PODCAST · comedy
Long Distance, Bit Weird
by Michael Balazo and Sooz Kempner
Comedians and long-distance lovers Sooz Kempner (Doctor Who’s Doom’s Day, Dinner With the Parents) and Michael Balazo (Schitt’s Creek, Evil Men) live on different continents. Seeing as they spend hours each day talking on FaceTime, they thought they might as well start a podcast and monetize their relationship. Each week, Sooz and Michael talk to a comedian guest friend from Britain or Canada about life, love and weird stuff.
Episodes
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E40: The Leading Ladies of CanCon with Andrew Johnston
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week we welcome comedian Andrew Johnston back to the pod to talk about some of the most notable female artists who rose to fame…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep. 14 - More Metro sex columns
On this week's Patreon exclusive bonus episode we're reading more of the least sexy columns every written: sex columns from The Metro, London's favourite free newspaper. This is just a preview, for the full episode head to our Patreon where you'll also find a bunch more exclusive episodes and…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep. 13 - When Athletes Poo...
On this week's Patreon exclusive bonus episode we're being sophisticated grown-ups and, inspired by the lady who diarrhoea'd herself and everyone else at Hyrox, talking about other athletes who have done the same. It's so nice! This is just a preview but for the full almost-hour-long YES THAT'S...
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E39: Lara Croft off of Tomb Raider
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week Sooz tells Michael the story of 90s phenomenon Lara Croft, the superstar lady protagonist of the incredibly popular Tomb...
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E38: Musk - The Documentary by Alex Gibney
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week Sooz and Michael share their thoughts on the new, four-hour documentary about Elon Musk they saw at the Toronto…
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E37: The Rise and (Current) Fall of Nigel Farage Part Two
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week it's the second part of our deep dive into the world of Nigel Farage, Britain's favourite Guinness and champagne swiller.…
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E36: The Rise and (Current) Fall of Nigel Farage Part One
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week it's time for us to go deep inside the world of Nigel Farage. From plane crashes to election losses to constantly getting...
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E35: The Great British Agricultural Show
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Are you ready to FARM? You'd better be, because this week's episode is about the wild and erotic history of British agricultural…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep. 12 - The Deer Hunter review
Over on our Patreon we reviewed Vietnam War epic The Deer Hunter, a film Michael had never seen until this week. In this preview we are discussing various actors who were offered the role of the phantom in the terrible 2004 Phantom of the Opera movie. To hear the full hour-long episode (you know,...
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E34: Dolly Parton and Tim Curry R.I.P.
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. After an interruption of services due to the Edinburgh Fringe, LDBW returns to the airwaves with a very nice episode. Sooz and Michael...
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E33: Michael Jackson's "Moonwalker" Movie & Video Game
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week LDBW returns to a favourite subject, as Sooz educates Michael on Michael Jackson's 1988 "Moonwalker" film, and the…
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E32: Only Fools and Horses
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of a Philip K. Dick novel. This week Sooz introduces Michael to the classic British sitcom Only Fools and...
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep. 10 - Ricky Gervais' Alley Cats
We're watching a clip from Alley Cats, the new animated series where cats swear. This is just a preview of course. To hear the full hour-long episode (which includes discussions of the alleged decline of Mr Gervais and his work, along with some chat about Katie Price) and gain access to all of…
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E31: Count Binface: What Is This?
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week, in the run-up to an exciting British by-election, Sooz tells Michael about the satirical political figure known as Count...
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.09 - World's most married man and John Travolta
This is just a preview of course. To hear the full hour-long episode (which includes discussions of the Tate Brothers going to jail) and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks!
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E30: The Odyssey
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week, Sooz and Michael give an unvarnished review of Sir Christopher Nolan's cinematic adaptation of The Odyssey. What were the...
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UNLOCKED! Bonus Episode 4: Wetherspoon News and a METRO Sex Column!
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Once more, due to international scheduling conflicts and diplomatic difficulties, we're releasing a recent Patreon bonus episode here…
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UNLOCKED! Bonus Episode 7: The Great Stink of 1858
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week, due to international scheduling difficulties, we're releasing a recent Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed. Enjoy…
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E29: Keith Richards' 1977 Toronto Drug Bust
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week, Michael tells Sooz the bizarre story of Keith Richards' 1977 arrest for heroin possession in Toronto. Facing up to seven...
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E28: Oasis vs Blur - The Battle of Britpop
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Oasis. Blur. Dodgy. Who were the true winners of the so-called Battle of Britpop that rocked the UK in August of 1995?* This week…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.08 - More Metro Sex Columns
In this bonus episode, Sooz and Michael are taking a look at the weirdly unerotic Metro sex columns, available in London's favourite free newspaper. This is just a preview of course. To hear the full episode and gain access to all of our exclusive content please head to our Patreon. Thanks! ***...
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E27: Sooz and Michael LIVE from Sooz's Couch!
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. This week Sooz and Michael are together on one of the nicest couches in Britain! You won't believe your ears as they recount their...
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E26: Vindaloo is Coming Home - The Story of England's Immortal Football Anthem
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. OK. This week Sooz tells Michael the unbelievable story of England's immortal football anthem Three Lions. How did it happen? Why is…
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"Canada is Balls" - Canada's World Cup 2026 song by Michael Balazo
Hello LDBW listeners! With the start of the 2026 World Cup just hours away, we decided to adorn your podcast feed with Michael Balazo's new song "Canada is Balls." This song is designed to unite Canada as the country prepares to win the World Cup. There's even a slick music video for "Canada is...
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E25: A Peek Behind the Pub Quiz Curtain with Terrance Balazo
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please give generously. This week Sooz and Michael welcome veteran quizmaster/brother Terrance Balazo to the show to talk about all...
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.07 - The Great Stink!
In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael all about The Great Stink of 1858, when the River Thames was so full of sewage and the sun was so hot that London got too stinky and parliament couldn't operate. Bit on the nose, lads! Literally. This is just a preview of course. To hear the full...
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E24: The October Crisis - Bombs, Tanks and Chaos on the Streets of Montreal
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Hot Stuff. This week Michael tells Sooz about one of the rudest chapters in Canada's history: the October Crisis of 1970, when, after…
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E23: Rainbow, the Beloved British Children's Show
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. At time of publishing, 1 Canadian dollar is worth 0.54p. This week Sooz tells Michael the story of beloved British children's…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.06 - Grogu Time
In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael what a Grogu is. Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz has done some research so that she and Michael, both of whom aren't interested in Star Wars, aren't left behind in the pop culture. If you want to hear the entire episode AND gain...
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E22: Vietnam War Resisters or "Draft Dodgers" in Canada
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But only one is human... This week Michael tells Sooz about the 30-40,000 young American war resisters or "draft dodgers" who decided…
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UNLOCKED! Bonus Episode 3: Sex Column SPECTACULAR
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Please enjoy this! This week we're unlocking a recent Patreon bonus episode in which Sooz reads Michael some incredibly unerotic sex...
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E21: Sooz and Michael LIVE from Bath
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha. This week is a treat for fans of the popular "Actual Customer Letters to Wetherspoon News" segment, as Michael reads THREE...
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.05 - Michael Jackson's Doomed Hollywood Dreams
In this week's bonus episode, Sooz tells Michael some little-known facts about Michael Jackson aka the King of Pop. Please enjoy this free episode preview, where Sooz recounts MJ's thwarted attempts to become a movie star by playing Spider-Man, Jar Jar Binks, Willy Wonka and Peter Pan. If you…
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E20: The Regrettable Men of CanCon with Jesse Hawken
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Two people from two radically different cultures. This week, writer and podcaster Jesse Hawken drops by to talk about some VERY lucky...
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E19: Comedy When the World is S**t with Robin Ince
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Gross! This week, British comedy icon Robin Ince stops by to talk about the importance of comedy in dark times, how he's stayed in…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.04 - Euphoria and Diapers
In this week's bonus episode, a sex columnist from Britain's free METRO newspaper is shocked by the trailer for the new season of Euphoria. Sooz and Michael ask when on-screen nudity and off-screen diapers are justified. If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!
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E18: We Heart Flags - The Sexy Origins of the Union Flag & the Maple Leaf
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Haha. This week's episode is a major treat for flag fans, as Sooz and Michael tell the shocking and sexy stories behind the Union Flag...
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E17: Pierre Trudeau - Canada's Horniest Prime Minister
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Cowabunga, dude. This week, Michael tells Sooz all about late Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's insane/glamorous love life.…
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*PREVIEW* Bonus Ep.03 - Sex Column SPECTACTULAR!
In this week's bonus episode, Sooz reads Michael a selection of NOT VERY EROTIC sex columns from Britain's free METRO newspaper. OOH, SEX! If you want to hear more, you can get the whole episode on Patreon here!
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E16: The Rise and Fall of British Seaside Resorts
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, a podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of sci-fi. This week, Sooz sits Michael down and tells him about the glorious rise and regrettable fall of the...
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E15: UK Lifestyle with Masud Milas
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. And the police can’t do a thing about it. This week, Sooz and Michael welcome comedian Masud Milas aboard to talk about what it...
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E14: A Fun History of Squatting in Britain
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's a nice moment for the Commonwealth. This week, Sooz tells Michael about the history of squatting in Britain. Until 2012…
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E13: Wayne Gretzky with John Semley
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But tell that to someone and they won't believe you. This week Sooz and Michael welcome writer John Semley to the show to talk...
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E12: The UNCENSORED History of the Sunday Roast
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. It's like something out of a humorous film. This week Sooz tells Michael the gravy-sodden history of the Sunday Roast, which…
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E11: Canadian Heritage Minutes with Graham Clark
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Oops! This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and podcaster Graham Clark to the show to talk about Canadian Heritage…
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E10: Red Dwarf with Chris Stokes
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird, the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Which is illegal. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Chris Stokes on board to talk about the cult British...
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E09: Sooz & Michael LIVE from a Travelodge!
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. But HOW??? This week Sooz and Michael are making podcast history by recording an episode LIVE from the Gatwick airport…
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E08: Afternoon Tea & a bit of Panto with Lucy Frederick
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. Thank you. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Lucy Frederick to talk about the uniquely British phenomenon…
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E07: Terrible Canadians in America & Page 3 Girls with Jordan Foisy
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. SOMEONE GIVE THEM A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. This week Sooz and Michael welcome comedian and writer Jordan Foisy to the show to talk...
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E06: Noel's House Party
Welcome to Long Distance, Bit Weird--the new podcast from international comedy couple Sooz Kempner and Michael Balazo. One of them lives in the UK, the other in Canada. CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS??? This week Sooz tells Michael about the uniquely British phenomenon of Noel's House Party. It was the…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Comedians and long-distance lovers Sooz Kempner (Doctor Who’s Doom’s Day, Dinner With the Parents) and Michael Balazo (Schitt’s Creek, Evil Men) live on different continents. Seeing as they spend hours each day talking on FaceTime, they thought they might as well start a podcast and monetize their relationship. Each week, Sooz and Michael talk to a comedian guest friend from Britain or Canada about life, love and weird stuff.
HOSTED BY
Michael Balazo and Sooz Kempner
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Long Distance, Bit Weird have?
Long Distance, Bit Weird currently has 56 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Long Distance, Bit Weird about?
Comedians and long-distance lovers Sooz Kempner (Doctor Who’s Doom’s Day, Dinner With the Parents) and Michael Balazo (Schitt’s Creek, Evil Men) live on different continents. Seeing as they spend hours each day talking on FaceTime, they thought they might as well start a podcast and monetize their...
How often does Long Distance, Bit Weird release new episodes?
Long Distance, Bit Weird has 56 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Long Distance, Bit Weird?
You can listen to Long Distance, Bit Weird on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Long Distance, Bit Weird?
Long Distance, Bit Weird is created and hosted by Michael Balazo and Sooz Kempner.
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