Minute 050: I Happen to Love You

What this episode covers

Guest Host: James O’Kane James is an industrial design engineer living in Portland, Oregon. He claims to be the son of one of the co-hosts of the show, although Mark has hired an army of attorneys to refute the paternity. James grew up watching Airport almost weekly, and says that the film has shaped his frequent-flying career in seeking out fireplaces in Delta Sky Clubs. There’s apparently one in Memphis, for example. Summary Vern and Gwen are seated at the rear of the First Class of an empty 707. Gwen mentions she tried to tell Vern something earlier. “But we were in a hurry, and…” says Gwen. “You’re sure?” asks Vern. “Do you mean, am I sure I’m pregnant?” replies Gwen, “Or am I sure you’re the father?” Vern stands up. “Come on, Gwen,” says Vern. “I didn’t mean -” “The answer to both questions is yes,” says Gwen. “Well, I wasn’t asking,” replies Vern. “You had a perfect right to,” says Gwen. “I want you to know something, Vern: that there hasn’t been anyone else but you. You see, there couldn’t be. I happen to love you.” Vern looks around, not knowing what to say. “I’m afraid I was careless,” says Gwen. “I stopped taking the pills, because they made me gain weight. So, instead of being plump, I’m pregnant.” Vern remains nervous. “Stop twisting your wedding ring,” says Gwen. Vern drops his hands, guiltily. “I know you’ve got a wife,” says Gwen. “I know you can’t marry me. I knew it in the beginning. I won’t make things difficult for you. I’ll work it out myself.” “Don’t be ridiculous,” says Vern. “Gwen, you don’t think I’d walk out and ignore the whole thing. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure you don’t go some –”   In this minute Dean Martin as Vernon Demerest Jacqueline Bisset as Gwen Meighen