How to Have a Bloody Good Conversation

How To Talk To Your Pets (And Other Family Members)Doctor Dolittle dreamed of talking to animals and having them talk back. It was a fantastical notion. Except that some pet owners are already living it. Today!Pet owners, like Nina Leipold and her talking cat, Flounder.This very clever kitty uses over 120 words on a soundboard, has a favourite film she watches on repeat, a toy mouse with his own opinion button, and a bravery tutu she asks for before thunderstorms. She has also diagnosed her own illness, reminded her owner to pick up wine, and painted a picture. Oh, and there’s so much more, as you’ll hear.In this episode, we (that’s Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Nina, an animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training behind her, and occasionally Flounder, to explore what happens when you give a pet a way to communicate. Nina has enrolled Flounder in a university scientific study at UC San Diego, where researchers confirmed that Flounder processes words, not just body language. The episode covers how pet communication buttons work; the difference between receptive and expressive vocabulary in animals; why umbrella words are the key to managing a 120-button soundboard; what Flounder’s relationship with Mouse Toy reveals about play therapy in animals; and what happens to pet behaviour when you give them genuine agency.We also put to Nina the questions that a survey of 2,000 pet owners said they most desperately want answered: Are you happy? Do you like your life? Do you love me or is it just cupboard love? Do you understand every word I say? What's your favourite thing we do together? Are you secretly judging me? Are you jealous? And, especially for the cat owners like Victoria, are you plotting something? Nina's answers might surprise you.The lessons Nina has learned from teaching Flounder to talk turn out to apply just as much to human relationships as to animal ones. Which is why this episode is called How To Talk To Your Pets And Other Family Members.GuestNina Leipold: animal behaviourist with 15 years of mammal training experience and owner of Flounder, a cat enrolled in a university scientific study into animal language and communication at UC San Diego. Nina runs a free mini course and a full course on teaching pets to communicate using buttons - floundercat.com/button-mini-courseInstagram: @flounder_meatloaf - follow along to see Flounder progress. It really is mind-blowing.ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected] university studyThe study is run through UC San Diego (University of California, San Diego) and is currently focused on data collection from thousands of dogs and cats. It needs funding to continue, Nina mentions this in the episode. Visit https://cclab.ucsd.edu/donate/ to donate and https://cclab.ucsd.edu/pet-cognition-communication/ for more information about the study.Concepts mentioned in this episodeReceptive vocabulary - words an animal understands when they hear themExpressive vocabulary - words an animal is able to communicate backUmbrella words — a single word covering multiple related concepts to reduce button overload (e.g. ‘hug’ for anything Flounder wears)Operant conditioning - the learning process Victoria references (Pavlov’s dog; reward-based behaviour training)Play therapy - the framework Nina uses to understand Flounder’s relationship with Mouse ToyAugmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) - the broader field of communication tools that pet buttons draw from, originally developed for humansSHOP - Conversation WarmersConversation prompt mugs - a conversation starter on the front, a follow-up prompt on the back – https://www.etsy.com/shop/conversationwarmers

⚠️ This episode contains adult content and is intended for mature audiences.A third of adults have never once talked to their partner about sex. Not once. Is that because we've never been taught HOW to have THAT conversation?We think so, and it's one of the conversations we struggle with too.That being a good enough reason to tackle this subject aside, here's another reason: the cost of not talking about it isn't just bad sex, it's needs quietly going unmet, resentment slowly building, and eventually someone deciding they'd rather find what they need elsewhere.This is an important episode for an important conversation and to help us navigate it, we (that's Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum) are joined by Amy Terwilleger, a licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach, to talk about why the conversation about sex is so hard, how to actually talk to your partner about it, what it costs us not to have it, and what it actually takes to start. Amy works with individuals and couples across the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and desire to conflict, separation, and rebuilding after divorce. She is, it turns out, exactly the person you want in the room when two rather British women are trying to get over their knickers-in-a-twist discomfort about the whole subject.This episode covers the shame and stigma that keeps the conversation locked down; why our sex education left a gap that pornography filled badly; the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why the pizza analogy helps explain it); the bucket list but for sex; why faking orgasm is a communication problem; what body image is doing to our sex lives; how to have the conversation when your partner doesn't want to; and what Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity tells us about mystery, separateness, and why time apart might be the best thing you can do for your sex life.Victoria admits to palpitations. Sarah admits to being quieter than usual. And Amy's closing line is one of our best!⚠️ This episode contains adult content and is intended for mature audiences. It also includes an honest discussion of sexual trauma and its impact.GuestAmy Terwilleger - licensed US attorney and certified sex and relationship coach. Amy helps individuals and couples navigate the full spectrum of modern relationships, from intimacy and connection to conflict, separation, and rebuilding. She works with clients on communication, desire, body image, sexual confidence, and ethical non-monogamy.ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected] mentionedEsther Perel – Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence https://www.estherperel.com/booksConversation WarmersMugs that make connections with a conversation starter on the front, and a follow-up prompt on the back. Perfect for keeping the tea and the conversation flowing. Buy them here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/conversationwarmers

Before you said a single word today, someone had already formed an opinion about your competence, your status, and whether you could be trusted. We've all been told never to judge a book by its cover, and yet researchers tell us we do it anyway, in a fraction of a second, before a handshake, before a hello.So what exactly are your clothes saying? And more importantly, is it what you intend?In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Stacie Baillie - an ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, certified makeup artist, and founder of Radiant Mirror, who has spent 30 years inside some of the world's largest global organisations watching how the way people show up quietly makes or breaks careers. The conversation covers the secret language of clothing: why 93% of communication is non-verbal and what that means for what you put on in the morning; the sumptuary laws of medieval England (yes, you could be fined for wearing the wrong colour); how the post-Covid collapse of formal dress codes has made the unwritten rules harder to read, not easier; and why a well-fitted jacket can literally change your posture and therefore how the world responds to you.Along the way: a Savile Row tailor's verdict on why fit matters more than labels; why King Charles may have worn chalk stripe to the US Senate on purpose; the VP who was being held back not by her work but by her wardrobe; and the single button on a senior woman's blouse that research shows was enough to reduce perceptions of her competence significantly.This episode also wrestles with the tensions that sit underneath all of it: between self-expression and conformity, between dressing for yourself and dressing for others, between the freedom to wear what you like and the reality that you will be judged for it regardless. Stacie's closing advice is both practical and kind.Part two - what specific items of clothing and colours are actually signalling to the people around you - is coming. But start here.GuestStacie Baillie: ICF-trained coach, leadership advisor, image consultant, and certified makeup artist. Founder of Radiant Mirror, which offers coaching, leadership development, and influence and image consulting. Stacie spent 30 years working in senior roles at some of the world’s largest global organisations, including banking and consulting, before founding Radiant Mirror to help people bridge the gap between how they see themselves and how the world sees them. You can contact her via her website: www.radiantmirror.caContact the showBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected].

Do you find talking to strangers a challenge? You're not alone.Researchers at the University of Chicago put commuters on trains and buses and asked some of them to strike up a conversation with the stranger next to them. The ones who did reported significantly happier journeys, every single time. And yet when they asked a separate group beforehand whether they’d enjoy it, almost everyone said no. They predicted feeling awkward or unwanted. They were wrong, but the fear was so convincing, they believed it anyway.And yet, for the sake of your health and sanity, you need to find a way to overcome that fear of striking up a conversation and building rapport - connecting - with anyone.One in six people worldwide is now affected by loneliness. Around 100 deaths happen every hour as a result. The WHO has declared social connection a public health crisis on a par with obesity and smoking. And yet 75% of us say nothing replaces human connection. We have more ways to reach each other than any generation that has ever lived and we are lonelier than ever.In this episode, hosts Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Anitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer - to explore the art and science of rapport: what it actually is, why we find it so terrifying, and what it takes to build genuine connection with a complete stranger. Anitra has spent her career doing the thing most of us dread - walking up to people she has never met and getting them to open up, whether that’s a grieving family, a hostile politician, or a reluctant celebrity who clearly doesn’t want to be there.This episode covers the neuroscience of eye contact, smiling, and mirror neurons; why mirroring someone’s energy and pace builds instant trust (and why this is both a teaching tool in NLP and, some would argue, a dark art); how the fear of rejection is wired into us at a survival level, and how to override it; the Norwegian approach to directness and what the British can learn from it; why digital connection is not the same as the real thing neurologically; and the single most powerful thing you can do to build rapport with anyone, anywhere. Spoiler alert - it involves swearing but not in the way you might think.If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone to avoid making eye contact on the tube, this one’s for you. Because every person you’ve ever loved was once a stranger. Every single one.GuestAnitra Irrera - BBC Radio Kent broadcast journalist, reporter and producer. Originally from Bergen in Norway, Anitra holds a degree in Psychology and Anthropology and has spent her career building rapport under pressure: from music interviews to political reporting to live broadcasting. She is also a teacher.ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected] mentioned in this episodeUniversity of Chicago commuter study - Epley & Schroeder (2014), ‘Mistakenly seeking solitude’, Journal of Experimental Psychology: GeneralWHO report on loneliness as a global public health priority (2023)Mirror neurons and social connection - Rizzolatti & Craighero (2004), Annual Review of NeuroscienceNLP and rapportNLP World — introduction to matching, mirroring and rapport – https://www.nlpworld.co.ukPsychology Today — The Science of Rapport – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/rapportThe 100 days of rejection experimentJia Jiang – ‘Rejection Proof’ TED Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejectionLoneliness and social connectionWHO — Social isolation and loneliness – https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/promotion-prevention/social-connectionCampaign to End Loneliness (UK) – https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org

The Conversation You're Having At 3Am (And How To Change It)You know the one. It starts the moment you wake up at 3am, or maybe it’s the reason you woke up in the first place. Not good enough. Not clever enough. Not doing enough. Most of us are having a conversation with ourselves that we would never tolerate from another person. And it’s doing real damage: to our confidence, our relationships, and for many of us, our sleep.In this episode, hosts, Sarah Wright and psychologist Dr Victoria Stakelum, explore why our brains default to negative self-talk, what it is physically doing to our bodies, and what we can do to change it. Victoria explains the science behind negativity bias - the evolutionary survival mechanism that causes the brain to scan for threat and, in the absence of real danger, manufacture it - and why the stories we tell ourselves at night are particularly potent. In a wakeful sleep state, the body can’t tell the difference between a real threat and a vividly imagined one. The catastrophic 3am thought spiral is, quite literally, a self-induced stress response.The conversation covers the physiological cost of chronic self-criticism (inflammation, disrupted sleep hormones, reduced immunity), the origins of the inner critic in childhood programming and social comparison, and the research showing that how we speak to ourselves directly shapes what becomes possible for us. Victoria also opens up about her own relationship with perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking - a reminder that even the psychologist is working on it.You’ll come away with a step-by-step process for building kinder self-talk from the ground up: from the one sentence that can de-escalate a 3am spiral, to body scan techniques, to the most powerful reframe of all: responding to yourself as you would to someone you genuinely love.ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected]’s bookGet Back to Sleep: A Recovering Insomniac’s Practical Guide to Beating Insomnia – Available on AmazonCBT-I (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia)Sarah refers to this course that helped her: ReSleep. Self-talk and self-compassionSelf-Compassion - Dr Kristin Neff’s research and free self-compassion exercises https://self-compassion.orgPsychology Today - What Is Negative Self-Talk, and How Can You Change It? https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/self-talkNegativity biasVerywell Mind - What Is the Negativity Bias? https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-bias-4589618Mindfulness and body scanNHS Every Mind Matters - Mindfulness and body scan audio guides: https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/mindfulness/

What if the most important conversation you'll ever have isn't with your boss, your partner, or your best friend but with yourself?In this episode, Sarah Wright and Dr. Victoria Stakelum explore the inner dialogue that shapes everything: your confidence, your decisions, your relationships, and your ability to have difficult conversations.We unpack where your inner critic comes from (spoiler: it was formed in childhood, and it thinks it's helping), how to tell the difference between fear-based chatter and genuine gut instinct, and what to do when that voice in your head is holding you back.You'll learn why trying to silence your inner critic backfires, what you can do so it loses its grip, and the ABC technique for regulating yourself in the moment. Plus: the surprising power of giving your inner critic a name, why affirmations can make things worse if you don't believe them, and how journaling with your non-dominant hand might unlock answers your conscious mind can't reach.If you've ever beaten yourself up after a meeting, talked yourself out of something you wanted, or wondered why you can't just think more positively—this one's for you.Topics covered:What a “conversation with yourself” really is and why we’re all doing it (whether we notice it or not).Why the tone and volume of your self-talk matters for wellbeing and relationships.How to spot when you’re being hijacked in a conversation (mental and physical signs).A simple regulation framework you can use anywhere: Awareness → Breath → Choice.How to work with (not against) your inner critic, including naming it and understanding what it’s trying to do for you.Why “positive affirmations” can backfire and how to do realism-based positivity instead.Practical ways to externalise your thoughts: journaling, speaking out loud, and prompts that take you deeper.Guest InformationDr. Victoria Stakelum - Psychologist & Mindset Coach Sarah Wright - Communications & Creative StrategistVictoria's Oracle Cards: Available at thesuccesssmith.com under LaunchpadContact / listener questionsHave a conversational conundrum or a question sparked by this episode? Email the show at [email protected] .

Why Conversations Feel So Hard Right Now: A Q&A on Emotions, Miscommunication, and Slowing DownIn this follow-up Q&A, communications consultant Sarah Wright and psychologist and mindset coach Dr Victoria Stakelum answer listener questions sparked by the episode “Why do conversations feel so hard right now?” Together, they explore why modern digital life speeds up our brains, how emotions and subconscious triggers derail what we’re trying to say, and what to do when miscommunication happens. You’ll hear practical tools for slowing down in high-stakes moments, regulating your nervous system, improving clarity, and bringing “clean energy” into important conversations.What You’ll LearnA simple way to slow your speaking without losing your thinkingWhy “I’m fine” rarely lands.The difference between regulation and repression, and how to name emotions without blaming.A practical NLP tool to reduce conflict and widen perspective. (NLP World)How modern messaging trains us into instant-response habits (and how to retrain expectations).How to build patience through nervous system practice.How to spot miscommunication early and the receiver/sender checks that prevent escalation.What “cup-filling conversations” look like (past, present, future), and why they matter.What “clean energy” is and how to stop emotional agenda hijacking outcomes.Resources MentionedPositive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine (referenced in the episode in the context of emotional channels / “PQ”). (Positive Intelligence)Perceptual Positions (NLP) – perspective-shifting technique discussed in the episode. (NLP World)Got a conversational conundrum you want us to unpack? Send your questions to [email protected].

Dating 101: How To Chat Up A Romantic PartnerIf you're dating in 2026 and wondering how to start a conversation, avoid dating fatigue, and actually find someone you're compatible with, this episode is for you.Sarah Wright and Dr Victoria Stakelum are joined by Lydia Hoey, matchmaking director at Maclynn International and a science-based dating coach, to talk about how modern dating is changing - including the slightly alarming rise of AI companionship (72% of American teenagers have now interacted with an AI companion, and Meta is building chatbots to fill the ‘romantic gap’) - and what still matters most: real-world connection, values, and the ability to communicate clearly.In this episode, we discuss how to approach modern dating with more clarity and less stress: how to define your values (properly, not just picking words), how to choose first-date settings that reduce awkwardness and increase connection, and how to avoid turning a date into an interview. You'll get practical conversation openers to keep things light and engaging, guidance on dating mindset (switching out of "work mode"), and tools for navigating the messy bits - like mixed signals, texting "rules", attachment styles, and how to end things kindly without ghosting.GuestLydia Hoey - Matchmaking Director at Maclynn International, and a qualified science-based dating coach and matchmaker. https://maclynninternational.com/ContactBe part of the conversation. If you have a conversational conundrum or a question, please do get in touch via our email: [email protected] stylesPsychology Today – Relationship Attachment Style Test (UK): https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-testAttachment Project – Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/Love languages The 5 Love Languages® – Official Love Language Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-languageCommunication styleVerywell Mind – Communication Style Quiz: https://www.verywellmind.com/take-the-communication-style-quiz-797314336 QuestionsThis site has them all: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closenessFilms referencedHitch (2005) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/Swingers (1996) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117802/When Harry Met Sally... (1989) – IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

Have you noticed that conversations feel more rushed, reactive and emotionally loaded than ever before? It’s not just you. That’s why, in this episode, we (that’s communications consultant, Sarah Wright, and psychologist and mindset coach, Dr Victoria Stakelum) explore the real reasons communication has become so challenging: from the speed of modern life to nervous system overload, digital disconnection, and the pressure to respond instantly.In this episode, we cover:Why time feels faster and how this impacts the way we thinkHow technology affects our nervous systems and patienceWhy we’re “connected” but still lonelyThe one simple shift that instantly improves every conversationHow energy, not wording, shapes how you’re receivedThe role of rapport with others and yourselfHow slowing down can transform conflict, communication, and connection.This episode is for anyone who wants calmer, richer, more meaningful conversations at work, at home, and everywhere in between. In it, we reference:The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People — Stephen R. CoveyThe Trust Technique – www.thetrusttechnique.comLaura Lynne Jackson – ww. lauralynnejackson.com100 Ways to Raise Your Vibration – Victoria’s pdf can be downloaded here: https://thesuccesssmith.thrivecart.com/100waysWe’d genuinely love to hear your experiences. Please share what you tried, what shifted, or any questions you’d like us to cover in future episodes by emailing [email protected]. Enjoy the episode.

Master the art of conversation, and you’ll transform your life.From dating to doing business, negotiating a pay rise to haggling over bedtimes, conversations shape everything: your career, your connections, your confidence. But while we all learned to talk as toddlers, no one really taught us how to have good conversations, the kind where you feel heard, understood, and genuinely connected.If you’ve ever found yourself:tongue-tied in a difficult conversationreplaying an argument in your head for daysdodging tricky chats at work or at homestuck in small talk when you want something deeper…this podcast is for you.Why this podcast matters nowWe’re living in a time of constant connection and growing disconnection. Research shows that:Around half of UK adults report feeling lonely, even when surrounded by othersOnly a small proportion of our daily conversations are truly meaningful, most are just logistics and small talkSmartphones and screens are eroding our face-to-face communication skills and attention.School taught us how to perform and achieve. It didn’t teach us how to listen, how to disagree well, how to set boundaries, or how to talk about things that really matter. Culture often treats conversation as polite chit-chat or intellectual debate, not as a tool for emotional connection, repair, and understanding.This podcast exists to change that.Meet your hostsJoin two curious conversationalists:Dr Victoria Stakelum – psychologist and mindset coach, specialising in the subconscious mind, emotions, and how we relate to ourselves and othersSarah Wright – communications consultant, creative strategist, and conversation curatorTogether, they explore how to have a bloody good conversation, at work, at home, in relationships, and in all those moments we’d secretly rather avoid.The topic of conversationIn Series 1, Sarah and seasoned journalist Mai Davies explored the art of conversation, including:When and how to use humour in conversationHow to handle conflict effectively (without burning bridgesHow to listen so people feel truly heardHow to read a room and pick your momentHow to talk about things that matter – from work disagreements and family tensions to death, cultural identity, and negotiating under pressure.Now, previous guest, Dr Victoria Stakelum, joins as co-host to give a different perspective using her experience drawn from her corporate life running million-pound businesses and current occupation as psychologist and mindset coach. Through real-life examples and practical tools, she shares why:Self-awareness is the foundation of every bloody good conversationCuriosity and empathy – stepping into someone else’s shoes – are non-negotiableBetter conversations don’t start with control; they start with noticing your own reactions, regulating your energy, and staying calm under pressureWhy conversation skills matterConversation is something we do together. The best conversations happen when both people feel safe, equipped, and able to bring their full selves to the table.When we lose the art of conversation, we all lose: misunderstandings grow, resentment builds, and we drift further away from the people who matter most.This podcast was created to help us all:have better, braver conversationsnavigate conflict and difference with more confidenceend conversations in a way that feels good for everyone – heard, understood, and genuinely connected.If you’re looking for a conversation skills podcast that’s practical, warm, honest, and real, hit follow and join us as we learn the art of meaningful dialogue – one bloody good conversation at a time.

What if storytelling could help you navigate the hardest conversations of your life?In this episode, we're joined by Chris Adriaanse, author of To The Heart of Difficult Conversations - a beautifully poignant anthology co-created with Berwick Literary Festival, Create Berwick, and students at Berwick Academy in Northumberland.Inspired by an ancient border-side plaque commemorating uneasy meetings between English and Scottish monarchs, this remarkable collection blends local history, folklore, and raw teenage insight on what it means to tackle tough talks.From chemistry lab to storytelling stage, Chris has discovered something profound about human nature: the conversations we avoid don't disappear, they fester. In this episode, Chris shares his remarkable journey and the wisdom gleaned from working with 13 to 14-year-olds who wrote with startling honesty about the difficult conversations in their lives.What You'll Learn:The Drop of Honey: How avoided conversations escalate into life-changing consequencesThe Beast in the Bean Garden: What we lose when we avoid difficult people and conversationsSpells vs Stories: Breaking free from the endless narratives keeping you stuckPositive Language: Why saying what you want (not what you don't want) changes everythingEmotional Regulation: Walking slowly into difficult conversations instead of reactingThis episode is for you if you've been putting off a difficult conversation for weeks, months, or even years, and you're tired of avoiding certain people or topics because they feel too hard to address. Whether you want to stop tiptoeing around issues and start addressing them head-on, or you're curious about why some conversations feel so scary even when they shouldn't, this episode offers practical tools for staying calm and regulated during tense discussions. If you're ready to break free from the stories that keep you stuck in old patterns and believe that better conversations can transform your relationships and your life, this episode will give you a completely fresh perspective on the conversations you've been avoiding.Guest Bio: Chris Adriaanse transitioned from chemistry PhD to professional storyteller, combining scientific thinking with ancient wisdom. His collaborative book project with Berwick Literary Festival captures authentic teenage voices navigating difficult conversations.Links:Book: "To the Heart of Difficult Conversations" available to buy from Chris's website, www.chrisadriaanse.co.uk

How do you start a conversation with someone from a different race, culture, or background without saying the wrong thing? It's a question that paralyses many of us in our increasingly diverse workplaces, schools, and communities. We're so afraid of offending that we often avoid meaningful connections entirely.In this episode, we're joined by Claudia McKenzie, General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in South London and former PR executive, who brings both personal experience and practical wisdom to one of our most challenging social dynamics.Claudia's story spans generations - from her parents' journey from Jamaica in the 1960s, facing "No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish" signs while helping rebuild post-war Britain, to her own experiences navigating predominantly white spaces as a successful Black British professional. Her perspective is both unflinching about barriers and refreshingly pragmatic about solutions.We explore the infamous Buckingham Palace "Where are you really from?" incident, discuss why conversations about race feel harder now despite social progress, and tackle the fear that stops us from reaching across cultural divides. Claudia's advice? "We all just need to get a grip and remember that most people are simply curious about each other”.This conversation we hope will change how you approach cross-cultural communication, whether you're building workplace relationships, making friends in your community, or simply want to connect more authentically with people who look different from you.This Episode is For You If you want to build better relationships across racial and cultural differences, feel nervous about saying the wrong thing in diverse environments, lead teams with people from various backgrounds, want to understand the Black British experience better, are curious about how historical context affects current conversations, work in multicultural settings, or simply want to be more confident connecting with people who don't look like you.Guest Bio: Claudia McKenzie is the co-owner and General Manager of Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen in Herne Hill, South London, known for its exceptional Jamaican-British fusion cuisine. A former PR executive with extensive experience in corporate communications, Claudia brings unique insights to cross-cultural dialogue shaped by her family's journey from 1960s Jamaica to modern Britain. She's passionate about authentic conversation and building bridges across differences.Key Topics Covered:The Windrush generation and post-war Caribbean immigration to BritainSystemic barriers and the "work twice as hard" realityStrategic naming choices and professional advancementThe Buckingham Palace incident: intention vs. impactSocial media's effect on racial discourseWorkplace diversity and inclusion conversationsHistorical context for current racial tensionsBuilding authentic relationships across cultural differencesConnect with Claudia:Park's Edge Bar and Kitchen, 49-51 Norwood Road, Herne Hill, London SE24 9AABook here: https://parksedgebarandkitchen.com/ or by calling 0208 671 0306 or emailing [email protected]: @parksedgebarandkitchenFacebook: @parksedgebarandkitchen

Death is the one certainty we all share, yet most of us are terrible at talking about it. Whether it's supporting a grieving friend, having end-of-life conversations with family, or processing our own mortality, we stumble through these moments with stock phrases and uncomfortable silences.In this episode, we're joined by Kate Nolan-Burgess, a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate the many forms grief can take - from bereavement to major life transitions. Kate brings a unique cultural perspective, having grown up in Poland, where death felt woven into everyday life, before moving to the UK, where arguably it's hidden behind euphemisms and avoidance.We explore why Western culture has made grief harder than it needs to be, what other cultures can teach us about death and mourning, and practical advice for having better conversations around loss. Kate shares insights from her Master's in Death, Religion and Culture, as well as from her work supporting people through The Lost Self Club.From understanding why we use euphemisms like 'passed away' to learning what NOT to say to someone who's grieving, this episode provides essential skills for one of life's most challenging conversations.What You'll Learn:Why there's no "right way" to grieve and how cultural rituals can helpThe harmful phrases that make grief harder (and what to say instead)How to support someone who's grieving without managing their emotionsWhy euphemisms for death reveal our cultural discomfortThe concept of "Swedish Death Cleaning" and preparing for mortalityHow to talk to children about death honestly and clearlyPractical phrases for acknowledging grief and lossThe difference between grief support in individualistic vs. community culturesThis Episode is For You if you want to better support friends, family, or colleagues through loss, struggle with what to say when someone is grieving, are interested in cultural approaches to death and mourning, want to have more honest conversations about mortality, are supporting someone through a major life transition, work in healthcare, counselling, or people management, or are curious about death-positive approaches to end-of-life conversations.Guest Bio: Kate Nolan-Burgess is a grief and identity coach who helps people navigate loss in all its forms. She holds a Master's in Death, Religion and Culture and founded The Lost Self Club, supporting new mothers through identity transitions. Drawing on a culturally diverse background and lived experience, her work centres on helping people understand that grief isn't a problem to solve but a natural human experience to honour.Resources Mentioned:The Lost Self Club (Kate's programme for new mothers)Swedish Death Cleaning conceptPolish cultural mourning practicesThe problematic "five stages of grief" modelConnect with Kate:Instagram: @TheLostSelfClubLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kate-nolan-burgess/; Website: www.thelostselfclub.com

Ever wished you could think faster in meetings, recover gracefully after a misstep, or connect more confidently in tough conversations? Turns out, stand-up comedy might be your secret weapon.In this episode, we’re joined by Chris Head – comedy director, author, and speaking coach – to explore what stand-up comedians know about human connection, timing, and bouncing back from awkwardness that the rest of us can use in real life. We dive into powerful tools from the world of stand-up comedy — including recovery lines, comic framing, and self-deprecation — and how they can be applied to real-life scenarios like difficult work meetings, presentations, public speaking, and even relationship rifts.Chris explains why playfulness is a powerful antidote to tension, how a well-timed joke (or even just a lighter tone) can defuse conflict, and how comedy helps us handle both literal and metaphorical hecklers. He also shares practical ways to rehearse difficult conversations, build confidence, and find your voice — all without having to step onto a comedy club stage.Whether you're a team leader, a creative, a coach, or simply someone who wants to communicate more effectively, listen more actively, and recover when things go wrong, this episode offers surprising and valuable takeaways.You’ll never look at “banter,” awkward silences, or bad Zoom calls the same way again.What we learned in this episode:You don’t have to be funny to use humour.Recovery lines help you bounce back when things go wrong.Naming the awkward moment can win the room.The three-repeat rule keeps you calm and in control.Zoom meetings work better when you treat them like real conversations.Lightness can be your secret weapon in tough conversations.This is for you if you're looking to improve your communication skills, navigate difficult conversations, handle conflict with greater ease, or become a more engaging public speaker.LinksChris Head’s Books: A Director’s Guide to the Art of Stand-Up , Creating Comedy Narratives For Stage and Screen Website: ChrisHead.comServices: Stand-up coaching, comedy writing, speaking coachingCorporate Training: Available for agency and business workshops - Chris Head Stand-Up & Presentation Coaching

What do you do when the work that once lit you up now leaves you cold? If you're in midlife or a career cul-de-sac and wondering what next, this episode is for you. Midlife Career Change Coach, Josh Peck, joins us to unpack the real conversations that help people move from stuck to clear, and from disempowered to energised. His methods help bring you and your career back into alignment.In this illuminating conversation, we talk about fear, identity, money, confidence, and how to ask for what you want - even when you're not sure where to start. Josh shares the three conversations everyone should have before making a career change and explains why most of us are "pre-failing" before we even begin.Whether you're burnt out, bored, or just ready for something more meaningful, this is a practical and hopeful listen.In this episode, we explore:How to recognise when you're experiencing "Sunday night dread, probably every night of the week"The three essential conversations for successful career transitionsWhy career changes rarely happen overnight and how to approach transitions realisticallyHow to handle the identity destabilisation that comes with career shiftsThe concept of "pre-failing" and how it keeps us stuckWhy you're 7x more likely to get a job through conversations than applicationsSetting a target number of conversations to move your career forwardHow to choose conversations wisely and hold them gentlyNavigating financial anxiety during career transitionsBuilding your second career on the shoulders of your firstAbout Josh Peck: Josh Peck is the founder of Your Best Life and the Align career change programme. After 20 years as a corporate lobbyist, Josh made his own midlife career transition and now specializes in helping people navigate career changes that align with who they are, what they do best, and how they want to live.Running order00:24 – Why this episode matters: conversations that get you hired 02:33 – Josh’s career pivot: from politics to coaching 06:10 – The Amy Winehouse moment that changed everything 08:36 – The 3 conversations everyone needs to have 13:09 – Why money fear keeps us stuck (and how to manage it) 19:49 – How to deal with unsupportive partners or sceptics 25:41 – Why 50 conversations can unlock your next job 29:11 – “Pre-failing” and how to stop sabotaging yourself 33:48 – How to craft a narrative that makes people want to help 46:46 – Why networking events don’t work (and what to do instead)LinksJosh’s website is https://yourbestlifeuk.com/Instagram: @YourBestLifeUK

What do negotiating with kidnappers and talking to your teenager have in common?Everything!In this episode, we sit down with Scott Walker, one of the world’s most experienced kidnap-for-ransom and crisis negotiators, to explore what high-stakes hostage negotiation can teach us about everyday conversations. With over 300 successful cases under his belt, Scott now trains leaders at Apple, Amazon, the UN, and beyond.Whether you're negotiating a deal, a deadline, or dinner, Scott’s wisdom will help you regulate better, listen smarter, and get more of what matters — without a fight.We should have titled this episode "What can a hostage negotiator teach us about negotiating at work, while parenting, and during high-pressure conversations?" 😄We talk with Scott about:Why “negotiation” isn’t just for boardroomsThe 3 types of conversation (and how to spot them)Why most of us misunderstand the type of conversation we’re inThe one mindset shift that makes you a better communicator overnightHow to regulate your emotions mid-conflict (aka “Paws (pause). Toes. Choose.”)Why assumptions are expensive, and listening is cheapHow to deal with difficult people without losing your coolThis episode is packed with tools, stories, and sticky metaphors that will change the way you communicate – from pirates to partners.Running Order:00:09 – Why most of us struggle with conversations01:06 – Introductions - Scott Walker: hostage negotiator turned leadership coach02:25 – Negotiation as purposeful conversation03:51 – What pirates and teenagers have in common05:06 – Assumptions: the expensive earplugs blocking real communication06:45 – The three types of conversation: practical, emotional, and identity-driven11:32 – When your identity feels under threat12:25 – Regulating your emotions under pressure13:53 – Scott’s first major mistake — and the colleague who saved him15:58 – Managing emotional triggers: observe, don’t absorb20:14 – Better conversations start with better self-awareness21:55 – “Pause. Reflect. Choose.” — a technique for staying grounded25:27 – The importance of practising calm before you need it29:14 – Taking ownership of your emotions (and outcomes)30:06 – How to deal with difficult people (egos, narcissists, manipulators)32:22 – Trump vs Zelensky: a lesson in how not to have a conversation35:30 – Warmth cues, head tilts, and how we signal we’re listening37:02 – Scott’s “antennae” approach to reading the room40:14 – Why better conversations start in your body (Paws. Toes. Antennae.)42:10 – Trust as the cornerstone of any successful negotiation43:49 – When the relationship matters more than the outcome45:35 – The five levels of listening — and why most people never get past level two48:50 – Why what and how questions are better than why52:16 – The power of silence (and why we find it so uncomfortable)53:08 – How to sound human, not robotic55:22 – How to negotiate under pressure — in real time57:03 – Scott’s parting advice: ditch the excuses, do the workLinks> Scott’s books – Eye of The Storm (out 8 May 2025) and Order Out of Chaos can be purchased here: https://amzn.eu/d/5T0dasf > Thrive under pressure course - May 20 thriveunderpressure.co.> Sign up for Scott’s newsletter here: https://winanynegotiation.com/pages/contact> Follow Scott on

Turn Missteps into Meaningful Conversations with Dr. Victoria StakelumWe all hate being wrong. It feels uncomfortable, sometimes even threatening. But what if being wrong wasn’t something to fear but an opportunity for connection, learning, and deeper conversations?In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and NLP Master Coach, joins us again to unpack the complexity of wrongness - why it triggers such strong emotions, how societal norms shape our ideas of right and wrong, and what to do when we (inevitably) get something wrong. In this episode, we explore:Why wrongness is often subjective and why that matters.The emotional weight of admitting you’re wrong (and how to handle it).How curiosity can turn disagreements into meaningful discussions.The best way to challenge someone else’s wrongness - without making them defensive.Why separating identity from opinion makes for better conversations.Practical strategies for handling workplace disagreements, difficult conversations, and public missteps.Whether you’re navigating a tough conversation at work, dealing with differing worldviews, or just trying to be less reactive when someone calls you out, this episode will help you reframe wrongness and use it as a tool for better communication.Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

How to Read the Room and Communicate Better at Work with Dr. Victoria StakelumEver wish you could read minds in meetings or knew what someone else was thinking? While telepathy might be out of reach, understanding emotions, body language, and unspoken cues is a skill you can develop - and it can completely transform your workplace interactions.In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and subconscious mind specialist, reveals the science of mind reading - or rather, how to truly read the room, anticipate responses, and adapt your communication for better results.In this episode, we explore:Why mind reading starts with understanding yourself.How to spot the subtle nonverbal cues that reveal what people are really thinking.The hidden emotional undercurrents in workplace conversations (and how to navigate them).Why people rarely say what they mean - and how to uncover their true concerns.How self-awareness helps you filter out biases and avoid misreading situations.Practical techniques for improving emotional intelligence and workplace communication.The work of Marshall Rosenberg - a clinical psychologist who pioneered this approach to promoting empathic dialogue and understanding among all parties. His book is called Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.Whether you’re negotiating with your boss, leading a team, or just trying to work out what’s really going on in a meeting, this episode will give you lightbulb moments that will change the way you interact at work.Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

How Listening Can Transform Your Conversations with Jessica BallWe like to think we’re good listeners—but are we really? Too often, we drift in and out of conversations, half-hearing what’s being said while planning what to say next. So how do we shift from passive hearing to deep, intentional listening - the kind that transforms relationships, builds trust, and even changes lives?In this episode, we’re joined again by Jessica Ball, a meetings facilitator who knows that listening is more than just hearing words—it’s about creating connection. Together we explore:Why most of us default to “social listening” (and how it’s holding us back).The three levels of listening - to yourself, to others, and to a group.How our biases, emotions, and assumptions shape what we hear.Why no one is truly boring if you know how to unlock their story.How listening can be the antidote to polarisation, judgement, and disconnection.Simple techniques to sharpen your listening skills - for richer, more meaningful conversations.If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling unheard - or realised too late that you weren’t really listening - this episode is for you.Find Jessica Ball at www.creatingmeaning.club or on LinkedIn.

How to Speak Up and Be Heard in Any Group with Dr. Victoria StakelumEver felt silenced in a meeting, outnumbered in a discussion, or too intimidated to challenge the status quo? You’re not alone. Groupthink is a deeply ingrained survival instinct - we’re wired to stick with the herd, even when we disagree. But what if staying silent means the wrong decision gets made?In this episode, Dr. Victoria Stakelum, a psychologist and NLP Master Coach, helps us understand why speaking up feels so hard—and how to do it anyway. In this episode, we break down:Why groupthink happens - and how it can lead to bad decisions.How to recognise when you’re in a groupthink moment.The subtle psychological tricks to make your voice heard.How to frame your opinion so others actually listen (without triggering resistance).Why having just one ally in the room can change everything.Practical strategies for bringing confidence, presence, and authority to group discussions.Whether it’s a team meeting, a social gathering, or a high-stakes decision, knowing how to challenge the group without alienating yourself is a game-changer.This episode is for you if you want to learn how to hold your ground, influence the conversation and make sure your voice is heard.Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

How to Have Better Group Conversations with Jessica BallWe’ve all been there—the meeting that starts with good intentions but quickly spirals into chaos. Packed agendas, dominant voices, awkward silences, and a creeping sense that nothing is actually getting done. So how do we fix it?In this episode, we’re joined by Jessica Ball, an expert meetings facilitator who has worked with organizations like the UN and Cambridge University to design meetings that are inclusive, effective, and - dare we say it - enjoyable. She shares practical strategies to cut through the noise, manage power dynamics, and create meetings where everyone feels heard, valued, and engaged.From avoiding meeting overload to handling difficult personalities and using language to defuse tension, this episode is packed with insights you can apply immediately - whether you’re leading the discussion or just trying to get a word in.If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting wondering, 'what was the point of that?', this episode is for you.Find Jessica Ball at www.creatingmeaning.club or on LinkedIn.

How to Say No at Work (and Keep Your Job!) with Dr. Victoria StakelumSaying no at work can feel impossible - especially when you want to maintain good relationships and a strong professional reputation. But constantly saying yes can lead to burnout, poor performance, and a lack of recognition for your value. So how do you set boundaries without damaging your career?In this episode, we speak with Dr. Victoria Stakelum, also known as The Success Smith, a leading personal and professional transformation expert. She shares practical strategies to help you say no with confidence, protect your time and energy, and maintain professionalism while standing your ground.Whether you work in a collaborative team or a high-pressure corporate environment, Dr. Stakelum’s insights will help you navigate workplace conversations more effectively. From handling unrealistic requests to negotiating your workload, this episode is full of actionable advice to help you take control of your career—without fear of consequences.Find Dr Victoria Stakelum at thesuccesssmith.com or on LinkedIn.

Averil Leimon is a psychologist who works with companies to improve leadership and communication. She uses the work of philosopher Theodore Zeldin on conversations to curate dinner conversations, giving guests a menu of topics that pull them out of small talk and 'work speak' and start having meaningful and memorable connections.We explore with Averil just how life-changing conversations can be.Summary In this episode, Mai, Sarah, and guest psychotherapist, Averil Leimon, discuss the challenges of effective communication, particularly in professional settings. Together they explore the barriers that prevent individuals, especially those in leadership positions, from engaging in meaningful conversations. This episode highlights the importance of vulnerability, active listening, and the generational differences in communication styles. Practical tips are provided for improving conversational skills, emphasising the need for self-reflection and the courage to ask deeper questions. Takeaways Conversations are essential for building relationships and understanding others. Many leaders struggle with effective communication due to ingrained beliefs and a lack of practice. Vulnerability can enhance conversations and foster deeper connections. Younger generations expect more emotional engagement in the workplace. Listening is a critical skill that is often overlooked in conversations. Asking follow-up questions can lead to more meaningful discussions. Practicing small interactions can improve overall communication skills. Self-reflection is key to understanding one's own communication style. Creating a safe space for conversations encourages openness. Everyone has a story; it's about finding the right questions to unlock it.

Have we forgotten how to talk to each other? We communicate non-stop by email, texts, voice notes, voicemails, social media, and now AI, but when do we talk? I mean, really talk. We default to digital, the more we type the less we speak. But the more we avoid conversation the more difficult talking face to face becomes. We’ve all been there, that moment when you stumble around for what to say, or explode and say something you didn’t intend and can’t take back. And now that saying the wrong thing can get you sacked, cancelled or worse, it’s safer to say nothing. So we’ve set out to explore the subject of conversation. We’ll be looking at every type of conversations we find ourselves involved in and we’d love you to join us to learn how to have conversations that end well for everyone. It might just change your life!

It's a tricky time of year for many people thrown together with family, friends, neighbours and co-workers. Some of them welcome, some of them not. So how do we navigate this time of year when there is so much pressure on us. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, this applies equally to any time of celebration when everyone is expected to join in. Psychologist Linda Blair joins us, a regular contributor on UK TV and radio and a columnist in national newspapers. She brings all her insight to guide us through this tricky season.

Have we forgotten how to talk to each other? We communicate non-stop by email, texts, voice notes, voicemails, social media, and now AI, but when do we talk? I mean, really talk. We default to digital, the more we type the less we speak. But the more we avoid conversation the more difficult talking face to face becomes. We’ve all been there, that moment when you stumble around for what to say, or explode and say something you didn’t intend and can’t take back. And now that saying the wrong thing can get you sacked, cancelled or worse, it’s safer to say nothing. So we’ve set out to explore the subject of conversation. We’ll be looking at every type of conversations we find ourselves involved in and we’d love you to join us to learn how to have conversations that end well for everyone. It might just change your life!