Below The Circle with Dr. Phyllis
by Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams
Below the Circle™ with Dr. PhyllisHave you ever stopped in the midst of living your life and wondered, "How did I get here?"Or looked back over the years and realized that while you've learned how to persevere, keep going, and do what needs to be done, you haven't always taken time to acknowledge how you're feeling or how life's experiences have shaped you?Welcome to Below the Circle™, a podcast where Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams invites you into honest conversations about life, faith, identity, relationships, and the lessons we learn along the way.As a life coach, physician, ordained minister, and caregiver, Dr. Phyllis shares personal stories, reflections, and insights from her own journey—including what she's still learning about herself and the seasons of life.These aren't conversations about having all the answers or becoming someone else. They're opportunities to pause, look beneath the surface, and consider what resonates with your own story.Because sometimes, understanding whe
Episodes
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Stop Waiting for Permission: Chose Who You Want to Be Today | 163
Stop Waiting for Permission: Choose Who You Want to Be Today | Episode 163 What are you waiting for before you give yourself permission to experience your life differently? For many of us, it's the hope that things will finally settle down. That responsibilities will ease, disappointments will...
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When Pushing Through Becomes a Way of Life | 162
Living With Purpose vs. Living On Purpose: You Don’t Have to Push Through Everything In Episode 162 of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis reflects on how years of “pushing through” responsibilities can make it hard to know when it’s okay to stop and truly experience life. She explores the difference...
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How Did I Get So Far Into My Life and Lose Myself / 161
How Did I Get So Far Into My Life—and Lose Myself? | Below the Circle Ep. 161 Dr. Phyllis explores why so many women look up after years of doing everything “right” and wonder where they went. Drawing from her own journey through academics and medicine, she explains how external evaluations can...
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Let Go and Let God / 160
What if the thing you are holding onto so tightly is not yours to carry anymore? When you are used to caring for others, solving problems, anticipating needs, and making sure everything stays on track, letting go can feel uncomfortable. It can even feel irresponsible. But releasing control does…
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Stillness is Not Failure / 159
What if the quiet you’ve been craving is not a sign that you’re tired of your life, but a sign that you need space to finally hear yourself again? When you are used to answering questions, solving problems, caring for others, and keeping everything moving, stillness can feel unfamiliar or even...
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158. How To Be Present in Your Life Again: The Story Behind Below The Circle
What if you have become so good at managing your life that you no longer feel fully present in it? There are seasons when caring for others, meeting responsibilities, and simply keeping everything moving can leave you feeling like you are circling above your own life. You are present for everyone...
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157. What If It Isn't Broken
What if something you have believed about yourself for years is no longer true? Sometimes we carry old beliefs, assumptions, and stories into the present without stopping to ask whether they still fit. They may have come from a hard season, someone else’s words, or a decision that once helped us...
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156. It's Okay to Regroup
What if you do not need to start over, but simply need to regroup? Sometimes life moves so quickly that we keep doing what we have always done without stopping to ask whether it still fits. We keep working, caring, serving, and showing up. But somewhere along the way, habit can begin choosing the...
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155. Letting Go of What No Longer Fits
What are you still holding on to from the past that no longer fits the life you are living now? Sometimes we keep things because they carry memories, love, grief, or a connection to someone we miss. Letting them go can feel like we are letting go of the person too. But there comes a time when...
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154. Why Am I So Tired - Why Rest Doesn't Fix It
If your life looks good from the outside, but underneath it all you feel worn through, this episode is for you. You can be deeply grateful for your life and still be tired inside it. Both can be true. The people you love matter to you. The work you do matters. You would choose much of this life...
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153. The One Everyone Calls
If you’re the one everyone calls — the one who picks up, who shows up, who holds it together when everyone else is falling apart — this episode is for you. We’re not going to diagnose why you do it. The people who call you love you, and every yes you have given was real. But love and need come…
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152. When Doing Replaces Living
You've got three things open on your screen, a half-written email, a conversation you've been meaning to have for three days, and a phone that keeps buzzing. You're not behind. You're not ahead. You're just in all of it — at the same time. You craved this life. You prayed for it. You got it. You...
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151. How to Be Present When You Are Present
She was at the dinner table. Fork in hand. Nodding at the right moments. But inside? She was three days ahead — running the list, managing the room, tracking everyone else's needs while her own life passed through her hands. She was in the room. But she wasn't IN the room. If you've ever felt…
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150. Why Doing Less Feels Like Letting People Down
You paused. You gave yourself a moment before you answered. And then — almost immediately — guilt showed up like you'd done something wrong. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams sits with the feeling that shows up after the pause — the guilt that comes the second you try to choose yourself.…
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149. When Did Saying No Start to Feel Like Betrayal?
You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability…
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148. You Do Everything For Them - When Did You Last Just Be With Them?
You did a hundred things for the people you love today. So why does it feel like you barely saw them? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the quiet trade so many big-hearted women have made without meaning to: becoming the most useful person in the family instead of the most present one. She…
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147. What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t
What if the weight wearing you out was never yours to carry? You can carry all of it. You’ve proven that. But in this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and ask a deeper question: how much of what is on your plate was ever truly yours? She speaks to the big-hearted woman with a full...
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146. What Would Fall Apart If You Stopped Holding It
What are you afraid would fall apart if you stopped holding it all together? You have been the one who remembers, covers, fixes, plans, and carries what everyone else forgets. You call it responsibility, strength, love, and loyalty. But underneath all that holding may be a quiet fear that if you...
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145. When Was The Last Time You Felt The Ground?
Have you been holding everyone else together so long that you fear you’ve missed your own life? You’ve cared deeply, said yes from love, and kept going even when your own heart needed room to breathe. Maybe your full plate is not what is breaking your heart. Maybe it is the quiet fear that while...
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144. What Are You Still Holding That He Has Been Asking You to Release
What weight are you still holding that God has been asking you to release? You’ve been capable, responsible, prepared, and strong for so long that putting something down may feel like failure. Maybe it’s a role, a title, a seat at the table, or the quiet need to keep proving yourself. In this...
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143. What Grief Have You Been Carrying That’s Been Disguised as Strength?
What grief have you been carrying that you’ve been calling strength? You’ve been busy, capable, dependable, and strong for so long that no one may have noticed how heavy it has become. Maybe even you forgot to ask what pain has been hiding underneath every yes, every role, every title, and every...
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142. If You Stripped Away Every Role You Play, Who Is the Woman Underneath?
Who are you when you take off every name tag you wear? You’ve been so many things to so many people for so long, the woman underneath has gotten quiet. You can’t remember the last time someone asked who you were — not what you do, not who you take care of, not what role you fill — but who you…
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141. When Was the Last Time You Were Fully in The Moment?
When was the last time you were truly present, not planning tomorrow or replaying yesterday? In this heartfelt episode of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis invites you to slow down, breathe, and notice where your mind has been living. Through personal stories, scripture, and honest coaching truth…
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140. Are You Exhausted From Your Life or From Pretending Your Life Isn’t Exhausting?
What if the exhaustion you feel is not weakness, but a warning signal asking you to be honest? In this heartfelt episode of Below the Circle, host Dr. Phyllis speaks to high-achieving women who look fine on the outside but feel empty, numb, and worn down inside. She shares the difference between...
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139. Are You Chasing Something or Running from Something
Are you chasing success, or are you running from the pain you have not named? In this honest and deeply personal episode of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis invites you to look at the “buffet” of life, where titles, roles, achievements, and endless yeses can start to feel like proof that you are...
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138. Why Does the Thought of Slowing Down Feel More Terrifying Than Burnout?
Why does slowing down feel more terrifying than the burnout already wearing you down? In this heartfelt episode of Below the Circle, Dr. Phyllis speaks to the woman who keeps pushing, serving, leading, and holding everything together while quietly feeling empty inside. She names five fears that...
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137. Below the Circle: Stop Circling Your Life and Start Landing
What if the life you’ve been searching for is right below you, but you’ve been too busy circling to see it? In this powerful opening episode, Dr. Phyllis speaks to the woman who is exhausted from always showing up for everyone else while feeling disconnected from herself. Using the image of a…
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136. Do You Even Remember Who You Were Before The World Starting Placing Orders
What if the woman everyone depends on is not the real you? In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Phyllis speaks to women who have spent years being strong, dependable, and needed, yet feel disconnected from themselves. She explains how constant performance can become a place of safety, while slowly...
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135. Do You Still Sit or Do You Run Until You Crash?
What happens when staying busy becomes the only way you know how to function? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis unpacks the pattern so many of us live in without questioning. We keep moving, managing, and showing up, but rarely slow down enough to actually feel our own lives. Over time, constant…
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#134-Breaking Free: How to Stop Autopilot Decisions
Have you ever caught yourself asking, is this really where I’m supposed to be? Or do you keep moving forward simply because it feels easier than stopping? Some seasons are spent reacting instead of pausing, seeking fulfillment in roles and routines that never truly feed the soul. Decisions stop...
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#133- The Power of Return: How the Prodigal Son’s Story Mirrors Our Own
What happens when you realize you’ve been living on auto pilot? In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares her personal story and draws a powerful connection to the story of the prodigal son. It’s an honest look at what it feels like to drift, to lose sight of who you really are, and what it takes to…
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#132- Reconnecting with Your True Self: Lessons from the Woman at the Well
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a deeper look into her personal journey of breaking out of autopilot and reconnecting with her true self. She opens up about the pressure of trying to live up to the idea of the Proverbs 31 woman, focusing on what that looks like from the outside while never...
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#131- Stop Stepping Over Your Aspirations: How Small Actions Lead to Big Change
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis talks about what it really looks like to move forward when you feel stuck. Not through big, overwhelming changes, but through small actions that actually build momentum. If you’ve been avoiding your next step or sitting in overthinking, this is your reminder that…
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#130- Breaking Free From The Busyness of Autopilot: Creating Space for Better Communication
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares her experience of realizing she had been living in a state of emotional autopilot. While managing the many roles and responsibilities of life, she found herself feeling disconnected and unsure how to step off the constant treadmill of expectations. Our...
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#129- Beyond the Clutter- Breaking Free From Emotional Autopilot
Clutter is not always about being messy or disorganized. Sometimes it is a signal that something deeper is asking for our attention. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis talks about the connection between clutter and avoidance. The overflowing inbox, messy closet, or tasks we keep putting off can often...
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#128- Moments that Matter: How Small Check-Ins Create Lasting Connection
Feeling isolated is easy, and sometimes it seems like you’re the only one facing life’s challenges. But what makes life meaningful are the small moments of connection. You don’t have to say much to make a moment matter—sometimes just showing up is enough. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares how...
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#127- Monotony Break Free Moments
Have you ever felt like life is just rinse and repeat? You wake up, move through the day, go to bed, and do it all over again. It can feel like you’re circling the same runway, never quite taking off. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a recent experience that made her pause and pay attention to...
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#126- God's Wake Up Call
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis reflects on what she describes as God’s wake up calls. She shares about a season when she was moving quickly, focused on doing all the right things and being the kind of mom she believed she should be. In the middle of that pace, she began to realize that God had been...
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#125- Rooted, Not Rattled- Standing Strong When Others Don't Understand
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis explores what it means to remain rooted rather than rattled when others do not understand your decisions or the season you are in. As priorities shift and life changes, standing firm without external approval can be challenging. Drawing from her own experiences, Dr....
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#124-From Surviving to Thriving: The Art of Learning, Laughing & Loving Every Day
Ever feel like life has slipped into autopilot and you’re just getting through the day? This episode is a reminder that surviving doesn’t have to be the baseline. Thriving can start with small, intentional shifts. We talk about the importance of continuing to learn and staying curious, finding...
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#123- Faith, Fatigue, and Frustration: Letting Yourself Be Human While You Love and Lead
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis joins us to explore what happens when faith, exhaustion, and the pressures of real life all show up at once. You can be faithful, tired, and frustrated at the same time—and still lead with love. We dive into the importance of authentic presence and why growth and...
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#122-From Impulse to Intention: Pressing Pause Before You Say Yes
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis explores what happens in the space between the urge to say yes and the decision to follow through. She shares a personal story from her caregiving role, along with an unexpected lesson that came from caring for her dogs. What began as small, reactive moments turned…
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#121-Press Pause: Creating Sacred Space Before the Year Takes Over
As the new year begins, this episode is an invitation to pause. Dr. Phyllis shares why she made the intentional decision to slow down instead of adding more. Less running around. Fewer new responsibilities. More space to tend to her own health and to simply live, grow, and experience life as it...
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#120-From Autopilot to Agency: Trusting God with Your Next Step
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis explores the shift from living on autopilot to stepping into agency and trusting God with your next step, especially when the path forward feels unclear. She reflects on her years as a physician, the fear she experienced when retiring, and the realization that…
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#119- Presence Over Performance: The Gift of Listening During the Holidays
In this holiday episode, Dr. Phyllis explores the idea of presence over performance, especially for high achieving Christian women who feel pulled into “Martha mode” during the holidays. She shares how the pressure to host, fix, and keep everything running smoothly can crowd out meaningful...
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#118- Forgive & Forward: The Art of Self-Compassion on the Go
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis talks about something many people struggle with: being kind to themselves when they fall short. So many people are juggling a lot while still showing up with a smile, acting like everything is fine. But mistakes happen, plans fall apart, and things do not always go…
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#117- Stop, Breath Again: The Power of Mindful Pausing
In today’s episode, Dr. Phyllis talks about something we all need more of in our day. A pause. She opens up about what it has looked like to be in the thick of caregiving, how much growth has come from this season, and how it pushed her to take an honest look at herself. She shares how slowing…
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#116-Two Hours of Presence: What Happens When You Stop Running on Fumes and Realign Your Life
In this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and look at your alignment—not just your schedule, but the way you’re moving through life. When you choose presence on purpose, even in small pockets of time, you start to see where you’ve been running on empty and where God is nudging you back to...
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#115- God Sees You in the Hard Places
Life can feel overwhelming when you’re juggling a lot and running on auto-pilot. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis shares a moment that shook her and helped her realize the importance of being fully present. Presence is where strength is restored, and God sees every moment you choose to slow down…
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#114- The Attitude Shift: When God Uses Tough Seasons to Reset Your Perspective
This month Dr. Phyllis is doing something meaningful for National Family Caregivers Month with a three part series, and today’s episode is the second conversation in that series. Dr. Phyllis leans into a topic that so many people overlook when they are stretched thin and overwhelmed. Your…
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About this show
Below the Circle™ with Dr. PhyllisHave you ever stopped in the midst of living your life and wondered, "How did I get here?"Or looked back over the years and realized that while you've learned how to persevere, keep going, and do what needs to be done, you haven't always taken time to acknowledge how you're feeling or how life's experiences have shaped you?Welcome to Below the Circle™, a podcast where Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams invites you into honest conversations about life, faith, identity, relationships, and the lessons we learn along the way.As a life coach, physician, ordained minister, and caregiver, Dr. Phyllis shares personal stories, reflections, and insights from her own journey—including what she's still learning about herself and the seasons of life.These aren't conversations about having all the answers or becoming someone else. They're opportunities to pause, look beneath the surface, and consider what resonates with your own story.Because sometimes, understanding whe
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Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams
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