Canceling Comparison

In high school, I sat backstage during play rehearsal listening to some of the starring boys loudly criticize the girls performing on stage. Curious—and maybe a little bold—I joked, “Wow… I wonder what you’d be saying about me if I was up there.”Without hesitation, one of them answered: “What a big butt you have.”That moment gave me all the feels you would think a teen would feel. But it also helped me realize how easily we hand our confidence over to other people, especially when they are rude. In this episode, I unpack one of the most freeing questions I’ve ever asked myself:Why do I care what people like that think about me?We talk about:Why cruel opinions often reveal more about the speaker than the person being judgedHow comparison and insecurity lead people to tear others downThe lesson my mom taught me about understanding people without excusing harmful behaviorThe difference between someone having access to speak and having authority over your self-worthHow to stop giving influence to voices that don’t deserve itFrom high school rehearsals to social media comments to everyday comparisons, this episode is about learning to filter opinions instead of absorbing them.Because not everyone who speaks about you deserves space in your self-concept.

In this episode of Project Confidence, Kathie explores the powerful difference between being “bad” at something and simply being “new” at it. So often, we label ourselves too quickly when learning a new skill, and those labels shape whether we keep going or give up.Using a story about her daughter learning to rollerblade, Kathie shares how children naturally approach growth differently from adults. After falling over and over again, her daughter proudly announced, “I only fell like five times—I’m really good at this!” Instead of seeing mistakes as proof of failure, she saw them as part of learning.Kathie dives into how the language we use affects the brain, explaining why thoughts like “I’m bad at this” can trigger avoidance and shutdown, while “I’m new at this” keeps us open to curiosity, practice, and growth. She also shares how her daughter later broke her wrist rollerblading—but still got back out there with a cast and a new pair of wrist guards, adjusting instead of quitting.This episode is a reminder that confidence isn’t built by instantly succeeding. It’s built through repetition, small wins, resilience, and recognizing progress along the way. If you’ve been discouraged while learning something new, this conversation will help you shift your mindset, celebrate growth, and keep going.

In this episode of Project Confidence, we talk about how comparison can be difficult to recognize in ourselves because it doesn’t always look obvious. That’s why sometimes we need to start with the “O” in SOAR first—Observe the results. Comparison often reveals itself through jealousy, people-pleasing, perfectionism, insecurity, resentment, overthinking, or constantly feeling “behind” in life. These emotions and behaviors can act as red flags, signaling that comparison may be happening beneath the surface. Once we recognize those warning signs, we can go back and walk through the full SOAR process to help us move past comparison and replace it with healthier patterns that build confidence and contentment.

In this episode, I share a simple early morning moment of comparison I fell into, and how I got out of it. After waking before dawn to take my son to meet his orchestra bus for a long trip, I learned he had gotten up even earlier to fit in a run before leaving. My first thought was one many of us know well:“I could never do that.”But instead of staying in that comparison, I caught myself and asked a better question:What if someone else’s discipline isn’t meant to make us feel inadequate—what if it is meant to inspire us?In this episode, we talk about how quickly comparison can make us feel small, and how one small mental shift can turn someone else’s strengths into motivation for our own growth.If you have ever looked at someone else’s commitment, success, or talent and felt discouraged, this episode will help you learn how to turn that moment into inspiration instead.