift card from the Ace Man, and, you know, there'll probably be another, you know, $100 above that. How many more seasons are we up for? Yeah. Let's just say that we had an $800 dinner. Nice. Yeah. That Kobe beef alone was, I mean, it was just as much. He brought out, like, I'm going to say probably 10, 12 different plates or courses, and just the beef alone was, like, $100 and something. $150. $150. Everything that we had was the top stuff. But, yeah, they're going to bring out the best stuff. Well, that's what it was. He brought out, like, the very best. And, in fact, each thing that he brought out, he's like, well, you know, we only have.
Very small amount of this. The only three people get this tonight. It's all like the reserve stuff that's in the back. And they only have enough for maybe a half a dozen plates the whole night, you know, for the... People that want to spend a ridiculous amount of money. Pretty much everything he brought out was off of that menu. Evidently. I don't know, because we never saw a menu. Every time you went to the back, you had a little running tab. Let's say, okay, $40 tip, $80 tip, $160 tip. I think we could have given him like $200. It was ridiculous. You have to. But the guy was so cool and so knowledgeable and so personable. It was an experience. It wasn't just the whole thing. It was definitely a one-time thing that I'm really glad that we did. It was almost at that point the price is irrelevant because that experience is just so cool. It wasn't really. The whole experience, it was like a night I will never forget. We just had such a great time.
It was the best food I've ever had. Yeah. It was a really great night. It was amazing. Yeah. And so that was the first of the weekend. We were holding on to that gift card since Christmas. Since Christmas. So we had it for like months and months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We planned on using it in New York, right? And then when you came out, you just happened to have it with you. Yeah. Perfect. Let's do it. The next day, we wanted to do something unique also. And because we couldn't do this secret thing you had planned, we went to look into horseback riding. Right. So the thing that I had planned was going to start in the morning. And in the morning, the first half of the day was just a washout. And then, of course, by 1 o'clock or so, the sun came out, as always. And it was perfectly cool.
clear crystal blue skies, but at that point it was too late to go out. So I'm like, what can we do the second half of the day that's going to be fun and different that we've never done together before? Yeah. Yeah, we hadn't done that before. No, and I wanted that whole weekend to kind of be along that theme, like first, you know, stuff that we haven't done before. So make some cool memories and get some cool pictures and stuff. So we went first researching now because we don't know where to go with the best places. And because, as everybody should already know by now, that I'm obsessive and I research the shit of everything, I had to research every single horseback riding place within a 50-mile radius and read all the reviews and find out all the information. So I ended up looking on Yelp and I narrowed it down.
to this very fucking cool place, Los Angeles Horseback Riding. It was in Topanga. They have a few different locations, but this one- No, this place had one location, this particular business. They were in Topanga and up in the mountains. Oh, right. Okay, that's right. Yeah, there was another one that had a couple of different locations that was some- We didn't choose that. Named something else, right? Okay, right. The one we went to was up in Topanga Canyon, and it was off of Old Topanga Canyon Road. And they had 360 views on this horseback ride. Like, it showed you on the website. Like, you can see the ocean, and you can see the mountaintops with the snow. Yeah, I'm thinking, like, we'll do something, like, maybe like a sunset ride or something like that, right? So-
I'm asking the guy on the phone to describe what it is. It's like an hour, hour and a half. You go up with a very small group, and they ride you up through the canyons. And when you get to the top of the mountains, on one side, you look over into Malibu in the ocean. On the other side, you can see the whole city and the valley. So I'm like, wow, that sounds awesome, you know? So we got there. Without Kilo. Usually it's like you said, it's a group of 10, 12 people or whatever. We couldn't bring Kilo. Well, no. Kilo's not good. Come on.
Yeah. He can't go on the horse. Yeah, so we had to leave him. He doesn't see so good anyway. No, he wouldn't have enjoyed the panoramic views. He wouldn't have appreciated those views. He comes on the motorcycle with us every time. You know, I put him inside of my jacket if I'm wearing one or like under my shirt. He comes in. He's got no problem. He enjoys it. He's a great rider. He's got the best seat, Joe, because he gets right stuffed right in here. In between the boobies. Like a nuzzle. He doesn't know if he's on a motorcycle or a space shuttle. He has no idea. He really doesn't. Yeah, so we left him on the pillow in our apartment and we went to this place. It was really cool.
They, this place had the best, you know, you can tell when these places take care of their animals, you know, when they're like quality. This place was like one of those quality places where the horses looked happy and well fed. The place was clean. People were working hard. It was like, it was very nice. Because I know a lot of people, when they go to do some horseback riding, all different prices, all different places, different types of ride, the different length of it, where you're going to go, who's the instructor, can you go fast, or they don't let you only go slow. There's like a whole bunch of different factors to take into consideration when you're going to spend a considerable amount of time riding a horse. This place was a nice, classy.
Horse place. Yeah, it was a really cool operation. Josh, we had this guy. Josh. This guy was like a modern-day cowboy. He was like a young dude, but he totally took on the persona of your classic cowboy. So we had an amazing horse ride. It was at Sunset. It was beautiful. Our horses were amazing. Skip had a big man horse, and I had this really pretty girl horse. It put me on a fucking collage there. It was. It was tremendous. It looked like an elephant, dude. It had a trunk. It was like, whirr!
I'm like, dude, is this a fucking pachyderm or is this a horse? What exactly is this? Why does it have big dumbo ears? He's like, I don't worry about that. It's a special breed. It's got the basket on top. Take your shoes off. So saddle is a basket. Take your shoes off. Eat some curry. He gave me a handful of peanuts. His name is Simba. Just pat him on the trunk. I mean the sound. We had a beautiful experience. It was a really nice horseback ride and we saw nice things. The horses were nice and the guy was a great horse leader. And then there's this place at the bottom of the canyon where this...
This particular horseback riding place always recommends people go eat afterwards because it's really good. We came back in the dark, by the way. It was fucking freezing out, by the way. The temperatures drop off. Big time, man. I told Ali, listen, because I've been out there for three or four months now, and I know we live just a block or so from the beach. So the temperatures go from in the 80s to sometimes the 50s or even cooler at night. And we're going to be riding up in the mountains. I'm like, Ali, bring a sweatshirt. Because when we got there, it was hot out.
And sure enough, we were coming back, and it's dark. We could barely see the trails. Thank God it was a full moon that night. It was black. We were layered up. We brought so much clothes. Yeah, but the horses were good. But meanwhile, as we're leaving the place to walk all the way up back to the car, we're walking in horse shit and everything like that. We couldn't see, right? Yeah, we couldn't see. It's in the middle of nowhere. We've got horse hair. We're covered in horse hair. We're nasty. So now we're going to go to this place that they recommended. It's fancy. I had a vision in my mind of it being like a steak ranch place. We get to this restaurant, and we had a wedding on one side of the place. The rest of the tables were outside.
by like a, what is that? Like a rolling stream. It was fucking beautiful, classy place, right? And here we are in our sweatshirt, horse shoes. Trekking in like mounds of horse shit on my boot. Yeah, we look disgusting. My hair's back in a ponytail. Yeah, so like we're gross, right? The lady's at the podium. Can I help you? I'm like, yes, we have a reservation. I was trying to do my, I'm dirty, but classy. You ever notice like people like to speak with their teeth clenched together? I'm a party of three.
Yeah, so it's like, we have a reservation. Oh, love me. We have a couple of people. You think you're getting in this restaurant. Oh, no. You can put them at the picnic table down by the river. Put them up with a dumpster.
She actually gave us the most lovely table. It was this round half booth, and there was candles everywhere. The place was fucking beautiful. We had an amazing table. Some people just had regular tables, but we had this awesome half booth with cushions and pillows in it. It was beautiful. It was right next to the renews at Plug-In, wasn't it? Yes. They bring a carafe of sparkling water and a can of Febreze.
So they see this lady. She's a very nice lady, actually. She was a very down-to-earth, like, cool lady. She wasn't, like, a fancy lady. So they see us at this table, right? And we're looking at everybody around us. We're like, oh, look at that. You know, look at that. I want to get that. So we realize probably about how many, 10, 15 minutes in that nobody wants to help us. Yeah, but now we're freaking hungry, man, because we're cold and we're, you know, like, we had a long day on the horses. We're fucking starving. And we had to wait about 40 minutes to get a table, right? So by the time we sat down, I'm ready to, like, chew my own arm off, you know? And I see the waiters bringing these beautiful plates, man. They were looking at us. They're two or three different waiters. You know, like, the plates are, like, gourmet and rock,
table they give us eye contact but they keep walking not one fucking person after still sitting there with nothing on the table said to us are you being helped is somebody helping everybody's all dressed up you know like we're there i got short sleeves on it tattoos out and stuff okay so it became apparent to me that perhaps um they're just ignoring us i don't know That's profiling, my friend. Yeah. Well, at that point, I took off all my layers. I had something kind of nice underneath that looked presentable. And I fixed my hair up a little bit. And I walked back up to the lady. And I said, you know, I realize that, you know, sometimes people are judged by the way that they look. I said, but unfortunately, I think that we're having a situation right now because nobody has come to help us or even give us any water or anything. And she was like, oh, my God. You know, she was like appalled. And she was like, you go sit down. And I'm going to, you know, she was like angry. I'm going to cook the food myself. You wait right there. How dare they? And then we had a waiter come to us. He was very nice and apologetic.
and I didn't realize this was my table, to which I thought, bullshit. You know what I mean? Good excuse. He walked past the table like four times. You know when you can tell people are ignoring you, like look straight ahead, they don't even give you a glance and do like a nod, like, hey, what's up, man? Guys need anything? No, it's just like focus straight ahead. Don't look, don't look, don't look, they'll see me. He gave us our first round of wine was free, which was nice. And we had, at that point, we got kiss-ass service and we had a very, very lovely dinner. Do you remember the name of the place? 7th something, right? We didn't have like a number in it.
It was right at the bottom of Old Topanga Canyon Road. I would highly recommend actually going there, minus that experience. It's the only fancy place on the road. It was delicious. The food was really, it was like unique food. It was delicious, and the food was great. So that was a wonderful thank you for my birthday dinner again. So the birthday weekend continued. Yeah, well, actually, we had beet salad that night. Oh, God, yeah. I love beets. You like beets, Joe? Love beets. Love beets. You know what happens when you eat beets, right? Yes, I do. Oh, my God, dude. I think I have cancer. Yes, the next day I forgot about it. You're going to take a leak, and it's like bleeding out of your piss hole. I've got anal fissures.
Anything leaves your body, it's red. My ass is bleeding. Yeah, but actually, we came back to the apartment that night after that wonderful, long day of horseback riding and eating dinner to discover that Kilo had diarrhea, and he had it all over our bed. Everywhere. The pillows.
is what happens when you don't take Kequila with you. Dude, this is what I'm saying, man. Are you working with me now, bro? The dog has to be on the bed because he has to be comfortable. And he can't see. I don't want him to get lost in the apartment. I am completely opposite of that mindset. I can't see animals and humans cohabitating. You know what I own? I own...
Two hermit crabs. That's it. Fish. And I never touch them. It's just they sit in a tank. Well, everything could be cleaned. I mean, I took everything off the bed. We had fresh bedding in the closet. Joe's got a picture of a puppy upstairs. No, I don't even have a picture. That requires too much work. You've got to dust the picture. So, yeah, so we couldn't go to bed right away after that lovely meal because I had to change all the bedding and freshen everything. Dude, everything that we do revolves around Kilo's comfort. The dog, I call him the prince because he gets far better treatment than you and I could ever imagine getting.
Well, he's innocent, and he brings lots of happiness. I don't think I'd be able to handle that. Yeah. Yeah, so we went to bed. Hey, mind your business, gringo! We went to bed dealing with his diarrhea, and then I woke up. That's the voice of... Just because white girl takes care of me better than you? Yeah, that's the voice of Kilo. Keep your mouth shut, gringo! Yeah, gringo. Shut up. Poor thing. He didn't feel... I mean, I was concerned because, you know, obviously, if he had diarrhea, he didn't feel good, so, you know, I was worried about that. And then woke up the next morning to think that I had, you know, I was bleeding out of my ass. But that would be okay, Joe. As long as Kilo doesn't have diarrhea, we could all be bleeding from the ass.
It's going to be pissing blood with kidney stones. You can have kidney stones or you ate beets the night before. That's where Adam actually had that suggestion with the beet bracelet, where you put on a special bracelet when you eat beets. When you get served beets, they should give you like a little plastic bracelet. So the next morning when you wake up and you're still like one eye closed. Like you're dying on the toilet. You're going to take a leak and the bowl is red. You don't flip out. That's one of the main symptoms of kidney stones, you know, that pissing blood. That was something that thankfully I went through when I was in my early 30s. Sounds like a great time. And that's what, you know, I mean, that's the first thing I thought the first time I ever saw, you know.
beet juice in my piss I was like ah kidney stones are back fuck fuck just waiting for the pain to hit I probably shouldn't even say this because there's no wood around for me to knock but you know I've never had kidney stones but I've heard they're terrible and it's like little razor like rocks coming out of your pee hole like childbirth and you know what the doctor does for you he gives you a little piece of cheesecloth to piss into to catch the stone, to analyze it. And he gave me, like, the weakest, I don't know, Tylenol. He's like, yeah, take this. And the next morning, and the morning that I actually passed this fucking stone, I'm standing, now this is just a quick story, standing in front of the ball, I'm like, you know, I felt like I had to go really bad. It was like a morning piss, you know? I wake up, I stand in front of the ball, nothing. Nothing. It felt like I had to piss so bad, and I'm bound up.
I had nothing coming out. No liquid whatsoever. And then it radiated. Like the stone was a cork? Yes. And I remember the doctor saying to me, you're going to feel pain radiate from your right kidney down to your right testicle right before you pass the stone. And all of a sudden...
And I started pissing. It was blood and piss. Oh, God. Yeah, that's how you pass a kidney stone, kids. Wow. Nasty. That sounds great, man. Sign me up. And then the doctor's like, bring the stone in. You caught it in the cheesecloth. The last fucking thing I'm thinking about is cheesecloth. And bring it in the stone. No, it went down the bowl. It's in the water you can't even see. Oh, my God. See, just the thought of that. Anything sharp coming out of my pee hole is just not good. It was affordable.
It's like when there's a kink in the hose and the kink comes out and there's like flies. That was it. The most painful thing I've ever made in my life. Yeah. All right. I'll show. I just got like a dick tingle and it's not good. It's not good. Yeah. Usually dick tingle comes and visits him when he's thinking about good things. Yeah. Dick tingle is usually accompanied by anal pucker. Oh. That was not a good dick tingle, man. Not at all. Yeah. You know, I had a what the fuck that I wanted to talk about. Do tell. Well, yeah. I had a what the fuck moment that took place on the way to go visit Skip for my birthday weekend.
And it's actually what we were discussing earlier with one of my many, many airplane experiences. So due to all of this flying that I've been doing, I become... a professional. It's like I am a flight professional in that I have everything like from the time when I get there. Now I've got TSA pre-check. I get through there real quick. I get into the terminal. I go and buy my yogurt for breakfast from the Jamba Juice with all the granola on it. I get to the gate. I get on the plane first because I'm a Mosaic customer with JetBlue. So that means you can board first. That's because you fly a lot and you've accumulated a lot of miles, right? Other people don't know what that means. Yeah, it's a frequent flyer program. You're a frequent flyer. Yeah, so when you're part of that program, one of the perks is that you get to board the plane first. There's still stuff back in the shitty coach section, but you just get on the plane first. Right. You get to your shitty seat before anyone else. Right, exactly. Well, for this particular flight, I was...
booked in the even more section where it has like seven inches more space so and i always sit in the same seat i always book the same seat so it's like fucking clockwork i get to the airport i get there quick i get my jamba juice with my yogurt and my granola i get on the plane first i got a bag on next to me with all of these special pillows that i bought which is another thing that's going to be my obsession i've been obsessing over these fucking pillows that i bought to make my flight more comfortable because when you are sitting in coach, it fucking blows. You got the neck pillow, right? You got the one with your ass and like a foot pillow. It's basically like a pillow for every part of your podcast. So when I get to my row, it's a good thing I get there first because I have to set everything up. So now when I get to my row, I put down my ass pillow. I put down my neck pillow next to the thing. I put my pocketbook on the side of the wall next to the person in front of me because I don't even know it's there. I put my bag underneath. I put my tray down. I put my headset on. I start eating my breakfast while all these motherfuckers start boarding. Dude, I got to say, now we fly a lot together and she has like...
The system. Yeah, she is. We started doing this a couple of years ago, and it was like we both just got on the plane and sat there, like two schlubs, and waited for the plane to take off. Now she has, like, kind of evolved into this something else. I don't really know what, but it really is a full system, and it takes about 10 minutes to get fully assembled. And she has, like, this little cocoon around her of pillows and headrests. The headset's on. The tray comes out. The food comes out. Everything has a very particular order to it. Right, yeah. So I've got, like, the little thing, my holder that I put my little earphones in and my chargers in this little zip thing. I put it in the seat in front of me, and I've got kilos water in the pockets in front of me. I just sit there and watch you do all this, and I'm like, what? Yeah, so I am surrounded by shit, right? So I've got
place. So I'm surrounded by shit and I'm sitting there and it's an early morning flight. I think it's a Thursday morning, right? So usually midweek flights are not full in the morning. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'm going to have an empty seat next to me. So sure as shit, this plane's loading up, loading up, loading up. It's almost done. Nobody's sitting next to me, but there's somebody in the aisle and I'm like fucking cool because when nobody's sitting next to me, I can like put my legs up a little bit to the side. I put them on the seat next to me so I can lean and almost practically kind of lay down a little bit using these two seats. And I use that middle seat and the person who was on the aisle, they don't, they are not using it. I claim it. It is my middle seat. It's very territorial. I am.
So I'm like thinking that the seconds are coming down, I'm like, you know, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wait for the door to close. Shut the fucking door. The seat in the middle is mine. So next thing you know, this guy, I see him approaching. I had seen him. No, no, no. I'd seen this guy at the gate before we boarded the plane. It was this black guy with a red velvet jacket with gold buttons. He looked very like he was like almost like a black guy.
No, you know what I'm saying? He reminded me of Sammy Davis Jr. in the 70s. You know what I mean? With the velvet jacket. Full-size 70 fro? No, no. He's like a mini fro, but I don't know. That's what he reminded me of Sammy Davis Jr. So he caught my eye because of the way he looked back at the door. So now I see the guy coming, and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Motherfucker comes, sits down next to me, right? So I'm like, fuck. Now you just lost your middle seat. I just lost my middle seat, but that wasn't the worst part of it. I fucking inhaled.
and I thought I was going to die. Oh, I don't know. Because this motherfucker has not showered in the last month. What I did was, I got the fuck up out of my seat, very politely though, because I did not want to let him know what I was doing. You know what I mean? I remember you text me as you were getting on the plane, and this whole process, oh my God, I'm all set up, I think I got the seat, the door's about to close, there's no one coming to the seat, yay! And then all of a sudden, there's a pause in the text, and she's like, oh, fuck. And then there's another pause. Actually, I printed it out, I have your text right here. The text is so verbatim text. No, actually, I copied the text last night onto this piece of paper. So this is what I text Skip.
So the next movie is because most people are on the plane, this guy sits next to me, and he stinks like a rotten, rotting, dead bum. He permeated the air, and I couldn't breathe. I took my headset off and walked to the flight attendant, and I said that I need you to check the flight manifest for any available seats because the guy next to me stinks so fucking bad that I'm going to need a paramedic by the end of this flight. Oh, God. Nice. So I'm getting this text now. She went from really happy to have the middle seat to like, oh, my God, I can't stand the smell. Yeah, I mean, but it wasn't that the guy just smelled. It was permeating. It was like, it was just unbearable. It would have been in your clothes. It would have been. Yes, yes. Like an episode of Seinfeld with that stinky car. It was that fucking bad, yeah. I have sat down next to people that stunk so bad, you know, in different places, in a restaurant. You still smell it when they're long gone. One time on the train.
going into Manhattan. I actually smelt it on my clothes. You're right. You're right. Dude, take a bath, man. Take a shower. Next thing I fucking see, though, is the guy from the aisle seat. Now, he's talking to another flight attendant. I know what he's talking about, right? Oh, so this dude's in the middle between you and the... Yeah, so he's like right the fuck next to me. So now aisle seat guy is talking to another flight attendant, but I can hear their conversation. So the guy, the flight attendant is like, oh yeah, there's one over there in row 18. Now, meanwhile, I'm in row 7, which is part of the even more spacing. The aisle seat guy split too. The aisle seat guy split and took a regular coach seat without the extra space just to get away from this fucking guy, right? Downgraded. And a refund. So at this point, I'm like, okay, well, wait a minute. Now there's two seats. So I say to
excuse me, would you mind moving to that other seat so that I can lean over a little bit and use that seat a little bit because I have a bad back? Shut the fuck up, bitch! No, no. He was like, okay, okay. So he moved over to the other seat because I was trying to be reasonable. I'm thinking maybe if he moved over there and I wouldn't be able to smell him and I'd be able to deal. So he moves over there and I waited like a minute or so. Meanwhile, I'm looking for my flight attendant that I was talking to, you know, like with like, I'm going to die in my eyes. But...
I'm hoping that it wouldn't smell, but it still fucking stunk. I mean, it was thick in the fucking air. And I'm wondering, how is everybody around us rowing front, rowing back, and to the other side of the aisle? How are they not all complaining? Because it was just the guy next to him and me. And I'm looking around, nobody else is doing anything. It's like, they're okay with it, or they're just a bunch of fucking pussies because they didn't say nothing. Sheeple, they call them. Yeah. Sheeple. Yeah.
Fuck that. Put me in the cargo section, man. I am not smelling someone's fucking filthy body. Which, by the way, it just occurred to me what might have been the source. Do you upgrade my seat to the fucking bathroom? Let's go now. Yeah, I will sit in the shitter.
Yeah. It just smelled good on Jack Lew. It might have been the source of the smell. By the way, it has nothing to do with what kind of person he was or his color or the fact that he's wearing a red jacket with gold buttons on it. Any of that stuff. Let's be clear about that. However, the fact that he's wearing, in the summertime, a velvet jacket. He's probably sweating underneath that jacket. Velvet doesn't breathe, man. So he's probably walking around just like a funk bucket. I felt myself starting to get the gags. Funk bucket. That's the name of a 70s funk band, right? That's a great band name. Wow.
That is a great fan name. I might have to run with that. We got the funk. Gotta get that funk. So now I get up again because things aren't happening fast enough to my satisfaction because, you know, like they're closing the door. So now I get up and I talk to another flight attendant. I'm like, can you find out if there's any mint seats available? Because this guy over here, he sings so bad. I gotta fucking move. Like, is there any mint? He goes, I'm sorry. We don't upgrade while you're on the plane. And I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding. The mint is first class, right? Yeah, well, it's business class. But the seats go flat. But sometimes there's availability in that when the whole back of the plane is completely packed. They'll let you go from coach to even more.
But they won't let you, quote, upgrade to Mint while you're on the plane. Yeah, hey, I want to pay. I want to pay more. I'll give you an extra $5,000. So meanwhile, I'm also live tweeting. Now, I'm tweeting to JetBlue because they are on it. Therefore, whoever they got, they respond right away. So now I'm writing, oh, my God, I'm going to die. And meanwhile, all capital letters. It was one tweet after the next. OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG. This guy stinks. What am I going to do? OMG. And the woman's like, and I said, no, they're not letting me go to the Mint. And she's like, I'm so sorry. And there were Mint seats available. They were there. And you wanted to pay. Yeah. So now I'm sitting there. I get back in my seat. And I'm waiting. I'm like, what the fuck?
I'm thinking, seriously, health-wise, I wasn't going to make it. Let's remember, it's a six-fucking-hour flight. Can you imagine having to inhale that for six hours? You know what you do? You take a little bit of syrup of Ipecac.
And fucking throw up everything. It's a puke fucking serum. And throw up everything in your stomach right on the fucking guy. Then he's got to move. He's got to move. You know what happens then? They upgrade him to first class. And you get to sit there with the puke on the seat. I'd rather smell that. Yeah, that's actually true. So now the plane is getting ready to fucking take off. And I'm in full panic mode thinking about the six hours. I can't stand the stink. I'm starting to feel sick. Holy shit. So I got this look in my eyes of like, please, please, please help me. And I look ahead and I see the flight attendant whose name is Clayton. He looks at me and he gives me the camera gesture.
And he, like, shakes his head, like, and looks over by the mint section. They gave me a mint seat, baby. Nice. Yes. Got away from the funk fucking. So now he's got to help me move my shit, right? Now, remember, when I got on the plane, my whole set up? So now it wasn't just a matter of me taking my pocketbook and my dog and let's go. Joe, it's full assembly. So now I have to break down my whole shit. You're not like when you go to do a game show? Look at this. It'd be a lot easier to un...
bolt the seat from the floor and just move everything. Yes. Oh, my God. You know when you go to do a gig, Joe, and you set up all your amps, and you're running wires, and you're unpacking all your guitars, and you're all set. First song, and now the dude from the venue comes over and says, guy, listen, you've got to reset up everything over there on the other side of the stage. That's pretty much what just took place. Yeah, so, I mean, I almost handed him, like, bags, and a couple bags here, and a bag, and a pillow, and I got the dog, and I'm picking up shit, and I forgot my earphone. I had so much shit to bring with me, and I had two flight attendants. And you're climbing over Funk Bucket's lap the whole time. Yeah, because I had, like, in an order. Yeah, I had to climb over Funk Bucket to get back up to the fucking mint. Funk Bucket. Oh, my
very fucking graciously gave me a mint seat for that flight. I've never been more grateful for anything. It was just amazing that I didn't have to smell that nasty motherfucker in the whole flight. It is torture when you have to go through something like that, and there's nothing you can do about it, especially on a six-hour flight. You're in a confined space with no fresh air. That's rough, man. And let me just say this. What the fuck? Why would you let your goddamn body stink so fucking bad that you're going to do that to other people that have to sit around you? Why the fuck would you do that, you fucking asshole? Oh, my God. I told you, man. It was the velvet jacket. That's what it was. I swear. I was nice to him, and I didn't want to embarrass him, and I didn't try to put him on the spot because he fucking stunk, but really, what the fuck? You have to...
No, you stink. You have to be having this reaction from everybody everywhere you go. No, you don't. How do you know that you stink that bad? Nose blind. Fucking pisses me off. Well, think about it. You walk into a bathroom and the second you walk into a bathroom and somebody blew it up, you're like, oh my God, oh my God, it fucking stinks. But you can sit there while you're taking the dump yourself. That's like you, you got no problem with it. You can smell your own funk, right? But the second you smell somebody else's funk, you're like, oh no, no. Then every time you take a shit that you're like, oh yeah, even I think it stinks. You know those are bad. As a human being, you have to understand that other people aren't going to be as tolerant of your bodily stench.
as you're going to be. You know what I'm saying? There are times where I go, oh shit, I'm a little ripe. Hey, everybody stinks. Sooner or later, if you don't wash yourself, you're going to fucking stink. It's just what happens. To yourself, it's not as bad, but you do know that you're stinking. There has to be a protocol put into effect for things like this in a place like a closed-in area where the flight attendant acknowledges the fact that, yeah, this person has a body odor issue. They're farting. They're vomiting. How about this, man? How about this? You go through TSA and they do everything but grab your nutbag. How about you go through a funk?
sensor. You know, like the thing you walk through now that scans your whole body? They wipe you with a little cloth and they put it in the sniffer machine. They should wipe you and if the sniffer says that you stink, you can't get on the plane. That's not realistic. If they have that technology, then they might as well fill the fuselage with a gas that just makes green plumes come off of your armpits. As you walk on, it's like, there he is. He's funky. There's the green plumes. Didn't they have something like that for the pool? Remember? If you pee in the pool and it turns red or blue or something, right? It turns red. Imagine that you walk on the plane. It's either the chemicals in the pool or you're just eight beats. Well, this is going to go in my suggestion box for JetBlue that there is a protocol.
put into place for when there is an offensive passenger who is causing a problem to everybody else around them? Because why should everybody else have to deal with where am I going to sit because of this asshole? That is going to get into... I mean, I understand completely. Believe me, I'm on your side. But then it's got to get into what about the 450-pound guy that bought one fucking seat? And he's right in the middle.
And he actually, and this is happening. They do require you to buy two seats, though. He actually overflows into the other seats. That's been addressed. They do require you to buy an additional seat if you pour over your seat. But if they don't, I mean, they don't question your weight before you buy a ticket. So if the guy buys one ticket, it's a full flight. Yeah. They shoehorn him in. They have a giant body shoehorn. They horse cock him right into that middle seat. Then what happens with it? Like, if there's no other seats available, and I don't want to go to a less desirable seat. You know what I mean? Like, I paid extra for this seat with more room. Why should I have to be inconvenienced?
This fucking rude asshole stinks. Well, the thing is that someone would be less inclined or less likely to sit down next to you if you look like you're going to fucking puke along. But what happens when they don't move because they don't give a shit? Then you get the fucking mincee. Oh, my God. I've got... You know what? This is reminding me of so many more stories I have to tell you in future pods about these fucking assholes on the plane. There's a lot of passenger shame going on there. I'm going to make a segment, assholes on a plane. Oh, so do we? That's going to be the next one I tell you about that cunt. Oh, my God. I can't wait to tell you about that. I have quite a few myself for frequent flying. Yeah, so that's going to be in the next pod, too. Skip's got a fucking story. Oh, my God. Skip, will you do me a favor? You were talking garage before when we talked about... Yeah, well, you know, since we're talking about cars and stuff, and, you know, we don't have a garage to keep our new car in, which, by the way, she gets convertible. I'm talking about sap on the car, right? I was like, all right, so go look at
just found, honey. And I'm telling her specifically why I don't want a new car in the driveway. And it's a fucking convertible. But that's a whole other story. Yeah. Anyway, garages. Garages obviously are something that we're going to talk about because my tip of the day for skips tips. Wait, wait, wait. You have a song like, like, skips tips. I got it. I already got it. I already got it. I already got it all through my head. Okay. Whoa.
I haven't gone through my head already. You guys are on the ball, man. I'm just trying to talk about garage floors, and you guys are talking about Skip's Tips songs and all this other stuff. Oh, my God. What's your tip skip? Give me the tip skip. Recently, we were doing an install for someone that had a really – just a basic garage. We wanted to turn it into – kind of finish it. We insulated, drywalled the inside of the walls, and then we're wondering, well, what can we do on this floor? There's a lot of great floor products out there that you can finish your garage floor or a basement floor, but in this case, we're talking about garage floors. So we're kind of weighing back the different options and doing some of the research. We looked into a lot of the products, and some of the things I found were these snap-together or click-together vinyl floor systems that basically –
They'll give you a complete hard surface. It clicks together, and it goes right over your existing concrete surface. There's one in particular that I found made by the WeatherTech company, which you know for the molded floor liners for your car. You've seen the commercials on them for them, right? So WeatherTech makes something called TechFloor, and it's a really cool system. It snaps together. It's really easy to install. One person can install it probably about half a day on a standard garage. Basically, they're non-slip tiles. They're made out of vinyl. They come in a lot of different sizes and colors. One of the nice things about this floor system in comparison to some other options as the epoxy floors and things like that, which I'll mention as well, is that this system can cover up any problem areas that you have.
cracks in your floor and other imperfections in the floor that might have happened over time, and you don't necessarily want to spend the money to address all that stuff right away, but you want to get a quick fix to your garage and make it look nice, this offers a really great solution. They're affordable. They average about $4 a square foot basically to do a one-car garage. You're looking at roughly about $1,000 for materials. So they're a little bit pricey. Two-car garage, roughly about $2,000 to do it, which you can do yourself. You don't have to hire anybody else to come in and do this. Anybody that's handy that has a couple of basic tools can do this job. They're available in your local hardware stores and all the big box stores. So check out Amazon.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because if people go to the page on adamkroll.com and they click on the Amazon link on our page, that would actually be the preferred method. Anything that I talk about on this podcast, and I will mention it, thanks for reminding me, that you guys hear products and whatnot that I recommend that you buy, always check it out on Amazon because they do offer the best prices. They can ship right to your door the next day, usually. And how do you get to Amazon?
Well, you click on it through the Adam Carolla website, of course. And then you go onto our page. And then you go onto our page. And then you'll see the Amazon link. And once you click on that, we will get some credit for moving along with Amazon. Yeah, because you know that that really helps us out by supporting us. Yeah, we really do appreciate that. So go online, check out WeatherTech, TechFloor, a great product. The other thing that we came up with, which is also a great option if you're looking for a cheaper option, is the epoxy paint and finishes. What's that? You said the other thing we came up with. What are you talking about?
When I went out and was doing some research for my customer to do this job. Oh, we being you and the customer? Yes, me being me and the customer. We're looking into different products that we can install in this garage. And we also explored the option of doing epoxy paints. There's a couple different brands out there that do it. They're kind of like the whole kit comes in a box. Rust-Oleum makes it. Quickrete and also Valspar offer products. The one in particular that I like was the Rust-Oleum Epoxy Shield. It's basically the whole system comes set up in the box. It's going to average between $150 and $300 between a one and two car garage. These systems last about three to five years with heavy traffic. It's a lot cheaper option doing the snap together weather tech floor if you're looking to do something like that. However, it is.
little bit more involved um it's it's probably a process is going to take a couple of days to do it properly because you have to wash and degrease the floor you have to acid etch the floor uh it's a couple of different coats and then the clear coat joe you've seen this before you can put the speckles and different colors and textures into the paint so that's also a really nice option These systems come in your big box stores. You can get them in the hardware stores. They come kind of all put together in a kit. There are commercial systems that are going to range about $1,000 to $1,500. It'll give you a much thicker, more durable process, and usually that's going to be applied by a professional company that'll come in and do that. So you're going to get up into the price range of this click-together floor, as I just mentioned to you before. But if you're looking for another cheap option, the Epoxy Shield floor, $200 to $300, you can do it yourself. Skip.
I'm sorry. I'm chewing while you're doing that. Oh, yeah. Just chew right over my tip. Thanks. No, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Don't chew my tip. No teeth, baby. All lips. The thought of chewing and the word tip just don't go together well at all. I want to thank you for that tip. Thanks, wifey. I just want to tell you, really, we have so much to talk about. I think we should just cut it right here. Are you cutting my tip? Yeah, I'm cutting your tip. You're snipping my tip. Yeah, we've been in so long. I am already circumcised. Let's wrap it up. Don't snip my tip. Okay, boss.
What are we talking about next? We're not. Don't call me boss. Fuck you. I'd love to fuck with you like that. She's looking at me, giving me the hand under the throat, like, cut it off, cut it, cut it. When you call her boss and she's like, I'm not the boss of you. Yeah, fuck you. It's what you call it, boss. Isn't it usually the other way around? You're not the boss of me. Allison's like, I'm not the boss of you. Fuck. Fuck. So what the fuck moment. Oh, all right, honey.
I'll just stay quiet. You can just keep talking and make this an hour and a half pod. It already is. I'm trying to fucking say, because you got so goddamn long-winded that now it's too long. What are you talking about? My tip was fucking two minutes. No, see, the whole time we've been for this pod, you were so long-winded. I kept trying to, like, redirect you. You keep getting up on a tangent. Are they good with an hour and a half? It should be an hour. There's, like, bandwidth and all that kind of bullshit. And plus the content that we have extra, we need to just put into another pod. You know? All right, so let's wrap it up. Wrap it up, motherfuckers. I have to edit this last part out. No, leave it in.
Now explain to everybody why they're sitting there like, when the fuck are they going to stop talking already? Listen, man, you know, we've got some good stuff to share here with people. Hopefully they want to hear about it. We've got to have some kind of structure. We keep spending all this time talking about Funk Bucket and we're not getting to the important shit like my tip, goddammit.
Well, wrap it up. We've got so much more to talk about. Hey, guys, listen. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for listening to us and putting up with all my nonsense. Yeah, I hope you guys come back next time because we have so much more to talk about and we want to tell you that we love you and we appreciate you and thank you so much again for coming back. Please click subscribe because that's what's really going to help us out and make sure that we can keep coming back and doing more podcasts and get some ads on here. And give us a review if you would, please, too, because that's a big help, too. But only if it's a good review. If you don't like us, do not do a review. And if you love us, tell all your friends. And if you hate us, don't tell us. If you don't keep it to yourself, bitches. Yeah, if you don't like us, don't tell anyone. My microphone was actually suggested. Yeah, somebody said that on Twitter. Yeah,
You can give us some constructive criticism of how we can make the show better. And also look at us at Twitter and Facebook. Yeah, go to our Hammer Nails pod on Twitter and the Hammer Nails Facebook fan page. Please click like on those and talk to us there. Give us your questions. We're happy to answer your questions, which we didn't have time to get to today at all because we're talking about fucking funk bucket. Skip's too fucking long-winded. So thank you so much again. We love you. Thank you, Mr. Joseph Kumiyev for doing a great job. We'll see you guys next time. This is Corolla Digital.