The Crossing

Saturday afternoon, Cam was on the eastern shore of Mobile Bay. On this week's Keepin' It Real, he tells us how he got there. ----- I was reminded about fear on Saturday. And, strangely, it was exactly what I had hoped for. Last July, I decided it was time to test myself. I had been comfortable for too long. It was time to be afraid again. Not the fear that comes danger and helplessness or the fear of someone saying Boo, but the fear that comes from gathering the wits and the strength to get yourself out of a tough situation. In my experience, that's the fear the makes you feel alive. So I decided to attempt paddling on a stand up paddleboard the full way across Mobile Bay. Just me, all by myself, on the open water. I have a sort of phobia about being in the open water. It's not a crippling phobia but it's there. At night in bed when I thought about the paddling alone across the bay, that fear of being alone, in the middle of the water on my board kept me from getting to sleep. I'd have to face this fear head on to meet my goal. I calculated that the crossing should take me about four hours. The bay is just shy of eleven miles wide where I wanted to cross. I set about training with the goal of being able to paddle a solid three hours, hoping that adrenaline during the crossing would give me the additional hour I needed to complete it. What started last July came to fruition this past Saturday. The weather was good but not great. When I pushed away from the shore just north of the mouth of Dog River, the wind was blowing out of the north about 11 mph. To head east toward my target, I had to paddle hard northeast and get blown south. Two hours after starting I was in the middle of the bay struggling to keep my mind from ambushing me. I was in the open water, there was no one anywhere near me, and if I needed help I'd have to call on my cell phone for someone to launch their boat and come find me. Fear was percolating. I was no longer facing it, I was in it. My estimate of four hours was badly off, perhaps due to not factoring the cross wind into my training. My arms ached, my legs were trembling with fatigue, and my right lat was seizing into cramps. The eastern shore of Mobile Bay didn't seem to be getting any closer. I was focusing on keeping my thoughts from getting out of control and finding energy for another stroke. Then another. Then another. Five hours and twenty minutes after launching I touched the eastern shore of Mobile Bay. I was exhausted and could only sit for twenty minutes before attempting to stand. I made it, though. I did it. Every so often it's important to remind yourself that you can do hard things. That you can face fear and get through it. And to know you have completed something that you will never ever, ever, try to do again. I'm Cam Marston and I'm just trying to keep it real.