Ballroom State of Mind
by Amber Haider
Ballroom dancers love working on their dancing skills and technique! But if dancers neglect to train their mind, it can sabotage them when it counts most. I'm Amber Haider and I'm a Life and Mental Strength Coach for amateur ballroom dancers. If you want to take your dancing further, faster, with less anxiety and more fun, stick around. It's time to make that beautiful brain your most powerful asset. We talk about dance AND life, providing tools to uplevel all areas of your life, not just your dancing! Visit www.amberhaider.com for more information and for contact details
Episodes
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142. The Long Game is Mastery
In ballroom dance, it’s easy to believe progress should feel fast, visible, and linear. But when results don’t show up quickly—or when competitions don’t reflect what you hoped—it can create frustration, self-doubt, and impatience. In this episode, we reframe what it actually means to improve....
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141. The Judge and the Scientist
Have you ever watched a video of yourself dancing and immediately thought, “Why do I look like that?” or “Why haven’t I gotten this yet?” It sounds like you’re asking a question… but you’re not. You’re judging. In this episode, we’re breaking down one of the most common (and limiting) mental…
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140. Staying Motivated Without Competition
How do you stay motivated when you’re not training for a competition? For many ballroom dancers, competitions provide built-in motivation: deadlines, structure, goals, and a clear sense of purpose. But what happens when you’re not competing — or when you’ve intentionally stepped away from the...
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Podcast and Coaching Update
This podcast has been going for 5 whole years! What's happening now? Listen in for an update on the state of the podcast and the Ballroom State of Mind Coaching Program. For information on how to join the Ballroom State of Mind Coaching Program, and what it's all about, go HERE. Get on my email...
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139. Teacher Transitions- The Year of the Snake
In this episode, we're talking about a very real—and often emotional—part of every dancer’s journey: transitioning to a new teacher. Whether your teacher retired, moved away, or the relationship became strained, these changes can leave you feeling everything from relieved to heartbroken to…
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138. Three Pockets of Growth
In this episode, Amber introduces a powerful new concept that came straight out of a recent coaching session: The Three Pockets of Growth. Whether you're a brand-new dancer or a seasoned competitor, you will always have three pockets — your mastery pocket, your transition pocket, and your un-met...
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137. Grit Gets it Done--OSB 2025
Sometimes we go to a competition and we feel motivated, ready, on top of the world and ready to slay! And other times we ride the struggle bus and hang on tight trying to just make the best of the circumstances. In this episode we talk about the latter and how the victory in that case looks like...
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136. Dance Wellness Update with Christine Bar Noel
As a ballroom dancer, community is essential for success! In this episode, we welcome Christine Bar Noel to tell us all about the Dance Wellness Community, of which, Amber is on the panel of practitioners! Dancers looking for support, self-care, real-life tools and resources, and a place to meet...
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135. Train Your Focus
You are always training something—so what are you training? In this episode, we unpack why focus feels harder than ever and how modern life has quietly trained us to favor distraction. You’ll learn how to retrain your attention like a muscle, clear the mental clutter that keeps you scattered, and...
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134. Respect Your Talent
Many ballroom dancers have an issue with comparison! We see so many great dancers around us and want to be great as soon as possible! But looking around too much at what's outside us can lead to us neglecting the gifts that we possess. Dancers are interested and inspiring because each is…
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133. Frustration Tolerance
Frustration isn’t a sign you’re failing—it’s proof you’re learning. In this episode, Amber reframes frustration as evidence you’re operating in the learning zone, not the comfort zone. You’ll learn why frustration is normal, how much of it comes from the story you’re telling yourself, and how to...
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132. Why You Shouldn't Listen to Me
Why would a coach ever tell you not to listen to her? In this episode, I’m flipping the script. I walk through four reasons you might think I’m not the right person to guide you — and then show you why those very reasons are exactly what make me the right coach for dancers like you. From not…
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131. Vulnerability Hangover
Have you ever felt raw, exposed, or even regretful after a competition, showcase, or intense lesson—no matter how well it went? That’s what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover. In this episode, I unpack what it means, how it shows up for dancers, and why it’s actually a sign of courage…
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130. "Yeah, but..."
In this episode of Ballroom State of Mind, we dive into a common but confidence-killing habit dancers don’t even realize they’re doing: deflecting compliments with “Yeah, but…” Whether it’s brushing off a coach’s praise, downplaying your competition results, or minimizing progress others can...
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Ep 129. It's Not That Deep
Your dancing is SO important, right? You invest a lot of time, effort, and money into this thing and it really matters, right? Or maybe not? Sometimes we have let the dance pressure get too high and it becomes counter-productive. The stress to please your teacher and produce what you have worked…
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128. Problem Avoiding vs Problem Solving
If you find yourself ruminating on possible negatives outcomes, catastrophizing what might happen, and/or avoiding certain aspects in your dancing, you might be problem-avoiding. Anyone avoid watching their own videos? No? Just me? Well if you are avoiding problems or things that you fear in your...
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127. Advice for Newer Dancers
What might I say to a newer ballroom dancer that was just getting started? This was asked of me in a recent coaching session with a brand new bronze level dancer. I answered her questions and decided to pass some of the answers on to you. Even as a seasoned dancer, I think you will find yourself…
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126. Motivation Killers
After pushing forward from Newcomer to Open American Rhythm in 5 years, I have been feeling the fatigue. Am I tired? Burned out? Unmotivated? Being burned out is just one of many reasons you might find yourself unmotivated. In this episode, we provide 8 common reasons amateur and pro/am ballroom...
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125. Self Trust
All dancers can relate to wanting to be more confident. If we could just dance more confidently, with less anxiety and more freedom we could finally show up as the dancer that we want to. But as a ballroom dancer, standing on deck, ready to go on the floor, feeling all of that anxiety and…
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124. Be Patient
It can be easy to get discouraged when you have been working hard at something and you're not seeing the results that you want. All humans love a good immediate reward for a job well done. But sometimes the results are slow in coming. In this episode we talk about being patient with the process…
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123. The Life Cycle of Relationships
If you are concerned or having doubts about one or more of your dance relationships, listen in to this episode. I list 5 stages that relationships tend to go through no matter what kind of relationship it is...work, family, romantic, friendships, etc. These stages exist whether you are the…
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122. Time to be Discouraged
Sometimes trying to be positive just isn't working. Maybe it's an injury, maybe you've been competing a long time and never won. Maybe you've been trying to break into the next level and you're just plain discouraged. People can try to offer you all kinds of platitudes and solutions, but if none…
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121. Limbo and Locking In
In episode 105, we introduced the term glitch to represent the moment where a ballroom dancer gets distracted and knocked out of the zone. In this episode, we give you two more tools to add on to the idea of a glitch. After a glitch happens, you may find yourself in "limbo" where you are past the...
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120. Limiting Beliefs- Part 2
This episode is a continuation of the previous and explores 5 specific limiting beliefs that I have heard dancers express in our private coaching sessions. They are: 1. If I’m not practicing on my own, I shouldn’t keep taking/paying for lessons 2. I shouldn’t keep doing this is if I’m never going...
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119. Limiting Beliefs Part 1
All of us make decisions in our life that are heavily influenced by our beliefs. Beliefs are things that we believe to be true that govern the way we move about the world. They are shaped by our history, the people who raised us or influenced us and often they are unconscious and develop over…
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118. When Dancing Feels Expensive
Why does ballroom dance have to be so freaking expensive? Just like the cost of everything has been going up, many dancers are finding their studios and teachers raising their rates. If it already felt expensive to you, if it was already a stretch, and you feel like you can’t take it anymore, you...
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117. Student-Teacher Communication with Mary Pinizzotto
Sometimes as dancers we have a problem that we want to discuss with our teacher but it's hard to bring it up. We don't want to hurt their feelings or harm the relationship. Maybe we are people pleasing or maybe we just aren't sure what is a reasonable request and what isn't. In this episode…
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116. Feeling Like You Belong
"I just want to feel like I belong. I don't even have to be the best one, but I want to feel like I look like everyone else and have a right to be there." This is an interesting topic to explore--belonging. In this episode, we try to define it, determine why it can be confusing and elusive, and...
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115. The Fear of Being Seen
Sometimes it seems that no matter how much work you do, you never really get comfortable being in the spotlight. No matter how much you practice, perfect your skills, or perfect your look, the "stage fright" is just too much. Have you ever considered if maybe you have a fear of being seen? A fear...
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114. Inner Work and Outer Work
Changing who we are is not easy to do. Becoming a better, stronger dancer takes effort, practice and perhaps another type of work that we don't do very much: inner work. Sometimes the outward action that we take does effect change inside us and changes us. That for sure happens. But if you want…
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113. Scaling Your Mountain / Comparison
Comparison is the thief of joy. This is a well known saying, that while it may be trite, it's true. Comparing yourself to others is a quick way to kill your confidence and stall your motivation. In this episode, I give you a metaphor to convince you to keep your eyes on your own journey. When you...
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112. Self-Criticism to Self-Coaching
One of the most important aspects of yourself that you can address to get the most out of yourself and achieve what you want to achieve is to address your self talk. One of the most insidious and destructive types of self talk is self criticism. If you are a perfectionist-type, your inner critic...
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111. Optimism
Humans are very good at identifying what they don't want and how they don't want to feel. As a coach, I try to help my clients point their attention to what they DO want. In this episode I introduce optimism as just one attitude or approach and is instrumental to success and high performance. I...
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110. Life Skills: Boundaries
Boundary work is some of the best work that you can do. It will change your life! Listen in for what a boundary even is. We often get this wrong and it results in trying to control other people, which doesn't work! We also reveal the sneaky ways in which you may be the reason you aren't getting...
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109. The Shooter's Mentality
Are you like most humans, who believe in Murphy's Law? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong? And anything bad happens in threes? Bad things happening is contagious and will continue. Do you also believe that when things are going well that the other shoe is about to drop? That your luck will...
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108. Embarrassment
Why don't you want to mess up? What is so bad about making mistakes? Why do you work so hard for a perfect performance? "I don't want to feel embarrassed!" Embarrassment DOES feel pretty terrible. But what if we weren't afraid of it? What if we didn't let that hold us back? What if feeling...
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107. Unpacking Vol State
Listen in on the 4 questions you might ask yourself before a comp, and what went down for me at the Volunteer State Dance Challenge 2024.
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106. Get the Last Word
Our brain offers up a lot of nonsense. Negative self-talk can be a common experience in the human condition. But it can also undermine our confidence. Listen in for an easy strategy to overcome the negative thinking and get back on track! I forgot to mention that much of this content was based on...
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105. Glitches
If you have ever been in the middle of a dance performance and suddenly felt your mind go blank, you might know the feeling of utter panic. You might feel lost, confused...horrified. And here you are in the moment and need to do something about it but your brain can't connect two neurons for some...
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104. Just Play With It
There is a secret ingredient, that if you add to your dancing, will uplevel it in ways you never imagined. Plus, it's just more fun that way. That ingredient is PLAY. In this episode, share with you the 4 main reasons dancers say they want mental strength coaching and how I think play is an...
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103. Life Skills: Resistance
If you have ever wanted to better yourself or do anything worthwhile, chances are you have felt that unseen force that seems to immediately get in your way. It's almost like no matter what it is, you have to earn it by getting past the guard. Author Steven Pressfield terms this Resistance. In…
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102. Training Mindset vs. Performance Mindset
One of the most common things dancers complain about is being stuck in their head. They know they do this, and perhaps even their teacher tells them they need to get out of their head, but they don't seem to know how. As I have thought about this something came to mind that I think will help with...
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101. What To Do With Setbacks
What if you have prepared, practiced and feel ready, but then your performance goes poorly and you are beset with setbacks and errors? What can we do with that to help us remain confident in what we are capable of? Thank you to Nate Zinsser, the author of The Confident Mind for these three...
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100. Gameday
You've done it. You've gotten yourself here. You are ready. This is my pep talk for you on the big day. It's gameday and it's time to shine. You can do this and I'm so proud of you! To get personalized help, book a free Dance Strategy Call For more free mindset help, join my...
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99. Disappointment
"I don't want to disappoint my teacher." "When this is all done, I don't want to feel disappointed." Disappointment. So many of my clients put themselves through a lot of stress and anxiety in preparation for events, showcases, medal exams and competitions. When we dig a little deeper to see why…
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98. Your Backseat Driver
In this episode we talk a little about The Emerald Ball 2024, dancing syllabus routines in open rounds, what judges say about that, and what to do with your backseat driver. Your backseat driver is the voice in your head that pops up at the most inopportune times and gets in the way of what you…
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97. Effort Shock
Where did you get the idea about how much it would take to accomplish a certain goal? Sometimes we look around and make a guess based on what we see, but often we are also REALLY wrong. It often takes a lot more than we thought to accomplish things we set out to do. If you find yourself in this...
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96. Why You Might Always Feel Behind
There are a lot of reasons that you might feel behind in your dance journey. Most of the time, that feeling is based in fear and scarcity and is largely unproductive for us to dwell on. But there is one type of feeling behind that I think makes sense and will probably always be with you. Listen…
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95. All or Nothing Thinking
Ah, the extremes. Our brains just love the extremes. Good or bad, hot or cold, perfect or a failure. Two options is what a lazy brain likes because then we don't have to sift through other options. But if you experience a lot of all or nothing thinking, you also likely have some depression,...
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94. Life Skills: The 50/50
While we all know that life is sometimes not fair and we will all face a certain amount of struggle and negativity, we will act confused when we actually go through it. We say things like, "Why is this happening to me? What is going on? What is going wrong?" The reality is that life is what I…
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About this show
Ballroom dancers love working on their dancing skills and technique! But if dancers neglect to train their mind, it can sabotage them when it counts most. I'm Amber Haider and I'm a Life and Mental Strength Coach for amateur ballroom dancers. If you want to take your dancing further, faster, with less anxiety and more fun, stick around. It's time to make that beautiful brain your most powerful asset. We talk about dance AND life, providing tools to uplevel all areas of your life, not just your dancing! Visit www.amberhaider.com for more information and for contact details
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Amber Haider
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