Relationship Advice

In this episode, we talk about how couples can use simple “scales” to better understand each other’s energy, desire, and capacity. Instead of assuming what your partner means when they seem tired, anxious, disconnected, or resistant, naming where you are can turn confusion into context. These tools help couples move out of all-or-nothing thinking and into clearer, more generous communication. Main talking points: Energy Check-Ins Naming Capacity Getting Context Importance Scales Avoiding Assumptions Collaborative Language Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Rhythm - Get 15% off + Free shipping the world’s easiest at home blood testing ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are discussing what it really means to regulate. You know that feeling when you are suddenly not quite in control of yourself? Maybe your body gets tense, your thoughts start moving fast, your tone shifts, or you feel like you might say or do something you would not normally say or do. That is often a sign that your nervous system is activated and needs support.In this episode, Cayla, Colter, and Lauren break down what self-regulation actually looks like in real life and why it matters so much in relationships. They offer psychoeducation about emotions, the nervous system, and the ways our bodies often communicate to us before our minds can fully make sense of what is happening. They also explore practical tools for slowing down, including breath, movement, body awareness, and learning how to notice your internal cues before things escalate.The conversation also looks at the difference between self-regulation and co-regulation. Sometimes we need to learn how to calm and ground ourselves, and sometimes we need safe connection with another person to help us come back into ourselves. This episode is all about understanding those moments of activation with more compassion, building awareness around your patterns, and learning what helps you return to a more grounded place. Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anger can feel disruptive in relationships, but it often shows up for a reason: it signals that something important feels blocked, unfair, or violated. In this episode, we explore how anger can either push partners into blame, shutdown, and disconnection, or help clarify needs, values, and boundaries when it’s expressed with regulation. The goal isn’t to get rid of anger, but to understand it, lower its intensity, and communicate it in a way that keeps both people connected. Main Talking Points Anger’s Function Window Of Tolerance Blocked Goals Pursue And Withdraw Naming Anger Repairing Conflict Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If there is one thing to know about boundaries, it is that a boundary is not about what you need somebody else to do. It is about what you are going to do in response to somebody else’s behavior. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss boundaries from a psychotherapeutic lens and give tools for how to better communicate boundaries. Main Talking Points:  Our bodies are the indicator for when we need to set boundaries. Boundaries exist on a continuum, not as binary bookends. Communication of boundaries should be specific to the prioritized need. We should approach boundaries with grace, generosity, and curiosity. Give Me Discounts! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, the crew dives into the “withdrawer” role in relationships and how rigid, all-or-nothing responses can quietly create disconnection. They unpack why withdrawers often appease, shut down, or avoid conflict altogether — not because they don’t care, but because disappointing their partner feels intolerable. The conversation explores healthier alternatives to passive or rigid boundaries, including slowing down, using buffer statements, getting curious, and learning how to tolerate discomfort without punishing each other. Main Talking Points: All-Or-Nothing Thinking Passive Boundaries Buffer Statements Tolerating Disappointment Vulnerable Curiosity Flexible Responses  Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vacation stress usually isn’t about the trip itself — it’s about the unspoken expectations couples bring into it. In this episode, the hosts unpack the conversations that can completely change the tone of a vacation before you ever leave the driveway: money, planning, intimacy, parenting, downtime, technology, and more. They explore how different nervous systems, personalities, and expectations can either create connection or turn a “dream trip” into the same fight in a different location. Main Talking Points:  Vacation Expectations Planning Differences Money Conversations Parenting Stress Intimacy Pressure Technology Boundaries Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Kiwi Fodzyme - Get 30% off your first order! Rythm - Get 15% off your first month + free shipping! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we are joined by Trevor Hanson who shares his personal journey from anxious attachment and relationship struggles to becoming a therapist focused on helping others build secure attachment. He emphasizes that real transformation comes through emotional experiences—not just information—and outlines a structured approach to rewiring attachment patterns. Through practical tools like self-validation, inner child work, and community-based healing, he shows how people can create lasting security in relationships more efficiently than traditional methods. Main Talking Points Anxious attachment patterns Emotional experiences heal Four healing pillars Inner child work Self-validation tools Repetition rewires brain Connect with Trevor: Website Instagram Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Tanasi - Use code “relationship" for 25% off your first order. Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link!If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does “true intimacy” actually mean—and why do so many couples feel disconnected even when they love each other? In this episode, we sit down with Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith, relationship experts and co-authors of Building True Intimacy, to unpack the deeper layers of connection most relationships are missing. We dive into their Intimacy Pyramid™ framework—a powerful model that explains why so many relationships struggle at the foundation and how couples can rebuild safety, trust, and emotional closeness from the ground up. From the tension between secrecy and privacy to the complicated realities of checking a partner’s phone, this conversation gets honest about what actually builds (or breaks) trust. We also explore what happens after betrayal—and whether it’s truly possible for a relationship to come back stronger. If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or unsure how to rebuild closeness, this episode gives you a clear path forward. Key Takeaways: True intimacy defined Love vs connection gap Intimacy Pyramid basics Secrecy vs privacy Trust after betrayal One small shift Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠⁠AG1⁠ - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  ⁠Quince⁠ - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠⁠ review in iTunes⁠⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ending a relationship is rarely about one big moment—it’s usually a pattern that keeps repeating despite effort, conversations, and growing awareness. This episode explores how to tell the difference between normal relationship challenges that can be worked through and deeper signs of incompatibility or emotional disconnection. We talk about what it looks like when one or both partners stop showing up, when the same conflicts keep resurfacing without resolution, and when the relationship begins to feel more draining than supportive. You’ll learn how to honestly evaluate whether growth is still happening—or if staying is quietly costing you more than leaving. Main Talking Points Repeating patterns Emotional disconnection Effort imbalance Core misalignment Growth vs. stuck Fear of leaving Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode explores the common relationship dynamic where one partner struggles to share vulnerably, and when they finally do, they’re met with criticism, correction, or defensiveness. The hosts explain how these responses unintentionally “punish” vulnerability and reinforce shutdown patterns, even when connection is what both partners want. They emphasize playing the long game—creating safety through validation, patience, and restraint—so vulnerability can grow over time. Main Talking Points Pursuer vs withdrawer Punishing vulnerability Critiquing delivery Validation first Play long game Create safety Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode explores how attachment styles subtly show up on first dates and what to watch for without overanalyzing every interaction. The hosts emphasize that instead of trying to “screen perfectly,” the real work is understanding your own attachment patterns and how they influence who you’re drawn to. By noticing communication patterns, emotional pacing, and responses to vulnerability, you can better identify both anxious and withdrawn tendencies early on. Main Talking Points Self-awareness first Conversation balance Emotional pacing Mixed signals Fast vs slow Questions to ask Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Telling someone to “calm down” usually does the opposite—it makes people feel dismissed, misunderstood, and even more activated. In this episode, the hosts explore why that phrase backfires in moments of anger, anxiety, disappointment, or excitement, and why it often comes from the other person feeling overwhelmed too. They unpack a better approach: co-regulation through validation, steady presence, gentler tone, and asking what support actually helps. Main Talking Points: • Validation first• Tone matters• Co-regulate together• Name the feeling• Ask what helps  Give Me Discounts! ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Quince - Get Free Shipping and 365-day Returns using our link! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The mental load in relationships refers to the invisible work of planning, remembering, organizing, and anticipating what needs to happen in a household or family. When one partner carries more of this cognitive responsibility, it can lead to stress, resentment, and the feeling that the other partner assumes things “magically” get done. Couples can reduce conflict by communicating openly about expectations, acknowledging differences in capacity and strengths, and creating clear agreements about responsibilities. Main Talking Points: Invisible cognitive work Household task planning Capacity differences Clear expectations Communication over criticism Appreciation and teamwork Give Me Discounts!  ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Friendships change as people grow, and those shifts can bring up grief, confusion, frustration, or fear.In this episode, we unpack how growth, life transitions, shifting values, and changing capacity can create tension in friendships, and why our first instinct is often to fix, judge, withdraw, or take it personally. We talk about how asking better questions, staying open instead of defensive, and making space for both grief and care can help friendships adapt rather than fall apart. The goal is not to force the relationship back to what it was, but to navigate change in a way that protects both connection and individuality. Main Talking Points Friendship shifts Asking questions Resisting defensiveness Grieving change Staying connected Healthy boundaries Give Me Discounts!  ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most relationships start with “I love you, you’re perfect”… and quickly turn into wanting your partner to change. The real problem isn’t usually whether they want to change—it’s that change is rarely A→B; it’s a process that requires understanding barriers, reducing shame, and building support. When couples shift from criticism to curiosity and create small, doable systems together, motivation increases and change becomes sustainable. Talking points “Now change” cycle Wanting vs doing Shame kills change Barriers before solutions 1% systems Practice + support Give Me Discounts!  Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Emotional availability isn’t about feeling emotions loudly or perfectly — it’s about presence, regulation, and the ability to hold space without shutting down or exploding. Our capacity shifts based on stress, attachment history, neurodivergence, and what’s happening in our window of tolerance. Instead of hunting for the “perfectly available” partner, growth starts with understanding your own patterns and learning to show up vulnerably and clearly. Main Talking Points: Window of tolerance Capacity vs. timing Attachment patterns Vulnerable communication Boundaries & regulation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does it feel so disappointing to ask for what you want? In this episode, we unpack the hidden belief that “if I have to ask, it doesn’t count” — and how that mindset turns simple needs (compliments, celebration, affection) into silent resentment. We explore the shame, fear of failure, childhood triggers, and meaning-making underneath it all — and how shifting from mind-reading to curiosity can completely change the dynamic. Main Talking Points: • Mind-reading myth • Meaning-making traps • Shame & fear • Childhood wounds • Process > content Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When someone says, “I think my partner is a narcissist,” they’re usually not chasing a diagnosis—they’re trying to make sense of a relationship that feels controlling, confusing, and painful. This episode slows it way down and compares narcissism with insecure attachment patterns (pursuer/withdrawer) and neurodivergence, since the impact can look similar even when the why is totally different. The big differentiator they keep coming back to is flexibility: is there willingness to reflect, learn, repair, and change—even if slowly? Main talking points Impact over labels Spectrum, not binary Rigidity vs flexibility Withdrawer mislabels Neurodivergent overlap Curiosity “experiments” Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There’s been a wave of major U.S. events stirring up big emotions, and this episode stays out of political commentary to focus on how people psychologically respond—in themselves, in relationships, and online. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous-system activation, bias, privilege/positionality, and “defensive attribution” can shape what we believe, how safe we feel, and how we treat people who respond differently. They also walk through 10 common “archetypes” of coping with national unrest and offer a relational path forward: get curious, find safe places to process, and move from reactivity into values-based action. Main Talking Points Nervous system activation Bias + “tribes” Defensive attribution Privilege + proximity 10 coping archetypes Curiosity over combat Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Negotiation isn’t a “business skill” — it’s an everyday relationship skill. Today we sit down TED Talk speaker, best-selling author, and podcast host of Negotiate Anything, Kwame Christian. He is recognized as one of the world's top negotiation experts, and he got good at it by treating tough conversations like a learnable muscle (not a personality trait).  He breaks great negotiation down into three core skills—listening, curiosity, and emotion management—and offers a flexible framework (“compassionate curiosity”) that keeps things collaborative instead of combative. The big shift: do the internal work first (name your feelings, get clear on what you want), then enter the conversation ready to validate, get curious, and problem-solve—without handing your well-being to the other person. Skill, not talent Everyday negotiations Unlearn Hollywood Self-awareness first 3 core skills Compassionate curiosity Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Body image isn’t just “how you look”—it’s how you feel in your body, and that inner experience can quietly shape conflict, closeness, sex, and day-to-day connection in a relationship. Today, we sit down with Samantha Jerome (registered dietitian nutritionist + certified diabetes educator) reframes “health” as a whole-person process—food, movement, sleep, stress, relationships, creativity—and warns that extreme New Year “reset” mindsets often turn into control, shame, and burnout. The episode emphasizes curiosity, small sustainable shifts, supportive environments, and clearer partner communication so body-image struggles don’t hijack time, mental space, or intimacy. Main Talking Points: Body image is felt Curiosity over control Mind–body connection Avoid “reset” extremes Small, sustainable habits Communicate with partner Continue the Conversation with Samatha Website Instagram Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Reaching and responding is the core interaction that helps couples move out of stuck, negative cycles and back toward connection. A reach is an imperfect, vulnerable sharing from the heart, and a response is a soft, attuned way of catching that vulnerability with empathy and curiosity. When couples practice this repeatedly—especially during repair after conflict—they create safety, deepen understanding, and strengthen secure attachment over time. Main Talking Points Vulnerable reaching Soft responses Create safety Shift the cycle Repair before prevent Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we explore what a negative relationship cycle is and why couples get stuck repeating the same patterns during conflict. We explain how protective moves like criticism, shutdown, fixing, or withdrawal are attempts to regain safety—not signs that one partner is “the problem.” Knowing your cycle helps partners slow things down, take accountability for their part, and reduce shame. This awareness creates the foundation for staying regulated and eventually responding with more vulnerability and connection. Main Talking Points • Negative cycles • Protective moves • Self-protection patterns • Triggers & meaning • Awareness before change Give Me Discounts! ⁠Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠⁠ review in iTunes⁠⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the second pillar of a secure relationship: individuation—the idea that what it’s like to be me is different than what it’s like to be you.  They explore how differences in processing, upbringing, values, and sensory experiences can turn from “cute quirks” into major points of conflict when partners feel right/wrong instead of just different. You’ll hear real-life examples, role plays, and practical questions you can take back to your own relationship to build more curiosity, compassion, and realistic expectations of each other. Main Talking Points: • External vs. internal processors • Individuation and attachment • Everyday differences in conflict • Sensory and value clashes • Curiosity over being “right” • Conversation prompts for couples Give Me Discounts! Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠ ⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠ Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. ⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠ Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 ⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠ 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed.  In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn how to notice your own cues, call a break before things boil over, and use this language to create more safety, empathy, and connection in day-to-day life together. Main Talking Points: • What “window” means • Different dysregulation styles • Signs you’re in-window • Using body-based cues • Taking breaks wisely • Expanding your window Check out Relationship Academy! Cozy Earth⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! ⁠Beducate⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. ⁠AG1 - ⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning. ⁠Simple Practice⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing??? ⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! ⁠Skylight⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026 Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list. HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026 Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10 Get $100 off Spark My Relationship 14 hours of relationship content Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla explore why we latch onto birthdays and the New Year as chances to “start fresh,” and why traditional resolutions so often fall flat. They share personal stories about resolutions that worked and didn’t, and offer a more flexible approach rooted in values, season-of-life awareness, and gentle recalibration instead of all-or-nothing goals. You’ll hear practical ideas for setting individual and shared relationship intentions—like choosing a word for the year, doing a values audit, and imagining the “photo slideshow” you want to look back on next December. Main Talking Points: • Milestones as reset • Why resolutions fail • Values over goals • Couples intention talks • Season-of-life reality • Gentle self-compassion Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we break down the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic and why partners so often misunderstand each other during conflict. We explore how our nervous systems, personal histories, and internal stories shape the meaning we make of our partner’s behavior. By slowing down and getting curious, couples can interrupt the cycle and create more connection instead of escalating disconnection. Main Talking Points • Pursuer vs. withdrawer • Meaning-making stories • Nervous system responses • Projection in conflict • Windows of tolerance • Curiosity over certainty Check Out Relationship Academy Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN This episode explores the subtle but important difference between caring for someone and caretaking for them — and why crossing that line can create resentment, burnout, or dependency in relationships. The hosts break down how good intentions can accidentally enable unhealthy patterns, block growth, or strip someone of their autonomy. They also share practical examples, scripts, and mindset shifts to help you support the people you love without taking over their life or their discomfort. Caring vs. caretaking Enabling patterns Emotional discomfort Interdependence balance Healthy boundaries Comfort scripts Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! Main Talking PointsIf you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN This episode explores why affairs happen even among people who genuinely value their relationships and never imagined crossing that line. The hosts break down the emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics that make secrecy, novelty, and unmet needs so compelling. They also examine how betrayal impacts identity, trust, and a couple’s shared narrative — and what healing realistically requires. MAIN TALKING POINTS Secrecy & allure Emotional rupture Unmet needs Fantasy vs. reality Identity confusion Rebuilding trust Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS *We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more* Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN Main Talking Points: Today we dissect a conflict that Colter and Cayla get into. Spoiler alert, it took us a couple of conversations to get back onto the same page.  We thought that this episode could be a good example of how we can disagree, rupture, and eventually repair and reconnect. Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS *We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more* Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla open up about how the holidays can bring up grief, loneliness, or stress instead of joy. They share personal stories of loss, family expectations, and the emotional weight that often comes with “the most wonderful time of the year.” Together, they explore ways to honor what’s hard, set healthy boundaries, and find comfort and connection in the midst of it all. Main Talking Points: Grief and loss Family expectations Emotional triggers Setting boundaries Creating new traditions Supporting your partner Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. CLICK HERE TO JOIN The holidays can bring a mix of love, laughter, and a little chaos. In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren talk about what happens when family dynamics, politics, and expectations collide at the dinner table—and how to stay grounded through it all. You’ll learn how to manage emotional triggers, set flexible boundaries, and focus on connection instead of conflict. Whether you’re hosting or visiting, this episode helps you keep your peace while staying true to your values. Main Talking Points: • Navigating family triggers • Setting flexible boundaries • Hosting vs. visiting dynamics • Planning exit strategies • Dodging heated topics • Leading with values DISCOUNTS & LINKS: Cozy Earth: Use code IDO and stack it on top of their sitewide sale for up to 40% off. Beducate: Visit beducate.me/relationship69 and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Skylight: Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off the 15-inch calendar. Function Health: 160+ lab tests for $365. Learn more at functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit: Visit amazfit.com/IDO for 10% off. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off at SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock If you love this episode, would you mind leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts? It means the world to us and only takes a minute. – Colter, Cayla & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. CLICK HERE TO JOIN Colter, Cayla, and Lauren explore the roots, costs, and recovery process of people pleasing, highlighting how it often stems from fear of conflict, guilt, or learned conditioning. The hosts discuss the emotional and relational toll—like resentment, burnout, and lack of authentic connection—while also offering practical tools to build awareness, set boundaries, and communicate needs more clearly. Ultimately, they emphasize shifting from guilt-based to values-based decision-making in relationships. Main Talking Points: Fear and guilt origins Childhood conditioning Emotional costs Boundary setting Practicing “soft no’s” Give Me Discounts! Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today! Beducate - Visit and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Audible - Listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Get $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at Amazfit - Visit to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter and Cayla sit down with therapist and author Joe Nucci to unpack themes from his book Psychobabble. They dive into common therapy-related myths—like the idea that “everyone needs therapy” or that “more emotional intimacy is always better”—and explore how cultural messages about mental health can sometimes oversimplify or distort deeper truths. The conversation blends humor and insight as they challenge overused self-help tropes, advocate for nuance, and discuss how real growth happens both inside and outside of therapy. Main Talking Points: - Myth: “Everyone needs therapy” — therapy is beneficial but not always necessary - Limited therapist availability and mental health as a social justice issue - Myth: “More emotional intimacy = healthier relationship” — intimacy looks different for everyone - Dangers of over-standardizing “emotional health” in relationships - Therapy as preparation vs. real-world relational growth - Attraction patterns, emotional awareness, and learning through experience Joe’s Links: - Instagram - Website Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Beducate - Visit beducate.me/relationship69 and use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass. Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack the tricky dynamics of navigating family drama—especially with in-laws—through relatable stories, humor, and therapy-based insight. They explore how couples often get caught in “who’s right” battles instead of understanding each other’s emotional experiences and family conditioning. The conversation moves from examples like holiday conflicts and boundary differences to practical strategies for curiosity, validation, and creating teamwork when families collide. Main Talking Points: - Holidays & expectations: balancing rest, traditions, and competing family rituals. - Boundaries & input: navigating unsolicited advice and over-involvement from in-laws. - Cultural & parenting differences: managing contrasting values, politics, or child-rearing styles. - Underlying emotions: shifting from “who’s right” to sharing how it feels (e.g., feeling stuck, unseen, guilty). - Triangulation awareness: avoiding being pulled into sides or family alliances. - Repair & curiosity: using calm, validating conversations outside conflict to understand each other and build connection. Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS Totally free until the end of the year! Access to courses and coaching with the hosts themselves. ⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN⁠ In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the messy reality of family differences—why gatherings can trigger us, how long-held “rules of the game” shape family conflict, and what we can do to stay grounded when things get heated. They explore common sources of family drama—holidays, parenting, politics, religion, and generational expectations—and how guilt, resentment, and old patterns keep us stuck. Ultimately, the conversation centers on learning to slow down, identify our triggers, set boundaries with compassion, and find ways to stay connected even when we disagree. Main Talking Points: - Common sources of family conflict (holidays, parenting, money, politics) - “Rules of the game” in family systems - Understanding triggers and nervous system responses - Balancing boundaries with connection - Compassionate communication and timing - What you can—and can’t—control in family relationships Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren break down how to shift your relationship from reactivity to rhythm by learning to create a positive cycle. You’ll hear the story of Andrea and Marcus—a couple stuck in familiar patterns—who begin transforming conflict through small, intentional changes like naming their stories and taking ownership instead of reacting. From practical tools like “the story I’m telling myself…” to the game-changing “help me help you help me” skill, this episode shows how simple awareness and repair can turn everyday tension into deeper connection. Main Talking Points: Awareness of triggers & old cycles Naming stories with curiosity Accountability vs. defensiveness Intentional “deposits” of connection Repair through validation & empathy “Help me help you help me” negotiation Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jessica Baum shares her personal journey through anxiety and depression that led her into studying attachment theory and writing her books. She explains how cultural messages about independence often conflict with our biological need for connection, and how healing happens through safe, consistent relationships. Her work emphasizes the importance of “anchors”—people who can provide presence, safety, and co-regulation—as a pathway toward secure attachment and earned security. Colter, Lauren, and Jessica talk about topics such as: - Codependency = anxious attachment - Cultural pressure for independence - Healing through safe connection - Importance of anchors/secure people - Co-regulation before self-regulation - Familiar vs. healthy attraction Freebie from Jessica: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/interview Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode looks at why your partner might struggle to “just get over” something that feels small to you. Often, their reaction isn’t really about the forgotten text or missed plan—it’s about old wounds from times they felt invisible or unimportant. Instead of brushing it off, the episode shows how empathy and repair can turn these moments into opportunities for deeper connection. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive into topics like: - Why little things often hit deeper emotional scars. - How “just get over it” shuts down closeness instead of fixing the problem. - Signs that your partner’s reaction is about more than the moment. - Simple shifts—curiosity, empathy, and listening—that help your partner feel seen. - How repair after conflict builds more trust than avoiding fights. Give Me Discounts! NOCD.COM - If you're tired of unwanted thoughts affecting your relationships and other areas of your life, visit nocd.com Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people have experienced moments of withdrawal or disconnection in relationships, especially during conflict. For some, these patterns can create misunderstandings and distance. No matter your role in the dynamic—whether pursuer or withdrawer—we can all benefit from deeper connection and greater emotional safety. Listen to today's show to learn how to support your withdrawer partner, foster secure attachment, and strengthen your bond. Cayla, Colter, and Lauren discuss topics such as: Understanding Withdrawers Key Challenges for Withdrawers Common Patterns in the Relationship Practical Strategies for Loving Withdrawers Balancing Needs in the Relationship Shifting Toward Secure Attachment And more! Give Me Discounts! Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode from Relationship Advice, hosts Colter, Lauren, and Cayla lean into the dynamics of pursuer-withdrawer relationships, focusing on how to understand and support pursuers effectively. As part of a broader series on relational dynamics, this episode emphasizes recognizing attachment needs, addressing raw spots, and providing proactive care to build healthier, more connected relationships. The hosts share personal anecdotes, psychological insights, and actionable strategies to help listeners navigate these dynamics. Key Discussion Points Who are the pursuers in a relationship and what drives their behavior? Pursuers are described as individuals who, during moments of disconnection or conflict, attempt to restore the relationship by seeking engagement. However, their strategies—such as high-energy behaviors, demands, or criticisms—often come across as overwhelming to their partner. Pursuers act out of fear—fear of being abandoned, ignored, or dismissed. Kayla highlights that beneath the demands and criticisms is often a deep sense of insecurity and fear of losing the relationship. Give Me Discounts! Audible - Visit audible.com/janeaustin to get listen to this incredible reading rendition of Pride & Prejudice Skylight - Visit skylightcal.com/IDO for $30 off your 15 inch calendar.  Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365. Learn more & get started at www.functionhealth.com/IDO Amazfit - Visit www.amazfit.com/IDO to get 10% off Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices