How To Habit As the Mom of Adult Children

Episode Description: If your habits haven’t been what you wanted them to be so far in 2026, here’s a quick habit refresh for your consideration: Identify whether you are an “abstainer” or a “moderator”. In her book, Better Than Before, author Gretchen Rubin explains: “For abstainers, it’s easier to say no to everything than to say no to some things… moderators do better when they indulge in moderation, because occasional indulgence heightens their pleasure and strengthens their resolve.” When it comes to changing habits, is it easier for you to stop the habit altogether, or to aim to do the habit in smaller quantities or less frequently? When you’re trying to start a new habit, is it easier to practice the new habit every single day for a very short period of time (abstain from missing a day) or to practice the habit a few times a week (moderately)? According to James Clear in Atomic Habits: “We don’t rise to the level of our goals - we fall to the level of our systems.” In order to create a “system”, simply grab a piece of paper and write down the small, specific steps you’ll take in order.  For example, here’s my “daily walk system”: At 4:45, put on shoes and coat.  Grab airpods and phone.  Leave the house.  Walk around the neighborhood.  The steps are clear and simple. When 4:45 hits, I don’t have to make a decision. I simply have to follow the steps.  If you’re trying to start a habit, it’s helpful to attach a “feeling state” to the new habit. For example, I’ll get the benefit of feeling energized if I walk for 15 minutes.  If you’re trying to stop a habit that no longer serves you, instead of focusing on what the habit is costing you, identify the immediate yet temporary benefit you get from the habit. For example, drinking while you make dinner might be giving you an escape from feeling restless or bored. Substitute a quick walk (moves the restless energy) and a Netflix show (solves for boredom) and you’re still getting the “benefit” without the long-term costs.  In Atomic Habits, James Clear also teaches that the best way to start and a sustain a new habit is to attach a valued identity to the habit or system: “The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become.” Everytime I walk, write, cook, or meet with a client, I am showing up as an “exerciser”, “author”, “foodie”, or “coach”. These identities are important to me and I want to embody them as often as possible.  On the habit front, here are my favorite books for your consideration: Atomic Habits by James Clear.  Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.  Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff If you know you could use some support as you stop or start new habits this year as the mother of adult children, you can schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link: Coaching Call with Terri   Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you.  If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast.  Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode.  My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour: Intentional Intoxication Book If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat: [email protected] For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory: Intoxication Inventory