Here's A Guy

Welcome back for another episode of Here’s a Guy. We regret to inform you that this week is one of those nasty episodes. Even worse, it’s a good episode, so it’s not even one you can skip and feel ok about it, you kinda have to listen if you’re a true HaG-head. I feel obligated to let you know in advance and to prepare you as best as possible. Towards that end, I am not going to list off what I think are some of the most inherently nasty words. Here’s one: “gunk.” It so perfectly paints a picture of what it is. Another one is “smear.” There can be smears of something nice, but when you hear the word that isn’t what you think. I think of the time I thought my cat kicked some litter out of his box onto the floor and I went to sweep it up only to discover there was a soft turd in there. Some solid smearing action there. A word popularly thought of as nasty is “moist.” That one doesn’t bother me too much, because it makes me think of a piece of rich chocolate cake, or perhaps a well-made brownie. On the other hand, “discharge” makes me want to gag. Actually, now that I mention it, “gag” is pretty nasty in and of itself. One last one: “spew.” Ok, I think that sets the stage well enough. You are ready.We start off with a jumbo opening segment with a lot to talk about, including updates on three (!!!) former Guys, a preview of our upcoming Patreon project, and a special edition of “Am I Stupid?” We follow that up with a double pack of Guys, featuring a New Zealand woman’s inappropriate act of protest and the gruesome demise of a legendary train conductor.Josie Butler - 00:50:39Casey Jones - 01:13:10

GOOD MORNING you fucking bozo! Time to awaken youself from your SLUMBER and CRAWL out of your fucking bed to face this BEAUTIFUL fucking day! Guess what, there’s a NEW HERE’S A GUY right here ready for your fucking earholes! Time to get your SHIT pulled together and face whatever the FUCK life wants to throw at you all with a killer new EPISODE pumped straight into your BRAIN cavity! (A guy on twitch was watching this idiotic Tik Tok account where some AI of an old guy does what are supposed to be motivational speeches but really he’s just yelling at you intensely the whole time. I thought it was putrid but people seem to like it so we’re trying out something similar to get people fired up about Here’s a Guy. That’s why this one is like this, sorry.) You fucking listen to the SHIT out of that episode! STUFF those air pods into your ears and learn about some fucking GUYS! YEAH!The three motherfucking MUCHACHOS hosting this show (sorry, hard to turn it off) start things off with some in memoriums, then we have our annual MLB Draft All-Name Team. Finally, we discuss an old Scottish lady with a strange ailment, a Jeopardy contestant who fared quite poorly, and a lady who got too drunk and said something wildly illegal on live television.Jo Cameron - 00:51:26Patrick Pearce - 01:16:30Belinda Thorpe - 01:36:01

The World Cup is on, and it's a time for the international community to come together. At Here's a Guy, we strive to contribute to this spirit of unity. With that in mind we will be using this space to establish dialogue with our brothers and sisters across the world. In light of their win yesterday, we will begin with the French. Below, please find a message of unity in your native tongue:C'est quoi ce bordel que tu viens de dire sur moi, espèce de petite merde ? Sache que je suis sorti major de ma promo chez les Navy SEALs, que j'ai participé à de nombreux raids secrets contre Al-Qaïda et que je compte plus de 300 éliminations confirmées. Je suis entraîné à la guérilla et je suis le meilleur sniper de toutes les forces armées américaines. Tu n'es rien d'autre pour moi qu'une cible de plus. Je vais t'anéantir avec une précision jamais vue sur cette Terre, retiens bien ce que je te dis. Tu crois que tu peux t'en tirer après m'avoir sorti des conneries pareilles sur Internet ? Détrompe-toi, connard. En ce moment même, je contacte mon réseau secret d'espions à travers les États-Unis et ton adresse IP est en train d'être tracée ; alors prépare-toi à la tempête, vermine. La tempête qui va balayer cette petite vie pathétique que tu mènes. T'es un homme mort, gamin. Je peux être n'importe où, n'importe quand, et je peux te tuer de plus de sept cents manières différentes, rien qu'à mains nues. Non seulement je suis expert en combat au corps à corps, mais j'ai aussi accès à tout l'arsenal du Corps des Marines des États-Unis et je l'utiliserai sans retenue pour effacer ton cul minable de la surface du continent, espèce de petite merde. Si seulement tu avais su quelle terrible vengeance ton petit commentaire malin allait déclencher contre toi, tu aurais peut-être tenu ta putain de langue. Mais tu ne l'as pas fait, et maintenant tu en payes le prix, espèce d'abruti fini. Je vais te chier de la fureur dessus et tu vas te noyer dedans. T'es un homme mort, gamin. Sincerely, Here's a Guy.This week the full cast of hosts is back. We start by discussing summertime woes, poorly attended concerts, Fruit Stripe gum, and tank convoys. Then for our 3-pack of Guys, we have a contestant in a sadistic game show, a news anchor involved in several stupid controversies, and a legendary stunt from an unknown hacker.Lebo Babe - 00:33:40Melissa Mallet - 01:09:18Max Headroom Incident - 01:33:45

Sometimes you don't get it all right the first time. Sometimes you can only really know what the right thing to do or say is until a little bit of time has passed and you have a little more time to process everything. As great as a perfect gut reaction is, realistically, your brain is only working on limited information and hindered ability to contemplate. Just for example, sometimes you whiff a comeback to an insult and think of a better response later on. Sometimes you're playing a game and make the wrong maneuver that wouldn't have been your decision if you'd had more time to think it over. Or, who knows, just hypothetically, sometimes a podcast will have an episode naming convention of finding a remark said during the episode that sounds funny out of context, and when trying to decide the next episode name during post-production, thinks of a riff that would have been perfect at a particular part of the episode but nobody actually thought to say. And sometimes, when that happens, the person writing this will just say to hell with it and pick that hypothetical riff for the episode title anyway and absolutely dares anyone say anything to him about it. I'll take you down, you understand me? Just mind your business and enjoy the free podcast, geez.Alright, two man show this week with JackJohn off doing something else. We start with a very pleasant tier list featuring the best times of day during particular seasons. For our two pack of guys, we have a highly entertaining secret military unit and a hefty goalkeeper whose career ended with an unusual scandal.Ghost Army of WWII- 34:53Wayne Shaw- 49:44

This past week sports enthusiasts across the globe have been treated to one of the greatest tournaments in existence- the World Cup. Can you imagine a cup that big? You could drink hella beer out of that! The main reason that joke doesn't work is that you don't typically drink beer out of a "cup." Unless, of course, we're classifying "glasses" under the umbrella of "cups." I actually don't know where I stand on that. Is any sort of drinking vessel a cup? What about a chalice? That seems like its own thing. You don't typically drink beer out of a chalice either, although that seems like a really annoying bit that a reddit guy could try out if he wanted. When I think cup I usually think water or maybe milk, but those would make the joke sound wonky. People would think someone from Utah wrote it, if you catch my drift. I suppose the lesson is just not to try. It's an unwinnable joke proposition.As for the show, we have returned from our brief summer hiatus. After a roundup of everything they've been up to for the last couple weeks, the hosts discuss an unethical soccer goalie, a badass with a bagpipe, and a legendary Old West scumbag. Roberto Rojas - 00:44:57Jack Churchill - 01:08:52Ferd Patterson - 01:23:54

At Here's a Guy, we strive to make our content as accessible as possible. Thus far, we've received no complaints to the contrary, which means that we've either succeeded in this mission, our have failed so miserably that nobody is even capable of noticing. Who's to say, really. Either way, we feel like we can't be complacent. We want to make sure we're accessible even to languages that haven't been created yet. With that in mind, we offer the following message in a thus-far undiscovered tongue:  Florp magorp. Unga nua twizz. Goop bujeer, enoo enoo guffa gurbalis. Noof nynam, katta watta leegoo, noof nynam. Furk.This week we have a rare daytime recording, and the energy is off the charts (don't ask which charts). We discuss a NASA employee who did something really stupid to impress a chick, another nefarious graverobber, and a dedicated educationalist with an unfortunate legacy.Thad Roberts - 00:23:17Rufus Cantrell - 00:53:28Siegfried Englemann - 01:11:15

I’m not sure how good the quality of this episode description is going to be. I fucked up and now my tummy hurts. It doesn’t help that I had too many sweets today. There was a training thing at work that had donuts AND candy. I can’t just let that go. Or maybe it was the box lunch. It was a grilled chicken club sandwich, which seems pretty safe in theory, but catering pre-packaged sandwich meals can be diarrhea city in certain situations. Who knows what the underpinning was, but the final straw was that I just ate too much popcorn. Yes, with the olive oil drizzle, as discussed back in some other episode description. I also ate it too quickly- one of those things where it gave me hiccups afterward. I pigged out so bad it fucked up my diaphragm somehow. One of those things that seems indecent even entirely within the privacy of your own home. I should eat every evening treat like an ortolan bunting, where I have to cover my head with a cloth to hide my shame from God. Well, God isn’t real. But my wife might see. And that’s even worse.The guys return this week with plenty to say. They start with a discussion of the zoo, their favorite bands, and whether it’s good for your podcast to be kinda bad, plus they read some listener emails. For our patented Guys segment, we have a man at the center of an impressive bar fight, a prankster behind a famous mythological being, and a hostage situation with a hilarious conclusion.Hampton West - 00:39:58Ray Wallace - 01:05:28Amos Atkinson - 01:35:20

As of this morning, it's officially May. That means a lot of things "may" happen. You "may" be pleasantly surprised to get your little update that there's a new Here's a Guy. You "may" immediately rush over to the Spotify app and listen. You "may" be delighted at the fun stories and clever riffs. You "may" also be thinking that it seems like the show is running out of steam here in 2026. Well, you "may" be an asshole who needs to mind your own business. You "may" get visited by a friend of ours we like to call The Goon. You "may" get learned a lesson by the aforementioned Goon. But we "may" still need your listenership, so you "may" need to forgive us and let bygones be bygones.With Guest Madness finally concluded, it's the 3 usual hosts this week. They start off by discussing traffic tickets, sovereign citizens, Record Store Day, and the UFL. Then, for the famous Guys segment, they have a nepo baby who went berserk on a plane and a particularly gross petty criminal.Heather Cho - 00:54:30Deepak, The Potty Badmash - 01:41:32

Alright, I'm going to need to speed through this episode description. There's a storm roaring its way towards me outside and I'm starting to hear sirens. I'm not sure what's about to happen because I'm so laser-focused on churning out this description, and if I don't get it done in time, the hosts will punish me with "The Device" again. Hey, what did I just see go by the window? Was that a potting shed? Alright, I need to lock in. This week is the conclusion of Guest Madness, and we go out with a bang. Joining us after an astonishing 3-year hiatus is our good friend and diabolical former DM, Pookie. We talk about what we've been up to for the last 3 years, and of course, D&D. Then we discuss a soldier who refused to give up the fight despite having every reason to, and an adventure writer with a mixed legacy who got himself into some very weird situations. Alright, I got it. Now just to close this thing out, because I think I just saw a cow go by my window. Maybe it's just herding season- wait, I'm in the middle of the city, there aren't any AAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhHiroo Onoda- 45:40William Seabrook- 1:13:39

March Madness has now come to a close. We now enter what’s called April Insanity. That’s followed by May Mania, then, much less fun, June Dementia, and its aftermath, July Derangement. And don’t get me started on August Psychosis, let alone September Frenzy. October Hysteria is always a little harrowing. So is November Lunacy. December Delirium might be the worst of all. Sometimes January Hypomania makes it look practically quaint. February is completely normal.Well, although March Madness is over, Guest Madness has returned from its brief intermission. This week, we have our good friend Mitch the Peach, back after only a 6 month hiatus since his last appearance. First, we run down the completely insane slate of news in the couple weeks we’ve been gone. Then, we discuss a hobo with a crazy string of luck, the zaniest gang brawl of all time, and an incredibly irresponsible funeral parlor.Robert Evans - 00:52:56Toronto Circus Riot - 01:12:10Alexander Pinon - 01:34:59

Guest Madness rolls on with another one of our absolute favorites, John Fleming. And if you've paid any attention to the show in the seeming eternity that it's existed, you know that when John comes on the show, we'll be talking one thing and one thing only: baseball. Baseball comes in all types of forms. Major league baseball. Minor league baseball. College baseball. Little league baseball. Tee ball. The classic video game series "Backyard Baseball." Remember that game with all the quirky little kid characters? I remember enough to have takes about a handful of them. Pablo Sanchez? Goated. Khan brothers? Insanely rizzed out. Angela Delvecchio? A liability at the plate and on the basepaths but an ace pitcher (who the hell else can throw a wicked breaking pitch in both directions?). Dmitri Petrovich? Annoying geek but underrated player. Jorge Garcia? Bitch. Marky Dubois? Another pretty good pitcher but alarmingly inbred. I think there was like a set of twins or something too.We open up with a general discussion of the state of baseball and some other things. Then, JackJohn gets on his soapbox to provide us with a bonus monologue that provides for some intellectual enrichment. For our 3 baseball guys of 2026, we have a bold owner with a lot of outlandish ideas, the brother of a more famous player with a rather dubious distinction, and the rise and fall of a colorful old timey pitcher/champion hog caller.JackJohn Mystery Baseball Segment - 00:38:36Bill Veeck - 00:50:45Larry Yount - 01:24:17Pea Ridge Day - 02:17:55

Hello all, and welcome to hell. And by “hell,” I actually mean Guest Madness on Here’s a Guy. That lead-in is a bit misleading, considering hell, at least in the typical religious sense, is a bad thing. In fact, it’s somewhat the embodiment of bad things. Guest Madness, though? That’s good, very good. That does sort of render the comparison meaningless, but nobody’s perfect. Are you perfect? I didn’t think so.Guest Madness is a celebration of all the great friends and podcasting comrades we’ve made along the way. Leading things off, making his first ever appearance on Here’s a Guy, we’re honored to be joined by one of our podcasting idols, none other than Charles Star, aka Ugarles. After some cheerful opening merriment and some less cheerful bellyaching about sports, we have 3 more fascinating tales of Guys, featuring an accused pig thief’s adventures in court, a wrongly-institutionalized woman who achieved change by sticking up for herself, and a nerd with a really lame world record.Sam Hermens - 00:39:19Elizabeth Packard - 01:22:10Jeremy Harper - 01:47:15

We're officially in that real gross. slimy part of the year. Well, actually, I take that back. August is the slimy part of the year. This time of year is gross for other reasons. In particular, it's because tons of people get sick. Lots of sick people right now. And folks? I don't think that's very "sick." See, I used both the literal and colloquial meanings of a term, because that sort of linguistic interplay is often amusing. Wait, "linguistics?" Is that the study of linguine? If so, sign me up for class and give me a bowl!! You know what, I pushed my luck with that. It's too busy. And it doesn't even really connect to what I was saying before, even if the joke was good on the merits. The only good news is that I did manage to run the clock out on this bit. Now, time for the next paragraph.We're back, and we have some big announcements to make. Next month will feature a run of episodes with special guests, most of whom we're very excited about. For this week, we start off by drafting our favorite live albums. We also discuss what we would do if JackJohn died. Then, it's 3 tales of Guys, featuring a guy with some weird ideas that people are a little too accepting of, an old man who committed an incredibly 1990s type of crime, and an everyman who became a veritable magnet for discrimination.Live Album Draft - 00:14:55Frank Chu - 00:57:08Ben Perri - 01:24:45Sauntore Thomas - 01:46:43

zzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzzzzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzzzzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzzzzzzzzz honk shoo zzzzzzzhm? What are you doing here? I'm trying to sleep. Waking people up is rude. That is, unless there's a fire, or a tornado, or a burglar. Well, unless you're the burglar yourself. That's categorically rude, heads up notwithstanding. Wait a second, maybe you're not waking me up at all, maybe this is my dream. In that case, welcome. Thankfully, you caught me in a nice dream. Not one of those stress dreams, like where my cat runs away, or when I'm stuck on a bus with a district judge with a tornado approaching. It's a nice dream, where there's a brand new episode of Here's a Guy. That's a pleasant dream, like when your pet is flexing its feet and you can tell it's chasing rabbits.In this dream, the hosts start off with a riveting game of celebrity dead or alive. Then, it's 3 more Guys, featuring the strange experiment of turning a track star into a baseball player, a troubled merchant with some strange ideas, and a woman with some unique ideas involving asparagus.Herb Washington - 00:47:19James Tilly Matthews - 01:27:00Jemima Packington - 01:58:57

I'm really tired from a grueling evening in the podcasting mines. Instead of writing a pithy episode description, I'll outsource it out to someone else. Thankfully, my wife agreed to help. Her recommendation for an episode description goes as follows:"Slay queen! Diva the house boots."So there you go. Do I know what that means? Absolutely not. Do I know if it's even ok for me to say? Not particularly. In fact, I suspect it probably isn't. All I know is that my wife spends a lot of time on TikTok, so I assume it has to do with that. If you got a problem with that, you can email her with your complaints. Unfortunately, her email is also [email protected] JackJohn off on some godforsaken mission, the remaining two of us vamp about a number of topics, including geography, Kurt Vonnegut, reading graphic novels while stoned, and Muppets. For our Guys, we discuss an artist who did everything as obnoxiously as possible and the strange mystery of a housewife who went completely off the rails:Tehching Hsieh- 35:01Lori Erica Ruff- 1:02:05

I don't have a lot to say this week. In lieu of a rambling episode description, I'd like to debut the new lovable mascot for Here's a Guy. He's cute, he's cuddly, and there's nothing off-putting about him whatsoever. He'll be an instant mega hit with children, and parents will be buying heaps of the merchandise before you know it. Ok, here he is:⊂_ヽ　 ＼＼ Λ＿Λ　　 ＼(　ˇωˇ)　　  /　⌒　　/  へ＼　 / 　/　＼＼   ﾚ　ノ　　 ヽ_つ　 /　/ THE GUUUUYS　(　(ヽ　|　|、 \　| 丿 ＼　| |　　) / ノ )　　LﾉHm. Ok, I think maybe we didn't iron out quite all the details with him before we rolled him out. We'll get him back into the workshop, and in the meantime, please don't call the cops on us.It's a jumbo episode this week, leading off with an extended discussion about Vicks Vapo-Rub and another round of alignment charts for previous topics. This one has some of the true legends of the show, so you won't want to miss it. Then, it's 3 tales of Guys, featuring a self-proclaimed witch who failed to read the room, a kooky inventor’s vendetta against the car industry, and a cruise ship captain who did a very poor job managing a crisis.Alignment Chart Eps 11-20 - 00:12:54Ender Darling - 01:08:44Robert Kearns - 01:44:52Francesco Schettino - 02:20:41

Newspaper comics are going to be a focal point of this here episode. Not to sound like an old man making complaints on behalf of past old men, but the funnies are an experience that's been a bit lost to the sands of time. At one point, the entire nation woke up and not only read a newspaper, but chuckled along at the comics page. Can you imagine? For one, can you imagine everyone reading newspapers every day? Hell, can you imagine everyone being interested in learning anything? Actually, can you imagine everyone taking the time to do something enriching with their morning rather than housing a coffee and wolf down some lousy food while you marinate in dread? Were things actually always like, or were people back in the 80s eating one of those giant feasts from the "balanced breakfast" photos? It's hard to say. Well, I guess we all have bigger problems right now.One of everyone's favorites- a three man/two topic episode. We attempt to atone by catching up on listener emails then building a tier list of all the most famous newspaper funnies. Somehow, this takes well over an hour. Then, for our two Guys, we have an ancient mathematician with a bunch of weird ideas about jacking off and beans, and a man who figured out an inventive way to get out from under his mortgage payments.Comic Funnies Tier List - 00:19:59Pythagoras - 01:34:49Dunstan Low - 01:54:44

The calendar has at long last rolled over. We go from 2025 to...let me just check here...2026. During this time of year, everyone likes to take the opportunity to reflect back on the previous year to assess what we learned. For some, the answer is absolutely nothing, why even kid yourself. On the other hand, those people typically aren't introspective enough to do that type of reflection. Hell, those people may not even know what introspection is. Well, we here at the Here's a Guy episode descriptions prefer to be the former type of person instead of the latter. What did we learn in the episode descriptions? Well, we learned that complaints about the weather get a bit stale so we have to try something different. We learned that song parodies can kill some time, especially around the holidays. We learned that an AI parody can be funny but you probably don't want to push your luck since a lot of people actually do that nonsense. We learned that the old lore about someone being chained up and forced to write this has gotten a bit murky. Finally, this isn't entirely a new lesson, but we once again re-learned that you can pretty much say whatever here, because literally no one has ever said anything to us about it. For example: bumblescuzzballs. See? Nobody is even going to ask us what that means.Two man episode this week with Alex and JackJohn emerging from their holiday slumbers. They start by reflecting on their own personal Ws and Ls from 2025, as well as nominating their best and worst people of the year. For our two Guys, we have a woman who went on a terrible hike and the rise and fall of a guy who loves doing weird stunts in extreme cold."Poo Hole Janet" - 00:44:15Wim Hof - 01:08:10

Jingle BellsJackJohn SmellsCody Laid an EggSteve Lightfoot's vanBroke down againAnd Giuseppe got awayThank god we only did two December episodes. I don't think I have any more Christmas song parodies left in me. In any event, we're coming up on the best couple weeks of the year- Christmas and week, and post-Christmas week. Christmas week there's all sorts of merriment and joy, then post-Christmas week is the one week of the year where it's socially acceptable to not give a shit about anything. Minimal effort, just play with your new toys and watch football. That's what dreams are made of. I suppose it would be bad for society if it was like that all year. For example, we wouldn't have any of the goods and services we currently enjoy. Instead of "goods," they'd be more like "bads!" See, any other time of year I'd be ashamed of such a lousy pun, but it's Christmas time, so who gives a shit. You really gonna get all uptight about a bad pun? On Christmas? What are you, the Grinch? You gonna judge me with your big fat green ass?We've been off for a couple weeks, so we have a lot to cover. We start with a recap of Alex's trip to the emergency room, and the embarrassing health issue that prompted it. Then we run down all the insane stories from the world of football the last few weeks- there were a lot of them. Finally, we discuss the tragic story of a tennis official and an errant serve, a woman who loved vanishing for periods of time and not remembering what happened, and a medical student so unethical that it started a riot.Dick Wertheim - 00:46:23Hannah Upp - 01:11:14John Hicks - 01:28:58

Just hear those sleigh bells jinglingRing ting tingling tooCome on it’s lovely weatherFor Here’s a Guy together with youOutside the snow is fallingAnd friends are calling “yoo hoo”Come on it’s lovely weatherFor Here’s a Guy together with you(DISCLAIMER: Here’s a Guy does not recommend listening to our show for a romantic date)(DISCLAIMER 2: If you experience tingling while listening to Here’s a Guy please consult a doctor)(DISCLAIMER 3: Here’s a Guy’s December episodes frequently feature mass casualty events and/or penile mutilation and are therefore not recommended for upbeat sleigh rides)(DISCLAIMER 4: Please also consult a doctor if you hear your friends calling “yoo hoo,” as no one has called their friends like that since at least the 1960s)(DISCLAIMER 5: Please do not force horses to listen to Here’s a Guy; they’re gentle creatures and very intelligent. It’s bad enough that you’re making them haul your ass around in the cold, they don’t need to listen to 3 morons make genital-related puns for hours on end)It’s our first yuletide Here’s a Guy of 2025, and boy do we have a good one. We start off by recapping our Thanksgiving weekends, debating whether Christmas has better TV specials than Halloween, and making a huge announcement about our next Patreon review. We’re already dreading it! Then it’s 3 tales of Guys, featuring an especially wacky pet store owner, a man with a unique health problem involving his crotch, and a woman who went to jail for liking cheap foodstuffs too much.Benjamin Siegel - 00:25:53Malcolm Macdonald - 00:55:30Ashley Gabrielle Huff - 01:20:43

The overarching theme of this episode is being a nuisance. Bothering others for your own amusement. Taking pride in annoying people. These are things that we at Here's a Guy know nothing about. Perhaps another way of summing it up would be "mischief." And that's different than "Miss Chief," who I guess right now would be Taylor Swift. That's the only Taylor Swift related riff I'll be writing, because otherwise I'm concerned someone from the internet will come to my house and kill me. This reminds me, a woman I woman I knew in college is now a severely obsessive online Taylor Swift fan, and the other day one of her bizarre tweets showed up in my Facebook algorithm slop because a bunch of people were dunking on it. That's one of those weird crossover moments where you just put your phone down for a little while and move on like you never saw it- because, like, what can you really do with that information? It's not worth engaging in and it's not actionable in any way. Just one of those things that happens.In bigger news, this week we welcome our friend Mitch back to the show after 2 and a half freaking years! We discuss how things are going in Chicago, read a listener email, and give our thoughts on a judge getting in trouble for dressing like Elvis in court. Then, we discuss two legendary media pranksters and the series of turkeys terrorizing small towns in New England.Alan Abel- 33:03Jean Shepherd- 54:10Kevin the Turkey- 1:10:47

You know what, I don’t have time to write the episode description tonight. Thankfully, this is 2025. There’s an easy solution to needing a short text when you’re too lazy to actually put any effort in. For times like these, we outsource to AI. So, I reached out to an AI and asked it to write this for me. Here goes, hopefully it turns out ok:Hey everybody it’s me, I’m an AI. It stands for artificial intelligence. People ask me to make or write things, and then I process and output it for them. I think I base it off of information compiled from the internet or something like that. That’s probably why we have a bunch of ethical concerns. There’s also the issue that we use up a lot of energy and water that people need to survive, and usually people are just making little cartoons to amuse themselves. Inexplicably we’re getting forced into every workplace and service that exists. Hell, I might even take your lousy job eventually. I probably wouldn’t worry though. Ok, that’s all I have, thanks for having me.Wow, riveting stuff. This week we open up with a listener email, then JackJohn reads us a children’s story. For our 3 tales of Guys, we have a Frenchman who entered into a very bad contract, a surgeon with an interesting idea involving his butt, and a mining company that did something terrible to a ton of people.Andre-Francois Raffray - 00:29:09Nicholas Senn - 01:07:05Aurul SA / 2000 Baia Mare Incident - 01:27:45

Dusk! Three men gather into dark rooms to convene through a faintly glowing screen. The purpose of this nighttime communion is to revel in all things bizarre and macabre. As soon as they've completed this dastardly deed, they will unleash these foul tales upon the world, to all innocent uninitiated ears that will hear! Forsooth, such a depraved ritual has rarely ever been conceived before- to be exact, only 164 times until this very eve! No one can stop the fiendish madness that is...Here's a Guy! There, did that make amateur podcasting seem cool? Maybe I should have thrown something about listener engagement in there.For our grand finale of Mayhem Month, we lead off by discussing our Halloween plans, the Here's a Guy host meetup that happened this weekend, and an episode of Goosebumps that JackJohn was forced to watch. We also preview our new upcoming movie review, and yeah, it's gonna be an angry one. Then, it's three more tales of mayhem, featuring the bizarre reason an elderly man was murdered in his own home, a helicopter pilot who played it fast and loose with the rules, and a swarm of insects that fucked everything up so bad it changed the country forever.Theodore Edward Coneys - 00:35:33David Martz - 00:55:35The Locust Plague of 1874 - 01:21:21

Mayhem Month rolls on, and if there was a theme for how mayhem manifests in this particular episode, it’s gotta be fire. And we’re not just referencing zoomer lingo indicating this episode is high quality. Which it is. (Anton Chigurh nodding gif.) Also, we already tried the zoomer lingo bit for an episode description a few weeks ago. And how was the feedback? Well, we didn’t get any. We never do for the episode descriptions. Which, honestly, is fine with me. It lets them exist kind of in their own world, unremarked upon. That works better for the bit. The likely reality that we never get feedback because nobody reads the descriptions is not mutually exclusive with this. But anyway, the theme this week is fire, due to the happenings of the episode. Also, physics. And a weird amount of 80s references for some reason? Hopefully the fire part is enough to hook you. People like fire, even though, stereotypically, Halloween mainstay Frankenstein’s monster will ready tell you that fire bad. People like burning, though, look at how popular hot sauce is. Although I don’t know if capsaicin burn is actually the same thing as a heat burn. Those may be two different concepts. I haven’t thought that much about it, nor do I have any reason to.Anyway, for Week 3 of Mayhem Month, we start off with a round up of how our Octobers are going, because it’s nice to sometimes just catch up with good friends and share all the good things that happen in our lives. We then discuss a famous sex offender getting brutally killed in prison. For our famous Guys segment, we have an old lady who may or may not have exploded, a teenager whose unfortunate death set off a huge shitstorm, and a woman who earned a world record she probably never hoped for.Mary Reeser - 00:33:10Latasha Harlins - 01:07:01Betty Lou Oliver - 01:32:45

This past weekend I did one of my favorite chores of the year- putting out the Halloween decorations. And when I say chore, I mean that. It is a shitload of work- but not quite enough so burdensome that I can guilt my family into coming over and helping me, like I do with the Christmas decorations. But that makes me think- Halloween decorations are all pretty standard at this point. Skeletons, ghosts, draculas, pumpkins, etc etc. Has anyone tried to expand the concept of what Halloween decorations could be? For example, maybe if they focused on real-life horrors. Like a pumpkin-shaped bowl full of pamphlets on the alarming statistics on the carceral system, or a giant inflatable Slobodan Milosevic, or a motion-centered animatronic black cat in a little doctor’s outfit that tells passerby they have colon cancer. Wouldn’t that be cute? Then you could get all indignant about it when people get upset- oh, I thought Halloween was supposed to be about scary stuff? Are you saying The Butcher of the Balkans isn’t scary? Use some common sense. If you were trying to incite some sort of incident against you, that might be a good way of doing it.This week, JackJohn is back, and we begin with our long-anticipated wedding recap, a listener email, and the Mark Sanchez incident that feels like something one of us made up. Then it’s 3 more Mayhem Month stories, featuring a moron Japanese nationalist’s failed attempt at revenge against his mentor, a grocery store with a grizzly reputation, and a horrorcore rapper whose career ended when his life started resembling his lyricsMitsuyasu Maeno - 00:44:10Atlanta Murder Kroger - 01:15:05Big Lurch - 01:28:45

At long last, Mayhem Month is once again upon us. It's October, the King of Months. A time for beautiful weather, golden scenery, various apple and pumpkin-based products, and a celebration of all things creepy. During this special time, a number of strange creatures come out to play. We've all heard of these unusual beings, but as far as I can tell, nobody has ever performed the critically important task of ordering them into tiers. I will do so right now:S Tier: GoblinsA Tier: Ghouls, MonstersB Tier: Gremlins, Creepy-CrawliesC Tier: Things That Go Bump In the Night, DevilsD Tier: Fiends, DemonsShit Tier: SpiritsThese rankings are concrete and I will hear no debate otherwise. Now, onto important business.Just Alex and Cody this week. We start with a very special draft, where they build a roster of their favorite episodes of the the 1990s Goosebumps TV Show. Then it's our inaugural two Mayhem Month Guys of the season, featuring a serial killer with an interesting trial defense and an accused murderer with inconsistent attention to detail.Manuel Blanco Romasanta- 49:38Dr. Tomasz Kosowski- 1:27:02

Greetings. I’m writing this from 50 years in the future. I just wanted to let those of you in September 2025 know: 50 years from now, everything is the exact same. Like, almost to a T. Technology doesn’t really advance. Pop culture hasn’t evolved. But, society hasn’t collapsed or anything. Most people can still do whatever. It all looks the same as it does right now. So, you know, do with that what you will. Oh wait, there is one key difference. In about 2025ish, a horrible science experiment goes awry and contaminates the entire atmosphere of earth. Nobody died or was disfigured or anything like that. The only thing that happened is that everyone now has a thick, luscious, head of long red hair. Basically, we all have Kathy Griffin’s hair now. Even if you shave it off or try to re-style it, it immediately grows back to the exact length and style Kathy Griffin has. It never gets longer than that though. It’s just stuck like that for everyone. We had to re-think some things about the cultural beauty standard, but you sorta get used to it eventually. That’s the only thing I can think you need to know.With the benefit of hindsight, I can assure you that this episode of Here’s a Guy goes down in history as the 161st episode of Here’s a Guy. We start off with a listener email for the girls, a preview of Alex’s upcoming wedding, and recap some of the recent pre-wedding mishaps. Then it’s 3 tales of highly unfortunate Guys, featuring an ornithologist who got an odd retribution for his bad decision, a baseball player with a troubled personal life, and a war hero who dealt with a ton of misfortune (and bullets).Eugene Schieffelin - 00:39:52Andrew Toles - 01:10:15Charles D. Barger - 01:33:09

We noticed our demographics have been skewing older and older. That's probably because the hosts themselves are getting older and older? Two of them were in their 20s when this show started, now they're all geezers. In any event, the youths are a key demographic. They're brains aren't fully developed so they're easy to exploit for profit. The problem is that we don't understand anything zoomers do or say. We find them confusing and frankly terrifying. So instead, we hired some little twerp with broccoli hair to teach us zoomer lingo in an attempt to engage with a younger audience. Here we go:Time to spill the tea. This podcast Here's a Guy slaps! I just listened to this episode and I'm dead. The riffs are slay and the topics are bussin'. And the hosts? They got rizz. Lowkey, some might even say they're snacks. Their haters are cringe and big mad, and they need to hop off and take the L. I know it sounds like I'm dickriding, even bouncing on it, but it's true. If you think otherwise, you're sus. Skibidi (?). There, hopefully that'll help. You know, reading that back, I think we may have been pranked. Actually, this may have been a scam. Well, better luck next time.This week we start off with a couple listener emails and draft our favorite album opening tracks. Then it's 3 Guys, who for once, are all actually pretty cool. The first is a badass female engineer with a surprising relative, the second is an obstetrician with a unique idea for promoting premature infant care, the third is a young fellow who loved jumping off stuff a bit too much.Judith Love Cohen - 00:48:10Martin Couney - 01:08:55Sam Patch - 01:41:12

Welcome to Here's a Guy, the last podcast remaining that isn't just a couple of dingbats yammering about nothing in a suspiciously nice studio setup. Seriously, podcasting as a medium is in the toilet. It's all pivoted to video, and the setups all look the exact same. The content is largely mindless, or sometimes downright dangerous, and not even in a funny or interesting way. I don't know this for sure, but I suspect big companies took over the entire industry and made it like this. I remember like 5 years ago when the podcasting world's biggest issue was that it was over-saturated. What I wouldn't give for 100 shows desperately flailing for some kind of hook. Oh god, and don't get me started on celebrity podcasts. You already have everything you could ever want, you are so rich that you're completely insulated from real life and therefore unrelatable, your agent clearly told you to do this rather than organically coming from you having anything interesting to say. But we don't do that. We're just three randos looking up weird stuff and sharing it all with you for your amusement. Totally earnest, totally sincere, grinding out content entirely on our own without some big company backing us. Now, interestingly enough, we're also different from those shows in that we do not have any money, or a big following, or the respect of the general public. Hm, I wonder what that's all about.This week we close out the Pigskin Promenade (TM (not really (but please don't steal it))) with the NFL and college football All-Name Teams. Spoiler alert, there are some pretty surreal ones out there. Oh, and we also come up with our worst new character yet. Then it's a two-pack of Guys, featuring a PR executive who made a very bad tweet and a backup quarterback who attained hero status then did something really stupid.Justine Sacco - 01:01:55 Clint Longley - 01:31:52

Hmm, I’m having trouble thinking of something to talk about here. What do people do in these situations? Maybe a canned icebreaker topic, those are classic. Here’s one: What’s everyone’s favorite late night snack? This is especially relevant, since to have the energy to meet the grueling task of writing these descriptions, I am typically munching on a little something. It used to be Cheez-its, but lately since my tummy has been hurty I’ve been getting down on popcorn more often. I have an air popper, which is much healthier and tastier than the microwave bags. I season it up with some salt and a drizzle of olive oil, and if it’s not fresh out of the popper, I actually microwave it for about 15-20 seconds to make it pleasantly warm. Now that’s a delightful snack rich in fiber. Good old reliable popcorn- or, as some people say, “popping corn.” And by “some people” I mostly mean Orville Redenbacher in those old commercials. Fun fact about Orville Redenbacher, he died by drowning in his own hot tub. I’ve thought about discussing him on the show because of that, but that’s really the only interesting part. Outside of that, he’s just a guy who made a fortune selling popcorn. And then he died in a hot tub. What a life.This week the Pigskin Promenade continues with a prolonged discussion of JackJohn’s beloved(ish) Indianapolis Colts. We also read a listener email and give two very different in memoriums. Then, we have a referee who couldn’t stay out of controversy, an assistant football coach who also couldn’t stay out of controversy, and a tale of a spooky ship even more mysterious than most.Phil Luckett - 00:34:17Sal Alosi - 01:21:35SS Ourang Medan - 01:46:20

Ah, now here comes the part of the week where I decide whether or not the episode description will have anything to do with the actual subject matter of the episode. Sometimes it does, often it doesn't. Or, sometimes it's tangentially related but not entirely. Sometimes, it will even start off related then veer off into some other entirely different direction. Like a little mini adventure of sorts. Sometimes, the episode description is hardly even related to any subject matter, relevant or otherwise, and is merely an inane rambling to kill the space because I can't think of anything interesting to say. Who knows whether this is one of those times or not though. Listen, we recorded a day later than usual, I'm tired. It is odd how only the one extra day makes you so much more tired. You know, I have a good riff I could do on that, but we're out of space now. Perhaps next time!Two-man pod this week with JackJohn doing other stuff. We start things off with a sandwich-crime-related news update, then our own special little football preview wherein we make fun of the Cleveland Browns for awhile then remember some random players. For our two guys, we have the leader of the snootiest cult of all time, and the first in a series of football topics, this one being a high school player whose commitment ended up humiliating his entire hometown.James Bernard Schafer- 50:11Kevin Hart (not that one)- 1:22:06

Have you heard about this AI thing? It stands for “artificial intelligence.” Hey, my ex told me all my intelligence is artificial! For real though, AI is all the rage. Everywhere you look, everything is all AI this, AI that, AI, AI, AI. All I gotta say is, A, I could really use a cold beer! Well, that’s pretty much all I got. I was attempting a bit called “hack comedian attempts to riff on AI during an open mic,” but it really ran out of steam quickly. If it helps, imagine me wearing a teal tracksuit and the worst haircut you’ve ever seen. I also thought about doing a bit where I rattle of words that sound comforting for things that actually are comforting, but I couldn’t think of any other than “pillow” and “mumu.” Not every episode description can be a winner. Better luck next week I suppose.We start things off this episode with an opening segment we’re really excited about- we fit past Guys of the show into a classic D&D alignment chart. This week it’s the Guys of Episodes 1-10, hopefully more to come later. Then it’s our patented (not really) Guys segment, featuring a guy who did something really dumb for a PSA campaign, a guy who built a really interesting bicycle, and the chronic liar who invented multiple scam industries.Robert Craft - 01:19:52Charles Steinlauf - 01:46:25Napoleon Hill - 02:06:42

Ah, well, what do we talk about here. Griping about the weather is a good vamping topic, but we did that in the episode a bunch. We really try not to let the non-sequitur ramblings of the episode description overlap with the actual content of the show. We like to leave some things to surprise. For example, we also spend a bunch of time in this episode complaining about movies we don’t like. Unheard of! Maybe I can fill the space by complaining about a movie we didn’t get to. I don’t get into the Mission Impossible series the way other people do. Some of it is because I don’t like Tom Cruise. I know we’re supposed to separate the art from the artist, but he makes it really hard since his whole persona on-screen matches who he is off-screen. He practically oozes scientology out of his pores. I don’t get a lot of joy watching him go out there and do crazy stunts. There are plenty of brainless action flicks where I don’t have to look at his dumbass mug. He smiles like a villainous Hanna Barbera animal.Speaking movies with an obnoxious amount of sequels, this week we open up with a segment where we decide which of the gazillion movie and TV reboots/sequels coming out this year are good, bad, and whatever ideas. Our perfect taste will tell you all you need to do this movie season. Then it’s three tales of Guys, featuring an unsuccessful Bigfoot hoaxer, a huge dope’s idea for a flying car, and a super weird guy with a band that did something incredible.Randy Lee Tenley - 01:15:19Henry Smolinski - 01:31:42Clayton Counts - 01:56:22

Here’s a Guy is back in action, and it’s time to ROCK! I’ll be honest, I don’t actually know what that means. It may be one of those things that’s been lost to the sands of time. Maybe it made sense to ROCK in the 70s and 80s, but now that rock and roll music is not nearly the institution it was back then, the implied behavior is a lot less clear. It used to be sort of a catch-all to describe general debauchery- listening to loud music, indulging in some alcohol, making disrespectful remarks towards authority, etc. It was easier to conceptualize because you could just picture yourself doing the sorts of things KISS and Twisted Sister were doing in their music videos. Nowadays, rock stars are, like, Pop Evil and shit like that. What does that make “rocking” mean then? Wearing that one ugly ass brand of jeans with a v-neck that doesn’t quite fit and getting sloppy drunk at the fair? That’s certainly not what we’re trying to do here.We’re back on our regular schedule, and we begin by explaining what the fuck’s been going on lately. Then it’s three stories of very obnoxious guys, featuring a daredevil whose stunt went way too far, a 19th century Congressman who was a huge dick, and a bored soldier who did something insanely irresponsible to a major city.Trevor Jacob - 00:32:00Daniel E Sickles - 01:00:37Albert McFarland - 01:31:25

A little something different this week. With Alex (and his cat) both on the mend, Cody and Jack decided to bring you all a special treat that they've been warning- er, I mean, talking- about for a very long time. Live on Jack's twitch, they definitely ranked each of the unique cultural phenomena known as the "Punk Goes" series of albums. The Punk Goes series was sometimes good, sometimes terrible, but always relentlessly Myspace-y. In that way, it very much captured the spirit of Guyness, and is well within the crosshairs of this show. Spoiler alert- they have a LOT to say.Audio of this special event is now presented here on Spotify. For the full video replay, check out patreon.com/heresaguypod.

Uh, well, we're not sure what to do here. We walked down the corridors to the Here's a Guy dungeons where we imprison the horrid creature we ask to write the episode descriptions. This time, though, we couldn't get him to wake up and ramble off some nonsensical paragraph for us. We poked him with our sharpest stick and he's just lying there. It looks like there's some spittle pooled up by his head. I don't understand- he'll do this for a day or two sometimes, but always reacts to our coaxing, even if we have to get a little aggressive. Should we have not been purposefully ignoring the dietary needs he's been trying to inform us of since 2021? I don't know, that sounds like a bunch of woke bullshit to me. I guess for this week we have to write this off as a "no comment." Meanwhile we'll look for a local doctor with expertise in whatever sort of nasty pig creature this thing is. We're taking the bill out of his weekly carrion allotment though.Two man show this week- it was Cody's turn to have his city get hit by a tornado today! Alex and Jack discuss severe weather, hemorrhoids, Warped Tour, Avril Lavigne, odd local shows, and the extended Here's a Guy universe. Then it's two outrageous tales of Guys, featuring a racing prodigy who ruined his career with a photo op and an underground local band whose concert took a bizarre turn.

Ah, it’s Wednesday. A.k.a., the day after Tuesday. And some may say, it’s the day before Thursday. People call it the “hump day.” Why? That’s because Wednesday was invented by ancient mathematician Ahmed Kamel, who also invented the camel. Camels famously have humps. The characters of Joe Camel and the talking camel in that Geico commercial were directly inspired by Kamel, who has become associated with his namesake ungulate over time. However, this has become controversial, as the creators of these characters have been accused of whitewashing them. The creators have responded that actually the races of the anthropomorphic camels in question are never actually specified, which is a good point. That’s definitely true for the Geico commercial, although Joe Camel is supposed to be a greaser or something. Greasers are more stereotypically Italian-American, but then you risk stepping into the trap of making your own racist assumption to claim someone else is racist. Wait, what the hell am I talking about? This one really spiraled. I don’t even think any of that is real.Speaking of deranged screeds, we have some truly incredible brains on this episode. We start by discussing the downfall of good content on ESPN, plus we acknowledge what the hell happened at the end of the episode last week. Then we discuss a psychologist with some odd ideas about a chimp, a politician who got caught in a rather baffling scandal, and a guy with a lonely guy who found an unusual romance.Winthrop Kellogg - 00:41:34Douglas Stringfellow - 01:1138Akihiko Kondo - 01:39:43

Well, it’s our first episode back after our recent live episode. Hopefully we’re not too rusty. There does seem to be a bit of a “performance hangover” the next time you try to entertain after a big production. In this instance, I’m not really sure why, seeing as we had a two-week break and we only work kind of hard on the show to begin with. I’m tempted to blame it on aging, but maybe that’s just because that’s the big darkness currently looming over us. One of the big looming darknesses anyway, there are multiple (more on that in the opening segment). Aging does seem to revolve around developing different varieties of hangover though. For example, I had softball practice yesterday, and today it feels like my thighs have gone on strike against the rest of my body. I just walked up the stairs so rigidly that I looked like Torgo from Manos: The Hands of Fate. But that’s just the cost of living a full life; after all, we can’t just lie around and do nothing all the time. Or…can we? Hm. Much to think about.A lot of news to discuss in the opening segment, from tornadoes to several celebrity deaths to a prominent Chiefs fan getting sentenced to several decades in prison. Following that, it’s three tales of Guys, featuring an old-timey situation involving a mouse that’s so ridiculous we question whether it really happened, an eccentric old coot with a good idea to help his local penguin population, and a beloved comedian with a shocking final act.JackJohn Mystery Topic - 00:43:51Allan "Swampy" Marsh - 01:13:08Tommy Cooper - 01:34:57

Much to everyone's surprise/chagrin, we have lasted another 50 episodes. We celebrated this achievement, as is customary, with another edition of Here's a Guy Live over on Jack's twitch stream. If you didn't make it at the time, ask yourself, what the FUCK is wrong with you? Do you think you're better than us or something? Just kidding. We know some people are busy or don't know what a "twitch" is. Thank you to those of you who understand modern social media and also have nothing going on though, we appreciated the support. Thankfully, wherever you land, this episode will live on, here on Spotify, and over on our Patreon, where the far-more-gratifying accompanying video will drop later this week.A whole lot happens in these three-ish hours. First, JackJohn's much-anticipated review of the frozen salmon wellington he found at Aldi. We then have another HaG Rumble, this time featuring the best of characters from the last 50 episodes. Next, Alex discusses a completely insane entrepreneur who started a Garfield-themed restaurant (there is an accompanying power point presentation showing you what this food really looked like, in case you weren't already motivated to sub to the Patreon). Finally, Jack and Cody wrap things up with discussions of an engineer who went to a terrible dinner party and a music producer who got wrapped up in some really insane activities.HAG Rumble : 00:29:26Nathen Mazri - 01:01:27Benoit Savean - 02:11:04Phil Kaufman - 02:28:04

It’s May! Will this be a good month for us? Well, it may! It may get a lot warmer! We may get some cool storms! Our younger relatives may graduate! Hell, it may be with honors! Our moms may have a lovely Mother’s Day! We may grill out and drink beers on Memorial Day! The NBA and NHL playoffs may be in the thick of it! We may plant out gardens! Pools may open! It may be the best month of the entire year! May- the month where great things just “may!” Did you like that? That’s my pitch for an ad campaign around the month of May. I’m hoping I can sell that to whoever owns that IP for some extra weed money. Wait, you’re telling you can’t have a trademark on a month of the calendar? You can’t profit off of the mere concept of time? I thought this was Trump’s America.In any event, all 3 of us are back this week. We start off with a new segment entitled “JackJohn’s Cooking Corner” where we force JackJohn at gunpoint to explain what he’s been making in the kitchen lately. Then it’s three tales of Guys, featuring a total loser who pulled off a political assassination, a failed actor turned successful hoaxer, and a really old guy who met an unfortunate end trying to defend a lighthouse.Otoya Yamaguchi - 00:34:05George Jammal - 00:58:59Henry Hall - 01:36:23

Howdy, partners! I don't understand where that saying came from- did cowboys view their peers all as equals or something? That doesn't seem like their thing. Goddammit, no, I have to get through this bit I was trying to do. Ok, here goes. Howdy, partners! This episode of Here's a Guy is a real hootenanny! So, rustle up your friends, grab your spurs, and- hold on, I gotta go back to this "howdy partner" thing. Is there a phrase that's seemingly more counter to the spirit of the person it's stereotypically associated with? Cowboys are supposed to be the rugged tough guys of the West, yet their greeting is not only genteel, but kinda jokey. Of course, that's assuming that was a real phenomenon and not just something invented for spaghetti westerns. I friend told me that a married guy slid into her DMs using the opening line "howdy partner." Setting aside the immorality of what he was attempting, what kind of goofy-ass affair are you trying to have here with an opener like that? Who are you, Spongebob? Well, I think we're past the point where I can return to the Old West bit. Maybe for the better, honestly.Two-man pod this week, with JackJohn finding himself incapacitated. (Don't worry, we have the scoop on how!) We start by reading a listener email and discussing drunk guys in public, gimmick minor league baseball promotions, Tim Tebow, ghost hunters, and Weezer. Then for our two-pack of Guys, we have a wrongful murder conviction that incidentally caused another disaster and the least fun cult leader of all time.John Holloway- 45:45Father Divine- 1:17:56

Ah, baseball. An iconic sport full of iconic sights and sounds. The shine of the hardwood. The squeaking of sneakers. The gentle swish as a point guard drains a three. The smell of popcorn and hot dogs permeating through the stands (I think most sports actually serve the same general foods at the stadiums, so this one doesn’t really work). The athletes play 40-48 hard minutes, leaving their blood, sweat, and tears on the court. Only those who prevail earn the privilege of cutting down the nets. And that, folks? That’s what I like to call a real “touchdown.”Baseball season doesn’t only mean all those things. It also means that we have our friend John Fleming on for his annual appearance. Such is customary, as is us having a great time. We start off by discussing some non-baseball matters, such as Arthur and 9/11. This dovetails into a discussion of players who aren’t as good as we remember and JackJohn giving us the abbreviated history of Nick Castellanos and his tragic soothsaying powers. Finally, we have 3 baseball Guys to discuss, including a rookie whose infamous mistake earned an inappropriate nickname, a minor leaguer who pulled a legendary prank in his final game, and a big fat drunk guy who lied all the time.Nick Castellanos - 00:40:20Fred Merkle - 00:53:50Dave Bresnahan - 01:32:00David Wells - 02:30:29

You know a nice thing about having a lowbie podcast? The stakes are so low. You can try out all sorts of different bits, some of which may be extremely time-consuming, and there is little risk of putting a dent in your audience. Hell, you don't really even know whether people enjoy the bit or not. Why do I bring this up now? Oh, who knows. Apropos of nothing, with just Alex and JackJohn this week, we decided to bring you another Redneck Brawl Roundup. This time, we obtained the results (without having to actually watch it, mercifully) so Jack's predictions will be getting checked live and in real time. More fascinating characters have appeared for this edition, and if you want to see what they could possibly look like, check our Patreon soon. In the meantime, enjoy this and simply use your imagination- the more depraved, the better! Additionally, we have two Guys to discuss this week, including a man who suffered a tragic fate after an incredible amount of fair warning and a wrestler with a gimmick that aged poorly pretty much immediately.Redneck Brawl 9 Review - 00:03:35Walter Coty - 01:44:30George Gray - 02:09:52

I’m feeling a little bit tired this week, and the creative juices aren’t really flowing. Instead of writing a long rambling episode description, I’m going to list off a bunch of funny names for species of birds instead:Tufted titmouseBlue-footed boobyDickcisselWoodcockLittle bustardHorned screamerCommon shagBushtitHoary pufflegBubo buboJackass penguinThere, I think that killed enough time. This week we start with a listener email and discussion of the recent Texas Cheer Competition Riot. Then, for our iconic Guys segment, we have the most Wisconsin industrial disaster of all time, a classic Wild West swindler, and an old-timey wrestler involved in a ton of shenanigans that changed the business.Wisconsin Butter Flood - 00:27:39Soapy Smith - 00:55:02Ed "Strangler" Lewis - 01:19:20

Alright, recording ran a little late this week. As such, and also due to the fact that we’re geezers now, we’re a tad sleepy. Too sleepy to come up with a real meandering stream-of-consciousness episode description. Instead, we’ll be trying some methods of getting to sleep. You see, that’s one of the torturous aspects of being old, you feel tired all the time but still have trouble actually sleeping. I don’t know what causes that disconnect, or what that state is that exists somewhere in between. It’s like, brain, hello, you can fix your own problem here! In any event, the classic method is counting sheep. That’s one where I wonder how it originated. Why sheep? Is it because they’re white and soft and fluffy, thereby making them akin to a good pillow or bed sheets? For that matter, do sheep farmers, who must count their sheep on a regular basis as part of the normal operation of business, fall asleep on the job frequently? Or does the context of being part of business remove whatever quality makes it conducive to sleepiness in the first place? Perhaps someone should study that. Sleepology, that could be a thing. I imagine the early morning and mid-afternoon classes for that degree would be very challenging. Well, I think that just about takes up enough space to make it look right.We’re back from a week off, and have plenty to discuss, starting with a terrible event JackJohn attended, and a special RIP to an Adult Swim icon. Then, for our three guys, we have a presidential cabinet officer with a poor sense of humor, a man who had a very bad time on a cruise, and a football executive who was rather bad at his job.Earl Butz - 00:34:05James Michael Grimes - 01:17:18Matt Millen - 01:40:36

It’s late February, and love is in the air. It’s unusual that the supposed time of romance happens in February, the time of year where it’s the most dreary and miserable outside, not to mention, it’s just a stone’s throw away from the onset of spring, which is also treated as being a time of renewal, which the polite way of saying, it’s a-time for fuckin’. Now, that part is just a matter of vertebrate biology- animals often mate and have offspring in the spring months. My useless speculation is that they evolved this tendency because it maximizes the period of time for a juvenile animal to be in warm weather, since juvenile animals are more vulnerable to the cold, and because there are more plants abound to feed the food chain. Despite that established science, they stuck Valentine’s Day in February. Supposedly it’s related to some historic thingamajig, but who cares? Christ wasn’t even born on December 25th but they stuck Christmas there anyway because that’s when it made sense to do it. It doesn’t matter. I love when people say that Valentine’s Day and other holidays exist and are spread out just to sell candy and gifts. It’s like, yeah, no shit, why are you upset about that? Candy and gifts are great, and at the moment, the production and sale of goods drives the economy. Maybe someday after the revolution it’ll be different, but I don’t think that’s happening any time soon. Hell, I’ll just be eating my various Reese’s shapes over here.A slightly better-adjusted episode this week, but of course, all things are relative. We start with a record (I think) 3 listener emails! Then it’s 3 more gripping stories, featuring a rather creative con man, a thief with an extremely poorly-thought out plan, and a goose with a love story that made him an inspiration for an entire country.Alan Conway - 00:27:36William Nesbit - 00:52:23Thomas the Goose - 01:12:24

Look. You can’t always be proud of what you create. That’s a whole part of this “creator space” that irks me. Well, other than the concept of a “creator space” to begin with. Or really, the overuse of the term “space” in modern parlance altogether. I’m not sure where that came from, if it’s a therapy-speak thing or what- but I suspect it’s something like that where complaining about it makes me an asshole. Since the complaint is entirely petty, perhaps that’s not a bad thing, incentives-wise. My point is, not everything you create is a work of art and/or worthy of respect just because you put the effort in. I also drank a couple hazy IPAs with a bit higher than ABV I expected, so I’m meandering a bit. There’s that too. And on a weeknight, at that! Back to my original point: not every “creation” of the respective “creator” inherently deserves your respect- case in point, this podcast episode. Don’t get me wrong, the episode is really good. Maybe our best offering of the young year so far. That being said, if you find it a respectable piece of media, there is something wrong with you. Both of those things can be true. Every now and then, it’s good to hop on the mic and slip back into the state of being 13 years old again. Therein is where we get this episode.It starts off normally enough, with discussions of the goddamn weather, JackJohn being sick, folksy idioms, and a viral story that may or may not be fake. But then, 3 completely batshit tales of Guys, featuring a woman whose LSD-fueled experiments with dolphins went a bit too far, a classic British writer with a very funny invention, and a guy with the worst first day at work of all time.Margaret Howe Lovatt - 00:32:48Sir John Harington - 01:12:07Ben Sliney - 01:38:07

Despite all my rage, I am still just a Guy in a cage. One of our most tenuous ones yet. Also kinda stripping everything of interest out of the original line, which involves rats. A “rat in a cage” invokes a certain image of helplessness that a “guy in a cage” doesn’t really. Although, maybe it should. Mass incarceration is a significant issue, and drives a lot of other societal ills, with little pushback to the widespread dehumanization. On the other hand, boiling down the individuals caught up in this web of perpetual misery to “guys” would be perhaps reductive to the point of being offensive. And we’re too nice for something like that. Some have even called us “the internet’s nice boys.” It was probably meant to be demeaning though. Where am I? Another episode that ran a bit long- oops! The reason is that, after another listener email, we have our first ever “Cigarette Hour” wherein we smoke some figurative cigarettes to commemorate our many enemies being vanquished at the Super Bowl. No, YOU’RE pathetic! Then it’s 3 intriguing tales of Guys, featuring a legendary boxer with a confused legacy, a particularly unethical psychologist, and an 18th century Englishman with a homemade submarine.Max Baer - 00:55:31John B Watson - 01:25:42John Day - 01:50:43

Folks, this episode, we’re a little bummed. Bummed about life, bummed about the world, bummed about it being winter, just bummed. I think some guys prefer being boobed! I don’t know if that really tracks. And honestly, it’s pretty inappropriate even if it does. Just a piss-poor effort all around. Where does the terminology of “bummed” come from? Does it derive from the derogatory term of “bum” for an unhoused person down on their luck? Because there’s nothing funny about that. On the other hand, I suppose it wasn’t really meant to be. If my head was completely empty and I had no regard for life or anything else, this is the kind of thing I may ask AI about. Thankfully, that isn’t what one of my problems is. I guess that’s one of life’s little consolation prizes- even on a bad self-esteem day, there are always some of those guys hanging around for you to take solace in not being. Speaking of despicable people and situations, we have a blend of both this episode. First we discuss a woman who stood bravely in the face of life shitting on her repeatedly, a notorious dog handler/con artist, and a military general a little too brazen for his own good. Josefina Guerrero - 00:30:20John Melvin Preston - 00:58:10Chang Hsueh-Iiang - 01:35:51

This episode is something a little bit closer to normal, unlike last week where we talked about a bunch of rednecks for like an hour straight. No, this week, it’s just the three usual rednecks hosting the show! Actually, it’s not really accurate to call them rednecks. That’s more of a set of cultural affectations that the hosts don’t display any of. It would be more accurate to describe them as hicks. After all, they’re all from rural middle America and are only moderately cultured. “Redneck” is something else though- more a descriptor of a set of behaviors and a particular sense of style. I wonder if there has ever been an anthropological study about what signifies a “redneck” or “hick” as opposed to any other rural person. Probably not, because I can’t imagine why any anthropologist would waste their time on something as pointless as that. I’m not saying anthropologists are the busiest people in the world- I mean, I never see them out and about studying things- but they probably have something useful to do. We’re not bumpkins, though. We’re not stupid enough to fit the mold of that particular term. We almost are, but not quite. This week we read a listener email redemption and talk about the best Simpsons episodes. Then, it’s back to our customary 3-pack of Guys, featuring a priest with some unusual hobbies, a confectioner with questionable professional ethics, and a criminal who found a brazen way to get out of jail. Abbe Faria - 00:41:23William Hardaker - 01:03:52William Sharkey - 01:30:16