EPISODE · May 26, 2026 · 1H 4M
Self-Abandonment Healing: How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships with Kendra Allen
from Shift With Beth · host Beth Schild
There comes a point in healing where you realize the deepest pain was never only about the relationship itself. It was about how much of yourself you lost inside of it. In this week’s podcast episode, Beth sat down with Kendra Allen from Heal Your Heartbreak for a powerful conversation about addiction recovery, heartbreak, nervous system healing, emotionally unavailable relationships, and self-abandonment. One of the most impactful moments in the conversation came when Kendra shared this: “If you ignore your inner compass long enough, you lose your true north.” That is exactly what self-abandonment feels like. It’s slowly disconnecting from yourself in order to maintain connection with someone else. And so many people do it without even realizing it. What Is Self-Abandonment? Self-abandonment happens when you consistently ignore your own needs, feelings, boundaries, truth, or intuition in order to feel accepted, loved, safe, or chosen. It can look like: Saying yes when you want to say no Avoiding difficult conversations Suppressing your emotions Over-functioning in relationships People pleasing Ignoring red flags Staying in emotionally unhealthy dynamics Shape-shifting to avoid rejection Prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own Over time, this disconnects you from your authentic self. And eventually, many people wake up feeling emotionally exhausted, resentful, anxious, disconnected, or unsure of who they really are. Why We Learn to Abandon Ourselves Most self-abandonment patterns begin long before adult relationships. They usually develop as survival strategies. For many people, being agreeable, emotionally easy, hyper-independent, helpful, or low maintenance became the safest way to maintain connection growing up. The nervous system learns: “If I become who other people need me to be, I’ll stay safe.” These patterns often continue into adult relationships without conscious awareness. That’s why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel so addictive. They activate old survival patterns that feel familiar to the nervous system. As Beth and Kendra discussed in the episode, healing is not only about finding healthier relationships. It’s about becoming aware of the ways you disconnect from yourself inside relationships. The Link Between Heartbreak and Healing One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was hearing Kendra share how heartbreak became the catalyst for her healing journey. After years of unhealthy relationship dynamics, she realized that even sobriety had not automatically healed her relationship patterns. She spoke openly about people pleasing, chasing emotionally unavailable partners, and learning how to stop abandoning herself for connection. This is something so many people experience after heartbreak. A breakup often forces us to...
What this episode covers
There comes a point in healing where you realize the deepest pain was never only about the relationship itself. It was about how much of yourself you lost inside of it. In this week’s podcast episode, Beth sat down with Kendra Allen from Heal Your Heartbreak for a powerful conversation about addiction recovery, heartbreak, nervous system healing, emotionally unavailable relationships, and self-abandonment. One of the most impactful moments in the conversation came when Kendra shared this: “If you ignore your inner compass long enough, you lose your true north.” That is exactly what self-abandonment feels like. It’s slowly disconnecting from yourself in order to maintain connection with someone else. And so many people do it without even realizing it. What Is Self-Abandonment? Self-abandonment happens when you consistently ignore your own needs, feelings, boundaries, truth, or intuition in order to feel accepted, loved, safe, or chosen. It can look like: Saying yes when you want to say no Avoiding difficult conversations Suppressing your emotions Over-functioning in relationships People pleasing Ignoring red flags Staying in emotionally unhealthy dynamics Shape-shifting to avoid rejection Prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own Over time, this disconnects you from your authentic self. And eventually, many people wake up feeling emotionally exhausted, resentful, anxious, disconnected, or unsure of who they really are. Why We Learn to Abandon Ourselves Most self-abandonment patterns begin long before adult relationships. They usually develop as survival strategies. For many people, being agreeable, emotionally easy, hyper-independent, helpful, or low maintenance became the safest way to maintain connection growing up. The nervous system learns: “If I become who other people need me to be, I’ll stay safe.” These patterns often continue into adult relationships without conscious awareness. That’s why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel so addictive. They activate old survival patterns that feel familiar to the nervous system. As Beth and Kendra discussed in the episode, healing is not only about finding healthier relationships. It’s about becoming aware of the ways you disconnect from yourself inside relationships. The Link Between Heartbreak and Healing One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was hearing Kendra share how heartbreak became the catalyst for her healing journey. After years of unhealthy relationship dynamics, she realized that even sobriety had not automatically healed her relationship patterns. She spoke openly about people pleasing, chasing emotionally unavailable partners, and learning how to stop abandoning herself for connection. This is something so many people experience after heartbreak. A breakup often forces us to...
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Self-Abandonment Healing: How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships with Kendra Allen
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