Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

You can help your loved one make decisions by creating a safe space -- by listening, being genuinely interested in their perspective, being non-judgmental, and allowing them to slow things down to examine their own thinking. Avoid trying to fix things yourself, and assume that they're wise enough to know what they need. Your role is to help them make their own choices.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do you take care of yourself when there's a crisis with your loved  one? It's a process of changing how you think about yourself and your  role in the dynamic. If you can change how you think -- even for small  parts of the day -- it changes the dynamic with your loved one, allowing  them the freedom to look at themselves, and not just worry about how  they impact you. Laurie and Kayla share tips.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

In all our interactions with our loved one, it's important to be open  to conversation, and seek a way to be collaborative rather than making  demands. Our hosts discuss two listener questions, one about a partner  who wants a debit card back, and another about a friend who's picking  someone up from prison and wants to help continue their seeking of  sobriety.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Motivation drives change. How do you find motivation to change your part of the dynamic, and allow time and space for the process to unfold? It's okay to sometimes feel like maybe things aren't working, then get back on track. If you don't know how to change, Allies in Recovery offers a toolbox. As long as you stay interested and use the tools, things can change.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Radical acceptance involves understanding that much of what happens is out of your control, and using strategies to calm, distract, and soothe yourself. The goal is to avoid catastrophizing -- envisioning and preparing for the worst outcomes. Radical acceptance means letting go of what you can't control, experiencing feelings and pain, but without increasing agitation, reactivity, and suffering.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

If your loved one uses multiple substances, use the "functional analysis" to understand which substance to focus on first. Start small, by changing your own behavior in response to your loved one's use. Aim to shift over time. Study CRAFT modules 3, 5, and 6 closely to help make your plans.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

After any treatment, when someone is in early recovery, check your  expectations. Your loved one is likely in a fragile state,  uncomfortable, edgy, body wrecked after dependency, and disregulated  physically and emotionally. It's a time of transition, so have realistic  expectations. Be gentle, caring, and connected, not an inquisitor.  Connection is key.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

It's smart to avoid giving unsolicited advice. If you receive it, hold  your ground, knowing that you're dedicated to upholding the CRAFT model.  Consider telling the advice-giver to look into CRAFT to understand what  you're doing.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Guest Meme English, a former family therapist and consultant in the legal system, discusses family dynamics. When it comes to substance use, family dynamics are complicated. There are many layers of trauma, from generational to personal, and competing  needs among family members. Balancing all these factors and personal  situations means deciding whose needs get most clearly met. Trauma  therapy also requires time and commitment, and is harder to find since the pandemic.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Let's look at shame and negative thinking and discuss how to slow down, gain awareness, and soothe your system. Our hosts focus on the essential tool of empathy -- especially for yourself -- as a way to  understand what story you’re making up, and change that story by looking for the positive even in difficult moments.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Dominique shares a family’s question about a loved one who’s addressed the most pressing substance use. Should the family now focus on their loved one’s cannabis use? Our hosts discuss harm reduction and the role of the “functional analysis” in CRAFT to address such questions. The analysis involves reviewing what’s changed, patterns and dynamics, and making sure your own behaviors support reduction of use. These actions are subtle, and their subtlety makes them more effective. Even with multiple substances, they recommend addressing one at a time. The functional analysis should keep happening with different drugs, so that you know which behaviors to reward and which to walk away from. The Allies site includes cannabis resources discussing withdrawal and tolerance, and the more-concentrated form of use called “dabbing."The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Even when love is not conditional, there sometimes must be conditions regarding people’s behavior. Love in romantic relationships may change if you break up, but with family members, conditionality applies to behavior, not love. What we as family members can modify is how we react and our expectations. Conditionality goes back to boundary issues – there are edges someone comes to where they must stop what they’re doing. It’s important to note that wishing someone would go away is a normal, protective reaction to difficult feelings.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What do you do in those difficult moments when you feel ramped-up? Laurie and Kayla discuss strategies to back away and not go with the emotion of the moment.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What are the obstacles between knowing what to do and putting that knowledge into real practice? In part 1, our hosts focus on  avoiding a "crisis" response, and slowing events down to avoid being reactive.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Laurie and Kayla discuss change -- how to manage it, how quickly it can or can't happen, and how to focus your efforts.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

An overview of the first twelve weeks of CRAFT, discussing what it can accomplish quickly, and what becomes a lifetime practice.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

So what are boundaries, really? Who are they really for, and how do you use them well?The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do you address conflict? The Allies' team discusses several important de-escalation techniques to use when you're faced with an emerging conflict. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Dominique tells the story of a dad who sees his son's truck at a saloon. Not wanting the son to drive home intoxicated, dad uses an extra key to drive the truck home, parking it a block away. The son returns home intoxicated, ranting about his "stolen truck."  Dad stays silent while the son calls the police. They arrive and the intoxicated son rages. Dad tells police (but not the son) where the truck is.A listener says this whole scenario about dad parking truck away seems passive-aggressive, and asks what purpose was served. Was an enraged son the ultimate goal, so the police would arrest him?  Why did the father take no steps to alleviate his son's anxiety and anger? Wouldn't the CRAFT method say that when the son came home, he should see the truck in the driveway and get a brief explanation from dad on why it was there? Wouldn't the next day, when the son was sober and both parties more calm, be the time to discuss?The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

A continued discussion of families and treatment. Part one examined how the family can affect treatment and  vice-versa. Part two looks at the overall idea: taking care of yourself and observing your own boundaries, while asking how you might best add to treatment.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Laurie, Dominique, and Kayla discuss ideas about families and treatment, focusing particularly on how the family can affect treatment -- and vice-versa -- in part one of this two-part episode.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

A continued discussion of the CRAFT model in romantic relationships. In part 2, our hosts talk about practicing and using the tools of CRAFT in difficult moments to address not you  loved one's substance use, but the relationship-affecting behavior that happens with substance use.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How does the CRAFT model work in romantic relationships? In part one, our hosts say our job as loved ones is to get our  own needs met. First, we must figure out those needs and what we can do to meet them, then ask for help from our loved ones in specific, measurable ways.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What are the challenges of releasing yourself from feeling responsible for your loved one's behavior, as their parent or family member? This involves recognizing yourself as your own person, and allowing them the respect and dignity of having their own process.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Our hosts discuss the individual nature of the  term "recovery." They look at recovery as an evolution involving growth,  change, finding meaning, and finding ease. They say the best plan is to  respect people's processes, plant seeds when you can, and stay  interested in how your loved one defines the process for themselves.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

A look at CRAFT as the beginning of  treatment – as connection, openness, curiosity, and modeling change. Our hosts advocate focusing not on what your loved one does, but on case management, on researching available options to present when the time is  right. That leaves you free to work on changing the dynamic and going for connection.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

In many families, parents of children with substance abuse disorder are taking care of their grandchildren. Hosts Dominique, Laurie, and Kayla and guest Dr. Meme English discuss the complexities of a multigenerational dynamic, intergenerational trauma and substance use, the lack of resources for grandparents, and the need for people to connect to more support in these overwhelming circumstances and know that they’re not alone.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Addiction specialist Dr. Carl Erik Fisher discusses the effects of stress on the body, and shares some mindfulness techniques that are proven effective. Dr. Fisher and our hosts explain how mindfulness can help families in recovery achieve a sense of agency in their lives by allowing them more control over their emotions.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

It’s incredibly hard to have a Loved One who’s experiencing homelessness. Our hosts—Hazel, Kevin, and Greer—join Kayla Solomon to discuss their experiences with their Loved Ones and offer hard-won advice. They say it’s important to try to create an environment of openness, connection, and availability—up to a point. But it’s also important to have boundaries. If you’re not giving advice or intervening in ways your Loved One is not asking for, they get the life experience of their choices, but they also have loving connections available. When they’re ready, you’re ready to help them with a list of resources.Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted Loved One. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platform providing proven, research-based training, guidance, support and resources for families with a Loved One struggling with substance use. Alongside psychotherapist Kayla Solomon, they openly share their experiences, insights, and the CRAFT-based tools that have helped them shift the dynamic at home. The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do accumulated negative feelings and trauma impact you and your relationship with your loved one? How do you get past them, to a better place? In part, it's about breaking the contract of the usual interactions and cycles—learn to step back, re-assess, and let our loved ones handle things without so much of our intervening. Kayla and Dominique discus⁠s how that can be done.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

"This is not just a conflict resolution tool, it's about showing somebody that you're actually interested in what they're talking about," Kayla reminds us.Reflective listening involves two simultaneous mindsets—you're listening, and at the same time reflecting whatever your Loved One says. Our hosts weigh in on good strategies for dealing with the difficulty of inhabiting those simultaneous mindsets, including curiosity, interest, and separation.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Ever felt baffled or enraged by communicating with a loved one? Check out this popular episode from 2021, hosted by Kayla Solomon, Laurie MacDougall, and Isabel Cooney. What is "reflective listening?" How does it work? What are the benefits for you, and the person you're listening to? And why does Kayla believe in it so much that she'd use it if someone were pointing a gun at her?The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠.

When your Loved One is coming home, it's time to collaborate and negotiate about expectations and plans. It's important to hear what consequences they suggest for certain actions or inaction, and to keep communicating openly over time. This is a ripe moment to have a talk about the various possibilities and what might occur in the near future. This is a perfect timeto use the leverage you have (they want to come home, they are not currently using substances).The CRAFT model that we teach at alliesinrecovery.net is a therapeutic process that teaches us how to be in relationship. Shift your Loved One's trajectory with substances and recovery by shifting your own patterns.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠.

In part 2, Linda offers tools to help calm the parasympathetic nervous system. As Kayla says, it's part of gaining coherence, a prerequisite for connection. Linda Aber is a mother whose psychology journey deepened when she adopted two children from Russian orphanages. She is an Attachment Parent Coach, Certified Nurtured Heart® Approach Trainer, Certified Theraplay® Group Specialist, Certified HeartMath® Anxiety/Anger Reduction Practitioner and Family Life Educator CCFE. In part 1, she joins our hosts to discuss the parasympathetic nervous system, CRAFT, and parenting.Connect with Linda via ⁠Her website⁠ and ⁠her Facebook⁠.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠.

Linda Aber is a mother whose psychology journey deepened when she adopted two children from Russian orphanages. She is an Attachment Parent Coach, Certified Nurtured Heart® Approach Trainer, Certified Theraplay® Group Specialist, Certified HeartMath® Anxiety/Anger Reduction Practitioner and Family Life Educator CCFE. In part 1, she joins our hosts to discuss the parasympathetic nervous system, CRAFT, and parenting.Connect with Linda via Her website and her Facebook.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠Learn more here⁠. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠youtube channel⁠.

If you're forced to have limited contact, it can be hard to handle the unknown. It's important to learn how to be in contact in simple ways, and to calm your system down to respond well and strengthen the connection. Use humor; find ways to connect with who they are and what they like—reminding them of who they are becomes a bridge and connection. If you’re worried, learn how to communicate simply, without accusation or judgement.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.

We intend to be supportive and helpful and keep our Loved Ones safe. But our words aren’t always perceived that way. It’s important to become more aware of how we’re coming across, and to gain the tools to soften the message, hear when they feel upset, and shift things so that we can go back into connection. The result is building the relationship so things can come out more clearly, and the person can more readily receive our words if they choose to.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. (Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested.) • Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET • Email [email protected] to join or learn moreAllies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause." Learn more here. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtubechannel.

Presume you’ll have moments in a relationship that feel like gigantic rifts, or like uncomfortable separation and disconnect. That’s not a problem, but an opportunity to show that you’re changing and working on your part. Take full responsibility for your part, whether they do or not. Keep doing it over and over, so you become a safe person—the person who’s there when they decide they’re ready for more help.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. • Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET • Email [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested.)Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". Learn more here. During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our youtube channel.

Kayla asks the Families Speak podcasters to look back at their entire journey. Where did they begin this journey, where are they now, how would they describe their journey, what has changed, what have they learned? The family members who speak to you via the Families Speak series are people on a journey with Loved Ones who struggle with addiction and mental health. Listen to them as they reflect on the up’s, the down’s, and the learning curve of the Love Warriors path they’ve taken. What qualities have they cultivated throughout the journey, and what do we have to learn from them?** The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale. • Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET • Email [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.

Worry is universal, yet it’s also damaging to ourselves and our relationships. Suzanne aptly refers to the “chem trails” we put out when we’re in a state of anxiety-fear-worry. Jody remarks that worrying and the energy it gives off “is the biggest repellent… when I’m in that state, I am sending all the wrong signals out… .” She shares that realizing this was “one of the initial catalysts to say, I really need to work on this.” But how do we unlearn these ingrained habits and behaviors? The Families Speak co-hosts do a deep dive into worrying, and share their experience with worry as the parents of Loved Ones with substance use and mental health struggles. Hear how CRAFT helped them put new patterns into place.Read Isabel's 2018 post entitled "Does Worry Prove I Love You." https://alliesinrecovery.net/does-worrying-prove-i-love-you/** Starting in August of 2025, the support group that Kayla facilitates will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)  **In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.A membership at Allies in Recovery provides: ✔ A structured online platform to learn CRAFT skills step by step ✔ Support groups and a community that truly understands ✔ A Q&A blog with expert advice ✔ And much more! Start today—visit Allies in Recovery to begin creating change in your family.  

Are you a "YES person" or a "NO person?" According to Kayla, each of us has a tendency in one direction or the other. Find out what practice she recommends for "YES people" and why. But why is it so hard for so many of us to say "no" to people we love? Bridget, one of our co-hosts, admits that in her relationship with her Loved One, she used to operate from a place of fear. "I thought if I said 'no', I'd never see him again." Join us for a pertinent exploration of a laden subject. "YES" and "NO" often happen automatically for us, but what would start to shift for the better if we became more mindful of why we're answering that way?The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.

This topic came up organically when we came together to record and most of the team admitted they were in a strange place. We decided to explore just that – those moments when you realize you’re just not on your game (feeling off, disconnected, out of it, tired, not quite right… know what I mean?). Whether the cause is related to your Loved One’s substance use or mental health struggles, or any other stressor, how do you identify what you’re feeling, and move into a more balanced place? As always, the Families Speak team dives deep and shares in a generous, wise and pertinent manner.The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.

Words are important. But what may be even more important than words is the energy behind them. How do our body language, the tone of our voice, the thoughts we’re thinking, the feelings we’re feeling, and what we’re grappling with in any moment, affect things with others around us, for example with our Loved One? As we reorient and become more aware of our energy, it’s astounding what we’re able to heal in our relationships. Learn some simple ways to diffuse the tension and clean up your side of the street.** Starting in August of 2025, the support group that Kayla facilitates will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)  **In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.A membership at Allies in Recovery provides: ✔ A structured online platform to learn CRAFT skills step by step ✔ Support groups and a community that truly understands ✔ A Q&A blog with expert advice ✔ And much more! Start today—visit Allies in Recovery to begin creating change in your family.  

A message from Isabel Cooney about some podcast changes.** Starting in August, the support group that Kayla facilitates will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested) **At Allies in Recovery, we know that change starts with us. When we learn to self-regulate, it transforms our relationships with our Loved Ones struggling with addiction. Visit ⁠⁠Allies in Recovery⁠⁠ to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.

“Humor is a release,” insists Kayla Solomon. If you can laugh, the perceived danger dissipates. Co-host Suzanne shares, “Even in the face of total darkness, we can laugh at the insanity. I think the line between humor and tragedy is very, very fine indeed.”In this lighthearted episode, our team offers deep thoughts about humor, including how to access it… as well as some unexpected tips such as co-host Elizabeth’s “viking horns” recommendation. Find out which caveat Kayla warns about as you pursue your quest to bring more humor into your world.Starting in August, the support group that Kayla facilitates will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)In our FAMILIES Speak series, psychotherapist Kayla Solomon invites members from the support group she facilitates for Allies in Recovery to share their experiences navigating addiction in the family. These parents have faced similar struggles to so many others—but with Allies in Recovery, they’ve found a new way forward.

Those of us who’ve been learning and practicing CRAFT as taught by Allies in Recovery tend to agree: this stuff should be taught in schools! All parents should know about this! All humans would benefit!As co-host Kenny explains, “In this journey, I’ve come to understand that the CRAFT skillset is really about relationships, generally, as much as it is how you maintain or develop a relationship with someone who’s in the throes of a substance use disorder.”Not to mention, as Kayla points out, “It’s a massive growth opportunity for the person practicing it.” Practicing CRAFT in our daily lives not only heals relationships in general but also prepares us to act more skillfully with our struggling Loved Ones. Listen in and see if we convince you.Starting in August, the support group will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested)Alliesinrecovery.net

Isabel Cooney interviews her beloved colleague, Kayla Solomon. Kayla admits that when she was first trained in CRAFT, the 12-week framework of the method felt artificial — "It got stuck in my craw," she says. You'll hear the myriad ways that Kayla, through her work with families at Allies in Recovery, has tweaked and embellished the approach.Kayla Solomon, a regular co-host of this podcast, is a psychotherapist with broad experience in the world of addiction and recovery. She instigated the creation of the Allies support & skills training group for family members, and continues to facilitate this transformative group every week. ** Starting in August, the support group that Kayla facilitates will be offered on a sliding scale.Wednesdays at 6:30pm ETEmail [email protected] to join or learn more(Cost should not be a barrier— please reach out if you're interested) **At Allies in Recovery, we know that change starts with us. When we learn to self-regulate, it transforms our relationships with our Loved Ones struggling with addiction. Visit ⁠Allies in Recovery⁠ to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.

When accumulated trauma and worry have our anxiety levels running high, we are often in a place where we simply expect that (more) bad things are going to happen—even when, objectively, things seem to be going well. It can actually be just this, things going well, that feel so out of the ordinary that we assume it won’t last and start to live in a state of suspension. This in-between state prevents us from living in the moment, from celebrating even small successes or positive steps. Our team looks at how they’ve managed to combat this life-sucking tendency.At Allies in Recovery, we know that change starts with us. When we learn to self-regulate, it transforms our relationships with our loved ones struggling with addiction.A family member (whose loved one is currently in recovery for over a year) recently said this about joining Allies: “I would say, just do it! It’s like the Bible of Healing Ourselves. It truly has changed the way I look at people, the way I see the world.”Visit Allies in Recovery to start your new path towards healing addiction in your family.

Though designed for families to help shepherd Loved Ones into treatment and recovery, CRAFT turns out to be a versatile framework that you can use anywhere, with anyone. And since our relationship with our Self is foundational for all the rest, it’s only logical—essential, Kayla says—that we’d find ways to practice CRAFT on ourselves.Does this sound confusing and strange? Let our families explain how they've approached this. Our Families Speak series features a wonderful team of people navigating life with an addicted Loved One. They are all members of Allies in Recovery, an online platform providing proven, research-based training, guidance, support and resources for families with a Loved One struggling with substance use.Alongside psychotherapist Kayla Solomon, they openly share their experiences, insights, and the CRAFT-based tools that have helped them shift the dynamic at home.Join Allies in Recovery today to access expert guidance, support, and resources that help families create real change.

What are the pitfalls of comparing your story and situation to that of others? How do you live in the world where not everyone is experiencing or expecting substance use or mental health issues, where people more readily discuss their Loved Ones' celebrations, accomplishments, and milestones? Our co-hosts talk about their own frustrations with comparing their situations to those of others, and how they've learned to handle it over time. A membership at Allies in Recovery provides: ✔ A structured online platform to learn CRAFT skills step by step  ✔ Support groups and a community that truly understands  ✔ A Q&A blog with expert advice  ✔ And much more!Start today—visit ⁠Allies in Recovery⁠ to begin creating change in your family.