The Struggle of Divorce: Part 5 Being Responsible To, not Responsible For Others

Being Responsible to, not responsible for others. Often before, during, and after divorce, the conflict drives us all into wanting to help the other person be better, to heal faster, to take on responsibility for self, to create forgiveness, to offer solace, or to take on emotional content for the other person. Being responsible for another is taking on the responsibility or ownership of the other persons success in the marriage, or their recognition of the damage is so tempting. Then there is the drive to making things better for them to help us be better. All of these boundary crossings put you at risk and do not help the situation.This very necessary episode is presented to help divorcing persons get free of the trap that the unhealthy spouse sets, or if you are the one who is unhealthy, how to let go of blame-shift and control. Some talking points: •                     Do not apologize or take on responsibility for things you are not responsible for. •                     Take ownership of what you are responsible for. •                     Understand how someone might be affected by you, even if you did not intend harm, and be willing and able to acknowledge this, without taking on blame.•                     Know the difference, and how to respond.