Living While Loving Your Child Through Addiction
by Heather Ross
There’s nothing wrong with you for caring deeply about your child’s addiction.For five years Heather used tough love while waiting for her daughter to hit rock bottom. Her health deteriorated and her daughter's addiction escalated. The only thing that hit rock bottom was their relationship. Both their journeys changed when Heather discovered compassionate, evidence-based approaches like CRAFT that healed their relationship and the wounds of tough love.Join Heather as she explores tools and strategies designed to create peace, well-being, and a better relationship with your child.
Episodes
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EP 140 Relationship Matters, Even When Addiction Doesn't Change With Guest Dominique Dajer
Siblings are often overlooked in conversations about addiction and family recovery. They can carry fear, anger, resentment, responsibility, and grief while watching both their sibling and their parents struggle—and may feel like there’s little room for what they’re going through. In this episode…
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EP 139 Rock Bottom Is Not a Plan: What Actually Helps Create Change
Rock bottom is a high-risk gamble - not a reliable recovery plan. Families are often told that a person must experience enough pain and loss before they will become willing to change. But substance use disorder itself involves continuing to use despite serious negative consequences - so why would...
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EP 138 Becoming The Safe Person Your Child Calls For Help With Kelly Krehbiel
What happens when everything you've been told to do isn't working? For years, Kelly believed she had to be the strong parent who held firm boundaries, enforced consequences, and tried to control her son's substance use. The harder she tried, the more he retreated and hid. Everything changed when...
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EP 137 After 30+ Treatment Attempts, She Never Stopped Believing Guest Sheree Stilwell
What do you do when your child has been to treatment over 30 times and nothing seems to work? Many parents eventually lose hope because they're exhausted, terrified, and have been told that tough love is the only answer. In this episode of the Recovery Through Relationship series, Heather talks...
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EP 136 A Mother & Son's Journey Back To Connection with Paula Browne Stumph - Recovery Through Relationship Series
This episode is part of series - The Families We Don't Hear About: Recovery Through Relationship. Elevating the stories of families who chose connection over tough love. Paula Brown-Stumpf spent years feeling like nothing she was doing was working - and a phone call with her son ended in a fight...
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EP135 The 3 Things Keeping You Stuck and Hopeless About Your Child's Addiction
Have you ever thought, "I've tried everything and nothing works?" If you're parenting a child struggling with addiction, that belief probably feels true. You've read books. Listened to podcasts. Gone to meetings. Tried boundaries, consequences, conversations, and prayers. Yet nothing seems to...
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EP134 Recovery Through Relationship With Pam Lanhart
Series: The Families We Don't Hear About: Recovery Through Relationship For decades, families have been told that love, support, and staying connected to a child struggling with substance use is “enabling” and that there’s only one way to help. We don’t hear enough about families that are going...
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EP 133 Why Your Child's Behavior Hijacks Your Mood
If you feel like your mood, energy, and entire day depend on your child’s behavior, you’re not alone. Many parents of children struggling with substance use find themselves constantly reacting, walking on eggshells, overthinking every interaction, and waiting to see what happens next before they...
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EP 132 You're Not Codependent
You're Not Codependent. You're Conditioned. There's a difference. If you've ever asked yourself : Why am I like this? Why can't I calm down? Why do I keep reacting when I swore I wouldn't? Those questions have answers and they're not "you're codependent" or "you just need to detach." Actual…
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EP 131 How Do You Know If Your Child Isn’t Trying - Or If They Really Can’t Do It?
There are two simple concepts that are almost never part of the conversation around parenting and substance use and when they’re ignored, the costs are huge for you, your child, and for your relationship. In this episode I’m breaking down what those concepts actually mean and why understanding…
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EP 130 Becoming a Peaceful Mom: The Deep Identity Healing No One Talks About
When you’re parenting a child who’s struggling with substance use or mental health, it changes you in ways most people will never understand. Your nervous system rewires itself around fear. Your world shrinks to monitoring, anticipating, and trying to prevent disaster. And before you even realize...
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EP 129 A Human Approach to Recovery: Why Making Whole Works When Programs Fall Short With Guest Jeremy French
When traditional treatment hasn’t created the changes you hoped for, it’s easy to feel like there’s nowhere left to turn. In this episode, Jeremy French -founder of Making Whole -offers a completely different way of seeing substance use and what people actually need for recovery and a meaningful...
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EP128 When Love Replaces Fear, You See Everything Differently With Guest Meagan Skidmore
We all start out with dreams for our kids — who they’ll be, what their lives will look like, and how it will feel to be their parent. But when it doesn't turn out anything like we expected, fear kicks in. Maybe your child is struggling with substances, their mental health, or their identity.…
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EP 127 Why Criminalization And Tougher Penalties Aren't The Answer With Guest Susan Ousterman
When we say “justice,” do we mean punishment - or safety, dignity, and repair? In this episode, advocate Susan Ousterman joins Heather to rethink what justice looks like in the overdose crisis. Drawing from lived experience and years of policy work, Susan explains how criminalization fuels…
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EP 126 Beyond Addiction How Science and Kindness Help People Change with Dr. Carrie Wilkens
What happens when compassion, science, and family come together to reshape the way we understand addiction? In this powerful episode, I talk with Dr. Carrie Wilkens co-founder of the Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) and co-author of Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People...
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EP 125 Holistic Trauma Healing With Guest Jackie Jackson
Heather talks with author Jackie Jackson about her new book, Holistic Trauma Healing: Strategies to Integrate the Body, Mind, and Spirit. Jackie shares her personal journey and what she’s learned about healing beyond traditional approaches and integrating different healing modalities. You’ll…
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EP124 You Really Do Have A Choice - Even When You Think You Don't
When you’re parenting a child who struggles with substances, it can feel like you don’t have a choice. The options in front of you often feel terrible, and the weight of helplessness colors everything. I know this firsthand—during the years of my daughter Helanna’s substance use, I felt like my...
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EP123 Why It’s Not About the Alcohol with Guest Colleen Freeland
Guest Colleen Freeland opens up about her 20-year struggle with daily drinking, even while maintaining what looked like a “perfect” high-achieving life. She shares the pivotal moment when she realized alcohol wasn’t the real problem—it was what she believed about herself—and that what she truly...
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EP122 Why Confrontation Backfires And What to Do Instead
You’re told to “hold them accountable” but what if that’s not moving them toward change? Heather shares the science behind why constant confrontation often creates more shame, hiding, and resistance. She offers a clear two-step framework to help you shift perspective and use a balanced approach...
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EP121 Modeling Resilience for Your Family With Guest Pam Lanhart
In this heartfelt conversation, Heather sits down with Pam Lanhart from Thrive Family Recovery Resources to explore how to keep living with purpose, joy, and connection when life throws everything at you—family challenges, health scares, and the unpredictable ups and downs of a child struggling...
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EP120 The Connection Bank Account: A Quick Win to Strengthen Your Relationship Today
When your child is struggling with substance use, it can feel like every interaction is high-stakes. You want to help, but even well-meaning conversations can backfire. That’s why today’s episode is all about a simple but powerful tool: The Connection Bank Account. You’ll learn: • What the...
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EP119 Living Beyond Our Walls: The Wisdom and Humanity of Incarcerated Voices
In this heart-opening conversation, Heather is joined by Debby Kerr-Henry who is the sponsor of The Unlimited Gavel Club, a Toastmasters group where approximately 60 incarcerated men learn to write, speak, debate, and reclaim their sense of purpose. In this episode,Debby shares why she believes...
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EP118 Why You Can’t Say No To Your Child – Even When You Want To
If you’ve ever decided not to give your child money and still felt like your heart was being ripped out so you said yes anyway… this episode is for you. In this episode, I’m unpacking what really happens when we stop giving from a place of survival, and why that decision can feel so excruciating,...
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EP117 Taking Your Life Back Without Letting Go of Your Child
If you’ve ever felt stuck between loving your child and losing yourself, this episode will help you see that taking your life back doesn’t mean letting go. It means leading the way with compassion, clarity, and strength. Heather shares how years of fear, guilt, and hopelessness kept her stuck —…
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EP116 Guilt vs. Truth: One Keeps You Stuck, the Other Sets You Free
Guilt is one of the most common emotions parents face when their child is struggling with addiction, but is it always telling the truth? In this episode, I’m sharing some personal reflections and hard-won realizations about guilt: how it became my default emotion, how it blocked me from feeling...
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EP115 Q&A Should I Kick Them Out?
Today we’re tackling one of the most painful questions parents face when their child is struggling with substance use - "Should I kick them out?" You’ll hear why this question is far more complicated than it’s often made out to be and why it deserves careful thought, not quick advice based on...
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EP114 Our Kids Don’t Steal Our Peace – We Give It Away
For years, I lived with my peace tied directly to my daughter Helanna’s addiction. When she struggled, I felt powerless, sick, exhausted, and consumed by fear. But everything began to shift when I realized that peace isn’t something that can be stolen—it’s something we either protect or give…
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EP113 The Hidden Judgment in Pity—And How Switching To Compassion Builds Connection
There is a crucial difference between pity and compassion—and this distinction can deeply impact your relationship with your child. When we pity our kids, we see them as helpless victims, stripping them of their agency and reinforcing our own feelings of hopelessness. But compassion is…
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EP112 How Making Whole Helps Men In Early Recovery Rebuild Their Lives: Guest Jeremy French
In this episode, Heather interviews Jeremy French, the founder of Making Whole, an organization that fills a critical gap in the addiction recovery treatment system. While traditional recovery programs often focus on short-term stabilization, Making Whole provides the missing piece—long-term...
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EP111 The Truth About Codependency and Enabling
In this heartfelt episode, Heather shares her perspective on the damaging labels of codependent and enabler that are often placed on parents. She explains why these labels are not only unhelpful but also undermine a parent's natural instincts—instincts that are, in fact, a powerful tool for...
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EP110 How To Make Sense of Behaviors That Don’t Make Sense (To You) Pt 2
In the last episode, we explored why our kids can excel in unexpected areas—like chess, gas prices, or mental math—but struggle with everyday tasks like making a phone call or getting to an appointment on time. We looked at the brain science behind these inconsistencies and how substance use...
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EP109 How To Make Sense of Behaviors That Don’t Make Sense (To You) Pt 1
Have you ever felt completely baffled by your child’s behavior? Maybe they can play chess skillfully but can’t seem to get ready for an appointment on time. Maybe they have zero concept of time but can tell you the gas prices at every station in town. These inconsistencies can feel frustrating…
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EP108 Q&A How Can I Live a Happy Life Knowing My Child Might Die?
When we have a child struggling, it’s easy to feel like our happiness is tied to theirs. That belief, often summed up in the phrase, "You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child," can leave us feeling powerless and overwhelmed. But what if letting go of that belief could create more peace, joy,...
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EP107 Siblings Supporting a Brother or Sister Struggling with Addiction - Guest Dominique Dajer from For Love of Recovery
In this episode, Heather welcomes Dominique, founder and host of the podcast For Love of Recovery, which focuses on helping siblings navigate the challenges of having a brother or sister struggling with substance use. Together, they dive into the unique experiences that siblings face, which are...
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EP106 How to Navigate the Holidays with Peace and Intention
The holidays can be one of the most challenging times of the year, especially when your child is struggling with substance use. The stress, uncertainty, and longing for things to be different can feel overwhelming—but it doesn’t have to define your holiday season. In this episode, Heather shares...
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EP105 Manipulation or Desperation? How to Tell the Difference & Respond Effectively
Heather explores the complex topic of manipulation in the context of addiction and family dynamics. When your child is using substances, it’s common to experience behaviors that feel manipulative or self-serving. However, Heather emphasizes the importance of stepping back to see these actions...
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EP104 What To Do When You Can't Stop Crying
Description: In this episode, Heather offers gentle support and guidance for those days when it feels like you can’t stop crying. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions and unsure of how to move forward, this episode is here to help. Heather shares tools for self-awareness, honoring your...
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EP103 Acceptance Meditation
In this short meditation (pairs with ep#102), Heather guides you through a calming practice designed to help you embrace acceptance. Remember, acceptance is a practice—listen to this meditation as often as you need to regain clarity and find peace. Let this be your go-to tool whenever you need a...
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EP102 How To Accept The Unacceptable
In this episode, Heather delves into the concept of acceptance, highlighting that it's not a final destination but a continuous practice requiring intention and effort—especially when life unfolds in ways we never anticipated and find unacceptable. We'll define what acceptance really means, why...
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EP101 Overcoming Overwhelm With Guest Debby Kerr-Henry
In this episode, Heather welcomes Debby back for another deep conversation about wellness and the overwhelming pressures many women face today. They discussed why so many women are on the edge of burnout—juggling multiple roles like mother, spouse, friend, and employee while feeling unseen and...
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EP100 How To End The Chaos
In this episode, you’ll learn six impactful changes that can transform your approach to loving your child through their addiction. These insights will help you reduce the chaos using practical tools. You’ll also learn the value of shifting your focus from trying to control the situation or your...
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EP99 ACEs and Addiction: Strategies for Healing and Growth
This episode offers a heartfelt exploration of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and their far-reaching impacts, providing valuable insights for parents, caregivers, and anyone impacted by these experiences. Through this lens, we explore the often-overlooked trauma that ACEs represent and the...
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EP98 Living While Loving Your Child Through Addiction
New season, new name, and Heather’s unfiltered perspective. Topics covered in this episode: The significance of creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment. The impact of stigmatized language and beliefs. The concept of "rock bottom" vs. "turning point" in addiction recovery. The double...
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EP97 Saving Lives: The Never Use Alone Hotline’s Role In Overdose Prevention with Guest Mike Brown
In this podcast episode, guest Mike Brown, president and founder of the Never Use Alone Hotline (NUA), shares his journey from substance use to becoming a recovery advocate. Mike started NUA in response to his experience with the treatment industry, focusing on harm reduction and overdose...
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EP96 Respecting Autonomy While Positively Influencing Your Child with Guest Lara Okoloko LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker Lara Okoloko and Heather discuss the delicate balance of influence and autonomy in parent-child relationships, particularly in the context of addiction. Lara empathizes with parents caught in the bind of being blamed for the negative aspects of enabling without...
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EP95 Nourishing Hope: An Expert's Compassionate Approach to Eating Disorders with Guest Alice Baker
Your Questions Answered. A few months back, Heather reached out to her Facebook group to inquire about their burning questions on eating disorders. Why? Because navigating a child's struggle with both substance use and an eating disorder can feel like playing an endless game of whack-a-mole. Just...
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EP94 Regret Free Interactions and The Art of Connection
Do you want regret free interactions and a stronger connection with your child? The art of authentic communication takes you from resentment to connection. You can find out how to achieve this result while taking care of yourself. This podcast episode takes an emotional turn, as the host shares…
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EP93 Cultivate Connection, Effective Communication, and Insight With Your Child by Understanding Memory Distortion and Recollection
The pain of feeling disconnected from your child can be overwhelming, but there are powerful ways to shift your approach and create the deep, meaningful connection you desire. Empathy, compassion, and effective communication are at the root of human connection. They’re also a critical component…
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EP92 Unlearning Shame: A Mom's Path to Harm Reduction with Guest Kathleen Cochran
Does this sound familiar? As a parent of a child struggling with addiction, you may have been told to use tough love and set strict rules to help them recover. However, this approach can often lead to feelings of guilt, frustration, and helplessness as you watch your child continue to struggle or...
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BONUS Episode: Happy Enough Holidays
Do you have a child or loved one struggling with addiction or mental health issues? Are you dreading the holidays? Happy Enough Holidays is an interactive workshop hosted by Heather Ross and Beth Syverson on Tuesday, November 14th, 4:30 -6:00 pm PST / 7:30 - 9:00 pm EST $20 for a 90-minute...
About this show
There’s nothing wrong with you for caring deeply about your child’s addiction.For five years Heather used tough love while waiting for her daughter to hit rock bottom. Her health deteriorated and her daughter's addiction escalated. The only thing that hit rock bottom was their relationship. Both their journeys changed when Heather discovered compassionate, evidence-based approaches like CRAFT that healed their relationship and the wounds of tough love.Join Heather as she explores tools and strategies designed to create peace, well-being, and a better relationship with your child.
Hosted by
Heather Ross