Healing the teenager you once were

What if the feelings you think are about your child... are actually echoes from the teenager you once were?Today’s audio continues this week’s theme of looking at our past experience of being a child is often just beneath the surface. The teenager you once were - the one who felt exposed, or embarrassed, or left out - is still inside you. Not in an old photograph, but in your nervous system. And s/he has a surprising amount of influence over how you respond to your child today.I share the story of a mum who felt physically sick every time her son tried something new and got embarrassed. His disappointment was mild, yet she felt a wave of shame flood through her. It took her a while to realise that she was not feeling his emotions. She was feeling her own teenage memories being stirred awake.We often think we have long outgrown the teens we once were, but they live in us quietly until something in the present mirrors something from our past. And when that happens, we can find ourselves wanting to protect our children from pain that is not even theirs. We want to fix, soothe, shield, all because our inner teenager is still carrying hurts that were never healed.In this episode, I explore how to pause and recognise when it is your inner teen who is activated, and how to turn toward that part of yourself with compassion instead of letting it run the show. Because our children do not need us to rescue them from every discomfort. They need us to trust that they can handle it. And we can only offer that trust when we tend to the parts of us that still feel too young to cope.Parenting is not only about raising a child. It is also about raising the parts of ourselves that did not get what they needed the first time around.Thank you for pausing with me.Take care. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kimmccabe.substack.com/subscribe