Building Confidence

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the second article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.Week 1 - I Thought Flourishing Was Only for the Most Successful PeopleTo flourish, we need to be present.We can remember the past and look ahead to the future, but life itself is happening here, in this moment.In the 1977 song ‘Secret O’Life’, James Taylor wrote ‘The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time’.Taylor is talking about enjoying each moment as it passes.This is mindfulness, and it is how we flourish in life.The philosopher Alan Watts said something similar. ‘The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple.’I took an 8-week mindfulness course years ago. The biggest change I noticed after completing the course was that everything looked brighter. It was so weird, but the sky actually looked bluer and the clouds fluffier. I started noticing things I had never paid any attention to before.This was at a time when I was still working, still chasing success and never stopping to look around. I nearly didn’t even take the course because it took up a full 90 minutes of my precious time every week. I kept thinking I needed to wait until I had more time.Which was exactly why I needed the course.When we are always looking aheadWe achieve a big goal. It feels great, because this is what we have been working towards.Winning the race, getting the promotion, the lavish wedding, buying the big house. We achieve them, and for a while we feel the satisfaction of having arrived. Then we think, ‘What’s next?’We are encouraged to always be winning and to always be looking for the next shiny object. Life moves on so fast, we are missing parts of it.The magic of being present is that we begin to notice the small moments of joy that were there all along, moments that make us feel the beauty of simply being alive.On any given day, there are countless moments when we can pause to notice small joys.* The smile on the face of someone you love.* Finding something to laugh at.* A smile from a stranger.* Watching clouds, birds, bees, or people going about their day.* The smell of a flower, or the scent of that person you love.* A cool breeze on your face as you walk along a country lane.* Listening to a song that takes you back to a beautiful memory.* The warmth of your morning cuppa.* The relief that comes from getting home after a difficult day.Noticing these ordinary moments opens the door to flourishing.Flourishing is never a dramatic moment that arrives with a bang.It is the growing ability to return to yourself and to the present moment, even when life pulls you away.Maybe this is why flourishing can be so difficult to recognise. Like most meaningful change, it happens quietly.Real change happens quietlyLasting change happens slowly over time. You will never reach the point where you are always confident, never worry, and have your life completely sorted out.Life is full of challenges. It is also full of beautiful moments.Real change is almost invisible.I spent years building my confidence, and now, when I look back, I cannot pinpoint the moment I became confident.Yet I am.What I notice is the ways I act differently now:* A disappointment no longer crushes me.* I trust my own decisions.* There is no urge to apologise for being myself.* I rarely replay a conversation now, wondering where I went wrong.* I laugh at myself more and ask for help when I need it.* Rest is an important part of my day that I no longer feel guilty for.* I have no need to explain or prove myself to anyone.* I am grateful for each ordinary day.I didn’t notice most of these changes as they happened. I noticed them afterwards.My confidence grew quietly in the background as I became more aware of how I spoke to myself, embraced love, kindness and gratitude, strengthened my self-belief and learned to trust myself.I wasn’t chasing confidence. I was creating the conditions for it to grow.Perhaps that’s one of the clearest signs of flourishing. We stop constantly measuring our progress and start living the life we’ve been creating.Flourishing is not measured by what you have achieved in life. There is no finishing line to cross. Instead, you gradually settle into a life that fits you. A life aligned with your true self.Perhaps one day you look around and realise you are here.As yourself.In this moment.And you know that you are home.Questions to reflect on* What feels easier today than it did a year ago?* Which small changes have become so normal that you hardly notice them?* Where are you treating yourself with more kindness?* If someone who knew you five years ago met you today, what changes might they notice?I am writing a book on living in alignment and flourishing in your life. If you find this interesting, stay with me on my journey.Much loveSue xxConfidence Matters by Sue Reid is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the first article for our August theme of ‘Flourishing’.I never thought I would flourish.When I first heard the word flourishing, I imagined someone living an extraordinary life.Someone who was always happy, hugely successful, endlessly confident, and completely at peace.That didn’t sound like me.However, this year, as I have reflected on confidence and written about self-trust and alignment, I have realised something that surprised me.I believe I have been quietly flourishing without even noticing it.What is flourishing?Society often tells us that flourishing means constantly striving for more.We should strive to become better versions of ourselves, pursue success, and achieve more ambitious goals.I tried all of that in my career. Yes, I was successful, but it didn’t feel like flourishing; it felt exhausting.So, I started thinking about the small moments where I feel joy and at peace.Everyday moments like:* Watching my plants growing in the garden.* Sitting quietly with a cup of tea or coffee.* When I am quietly writing and letting time slip by.* Noticing the moments when my mind feels like a calm lake.* Understanding myself and knowing that I have nothing to prove.* Walking down a country lane and feeling a cool summer breeze.* Spending time with family and good friends.* Putting my heart into creating beautiful food.I wondered, “Could this be what flourishing actually looks like?”Because maybe flourishing is more about how we feel than what we have achieved.You can be very successful in life, but never notice those small moments of joy. That’s why I have come to realise that flourishing is much more than being successful or becoming someone else. It is what naturally happens when you start living in alignment with your true self. The person you have always been deep down.Flourishing begins when you stop abandoning yourself. It happens in the small moments of joy when you are fully present.I realise these moments have always been part of my life, but I haven’t always appreciated how important they are to my well-being. I haven’t taken enough time to stop and see, listen and feel. I was too busy trying to find happiness to realise I was already living parts of it.Maybe flourishing has been quietly growing in your life too.Where you will find itYou don’t have to look far to find your own moments of flourishing. They are in those ordinary, small moments of joy. It might be as simple as noticing a bird in your garden, enjoying your morning coffee and watching a beautiful sunrise.* You will find it when you are doing something you love and completely lose track of time.* When you find yourself laughing at a silly mistake rather than berating yourself.* When you recover from a setback more quickly than before.* When you find yourself leaving an awkward conversation without replaying it in your head for hours afterwards.When you look for these moments of flourishing in your life, you will find them.Because flourishing is waking up and feeling at home in your own life.It doesn’t need to be perfect, and there will still be days when life is hard. But now your life is becoming a reflection of who you really are.Flourishing doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can happen quietly in your everyday choices.The first step is to notice those moments and how you feel in them.You might realise that you are already flourishing, and it is not something reserved only for the few.Perhaps it’s what happens when you finally arrive home to yourself.Questions to reflect on* When do you feel those small moments of joy?* Which small changes in your life seemed impossible a few years ago?* Where are you beginning to trust yourself more?* What does the word flourishing mean to you now?I have started writing a book on living in alignment and flourishing in your life. If you find this interesting, stay with me on my journey.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the final post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first four, you can read or listen to them here:Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are NotWeek 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and ValueWeek 3 - Living in Alignment, One Choice at a TimeWeek 4 - The Day You Stop Thinking About Alignment, and It Becomes a Way of LifeWhat was wrong with me?On the outside, my life had improved so much.But on the inside, it didn’t feel right at all.After my first marriage ended, I made a commitment to change. I had to break the pattern of toxic relationships and self-sabotage that had made my life miserable.I started rebuilding my shattered self-esteem by reading one self-help book after another. This was 1996; there was no YouTube or podcasts, and although there was an internet, I had no idea what it was.Two years later, I married again, this time to someone special. We are still together 28 years later.We purchased the beautiful home we still live in today.My career was going well.Everything was so different from the life I had left behind.This was the life I had been hoping for.So, why didn’t it feel right?I kept thinking, “Why am I not happy?”I asked my doctor the same question.“I have changed my life around, and I am still not happy. What is wrong with me?”It wasn’t the first time he had been asked a question like this. He told me it’s actually very common. We go through a trauma, followed by a process of healing. On the surface, life feels much better. Inside, our nervous system stays on high alert.Just improving our circumstances doesn’t instantly reset our internal systems.Imagine someone who spent years walking on eggshells in a controlling relationship. Leaving that relationship doesn’t automatically mean they feel safe. They may still apologise unnecessarily, anticipate conflict, or struggle to relax because those patterns were adaptive for a long time. This was me.Similarly, someone who escapes burnout might still feel guilty about resting, and someone who retires may discover that their sense of identity was tied to their career.An external change doesn’t automatically create internal change. It can take some time for it to settle enough for your nervous system to calm down. Becoming aware of myselfLooking back, my conversation with the doctor was a turning point for me. I realised that there was nothing wrong with me. This was another part of my healing journey.My next step was not to sit back and believe my life was fixed. It was to understand who I was, now that I didn’t have to check for safety before speaking or doing something for myself.I had been trying to become a new me to fit my new life.Now, I realised I was asking the wrong question.This was the real question:“Who am I beneath everything I’ve learned to be?”Coming home to myselfAfter I had lived with the belief that I wasn’t good enough for so many years, there was never going to be an overnight transformation.It didn’t suddenly all make sense.Quite the opposite.It was the small, quiet choices I made in the ordinary moments that slowly changed me.I noticed how I spoke to myself; I caught the negative thoughts and replaced them with something kinder.I forgave my younger self for past mistakes so I could let go of the guilt and move on.I set up healthy habits, such as journaling, meditation, spending time in nature, and looking after my wellbeing.I learned to say no without feeling guilty.Most of all, I realised that there was nothing I had to prove to anyone.I came home to myself, and my confidence grew as a result.I never became someone new. There was no new identity. What happened was that I slowly returned to the person I had always been.The person who had been waiting to appear for so long. From that point, my confidence grew naturally.This was my journey; yours may differ. Our lives are shaped by our experiences.Whilst our stories may differ, we often end up asking the same question:”Who am I beneath everything I’ve learned to be?”I believe this is one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves.Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.Questions to reflect onWhat does “coming home to yourself” mean to you?What is one small step you could take this week that feels more like you?What if you stopped trying to become someone new and embraced who you are?This year I have been using different themes to write about the things that prevent us from feeling safe enough to be ourselves. When you read through the posts, you can see that every conversation seems to circle back to childhood experiences, limiting beliefs, guilt, shame and acceptance.Alignment is what emerges once those layers begin to be stripped back.In August, our theme will be ‘Flourishing.’Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the fourth post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first three, you can read or listen to them here:Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are NotWeek 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and ValueWeek 3 - Living in Alignment, One Choice at a TimeLiving in alignment can sometimes feel hard.You’ve learned to trust yourself.You’re beginning to hear your own voice again.You’re making choices that feel more honest.So why does living in alignment feel like something you have to remember to do? Where every decision still feels like a huge effort.Remember, untying yourself from years of conditioning, expectations and old patterns doesn’t happen overnight.Even though you are consciously living in a way aligned with what you value and what brings you joy, there will still be times when guilt pulls you back.* Saying no will feel uncomfortable.* Resting will feel lazy.* Speaking honestly will feel risky.* Choosing yourself will feel unfamiliar.At first, living in alignment is a conscious practice. You have to stop, pause and choose differently. Over time, those choices will become less deliberate. Eventually, they become the way you live.How you know alignment is becoming part of youPausing before saying yesYou used to say yes to things without even thinking. Now you pause to consider whether this is something you want to agree to. You are no longer afraid of being rejected or of disappointing someone. Now you consider what is best for you. You ask yourself, ‘Is saying yes to this the best response at this time?’Another good question is, ‘Does this choice bring me closer to myself or further away?’Noticing tirednessYou no longer feel compelled to push through tiredness. The fear of being judged is no longer a threat. You recognise when your body needs a break, and you take one. You understand that rest is an essential part of success, not a reward for it.Recognising resentmentYour boundaries are not so rigid that you say no to everything. They are flexible enough to accommodate your kindness. You can recognise when a boundary has been pushed too far, and you are beginning to feel resentful. In those times, you move your boundary back into place and calmly move on.Asking for helpYou recognise that asking for help is not a weakness. In fact, admitting that you don’t know is a strength. It is okay not to be okay in those times when you need someone to lean on.Being your cheerleaderYour inner critic is no longer the loudest voice in your head. You notice the things that go well more than the things that don’t. You constantly remind yourself that you are doing your best and that is always enough.Making decisionsYou no longer need reassurance from everyone else. Not because you know everything, but because you trust yourself enough to make the next choice.You stop looking for the right answer because you have learned to listen to yourself first.Not everyone will understandWhen we do deep work on our personal development, people often notice the change.This can also be a consequence of alignment.Some relationships deepen, while others will naturally fade. Some people will not like the change in you.Why have you stopped being so accommodating?Why do you never join in the gossip anymore?The good news is that some relationships will become healthier simply because your boundaries become clearer.People will begin to experience the real you rather than the version that was trying to please everyone.Nothing to proveI spent years trying to prove myself worthy. Learning that I didn’t have to was one of my greatest realisations.My worth, intelligence, kindness, and confidence are no one’s business but my own. That has been a very refreshing belief to hold.I used to think I wasn’t clever or interesting enough. Then I asked myself an important question:‘Who decided that?’Of course, there are still challenges to face. Life will always include loss, disappointment, illness, mistakes, and times of fear.Alignment doesn’t make life easy. There is no such thing as a perfect life. There is just life.Living aligned with your authentic self changes how you handle difficult times.Living in alignmentAlignment isn’t something you achieve. It’s something you practise until it becomes the way you naturally live. One day you realise you no longer have to think about it.When you:* Trust yourself a little more.* Apologise less for who you are.* Recover more quickly when life knocks you sideways.* Choose what matters more often than you used to.This is when you feel more at home in your own life.The choices that once felt brave now feel natural.The voice you once struggled to hear has become familiar.You are no longer trying to become yourself.You are simply being yourself.Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.Questions to reflect on* Where have I noticed alignment becoming more natural?* Which choices no longer require as much courage as they once did?* What part of my life now feels more peaceful than it used to?* How do I know I am becoming more myself?* What am I most grateful for on my journey home?If you have a desire to start living in alignment with authenticity, self-trust, and confidence, consider joining our Confidence Circle. There you will find a safe place to find and be yourself.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the third post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first two, you can read or listen to them here:Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are NotWeek 2- The Quiet Whisper That Tells You What You Need, Want and ValuePeople often ask me how I became so confident.When I was younger, I was shy and afraid to speak.They want to know what changed.The truth is there wasn’t one big moment.It was the result of hundreds of small choices, made over many years.People often imagine that living in alignment begins with a dramatic decision, such as starting a new career, moving to another country, or ending a relationship. Sometimes alignment happens that way, with a big change.But most of the time, it begins quietly with a small choice that feels like being honest with yourself.At the time, I thought I was only building my confidence. I didn’t know what that looked like or what steps I needed to take. I saw confidence as a light at the top of a mountain I wanted to climb. I knew nothing about alignment, values or boundaries. I only knew I wanted my life to be better than it had been.Looking back now, I realise I wasn’t climbing towards confidence at all. I was slowly walking back to myself.Pieces of a jigsawWe don’t wake up one morning to find ourselves living an aligned life. It is the life we create through each conversation we have, each boundary we set and each decision we make. One small step at a time.It is more about walking a path than reaching a destination. There is never a moment when we can say, ‘Ok, that’s it, I have achieved alignment.’ It’s a different kind of knowing. For me, it was a feeling that things were starting to slot into place, like a jigsaw where you begin to see where each piece needs to go. At first, it still looks incomplete. But with every piece you place, the picture becomes a little clearer.I believe alignment comes from those small moments when we choose to stay with ourselves.Maybe you:* Stop chasing approval.* Prioritise rest when you’re tired.* Learn to say no without apologising.* Stop explaining yourself in great detail.* Start to wear the clothes you genuinely like.* Make time for the things that bring you peace.* Honour your values instead of someone’s expectations.* Spend more time with people who leave you feeling peaceful, accepted and fully yourself.Becoming comfortableOur nervous system prefers what is familiar. This is why we spend time in our comfort zone. Growth often asks us to step beyond what feels familiar.After a lifetime of people-pleasing, choosing yourself will no doubt feel wrong. You will feel uncomfortable. I urge you to move through that discomfort, because alignment and confidence lie on the other side.You will feel guilty for saying no, resting, and speaking up. That guilt will pass as you hold steady. It’s not wrong to prioritise yourself; it’s just unfamiliar.The question I ask myselfAs I have transformed from the shy girl with low self-esteem and social anxiety into the confident woman I am today, I have found a question that keeps me moving forward.Does this choice bring me closer to myself or further away?In other words, does what you are about to decide align with what is important to you?This question ensures you are making choices that are in your best interests.We are not talking about becoming perfect.Alignment will not stop you from:* Losing your temper.* Overthinking different situations.* People-pleasing to gain approval.* Bending your boundaries at times.* Ignoring your needs to help someone out.What it does is help you notice sooner and take action to return to yourself.Looking back, I can now see my own journey more clearly.First, I realised I had drifted away from myself.Then I learned to hear my own voice again.Finally, I found the courage to follow it, one small choice at a time.Looking back, those weren’t three separate stages.They were all part of the same journey home.Living in alignmentYour own aligned life will take time to build:* Making better choices that feel right for you.* Discovering your core values and honouring them.* Trusting yourself to speak up.* Developing strong relationships.* Knowing and understanding all parts of yourself.As you walk along your aligned path, you may not notice the change from one day to the next. But one day you’ll look back and realise that the choices that once felt difficult have become natural. You no longer ask yourself who you should be. You’re simply living as yourself. That’s when you realise something beautiful has happened.You’re finally living a life that feels like your own.Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.Questions to reflect on* What is one small choice I could make today that feels more like me?* Where have I been choosing comfort over authenticity?* What does my body feel like when I know something is right?* Which daily habit helps me feel most aligned?* What is one decision I can make this week that honours my values?When you upgrade to paid, you not only help support me as a writer, you benefit from joining our amazing Confidence Circle. Plus, free access to all of my workbooks and discounted coaching sessions with me. Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the second post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first, you can read or listen to it here:Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are NotIs there someone you completely trust to make your decisions for you?A few years ago, I met Jay, a young woman in her 20s who was living with her partner. She was bright and outgoing, quite an extrovert, in fact.She had never felt comfortable making decisions without asking her father first. He was her go-to whenever she had a choice to make. Even moving in with Sam was discussed with her father first.Then, unexpectedly, Jay’s father passed away. Jay was heartbroken, of course. Two years later, Jay was struggling with procrastination and overthinking. No one felt as trustworthy as her father had been. Jay had no idea where to go for help now.So I asked a simple question:‘What about asking yourself?’I know how Jay felt. For many years, I trusted almost anyone’s opinion more than my own.Like Jay, I didn’t believe I already carried the wisdom I needed.When we stop listeningWhen we are born, we are acutely aware of our own needs. We know when we are tired, hungry, curious, joyful and afraid.As children, we naturally express these feelings.Gradually, many of us learn not to. Instead, we learn to suppress ourselves.As we grow up, certain ways of behaving become familiar to us.My mother used to say, ‘Children should be seen and not heard’, whenever we made a noise. She also told us to be quiet when our father came home from work. In our house, good behaviour meant being quiet.The many ways of behaving we learn in childhood become imprinted on our minds. Then, often, as adults, we continue to live these patterns without realising it.We don’t speak up because we might upset someone.We ignore our own needs because we have learned to put others first.We tell ourselves we are overreacting when our boundaries are ignored.We feel we should be grateful for having a job, a home, a partner, even though we don’t feel happy with any of them.We believe it’s our role to be good and always keep the peace.None of these patterns means that anything is wrong with you. They simply show what your younger self learned to do to feel safe.Over the years, these patterns have become so familiar that they are now automatic.We no longer know what we actually think.My client, Jay, grew up in a household where her father ruled. He made every decision for the family. He probably never intended to continue making Jay’s decisions once she became an adult. But the pattern was imprinted in both of their minds. Only after her father was no longer there did Jay finally learn to listen to her own voice.Learning to listenWhen you are more aligned with your values and with the life you know, deep down, you are worthy of, you start to notice subtle signals, when:* Something leaves you feeling peaceful rather than drained.* You naturally keep returning to the same subjects, as if they are calling to you.* You find yourself having conversations without needing to prove anything.* You start noticing that feeling inside when something doesn’t feel right.* Time disappears when you are fully absorbed in an activity.* You start noticing a feeling of peace that says, ‘This feels like me.’Slowing downUntying the knots that have held you back for years takes time. I have found that ‘slow’ and ‘simple’ work best.Alignment isn’t found by thinking harder; it’s found by creating space for it to return naturally.I love the word ‘natural’ because it makes me think of returning to nature.That’s what alignment is: a return to your natural self.It is found in the simple things, in the times when we slow down to notice who we are and where we are.* When we walk and take notice of the beauty around us.* When we slow our breathing during meditation.* When we visualise all the things that bring us joy and then start doing them.* When we journal our thoughts, hopes and dreams.* Simply sitting quietly and doing nothing at all.These are the moments when you notice your body feels at home. You feel at peace.At first, slowing down can feel uncomfortable. Your mind has become accustomed to old patterns of staying busy, pleasing others, or constantly striving. When you begin to choose something different, your nervous system may interpret that unfamiliarity as a threat. Be patient with yourself. The more often you return to these quieter moments, the more natural they feel.People often think alignment requires huge life changes.It doesn’t. You only need to ask yourself simple questions such as:“What do I need today?”“What feels true?”“What would I choose if I weren’t trying to impress anyone?”Making small choices that feel right for you helps build your self-trust and realigns you with your own needs.Coming home to yourselfYou don’t have to have all the answers today. You simply need to become a little more familiar with yourself. Every time you pause, notice and honour one quiet signal, you’re strengthening the relationship you’ll have with yourself for the rest of your life.Last week we explored what it feels like to live out of alignment.This week is about something gentler. It’s about listening.Not to that loud inner critic or the fear that keeps you stuck.It is listening to the quiet voice that has been patiently waiting beneath them all.That voice is your inner compass. It has been quietly guiding you all along.The more often you listen, the easier it becomes to find your way home.Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.Questions to reflect on this week* When do I feel most peaceful and most like myself?* What have I been ignoring because it feels inconvenient or uncomfortable?* Where in my life do I feel energised rather than drained?* If no one else’s opinion mattered, what would I choose?* What is one quiet signal I have noticed recently that deserves my attention?If you are feeling out of alignment and want to explore your true path, come and work with me. Over the years, I have mastered confidence and self-belief. Now I am here to help you to do the same.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This month, we’re exploring what it means to live in alignment.What changes when you stop trying to become someone else and start living as yourself?As we enter the second half of 2026, this feels like the most important conversation we’ve had so far.June’s theme of self-trust was about trusting yourself. In many ways, self-trust is the foundation, and alignment is its expression. Where self-trust asks of us, ‘Can I trust myself?’, alignment asks, ‘What happens when I do?’“I was living a life that didn’t belong to me.”My client, Faye, had a life most people could only dream of. Yet one day she realised that her sons were the only part of her life she truly loved.For years, something had been nagging at her. Despite a luxurious lifestyle, it never felt quite right. Faye never felt she had achieved ‘enough’. Nothing really meant anything to her, not even her husband, whom she discovered had been cheating on her for years. She didn’t blame him; she knew she had become a bitter person.‘I was living a life that didn’t belong to me, and I am ashamed to say, I hated it.’ Faye told me.Faye’s parents had fled Sri Lanka in the early ‘60s due to civil unrest. Her mother was pregnant at the time, and Faye was born in Australia. Life was tough, and her parents worked very hard. Faye grew up believing that nothing comes easily without sacrifice and effort. Her parents constantly told her that if she worked hard enough, she could build a great life in Australia. So she did.Faye realised that the shame she felt stemmed from her parents’ poverty, and that she had everything they could possibly have dreamed of.But it wasn’t her dream.Living out of alignmentFor much of my life, I thought my problem was a lack of confidence.I believed that if I could become more outgoing, more interesting, and more like other people, I would finally feel comfortable in my own skin.I spent years trying to prove myself, just to fit in and meet expectations.What I’ve come to realise is that trying to become the person we think we should be rarely brings peace.Deep down, our body always knows when we are living someone else’s version of our life.Misalignment occurs when you are not living in alignment with your own choices and values. What matters most to you is not reflected in the life you lead.You may be:* Saying yes when you want to say no.* Staying silent when you want to speak.* Pursuing goals that don’t matter to you.* Hiding parts of yourself to gain approval.* Living according to expectations rather than values.It often happens gradually. No one decides to abandon their true self. It happens in small ways over many years.Signs you are misalignedPersistent exhaustionYou feel worn out and exhausted most of the time, even though you get enough sleep. Living a life that doesn’t align with what your inner self wants will slowly drain your energy.You are carrying the weight of a life that isn’t yours.ResentmentConstantly saying yes to things you really want to say no to takes its toll. When you don’t feel appreciated, resentment builds.When you set boundaries and people ignore them, you start to feel annoyed. You feel torn between what you are being asked to do and what you feel is right.These are signs that your needs are being ignored.RestlessnessLike Faye, your life on paper looks good. Deep down, you know something is missing. There is a real pull to find it.OverthinkingYour mind is trying to keep you safe, while something deeper inside you knows that a different path would feel truer. This makes decision-making harder. There is a conflict between your mind and your deeper self.Seeking validationYou constantly look for someone to confirm that you are good enough because you no longer believe it yourself.Why we drift away from ourselvesOur brain wants us to survive. As such, it is always on the lookout for danger. As children, we feel that belonging is essential for survival. Our brains learn very quickly that being accepted keeps us safe. Unfortunately, we often then grow up feeling insecure for understandable reasons.With a strong desire to belong to our ‘tribe’, we learn:* Fear of rejection.* Fear of criticism.* Fear of conflict.* Fear of disappointing people.As children, these strategies helped us feel safe. The problem arises when we continue using them long after they stop serving us.Alignment doesn’t mean perfectionLiving in alignment simply means returning to yourself again and again, understanding who you are at your deepest level, knowing your core values and making choices that feel honest, and trusting yourself enough to honour what matters to you.For years, I thought confidence meant becoming someone else. Now I see that confidence grows when you stop fighting yourself.As you step into your authentic confidence, you stop trying to prove your worth. You understand that your needs and feelings are important and must never be abandoned.Perhaps you’ve recognised yourself in these words. If so, please know there is nothing wrong with you. Feeling out of alignment isn’t a personal failure. It’s a calling, a quiet invitation to come back to yourself. The beautiful thing is, you can begin with one small choice today.Questions to reflect on this week* Where in my life do I feel most like myself?* Where do I feel as though I am performing or pretending?* What am I doing simply because I think I should?* What would feel lighter if I trusted myself more?* What is one small way I can honour myself this week?Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been.The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it.If you are feeling out of alignment and want to explore your true path, come and work with me. Over the years, I have mastered confidence and self-belief. You can too.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Who do you trust?You might have said your best friend, your partner, your mother, or someone else. Most people won’t automatically think of themselves as the person they trust most. More than likely, the person you trust doesn’t even trust themselves.Why don’t we trust ourselves?The answer links back to last month’s theme: negative self-talk.It’s very difficult to trust someone who is constantly criticising, judging, or pressuring you to do more and be better.In any relationship, trust grows when you accept the other person for who they are, rather than trying to change them.The relationship you have with yourself is no exception.Many of us:* Criticise ourselves.* Compare ourselves.* Focus on our flaws.* Replay our mistakes.* Wish we were different.Then we wonder why we struggle to trust ourselves.Wanting to fit inWhen I was a teenager, my one ambition was to be one of the ‘cool’ girls. I hated the shy, awkward girl who never knew what to say. That was me.Looking back, I can see that my issue wasn’t just a lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem. My real problem was that I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was that metaphorical square peg trying to fit into a round hole.I didn’t lack friends. I had some lovely ones, but I am ashamed to say, they weren’t good enough. That sounds horrible, but I didn’t like the person I was.So many of us grew up believing some variation of ‘I am not good enough.’ For me, it meant constantly comparing myself to my younger sister.I learned to check everything I thought and did against the question, “Is this good enough?”In my young mind, good enough meant looking, speaking, and acting like those girls. But I was never accepted; I stayed an outsider.After leaving school, I dated a man 7 years older than me. That felt like something a ‘cool girl’ would do. He stabbed me when I tried to end the relationship.That sent a message to my 17-year-old nervous system that leaving a relationship is dangerous. The message was clear: do not upset people.I realise now that this trauma led me to self-sabotage, people-pleasing and social anxiety. All of these stemmed from my lack of self-trust.When your words, feelings and actions are not aligned, your internal nervous system believes you cannot be trusted with your life.This means you:* Doubt your ability to achieve any goal.* Find it difficult to make decisions.* Seek constant validation.* Overthink and ruminate.Which leads to:* Suppressing your emotions because you don’t want to appear weak.* Ignoring your needs because you don’t want to seem selfish.* Twisting and shaping your identity to fit who you think you should be.* Agonising over your mistakes because you seek perfection.Acceptance comes before self-trustThe way to start trusting yourself is to allow yourself to be who you are.That means accepting who you are and where you are right now, and then moving forward from there.You don’t need to become anyone else. You are good enough already. When you accept yourself, that becomes your new belief.I am good enough.This is where acceptance is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean giving up and staying the same forever. It also doesn’t mean you will love yourself unconditionally overnight. It simply means telling the truth.This is who I am.This is where I am.I no longer need to fight myself.For years, I thought confidence would arrive when I finally became someone else. The ‘cool girl.’But that was not me. It was never who my soul believed I was. It was a false image I was worshipping.The power of gratitudeBefore I could trust myself, I had to become grateful for the woman who had survived all she had suffered.The trauma of being stabbed five times at a young age.Living through another two abusive relationships.Becoming depressed and suicidal.I am grateful to have found the light and to be able to reopen my heart. I have used the powerful energies of love, kindness and gratitude to guide me.These experiences have made me more resilient and a calmer, kinder person.The more I accepted who I am, the safer it felt to simply be me. I began to trust and love myself. That is not arrogance; I am far from perfect. What I am is unique. There is no other me in the world.We don’t learn to trust ourselves by striving for perfection. We learn through repair.When you accept yourself, self-trust follows. You begin to respect the person you are. You stop thinking you need to change and realise you are returning to yourself.I realise now that the shy, sensitive, thoughtful girl was never the problem.My suffering stemmed from believing she should be different.Once that pressure began to ease, self-trust finally grew, as there was no longer a constant battle between who I was and who I thought I ought to be.When I stopped rejecting myself, my confidence grew.That was the beginning of self-trust.When we stop criticising ourselves long enough to listen, we begin to hear something important.Our own voice.Something to reflect on this week* Is there a part of you that you have been trying to change, hide, or reject?* Do you ever feel like a “square peg in a round hole”?* How often do you ask yourself, “Am I good enough?”? What would happen if you stopped?* Do you find yourself ignoring your own feelings, needs, or opinions?* What would self-acceptance look like for you right now?* If you trusted yourself a little more, which decisions would become easier?I am considering coaching someone as I write my book. The coaching would follow the transformation framework I use, the one that, as yet, doesn’t formally exist but is everything I have learned in my own transformation. It won’t be free, and it won’t be easy. That said, if you are ready to transform your life and want to know more, send me a message. I will be offering a place to only one person, so you will have my full attention.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is the second post for our June theme of self-trust. If you missed the first, you can read or listen to it here:Week 1 - The Reasons Why We Stop Trusting OurselvesSelf-trust is not about knowing which path is perfect. It is about trusting yourself to walk whichever path you choose.I have stood frozen at the metaphorical fork in the road so many times.Decisions are hard when you don’t trust yourself.I had three toxic relationships. I left the first one very quickly. That day, three months into our relationship, he hit me. That day, it was over.At least for me.For him, it wasn’t over at all. He stabbed me five times and left me in the road.Now I understand more about how the nervous system tries to keep us safe. To my 17-year-old brain, leaving became associated with danger. The next time, leaving might cause even more pain. The next time, I might not survive.Two more toxic relationships followed. It took fourteen years before I was free.As I slowly rebuilt my confidence, I began to realise how much I had limited my life by not trusting myself.The company I wanted to leave, but I held off for years.The qualifications I wanted to pursue, but I didn’t.The opportunities I talked myself out of.Even my writing and coaching journey remained on hold until retirement.There was always the same underlying question:“What if I get this wrong?”And that question shaped far more than my relationships.When you doubt yourselfLast week, we explored some of the reasons we stop trusting ourselves.For many of us, self-distrust isn’t something we are born with. It develops slowly through criticism, rejection, difficult relationships, and experiences that teach us it isn’t safe to make mistakes or be ourselves.While self-distrust may begin as a form of protection, it rarely stays that way.Over time, it shapes how we live.Most of us think self-doubt shows up as a lack of confidence. We imagine it looks like shyness, avoiding attention, or nervousness. I grew up thinking that being a shy introvert was my problem.But self-distrust often runs much deeper than that.It influences the decisions we make, the opportunities we take, the relationships we stay in, and the way we speak to ourselves every day. And often, we don’t even realise it is happening.Last week, I spoke about having social anxiety for years.The thought of having conversations with people I didn’t know filled me with dread. Even attending social events felt uncomfortable.At the time, I thought the problem was how people would react to me.* I thought I wasn’t interesting enough.* I thought I wouldn’t know what to say.* I thought people might judge me.Looking back now, I can see something different.The real problem was not the conversation itself.The problem was that I didn’t trust myself to handle it.I didn’t trust myself to know what to say.I didn’t trust myself to recover if I became embarrassed.I didn’t trust myself to cope if someone judged me or didn’t like me.My fear was never really about the conversation.It was about what might happen if the conversation didn’t go perfectly.That realisation changed everything.Signs you don’t trust yourself* Constantly seeking reassurance before making a decision.* Asking lots of people for their opinion before listening to our own.* Knowing what to say but staying silent anyway.* Ignoring our own opinion because we assume someone else knows better.* Staying where we are not happy because we fear making the wrong change.Many people spend years waiting to feel certain before they act.But whatever decision we make, there is rarely a 100% guarantee that it is the right one.As humans, we will always make mistakes, and there will always be people who disapprove.The cost of self-doubtWhen we believe we need guarantees before moving forward, life can start to feel very small.This is where we begin to procrastinate and overthink. We hesitate and get stuck because our nervous system seeks safety rather than uncertainty. It tells you:“Maybe you can’t handle this, and if you go ahead, you might get hurt.”Remember, your brain wants you to survive.The emotional cost of self-doubt can be significant and exhausting.* The endless mental conversations.* The second-guessing.* The replaying of events.* The need for reassurance.* The fear of getting things wrong.All of it consumes energy and keeps us focused on avoiding mistakes rather than on living fully.Training your nervous systemWhat I have come to understand is that self-trust is not about believing you will always make the right decision.It is about believing you can handle whatever happens next.That is a very different thing.Self-trust begins when we stop asking:“What if it goes wrong?”And start asking:“What if I can handle it?”That shift changed my life.The fear and discomfort didn’t disappear overnight. But over time, I learned that I could survive discomfort, mistakes, rejection, uncertainty, and disappointment.I could trust myself to cope.Self-trust is not always knowing the answer, nor is it being perfect. It is the quiet confidence that whatever happens next, you will stay on your own side.Questions to reflect on* Where does self-doubt affect your life most strongly right now?* What opportunities have you avoided because you didn’t trust yourself?* Do you find yourself seeking reassurance from others before making decisions?* What is one area of your life where you would like to trust yourself more?* What would become possible if you believed you could handle mistakes, setbacks, or uncertainty?* What is one small decision you could make this week without seeking anyone else’s approval?I think the area of self-trust is vital to understand. I literally only just connected the dots between the trauma I suffered as a young woman and the anxiety I suffered for years. If self-trust is something you feel you need to work on, I invite you to reach out for a chat to see how I can help.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This post kicks off our June theme: self-trust. Learning to feel safe in your own decisions, feelings, and voice. It seems a natural follow-on to May’s theme of negative self-talk.If you are looking to trust yourself more than you do, then I invite you to subscribe and maybe consider joining our Confidence Circle, where we explore confidence issues in depth.One of the quietest effects of low confidence is self-distrust.It’s a downward spiral: the more you distrust yourself, the lower your self-confidence drops.When I was younger, social anxiety crippled me. I hated the thought of having to make conversation with people I didn’t know. Even talking to work colleagues was difficult outside the office.Initially, I used alcohol as my crutch. It gave me the confidence to speak, or at least made me feel confident. Shortly after my first marriage ended, I was out with work colleagues and had quite a bit too much. I ended up falling and hitting my head. Four stitches and a concussion frightened me enough to decide to drastically curb my drinking.That, of course, meant my crutch was gone. That’s when the social anxiety really hit me. The belief that I wasn’t interesting, which has haunted me for most of my life, kept me from trusting myself to speak.I didn’t realise how disconnected I was from my own voice.Self-distrust is often learnedHumans crave connection. Our ancestors formed groups to stay safe. That need for connection is built into our system.So why do we stop trusting ourselves?The answer lies in our experiences, particularly in childhood. We learned to distrust through:* Being criticised and humiliated.* Feeling emotionally unsafe.* Being in a controlling relationship.* Feeling we would be punished or rejected if we made any mistake.* Constantly being told we were ‘too sensitive.’* Staying quiet so as not to cause a confrontation.When we live in an environment where love is conditional on behaving in the ‘right’ way, we start to lose trust in ourselves to do the right thing. We learn to be hyper-aware of others in order to ensure we behave in the ‘right’ way.I can relate to and attach a story to each of these points. They didn’t just result in social anxiety; there was also people-pleasing, overthinking, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and difficulty making my own decisions.Then there were also the abusive relationships and self-sabotage I put myself through.No wonder I didn’t trust myself, I was rubbish at life.Learning to trust myselfWhen you stop trusting yourself, life starts to feel unstable because you no longer feel emotionally safe in your own mind.You feel the need to stay small, as you worry about getting things wrong.Last month, I wrote about negative self-talk and the importance of becoming aware of your thoughts. Awareness is important, but it is only the beginning.Over time, I learned that rebuilding self-trust was not about becoming fearless or never doubting myself again. It was about staying connected to myself when doubt arose.It was about listening to my feelings rather than dismissing them.It was about making small decisions without constantly asking other people what they thought.It was about speaking even when my voice shook.Most of all, it was about learning that I could make mistakes without abandoning myself in the process.Self-trust is not built on perfection. It grows each time you keep a promise to yourself, honour a boundary, speak honestly, or take a small step despite uncertainty.Today, I no longer need alcohol to feel comfortable in a room full of strangers. I no longer believe every conversation is a test I might fail.There are still moments when I feel nervous or unsure. The difference is that I trust myself to handle them.That is what self-trust really is.Not certainty.Not fearlessness.Just the quiet confidence that whatever happens, you will stay on your own side.This month, we will explore what it means to rebuild that relationship with yourself, one small step at a time.Something to reflect on this week* In which areas of your life do you trust yourself most? Where do you trust yourself least?* When do you find yourself seeking reassurance or approval from others before making a decision?* Can you recall any experiences that taught you to doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or instincts?* If you trusted yourself a little more, what might you do differently?Self-trust grows when you begin to treat your own voice as something worth listening to.If you have any questions or need help, let me know.I am here for you.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Our theme for May is negative self-talk. This is the final post of the series.If you missed the previous three, you can find them here:Week 1 - The Voice in Your Head Isn’t Who You Think It IsWeek 2- You have Changed Your Thoughts, So Why Are You Still Thinking Them?Week 3 - You Don’t Have to Believe Every Thought You HearFor a long time, I believed the voice in my head was simply who I was.I listened when it told me to hold back because I wasn’t clever enough.When it told me not to speak up because no one wanted to hear what I had to say.When it told me I wasn’t interesting.Even when it told me that no one liked me.I believed all of it. I mean, that was me, right?All my negative self-talk pointed to one ‘truth’: I wasn’t good enough and would therefore fail at everything.I now understand that what I was listening to was years of conditioning, fear, emotional memory, and self-protection. The thoughts felt true because they were familiar.Over time, they stopped feeling like thoughts.They became my identity.No wonder I struggled with low self-esteem and social anxiety for so many years.The trap of identificationWhen you hear something often enough, especially in emotional moments, it becomes easy to believe it’s true.* “I’m not clever enough.”* “I’m not interesting.”* “I’m shy and awkward.”* “I always get things wrong.”* “I don’t have confidence.”Underneath all of these thoughts, one deeper belief often sits:I am not good enough.Looking back now, I can see that these thoughts were never the truth. They were patterns my mind had learned over many years.Patterns shaped by criticism, embarrassment, fear, rejection, comparison, and emotional pain. The voice developed in response to those experiences.Many people live this way without even realising it. Because the voice sounds like their own, they never pause to question whether it might actually be untrue.The thoughts feel familiar, and that is the trap. Because you begin building an identity around them.You start to believe that you are not clever or interesting, and you do always get things wrong. Then, you shrink and keep quiet. You believe deep down that you are not good enough. This is the trap of the limiting beliefs. The ones that will hold you back.Not necessarily because the thoughts are true, but because they feel true.One of the most important shifts in my own confidence journey happened when I began noticing the difference between:“I am this thought.”and“I am experiencing this thought.”That small change created space.The shift that changes everythingThe moment you realise the voice is something you experience rather than who you are, your relationship with yourself begins to change.You stop automatically treating every thought as an instruction and assuming the fear is fact. Now you begin to observe the voice rather than immediately obeying it.That does not mean the thoughts disappear overnight. The truth is, they are probably always going to be there. The difference is that you now understand them.Now, when you get thoughts like:“You’ll probably fail.”“You’re not good enough.”“People will judge you.”You can pause, notice the thought and try to understand what they may really be expressing underneath the fear. Now you can respond differently.You reassure yourself that everything is okay. You remind yourself that you are now responsible for your life. You know that things will not always go perfectly, and that is part of being human.Over time, this awareness changes your relationship with yourself. You become less fearful of your thoughts and less controlled by old conditioning and stories.Slowly, you begin to reconnect with parts of yourself that have existed beneath the fear all along.This is where confidence grows.* Not through perfection.* Not through pretending.* Not through silencing every difficult thought.Confidence grows through awareness, compassion, and self-trust.The theme of negative self-talkThis month has not been about getting rid of the voice in your head.The aim has been to become aware of it, understand it, and then create space from it.My hope is that you now realise the voice is something you experience, not who you are. You are much more than the thoughts you hear in difficult moments.This is where confidence mastery begins.Something to reflect on this week* What thoughts have you mistaken for identity?* What changes when you see thoughts as patterns rather than truth?* What parts of yourself may exist underneath fear or self-criticism?* Who are you becoming as you learn to relate to yourself differently?Thank you for exploring this theme with me throughout the month.On Monday, 1 June at 6 pm UK time (BST), I will bring these ideas together in a solo live exploration of how awareness and self-trust can begin to create a different relationship with the voice within.Looking forward to June, I ask, “Once you stop automatically believing every fearful thought, what do you choose to trust instead?”The answer will be our theme for June. We will explore what happens when you stop constantly looking outside yourself for certainty and begin to learn to trust your own inner voice again.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Our theme for May is negative self-talk. This is the third of four posts.If you missed the previous two, you can find them here:Week 1 - The Voice in Your Head Isn’t Who You Think It IsWeek 2- You have Changed Your Thoughts, So Why Are You Still Thinking Them?Let me give you an example of my negative self-talk.I’m planning to host a solo live based on negative self-talk and how to manage it. I love teaching and hosting live sessions, so this genuinely excites me.Despite looking forward to it, the voice appeared yesterday.“A week before your holiday? Are you kidding?”“Haven’t you got enough to do before you go?”“This is too much pressure. You’ll have to postpone it.”Then, just to put the boot in:“Besides, no one will come anyway.”For a moment, I felt the familiar pull to believe those thoughts. I felt resistance to doing something that might fail, or at least feel embarrassing if I stumbled over my words or if nobody showed up.Not long ago, I would have accepted those thoughts without question. I would have assumed the voice was simply telling me the truth.Maybe I am too busy. Do I need to rush?I don’t want to feel overwhelmed.Perhaps I should postpone.And honestly, the idea of postponing it did pull me in for a moment.Then I remembered:I can do this.This is what feels different now.I still sometimes hear thoughts like these, but I no longer automatically follow them.That brief pause has changed my life more than I ever expected.Confidence is not total positivityFor a long time, I believed that confidence meant reaching a point where negative thoughts disappeared entirely.No self-doubt.No overthinking.No inner criticism.But real confidence does not work that way. Confidence is not the absence of negative thoughts. It is learning that you do not have to obey them.That realisation changed something for me.Because once you begin noticing the voice rather than immediately believing it, another possibility opens up:ChoiceYou can choose to respond differently.A simple framework that has helped me is this:NOTICE → ADJUST → BELIEVEThis is a practice of staying present without automatically engaging with the thought.Your mind does not naturally want to stay in the present moment. It wants to focus on what has happened before and what might go wrong next.To the brain, constantly scanning for danger feels like safety.We can learn to control this, but change doesn’t happen overnight.NoticeThe first step is becoming aware of the thought.What am I saying to myself right now?Sometimes the voice is loud and obvious, and sometimes quite subtle:“This is going to go wrong.”“They don’t really care about this”“You’re not capable enough to succeed.”The important thing is not to judge yourself for the thought, just notice it.Awareness creates space.AdjustThis is where many people try to force positivity. The old “just think happy thoughts” approach.But responding differently does not mean pretending everything is wonderful or convincing yourself that you never struggle.It simply means asking:“Is there another way I could respond to this?”The adjustment can be very small.Instead of:“I always mess things up.”It becomes:“This feels difficult, but I am learning.”Instead of:“No one wants to hear from me.”It becomes:“Not everyone will connect with what I say, and that is okay.”It doesn’t need to be perfect; perfection is not the goal. The goal is a fairer, kinder, and more grounded response.BelieveOver time, the thoughts you practise repeatedly begin to shape how you feel about yourself.This is why awareness alone is not always enough.You also need repetition.Not forced affirmations that feel impossible to believe, but small, supportive thoughts that gradually create a different internal experience. These form new neural pathways in your brain.I often give my clients a field analogy. Imagine there is a shortcut into town by walking across a field. Everyone walks in a straight line from one gate to the gate directly opposite. Over time, a clear pathway forms where the grass has been worn down. If the farmer wants to allow that pathway to recover, he might move the gates a few feet to the left or right. Now people are starting to walk a new path. Over time, a new pathway is formed. That new path is the new belief.Like the new path, these new thoughts may feel unfamiliar.“I can handle discomfort.”“I am allowed to take up space.”“I do not need to be perfect to be worthy.”For years, your brain learned certain pathways through repetition, fear, and emotional protection.Now you are slowly teaching it something different.And that takes patience and practise. Why this mattersEvery time you respond with awareness rather than automatic criticism, you begin to build a different relationship with yourself.One based less on fear and more on self-trust.There will still be moments when the old voice feels convincing. But over time, something important begins to change.You stop seeing every thought as truth and treating every fear as instruction.Little by little, you begin to become a safer place for yourself to land.Something to reflect on this week* What thoughts do you automatically believe most quickly?* What would a gentler response sound like?* What feels difficult about responding differently?* What small shift could you begin practising this week?The live I mentioned at the beginning will be on Monday, 1 June. We’ll be exploring self-talk more deeply, including how to begin changing your internal responses to build genuine self-trust.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.I was honoured to be a guest on Betsy’s very first live. We spoke about our different roles and how we came into coaching. A very light and fun conversation.Thank you to everyone who joined us. We appreciate you! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

The story of a young 16-year-old with psychosis who healed himself, became a monk, and now teaches wellness and meditation.At the beginning of his journey after returning to lay life, Promise said something that stuck with me. ‘This has to work, Sue, there is no Plan B.’I caught up with Promise to see how he was getting on.Thank you to everyone who joined us live. We appreciate you. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Our theme for May is negative self-talk. This is the second of four posts.If you missed last week’s, you can read or listen to it here: The Voice in Your Head Isn’t Who You Think It IsThat voice in your head is here to stay.No matter how much confidence you build, you may still hear your inner critic from time to time.One thing I have realised over the years is that building confidence does not automatically erase old conditioning. Even now, when something goes wrong, I still occasionally hear that voice.If I make a mistake, forget something important, or misunderstand something, the old belief can appear almost instantly:“You’re so stupid.”The difference now is that I notice it.Not so long ago, I would have accepted that thought as truth without question. I would have carried it for hours, sometimes days, letting it shape how I felt about myself.Now, I recognise it as an old pattern, a familiar response my mind learned long ago.I also notice something else. When someone says something kind about me, compliments my work, or tells me I have helped them in some way, a small part of me still quietly questions it.Really?Why would they say that?Do they truly mean it?That response used to puzzle me, especially as my confidence grew and my life began to change for the better.I remember thinking:“If I’m becoming more confident, why are these thoughts still here?”But confidence does not mean your mind suddenly forgets every belief it has ever learned. The brain clings to familiar patterns, especially those linked to emotion, belonging, rejection, or self-worth.For years, my mind practised seeking evidence that I was not enough. Those pathways became so familiar that they became automatic.This is important to understandThe return of an old thought does not mean you are going backwards.It does not erase your growth.Very often, it simply means your mind has recognised something unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or emotionally significant and has reached for an old protective pattern.The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness.When you are aware of these patterns, you no longer have to follow them automatically.The heart of your brain’s actionsYour brain wants you to stay safe, so it constantly scans for danger, discomfort, or emotional pain.If you have experienced emotional pain in the past, your mind remembers it and starts watching for patterns that might trigger similar feelings again.Anything unfamiliar can feel risky.Repeating old mistakes could lead to embarrassment, rejection, or shame.Your brain does not want that. So it leans towards what feels familiar, because familiarity feels safer than uncertainty.Your brain is not asking:“Does this thought make me happy?”It is asking:“Does this feel familiar?”When the voice gets loudThe voice often grows loudest at the very moment you begin to grow.Building confidence requires stepping outside your comfort zone, the place your brain believes is safest. Therefore, growth feels uncertain to the nervous system.So, it panics when:* You try something new.* Become more visible.* Set boundaries.* Speak honestly.* Risk judgement.This is often the moment when you might feel you are failing, but you are not; you are growing.The mistake people makePeople often believe they simply need to “think more positively.”When negative thoughts still arise, they assume they are doing something wrong.They think:* “I should be over this.”* “I’m going backwards.”* “Nothing is changing.”But progress does not come from blocking thoughts or pretending they are not there.Progress comes from awareness, noticing the pattern rather than automatically believing it.The real question is not:“How do I stop this criticism forever?”It is:“How do I respond differently when it appears?”Which is what we will begin exploring next week.Something to reflect on this week* When does your inner voice become loudest?* What situations seem to trigger old patterns most strongly?* Can you notice where your mind is trying to keep you safe through familiarity?* What changes when you stop seeing the thought as proof and start seeing it as conditioning?On Wednesday, 27 May, I will be holding a live workshop where we’ll explore how to begin responding differently to these thoughts in a way that builds genuine self-trust rather than fear. I hope you can make it.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

Our theme for May is negative self-talk. This is the first of four posts.Growing up, I firmly believed two things:* I was not clever.* I had nothing interesting to say.I have no idea exactly where or when these beliefs started. I thought I should be clever like my younger sister, and I was a shy introvert. Those feel like the starting points.After that, my brain seemed to collect “evidence” that these beliefs were true.Any time I was ignored, told to be quiet, or criticised, it counted as proof. Over time, those beliefs became part of who I was.Some memories are still so vivid they could have been yesterday, rather than over 50 years ago.* A teacher criticising my painting when I was about 10.* A friend of my uncle telling my father he “couldn’t get a word out of me,” prompting my father to say I had embarrassed him.* Freezing and being unable to say my lines in a classroom play, even when they were held up in front of me.Those moments were painful. And my mind decided they were good reasons to stay quiet and avoid taking risks.No matter how much I longed to be accepted, a voice in my head kept telling me I would never reach where I wanted to be, so why even try?For a long time, I believed that voice was telling me the truth.It sounded like me.It used my words.It knew exactly where to aim.“You’re not interesting enough.”“You’ve said too much.”“They don’t really want to hear from you.”It didn’t feel like a thought; it felt like a quiet knowing. For years, I thought this was just part of who I was. I thought it was guidance, so I listened.In a way, it was.What was really happening?As I built my confidence and self-trust, I noticed that these nasty comments were still playing out in my head.My confidence was improving, but whenever even something small went wrong, or I was slightly criticised, the same thoughts would be triggered. It felt like a lever was being pulled.You messed up because you are stupid.You never get things right.Don’t say that, you’ll sound boring.That was when I began to really hear how harsh the voice was.Why would I speak to myself like that?And then I realised something important.This voice wasn’t trying to hurt me.It was trying to protect me.Not in a calm or supportive way, but in a fast, automatic, deeply conditioned way.My brain recognised the feeling of being judged, dismissed, or not enough. The feelings it had learned in childhood.It had learned to pay close attention to anything uncomfortable and to try to prevent it from happening again.This is what the brain does.Over time, it builds a system designed to protect you.But that protection can start to sound like criticism.Why negative self-talk feels so convincingNegative self-talk isn’t random.It’s built from your memories, your experiences, and the meaning you gave to those moments.The voice feels familiar.You recognise the language.What it says feels true, so you don’t question it.You respond to it.You might:* Replay conversations in your head.* Second-guess what you said.* Hold back from trying anything new.* Try to get everything perfect.* Procrastinate and leave things unfinished.Not because you lack confidence, but because something within you is trying to keep you safe.This is the part that often gets missedPeople think they are failing because they can’t silence the voice.Trust me, this is not your failure.You’re responding exactly as your system has been trained to respond.It’s not the voice that is holding you back.The problem lies in how it is understood.When you believe that voice is you, you follow it without question.But when you begin to see it as something your mind has learned to do, something created to protect you, a small space opens.And in that space, something very important becomes possible.Awareness.You begin to notice the voice without immediately believing it.You hear the thought without letting it define you.You recognise the pattern without needing to fight it.A gentle place to startFor now, you don’t need to silence the voice.And you don’t need to force yourself to think positively.You only need to begin noticing.Over the next few days, see if you can become aware of when this voice shows up.There is no need to change or challenge it, just pay attention. You might be surprised by what you hear.Confidence begins to grow when you realise that not every thought you have needs to be followed.Something to reflect on this week* When does your inner voice feel the strongest or most convincing?* What does it tend to say to you most often?* Can you begin to notice what it might be trying to protect you from?* What changes, even slightly, when you observe the voice instead of immediately believing it?If negative self-talk is something you struggle with, we will be exploring it more deeply together in a live workshop later this month. Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

For the first half of my life, I needed people to understand and agree with me.I wanted to be sure my words were acceptable.If someone said, “I don’t agree,” it would have felt crushing.They didn’t even have to say it; I would always scan faces for permission to speak.We started April with a simple idea to explore:Confident communication naturally develops when you feel safe, grounded, and connected to yourself.My intention was to go beyond just improving your conversations. Because knowing how to have a great conversation doesn’t help if you feel anxious while you’re speaking, as I did.So instead, we explored something deeper:Why it can feel difficult to speak at all.For me, it was always the same fear.The fear that people would realise I wasn’t clever.That I wasn’t interesting.Beneath the surface, there was another question:Will they like me?My childhood belief that I was neither clever nor interesting held me back for a long time. Even now, it still surfaces at times. That familiar voice warns me of rejection when things don’t go as planned.The difference is that now I understand what is happening.Confident conversation comes from believing that what you say is enough. The other person is allowed to agree or disagree.You don’t have to explain your reasoning to make it acceptable.You can, if you choose to, but it’s no longer something you feel you have to do.And when you begin to trust yourself in that way, the message you give yourself is simple:I am enough.It’s not about always feeling at ease. It’s about knowing you don’t need to control the conversation.You just need to stay with yourself as it happens.The goal isn’t to remove discomfort; it’s to remain grounded while it’s there.Sometimes, simply pausing and taking a breath is enough to bring you back.Beneath the conversationBeneath everything we’ve explored this month, something deeper has been unfolding.This hasn’t really been about communication.It’s more about your relationship with yourself.When you begin to feel safe being yourself and start to trust that your words are enough, something shifts.Not just in how you communicate, but in how you live.The shift* You stop second-guessing everything you say.* You no longer feel the need to explain yourself so often.* You stay a little more grounded, even when things feel uncomfortable.And slowly, almost without noticing, you begin to feel more like yourself.You didn’t become a more confident version of yourself; you became more of you.For me, this didn’t happen overnight. Not even close.It was a quiet transformation. The change happened when I said something and didn’t replay it afterwards.In conversations where I didn’t feel the need to explain further. In silences when I didn’t rush to say more than needed.They were small changes, but they felt different because in those moments, I wasn’t trying to be someone else.I was simply allowing myself to be.Living in alignmentWhen you begin to trust yourself in how you speak, you start to trust yourself in other areas of your life as well.* In what you say yes to.* In what you say no to.* In how you show up.You stop shaping yourself to fit what you think others expect, and begin to live in a way that feels more natural. More natural and aligned.Self-confidence isn’t about becoming someone new.It’s about believing in who you already are.Something to reflect on this weekAfter following this series through April, take a moment to notice:* What has changed for me over the past few weeks?* Where do I feel a little more like myself?* Where am I still learning to trust myself?There’s no pressure to have this all figured out, because it isn’t something you achieve.It’s something you return to again and again.The theme for April has been confident communication, and this is the final post in the series. If you missed the other four, here are the links: Week 1 - I Thought I Needed More Confidence to Be InterestingWeek 2 - You Don’t Need Better Words, You Need More Self-TrustWeek 3 - Why We Over-Explain (And What It’s Really About)Week 4 - It’s Not the Conversation, It’s What Happens Inside YouIf you want to go deeper, consider upgrading to paid and joining The Confidence Circle.Confidence Matters by Sue Reid is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Our theme for May will be negative self-talk.See you then.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe