Sexy Marriage Radio

A husband wrote in after our episode with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. He appreciated it but wanted more on the man's side. His wife feels connected to him through sex. But 95% of the time she's not aroused. She has a good attitude about it. She participates. And then when he gets in the shower, she goes and uses a vibrator by herself — because she feels pressured by him to enjoy it when he's there. He named his dilemma clearly: accept the one-sided sex and eventually resent it, or say no to sex entirely and feel disconnected. He's tried both. Neither works. He called himself stuck. He's not wrong that both paths are painful. But there's something worth looking at underneath the dilemma he named — something the vibrator detail revealed that he almost buried in the middle of his own letter. His presence is the pressure. Not his intention. Not something he's doing wrong on purpose. But his needing her to enjoy it, his hoping this time will be different, his watching to see how she responds — that's what's in the room with her every time. And she can only get there when he leaves. Corey and Pam unpack both sides of this one — what he's actually after that he hasn't been willing to name, and what she's discovered about herself that she hasn't brought into the marriage yet. "How often do we think the issue is one thing when in fact it's also another thing entirely." The post One Sided Sex #797 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

If you've ever wondered why desire felt so natural before marriage and so complicated after — this conversation is worth your time. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a psychologist, coach, and fellow traveler in the Schnarch world. In this conversation with Corey, she names something most couples can't quite articulate: the shift from falling in love to being married isn't a sign something went wrong. It's a sign of what was always there underneath. A few things worth listening for: The moment she says "you can either prop up your husband's ego or his penis, but not both." It's not hers originally — it's Schnarch's — but the way it lands in context is worth the whole conversation. Her reframe of the lower desire spouse. Not broken. Not defective. Operating with good judgment inside a system that doesn't work. The Gospel of Thomas quote about bringing forth what is within you. Whether or not that's your tradition, the idea lands. And the woman who came to one of Jennifer's workshops not knowing what she wanted — whose entire life had been organized around everyone else — and what happened when she made one small commitment to herself. This one originally aired a while back. It holds up. The post Best Of SMR: The Lower Desire Wife| Dr Jennifer Finlayson-Fife #796 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

She's been married a long time. She's done the work — therapy, 12-step, forgiveness. The guilt and shame are gone. And she's been giving her husband sex twice a week for years. He knows that's all it's ever been. Her question: how do I get past the guarded sex, the pressure, the fear of never being enough? How do I finally be free? It's a good question. But it's not the first question worth asking. Because somewhere along the way sex became something she gives on a schedule she can't trace back to a decision she ever made. Not something they share. Not something that belongs to her. A transfer. A tithe. And he's been accepting it the whole time — while telling her he wants her to be free. Corey and Pam sit with both sides of this one. What it would actually take for her to find out what sex means to her. And what it means that he's spent years gobbling up what he says he doesn't want. "We spend all our energy fighting about what's missing. The real problem is what's actually present." The post I’ve Given Him Sex #795 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Last week we heard from a wife trying to figure out if she can ever trust her husband again after discovering his affair. This week we're staying on him. All we know about him comes from her email. Four sentences. He denied it at first. Then admitted everything. He says he wants to save the marriage. He's been remorseful and answering her questions. That's it. And it's actually enough to ask the most important question of his recovery. Is he doing this because he's genuinely reckoning with who he was when he made these choices — what it says about him, what was missing in him, what he was actually after? Or is he doing this because losing his marriage, his family, his life as he knows it is terrifying — and fixing things is the fastest way to stop the bleeding? Both look identical right now. The difference only shows up later. When the pressure lets up. When things start feeling normal again. Corey and Pam talk through what that difference actually looks like over time — and why the question doesn't just belong to him. The post What’s Really Driving You? #794 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

A month ago she found out. He denied it, then admitted it. She still doesn't know if she has the full story. She's been talking to her pastor, her friends, anyone who will listen. Everyone keeps telling her the same thing — rebuild trust, do the work, give it time. She knows they mean well. But at two in the morning when she can't stop replaying everything, that advice doesn't tell her what to actually do. Corey and Pam sit with her story this week — not to fix it, not to hand her a reconciliation roadmap, but to name what's actually happening and what's actually hers to do something about. Including the question nobody's asking her that matters more than the one everybody is. It's not how do I trust him again. It's how do I learn to trust myself with someone who's proven they're capable of this? The post Can I Trust Him Again #793 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

A listener asked a simple question: is there such a thing as Christian erotica? They'd done the research, found some authors, and sent the links. But that's not really what they were asking. What they were asking — what most of us are asking when we frame a question that way — is: can someone just tell me if this is okay? Corey and Pam don't answer that question. Instead they go after the one underneath it — what does it mean that you need permission? What's the mechanism underneath erotica, Christian or otherwise? And what would it look like to actually examine what you believe rather than borrowing someone else's verdict? Plus — the Song of Solomon is in the Bible. So what exactly are we arguing about? The post Christian Erotica #792 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

He does oral sex almost every time. Toys every time. Bondage, spanking, dirty talk — all things he pushed through because she wanted them. She agreed to reciprocate. She hasn't. Not once. So is he being selfish for wanting more? That's not quite the right question. The real question is what the word return reveals about what's actually been going on. Corey and Pam unpack the difference between genuine generosity and giving to get — why they look similar from the outside, why your spouse can always tell the difference, and what a ledger does to intimacy over time. Plus — what's her side of this? What does it mean that she said she would and didn't? And what would it take for both of them to stop keeping score? The post Quid Pro Quo #791 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

On this week's episode of SMR … This week's episode explores the deep psychological patterns that influence marriage dynamics, focusing on our expectations, meanings, and self-awareness. It offers insights into how understanding our shadow motivations and settling ourselves can foster healthier, more authentic relationships. The post What Am I Wanting? #790 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This week's episode explores how life-changing events can serve as catalysts for personal growth and relationship transformation. We discuss a woman's journey from rejection to self-discovery and how she redefines her marriage after a betrayal, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and adaptive responses. The post Switching Roles #789 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Frank sexual discussion ahead — this one's for grown-ups. A listener calls in curious about pegging. He found it through porn, and he's terrified to say any of it out loud to his wife. Corey and Pam use his voicemail as the door into a bigger conversation than one sex act. The source of a desire doesn't determine whether it's legitimate. And the real question isn't whether pegging is okay, it's whether he's willing to be known. It ends up where their conversations usually end up. This was never about the act. It's about the risk of being fully known by your spouse, and what a marriage quietly becomes when one person decides that risk isn't worth taking. A line worth pulling: "We think we can hide things. We think we can keep things under wraps. But in reality, it's usually felt in some subtle, pointing-towards way, all the way up to: there's really a disconnect." In the extended content: What does it take for someone to Go First with sharing something vulnerable? The post Is It Really About Pegging? #788 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This episode picks up from "She Knows How to Ride" (two weeks ago), shifting focus from the wife's physical pain journey to her husband's inner experience — seen through her eyes. The couple entered marriage with high hopes and open communication about their sexual relationship. But on their honeymoon, penetrative sex was too painful for her to complete. A year later, little has changed — and he's become increasingly withdrawn, citing tiredness or lack of desire, leaving her feeling rejected and questioning herself. Dr. Corey and Pam explore two possible explanations for his withdrawal: 1. He may genuinely be the lower-desire partner. This is more common than people expect — roughly 25–30% of marriages have a higher-desire wife. If so, the question isn't why he isn't initiating more, but whether he can distinguish between his actual desire level and the desire he's buried to avoid causing her pain. 2. He may be hiding behind "kindness." He could be a higher-desire man who's pulled back out of fear of hurting her — physically and emotionally. But there's a harder question underneath that: is he protecting her, or managing his own anxiety? Because what she actually wants isn't a husband who goes through the motions of obligatory sex — she wants someone present and engaged, something worth riding. The episode draws a parallel to Corey and Pam's own early marriage, where a disclosure just before the wedding shut Corey down for years — a reminder that a single event can rewrite the script for a long time, but it doesn't have to be permanent. The real issue isn't which scenario applies to him. It's whether he's willing to lean in and find out — to be known, to show up with presence even when the answers aren't clear yet. That presence changes everything: the quality of touch, eye contact, the feeling of actual connection versus going through the motions. In the extended content: a deeper dive into the masculine-feminine dynamic and what presence actually looks like in marriage. The post Nothing To Ride #787 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This episode of Sexy Marriage Radio Pam and I talk about the challenges of applying relationship knowledge in real life, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and system disruption to foster genuine change in marriage. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We go through what it really looks like to make better self-respecting moves in life and marriage Let's explore more. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post When Life Turns Upside Down #786 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This episode of Sexy Marriage Radio Pam and I talk about the challenges of applying relationship knowledge in real life, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and system disruption to foster genuine change in marriage. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We go through what it really looks like to make better self-respecting moves in life and marriage Let's explore more. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post She Knows How To Ride #785 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This episode of Sexy Marriage Radio Pam and I talk about the challenges of applying relationship knowledge in real life, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and system disruption to foster genuine change in marriage. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We go through what it really looks like to make better self-respecting moves in life and marriage Let's explore more. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Understanding Isn’t The Problem #784 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

This episode of Sexy Marriage Radio explores the complex dynamics of desire, intimacy, and past experiences in marriage, focusing on a couple's journey from swinging to a faith-based relationship. We discuss how desire, exhaustion, and personal values influence sexual intimacy and how couples can navigate these challenges with understanding and intentionality. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We explore in more detail about the dilemma of the emailer asking is they should open up their marriage again and how that aligns with her Christian faith. Let's explore more. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post From the Swingers Club to Sunday Morning #783 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this Best of SMR episode we discuss common mistakes that married couples make when it comes to initiating sex.  There are dynamics of higher desire and lower desire and patterns that make these mistakes so easy to make. We cover six common mistakes: getting annoyed at being the one who initiates, using covert or roundabout methods of initiation, joking or crude initiations, feeling the need to be as turned on as your partner, using the same initiation method every time, and talking yourself out of initiating.  Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … What make authenticity and vulnerability in marriage so difficult? Is it the motivations behind the vulnerability? The reactions to vulnerable moments? Both? Let's explore more. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Best of SMR: Initiation Mistakes Married People Make #782 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

Corey is celebrating a milestone birthday this year, so this episode explores the recurring themes in marriage, personal growth, and the importance of self-awareness. Join us as we reflect on lessons learned over years of marriage and shared experiences, emphasizing the value of courage, authenticity, and continuous self-improvement. Enjoy the show! Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post SMR Honest Reflections #781 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, Pam and I are joined by Gary and Lisa Thomas as we talk through some simple habits you can do this summer that will have impact on your marriage. Enjoy the show! Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post 3 Habits To Improve Your Marriage This Summer | Gary and Lisa Thomas #780 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, Pam and I explore into the complex reality of sexual lust, shame, and the unseen battles that many marriages face, especially those with a history of hypersexuality, trauma, or previous infidelity. This conversation explores what wives and husbands can do when confronting the persistent mental and emotional remnants of past struggles. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We keep going into the exploration of what we can do with our history and how it impacts our present. But that very process can also be something that creates a much closer marriage than we thought possible. Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post Nobody Talks About This #779 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.

In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, Dr. Alexandra Stockwell joins me again to explore practical ways to deepen intimacy in marriage through everyday interactions, vulnerability, and collaborative decision-making. Discover how small, intentional acts can transform your relationship and foster lasting connection. Enjoy the show! On the Xtended version … We go further into the idea of compromise, and what happens when you reach uncompromising moments in marriage? Sponsors … Evree: Our favorite intimate product! Get 10% off every order with our code SMR - https://smr.fm.evree Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy The post The Little Things | Alexandra Stockwell #778 first appeared on Sexy Marriage Radio.