How To Be a Terrible Daughter

In this episode, we take the blueprint of the narcissistic family and lay it over the systems we're living inside. And unfortunately, the overlay lines up. We talk about how the tactics you survived as a child didn't disappear. They just scaled. The gaslighting got institutional. The blame got bureaucratic. The punishment became policy. Same dynamics, now with a PR team. If you grew up being told your pain was an overreaction, your needs were excuses, and your limits were character flaws, you might feel an unsettling familiarity in the way our current systems operate. The messaging is almost identical, just delivered through HR departments and press conferences. We unpack structural gaslighting and how "personal responsibility" often functions as a marketing strategy. When healthcare collapses, wages stagnate, childcare is unaffordable, and public services are gutted, the narrative somehow lands back on you. If you just budgeted better. If you just worked harder. If you just optimized your morning routine. We look at how the system rewards people who were effectively born near the finish line and then holds them up as proof the marathon is fair. Success stories become evidence that the structure works, while everyone struggling is framed as defective. We talk about how the word "excuse" has been weaponized. A lot of what gets labeled an excuse is actually a nervous system limit. A disability. A lack of access. A biological need. Food, shelter, rest, safety, healthcare. These are not indulgences. They are baseline requirements for being human. And yet, the system trains us to override our own pain to keep performing. To disconnect from burnout. To ignore chronic stress. To treat exhaustion as weakness instead of information. We also get into how narcissistic systems create trauma bonds at scale. You are harmed by the system and told it's your only source of stability. You are exploited and told to be grateful. You are surveilled and told it's for your safety. Dependency plus harm equals confusion. Confusion plus hope equals loyalty. And that's how it sustains itself. Once you see the pattern, it stops feeling personal. It starts feeling systemic. And that shift changes everything. And with that, we're closing out Season 3 of How to Be a Terrible Daughter. As always, thank you for joining us here on the podcast and please do keep in touch while we take this short break! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!     Want to know more about Megan's trauma informed healing work? Find out here: www.megancaper.com Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE!   Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!       What We Cover In This Episode:  How narcissistic parent tactics scale up into the systems we live in today. [1:40] Structural gaslighting and the reasons "personal responsibility" is often just a fancy marketing term for shifting the blame of systemic failures [13:49] Why "excuses" are actually valid needs, and how the system trains us to ignore our own pain [29:57] The ways in which systemic narcissism rewards those people who were born on "Mile 24" of this marathon we're running [29:08] How systemic narcissism results trauma bonding at scale and the terrifying costs associated with it [41:39] Why narcissistic and sociopathic traits are ultimately rewarded and reinforced in the C-suite [46:02]  How financial freedom and the "Rich Auntie" aspirational pivot threaten patriarchal control [48:49] A "live triggering" moment as we share experiences of us accepting help and being proud of ourselves  [54:06] An update on what's next for this podcast as we shift into break mode and how you can still stay involved with the show during this time [59:39]   Links & Resources:   029: Systemic Narcissism Part 1  027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy Stanford Prison Experiment Therapy Jeff's Video on Pam Bondi  Kate Bornstein Rest As Resistance (The Nap Ministry) Check Out Our New Etsy Shop (and Get Your Very Own "Former Scapegoat" and "Former Golden Child" Merch!) Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok    

In this episode, we zoom out. Way out. We take everything we've learned about narcissistic family systems and scale it up. Because once you see it, you can't unsee it. The same patterns that shaped your childhood might also be shaping your workplace, your healthcare system, your government, your church, your economy. Fun! We talk about how narcissistic abuse doesn't just live in individual homes. It thrives in systems. It institutionalizes itself. It gets rebranded as "policy," "tradition," "meritocracy," "family values," "the free market," "God's will," and occasionally "corporate culture." And for those of us who grew up in it, there's a particular kind of vertigo in realizing the larger world feels… eerily familiar. We break down what defines a narcissistic system: constant extraction, rigid hierarchy, zero accountability, and an intense hostility toward anyone who names reality. These systems cannot tolerate dissent. They punish whistleblowers. They reframe harm as strength. They protect power at all costs. Sound familiar? We explore how societal structures replicate the Golden Child and Scapegoat dynamic. The Golden Child success story becomes propaganda. The exceptional one who "made it" is held up as proof the system works. Meanwhile, marginalized communities are forced into the Scapegoat role, absorbing blame for structural failures they did not create. We talk about how the "Productive vs. Lazy" binary functions as moral control. You are only valuable if you produce. If you rest, if you get sick, if you burn out, if you need support, you have committed the biological crime of having limits. The system would prefer you not have those. We look at how people are treated as disposable units of labor rather than human beings with dignity, nervous systems, and actual needs. You are replaceable. You are measurable. You are profitable. But you are not meant to be whole. We unpack the underfunding-and-blame cycle, where institutions are deliberately weakened and then individuals are shamed for not thriving inside broken structures. It's the societal version of breaking your legs and asking why you're not winning marathons. We also talk about facades. The "corporate family." The "God loves you" messaging. The patriotic speeches about freedom and opportunity. Narcissistic systems are masters of branding. The rhetoric says care. The behavior says control. And underneath it all is rage. The same kind of rage you saw in your parent when you challenged them. The rage that comes when power is questioned. We close by talking about what we jokingly call Anarchist Calisthenics. Tiny acts of agency. Micro-rebellions. Strengthening the muscle that says, "Actually, no." Reclaiming independent thought. Reclaiming discernment. Reclaiming your right to reality. Because when you grew up in narcissistic systems, spotting them in the wild is not paranoia. It's pattern recognition. And if you're feeling angry listening to this one, good. That might just be your nervous system remembering what dignity feels like. As always, thank you for joining us here on the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!    Want to know more about Megan's trauma informed healing work? Find out here: www.megancaper.com Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE!   Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!       What We Cover In This Episode:  The ways in which narcissistic patterns have scaled up from our childhood homes into our societal, cultural, and economic systems [2:03] How to identify a narcissistic system by looking for constant extraction, zero accountability, and the punishment of anyone who names reality [7:48] Why the system props up "Golden Child" success stories as propaganda while forcing marginalized scapegoats to absorb all the blame [12:40] How the "Productive vs. Lazy" binary is used to make you feel worthless for the biological "crime" of just existing and breathing [21:42] What the current system does to treat individuals as a "disposable unit of labor" rather than a human being with dignity and needs [26:03] Why it also "breaks your legs" through underfunding and then blames your personal character when you can't run the marathon [33:41]  How to look beyond the "God loves you" or "Corporate family" facade to see the underlying narcissistic rage and control [49:52] The real reason we are skipping the "Crazy Mom Off" this week to dive into the enraging and absurd reality of systemic failures [51:55] A final reminder to flex your rebellion muscle using "Anarchist Calisthenics" to reclaim your agency and independent action [52:27]  Links & Resources:    027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy Anarchist Calisthenics: Flexing the Muscles of Critical Thought (Medium) Check Out Our New Etsy Shop (and Get Your Very Own "Former Scapegoat" and "Former Golden Child" Merch!) Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok     

Not all narcissists look the same. Some are loud, shiny, and aggressively self-impressed, others are quiet, aggrieved, and somehow still manage to make every situation about themselves. In this episode, we break down both the obvious and the sneakier versions, from the classic grandiose type to the subtler subtypes that operate under the radar while quietly running the entire emotional economy of the family. We also move into the darker end of the pool, including family dynamics where cruelty isn't a side effect but a feature. We talk about what happens when narcissism overlaps with traits like paranoia and sadism, and why some parents seem to genuinely enjoy watching their child squirm. We unpack the subtype that renders a child effectively invisible unless they are actively serving the parent's immediate needs, and how growing up that way trains you to disappear with impressive efficiency. Along the way, we share more unhinged "Crazy Mom Offs," including a no-win gift situation and Megan's deeply uncomfortable lunch from hell, which somehow managed to be both polite and emotionally violent. We also talk about what it really takes to close loopholes in boundaries when you're done negotiating with people who treat rules like a fun intellectual challenge, and what finding real community can look like after years of being told you were unlikeable. Dark, validating, and a little too familiar, this episode connects a lot of uncomfortable dots you were probably trained not to look at too closely. Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!     Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE!   Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!      What We Cover In This Episode: Why it's vital to discuss the "flavors" of narcissism that aren't as obvious as the typical aggrandizing version [1:46] We defining the "Grandiose Narcissist", and how this person is the  "vanilla" type of narcissist [5:09] Introducing the "Covert/Professional Victim" subtype that uses hypersensitivity and victimhood as a way to remain the center of attention [8:15] How the "Dark Triad" combination of psychopathy, sadism, and paranoia creates a truly dangerous family dynamic [14:11] The specific subtype that renders the child "invisible" unless they are actively serving the parent's immediate needs [29:11] More unbelievable "Crazy Mom Offs": A no-win gift giving situation and Megan's incredibly uncomfortable "lunch from hell" [32:47] Elizabeth's incredibly powerful tool of closing loopholes on boundaries and what Megan has done in her new home city to find true community while overcoming years of being told she was unlikeable by her mother [43:45]    Links & Resources:   Amsterdam Society of Feral Women - Email Megan for an Invite!  027: Brother, Sister, Soldier, Spy Check Out Our New Etsy Shop (and Get Your Very Own ""Stay Sane, Stay Terrible" Merch!) Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok  

In this episode, we break down the strange and rigid logic of narcissistic family systems and the roles children are quietly forced into just to keep things from blowing up. We talk about how these identities get assigned early, why they stick so stubbornly into adulthood, and how sibling relationships often carry more tension, confusion, and grief than anyone wants to admit. Some roles absorb blame, some are rewarded at a steep emotional cost, and none of them are accidental. We also get into the ways narcissistic parents actively prevent siblings from forming real alliances, often by triangulating, misrepresenting intentions, and keeping everyone just slightly off balance. The result is that closeness feels dangerous, loyalty feels conditional, and sometimes a sibling grows up to mirror the very behavior that caused the harm in the first place. We talk honestly about how devastating that realization can be and why distance is sometimes the only sane option, even when it hurts. And yes, there is another Crazy Mom Off. This time it features a dramatic reading of a listener-submitted "apology poem," which is… an experience. We lovingly dissect the emotional gymnastics, the weaponized self-blame, and the truly Olympic-level guilt deployment, all while asking the eternal question: how does someone write this many words and still not apologize for anything? We also touch on what it looks like to build real connection outside the family system, including how Megan has been finding community and grounding in a brand-new country. Darkly funny, painfully familiar, and a little too accurate, this episode pulls back the curtain on dynamics that are usually kept quietly in place. Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!      Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with such more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE!    Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!       What We Cover In This Episode:  The importance for us to sett ethical boundaries when sharing family stories and how to protect the privacy of living relatives who are not narcissists [3:01]  Why children in dysfunctional families are forced to "accept the script" and play specific roles just to maintain a sense of safety and reduce household chaos [5:52]  Introducing the "Scapegoat" and the reasons that this sibling is unfairly assigned all the shame and criticism within the family unit [7:15]  The hidden burden of the "Golden Child" and the high-pressure pedestal they are placed on [9:40]   A specific concept the explains how narcissists use a third person to alleviate pressure and create wedges that prevent siblings from forming authentic bond [18:55]  The heartbreaking reality of siblings who follow in the abuser's footsteps, making a healthy adult relationship nearly impossible [26:13]  Another "Crazy Mom Off" story which includes a dramatic reading and breakdown of a listener's "apology poem" [32:45]  A powerful tool which allows you to create a mental character that provides the perfect, unconditional love that was missing during childhood [44:32]   The way that Megan has harnessed the power of community in the brand-new country she now lives in [47:10]     Links & Resources:    Encanto (2021)   Check Out Our New Etsy Shop (and Get Your Very Own "Former Golden Child" and "Former Scapegoat" Merch!)  Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok   

In this episode, we introduce the idea of Good Parent Messages, the kinds of emotionally regulating, grounding messages children are meant to receive as they grow. Not grand praise or vague affection, but specific, steady signals of safety, welcome, and attunement. We talk about how children of narcissistic parents often grow up without these emotional nutrients, and how the absence doesn't just hurt in the moment. It quietly reshapes what love feels like in the body. When the nervous system never learns what healthy care actually feels like, even genuine love later on can register as confusing, suspicious, or overwhelming.  We also explore what happens developmentally when a child starts to separate, usually around elementary school, and suddenly becomes a "threat" instead of an extension. That's often when warmth gets pulled, approval becomes conditional, and love turns performative or transactional. From there, we unpack fragmentation, that disorienting experience of feeling scattered, frozen, or not fully present in everyday situations because old emotional wounds are being activated. Elizabeth shares a deeply personal moment of insight around receiving love without obligation, and we connect that realization to why so many terrible children struggle to let care land even when it's safe.  As usual, we balance the heavy with stories that are equal parts horrifying and darkly funny, including a baby shower that turned into a one-woman show for narcissistic validation, and a genuinely dangerous health situation caused by parents refusing to accommodate sensory needs. We close with the tools we're practicing right now, including a deceptively simple somatic one that turns out to be anything but easy, slowing the physical pace of your life so your system can actually register safety. If you've ever wondered why healing feels nonlinear, why certain words don't land, or why love can feel like pressure instead of comfort, this episode is for you.  Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!      Want to get your very own How to Be a Terrible Daughter stickers (along with such more cool merch that we talked about)? Click HERE!    Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!       What We Cover In This Episode:   Introducing the concept of Good Parent Messages, a somatic therapy tool designed to provide the emotional "nutrients" that children of narcissists often miss [4:31]   The profound difference between being told you are "special" and the message "You are special to me" [6:42]   How emotional "scar tissue" forms when a child doesn't receive specific messages of love, often making it difficult to accept that same love as an adult [14:40]   The way that narcissistic parents often withdraw healthy messages the moment a child becomes a "threat" or develops an independent identity in elementary school [22:13]   A look at the important (and very relevant) concept of fragmentation, or the experience of feeling broken or "not present" because past pain is being triggered by current, everyday situations [27:33]   Elizabeth's vulnerable "aha moment" regarding the message "I welcome and cherish your love" [32:24]  "A Crazy Mom Off" story about a baby shower that became a literal performance for a narcissist's own validation, and a scary health situation caused by Megan's parents' refusal to accommodate her sensory sensitivities [44:17]  The powerful tools we used this week including a somatic one for recovery: slowing down the physical pace of your life [65:10]      Links & Resources:    Good Parent Messages  Integrative Body Psychotherapy   The Secret to Loving Yourself book  My Love is for Always book for kids  Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own How to Be a Terrible Daughter Stickers!     Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok      

This episode is a re-release of our Holiday Survival Guide from last year! We wanted to bring it back for a couple of reasons. First, we have a lot of new listeners (welcome!) and we want to make sure that as we enter this chaotic holiday season, you have the tools you need to make it a little more tolerable. Also, we're practicing what we preach! We could have listened to our inner critic and pushed ourselves to release a brand-new episode, but we're choosing to give ourselves a break. We want to be real people and have real lives…and that includes the podcast. We don't have to abandon ourselves to be in community or do good work. So, here you go! It's our Holiday Survival Guide episode, "Silent Night, Silent Treatment," and we hope it is helpful for you. Enjoy and Happy Holidays! Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!   Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!    What We Cover In This Episode: A litmus test you can use to recognize the difference between abusive family practices or those that are just unpleasant [7:48] What to do before your holiday visit, including specific things to put in place and actual wording for anticipating and handling situations that may arise [12:45] Personal boundaries we recommend you consider and the ultimate purpose of taking these pre-emptive measures [20:27] Simple things you can do to nurture yourself, including the clothing you wear during the visit [25:45] What to do while you're there with your family that can make it easier for everyone and to avoid potential issues [28:58] An important reminder that you are indeed allowed to leave and that they probably will still talk about you, regardless of what you do [39:20] After-care strategies that will allow you to rest, relax and recharge after the holidays conclude for another year [45:15] Our first "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" of the new season with a flashback to 1980's and Megan's very first dance [49:30] The tools we're using: How Elizabeth is improving the ecosystem of their neighborhood and Megan's recent adventures in the kitchen [58:12] Links & Resources:  Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11, featuring John Ritter Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own Too Tired to People Scent-Free Soy Candle!    Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok    023: The Fine Art of the Fauxpology

This week we are wading into the murky, sparkling, and occasionally shark infested waters of romantic relationships. You know, the ones everyone insists are supposed to feel like a cozy partnership except yours somehow keeps echoing the greatest hits of your childhood. In this episode we talk about why your adult dating patterns are not accidental, they are often emotional reruns of the relationship you had with your parents. And yes, we apologize in advance. We'll get into the relationship red flags, tell-tale signs that you are in a dynamic that is less partnership and more "emotional escape room." We also name the quieter red flags, the ones that do not scream but slowly pull you back into old patterns before you even realize you have crossed the line. We look at how real healing often means rejecting the traditional relationship roles we were handed, the ones that ask you to perform smallness, swallow needs, and call it love. We talk about the difference between a partner who gets curious and a partner who gets defensive, and why that single distinction can tell you almost everything you need to know about the health of the relationship. And because no episode would be complete without a little maternal chaos bingo, we share more of our Crazy Mom-Offs. Including why keeping your narcissistic parent away from your partner is not paranoia, it is strategy. It's boundary setting as a survival sport. We round things out with the tools that helped us through a very intense week, including one simple technique that interrupted the anxiety loop before it could spiral into an Olympics level mental gymnastics routine. If you have ever wondered why relationships feel like the final exam for a class you never attended, this one is for you. Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!   Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!    What We Cover In This Episode:  ●       Some of the ways in which the romantic patterns you repeat as an adult are echoes of the childhood relationship you had with your parents [2:51 ●       How healing from trauma often requires rejecting traditional, patriarchal relationship roles that are inherently rooted in narcissistic power dynamics [7:0 ●       The "litmus test" for a good partner and the specific questions you can ask yourself to help gain clarity around this [11:57] ●       What them displaying curiosity over defensiveness will tell you about whether the relationship is a healthy one for you [13:26] ●       Warning signs and red flag to watch for that will reveal you are in an unhealthy relationship dynamic [22:34] ●       Our thoughts on romantic love being used as a replacement for women's dreams [37:47] ●       More of our "Crazy Mom-Offs", including why keeping your narcissistic parent away from your partner and your relationship is a critical strategy for protection and survival [40:39]   ●       The tools we each used during this challenging week and one in particular that was effective in stopping the "anxiety loop" from repeating [28:16]    Links & Resources:    Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own Too Tired to People Scent-Free Soy Candle!   Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok    023: The Fine Art of the Fauxpology      

In this episode, we wade into the wild, destabilizing landscape of apology and repair, where narcissistic "I'm sorrys" are really emotional trapdoors painted to look like compassion, and healthy accountability actually feels like oxygen. Megan and Elizabeth pull apart the difference between a conversation that brings clarity and one that leaves you wondering if you hallucinated the entire conflict. Along the way, they unpack the subtle ways a narcissistic parent can flip the script, distort the narrative, or imply that your hurt is evidence of your own instability, rather than a completely normal reaction to emotional impact.   We also explore what genuine repair looks like in a secure relationship, the kind built on curiosity instead of defensiveness and connection instead of theatrics. There is talk of intent and impact, of what your body knows before your brain catches up, and of how childhood emotional unsafety imprints itself as a physiological threat. And then, because life with a narcissistic parent never stops serving chaos, two new Crazy Mom-Off entries arrive (including one listener submitted story!) to remind you that even the most jaw-droppingly unhinged stories can still be met with humor, solidarity, and the kind of deadpan side-eye reserved for generational chaos.   To close things out, we offer a few grounding tools for anyone navigating the emotional ricochet of old patterns. Think intentional space for processing and one surprisingly effective strategy for letting go of the anger that hits you after the fact. If you've ever walked away from a "repair" feeling more confused than when you started, this one is your homecoming.   Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!    Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!       What We Cover In This Episode:  Real-life examples of what narcissistic apology and repair looks like, contrasted with healthy, securely attached relationship dynamics [2:19]   Why phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or overly dramatic responses are not genuine apologies but rather defensive tactics [5:01]   Watch out! How narcissistic parents use gaslighting and projection to convince you that expressing hurt is a sign of your own mental illness or distorted thinking [8:22]   Understanding that emotionally unsafe situations for a child are neurologically perceived as the same as physically life-threatening danger [20:12]   How healthy repair involves curiosity, active listening, and the willingness to prioritize the relationship over proving one's own point of view [24:25]   The key difference between intent and impact in a conversation and why this is so important to be aware of [28:03]   What the final feeling after a healthy repair will, and won't, be [32:50]   Two more Crazy Mom-Offs that will knock your socks off, including a "fishy" story and something that will have you looking at birthday cake in a completely different way [36:38]   Our helpful tools for the week: we cover the need to carve out intentional time for therapy and provide a helpful strategy for releasing anger after the triggering situation has occurred [55:55]   Links & Resources:     Check Out Our New Etsy Shop & Get Your Very Own Too Tired to People Scent-Free Soy Candle!    Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok     022: No Contact II: The Quiet Place  

So you finally did it. You went no contact. You broke out of the emotional prison your narcissist built, and now you are standing in the sunlight, blinking like a hostage released from a basement full of family heirlooms and gaslighting. In this episode, we talk about what happens next. The emotional hangover, the logistical chaos, the sudden silence that feels both terrifying and euphoric. We get honest about the reality of going no contact, how no one does it lightly, and how keeping that boundary takes every ounce of strength you have. Elizabeth shares what surprised them most after cutting contact, including how much energy it took just to hold the line when the narcissist tried to creep back in through cracks in the wall. We also talk about the importance of having a neutral, pre-set answer ready for those Flying Monkeys who come sniffing around with "concern" and subtle guilt trips. Then we explore how trauma can turn everyday life into a minefield, why birthdays, holidays, and even old family photos can suddenly feel radioactive, and how it is okay to opt out of the traditions that hurt more than they heal. We also dig into the process of rebuilding your identity after no contact. When you have spent a lifetime molding yourself to survive someone else's moods, figuring out what you actually like can feel both thrilling and confusing. But it is the good kind of confusion, the kind that comes with freedom. Elizabeth brings this week's Crazy Mom-Off featuring whispering hauntings from the narcissist beyond, plus a real-time tool for grounding when your nervous system starts hosting a family reunion you never agreed to. Megan shares a confusing story she is still unpacking and a trick she has been using to quiet her inner critic, especially the one that tries to ruin reading time. We close with the reminder that yes, breaking family barriers can feel like being cut by glass, but it is still better than being slowly poisoned for years. Because no contact is not the end of your story, it is the part where you finally start living your own. Thank you for joining us here for a brand-new season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]! Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!   What We Cover In This Episode: ●      What you can do to start managing the emotional and logistical aftermath of going no contact with the narcissist and finally escape from the prison they've created for you [3:19] ●      Elizabeth's inner experience after going no contact and what surprised them the most after doing it [9:15] ●      The importance of having a neutral, pre-set answer to protect yourself from gaslighting and guilt when dealing with those pesky "flying monkeys" [14:29] ●      What really happens when trauma weaponizes normal life and why holidays, birthdays and even childhood memories can become terrifying triggers [23:11] ●      How to approach rebuilding from scratch after no contact by intentionally creating space and time to discover your true self and preferences [25:05] ●      The reason why breaking family barriers can feel like "being cut by glass" [spoiler alert: it's much better than being poisoned for years] [42:30] ●      Elizabeth's Crazy Mom Off story featuring haunting whispers from a narcissist, and a demonstration of a real-time tool that helps them cope and thrive [44:44] ●      A confusing story Megan is still processing and a tool she's been using to overcome her inner critic while reading books [51:38]  Links & Resources:   Get Merch – Etsy Shop Show is NOW OPEN!  Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok  007: 3,2,1… No Contact!  Speak No Evil (2024 Remake) and Speak No Evil (Original) Kamala Harris's Interview (on Breaking Glass Ceilings)  Martha Wells (Author)

Welcome back! It's time to hate your parents with us again!  This week, we're talking about how to take care of yourself while listening to hard things, like this podcast. Because when your childhood featured emotional dodgeball as a family sport, hearing about narcissistic dynamics can light up all the old circuitry. We share the ways we each stay grounded while recording and listening, so you don't accidentally astral-project halfway through an episode. Think of it as nervous system hygiene for Terrible Daughters: practical, slightly feral ways to get back into your body when the trauma stories start hitting a little too close to home. We also revisit Flying Monkeys, those eager little minions who help narcissists do their dirty work while pretending to be Switzerland.Then we look at what real repair and reconciliation look like in healthy relationships, versus the kind of "apologies" that come gift-wrapped in gaslighting and plausible deniability. We're also launching our new Etsy shop, where you can grab official Terrible Daughter merch, support the show, and spot fellow survivors in the wild like some kind of emotionally literate bat signal. And because the universe loves symmetry, we close with our first Crazy Mom-Off of the season. It features a literal scarlet letter, a masterclass in chaos, and just enough gallows humor to keep us from screaming into the void. We wrap up with tools for finding a shred of peace in the wreckage, because listening to hard things is an act of courage, and a little dark humor helps the medicine go down. Thank you for joining us here for a brand-new season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]! Before you go, did you know we're also on YouTube? You can watch what we're up to HERE, or if TikTok or Instagram is your jam, we're there as well and would love for you to join us!  What We Cover In This Episode:   ●       How to practice self-care and establish a safe container for listening to triggering media [6:14] ●       Tips we want to give you for consuming this podcast and our content, and specific things we each do to get back into our bodies when feeling triggered or dissociated [8:45 ●       A reminder on what a Flying Monkey is, where the term comes from how narcissists use them to carry out their "dirty work" while maintaining plausible deniability [16:46]   ●       What true repair and reconciliation looks like in a healthy relationship, and how this contrasts with a narcissist's apology that never leads to validation or change [24:26]  ●       Our thoughts on actively grieving the person you would have been had you not endured childhood abuse [25:42 ●       An exciting update on our brand-new Etsy store and how you can get branded merchandise and carry the badge of "being the villain" proudly [31:31] ●        Our first "Crazy Mom-Off" of the new season: when Elizabeth's mother branded someone with the "Scarlett Letter" and how Megan's used constant change to destabilize her life growing up [35:16]       A rundown of tools we've discovered to get through our week with more peace and grace [50:09]  Links & Resources:   Get Merch – Etsy Shop Show is NOW OPEN!  Follow Us on YouTube & TikTok  Season 3 Trailer (in case you missed it)!  006: Grief: It's Not Just for the Dead Anymore!  007: 3,2,1… No Contact!  011: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide  018: Narcissist Escape Room—Just Kidding, You're Stuck  Wayward (Netflix)  The Sopranos  Jojo Rabbit (2019)  Ted Lasso  Flying Monkeys Attack Scene, Wizard of Oz (YouTube)  The Scarlett Letter (Nathanial Hawthorne book)    Westland School      

Guess who's back from the grave? Not our narcissistic mothers — they're still gloriously, blessedly dead, and we're thriving in their absence.  It's us! Megan and Elizabeth, your favorite terrible daughters. Life rudely got in the way of recording, but we've clawed our way out of the chaos to drop this little trailer and let you know that season three is actually happening.  Coming soon: episodes about what it looks like to finally be treated as a person and not an object, how to clap back at your inner critic and their flying monkey entourage, what "repair" actually looks like (spoiler: nothing like the narc's bargain-bin version), and the oddly complicated grief that shows up when your narcissistic parent dies. We'll also be diving into the "good parent" messages we never got, and grieving the alternate selves we could have been. Basically, it's a lot like group therapy — except in between the healing, we also make time to roast yer mom.  Buckle up, terrible daughters, terrible sons, and terrible offspring of all genders: season three is coming.

This week, we're tackling one of the most unsettling and deeply confusing questions many of us face: Was it abuse? And let's be honest—if that question keeps showing up like 3 raccoons in a trench coat whispering cryptic messages outside your window at 2 a.m., you might want to investigate. In this episode, we dig into why psychological and emotional abuse are so much harder to recognize than physical or sexual abuse—and why so many of us spend years trying to convince ourselves it wasn't "that bad." Narcissistic family systems are masters at looking shiny on the outside while quietly dismantling your sense of reality. Honestly, it's cult behavior—but with better potlucks and passive-aggressive throw pillows.  We explore how the most abusive part is often the pattern, not the individual incidents. That chronic, low-grade cruelty, the constant invalidation, the feeling that love only comes when you abandon your own needs? Yeah, that. We share tools to help you recognize these dynamics—including what to notice, how to start documenting patterns, and why fear itself can be a flashing neon sign that something is seriously off. Plus, we answer a surprisingly common question: What if I'm the narcissist? (Short answer: if you're self-aware enough to ask, you're probably not the one we're worried about.)  Of course, we still find time for a Mini Crazy Mom Off—this one includes listener nightmares and a brief but unsettling cameo by Hannibal Lecter. We also talk about how movement helped us get through the week—because sometimes a walk around the block is less about getting your steps in and more about preventing a full existential spiral in the canned goods aisle. If you've ever wondered whether your experience "counts," this episode says: yes, it does. And you're not alone in wondering.  Thank you for listening to season two of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get the season 3 episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode:    The tremendous difficulty in recognizing psychological and emotional abuse compared to physical or sexual abuse [1:33]  How narcissistic family dynamics compare to being in a cult and the internal conflict caused by the contrast between internal experiences and external perceptions of a "perfect" family [5:43]  Practical tools we recommend for recognizing abuse and the importance of documenting experiences and recognizing patterns of abuse [11:11]  The significance of emotional cues, particularly fear, as indicators of abuse [14:01] How to know if you are being a victim, or if you are displaying narcissistic behaviors yourself [27:53]  Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" – how Elizabeth's mother is even giving nightmares to our listeners and a cameo by Hannibal Lector [36:55] How incorporating movement into our daily routines helped both of us through this week [43:12]   Links & Resources:   Red Dragon by Thomas Harris  Hannibal (TV Series)  Monk and Robot Series by Becky Chambers   The Good Place & Ted Lasso (TV Shows)  

Anger. The emotion we were taught to fear, suppress, or avoid entirely—especially if we grew up under the reign of a narcissist. In this episode, we rip up the old rulebook on anger and talk about why it's actually one of the most sacred, transformative forces we have. Turns out, anger isn't the enemy—it's a signal, a boundary, a fire that can be channeled into power instead of destruction. But when you're raised by a narcissist, anger isn't just discouraged—it's dangerous. We explore how narcissistic parents manipulate anger to maintain control, the twisted triumph they feel when they break their children emotionally, and why asserting your needs can instantly turn you into "the selfish one."  Elizabeth shares how embracing anger as fire—something sacred and elemental—helped them reclaim personal agency after years of emotional erasure. Meanwhile, Megan unpacks a pivotal realization: anger isn't something to fear, but a necessary part of healing. We also take a look at the relentless nature of narcissistic rage versus the healthy, human expression of anger (hint: one of these is terrifying and the other is actually useful). Plus, we swap some Mini Crazy Mom Offs—this time with a laundry-related theme, because of course our mothers found a way to make even clean clothes traumatic.  Finally, we wrap up with the tools we used this week that reminded us of the importance of creativity, self-expression, and creating a space that actually feels safe. Because if we weren't nurtured growing up, you bet we're going to learn how to nurture ourselves now.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode:   How anger can actually be a healthy signal of unmet needs and violated boundaries and why this topic is so relevant for this podcast [4:04]  The disturbing "triumph" felt by narcissistic parents when they emotionally break their children and the core power dynamic it highlights [8:46]  A look at the distorted perception of anger in narcissistic households and the relentless, destructive rage versus healthy anger expression [20:26]  A powerful analogy that illustrates the constant fear of being emotionally "disappeared" or abandoned by a narcissistic parent [26:26]  How Elizabeth connects with the raw, transformative power of anger, symbolized by fire, as a tool for healing and reclaiming personal agency after narcissistic abuse [44:36]  Megan's pivotal epiphany about anger as the most sacred emotion and the role it has in pushing us forward [49:10]  Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" - laundry-themed edition [57:51]  The tools we used this week that demonstrate the importance of using our creativity and creating a safe and nourishing environment in which to live in [65:59]    Links & Resources:   017: Forgiveness: Terms and Conditions Apply  A Kiss of Shadows by Laurell K. Hamilton   Twilight Zone "It's a Good Life" Episode   The Police – Every Breath You Take (Official Movie Video)   Frozen (2013) IMDb  Mommie Dearest (1981) IMDb  CapCut     

Not everyone has the luxury of going no-contact with a narcissistic parent, and if that's your situation, congratulations—you've unlocked the expert-level difficulty setting on f*ed up family dynamics. In this episode, we break down why no-contact isn't always an option (hint: the whole "just cut them out of your life" advice isn't as simple as it sounds). Whether it's family obligations, financial ties, or just the logistical nightmare of trying to dodge them at every holiday, we get it. The good news? There are strategies to help you survive.  We cover practical ways to manage interactions, from setting boundaries that actually work to using mental escape hatches when you're stuck at a family function. We also share a guided visualization technique that can help you keep your cool when the narcissist is in full performance mode. Plus, we've got another round of "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" (because apparently, there's no limit to the absurdity) and an exciting update about podcast merch that you'll soon be able to get your hands on.  As always, we wrap things up with our weekly tools—this time, it's about finding music that speaks to both the toddler and the angsty teen inside us. Because honestly, sometimes the only way to get through family drama is by blasting a song that makes you feel like you just stormed out of your childhood bedroom. If you're stuck navigating a relationship with a narcissist, we're here with you. Let's figure it out together.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you   haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!   What We Cover In This Episode:   The specific challenges faced by those who can't go no-contact with narcissistic family members [1:47]  Some of the common reasons why no contact may not be an option [3:24]  Practical tips that can help you survive difficult situations with the narcissist in your life [10:16]   A practical visualization exercise you can use to keep your sanity at the next family function you attend [15:49]  What to keep in mind in order to steer the conversation with the narcissist when it just can't be avoided [23:35]  More unbelievable "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" from our past and an exciting update about podcast merchandise that you'll soon be able to purchase [40:59]  The weekly tools that made our life easier, including listening to music that connects with both the toddler and the teenager sides of us [45:49]   Links & Resources:   007: 3,2,1… No Contact!  011: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide   IBP Breath work video (Integrative Body Psychotherapy) Relax Calm Focus  Way to the Well: A Trance Journey for Empowerment  Sesame Street: Will.i.am Sings "What I Am"  Lilith Fair 

Ah, forgiveness—the gold standard of healing, right? Well, not so fast. When you've been through narcissistic abuse, the usual "forgive and move on" advice hits differently (read: doesn't apply). In this episode, we get into why survivors often feel pressured to forgive before they've even processed what the hell happened—and why prioritizing your own healing is way more important than rushing to absolve someone who's never taken accountability in their life.  We swap stories about our own forgiveness struggles, including Megan's unexpected wake-up call and Elizabeth's go-to advice when people ask, "But don't you think you should just forgive?" (Spoiler: No, not necessarily.) We also get into the difference between acceptance and forgiveness, why self-forgiveness is non-negotiable, and the reality that some things are, in fact, unforgivable. And of course, we round it out with a "Mini Crazy Mom Off" that perfectly demonstrates why narcissists will never, ever take responsibility—but sure, let's talk about our forgiveness issues. If you've ever wrestled with this topic, pull up a chair. We're right there with you.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode:   Why victims of narcissistic abuse often use forgiveness as a coping mechanism [6:01]  What Elizabeth often tells others asking them about forgiveness and a reminder that your healing must always remain as your priority [8:52]  A profound experience that Megan had and the surprising advice she was given at that time about forgiveness [13:13]  Why forgiving a narcissist requires a unique approach compared to typical interpersonal situations [23:48]  The crucial role of self-forgiveness in healing from narcissistic abuse and practical steps for achieving it [27:36]  The subtle but significant differences between acceptance and forgiveness in the context of narcissistic relationships [31:11]  Why offering compassion doesn't necessarily mean forgiving a narcissist [38:35]  Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" and a story that illustrates a narcissist's inability to take responsibility for their actions [42:13]  The tools that helped us this week, including an activity Megan started doing that gave her a powerful metaphor for life [51:18]    Links & Resources:   Blue Velvet (1986) – IMDb   Maurice Sendak's Books for Children  

In this episode, we wade through the debris of self-esteem left in the wake of growing up with narcissistic parents. It's not a pretty picture. From the relentless cycle of love bombing to the casual demolition of what little self-worth we managed to scrape together, we unpack the chaotic dynamics that leave us questioning our value. It's not just the mixed signals, either—narcissists thrive on keeping their supply unstable, ensuring those around them feel isolated and off-kilter. Sound familiar? You're in good company.  We also tackle the unique social stigma that comes with narcissistic mothers—because apparently, calling out bad parenting is still a no-go in polite society. But it's not all heavy-hearted realizations. Elizabeth shares how discovering witchcraft gave their self-esteem a much-needed boost, while Megan recounts the bond with a childhood pet that became a lifeline of unconditional love. And, of course, we can't forget the "Mini Crazy Mom Offs," where we swap gut-wrenching stories of the times our mothers managed to make even the most precious moments a dumpster fire.  As always, we wrap up with a dose of weekly grounding and empowerment tools. Elizabeth shares a strategy for reconnecting to the present moment, while Megan reflects on embracing both her inner villain and princess—because hey, why not claim the whole damn castle? Whether you're here for the camaraderie, the coping strategies, or just to laugh so you don't cry, welcome to the club.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you  haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,  YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as  soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and  how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at  [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode:   Why a lack of self-esteem is commonly a major issue faced by those of us raised by narcissists [6:30]  The role that the constant cycle of love bombing and derision by the narcissist plays in this erosion of self-esteem [10:09]  The difference in growing up with a narcissist versus having a narcissist as a partner later in life [14:24]   A look at the concept of "narcissistic supply" and how the narcissist thrives by having people around them who are unstable and feel isolated [15:57]   A social taboo that exists with narcissistic mothers who are horrible to their children [21:38]   How finding "The Craft" took Elizabeth's became a total game-changer for Elizabeth's self-esteem [37:02]   The bond Megan formed with a pet that allowed her to feel safe and loved growing up [41:29]   Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" and heartbreaking stories of our mothers destroying what was precious to us [45:07]   What Elizabeth did this week to ground themselves and how Megan embraced being both the "villain" and the "princess" in our weekly tools segment [59:01]    Links & Resources:   Grimms' Fairy Tales  Grounding Tools Mentioned:   https://sharonknight.bandcamp.com/track/take-your-spirit-down   http://www.campusactivism.org/server-new/uploads/groundcenter.html  

Parenting is hard enough without the baggage of a narcissistic childhood, but add that to the mix, and it's like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with a blowtorch—messy, confusing, and likely to leave you questioning your life choices. In this episode, Elizabeth gets real about the emotional booby traps of raising kids after surviving narcissistic parenting, sharing the moments that have both wrecked and rebuilt them. Megan dives into the fine art of breaking toxic cycles, offering tools for collaboration and repair that make parenting slightly less like being a contestant on Survivor.  We unpack everything from the stark contrast between narcissistic and gentle parenting to the myth of the "good enough parent." Plus, a reality check on why shadow work is unavoidable when you're raising humans and why it's okay to start small—like the size of a Goldfish cracker crushed into the carpet. If you've ever wondered whether you're screwing up your kids or breaking the cycle, this episode promises dark laughs, raw truths, and the reassurance that parenting is less about perfection and more about persistence.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!   What We Cover In This Episode:   How the "childless by choice" movement has been gaining steam over the last decade or so [4:02]  What's behind the narcissist's desire to have children and the complicated emotions Elizabeth felt around becoming a parent [8:07]  The key differences between narcissistic parenting and gentle parenting [15:27]  The single most important message that Elizabeth has always held front and center for their child [21:37]  Some of the big realizations that Elizabeth has come to during their time raising a child [23:05]  What we mean when we say that parenting is really a way of looking at your shadow [27:15]  Powerful tools around collaboration that Megan uses and recommends to the people she works with and how this can be applied specifically to parenthood [29:50]  A reality of parenting and what to keep in perspective about disagreements and the ability to repair relationships [37:27]  The problem with the concept of the "Good Enough Parent" in this week's "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" [40:19]  How we've been using movies as a tool to get through our weeks and one specific movie that Elizabeth highly recommends watching [51:18] Megan's hobby that demonstrates the need to be gentle with ourselves and to start small when beginning something new [52:27]     Links & Resources:   Pilot keeps composure after his helicopter has an engine failure over the mountains (Reddit)  Dr. Ross Greene's Website    Good Enough Parent: A Book on Child-Rearing by Bruno Bettelheim  Velvet Goldmine (1998) - IMDb  How 'Velvet Goldmine' Captured the Glam-Rock Era Like No Other (Rolling Stone) 

We're off to the movies this week! On How to Be a Terrible Daughter, we're diving into the 1987 cult classic The Lost Boys. Vampires, family drama, and a killer soundtrack—what's not to love? But beneath the stylish leather jackets and fangs, this film holds surprising insights for anyone unraveling the complexities of childhood trauma.  Join us as we unpack the movie's themes of found family, gaslighting, and rebellion. We explore why vampires and narcissists have more in common than you'd think. From Megan's coming-out parallels to Elizabeth's high school obsession with The Lost Boys poster (hung in the closet—literally), we're peeling back the layers of this nostalgic favorite.  Whether you're here for the homoerotic undertones, the family dynamics, or just a good old-fashioned vampire flick, get ready. Let's embrace the darkness, dodge the garlic, and laugh your way through the blood-soaked memories!  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!   What We Cover In This Episode:   Some background on The Lost Boys and why we both love the tag line from the movie so much [3:59] How the movie was similar to Megan's coming out process in so many ways and why she felt conflicted inside when watching it [8:58] Scenes from the movie that now reveal subtle gaslighting tactics used by certain characters [17:03] The parallels between narcissistic abuse and the characteristics of vampires, including the difficulty of disconnecting from both [23:18] How science fiction films like The Lost Boys can serve as a powerful reflection for those who have experienced or are currently experiencing narcissistic abuse [34:48] Some of the homoerotic themes and undertones that we see now in this movie and others from the 1980's [39:28] Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs", including a movie-themed story from Elizabeth's past [49:08] A major realization we've both made about self-care in our look at the tools that helped us through this week [59:02]    Links & Resources:   The Lost Boys (1987) - IMDb    Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) - IMDb  Lost Boys: The Thirst (2010) – IMDb   011: Silent Night, Silent Treatment: A Holiday Survival Guide  Becky Chambers (author)   The Lost Boys: Critical Readings 

This week, we're tackling the high-stakes scavenger hunt of finding the right therapist, especially for those of us recovering from narcissistic abuse. Let's face it—finding a therapist isn't just about picking the one who looks the least like they'd start a cult. We break down the whole process, from roping in friends and former therapists for recommendations (because why do all the work yourself?) to nailing those 15-minute consultation calls to see if they're worthy of your copay. We'll also walk you through the serious (and seriously uncomfortable) considerations that come with embarking on deep healing work—you know, the kind where you're basically signing up to face your emotional nightmares, but hopefully with a guide who isn't more terrifying than the dreams.  Not into traditional therapy? No problem. We've got the lowdown on complementary healing modalities too, from energy work to body-based approaches, and what to watch for so you don't accidentally end up in a drum circle wondering how you got there. Megan shares why it's okay to toss out what doesn't work for you, while Elizabeth heaps praise on Megan's energy healing skills—seriously, she might start a fan club. And, of course, no episode would be complete without our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs," because healing from toxic mothers takes more than therapy—it takes humor. We close with the weekly tools that kept us grounded, including sunset beach walks and one delightfully strange way to complete nature's circle.   We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!   What We Cover In This Episode:   How to enlist the help of friends, previous therapists, and other resources to find the best therapist for your needs [2:47]  The unique challenges and needs of people recovering from narcissistic abuse [6:49]  A step-by-step process for researching and selecting a therapist, along with helpful questions and prompts [8:34]  Our insights into important considerations for embarking on a deep healing journey through therapy [13:49]  Various complementary modalities that can support your recovery from narcissistic abuse and what to keep in mind with each of them [17:37]  The benefits of energy healing and why Elizabeth considers Megan the best energy worker they've ever worked with [46:24]  Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs": Two more stories about the impact of toxic mothers and our strategies for healing from these wounds [53:53]  The weekly tools that helped us get through the week, including sunset beach walks and a transformative way to complete nature's circle [64:00]  Links & Resources:   Learn More About Megan's Energy Healing   Psychology Today  No Bad Parts by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD   Curvy Yoga 

What happens when the place that's supposed to feel the safest—your childhood home—turns out to be the source of your deepest stress? Your nervous system does what it's designed to do: it kicks into survival mode. In this episode, inspired by Megan's viral blog post, we explore the four common stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and the lesser-known (but all-too-familiar) fawn. If you've ever felt like making yourself small was the only way to keep the peace, you're not alone. We're unpacking how these responses show up in daily life, especially for those of us raised by narcissistic parents. Why do you freeze in conflict or feel like every interaction requires you to earn your worth? It's not you—it's a pattern handed down from the narcissist in your life, and we'll examine it with our signature mix of candid insights, a little sarcasm, and a lot of empathy. This episode is your reminder to approach yourself with the love and care you didn't get as a kid. Your nervous system isn't broken—it's been working overtime to keep you safe. Together, we'll learn how to support it in a healthier way, one step at a time. Healing isn't something we do alone, so let's figure it out together. We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode: • A rundown of the four common stress responses and some of the scientific jargon behind this topic [4:50]  • Some examples of the fight response and an example from Elizabeth's childhood that demonstrates this [6:40]  • When the flight response that you use to get out of a situation can get problematic [8:03]  • The most commons ways that people experience the freeze response in modern society [18:30] • What fawning or appeasing is, examples of this type of response and the reasons why people do it [21:24] • Which of these responses tend to become developed in children of narcissists [26:12] • Why it's so important to become aware of these responses and to do your best to remain in a state of self-compassion throughout [32:32] • Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs": how Megan's freeze response was completely misunderstood and used by her mom and a recurring dream/nightmare that Elizabeth had when younger [39:48] • The tools that got us through this week, including pancakes and win-win dog play [57:12]  Links & Resources:  Megan's Blog Post  Penny's Instagram

The holidays are coming in hot (and so are the guilt trips), but fear not—we've got your back. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever gathering your narcissistic family insists is mandatory, this time of year can feel like an emotional minefield. That's why we're kicking off Season 2 with The Holiday Survival Guide.  This isn't your typical advice about bringing a nice dish and avoiding politics at the dinner table. No, no. We're breaking down what to do before, during, and after the family event, so you can survive while keeping your self-preservation, boundaries, and mental health intact.  And here's our favorite holiday mantra: If your family's going to cast you as the villain in their story because you chose self-preservation over their picture-perfect fantasy... own that role! Embrace your status as the terrible daughter (or son)! After all, if you're going to be talked about anyway, you might as well be comfortable while it's happening.   Remember: You don't have to RSVP 'yes' to every emotional guilt trip your family sets along your path.   🎙️ Tune in for tips, tales, and truth bombs, because your well-being is the real gift this season.  Let us know what part of the holidays you dread most in the comments. Or better yet, tell us how you're planning to be the villain – we're taking notes.  We're so happy to be back here with you for a brand-new season of the podcast. If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!   What We Cover In This Episode:   A litmus test you can use to recognize the difference between abusive family practices or those that are just unpleasant [6:31]   What to do before your holiday visit, including specific things to put in place and actual wording for anticipating and handling situations that may arise [11:28]  Personal boundaries we recommend you consider and the ultimate purpose of taking these pre-emptive measures [19:10]  Simple things you can do to nurture yourself, including the clothing you wear during the visit [24:28] What to do while you're there with your family that can make it easier for everyone and to avoid potential issues [27:41]  An important reminder that you are indeed allowed to leave and that they probably will still talk about you, regardless of what you do [38:03]  After-care strategies that will allow you to rest, relax and recharge after the holidays conclude for another year [43:58]  Our first "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" of the new season with a flashback to 1980's and Megan's very first dance [48:13]  The tools we're using: How Elizabeth is improving the ecosystem of their neighborhood and Megan's recent adventures in the kitchen [56:55]     Links & Resources:   Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11, featuring John Ritter 

In this episode of How to be a Terrible Daughter, we expand on a topic we touched on in previous episode, and it's a BIG one, boundaries —a concept that might as well have been a foreign language growing up with narcissistic parents. Boundaries weren't just discouraged; they were often trampled over, leaving us with the difficult task of figuring out how to set them as adults. Whether it's about personal space, emotional needs, or your work environment, boundaries are more than just a defense mechanism—they're essential to your well-being. We explore why these invisible lines are so crucial, the common misconceptions that surround them, and how you can start recognizing when and where you need to draw them. We also share the reality of what happens when boundaries aren't respected—or worse, when they're outright ignored. We illustrate how failing to set or enforce boundaries can leave you vulnerable to continued emotional invasions. But it's not just about the doom and gloom; we also discuss the very first steps you should take before setting a boundary, the importance of solitude in recognizing your needs, and how to approach these tough conversations without feeling like you're asking for too much. Spoiler: You're not. Finally, we look at the surprising benefits of boundaries—because, yes, they're not just about keeping people out. In fact, boundaries can be a form of intimacy, allowing you to connect more deeply with those who respect them. We wrap up with some practical tools you can use to protect your emotional space and examples of mantras that help reinforce your sense of agency. If you've ever felt like your boundaries are constantly being tested, this episode will give you the armor you need to protect your peace—and maybe even find some comfort in the process.  FYI – this is the last episode of season one. We've so enjoyed (over)sharing our stories with you. We'll be back for season two soon. Stay tuned! And stay away from your mom. PS: We still want to hear from you even though we're working on things behind the scenes. You're our new bestie, so don't be afraid to reach out and say hi!   We're so happy to be here with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode:  •    The need for boundaries in all three different areas: person, environment and occupation [3:58]  •    What boundaries are and a common misconception that exists about them [8:40]  •    Specific signs that Elizabeth received from their body and the role that being in solitude helps in recognizing these signs [10:14]  •    The very first step to take before you set a boundary [10:48]  •    Examples of what a boundary can look like and verbiage you can use to have agency in these situations [16:29]  •    Certain agency mantras Elizabeth had to learn and the ways in which self-abandonment differs from sharing [25:12]  •    A cautionary tale from Megan of what can happen by not asking for help [31:19]  •    Actionable tips for approaching the conversation on boundaries, plus strategies for checking in with yourself when you're feeling uncomfortable in the situation [36:08] •    Elizabeth's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" story where their right to privacy was taken away in such a demeaning way [44:06]  •    Megan's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" where a clear and defined boundary with her mother was violated [49:26]  •    Helpful tools that we used this week, with one related to boundaries around devices and another that showed how a boundary can actually be a form of intimacy [57:00]   

In this episode of How to be a Terrible Daughter, we take a stroll through the exhausting, often invisible labor of loneliness that comes with having a narcissistic parent. This isn't the kind of loneliness where you finally get some peace and quiet—no, this is more like an unpaid internship where you're emotionally drained and questioning your life choices daily. It's the kind of loneliness that's so deeply ingrained in your reality that you might start believing it's normal. We explore how this brand of loneliness shapes your relationships and why your siblings might carry completely different scars despite growing up in the same emotional funhouse. And let's not forget the coping mechanisms we've developed to survive—those trusty tools that, surprise, often keep us shackled to the very people we'd love to avoid. We dive into the lasting damage that persists even after the narcissist has made their grand exit, and how to break out of the "can't win" cages they so meticulously build. For those who like to turn lemons into something a bit stronger, we share how to transform that pile of trauma into "F*ck You Fuel" to power your way forward. By the end of this episode, you'll hopefully feel a little less alone, a little more understood, and maybe even ready to give a mental high-five to your past self for making it this far. We're so happy to be here with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode: •    What to understand about the difference between loneliness and being alone [3:01]  •    How Megan learned to handle feeling the intense hunger for emotional connection and the way she started to feel disconnected from her own self [6:45]  •    Why the coping skills we put in place often allow the abuser to keep abusing us [13:16  •    The "can't win" situation narcissists often put us in and the way out of this cage [17:06]  •    How your experience with loneliness will be different than that of your siblings and why we feel this happens in so many families [22:13] •    A look at intergenerational trauma and the damage that may last forever even after the narcissist is gone [26:59]  •    What Megan is doing to turn trauma into "F*ck You Fuel" [30:00]  •    Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" centered around the theme of gift giving for the both of us [34:38] •    The tools we used to cope this week that led to the release of tension and helped combat the loneliness we feel [46:19] Links & Resources:  001: Welcome to Our Nightmare 003: Barbed Wire Mommy To Make a Friend, Ask Someone For a Favor. | Psychology Today Song learning and social interaction in indigo buntings THE LONELIEST WHALE | Official Trailer | Bleecker Street Noah Rothschild IBP Introduction to Sustaining Constancy Breathwork Series Trauma Release Exercise (TRE)  Powder horn (Wikipedia) Swatch  

Welcome back to "How to Be a Terrible Daughter!" In this special mailbag episode, we're diving into your burning questions about surviving and thriving despite narcissistic relationships. We kick things off by discussing how to handle those who get prickly about the term "narcissist"—because let's be honest, it's not your job to make everyone else comfortable with the truth. We also clear up some common misconceptions about what victims of abuse "should" look like, reminding everyone that looking put together can often be a trauma response, not a sign that everything's okay. One of the most powerful analogies we explore is the idea that, growing up with a narcissistic parent, you're handed a manual for being a robot instead of a human. The narcissist dictates everything, from how you should think to how you should feel, leaving you disconnected from your true self. Elizabeth shares how this played out in her life, and we look at the psychological warfare that makes you question your every move. We also respect the privacy of our listeners by not using names, understanding that many are still trapped in the web of narcissistic trauma. The fear of repercussions and the deep-seated shame instilled by the narcissist make speaking out a daunting task. We're here to honor that fear and provide a safe space for all of you navigating this difficult path. Finally, we wrap up with our usual "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and some practical tools for getting through the week. Plus, we're excited to share ways you can anonymously join our growing community. Whether you're here for advice, solidarity, or just a good laugh at the absurdity of it all, this episode has got you covered. If we didn't have time to answer your question in this episode, don't worry, we're sure we'll be doing another mailbag episode in the future – so keep writing in! We're so happy to be here with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode:  How to respond if others get "prickly" about the term "narcissist" [2:36] Common misconceptions people have about the ways in which victims of abuse should act [5:46] Two different interactions Elizabeth recently had that demonstrate both being heard, and not heard, by the other person [9:06] A closer look at the flying monkeys that we have been talking about on the podcast and the role that they play for narcissists [13:12] Our thoughts on what is happening when victims always feel like they're doing something wrong and the analogy we use of being given a manual for how to be a robot, not a human [21:41] Something to keep in mind about the rules of the game that the narcissist often plays by [25:34] A recurring thought pattern that one listener is having and one thing to keep in mind that can make all the difference when self-reflecting on narcissism [28:14] A very important reminder that you are NOT the crazy one [32:06] Our "Mini Crazy Mom Offs" and a story about a mother's bullying, along with a horror story of someone coming back from the grave [34:10] What we've been using to help us get through our weeks, including tools for self-dialogue and long-term goal setting [50:26]  ●    How we're looking to branch out with this podcast and a way that you can get involved, anonymously [54:46]      

Welcome back to "How to Be a Terrible Daughter," where we tackle the gut-wrenching yet necessary step of going no contact with a narcissistic mother. First, let's break down what "no contact" really means, it's not just about ignoring a few phone calls. It's about reclaiming your peace and sanity from the grip of a narcissist. It's a dreaded yet liberating move that can feel like cutting off a gangrenous limb to save your life. But trust us, it's often as necessary as it sounds.  Megan kicks things off with her tale of setting boundaries that her mother bulldozed through, leading to the tough decision of no contact. It's a tale of boundaries being set like iron gates and then, of course, being trampled like they were made of wet tissue paper. Elizabeth shares her own regret about waiting too long to go no contact, reinforcing why the best time to act is yesterday.  We discuss the logistics of cutting ties, likening it to planning a covert mission. Narcissists don't just vanish into thin air—they escalate, often dragging other family members into the chaos. Think of it as a twisted game of emotional chess, where every move you make needs to be calculated with precision. We offer practical advice on setting boundaries and dealing with fallout from family members who might not understand your decision. Please note that this episode may include general details of experiences that we'd have with clients in our line of work, but be assured that no identifying information is included and that confidentiality is still maintained. We're so happy to be here with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode: ●      What going "no contact" means and what the main goal of it should be [1:37] ●      Megan's process of going no contact with her other, how she started it and the boundaries she put in place that ultimately weren't respected [3:29] ●      Why Megan didn't regret going no contact with her mother for about 30 years and the reason that Elizabeth regretting waited so long to do the same with their mother [7:03] ●      The "how" of going no contact and the chain reaction that occurs after contact with the narcissist is cut off [13:37] ●      Some of the ramifications of going no contact and what you should be prepared for in regard to other family members [16:54] ●      The reasons why going no contact for Elizabeth was more complicated and why they say that no matter what your situation is, proper planning is critical [20:03] ●      Helpful hints to navigate going no contact if you decide to do it [29:23] ●      What the narcissist really wants, and why it's not saving the relationship with you [45:14] ●      A "Mini Crazy Mom Off" about Elizabeth's mother and how it shows the reality of what happens when you go no contact with a narcissist [46:23] ●      An unbelievable response Megan's mother had to a situation regarding her health that showed who she really was [57:45] ●      A game-changing practice Elizabeth is using to return to who they really are [68:03] ●      How a movie recommendation from a friend recently provided Megan validation and healing [70:11]   Links & Resources:  003: Barbed Wire Mommy 004: Narcissistic Abuse: A Carnival of Mind F*ckery Problemista (2023)

In this latest episode of our podcast, we tackle the unique and often misunderstood grief experienced by children of narcissistic parents. We've all been there—grieving someone who's still alive. We dive into how grieving can be a complex and prolonged process, sharing personal stories and insights that many will find all too familiar. From the subtle ways we've had to make ourselves small to the armor we've built to protect our hearts, we unpack the emotional baggage that comes with a narcissistic upbringing. We also take a look at unique types of grief experienced by children of narcissistic parents. We explore four different types of grief, with a special focus on complicated, atypical grief, and discuss why narcissists might feel regret but rarely change their behavior.  As always, we offer practical tools that have helped us, including tips to expand self-love, and remind you of the importance of community in these experiences. Whether it's through listening to our podcast or treating yourself to some well-deserved flowers, know that you are not alone, and you are definitely not selfish for prioritizing your well-being.  We're so happy to be here with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at [email protected]!  What We Cover In This Episode:  •    How Elizabeth came to realize they had been grieving their mother their whole life, even when she was alive [4:19]  •    The way that Megan felt when her mother passed a few years ago and why it may not have been typical of the "normal" way others grieve [5:44]  •    A breakdown of four different types of grief and a closer look at the main one we talk about today, complicated grief [6:59]  •    How narcissists can feel regret, but it doesn't translate into action or a change in behavior [12:38]  •    The stages Megan has gone through to learn what it's like to give and receive love [16:54]  •    One of the main reasons why people with trauma find and gravitate towards each other [20:32]  •    The way in which we often cut off parts of ourselves and are made to be small when raised by a narcissist, and the "armor" Elizabeth had to put on to protect themselves growing up [24:04]  •    Elizabeth's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and a special moment in their life where a narcissist try to make it all about herself [36:18]  •    Megan's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and a narcissistic act that her mother did upon passing [41:19]  •    More tools that have helped us, including one that will help you expand the love you have for yourself [49:03]  •    A reminder of how you can contribute and be a part of the experience here on the podcast [55:03]    Links & Resources:  Stages of Grief Mettā meditation  

Welcome back to part two of our latest episode on the ins and outs of narcissistic abuse. If you missed our previous talk, here's a quick recap: we explored how this type of abuse differs starkly from other emotional harms. Trust us, it's uniquely troubling. This week, Megan shares a revealing story about a narcissist's distorted view of reality—it's as unsettling as it sounds. We also dive into the murky waters of narcissistic behaviors, discussing the phenomena of splitting and narcissistic rage. Plus, Megan brings an intriguing insight from her experience with clients who were the "golden child" in their families. It might just shift your perspective. And, because we all need a little levity, get ready for the "Mini Crazy Mom Off." Elizabeth brings a twist with a Thomas Jefferson quote that bizarrely fits our narrative, and Megan recounts the saga of reopening communication with her mother after years of silence—through some jaw-dropping emails. How do we keep our spirits up amidst this chaos? This week, screaming goats have been our unexpected heroes. Yes, really—screaming goats. So, join us as we tackle these intense topics with a mix of humor and empathy. You're not alone on this journey; let's navigate it together. Have you experienced any of these tactics? Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how it affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram! We're so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode: •    A summary of narcissistic abuse in case you missed last week and how this type of abuse is so different from other kinds [1:55]  •    A specific example from Megan's past that demonstrates a narcissist's view of reality [4:30]  •    Profound comments by Elizabeth's husband on narcissistic abuse and a great war analogy that demonstrates its intricacies [10:25] •    Narcissistic rage and when, and how, it tends to arise for the narcissist [13:13] •    A conversation on splitting and what two different ways to think about it [21:57]  •    Something fascinating that Megan has seen in her clients who were viewed as the "golden child" growing up [24:15]  •    Elizabeth's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and the role that a Thomas Jefferson quote played in this experience [30:50] •    Megan's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and a story about emails she received from her mother after many years of no contact with her [38:00]  •    Tools that helped us get through this week when triggered, including screaming goats [46:09]    Links & Resources:  004: Narcissistic Abuse: A Carnival of Mind F*ckery Mother (The Police, Official Video) Thor Is Rewarded With Screaming Goats Scene | Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)   https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-abuse/  https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/abuse/narcissistic-abuse-examples-how-to-identify-if-youre-a-victim-of-abuse/   ·     

In this episode, we're going to explore the many subtypes of narcissistic abuse. Yes, there are so many that we need to employ a categorization system. In fact, there are so many that this will be a two-part episode. A core focus will be understanding what makes narcissistic abuse so distinctly damaging compared to other forms of mistreatment. We'll illustrate how these toxic manipulators operate and the mind-bending reality distortions they employ to maintain control. We'll examine the traumatic effects of behaviors like love bombing, boundary violations, splitting, gaslighting, and the pernicious blame-shifting of DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender). Of course, we'll end by sharing some crazy mom stories and tools we used this week to maintain our sanity. Have you experienced any of these tactics? Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how it affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram! We're so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode: •    A brilliant quote and analogy about what it's really like having a narcissistic parent and some of the ways in which victims of this type of abuse can feel [1:33]  •    What makes narcissistic abuse different than other kinds of abuse [5:05]  •    Our thoughts on the love bombing and devaluation that occurs with narcissistic abuse and why this sort of cycle is so overwhelming to the system of the victim [12:17]  •    The ways that ignoring boundaries play a key piece in narcissistic abuse [20:08]  •    What the DARVO acronym stands for and a role-play that demonstrates its nuances [22:33]  •    Our weekly "Mini Crazy Mom Off" stories that cover triangulation, destabilization and more [30:09]  •    The tools we both used this week and how Elizabeth's may seem counterintuitive, but was effective for them [41:50]  ·  ·.    Links & Resources:  https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-abuse/ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/abuse/narcissistic-abuse-examples-how-to-identify-if-youre-a-victim-of-abuse/

In this episode, Elizabeth and Megan explore the intricate world of attachment wounds, particularly those etched by the icy touch of narcissistic parents. We examine the critical concept of "mirroring" in infancy and the long-term effects these formative experiences have on our adult lives. We're going to unpack how early relationships—or the lack thereof—set the stage for a lifetime of complicated emotional navigation. With scientific studies and personal stories, we shed light on the challenges of growing up under the cold gaze of caregivers more akin to wire monkeys than warm humans. Come along as we wade through these emotional undercurrents—it's like therapy, but with more jokes and fewer copays. We're so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or send us an email, [email protected]! What We Cover In This Episode:  •    What attachment is in general and what we'd like you to understand about the concept of "mirroring" as a baby [4:51]  •    A classic study using monkeys that revealed the importance of maternal contact and reinforces what we are talking about on today's episode about attachment [13:07]  •     The ways in which having a narcissistic parent is a lot like having a wire monkey parent [17:13]  •    What the science shows about the issues you can have as an adult after facing this sort of trauma from an early age [18:03]  •    Two metaphors that accurately describe what it's like to grow up in this sort of situation [28:12]  •    Megan's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and a story about her mother and playdates that impacted the way that she saw herself as a child [34:39]  •     Elizabeth's "Mini Crazy Mom Off" and what it led to in terms of how they viewed the material things they possess [46:09]  •    A time this week we were triggered and the simple tools we used to bring ourselves back to feeling more secure and safe [54:46]   Links & Resources:  https://www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/harlows-classic-studies-revealed-the-importance-of-maternal-contact.html  https://www.thechatner.com/p/wire-mother-energy-drink   https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/creating-secure-attachment                    

Join us on this week's journey into the heart of darkness—okay, maybe just the heart of trauma, but let's be real, sometimes it feels like the same thing. This week, we're unearthing the behemoth known as complex trauma in an episode we've aptly named "Jurassic Trauma." Why Jurassic? Because some wounds are as old and as deep as dinosaur bones, and just as tricky to handle without the right equipment. We also unravel the "raindrop theory," because honestly, telling someone with complex trauma to "just get over it" isn't helpful. We distinguish the heavy-hitters from the everyday stresses that push us to grow. And yes, we tackle that eye-roller: "doesn't everybody have trauma?" with some truths that might just make you nod in agreement—or at least make you laugh a little. Plus, tune in for our beloved "Mini Crazy Mom Off"—it's like family game night, but nobody wins a prize and everybody needs therapy after. Grab your emotional umbrella, folks, we're about to make it rain wisdom, laughs, and maybe a few tears (the good kind. We hope). We're so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!   What We Cover In This Episode: •  Where the term gaslighting comes from, plus an important distinction about what it is and isn't [11:18] •  Our main topic of the day, trauma, and how the definition of the word has changed so much in the last 5 years [31:25] •  What the "raindrop theory" is and why just saying "get over it" doesn't work with victims of trauma, particularly the complex type [33:45] •  Distinguishing between trauma and something that challenges you or stresses you in order to grow [41:32] •  How to know if you've had trauma as a result of narcissistic abuse and the specific questions to ask yourself during this self-reflection [46:38] •  What we say when we hear, "doesn't everybody have trauma?" [64:47] •  Another edition of our "Mini Crazy Mom Off" with two significant stories from our past [68:25] •  How we both used human connection and leaning on our support system recently to get through difficult situations [81:23] Links & Resources:  001: Welcome to Our Nightmare  https://www.ilcadv.org/will-you-light-the-gas-please-a-brief-history-of-the-term-gaslighting-and-the-movie-behind-it/  https://medium.com/@artchangeslives/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-feign-response-1765d7227775     

In this first episode, Megan and Elizabeth introduce themselves, talk about growing up in a narcissistic family, and explain why they embraced being terrible daughters. If you've been struggling with making sense of your childhood or you want to know more about what emotional abuse looks like, this is the place for you. And if you know that you grew up in a toxic family and want to find community, know that you belong here, too.  We're so happy to be here together with each other and with you. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop, and we would love for you to connect with us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod!  What We Cover In This Episode: A look at what this podcast is all about, and who it is and isn't for [2:02] What functional loss is and how we will be exponentially expanding the definition of grief [20:12] A breakdown of narcissism and personality disorders, plus how they differ from one another [27:15] Why we're using narcissism as catch-all term for narcissism, borderline personality, and anti-social personality disorders [44:43]  A big realization that Elizabeth recently made from what the clients they work with have told them [55:06] How to tell if you have a narcissistic parent and the resource that Megan used which brought so much clarity to her own relationship with mother [56:32]  What our "Crazy Mom Off" segment will be and some stories from both of our lives that we want to share [64:17] Additional tools that we both use to get through difficult times on our own journeys [55:24]    Links & Resources:  https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-23099-001        https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/ https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/3ay1zfrv72snm0pn8koie/ANamvpZWLJ2tpn1ulH92ogc?rlkey=bjev5zkpvo1qhmqwsxpxqnv71&st=kyq7yqmx&dl=0 https://www.taramohr.com/the-playing-big-book/

Wondering how to be a terrible daughter? Listen as Elizabeth Malamed and Megan Caper, mental health professionals who also happen to be cousins, discuss growing up in toxic families, surviving narcissistic abuse, and moving forward after trauma. The How To Be a Terrible Daughter podcast is a place to find community, put words to your experience, and laugh at the dark stuff. We'll share our stories from our own childhoods, make mental health concepts easy to understand, and interview intriguing guests along the way. Oh, and you can also let Megan and Elizabeth hate your parents for you if you're having mixed feelings. We don't mind, we've got plenty of pent up anger for everyone. If your parents have ever called you terrible, horrible or something even worse, come join us!