Relationships the Good and the Messy!
by Sally Kalan
Relationships: The Good and the Messy with Sally Kalan is a podcast about modern love, dating, emotional patterns, and the clarity that comes from lived experience.For years, the show explored the dynamics of toxic and narcissistic relationships, helping thousands of listeners understand the patterns that keep us stuck in unhealthy love.Now entering a new season, the conversation expands.This podcast is for anyone navigating modern relationships the confusing parts, the hopeful parts, and the wisdom that comes from finally seeing things clearly.Expect honest conversations about dating, emotional availability, patterns we repeat, and what healthy love actually looks like in the real world.Because relationships are rarely perfect.But understanding them changes everything ❤️
Episodes
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What If God Is Protecting You From the Love You’re Chasing?
What if the person you're praying so hard to be with is the very person God is trying to protect you from? Are you struggling to let go of someone you love? Praying for a relationship to work? Waiting for someone to choose you? Or wondering why, despite everything you've tried, the relationship...
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How Do You Know If a Relationship Is Right for You? Look at the Fruit.
Have you ever stopped to think about how beautiful healthy love is actually supposed to feel? Jesus taught us that we recognise people by their fruit. And in Galatians 5:22–23, we discover the beautiful qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and...
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If You’re Waiting for Love, Let Me Pray for You ❤️
You can skip straight to the prayer if you need it today. ❤️ There’s just a short introduction first, and then I want you to get comfortable, close your eyes if you can, and simply listen. This episode is for you if you’ve been asking God, Where is my person? Have You forgotten about me? Why…
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God, Why Haven’t You Brought Me My Person Yet?
You love God. You’ve built a life. You’ve healed, grown, prayed, dated, deleted the apps, downloaded the bloody apps again — and still you find yourself asking: God, where is my person? Maybe the years you’ve called “waiting” aren’t dead time at all. Maybe you’ve outgrown the old, but you haven’t...
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Are You Being Chosen, Or Are You Auditioning for His Love?
Have you spent months maybe even years trying to work out how someone really feels about you? Maybe it’s time to stop asking whether he chooses you and ask a completely different question: are you actually experiencing being chosen? In this episode, I’m talking about the enormous difference…
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Can He Change, Or Are You Wasting Your Time?
Can he change? Yes. But that’s not the question. The real question is whether he wants to change — and how much of your life you’re prepared to spend waiting to find out. In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between real, lasting change and the temporary version that appears when...
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Don't accept a ' hoover ' from your narcissist!
Beautiful people please listen to me .. I do not want you in this perpetual cycle of crazy and trust me when I say that when they reach out whether they do in a week month years even, do not take the bait. If they ever cared an ounce you would not have experienced the extreme heartache pain and...
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Healing Narcissistic chains ~ my book
In this episode, Sally reminds listeners that they are not alone in the struggles they face within relationships. Healing from toxic dynamics is a journey, and understanding what happened is often the first step toward reclaiming your strength and self-worth. Sally also shares insights from her...
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You Can Love Someone and Still Not Be Able to Live Inside the Relationship
Sometimes the hardest relationship truth isn’t “Do they love me?” It’s “Can I actually breathe inside the way this relationship works?” You can have real love, chemistry, connection and history with someone — and still realise that the relationship requires too much adjusting, carrying, decoding…
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How Do You Know You’ve Found the Right Person?
WORK WITH ME PRIVATELY ❤️ I work privately with a small number of people who want clarity and a fresh perspective on their relationship or personal situation. If you’d like to work with me one-to-one, message me PRIVATE on Instagram or Facebook and I’ll send you the details HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’VE...
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It’s ok to feel “ not ok”
We don’t always need to be in a high vibe state ! Sharing a quick podcast on accepting that some days we don’t feel good and to honor that and not push it away .It’s ok to do nothing & feel tired and fed up!! just breathe through it as t will pass, we want to feel our feelings but not wallow in...
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Relax for 5 minutes guided meditation
Here is a quick guided meditation to help remove stress at the end of the day ! Please message me at [email protected] if you would like longer more intimate ones let me know Love feedback ❤️thank you for listening
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Fatherless daughters ~ looking for a relationship to heal the wound ( from the archive )
In this episode, Sally shares a personal reflection on growing up without an emotionally available father and how that experience influenced the choices she made in relationships. Early emotional wounds can shape how we see love, connection, and ourselves, often leading us into patterns we don’t...
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How to find yourself again after a toxic relationship ends
After a narcissistic relationship ends, it can be incredibly easy to stay focused on the other person analyzing their behaviour, trying to understand what happened, and consuming endless information about narcissism and toxic relationships. But eventually, recovery has to become about you. In…
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This is why you "can't" leave a toxic relationship
Episode starts 2 minutes in .... Hey my loves, this is why you can’t leave a toxic relationship, in todays episode I spell it out clearly The good news is you are not stuck & I'm here to guide you. let me know how you found my podcast today and please contact me if you wish to book a call . You...
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How can I end toxic cycles & have a great love? ( from the archive )
Welcome my loves🌈iI get asked all the time will I ever find great love? I’ve only had crappy relationships so I wonder if I will ?.. well Today I share with you what the answer is to this question & what you must do🌸Sit back with a note pad and listen up closely ok? This is a must listen if you...
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Should I stay or go?
Sometimes clarity comes from asking ourselves better questions. In this episode, Sally shares five powerful questions that helped her gain perspective in her own relationships and make clearer decisions. These questions can help you reflect, find your own answers, and move forward with greater...
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How Do You Know You’re Actually Over Them?
How do you actually know when you’re over a narcissistic relationship? Sometimes you don’t even fully understand what you were living through until you’re finally out of it. And healing doesn’t always look the way we expect it to. In this episode, I’m talking about what happens as you begin to…
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3 ways you can find closure after a break up
Breakups are never easy, and the way we move through them can make a real difference to how quickly we heal and regain our strength. In this episode, Sally shares three practical suggestions to help you begin moving forward after a relationship ends. While every situation is different, these…
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How I can help you save years of your life
Morning lovelies ! I have lived the path and I know how much time I wasted in my life trying to figure things out on my own, that was until I invested in my own healing ‘ with what I know now I want to save you years of your life and give you what you need, to go from unhealthy to healthy love !...
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Why Do They Come Back Just When You’re Moving On?
Lovelies I'm keeping this short and succinct .. ❤️ here's the thing they often come back, in fact nearly always, and how do you know if it's a Hoover back or a real change? well have a listen and please be aware . I know we want to believe they have changed but rarely they do !!! So let me know…
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How Do You Trust God When You’re Waiting for Love?
What do you do when you’ve prayed for love, you’ve done the healing, you’ve asked God for guidance… and you’re still waiting? In this episode, I’m talking about what it really means to trust God when you don’t know the outcome yet especially when it comes to love. Because maybe trusting God isn’t...
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Are You in Love or Just Attached?
Listen in to what I know love really is ..... Have you ever wondered whether you genuinely love someone… or whether you’re attached to the connection, the chemistry, the uncertainty, or the future you imagined with them? Because attachment can feel a lot like love. It can be intense, consuming…
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Why am I missing someone ? Even though I know they aren't right for me
Why can’t I stop missing them… even when I know they’re not right for me? If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re not alone. In this episode, I talk about why it’s so hard to let go after a breakup, why your heart and your mind don’t always heal at the same pace, and why missing…
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3 Signs This Isn’t the one God Has for You
Have you ever found yourself wondering… “Is this really the person God has for me?” In this episode, I share the three questions that have completely changed the way I look at relationships. Instead of focusing on chemistry, potential or mixed signals, I talk about something much deeper… The…
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5 things a dismissive avoidant will never do !
In this episode, I share five things you’ll never get from a dismissive avoidant not to criticise or label anyone, but to help you stop waiting for someone who is consistently showing you what they’re capable of giving. This isn’t about understanding them even more. It’s about understanding you....
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Are You Being Chosen… or Just Being Kept Around?
Have you ever found yourself wondering where you stand with someone? There’s a huge difference between being genuinely chosen and simply being kept around and understanding that difference can change the way you approach relationships forever. In this episode, I talk about why healthy love brings...
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What does a healthy man do when he wants you
We’ve made dating so much more complicated than it needs to be. If you’re constantly wondering where you stand, analysing mixed signals, or trying to convince someone to choose you, this episode is for you. Today, I’m sharing what healthy interest actually looks like—and why real love brings…
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Getting Closure ~ Part 2
Getting closure isn’t always about getting one last conversation. In this episode, I share a very personal part of my own healing journey and what God has been teaching me about moving forward when life doesn’t give us the ending we hoped for. We explore why some relationships feel easier to let…
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When You Don’t Get Closure (And It’s Keeping You Stuck)
Have you ever felt like a relationship never really ended? Maybe there was no real goodbye. No explanation. No conversation that gave you the answers you were hoping for. Just silence… distance… and a story that never felt complete. In Part 1 of this special three-part series, I share one of the...
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What does healthy love look like ? ( green flags )
We spend so much time talking about red flags that we often forget to ask a much more important question… what does a healthy relationship actually feel like? In this episode, I share five green flags of emotionally healthy love and why recognising them can change the way you approach dating and...
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WTF do they always come back ? !
Why do emotionally unavailable people, avoidants, and narcissistic exes so often come back into your life? Just when you’re starting to move on, your phone lights up. A message. A “Hey.” A like on social media. Suddenly they’re back. In this episode, I unpack why this pattern happens so often…
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Can an Avoidant change ?
Can an avoidant really change… or are you holding onto hope that’s keeping you stuck? It’s one of the biggest questions I get asked, and in this episode I’m giving you my honest thoughts. We’ll talk about why avoidant patterns develop, why self-awareness alone isn’t enough, and why real change...
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If You Don’t Feel Emotionally Safe… You’ve Got Nothing ⭐
If you constantly feel anxious, confused, or like you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship, this episode is for you. We often think chemistry, attraction and love are the most important parts of a relationship. But what if the one thing that matters most is something we rarely talk about? In...
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Stop trying to understand " him" ..
Morning lovers... What if you’ve been asking the wrong question all along? We spend so much time trying to understand them. Why are they avoidant?Why won’t they commit?Why are they hot and cold?Do they love me?Do they have feelings? But what if none of those questions are the most important ones?...
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Why You Should Block an Avoidant!
One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make is closing the door on someone you once loved. But what if blocking them isn’t about punishing them… what if it’s about finally choosing yourself? In this episode, I talk about why leaving the door open often keeps you emotionally stuck, how avoidant...
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Is my ex missing me ? The truth !
It’s one of the biggest questions people ask after a breakup. Not just because they want their ex back, but because they want to know they mattered. In this episode, I’m having an honest conversation about what it really means to miss someone, why people process breakups differently, and the...
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Why Can’t I Let him Go? The Truth ..
Have you ever wondered why someone can treat you so inconsistently… yet you still can’t seem to let them go? Maybe the question isn’t, “Why am I still attached?” Maybe it’s… “Who am I actually attached to?” In today’s episode, I share one of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve ever had. I realised I...
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The Question That Ended My Overthinking forever
Have you ever found yourself replaying conversations, analysing texts, Googling attachment styles, or trying to understand someone who leaves you feeling confused? I know that place… because I lived there. In this episode, I share the one question Jesus gently brought me back to that changed...
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God Changed Me. So This Podcast Had To Change
Over the last five years something has quietly changed in me. I’ve always believed in God. But I never expected Him to meet me in ordinary life. He met me in heartbreak. He met me in waiting. He met me in grief. He met me in the quiet moments that ended up changing everything. This episode isn’t...
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2 big reasons that you keep going back to your toxic ex 🩵 ( from the archive)
Why is it so hard to let go of a toxic ex even when you know the relationship wasn’t healthy? In this episode, Sally explores the emotional pull that can keep people going back to relationships that hurt them, and why breaking that cycle can feel so difficult. Understanding the deeper dynamics at...
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The narcissist sleeps around ( From the archive)
Narcissistic relationships are unlike any other and breaking free from them requires understanding what you’re really dealing with. In this episode, Sally begins sharing key insights to help you recognise and recover from narcissistic abuse. Over the coming weeks she will continue exploring these...
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Do not contact your EX ( From the Archive)
Hi lovely humans😊Sharing today why the no contact rule works & why you need to listen to the end, let me know if this was helpful and please share & reach out to ask about my 1.1 coaching programs ! Healing after a break up & ending all toxic cycles ~ I’ve got you ❤️book your initial free call…
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Why you can't stop thinking about your ex ! The truth ...
If you’ve ever wondered… “Why can’t I stop thinking about them when I know they’re not right for me?” This episode is for you. It’s easy to think you’re obsessed, weak or simply need more willpower. But that’s usually not what’s happening. In this episode, I explain why emotionally inconsistent…
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A Huge Sign You’re Healing (That Nobody Talks About)
Have you ever realized that someone you once desperately wanted no longer has any hold over you? In this episode, I’m talking about one of the biggest signs of healing that nobody really discusses. Not getting over someone. Not finding someone new. But the moment your taste starts to change. The...
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How God Found Me When I Had Run Out Of Answers!
There was a point in my life where I genuinely couldn’t see a way forward. I felt trapped in a relationship, overwhelmed by my circumstances, and paralysed by fear. I had no idea how I would leave, where I would live, or what starting over would even look like. What makes this story even stranger...
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What Emotional Starvation Actually Feels Like
Most people think emotional starvation feels like loneliness. It doesn’t. Some of the most emotionally starved people are in relationships, surrounded by people, doing everything they can to hold it all together. In this episode, I explore what emotional starvation really looks like, why so many...
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Why You Can’t Force Yourself to Let Go
One of the biggest mistakes we make when we’re trying to move on from someone is believing that letting go is something we can force. We tell ourselves we should be over it by now. We should stop caring. Stop thinking about them. Stop hoping. But what if that’s not how letting go works at all? In...
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Have You Ever Wondered Why God Seems To Take Everything Away?
A relationship changes. A friendship ends. A dream falls apart. An old version of yourself no longer fits. In this episode, I explore John 15 and the idea of pruning not as punishment, but as preparation. What if the things leaving your life aren’t signs that you’ve failed? What if they’re…
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Stop forcing your healing let me explain
We live in a world that tells us to push harder, fix ourselves faster, and hurry up and move on. But what if healing doesn't work like that? In this episode, I explore why the harder we sometimes try to heal, the more frustrated, stuck, and exhausted we can become. I talk about nervous system...
About this show
Relationships: The Good and the Messy with Sally Kalan is a podcast about modern love, dating, emotional patterns, and the clarity that comes from lived experience.For years, the show explored the dynamics of toxic and narcissistic relationships, helping thousands of listeners understand the patterns that keep us stuck in unhealthy love.Now entering a new season, the conversation expands.This podcast is for anyone navigating modern relationships the confusing parts, the hopeful parts, and the wisdom that comes from finally seeing things clearly.Expect honest conversations about dating, emotional availability, patterns we repeat, and what healthy love actually looks like in the real world.Because relationships are rarely perfect.But understanding them changes everything ❤️
Hosted by
Sally Kalan
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