So Your Parents Are Old

When Jonathan Penner’s wife Stacy Title was diagnosed with ALS, their life changed with shocking speed. He joins Vanessa to talk about caregiving, survival, and the hard-won wisdom of staying present even when everything is getting worse. Connect to resources through Compassionate Care ALS (CCALS). You can also read the Vulture article about Stacy’s fight to make one final movie: Walking Time Bomb.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Lily Houston Smith is our senior producer; music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

When a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, the grieving starts years before the end. In The End Is the Beginning, Jill Bialosky tells her mother’s story in reverse. Jill and Vanessa talk about what it means to “eulogize” someone while they’re disappearing, and how writing can be both tribute and survival. You can read Jill’s New York Times essay on losing her mother during the pandemic.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Lily Houston Smith is our senior producer; music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Elder care and childcare costs are rising fast, while wages and support for caregivers lag behind. Longtime care policy advocate Julie Kashen breaks down how we got here, what it would look like if we treated care as real infrastructure, and offers a surprisingly hopeful framework for what’s still possible.Learn more about Julie's work at The Century Foundation.

Kim Elliott’s caregiving story includes a leukemia diagnosis, a stem cell transplant, and some truly deranged insurance battles. She talks with Vanessa about surviving all of it — and building Gray Monster so other caregivers don’t have to start from scratch.

Michelle Boyaner reflects on lives and relationships while sharing insights from her acclaimed film It’s Not a Burden: The Humor and Heartache of Raising Elderly Parents, which explores the joys and struggles of caring for aging loved ones.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Infamous, Vanessa and her co-host Natalie Robehmed learn about a wild family drama from The Cut writer Angelina Chapin. It’s about Selena Gomez and her mother Mandy Teefey’s mental-health startup, Wondermind. They discuss the pressures created when celebrity and mental health advocacy become a business. Read Angelina’s story, “What Happened at Wondermind?”Read Vanessa’s book, Blurred Lines: Sex, Power and Consent on Campus, and check out Natalie on Instagram at @natrobeTo connect with the So Your Parents Are Old team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you!To connect with Infamous's creative team, join the community at ⁠joincampsidemedia.com⁠

Anna Holmes joins Vanessa to talk about the unnerving overlap between having a parent with dementia and experiencing perimenopause brain fog, and the terrifying question that raises: is this just aging, or the beginning of something worse? It’s a candid, darkly funny conversation about how to stay present, even when we’re afraid.For more from Anna, you can read her New Yorker article, My Mother’s Memory Loss, and Mine or order one of her amazing books. Also discussed: read about the new AI dementia glasses.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Josh Carter, grandson of President Jimmy Carter, grew up in a family where caregiving wasn’t just a value — it was a way of life. He talks with Vanessa about caring for a grandmother with memory loss, supporting a father with Parkinson’s, and parenting a child with serious medical needs. Learn more about the VEO-IBD Foundation.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Writer Cody Delistraty joins Vanessa to talk about his book The Grief Cure, a quest narrative through loss, myth, medicine, and modern grief culture. From the controversial diagnosis of Prolonged Grief Disorder to the American obsession with “getting over it,” Cody argues against the promise of closure, for something far messier (and more human). Also discussed: Cody’s articles on mourning in America, the “magic” of AI, and techno-spiritualism; and How to Change a Memory by Steve Ramirez.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

What if cognitive decline isn’t inevitable? Dr. Majid Fotuhi, author of The Invincible Brain, explains why the brain is more changeable than we think, and how daily habits can affect blood flow, inflammation, and the memory center of the brain. Vanessa and Dr. Fotuhi cover the difference between normal aging, mild cognitive impairment, and dementia, plus the “five pillars” of brain health.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Vanessa talks with certified financial planner, MarketWatch columnist, and My Mother’s Money author Beth Pinsker about the maddening reality of financial caregiving. They cover long-term care insurance, reverse mortgages, and why all this is ultimately about love, not control.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Mal Young, the British television producer and writer best known for his work on The Young and the Restless, joins the show to talk about his parents. With warmth and candor, he reflects on their influence, quirks, and the lessons that shaped both his life and career. Learn more about Mal in this interview.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

If you’re the one keeping the family together—texts, holidays, appointments, feelings—you’re probably “daughtering.” Vanessa talks with Baylor professor and communication expert Allison Alford, author of Good Daughtering, about the invisible work adult daughters do. They dig into guilt, burnout, “daughter rage,” and how to set boundaries that still feel loving (and are actually sustainable).To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Vanessa talks with labor leader and care advocate Ai-jen Poo about the panini generation, and what happens when government fails to invest in care infrastructure. To see what you can do to help, check out Ai-jen’s organization, Caring Across Generations.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Comedian and filmmaker Ryan Beck's parents are just starting to get old, but that hasn't stopped them from getting rid of nearly all their worldly possessions and creating a death binder full of useful information in case they die or lose their faculties. But Ryan wonders if they've gone too far with their Swedish death cleaning. Check out Ryan Beck's hilarious short film about his parents' death binder, A Few Days Home in Johnson County and his podcast, The Meaning of Life.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

What documents matter most when your parents start needing help? Attorney Candace Dellacona, who calls herself a “family’s lawyer," walks through wills, powers of attorney, healthcare proxies, and the mistakes families make when they wait too long. Check out her podcast, The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide, for even more tips, and you can find Candace for all things estate and elder and sandwich planning here.To hear more from Candace, listen to her podcast, The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide. Also mentioned: check out Regal Credit Management to learn about their monitoring services.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Musician and caregiving influencer Chris Punsalan talks with Vanessa about going straight from college to becoming his grandmother’s full-time caregiver. He explains the schedule, strength, and tenderness it took—and why gratitude became his North Star. Learn more about tendercare at trytendercare.comTo connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you!  Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve ever felt like you spend more time buried in paperwork than with your loved one, you probably do—and it’s exhausting. Caregiving expert Pamela Wilson walks Vanessa through the practical legal and financial steps every family caregiver should know.For more from Pamela, you can check out her website or pick up a copy of The Caregiving Trap: Solutions for Life’s Unexpected Changes.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Producer Shoshi Shmuluvitz turns the mic on Vanessa to unpack the personal story behind So Your Parents Are Old—and to talk about what it’s been like turning the messiest chapter of life into a podcast.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Vanessa is joined by Barry Rothbart, whose relationship with his father was fraught for many years. What do you do when your dad is both as bad as he seems, and worse—and you love him anyway? For more from Barry, listen to Searching for Allan Rothbart.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Economist Corinne Low maps the math of women’s time to understand why “having it all” isn’t really possible, especially when aging parents enter the equation. She gives practical advice on how to buy back time, outsource guilt-free, and make choices your future self will thank you for. Read Corinne's bestselling book, Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women's Lives and Getting the Most Out of Yours. To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Journalist and author Alissa Quart joins Vanessa to talk about how to turn a parent’s art into a living legacy while navigating the impossible “third shift” of caregiving. They also zoom out to discuss the economics of aging in America and what it’s like to live in an “anti-compassion time.”Read Alissa’s books Bootstrapped: Liberating Ourselves from the American Dream and Squeezed: Why Our Families Can't Afford America. You can also check out her NY Times Op-Ed, My Mother, the Artist, Discovered at 90, her most recent Guardian article, or see some of her mother’s art @barbaraquartpainter or in this photo inventory. Learn more about the Economic Hardship Reporting Project, or send them a pitch.  To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Collin Moulton’s parents hadn’t spoken in decades—until their failing health forced a reunion no sitcom could script. The comedian joins Vanessa to talk about the chaotic final years of his parents’ lives and what it means to truly grow up when your parents are old.Follow Collin on Instagram to find Collin’s tour dates. To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Journalist and former CNN anchor Amara Walker opens up about her mother’s Alzheimer’s—how she found support in community, how she talks to her children about their grandmother’s illness, and how she arrived at the difficult decision to move her mother to a nursing home.Find out more about the Alzheimer’s Association on their website. The book Vanessa read to her son is called Nana Nana by Nate Bertone and illustrated by James Claridades.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Comedian Kathleen Madigan has turned the trials of caring for her parents into some of her sharpest material. She joins Vanessa to commiserate about Medicare and creepy porcelain basement dolls—and to show how humor can help you through the hardest moments.Hear more from Kathleen on Madigan's Pubcast, and find tour dates on her website. Her new special, The Family Thread is available on November 21.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Actress Erika Christensen joins Vanessa to talk about her new film After All, where she plays a daughter caring for her ill mother. Together, they explore the unexpected intimacy of birth, death, and everything in between.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Most of us fear the word “hospice,” but author and hospice volunteer Ann Neumann wants to change that. From morphine spoons to lottery tickets, she shares stories from the bedside that show how hospice can help us reclaim an ancient, almost forgotten skill: caring for each other at the end. Read Ann's book, The Good Death: An Exploration of Dying in America.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Amanda Uhle, writer and publisher of McSweeney’s, joins Vanessa to talk about her new book Destroy This House. She reflects on her parents’ lifelong struggles with hoarding and the lessons she carried forward after clearing the home they left behind.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

A stunning 80 percent of Americans over 65 own their own home -- and now it's yours, or maybe your problem! Tina Fallon, a realtor with Realty Collective and founder of New York City’s 24 Hour Play series, and a realtor, discusses how to advise your parents on what they should do with their house.Find more from Tina at the Realty Collective and at The 24 Hour Plays.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an episode where we get mad! Comedian Lewis Black cared for his late elderly parents, who lived to 101 and 104. He talks about something nobody wants to even think about: what he'll do when he's too old to care for himself. Hear more from Lewis in his podcast, Lewis Black's Rantcast, or read one of his books.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! 

Leeza Gibbons, the Emmy-winning television host and health advocate, joins the show to talk about her parents. She shares heartfelt stories about their influence, resilience, and love, and reflects on how their lessons continue to guide her both personally and professionally. Check out her work at Leeza's Care Connection.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you! Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Bestselling author and podcaster Jo Piazza (Under the Influence; Everyone Is Lying to You) joins Vanessa to talk about juggling three young kids while moving her mom into Center City Philly. From au pairs to CVS purgatory, they get real about efficiency, boundaries, and multigenerational caregiving.For more from Jo, check out her newsletter, Over the Influence.To connect with the team, find us on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Youtube⁠, or shoot us an email at [email protected]. We want to hear from you!Our production team is Shoshi Shmuluvitz, managing producer and editor; Lily Houston Smith, senior producer; Ashley Warren, production manager; Yi-Wen Lai-Tremewan, studio recordist; and music by Mark McAdam and Amber Devereux.

Have you ever filled several dumpsters with your dead mom’s junk? Found yourself googling how irrevocable trusts work? Or... had to reconstruct your mafioso dad’s identity after he went on the lam - just to get him on Medicaid? Well, So Your Parents Are Old - and this is the show for you. Hosted by longtime journalist Vanessa Grigoriadis, who’s in the thick of it herself, the show dives into everything from estate drama to emotional whiplash, offering real talk and practical advice on dealing with aging parents.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices