KIZUKI the Podcast
by Mae Yoshikawa
KIZUKI the Podcast is a collection of inspiring stories that center around the Japanese concept of kizuki. The host, author and awarded yoga teacher Mae Yoshikawa defines kizuki as a moment of epiphany, an ‘aha’ of realization or insight which opens the knower to a new dimension of truth. Diving into an up close and personal telling of the kizukis that have starkly shifted Mae’s perspective and transformed her life and mind, it is Mae’s hope that these episodes may serve as a catalyst to inspire and invite a similar unfolding of awareness in your life too. Kizuki Journaling® Website: KizukiJournaling.com Personal Website: https://maey.live/ Instagram: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.instagram.com/collectingki
Episodes
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134 Pivotal Kizuki — The Very Premise Behind Striving
In this deeply personal episode, Mae shares two pivotal Kizukis that helped her unravel a lifelong pattern of striving to earn her worth. Beginning with the childhood wound of questioning her very right to exist, she uncovers a second, subtler layer: the longing to be truly seen and met by her...
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133 The Rules of Love
After a three-and-a-half-hour date with a Japanese man leaves her completely bewildered, Mae discovers that even growing up in Japan doesn’t mean she understands all its romantic rules. From the ritual of kokuhaku to the nostalgic tradition of the second button, she explores the surprising...
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132 How to Finish a Love Loop
Returning to her childhood school as a parent brings back an unexpected memory for Mae: a track coach who tried to recruit her year after year, despite her repeated refusals. What once felt like an awkward encounter takes on a profoundly different meaning thirty years later, and Mae explores the...
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131 The Suicide Widow
In one of the darkest periods after losing her husband, Mae went searching online for other widows—and encountered a woman whose loss forced her to look beyond the walls of her own pain. Reading directly from her memoir manuscript, she revisits an uncomfortable truth about comparison: sometimes...
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130 No Silver Lining
After finding herself repeatedly fantasizing about escape, Mae turns to her journal and confronts a feeling she usually tries to transform. This episode explores what happens when she stops searching for meaning, wisdom, or a brighter perspective—and simply allows herself to stay with what hurts....
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129 Before You Begin, Look at How They End
After experiencing both divorce and widowhood, Mae reflects on something people rarely consider at the beginning of a relationship: how someone behaves when it ends. Looking back at the painful dissolution of her first marriage, she explores how endings expose values, boundaries, and…
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128 The X She Drew Through My Family
At fifteen, Mae sits across from a psychiatrist as her collapsing family is reduced to circles, lines, and one enormous X. Decades later, the memory raises a different question: after years of learning to understand and explain our pain, have we also learned how to hold it? A powerful episode…
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127 I Don’t Want to Fall
After discovering that only a tiny fraction of her life feels like pure play, Mae begins questioning the careful management underneath the freedom she has built. What begins as an inquiry into play leads to a deeper realization about falling—what it asks of her, why she resists it, and what that...
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126 What Happened the Last Time I Let Go
After years of understanding the grief of losing her husband, Mae recognizes a trauma response she hadn’t fully seen before—and the surprising intelligence behind it. If our deepest protections were formed in response to something that actually happened, how do we loosen them when life can offer…
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125 The Inheritance of Absence
A child can turn a parent’s limitations into beliefs about their own worth. By looking at how absence is passed down through generations, this episode reveals a crucial distinction: what we did not receive mattered deeply, but it never determined our worth. It explores how inherited pain becomes...
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124 The Master Wound — I’m Not Worthy
Mae uncovers what may be one of the core kizukis of her life: beneath her patterns of independence, achievement, and difficulty receiving was an old question about whether she was worthy of existing at all. What begins as an exploration of money leads her back to childhood, worthiness, and the...
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123 Authority Issues
Mae explores how early experiences of feeling unprotected by authority unknowingly shaped her relationship with power and leadership. She discovers that stepping into her own authority doesn’t mean becoming what she once feared; she gets to decide what kind of authority she becomes. Mae Yoshikawa...
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122 I Want to Do Something Bad
After joking that she wanted to “do something bad,” Mae is unexpectedly confronted with a Tokyo exhibition that invites visitors to steal. What begins as a humorous exchange with a friend leads to a much deeper realization: she wasn’t craving rebellion at all. She was longing for freedom from the...
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121 Invited to the Italian Table
After a scene of an Italian family gathered around a long dinner table lingers in her heart, Mae realizes that what she’s been searching for was never romance—it was belonging. Through stories from her childhood and reflections on the communities she has built over the years, she discovers that…
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120 A Conversation with Life
Beneath years of healing, grief, and self-discovery, Mae had also been deeply angry with Life itself. Through an imagined conversation with Life, she explores trust, pain, and what becomes possible when we stop resisting our most existential questions and allow honesty to become the beginning of...
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119 The Abundance Apology
Mae explores the Japanese concept of mottainai (“what a waste”) and the subtle line between reverence and fear. Reflecting on cultural inheritance, nature’s extravagant abundance, and her own relationship with receiving, she invites listeners to consider whether they’ve mistaken shrinking...
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118 Uncomfortable as Hell
Mae explores the surprising discomfort that can arise when lifelong identities begin to dissolve. Through reflections on old roles, pathless woods, and the freedom of not needing a new job description, she invites listeners to consider that perhaps what’s disappearing isn’t who they are—but who...
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117 From the Rebel to the Receiver
A series of quiet evenings led Mae to an unexpected realization: after letting go of old identities built around striving and endurance, the next chapter wasn’t rebellion—it was learning to receive. Through ordinary moments with her family and a heartfelt exchange with her son, she explores how...
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116 Domino Kizuki #5 — Daddy Issues and Money
Mae shares a powerful realization about how her nervous system unconsciously linked money with her father. Through this kizuki, she explores scarcity, trust, emotional safety, and the moment she began to unlink money from an old father wound so money could finally become what it is: simply a...
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115 Domino Kizuki #4 — The Anger Diaries
After years of believing she wasn’t an angry person, Mae discovers that anger may have been one of the most repressed emotions in her life. In this episode, she explores what surfaced when she stopped analyzing her pain and began feeling it, uncovering how anger can reveal our deepest values,...
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114 Domino Kizuki #3 — Sit Beside Your Pain
Mae reflects on a powerful realization: understanding pain is not the same as feeling it. As she explores long-buried anger, grief, and self-abandonment, she discovers that healing may begin not by fixing pain, but by finally sitting beside it. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of the...
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113 Domino Kizuki #2 — The Hidden Cost of Carrying
Mae reflects on how “The Carrier” became a survival identity rooted in preserving connection. Through her relationship with her family and father, she explores the hidden cost of understanding others too early, and the grief of realizing she had learned to carry instead of expecting to be held.…
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112 Domino Kizuki #1 — The Endurer No Longer
Mae shares the first episode in a deeply personal new series exploring a domino effect of transformative realizations. In this episode, she uncovers “the Endurer” identity — a survival pattern formed through emotional abandonment that slowly became intertwined with her sense of self. Through...
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111 Every Child Needs a New Dad
A tender bedtime conversation with her son Ayden turns into an unexpectedly funny and profound reflection on family, normalcy, and the way children make sense of the world. Through Ayden’s innocent logic, Mae explores how our personal experiences shape what we believe reality is. Mae Yoshikawa…
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110 Permission or Preference?
Mae explores the subtle but life-changing difference between living from preference and living from permission. Through reflections on desire, self-expression, and personal power, she examines how easily people unconsciously place their fullness behind external conditions—and what shifts when…
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109 When “Just Be Yourself” Feels Impossible
Reflecting on the disorienting process of untangling herself from lifelong patterns of pressure, perfectionism, and survival, Mae explores who she is beyond those things. Through a deeply personal exploration of identity and self-worth, she shares the terrifying yet liberating realization that…
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108 I Thought It Was Hope—It Was Fear
A deeply personal two-week loop comes to a close with an embodied realization: what once felt like hope was, in part, a subtle form of fear. Through physical release and self-inquiry, Mae reflects on long-held patterns of bracing for pain—and the shift into meeting life as it is, without…
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107 A Basis of Yes
A sweet moment between her two sons has Mae reflecting on a deeper truth about growth, control, and connection. Through parenting, she uncovers how a subtle shift from “no” to a “basis of yes” can keep relationships open—and how this same principle applies to the way we live our own lives. Mae...
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106 Trusting the Unformed
In this quieter, more introspective episode, Mae chooses not to rush clarity while in the middle of a personal process. Instead, she offers a poem that reflects surrender, trust, and the unfolding nature of becoming. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of the Kizuki Journaling™, a powerful...
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105 How Best to Love Yourself
Mae shares two grounded shifts around self-love: moving away from self-improvement as a form of self-rejection, and learning to stand by yourself most when results aren’t showing. A concise and practical reflection on what it really means to love yourself. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the…
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104 Are You “Too Deep”… or Just Closed Off?
Mae reflects on how early life experiences shaped her sense of living with depth. Through personal stories and a gentle but powerful realization, she explores how it may not be depth itself that isolates us—but how we hold it in relation to others. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of…
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103 Intentional Space
Mae reflects on the Japanese concept of ma and the power and beauty of intentional space. Through everyday moments like walking, cooking, and choosing to be without needing to do, she explores how leaving room in life allows awareness, insight, and experience to truly land. Mae Yoshikawa Mae...
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102 The Answer Isn’t the Point
Mae shares a school incident with no clear truth and expands it into a wider realization: in moments where life offers no “correct answer,” what matters most is how we choose to show up—not only for others, but in the way we live, respond, and listen to each other. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is...
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101 The Dissonant Note
An evening at a chic Tokyo restaurant unexpectedly revealed a deeper realization in Mae. As she navigates feelings of belonging, authenticity, and preemptive judgment, she uncovers how our assumptions about how others will receive our truth can limit our world before anything even happens.…
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100 One Hundred Episodes. One Conversation.
In this milestone episode, Mae responds to two listeners navigating quiet misalignment in careers and relationships. She introduces the four-step Kizuki Cycle—insight, choice, embodiment, and connection—explaining how meaningful change happens not by chasing a destination, but by becoming who you...
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099 No More Pedestals
Mae reflects on growing up in a vertical culture of hierarchy and unexpectedly becoming “sensei” herself. Through her resistance to pedestals and followers, she explores how hierarchy soothes anxiety but distorts worth, and why true leadership is not about standing above — but standing level. Mae...
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098 The Camouflaged Damsel
Mae shares a striking realization from her Life Brief retreat: that beneath her ambition and talk of alignment was a subtle fantasy of being “carried” by the right opportunity. In this episode, she unpacks the modern damsel archetype—not waiting for a prince, but for a breakthrough—and explores…
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097 Self-Responsibility Without Self-Blame
Mae explores the subtle but critical difference between taking responsibility and turning inward with blame, using a vivid dream to show how the same mistake can lead to grounded repair or unnecessary self-punishment. The episode invites listeners to grow through clarity, not inner violence. Mae...
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096 How Not to Judge Your Neighbor
Mae reflects on an unexpected comment from her TEDx talk and uses it as a doorway into a deeper exploration of judgment, resonance, and separation. Drawing from music, gaming culture, and a Paulo Coelho story, she invites listeners to notice how awareness can dissolve judgment—and reveal the…
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095 Not Letting It Mean Anything
Mae reflects on an ordinary day that once would have spiraled into self-judgment, and the small but pivotal realization that marked her growing out of self-improvement. She explores the difference between self-control and self-trust, and how choosing not to assign meaning can become a powerful…
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094 The Thought That Counts
Mae reflects on an exchange with her father and a fleeting, unspoken wish—revealing how love doesn’t always need to become action to be real, and how sometimes, the smallest thoughts carry the deepest connection. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of the Kizuki Journaling MAE Y method™, a...
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093 The Balance You’re Not Supposed to Work For
Mae reflects on a slow New Year’s beginning in Japan and a journaling insight about nervous system safety. She explores how balance and equanimity are not achievements but natural states that arise when the body feels safe—offering a reframe on rest, regulation, and trust in nature. Mae Yoshikawa...
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092 More, Without Shame
Mae reflects on a childhood memory that wired her nervous system to associate wanting more with shame and danger. Through a quiet, healing moment many years later, she explores how safety, worth, and the capacity to receive can be rewired—not through force, but through lived experience. Mae...
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091 Living Without a Countdown
Mae explores how high-achievers internalize constant self-measurement. She invites listeners to question timelines, resolutions, and the mind’s obsession with “what’s next,” offering a kizuki on living more fully in the present without a countdown. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of…
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090 Beauty That Doesn’t Ask to Be Seen
Mae reflects on growing up in a family of models and how early exposure to beauty as a commodity subtly shaped her sense of worth. Through a small but meaningful realization, she explores how external beauty once subtracted from her self-value, and how shifting her attention toward presence,...
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089 Love in Inconvenience
Mae reflects on a moment that revealed love as action rather than intention, and how showing up—especially when it disrupts comfort—can change a relationship forever. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of the Kizuki Journaling MAE Y method™, a powerful tool for self-awareness and...
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088 A Year of Roots, Light, and Becoming
Mae reflects on the subtle but powerful ways this year shaped her. It’s an intimate look at growth, softness, and the quiet pride that comes from honoring your becoming. Mae Yoshikawa Mae Yoshikawa is the creator of the Kizuki Journaling MAE Y method™, a powerful tool for self-awareness and...
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087 How People Reveal Themselves at the End
Mae reflects on how beginnings often mask the truth of who people are, and how endings reveal everything. Through stories of past relationships, divorce, and the sudden death of her second husband, she explores how rupture uncovers tenderness, avoidance, integrity, or love. Mae Yoshikawa Mae...
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086 Truth Over Harmony
Mae shares a deeply personal moment when clarity arrived only after surrender, leading her to make a difficult decision that created friction. She explores the courage required when internal integrity outweighs external harmony, and how the soul leads us into freedom even when the small self…
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085 When Adults Get Cute
Mae explores why adults sometimes slip into childlike behavior when conversations get uncomfortable. Through real moments and psychological insight, she reveals how these “cute” reactions are often unconscious bids for emotional safety — and how recognizing them can transform the way we...
About this show
KIZUKI the Podcast is a collection of inspiring stories that center around the Japanese concept of kizuki. The host, author and awarded yoga teacher Mae Yoshikawa defines kizuki as a moment of epiphany, an ‘aha’ of realization or insight which opens the knower to a new dimension of truth.
Diving into an up close and personal telling of the kizukis that have starkly shifted Mae’s perspective and transformed her life and mind, it is Mae’s hope that these episodes may serve as a catalyst to inspire and invite a similar unfolding of awareness in your life too.
Kizuki Journaling® Website: KizukiJournaling.com
Personal Website: https://maey.live/
Instagram: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer nofollow" href="https://www.instagram.com/collectingki
Hosted by
Mae Yoshikawa
Categories