Hey Olivia, How Do I Know If It Was Emotional Abuse or Just a Bad Sense of Humor?

There's a sentence I hear from listeners more than almost any other, and it usually starts the same way: “I don't know if this even counts as a big deal.” In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, I read one of those letters on air — from a listener whose ex spent years making jokes about her weight, her job, the way she loaded the dishwasher, then dismissed every objection with the same four words: “I'm just kidding, why are you so sensitive?” If you've heard that line aimed at you, or caught yourself saying it to someone else, this episode is for you.What follows is a close look at contempt — the eye-rolling, mocking, condescending pattern that relationship researchers consistently identify as one of the strongest predictors of divorce, stronger than how often a couple argues or even what they argue about. I walk through what separates ordinary marital friction from a genuine pattern of emotional abuse hiding behind humor, why “just kidding” so often functions as a way to make you responsible for someone else's cruelty, and why the slow accumulation of these moments can quietly erode a person's trust in their own perception long before it ends a marriage.This episode is ultimately about permission — permission to trust that what hurt actually hurt, without building a legal case or winning an argument about whether it “counts.” For anyone in the middle of divorce recovery or just starting over after divorce, I offer a concrete mindset shift: the absence of contempt is something you'll feel in your body before you can name it, and that quiet, punchline-free peace is not nothing — it's what respect actually feels like. I also share one simple thing to watch for while dating again: how someone talks about people who aren't in the room.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/💛The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/