The Art of Living Big | Subconscious | NLP | Mindset

Is Betsy moving to the beach? Inquiring minds want to know. Tune in to get the update, and remember that changing course isn’t failure or indecisiveness it’s just listening to oneself, and that not knowing yet isn’t being stuck. It’s important to remain open as we evolve. Decisions can be amended, updated to reflect our needs and wants as we grow. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show today. This is gonna be sort of a shorter show, a shorter episode, and the reason… Well, the reason is ’cause there’s not a lot to talk about with this, but I did wanna give a really important update. You know, I, I had this thought and I wanted to share it with you. It’s kind of a follow-up to an episode that I did a few months ago. If you remember, we talked about how I make big decisions, and I went through, , this whole thought process. And one of the things that I had decided to do in that episode, and I talked about it in the birthday Q&A episode, was moving to the beach, to Florida specifically. And I think in the big decision episode, it was, I was really heavily leaning towards California. Anyway, a few days ago, yesterday maybe, I posted on Instagram that I had come to the realization about the beach and that I felt like I was sort of grieving. And a lot of people messaged me. , I was surprised how many people messaged me and said, “Wait, are you not moving to the beach? What’s happening?” And so I thought maybe we need to do a little update, because I’m certainly not trying to hi- As you know, I tell all the things. And one of the things about this episode, and I think with my social media, and I think just with me in general, is that I tell- things in real time. Like, uh, you know, unless it’s something painful, I wait until I’ve processed those things. But, , if it’s something that I’m actively working on, I think that’s sort of the beauty of this show, right? Is that as things are being in development, w- I share and we talk about them, and I’m noodling through things. And so I wanna talk about this a little bit, … So let’s talk, let’s start from the episode where I talked about big decisions. And man, did I feel like California was the place. In fact, I still do. If somebody came down with a magic wand and said, “There will be no loss, only positive. Where would you like to go?” I would absolutely say I wanna go to California. But there is loss, and there is trade-offs to things. And when I really weighed things from , like, from the place where I am standing, California felt too big. I actually questioned, is it a nervous system thing? , Is it just my nervous system saying I can’t handle that? But I absolutely believe I can handle that. I, I don’t think it was that, and I’m, I’m gonna get into some pieces of this, ’cause it all plays out. But at that time, I, feel like there is one aspect of this that’s financial, and I am d- of the belief, and I stand by this, that financial things work themselves out. I really don’t have a lot of fear. I probably need, I probably need a little healthier amount of fear around finances, and I just believe everything works itself out. I, , it always has, it always does. I just don’t worry about it. , I had a friend that reached out to me, , I don’t know, a month or six weeks ago, and she said, “I have accumulated some business debt, and I’m really stressing out about it.” And I said, “Just don’t look at it.” Just don’t look at it. And she was like, “Well, no, I mean, I…” And I said, “Yeah, I mean, it, it is going to be there whether you look at it or not, but you looking at it is making you feel like crap, and when you feel like crap, you’re not gonna be creating more of it. So why don’t we just not look at it for a little while? Or if you feel like you have to look at it, like, block off 15 minutes every night and think about it. But other than that, don’t think about it. It’s not helping you.” And that’s just been my philosophy, so I just don’t worry about stuff. I know that there are thousands and thousands of people that live in California and figure out the finances, so I know I can too. That wasn’t my worry. There was a little bit of a worry of how I structure my business, some of the ways that I have contractors I couldn’t necessarily have in that way in California. But also there was a point of if I’m making really good s- sound decisions as a 55-year-old woman, it would be a different sound decision financially if I was a 30-year-old woman. , My runway would be different. And when I looked at what I was would be paying in taxes, the difference in the taxes was substantial, taxes on my business. And I thought, you know, is it worth looking for other places just in case there’s another place that I would like just as well? But I wanna tell you that the financial piece really wasn’t the clincher for me, ’cause All that stuff is figure-out-able. Here was the clincher. And I’m gonna make this as simple, , when I describe it as I can, but then we’ll dive into it a little bit, but- I grew up on the East Coast. I’ve always wanted to live on the West Coast, but I grew up on the East Coast. My father is 85 years old, and he lives on the East Coast. All my friends from high school that are my closest friends, they all live on the East Coast, in New England, most of them. My son lives on the East Coast, and the thought, although he is great, he’s 24, he’s doing well, although the thought of moving felt really fun, the thought of being in a place where I could get home without… Like, I could get in my car and get to any one of those people felt really important to me. And when I thought about living on the West Coast and having to… Like, you know, it wasn’t even like I’d have to buy a $1,500 plane ticket, although I would, to get home. And so if I wanted to come home every month, that would be a substantial thing to plan. If somebody was sick or somebody needed me, you know, , to move away at, like, was a whole other layer. So this is what… So those two things are the things that I was like, “Okay, so let me just start taking a look.” And I started looking, and I’m telling you, like, when I say I st- When I say I was looking, , I wasn’t just, , looking at a map. I was going… I, I went all the way around the coast of Florida, and I used YouTube and I used realtors’ videos. So you can find a realtor anywhere you wanna go, and they will do walking tours. They will show apartment buildings. They will show streets and parking lots. I mean, you can find, , a map of the world on YouTube. So- I went all the way down the coast. Besides the fact that I have been to… My dad lived in Florida for 30 years. My step brothers and sisters lived in Florida. , I, I’m very familiar with Florida. , But I checked out all the little places that I might wanna look at, and what I finally decided was I really wanted to be near an airport, like a bigger airport, and I wanted to be in a place where it was a blue dot. You know,, Florida is a red state, and it was important for me to find like-minded people that I could live near and be friends with. Now, I don’t need everybody to think just like me. That’s not what I’m saying, but I do have a trans son, and I wanted to be able to have him come visit in a place where he felt comfortable and loved and supported. And so, you know, I finally decided. I was like, St. Pete seems like a really great place. It’s a blue dot in a red state. It’s near a big airport in Tampa. I have some people that I know that live nearby. My neighbor here in Atlanta used to live there, and we went out to lunch, and she… We pulled out the map, and she gave me all the places to look at. And I planned that trip for my birthday to go down, and I’m, was so sure, I was so sure that I was gonna go down there that weekend and find an apartment. I planned to give notice at my apartment in just a couple days, like July 1st, so then I would move in August, ’cause I have to give two months’ notice. And I was so sure, I bought a plane ticket to go to London. You know, I’m going to London in November, and I bought the plane ticket from Tampa. , That’s how certain I was based on all the research I had done, how I was feeling, everything. So I bought a plane ticket, and I was like, “I’m going down there. I’m gonna find my apartment, figure out where I wanna live. I’m gonna give my notice, break my lease, and I’m gonna move in August after my retreat in Belize in July.” And I felt really good and aligned, and I went down there, and I really had the best time. I met a friend of mine down there, and I mean, I r- I really am so grateful I went down, We went everywhere. Like, we went everywhere, drove everywhere, checked every little place out, and I just couldn’t find a place that, felt right. I felt like I was trying to fit into something that didn’t have room for who I am becoming. And I want to explain something about that, ’cause I think this is where a lot of times we get stuck, is we make a decision, you know, we make a plan, and we commit to it. And then when we get there, or when we get close, we feel something that tells us this isn’t it. And instead of listening to that feeling, we push harder. We try to convince ourselves. We gaslight ourselves, right? And we say, like, “Well, I already decided. I already bought a plane ticket. I already told people. I already started.” But that feeling, that is not a sign that you failed to plan right. It’s not a sign that you’re indecisive. It’s your intuition. And you know what’s the weirdest thing, is I got off the plane, I got in my rental car, and I drove right to a hotel by the airport, and I spent the night, and in the morning, I drove into St. Pete and I called my friend Molly and I said, “This place can’t hold me.” That’s the… I know that’s a weird thing to say, but I was like, “This… It isn’t… This isn’t the place.” Like, I knew, , right away Ugh. And I tried to find other places, and it’s funny, my friend Kim was driving me around, and when we got to the marina area, I perked up a little. She was like, “This is the first time I’ve seen you, like, really sit up and, like, look around.” But I found myself saying things like, “Oh, but in Atlanta we have that.” , I was comparing it a lot to Atlanta. And so I, I really wanted it to work, but I recognized that feeling I had, that’s the feeling that I listen to, and it’s not a sign that I failed to plan. . It’s not a sign that I’m indecisive. It was my intuition. It was, it was me. It was the version of me that I am becoming was saying, “Hey, wait a minute. This doesn’t fit anymore.” And I think there was a version of me that really wanted to move to the beach, , for a decade. M- I mean, more than a decade, but really hyper-focused on it for a decade. There was a version of me that had decided it, and that version was real. I, wasn’t making that up. But here’s what I think really happened over the last year, is I grew. I changed. I became a lot different, and I have a level of decisiveness that I’ve never had before. And the version of me, the one who made the plan, she doesn’t exist anymore exactly like she was. And I don’t mean that in, , like a spiritual, like we’re, we’re all constantly evolving, you know? Although, I believe we are all constantly evolving, but I mean this in a really practical way too. The things that matter to me now are not the same things that mattered to me five, six years ago. The space that I need, the word space, maybe we need to define that. I’m talking about an energetic space, and I don’t know how to explain that other than I hope you know what I mean by that. But like the energetic space that I need has gotten bigger, and the kind of life that I really wanna be living is clearer. And when I went down there and I felt that space and I realized that it was lovely, amazing, beautiful, awesome, and I realized that it didn’t have room for all of me. I wasn’t rejecting the plan, but I was honoring what I know now that I actually need. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s like this part that’s, that’s really important is that I didn’t fail because I changed my mind. I succeeded because I listened, and this was a really important lesson. I think it was like a pivotal point in my whole journey There was a version of me that wanted to live at the beach, and that version of me doesn’t exist anymore. She’s dead. There’s a version of me that lives now, and maybe it’ll still be at the beach, but it won’t be anywhere that I thought, and I have to give space instead of trying to push this. And I think when we’re trying to make big decisions, I’m not making this change. I’m not changing my mind. I’m not even saying never. I’m just saying the way I was doing it, it’s not right. Something’s not right. And I have done a lot of pushing in my life, and I have pushed when something didn’t feel right because I thought that the pushing was the same as being committed. I thought that it meant that I was being brave. I thought it meant that I wasn’t being flaky. I don’t ever wanna be flaky or indecisive. And it is possible to be brave and also to not force something that doesn’t have to be forced right now. You know, my lease isn’t up until mid-February. I could break it pretty easily. It was like two grand to break it, which I really don’t wanna spend two grand either. , If… I’m not, uh, dying in love with where I wanna go that I can’t even wait one more minute. , I d- it’s not like I got two grand to blow. I could. I could push. I could try to make the Florida thing work anyway. I could say, “I’m just gonna go down for a year,” and schlep all my stuff down. Half of it’ll probably get broken in the move. Y- you know how it goes. But the version of me, the one who knows how to listen, she said, “No.” She said, “You don’t actually have to do that. You can stay. You can think about this. You can explore. You can check out California again with new eyes.” When I went home to Vermont a couple weeks ago, all my girlfriends live, , in New York City. . All of them live in New England. All of my friends from growing up, my really good friend Molly that I went to Morocco with earlier this year, New York City. My best friend from growing up, New York City. , One of my other really good friends that I talk to all the time, have for years, New York City. Like, maybe it’s New York City. Maybe I could just stay in Atlanta. I could, my lease could end and I could go month to month., I don’t have to know right now. And I want you to hear this in case you’re in the middle of a big decision, right? Not knowing right now is not the same as being stuck. I have struggled with this ’cause I’m like, “Oh, I wanna know. I wanna know,” because I’m looking forward to where it is. But when I went to Vermont, I recognized that one of the things that was so great about being home was my friends. It was being with people that knew me forever. It was, it was f- like just feeling like I could, I could sleep. I know that’s a weird thing. Like, I could just felt like I could just …, my friend Heather, I just wanted to be like, “Can I sit on your lap? Like, I just need to rest.” And I, it was that feeling of being carried by people we love. And then I think about my son. He’s totally fine if I leave. He’s “Leave. Go to California.” I mean, he’s encouraging me. And we also do a lot of things together. We run out for tacos once a week. We share chicken salad when I buy too much chicken salad. , There are really good things in that, too. And I think before I did this whole experiment, I was overlooking some of the really good things in my life. And so, you know, sometimes listening to yourself means appreciating where you are. Sometimes it means slowing down. Sometimes it means, let me just feel into this thing a little bit longer. Let me see what else is available. Let me not force something because I’m afraid of not, of looking like I changed my mind, you know? So I decided the people who think you’re gonna be flaky for changing your mind are not the people who need to be in your life. The people who matter … And I’ll tell you, nobody thinks I’m flaking. The, uh, and the messages I all got w- like, were so nice and supportive. People were , genuinely interested. Like, “How are you doing this? What’s happening?” But the people who matter, the people who love you, the people who get it, they get it. They understand that you’re listening to yourself, and if they don’t get it yet, that’s okay, too. But I want you to know something. You have the capacity to know yourself better than anyone. Your intuition knows what fits and what doesn’t fit, and I think our bodies know when something is too small or doesn’t have the room for who you’re becoming. And the thing that took me so long to understand is that it is not arrogant to listen to that energetic bubble. It’s actually the most honest thing I think you can do for yourself. It’s telling yourself, hey, your feelings matter here, your f- your needs matter. And,, if you’ve been here for a while and you even if you just listened to the birthday episode and you heard me talking about how I was told a lot as a young woman after my mom died, you know, that my feelings didn’t matter, that my needs didn’t really matter. Other people’s needs mattered more, and I believed that for a long time, and I don’t believe that anymore. And so what’s the best way to honor and to, prove to my nervous system that that’s not true? Is to pause. I’m not gonna pretend something fits when it doesn’t just so I can prove that I can stick to a plan. So I’m staying in Atlanta for right now. I’m staying in my apartment. I’m staying open to what comes, and I’m really, really glad that I went down to Florida. I’m really glad that I tested it. I’m really glad I got to hang out with my friend Kim. I’m gonna go back down probably more times than not, and I’m so pleased with myself because now I know. I know what fits and what doesn’t, and maybe that will fit later. Maybe I’ll go down and visit Kim, and then I’ll be like, “You know what? I can see my life here.” But that’s how you get clarity. , That’s how you get information, you know? That’s a, a big difference, I think, between trying to live the life you thought you should have, ’cause for decades I thought that was the life I should have. The moment … I remember we were driving. Kim and I were driving, and I remember thinking like, “I have dreamt of this moment of having the choice to say, ‘I’m coming here. I’m gonna live here. I’m gonna be able to drive to the ocean in 10 minutes.'” , I have dreamt of that, but the actuality of that it, it, something wasn’t quite right yet. Yet. You know when something feels right and when it doesn’t, and your job is just to listen. My job is just to trust the feeling enough to act on it, even when it doesn’t look like how you thought it was gonna look., But I think that there also has been a lot of grief around that. I think I came home, it’s, I’ve been home now for a month, having this realization, am I ever gonna go to the beach? Is the beach the place? , I never, m- I never imagined the beach, , in the cold. Like, I never imagined, like, Maine being my beach. Do you know what I mean? It was always, , tropical beach, warmer beach, Florida at least, ? And so I think there’s been a grieving because I’m recognizing and I had such a realization that the version of me that l- lived there, is kinda gone, you know? And I, I think there was, like, some sadness in that. I had to… You know, I, I always say, like, when we get divorced, we have to let go of this version of us or this version of our lives that we thought we would have, and I felt like that’s what was happening to me. , I was re- I was really grieving it. It was like on that one podcast with Joy when we recorded the Q&A for my birthday, I was crying, I was so overjoyed. And now, like, I, I, now I’m crying ’cause it’s not what I thought. And, a- a- and here’s the thing, I’m open to anything, and I’m gonna stop- I’m just gonna … I, I guess I’ll say it like this. I’m gonna just become hyper-aware. I’m just gonna be being for a while. I’m gonna notice what lights me up. I made a list ’cause I was like, “What do, what do I want?” And I made a list, and I made sure that the list didn’t include anything that I could discount. So this is what I would do. I would say, , “I wanna have, I wanna be by the beach, but I need to be near a big airport. , I, I wanna be near, on the ocean, but I need to be in a place where I could potentially afford to buy someplace.” So everything has these caveats. So I was like, “I wanna make a list.” Like, I want, I want a screened-in porch for my cat. That’s what I want. I wanna be able to drive to someplace where I feel inspired. I want to be able to feel like I can … Like I belong. I wanna feel rooted. One of the things I noticed when I was in Florida was that I really wanted to This is gonna sound silly, but I really wanted to be able to wear winter jackets. , I grew up in Vermont, like 10 minutes from the Canadian border. , I wanted to be able to, to have seasons. And I got there, and it was my birthday weekend, and it was so hot down there. And although I loved it, I thought, “Could I live in it?” Everything changed. So I started just making lists of, this feels good. It feels good to think about having a big patio for my cat. It feels good to have a place where I have close friendships, the kind where you can open the door and say, “Hey,” and not have to knock, you know? It feels good to have … And so I just started making the list and not worrying if it contradicted anything else on the list. I just made my list, and I’m adding to the list, and the list is just the things that feel good. Will I get all the things? Well, that’d be great, but I don’t know that life works that way. There is grief. There is loss in everything. If I go to the beach, I’m losing things in Atlanta, and if I stay in Atlanta, I’m losing the dream of the beach. But now I realize that maybe the vision, maybe the dream is shifted a little bit, and so I’m gonna just let that be. I’m gonna let that be what it is. I’m in no rush. Life is just waiting for me, and I know that when we go through something big like this, it means there’s something really amazing coming, and I’m gonna just let that thing come without trying to push or control it. Ah. And when you can do that, I think that is when you live a big life. All right. Thanks so much for being here this week. Thanks for being on this journey. I’m open to idea- if you live in a beautiful place and you’re like, “You should come visit,” let me know, ’cause I will check it out. I will add it to my list, and we’ll, we’ll see how it all unfolds. All right. See you guys next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Do you ever wish you could fast forward your life through the hard parts just to get to the good stuff? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy reminds us that getting forged during the tough times is actually part of our reclamation. Skipping over that part would be a disservice to our growth, resilience and strength. Maybe that is where the saying ‘no pain, no gain’ came from? Enjoy the listen and embrace the process:) Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show today. I have been doing… I, I’ve been on w- I’ve been on what I call a podcast tour. So I have been on a podcast tour where I am guests on people’s podcasts. I’ll be sharing those so you can listen if you’re interested, but it’s been really fun. We’ve had dozens of them scheduled, and I have been doing, , it feels like a podcast a day. I did one yesterday. I did one this morning, early this morning. And so as I’ve been doing that, there has been something that’s been coming up, and I thought, “You know what? This keeps coming up in all these conversations, and I feel like it’s a really good conversation to have together here on the show.” And I think even if you are , if you’re listening , and you’re thinking like, “I’m single,” or, “I’m happily married,” this, the… I, wanna say it like this, like the, root of what I’m saying can kind of overlap lots of situations even though the dynamic that I’m gonna explain it in is gonna be about your marriage, okay? With a- w- your partnership, your relationship, whatever that looks like. And I’m gonna try and relate back to other things just so you can kinda see how this overlays lots of things, as, as things do. You know? Nothing is in a vacuum, as they say. So one of the things that keeps coming up in these conversations is about what I hear from so many women, and it is that they know that they would like to leave their husband. And they say like, “If, if you could just wave a magic wand. , I just wanna be down the street in my apartment and settled and be through this thing. I don’t wanna have to actually go through this thing. I just wanna be done with it.” And I hear this over and over and over again, and I have said this. I have said this so many times in my journal. When I look back in my journals, it’s, it, , there is c- so often, like these exact words. , “I am so clear that I don’t wanna be here. I’m so clear that this feels terrible, and I don’t wanna go through what I have to go through in order to get to where I wanna be. And if I could just snap my fingers and be there, then absolutely that is what I would do.” And I think, you know, I think this process is hard. Any time you are moving from one place to another place that you wanna be, whether it’s a big move, leaving a relationship, changing your career, it is hard. And being in the middle of it is hard, and deciding you’re gonna step into what you know is gonna be like a little hurricane before you get to where you wanna go is really hard But what I realized when I started hearing this repeatedly is that there is something underneath that wish. There is something that’s really important, and I want to talk about that. You guys have … You may have heard me talk about this earlier in the year, but on January 1st of this year, I woke up and I was, I was mad. I was I woke up, like, big mad, and I don’t ever wake up mad. , I don’t wanna say ever, never, ’cause I did one day on January 1st, but I, I That is not a typical thing. Like, I’m pretty, , springy out of bed and happy-go-lucky. But this year, I woke up and I was mad. And I woke up mad and I thought, “This is really weird,” because I love, , the, the beginning of a week, the first of a month. Give me the beginning of a year, , I’m like, fresh starts. Like, I love all that stuff, you know? I love setting goals and I love, like, all, of what n- New Year’s means. And so it was weird to me that I felt so angry, and the first thing I thought was that I was mad at my former husband. And that was a weird feeling, because I don’t really think about him. And I realized that I was The, the feeling felt so im- , urgent. It felt very urgent, and my instinct really was, like, it’s the first of the year. I have the day off. There’s a lot to celebrate. I need to just put this aside. Like, brush it asi- you know how we do., I’m gonna focus on other things. And then I thought, “No, no, no. Let me sit. I wanna get, I wanna get big, big mad. I wanna figure this out. , Why is this at my doorstep?” And so I sat. Like you may know, I have my, my thinking chair. And so I sat in my chair and I thought about it, and I thought about it, and I let myself feel it, all the places it was in my body, where it was settling, h- what it felt to me like it looked like, like, how the weight of it, like, all the things. And after some time of noodling through what was actually happening, I realized something. It was that I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at me. I was mad at all those times, all those different circumstances where I should have stood up for myself, where I should have risen from my seat and said, “No more,” and walked away, where I should have said something and I didn’t. And what I recognized after some time was that in each of those situations that I was mad at And that morning, it just, all these instances came into my mind, and what I realized was that each version of me in those situations I was remembering, that version of me that stayed in that difficult situation, was a version of me that was adapting and changing. And she wasn’t always adapting and changing to my detriment. You know, when I, thought back of all these instances, and I was… I thought, “I’m mad at him for this, and I’m mad at him for that, and I’m mad at him,” and I realized I was mad at me for not standing up and leaving. I was mad at me for allowing someone to treat me that way. And when I really sat with it, I realized that I was growing into the version of me who could finally choose herself. And when it was finally time to leave, the version of myself that was resolute and clear and ready for what was next was forged because of those moments. She didn’t stay longer because she was unable. She stayed longer because she ne- needed to be fortified to be able to make a different choice. You know, th- just like you in your marriage or at your work or whatever it is that you’re going through, there are so many moments, you know, when, when you think like, “I knew something wasn’t right. Like, I felt it. I had the knowing, but I didn’t act on it.” And I think that is what had made me so mad on January 1st. I was mad at all the moments that I had the knowing and I didn’t do anything. But it really changed everything when I got this different perspective, that those moments, those versions of me that stayed even though I knew something was wrong, they weren’t weak. It was me adapting. It was me gathering evidence. It was me becoming a version of myself that would eventually be the version of myself that sits here now. So when I felt the anger on January 1st, I,, I was angry at all the places where I had the knowing and didn’t act But those versions of me weren’t weak, they were adapting. . We think of adapting like it’s something that happens to us, like it’s defeat. But adaptation can actually be one of the most powerful things that you can do as a human. It is how we survive. It is, it is how we evolve. It is how we become whoever we need to be for the next moment. And I want you to think about the different versions of yourself. You know, not the versions that people see, the versions that you know about. You know, the versions of you that maybe knew something was wrong, but didn’t have the language for it yet. I found this in my marriage, that having the language for things made really complicated, hurtful experiences make more sense. Language is so important, and I think there is a version of you that likely didn’t believe that you deserved better, right? There’s a version of you that rationalized and minimized and made excuses. There is a version of you that people-pleased so close to the sun that you disappeared a little bit every single day. Do you see what I’m saying? Those versions of you aren’t, failures. They’re like … It’s like a way station, ? They’re the place where you had to learn something, where you gathered a whole bunch of evidence, and where you built the muscle of knowing that something didn’t feel right, even when you weren’t ready to act on it. I think that distinction is really important, because we can know something but still not be ready to act on it, and that is an okay place to be. What’s important is that we are honest with ourselves about our knowing. And every single one of those versions of you are necessary. , Every single moment of, staying small, every single moment of adaptation, , every single moment of where you knew but didn’t act is really important, because they led somewhere. So I couldn’t have gotten to the place that I got without being in the place that I was. That version of me, I feel like I’m kinda going around the horse a million times, but that version of me was made up of all those other versions, right? She was the accumulated learning of a woman who had tried everything else, and she was the resolved version of someone who had finally, gotten to the point where staying was more painful than leaving. And that is the thing that I think women are missing when they say, “I just wanna be divorced without going through the process.” And I understand, , I get it, the process is hard, but the process is also what makes you strong. The process is what forges you. And, you know, when I, when I say that, I think about, like, pottery. You know, like real pottery. When a potter makes a piece of pottery, a bowl or a cup, they don’t just decide it’s gonna be a bowl and then it’s a bowl. They have to work with the clay. ? They do that thing on the wheel like in Ghost, right? They, have to feel places where it’s too thick and it’s too thin, and sometimes they have to squish it all down and remake it and start over. And then you have to be really careful and take it into a kiln, right? Where it’s, , thousands of degrees, and the heat is what makes it hard. It’s the heat that actually… I mean, the, it’s the pressure that gives it the shape, but it’s, the heat of it that makes it strong So going through that process, like I don’t wanna go through it, that’s, it’s, it is the reclamation. It’s the good part. It feels bad, but it is the part that is making you into the version of you that is the beautiful piece of pottery. And if you’ve been wondering about your marriage for a long time, or a big decision for a long time, if you’re someone who has felt the knowing and not acted on it yet, or if you have been waiting for permission to leave, or waiting for something else to happen, or if you’re somebody who’s, , in the process right now, and you’re in the middle of it, and it is hard, I want you to know that every version of you that adapted, every version of you that stayed through something hard, that was you becoming something. That was you gathering evidence. That was you building the strength and the clarity that you would have what you needed for what came next. And, , I think about this sometime as I’m making this decision to move. , It’s hard. There’s a lot of things that I’m weighing. There’s things that I never even thought were important until I got to the place where I had to decide. There are versions of me that I have imagined that I’m not sure if they’ll exist in one place or the other. And so I know that going through a move, like I don’t wanna pack, I don’t wanna… All of that is what it’s gonna take to get to the other side. The expense, the, struggle, the hard work of doing it. Now, remarkably, it is remarkably easier than leaving a long-term partnership. But in so many ways it’s similar. But what I’ve learned, and what you learn when you go through any hard thing, it’s that if you could just have waved a magic wand and gotten through it, you wouldn’t be somebody who could sustain it. You’d, be a different person, and not the kind of person who could be on the other side. I know that I’ve gotta go through making this hard decision on whether to move or not, which I know is a very small thing, but it feels big. It feels big. And I’m not so much worried about making a right or wrong decision, but I am worried about all the work it’s gonna take to get to wherever I wanna go. And I know that when I go through that, I will know myself better, I will learn more about myself, I will know that I can survive minor inconveniences and hard things, and that I can make a decision, and I can stick with that decision, and that I can have a voice, and I can do things that I wanna do. And that is the process. That’s what the process gives you, and that’s what going through it creates for you. So if you have been in the wanting to leave but not in the processing place right now, “I wanna leave, but I don’t wanna go through the process of leaving,” I want you to know something. The process, it isn’t punishment. It’s, it’s not a tax that you have to pay to get to the other side. It is a process that is the thing that makes you. It is the thing that takes all of those other versions of you, all of those other moments of staying small, and gathering, and knowing, and it turns them into something unbreakable. You’re not weak for having stayed. You’re strong because you stayed. You’re strong because you learned, and you’re strong because you finally got to the point where you were ready And so if you’re in that right now, and you’re tired, and you’re scared, and you’re grieving, I want you to know that you are being forged. Every hard conversation that you show up to, every piece of paperwork, every moment where you have to be stronger than you thought you could be, that is the pottery wheel. That’s the kiln. That’s where you becoming the version of yourself that can build a new life is being forged. So you already know this on some level. You already know that you just can’t skip ahead over the hard parts. I wish we could and end up on the other side unchanged. I remember saying to my sister, “I don’t want this to change me. I don’t want to be changed.” And she said, “You already are.” And I thought, “Oh, so true.” Maybe going through the hard part is a way of reclaiming ourselves. You already know that becoming someone new takes time, and heat, and pressure. And you already know that the strength that you’re gonna have on the other side of this is something that you have to earn. And I want you to listen to that knowing. I want you to trust it. And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for being here with me this week. I love you guys so much. I will see you next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

On todays episode, Betsy talks about healing, traveling back to her hometown and how to really choose yourself in the face of pressure and old dynamics. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow adventurers. Hi, everybody. I am back home after a long weekend of being in Vermont. That’s where I grew up, in Vermont, and that’s where my dad still lives. He lived for a long time in Vermont and in Florida, and about a year ago decided to sell his home in Florida, and he’s just in Vermont full-time. So, um, he is 85 years old, and weirdly seems really young. And I know it’s not just me. I know it’s not just my bias view, because I saw so many of my friends from high school, and I’ll get into that, but they all were like, “Why does your dad seem so young? Like, he seems just like he did even 20 years ago.” It is a little unnerving. He’s like Benjamin Button, I guess. Rides his bike, goes to the gym three times a week. He’s very busy, and cognitively still really there. I don’t know. I know intellectually 85 is, you know, a- an advanced age, but I guess the older we get, the more young older age seems. And now 85 just doesn’t seem that old to me, but I know cognitively, I know that it, it is. So this past weekend- I went up to Vermont because my best friend growing up, I had a best friend named Heather, and her younger sister was just a year younger, so Linny. So Linny and Heather were my very best friends, and I spent every waking moment with them. Um, if you have been here for a long time, you may remember when my friend Heather’s mom died about five years, four years ago probably now. Um, and I went up to Vermont and just flew in, went to the hospital, and stayed a few days and then left. So I didn’t see anything in Vermont. It wasn’t like a real visit, but I went up for that. My mom and Heather’s mom were very best friends, so our families were very, very connected. And so a few months ago, Heather’s dad, Bob, passed away, and they were having, like, a celebration of life for him. And so I, I, I really don’t go, like, I’m using air quotes, home very often. I hadn’t been since before I was married, except for when, you know, to go to the hospital, when Michelle was in the hospital. So, you know, it’s… I really don’t go. I, I joke that the only thing that will get me to make the trek home is Heather and Linny. Um, but, you know, they needed me, and so of course I was gonna go, and Bob was such an important part of my life. It feels funny calling him Bob. That was his name. But Daddy Oved is what I c- I called him Daddy or Dad or Mr. Oved. Um, but when he passed away and they were having this celebration for him, then I really wanted to go, and it was really beautiful actually. You know, so many people came to the celebration. It was, like, at the legion hall there in the little town where I grew up. And so many of my friends from growing up were there. You know, people whose lives he had touched, and I think really importantly People who find Heather and Linney to be really important. You know, I think it was also such a beautiful example of the impact that they have on the world, you know, and on their, on their world. And so anyway, it was really nice. Um, you know, Heather still lives in Vermont, has lived a couple places, but she’s back in Vermont, and Linney is just outside New York City. So, you know, it was nice to have everybody come and to see so many friends. And, you know, seeing those friends from growing up, it, it’s like a light, nice little reunion, you know? I think that Mr. Ovitt was complicated, like a lot of our dads. Not especially emotional, but you knew that he cared about you. I remember, and my dad was mentioning this, and, and we talked about this a little bit, but when my mom died, Mr. Ovitt was the first one over at the house and just started cooking for everybody. And I remember actually sitting in my family room. Everybody was in the living room, and I had gone to, like, the family room to kinda, like, get away from all the people. I mean, I was, I was stunned. I was stunned and in shock. But I remember looking from the couch and seeing him leaning over the kitchen and, or over the kitchen sink and doing something. And, um, and yeah, it was just, he had an impact on, on all, on all of our lives. And then, of course, my dad still lives in Vermont, and so I made sure that I planned this trip also around visiting him while I was there, and that’s really kinda what I wanna talk about. You know, I think it can be hard sometimes to go back to the place where we were, who we were, and try and keep the version of us that exists today. I think this is why so many people, you know, fight at the holidays and all that, because we have changed or grown so much, and then you go home, and you are expected to be the same. You know, I wonder sometime if I do this to my own child, you know? I expect them to be a certain way ’cause that’s the way they are. And so in all of that, in trying to manage that experience for myself, I decided to stay at a hotel down the street from where my dad and his wife live. I thought this would be really nice for me so that I could have my own space. And, you know, I knew that going to have this visit was gonna be tricky. You know- I, I’m gonna guess that you all kinda know what I mean by that, right? Like, family dynamics can be really complicated sometimes, and sometimes you just need to have a plan. You know, you need to know how you’re gonna move through it without disappearing into it. And so, you know, the celebration of life for Bob was super nice, and, um, that was on a Saturday. I got there on, um, like the middle of the night on a Thursday. The flights, the flights from Atlanta to Vermont are not simple. Um, but I spent the day with my dad and his wife on Friday, and the celebration of life, and I stayed with my friend, and then went back to a hotel the following day. So all of it was really nice, but at, you know, at the end of the night, my, my family wanted me to stay with them. They wanted me to go get my stuff from the hotel and just stay with them. You know, just keep- Like, c- I, and I guess I understand this in a, in a way, right y’all? Like, we want our children under our roof. Like, I, I, I understand this. But that isn’t the kind of relationship that I really have with my family. And so I had to really decide which version of me is gonna show up here. Is it the old version of me? And really, it’s a version of me from maybe 15 years ago. I haven’t been there since before I got married, like, for a visit. You know, before all the things that I have looked at and healed over the past, you know, I would say 2010, I probably started my real heal- healing journey, so the past 16 years. You know, am I going, am I going to be the version of me who used to show up with them, or am I gonna be the version of me that has done the work? You know, am I gonna be the version of me that would’ve just folded and done what they wanted? You know, if they pressured me or asked me enough, I would’ve just said, “Oh, you’re right, I’ll just do it. It’s easier.” You know, she would have stretched herself thin and made herself available even though she didn’t have it in her. You know, it, I think that at the end of the day she would’ve resented them a little. She would’ve resented them for asking. She would’ve resented herself for doing what they wanted. And I think that in a lot of ways, and I’m gonna say something that’s gonna sound very dramatic, but it would have put me in the crosshairs for continued trauma. And I, I say this, and I know it sounds dramatic. We all have our things with family, so I’m not saying my thing is worse or better or, eh, you know, anything about the degrees of it other than my body and my nervous system interprets what’s happening as a layer of trauma. So what I noticed on this trip was that my body was really working to keep me out of the crosshairs of further injury, and it was a lot to navigate. It was a thing and a moment where I think I had to honor The version of me who was healed and recognizing when something didn’t feel right so that I could make a different choice in the moment. And I could feel it when I would make a different choice, and my whole body would relax. And I would say, “Okay, well, that was the right choice.” My nervous system was speaking to me so, so clearly. And I think when we have lived in a certain way for so long, and then we heal, and then we go back to the place where we used to be that old version of ourselves, it can be really difficult to stay in the version of us that lives our everyday life. You know, I think that when I look at my life in Vermont and the time that I had spent there, and, and really I left, I mean, I left right after high school and went to college, but I would come back. For the first year, I think, of college I went back to my dad’s house. After that, I didn’t go back. I would stay with my sister at her apartment when my dorm would shut down, you know? But, you know, we have continued cr- you know, interactions with our family even if we don’t live with them. And so I feel like when I was there this particular time as a healed person for the first time in 15 years, I could see so clearly my old patterns, the patterns of the people around me, and really why so many things felt familiar inside my marriage. Like, why I chose the way that I chose. Because those same things were actually inside my family dynamic, but I had never really noticed it before. I never noticed it because it was normal. It was, like, reality. I’m using air quotes. Like, reality. Those things were there the, the whole time. And then when I could see it so clearly, I could make a really different choice. So I wanna share with you sort of something that I did knowing going into this and how I kinda handled it. So before I got to Vermont, maybe, like, four or five days before, my nervous system started really reacting to what was coming, and my aura ring was like, “Hey, are you okay? You’re experiencing a lot of stress. You’re not sleeping. You’re in a sleep deficit. What’s going on?” And so I decided that I needed to have a, a real plan, not only for myself and, like, where my personhood was, where my body was gonna be, but also how I wanted to be thinking about this. And so, you know, I’m gonna share this with you in case this helps you, uh, because you’ll have things like this, too, right? It might be when you go home to family, but it might be other things, too. And so what I did was I sat down, and I imagined how I wanted to feel at the end of the trip, not how I wanted them to feel And I know that can be really hard, ’cause so many times we frame things around how we want other people to experience us. But what I wanted to do is I wanted to figure out how I wanted to feel inside my body, but also how I wanted to think about myself and how I moved through that experience. You know, inside the Navigate method, we talk about moving through your divorce with bravery and integrity, and I think that’s really what I brought into this. I really wanted to be in integrity with who I am, like, h- how I treat people, but most importantly, how I treat myself. And I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be brave enough to choose myself, and that word brave that, it sounds so d- I feel like I sound so dramatic. But, it, it is, it is an act of bravery to say no to a family dynamic that has always said yes. It can be difficult to make a different choice and to say, “I know I’ve always just gone with the flow. I know I’ve always done it the way they wanted me to do it, but I’m not going to this time.” And I’ll tell you, it was difficult because There was an ask for me to do something many times, and then when I said no, the ask was asked again and again and again, and the pressure mounted. And I had to remind myself of how do I wanna feel when I leave? Like, when I’m on the flight on the way home, when I look back on this experience, how do I wanna look at how I acted? And I wanted to feel light. I didn’t wanna feel small. I wanted to feel like I had sort of embodied my, my fullness, who I am. You know, I asked myself did I wanna feel proud of how I showed up, or did I wanna carry resentment home with me? And when I would make a choice, I would say which, which way is this gonna land? Am I gonna feel proud of this, or am I gonna feel resentful? You know, I asked myself, like, how did I want to honor what I actually needed, or did I wanna make myself just fit into, you know, the space that they had for me? And I decided in the end, before I even left, I, I did this, like, days before, that I wanted to feel like myself. And so when they asked me not to stay at a hotel, when they wanted me to do what they wanted me to do, I didn’t have to fight with them. I didn’t have to fight with myself either. I just had to remember the feeling that I had decided on, and I knew that if I felt in alignment, if I felt good about myself, if I didn’t have resentment, my relationship with them would be better. And so I said no so many times. I drove myself somewhere. I went back to my hotel. I decided to take a walk. You know, I honored what I had committed to myself, which was really taking care of myself. It was really listening. And you know, in those moments, I really, I really have realized something, that, that choice, the choice wasn’t It wasn’t hard because I’m selfish. It wasn’t hard because I don’t love them. It was hard because for so long the version of me that said yes was the version that I thought I was supposed to be, you know, to be loved or how, whatever it is that we think. That that was the person I believed I had to be in order to belong in that family dynamic, in order to be okay But the truth is, that’s not who I am anymore, and so many of you are likely not who you were last time you went home, or last time you went into an experience, you know, a- an environment. Maybe it’s with your former spouse and you’re doing a family thing with your kids. You know, you’re stepping into something and you’re like, “I’m not the version of me that I was when I was in this last.” And so every time I chose myself, even in the small moments, and there were small moments where I had to say, “I don’t want that. I want this.” “Uh, would you like a Diet Coke?” “No, thank you.” “Have a Diet Coke. I bought you the Diet Coke.” “I don’t really want a Diet Coke.” “You said you liked Diet Coke, so I bought it.” “I, I, I’m choosing not to have a Diet Coke right now.” I mean, like, it, it was a choosing of myself over and over and over again, and I knew, even in those little moments, I am building the version of me that doesn’t have to question whether she belongs here or whether she should do what they want. Do you see what I’m saying? It’s these, like, small choices. They’re not separate from big choices. They’re the same exact thing. It’s the same muscle. And, you know, over the last 15 years of, of healing myself, I have been able to witness these patterns instead of being inside them. You know, before I, I used to feel like I w- would go there, and I would w- be, like, inside a washing machine. Like, I was just being, like, w- waterboard, waterboarded and, and tossed around, and I couldn’t see what was happening while I was in it. I just knew it felt awful. But now, this time, I could step back. I could witness myself. I could see it. And when you can see something really clearly, you get to choose something different and feel more steady in it. And so that’s what happened in Vermont. I could see the pattern. I could see the old impulse to say yes and to shrink myself, and I could still choose differently. So here’s what I want you to try. This is a little tool for you this week. Before you walk into a situation where you know that the tricky parts are gonna show up, take five minutes, close your eyes, and imagine yourself at the end of that time. Not at the beginning, at the end, when it’s all over, when you’re on the flight home, when you’re driving back to your house, when you’re settled in your own bed that night. How do you wanna feel? Not how do you want them to feel, not what do you think you’re supposed to do, not any of those things. But how do you actually want to feel in your body, in your bones? And then as you’re moving through it, you’re not fighting anyone. You’re not white-knuckling through it. You’re calibrating towards a feeling, and you’re making decisions that move you towards the version of yourself that you decide on beforehand, and it changes everything. It’s not about being card, card… Ca- cold, cold or hard. That is my new word, card, trademark. Or selfish. It’s not about putting up walls. It’s just about knowing who you wanna be and letting that be the thing that guides you instead of letting everyone else’s comfort guide you. And I’m gonna say it again, but when we can be truly ourselves, our relationship with those other people can be better. And instead of old patterns, instead of the version of you that you thought you had to be, you get to show up as you, and then you feel good about that, and you don’t have resentment or carry any, you know, harmful feelings afterwards. And I think when you make a choice with yourself in the small moments, you’re not just choosing yourself. You’re saying something to yourself. You’re saying, “I see you, I hear what you need, and I’m gonna take care of you.” And for me, I think that was so huge. Like, I’ve have felt like, you know, perhaps the people around me had failed me in some ways, but I won’t ever fail me. I won’t ever fail me again. And I think every time you can do that, you start to build a version of yourself that knows she can trust herself, she knows she can make decisions, she can count on herself, and I think that is how you live a big life. That is the work. That’s the healing. And that’s what it looks like, you know, when you’re stepping into a version of you that you really wanna be. All right. Thank you so much for being here with me this week. I love you guys so much, and if I can do anything for you, be sure to reach out. Message me on Instagram. If you have a podcast suggestion, please let me know. And if you haven’t ever given this podcast a review, if you could do that, go to iTunes, give us a review. It would mean so much to me. I noticed that recently we got some new reviews, and I forgot how much life that brought me. You know, it’s hard sometimes doing this work on this end of the microphone, not looking at anybody or seeing anybody, and wondering if this is landing, like wondering if this is helping. So if you wanna give me a review, I would be forever grateful. I really do check ’em now, and, and I’m looking. So, all right. Thanks so much for being here. I’ll see you all next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Don’t you just love a quote that sticks and you can replay it for yourself over and over? Well this episode of The Art of Living Big is chock full of them, but here is one that stands out… You’re not gonna forget and you don’t need anger to keep you safe. You already have the thing that keeps you safe, and it’s you. It’s the you who maybe you haven’t been listening to, even when you were talking right over her. So you already know. You’ve always known. Now the work is just how do I trust her? Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show today. I have a couple quick updates, and then I wanna get into what I’m gonna get into. But I’ve had several people that have reached out to me and asked me about my trip to Florida and, like, what the decision was. And I gotta tell you, I’m in a really weird space with it, and I’m just allowing myself to be here. If you’re new here, thank you for indulging me while I while I give you a personal update. But if you’ve been here for a little while, you’ll remember that I went down to Florida to check it out. We talked about that, I think, on my birthday episode. And, uh, you know, I’ve wanted to move to the beach my whole life, and I have always thought it was gonna be California. And then, , for a lot of logistical reasons, I thought it’s worth checking out Florida, and there were some things I really liked about it A- a- and my thought was, you know, as I’m recording this, it’s early June, like June 1st or 2nd, and my thought was … My lease isn’t up at my place until mid-February, so I could move beginning of February or January, whatever, or I could break my lease and move in August. And the reason I thought August was because I had some time. I have a retreat in July, and then there’s a lot of things going on in the fall, and so I thought, “I have some time.” Well, then I start … And so then I went down, and a- again, the beach is lovely. I don’t know. The trip was quite rushed, if you remember me talking about it, and, and lovely. Like I, I h- I had a good time, but I don’t know that any place made my body go, “This is it.” I think I felt most alive in the, , marina area of St. Pete, but there wasn’t anything that made me, like, really jump for joy. Now, does that mean there isn’t anywhere? No. It just means there isn’t anywhere that I necessarily went that made me feel super alive. So that’s information, and n- you know, I always say my body is an oracle and I do what my body says, even if I don’t have the words for it, even if it doesn’t make sense. And so I really just decided I don’t have to decide and move in August. Like, I was breaking my lease. I just don’t have to do that, so really I have until mid-February before I have to do anything. And honestly, it’s my life, and I can go month to month in my apartment if I want. Do you know what I mean? Like, there’s nothing te- like, this is the beauty and also the drama of it, is that there’s nothing making me do anything. And so I decided that I was just gonna ask the universe to make it apparent, to just show me how can this be easy, how can this be in flow, and just see what happens. , When I started thinking about moving in August, I immediately started thinking, “Okay. Well then, – in November I’m gonna have to come back for Thanksgiving, and in December I’m gonna have to come back for Christmas because my son is here. And, , for whatever reasons, it’s easier for me to travel than for him. And so then I had these ideas of, okay, so this is the, I guess, confusion of, or the next challenge I guess you could say, because as soon as I go down there I’m gonna hardly be settled and I’m gonna have to turn around and come back. And then where do I stay? What do I do with Dean Martin? Do I bring him? Do I… I wanna be with him on the holidays, do you know what I mean? I don’t wanna bring him to a kitty hotel. I have a kitty hotel here that I love. Do I bring hi- Like, it started feeling really heavy, and I was like, “Okay, there’s nothing making me do anything.” Also, I’m going to London, and I’m gonna be posting a coffee get-together when w- I’m in London. I’m gonna be posting that in the next couple weeks. You’ll see that on the website, and I’ll tell you here on the podcast and on Instagram. But I’m gonna be going to London, and so then I was… I thought I was gonna be moving so much. I was so certain that I bought a plane ticket to London from Tampa. I’d already bought the plane ticket. But then I’m like, “I’m not… I don’t think I’m going before that.” So I refunded my ticket and changed it, or changed it to just to Atlanta. And that’s fine. Whatever. Th- everything is figureoutable. But there’s nothing that’s saying to me like, “Oh, my God. This is it. This is it.” And if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a I don’t think, I don’t think it’s a yes at all. So does it mean I’m not going to St. Pete? No. It just means it’s not a hell yes yet, and there’s more to do. I’m gonna throw a, an insane twist into this. I said to my sister the other day, about a week ago, I said, ” sometimes I wanna live in Key West.” I really love Key West. “Sometimes I wanna live in Key West, and sometimes I wanna live in New York City.” And I think the combination of those two things is California, which again, I keep going back. And I’ve had several people… I was gonna go visit last week, and whatever, plans got changed around. But , I keep thinking if I go there to look, it’s gonna, that’s what it’s gonna be, and, it’s so complicated. It’s complicated to move that far away for a lot of reasons for me. Could I do it? Yeah, anything. I can do anything I want. And it feels heavy It, does it feel heavy? I wanna make sure I’m saying that right. I wanna make sure I’m being honest with myself. It feels exciting. It feels exciting, and it also feels expensive, and not expensive to live there. That’s not what I mean. . Moving there feels expensive. Do you know what I mean? Like, to actually move that far away, , there’s a million layers to that. I have done a lot of research. Even just moving your car. Do you know what I mean? Like, how long does it take? Gas price is so heavy, and then all of a sudden you gotta stay at a hotel room all the way acro- like, so then is it easier… It’s cheaper for me to buy a flight with my cat and have my car transported. So, I mean, I’ve done this work. But then also, with my business, you know? H- what does that look like? So all this to say, I could go down a million rabbit holes. All this to say, the update is that there’s no update. But the update is that I’m asking the universe to make it apparent. I’m asking the universe to show me the way, and I’m putting it aside. I’m not worrying about it at all. It is a fun adventure that will come my way. And when I think about how I want New York City or Key West, then I think maybe going to, to New York City is a worthwhile adventure to see how my body feels. And so I’m gonna do that. This weekend I’m going to Vermont for a long weekend, and then in the next few weeks or m- within the next month, I’m gonna go to New York City and see how I feel. And that will be the agenda, just to see what my body says. So that is the update that you didn’t really ask for. Thanks for letting me share. Okay. So I have gotten a lot of messages lately, and I keep, I keep thinking about them. Lots of times it’s really hard for me to, , reply in a message. Well, like somebody will ask me such a layered, complicated question, , and although I want to, like, swoop in and tell them all my thoughts, it would be way too much to type, and it’s not, an appropriate thing to do if I’m not their coach. D- do you know what I mean? And so there are some messages that I get that I think about a lot, and I wonder maybe that is something that could be a universal that helps more people, and we could talk about it on the podcast. So I wanna tell you about this kind of thing that people have been writing. And, I’m not gonna tell it to you word for word ’cause- It doesn’t matter, but I’m gonna give it kinda close, because there’s been probably four or five messages like this, but one this morning that I read and I said, “Okay, I’m gonna do, or I’m gonna do a podcast on this.” And the woman wrote and she said, basically, like, “I’ve been divorced a few times now.” Very chic, okay? I’m adding that part, the very chic. She’s been divorced a few times, and basically now she didn’t know how to tell if somebody is worth her time, like, how to trust her own read on it. And I feel like I’ve gotten a version of this kind of question more than once in the last little bit, and I think it stuck with me. This morning I read it while I was on my walk, and, uh, , and so here’s what I wanna talk about today. I know for sure That I will never make the same mistakes again in relationships that I have made in the past. I know it the way that you know your own phone number. And for a really long time, I thought I knew it because I was still angry. So let me explain what I mean. So, , I think that when we decide to leave a relationship that not only doesn’t serve us, but perhaps was damaging to us, it can be really hard to see or understand the depths of that damage when we’re in it. I believe our brain mutes a lot of it out, because to fully understand it and to see it plainly would overwhelm our nervous systems. And so when I left my relationship, I’m not gonna say which one, I’ll leave that vague- vague. But when I left my relationship, it was in the months that followed that I began to get so clear on how bad it actually was. And so I spent a lot of time rehashing or framing new decisions I was making or new situations that I was encountering around the old. So I would, you know, I’d lay there, and go back over a conversation, like what I should have said, or, “Oh my God, I can’t believe that happened. Why didn’t I do this thing?” Right? And I’d run that loop over and over again. Or if I made something in the kitchen and, uh, you know, there was always a joke that I couldn’t cook, which we’ll do a whole episode on that. Um, I ha- I, I started recording a vlog for YouTube, and I’m gonna do it on that, ’cause, ’cause I am changing so many things, and it’s been really fun. So, but if I would make something and it wouldn’t be that good, or I would burn something, I would loop back in my brain around all the times that I was…, that we joked that I was a terrible cook and, you know, that I should be in the kitchen more, and that’s my place, and that’s my office is the kitchen. Like, I would, I would go over these things, and so I would frame new experiences around old things. And so if you had asked me, “Why are you doing that?” I don’t think I could have told you, but it just felt like I couldn’t put it down. I would be in the, in the bathroom, and I would be in the shower, and I would think about how I never used to get h- hot showers ’cause the shower would run so long for the previous person. Like, a million things. It’s like I couldn’t have a original experience without framing it against what had happened. But what I see now was that I was, like, keeping the file open. I was keeping all of it right there in front of me so that I wouldn’t forget. Because if I forgot, if I let myself soften, if I got fuzzy in the way of memories, then I thought I might miss it next time. Because I was fuzzy when I was in it, right? So I might not see a sign coming. I might not catch a red flag. I might make the same mistakes again. And so my anger constantly being reframed around every freaking thing I did was doing a job. It was, it was acting like a bodyguard that I hired to stand there at my new front door and make sure that I never got fooled like that again. Now, I don’t think that the anger was wrong. I think it was an important part of my process. I do think it was protecting me, and it was the best tool that I had at the time. But here’s what changed. What I came to see was that I don’t actually need a bodyguard. Not because some fool couldn’t come walking through the door again The door always needs watching, but because something shifted in me where I recognized that I can watch the door myself, I can trust me, I can listen to myself, and I can, I can lean on me, I can rely on me. And when that went all the way down, when I really felt that, the anger, it,, it just didn’t even have a job anymore. You know, I did an episode called When a Relationship Deflates. I think that’s really around the time that I noticed, or when I wrote that episode, or when I had the thought for it. It was around the time that I noticed that I wasn’t framing anything around them anymore. It wasn’t my anger that was keeping me safe. Now it was my growth. It’s my growth that keeps me safe. It’s the version of me who can feel things in her own body, but not talk herself out of it. And I reinforced that with myself over and over and over again on purpose. I’m gonna talk about that. But every time that I listened to me and it worked out, I noticed it. I, said it out loud. I marked it. I, you know, I would do a little dance in the kitchen and go, “Look at that. I knew, I knew, I knew.” You know what I mean? So I wanna give you some actual examples because this is not a thing that happens like a- I don’t know, like I imagine like a big scene in a movie where I’m like, “Look at this thing,” and now suddenly I’m, I’m cured of this, like rehashing. I think it happens in a lot of little, teeny, tiny ways, and because I am such a journaler and because I have the podcast, I can kind of like look back and be like, “Oh, I remember that was a moment. When I did that podcast, that meant something,” right? That deflation was like when it finally went away and disappeared, you know, all along the way. And so if you wanna go back and listen, in episode, 386, it, it’s called… I think it’s called Do You Know Your Truth? And in that episode, I talk about going to The Bahamas, and I was down in The Bahamas, and I went by myself, and I was having a really nice time. I was down there, I, I don’t remember exactly. If you listen to the episode it’ll tell you, but I think it was a Thursday to a Monday. I had points. The whole trip cost me like 54 bucks. I went down by myself. I had a great time. I got a, like bought a seat at the pool, ’cause you could– there were some pools you could like buy a seat, and I’d ate french fries by the pool. Like, I ordered out- I ordered like o- e- every food they had on the me– like I just did anything that I wanted. And then on that Sunday morning or maybe even that Saturday afternoon, I thought, “I’m done. I’m ready to go home,” and I didn’t leave till Monday. And when something said in me that it’s time to go home, the old me would have argued with that. A- and I wanna say, if I was with people, I would have stayed, right? I, like I wasn’t there to… It wasn’t that important, except that I decided in that moment that nobody else was with me. There was no reason for me to stay other than it had been– it was paid for, even with points, like it still was paid for. And, you know, the old me would’ve been like, “It’s another day at the beach.” Like- Find something fun to do. Just stay. Uh, but I felt it, and my body is an oracle, and I was like, “I don’t wanna be here. Like, I’m just done. I’m not mad. I’m just I’m just done.” And so I trusted that. I packed up and I went home a day early. Okay? That is one time that was fairly big. So I think this starts to happen in really tiny ways and then in big ways, and I knew even when that was happening, this is an opportunity for me to, uh, create an experience for my brain. Like, I, I thought through it even in the moment. And then, y- you know, a couple weeks ago, I talked about in episode, um, 423, it was my birthday Q&A, and I talked about getting asked out on a date, but something in my whole body was like, “No.” I was in the shower that morning, and I was angry because they were asking me to, like, drive 40 minutes, and I just it’s… Which there’s nothing wrong with driving 40 minutes. There’s nothing wrong with meeting for lunch. There’s nothing wrong with any of it, but for me, my body was like, “No, no.” Like this, I don’t want this. This isn’t… I, I don’t know if there was, like, something familiar in it where my body was like, “Oh, we’re not gonna do this again, this thing of meeting for lunch and…” I, I don’t know. I don’t know what it was. I didn’t have to know. I just knew my body was like, “Ugh.” And so instead of overriding it the way that I used to, the way that I had been trained to my whole life, and I could come up with a million reasons. It’s fair. We’ll just go to lunch. It’s not that far. It’s only 20 minutes more than I wanted to drive each way. It’s the middle of the day, but it’s fine. I work for myself. It’s o- I, I can make my own schedule. It’s fine if I’m not getting done all the things I wanted to get done. It’s fine if I had no intention of meeting somebody for lunch but wanted to go out for cocktails. Like, it’s fine if I’m not gonna be able to dress up ’cause it’s lunch, when I wanted a different experience. And so instead, I just listened to that, and I trusted the no, and I was like, “No. I, I don’t wanna go.” And good for him because he dodged a bullet with me ’cause I wouldn’t have been I would, I wouldn’t have been in the place where he wanted to be if that’s what he wanted to do. You know what I mean? Good for him. And there are friendships over the past year where I have put up big boundaries where I never would have had the spine for before, like big, big ones. Uh, one time, I, I… Just the tone in somebody’s voice made me go, “Okay, that made something happen in my body. I did not like how they talked to me, and I won’t do that again with somebody else.” They’re not a bad person, and I don’t wish any harm on them. But for me, in where I was in my process, it was really important for me not to override myself in big or small ways. And here’s what I want you to know about, about doing that. I think that when you do it enough times, those big and small things, your body and your brain really start to experience the whole world different. You know? You, you, you start to believe in yourself, right? And once you believe in yourself, you don’t need the anger anymore. You don’t need to keep the file open. You don’t need to reframe every single thing that happens in your life. You don’t need to go out with friends and go, “Oh, I remember when this used to happen.” You don’t. You can just let it close. So- If you are, like, sitting in it right now, like you’re really trying to figure out whether you wanna stay or you wanna go, because I think, and I’m open to being wrong, but I think probably a lot of you are carrying anger or there’s, there’s anger h- I wanna say like festering. It’s almost like we can’t let ourselves feel the anger yet, ’cause if we felt all the anger we actually feel, we would explode into the vortex. And so we c- we temper it, you know what I mean? Like, we push it down. We end up getting a lot of resentment. I think that’s easier to, like, I wanna say swallow, but it’s easier to, like, understand or feel. And so if you’ve been carrying that for years, like somewhere in there you started to think that the answer is the anger. Like, if I can just stay angry enough, ’cause there’s moments where you’re not angry, and then you’re like, “Oh, well maybe I don’t know what to do,” so you think the anger is telling you what to do. The anger is gonna keep me from going numb for, for talking myself back into it again. Like, if I can keep the anger then I’ll know for sure, even though I’m not making any decisions to leave or to stay. Like, I’m not making a decision to stay. Even if you’re there, you may not really be there, you know what I mean? And so I’m not telling you to stay and I’m not telling you to go, ’cause that is not my job. That’s not why you’re here. But I wanna offer you this. Your anger isn’t your clarity. Your anger is your bodyguard. It’s like the thing that you hired because somewhere along the way you stopped trusting yourself to catch it on your own. So the work, the real work, isn’t deciding while you’re furious. Ugh, I know. It would maybe be easier. But your real work is, is building your trust back so that you can put the anger down and make the call, you know, from a steadier place, from a part of you that already knows how she wants this to go And so, you know, women that are writing me that are divorced already one time, two times, three times, telling me that they don’t know anymore how to tell if they’re gonna date somebody new, if it’s worth their time or, or people messaging me asking if they should stay or go, that they’re so resentful and angry they don’t even know what to do. What I wanna say is, you know, you don’t have to wait until you’re out to start building the scaffolding around you. You know, you build it now in the marriage, in the question. Like, in those regular moments where your body says something and you get to decide whether you listen, right? You get to decide which thing you listen to because that muscle that you build while you’re trying to decide, it’s the same muscle you use later to rebuild your life. If you decide to stay, it’s the same muscle you use to be able to keep your relationship in a good place. It’s the muscle that lets me say today to myself, “I trust myself completely to make good relationship decisions for the rest of my life.” Friendships, people that work with me, y- you know, uh, r- relationships, romantic relationships, every relationship in my life, I choose well, and if I choose and it stops working for me, I will trust myself to walk out, totally. And until the choice is obvious, I am completely content to be picky, whether it’s where I live or who I date or any of that, because I know what I’m worthy of. So if you’re sitting there wondering, running, running the file, as I say, going over that same thing one more time so you won’t forget, I want you to know you can loosen your grip on it. You’re not gonna forget and you don’t need anger to keep you safe. You already have the thing that keeps you safe, and it’s you. It’s the you who maybe you haven’t been listening to, even when you were talking right over her. So you already know. You’ve already… You’ve always known. Now the work is just how do I trust her? And I think when you have that down, that is how you live a really big life. All right, y’all. If you wanna dive in, we’ve got some calls on our calendar open this week. I think we have a couple left. Um, you can go to my website. Just hit book cook- Just let me s- let me say that again. L- just hit book a call. Book a call. It’s a free call, but it is intentional for people who are looking to get help with this, and that’s for my program, The Navigate Method. And, you know, this is how you start to walk the path and figure it out. You don’t have to stay, and you don’t have to go. You get to decide in this 10-week experience. So, all right. I love you guys so much. I will see you next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode Betsy recounts her trip to Florida and the signs that she experienced while traveling. She explains the ‘put it down’ practice and how it can best serve us in our lives as well as how our brains notice things based on our focuses. This one is a good one if you need a reminder to take stock and choose you. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show today. I recorded this yesterday, and it was amazing. You missed a really good show. My microphone wasn’t on, and I, if you are new here, I do these podcasts. I come up with an idea, and then I just talk. So the kinda cool thing is this will be a totally different show than yesterday, although the same topic. I s- I’m sticking to the same theme ’cause I do have a story that I wanna tell you, and it may be a story that you heard if you’re on my mail list. But I wanna dive in a little bit deeper, and I wanna give you some tools, as we go through this. I wanna talk a little bit about my, my trip to Florida and something very cool that happened, and I, I’m gonna call it magic. I believe that there’s magic that happens all around us, and I believe you have magic that happens all around you, too. So I’m gonna tell you how to find it and how to use it So I’m gonna tell you how to find it and how to use it so that you can actually make your life easier and, you know, maybe a little bit more fun too. So if you’ve been here for a while, you may know that my whole dang life I’ve wanted to move to the beach, and just a few months ago I got the idea that actually there was nothing stopping me and I could do that. And so this, th- I guess it was last weekend, two weekends ago. Memorial Day was this past weekend. The weekend before, I decided I was gonna go down to Florida and I was gonna look around. You know, if you listen to the episode about how I make big decisions, I really was leaning into California, and in fact, had a trip planned for California for this week that ended up getting rerouted. But I had decided that I was also gonna check out Florida for a lot of different reasons. You know, I grew up on the East Coast. Um, my dad is on the East Coast. He, he … And I’m h- I, I was about to say he’s elderly. I guess he is. He’s 85. I guess, I guess that is elderly. It just feels weird to call him that, but he is. He’s not sick or anything. He’s b- he’s a busy dude. But you know, it just feels good to be here. My son lives here in Atlanta, and so I, I would love to be a, a drive away or a 90-minute flight instead of, like, a whole day of travel, you know? So there’s a lot of things, besides the taxes and all of those things. I don’t have a runway like a 30-year-old. I have a runway like a 55-year-old that’s been divorced a couple times, you know what I mean? So we gotta be using our brains here. So I was like, “I’m gonna just go down to Florida and I’m gonna look around.” Tampa checks a lot of boxes because there’s the big airport, it’s a city, it’s by the beach, and, like, that St. Petersburg area. I’m like, “Okay. Well, this could be a place where I could see myself.” And so I thought, “I’m gonna go down there. I’m gonna rent a car and just drive all over.” And as it ended up, somebody reached out from Instagram, and she lives there, and she was like, “I’ll show you around.” And I had, like, the best w- I had the best weekend with her. So it was like I made a really good friend while I was down there. But here’s what happened. I decided I was gonna go down Thursday night. So I was gonna be here for my coaching that I do. We have the Navigate group on Thursdays, and I n- I never miss it. Like, it is a strange, strange moment if I miss it. Um, maybe once a year I will miss. Like, I, I mean, I, this is, like, my favorite thing ever, so I never wanna not be there. So I, although I have coaches that are amazing, and they would be amazing, but I’m just like, “I wanna, I, I wanna be there.” So I’m like, “I’ll do the coaching, and then- pack up my stuff, and head to the airport. I’ll take a flight that night. I’ll land in Tampa. I’ll just get a hotel right near the airport. That’ll be easy-peasy, and then in the morning when it’s light out, I’ll begin my adventure, you know? The next day, Friday morning, was my birthday. It was my 55th birthday. And here’s the thing. I thought to myself, “You know, I wanna be by the ocean on my birthday. That sounds really fun. And, you know, why not have a little adventure?” So that Thursday morning when I was prepping for the Navigate group, I thought, “I need to go bring my cat to the kitty hotel,” right? Like, get Dean Martin situated. Then I can do my thing and head out. And when I was walking around the house, I was, you know, picking up stuff and playing with the cat and doing whatever I needed to do, and I was talking to my mother. Now, if you’re new here, my mother transitioned back when I was in high school, when I was 16. She died when I was … Transition is such a… She croaked. When I was 16 she died in a car accident, and so I’ve never… You know, I haven’t gotten a birthday present from her since I was 16. And I said out loud, “You know, I talk to you a lot, and I trust that you’re here.” But I don’t know. You know, I was kinda like in one of those, like, prove it kind of moods. So I was like, “I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re really here, but if you are, I would like a birthday present. Haven’t had a birthday present from you in a long time, and I would love a birthday present, and I would love if it was something really obvious.” Do you guys do that, too, where you’re like, “Make it a sign,” and then the sign comes, and then you’re like, “Make it a signier sign. I need it to be super signed.” So I was like, “I want a birthday present. I want it to be really obvious.” And I said out loud, “I want it to be really obvious, not like an Amazon gift card or something,” which is kind of a weird thing to say, ’cause I would happily accept an Amazon gift card. But I, you know, said it out loud, and I actually felt it when I said that. Like, it felt funny when I said it, and then I continued. I was busy, busy. I was a busy girl all day. And anyway, I get to the airport. I get settled into the Sky Club because I have a Delta corporate card. I’m about to tell you all of the things that I require to travel, but I’m also too cheap to pay for them, so I have like a million workarounds. So first of all, I got my flight for free using points. I buy a coach seat, but I am Platinum, so I always get upgraded. Why am I Platinum? It’s not because I travel all the time, but it’s because I use my Delta corporate card for everything, for all my business stuff, right? So we end up putting a lot through that, and it gets me to Platinum status, okay? The cool thing about Platinum is you get to choose, like, your present, you know what I mean? Like, you get to choose the thing that you get. And so I have chosen, and I think you have to choose for the year, and I have chosen that I would get upgraded. So I always buy a coach seat, and typically I’ll get upgraded at least to Comfort Plus. I’m a short woman, so it’s not like I need a ton of leg room, but I like … I, I, I feel like my thing is I like- space. Like I don’t like to be herded places, and I don’t wanna feel crowded or rushed. Like that really stresses me out. So I get to the airport, I go to the Sky Club, which I have access to because I have the corporate card, not ’cause I, I’m too cheap to pay for that. But I have a corporate card, and go to the Sky Club, I hang out. It’s time to board the plane, and I look and I’m still not upgraded. And I’m like, “This is really weird.” I mean, it’s a short flight, so like I can hang in coach, but I’m in the middle. And I’m always on the end. Like I, I, I know it’s only 90 minutes, but I always have to pee. Like I’m like, I g- I need to be on the end. I don’t wanna be like in the middle. Ugh. But I’m in the back of the plane. I’m like in seat 29 in the middle seat. But it’s 90 minutes. I’m like, “It’s fine.” I get on the plane. There I am, like, you know, with my shoulders in, I’m as small as I can be so that the people on either side are taking up so much room. And I’m thinking to myself like, “You know what? I hate this.” Like I just do. And it’s okay. I’ll survive, right? Like it’s, if this is the worst of my issues this weekend. But I hate it. And so then the s- airline, um, not the pilot, the flight attendant says, “You know, we’ve oversold this flight.” It was already like delayed. You know? It was like 10 minutes delayed or something. Like it was a busy and it was late, you know. And I could tell they’re tired, and they’re like, “We’ve oversold this flight, and we need somebody to get off the plane and get on a flight two hours later if somebody’s interested in doing that.” Can you ring your bell? You know? So I ring my bell. ‘Cause immediately I’m like, “I don’t even wanna be on this flight. Like, I, I would pay you to go to the next flight.” And they’re giving a $600 voucher, so I’m like, I mean, I travel enough, I have enough things planned, so I’m like, “Yeah, heck yeah, I’ll do that.” Ring my little bell, the flight attendant comes over. She says to me, like, “Do you have luggage?” I’m like, “It’s on the plane.” She’s like, “It’ll be there waiting for you.” I’m like, “That’s great. I trust, I trust.” So I get off the plane, and the people at the f- at the gate, like the f- attendants at the gate are like, “Oh, did you… Thank you for, you know, shifting and going to the later flight.” I mean, it boards in, like, an hour, so I’m like, I’ll just go back to the Sky Club, get a drink, and by the time it’s, I’m done my drink, it’ll be time to board. And nobody’s waiting for me. I’m just… I just got a hotel at the, at the airport. Do you know what I mean? So I’m like, this is no… Like, how nice for somebody else that they could get off the plane, and I am gonna get a $600 voucher. So she says, “Thank you.” I’m like, “Yep, no problem.” And then she’s like, “It won’t print.” And she keeps trying to print, print the voucher, print the voucher, and then she says to the woman next to her, “Do you know why this isn’t printing?” And she’s like, “Well, press this, you know, press that. Try it again. Can you refresh? Maybe if we…” Like, they’re, they’re, they’re going through it, you know? And like I said, it’s late. I can tell these people have had a day. Like, she’s just like, “I can’t get this to print.” So she calls, and she says, like, “It’s printing, but it’s not printing the voucher.” And she’s like, “Will you email it?” So then she looks at me, and she’s like, “Can you check your email?” I’m checking my email. I’m checking my junk. There’s nothing. She’s like, “Try to email it again. It’s not coming through.” She doesn’t have anything. They try it again. And finally she shoves a piece of paper in my hand, and was like, “Here, take this.” So I took the paper and went on my way. I got myself a drink, I sat down, and I looked down, and what did I have but a voucher for a $600 Amazon gift card. Now- Here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. What is actually happening? What’s actually happening? Now, you could hear this story and be like, “Well, that was a coincidence.” Like random, like really good timing, funny timing. Or I could tell you that there’s magic, magic all around us, and it is just what we choose to believe. Everything is what we choose to believe. And both of those things are true. It could be a coincidence, could be random. It is funny timing, and it does feel magical, and that is what I would like to believe. But here’s what else is true, is that there is part of our brain that you’ve heard of called the reticular activating system, the RAS, and its job is to filter, okay? So your brain is taking in like several million pieces of information every second. And when I say your brain, I mean, like, your nervous system. So, like, you’re seeing things and hearing things and feeling things and smelling things. Like, all this stuff is coming in all at once. And you can only consciously pr- like, process 126 of those pieces of information, so that means there’s a lot of information that’s just getting lost. It stays in the back of your mind. It stays in your brain. You just aren’t consciously aware of it. So there’s like a little mailman in there that is filtering stuff. It’s taking in all the mail and looking at it and throwing you the pieces that it thinks are important. It decides what gets through to your conscious awareness and what gets tossed out as, like, background noise. So the RAS filters for what you’re focused on. I remember when I bought my car. I have a little white SUV. It’s not rare. But I bought that car and I thought, “I’ve never seen this car before. Like, this is so unique and special,” I thought. I bought it, and now sometimes I go to the grocery store and I’ll come out and there’s like four of them in a row. Like, they’re everywhere. Everybody has them. I just wasn’t looking for them before. My RAS wasn’t set to notice those. So when I asked my mom for a sign, and I said, “Make it obvious,” and when I joked about an Amazon gift card, I set my RAS to look for it. And so when it showed up, I felt something. I noticed. Someone else might have glanced at the voucher and thought, “Oh, .” Y- you know, whatever. . But I was looking for magic, and so I saw it. I felt it as proof So here’s what I’ve been thinking about since that trip. When we are sitting in the middle of hard things, you know, a hard decision. I, I was going down there to look for a place that I was gonna move to live, and I’ll give you the update on that. It’s… There’s… I, I still have questions. But when we’re in the middle of this big, hard decision, it can feel really crushing to carry it all by ourselves. You know, I was feeling that, the weight of it, the fear that I’m gonna choose wrong or miss something, the exhaustion of trying to figure out every single piece of this all on our own. And, you know, I talk a lot when I talk online, and I talk about the Navigate method, and I talk about how important it is for women to make decisions for themselves, and I believe that. I believe nobody else should make the decision for you, ’cause this is how we learn to trust ourselves. But what if we didn’t have to totally do it all on our own? What if we could hand something over, like, like, like, one little thing, and let ourselves be guided? You know, let ourselves be cared for. I, uh, this weekend or that weekend, it was last weekend it was such a lesson in allowing myself to be cared for. You know, did, did my mother give me the $600 Amazon gift card? I think so, but I think she also gave me the friend that took care of me, that took care of everything. If you follow along on Instagram, you know I got food poisoning. She took care of me. She mothered me. And I needed that so bad. And so what if we could let ourselves be guided, let ourselves be cared for, let the universe meet us part way? I’m not saying let somebody else make the decision for you, but I’m saying the decision can be easier when you’re not white-knuckling your way through it all by yourself. So here’s where I think the brain part of this gets really interesting. You know, when we grip, you know, when we’re in control mode, when we’re trying to force an outcome or manage every single variable, our nervous system is really in protection mode. And then what does my RAS do, is it starts filtering for threats, right? It starts looking for like, “Oh my God, she thinks something’s gonna go wrong. What could go wrong? What do I need to control? What am I missing? What am I not seeing? Show her the fear. Show her the unsteadiness.” Right? And when your brain is doing that, you literally can’t see the help that’s available. You can’t notice the signs. You can’t receive any new ideas or, you know, the other options and, you know, doors that you wanna be open seem closed, because your brain isn’t scanning for that stuff. Your brain is scanning for danger. It’s scanning for what could go wrong. It’s scanning for all the times you’re walking on eggshells or afraid you’re gonna make a wrong decision. But when you physically let go, when you open your hands, when you open your hands and you ask for help out loud, something shifts. I do think there’s something magical about speaking it out loud. I think when I was talking to my mom and I was doing it out loud, I could… There was something. Have you ever had that feeling where you’re like, “I feel something moving in me,” you know? And our nervous system reads that as safety, right? It stops filtering for threat- And it starts filtering for possibility when I’m speaking out loud, when I’m calm, when my hands are open. You start noticing things you couldn’t notice before, not ’cause they weren’t there, but just ’cause your brain wasn’t looking for them. Okay, so there’s another piece to this. Your brain is also a, a pattern-matching machine. Like, it’s constantly scanning for patterns. It’s constantly trying to prot- te- uh, I wanna say protect, but no, predict. I w- it’s constantly trying to predict what’s going to happen based on what’s happened before. And when you’re stuck in hard decisions, when you’re stuck in looping on the same thoughts over and over again, you’re reinforcing those same neural pathways. You’re telling your brain basically, “This is the pattern. This is what we do here.” And your brain just keeps running that pattern over and over and over again. This is how come, like, y- y- you know, your partner may stomp around the house, and you go, “Oh, my God. I know what’s gonna happen ’cause I know what happened before,” right? I, I can feel it. I know something’s gonna go sideways. And so you start walking on eggshells. You start being… You’re hypervigilant. You’re listening for w- whatever sound, rustle in the grass you need to be aware of so that you can protect yourself, right? But when you let go, when you put something down, you know, it, your brain can, can shift to something new. It’s not like you’re doing something wrong by listening to those patterns, it’s just that your brain is doing what it’s designed to do, and it’s conserving energy, right? So it’s running a program that it already knows. But when you put it down, then you create space, and in that space, you can form all new patterns. You know, new thoughts can come to you, new ideas can come through, new possibilities can show up that weren’t available when you were gripping really hard. And this is why people say things like, um, like, “I stopped trying so hard, and then it just happened. Like, I don’t know, it just happened. As soon as I let go of needing it to work out, like, it just became obvious.” And it’s not magic. Well, it’s a little magic, but it’s neuroscience. You created space, and your brain had room to find a new pattern. Okay, so here’s how we’re gonna put this into practice. I’m gonna give you something you can try this week. I call it the put it down, put it down practice, and it is designed to shift you from really gripping to having your hands open and receiving. So it’s, it moves you from that, like, control mode to open mole- mode, and then y- you, you kinda stop… You stop scanning for threat, and then you start essentially scanning for what’s available. So here’s how it works. Step one is you’re gonna name what you’re holding. So say it out loud if you can, like the decision, the outcome, the how. So I’m holding the question of whether to stay or go. I’m holding the fear that I’m gonna choose wrong. I’m holding the need to figure out how this is all gonna work before I take my first step. So just name it, whatever it is. I’m holding the overwhelm of trying to find where to live. So step two is you physically put your hands out. There is a, a, a loop between your body and your brain, and I’m gonna use my body to send alerts to my brain. I know it sounds kinda simple, but your, your body and your brain are connected. So when you open your hands, you’re signaling to your nervous system that you’re receiving. You’re not grasping, you’re available, right? Not defending anything. It’s, it’s how your nervous system reads safety, okay? So you’re gonna physically put your hands out, palms up. And then step three is you’re gonna ask out loud, “What’s the one thing I can hand over right now?” Not, “What should I do?” Or not, like, “How do I fix this?” But, “What is one thing I can hand over?” And you’re gonna ask it to the universe, or to God, or, uh, to your dead mom. Like whatever it is, whatever it is that works for you. And ask it to the part of you that already knows. It doesn’t matter who you’re asking, really. It just matters that you’re asking. And then step four is that you’re just gonna wait. Don’t answer it yourself. Don’t, like, fill that silence with your own voice. Just wait and let the answer come to you. This is such a skill to learn to just, like, wait until you feel something. So then the fifth step, I guess we’d be on step five, right? Notice what shows up in the next 24 hours, 48 hours. It might be a thought you didn’t have before, a conversation that feels different than it would have a couple days ago. You know, maybe an opportunity that opens up, you weren’t even looking for one. Maybe it’s a $600 Amazon gift card when you specifically said not that. The point is, you’re not looking for something, like, specific. You’re not looking for a specific answer. You’re looking for movement. You’re looking for the thing that you couldn’t see when you were holding on so tight, you know? I did ask my dad, I said, “What are you sending me?” ‘Cause my mom gave me a $600 gift card. “What are you gonna get me?” It was probably a joint gift, I think. So this is what happens when you’re sitting in the middle of a, a big decision. You know, trying to move to the beach, trying to make a decision about your marriage, and you’re trying to logic your way through it all alone. You keep pushing. You keep thinking. You keep trying to see around corners and, you know, predict outcomes, manage things that you can’t actually control, and then your brain keeps running the same loop, right? It keeps asking the same questions and having the same fears and patterns. So what if, what if you didn’t have to carry all that by yourself? What if you could just hand one thing over and let yourself be supported, let yourself be guided, let yourself receive help instead of white-knuckling your way through it alone? I, I don’t think the decision gets made for us, but the decision gets clearer, I think, when you stop gripping so hard. So pick something this week. Maybe it’s something easy, something that doesn’t have a lot of emotional charge to it, and do the put it down practice. Do- just try it once. See what happens. Name the thing you’re holding, open your hands, ask the question out loud, wait, and then pay attention. Because magic is all around us. It’s, it’s just what we choose to believe, and if your brain is designed to find what you’re looking for, ask it to look for help. Ask it to look for signs. Look for the thing that you couldn’t see when you were in protection mode. And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. If you want help on this journey, we’ve got some spots available on the calendar this week. Um, if you are interested in the Navigate Method, or if you’re not quite there yet, you’re like, “I don’t, I don’t wanna go all in on all that,” I have a process on my website called The Bridge, and it is a truth map that will guide you to the next right thing. And then maybe at that point you’ll be ready to do some of the deeper work inside the Navigate Method. But we are here when you’re ready. Be open to it and allow us to help pick up what you’re carrying. I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Big things are on the horizon for Betsy! A book deal, a beach move, a birthday. Tune in to this Q & A to get to know the woman behind The Art of Living Big and The Navigate Method. With lots of laughs and a few tears, this one is a great one to watch or listen to. Check out the video version on YouTube. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big  All right, I’m excited. I’m excited to do this. I’m excited, and Feels very official. actually am, um, nervous, which is weird, ’cause I d- I mean, I’ve had this podcast for how long? Like 10 years. But I’m nervous, because I feel like we’re not… Yeah, we’re not just ask- can’t believe I’m not nervous, but I’m just excited for it. All right, I’m excited too. Okay, so let’s tell everybody who you are that’s listening. So I’m, I’m Joy, and I am Betsy’s ops person, um, her virtual assistant, go-to person hopefully. And, uh, I Yeah. job. It’s been an honor and a privilege to work for someone so innovative and caring and, , I , I can’t say enough good things about Navigate. I’m an No. member myself. I am Yeah. be working for you now years later after I completed the program. But, , I love my job. Yeah. Oh, that makes me happy. And now you can add podcast host Yeah, a resume. I don’t know about that. We’ll see. So this episode is gonna be a little different than typical. My birthday’s next week, which I wanna say, like, I don’t care, whatever, but I do. I think I do kinda care. I think I’ve always tried to not care, but I think it’s kind of fun that my birthday’s next week. , I’ll be 55, and my birthday is on 5/15, and I feel like the numbers are all, like… I feel like it’s kinda magical, and I don’t know why. I’m not, , a numerology buff or anything , but , it just feels like 55 and then this. So I’m excited to kinda do this. And so I thought what we would do is, , we asked on Instagram just for, , questions of what people had. ready. Yeah, and you’ve got them ready. Okay, and then you had some other ones of your s- your own that I don’t necessarily know all of them, , so yeah. So we’ll… we can just dive in and see where the conversation takes us. I know. I’m excited. Okay. So also I wanna say about 5:15, that’s a special number for you, isn’t it? Yeah, well, uh, uh, I think because it’s my birthday, I always am looking for 5:15. Like, I’m always… I think it’s, like, a message from my mom. I do too, because we post your podcast at 5:15. Yeah. Yes, that’s right, yeah. We post it at 5:15 a- on Thursday mornings. Yeah, yeah. That’s, I like it, and I feel like it feels balanced and also, , I know this is a weird thing, but like 5-1-5, it feels balanced, and it feels like the one is, uh… It’s not a hyphen, but a what would go this way? Do you know what I mean? Up and down. So it feels like 5-5, which feels like a mirroring and- Like, , it’s not infinity, it’s not an eight, but it feels like that to me. Like, kind of chaotic, but also measured, you know? So anyway, I love the 515, yeah. Yeah, I, I like numbers too, but I’m a, I’m an even number person. Yeah. pump gas without ending on an even number. It’s so weird. Oh, really? Yeah. I know it’s weird. I love that. It is weird. So But thanks. love that ’cause it’s weird. Are you ready for your first question? Okay. Yeah, I think so. Okay. ., So this is a question that kind of encompasses everything that you do, so it’s a good starting point, I feel like. Okay. you help women decide whether to stay or leave, and you left. , So looking back, was there a single moment that you knew, or was it a slow build that you only saw clearer in the rearview mirror? Oh, okay. That’s a really good question. I’m so scared right now. Okay. So here’s what I think to answer this question. I wanna, like, zoom way, way out, and I’m gonna start with, like I’m gonna s- I’m gonna start, like, when I’m a kid, and you’re gonna be like, “Oh my God. Is she gonna tell her whole life story?” But for those of you that are listening that are fairly new, so I believe that we are always doing things, our actions are coming from a place of trying to keep us safe. Like, emotionally safe or physically safe, right? And so even if we’re doing things sometimes that is clear that that’s not helpful, it’s because our brains think that it’s keeping us safe, and part of the reason it thinks it’s keeping us safe is ’cause we’re alive, and it’s our, our unconscious mind’s prime directive is to keep us alive. So whatever we’re doing is hypothetically working ’cause you’re alive, okay? So when I was in high school, my mom died in a car accident, and pretty soon after that my dad got remarried. Now, he was married to my mom and, , f- by all accounts was happy enough, you know? And then he started dating somebody, I would say within, , eight or nine months of my mom dying, and then they got married very quickly. It wasn’t, , the best relationship. They’re all still alive, so I wanna be careful of how I speak about it. But it wasn’t… I, I, I was se- 17 by the time they got married, and it wasn’t a safe relationship for me, and so I think I did a lot of accommodating to- Feel safe. So I would get in trouble for a lot of things, and I had never been a kid that ever got in trouble. Do you know what I mean? , My, my mother was always so, so kind and , respectful of my sister and I. So that whole relationship, I think, really changed the dynamic of how I experienced relationships. And I think I was pretty, like when we think about attachment theory, like I think I was securely attached and then became anxious after my mom died in that whole experience. Okay. So now, when the question is, like, when you got d- divorced, was it all at once or was it a, a, you know, slow burn? I wanna say… I- I’m gonna tell you my journey of … Joy’s like, “This is a longer answer than I expected.” But the, , the jour- the journey of, of… Let me tell you why I am so chic. Because I have been married several times. And so to answer that question I’m like, “Well, which time?” Okay. When I was in college, I got married right after college, and, I got divorced very quickly. … We didn’t have kids. Like, there was no… And so I know that that was a marriage. We had a wedding. It… But in my brain it doesn’t feel like one. It feels like such a blip, and I was so young, and honestly, I was coming right off the heels of my mom dying, like five years before or something. Do you know what I mean? , It all feels very blurry. And so then years later I met my son’s dad, and that was my second marriage, but felt like my first. It operated like my first. And more importantly, my third marriage operated like my second. I sound very chic, Joy. I’m very chic. Um, so my first marriage, I think I, I, I… What I have found in my relationships in general, marriages or otherwise, is that I have chosen people that I could try and heal that relationship with my dad. Like, I’m gonna tell you something’s wrong, and you’re gonna ignore me and tell me I’m misreading it, which is what happened when I was young. And so I would find people unconsciously that I could play that out because that felt safe, because that was so familiar, right? And so I, I think that I did that with my first marriage, and I was not mature enough to recognize that there was something going on within me. And then I got divorced when my son, m- and I have a trans son, so when my son was four. And then again, you know, replayed stuff. Had some terrible relationships in between all of that. And then married my last, my last and final. I will never get the government involved ever again. So my, my most recent marriage, and that was a marriage that lasted… We were married for 12 years. We were together, like, 15 years. And I think I was playing the same exact thing out, but the difference this time, and what I teach inside the Navigate method, is that we can trust ourselves, right? That we can find the, our side of the street and heal our side of the street. That we can use the relationship as a mirror to figure ourselves out so much deep, much deeper. And so I think I knew almost immediately that my marriage wasn’t good, and for a lot of circumstances, I stayed for a long time. I think I didn’t wanna fail again. I think my , r- you know, relationship with my, then my daughter at that time was complicated, ’cause she was getting sick as a teenager, and there was just a lot of things going on where, , it didn’t… I couldn’t leave. And I say I couldn’t. I had options, but, , I, I didn’t feel like I could leave, and I didn’t want to. I wanted desperately for it to be good. And what I realize now is that going through that whole process and actually using it to heal myself, and now I would say I’m absolutely securely attached, earned secure, because I earned it back. But that relationship, although, , one of the most heinous in my life I think, I’m the most grateful for it. It changed me in such profound ways because I did the work, because I looked at it, because I paid attention and didn’t say, “I’m gonna let…”, I was like, “I’m not letting…” This is, it, to me, and I’m gonna say this too as we continue this conversation, in my relationships, any of them, I’m not the only one in them. And so, you know, if you brought my former husband, any of select one, any of the many former husbands, like they may have a totally different story, and it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means that’s our versions, and there’s a truth in there somewhere in the middle, right? But to me, I’m like, that relationship was so profoundly, , harmful to me that it forced me into change, and for that I am incredibly, incredibly grateful. So to answer the question, it didn’t happen all at once, but the clarity of, oh, I’m healed enough to do this on my own, I get it, sort of unraveled within, , I would say, like, the last six or eight months. If that makes sense. That is a very answer to that question. sense. and you needed the backstory to, to complete that, Yeah. Yeah. that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Okay. question. Okay. It’s okay, it’s okay. Okay. What’s something that you believed about your own marriage right up until the end that turned out not to be true? Oh, question. God, that’s a good question. Is that one of yours, or is that one that we got in? That’s one that was the myth. What is some… Say it again, something that’s true What is was true. about your own marriage right up until the end that turned out not to be true? That’s… That there was something I could have done to save it. I don’t think there was anything I could have done. I think lots of times we try and make sense of things, and we’re like, “If I could have done this better,” or, “Maybe if I had just learned how to cook dinner better,” or I had… Do you know what I mean? Like, we think of all the things, and now I recognize that what was happening, just like for him, none of what I was doing had to do with him. It was, had to do with this old story. The same thing for him. What he was doing and how he was responding and how he was interacting with me had nothing to do with me, and there was nothing I could have done, and I think that actually brings me a lot of peace. But it, uh, it took me a,, a long while, even after we were divorced, for me to get to that. Yeah. good answer. I think, I think that’s probably a common answer because as women, I think we feel like we maybe could try this, maybe we could try this, Yeah. and, and maybe there’s nothing else and I, yeah, and I think, not to interrupt you, I’m sorry. , That’s why we go to couples counseling, and I don’t have anything against couples counseling. But I think that what happens is we go, and then we talk about problems that have happened, and you’re talking about the problem, but the problem actually isn’t the issue. It’s the reasons that you got to the problem. So if everybody would just go their own way and figure out their own crap, you, y- you wouldn’t have to, like, rehash a situation for two months, you know? Like, I, I could have rehashed so many different situations, and we never, ever, ever… It’s clear we never could have come to a conclusion ’cause it was our own crap we were bringing in. I, I was responding to stuff because of me and who I was, and he was responding s- to stuff because of him. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. It’s okay. It’s okay, Bessie. you’re great. You’re doing really good. I know. I don’t know. Okay, people assume the woman who teaches this work has it all figured out. Mm-hmm. ending are you still making sense of? Oh, I think one of the biggest things, and I think if people follow me for a long time, I think they understand that I often will even say, people, like, “I’m on this path with you. I don’t think we ever have it all figured out.” And I think one of the biggest mistakes I could ever make as a leader or as a coach would be to make people feel like I had it all figured out. ‘Cause I never want anybody to, um, need me forever. Like I always say to my clients, “I want you to want me forever, but I don’t want you to need me. I want you to have your own tools and your own ways of thinking so I, I’ll never have it all figured out, and I think there’s always things to uncover. One of the things that I think I do really well is I will sit and think about stuff, and I won’t… Or I, I say I won’t. It’s not that I never, but I try. I do, not avoid hard thoughts. I make room for hard thoughts. And so as I come up against things I haven’t had, don’t have figured out, there’s always new things to uncover and I will figure them out. If that makes sense. So I know I’m not necessarily answering the question, but it’s just, like I don’t have the, to let, make a list of all the things I don’t have figured out. It’s everything. You know? Like there’s so much, ’cause I am not one that, that pushes the idea that I do. I think that’s– I mean, because we’re always evolving and, and changing and figuring stuff out as we Yeah. And you question, but… yeah, and you know sometimes when I get really overwhelmed, uh, with work, and then I’ll say like, “I’m just gonna go sit,” and you’re always like, you’re good at “What the…” Yeah, and you’re like, “What the hell? What the heck?” I’m like, “I’m just gonna go sit and just be quiet for 15 minutes and see what happens.” normal.” Yeah. “Let me do 800 things that Yeah, you always tell me. Yeah, I love it. Okay, so this is about your birthday. Oh, okay. um, okay. So you’re about to turn 55. Mm-hmm. that you thought you would have figured out by now that you haven’t, have you made peace with that? I think I thought I would- grow up and have, like, a family and, like, the father of the bride house and the white picket fence and a husband that adored me. I’ve never ever, ever, I’ve never ever had anybody in my life that adored me. I think I thought I would, have, uh probably more kids than just one. I think, you know what I mean? I think there was, I, I think there’s so much of my life that isn’t what I thought it was gonna be and I think it’s because what I thought it was gonna be was created before my mom died and when she died it, like, scrambled eggs, you know what I mean? And, and I really like where I ended up right now, you know? So I think it’s not… Martin adores you. Dean Martin does adore me but only See? wants to. He’s ve- he’s al- he’s taught me more about consent. Like, consent is, is a, a subject that comes up sometimes in the Navigate group, right? Like with your husband, like, you know, if he wants sex and I don’t want sex and how, can I say no and all of those things. I swear to God I learned more about consent from my freaking cat. Like, it makes sense. , You have to ask permission to grab at somebody. So yeah. Okay. Um, let’s see. Oh, I love this question. I love this question. , What is a pattern that you see in almost every woman who comes to you that she swears does not apply to her? . I know what it is and I’m just trying to formulate it. Um, I think, well, I think first of all every woman thinks that their husband’s behavior is their fault. Like if they could do something different then things could be different and I think that they take a lot of ownership of his behavior instead of letting him own it and that becomes really heavy. And you think that Yeah, I think- that at the time? Yeah. Yeah. I think they don’t realize it and then I think as we move through the program then they start to recognize it but I don’t think it’s just like if you’re listening and you’re like, “Oh yeah,” I think that’s not a thing you can just hear and go, “Oh okay.” I think you have to, like, internalize it and I think going through the program helps you, like, viscerally understand that and I think that’s like the shift, a big shift that happens for people Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, maintaining somebody else’s life is impossible. Okay, this is another question that pertains to the work you do in Navigate. , So you’ve been clear that you don’t push women towards staying or leaving Mm-hmm. the Navigate program. Um, has that ever cost you a client that you’d wish you’d been more direct with? Like where I wish they had left or I wish they had stayed? I know, I know personally, I can tell you that as a, a former Navigate person, hearing some of the stories, sometimes, you know, part of you, the girlfriend side of you wants to be like, you gotta get out of there.” Yeah. you, you’re very good about not, , Yeah. that on anyone and letting them arrive at those decisions themselves. So I guess, that is the question. — Has it ever cost you a client that you’ve y- you would– were more direct with? yeah. I, I’m gonna say no, and the reason that I’m gonna say no is because it’s not that I think, “Oh, they should leave,” but I left, and then I went back, and then I had to leave again a couple years later, which we can talk about that. But, like, that process was so important for me that I need people to have their own process because that’s the only way we trust ourselves. And part of this program is, is getting women to a place where they know themselves so deeply, and if I’m putting any pressure on any of that, then that whole foundation crumbles. Mm-hmm. is there part of me that’s like, “Give me his phone number”? Yeah, and sometimes I’ll say that. Do you know what I mean? Like, ’cause there is the girlfriend side of you that’s like, “Girl. Oh my God.” But, but also, , the overarching goal and purpose, and I… , and again, I’m gonna go back to, like, when I said I was so grateful for my former husband this last relationship because I feel like this is my purpose. This is why I’m here on this planet, and I never, ever, ever could have got here if I hadn’t had that relationship. Oh my God, I’m so grateful for that relationship. But that’s how come I know not to push anybody anywhere. Mm-hmm. Yeah. good answer. this is kind of a piggyback question,, what is a piece of your own advice that you’ve struggled to take? A piece of my own advice I struggle to take I, I’m gonna say this.  I don’t typically give advice unless I’ve lived it. I think that one of the things that anyone that’s worked with me would say is that I will say, I’ll even say, like, “Hey, I’m open to being wrong. You decide what feels right to you.” And even in my personal relationships, I’ll say, “I’m open to being wrong,” ’cause I’m open to learning. I’m really open to learning and seeing things in a different way. I love when I can see things in a different way., I think in my… If I were to say, is there something that, advice I should take, it’s just that I can’t control everything. Like, I, uh,, you know, we all have that desire to want to have some sense of control of the world and the universe, and you just can’t. You can’t make people do what you wanna, want them to do. You can only invite. You know, the you can’t lead a horse to water. It’s the same with me, I guess.  Like, I can know the things, and there’s gonna be days where I’m, I bypass myself just because I’m human. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Good. Okay, let’s see. Hmm. Okay. You live alone. What does a hard night actually look like for you, and what do you do? A hard night. So, Is there any hard nights alone? yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, I know, right? There’s been some debate on Instagram on any of my posts where I say I’m not lonely. I don’t get lonely. I get bored. I don’t get lonely. And so now I’m gonna say something, and I’m open to being wrong if this w- people were to label this as lonely. But one of the things that I found is that I had limited friendships when I was married, and those friendships- Sort of disintegrated, and I had to create all new friendships. And I think I had hard nights in the beginning in that that was really confusing to me. Nothing happened. I, I still w- I wouldn’t be shocked if somebody reached out to me and said, “Oh my God, I haven’t talked to you in so long. You wanna go get a coffee?” ‘Cause nothing happened, but there was just a shift, and I think there was an energetic shift to me, and that felt confusing because I… Nothing had happened. So, so there were nights, especially in the beginning, I think, where it was more like confusing of like, “How do I make friends? Like, what did I do? Why w- at this, , vulnerable moment did the people that were in my life disappear?” And I think there’s, again, it had nothing to do with me. And so, um, I think the hard nights were just that like, “How do I rebuild my life?” And kind of figuring that out. That makes And then the… And there’s ice cream for nights like that. But I think most of the time, like, I have pretty good nights. , I have my routines, you know? I, I work, and then I make dinner, and then I sit on the couch, and I like to watch YouTube videos. I, I have YouTube, like the subscription, so I don’t have commercials. And I love going down the rabbit hole of documentaries, and I watch all a bunch of stuff about the Gilded Age, and I’m into, like, uh, uh, you know, how they run stuff. Like, I watched this documentary the other day on how they run the Atlanta airport. It’s so fascinating. How they run cruise ships., So I, I’m into stuff, and I’m interested and curious. And then when I get tired, I get in bed, and you know, people have heard me talk about my evening routine with the bed. But like, I get in my BedJet heated up bed and crick it away while I read or watch TV. , .. and I have a lot of friends that I message with. , We use Voxer, and you and I use Voxer. But , we message about stuff all the time. Like, you’re having a glass of wine and you’re like say- You know, like, there’s a lot of interaction that I have with people now that’s friends that live all over., It does take up time and, and space in a good way.. And that is the part that’s like I’m never really lonely, ’cause I have all these structures around me that if I w- want somebody, I could just reach out. But I think in the beginning it was that, like, reorienting and how do I recreate my life. Mm-hmm. Well, I think every woman too that, , is watching will, feel like, you know, when they’re alone or their husband’s out of town, it’s almost like a Yeah, really. Yeah. cool. Yeah, yeah. I got a message from a friend the other day, um, and she reached out to me a couple months ago, and I hadn’t heard from her, like, in years. And I was talking to her, she lives in New York, and I was talking to her a lot on Voxer when we met, and,, she’s a business owner, too, and you know what I mean, we commiserated on all that stuff. Uh, and it was when I was living with my husband. We were married at the time. And anyway, the other day we were messaging and she said, “You know, Betsy, you need to go back and listen to your voice in the messages that you would leave me back in like 2023, 2024,” early 2024. She’s like, “You sound like a completely different person, like it doesn’t even sound like you.” And I was like, “Really? That’s so weird.” And she was like, “Yeah, like you’re… The joy, you’re way more excited, like you sound alive.” And she kept saying, “Go back and listen. Go back and listen.” So I scrolled back and I saw, like the last time we had messaged, like 2023, I think it was, October, and I couldn’t listen. I just was like, “I don’t wanna revisit her.” Like I, I looked at the message for a long time. I could see it, you know? And I just couldn’t hit play. I was like, “I’m just gonna let her rest,” you know? Yeah. It was interesting. Yeah, that’s interesting and, and profound really. It’s Yeah, yeah. like you’ve moved on from that person all the way. Yeah, yeah. And I just didn’t wanna like… It felt like digging up a grave, you know? It felt like, like a, I don’t know, like a betrayal. Like just let her be. So yeah, it was kinda interesting. Okay, this, this one may be a long answer, so Oh. ready? Need opposed to the other ones where I feel like I’ve talked. Okay. Okay. Okay, so, um- Tell us the moment that you realized it was time to leave in your marriage, your Yeah. Um, I think that in my marriage, I was very depleted, and I think I tried really hard. When I look back, and I don’t recognize this as much now, but I remember at the time, and even maybe like a year after I lived in my own apartment, if someone said, “Describe your marriage, give me one word-” It would have been frustrating and, like, frustrating. Like, it was very frustrating. It probably was for him, too. So again, I’m just gonna reiterate that this isn’t anything… This isn’t about him. This is about me. It was very frustrating, and I think that I had a moment when I… I’m gonna say something very strange, I think., I hired somebody to hypnotize me because some of the feedback that I would get online felt really crushing in a weird way, and people would comment on my clothes or my big glasses or whatever, but it felt very deeply injured me. And I was like, “What is that?” Now, if I had been in, , an incredible relationship where I felt, , supported and loved, like, maybe it wouldn’t have, but it did. And it got to the point where I remember one day I was laying on the floor in my home office, and I was like, “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.” Now, I started the Navigate method when I was still married, so that’s something we can talk about. But I, I was laying on the floor, and I was like, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Like, this feels like such important work to me, but I… And was given to me, which we can talk about that. And so, “But I don’t know if I can do it.” And so a friend of mine was like, “You need to hire this guy, Joseph Cloth.” He and I were in a coaching group together, and she was like, “You should hire Joseph.” And I was like, “Oh yeah, I should.” So I reached out. It, it wasn’t cheap. I mean, it was thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars to be hypnotized so that I could get rid of feeling awful when people commented. But we had to get to, like, the root cause, and the root cause was I am bad. Now, if somebody said to me, like, “What do you think is the root cause of your…” I would never, ever, ever had said I am bad. So he had me do this whole exercise. It took me, like, two weeks of, like, crying all night. Like, like I really sat with it. Like, what is this? And I… And, and I think because I’m a coach, I could get to, like, this deep, deep, deep root. And go back to the first story I told you. When, after my mom died and my dad started dating somebody, and when they got married, I would tell him, “This isn’t… This doesn’t feel right. Like, the things that are being said to me feel terrible. I… This isn’t good.” And he would say, “You’re misunderstanding. It- you’re wrong.” You’re misinterpreting that and, you know, stop trying to mess up my life. And I think I internalized that to, like, don’t trust yourself. You can’t rely on your own feelings. They’re not right. And, you know, uh, y- y- you’re bad. And so w- he hypnotized me, and I came out of that hypnosis with clarity, like, “Oh, I’m not bad.” And I… That means that I deserve good things and good people around me that love me. And, uh, and I, and, and it shifted. I n- I, I don’t g- give a rat’s ass about what anybody says online in the weirdest way. In fact, I love it. I’m like, “Well, that making you feel something, and that’s good.” You know? Um, but I think that was a big part in my shift of, like, what is it that I deserve? And that’s something that we work on in the Navigate method. Like, what is it that I deserve? Is it true that this is what I deserve? You know? And, and I’m gonna keep saying this just because I feel like it’s so important, my former husband deserved different than he had with me. It wasn’t the right match. Do y- do you know what I mean? And so, um, when I got that, I think that was a huge piece of my clarity. But again, it’s layers. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta, like, do the work and look at the stuff and, like, unpack it all. That’s good. Yeah. I have not yet been hypnotized. That’s why I wore my non-black glasses today because can’t handle the negativity. I think it’s funny. And then it’s funny ’cause people will be like, “I hate your glasses. I love your glasses.” And then sometimes they’re like, “Why do you dress in such big clothes?” That’s a big one I get. “Why are you dressed in such baggy clothes? You’re so little. Why are you in such big clothes?” I’m like, “‘Cause I don’t want you looking at my body.” how people feel like they can say whatever they wanna say. It’s so terrible. Like, It’s funny ’cause they, I don’t think they’d say it in real life, you know? But- they probably don’t. It’s all Yeah a screen and on a keyboard. Keyboard it, it makes it way more obvious if somebody loves my glasses and says, “Where’d you get those?” And somebody hates them, then it’s not the glasses. It’s the person that’s viewing the glasses. so true. Yes. So I just go, “Oh, whatever. I ain’t bad.” I actually was like, “Let me do these today,” because Yeah. no one will say, “Why sh- why are they both wearing black glasses?” Wait. Hey, I know. Freaking damn big g- black glasses, yeah. That one’s funny okay. Um, okay, so… Oh, okay, so you’ve… This is kind of an all-encompassing. So you’ve built a business, a podcast, a method, a book deal. Yeah. is the thing that you’re quietly most proud of that no one knows about? Um, so I will say, let’s see. And the book, let’s just comment on the book ’cause someone will be like, “She has a book?” Years ago, years and years ago, I wrote a book, but this isn’t the book that we’re talking about now. So we’re in the process of writing a book. I have an agent, and we’re writing a book., And we’ll know more about that around Christmastime, but it’ll be out next year. , So what is the thing that I’m most proud of that nobody knows about? Mm-hmm. I think my ability to be open to new ideas. I got divorced from my second husband, ’cause I’m very chic. Just a reminder, I’m very chic and I’m not afraid of change. , But I got divorced, you know, from my son’s dad, and we remained really good friends. And years and years later, I asked Oliver, I said, “Have you ever heard me say anything bad about Dad?” And he said, “No. Why would you?” And that made me so proud, because he was like, “Why would you say anything bad?” ‘Cause he had never, ever heard me say anything bad. And you know what? I love his dad. I love his dad. His dad is part of him, and I’m really proud of the relationship that we have. Is it perfect? No. Do I wish parts of it were different, especially over the past few years? Yeah, absolutely. But we have really been good partners and good co-parents in the best way that we could, and I think that’s because, uh, of him as well as because I am open and not afraid of being wrong. And when I say wrong, like, I’m not afraid of, of being like, “Okay, maybe that wasn’t right. Maybe I didn’t handle that right. Maybe I c- … I’m open to hearing other people’s experience of me and taking that into account and apologizing where I need to.” So I’ve always been really proud of that. When Oliver was little, we did holidays together with his wife, and then I’ve I mean, his kids have been to my house. Like, we’ve maintained a, a f- really friendly relationship, which I’m always been really grateful for. That’s awesome. Yeah. It’s awesome for Oliver. Yes. uh, something that’s just, uh, you Yeah stress away from the child of any Yeah. whether married or, or, you know, going through a divorce or a separation, just to take that away, that stress away from the, child in that Yeah. is awesome, so… we still have every Friday, every Friday at 3:00 we have a family meeting. Now Oliver is 24, but he’s got some challenges. And so every Friday we meet and talk with him, see how his week has been, where he struggled, where we can support him. And so, you know, that’s always been like a team effort. So I think that that’s like just an important piece of my whole journey, you know? Awesome. Okay, let’s see where we’re at. , Oh, this is probably my favorite question. It’s one of the– my favorite. So I have a,, I have a question that has nothing to do with Navigate Okay. Okay. Okay. that you wish someone would ask that they never ask? , What is something I could go… I should’ve… I, you mentioned this, this question to me earlier and I thought, “Oh, how would I answer that?” And I still don’t know. I wish they would ask that they never ask. it and come back to it? Well, you know, one thing I’ll say is I think, and this goes back to one of the earlier questions, is that I think lots of times people think, and I’m not gonna be answering the question exactly, but a roundabout way. I think lots of times people think, “Well, Betsy’s fine,” because I present as fine. And I think just I’m a human like anybody else, and I think there have been challenges. I know when I moved into my apartment, I had a lot of challenges in my nervous system when I moved and lived alone, not because I didn’t like being alone, but because I was so used to scanning to manage other people’s emotions, that the lack of knowing if I was, I’m gonna use air quotes, “in trouble”. But again, remember like I had this thing from when I was young, it had nothing to do with my husband. So, uh, is that I, I, I didn’t know if I was in trouble ’cause I wasn’t around anybody. And so I… So I think the thing that I wish, not necessarily people would ask me, but I think that people could recognize, was that everything that I share is truly because I have done the work. Like, I have walked through it. Like, I have thought about it deeply, and I think that if, you know, if somebody were to ask me something, I think it would just be like something totally different from anything that we talk about. Do you know what I mean? , Like what do you, why do you love the ocean so much? I, I’m gonna cry. Like, why do you love the ocean so much? Like, I think … Well, that’s weird. That’s gonna make me cry, Joy. We’ll, we’ll cut that out. Um think you should cut it out. By the way, I’m I mean, your audience already knows you’re looking to move to the Yeah. proud of you for making that decision and doing that. It’s so brave of you. And, Yeah. um, you clearly, you clearly love it so much that it’s emotional for you. So I’m Yeah. for you to do that. And I think that, like, for a long time the ocean was, like … When I thought about the beach, and if people have listened to the podcast forever,, That– I, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you tear up, so I, I think Yeah. something you shouldn’t cut out because it’s real Yeah. Yeah. I, I’m so happy for you because, um, like you said the other day, you know, we were talking with, um, a group of women that, that were s- that was saying like, “Uh, just wish I could get on the other side of this. Like, I wish I could take out all of the middle ground, the hard stuff.” Yeah. you said something so profound, which was, you know, that’s going to be the stuff that makes you that next person. That– Going through that is going to yield, you know, the, the person that you’re growing to be. So sometimes you just have to go through those hard things first. It’s like getting forged, you know? It’s like pottery, is like you mold it and then you stick it in the fire, and it’s the fire that makes it so beautiful. And so yeah, I think that trying to cut out the middle or t- not trying to go through the hard stuff, I think, like you don’t have to know what it’s gonna be like to get… Like, how long is it gonna be? How bad is it gonna be? You don’t have to know. All you have to know is today. All you have to know is, like, this moment. Can I handle this moment? Okay, I’m good. I’m good. What about this moment? Okay, I’m good. Like, I think we get so far ahead of ourselves, but it’s such important work to, like, move through. And, you know, I could go into the whole woo-woo, which I love to do, , i- which is like y- you know, you were meant to come here and go through this. You were meant to, like, have this experience. And, you know, I have a belief that… And other people can believe differently, but I think,, if I hadn’t gone through this, like, thing where I, I believe leaving my former husband this last time, becoming the person that I needed to become, and then leaving, was my life’s journey. I know that sounds so weird, but, like, that was a huge part of my life’s journey, and I think, I think, I would have come back in some other reincarnation and had to do it again. And now I get to, like, graduate from it ’cause I freaking went through it, you know? And I was… And we always say in the program, with bravery and integrity. Like, how do we move forward things with bravery and integrity? And I feel like I was able to do that. Did I do everything perfect? No, but I tried really hard to be in integrity with, with… And clear, you know, in, in what I wanted. Yeah. this question. What’s Okay. favorite movie? Okay, so my favorite movie ever, when you first w- asked me this question, like when you mentioned it yesterday, I think, um, I al- I loved Elizabethtown years ago. I have ADHD. it. Yeah, it’s really good. But, but I have, like, ADHD, so, like, I don’t remem- if you told me to tell you what Elizabethtown was about, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I, I’ll leave a m- a movie and I’ll be like, “That was so good.” And then outside the theater someone could be like, “Tell me about it,” and I’ll be like, “I don’t know, but I was entertained.” You know? So, uh, so but I will say my favorite movie ever, and I could tell you all about it, is Everything Everywhere All at Once. And when I… I’ve seen this movie like three different times. Every time I’ve seen it I wanted so badly to talk to somebody about it, like, in depth. Like, everybody in my life, I was like, “You know, you need to see that movie. Can we talk about it?” But it is a movie about the, like, the unis- universe, like collective consciousness, basically. And you get to see every piece of your life all at once as if you had made every decision differently than you did, and you, in the end, still recognize that this life matters, that this, where you ended up, was exactly right. Even with all the other metaverses in the world that could’ve happened, where you are is exactly right. And there’s also a greater story about a mother and a daughter, and it’s about her having, the mother having to see the daughter in every other universe to see all the sides of her before she could really love her in this one. And I just think it’s so profound. It’s such a good, it’s such a good movie. And, like, it’s the kind of movie you watch it once and you’re like, “What the fuck just happened to me?” And then you gotta watch it again and, like, every time I’m on a airplane I’m like, “Oh, let me see if they have it on there.” It’s so good. You know what else was a really good movie? And I’ve watched it twice, and the second time it didn’t hit the same time as the first time. But it was called, um, Nine Days, I think it was called. And it was about these souls that are auditioning to get to have a life, and they want it so bad. Oh. Oh, wow. and it’s, it makes you go, “Oh my God, I’m so lucky to be here.” Like, I’m, this is so fucking cool that I get to be here. And hard stuff. They want hard stuff. Like, they don’t just want fun, great stuff. Like, they want the hard stuff, too. Like, it is the range of emotion that is, like, the biggest gift that we have, and I think we- Try and stay so far away from anything that feels, like, uncomfortable or bad, but it’s part of the gift, ’cause when you do that, then, m- you know, like I cry thinking about going to the beach. Like, I can’t even say it because I g- had the fucking bad, and now I get to have the good, and I can’t even stand it, I’m so excited. It’s happy tears. But I think we move away from hard, and, and I see this in the program too, and I get it. Of like, I don’t wanna go through this, it’s gonna be hard. And I say like, “Let it be. What’s gonna happen on the other end?” Like, what if it ends up great? Like, I have this sign in my bathroom, and it’s in my bathroom only because, um, I see it every day, but sometimes on the internet people are like, “Why is that in your bathroom?” But it says, um, what if it’s great? What if it’s great? Like, we are really good at catastrophizing, being like, “This is terrible. My kids are gonna suffer.” Like, well, what if it’s great? What if your kids get to see you do something totally different? What if they get to see a whole new side of you? What if they get to experience you in real love or their dad having real lo- like, what if it’s great? I just, I, like, let’s spend as much time there, you know? Yep. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. So I just realized by your movies that I, um, may need to try some different movies out, ’cause I was thinking about Steel Magnolias, Parenthood, and yeah. Yeah, totally. You need to watch Everything Everywhere All at Once. Yeah. think, well, I’ve r- Is that a book? ‘Cause I think I might have read the book. Oh, I know. yeah. But it’s a movie, like Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, and it’s really good. Yeah, watch that for I sure. Yeah. Okay. Well, we’re, we’re getting to the bottom of these questions. You’ve done a great job. Uh, let’s Okay. I have one. Um, so are you open to dating? Oh, no. Why? I know, that was so fast, wasn’t it? Okay, so let’s tell the story about, like, the… Okay, so I wanna say this. I feel whole and complete, and I would w- and I, I’m gonna make sure I’m not telling myself a lie. I feel whole and complete. I don’t feel like I’m missing anybody. The idea of having somebody and finally having someone in my life that actually likes me, like, I don’t feel like I don’t, I don’t feel like I have been in relationships in the past where people even liked me. So, the idea of having somebody like me, that actually would feel really good to have somebody like me. , I think I have had to fight my own ageism and really look at that from my own perspective. When I look outside of myself, I see women in their 50s and 60s that are beautiful, and I think absolutely they deserve love. And then when I look at myself, I immediately go, “She’s too old. I’m too old. Nobody’s gonna wanna date me at 55.” Like, I’m, I have gray hair. I… Do you know what I mean? Like, I do the, a little of that. So with that said, it would have to be a… I am s- I have such a filter now. , I s- smell, like, red flags. , It would have to really be someone that’s really spectacular. If you ever hear, if anybody listening ever hears of me dating, just know that they are, like, the freaking bomb. And I have joked that I would only date somebody if they had a yacht, which was very safe here in Atlanta ’cause nobody has a yacht. But now I’m going to the beach, so I feel like my v- my v- Venn diagram of overlap could be different. So with that said, I think that, yeah, I think it would have to be somebody great. There was one day that Joy and I were talking and w- I was like, “We’re gonna… I’m gonna get on a dating app.” And I had applied for, um, Raya, which is like which is, , for celebrities basically. But I was like, “I have enough followers. I think I could get into Raya.” But I didn’t. I- they put me on a wait list. And so then I was like, “Well, it could be my age. It could also be my content.” Do you know what I mean? Like, my content is gonna fil- filter out a, a lot of guys that wouldn’t be the right match, and so I feel grateful for that. So what did I get on? , I don’t– Was it? Hinge. It I got on Hinge. Oh, okay. Yeah. I lasted 24 hours, Mm-hmm. I asked for my money back and got it. It was a I got… 24 It was a whirlwind 24 hours. I was just disgusted by every freaking question. I, the… Men tried to introduce intimacy so quickly, and I am, like, I have a super filter for that. , Oh my God, was that funny or what? oh my God. hours, but it was s- I mean, I, I’m, I don’t mean to say it was funny, but It was funny, yeah. Betsy called me, she’s like, “I’m out, I’m off of it.” Yeah. joined it.” It was like, I joined it that night, and I was like, I think I had a glass of wine, and I was like, “I’m gonna do it.” And then by the next morning, I was like, “Screw this.” And somebody asked me out, and I said yes, and I liked that they were decisive. They were like, “Meet me here.” And then when I said, “I can’t do that on a Friday at lunch. , I run a company. Like, I don’t know what you think I’m doing.” And they wanted me to drive 40 minutes to meet them for lunch at like a cafeteria. And, and, and they were like, “I don’t know. The app says it’s 20.” And so I was like, “Oh, are you calling me a freaking liar? Are you try-,” like, I… And I got in the shower, and I was angry because some man was telling me what to do or telling me who I was, and I was like, “Oh, I’m not… This isn’t for me., I’m just not there yet.” And I, I don’t, I don’t know that there’s more evolving that I have to do, but I definitely think I need to, um, I wanna say like relax a little bit, but also, no. , I sensed that as like a… There was a rhetorical pattern there, right? Of like, “You don’t know what you’re saying. I know the truth, and you can- you’re gonna do what I say,” even though he didn’t say it in that way. That’s the… , and he gave this emoji of the what? I don’t know. You know, like, huh? my God, wow. And so I just was like, “I’m not doing that. I’m not… I am not ever playing that out with somebody else,” of like, “You know better than me.” I know m- the most about my life than anybody else. Like, I know me, and, and I know that’s too far for me to drive because I do important things too, buddy. But I was so… I, I mean, you can even hear it in my voice now. , I just… So no, I’m not dating ’cause I don’t want to. like a quick answer, a quick Yeah. tell you that’s probably the right answer. I was on a podcast recently, an, an interview. It’s not live yet. But she asked me like what d- what’s dating like, and I was like, I, I, I was almost confused by the question ’cause I was like, well, I… And I was like, I, I, I don’t know. I, yeah, I j- I was like, “I don’t know.” Like, I don’t know. I don’t know. Ask somebody else, not me. I have an a- amazing life, and to fit somebody else into that life… And you know, I’m moving to the beach, and I’m going down next weekend to look for my apartment, and I decided I’m gonna rent for a little while till I figure it out. The people who have come out of the woodwork to be kind to me, to… And, and actually, when people are listening to this, I’m probably on a airplane. So have come out of the woodwork to be kind to me, to offer to bring me out. You know, my birthday, I’m gonna be there on my birthday. There’s people bringing me out on my birthday that I don’t know, that know me from the internet, you know? Um, it- that ha- offered to help me find pla- that videotaped, like- These, this is one place you’d might really like at the beach. And, , took so much time to help me. I- it was a lesson in, like, you deserve to have people be kind to you. It’s okay to let people help you. , It was a moment, you know, where I was like, “Okay, this is a lesson in, , let people love you,” you know? And so maybe I’ll get there, and this is, like, the first piece, you know? That’s awesome. I’m excited for you. And, too. you I’m excited for you to come down and visit. least expect it. I’m talking about if there’s Yeah. a, you know, Yeah. partner in your future, it will yeah. least And like, it, I think. yeah. And like I’m, I’m g- I think I, I am a great partner. Like, I think I’m a really good partner, so I just gotta find the really good partner to partner with that. , I’m not afraid to have hard conversations. I listen. I’m a- available for new ideas. I like to try new things., I will do the things you’re into, but, like, I need the reciprocal, you know? So I will wait until I find that. Also, the yacht. Awesome. Yes. Got that. Well, we’ve gone through, um, a lot of these. Yeah. And we’ve been talking for an hour, which we could talk for two hours. It’s fine. But, I know. yeah. Are we done with all the questions? There’s one more, , it’s if the podcast ended tomorrow and you never coached another woman, would you feel like you did what you came here to do? Oh, you know what’s so weird is even when you said that, I was like, “No.” Like, I, like this is such, like, my purpose. I don’t know that I’ll ever not do it. Do you know, like, sometimes I think about retiring. My sister just retired, and I’m like, “I can’t imagine not doing this.” , It’s just so much of how I think and who I am. , Okay, so wait, what’s the question? If I ever don’t do it, then If, is. To do? I came here to do. Yeah. Years ago, I had this mentor when I lived out in the suburbs, and I had this mentor in my life who, you know, would give all these examples of things he had done or worked with people on or… You know, when we were working together, he would say, like, “I had this client once who…” And I remember saying to him, like, “You’ve, uh, I can’t imagine, like, having such a big impact on everybody. , you’ve had such a big impact.” And he said, “Yeah, if I died tomorrow, I know I would have given more than I took, and that feels good to me.” I, I think that only recently, like maybe in the last year, have I started to recognize Mostly because women on the internet are so incredibly kind to me. But only recently have I started to realize how much of an impact even just the podcast has made, or those videos that I do on Instagram. A- and I wanna mention something about that. But those videos, I think, , people are so kind to tell me how much that impacted them and changed their life, and changed how they thought about themselves. And so I think I could safely say that I’ve given more than I’ve taken, and, and I don’t know that it needs to be that way. I don’t need to give more than I get. That, I’m open to that being more of both. D- does that make sense? , Mm-hmm. like, I, I am open to receiving, and I think maybe for a long time I wasn’t. We talked about this in the group the other day of like, how open are you to receive, and to receive help, and to receive? And I think that I was closed for a long time ’cause I had to be so hyper independent. But anyway, so I would say yes, I, I think I’ve done what I came here to do, and I wanna keep doing it ’cause I think there’s more. Yeah. That’s a great ending. I think you are a phenomenal asset to women. I think that watching and working with you and watching you do what you do Yeah. it’s amazing. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I’m grateful to do it, and I’m grateful that you were able to help me today with all these questions. Yeah, we Thanks, Joy. Our first it. official podcast. May th- may there be more. Thanks so much, Joy. You’re welcome. Have a great day. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

What if you were given a human being and that human was in your ‘custody’ would you do everything in your power to take good care of her? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy emphasizes that loving yourself isn’t a feeling but an approach and a job, built through repetitive, practical daily acts. The custody and care of you is up to you, don’t hand that job off. Have a listen and allow the profound message in this podcast really sink in. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big Hi everyone. Welcome to the show Today. I saw something online this week. I saw something and I think it was kind of an old clip. It was something that Drew Barrymore shared. And , I wanna tell you about it and I wanna kind of talk about this. ’cause I’ve been thinking about it and it was like, weirdly not, she had somebody on the show that isn’t somebody that I’m almost embarrassed to say, I don’t even know who this guy is. I guess he’s an actor. I’m gonna say his name and then you’re gonna be like, how does Betsy not know that? But I don’t, , so I saw it and then I thought about it and then it was the kind of thing where I must have, it must have really. Hit something. ’cause I thought about it and woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it. Do you know what I mean? When you’re trying to put something in the appropriate bucket in your brain? So. I was scrolling and I came upon this clip that Drew Barrymoore shared from her show, and it was this guy named Matthew Hussy. . Hussy Hussy, I think. And he said. And I went back to watch the clip and I want, I’m gonna get it as close as I can. But what he said was, imagine that you got handed a human being at the beginning of your life and your one job, like the one job for the rest of your life is to take care of that human. And most of us don’t realize that that’s our job. So we finish being parented. And then we kind of walk out into the world looking for somebody else to show up for us. But the truth is, we are our human. The only person who is here to take care of me is me. And then he said she’s in my custody. The custody word, I think is the part that really stuck with me, you know? I have been thinking recently and , if you’ve been here for a while, you know, I was married for a long time and , decided to leave my marriage, I don’t know, maybe about five years ago. And then after a short period of time, six months or something like that, decided to come back, I had hope that maybe things could change or work out. And then after a couple years I realized that they weren’t, and I had the wisdom to leave. Fully. And one of the things that I have personally been grappling with, I guess you could say, is the idea that I don’t feel, and I bet many of you feel like this too, I don’t feel like any time in my life has there really been somebody that was. Looking out for me or taking care of me. There was, when I was young, when my mom died when I was 16, I think that shifted and I became hyper independent. I know so many of you are that same way. I know we are the same, but hyper independent, which I could go down a whole rabbit hole about why that is really appealing too. , People with different attachment styles really like hyper independence, but I always have been able to do everything on my own. I’ve always been able to, , pay my own bills and do my own thing and make my own decisions and all, all of these things. And I’ve been thinking recently. As I have been packing up a lot of my stuff, I’m gonna get ready to leave to move to the beach in August. So I still have a little bit of time here. , And there’s several really good reasons why I am delaying. I have a retreat that I wanna focus on and some other things I have to give 60 days notice at my apartment. And the timing just worked out really well to, to give it in July and to leave in Midaugust. So when I think about this, as I have been going through old papers and pictures and all of this stuff, I have really been thinking about , is there, is there ever, is there ever a moment where I’m going to meet someone who. I wanna say like wants to, wants, that’s, this is the ideal word, to take care of me. And I don’t think I’m, I know I’m not looking for somebody, I’m absolutely not looking for anybody right now. But I would like to be open to the idea that someday I would meet somebody who could really, truly meet me where I’m at. I’m no longer willing to. Bend or make accommodations for somebody, it has to be right. Okay. So I have been thinking this thought of like, is there gonna be somebody that could take care of me? And then I hear this, the only person who is here to take care of me is me. She is in my custody, and I wanna talk about what that word means because I’ve thought about it a lot. And what it means for women in the kind of decision that so many of you, I think are in, because if you have been following along on my Instagram or, or maybe just been here for a long time, like that decision of trying to figure out whether to stay or leave your marriage might be right, top of mind, right? And so that whole idea of. She is in my custody may land a little bit differently for you and I wanna walk through kind of the why. So, , here’s how I see this. Like the math kind of goes, like goes like this. If he would just see me, I would be okay if he would just do the work. I would be okay if the marriage would heal. Right then I could make this be okay. Or if he became the kind of man that I have been hoping he would become, then I could finally, ah, feel safe. I could finally like rest. Right, and I’m gonna guess that you’re a lot like me, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever really rested. I think when I was in high school, if I took a nap on the couch, somebody would be like, get productive. Do you know what I mean? Like I, is there ever gonna be a place where I can finally rest where my human, the one I’m supposed to be taken care of, would finally get taken care of? And I have been so good at that taking care of myself that even now when I say I wonder if there’s ever a time where I’m going to meet someone who would want, and this is such an important, who would want, this is the important part to take care of me. I don’t need to be taken care of, but I want somebody to want to. And underneath all that math of like, what I could be okay. I could, , I could rest, I could catch my breath underneath all that. I, don’t, I don’t even feel, and even when I look back on my own journey, I don’t feel like there is anger. It’s, maybe not even sadness, but it is exhaustion. It’s like, it feels like a kind of tired. Like where all your blood’s been drained outta your body, like in your bones. People say like bone, I’m bone tired. When you have been waiting for somebody to meet you or to come and pick you up, and they keep not coming or they keep saying, I’m coming, but they never do. And you just , keep adjusting. You keep telling yourself like, okay, maybe today, maybe he’ll hear me. Maybe this will be the time that they will finally understand maybe there’s like this one next conversation that’s gonna make all of this happen. Or a therapy they’re gonna decide to go to. I wanna say they, ’cause it could be a man, it could be a woman they will go to. Maybe it’s a new book. And the reason that you’re tired is not because the marriage is hard. I mean it, it’s likely really hard, but that is not why you’re tired. You’re tired because nobody has been minding you. Nobody’s been minding your shop. Not him, but not you either, because a long time ago. You handed that job over. So you know, when I heard Matthew Hussey say she’s in my custody, the word custody, it’s a legal word, right? It’s a very formal sounding word. It is the word that we use. I think when we’re talking about like deep responsibility. Right when we’re talking about whose responsibility a person actually is, like who’s on the hook? Like who’s gonna feed ’em and get ’em outta bed and keep them safe? And when I heard him say that, my brain went right to lawyers and courthouse. My former husband was an attorney. So like, I immediately was like, we think about. Custody arrangements or language that we use about children in divorce. And then I was kind of like, oh, I didn’t have children with my former husband that was an attorney. I had children with my other former husband because I’m very chic and I’ve had a couple. But that wording made me go, oh, I do have a human in my custody. I have her, like right here. I have me and she has been with me my whole life and I have been pretending that someone else was on the case, right? That someone else was gonna do this like that. If I could be paying attention to them, they would be paying attention to me. And I, I sat with that , for a long time because I was like, well, I don’t know. That feels nice. I would be paying attention to them and they would be paying attention to me. That feels really good to me. But the trick I think is knowing, and I thought about this for a long time and I thought about all the women that I work with, right? Women in this same exact place, maybe a place where you are. And I realized that this. Is what is sitting in the middle of every single clarity decision that I have ever sat with another woman in my program. Right? Is the, is it true that if I’m taking care of him and he’s taking care of me, everything will be okay? And that may be true, but the trick is to be partnered with someone who is doing the other side of that. Or to be able to take care of yourself first and give the overflow to someone else, and that feels a little bit more aligned when I start thinking about it and feeling through what is correct for me. What is correct for me? You decide what is correct for you because the truth is, and when I sit with so many women in this decision, is that they have done that side of it. The side of, I’m gonna take care of you, I’m gonna make sure you’re okay. And the house is okay, and the kids are okay, and the bills are paid and the lawnmower gets done, and the scheduling of the dentist appointments happen and the food is prepared and picked up from the grocery store and planned it. Like, I’m gonna do all of that. But then the other side is never happening. And if you’ve been waiting for him to take custody, maybe not consciously, maybe you would never use that word. I mean, that word stuck out to me, right? ’cause it’s not a word I would have used. But when you trace the thread of what it is that you’ve been hoping for, I think of that. Is actually what’s at the end of that rope, right at the end of that thread. And so if you have been hoping that if he changed you would be okay. You have been hoping that if the marriage got fixed, that your insides would settle down . You would have been hoping that if he just could see you finally the way you wanna be seen, that part of you that has been alone. For a really long time would not be alone anymore. And when I have been thinking about this over the last couple weeks, since I saw that last week or so, is that even if he became the absolute best possible version of himself, even if he did all the work, even if he showed up exactly the way that you have been asking. The job was still always yours. He cannot take custody. Even the best version of him can’t like custody is, yours. He can love you. He can show up, he can witness you, he can be a partner, but none of that is custody. Custody is the day-to-day work of keeping a human alive and well. And nobody can do that for you. Not because they don’t love you enough or love isn’t real or it’s fake or any of those things. Not because partnership is fake, but because that’s just how being a human being works. The job was assigned to you the day that you got here. And the part , that Matthew said that I lingered on. Also, and that I wanna talk about here is the part where I think kind of shift when we’re in pain. And he said, loving yourself is not a feeling. It’s an approach. It’s a job. So you don’t even have to like yourself today to love yourself. And I was like. You don’t have to like yourself today to love yourself today. And when you’re in a season of things, being really, really hard and loving yourself starts to depend on a feeling, then that’s where I think you’re like screwed. Because feelings change every day. They do not cooperate. I would love my feelings to cooperate. But they don’t always cooperate. And so then you’re in a season where you wake up and you don’t feel like the version of you that you used to be, and you wake up and you feel like you don’t like her, and you wake up and you feel like you don’t really recognize her anymore. Well, if loving her, if taking custody of her depends on you liking yourself first, then you’re never. Gonna choose her. You’re gonna wait for the day when you wake up and you feel confident. And that’s still , not how it works. I so wish that it was, I so wish that it was, I posted on Instagram yesterday about my process of cleaning out some bins that were in storage and going through the bins and finding these old pictures, I mean. Pictures from high school, pictures from college, not a lot of pictures from college, pictures from early in my twenties. A lot of those, and there was this version of me that was so hopeful that somebody would love her and pick up the pieces where somebody else had left off. And I think I waited in a lot of ways and I allowed. People that weren’t, well, first of all, they weren’t equipped for the job because that was me that was equipped for the job. But they, were waiting for somebody to take over, and I stepped in and did that, and that just depleted me even more. And so every morning when I woke up, of course I didn’t feel confident, of course, I didn’t feel like I liked me. I was exhausted and depleted. And that’s not. A flaw in me, in her, that version of me. It was just somebody that wanted to be loved. But that again, it’s an inside job and it’s a job you get to do, and it’s a job that requires you not to actually feel anything. I know that sounds weird, but you don’t have to feel like it. You know, we feed our kids even though we don’t feel like it. Right. There were so many days I wanted to be like ketchup packets for everybody, but people need to eat every damn day. I’m like, it’s never ending. You people always need to eat. We have custody. We do the thing that we need to do to take care of them, and you can still show up on a day where you don’t have faith in yourself. And I think that liking yourself. It shows up when you start showing her she’s important. It’s like a result of that job, not like a prerequisite for that job. And so when I was going through my storage bin and I was wondering like, when did this shift happen? I mean the grief I went through over those two weekends of going through those photos and yearbooks. You know, I, I think I, I was trying to figure out was there a moment, and I think it goes like this, right? You’re like a little girl. Your parents take care of you. You grow up, you learn what love looks like by watching them. , And then, you grow up a little more and then you leave home and then. That next chapter where you really step into your life and become an adult and a woman and , you, perhaps you partner. And in that partnering up, like in that marriage, somewhere in there, the job of taking care of you, transfers. And I think it’s baked into how we are culturally shaped. So it’s not something that. I think biologically now there’s maybe a piece of biological of taking care of somebody else, but not abandoning ourselves. It’s not a guidebook. Someone says, okay, so now here’s where you’re gonna abandon yourself. So you could have made the choice. It was just like baked into how we do things. So, you walk outta your parents’ house holding a human in your arms, and that human is yours. And the marriage is not the place where that human of yours gets handed off. The marriage is a place where you bring her with you, where she comes with you, ’cause she is yours. And I think what happens is a lot of times women, by the time they get to me, have been carrying around this, like, hope that someday somebody would notice the human in their arms and, and pick them up. You know that their husband or their partner or their wife, their career even like somebody, somebody finally take her so that they could rest. And that’s, I think, the part that makes clarity so freaking hard. It’s probably why we avoid it because we’re like, oh my God, , I allowed this, I, , and I. I am not taking him off the hook or her off the hook. Trust me, I’m, I’m just saying there is a point where we can stop and if we haven’t stopped it, then there’s something else. part of getting clear is realizing that the someone who is supposed to take care of her was never going to, if it wasn’t you. ’cause the job wasn’t his, the job wasn’t your partner’s, it was yours. Okay, so let’s just assume that we’re all on the same page here. The custody of you is you and you’ve gotta take care of her first, and then the overflow can go to everybody else. And that is not what we’re taught and that is not what we’re modeled. So now here you are with this job on your hands that you’re like, I don’t know how to do this really. , Sometimes I see these posts like on Instagram where it’s like self-care and it’s like someone getting a pedicure or whatever. No shame to that. I do that when I have a in, but it’s not just, , manicures and bubble baths. Like sometimes it has those things for sure. But that is not the work. The work is actually a whole lot more boring than that. The work is these little questions. You know, inside Instagram, when I do those talking reels, I always say, this is your North Star. That’s the work, like that’s the job. And I think it can start out with really small things like, did I feed her well today? Did I let her sleep last night? Did I move her body like even a little bit? Did I take her for a walk? Did I get sunlight and fresh air? Did I let her say the thing that she actually thinks today? Or did I make her jump around and perform? Did I keep her around? People who drained her? Did I tell her not to cry when she needed to? Did I let her say no to something like that’s, the work. That’s the job. It’s small, it’s boring. It’s very, very repetitive. I think it’s very much like taking care of a child that you love and most of taking care of a child that you love is not like the birthday parties and the special things at school. It’s the. 8,000 million peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or the laundry or the reading, the QuickBook at bedtime, right? It’s just showing up for them. And the job of being your own custodian I think is the same. It’s these small little acts of showing up for the human that’s in your custody. You know, last month I got my teeth cleaned. And I don’t know why our insurance doesn’t cover the bones in our teeth. Those teeth bones are different, but last year I spent probably about $7,000 on my teeth. I’ve mentioned this before. I had to get my teeth cleaned twice. I had to get some x-rays. I needed a crown. I had two cavities that needed to be replaced from my youth and I got Invisalign and then I had to get a retainer and all of that added up. Even as I say it, it was likely more than, it was a lot of money. It was a lot of money. It was, that was my investment in myself last year and when I went to get my teeth cleaned last month, they no longer had like the in-house. Insurance. It was like 350 bucks and that covered two of your cleanings and your x-rays and they didn’t have that. And so when I went to check out, I said, well, I wanna renew my insurance. And they said, oh, we don’t do that anymore. It’s 600 bucks. But they didn’t tell me before. And at first I was like annoyed. I’m still probably a little annoyed. I would have done it anyway. But to have known would have been nice. But the job of being my own custodian would have been the same. I take care of my teeth because that is what she requires, and it is boring and it’s annoying ’cause that costs more money than I wanted. No, pedicures are manicures for me this month. And so I wanna say, this. If you cannot answer yes to a lot of those questions that I just asked. Like, do you let her sleep? Do you let her rest? Do you bring her for a walk? Do you let her get sunlight? I, I want to, to say, if you cannot say yes to those, it’s not a sign that you’re a bad person. It’s just a sign that you need to take the job back. It’s like the moment of recognition that you wake up and you go, oh, that, that job has been mine. And there is the practical side of dentist appointments and mammograms, and there is the other side of the small daily repetitive, boring things that we have to do to take custody of ourselves. And when we do that and we show ourselves that she is valuable, that she is worthy of investment, that she’s worthy of taking care of, then I think it’s easier to start to put her first and give the overflow to everyone else and there will be enough overflow. That may be the question in the back of your mind. If you are such a good custodian, there will be overflow. And then everyone flourishes. Nobody is depleted. And so if you’re sitting in this question of like, do I stay or do I go right? , The question that’s in your head typically is gonna be something like, but he’s a good guy. Is he good? , Is he bad? He’s not bad. I’m like, does he love me? Uh, I don’t,, I don’t know. I is, did I do enough? Is he enough? Is he gonna change? Am I being fair? Am I being too harsh? Am I too hard on him? Maybe I want something more than I need, like maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe I should just be happy. He’s a good provider, right? I hear this all the time. So the conversation is about him. It’s always about him. So I wanna give you a different question. Take the question away from him. The question is, in the marriage that you currently have, is your human getting taken care of? Not by him, by you? Are you allowing yourself to be your own custodian inside this house? That’s the question. It’s not. Is he a good husband? It’s not. Is he trying? It’s not, does he love you? Those questions can come later, but the question in the room that you currently live in is, can you do the job that is yours? Can you feed her? Let her sleep in, take her out, get her some fresh air and a sunshine on her face. Let her cry. Can you keep her around? People who do not drain her now? In some marriages and I this last month, we’ve had several people come through the Navigate method that their marriage has really been renewed. It’s so awesome to see. And when they shifted to them, the answer was yes. The marriage is not the problem with custody. You can do your job and he can be his own person, and then you both function as humans next to each other in other marriages, the answer is no. When you start taking care of yourself, then you see that the answer is no, not because he’s a bad person, but because the structure of the marriage as it currently is, keeps you from taking care of yourself. So she can’t speak, she can’t rest. She can’t stay, no, she can’t be in the room as herself. And so it’s not necessarily that he’s a villain or you have to decide if he’s a good guy or a bad guy. It’s is the human that you have custody of safe in your custody. That’s the question. So the good news here, I think, is that the job that you have been given of being the custodian has always been doable. You can do it. You can do it even on days where you don’t feel like yourself, even on days where you’re exhausted, even on days where you just don’t feel like it. But you can wake up tomorrow and ask yourself the one question, which is, what would I do today if I was actually taking care of my human? And then do that one thing. And then the next day ask it again, and then the next day and the next day, until the woman that you have been waiting for somebody else to take care of, starts to recognize that she is finally home, that she has been picked up by you. And I think that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for being here with me. I will see you all next week. i. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this week’s episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy reminds us that we can become the version of ourselves that we need at that moment. How we do one thing is how we can do everything. We have the power within us to navigate bad news and hard times as well as the power to make decisions that will move our lives in the direction we want to go little by little. Take a listen and remember that the next step you take, you are ready for because it’s all yours. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show today. I’m excited. I’ve got all these little like updates that I wanna give you. Um, and I swear when I do this show the, the leaf blower lawn men do not come until I start this recording. So we’ll see. I can see them out there, but we’re gonna, we’re gonna hope for the best. Okay? Okay. Quickly before we get started, if you have seen, we have launched. A retreat in Belize in July. It is going to be. Really amazing. It’s called The Reimagined Life. And we are gonna move through creating a whole blueprint for you and how you really want to live your life. And so we’ve got workshops like twice a day, but the then the like in the morning and the evening, and then the whole day is full of snorkeling and laying in the sun and chatting and processing and journaling. And then in the end you move forward with. A blueprint for how you wanna move through the rest of the year, the rest of your life. So. Join me. We filled up really quickly. There’s only like, like half the spots are full already, so if you would like to come, please don’t delay. If you have questions, email us at [email protected]. I will jump on the phone with you and answer any questions and see if it’s a good fit. I think it’s gonna be so fun and some of the ladies that are in already are. Women that I know from my program, some of them are people that I don’t know, and I’m so excited about that and I’m excited for them because I know they’re gonna make all kinds of besties in there. So, um, you can find the link to it in my Instagram profile, or you can go to my website under live events. You’ll see it there, but it’s gonna be at this really beautiful resort. And I heard that the snorkeling there is like snorkeling in a fish tank. Like it’s amazing. So. Please join me if you would like. All right. This week I went with a friend to a fashion show that was a fundraiser for Cancer Research and this center here in Atlanta. And, you know, I thought it was, it, it was so moving. Honestly, it, it, it, I was so honored to be invited and to be with her and her friends and to, you know, get, to get to experience the whole day. And the thing that I kept thinking when I was watching the fashion show, because it was caregivers, doctors and nurses, and it was women who had been through their cancer journey and it was family members and they were all modeling these really beautiful clothes from local boutiques, and it was really fun for that. Also my little, my little aggression, my microaggression towards the patriarchy was to call all of the men with the, they, they would carry a white rose if they were a, a caregiver. And if they were a man, I, I assumed they were nurses. And if they were a woman, I assumed they were the oncologists. And that was kind of fun to be like, oh, I wonder what kind of nurse he is. So. I’m watching this thing and I’m watching these women and I, it’s, it’s really so moving. ’cause you’re like, how do you move through something so big? Right? Like, how do you get presented with that? And so many of them were like, I had no idea this came out of the blue. Like, I wasn’t expecting this. And you know, I think with a lot of big things in our lives we’re, we’re just not expecting it. And so we can’t be prepared. For things. We can’t be prepared for everything. And what I started thinking about when I was watching them is, you know, of course like we go to like, oh my God, what would I do? What would I think, you know, who would I call? What would happen? And I realized that the women that were walking down the runway were likely different women that were told. That they had the diagnosis and that they didn’t have to be that final version of them in the beginning, it was going through the process that made them that way. Now, nobody wants to go through that journey in order to grow or to become a a, a, A D, I wanna say a different or improved version. I don’t know. Uh, that’s a subjective thing. But I think with all of our journeys, and you know, so many of you listen and follow me because you’re struggling in your marriage, but the version of you who has a clear decision, who knows the path she’s gonna take, who’s walking that path, isn’t the version of you that listens here today. And that’s by design. You’re not supposed to be. So it’s okay if it feels really scary. It’s okay if it feels like you can’t do it. It’s okay if it feels like overwhelming. How would I figure this out? Because you only have to figure out the thing that’s right in front of you and then you begin to become the kind of person who is able to walk through the journey. And I wanted to share that ’cause I just was thinking about it. I mean, the lens that I see the world right, is through this work in so many ways. And I thought it was just like such a beautiful example of, of victory, you know, on the other side of that. And it was really cool. Anyway, I was honored to be there. It was, it was great. You know, my birthday’s coming up. I, I’m about to be 55, I gotta say. I remember on my 50th birthday, I remember I brought myself to the beach. Yeah, my former husband went with me, but I planned it. I paid for it, luckily, and went to the beach. And I remember sitting by the beach going like, I am not gonna do my fifties like this. I, I’ve never been as miserable on a birthday as that birthday. And I was at the beach, which is like my favorite place ever. And I have a picture of me like just pulling the. My hoodie down over my face because I was crying. I don’t know that anybody noticed, but I noticed it was so miserable. And this year I’m going to the beach on my birthday to look for my beach house, and that is really fricking cool. And so we get to make a choice. We get to notice it’s okay to be in the crap because then we get to make a totally different decision. And we get to become the person who can make that decision. So I’m gonna be going down to Florida, actually. And if you listen to my episode, several, maybe like a month ago about how to make big decisions and I was talking about making this big decision and I felt so strongly, it’s California. California is the thing, and I feel a little differently now. I have done a hella research over the last month. I got really into the research so much that it began to get paralyzing because here’s what I teach, is that you can’t make pros and cons lists. And then what did I do? So I was like, let’s make a pros and cons list. Let’s figure it out. And you know, I recognize that in every decision, and even with the women that I work with inside the Navigate Method, there are. Practical decisions that also need to be made. So the decision from your gut and the practical choices that surround that. And I’ll be honest, I did my Q1 taxes for my business and we had a huge tax bill, which was great. I, you know, very proud. I saved the money every month, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, although it’s always painful and. I put, I figured out like what the, you know, looked at the p and l and if I was in California, what that tax bill would be. And that was for one quarter. And then if I multiplied that by four quarters for a year, and that’s just on my business. And then to be practical, I’m 55 years old. I’m not 30 where I have room for a lot of, you know. Mistakes, I guess, or, uh, I, I have room for mistakes, but, but the, the trajectory is shorter for me to retirement, right? So I wanted to pay attention to those that felt in alignment to pay attention to that. And so then I started down this rabbit hole of Florida and where in Florida. And when I tell you you can go on YouTube and you can find a walking tour of every city you can find apartment. Um, walkthroughs, home walkthroughs. I mean, you could real estate shop, like you could do all the things from YouTube. It’s, it’s pretty amazing. And so I went up and down the coasts and, um, you know, my aunt lives in Sarasota. It. She’s only there part of the year and then it gets too cold. So she goes to Puerto Rico to her place in Puerto Rico. But I, you know, there is somebody there, right? So like. My dad would likely come down. He would see his sister. I would be able to see him. Like there was things about it. I have several friends that live in the Tampa area area, Sarasota area. There’s a huge airport there, which I, it was important to me. I want to be close enough to the water and be able to afford to be on the water. Like that feels in alignment to me. So I started doing all this recon, like paralyzing amount of recon. I cleaned out my little, I had like a little storage closet. With some things I had put in there and totally cleaned that out, narrowed everything down. I got my whole life into one bucket, you guys? One bin. One bin. And then I just kind of got where I was like, you know what? There’s things I really love about Atlanta, where I live, there’s things I’m gonna really miss. And I started noticing when I would make plans or I’d hear from a friend, I’d be like, oh, I’d really miss that. And so then I thought. You know what? I think what I’ll do is I’m gonna just buy a little condo in Midtown in Atlanta, and then I’ll just snowbird. I’ll spend my winters in different beaches. I’ll go to California one year. I’ll go to Florida one year, and I’ll just start checking it out. And I told my sister. And my sister said, but would you? But would you, or would you just sit in your condo in Midtown and wish you had taken the leap? And I was like, oh, you shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. It was so true. It was so true. So I decided to give my notice at my apartment, move late this summer after the trip to Belize, and I’m going down to find a place to live on my birthday on year 55. So we always have an opportunity to. Feel what we’re feeling and to be unhappy with where we are and to make a new choice. And to make a new choice. And I started thinking over the last couple days, like how with this new version of me, right, the version of me that walks the runway and is like through the storm and is now choosing my life, is this in big decisions? And small decisions, or am I just doing this with like big decisions because my life is in the tiny things that I do all the time. Now I’m gonna tell you a very silly, silly, silly story, but I wanna just illustrate what I mean. So when I moved into my apartment, I bought. A very well fancy for me, a very fancy espresso machine. I wanted to create a new ritual for my mornings. Okay? So I wanted to have like something different that I did. I wanted to have, and bear with me here when I say this word, but I wanted to have a hobby. Like I wanted to really understand coffee and I wanted to order. From private roasters, small roasters all over the country. So every month I get different beans from a different small roaster somewhere in the country, and I wanted to like really get into coffee. It felt really fun and it gave me something different to start my day so that I wasn’t thinking about what I would have done or how I missed my dog or, you know, any of those things that I, that I lost in, in the separation. And so. I, I got this coffee maker and, and, and had to get a grinder for my beans. Okay. So I bought a grinder. It wasn’t cheap. I don’t know if I’m just really cheap, but I was like, it was a couple hundred bucks for this grinder, you know? And it was great. It made great coffee. I was, I was pumped. And then last week it died. It like completely died and I’m like, I’ve only had it like, not even 18 months, you know, 18 months, 20 months. I don’t know. I just was like, why is this dead already? I did a little Google search and found out that that isn’t really a, a grinder that you can use every single day, and I used it multiple times a day and lots of times my kid would come over and I’d make coffee for them and so it was getting used a lot and you know, a good grinder. Slices the beans instead of crushes the beans. And that’s what makes it better. ’cause it makes the water flow food better. Anyway, the whole thing just jammed up. Like it just was going tick, tick. And it wasn’t, and it wasn’t gr nothing was coming out. I tried to fix it. I ordered parts. I mean, I did the things. And then I thought, you know what? For my 55th birthday, I likely am not gonna get anything. My dad might send me flowers or something. He’s very sweet. But I was like, I’m likely not gonna get anything, so I’m gonna buy myself something. I’m gonna buy myself a fancy grinder, but I’m gonna get a grinder. That’s. Gonna last more than a year, I’m gonna get a grinder. That’s like a substantial piece of equipment that I’m gonna have for 10 years. I know this sounds, I don’t have a lot of, I don’t have a lot of things that I do, but I was like, I want a really nice grinder. And so I found the kind of grinder that I wanted, and Eureka, I think was the brand anyway, they had it in Chrome. They had it in this like enamel white, that was really pretty. And they had it in Ferrari Red, it’s Italian. It was Ferrari red is what it was called. And I was like, oh, I want the, I want the Ferrari red. Like I, as soon as I saw it, I was like, oh my God. And then I thought, that doesn’t go in my kitchen. Which I live in an apartment. My kitchen can be anything I want. But I was like, that doesn’t really go. And I was like, I don’t know. And then I think I put it unconsciously through a filter of what other people would think if they came over. Now hardly nobody comes over. Gosh, why is that my filter? Because that was the filter I was handed as a young person, right? So I put it through the filter of like, well, what will people think? It doesn’t match. It doesn’t go, I got this like weird red appliance in my. Coffee bar, you know. No, I wanna pause ’cause I wanna say I get that this is insignificant. Like I get that this isn’t, you know, uh, some big catastrophe. I just am saying in the small things. In the small things. And so I put my hand on my heart and do what I tell people to do and I, and I just really breathed into it. And if it was just me. What do I want? And right off I was like, I want the red one. I want the red one. And so that’s what I ordered. It wasn’t the safe option, it wasn’t the option that goes with anything. It wasn’t the option that maybe made the most sense. Like if I buy a place at the beach, do I really don’t? I want neutral appliances, or chrome or white is so cool. No, I want the red, I want the Ferrari red. That’s what I want. I want Ferrari red. And so that’s what I ordered and I found a small distributor in upstate New York to buy it from and then didn’t buy it on Amazon. And so that felt really good to, to give my, my money to a small business. So when I talk about like these big things like moving to the beach and like where do I go and how do I. Distinguish between what I want and what’s the right thing. You know, I’m using air quotes, or if I wanna make a change in my relationship or my marriage, or whatever those things are for you. How you do one thing is how you do everything. And I was like, I have to really pay attention if I want to build a life that is fully mine, that fully embraces the me in all of this. Then I have to pay attention to the little things too until it becomes second nature to just choose what I want and move forward. So that’s the story of my Ferrari coffee bean grinder. I’ll post it on Instagram if you follow along over there. I will. I will make sure to let you know if you wanna know how to do this like this, like deep work of like, how do I know what I really want? I have a, a, a path for that. Like if you go to my website, it’s called the Bridge. You can comment on anything, like on my Instagram or whatever. Just put Bridge and it’ll send you a link to it. But if you go to my website under, I think it’s like work with me, it’ll say the bridge and the bridge is like six chapters to move you towards this deep inner knowing about six different chapters of your life. And so I ask like there’s a little audio to listen to, kinda like a little mini podcast. I have a little. Process for you to do. And then you’re gonna take what you learned one sentence and you’re gonna move it to something I call the honesty map. And then you’re gonna fill out your whole honesty map, and at the end, you’re gonna be able to create a little declaration for yourself and about where you are. So check out the bridge if that. If that appeals to you, but definitely check out my Ferrari red coffee grinder. I think it comes next week, so I will post about it. Um, and yeah, thank you so much for being here today. I know this was like a short little catch up with all the things I wanted to tell you, but those are the things that I wanted to tell you. All right, have an amazing week. I will hopefully see you in Belize and if not, I’ll see you next week. Alright, bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Oh WOW, this one hits different for sure. In this episode, there are many ah-ha moments as Betsy outlines three signs to watch for when your partner promises change. Is it performance change, or real transformation? This podcast will leave you with the clarity you have been craving. You may even want to take notes during this one! Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. Our trip to Belize has been finalized, so if you heard me on last week’s episode, talk about this retreat that I’m doing the Reimagined Life in Belize this July. It’s the 23rd to the 27th, please join me. There is a link, on my website. In the header bar if you go to live, and I’m posting about it every day on Instagram. I think we got, we opened yesterday afternoon and we’ve already got a really great group of women coming, so I am so excited. I’m like thrilled. This is gonna be just really so much fun. And we had our first live coffee here in Atlanta, and that was so fun to see everybody. I was planning on going to California in May, and I was gonna do one of these in May, and then my trip got changed. But we are still looking at all of these and, and trying to plan. Times to go. And also, and also why is the airlines, the flights are so expensive ’cause of gas. It’s so exhausting. I remember years ago when I took that trip to Iceland, I flew from Atlanta to London and it literally was like. 30,000 delta points, what would translates to like 500 bucks. Now it’s like 1500 bucks. , It’s just so sad. And so to kind of circle back to Belize, I know that if you come to Belize, I know that it is a challenge and I’m gonna show up for you. There’s still, I think, one spot left, maybe not by the time you hear this, but maybe, , for the VIP swag bags, so, you know, get in there and who knows it. Maybe all the early people that get in right away will get a swag bag like that. So we’re working on all that stuff in the background here too. So today though, what I really wanted to talk about was this thing that I have posted about online. And it’s something that people ask me about all the time. It is something that many women have seen me post about. And so when they have seen that particular post is when they decide to investigate working with me. And then they go through the whole program. And then when it happens to them, I think they’re like, oh my God, what? What is this? And I’ll tell you, it. It is a really, really hard thing when you have been working so hard and fighting for your marriage and not feeling as if you are heard to then get to the heart wrenching decision that you can no longer stay intact as a human in this relationship. To then decide to leave, to ultimately save yourself, and then to have your partner go, Hey, I’m gonna do the work. And so I wanna talk about that moment because it is something that I have a lot of thoughts about. And also, even as I go to talk about it, I wanna preface, and this is something I say inside my program all the time. Is that there is no right answer here. It’s just about what’s right for you and honestly, what’s right for you today may not be the same thing that’s right for you six months from now, , or two years from now, and you’re allowed to move through things and change your mind and lean into hope and get your bearings and make a decision. Like all of those things are really, really valid. And so even as I say all this, I just wanna say there’s no right decision, and I am certainly not coming here telling you what to do because if I knew what to do, then I would be, I don’t know, sucking on a pina colada somewhere in, in the deep Caribbean. But my point is that if I knew what to do. Then that would have made my whole journey easier. I was in indecision too. So I understand deeply this place, and I think that this place of indecision has value. I know that sounds so crazy, but I think there’s something to learn in every single part of our lives. And so I wanna talk about this and I wanna talk about this specific moment where you get to the place where you decide you wanna leave. So first of all, I wanna talk about. What is historically what I have seen and what I have experienced in my own life experience of what happens before you get to this moment. Now, I believe you can choose to believe differently, but I believe that women will stay long after it has fizzled out for them because they want to have. A partner, . They wanna have a partnership. They wanna have a life that they had hoped and dreamed about. , When women get married, we want this vision. We, have an idea of what partnership will be, what it’ll be like to possibly raise kids with that person. What our vacations will be like and how we’ll make joint decisions and what all of those components of building a life with somebody actually entail. And when those things are never realized, I truly believe women. I’m using a lot of blanket statements here. I get that. So if you’re a man listening, this can go both ways. , I work with women, whether they’re married to a man or a woman. So I’m just talking from a woman’s perspective here. I believe that women will just try to make things work and they will try. If the vision that they had doesn’t work, they’ll try to adapt to a new vision. I don’t believe that it’s that women only want their way or the highway. I really believe it’s that they’re trying to navigate, well, what does this mean? And when there’s communication issues or when hard decisions are being avoided, or when they as human beings aren’t being seen and met. It becomes this really confusing swirl of, I don’t know what to picture from here, because this isn’t, not only not what I imagined, but it’s also not clear what it is. And I think that moment for a lot of women is where the indecision and the circular thinking about it sets in. Because they can’t make a decision to stay or go when they don’t fully understand what they have. Some moments he meets them where they’re at some moments he doesn’t he’ll, ask for what they’ll need and he’ll say that he’s going to do it and then never does. So that confusion starts to really set in. And so, , the men in my comments sometimes get really angry with this particular post. Because of their own experience with it. But I believe that when you get to this moment where the woman says she’s gonna leave, there is a whole lifetime of work and exhaustion and pleading and trying and adapting that happens before they ever get to that place. And so when they get to that place. It is really a moment where they’re throwing their hands up and saying , I don’t know what else to do from here. And I believe it is a moment where their life force energy is rising up and saying, I will not be lost in this. I cannot be lost in this. And I think the women that really get to the place where they are grasping for their own air in this. And so now here you are. You have been through it trying to get him to hear you and step up and do things differently and become a partner. Even if it’s not the partnership you had in mind. You are willing to adapt and to discover and to create something different, but you never get any clarity or any communication. To tell you what this is, and now you’re taking your one last big deep breath of air before you feel like you just will drown and you say, I can’t do this anymore. I’ve decided that this marriage no longer works for me anymore. And what I see so often in my program is, there’s a moment he maybe takes a beat, maybe he gets mad, maybe he just ignores you. But what I have found in the program is that there is always a pause of some sort, and then it sort of settles. And as it settles, he begins to understand that his experience is about to change. And when that awareness happens, when he recognizes that you are no longer willing. To just keep doing things the way that you had been. Then he wants to show up differently. He wants to talk. He wants to go to therapy. He’s reading the books. He’s saying all the things. Maybe he’s even crying, which you haven’t seen maybe in years. He’s asking you what is it that you need, and he’s telling you that he’s willing to do it. , He will do anything. He’s telling you I am changing. Like it’s been three days. And he’s like, I am changing. , I’m looking at this book, I’m reading this, listening to this podcast. I’m whatever. He’s just telling you to give him a chance.. And so what I wanna talk about today is what, that is what happens inside you when that happens, and how to tell the difference between. Real change and , the same kind of pattern, maybe showing up a little bit differently. And I think most importantly, how do you hold onto what you know to be true without turning into a shell of yourself trying to do it right? Because I think that’s the trap, right? Like in order to protect yourself and your clarity, you think, okay, well I’ve got. Get hard, like I’ve got a armor up here. And so you think that you, need to stop feeling stuff because it is a shell shock. It’s like you got whiplash from it. And so what I wanna talk about is how to move through that whiplash and finding where it is that you really need to go. So I wanna talk about what is actually happening. Inside your body when this change happens, right? When he says this is gonna happen, and when he says, I’m already changing, I’m already doing the work. And maybe he’s learning some words, right? He’s learning some new vocabulary words that make it sound like hopeful and that maybe it’s true and. So that version of him, , that’s showing up. Now, this engaged version, the one who wants you to know, the one who wants to listen, right? And the one who wants you to know he’s changing that version, is the version that you have likely been asking for years, maybe decades, , depending on how long you’ve been doing this. And your nervous system does not know what to do with this. So when I say nervous system, if you’re newer here or not, in my circle in my world, our nervous system, what do we see? What do we hear? What do we smell? What do we like? These are all the ways that my nervous system takes in information and inside my body it’s how I’m processing what’s happening. So I’ve got like cognitively what I’m thinking about it, , Ooh, this sounds like everything but what’s happening inside my nervous system. So your body remembers. Every single time that you begged him to, listen, right? Every conversation where you tried to explain yourself or, , felt defeated and, cried about it every moment that you made yourself smaller. And when I say smaller, I mean like where you realized that asking for something. Was met with avoidance and so you learned to not ask, but instead to just internally turn inward and just get tiny so that the relationship could keep working. And every time that you told yourself, , maybe it’ll change maybe after the holidays or , maybe we can work on this after the kids’ graduation, or once this project at work settles down, or whatever it is. And now you have gone come to this painstaking decision and now he’s here doing the thing. So , , it scrambles you, right? Internally? Of course it does, because one part of you, the part that was holding on for years is going like, oh my God. He’s finally, he finally gets it. He finally sees me. And then there’s this other part of you that, finally was able to stop holding on it. Like grasping for air is going. , Wait, I, just put this down like I finally made a decision and put this down. And you are caught between those two things. And this is like your whole history colliding and, dealing with this new present reality. And honestly, it feels terrible. It feels terrible, and I don’t think that. The person, the partner who is all of the sudden showing up recognizes how terrible it is. I don’t know how they could, , because if they had been ignoring you for so long, then how could they just suddenly understand? And if they truly understood, then they would know how terrible it felt and they would stop asking you to do something that you’d finally decided to do. So. The question , that I want you to sit with in this whole thing is like, why? Why? Why is it now? Why now? Because the things that you are leaving over have been there for a long time. You’ve been saying them, you’ve been asking him to change or her to change. You’ve been signaling it right? In a lot of different ways. So why are they showing up now? And there’s a version of this that I think can be true, absolutely can be true, which is like they finally heard you, they finally get how severe this is, and that is possible. , There’s the version where maybe they finally did it, understood it, or there’s a version where they finally felt consequences to what they were doing. And those are different sides of the stick because when someone changes because they heard you, that’s change coming from them seeing you. When someone changes because they heard you, that’s change coming from them seeing you. When someone changes because they felt consequences. That’s change coming from them feeling the loss of what you provide. And you have to be honest with yourself about which one this is, because one of them is a response to fear and one of them is real change that you can actually work with. One of them deserves hope and one of ’em is the same pattern, running in a different way. A response to fear lasts until the fear goes away, which, happens the moment you decide to stay or they feel safe enough that you’re going to stay, that you’re not going to leave. And so when you think about this, you have to get honest with yourself about what is he actually responding to. Is he responding to you like the whole you, the, you that maybe he hasn’t really. Paused to look at in years? Or is he responding to the possibility of losing his life as he knows it? And those look the same from the outside, right? The words are the same. The going to the podcast and going to the therapy and finally getting a coach and doing all that. All of that looks the same, but they’re coming from completely different places and they go in completely different directions. So. I wanna talk about how to actually tell the difference, but I also wanna, interject this thought too as I’ve been talking. You know, when we think about values, like what’s important to me, what’s important to me about a relationship, what’s important to me about a friendship, what’s important to me about work, what’s important to me about any of the number of things that I do in the world? Those are my values. Now, if I had a, friend, even a coworker that came to me and said, what you are doing is really upsetting me, I would pause and I would say, help me understand because I don’t wanna upset you. Now, if it was a partner, absolutely I would stop everything that is in my value system. I would be like, wait, what? That’s not how I’m gonna move forward. And if your partner didn’t do that, that’s a difference in values. And a difference in values is a whole lot different than we just like different things for dinner. This is like. How we actually operate and how we experience the world is different. Okay, so now how can you tell if this is like a real change? So I’m gonna give you a couple things to watch for, not to analyze him. I don’t want you putting him or her on trial. I just wanna give you something to look at when your nervous system gets this overload and you are like, I don’t know what to think. Okay, so number one is that real change is actually slow. Real change is slow. , If inside two weeks he has become a totally different man, like that is not change. That is the performance of change. Performance of change is really fast. Real change in a human being, especially around patterns that are decades old, don’t happen in two days or two weeks. It doesn’t even happen in a month. It happens over a long time, and it has a lot of, I’m gonna say like reflection or ugly, messy parts. Right. There’s like, this is what I want to accomplish. This is what I’m trying to figure out. I’m trying to understand myself and why I do this. Oh my gosh, did I do it again? Tell me how that felt to you. This is what I’m thinking about. This is what I’m afraid of, like there are backslides, there’s discomfort on their side about who they used to be. Like they get a, a realization. Of the pain that their behavior has caused. Right now, so many women in my program say, but I get it. Like his family was, you know, he had the, it’s okay, you can understand it, and his behavior can still cause real harm. And if he thinks he’s changed in two days, because you said you’re gonna leave, that is performance change. And so if what you’re seeing is super. Smooth, , super polished. I want you to pay attention to that. Okay. So real transformation with a person that’s really wrestling with their behavior. And, and, and potentially being embarrassed of themselves, of getting it wrong. Like that person is showing up much differently than someone that’s like, Hey, I’m doing the work. I know I’m a Apex man. Or whatever the, the bro podcast say. Okay. So number two is, and this one is, this one’s tricky. Okay. But number two is that real change isn’t about you. It’s not about you. It when he is doing the changing to accommodate you, to make you happy, to get you to notice how he’s doing things. If every gesture is aimed at you right when he’s doing it, to get you to change your mind. When every single thing is about how he’s going to be different for you, that likely isn’t change. It’s just a more, I’m gonna, I’m gonna say like sophisticated reason or sophisticated version maybe of making you responsible for him. Right. Now you are responsible for his behavior instead of him being responsible for his behavior. Real change when someone actually is doing the work, it includes them going and getting themselves help. That has nothing to do with you, right? It’s not a. It’s not you guys sitting down and just talking about stuff. It’s him working on his own stuff, his own shame, his own patterns. Just like you have likely done, right? This is why you’re listening to this show, stuff that has its own separate life outside of your marriage, because if the entire project of him changing is happening because of you, then it’s all aimed at you and the minute you are not there, or the minute. That project stops then it’s not his, it’s yours, and then you are still carrying it. But just in a different way. Just in a different way. And I have often thought when I hear the stories and my own lived experience, like if you really understood what you’ve done, you wouldn’t be asking me to do anything different than what I’m doing. Okay? So number three is that real change doesn’t pressure you. In your decision. Right. Just what I just said. This is, this one is, big and I think sometimes confusing, right? Real change looks like him saying like, oh my God, I’m getting it. And I understand why you have decided what you’ve decided. And I’m gonna go do this work because it’s mine and I’m gonna do it. Whether you stay or don’t stay. And I am so sorry. And maybe someday we will meet again and you’ll meet a different version of me performed. Change looks like him saying, you know, look at, I’m trying, look at, I brought out the garbage. I did all this stuff for us. Right? Please don’t. And they’re like, please give me a chance. You owe me a chance. The kids need you to give me a chance, right? I don’t wanna live without you. I don’t wanna do this without you. And on one of those aspects, , there’s this person that you decided to do your life with, that you want to be with, and the other one is treating your decision. Like something he’s in charge of that he gets to decide what you do and you’ll feel the difference in your body. You know you’re gonna feel it. One of them leaves you feeling more spacious. I always say , if you can feel your chest expanding, that’s likely the direction you wanna go if you feel yourself constricting. That’s a lot of really good information and so. , Even if you listen to those three things that I said and you’re like, okay, he fails all of those, I can see clearly that this is a, you know, it’s fear. It’s not real change yet. All the things you are still gonna feel like you wanna stay. It’s totally normal. It is not like a sign. You’re making the wrong decision. It’s just a sign that you’re human. So it doesn’t mean that you’re making a right decision. It doesn’t mean you’re making a wrong decision. It just means that you are a human being who loved someone for a really long time. , You built a life with this person. You possibly had children with this person. You shared pets and history, and maybe inside jokes or a house. You know, you both love the holidays the way you do them. Maybe you have coffee with them in the morning. Maybe there’s parts of him that you’re like, he can be a good friend. And the pull is that part of you doesn’t wanna lose that world. And that part of you isn’t bad. It’s not weak, it’s not wrong. It is just the part of you that knows how to love. Then you don’t wanna get rid of that part of you. You just don’t want that part of you to be the one making the decisions. When the pull comes, I, want you to do something. I want you to stop and let it speak. You know, Elizabeth Gilbert has this really good line in her book, big Magic about Fear. And how it can be in the car with you, but it can’t be the driver. It can’t operate the radio. It has to sit in the backseat. Will you decide? So don’t argue with it. Don’t try to put it down. Just put it in the backseat and let it say whatever it is he wants to say. It’s gonna say things like, I love him. It’s gonna say things like, but what about the kids? What about if this is a wrong decision? Or I’m scared, I don’t wanna go through this. What if he can change? What if I don’t know who I am without him? Let it, let it say all of that, and then when you get in a really settled place that you have worked so hard to get to, you get to answer that. And whatever way is a right for you. , I’ve talked about my own journey here. I, I decided, I, I got the bravery. I mean, it took me a long time to get the words to say I’m gonna leave, and he said, I’m gonna work on it. And I leaned into hope, and I think that’s so important. And I stayed for a few more years until I had the wisdom to see that the change in my experience , wasn’t real. It wasn’t the way that I wanted to move forward, and so I finally had the wisdom to leave and to not turn back and to just keep going down the path that was right for me because you can still love him and leave, like you can still get to the place where you are just like, I can’t continue to live in a container. Where I feel like this all the time, loving him and staying are two different decisions. And I know that sounds really confusing and if that doesn’t feel right to you, that’s okay. I think we can love someone, who is the, parent to our kids. Somebody who we have experienced a lot of life with and not love who we are in the relationship with them. So I wanted to talk with you about how to get through this without like, turning into a shell of yourself really. So here is something that I see women do when their husband start fighting for the marriage after they decided to leave, is that they just go kind of cold. Like they, they don’t even know what to do. They kind of get like frozen, you know? They get distant or they armor up and they don’t know what’s real and what’s not. And I totally get that because I think the pull can be really, really strong to be, to keep going the path you had decided, which was painstaking to come to, and the pull of being afraid you’re making a wrong decision, but you don’t have to just turn. Into a shell of yourself in order to make any decision. The, feeling of being frozen is, just a, sign that you’re afraid. That’s all. It’s not a sign that you’re unclear. It’s not a sign that maybe you were wrong about your decision. It’s just a sign that you’ve got fear. So I think. That if you are in this right now, I want you to know that I know it’s hard and I know you’re freaking exhausted. I know it feels like you can’t really find any solid ground anywhere, and I know that there is a part of you that’s wondering if you should just go back. If you should, just give it one more try. Lean into hope and just see what happens, and I would never tell you what to do, but my job is to help you hear yourself. And so I want you to do that. I want you to know what you already know before any of this started. That’s how you ended up at this decision. It didn’t come from nowhere. And you can give yourself the space of seeing if the change is real or if it’s performance, and you get to decide that you don’t wanna go through that as well. Both options are fair because it’s up to you, it’s your life and you get to keep what you know. Nobody can take that from you, not his fear, not his change, not his pleading, not even your own pull back and forth. You get to keep the clarity of what you know, and I think that is how you live a big life, not by getting cold. And not by winning an argument, but by staying with yourself, even though every single thing is gonna try to pull you out of it. I love you so much. I will see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Do you use words in everyday communication that make you smaller? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy shines a light on the little things we were taught as children that we may not even catch ourselves doing as adults. Betsy invites us to catch this reflex, claim our accurate self worth, stop using apologetic language, and maybe we can collectively eliminate shrinking once and for all. PS, who wants to join us in Belize? Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. So, alright, before we get started, I wanna tell you about this show that I have been watching. I have a hard time, and maybe you’re like this too, but I have a hard time finding a, show to like chill out and watch that isn’t. , I’m gonna say like scary. I don’t want true crime. Like I’m pretty careful about what I put in my brain, you know what I mean? And so it’s hard for me to find something that I actually really enjoy that feels light enough that I’m not stressed out before I go to bed. And , I talked a couple weeks ago about how I got that bed jet. I swear this isn’t. It. I’m not sponsored. I want to be, but I’m not. But I got this bed jet and you turn it on. It’s like this. It blows hot air, basically. Hot or cool air. But my favorite thing in the world is to take a shower at night, get all the pollen off me from the day, turn on turbo mode so that when I get in bed, it’s like cozy and warm and then put on a show and watch a show for 30 minutes or something, and then go to bed. This has become like my, I, it bring, this brings me so much joy. Okay. But what do you watch? Because I don’t wanna be stressed out. I’m not really into reality shows. Like it’s just, I, , maybe I’m super picky, but, I found a show and I started watching it, and it was just so quirky and weird and fun. And then it never ended. I was like, why is this, how am I still watching this show after days and days and days? And I realized there were two seasons. And so it’s a great show to watch ’cause there’s like eight episodes but two seasons and it’s just gets kookier and crazier. So the show is called Palm Royale and it’s on. Apple tv. It’s totally worth getting Apple TV for it. I think , if you’re like me, did you ever see that show the residents on Netflix? It is a Shondaland mystery about a murder at the White House, and it’s quirky and weird like a clue. Remember that board game Clue. , Anyway, this reminds me of it, Palm Royale, but it’s set in Palm Beach, so it’s in the sixties and it’s just quirky and weird and really fun. So anyway, that’s my hot tip for a show if you like to watch something light and not get stressed out before bed. So I’ve got some fun things that are coming up and one of them. Is that we are going to Belize. I know. It’s so fun. I’m so excited. So I don’t have the exact dates, but by the time this airs, it should be live on my website. If you go to betsypake.com and you’ll see live events in the menu and it’ll be there. But we found this place that you’ll fly into the main Belize airport. And then we’ll pick you up and put you on a little plane and shuttle you to like a little island, and we’re gonna spend time together, chilling out and recreating your life. , I’m so excited about the little workshops that have got planned for us. So be on the lookout for that. We’re gonna do it in. July. I think it’s gonna be around the 24th. I don’t have the exact, like I said, I, met with them on our final appointment yesterday to finalize everything. They were gonna confirm everything. The people that I hired to do this, and it will be live hopefully by the time you’re listening to this. So I’m like so, so excited to get to see people and hang out and spend time together at the beach. And just like that place I heard is like amazing snorkeling. It’s like going into an aquarium. Anyway, it’s gonna be amazing. I haven’t had a beach trip yet this year, and , I need to have a beach trip before it hits like hurricane season. And so anyway, I’m super excited and I hope, that you can join me, which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about today. We’re gonna talk about something that I think that every single one of us that’s listening has probably done. Maybe you’ve already done it today, multiple times. And I wanna talk about all the ways that we make ourselves smaller, and I don’t mean physically, although we have been told to do that too. But I mean, in the way that we shrink our opinions, dismiss ourselves the way that we use words to make ourselves appear more submissive or. Smaller, you know, your, your needs are not as important and you’re just asking, you’re just suggesting you can dismiss my thought if you want, and maybe this is something that you’ve got good at and you’re not doing anymore, but I noticed that I did this yesterday and when I did it, I was like, oh my gosh, I’m doing this thing. So here’s what happened. I’ve been working on this retreat with this really lovely company that’s helping me plan it, and I’ve been working with this woman and she set up like a preliminary page for our retreat, and they asked me, like for my bio, and I sent over the bios that I have and pictures of me, stuff like that. So she puts all the information on there. And when I’m looking at it under my name, it says Coach. It says coach, speaker, and writer. And that is what’s in my bio. It’s like a media bio that we sent her. But it said, coach and I looked at it for a long time and look, , I am a coach. But it didn’t feel right. To me, you know, I’ve been coaching since 2012. I’m a certified master coach. I’m, trained up to the level of trainer. I can train coaches and therapists to do what I do. I have multiple certifications and I’ve gone in deep with those. I’m highly, trained and I have spent over a decade doing this work. I have built a program, I have had a podcast for nine years. I wrote a book. I have another book that’s. In process right now, I have helped thousands of women go through some of the hardest decisions of their lives, and when I looked at it, it said coach. And so when I went to write her an email. And I thought, I’m just gonna ask her to update that. , It should at minimum, say, master coach and I don’t need to have all my credentials and the letters after my name and all that stuff, but , I needed to have it, not just say, coach, that wasn’t accurate. And I started the email and I wrote, I know this is gonna sound silly, but. And as soon as I got that out, I was like, oh my God. I, was at a coffee shop and I like sat back at the coffee shop, looked around the room, like I looked around the room actually at women and men that were there, and I thought, would the men do that? , And this has nothing to do with. Our chromosomes. I’m not, it doesn’t have anything to do with our gender. It has to do with our socialization. Right? Would men do that? Why is this silly? Like, why did I wanna say, I know this sounds silly. Why am I pre apologizing for asking to be accurately represented? Why am I padding a, completely reasonable and totally professional, not even remotely complicated request with language that immediately tells the other person that I don’t fully believe that I deserve what I’m asking for. And so I deleted the email, deleted the opener, changed it, sent the email, and just said, Hey, I see that I’m. Posted and listed as Coach. Would you mind changing that to Master Coach? Done. But I kept thinking about that moment because of the, I know it sounds silly. I know it sounds silly. That wasn’t for her. She didn’t need it. She probably didn’t even notice. She didn’t care. Like she doesn’t, okay. Master coach, whatever that language was for me, it was a reflex a, habit, right? That is. I think so deeply grooved in the way that it ran before I even noticed it, like before I even consciously noticed it. I typed it out. That language was for me. And so that’s really what I wanna talk about today. So here’s what I want to make, , I wanna make clear, here’s what I would like you to understand in this. Making yourself smaller isn’t humility. It’s not being humble. It’s just a habit, and it’s a habit that most of us have been practicing since we were really little. It’s a habit that kept us safe, that we were taught like explicitly and implicitly that confidence is arrogance. Boys aren’t taught that. We were taught that taking up space is really selfish and that being proud of yourself or being proud of what you’ve built or who you are means that you think you are better than someone else. And so we learned to pre-frame everything, , almost like to pre apologize, to downplay every accomplishment that we have. So we say things like, I don’t know if this is right, but, and this is probably a dumb question, I’m just wondering. I’m just a mom. I’m just a coach. I’m just a woman trying to figure it out. Just I’m just, ugh. And I feel like that word is doing so much damage. We use it to. , I wanna say like even cut ourselves down before somebody else gets the chance to, in my comments a couple days ago, I have been doing these posts once a week for the past three weeks, and it is a carousel post on Instagram where I share something about how I’m rebuilding my life in my fifties. So the first one was sort of like an overview of how I got here. The second one was about how I am choosing to rent instead of buy, and the reasons why and why I think that can be a really good choice for people. And the third one was about doing things on my own, like doing things with friends and doing things on my own, traveling even. And a woman wrote, this is just life. You’re not so special. It, actually, I mean. Comments on the internet don’t bother me at all since I was hypnotized two years ago, to not have them bother me, but that’s another story. But I just thought it made me so sad for her because this isn’t just like a personal habit, it’s social, it’s cultural, it, and women do it to each other. She felt like she needed to police me probably because she didn’t feel comfortable with it. It made her uncomfortable to see me sharing so openly to not try and dim my own light or to say, I know this is probably isn’t a big deal. I know probably everybody has this experience, but everybody has a different experience. Everybody is special., I’m not saying I’m more special than anybody else, but of course I’m special. You are special. That lady is special. She had no profile photo and her whole profile was private. I don’t know why. , I’m sure she was thinking like, this chick just rubs me the wrong way. And I’ve had that happen where I’m scrolling and I’m like, why does this woman bug me? Like why does this irritate me? And I start to ask myself Now, is it because she’s confident? Is it because she’s showing up? In a way that makes me uncomfortable because I don’t feel like I can do that either. And you know when we hear that, , I don’t know why she just rubs me the wrong way. When I ask myself or I ask somebody else, what is it they really mean , I really want to ask that lady. What do you mean? What do you mean? This is just real life. You’re not so special. What do you mean she is? Uncomfortable with me being comfortable with who I am and when I see someone that is showing up fully as themselves and I notice she’s totally comfortable with who she is, she’s not apologizing for it. She takes up space and she doesn’t look around and make sure that everybody is okay with it. , She’s not checking to make sure men are okay with it. And that can be really unsettling to people who were never given permission to do the same thing. We were all kind of handed this book of rules, right? Don’t be too much. Don’t think too highly of yourself. Be humble. I remember years ago on the internet and Facebook, I wrote, , I posted a Kanye West Post. And, , like a Kanye West quote, and I don’t even remember specific, I could probably Google it, but the quote was like, everybody tells you to be humble. Be humble, but also be great, be amazing, be spectacular, whatever it was. But the quote was, everyone tells you to be humble. Be humble. And be great. Be people. People I know. I mean friends, I’m using air quotes like friends. People I knew from high school that I haven’t seen in, , 30 years were so bothered by that. Some people wrote me long messages about their grandfather taught them about being humble and it was like the weirdest thing. It really bothered people when I first started my business like 2012. And I would post on the internet showing up fully as me. , It, it pushed a button, ? And when someone breaks that rule, when someone just is without shrinking. There’s a part of us that can get activated. It happens to me too, not because that person did something wrong, but because they are doing something that we haven’t let ourselves do yet. And that is all about you. It’s all about me. When I see that, I’m like, oh, that’s a me thing. And these people posting and commenting in my comments. It was a you. Them. It was a them thing. It was a them thing. And so when I think about this woman who said, you’re not special, I knew that, , my content isn’t claiming to be special. All, all it’s doing is saying , I figured something out my way and I wanna share it. Maybe it will help you. That’s it, that, that’s the whole thing. And the response is, who do you think you are? And. Who do you think you are to share this? Who do you think you are to have an opinion? Who do you think you are to take up space? On my feed, in my day in my life, and what I have learned is that the people who throw these comments are not mad at what I said. They are mad that I said it out loud. They are mad that I didn’t stay small. They’re mad that I took up space that they never felt like they were given permission to take, and that’s their own work to do. So what I wanna talk about now is really about claiming your own space and what that really looks like, because I think we’ve really confused. These two things that aren’t the same, like arrogance is believing you’re better than other people. , I have no qualms about knowing I’m not better than anybody. Accuracy is knowing who you are and being willing to say it. I’m a master coach, not just a coach. I’m willing to take up that space. I’m willing to go against the pre-programming that tried to make me minimize myself. And so when I ask to be listed that way, I’m not saying I’m better than anyone. I’m saying I have earned this credential and I would like it to be represented correctly. It’s not ego, it’s accurate. , When I share content about rebuilding your life in your fifties, I’m not saying my life was harder than yours. I’m saying I walked through something and I have something to say about it. It’s not arrogance, it’s sharing it’s contribution. When we have been taught that any form of self, when we have been taught that any form of self acknowledgement. Is vanity, then you can’t do anything because any form of visibility is showing off. Any form of confidence is something that we actually have to circle back and justify or soften or, you know, say just you can know your worth and you can still be kind. You can take up space and you can still be really generous. Those two things aren’t opposing. I always say to the Navigate, ladies, like two things can be true at once. You can be proud of yourself and proud of what you’ve built and still be humble about how much you have to learn. Those things are not opposing. Posing. This idea of humility that we were handed isn’t actually humility. It’s more like erasing part of ourselves. I have been reading this book, and I think I talked about it before a few weeks ago. It’s called On our Best Behavior, the seven deadly sins , and the price women pay to be good. That’s what it is. . That’s one of the sins, right? Don’t show up. Don’t be proud. Don’t be, don’t be too much. And I think about all the ways that women were taught these pride. Greed, lust, envy. Gluttony. What else? Wrath and sloth. Sloth is one I see. Show up all the time where people are like, I can’t rest, but, pride. You’re allowed to feel proud of yourself. You, likely have done amazing things at work. You’ve raised amazing kids. Perhaps you’ve built great friendships. You have a great sense of humor. You have a sense of style. You’re funny, you’re there. You have so many things. You have so many things. When you dumb all those things down and you make them seem unimportant, and then you’re like, I don’t know who I am anymore. Well, yeah, no, no shit. No shit. ’cause the whole world told you to shut up. It doesn’t just feel uncomfortable like socially to claim your space. , For a lot of us, it can feel really dangerous. Right. If you grew up in an environment where too much got, being too much, got you punished, whether it was like just a parent being critical or a teacher being critical. I mean,, my, teachers always said I was chatty, but luckily my mom thought that was a fine thing to be, so it didn’t end up bothering me. But I know there are people that were told the same thing, that it really impacted the rest of their lives. You may have been told a lot of things from church, anything where you learned that visibility had a cost, it may be relationship. Gosh, I know I learned so many things about how much I was allowed to be in relationship, and then your nervous system starts to calibrate to that, right? It files it away as a threat. And , one of the things I see all the time in the Navigate method is women that come in and they say, my partner , , would ignore me or , push away whatever it was I was, that was important to me, or dismiss my thoughts. Or I could even say things and they would be right there and they wouldn’t even recognize me. So your nervous system starts to learn that I have to be small ’cause that will keep me safe. Because being dismissed is not a good feeling. Like your body goes though, this isn’t supposed to be happening. Why is this happening? I must be doing something wrong. What could I do different? Right? So we learn in all these different ways to be small. And so your brain trying to protect yourself gives you this language. , I know it sounds silly, but. Could you change that to master coach? I’m probably wrong. This probably isn’t a big deal. I don’t wanna ask too much. I don’t wanna be a pain. But would you mind changing that? Like that language? Is your nervous system actually doing what it needs to do? It thinks it’s keeping you safe, right? It’s trying to help you avoid punishment. That visibility once cost you, and I see it. I’m gonna say cost me, but it doesn’t really cost me ’cause I don’t care. But this person saying, you’re not special. This morning I got, , a note on the internet, , that said, you’re the worst woman in the world. I was like, wow, I wanna be good at something. So I just blocked delete and block. But that, that’s the kind of thing that can trigger a shame reflex. So. Your work here is just to notice it, to catch it right. To hit backspace and say, I’m not gonna do that. I see that you’re trying to minimize yourself. I know why you’re doing that, and we’re gonna do something different today. And I think that when you can start doing that, catching yourself first, then starting to make shifts. Believing that you’re worthy of being seen, of being visible, of taking up space, of having an opinion. I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. So thank you so much for joining me today. . I’m hoping I’ll get to see you and give you a hug in Belize. Nothing could make me happier. I was on the internet and got fully influenced to buy a bathing suit the other day. This woman was so cute and she had on this little one piece red bathing suit, and it was so cute, and I was like, oh my God, I need that. So I bought it and she was tall and blonde and skinny, and I got the bathing suit and I was like, mm, why doesn’t it look like it does on the internet? But it’s so cute and I’m gonna bring it to Belize. We can snorkel and do some work together and have a cocktail. All right. It was so good to be here with you today. I love you so much. I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Have you ever been asked this? Which way does your intuition want you to answer? In this week’s podcast, Betsy asks her listeners if they are fully committed or loosely involved and how that outlook can apply to the everyday choices we make. She encourages us to ask ourselves if we are bravely invested or a little wishy washy, because we may be in mid life but we don’t want to be mid. Also, if you are local to Atlanta, please consider meeting up for coffee on April 11th. All of the information is on betsypake.com. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hey everyone. Welcome to the podcast today. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. How has your adventure been going over the past week? I am suffering from the pollen, so you may kind of hear it in my voice. Pollen in Atlanta right now is unhinged. It’s always really bad. But right now it’s really unhinged. I am taking Zyrtec or Claritin, depending on the day. Flonase. I have a air purifier in my apartment. I’m wearing a mask, like an infected person walking around outside to keep the pollen out. I am Netty potting every time I go outside and come back in. I shower before bed and wash my hair and change my pillowcases, and I am still really suffering. It’s really bad. I got one of those memberships to get your car cleaned because the pollen was coming into my car. And so every other day, I am going to bring my car. It gives me, it gives me a project. You guys, it gets me outta the house, but I’m going to wash my car, go through the car wash because. Everything is just covered in yellow. It’s just insane. So anyway, I will keep this one short ’cause I know my voice is a little funky and , that may be really annoying. It may not have been annoying if I hadn’t said it, but now that I’ve given you permission to have it be annoying, you won’t be able to not hear it. But let’s, just move along with the show today. Okay. So in the spirit of keeping this one short today, I have a. A thought. Something I was thinking about this morning when I was getting ready for my day and I was thinking about this possible move to California. I was thinking about how. I realized I really need to be consistent with my working out and not from a, like I need to lose some weight perspective or I need my body to look different. It’s actually ’cause I need my body to work a little bit different. I had a massage therapist come this morning, early. Early. She came at eight o’clock in the morning. I was barely awake. This is a woman that I’ve used for years and she just comes to my apartment. It’s, it sounds luxurious and it is that she comes to my apartment, but, , she’s really not any more expensive that if I went to a spa, , ’cause she just works for herself and came over. And I told her that I sit so much for work and I do try and sit stand throughout the day. I have one of those standing desks, but I sit so much that my back is just, it’s just tight. My lower back is tight, my shoulders are hunched ’cause I’m working away my keyboard, , looking down all the time and I’m like, I really need to be. Getting a lot more activity for my posterior chain, , for like all down my back. , I need to have my hamstrings engaged. The bottoms of my feet have been hurting, and I’m not walking, I’m sitting. But it’s because everything is just tight from being kind of like folded like a lawn chair, you know? I was thinking about that and about how I need to just move my body because it needs to be moved, not because the mood has hit me, or I suddenly have a goal for something. And I was thinking about all these choices that we have in our lives and how committed we are to those choices. And I remember years ago I used to ask coaching clients when we would come up with goals. For things is, this was before the navigate method, but I would say, are you hammer eggs? Are you hammer eggs? That was the question. And they would say, Hmm. It feels more like eggs. Eggs is like, you know, , an egg is, you know, the chicken doesn’t have to die to have to give you the egg, right? It’s, it’s the egg, ? But if you’re ham, you’re committed. You’ve committed so much to breakfast that you’ve given your life for breakfast. So is it eggs or is it ham? And I was asking myself like, oh, if I’ll think about it that way, am I hammer eggs with this moving my body? And I’m, I’ve moved into ham because it has to be ham. I was eggs before, so I moved, uh, you know, I worked out, I had my little workout thing I do once or twice a week when it, the mood struck. I was thinking about this move to the beach. Am I ham or eggs? I’m not sure. I’m, I’m leaning into ham territory of like, I’m going to make a brave choice. And so I started thinking about this with everything that we do, and if we put it in the perspective of what is it that I really want and do I really want anything? That’s just eggs. I wrote something on social media a week or two ago and so many people resonated with it. And what it was, this idea of being, having a life that is mid. I like, I’m in midlife, but I don’t want a life that’s mid, that’s how I explained it in the post mid is eggs. Mid is eggs. It’s not, it’s not ham. Now, I know this is kind of a silly little thing, but I wanted to share it with you this week so that you can just think through my choices. Think through your choices. Am I ham or eggs? Am I wishy-washy or am I committed? , Sometimes it makes sense to be eggs, and sometimes you choose eggs when it’s time to be ham. So. I think when you know the difference, that is how you live a big life. All right. I will see you next week with a much more lengthy episode when I am feeling like my brain is back in my body. All right, y’all, I love you so much. Don’t forget, in uh, , in Atlanta on April 11th, we’re having a live coffee live. We’re gonna all meet up for coffee. And the point of this is so. That I get to hug you, but also so you meet other people and make friends, and that could be a really cool thing. So you can find out all the information on my website. It’s right in the header. It’ll say like live events, and just choose Atlanta Coffee, and I will see you there. All right. Bye y’all. See you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Do you remember the ‘choose your own adventure’ books? In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy explores the idea of living out our choices in life just like the books we remember from childhood. What if we decided to go to an Early Bird Dance Party? What if we moved to the place we always dreamed of living? What if you only thought about those things but never acted on them? If you have pondered an idea over time and need a little nudge, this will be it! Enjoy it on a walk or a drive and be sure to join us for our Fireside Chat on April 5th and if you are close to Atlanta, come have coffee with Betsy on April 11th. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. Okay,, I wanna tell you about the Early Bird Dance Party. Before we get started, I wanna tell you about this thing that I went to. You know, as I have talked over the past, like couple years about recreating my life as a single person in my fifties, and how I’ve found friends and the things that I have been interested in and discovered about myself and all of those things. And , like me, , you probably get most of your information from Instagram. And I got an ad that kept being shown to me for the Early Bird Dance Club and it is a. Idea that these two women had about wanting to go out and dance, but not wanting to start the night at 10:00 PM and get home at three. , They had stuff to do in the morning and so they created. These events at clubs like all over the country where you come at six and it ends at like 10, I think. So it’s like for women who want to go out but still have shit to do in the morning, I think that’s the tagline. So I had seen it and then my friend Elizabeth reached out to me and she’s like, do you wanna go to this with me? The tickets sell out really fast. So if we wanna go, we gotta get tickets. And this was like in January, and so I was like, yeah, let’s do it. So we got tickets. It was me and my friend Elizabeth, and my friend Dina. Now I’m gonna pause for one second. ’cause I wanna tell you, if you listened to my episode about how I was rebuilding my life in my fifties as a single woman, I talked about going to those time left dinners, Elizabeth. Somebody that I met at time left and then she invited me out for dinner with two of her other friends a few months later. And this woman, Dina was there. So I went out to the early bird dance party with Elizabeth and Dina. I’m, connecting the dots there. Just so you can see, and I know this sounds silly ’cause you’re probably like, I know how we make friends Betsy, but for me that. Can, that was not an obvious thing. I just thought like, I’m, I,, I don’t know how to meet people, but that’s how, so you meet, I went to a million time lefts. I met several good friends from there, and then. , They had other friends and so we all met up. So I will have Elizabeth meet my other friends and we’ll go to dinner together too, so she can meet them. So I think it, it’s like just a nice way. And I see women doing this all the time including, , we’re, we’re not in a circle, we’re in a horseshoe. Everybody’s welcome in. And so that’s who we went with. So back to the story. So Elizabeth is like, let’s go me and Dina and you will go. So you get there at six o’clock, you get there at six o’clock, you dance your little heart out, and we ended up leaving at eight 30. Dina had to get up really early in the morning on Saturday, and Elizabeth I think was heading off on a trip , out of state or out of the country. She travels a lot, so. We went. I mean, I gotta tell you, we got there right at six. We were the first ones on the dance floor. ’cause we basically just walked in and walked right to the dance floor. The songs in the beginning, I’m gonna be honest, weren’t the best. Like they had a work in nine to five when it hit the work in nine to five. I was like, okay, , we gotta, we can, do better. We can do better. That’s a good, it’s a banger, but it not. Really what I want for my dance party. Disco balls are going, you know what I mean? All the lights and it really did get better, but it was a lot of like nineties music. The place was packed., It was women only, so it was just like packed with girlfriends having fun. , It was just so fun and so nice. And then it was so fun. But we were all pooped and everybody had to stuff to do in the morning. We left at eight 30. We got outside. I was like, first of all. I’m really proud of everyone’s knees in there because people were doing the low, low, low, low, you know, apple bottom jeans and the boots. I was like, how are people getting so low? ’cause my knees, I just will not. And then when we left, Dina was like, oh my God, it’s still light out. It was still light out, but it was really so fun. So if you have a chance to go to the early bird dance party, go to that. It’s really fun. And just like a cool thing, , if you haven’t seen my Instagram stories, we are having a coffee. In a bunch of different locations, live coffees where you can come meet me for coffee. It’s less about meeting me and more about meeting other people in your community, right? So like other women that follow me or whatever, , have come across the page and want to come and meet and make friends. So we’re doing them in Atlanta. It’s April 11th in Atlanta, and. On my website, there’s gonna be a link that says coffees, and then there’ll be a dropdown with all the different locations. I, Atlanta is up there. Now the other ones are being put up as we get the date, but it’s gonna be Atlanta, San Diego, New York City, Nashville, London, and I think there was one other place. Maybe that’s it. We’re thinking, I know I get a lot of requests for Chicago, , and maybe we’ll do something in South Florida. So just a way to be able to get together, grab a coffee, come and meet people, and then you have meeting people in your community. You know what I mean? Which I think is so fun. So be on the lookout for the coffee and community events. And then of course our fireside chat is live this month and it’s on the website. You can get to it. On the menu we’ll have it put like events so we can have all of that underneath. ’cause I don’t want you guys to get confused. But the fireside chat is virtual. It’s on Zoom and it’s on Easter. It’s at night on Easter. So I get it. If you can’t, if you got family stuff, but you might have family stuff in the morning, and then by 7:00 PM Eastern, you’re done with family and you wanna come join me or you don’t have any family stuff going on, and then you have a chance to come and do something and be with other people. You know that also are free at 7:00 PM Eastern. So that is just like a non-scripted, not recorded zoom time for everybody to get together and just have community no matter where you are. So those are some of the events that you could come and join me, which I would love. Okay, so now I have a story and I’m gonna tell you this story. With a caveat. And the caveat is the same caveat that I tell women in the Navigate method, which is everything is written in pencil. Like we get to change our minds, we get to shift, we get to learn more information, we get to go back, go forward, whatever it is that we need. Okay. So as we move forward in the months ahead, I want you to keep that in mind because it’s. A little risky that I’m telling you this, but it’s also true and it feels really true. And so I wanna tell you this weekend I was. Free most of the weekend I had my dance party, and then Saturday I ran errands. And then Sunday was just meant to be like a rest day. And on Saturday morning I was making my coffee. And I do this thing that I do, which is I make my coffee and if I don’t have a message from a friend, lots of times I have two girlfriends that I. Voice memo with. And if I don’t have a voice memo to listen to, I call it my morning podcast. I pretend I have a roommate and I listen. , But if I don’t have one of those, then what I do is I talk as if I’m standing in the kitchen of my beach house and I’m talking to some friends who have come to visit and they’re planning their day. And I’m asking what the beach plans are for the day. I’m letting them know if they walk right out the back door on the beach and they take a left, there’s a volleyball tournament. , Sometimes I let them know that I get done at three. If they wanna meet up for cocktails, I’ll have cocktails. Sometimes I say , I’m gonna have Chef Greg come. I know, I know. This is crazy. I’m gonna have Chef Greg come. At six. So you guys have your whole day at the beach, and then if you wanna come home and shower and then just be ready, chef Greg’s gonna make sushi or whatever. I decide the meal is gonna be okay. So I’ve been doing this for months, months, talking about my beach house and welcoming my friends. It’s the most fun, like it puts me in the best mood like it. I just love it. Now, if you’re fairly new here, you might not know for the past, , 40 years, I have wanted to move to the beach. Why don’t I live at the beach? Well, there was always a lot of reasons and , I, my daughter was here, she was growing up, she, her dad lives here and I was married to my former husband who is an attorney and he’s licensed in Georgia. So then we thought about moving to the coast of Georgia, but that’s not really the beach I had in mind. Like so many things. It just never was the right timing. And , there was a time. When I very first left my marriage where I thought, I don’t wanna move to the beach. , That’s not what I want. I think it was just the beach was the place where I felt relief from my marriage, like when I felt relief from all this. And so I thought, , I have relief now because I’ve, left and I don’t really need the beach. But as I healed and, my nervous system started regulating and I really started to feel more like myself again. , I used to have this joy that I have now, but I used to have this real joy and like zest about life. And, , 20 years ago, let’s say, I, I, really, I loved a lot of things and I, was. A lot more charismatic than I was when I was married. I think I just got very, very small and I started to lose touch with what I really wanted. Now, that’s not his fault, that’s my fault. I, that was my reaction to things that were happening, and so I thought, well, maybe I don’t really wanna move to the beach. Maybe the beach was just my vision that I needed to have to escape where I was. And over the last few months as I have been rehearsing. Owning a beach house. I started thinking about why I am where I am, and I started to think about those books that we had as kids that were the Choose your Own Adventure books. I loved those books, and you could have a million different stories, , you could choose. A, B, C, or D as the path. Or you could choose A, D, B, C, or you could choose A, C, B., Like every, you could make a million different pathways. And I started thinking about our lives and every time we make a choice, a whole new A, B, C, or D shows up. Then we make, we choose A, and then a whole different A, B, C, or D shows up and then we choose C, and it’s a whole different A, B or C or D that shows up and the path could be played out a million gillion, different ways. And I started thinking about my choose your own adventure and from a spiritual perspective, would I redo this? If I could, and I’m, not talking about regret. And that’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t believe there’s any right or wrong. Not in my story, not in yours, but I believe there is adventures. And if I were to do it again is, are those all the adventures that I really wanted? Now what I mean by that is are they the adventures that I would choose or were the they, the adventures that were the default. There’s nothing I can do about the adventures that I had, but now here I am. I’m in year two of a lease of my apartment, which means I am free. I’m free. I can do whatever I want. I can make whatever choices I want, and I don’t hate it here. I actually really like Atlanta. I’ve grown to really love Atlanta, especially over the past year. I have friends here in community, I’m volunteering places. , Doing things, it’s like greatest thing to be right near a big airport, like all these things. But am I, is it just that this is the default? Is it just that this is the adventure that’s right in front of me and if I zoomed way forward to being 90 years old, is that the adventure that I would be happy I took? Or would there be an adventure? I wish I had sought out and I thought to myself, I will always be disappointed in myself if I never live at the beach. Always, always, always. It might not work out. I’ll tell you, there’s a million reasons even now where I’m like, oh no, I can’t go. It’s so expensive. It’s a lot more expensive. Taxes are bad. I could, , I don’t wanna live in Florida, like for whatever reasons I have, right? North Carolina, my body has a negative reaction to even saying the name of the state. , I don’t want, like, what is it that, where is it that I could actually go, , one of my girlfriends has been begging me to move to. Connecticut where she lives and she’s like, there’s beaches here, but it’s not, I’m not standing in my kitchen with my friends visiting . I mean, the vision I have is like the strand in California, you know? Now you might do what my brain just did, which was like, that’s expense. Where do you think you’re gonna have $12 million to get a house on the strand? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know, like how do I know, how would I ever know if I’m here in Atlanta? How would I, how would I ever know? And , I don’t think there’s a whole lot of instances, even the people that have those $10 million homes on the Strand or in California in general. I don’t know that any of them came from someplace else and just bought that. Like they probably lived there. They lived in other houses that were smaller and moved up and. I don’t know so the ridiculousness of my reasons why started to become really apparent as I framed it , if I was choosing my adventures, what would I choose? And the adventure I’m on right now is not bad. In fact, it’s good, but I don’t wanna miss the adventure. I wanna choose because this is good enough. . This is not how I’m building my life from here. This isn’t what I’m doing. And is it scary af to think about moving? Yeah, I’m like about to be 55. I’m gonna be 55 in another month, so I’m gonna be 55 moving to someplace where I don’t know anybody. But you know what? The people I hang out with now, I didn’t know a year ago. I have Dean Martin now. My cat, like a lot of things can happen. And so I started thinking, okay, what if all of the big reasons that come in my brain, . This weekend, I couldn’t even think about it. Like the idea of, well, I, tried, I got, I helped with chat GBT and I was like, we were trying to find a beach community that I would like. We went through every freaking town in Florida, back and forth, back and forth. I like the taxes in Florida, but , we went , all over the place. . , I’d been a lot of places in Florida. My dad used to live in Florida for 25, 30 years. I just, , I know what I don’t want ’cause I feel it in my body. I don’t have to understand why. And finally I asked my body like, is it Florida? And it was like, no. My brain logically was like, yeah it is. It’s so close you could drive home. And then I thought, well what if I just go to. Georgia. I live in a state that has coastal communities, and I looked at that. I felt my body, my body was like, Nope, that’s not the adventure. When I’m 90 years old and I look back at the adventure, the, version of me that goes to Georgia Coast or goes to Florida is the version of me that’s, copping out, that isn’t taking the full plunge. Even as I say this, I’m like, oh my God, what if I decide not to go? If I decide not to go, it’s ’cause it’s a full body. No, but when I got real with it, I was like, you know what? I really do wanna go, I’m scared as all get out, moving all the way across the country, all by myself, but there’s no other path. I have to do it. And I have to do it because this is what. I’ve been rehearsing and this is what feels like the next right step. Now we don’t have to know. I don’t have to know what I’m gonna do in 10 months. Like I don’t have to know. I just have to know what the next right step is. This is the entire pathway that I teach people inside the Navigate method. And if I don’t do it, ’cause I’m scared, what kind of leader am I? And so I pulled up my lease. To see if I could break the lease. I can. It’s like a couple grand Whoopy do. And so now I can, I have two options. My lease, I’ve got until February. I mean I have almost, , 10 months. It’s the middle of February. So , I’d probably wanna move now. So this is what my brain, the gymnastics that I do. Okay. I’m thinking about my year. My year is pretty scheduled out. I have a lot of things planned and I’m going to London in November, the end of November into December for a week. And flying from California to London doesn’t sound fun to me. I’m like, oh my God, that’s a way longer trip. And so I thought maybe I’ll just stay. Until the London trip, ’cause the summer’s gonna go fast and then we’ll be into the holidays. It’s all gonna go really fast, so I need to be planning now. And then I thought, well then it’s Christmas time and then my lease is up. So why don’t I just get all my ducks in a row and get a plan together? If I get the feeling again, I’m going off of the feeling of my body that I need to go. It may be June and I’m like, I gotta skedaddle. Then I will. Then I will. And right now I’m still feeling it out. I’m two days in y’all. I’m two days into this realization that I, this is something that I need to, an adventure that I need to have. So do I bring all my stuff? Do I give away stuff and buy new stuff when I get there? Do I get a furnished apartment? What does it look like? I don’t know. It will unfold the next right step and the next right step. In the meantime, there’s a couple things I wanna get done. My car is almost paid off. I wanna pay my car off. ’cause that’s gonna save me a ton of money. Right. I’m being responsible in the decision making and , I’ve talked to my family, they’re all on board. My sister is moving to France. My dad was totally on board with it. Of course. I mean, what’s he, , he’s never stood in my way of anything and even my kid. Was like, I think you should move to the beach, but if you do, it should be California. ’cause that’s where you’ve always wanted to go. And I thought, you’re absolutely right. And so . I’m gonna be in San Diego in May and I’m gonna check things out. , I have friends that live in la, I have friends that live in Orange County. I’m gonna map out my next, the next right step, the next right thing, right in front of me now. The thing I wanna point out is that I think that we assume indecision and I had been in indecision, , do I go to the beach or not? What do I do? Blah, blah, blah. I think we assume that means we don’t have enough information. If we did some more research, a little more thought about it, like we’d finally be clear. But I’ve been talking on this podcast about going to the beach for 10 years. Now, I wanna say again, I had real logistical reasons why there, it, wasn’t a choice that I was gonna make to leave. I was clear on my choice to not go to the beach at that time. And, last year I really needed to do a lot of healing and this apartment in Atlanta was the best place to do it. And it taught me a lot about myself and it taught me a lot about what I was capable of. And it taught me that. I can build and create a life wherever and whenever I want. And so I think when we think indecision means we don’t have enough information. What’s, actually happening is we’re trying to find a version of that decision that doesn’t cost us anything. I was trying to , I didn’t wanna go to California ’cause it was so far. And so then I was looking all over Florida and then I was like, yeah, but then I’d have to drive and this is a long drive and if I’m gonna fly and how long I was trying to figure out a version of my decision that didn’t cost me anything. And, every real decision is gonna cost you something. Not money necessarily, although it’s gonna cost, it’s gonna cost me money. It’s not just logistics. It’s not just like energetically what I’m gonna have to put out to make it happen, but it costs you your other life. If I stay, I lose that version of me that gets to live by the ocean. , I’m not, I can’t do that. And if I go. I lose this really good life that I’ve started to build here. And so instead of choosing, what happens is we hover, we research, we make pros and cons lists. We, ask everybody we know. I mean, everybody I know that lives in California, where do you live? Where do, blah, right but what we’re really doing is delaying the moment where we have to let one version go and., What I’ve started to see is I don’t need more clarity. I have been rehearsing this moment., We talk about vision boards and manifesting like my nervous system is acclimated for this new reality. So I need to decide which life I’m willing to live knowing that there’s no right and there’s no wrong if I chose to stay, not at a default. But if I choose or chose to stay, I’m already saying it in past tense. So I, it’s just a choice. It’s, just which adventure you’re choosing. It’s not right, and it’s not wrong. It’s not wrong if I decide to stay, it’s just that I have to be willing to let go of the version of me that stands on my. Patio and explains the best spots at the beach that’s laid out in front of me, and I don’t know how that could ever, ever come true. I recognize that’s a expensive dream right there, but I don’t have to know how. I don’t have to know. That wouldn’t be, that would be a step so far down the road. The only step I need to know is this one. So I don’t need more clarity. I just need to decide which life I’m willing to live knowing that it’s not gonna be perfect. And when you think about it that way, I think you know, something changes. It’s your adventure, it’s your choose your own adventure. It’s not about making a right choice anymore, it’s about taking a decision and making a choice. I can stand behind as who I am and who I am is an adventurer. Who I am is somebody that’s going to take this life and eat it all up. I’m not gonna be the kind of woman who in her old age says, I really just wish I had tried that. That is not me. It’s not gonna be me. It was me for a long time and it went so far against everything about. My core essence of who I am. And I bet you’re like that too. Like I bet if you’re listening and you’re feeling something about it, you’re like that too. I don’t wanna keep circling things that matter to me. I don’t wanna wake up five years from now or , one year from now, or 20 years from now, and realize that I stayed here just because it was easier to maintain. So. The question for me right now isn’t, is this the perfect decision? The question is, which version of my life do I respect myself the most for choosing? I don’t have to have every detail figured out, but I do know this, that I’m not waiting for the decision to feel perfect anymore. I’m just choosing the one that feels the most alive. So I think when we can do that, is how we live a big life. And if you live in California, Southern California, please hit me up. Let me know. Get me some guidance. Tell me where you live. And if you have a friend that has a beach house that I could practice. Alright, y’all, I love you guys so much. I hope that you can touch base with that version of you that is choosing her own adventure instead of just living at default. All right? I love you so much. See you next. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy shares some profound insights on grief. She explains that it’s not linear and how we can grow bigger than it. How relationships with those we have lost can change form rather than end, and why hope is a brave decision. This one will move you. Oh, and who doesn’t want a bed jet? Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I’m excited to do this episode today, which when we, as I say that, when we get to the topic, you’re gonna be like, wow, you’re excited about talking about this really heavy thing, but I, promise there’s hope in it, and I think that’s the really important part in all this. So last week I did an episode where it was really just me breaking the seal of coming back. So thank you for to so many of you for listening. I am so just so grateful that you accept me back into your ears while you go about your daily tasks. And,, and let me talk with you. I. Wanna tell you a couple other things, and again, if you’re new here, you’re gonna be like, why is she telling me this? I, I don’t know if you’ve been here a while, you’ve kind followed along the journey whether you wanted to or not. And so I’m gonna give you a couple quick updates. My teeth are complete. That is one of my updates. If you remember last year I had dental work that had to be done. I had, , cap and I had a couple weird teeth things. I don’t even remember now what it was, but it was a lot of stuff and it was stuff that I had kind of put off for a couple years. Anyway, once I had that done, I got Invisalign because I had a lot of strange gaps in my teeth that I didn’t have most of my adult life. It, just started happening as I really started clenching my teeth these past few years, and so I. Got my Invisalign. The Invisalign is over, and then I got two new front teeth, I guess I got bonded so that the little space between my teeth was. , Filled in, I guess you could say. I don’t know, I think, I don’t think anybody that meets me that doesn’t know me would notice to me. It looks like I have a couple of chiclets in my front, two front teeth, but I’m getting used to it and it does feel really good to have like a even smile, you know? And I see my teeth so much because of how I record on Instagram. So anyway. My teeth are complete. And it just feels really good to have that journey done. I mean, it’s been like a two year journey to get my, to get them teeth straight. And now I have this really incredible mouth guard that I can wear at night that is, I don’t know, it’s just space, age and amazing. And , I’m happy about that. So that’s keeping my teeth from ever moving again, and it feels really good. So, if you’ve been here for a while, you know that I am. A big fan of sleep, like I really like my bed and I like to sleep, so I wanna tell you about something that I bought. It is not sponsored. I tried to get them to sponsor me for a year. I was messaging and filling out forms on their website. Never, did they reach out to me, which I was like, I am the perfect person to talk about this because I’m obsessed with sleep for one thing, and I. Have a whole audience of women who are right where I am, where you likely need this thing. Now I’m gonna tell you what the thing is, and I’m gonna tell you my honest to God truth about it. But first I just wanna talk about sleep and how much I love it. Okay? So, if you’ve been here, you know, cozy Earth is one of our sponsors. You can get 20% off anything on the website. , You use the code live big Betsy, and you can get 20% off, but. Yeah, that’s neither here nor there for this episode. What I really wanna tell you is that if you followed, you know that I’m obsessed with their house coat. Okay? So this is like my routine. Are you ready? Because if you really want some insane, , cozy sleep, I’m about to give you all the things. I have an aura ring and that gives me my sleep score, right? So if you’re familiar with that, I routinely get 94, 96 sleep scores. I don’t know what happens when you get a hundred. I have a feeling I’d there would be a parade outside for me if I got to a hundred. But my point is I get really high sleep scores now. It. Is it one thing or another? I don’t know. But I’m gonna tell you all the things because there may be a piece of one of these things that helps you. Okay. Enough of the lead up, let me tell you. So there is this, and again, none of this is sponsored except for Cozy Earth isn’t really sponsored. They give us a, they sponsor this show, not this particular episode, but I love them. So what I do is I have this. Bath salts. That’s a magnesium bath salt, and it’s called flu, F-L-E-U-D fluid. I have a subscription, I don’t know, it’s 20 bucks a month and I get three of them. So I do a fleud about once a week, and it is like a high concentration of magnesium, but different from Epsom salts. It makes me feel so chilled out. , There’s other stuff in it, but it is amazing. I put it in my tub and I set a timer so that I stay in there at least 20 minutes and those nights,, and I typically notice this will last four or five nights, and then I notice I need to do another one, or that it makes my sleep better if I do another one. So what I’m about to tell you, the rest of the, this is why I could never have a partner ’cause of all, the things I’m about to tell you. So I take my fleud bath, I put on my cozy earth. House coat, that’s what it’s called on the website. It is basically a comforter that they cut into the shape of a house coat. I put it in the dryer. Okay. I put it in the dryer so it gets warm, and then I put it on when I’ve just gotten outta the shower or gotten outta the bathtub. Okay? Now I walk into my bedroom and I turn on. Turbo. Turbo mode of my bed jet. Okay, so the bed jet is the thing I was saying. I was trying to get them to sponsor me and they didn’t. I’m gonna tell you, the bed jet is like a machine that goes underneath your bed and there’s a hose, like a vacuum cleaner hose that goes into a sheet, a special bed jet sheet. Okay. This sheet lives above your top sheet and under your comforter. Okay? And it’s got these channels that go all the way up through the sheet. And on the bottom part of that sheet, it’s like a, it’s like a envelope. Do you know what I mean? It has two sides. The bottom side is porous, and so the air comes out. From the bottom onto you, and the comforter that you have on top keeps that air contained inside the bed. Okay? So they have turbo mode and it’s 10 minutes of hot air and high fan, and it heats your little bed up to the coziest thing. So now I have on the cozy earth housecoat, I am deliciously relaxed because I’ve had a fluid bath. I’m cozy. I turn on turbo mode, it gets everything all set up. I get in and it’s warm. It’s not too hot, it’s warm. It’s really great. Now. Now the next thing I do. Is I have a special pillow for between my knees, so my knees don’t go knocking together. ’cause I sleep on my side. I, have, I didn’t realize how ridiculous this was until I started really telling you I have a purple bed, which is a specific kind of bed and that I love. I’m obsessed with it. I have a friend that told me to buy one. She bought one for everybody and her family, they’re amazing. Again, no sponsorship. I should have one purple bed. The pillow that keeps my knees from knocking together. I have a NOD pod, which I’m a huge fan of the Nod Pod. A couple years ago I spent $3,000 at Christmas time on Nod Pods for people I love. So the Nod Pod is a weighted eye pillow that goes over your eyes and helps your parasympathetic nervous system and helps you relax into a deeper state of relaxation. So here I am. I’m in the cozy bed. The fan is off now ’cause it’s been 10 minutes so Turbo Mode is done. I’m in the purple bed. I have the Nod pod. I also have a Nod Pod body. I will tell you, I bought the no brand one on Amazon, but it’s, , a weighted blanket that’s just the size of your torso. Okay, so now I got this weight. I got my mouth guard in. Now I hit the dry button. On my bed Jet, it has cool mode, but it also has dry, which just rotates the air around so it’s not too hot, it’s not too cold. And then when I get really hot, , as one does at one o’clock in the morning, I press the cool button. The, remote control is huge and lit up, and , the words are big. So I don’t need my glasses and I can hit cool in it. Sends like shot a shot of cool air around the inside of my bed and it is heaven. So I know that’s a lot of things. What did I say? Food bath. The. Housecoat heated housecoat turbo mode on the bed jet, the purple bed, the nod pod, the nod pod body, and the custom mouth guard. But I’m telling you what like it is. It is really good. It is really good. I sleep really good. Okay, so what was that like 10 minutes of telling you all my crazy, sleep schedule. But we do what we have to do. I do believe that sleep may be like one of the most important things. To keep ourselves healthy and to keep ourselves going, , and to have the energy to be able to do all the things we need to do every day. So anyway, that is my crazy sleep story. But you can get your cozy Earth stuff. Make sure to use the coupon code ’cause it’s 20% off, which I think is great.. I’m a big fan of the Cozy Socks too. Anyway, this episode is not sponsored by them, but I’m obsessed, so I feel like I, they’re like, which episodes do you want us to sponsor? I’m like, it don’t matter. I’ll just be talking about it all the time. ’cause I really like it. I’ll tell you, I get sponsorship opportunities now all the time, and I never take ’em very, very, very rarely. The ones I want are like Veg Jet. Nobody calls me, but. Because I only want stuff I really, really love. I don’t wanna tell you to buy a bunch of stuff you don’t need. Okay. All that stuff you need, come over to my house, spend the night, I’ll get you set up. Okay, so now, for kind of this other part of the show that I really wanna have this discussion with you. Okay, so this past week I woke up and I, it was a Wednesday on St. Patrick’s Day and. I felt so weird, like heavy. I just felt heavy grief in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was real weird and I got up and I,, did my thing and got the shower started. And then I was like, what is this? And then it dawned on me that it was the anniversary of my mom dying and I actually had to ask Sury. So I had to, ask her what is 2026 minus 1988, and when she said it’s 37, I just, cried in a way that I can’t explain 37 years since my mom died. 37 years. And it’s funny, , that book, the body keeps the score. I think, your body keeps the score. My body knew, I feel like every day, I have no idea what the date is. I should probably know, but I’m like, I don’t know what date it is. I just know it’s like Wednesday or Thursday or whatever and sometimes I don’t even know that. And so I wasn’t really paying attention. I knew it was coming because , of course, ’cause it’s St. Patrick’s Day, so everyone’s talking about St. Patrick’s Day, but. It really hit me in a different way than it has before. And I started thinking about grief and how I don’t think it’s, , I know for sure it’s not linear, and I know that because it’s been 37 years, and if it was linear, I wouldn’t have had the reaction that I had when my computer said 37. I was like,. I made a sound, , like a painful sound. I almost heard myself and thought, what is that? And it was just the shock of 37 years. It’s been a whole lifetime and it’s not even like a, it’s almost her entire lifetime. For one thing. I hadn’t thought of that till just now. She died at 41, so it’s almost her whole lifetime, but it is. A lifetime. , By the time someone’s 37, they’ve given life. Like it’s, just so long. And I thought it’s been that long since I’ve seen her or asked her a question or smelled her or heard her voice. , It’s not like now where we have video. Like when I go, my kid’s gonna have video. He’ll be able to listen to me any moment, , for decades. We don’t have that from 1988. I never, ever texted with her. I never know what that was like. I wonder what she would even think about all the technology now. I wonder what she would think about what I’m doing now. And , if you’ve been here a while, you’ve heard me talk about this, but my mom died one day when I was in high school. I went to school and she went on a trip with my sister. There was a guy from our hometown who was a hockey player, and he was playing at the university on his final game before he went into the NHL Felt special, and my mom was spontaneous and she liked to celebrate things and to make things special, and so she and my sister decided they would get in the car and drive to his last game. How cool that would be to be there and to be able to cheer him on. And he went to the college where my sister went and my dad worked. And so off they went that morning. They left early before I even woke up. And when they were driving, they got to New York. I lived in Vermont at the time. That’s where I grew up. And the game was in Ohio. So they were in New York. Right around Watertown if you’re in that area. And long story short, my mom got off at a wrong exit. They stopped at a little store and said, how do you get back on? , Sometimes you get off on the highway and then you’re like, I can’t get back on. , There’s no entrance, there’s just an exit. And he said, oh, this happens all the time. You have to take this little access road. And when you get to the end of the access road. Then , you’ll see the entrance ramp to the highway. And he said, just be careful ’cause it’s a twisty road. And my mom said, it’s okay, we’re from Vermont. And they got in the car and , it was March and it was cold and it was icy. And as my mom was turning around a bend, the car skidded off the road and kind of down and in little embankment. And , as. Cars do. When you kind of pick up momentum, you know, faster, you go down a little embankment, you pick up some momentum, and there was one tree in the middle of this field, a whole field. And of course, she hit the tree, hit the tree. My sister climbed, got outta the car. She had, broken her jaw and they both had their seat belts on, but. She climbed up the embankment and someone was driving by and they stopped and looked at her and just said, I’ll call the ambulance. And my sister said, thank you. And the ambulance came and they took the jaws of life and they helicoptered my mom to the closest hospital where she had surgery and died about 12 hours later. , I think about that tree a lot, and historically I have, because it was just like a one tree in the middle of a field. There was a lot of places you could go. It was like a parking lot with one tree. But you know, she went where she was looking. , That’s what you do when you’re driving, but that is what you do in life. You go where you’re looking, you go where you are mulling things over. You go where you’re worrying, you go where you’re putting your attention. And I have often felt over the years that my mom and I were creating my business together, that perhaps before I was born, before she was born, we had a pact that I would be her daughter. And she would have some dramatic exit where I would be devastated to the place where I had to find meaning in it in order to move forward. And that meaning would create a lot of good. And so that is how I think I got to where I am , and even became a coach, , back in 2012 and started doing this work. . Here’s the thing that I think when I look back, and someone asked me recently about what is a belief that you have about life? And I knew it ex immediately. I was like, oh, I know. Which is a funny thing that I would know, but I was like, oh, I believe things can change in an instant. Like things can change in an instant, and I know that to be true because of my mom. But the weird thing. Is, I never took that to mean things could go bad in an instant. It’s always been a thing that brought me hope. It’s always been when things are going sideways where I’m like, man, this won’t last. ’cause things can change in an instant. My brain did the opposite. For some reason, it, rewired. To this can turn around any second and it doesn’t even need an explanation. And I really think that’s my superpower. When one of my friends was asking me this, it was actually a client, a friend, client, an old client now a friend. And I was like, I think that’s what it is. , I think that’s like the whole basis of how I operate in life. So, , there is specific moments. In my life where that belief has saved me when hope felt irrational, but I held onto it anyway and I didn’t pay any attention to what was happening. And you’ve probably heard me say this on the show over the years, , I don’t care what’s happening. It’s not real. It’s my old vibration showing up, and now I’m thinking about something else. , Every. Every day. And I did the, I do, , , I did a podcast episode on this back in January, I think, where every day I write as if it’s a day in the future. And typically what I do is I pick a day at the end of the quarter. ’cause that’s how I do my goals, is like quarterly goals. And I pick a date and then that’s the date that I write about. So like every day. A day every day. This year I have written, it’s now March 31st and I am, and then I write all the great things that are happening. And the really interesting thing, and in that process as we’re getting close now to March 31st, is I wrote some crazy stuff and it’s almost all come true. It’s almost all come true. And I noticed when I would be taking chances, like risks, but they were calculated risks or I was. Trying to shift to do something different or bring in something different into my business or whatever it was. And I know it’s because my brain was like, well, to get to that we have to do this thing. Like we’ve got to add in this thing. We’ve got to take this risk. We’ve got to pay somebody to find this person for us, or whatever it was. And I just think those two things together. So that when I was writing every day, it, could change. . Things can change in an instant, and turnarounds don’t require any reason. There’s no reason, just like this bad thing didn’t really require a reason. Symmetric, sym symmetry of chaos, I guess you could say, ? It just all came together, and I think things can all come together all the time. I posted on Instagram that day about grief and about how, I don’t think it’s linear. I think it’s access. I think it’s as you’re going through bigger things, you have more access to grief. As you learn and grow and get to know yourself better, you have more access to grief. The amount of access I had at 16. To understanding grief and, working through it or even experiencing it was different than my experience. Now at 54, almost 55, I’m having different things happen in my life and that door to grief is wide open and that’s why it hit me so hard that morning My. Child has, I say child 24 has a cat that they have had since they were 10, and tonight we’re going to put that cat down. He’s been in the hospital. It is just time. And so we have access to handle grief in different ways. When we’re older, we have access to make different decisions about grief as we get older. And I think that there’s something really nice about never losing access to it. , I know that sounds kind of weird ’cause who wants to have grief? Like that feels, I’m gonna use the air I’m using. Air quotes bad. Like it feels bad, right? But I have a lot of hope. I know it sounds weird ’cause I don’t have hope the cat’s gonna live. We’ve made the decision and we’re going over there tonight, but I have a lot of hope that there’s healing in it, that there’s evolution in it, that there’s purpose in all of it. And that choice probably made unconsciously at age 16, , is still running in the background. Things can change in an instant. I know the situation with Sammy, the kitty isn’t changing, but I know the way we feel about it, Ken and I know things can shift. So here’s the thing when I posted this on Instagram is I got so many messages from people. I mean, hundreds of messages and everybody can relate to grief. , It’s just such a human thing. I think the part that is harder is when you’re 16 or 10, 22 and you’re trying to relate to grief because you haven’t had enough life experience to be able to access it where you can really process it. And so I have some thoughts of what I would tell someone who is. Loving someone who is losing a parent as a kid. Oh, y’all know I’m gonna cry. I’m not gonna cry. It’s gonna be fine, but I have some real thoughts. So I have some thoughts. Maybe they’ll be helpful. Maybe they’ll be helpful down the road. I think the first thing is to recognize. That your access to the grief when you’re younger is going to change as you get older. And that’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t mean, oh my God, this is never going away because , that’s just a part of life. It’s not whether it’s your cat, your dog, you know your parent. You don’t ever get over it. But what happens, and I think especially when we go through something when we’re young. We’re expanded and the threshold of our emotion is pushed in A way that doesn’t always happen in adolescence is that you get the opportunity to get bigger than it a lot earlier. The grief doesn’t really get smaller, but that’s not a bad thing because you start to really expand around it. And I actually think in a way we don’t want it to go away because, I’m not gonna cry because it I is a reminder and it really helps us access the love as well. , There’s that idea of the light and the dark and the good and the bad, and you can’t put one into perspective in the same way if you don’t have the other. So you don’t ever get over it, but you get bigger than it. And if it happens to you when you’re younger, you have an opportunity. I’m coming from my perspective. . If you had never lost a parent and you’re like, wait, what? But you have an opportunity to experience way more joy than other people. If you can access the grief, you can access the joy in equal parts, and I think that is a superpower. I think that makes your whole life. Like I, I believe we came here as like spiritual beings to experience the ups and downs, not just to experience ups. Like we came here for all of it. And so this gives you access to all of it, and I think that’s a really special thing. The other thing that I wanna say is the relationship doesn’t end it. Is our belief that when they are no longer in the physical form, that they’re gone. I’m using air quotes again that they’re gone, but I don’t believe that. I believe it changes form. I believe that the access, it’s like when my mom was in the kitchen and I was like in our TV room, and I would yell to her and she would answer. I wouldn’t see her, but I would get the answer to my question. And I talk to my mom now all the time, even more so over the past few years than I ever have before. The other day I said to her, I want a miracle today. It was on her anniversary of her death. I said, have something happen today that is so crazy that I would never, ever believe it if it didn’t happen today. Like something that right now, if you told me it was gonna happen, I’d be like, that’ll never happen, and I got that. I’ll do a show on it, but it’s not gonna be today. But I got the craziest thing happened, the craziest thing. And so I decided that was my sign and that there’s signs all over. And if that could happen, why not ask for something every day? And you might feel like we don’t get to have miracles every day, but I think we do. What if we do? What if you’re wrong? What if we do? What if the relationship doesn’t end? It just changes form, and I’m still in a relationship with her and she can actually help me in such a different way now, and that when I don’t communicate with her, or I don’t ask her for what I need or I don’t show up, then I’m limiting myself and I’m cutting myself off from her. It’s not her doing it to me, it would be me doing it to her and. There will be a moment. There is a moment, I think for me that happened years after my mom died, where I realized how much she shaped the way that I think, and not just in her being here, but in her not being here and. There was so many lessons that shaped my life, which I really like my life. I really like my life, especially right now. I really, really like it, and it, her loss shaped it just as much as her being, and that’s legacy. That’s not loss, that’s legacy. And so I allow the lessons from her loss. To be attributed to her and to influence the way that I operate and the way that I enjoy my life, my sleep, I’m allowed. We’re allowed to dive into the things that make us happy. It can be silly and whimsical and fun, and we can know how important it is because we can know how shitty it is when it’s gone and that it could be taken at any moment. My mom didn’t wanna go. I’m sure she would have changed her mind if she had an option. All right. The next thing that I would tell someone that is witnessing someone losing a parent right now is to let them say the wrong thing. After my mom died, I was so devastated as one would be, and my dad was not. Super present in my life. I’m gonna say it. My parents were married, but my mom was the homemaker and my dad worked and he was also really active in our community and he volunteered for lots of things and he was busy and the way he interacted with us when my mom was alive was a lot different. It’s not that he’s a bad man at all. He’s lovely and I. And now as an adult have formed a really, especially over the past year, he has been just a super rock star for me. So when my mom died, she’d only been dead a few weeks and I said something terrible to him about that. And so he let me, he, let me just say that shitty thing. He never asked me to explain it. He never told me how it hurt his feelings, which I’m sure it did. He just forgave me really fast. And looking back, I think he was likely just aware that I was afraid, that I was afraid of him dying too. And that was my process, and he let me have it. So if you’re watching someone lose a parent, or they just lost a parent, let them say the wrong thing. Let it go. And also you are allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be fine. You are allowed to feel both of those things on any given day. And if you are losing a parent, you’re allowed to be angry, you’re allowed to be fine. And you’re allowed to feel both of those things on any given day. It’s just life. It’s life and life is happening. And I think the more that we. Allow ourselves to define the box instead of live in a box, the easier it will be for us to be able to move forward and to get perspective on it, and to grow around it, and to grow bigger than the grief. And so here’s my thoughts on. All of this and on hope , as a bigger lesson, , hope as a practice. I say lots of times to women in the navigate method that hope, I think is one of the scariest things. ’cause you have to trust almost something outside yourself. And I think most people treat hope like it’s something that happens to them when the conditions are good, like when it’s safe to hope. But I think one of the bravest things you can do is hope. Hope for better, hope for clarity, hope for realizations, for peace, even when the conditions aren’t right, even when it doesn’t seem likely. And you know what my mom’s death accidentally told, accidentally taught me is that hope is a stance. , It’s a decision. It is a rewire. We can say, this awful thing happened and this shitty thing I went through and, that things can change in an instant. It’s neutral, right? You choose to make a reason to keep going no matter what your situation, whether you lost a parent at 50 or you lost ’em at 10, or you never have at all. We all have. Things that we grieve. We grieve relationships and jobs and friendships. People don’t have to die in order for us to be grieving and for all these lessons to still be important. And that choice, I think to, decide that you are going to focus where you wanna go. I feel really lucky that has quietly been chugging along in the background of my brain. And I don’t know if that’s just how I was wired long before my mom was born. And I have a lot of other flaws. Like, let me celebrate the one thing. I do this really well and I make a really good, soft boiled egg. Okay, so let me have this. So, but I think that when we can do that. We can recognize what unconscious choices are you actually listening to and which ones would you choose, , in inside group. That’s one of my favorite things to do with people is to really dig down and find out what is it unconsciously that you’re thinking? What’s the pattern that’s running, and do you need to rewire it? Do, does that pattern need to change? It’s okay that you thought that thing for a long time. It probably served you and kept you safe, but now what do you want to be thinking? What would you choose? How do you want to live this wild and precious life? Because things can change in an instant and you don’t have to lose someone to learn this. But if you have, , I want you to know that the very thing that breaks us open can actually be the thing that keeps us going. And that, I think is how you live a big life. Just a reminder, we have our fireside chat this coming month in April on the fifth. Yeah, it’s Easter. I know it’s Easter Sunday. The scheduling sometime chooses us. We don’t choose the scheduling. It’s all right, so it, you can’t make it. We’re gonna do it again early May. If you can make it, maybe you’ve spent the day doing Easter stuff. Maybe you won’t do any Easter stuff and you’ll just wanna come hang out with me. It might be a smaller group, which will be really fun. We’re just gonna talk about. Some of these big decisions. There’s no real script for these. We don’t record them. They’re a place to be honest, and to share and to have a little community, when we feel so alone in some of our big decisions, especially around marriages, and that’s the work that I do. It can be isolating and there can be a lot of shame in there. And so this just brings you to a place where everybody gets it and you don’t have to explain yourself. So come join. Come join me over there, fireside Chat. You can find the link in the menu on my website, betsy p.com, or just message me on Instagram Fire. If you just shoot me a message, it just says Fire. It’ll automatically reply. The world of bots is amazing, but it’ll help me get it to you quicker. Also, if you haven’t followed along on Instagram, come find me there. It’s just Betsy and I’ve got something new that I’m working on. I’m really so freaking excited about these videos that I’m making. None of them are live. I’m trying to figure out if I need to hire a videographer, but I have stories to tell and I wanna tell it in a new way. So I’ll still be doing the same content that I’ve been doing, but I have some other things just to share with you about what it’s like. To start over in your fifties. There’s so many little funny stories every week that I have, and I thought, let’s, share these in a new way. So be sure to be looking for those. I really wanna get those out soon. So it, it is on my short list, and then next month please go to my YouTube because we are. Again, we’ve really done a lot of work. I say we, it’s me and my cat. Enjoy my, operations bestie. , We’ve done a lot of work to create systems so that I can get some really good YouTube videos out for you. Longer form where I’m gonna be recording y’all. I bought gear. I got, a set up now. , You know you gotta come, you gotta come and visit me over there. . I’ll let you know when it’s live, but be on the lookout. You can also just text me on Instagram or dm me on Instagram, YouTube, and it will send you the link so that you can follow along and get alerted when they’re live. Okay? All that chatter, just to say, I’m so happy that you’re here. Thank you for being with me on this journey, and I love you so much. I’ll see you next time. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In the words of Phil from The Hangover…We’re back baby, we are baaackkk! It’s been a hot minute so Betsy gives us a little update in this newest episode of The Art of Living Big. Betsy talks about her trip to Marrakesh and the spontaneous way it came to fruition as well as the quote she came across that made her reflect back on 2019 and then imagine 2033. Enjoy this short and sweet recap, then get ready for more big living ahead. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today. So I’m doing this show if you have been here. If you’ve been here for a long time, like a year, couple years, maybe even for the long haul, I, feel like I need to do a quick life update mostly to get myself back in the pattern of doing these shows. It got really hectic here at the Navigate Method over the last couple months, and I kept thinking, I’m gonna get to it, I’m gonna get to it. But now. I have some shows and show ideas that I’m ready to come to you with, but I thought, you know what? I’m gonna make sure I get a show to you this week. And so I’m just gonna do like a little catch up and, , if you’re brand new here, you might be like, I, don’t know why I need to catch up of her life. Just get to the shows and I hear you. This one may be one for you to skip and to go to the others, , to all the episodes that are in the backlog, but. For those of you that have been here for a while, I wanted to give you a quick update on a couple things, and then it gets me in the pattern of showing up and then next week it’s not quite so scary to come back. Isn’t that silly? You know, when you haven’t called a friend in a while. Anyway, we’ve been down this road a couple times over the past few years, so let me just dive right into it. Alright. I went to Morocco last month. I wanna tell you quickly about that. Years ago I went to Iceland and I was gone to Iceland for a month. So I know that was a little different. , But I did three episodes about all the things I learned and , , all the wonderful things about Iceland. But this is really what I wanna tell you about Morocco. I got this idea that I wanted to go to Marrakesh, and back in November I went for a walk. When I was at one of my coaching events, so with my coach and somebody new was in the group and she and I went for a walk. And as we were walking I mentioned that I really wanted to go to Marrakesh and she was like, let’s go. And we opened our phones. I had points for days, so we opened our phones and booked our trip for just a few months later. And I remember thinking like. I really hope I, end up liking this woman, but it turns out she was lovely. We talk all the time and we had such a good trip. We went on a Tuesday and came back on a Sunday. It wasn’t a long trip. It’s hard sometimes to get away for a long time, but it was so great to experience a different culture and to immerse ourselves in something so different and really. So unique and really wonderful. I really loved Marrakesh It, it was extraordinary on multiple levels, but one of the things that I think is really cool, and maybe the lesson in this is that sometimes it’s hard to fit in things that we want to do. Hence me just doing this podcast today. Sometimes it’s hard to find the time right to fit it in and to create the space for the things we really wanna experience in our lives. And sometimes just being spontaneous and not having it be perfect and figuring it out as you go. We were literally on the airplane going, okay, what are the things that we wanna be doing? And , anytime. You decide like I’m going to Marrakesh, or I’m going to Australia, or wherever you’re going, all of a sudden you’re gonna start to see people that you know that have just come back or are planning a trip and everybody goes, oh, you need to check this out. You need to check. So we had a little list. We planned it on the plane and it couldn’t have gone any better. Honestly, it was the greatest trip we fit so much in. We walked all over. We took private food tours, we got private motorcycle rides around Marrakesh, so we could see all kinds of things that we wouldn’t have seen if we just stayed inside , the area where we were staying in our Riyadh and. I mean, it was just really incredible. I got to see a friend of mine, Jane Green. If you are a fan of her books, you might know her. And she lives in Marrakesh and just was really a really fantastic trip. So, highly recommend Marrakesh, but also I highly recommend being spontaneous and not having to figure it all out, and not having to make it be perfect before you just do it, ? I read a book called Stranger by Bell Burden. I’m gonna tell you that when my friend Molly told me to get this book and I downloaded it to my Kindle, and , probably like you, you get a new book and you’re like, I’ll read a couple pages and just see how it goes. I looked down and I did not look up until the book was over. It was about four hours. I just read and read, and read. I was on the airplane, so it worked out. There was no place else to go or nothing else to do, but this book was so good and it, she is a socialite and she is in New York City and has a home that they bought on the vineyard and. Tells the story about her husband deciding to leave her and how she walks you through it. It feels like you’re really with her on the moment if that kind of content is a little triggering to you. Just a warning, but it was so well written and such a great book, , so if you were looking for a new book to read, I just wanna highly suggest that one to you. I have been talking about really relaunching the YouTube channel now for months, and I think we’ve got it figured out. It just took a whole lot of gear and planning, but in April. Please check out the YouTube channel because we’re gonna be launching videos every single week that on Tuesdays, so this show will come out on Thursdays and the YouTube channel will come out on Tuesdays. So if. Please check that out. , You can find a link for that YouTube channel anywhere, , Instagram, on my website, wherever you wanna go. And if you email us, we can give that to you as well. So I think it’s gonna be great. I’m excited to do it in this new way, and I hope that you come and join along , on that little journey. All right, so before I head out for today, and like I said, it’s a quick update, but I saw this quote this morning and it said, gosh, the version of me from March, 2019 would be so proud of the version of me today. And I thought. I wonder what the version of me in 2019 was doing. And so because I keep an online journal, I went right back to 2019 and read so many of my posts and. , I was in the thick of it at that time, wanting to leave, being really miserable in my marriage. And looking back here like we was too, and just feeling really stuck. Like I had no options. And , I do think the version of me from 2019 would be pleased to see where things are today. A lot of. The things I used to dream about are here in my life right now, but it also made me think about the version of me in 2033, that same amount of time, and what is it that she would be pleased to see? What is it where she would go, oh wow. What a difference. How do I wanna live my life? How do I wanna? Show up more authentically. The things that I was thinking about was like, what are the things I really wanna cultivate? Where do I wanna spend my time? Who do I wanna spend my time with, and what do I want that to look like? , Sometimes jumping ahead five years or 10 years to make goals feels really overwhelming to me, but for some reason, becoming the version of me. Seven years from now and looking back gave me a different perspective and didn’t feel quite so overwhelming, and it made me shift more from things I was doing or goals I had to accomplish to an appreciation and the way I was experiencing my life. As opposed to the goals that I had, and that’s been a big shift for me over the past, even like three or four months I think, of just like really honing in, I think, and enjoying the things that are happening. And so I wanted to share that with you in case that perspective shifted some things for you too. So thanks for being here with me today on this. Very short episode, but the one that brings me back, the one that breaks the seal on me not being here. I appreciate you so much , and thanks for all your messages on Instagram and asking when the new show is coming out next week, it will be way more planned out, and I have some really good topics that you guys have asked me about and that I’ll be able to come in and talk about. , All right, I hope that you have a great week and I’ll see you next time. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy discusses the concept of relationship deflation, where connections gradually lose emotional engagement without any overt conflict or drama. Do you feel expanded or deflated after your relationship interactions? Betsy also touches on how to handle the end of relationships gracefully while staying true to one’s own path and growth. Last but not least – Betsy has collected your questions so stay tuned for an upcoming Q & A and continue to ask more on the socials. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. If you’re new here, welcome. I haven’t posted in the last couple weeks. It’s been really, really busy here, and , I had to prioritize self-care, I think in all of this. You know right now if you live in the United States, you might be feeling what I’m feeling, which is just a lot of heaviness and I think confusion and grief and overwhelm, and , it feels like, how could this be real? What’s happening? Ugh. It’s really heavy. And so if that’s where you are, that’s where I’ve been to. And so I decided certain things were just gonna. Go on hold. And I think that’s okay as we get our bearings. And I needed to put the things that were most important. You know, our clients put them first and have space and energy for them, and I think I’ve been really successful in doing that, but it made me not overhear on the podcast. So I’m excited to be back today and to have some space to be able to talk with you. , Over on Instagram, I’ve been getting just so many messages about the videos that we’ve been doing over there, and I think that sometimes it can be really helpful to have words to understand. What we are feeling in our body. , I don’t think I’m saying anything over there that people haven’t felt, but they just didn’t know how to dissect it or how to translate it maybe into language. And so , I’m pleased that I’m able to do that over there. And so today I wanted to talk about something and I think it’s something that happens inside relationships. , Typically when they’re ending, and this doesn’t just have to mean a romantic relationship, I think it can mean a lot of relationships. , I’m noticing it right now in several of my relationships, and it’s not a bad thing. It just is a thing. And I think that if we are feeling it, likely the other person is feeling it, to some , extent too. So it’s not like when you’re fighting, I’m thinking about the relationships I have that are ., I call it like closing the loop. It’s just, there’s no big disagreement or marker that says like, this is no longer working. It’s just sort of deflation. That’s how it feels to me. I was thinking the other day, I had an interaction with somebody and I was like, you know what?, I’m done showing up when the other person isn’t showing up. . It’s like they reach out ’cause they want connection, but , they’re not actually available to show up and do the work of being in relationship. You know, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship or anything. I don’t think it matters. But I noticed this the other day and I was like, you know what? No hard feelings. I’m not mad., I just don’t feel anything. It feels like a deflated balloon. And in some aspects I think this can be a. , Relieving feeling. , It’s this feeling of like, why am I even here? , , why am I putting any energy into this at all? What’s the point of the interaction? And so I wanna talk about that moment a little bit today because it is information, , and as we move forward and make decisions about our life and what’s right for us and what’s not right for us. Every piece of interaction or feeling or acknowledgement is information, and that helps us to have discernment so that we know how we want to move forward. A couple years ago. I was at an Abraham Hicks event, a live event, if you are familiar with Abraham Hicks. If you’re not, you can go just search through my podcasts. And I did a couple episodes describing what this is, but I went and saw Abraham Hicks. I think this is where I heard this it, or it was right around that time that I heard this on one of the many recordings of Abraham Hicks that you can find on YouTube. And what they said was, when you’re in a relationship. You are not, and of course Abraham Hicks said this much more eloquently than I’m going to. But it’s not just a relationship with the two of you. Like you think you’re in a room with the person you’re in a relationship with, and it’s you and them, but really it’s about you and your higher self, your inner knower. , That’s who you have to have the relationship with. You have to be so clear on who you are and what you want and what you stand for and all of those things. And they do too. And when you do that, it becomes clear if there is a relationship here at all. Otherwise you just become disinterested. And I remember that component of it is like, it’s not that you’re mad or sad or glad or whatever. There’s like a disinterested. The other night when I experienced this, I was like, this is what this is. It’s a deflation. It is. I’m so aligned with my inner knower that , being even in the room with the other, , it’s like you don’t want anything bad for them. You just are done putting any energy there at all. And I think that many times when we are frustrated. With somebody and we’re in a relationship. And when I say relationship, I’m gonna keep saying this. It could be friendship. So it could be friendship, it could be, , romantic relationship, right? But when there is frustration, right? When you’re like, oh my God, will you just listen to me? Or why don’t they see it the way I see it? All of that, when you’re frustrated, frustration, I think still has hope, like frustration carries an element. Of activation, right? Where you’re explaining or hoping or trying to be understood. , Frustration says , maybe if I say this differently or if I try one more time, or if I show up a little bit differently, like they’ll finally get it. They’ll finally get my perspective. And honestly, I may be wrong, but I know for myself, I don’t need somebody to agree with me. I really don’t, but I need them to step forward to try to understand my perspective. And if I don’t get, that’s where the disconnect is. It’s not when they’re just trying to convince me that I’m wrong. There’s frustration in that for me because there is still hope that they will step forward , and meet me where I’m at. Deflation I think is totally different. , I think happens when our nervous system just says, you know what, there is nothing left here to work with. , There’s nothing, there’s no charge. There’s no activation, there’s no fighting. There’s just a, like a disinterest. Going back to what Abraham Hicks says, you’ll just be like, I’m just not interested. , I just don’t care. And that is when your body says, oh, like this is totally empty. And I think that deflation happens a lot in relationships where there isn’t a lot of harm. And I’m gonna explain what I mean. I think that deflation can’t happen when there’s a lot of activation, when there’s a lot of harm, when there’s a lot of feeling of , I need you to see me and you’re not seeing me. I don’t think deflation can happen in that environment. I don’t think it happens when there’s yelling or, , obvious emotional abuse or anything like that. I think it is really subtle, and this is how come, I think sometimes we see this a lot in friendships because they’re less charged. So like when things just kind of fizzle out. And so I think , the shift here is when one person is speaking from something that is, I’m gonna say like important or meaningful to them, like it has meaning and the other person responds with. Really surfacey or a subject change or logistics, , it’s nothing hostile. , It’s not that person like shaming or blaming or fighting. None of it is loud, but nothing actually meets what was said and over time. This takes a lot of time, I think, but over time our nervous system starts to track this pattern. Like I speak, I, share something, right? Which that is relationship I share and I am met. So I share something and it’s just , goes nowhere, right? Like it just gets overstepped or bypassed or whatever, and eventually your nervous system stops. Reaching, it stops reaching for connection with that person because what you’re getting, your nervous system registers is not okay or not really holding any kind of attention. I think that is when deflation happens and when that happens, I think it can be really confusing. And again, I see this a lot with friendships because there’s not the same. I’m gonna say it this way. , There is an opportunity for that there to not have the same emotional charge. Sometimes there is, especially if you’ve had a friend for a long, long time. But most people have been taught that relationships end because of a conflict, like somebody did something wrong or there was a line that was crossed or something really dramatic happened. But I think deflation happens. When your nervous system is just so tired of not being met, that it just disengages and loses interest, and then the person starts thinking like, why am I even here? It’s not anger or contempt or any of those things. I think it’s a level of clarity. It’s really a realization, right, that this person is seeking. Connection without meeting me in a relationship. So the good news about all of , this is really a moment, I think, where boundaries become possible. And it doesn’t have to be some dramatic boundary. It doesn’t even have to be verbalized if you don’t want. It’s not a big confrontation. It is just a line in the sand that says, I’m done explaining. I’m done stepping up to meet you in a fault. Pretense of relationship and bonding. I am gonna make a decision to stop responding. It’s not that I want anything bad for you, it is just a level of alignment. And , I talked about discernment, it being a level of discernment, but going back to what? Abraham Hicks was saying, I think this really applies. It is this moment where you’re so aligned with who you are and what you want and what you stand for, and how you wanna be treated. That when someone can’t meet you there, you’re not mad. You just don’t care anymore. So this is the part that I want you to hear. If you feel like you’re getting to that place with somebody, it doesn’t mean that you’re cruel. You decide to disengage if you leave, because you no longer want to have to disappear to some extent in order to stay connected to that person. That is your nervous system taking really good care of you. Is your nervous system noticing when there’s a misalignment, and that is your nervous system actually becoming regulated around. Being without that presence. And so, , in my Instagram videos, I always do a north star, like something to ask yourself. So here’s a North Star in this. Or , just some thoughts to mull over it is if you’re thinking about somebody that you’re like, am I at that place? And honestly, if you’re thinking, am I at that place? You probably are. But when, here’s the question is, when was the last time. You felt deflated instead of frustrated. And I hear this all the time from women too, where they’re like, I’m in this marriage and , I just am at the place where I just don’t care. Like I don’t even wanna fight. I’ve just checked out. Very similar. I think true deflation comes when your nervous system’s totally regulated by being alone, , without that in your system. And then. That comes injected back into your system and you go, oh, this feels really unaligned. I think you’re right on the cusp of being like, what? I’m categorizing as deflated when you’re still in relationship, like deep in relationship. , Okay, here’s another question is after you interact with this person, do you feel expanded? , Do you feel seen and happy and engaged, or do you feel like, why does something feel off or empty? And here’s the tricky one. If you still feel hope that they’re going to meet you, you’re likely not in deflation yet. If they do not meet you and you’re not surprised at all, and you just feel like, eh, I didn’t even really expect it there, there’s your signal in deflation. So there’s no right answer in this, and I think. Relationships. When we think about, , from the womb to the tomb of relationships, you can be in any place, in any type of relationship. And when you get towards the end of that place where you feel like you’ve truly moved on, I think that’s when you feel the deflation. I think that’s when you’re like, you know what? I hope the best for you. I really do. And. My attention and energy is gonna go somewhere else. So I don’t think of deflation as failure. , I should do a whole show on this ’cause people comment sometimes on my posts on Instagram and ask about your vows. Don’t you care about your vows? And I have so many thoughts about this because. If you decide to leave a marriage because you’re being ignored, for example, your vows were broken long ago, like nobody signed up, nobody took vows to stay even while being completely ignored and, you know, avoided for weeks like the vows were broken. So I could do a whole show on that. But I think when we look about, think about this. It is sometimes the closure of relationships. , I will say all the time, this is how I feel. You can determine how you feel. The closure of relationships isn’t failure, it’s a completion. I think we come in contact with people for really short periods of time or long periods of time to help us get to the next level, to help us each grow in different ways and. Part of that growth continues on as the relationship ends or disintegrates or deflates. I think it is a marker, but I also think you know that anytime you’re in a relationship, there’s more than one of you. And so sometimes having things come to a close for you is the beginning of someone else’s journey of reflection and really. Moving through things, and if we can stop trying to be responsible for other people’s reactions and instead stay really true and honest to our path and what’s most aligned for us, then we can show up or choose to withdraw our attention and energy in the places where it’s really right and likely right for both parties. And sometimes I think the most self-respecting thing you can do is to just quietly stop participating in something that no longer meets you where you are. You know, we are all growing and changing in different ways, and I know sometimes we think, well, our partner hasn’t grown at all. And it may not seem like you’re growing in the same way, but they’re likely evolving in some ways, evolving away from you, perhaps, , instead of evolving towards you, which is what we all want when we have healthy, good relationships. So when you’re ready. The relationship will slowly deflate, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic partnership or anything in between. And when that happens, it is likely your nervous system acclimating to you. And when you no longer feel the pull to be heard or to be understood, it can actually be a huge relief. And that is how you, I think you live a really big life. Thanks so much for being here this week. I will see you next week if you have suggestions for podcasts. I know a lot of times people will leave me messages over on Instagram asking me questions. , I have such a hard time, it’s really difficult to answer. As you could imagine, , dozens of questions every day that are complex and nuanced, and so if you do have a podcast suggestion or a question that you want me to answer in a q and a, I am gonna try and do one of those too. We have. I think hundreds of questions right now that I have screenshotted so that we can anonymously answer those things, so hopefully we can find , a flow that works to be able to help everybody in the best way. All right, have a great week. We’ll see you next time. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless and your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big.

In this first podcast of the new year, Betsy discusses her strategy of scripting in journals to envision a hopeful and expansive future. She details how this practice helps condition the unconscious mind to focus on desired outcomes. Betsy reminds us to start the day with positive actions while minimizing distractions so we can plan for a successful day. Be sure to follow The Art of Living Big on YouTube as well as your favorite podcast app. Let’s go LIVE BIG in 2026! Transcript  Hello. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. All right, so I’ve tried this before in the past, but I am really making an effort 2026. I am not only audio recording this, but I’m video recording this too. So if you’re here and you’re on YouTube, hello. If you’re listening and you wanna see it live so you can see what I’m talking about, that’s great too. And you can just go to my YouTube channel. If you can find it on Instagram or on my website, or just search for me, Betsy PA on YouTube. All right, so let’s dive in here. You know, I have been thinking about so many things that I wanna share this year, and I’ve gotten a lot of questions on Instagram recently. And, you know, I did a podcast. Gosh, it was like fall, maybe October, September of last year where I talked about a couple years ago when I had a post go really viral. It got eight or 9 million views. And at the time, that’s how a lot of people found me, which was great. And what I was saying in that video was that I really decided that I wanted to go deeper. I wanted to change how I was doing those videos, and I really wanted to talk. I wanted to. Talk and share . And so that’s what I started doing. But what I didn’t expect was that it would, it would resonate with so many people in a, in a way bigger way than it had the first time. And that actually using my voice on those videos changed a lot of things for me. I mean, it’s opened up a lot of opportunities. But it’s also given me a different sense of confidence, which I find really interesting because I’ve had the podcast for years, but I have had the podcast behind the veil of video. You didn’t have to see me. And you know, I have talked historically on the show about how I didn’t record. Video because so many times when I do these podcasts, they just come from my heart, and so I close my eyes when I talk and I thought, this is gonna be the weirdest video because I’m gonna be just sitting there, but I’m gonna be, have my eyes shut and I, you know, I won’t. It’ll, I’ll just look like a weirdo. And what I decided was that I actually can do it. I can do video with my eyes open and I can think with my eyes open, I can walk and chew gum and think at the same time. So this week I wanted to talk with you about something that I have been working on that is, a practice I would say that I have had for years and years off and on for probably 15 years. And about two years ago I started doing it really religiously, and this year I even got sort of a special way to do it. So historically, how I have always done it is in these little mole skin notebooks. I have a whole bunch of ’em that I get, you know, when I go to events or go to a conference and they give you the notebook and I always write in my iPad. During those conferences, I bring those home and I have all these mole skin notebooks. And what I have used them for is to do something called scripting. Now I’m gonna talk about how I do it specifically, ’cause I think it is a little bit unique, but I have used them for scripting. And the great thing about it to me was that I could script, I could do what I’m gonna explain and then I could just toss these out. Like I didn’t need to keep them. Sometimes I would keep them for a year. Just recently I did a huge. Huge clean out, and I tossed some from 2017, so some really old ones, and it felt good to just purge and get rid of stuff. But the work that was done in them and the momentum that was created by using them. Still exists in the EERs, even if I don’t have the evidence that it was completed. And so I wanted to talk with you about scripting and about my practice for scripting and what that looks like. So. Let’s dive in here. This year, what I have done is I started using my Paper Republic Journal. This is a journal I’ve had for, I don’t know, maybe almost a year. It’s just a leather journal. I love it because it has all these pockets and I could put things in it and,, it lets you, it’s a traveler’s journal, so it has these elastic bands and it kind of lets you add in certain components, different notebooks. I buy. These notebooks on. Etsy, and you can see I have one of ’em here. It’s blue, but they’re just thin little notebooks. And so I can use them for a whole bunch of things. And I have different colors just ’cause it’s fun and I buy a whole section of them. I’ll put it in the show notes in YouTube, but I buy like a 10 of them, a 10 pack at a time. So they have different ones. Some of them have graphs inside, some of them have dots, some of them have lines. So whatever it is that I need. I use those for different things. So the practice that I really wanted to show you was scripting, but while I’ve got my journal out, let me just show you the other. So the other thing that I have here that I use these little notebooks for is my visioning. And this is really in the morning. I really like that first hour when I wake up to not even look at my phone. Like definitely not my email. I don’t wanna look at my text messages. I don’t want anybody to need me. For at least an hour now when my daughter was younger and now I have a cat. So sometimes my time isn’t always my own. But you know, I understand we have things that happen in our life, but right now I am in a really exceptional time in my life where I get to choose. I get to choose everything and it’s glorious. And one of the things I get to choose is what I do in this first hour when I wake up. So when I first wake up, that hour is really sacred to me. I don’t wanna be responding to my team. Sometimes they’ll leave me messages in the evening. I don’t want to be checking email. I don’t want to be responding to clients. I want to be able to fortify myself first and what that means for me. Coffee. What that means for me is coffee first. So I usually will make my coffee. I have an espresso machine and sometimes I make a Americano. Sometimes I make a latte. And then I come in here to my office and I have this little thinking chair and a little, you know, thing here with all my books. I have a little setup with my lamp and all of my pens and all kinds of stuff, right? So I’ve got all these little things to be able to use this hour really successfully. So one of the most important things that I do is inside my Paper Republic Journal. And so how I start off typically is I’ll go to my vision boarding, my visioning, I have a book that I bought. I just got this on Amazon. It’s. A vision board book. It’s got a thousand images and quotes. They have all different ones. There’s just different photos in here now. When I put together my visioning pages, it’s really a book for me to open up and to use my imagination. So these pictures don’t have to be exactly the thing that I want to do. It has to be something that makes me feel something. So sometimes there are photos in here, like there’s one of multicolored yarn. It’s really pretty yarn. Let me just show you so it’s yarn in a pile because I want to be reminded of how good creativity feels to me. I have pictures of women with friends, right? They’re by a pool. Um, it’s all good, just a little quote. And I also have little things that I have thought while I have been looking at these, and I jot those down, like feeling the sun on my body, feeling cool, water on my feet, knowing that I created the life that I want. And so what I do in the morning is I just go through my book, I peruse my book, and. You know, there’s things about my home that I’m gonna buy at the end of this year. There’s things about money and investing. There’s things about friendships, there’s things about, partnership and the people I wanna surround myself with. And so many good things that just make me feel. Really hopeful and alive and appreciative really for what I have. So I usually will go through my visioning book and get in a really good feeling. And then what I do is I open up my planner. Now I have been using, and this year I started last year. I started at towards the end of the year, half of the year. But this year I got the daily planner from Paper Republic. And I love it because it’s just dots on every page. So it’s just these big blank pages. It’s not like a regular agenda. And I use an online calendar anyway, but what I do every day is I open this up and I just start writing as if it’s a day in the future. Now, for my work, typically I run on 90 day sprints, so I have goals. Like I love a good goal, right? But I, an annual goal to me gets totally lost. What’s gonna happen December 31st? I won’t even think about it till the end of September and then, then I’ll be like cramming to try to finish. And so what works really well for me is 90 day sprints. So instead I have an annual goal, but I’ve broken it down into. Into quarters basically. And so right now I’m working this first quarter, which ends on March 31st. And so when I go into to write in my planner, I write is now March 31st, 2026. And I am so excited because when I woke up today, I looked in my email and I found the most incredible invitation to go to. You know, I come up with some crazy stuff, like anything that feels fun in the moment. And that’s the idea, is that I want to be expanding. You know, the other day I wrote about how I got invited to serve Richard Branson’s Island. Like is that gonna happen by March 31st? Uh, well, even as I say that, I’m like, maybe, I don’t know. I don’t know maybe, but. It’s fun to think about it, and it’s outside the box of my normal life. It gives me a, a new way of thinking and something to focus on. You know, our unconscious minds wants a trellis, right? It wants us to plant a stake in the ground and to go, this is the thing you need to climb up. And if you are constantly planting stakes in the ground that are worry and nerves and hopelessness, that just means you’re human. But it also means that you need to really consciously add in moments to create something different, right? You’ve got to. Create time in the morning. I mean, this takes me 15 minutes probably to do this whole thing, to look through the vision pages, to feel really good and to start writing. And the writing probably takes me, I don’t know, seven minutes. It’s not long, but it is enough to start my brain going in a different direction because when I am working with my brain, when I am consciously creating changes in my brain. What I am doing is setting up a track, like a railroad track for where it’s going to go. And if I’m focused on the things I don’t want, then that’s where it’s gonna go. And my unconscious mind is trained. It’s built, it’s designed to show you more of what you’re focused. And if you are focused on all the things that can go wrong and all the ways that life is trash and all the ways that people have hurt you or. Controlled you or you know, used guilt and manipulation to make you do things you didn’t wanna do. Like that means you’re human. And it means that if you’re spending time focusing on that, that’s what your brain’s gonna show you. More of your unconscious mind operates on repetition and emotion. And if those things, and worry so often is emotional, if those two things are not where you wanna go, you’re actually working against yourself. One of the things that I always say to my ladies when we talk about something like this, or any idea really, and when I say my ladies, I mean my ladies in my program, people that work with me, I always say, I don’t care if it’s, if what you’re saying is real, like I believe you, that it’s real, but I don’t care because a lot of things could be real. There could be a whole bunch of real going on right now that you just don’t notice because your brain is deleting it. Our brains naturally delete and distort things. That’s what they do in order to make sense of the world. I remember several years ago. There was a GIF shortage, Jiffy Peanut Butter, and every time I went to the grocery store, they’d have like a little thing that said we’re sorry, we’re out on of gif. There’s a shortage. I don’t remember what happened, but they didn’t have it at my grocery store. And GIF is the brand that I like. And so every time I went I was like, oh my God. No, no, Jeff. And then, I mean, it was a while. It was like, you know, six weeks, probably every week when I went. No peanut butter. And there was one week where my daughter went with me, she was maybe 15, and I said, they don’t have GF, and I looked, they didn’t have it. I, once again, they don’t have it. And she got this really weird look on her face and she’s like, it’s right there. It was almost face level. You know how the shelves go. It was almost face level, but I was so sure that it wasn’t there, that my brain deleted it. It. I’m not making that up. That’s actually what our brains do. It wants to create the environment that you think is true. So reality was that the peanut butter was there. My daughter could see it, but my reality, my reality was very different. Who knows how long I had been depriving myself of Jeff Peanut butter, just for the sake of being right, because that’s what I expected. So the whole idea with my scripting in the morning is to create a different expectation. Now, will Sir Richard Branson reach out to me? I don’t know, even as I wanna say, no, my body feels like maybe because I have trained myself so much to be open to a possibility of something that I never expected for a possibility of something like so thrilling and fun. So I wanted to offer this to you because perhaps. This strategy and this anchoring really in the morning in something expansive could work for you, you know, so many times. And somebody reached out to me this morning ’cause I shared this on Instagram and someone reached out and said like, I’m in the process of, of getting divorced. I don’t understand how I would use this. And I said, well, think about a time in the future, like maybe it’s three months. When will your divorce be final? Six months. So right now it’s January, let’s say it’s June 30th, and I’m so grateful that we parted in such a way. This is what you would write. I’m so grateful that we parted in such a way that this feels aligned. It’s for the good of everybody involved. My kids are so healthy and acclimated to it. I can see an amazing vision for my future. I’m excited about what’s coming. I feel respected and I feel like I can respect him in this new way forward. Like it doesn’t matter. And this is where I’m saying your reality doesn’t matter. ’cause if you’re like, he’s a manipulative narcissist, I believe you. I believe you. And does it make sense to spend your time focused there? It’s protective. It probably feels protective. But for this, this is about dreaming. This is about expanding what could be possible because you have no idea what could happen. Anything could happen, and so to keep that alive, to keep that open in your brain, because your brain, again, is scanning for the places and it doesn’t have to feel. I don’t want you to be like, oh my God, I’m just writing a whole bunch of lies. You’re not writing lies. You’re writing what you want. You’re writing what you want. It doesn’t have to feel real, it just has to be feel real that this is what I would love. It’s an intention. And when the intention is laid, when the railroad tracks are laid, then your brain knows where to go. So. Try, try this. Just grab a piece of paper, write in your iPad, grab an old notebook, whatever you have, and begin this practice of scripting every morning to a place in the future where things are going the way that you want. Because I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for being here with me. Thanks for being here for the first like real video of this , I’m excited this will get better and better, so I’m grateful that you’re here. Have an amazing week. I’ll see you next week. I love you so much. I’ll see you then.

In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ Betsy helps us focus on the present moments in our lives. She reminds us to emphasize the cozy, reflective moments amidst holiday preparations, to fully “wear our lives” by making conscious choices for ourselves. Betsy clues us into the powerful messages in our dreams; metaphors produced by our unconscious mind that we can learn from. She concludes with a message of hope for the new year and an invitation to embrace our true potential. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the show today. It’s our last show before the holiday, so I hope everybody’s ready. I hope you’re getting some time to decompress. I know the last couple weeks it’s been cold here in Atlanta, like super cold, and I have had. Twinkly lights. I feel like I’ve got my decorations just right. , I haven’t turned on an overhead light in weeks. It feels so nice and cozy. I actually have really been enjoying it, being really chilly out. I don’t know, just I’m in the top floor of my apartment, which I like to call the penthouse and. I can really hear the wind because I’m right , on the corner, but I really love it. The other day , it was like a, it was Saturday, I think. Saturday or Sunday. It was so windy here, so, so, so windy. You could just hear the wind whipping outside. And I was like, this is a perfect conditions for a nap. And yeah, so I just took a nap and I could hear the wind and it was just kind of magical. I grew up in Vermont, you know, I live in Atlanta, but I grew up in Vermont. So anyway, I attribute my love of the cozy to that experience, I guess. . So I’m excited to be here with you today. , Just a reminder, next month we have a fireside chat. It’s January 11th. I’m really gonna try and do these every month, and it’s just a free time for everybody to come together on Zoom, you can sign up by going to my Instagram. The link is gonna be in my bio, but you can also just message me, fire and it will automatically send you the link to get signed up. , We did this in November and it was really so nice to have everybody come together and it was nice to see some of my old clients and favorite people. And we just talked about midlife and some of the challenges. I’ve got some thoughts for this time. Last time was very unscripted, which this time will be two. I mean, I wanna just go with the flow of what everybody needs, but. Wanted to invite you to join us. I know last week, I don’t know, every week probably, I’m talking about that quilted house coat from Cozy Earth and Cozy Earth’s one of our sponsors here on the podcast, but I’m obsessed with my quilted house coat and they’ve sold out. , I’m so sorry if anybody didn’t get theirs, still get it in January. The code live big Betsy. That’ll still get you 20% off like any time of the year. But those are just so great. I’m not surprised it sold out. One of my very best friends was waiting to get one and she was gonna have that be her Christmas gift. And when she went to go buy it, they were completely sold out. I actually looked last night, the night before and they just had extra, extra large. , And if you look at the size and guide, I think they’re pretty. Pretty true to size. So , I was like, get the extra, extra large and then just return it so you get the super discount. But it’s, so good. But I wanna remind you also that they have those cozy lounge socks. Those are great stocking stuffers, so don’t sleep on those. ’cause , I think when I looked at the other night, it was like 30% off on the website and then the live Big Betsy code gets you an additional 20%. So it’s a huge difference. And those stocks are lovely. So. Just wanted to shout out Cozy Earth and remind you guys, I know I’m gonna wear , my bathrobe , to the fireside chat. I have no shame. I love that thing, so I will show up in that. , But I’m really excited to see everybody, so hopefully you’ll be able to make it. All right. So today, okay, so this is kind of a vulnerable thing, but , I, I wanted to share something because I. I talk a lot on the show about unconscious change and how we show up in the world and , a little bit of magic. I think. I love a little bit of magic in the universe and , one of the things that I have done for years is I use a journal on my iPad called Day One. You’ve probably heard me talk about this before, but it is a online journal. It’s an app on my phone and on my iPad. I use it on my iPad. I’ve used it for, I don’t know, probably 12 years, maybe more. And I love this thing because it’s easy. I like, , we continue to do things that are simple, right, and easy. And it gives me a chance in the morning to just sort of like. Data dump, like everything that’s on my mind and whenever I have a dream that was really vivid, I like to write it out with all the detail that I can remember. And I find this really helpful because it helps me remember the dream and I can think about it later and figure out what this means. But also one of the cool things about this journal is it’ll tell me like, this is what you said last year, this is what you said three years ago, 10 years ago. And , sometimes we forget. How much we’ve grown or how much we’ve changed unless it’s right in front of us, , unless it’s like something that we can actually see to compare. And I think we all have this habit, I’m gonna say like a really bad habit where we’re looking forward, right? These are the things I wanna experience. This is what I wanna have in my life. These are the things not working. And so when we’re comparing it to the future, it appears as. Lack, it appears as absence because we’re not where we wanna be, but when we have a chance to reflect and to say, look at where I was and now look where I am. It might be where you are physically, it might be where you live. It might be goals you’ve reached. It might just be, I am shifting and changing and I’m moving forward. And there were years where I would look back at a year ago, two years ago, and I would say to myself, oh my God, , I’m talking about the same exact things. Like I feel like I haven’t changed or grown at all. Like when am I gonna get. Unstuck. But the truth now that I can see when there’s been a little bit more space, and I can look back, I can see that this is actually like turtle, right? Like a turtle. Like little tiny shifts moving me in the direction that I want. And that’s really, really important. So what I wanna do is I wanna talk about a dream that I had last year. So it was right around this time last year and I was on that day that I was taking that little nap. It was so windy, windy out, and I opened my journal and I wrote it in my journal, and then I was like, I’m gonna take a little nap. But in my journal, I looked back and then sometimes I’ll look back at the year before or two years before, but then I’ll look at days surrounding it, you know? I’m like, what was going on? Just so I can remember. And. I had a dream last year and I wanna tell you about this dream. And it’s not because I think dreams are, , mystical or predictive in some like woo woo way, but it’s because I have learned both personally and professionally that when something inside you knows the truth before you are ready to face it. It often speaks to us through our unconscious, and our unconscious speaks to us in metaphor. And so this dream actually happened in one of the final months that I was still living in the same house as my now former husband. And the timing of that really matters because emotionally, , the relationship was over. We were trying to sell the house. It took quite a while, and so we were living in close proximity, but. The relationship was over. My nervous system knew it , just that my body was still there. And when you live like that for too long, right? When your inner world and your outer life are out of sync, something starts trying to get your attention. And so in this dream, I was at the airport. Now I wanna share this dream because, and I’m gonna relate it back , to you and why this. Could be helpful. Okay, so I’m at the airport. It’s not a normal airport though. It’s , packed, like wall to wall to wall people. So as far as you could see, like a sea of people. And , you’re in a crowd, so there’s just, you’re not really walking regular. You’re like shuffling. You know that feeling. So I get this feeling that everyone’s moving really fast. Like everybody is going someplace. They know where they’re going and they’re all. Moving and bumping into me. So I’m like, goochie, goochie, goochie. And they’re bumping into me and I feel like I am not able to actually take a step forward. And , airports are in between places, right? You’re not where you were and you’re not yet where you’re going. You’re in this like in-between place. And that is exactly where I was in my life at that time. So. In this dream. I was traveling with him, but I wasn’t walking beside him. I was following him. So he was like way ahead of me, completely unaware that I was even there just doing his thing, right? He just kept moving forward and I was getting pushed around, like losing my footing, trying to keep up, and in my dream he never turned around and that’s the image that I remember. I remember feeling like I was. Almost a kid getting lost in the shuffle, ? And I, think that experience of my life at that time is reflected in that dream, because that’s where their relationship was , at that time. I, felt like. I was orienting around him, like tracking him or adjusting to him. And when you live that way long enough, , you lose your own internal compass. And at some point in the dream, I realized that I had a backpack that was gone. So I wasn’t carrying the backpack on my shoulders. I had been holding it like by the top straps. You know how sometimes backpacks have that little handle? So I was holding it by that, so it was like an accessory. So at the moment that I realized I was missing the backpack is the same moment that I realized I actually had been carrying a backpack, if that makes sense. And then I looked down and realized it was just gone. It was like I noticed my hand first. I don’t remember setting it down. I don’t remember like choosing to let it go. I just looked down and it was missing, and I think that’s how this actually happens. Like we don’t wake up one day and decide to abandon ourselves. We adapt and we accommodate and we make it work. Until one day we look around and we think, like, where did I go? And I tried to backtrack through the crowd in my dream, and eventually I found a backpack that I thought looked like mine. It was like the same pattern, like the same kind of backpack, but it was empty and it wasn’t quite the right size. And I remember thinking in the dream, and I wrote this in my journal that I don’t even know if this is mine anymore. I think this is like such an important moment because from the outside my life looked the same. Like the same house I was, looked like the same woman. It looked like the same marriage. Right. But inside it was empty. It was empty backpack. And , I don’t think, when I look back I’m like, that wasn’t unhappiness. That was dissociation. Right. Dissociated from what was happening and in my dream, I went to the gate attendant and I told them that the only picture that I had of my mother who died when I was 16, was in that bag. It wasn’t true. I even wrote that in my journal. Like I told her a lie that the only picture I had of my mom was in that backpack because I needed her to understand how serious this felt and that I needed help and I needed somebody to see me. And so they tried and they were confused. And then eventually , the,. Gate attendant, just admitted that she couldn’t do anything. And so I just turned around and just walked away. I just decided to move on, and that is when I realized that my phone was gone too. My voice, like my connection, my ability to call for help, everything was gone. And here’s what I want you to hear in this. This dream wasn’t about my marriage. It, and I wanna say that again. He’s had a, he has his own experience of that. Like it is not about him. It’s not about my marriage. It was about my identity erosion. It was about what happens when you stay in a life that no longer fits for way too long. And I think when we talk about metaphor and , our unconscious minds speaking to us through our dreams. , That backpack was my identity. It was my needs, , my internal resources, and I wasn’t wearing it. I was carrying it by that little handle so lightly so that I could maneuver around other people. And that is what I think self abandonment actually looks like. It’s not like some big dramatic event. It’s not obvious. It’s reasonable. Subtle, and I see this all the time in my work, women who tell me that they can’t quite put their finger on it, like they feel kind of numb or lost or disconnected. And so they think , , that they’re broken, but they’re not. They’re just, I would say like disembodied. Right? And so. I wanted to share that dream because I think it’s was such a good metaphor for where so many of us are and where so many of us are, whether we’re feeling lost or dissociated from a relationship or a job, or after your kids leave to , go off to college and you’re alone for the first time. Like so many things. And so I think that when we think about. A big life, and I’m using air quotes, right? ’cause I talk about a big life. A big life isn’t some fancy living on a yacht. , That’s not what I mean by a big life. I mean, choosing yourself, right? It’s not about blowing everything up. It’s not about dramatic things. It’s , it’s not about certainty even. It’s about embodiment. Embodiment, right? It’s about. Wearing your life, that backpack, instead of carrying it so loosely that anybody could knock it out of your hand. Wearing your life means , that your values live inside your body, not just inside your head. Right? It means that when you speak and something feels off, instead of talking yourself out of it. It means you listen to it, right? It means you, you know what your yes and your no are, and that those come from inside your body, not from managing someone else’s comfort. Most people, and , I’m including myself in this, we don’t lose ourselves because of one big thing. It’s not one big event that happened. We lose ourselves because we are so great at adapting. At, making ourselves smaller to keep things calm or low maintenance or understanding. And then one day you wake up and you realize that you’ve been holding yourselves by the little tiny strap. And so. , If you’ve been struggling in your relationship or in your job or anything where you’re like, should I stay or should I go? Here’s the question that I wanna leave you with, is instead of that, I want you to ask yourself like, where am I managing my life? Instead of inhabiting it, , where am I carrying myself instead of standing in myself? , I think we can abandon ourselves in a million different ways. And, , I’ll say it again, it, had less to do with my ex-husband. It had to do with me. I was the one doing that. I was the one choosing that. And yes, there’s were circumstances around it, but in the end it was when I decided to. Fully embody myself when I decided that I was gonna put myself first, when I decided that being kind wasn’t the end all, be all that what if being kind and people saw me as being so kind. It’s not that I don’t wanna be kind to people. That’s not what I’m saying, but perhaps that was an indicator that. Yeah, I was putting everyone else first and that I didn’t always need to do that. There are times where I put my daughter first and that feels right. That is the right thing to do, and I want to do that, and there are times when I don’t. So having the discernment of that, I think is really important so that we don’t lose ourselves. Because when you can start wearing your life again, that’s when clarity comes back to you. And , this year for me, I don’t know if you saw on Instagram, but every year I give myself an award. So I order these crystal awards from Crown Awards. And this year my award was, , the Chrysalis Award This year has been. So transformative for me, not because I did some big thing or not because I, , had some big, huge success. Like it wasn’t that. It was that I started feeling really solid, that I started really leaning into my body as an oracle, that I started really trusting myself in a totally different way and hearing myself. And I stopped getting lost in that big crowd getting bumped around. So it’s not, , the art of living big isn’t about becoming louder. It is about becoming solid, right? It’s about putting your backpack back on your shoulders, fully, like strapped in with the little strap around the front. You know that clicks in that. That is how you live a big life. I hope you all have a really, really happy holiday. However you celebrate. I hope you have a hopeful New Year, and that 2026 becomes everything that you want it to be, and you get to decide. You get to decide how that goes. All right. I love you so much. I’ll see you after the new year. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of ‘The Art of Living Big,’ host Betsy Pake discusses her journey of creating new traditions after a significant life change. She shares her experience of making intentional choices and emphasizes the importance of self-trust and honesty, encouraging listeners to honor their true desires. She also highlights the role of community and the value of supportive relationships. The episode concludes with reflections on the past year and the anticipation of new beginnings. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the show today.. I have something to talk to you today about, but , I wanna start by telling you about my Christmas tree. I, , it’s the holiday time. And if you’re new here, I have been living in an apartment this, whole year. I sold my house towards the end of last year. , , Got divorced, moved into this apartment. And in April I got a kitty. Okay, so these are important aspects to my thought process for the holidays this year, one of the things that I’ve really tried to do is just to create new traditions, , or new rituals in the morning. How I do things. I wanted it to be different. Like I didn’t wanna be rerunning old patterns. I really wanted to create something new for myself. And so. I have been really intentional about that over the year and as we get closer to the holidays, I was really thinking , do I wanna bring in the energy of all the old decorations? , There’s some things that I do wanna pull out like my daughter’s stalking and that kind of thing, but for the most part, I didn’t really feel aligned with it anymore. It’s like that person that owned all those things is so unfamiliar to me that I didn’t wanna bring the energy of it in. And because I got this cat, in Dean Martin I got in April, he’s a sweet, sweet kitty. I think he’s so close to cuddling with me. Honestly, he’s, he’s gonna cuddle any day, but it took a long time for him to warm up. I mean, it took him like four months before he even pured. Literally. I think he’d had like a hard life on the streets, you know? So when he got in my house, I basically kidnapped him and , I got him from the pound, but brought him home. He didn’t have any choice. And then he was like, what woman? You are crazy. So here we are. It’s Christmas time and I’m like, if I get a Christmas tree, , he’s gonna, it’s, he’s, it’s gonna be diabolical. He’s never gonna be able to handle it. And so I was thinking like, do I get like a Christmas tree? . , One of those pre-lit trees, like a big tree. Do I just get maybe a little tree? Do I get like just a tree that’s in a little fake tree that’s in like a pot? Do you know what I mean? I’m like, I could, I, went to a million different stores. I’m like looking at everything. I’m like, what am I gonna get? Because I think he’s gonna be just a nut job. So I finally went to Lowe’s last weekend and they had these two. Trees that kind of went together. One’s like maybe four feet, and the other one’s like maybe three feet. So they are supposed to sit next to each other. They’re connected. Their, light system is connected, or I would love to put them in separate spots, but they’re connected together. And it’s like a cone that has this holographic ribbon that sort of wraps around the cone and a star on top. And the lights are little, they’re not like little Christmas tree lights. It’s like a, I wanna say like a techno light. It’s like a strip. Do you know what I mean? Inside the thing. So it does all kinds of different things. It flashes, it dances, it twirls around. It does a million things. And so I thought. This will be really good because I don’t think Kitty will mess with it, and so anyway, I brought it home. It looks really pretty. Maybe you’ve seen it on Instagram. I’ve shared it in my stories, but I was correct. He is not messing with it, which is great. And it looks really pretty and the lights bring me a lot of joy. So. You know, we can create new experiences for ourselves that can be really good. I talk to women every day that are , trying to make these big decisions in their lives and in their marriage and what to do, and I think there is so much fear in the unknown that I wanted to kind of share that little piece of what’s going on here. Because what if it’s great? , What if it. All works out better than you thought. And we have so much power in our imagination, but so many times we use our imagination to go down the rabbit hole of all the things that could be wrong. And what if we harness that for , , what could happen if it could be great. And , this year I have thought, and I think I mentioned this last week, I’ve thought about doing a podcast just on my year. ’cause I think there have been so many lessons in it . , That everybody could benefit from, right? I mean, so many lessons, and you probably have a lot of lessons in your life too, that people could benefit from if you shared those. And so I have thought about that. ,, I might do it, but this year has been the most wild ups and downs and twists and turns. The way that it’s landing is just like the most beautiful place. Like I’m so happy with the way this year has turned out for me, , and next year already. Really amazing things to look forward to. I went to an event last month with my coach and the coaching group that I’m part of, and there was a new woman in the group who I just hit it off with. She was so fun and so cool, and she lives in New York City. I’ll have to have her on the show sometime. But anyway, the women in this group that I’m in, we all tend to form such tight friendships and we have stayed in the group. ,, This particular woman is new, but the other women. . We stay. And so we’ve been together for many years. And so I went for this walk with this new friend. We were there at the resort and we decided to go get coffee and we were gonna go for a walk. And we were just talking and I was talking about my year and some of the things that have happened and how great it’s been. And I said, , the only thing that I really miss. About having a partner because I really like being single., I’m in a really good place of just doing things on my own and discovering myself, and there’s no space right now for anybody else, , to be honest. But the one thing that I miss is, sometimes it is nice to have a built-in person to go. Travel with, right? Like to be able to go on a trip and to go with, and I have done many trips this year. I’ve gone by myself, I’ve gone with this group to several places, and it’s been great. And I love that. And there’s other places that I wanna go. And so she said, well, where would you go? And I said, well, I really wanna go to, to Morocco. I have a, a friend that I met online, and she and I message back and forth. She’s divorced as well. And you know how you just find somebody and you start talking? She’s a, a, famous author and we just have hit it off. So I’m like, I really wanna go see her. She lives in Marrakesh. And she was like, let’s go. So I was like, okay, we were on the walk, we booked the trip on the walk, opened up our apps. I, I am a big points girl, so I did it with points. I share that just because that is a privilege to be able to open up an app on a phone, on the, on a walk on and book a trip to Morocco. It was, , cost me $11 fees. Um, but I was able to, book my trip and to go to Morocco. So this spring we’re going to Morocco and it just goes to show you that for when you get in a place where it’s really clear what it is you like and what you don’t like, and you’re able to voice it, and you’re around people who are like extraordinary people, right? You’re building your life around people who. Like similar things and are adventurous and able to take those kinds of risks, , it, it can change everything. I think our community is so, so important, and I always say this inside the, women Inside the Navigate method, you know, , once you come into the Navigate Method, you’re sort of like in forever. I joke, that they can never get rid of us, , unless they want to. But you know, after you go through the program, you stay in our alumni group and we meet every month so people can see each other every month and form those relationships. Um, and if you wanna keep going with me, there’s an opportunity to do that in another way. . So building community I think is so incredibly important, and especially when we’re going through big things or hard things, and to be able to say like this is to have somebody witness your life, right? To be able to have somebody witness. Things that you’re going through. It doesn’t always have to be a partner or a spouse. And many times we have partners or spouses and they’re still not witnessing your life. Right. It’s just a, a placeholder. And so I have found that there is just such a, a, need for this and a way to do it. I think women are coming together in community in totally new ways. Which, leads me to remind you that next month in January we’re doing the fireside chat. If you go onto Instagram and you just message me fire, it’ll automatically send you the link or the, link is in my bio. , Every month we’re just getting together, , on Zoom and you can turn your camera on or leave it off, whatever’s comfortable to you. And I’ve got questions that I ask and we just kind of reflect and get together for this. I call it the middle verse, right? This is where we are in the middle verse. And so I think creating those pockets of community is really invaluable in terms of building a life that feels really good and really full, you know? And I think that’s where, , where I could say I am right now. After this year, I have built a life that feels really good and really full there. And when I say that I’m not looking for a partner. I know a lot of times my friends will ask , are you gonna date? And I just, my life is really full and really good. I don’t, I’m not missing anything. And now I have a fun, somebody fun to travel with, so there’s no, there’s nothing missing. Um, and maybe someday there will be, but right now it just feels really good. So I think that as we. Look, and we think about well, what will my life be like? I wanna just reflect that. What if it’s better than you thought it would be? Like, what if things come together in ways you couldn’t expect? If you had told me last Christmas, you will have just booked a free trip to Mor Morocco with a new friend That is so fun and lovely like. Probably, well, I probably would’ve believed you just because, ’cause I’m open to that kind of stuff. But it would have been like, oh my God, that’s cool. That’s really cool. But being in a place where I was open to receiving that is, is the thing maybe that would have surprised me. So to this, week, I wanna talk to you a little bit about something that has been on my mind when I’ve been thinking about this past year, and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. , And I’ve been thinking about the thing that I think rises to the top of so many of our conversations inside the Navigate Method, and it is this moment when a woman realizes that she’s spent years and years editing herself in order to keep the peace. And I think. Probably likely, in my case at least, I know I can say this for myself, years of looking for outward validation, right? I would, kind of throw ideas off of my dad or my sister when I was younger, you know, when I was in my twenties or even thirties, gosh, I mean probably forties. I probably was doing it in my forties, but always looking to make sure I was doing things right. Checking on someone else’s emotional weather before I even knew how I felt about things. And at some point the cost of that becomes really huge. Because when you start to outsource your decisions or your peace long enough, you start to detach from what is you. So instead, you are seeing everything through a lens of what would they think? What would my dad’s response be? How would my sister react to this? What would my spouse think? Or my brothers or sisters, or. Coworkers or whoever that is for you. And in that you stop believing that your instincts are reliable and you start, I think, really doubting parts of you that do speak really loudly. And the more that you deny those parts of you, the harder it is to be able to hear it. Right? I mean, if you keep shushing. Part of you, if you keep shushing someone, pretty soon they’re gonna shush. Right? And that’s the thing that I hear over and over inside the Navigate method when I work with women is like I, I don’t even know. I have no idea what I think. Like you could ask me a question like, do I like shells or spirals, pasta better? I don’t know. But I know what my husband likes better. I know what my kids would prefer. So today what I wanna do is I wanna talk about what it really means to become the woman that you can trust, because I think that is the foundation for all decision making and for creating a really big life, right? It’s not about your partner’s approval, it’s not about your family’s expectations. It is not about the path that is very safe. Or respectable. I hear this a lot too, like what will people think? Right? The foundation of all of this is you and it’s your inner knowing and, I think that there is a, woman inside you who, who has always known, but we were taught out it was taught out of us, right? Or you know, I don’t know. Screamed out of us or whatever, so that we started to quiet that piece. And I have noticed even in myself over the past year and now I’ve been a, coach in doing this work since 2012, like a long time. I have done decades of my own work. I have done. Everything from therapy to meditating for days on end to screaming into a pillow. Do you know what I mean? , I’ve done it all. I’ve run the gamut. And what I know that from this past year is that rebuilding your trust isn’t about becoming fearless. It is about becoming honest. It’s about being honest with yourself and how you feel. It’s becoming honest with what you have tolerated. It’s becoming honest with what you have been carrying that was maybe never yours to carry in the first place. And I think that self-trust starts to build every time that you tell yourself the truth. And I always say this in my groups, is you don’t have to take action on it. You can still betray yourself in the action, but if you’re telling yourself the truth. Being honest about what it is you really want. Even if you don’t do it, it is a step forward. And I wanna say that again ’cause I think it really matters, is that self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and then you can start to learn to stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth. I saw something online a couple days ago and I thought it was so good and it was like, you’re not stuck. You just don’t wanna go through the, consequences of what will happen if you act on that truth. And I thought, oh dang, that’s so good. Right? It’s so good. And I think that for a lot of us, , the idea of being true is foreign because we were really raised to be agreeable. I was talking. Inside one of my groups the other day, and I was saying that my lease is coming up and my plan was to buy a house. And now things have shifted and I’m not sure where, if I wanna stay here, there’s some opportunities that I may take to move to a new city. , I don’t wanna sign a year long lease. And when I asked my body what. How long I wanted to be here. I asked, is it six months? And I felt very unsteady. And I asked, is it a year lease? ’cause those are the options they gave me. They gave me six months, 12 months, 13 months, which I thought was weird. Um, I think that’s what it was. And when I asked my body 12 months, I felt constricted. Like, no, I gotta get outta here. And so it was eight months. Eight months is where my body felt relaxed and happy and positive. And so I asked the apartment, can I get an eight month lease? And the lady, the manager, said, yeah, but I’ll have to, I mean, I don’t know. I’ll have to ask corporate. And she looked at me and she’s very sweet, but she looked at me like, it’s more work for her. God love her. She looked at me like, take the six or the 12, ’cause I have to do more work. If you want eight. And there was a moment where it was uncomfortable, and then a moment where I decided it was okay. That’s what I wanted. That was my truth. And when I was talking in groups, someone in group was like, I could never do that. I could never do that. And I think that you can get to a place where you can do. Because self-trust builds every time you tell yourself the truth and you stay with yourself through the consequences of that truth. And the consequences of that truth were that I had to sit with the uncomfortableness while someone else sorted out in their head how they were gonna take a step forward and ask corporate. And when they were gonna do that, and they were a new person down there, new manager, and they were going through their own process and I didn’t need to fix that. I just asked, I just had to ask and then see what the answer was would be. And I still don’t know. And so we wait. We wait and we’d be comfortable in that waiting. And I think,, , we were raised to just, just take the 12 months, it’s fine, you’ll stay a couple more months. And that may be what I do, but I needed to ask in order to move forward and feel like I had honored myself. You know, if you were, , someone in a family where you had to really walk on eggshells, maybe. You had a explosive mom or dad or an alcoholic, all of these things, you may have been tiptoeing around and minimizing everything that you needed just to be able to move through things. And it can be really hard to make these shifts. So self-trust is rebuilt in the moments. Where you’re truth telling and they’re micro moments., I talked last week, I think it was about micro joy. The, small things, the doing, the puzzle, the snuggling with the cat, if you’ll ever let me, like all these little things are what makes life bearable. ’cause life has big, hard things. And I think self-trust is in micro moments of truth telling, telling the truth to yourself, to the people that matter. And over time those start to become a pattern. It starts to become who you are. , When I was in group and that woman said, I could never do that, I thought to myself, I think I used to be like that too, where I would never do that. And I think that you do over time as you create that, you create a new identity. It’s a new way of being and a new way of relating to yourself and eventually a new way of relating to everybody else. Right? So I think that a woman who really trusts herself doesn’t make the decisions that she has to make from a place of fear. She makes them from a place of clarity. Right? And I think about, , going back to the apartment lease, it may seem insignificant. And I thought to myself, I have to ask because I have to honor what it is that I feel. Even if I end up choosing one of the others, I’ll feel really good that I did this ask, and I think that, , over time we get this new identity and then we don’t even have that conversation back and forth in our head. I’m guessing by next Christmas as I continue and continue and continue to do this, that. It won’t even be, it won’t even be something I would, it would be like tying your shoe, right? I don’t have to watch a YouTube every time I go to tie my shoe. Right? So I think that there is a part of this whole process that surprises women in, in, I notice this when we’re teaching it inside the Navigate method, is that, that when you start doing this, when you start. Rebuilding trust, rebuilding that self-trust, you’re gonna feel grief. And that feels so foreign to people. And sometimes they’ll be like, I don’t know what this is. And we talk a lot about, what are the specifics? I have a dictionary on my desk and someone will say, I have resentment. And I’ll open up and we’ll read the definition. And I’ll say, does that define what you just described? No. So what is this really? And I think that one of the things that we run into so many times is we run into a feeling of grief. And this grief is about the years that you abandon yourself. So many times I hear women say this is resentment towards their husband or resentment towards, , or anger towards si situations or things that have happened. But I can always trace it back. Yes, , did. Somebody overstep your boundaries. Yeah, like all those things, he’s not off the hook. That’s not what this is about. This is about you recognizing that you may have feelings of grief for the moments that you did know better, but you felt you had no choice. You felt you had to do it to keep the peace you felt you had to do it. ’cause that’s what a good wife does, or a good sister does. Or a good daughter does. Grief. Grief for a version of you that, that put everybody else first. That version of you was slowly disappearing while everybody else was really comfortable, and I think that this grief isn’t a sign that. You’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign that you’re actually returning, right? That you are becoming a woman who you can trust. And that means trusting yourself enough to let your past self know that she was never wrong or weak, but she was doing the very best she could with the tools that she had. And now you have new tools, right? So now you can do it differently. So here’s the North Star in all this. To start small. I know I say, I know. Start small, right? Start small, start honest and start with just one moment of noticing when you override yourself. This can even be after. This can be you get in bed at night and you’re like, where did I abandon myself today? It’s gonna be a tiny moment where saying no, when you mean no. Is important and you’re gonna notice where you said yes when you meant no. And there’s gonna be a moment where you are okay saying no, and you might brace yourself and nothing bad will happen. And I think that moment. Also leads to some grief because you may realize that you were doing things to protect yourself, and it was a pattern that you created when you were young and it worked and it was needed at that time. But now you are a grown ass adult and you don’t necessarily need the, pattern. But maybe you’ve created a bit of that experience for yourself by acting that way in places that you didn’t need to, like with the apartment complex, right? Every one of those moments is like a brick in a foundation of the woman that you were and the woman that you’re now becoming. And there can be a new steadiness, right? A new groundedness in this, a new version of you that isn’t looking for permission, or to validate yourself from anybody else, and that’s self-trust,? And that I think is really the beginning , of living a big life, right? So this season, as we’re going really into the, real Christmas holiday season, whatever holiday you that you celebrate, this time of year, new Year’s at least, that is a universal, but I want you to just notice. You are allowed to rebuild a relationship with yourself. I want you to remember that and that you are not necessarily becoming somebody new, but you are returning to the woman that you always have been and that you’ve always been meant to be. And this is the one who knows, the one who is certain, the one who chooses, the one who trusts herself. And the one who trusts herself enough to live a life that is built on that reflection of truth. And you can start it right now, practice through the holidays. There’ll be so many opportunities to practice on the holidays. And just start with one little promise. I will not abandon myself again. Alright. That’s all I got for you this week. Thanks so much for listening. I love you guys so much. I will see you, I will see you next week. I think what we’re gonna do, we’ll have maybe one more this year, and then I’m gonna take some time off for the holiday, which I’m really excited about, and then we’ll be back after the new year. , My plan is to be here next week. Then take some time. So I’ll see you next week, but I hope if you don’t catch next week, I hope you have a really wonderful, a wonderful holiday and new year. I hope you do something that really lights you up. I hope you see the value that you brought to everybody over this past year and. How you can really show up for yourself in a new way in 2026. , 2025 is the year of endings. It is a nine year in numerology. We are moving into a one year, and that is the year of new beginnings. So what do you need to leave behind this year and what can you call in for next? We’ll talk about that maybe more next week. All right. I love you guys. I’ll see you then. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake. And on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big.

In this episode Betsy talks a bit about midlife and 3 things women who are ready to make their mark in midlife typically do. Transcript: 410 reinvention in midlife Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome to The Art of Living Big. Hi, everybody. I have, I have a couple things to share with you as we get kicked off today, and I wanna do this episode really about being in the middle, the middle midlife, and being in the middle of all the things, the middle verse as I like to call it. And. You know, I, and, and before I continue, I also wanna just remind you, we are doing another fireside chat. If you go to my Instagram in the bio, so if you go to my Instagram [00:01:00] page and you click on the links, there’s a link to the next fireside chat, and it is in January. It’s a Sunday night, I think it’s the ninth, if I remember right. And we really just get together and talk about things that are coming up in midlife. So I have some. Thoughts to share this time. Last time it was just really lovely and I think there was like, I don’t know, 40 people or something there. So, so put it on your calendar. Go check that out. Um, come and join us and today we’re gonna talk a little bit about midlife and all the things. And I’ll tell you, I have the most midlife story ever. So I got this idea. I have been really actively working on all the little things that bring me joy. I have the belief, and you probably have this belief too, that hard things happen and the things that make hard things easier is having a lot of little micro happiness, right? [00:02:00] Little things that can support you through the hard times. This year has been like one of the strangest years. I need to do a podcast on this year, like, like an incredible, incredible transformational year for me, and I can feel myself like. It’s like I’ve gone through the portal, like I can feel myself like just being ejected from the portal. I know this summer I kept saying I’m in the birth canal, like I feel like I’m in the birth canal and I am definitely out now, but the most midlife thing to ever happen to anybody ever on the planet ever happened to me. So I have this idea. About these little things that bring me joy, and one of the things that I really like is I like to color on my iPad. Okay? I like to listen to audio books, right? I want somebody to read me a story. I like to do puzzles. Okay? I haven’t done a puzzle in forever, and I really like doing puzzles. I like [00:03:00] doing like, like those small focused things while I’m listening to music or while I’m listening to. Uh, like I have a YouTube channel that I love that is like my comfort show and. I also like to do it when I listen to audio books, right? So, or podcasts, you know what I’m saying? So something. And so I decided I was gonna get a puzzle and I was really excited about it. I went to the store and I was like looking at all the puzzles and trying to figure out one that would be hard enough, but not too hard, and. Anyway, I found one, it’s like these stickers you would put on a suitcase, right? So it’s all like these travel stickers. So I was like, that’ll be fun. It’s cute, it’ll be easy enough because there’s so much uniqueness to it, right? So each of the pieces will be unique. So. I get it home. I mean, I have it all like laid out. I’m sorting the pieces. I’m like, I am like a professional [00:04:00] puzzler at this point. And so I get to work. I got an I or I got a, an audio book going like, I mean, I’m feeling good about this, right? A, a couple hours go by, I’m standing up because I’m like leaning over the table and organizing it all, and I got the whole like outline together and I’m starting to get like the second and third row of the puzzles and then I’m like, man, I’m getting tired. Like I’ve been doing this puzzle for like three hours and then I go to stand up and I realize that I have been leaning over, sort of like if you were brushing your teeth for three hours. And this midlife back was very unhappy. It was just tired. Do you know what I mean? I, there’s nothing bad that happened, but it was so tired that it was starting to spasm on one side of my back. I mean, I was like, are you joking? I don’t know if you’ve been here for a long time. You might remember I had that back spasm when I was in Iceland like four years [00:05:00] ago. It was that same spot, right? So I just about died, but the thing that I learned from Iceland was not to put ice on it. I needed heat. So I laid on a heating pad and I made it through, and I’m feeling better, much better today. You know, it took a couple days, but I was like, is this not the most midlife thing to ever happen? That I have a puzzle injury, like I puzzled too close to the sun and I had a puzzle injury. With that. I wanna talk this week about being in midlife, but also this reinvention and why this time of our lives. I really believe with the wisdom that we have and. The life lessons that we’ve learned and the experiences and the things that we’ve gone through. We are actually in one of the best possible places ever to have a real invention, reinvention that [00:06:00] creates like amazing change and an arrival of something really new for us. You know? So let’s dive in here. You know, I think. As I was thinking about this, I was like, you know, I, I think when I think about midlife, you know what I think about, I think about. The guy with the sports car, right? Isn’t that what we kind of always think about? At least when I was younger, that’s what I thought about. Like the guy that got a younger girlfriend and had a red sports car. And I also think there is something that we are meant to believe about women in midlife. Which is that we’re going through all these crazy hormonal changes and everything is different and it’s something that you actually have to survive, like something that you have to really get through or endure. And I also think until recently it was something you were supposed to endure like silently. You [00:07:00] weren’t supposed to talk about anything actually happening biologically in midlife. That was sort of taboo until recently. I think even like the last five years, maybe 10 years, but like five years probably. But I am wondering, and these, this is the thing that I always talk to the ladies inside the Navigate Method about is that what if midlife is actually the most incredible, powerful portal that you will ever step into? N not because it’s easy, magical, like birth canal, but because things get stripped away and now you get to tell the truth. And I think every woman that I work with reaches this moment where the performance of life and being a woman, the performance of being a [00:08:00] woman, right? Like I. Of how you’re supposed to be a woman. Let’s say it that way. That performance stops, right? You stop performing stability, you stop performing the roles that you had to, and your roles change. Like maybe you had kids and now your kids are moved out, like you, you, you know what I mean? All these different things happen. You stop pretending. That everything in your marriage is fine or that you can just sweep stuff under the rug that it’s it like it’s fine. Like that. You can stop pretending that the life that you built, even if you put a lot of effort into building it, you get to stop pretending that it still fits. And I think this is a huge breakthrough because we are refusing to whisper. Because we are refusing to stay the same, and we are in a [00:09:00] world that really wants us to stay the same. It wants us to still look 20. It wants us to still have the body that we had in our twenties. It wants us to still be performing all the things and all the tasks and have the energy and all these things, but that’s just not our lives anymore. And I think that, you know. Men in a lot of ways are allowed to age. We say even when men get gray, it’s distinguished. I, I can’t, I, I feel rage. I feel rage even now as I say that. It’s distinguished, but women are supposed to. Sit and put chemicals on your hair, and if you want to do that, I salute you. Do it like I love it. I’m thinking about getting some Botox because I want to, but probably because I’ve been told that I need to do, you know what I mean? Like probably my eyelids are heavy, so I have this idea that I could get some Botox and lift my eyelid a little bit so that I wouldn’t have to get surgery on my eyelids, which a side note I think will probably be a medical [00:10:00] procedure at some point soon. But the point is. That there is a difference between what we do and what we are supposed to do and what men do and what men are supposed to do. Men are supposed to just age and women, we have to evolve in a totally different way, and I feel that too. I haven’t colored my hair in years, but I still look in the mirror sometime and like should I, would I look better? How do I define better? I’m not sure, but I think it has to do with being younger. I think it has to do with looking youthful. And of course I want those things, but why do I, and so I think that this, that midlife starts to feel like a collapse, right? There’s this point where all of your old coping strategies sort of lose their oomph. [00:11:00] So I think that this, this point of midlife is a reinvention, but it’s not a reinvention of starting over. I think it’s a reinvention about becoming the version of you that is renewed, right? It’s about remembering someone old, the version of you that got buried under, you know, e expectations or responsibilities or the, the roles that you had, right? Marriage dynamics, how you operate in a professional capacity, like all of that stuff. And we are layered. So you’re not lost, but this is now those layers starting to peel back, right? Because you’re starting to catch up to your evolvement. So this is all right on time. I really think all of this comes at a place that is [00:12:00] divine intervention for us. When we are listening, and I think I mentioned this last week. Maybe it was last week. I know I’ve talked about it in my groups incessantly, but my friend Jamie and I keep talking about how our body is an oracle. That’s how we’re describing it. Our body is an oracle. We know the truth. When we can get out of our head and listen to our body, and I think with all these changes going on in our bodies, we start really paying attention and it’s like a magical door that opens. Allows us to be able to see something that we were able to ignore, right? That we were able to sweep under the rug before, and now we, we just don’t get to as much. And you know, as we keep talking about midlife. We have a sponsor for the podcast, and I know you’ve heard me talk about Cozy Earth and I wanted [00:13:00] to talk about them in this particular podcast, both because their sheets are magical if you have night sweats, but also because, um, this is gonna go live right in the beginning of December, and right in the middle of December is when their, the coupons that they have on their website are gonna change. So you can use a code. R code. So it’s live Big Betsy, live big Betsy, one word. You can use that and you can stack it. To the discounts that they have on their website. So you could get those sheets, those luxury sheets that I always talk about for 40% off, which I think is crazy. So I want to tell you about the sheets. They have a money back guarantee, so check them out. But also, like if you’re looking for little stocking stuffers, they’re, they’re socks. They have these like cozy lounge socks and I got a three pack. It’s these really pretty pink colors and they’re really like my most favorite socks. [00:14:00] I think maybe I talked about ’em last week. I feel like I talk about ’em all the time though. Like for real, because they’re cozy and I wear ’em a lot with, I have these Tory Birch, um, like Birkenstocks. They’re like Boston Birkenstocks, but they’re Tory Birch. So a little bit different, but I wear ’em with those all the time and I just love ’em. Um, and then of course. The quilted house coat. I mean, if I had sound effects in this podcast, I would have like angels singing. Oh, it’s the, the best thing ever. You’ve heard me say it. Uh, I won’t, I won’t belabor this issue, but it’s the best thing ever. I’m gonna wear it to the fireside chat this next month because, um, it’s cozy. Cozy, and I put it in the dryer and it is a comforter basically that’s made into a. House coat. They call it a house coat. I call it a bathrobe, but on the website it’s called quilted house coat. But it’s lovely and 40% off. I mean, it’s crazy. So the sizing that’s on there is accurate. So check that out. [00:15:00] And like I said, they have this a hundred night sleep trial on the sheets, so you get to try the Cozy Earth sheets, and if you’re not totally in love, you can just return it. They won’t even. Hassle you about it, but you won’t wanna return ’em, you’ll love them. Um, so. 10 year warranty on all the bedding products. You get this a hundred night sleep sale. It’s a, it’s a no brainer, but please get the bathrobe because I want everybody to come to the fireside chat in their bathrobe. Like I’ll be so excited. But I think this is like, one of the things about midlife is we get to do some stuff for ourselves, right? We get to buy the cozy socks and have our quilted house coat and drink our tea or coffee and just do what we want. Do you know what I mean? And I love that for us. So let’s talk about what I think reinvention in midlife actually requires, because I think that who we are becoming. Does require something of you and I [00:16:00] have been through it this year, I feel like I need to do a episode. That would just be a personal download of everything I’ve been through and I think everybody would relate and it would probably be fascinating case study, but you know the person you are becoming, this new version of you that happens in midlife costs you a lot, it costs you the patterns that have kept you small. Like Be reinvention is about making a really honest. Moves forward. It’s not about, I always say the ladies in my program are brave because it takes a lot to look at the, look at your crap, right? But it’s really also about making not just brave moves, but honest moves. And so here are three things that I see again and again in women who really show up and step into this next chapter. First, and I have a little story to tell you too, about last night. Uh, [00:17:00] this is a good little story. A little woowoo story, but let me get through these like first little things. The first thing is they, they stop apologizing for wanting more. I can’t tell you how many time I’m talking to somebody and they’re like, I mean, I feel bad, but I would really like, or it would be nice if they could, right? So they get to have more, they get to have more peace. They get to be in their quilted, housecoat and drink their tea, and everybody can go figure out what they want for dinner. Ketchup packets for everybody. They get to have more connection. They get to feel purpose in a new way, right? So many times women felt purpose when their kids were young or when they were building their careers or things were happening, but now they get to choose what that looks like. They get to choose more alignment. Your body is an oracle. What feels right to you, and this doesn’t come from entitlement. It doesn’t come from like everyone else, be damned. It comes from truth. So the three things I [00:18:00] see over and over again for women that are really ready to step into the next chapter as they stop apologizing for wanting more, and the next thing is they learn how to listen inward instead of outward. You can’t build a new way of being like you can’t build a new life with old validation. Your clarity comes from your inner voice, not from being approved by someone else. And I think a huge part of that comes down to listening to yourself and your body being the oracle. Like how does that feel? That’s such a great directive. And inside the Navigate method, we teach people how to know if something’s a yes or a no. It’s actually really easy when you know how to do it, and then all of a sudden, every decision they’re running through this blueprint and all of a sudden they’re like, oh my God, this feels so good. Right. The third thing is they make micro, micro decisions that feel.[00:19:00] Self-respect. So it’s not these huge leaps. You know how I was talking about having a puzzle and listening to an audio book? It’s not, I’m not going to Vegas for the weekend on a private jet. It’s not little, it’s not big things. It’s little things. It’s not huge leaps. It’s tiny moments of choosing yourself over and over and over again until the whole trajectory of your life starts to change. So reinvention, I think, is a series of quiet choices that start to recalibrate things and recalibrate your future. So. The story I wanted to tell you was last night we had our alumni group. So if you, if you, if you’re a member of the Navigate Method and you go through the Navigate Method, once you are complete, you go into our alumni group and our alumni group, you get certain things and you also get every week, or I’m sorry, every month we meet live. Okay. [00:20:00] So you can continue to get coaching like forever. And I always joke that that’s really for me ’cause I. I get obsessed with everybody and I wanna be with everybody. But one of the last night, there was a woman that was there that I love. She’s been in the program, you know, in the sphere, in the community for two years, and she’s, we did a little visualization exercise at the end of our group. When we got to group and she showed up on camera, I said, you look so pretty. And she’s like, my hair is curly. And I said, I haven’t seen you in a couple months. She was traveling and she’s like, yeah, I feel so good. She said, I feel so whole and complete. Like I feel really good. And she’s like, and the weird thing is, well, for the summer my hair just got curly. She’s like, my hair has always been really straight and fine. And now it’s curly. And I was like, oh, it looks cute, you know? And on with the group we went and at the end of the group I did this [00:21:00] visualization. And at the end of the visualization, she like popped into the camera and she was like, white, like a ghost white. And I was like, how was that? And she said, you did this with me. When I very first started, like two years ago, and she said the woman that came to me in the vision as me had curly hair and I didn’t recognize her. And so I didn’t relate to the visualization at all. And it was really like, how do you, what do you, who are you at you 2.0? Right? And she was like, I realized when you were doing it again that I am. I am her like two years later here I am like, like fully healed, fully whole feel, fully like in alignment, listening to myself. And she was like using all the skills and tools that you taught me and I have created this life and now I have curly hair just like I am two years ago in that visualization. And so I [00:22:00] joked like, do you have the curly hair? ’cause you imagined it so your hair got curly ’cause you thought that’s what would signify it. Or did you know you were gonna have curly hair? I don’t know. It was pretty cool though. It was pretty cool. So, you know, here’s the thing about midlife is you don’t get a map ahead of time unless you do one of my visualizations. And then you might get the map and it’ll make no sense ’cause your hair will be curly, but you get the next step. You know when you get the next step, and then you get the next step when you get the next and the next. And your only job. Is to stay in relationship with yourself, because that is where the clarity always returns. So women tell me all the time, like, I just feel so lost. But what they really mean is like, I feel unfamiliar because I’m not who I was. I’ve outgrown that identity, you know? But I don’t know who I am yet. Like I’m not moved into the one that I’m becoming. And so this period [00:23:00] of in between. This period of the middle verse, right? It is not failure, it’s the formation, it’s you becoming. So take a breath. Place your hand on your heart and ask yourself, what is the truth that I have been whispering to myself, that I am finally ready to hear out loud. It might be small, it might be enormous. Both of those are sacred, and that wisp, that whisper is truly the beginning of your reinvention. So I think when you can grasp ahold of that, that is how you live a big life. All right y’all. It was so good to see you here. I hope to see you at the Fireside chat. Make sure to go and register for that. Get your cozy Earth stuff live big. Betsy is the code. Get it 40% off. ’cause you know we love a deal over [00:24:00] here and I will see you guys next week. I love you. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

This week, Betsy highlights the importance of women giving themselves permission to make choices that bring joy. We often pour so much into creating memorable experiences for our loved ones, especially during the holidays, but it’s essential to remember that our own moments are just as special. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We are so thankful you are here. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome. Welcome to The Art of Living Big this week. It’s a holiday week, so a little shorter episode, but I wanted to share a thought, and it’s actually something that I shared last year in a reel on Instagram. In fact, I may share it. I may re repost it this year because it resonated with so many people and I think it’s. Such a good message. So here’s the message. , I realized when my daughter was young and she’s about to be 24, but when she was young, , like a little kid, like a toddler, I started to realize how many things that I always just took as like the magic of Christmas where actually my mom doing all this work, right? Like . The cupcakes and champagne that go out for Santa every year. , , when my daughter, it was time for her to do well. We didn’t do cookies and milk. I did cookies and milk when I was little, but when my daughter, well, Santa changed his preferences by the time I had a kid. And cupcakes and champagne is what we left out. , But I had to make the cupcake. Right. It didn’t just like magically happen. We used to leave out reindeer food and I remember as a little kid leaving out reindeer food, well, that actually has to be created reindeer food. And then the whole magic of it has to be implemented and was implemented by my mom. I remember being a little kid and my parents would have the elves do something crazy in the house like. We had a little craft table, and I remember one year the chairs were upside down on the table and my socks were over the legs. I remember thinking that was so crazy and evidence that elves had actually been there and done something so silly. And I remember when my daughter was little thinking about that and going, oh my God. All that magic. All that magic was my mom. Filling the stockings, figuring out what to put in ’em, putting out the little reindeer, all the little things. And , as we head into Thanksgiving here in the US I, I wanna just offer this thought. And it is the idea that as women who do so much, we. Matter too. Our experience matters too. And if you’re putting together a big dinner, if you’ve got people coming over, if you’re doing something special where you are entertaining, I want you to also think about yourself in that. And one of the things I realized a couple years ago was that I was getting everybody’s order for. Pie right after Thanksgiving. What does everybody want? And everybody that I was asking wanted pumpkin pie. I, I don’t dislike pumpkin pie, but I really love cherry pie. Like I really love cherry pie and I don’t have cherry pie very often. I don’t know why we don’t have pie as much as we have cake because pie is superior. I love pie season. So here we are in pie season. I’m asking everybody what do you want? Everyone’s saying, pumpkin, and I’m feeling this tiny kernel of disappointment because I can’t have my cherry pie. Now you may already be thinking in your head like, yeah, you can. But when you’re in that moment, you’re like, I don’t wanna get a whole pie just for one piece, just for me. And if you’re like me, I also think, , I don’t wanna get the whole pie and end up eating the, whole pie all by myself. ’cause that’s likely to happen too. But I remember last year , when I did this reel on Instagram, my message was Get the pie. Get the pie. I remember leaning over at Kroger and looking down and seeing the pumpkin pie and seeing the cherry pie and feeling that paying of guilt. Where did that come from? Like we get to have a holiday too. It doesn’t have to all be just about creating magic for other people and , I think that if you want the cherry pie, get the cherry pie is a great metaphor for other things in our lives too. So if you want something, just because everybody else doesn’t want it or doesn’t want it for you, doesn’t mean it’s not for you. And so I wanna offer you that little nugget, , as we move forward. And I will say this too, and this is so silly that I’m even saying this out loud, but you know, one of our sponsors here on the podcast is Cozy Earth, and I get asked all the time to do sponsorships, and I never want to, because very few people that reach out to me, it’s already something that I love , and so. When I tell you about Cozy Earth, I really mean it. But one of the things, if you have been seeing my stuff on Instagram, and here’s what I mean, this goes with the Cherry Pie theme. So many times I post my quilted house coat that I got on Cozy Earth. It’s, one of my favorite things in the whole world. I know that sounds so insane that a house coat would be, but I put it in the dryer. It’s a, like a comforter, you guys, it’s, a comforter. If you took a comforter and then you cut out a bathrobe shape and sewed it together, that is what this is. And I put it in the dryer at night. And then when I. Get outta the tub, or if I take a shower at night or whatever, I put that on and it’s, magical and it brings me joy. So much joy. That and their cozy socks, and I love their sheets. I mean, all this stuff, there’s nothing, you can’t go wrong with any of it. But this bathrobe, I’m telling you, I’m obsessed. So on the website, it’s called the Quilted House coat, but I have so many people that reach out because I post this. House code all the time because I really love it. And , right now through the middle of December, they have 20% off that you can get on their website. But you can stack the coupons. So you can use the R code here for the R of Living Big, it’s just, it’s a live big Betsy. You can use that code and stack it so it’s, you get 40% off. I’m actually thinking about getting a second one ’cause I love it so much, but then I’m like, why would I need in case one’s in the wash, I guess. I just love it. So I always am like jumping on Marco Polo with my girlfriends and they’re like, oh my God, that freaking bathrobe is like, it’s six 15 at night. Why do you have that bathrobe on? And I say, do not judge me. It is my cherry pie. I want to wear it all the time, and so I shall. So if you’ve seen that. , Cozy Earth has a really fabulous return policy. They’re amazing. The stuff is amazing. Get yourself what you want for the holiday and get the quilted bathrobe, but I really do want you to get it, but I want you to tag me when you get it. ’cause I really wanna see, I’m so excited for all my friends that bought it for themselves to put under the tree. So. , Whether it’s cherry pie or the quilted bathrobe or a walk in the afternoon where somebody else cleans up the dishes. , Give yourself what it is that you need. We are so sold, this idea that we are supposed to be second or third or fourth or fifth or put everybody, it’s it, a virtue to put everyone else first to be selfless. And I think there has to be balance. I think you cannot give of yourself if you’re totally depleted and even though you’re a mom, even though you’re a wife, even though you’re a working woman, even though you exist as a female in this world, it doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have the things that bring you joy. I think these little joys that we get to have. These are the things that make the big things, the big, hard things manageable. I think it’s the thing that makes grief doable. I think it’s the thing that makes struggles at work . Tolerable is by finding the little things that we can notice and give ourselves and be part of that are. Tiny joys., I, on my Instagram stories every morning I always post good things. And I asked this past week, I said, I feel like this is different from gratitude, right? My list of good things. And I asked people, is it gratitude or is it a little bit different? And , it was pretty 50 50 of what people thought, but I have been thinking about it ’cause I love words and I love nuance of things. And I think it’s appreciation. I think it’s not gratitude as much as appreciation, and that feels like a higher vibration to me. Right? Appreciation. And so when I think about getting the cherry pie or getting the quilted house code or whatever it is, I, think about this idea that I get to appreciate these things in my life and I’m allowed to choose them for myself. I’m allowed. To create the experiences for myself that bring me joy. It’s wonderful when somebody else does that for you too. And you don’t have to wait. You can create it for yourself. So get your cherry pie if that’s what you like, or whatever you like. Get the thing you like. And if you get the house coat tag me. , We’re gonna do a fireside chat. In January, so there’s already one scheduled, so make sure to look. The link is in my bio, , my Instagram bio. If you go there, it’ll show you the fireside chat. But I, I want, everybody to wear their quilted house coat. Oh my gosh. Maybe we could make that a fun thing. I’ll wear mine. It’s, so good. And then we could really be cozy and chat by the fire that doesn’t exist. But I put a candle out last time I put a candle out, and that made me feel like we were, , achieving the goal. So I hope that if you’re listening, you’re having a really good Thanksgiving. I hope you got the cherry pie. I hope you join me for the fireside chat. And if you get the quilted House coat, I hope you wear it. All right. I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

This episode aims to inspire listeners to live authentically and joyfully, just like we did before the world shaped our identities. Betsy shares insight on honoring the impulses we feel, like we did when we were kids, but this time with the intention of discovering ourselves again. So grab a wooden spoon and sing… after you listen:) Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello everyone. Hi. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. This week, hopefully I will be in Florida meeting with my coach and the mastermind team that I’m part of. I with the airline flights, I’m getting a little concerned. I’m getting a little concerned, but I’m really hopeful. So I’m recording this podcast early so that you still get one, even though I’m gone and we’re just gonna keep our fingers crossed that I actually am gone. Although I think my kitty will be happy if it doesn’t work out. My kid will be happy. . My adult daughter will be happy if I’m. Still around, but I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to go. So I wanted to record this and , this episode is something that has been on my mind, like sort of in the back of my mind as the years gone by. And then, , the other day we did. The fireside chat, which was just an open invitation for people to come and get together in community and just talk about some of the challenges and commonalities that happen in midlife. Right. And I think more and more I’m recognizing how important my village is, and as I have started to create my own village over the past year, really focusing on that. I can see how helpful it is. So I wanted to create that for people that maybe don’t have it, and then also for people who just wanted more of it. So we’ve been doing these, what I say we’ve been doing, we did ’em once. We’re gonna keep doing these fireside chats. And so, , in that, one of the things that kept coming up was that this idea that in midlife what’s really happening is an uncovering. What’s really happening is you’re getting back to who you were before, , before the world told you had to be a certain way. And gosh, this is something I feel like has been, like I said in the back of my mind and something I have been thinking about of what really makes me happy. And I did a whole episode on that, on joy and the things that I’m finding that bring me joy. But what really makes me happy and. What are the things that make me uniquely me? And I think there’s a component of this that can be really hard to dissect because so much of who we are is what we were told we were right when we’re young or when we formed relationships that we have now that are significant and whatever role that we’re playing in that begins to define how we are. It may not be what we would choose if we could wipe the slate clean and say, this is who I am, this is how I wanna show up. And the thing is, once you’ve started down a path of showing up a certain way, it’s really hard to change course. Not only because. It feels unsafe internally. Our nervous systems, they don’t do that. But also because other people around us start to react differently to that. And that’s, , one of the challenges and positive things that can happen. And one of the things we talk about inside the Navigate Method, when you show up different, your partners going to have to show up different. Right. Or you’ll just recognize you’re just. You’re not interested anymore. Right? So there, there is this shift that happens organically, I think, when we hit midlife, but also when we really wanna start looking at this and discovering this. So what I wanna talk about today is really who you were before the whole world told you who you needed to be. And I think this is something that. Impacts all of us in different ways at different times of our lives, right? And it is a question that shows up, , in, midlife when you have a breakdown or when something really big happens in your life or it just in those moments. I know there are times where I’ve got my coffee and I’m just thinking, , on the thinking couch in my thinking chair. And I think , what is. The version of me who is really, really joyful. There’s this, idea that I have that, and maybe you have this too, that our soul, right? So I’m thinking like my soul is inside me, but it’s, that is the essence of me. I think that I’ve had this soul for a lot of different lifetimes, and so the. Packaging shows up this time as Betsy and Betsy’s choosing to live her life in the way that she is. And in another life I was somebody else and in a different life I was somebody else. Like I, the outside could change, the packaging could change, the circumstances might change to give me an opportunity to experience lots of different things. But there is this soul. Peace of me and I really feel like I can, I get to her and I say her, but I don’t even feel like it’s a gender. I know this sounds kinda strange. I can feel this soul part of me. And sometimes when things are really bad, I check in with my soul and my soul loves it. I know. Is that so weird? When things are bad and I check in? My soul is really happy because my soul came here to have experiences. It didn’t come here to just have positive experiences, and I don’t know if that’s my delusional way of dealing with hard things, but it really does help me deal with hard things. But I think there’s, I believe there, it feels like truth, even when I say that it feels like truth. And so. When I think about who I was before the world told me who I needed to be, there is this soul piece of me that has been a lot of different things and a lot of different versions. And so who I was perhaps is a piece of this, of something that I get to choose and if I haven’t chosen, which so often we haven’t, and in most ways I haven’t. Then maybe there’s something to look at, right? And so I think we start to look at this when we have a big transition. We get married, we get divorced, we have kids, even we start a new job, right? All of those things, we have a breakdown. Or when we’re just sitting thinking like, what happened to me? You know, there’s that Oprah book. , And I read it years ago, but I think it’s called What, Happened to You? And it’s the idea that. Everyone is acting or reacting out of a place of what they know and what has been handed to them in many cases. And that instead of saying like, why are you so frustrating or whatever, it’s like, what happened to you to make you that way? Right? And I think about that in terms of myself, like what happened that made me. The way that I am, that made, that gave this packaging right, this shell, this exterior, when I can touch my soul and I know that my soul is just skipping along, real oblivious to the danger, but. It also gives me a lot of, a peace, you know, and I think that there have been a lot of roles and expectations. I think about, gosh, I think about some things that I’ve done. , Even when I was dating my, , former boyfriends or my former husband, , and. Like the things that I did, were in an effort to be a good girlfriend, right? In an effort to be a good friend in an effort. And that’s not necessarily bad, but does it align with who I really am or is it some rule that we were following to just make you more lovable or valuable? And who were you before all of that rules came into place? And so here’s what I think. I think that most of our lives were built around who we think we’re supposed to be, but not who we actually are. So I go all the way back to when I’m little, when I think about this, and , when we’re little, we’re wide open, we laugh at everything. We cry when we need to. I mean, I saw a kid on the floor of the grocery store the other day, like having a tantrum. And I’m like, , that’s how I feel too when my ice cream is out. Like it, we. We, go with the flow of whatever is the experience and emotion, and we’re curious, right? We follow curiosity. We ask a lot of questions, and then we learn and we learn at some point that being loud gets you in trouble. That making a mistake gets you a big red check mark on your page. You know that you crying or being emotional can make people really uncomfortable. I remember crying when my mom died and everybody comes to your house, you know, after somebody dies, like everybody just comes. So, I mean, this was within hours and there was an adult , that I love. I loved then, and I still love now, but an adult man who said, don’t cry, stop crying. I was like, I remember even at the time being like, if any time seems appropriate, it’s this , but it makes people uncomfortable, right? He, loved me and so he was uncomfortable with me being in pain. It takes a lot to be okay with witnessing someone’s pain, , and we become the achiever and the peacemaker, right? We hold back our pain just to make people feel better. Then we become caretakers and, little by little, I think we start to trade our, truth for belonging, for being chosen, right? Not because we’re weak, but because we are really smart. And because fitting in and being chosen meant survival. But the problem is, especially now, it’s 2025, , we wake up and we have a life that might look good on paper, but it feels like somebody else’s story. And we start to wonder, look what happened. Like, who am I? Where did I go? What do I even like? I can’t even tell you how many times people are like, I don’t even know what I like. That I think is the moment. It’s the moment where we begin to remember, , I think that there is a cost to becoming who you were told that you needed to be. Right. There’s a cost to all that adapting, and I think it’s, I think it’s really subtle and it’s quiet. I think it looks sometime like. Resentment. I think it can feel like being invisible. It’s the, thing, and I hear people say this all the time, and I’ve said it too, like I should be grateful, but, and so you might notice that you have become really, really good at seeing what everybody else wants. Caring for everybody else, but not yourself. I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. Last year, last March, we were in California and I said something and I, wasn’t even like venting or I just said something and I’ll never forget because she looked at me and she said, do you always sweep things like that under the rug that way? And I remember being like, well, I’m not sweeping it under the rug. Like it’s just how it is. , And I remember the look on her face. She didn’t even have to say anything else, but I remember I felt, I felt so, I’m gonna use this word, but it’s not be, not, I felt ashamed, but not because she was making me feel ashamed and not because I was ashamed in front of her. I was ashamed ’cause I knew it was right. I was ashamed. ’cause I knew I had totally abandoned myself. And laughed when things weren’t funny and pretended everything was okay. And just a million different ways. A million different ways. And so, you may notice that you have become really excellent at making sure everybody else is comfortable, but not yourself, you know? You know what your kids need for school. You know what everybody needs at work. You know what everybody wants for dinner, but if somebody asks you what you want, your mind goes totally blank. And the blank isn’t a flaw. It’s just evidence, right? It’s just evidence of, slow self abandonment and you know that forgetting it, it’s not failure, it’s a survival strategy. And when you start to remember yourself, that becomes a spiritual one. So let’s talk about this then. How do you start to find yourself again? , I don’t think this is like some aha moment or some bolt of lightning comes down or aliens come down and say, this is what you do. , I think this is a much more. Um, , gentle. I’m gonna say gentle excavation. You have to get really curious. You have to start to ask yourself what actually feels like me? And, , maybe it’s, I just find music so powerful, but maybe it’s simply like the music that you used to love before. Everything became like productivity or reading books. I know I started reading books this year and I always read books that would be like productive where I would be learning something and then I found I would buy all these books and I wouldn’t wanna read ’em, but it’s ’cause I was just done reading stuff that was like meant to make me better or different. Maybe it’s painting. , I mentioned that I started watercolor painting, which if you are interested in painting, watercolor’s really good. ’cause you kind of can’t screw it up. It looks sort of pretty no matter what you do, , but maybe it’s going for walks or it’s just sitting, , maybe you have a thinking couch and you just sit quietly with a cup of tea. It might be saying no to things and just noticing how good that feels. So. Start paying attention to small impulses. And I always say to people, even if you do the other thing, like I said, yes, but I really didn’t want to. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s great. ’cause then you notice I didn’t want to and think through it. How, what would it have felt like to say no? Sometimes that can feel dangerous, right? And not because you’re in danger, but because your nervous system thinks saying yes is what keeps you safe. But noticing and saying, I wish I had said no. How could I have said that? That would’ve felt really good to me, that’s still honoring yourself because you’re moving in the direction that you wanna go. So start noticing these little things. There, there might be a little voice, under the, under all the noise. And you’ll start to excavate her. You’ll start to know, I, think of this as like the original. You, the one who loved everything and was curious and loud and fun and giggly and magic, and didn’t have to apologize for any of it. And I think when you start doing this work. You’ll start getting her in flashes. , It’ll be moments where you laugh. I know when I moved into this apartment and my daughter came over and there was a song on, I need to Look ’cause she sent me the recording, like the video I was singing. Oh, I know. It was,, ,, we Are The World and I was doing all the voices with a. With a soup spoon, ? And it, that was the version of me that it just felt right. I mean, it was so silly and it was such the young version of me. So you’ll notice right when you laugh so hard that you snore, you know, you say something and you can immediately feel your body exhale because it was the truth,? That’s how you remember. That’s how you remember. It’s not one big thing. It’s little pieces piece by piece by piece. And then you know, the hard part is when you start remembering things around, you are gonna shift. And sometimes that’s great and sometimes that’s really messy. And you know you’re not gonna fit in the same old spaces anymore. You are not gonna be. Quiet perhaps in relationships that used to really demand your silence. You’re not gonna keep pretending that you’re fine in a job that actually drains you. You’re not gonna put up with someone putting you down. You’re not gonna keep apologizing for wanting more in your life. And that’s where courage comes in. I always say the women inside the Navigate Method are brave. That courage leans into bravery, right to let go of what was built around this false version of you. Because what’s real can only come when everything else is safe enough to fall away, and that looks, it might look like loss. Sometimes people are like, oh my God, your life, when they look at me like things changed, or anybody that’s gone through a big transition, a divorce, moving to a new place, they’re like, oh my gosh. And I’m like, it’s not loss. What you’re witnessing is liberation. I got all these messages a year or so ago about, oh my God, you look glowy. I got messages from people that I didn’t even , , that were. Friends of people and like that, that I heard, , that I had met before, but they were like, oh my God, you look so glowy. And I’m like, it’s, liberation. It’s, it’s being able to take a big, deep breath. It’s being me again. You know? And so maybe, maybe this invitation is actually really simple. It’s just to ask yourself, who was I? Before the world told me who to be, what did she love, what did she dream about, and what part of her wants to show up again. So you don’t have to force anything or make something happen. Just ask. But give the space to get curious, give the space to answer, to be, , journaling. Be still, go for walks, make choices, because what I know. What I know is that the world doesn’t need a version of you who’s acquiescing to make everything okay. It doesn’t need this like hyper polished version of you. It mean it needs the remembered version of you. I think about my soul came here to have this experience inside me as it came. Not to have it as everyone told me to have it. It knows the way, and there’s a version of you that’s no longer performing belonging, but actually being it. So you were meant to live big, not just in what you do, but in who you are. So when you do that. I think that is how you live a big life. All right. Thank you so much for listening this week. I love you guys so much. I hope that you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, please share it with a friend and I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode, Betsy hosts a Q&A session based on questions from her Instagram followers. She addresses topics like divorce’s impact on children, rebuilding a sense of thriving within a marriage, transitioning identity in midlife, and the importance of a flexible morning routine. Many of these questions are most likely ones that you have asked yourself, so tune in and prioritize your personal alignment so you can live your best life. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I’m happy you’re here. Today we’re going to do a q and a. You know, maybe a week or so ago I asked, I put a little thing on my Instagram stories, asking if people had questions, and I got a couple, but I get questions quite often, so I’ve just been screenshotting those. And I thought today we could dive in to that. If you missed our fireside chat on this past Sunday night. It was so, fun. We had a big group there and we just talked about all the things. Midlife, it was really great. We didn’t record of course, because , things come up that we don’t want to have recorded and shared with people who weren’t there. But we’re gonna be doing it again. I’m not totally sure if I’m gonna do one in December. I’m traveling and I’ve got some things going on, and so it may be easier to start after the new year and that might also be like a fresh start to get going on those. But I really would like to do them every month. So if you didn’t make it to this one, come to the next one. And if you did come to the last one, I’d love to see you at the future ones too. I really feel like. We are beginning to build community there, and who knows what that will lead to. I always think like live events, it’s gonna, we’re all gonna get together. I’m gonna get to hug you, so be sure to be on my email list or be checking on Instagram and I’ll be sure to post when we have the date for that one. And that way you can sign up and you’ll get a reminder and all that good stuff and the zoom link and all that. So that was great. I am heading outta town this weekend. I’m going down to Florida for, , my group with the people , that I am a coachee of. So I’m meeting up with all these people. You’ve probably heard me talk about that before if you’ve been here for a while, but I have been in this coaching. , Since 2018. So a really long time, and really steadily over the past two years. So we get together about three times a year live, and then we meet every week. So it’s so fun ’cause you form relationships with people. Online, and then you get to see ’em in real life, which is just really, really such a treat. So it’s right before Thanksgiving, but I am so excited about the holidays. This, season. , There’s nothing that could throw me off at this point. , I’m just so excited to be able to plan things and figure out what feels the best to me. Get the things I wanna get to eat and visit with the people I wanna visit with. It’s just gonna be really, really great. So I’m excited to kinda have that event to like kick off my holiday season. So I’m not sure if you’ve got something coming up where you’re gonna kick off your holiday season, but , I am really looking forward to that and I’m gonna miss my kitty. We’re gonna do it. I tell ’em I’m only gone a few times a year, , and then next year I’m planning already, , so I’m excited for that. I’ve got some big trips planned for next year and some really fun things coming. And so, yeah, there’s just a lot to look forward to. So let’s dive in today. I’ve got some questions and we’ll kind of go through, , some of these have thought through and, to be honest, some of them I haven’t, which it, kind of leads to. I think a good outcome. So we don’t always have to have everything totally planned. , And , with this podcast I tend to get an idea and then just kind of talk. So let me grab the first question that I got. Okay. So the first question that I got was, , how much do you consider the effect of divorce on your children when considering your own needs? , This is. Such a universal question and this phrase of question. , And I will say this, if you’re listening and you’re like, I’m not on the verge of getting divorced, it’s okay. I have a wide range of questions here. We, run the gamut. But this one in particular, I think is really important because it is something that I get asked in a number of different ways almost every day. And I think that, , it’s a really, really important question and. I think it’s one of those questions that sort of, the answer for it lives in the space between logic and your brain and your heart, , because as mothers our, nervous systems are really wired to prioritize our, children’s safety and, their happiness really. Right. And sometimes we do that even at the risk of our own. And so when the idea of divorce starts coming up between you and your partner, it’s, rarely just a practical decision, right? It, puts you into a existential crisis as you really think through what’s the right road. And, you know, you’ve probably heard me say before, , with so many things, there’s no right and no wrong. Any road that you take. Is gonna have pluses and minuses. But here’s what I believe. I believe that you don’t stop considering your children when you start considering yourself. Like those two things aren’t opposite. They’re intertwined because what our kids ultimately learn from us isn’t , how well did you sacrifice? It’s really. How, honestly, did you live? They’re watching. They’re watching what we tolerate. Oh my gosh. I’ve had so many conversations like this with my daughter, but they’re watching how, we love how we stay. They’re watching how we leave. , I always say to the women in the Navigate method, if they make the choice to leave, to do it with bravery and integrity. Right. Don’t say you’re gonna do something, don’t agree to something, and then change your mind. Like especially if you’ve, had , somebody asked you a question and then you said yes, or you signed something saying yes, , be in integrity. That’s, something nobody can take from you. Be brave and make the decisions from a place of bravery because kids are learning, , whether peace is something that we’re just performing or that we’re really embodying. Right? And when you live with integrity and bravery, , all of those things matter when you’re looking at this. And , I think that every mother considers their kids. And I know when I went through my divorce, I considered my daughter, but I also had to ask what does she learn If I model a life that looks good, maybe on the outside, but she knows it’s slowly draining me on the inside, right? Because kids don’t need perfection, but , they need honesty. They need to see what repair looks like, what boundaries sound like, what really thriving looks like. And the truth is, sometimes the most loving thing that you can do for your kid is to choose a life that’s really true to you, because that’s how they learn to choose themselves too. So. This is such a hard question, and it’s something everybody has to come to terms with on their own, but I think the real question shouldn’t be like, how much should I consider them? It should be, what am I teaching them through what I’m choosing? And I think when you start to look at it that way, it stops feeling selfish and your decision starts to feel sacred because not all. Pain, and I’ve, said this in a, number of different ways on Instagram and, , in my posts or even in newsletters. But marriage can be an incredibly spiritually uplifting and growing process, but not all pain is holy. If the other person is just allowing you to just fight for your damn life and struggle, and that’s what your children are seeing, then maybe there’s another way to look at this, where you can show them what it looks like to be brave and to be an integrity, and to choose yourself, right, and to choose what’s honest. So I would just offer that as your thought, as your guidepost, as you think through this. All right. My next question that I got is, can you rebuild a sense of thriving when you’re still in the marriage, or do you have to leave to really find that in yourself again? And I think this is such a good question and one that I think. So many people ask like in secret, , I think that there’s a belief that you can only come alive once you’ve really burned it all to the ground and that. To really reclaim a feeling of thriving you, you’ve gotta get out of the situation , that you’re in. And , it doesn’t mean that that’s not it. It may be that’s it, but I think that feeling like you’re thriving or feeling like you’re alive begins way before any of that. I think it starts when you start having. Little moments of being honest with yourself. When you stop saying that you’re fine. When you’re not fine. You know when something happens and you say That doesn’t feel good, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. I had somebody say to me the other day, , if my husband, if I’m washing the dishes and my husband , who hasn’t hardly talked to me in days, sees me. Leaning over the sink and comes over to grind himself into the back of me while I’m trying to clean up after dinner all by myself. , I’m going to lose my mind. Right. And I hear that version. It, comes in different formats, but it’s that same kind of feeling. And I think when , , this person that messaged me this, I think was trying to. Figure out why that didn’t feel good, because it’s her husband and she should be happy. But I, think that this feeling of I’m thriving, or I’m coming alive again, is really when you let yourself say that isn’t right. I might not know why. But my body’s telling me that doesn’t feel good. And I could tell you a million reasons why that probably doesn’t feel good. But I think you just acknowledging it. Just saying, I don’t know why, but that makes me so uncomfortable. That is when. This feeling of, thriving and being alive starts to come back to you, right? Because you’re listening to yourself again. You’re having moments where you’re being really honest, even if it doesn’t logically make sense. I think we’ve gotta get out of our brains a little bit and back into our body because that’s where truth is. You don’t have to leave your marriage to start that process in. In fact, I often say. Some of the most powerful work can be done because you’re still living with your partner because he’s still there, or she’s still there because you’re having an opportunity to. Be activated or to feel that feeling of something’s not right, because when you’re alone, , it’s easy to be like, everything’s fine. There’s nobody, like I always say, , if I lived on the beach all by myself, oh my God, like life would be good. I mean, you’d be lonely, but, you know what I mean, it’d be good. There’d be nobody to activate me but myself. But the interesting thing is that. You could leave your partner and you could find a new partner, and they would do that same thing and it still wouldn’t feel good. So unless you figure out why, right? Some of the most powerful work can happen when you’re still together because you can figure out what is happening and you can start to learn to reclaim your energy and your intuition and your self trust, and that’s the part that you need to start. That you need to really stop like outsourcing, right? He’s outsourcing your piece to whether he does something right. Outsourcing your piece to whether he finally listens to you or whether things improve or whether , he’ll finally have a conversation with you about the holidays before. It’s three days before the holidays. You know, like all of those things, can you get to a place of peace? Now that shift, is taking everything from external to internal. That is what begins to wake something back up. Now, will the marriage be able to hold the new version of you? That’s a different question, but sometimes when you begin to thrive and you come alive again, you realize that the relationship can expand. We just had Holly, and I don’t think I talked about this, but I think I’ve put it on my Instagram. Holly finished the program maybe like in March, and she sent me an email. And signed it and said I could use it. I think we’re putting it on the website, but she said she finished the program in March, just celebrated her 20th anniversary. She said, I’d never thought I’d be here, and she said I had the greatest day with him. We went out on motorcycles and the wind was in my hair and it was so great. But she said something I thought was so important. She said, it’s not just that he magically became a knight in shining armor. It’s a really that I. Began to know myself. You can look at exactly what she wrote. I saved it in my highlights on my Instagram, under does it work? I think is , what it’s called. But so of course you can come alive and then you can find that the relationship can hold that version of you. If you keep shrinking, if you keep ignoring yourself, if you keep just like wanting to disappear, the moment that he comes up behind you and never honor what’s actually going on, then, you’re, you can’t ever move forward. , You can’t ever change. You’ve gotta get clear and honest with yourself, and then you can start showing up differently, and then you can begin to choose what’s true in instead of. What’s keeping everyone else comfortable, right? All right, so this isn’t a question, but I’m gonna give it to you anyway because it’s something I wanna tell you. I wanna just remind you ’cause I keep thinking about the holidays and I keep using the holidays in my examples. But, , don’t forget, cozy Earth is one of our sponsors on the show, but Cozy Earth has the most amazing luxury bedding towels. This bathrobe that I’m obsessed with, that I’ve talked about like every episode. , And right now they have. A deal on their website. So right now they have, I think it’s 20% off. And then if you use the code live Big Betsy, they let you stack that with whatever is going on the website. So up until mid-December, you can get 40% off. And their sheets, especially if you’re having hot flashes, their sheets are so amazing. , And they’ll give you like a hundred days, or yeah, a hundred days to try the sheets. And if you don’t like ’em, you can send them back. I still say Get the, socks. Get the socks. They’re so good. I have the three pack of the pinks and they’re just really good lounge socks, but I like ’em with my Birkenstocks and then. Also get , the quilted house coats the greatest thing ever. But I have their pajamas, I have so much of their stuff. It’s so good. So check that out as you start to think about the holidays and planning or what you’re asking for. I swear to God, if you get the bathrobe, tell me. I like every night I’d put it in the dryer so that it’s warm when I put it on and it’s like a, it’s just the greatest thing ever. So. Just, , a reminder, use the code live with Betsy and you can get an extra 20% off, which is pretty cool. All right, so let’s go to the next question here. Alright, so the next question was how do you, ’cause I talk about this sometime on Instagram, right? So how do you let go of the version of you that got you here? I hear this all the time. How do you do that without feeling like you’re losing yourself? I am the one who got me here, and I think that’s a really. Important question and I when I read it, I was like, I get this, and it feels like it totally encapsulates midlife because we always hear like we’re changing and growing and things are different. We see everything different. And if you’re here in midlife, everything feels different. It does. You see the world different. We talked about this the other night on the, , fireside chat. , Our estrogen is lower and so our give a crap hormones are down. So we do see things differently and I think . If you’re like me, you’ve built so much of your life or your identity or. Even your, reputation, right? How people see you on being really reliable or really productive or , maybe the person who can take care of it. And maybe, and I hear this all the time too, it’s like everyone just expects me to take care of it. ’cause I always have, right? My in-laws or my. Sister-in-law or brother-in-law, or everybody expects me to host the things and have all the things, but now you’re at this different place, right? And, you’re tired. It’s not even that you’re burned out. It’s more like you’re done performing the version of you who used to feel like that was where her value was. , And I think that for a lot of us. There was a piece of us that wanted to prove that we could do it all. Do you remember that commercial when we were growing up? , I can bring him the bacon right up in a pan and never, let you forget you’re a man. I mean, now when I think of that, it makes me vomit up to the top of my mouth, like I’ve just like, ugh. Really? Do I have to do all that and make you think and never let you forget? You’re a man? Gimme a break. So I get, I get this ’cause you’re like, this is who I’ve been, this is my identity, but here’s what I think. You’re not letting her go. She has been part of who you are. You’re just allowing her to rest, right? You’re not rejecting her. She’s the one that held it all together and brought you to where you are. And I think that’s really valuable. It’s just that you acknowledging that she doesn’t have to be the one to run the show all the time, you know? Your job way back may have felt like survival. The kids are doing a million things. Your husband’s doing a million things, the house needs running. You’ve got a full-time job, like all of that. Your job was surviving that and now maybe the kids have gone off to college or they’re grown, your husband and you’re in a different place. Maybe you’re divorced, maybe you’re single, maybe you never got married. But your job now after in and after midlife is expansion. And those are two really different things and different skill sets really. And I think when women hit this point, we, mistake it or we call it like a midlife crisis. Right? I don’t know that people call it that anymore, but when I was growing up, I remember people talking about the midlife crisis, but it’s really a transition in identity. Like you’re moving from a life that was really defined by caring for others. And now you’re moving to define your life by the presence of who you are. It’s, really an evolution. And the way through I don’t think is trying to figure out who am I now? I think it’s just getting curious. I, have been painting almost every night. I paint, I have all these paints and I’ve got, my own artwork on the refrigerator. I have been having so much fun. Is it good? No, it’s really not that good. It’s getting better, but it’s, it is something that allows me to express myself and to express my curiosity of being creative. I think that there’s something that happens here, right where we are allowed to slow down enough to meet the parts of you that never got a turn before. I think I’ve always been creative, but I never had the opportunity. I was managing way too much. So I think the invitation here isn’t to erase the version of you or the identity of you who achieved and fixed and managed, but it is to integrate her. To, thank her and, then to stop letting that be the driver for every decision. Ask yourself like, what would feel really good right now? What would the version of me who can rest and take care of herself, what would she do? Maybe she would get some watercolors, like whatever it is, , because who you’re becoming isn’t a stranger. Somebody on the , call the other day on our fireside chat said it’s more of like a shedding all the layers and you know, we’ve heard that. , You’re getting back to yourself. But I think that’s so true. , Who you are becoming isn’t a stranger. She’s been there all alone. She’s just been standing behind the one who had to be ultra capable all the time. You know? So if you’re in that in-between space, I think that the, answer isn’t to hustle, to look for a new identity, but it’s to sort of lean back into the one who’s always been there, right? Kind of meeting yourself again for the first time. Okay. Another question I got that said, everyone talks about having a morning routine and how this is also life changing, but honestly, I can barely get outta bed without checking my phone. What’s the point of a routine if I already feel behind before the day even starts? This is like the best. Question because I, feel like we see this all the time, , about having a routine, and I think this is really a great way to have structure and to start your day off right, and all of those things that we hear. And I think that when it becomes too rigid, then it becomes one more thing that either we have to do or we’re failing at. One of the things that I did years ago was I created a checklist. So I created a list of all the things that I actually would like to do in the morning, and let me say it this way, the things that I would like to do, but the things I like to do in the morning, like I really like to journal. I like to pull a card, like I have Oracle cards, and I’ll ask a question to my inner knower and pull a card. I like to talk to my inner knower. Sometimes I like to do a hypnosis or a guided meditation. , There’s times where I just wanna sit and think. There’s times where I wanna paint now. There’s times sometimes where I just wanna watch a show that I’ve been watching and that probably sounds really crazy ’cause you’re like, what? No, it’s your, morning routine. Get going. But I find that the morning routines intention is to put me in alignment. Right. It’s, designed to make me feel good. Like I can start the day and I get to do that however I want, you know? For a long time. I was in a season where I had to get somebody else ready for school and drive her to school and do all of those things, but now I don’t, you know, my daughter is an adult. My mornings are my own, and so I can choose to do whatever I want and whatever I wanna do to get into alignment. Sometimes it’s, listen lots of times these days, it’s listening to YouTube videos that are aligning and uplifting, so. I think that if you think of your morning routine and say, , if you can barely get outta bed without checking your phone, what if you didn’t check your phone? Like is that something that puts you in alignment? And what if you have a checklist of things that you like to do and don’t make them have to be productive, you. Don’t make it be something that you’ve gotta check off the list. Have it just be like, these are a variety of things that I enjoy and I’m gonna do a couple of them in the morning to give myself space to become, I’m gonna give myself space to see what creativity is hanging out, waiting to be noticed. So I would say with this, , sometimes we wanna check our phones and I get that. I, I. I have a pretty good routine of not checking it before I get up out of bed, but it’s not long after I get out of bed and I’ll just quick check my messages to see if there’s anything I need to know. But so many times if it is something I need to know, it’s not something I can deal with till I get in the office and then I’m just stressed. So I have really learned to put it aside just for the sake of my own like nervous system. And so what if. You say in the morning, I’m not gonna do that, but I am gonna reach for, and maybe it’s like a pad of paper and a pen, and then you do that while you’re lying in bed. So we don’t wanna change everything, but maybe there’s one piece of this that we can change so that it’s easier to start to make a transition to something new. So. Be kind to yourself. The whole idea of , , having a nervous system, the whole idea of having a morning routine is to get into alignment. It’s to feel good and start your day off well. So do that, but don’t make it mean something else. Don’t make it mean that you’re good or bad, or you did it or didn’t do it, or you checked off a list or not. Like what if you just ease up on all that and just allow yourself space to do whatever feels right on any given day. All right, so that’s our questions today. There’s a couple others, maybe we’ll do this again in a couple weeks. If you guys have anything that you want me to answer, just shoot us an email at [email protected] or shoot me a message on Instagram and I will screenshot it and save it for later. So I hope this episode was interesting to you and. Helpful. If I can do anything for you, please feel, free to shoot us a message and let me know. If this episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend. And if you like the show, I would love it if you left me a review. We haven’t had a review in like a year. I’m like, I was looking today and I was like, oh, it sure would be nice to have reviews. I sit here on this end of the microphone and I do get feedback from you guys that you liked the show or that something spoke to you and I appreciate that more than you know, ’cause I’m just talking into the oblivion, you know? So getting a review is really nice ’cause it makes me go, okay, , this is worth it. People like it. . And that does make it easier, so you can either shoot me a message, but if you have a chance and you can leave me a review on iTunes, I always sure appreciate it and it helps other people know the show’s worth listening to. Our time is so limited and so valuable that nobody wants to waste their time if it’s not something that actually provides any value to them or is entertaining. All right. I love you guys so much. I will see you next week. I, , am thinking about the holiday. I’ll have , , the Thanksgiving episode. Maybe I’ll have that one come out. Maybe I’ll have it come out early that morning, so if you’re cooking, you can listen to it. Okay. , We’ll see you next week, and then we’ll do it all again for Thanksgiving. Talk to you then. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy explores what it really means to upgrade the energetic “software” running your life. Just like your phone or computer needs updates to function smoothly, your inner system … your beliefs, identity, emotional patterns, and energetic boundaries… also needs regular upgrades. Betsy unpacks how outdated energetic programs (like people-pleasing, scarcity, or over-responsibility) quietly run in the background, draining your power and distorting your clarity. She shares how to identify when your system is glitching, those moments of burnout, confusion, or repeating cycles — and how to consciously install a new energetic framework that supports ease, alignment, and expansion. You’ll hear stories from Betsy’s own recent upgrades — the subtle shifts that changed everything in her business, relationships, and daily rhythm — and practical ways to recalibrate your own system. This episode is a guide to clearing energetic clutter, stabilizing your power, and reprogramming yourself for the version of you who lives bigger, freer, and more grounded in truth. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I’m excited. I’m excited to be here with you today, , and I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna talk about this a long time, and if you’re new here, you’re like, what? We don’t really care about your teeth, but last week I said I was getting these stupid brackets, my Invisalign off, and that did not happen. There’s more to do. So anyway, that’s the update on that. I just, I know this sounds really. Stupid probably, but I felt like guilty. ’cause I told you that. And I know you don’t care. I know you don’t care, but I like to be truthful, so I wanted to let you know that I didn’t get ’em off. So if you see me online and you’re like, she still has those. Brackets on her teeth. She’s still wearing the Invisalign. Ugh, I am. But it’ll be over soon and it’ll be so worth it. So anyway, I’m excited to do today’s episode and as we get started, I just wanna remind you that we’re in November. Do you remember I was telling you and I was telling people on Instagram about Cozy Earth and. Amazing bathrobe that they sent me. And I wanna remind you that it is November. So right now my code live Big Betsy on Cozy Earth gives you 40% off, which is like a special thing. And I think it only goes to the middle of December. But here’s the thing about that is that bathrobe that they sent me is, it’s a puffy I, I turned it into a sticker and I use it on all my Instagram stories. It is the most amazing. Uh, thing ever. I, it’s funny, I was on, , I was on Marco Polo with a girlfriend of mine and I left her this big message and I was getting ready for nighttime, , and recording and she messaged me back. She’s , I just love you’re in that puffy house coat. I know. You’re so happy. ’cause I am so happy. It is like a quilt that they turned into a bathrobe and I think on their website it’s called like the quilted house coat. It is., , Really one of my favorite things. And if you take a bath and you put, if you take a bath and you put it in the dryer and then you put it on after, it’s like the coziest most amazing thing ever. , They sent me that bathrobe and they sent me these cozy socks. , I don’t know, maybe like a month or six weeks ago, they sent, I had, I think I had maybe had talked about it on the podcast when my daughter was in the hospital. To help when she came home is I had her apartment cleaned and I went over with my cozy Earth sheets ’cause they’re so comfy. And I was like, I’m gonna let her use my Cozy Earth sheets. Anyway, they sent me sheets for her, so she has her own Cozy Earth Sheets and when they did that, they sent me this bathrobe and the socks, and I’m telling you. The socks are like, , they say they’re lounge socks. I wear ’em with like my Birkenstocks, , with like clogs. But anyway, make sure you use the code ’cause now you can get 40% off, which makes it like insanely inexpensive and really good gifts. Those cozy socks, lounge socks. I got the three pack with the three like pinky colors and they’re so cozy and comfy. So, anyway, I, wanted to say that as I got started, because. It’s the coupon is now, so you could get it for Christmas. Okay. And if you hear this like in February, you could still use Live Big Betsy, but I think it only gets you like 20% off typically moving forward. So that’s a big deal. All right, so today I wanted to talk about energetic operating systems., I know it’s kind of a random topic, right? But here’s the thing. More and more and more in my life over the last eight weeks, I think I have been really leaning into energy and you know, I talked a few weeks ago about the energetic, the energetics of making a decision, and I have been thinking for myself like, okay, let’s say , that we are an energetic operating system. Right? Let’s, let’s just assume that is true. Then how would we update the software? Like I, I’m like, , how could I get an update? I think we go through times where life is hard, right? And then we grow and that’s an update. But also I would like to, I would like to update without all that, I’d like to skip the hardship and just go right to the growth. I know that’s not how life works, but I think there is a way to. Identify earlier, like when your system is glitching and consciously install a new energetic framework that really supports where it is that you wanna be. And so that is something that I have been working on over the past eight weeks. Life has been kind of hard. And I post about this sometimes on my Instagram stories, but. Every day. I typically post like my good things, a list of good things, and I find this so important for our energetic operating system to reprogram our brains to be looking for good things. But also there are times where I post about something that’s going hard, right? Because life happens. There’s always this stupid growth. So life happens and I do wanna acknowledge that too. And so, , today I posted something, , about life being hard and my daughter’s back in the hospital for the fourth time and like things aren’t simple and there is an energetics around it that I can use to help. So that I don’t do this pattern again, whatever patterns I’m playing in this, right? When something bad happens, whatever it is, take my situation out of it. But whatever it is, we have a pattern, right? We feel like a victim or we get overwhelmed or we shut down or whatever our pattern is, , so today, let’s talk a little bit about. About this upgrading of your energetic operating system. So,, the new iPhone came out and so I noticed that my iPhone is lagging, right. And it’s because well, it’s because Apple is trying to get me to buy a new phone, I’m sure. But it’s because there the software needs to be updated. The new iOS came out. Mine wasn’t working right. I’m like, oh, I need to upgrade my software so that it’s running the same thing that all my apps are running on, and your energetic operating system is made up of beliefs of patterns. Of emotional codes that really determine how you move through the world. It is like an unseen blueprint about what you think is possible, what you think is okay to tolerate , what you magnetize into your life. And most of us were running on a code that was written years ago or decades ago, or when we were little kids. And so let’s just talk here first about this operating system , and how to even know, well, actually, let’s just talk a little bit about the unseen blueprint. And, I kind of touch on this in every episode and I’m sure I’ve done a deep dive about this in one, at one point or another. But if you’re new here, I just wanna give sort of an overview of this. So, , I say this like unseen blueprint, you have this blueprint, the way that you do things. Our unconscious mind, our unconscious minds c create habits, right? That is where our habits are stored. It’s where our micro expressions are stored. It’s where everything, every memory, everything I’ve ever experienced is stored. And in all of that, it creates a blueprint of reality. And that reality is like a set of sunglasses that I put on. And everything that I see in the world is through those sunglasses. So I grew up in Vermont in a little small town. My dad worked outside the home. My mom was a homemaker and was super involved in our lives. I had a sister and my grandmothers were important to our family. Education was huge. My dad worked at the university and that was something that we talked about all the time. So all of those, we had pets and that was important. My dad was active in the community. My whole family was active in the community. That was important. Taking care of each other was important,. It’s so this whole like framework became my glasses that I put on. Now when I look at the world, I see it through that frame, right, of what’s important, how do we take care of each other? How do we show up in relationships? What does life look like as a friend or a sister or a daughter? Like all of those things. That is my sunglasses now. Somebody else could have grown up in the same town with different parents, different experience, maybe. They were with, , parents that were, that worked weird shifts, right? Worked their butts off, but weird shifts. And so family didn’t appear to be, I’m gonna say a priority, but that’s probably a judgment. , Didn’t, wasn’t played out in the same way mine. Right. So their framework is a little bit different. Their sunglasses are a little different. Or if somebody grew up in Chicago or grew up in la, , do you know what I mean? And their parents were surfers and life was like, chill. I mean, that’s a coolest set of sunglasses, right? But everybody’s got their own, you know, even my sister that grew up in the same house as me, with the same parents as me, got parents. Who were a certain age at a different age than I got them. Does that make sense? She’s an older sister. When she was 14, my mom was, I don’t know, 35. Right? Whatever that is. And then when I was 14, my mom was 48, like it was different. Or 38. My mom never lived till 48. 38, right. So we got a different experience. Her sunglasses are gonna be different. Also the way we process information makes our sunglasses different. Even if we experience the same exact thing. You go through a trauma with somebody or you’re in an accident, you see it differently than the person you were with. Why is that? Well, it’s because they have their own set of sunglasses that now , is shading everything. So does this make sense? All, of the incoming information you’ve ever had in your whole entire life creates your sunglasses, your unseen blueprint. Nobody can see it. Nobody knows exactly why it is you’re reacting or interacting the way that you are, but it forms. Every single view of what you think is possible, what you think you’re supposed to tolerate, what you think is important, what you think you need to react to, how you show up, all of that, it’s your operating system. So you were probably handed that I’m using air quotes, like handed that. Like you probably didn’t sit down and go, okay, that I would like that belief and oh, that seems really good to have. Like, no, none of that. You just were given it. And when we’re really young we just believe everything. Right? That’s actually until we’re about seven, we just take it all in and use it to create our reality. Okay, so now. How do you know when your system is due for an update? , It’s when life starts to glitch, so maybe you feel like you are running into the same problem over and over again, like hitting the same wall inside your business, right? Or the same kind of relationship. It keeps showing up just wearing a different face. Right? Or you keep doing the same things inside the relationship you have. You’re like, we’ve been married for 22 years. Why am I still doing this stupid thing that we do? Right? Maybe you’re exhausted, even though you’re doing like quote unquote all the right things. So these are all. What I would call like energetic error messages. It’s your system saying, Hey, the version of you that wrote this code doesn’t fit who you are anymore. So it’s gotta have an update. , Your old operating system maybe was built around safety. Don’t rock the boat. Keep everybody comfortable over function. So nobody gets mad sweep stuff under the rug. , It doesn’t matter. I’ll just deal with it. That version of you probably kept you really safe way back then, right? When? When you developed that code. Maybe That was really good. I actually remember my mom saying, I mean, I was young and my mom saying that I was a people pleaser, as if it was a really good thing, like Betsy knows how to do the right thing and or make people happy or however she said it. I remember that moment actually, and I remember thinking she seems happy about that, but the words didn’t seem like it should be happy, but she was happy about it. So I felt like I was doing a good job. So we have these versions of us that kept us safe back then, right? That felt good back then that we go, oh, okay. I guess that’s right. ’cause mom is happy with me. But now, , it’s like trying to run new software on an old computer. It’s like trying to run this new operating system of on my iPhone, that’s the old iPhone and it’s glitching. I can’t expand if I’m still trying to protect. The old identity of me, I have to upgrade. So every operating system has these components. It has a belief, right? It’s the root code. It’s what you believe about yourself, about money, about love, about possibility. It also has emotional patterns. So these are feelings that reinforce that code. Maybe it’s pride, right? Happy. Like I’m happy, I feel good that I do the right thing. Maybe it’s guilt, maybe it’s fear, like I don’t wanna get in trouble. I find myself that thinking that a lot, like am I in trouble? And then I’m like, no, I’m a damn a dull. I’m not in trouble. Right? Or like a low grade anxiety of like, I don’t wanna be too much. It also has an identity. So it’s who you think you are. Inside that system. So the good girl, the strong one, the fixer, the victim, like whatever that is. And then boundaries. So how you filter energy in and out, that is your energetic firewall. So you’ve got beliefs, emotional patterns, identity and boundaries. And when we start upgrading, we have to rewire each of those elements consciously. One file at a time. So how do we do this? So how do you actually upgrade your energetic operating system? So here is the process that I use and how I teach people inside the Navigate method. But number one is you’ve got to notice the lag. Like where do you start to feel. Where do you feel resistance? Exhaustion. Here’s a big one for me, is I feel confused. I get really confused. , And that’s usually where my code is outdated, where I’m like, oh, something’s not operating right. Why do I feel confusion around this? Right? Because I’m smart, I can figure things out. Why does this feel overwhelming to the place of confusion? And then what I wanna do is, step two is to pause autopilot. So I don’t wanna go swoop in and try to fix this, right? I, want to get still, and I did an episode on this maybe like maybe a year or so ago. I did one on the thinking couch. And this is a thing that I go back to, and you’ll hear me talk about this a lot, and now I have a thinking chair, but where I, just sit and think. I think about it. I think about the problem, which we avoid a lot of times, right? But I really wanna figure out what is the pattern and where did this come from? Like, , who wrote this code? Who, gave me this? And what were they trying to protect me from? What was I trying to protect myself from? And usually that old version of you was doing the very best with the tools that she had. This weekend, my daughter got mad at me for something that I did. Hypothetically, I don’t, remember. I don’t remember doing it, but that I did when she was younger and I said something or it was like Christmas time and she felt dismissed or whatever, and she thought about it and she told me, do you remember when you did that? And why were you doing that? And I’m like, you know what? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t remember that, but I’m sure if you do that it happened, right? ’cause I don’t need to argue about that. But what I will say is I’m sure I was doing the best that I had with the tools that I knew. And if that situation were to happen today, I would probably do it so much different. So. There is an old version of us that’s trying really hard, right? And is, trying to create safety, is trying to do the things that think they’re keeping our mothers proud or whatever that is. So notice the lag, pause that autopilot, don’t swoop in and try to fix it. Just pause and say, who wrote this code? And then the third thing is to choose. So you’re gonna be choosing the new frequency. So. I don’t want this to be, well, if I’m actively looking at it, I’m gonna be making a choice. But what I wanna do is I wanna actively choose from the upgraded version of me. Last year I talked about how I did a thinking couch, a meditation, and there was a point where I felt this upgraded version of me come. Sit down in the chair next to me and I could feel her take my hands. And she told me exactly what was gonna happen in my life and how it was gonna unfold. And I remember her with her. I remember how it felt like with our hands touching, and I knew that I was getting so much amazing information. And then she stood up and walked away. I thought, why is she walking like that? That’s what I remember from the miraculous download about my life. What I remember is how she was walking, but here’s what I didn’t totally recognize then that I recognize now. Last week I went for a walk and I realized that it felt different when I was walking, and so I asked myself, what’s different? What is different? And I realized that I had been walking likely for a decade or more looking down. I was very hunched over and I talked about that in that episode. My daughter described it as walking quite masculine, leaning forward, charging forward. But this time when I went for a walk, my head was up. I was really leaning back my. I was walking from my hips, like my hips were swinging. It felt much more feminine. Now, the feminine, the masculine, doesn’t matter as much as this was a different version of me, she felt much more confident and sure of herself. So there is an upgraded version. So when we get to step three, choosing that new frequency, what would the upgraded version of me believe instead? The version of me that got up and walked away and I was like, who is that? That one thought totally different than the one that was still sitting in the chair. Maybe she believes she doesn’t have to prove her worth to be chosen. Maybe she believes that having ease is really safe, that it’s okay for other people to step in and take care of things. She doesn’t have to do it all. She can hold both power and rest. So this belief. Or the set of beliefs become your new code. And when you fully embody those, you’ll start to see the ripple. You’ll act different, you’ll walk, different people will respond to you, different opportunities feel lighter, right? So when we can start to shift and live in alignment with where it is we wanna go in this new operating system, then. Upgrading isn’t just a one time download. Like I didn’t sit there last year and get this like download from this future version of me that knew the whole path. ’cause she had lived it, , my brain magically took it away from me. I could just see the evidence of it in her walk. And what I had to do was I couldn’t just get a one time download. I had to. I had to shift, become aware and notice over time when something feels heavy or glitchy again, and shift and become aware and notice when it feels glitchy and shift and become aware. That’s your, cue for the next update. And from last summer sitting on the couch to this year going for that walk, there’s been, , 254 versions of me that have evolved. To get me to that. And the more that you practice this, the faster that you catch it. , You’ll start to recognize, oh, this isn’t about that, that one person or that circumstance, like this is just my system trying to run an old code. And then you relieve yourself of the guilt of not doing it right, right. Or going backwards or whatever that is. Because the awareness is what you need because when you get the awareness, you get a chance to breathe and ground yourself and choose differently, and that’s how you stay in the flow of the new operating system. So maybe today, take a scan of your system. Where do you feel friction? Where are you ready for a totally different energetic file, right? One who supports who you’re becoming? What is that version of you that would sit down on the couch with you today and say, this is that version of me. And you know what I was thinking this morning when I was writing down some notes of what I wanted to talk to you about? I was thinking, am I fully that version that was walking different? No, but there’s evidence of her now. There’s evidence, solid physical evidence, and so. There’s more to do, and there’s also another version, right? The version of me right now and the version of me that maybe is her, that maybe comes in a week or a month or two months, that version of me also will grow. And to do what? I’ve gotta notice those glitches. So I want you to scan your system. Notice where you feel friction, where you’re ready for an upgrade, because the energy. Is the, architecture of your reality. It is your sunglasses. And when you upgrade it, everything is gonna start to shift. Everything, your relationships, the way people interact with you, your work, your body, how you look, how you show up, your sense of peace. So where you are isn’t bad, you’re not broken, you’re, not struggling. Even if you might be like, I’m on the struggle bus. I say that sometimes I’m on the struggle bus, but , I’m not broken. I’m, ready for an energetic update. Right? You’re ready for a higher version of yourself. I know when I’m on the struggle bus and we all struggle, so this is not in an attempt to be toxic positivity at all. This is an attempt to be like, how do I grow through things that are really hard? Because life is gonna hand us hard stuff all the time. And the cool thing is, that if we use it right, we get to grow. If we turn to avoidance and we stop participating, that’s when we get stagnant, and that’s where we start to grow mold, and that’s where we get yucky. So you’re not broken. You’re just ready for a higher version of yourself, a higher energetic version. All right. Thanks for being here with me today. It was so good to have you. And if this episode called out to you and you think somebody else could be helped by it, please share it with a friend. If you haven’t already signed up for our fireside chat, we’re doing it November 9th, but we’ll do it again in December. So. You can just message me on Instagram, or comment on anything. Just fire and we’ll send you the link. And we’re also gonna have that put onto our website. If you haven’t been to the website recently, it’s new. It’s new and updated. , And there is a link right now inside my Instagram bio. So you could just go right to my bio and click on that. Come. It is just a place for community. We’re gonna be meeting on a Sunday night and just joining together in community. So no pressure. You don’t have to turn on your, zoom face if you don’t want to, although I’d love to see you. But it’s just a place to share and to just kind of not feel so alone in the world right now. Feels. Heavy as we move into an energetic update. Okay, until next time, I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

You know that moment when you find yourself in the same situation again… just with different names and faces? Maybe it’s a new job that feels oddly familiar to the last one, or a new relationship that somehow has the same emotional dynamics. In this episode, Betsy unpacks why that happens, what the universe (and your subconscious) are really trying to teach you, and how to finally integrate the lesson so you can move forward…not in circles. This episode explores: The energetic and psychological reason we repeat patterns How to identify your “loop moments” The role of self-trust and awareness in breaking cycles The difference between recognizing a lesson and embodying it A 3-step reflection process you can use anytime you realize you’re back in a familiar pattern It’s an invitation to stop asking “Why does this keep happening to me?” and start asking, “What in me is ready to be healed?” Transcript  You know that moment where you find yourself in the same situation again, right? Different names, maybe different faces. Maybe it’s a new job that feels oddly familiar to the last one. The situations that happen are the same, or it’s a new relationship that somehow has these same emotional dynamics. All right, today we’re gonna talk about this. Why does this happen? What does the universe, and of course, your subconscious. Really want you to know, and I’m gonna teach you how to integrate the lesson so you can start moving forward and you don’t get stuck in circles. Okay? Alright, let’s go. Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I’m Betsy. I’m happy that you’re here today. All right, a couple quick updates. ’cause you know, I like to give you a couple of quick updates. So this week, tomorrow, in fact, when you’re listening to this, if you are a subscriber and you listen in the morning when this comes out, while you’re listening, I’m getting my brackets taken off for my Invisalign, which the last couple weeks, the liners that I’ve had have made me. Like Lispy and it’s so hard to talk. I took them out to do this episode, but it is something that I’m really excited about and I’m happy that my teeth are perfect and it’s like just something to celebrate. So I wanted to celebrate that with you here. If you follow me on Instagram, then you may have noticed, , every morning I do like a good things post. So thank you guys for loving those and for liking my outfits. You know, it’s kind of funny because nobody sees my outfit all day ’cause I’m, because I’m at work from home, but you guys, when I post, so it makes it fun to get ready and I like to get ready. Someone did ask me that, like, why do you get ready every day if you work from home and nobody sees you? And I know this sounds kind of strange, . There’s no judgment if you don’t do this, but I do it because I believe that it makes me show up as my favorite version of myself, and I think my clients deserve that. So I like to get up and get ready and feel good and start my day. So if you have been watching those, you may have noticed earlier this week I posted something about the portal 2025. So. Typically this time of year, I do some special things for people that are coming into the Navigate Method. So we are gonna be taking a handful of people through the regular process, but there’s gonna be some additional. Things that we’re gonna do. And the reason that we’re doing those is two parts. One is because it’s funky, it’s a funky time of year to do the navigate method because there’s breaks for the holiday, right? So, , like the week of Thanksgiving, we have a group, but it’s earlier the week of Christmas. Christmas falls on a Thursday, right? , And that’s when we meet. So like there’s changes to the schedule. So because of that, I like to make it a little bit more. Fun for the people that go through and I have some extra things that we’re doing to support you. I also think right now is the most important time of the whole year to go through this, and the reason is because we kick the can down the road so much for so many things in our lives. I mean, I know I do it for things too, right? There’s things that we want and things that we said in January that I’m not gonna live another year like this. Whether, whatever that is for you in this job, in this relationship, in this uncomfortableness, in this body, whatever it is, right? Things we wanted to do different, and now it’s, now it’s showtime, right? You still have an opportunity to make a lot of the changes that you wanted to make. The truth is a lot of the things that we set out to do at the beginning of the year really don’t take that much time because once you start there becomes momentum and then that just becomes the way that you live, right? And so I wanted to invite you in if you are that woman that you are, the kind of woman that you’re, like I said, I wasn’t gonna do this another year. Last year, the year before, the year before. And I’ve gotta do something different. And one of the things that I posted earlier today was just about change. And someone asked me about asking our husbands to change and they were like, I don’t wanna ask him to change. And, and I kind of laughed ’cause I’m like, you’re not asking him to change. You’re asking him to be aware of who he is. You’re asking him to notice the things that he does that create disconnection and struggle, like you are just , asking him to be aware because you can’t shift anything if you’re not aware that you do it. And so it sounds to me like so many times women are caught in this back and forth because they’re like, I don’t wanna ask him to change. I should accept him the way he is. And I, you’re not asking him to. Change who he is. You’re asking him to recognize his patterns that aren’t helping him to live the way that you guys decided to live together. And it may be that he can never do that, that’s a possibility, but you don’t know unless you do things radically different. And that’s what we teach you inside the Navigate method. Okay? So I didn’t mean to go off on all that. I just feel like that’s important and important for you to know that we’re doing that right now, so you could get in on it and you know, if you’re listening to this and it’s December or even early January, there’s still ways for you to get in on that. And , we have special ways for you to be able to still participate in the things that we’ve done for the holidays. So, okay, so let’s get into this episode. We are gonna be talking today about something that I think that we’ve all felt at some point, and it is that feeling of, wait, have I been here before? Like I’ve done this before. You know, the details might change. It might be a different relationship, like I said, or a job or a new city, but somehow the emotions, the dynamics, they all feel the same. And you’re like, why haven’t I learned the lesson? Like there is a lesson for me to learn and I never learned it, but what is it? And it’s, it can feel like. The universe keeps sending you this same test. I hear people say that a lot, like it’s just a test until you finally learn the material. And the truth is,, it sort of does. It’s not really a test, but we’re gonna talk about this, all right? I used to think that if I worked a little bit harder, or I got a little bit smarter, or if I made better choices. That I would stop ending up in the same emotional places. But what I learned is that , the universe isn’t punishing us, but it is partnering with us. It’s showing us again and again. The places where we’ve abandoned ourselves, right? , The parts of us that are like seeking attention or validation, and it will keep showing up until we are ready to see it differently. So first, let’s just start with what’s actually going on, because I think that this. This is an important thing to notice. , Anytime I talk about the universe, I’m using air quotes like the universe. I do believe in an energy around things, and also there’s always a way to track it back to your subconscious mind. So here’s what’s really going on from that level. So our subconscious mind runs the show about 95% of the time, and what I mean by that is. It is the thing that is reacting, deciding, sifting, and sorting through what you are consciously aware of. We think we have free will, but we only have free will enough to the 5%. The other place that we can impact our free will is by understanding our subconscious mind, and I think this is so important if we want to be and experience new things. Otherwise we become where we are running this track, right? That kind of runs the same thing over and over and over again. And that is actually really helpful. Biologically, it’s really helpful because we don’t have to remember everything. Like I know exactly how to brush my teeth. I don’t even hardly remember doing it until I realize I’ve done it. It is a habit. It’s unconscious. And if I had to remember everything or look at a YouTube every time I wanted to put pants on, like it would become, life would become very hard, right? So our subconscious is running the show and it loves things that are familiar, even if the thing that’s familiar really hurts. So if deep down we believe that love means taking care of everything, right, or safety means just pushing it under the rug, or just ignoring things. Then our subconscious mind will keep creating circumstances that feel like that. And I’m gonna say this in a different way. It’ll keep showing us, remember. ’cause not everything is being shown to us, but it’s gonna keep showing us circumstances that feel like that. It’s not because it wants to sabotage us, but it’s because it wants us to reconcile what has been unresolved. So every. Repeated pattern , it’s like your soul’s way of saying there’s something here for you. There’s something here for you that you haven’t fully understood yet. And , I don’t know what you think about why you’re here or the world or the universe, and maybe you’ve thought different things over the course of your lifetime. I know that I have, but I believe that we’re here. To experience certain things and to grow, and that we came here for the ups and downs, right? So the downs, the times that are really hard, our soul wants to work through it. I believe that’s part of why we’re here. And so. Anytime I do that, I work through it or I do something that I have struggled with for so long and I finally broke out of the, , I wanna say the hypnotic trance that kept me stuck. I feel like, oh my God, my soul just grew. I feel like I got to some new level in the video game. Do you know what I mean? Like, I did it and so. I think that as we look at this, we gotta look at it as though our brain is wanting us and our soul is wanting us to evaluate this, right? To understand something in a different way. So here’s how you’re gonna know when you’re in a loop, and that is when your body reacts faster than your mind. So. I, this is why I always say to women in my program, like, pay attention to what your body’s doing. I know your brain is gonna try and sort through this or make sense of it, or even excuse what’s happening , and I want you to pay attention to your body first. Because when you feel that familiar feeling of like dread or frustration or that urge to fix somebody else or whatever it is that spike of fear, , when you go to speak up, that is not, it’s not just right now. It’s not just this moment that is the past replaying over and over and over again through your nervous system. Okay. And so this is where if you can have an a level of awareness, it really becomes your superpower. , When you can name it, oh, this is just my pattern of trying to earn love again. You, shift from being inside that story to stepping outside, or I almost think of it like being above and looking down on the story, and you were an observer of it. Sort of like a fly on the wall, and then you’re like, oh, , I can see that I pushed a lot of things aside, or I accepted misogynistic behavior because I wanted to be loved so badly, right? Like I accepted all kinds of crap. But then when you can see it from that vantage point, then all of a sudden you have choice, right? That’s where your choice really begins. And so. Once you notice the pattern, the goal isn’t to shame yourself for it or to like, feel guilty about it or, to be mad that you spent so much time in the pattern. It, is just to bring it to your awareness. That’s the goal. Notice the pattern, bringing it into your awareness, and give yourself a lot of compassion. One of the things that women say often in my program, oh, I’m gonna say often, I’m gonna say, every woman says this at some point, right? Is like, oh my gosh. Now that they see it, they’re like, oh my gosh, why did I do this for so long? And there is a feeling of loss and a feeling of shame sometime. And regret is a huge feeling in this awareness and. I always say like, you didn’t see it because you weren’t ready to see it, but now you see it because now you’re ready to see it. All things are happening at the spot, in the exact spot. When you’re ready. This is why I always say when people find me and they’re like, oh my God. It was like I was so done and then I found you. Well, yeah, ’cause you were ready. I was probably lurking about in your newsfeed or whatever for a long time, but it didn’t click with you or you didn’t see it or didn’t resonate. Because you weren’t ready. So once you notice the pattern, don’t regret it, don’t shame it. None of that. Just give yourself a ton of compassion. And then there are some questions to really ask yourself. Because once we see the pattern, I always think of this as like, , I wanna be friends with it. Do, you know what I mean? Like this thing that I’ve been doing. It, was here to serve me. It was trying to keep me safe. And so I can ask myself like, what is happening in this situation that is being mirrored back to me? Right? What is this reflecting to me? What do I actually need right now that I have been trying to get externally? Right? So. I had someone once in my program who said that their husband said it’s about time that they, , that they were in the kitchen acting like a wife. Now, she said, I used to laugh about that, but then all of a sudden it wasn’t funny and I could see it for what it actually was. And so the important part actually isn’t. Why he’s doing it. That’s his own crap. The, thing to decipher here is a, why did you feel like you had to sweep that under the rug for so long? That’s your work, right? And so once I see it, I can ask myself, what’s the need that I’ve been trying to get externally in, in sweeping that under the rug? And how can I give that to myself? And how can I respond in a way that honors who I am becoming, not, just who I used to be. , And then this is the really important part and the part that can feel really scary. . And I’m gonna do a episode on, nervous system regulation. I, I know I said that last week. I really am., I’ve been thinking a lot about it and how is the best way to do this? , But this is really important because when you see it and you ask yourself those questions, you have to do something different, right? It, might be that you pause before reacting. , That is doing something. You, you could say no when you’d actually say yes, right? Whereas you, , where you would have laughed or just ignored it. Now you can say, don’t talk to me like that. You can let yourself rest instead of trying to prove that you’re worth something more than that, and that little tiny shift, that’s how the universe knows. That’s how your unconscious mind goes. Okay. We’re doing something different. You got it this time she, got it. She picked it up. So I wanna say this, and I say this with so much love, I’m gonna take your hands. Sometimes even after you get it, it’ll come around again. It’ll come around again, but it’s not as a punishment. I always think of this as like a confirmation. It’s sort of like the universe saying, Hey, I just wanna make sure that wasn’t luck. You actually integrated that lesson, right? So you might see the same pattern, but I want you to notice how you’ll start to feel it differently. Remember I said, your body is gonna know first, and then your brain’s gonna do whatever your brain’s gonna do. So when you see the pattern, you’re gonna notice that you feel different. It won’t hook you the way that it used to. You won’t be activated by it in the same way at all. And so you’re gonna notice that your nervous system. Stays calm. Your response feels a lot cleaner and , your peace doesn’t, depend on anybody else. Like somebody else could say that to her, like her husband could say that it’s about time you, whatever it was in the kitchen. Stay in the kitchen and act. Act like a real wife and all of a sudden, like she feels like none of that is about her. Because the way she feels about her has nothing to do with somebody else’s reaction to her. And that’s when you know that you’ve actually graduated. And now the more lessons come. Now it’s like a never ending school. But the cool thing is, I, whenever this happens, I’m like, oh, I graduated. I just had a little bump. Right? A little bump in my activation in my life force energy. Like I am growing, I, am doing what I came here to do. So if you are listening to this and you’re like, oh my God, I do this all the time, I’m in the same thing all the time. Like I’m kicking the can down the road constantly ’cause I don’t know what to do. Just give yourself a big, deep breath, nervous system regulation, big deep breath, and just make sure you know. This is a really important thing, and I did a whole episode on this about starting over, but I want you to know you’re not back at the beginning. You’re just being shown this next layer of your own evolution. You know, I don’t think of the universe as like I, I think of the universe as just constantly reflecting back ourselves, so I don’t think it’s. Making choices to punish you , I really don’t. None of that. But it doesn’t, I’m gonna say it like this, the universe isn’t recycling pain for no reason. Like your unconscious mind isn’t showing you the painful thing for no reason. It’s, showing you opportunities. It’s, recycling opportunities. For truth and for boundaries, and for you to show up as yourself and for you to evolve and for you to become more of yourself. And every single time that you do it, every single time you respond differently. Even if it’s just in a small pause. Even if you blow up after, right? But, you have done a little something different. You are telling the universe, I’ve learned, I’m learning. I’m ready for what’s next. Right. So today, instead of asking the question of like, why does this keep happening, ask yourself this. Ask yourself, what in me is ready to be healed? What’s in me that’s ready to be healed? And that’s where we get into the truth trigger. That’s where real change starts happening. So take a moment. Look through your day, ask yourself, where were those opportunities that maybe I missed, and can I start to notice them tomorrow? All right. Thanks so much for listening. If this episode resonated, take a moment, share it with somebody that might need to hear it too. And remember this. Hard work of looking at yourself and your own junk and recognizing that everyone else is just reflecting back something going on inside you. I think that is when you start to live a big life. Alright, I love you guys so much. I’ll see you next week. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

 This is a good one yall…Betsy explores the energetic shift that happens when we make a decision and how to pay more attention to our subconscious and rely less on logic alone. If you have been circling in indecision, big or small, this one is for you! Betsy invites us to think less about what to do and more about who you want to be. Transcript  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everybody. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I missed you last week. It got to be a crazy, hectic week, and then by the time that I had to have everything recorded, I just was like, you know what? I’m going to take a bath and get a massage and everyone will forgive me because I was really overdone. So I’m excited to be here this week though, and I have, I an episode for you that I think might be interesting, like no matter where you are in your life or what your challenges are or what’s. Coming up for you. We all have decisions to make, right? Things that we have to choose between, and the more that I live my life, the more I think that decisions are not just, in fact, probably less logical thought out. It’s more energetic. So today I am gonna talk about something that could really change everything, not because it gives you more to do, but because it helps you to shift the energy that you are being while you do it. So we’re gonna dive in here to the energy, be behind decisions. So, okay. I think when we think about decision making. We think about it as something we have to do in our heads. You know, I talk to people all the time and they’re like, I have done so many pros and cons list, and we even hear that as a strategy to make a decision, make a pros and cons list, which I think just makes me circle in even more chaos making a pro, because both lists seem good, right? Which I could go into my whole. My whole diatribe about how there is no right decision. There’s no right or wrong, right? And that’s how come a pros and cons list doesn’t feel right, because there’s no right or wrong the universe isn’t going to. Punish you with a bad outcome if you choose the wrong thing. Like that’s just not how it works. No matter which choice you make and which road you go down. Both roads, , have bumps and both roads have flows, you know, and so there is no right decision, but I believe that deciding is an energetic act. It’s not just a thought, but it’s a frequency shift, and when you can do it from that layer, then your cobblestone road doesn’t seem so cobblestoney, right? You’re able to handle the ups and the downs in a way that feels so much more aligned because you are energetically. On the path that you’re on, instead of energetically being on one path and your brain being on the other path or hopping back and forth between paths. We always hear people say, you know, the universe isn’t giving you what you want because you’re not being clear. And I think a pros and cons list gives us that not being clear because both sides could make sense. And , you’ve probably felt this before. It’s like this moment. Where you finally decide something like fully decide after you have been circling and rehashing and thinking about it forever, right? Maybe it’s deciding to leave a job or to say yes to something new or to stop trying to fix something that isn’t working, but that moment that you decide there is a click. You can feel your whole body relaxes. It becomes way less anxiety ridden, even though you haven’t even done the thing. You’ve just made the decision to do the thing. Your mind gets quiet, you just feel lighter, and that is not a coincidence. That is energy reorganizing itself before you make a decision, your energy is scattered. It’s like trying to tune. Like a couple radio stations all at the same time. Right. , I am imagining in the car. You know, , and I don’t know why, because I haven’t had the kind of tuner in my car where you turn the little knob and the little dial moves. It’s like a analog radio. But that’s the image in my mind. Right. And you can’t tune it to two stations. Like you gotta turn it to one or the other. Otherwise , you won’t get anything. So when part of you says, I want this, and another part of you says, , but what if that’s the wrong choice? Again, thinking there’s a right and wrong. The universe can’t line things up for you because it doesn’t know which signal to follow, and your subconscious mind can’t either. So remember, whenever I talk about the universe, I love talking about the universe and energy and all of those things, and I believe that there is a. Greater force out there for us. And I also know that we can line up the way our brains work to how we talk about the universe. So your subconscious mind cannot look for the right things, right? Look for the coincidences and the things that it could be looking for that would bring you down the path you wanna go if it doesn’t know what it’s looking for. Your subconscious mind wants safety above all else. So when it feels that indecision, that like hyper wobble, it interprets that as danger, right? So it says, well wait a minute. Hold on, let’s not move forward till we totally know, but , we never totally know. And so. This feeling, and I’ll hear people say this sometimes inside the Navigate method, , they’re like, I just wanna know. Like I just wanna be certain. And I get that. Like we would wanna be certain, but certainty doesn’t come before the decision. It comes after, like that’s the paradox. And when you make a clear, energetic decision. You’re not just choosing a path, you’re shifting your identity. And I we’ll talk about that a little bit more, but what you’re saying to the universe and to your subconscious is this is who I am now. This is the choice that I have made. This is the path I’m going down. And that is when everything starts to move. Right? And I see this all the time with clients , and I’ve lived this myself, right? When we’re in that in-between place, what I sometimes call the wobble, or sometimes I say it like feels crunchy, right? It feels like hell, really. It’s not that you don’t know what to do, it’s that you’re afraid of what happens after you do it. Fear of loss or the fear of change, or you know, the fear of no longer being who you were. And it’s not just about roles. When I say identity, I’m not talking about roles. Like I’m not saying you as a wife or a coworker or a mom or a, like, I’m not talking about your role as much as you are, who you are, being right, how you’re showing up what you are energetically embodying. As that identity. So when we have this choice to make, , our conscious mind says, I want something new. Like, I don’t like what’s happening. I want something different. But your subconscious mind says, but that sounds really unfamiliar. So you know, that might not be safe. So maybe not. And unfortunately, you know, your subconscious mind always wins. It always wins. Until you decide differently, because that decision is what reprograms the subconscious. It’s what tells your inner system it’s totally safe. Now we have chosen, right? And without that choice, your brain just keeps hopping back and forth between these two pathways. Right? It stays is the pros and cons list or the this path or that path. Like both roads could work. It just depends, like which adventure you wanna go on. And if you keep going back and forth, you’re gonna keep finding new evidence to stay stuck. You know, I hear people all the time, they’re like, I just need a sign. I just want some clarity. I have somebody in my program that can’t even say the word clarity. She’s like, I, it is, that’s like a hot potato word. Like I just can’t even say it makes me sick to my stomach. But clarity isn’t gonna come before her decision. It’s gonna come, it’s gonna be created by the decision. So, all right, so here’s what happens energetically when you decide, I wanna talk about this. So when you energetically make a decision, basically you are. Collapsing all the other timelines. Right? If you could think of your life as like, I mean, in infinite number of choices you could make, think about the number of choices you make in any given day. And you might be thinking like, well, I made like six or seven choices today at work. But no, you made a choice of when to take a drink, when to walk down the hall, when to make a phone call, when to, like, there was prob, there was infinite number of choices you can make in every single day. Right? And when we. When we choose those other options that could have been potentials out there basically collapse, right? You stop and it collapses because you stop entertaining though, well, what if that road, what if that road right? You are not even looking at those anymore. And so they essentially disappear and all of your energy comes home. It stops being scattered across all those different possibilities and it starts to flow in one direction, and that is when something really magic happens. So that is when we feel momentum. And that’s when people go, Ugh, I feel so much better. I feel so much better. It’s when , synchronicity start showing up, right? The, right people, the right conversations, the , people will say , oh my God. All of a sudden this thing showed up and then I’ve gotten email, and the email linked me to this and that, and all of a sudden it’s so magical. And I love, love, love when that happens. I love the magic. But it’s not actually because life suddenly changed. It’s actually ’cause your energy lined up. It’s because you changed your frequency and you became the person who has already chosen and you can feel that shift. Right? There’s a calm, like a confidence to it, really. And here’s the part that I think surprises people is that even when the decision is hard. Even when the decision hurts, your energy feels lighter because indecision feels really heavy. It, drags your nervous system right through this like constant evaluation and re-looking at things and second guessing and doubling back, and spending a lot of time doing the same things, and your body doesn’t know how to relax inside that. And so when you decide your system. Like finally exhale. So it’s kind of like, ugh, ugh, good. We can move on from that. And I could go down 500 rabbit holes around nervous system regulation. I have learned more, and that’s probably an episode I should do for next, week. But I have learned more about my nervous system, my own personal nervous system in the last year. Of living on my own and seeing how I regulate and self-regulate and what causes me to feel dysregulated. It’s been like the biggest education and so fun and amazing, and at times really hard and really cool. You know, I have learned so much about nervous systems just in my work and in my training over the years and years of doing this work, but to actually. Put it into a practice in a totally different way. Over the past year has been really cool, and I actually have a lot of things to share about that, so we should talk about that too. So, all right, so let’s go back. I said I was gonna talk a little bit about identity. So this is where I think it gets a little deep, right? So, , I’m gonna say it like this, like every decision, , here’s how I wanna say it. Every decision that you make is a vote for the next version of you. So when you decide, you are saying, I am no longer the person who doesn’t know. I am no longer the person. Waiting to be rescued or waiting for permission or, waiting for somebody to treat me right or waiting for anything. I am the person who moves. I saw a quote recently and it said that your relationship is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. And I thought, oh, that’s so good. ’cause I think there’s so much validity to that. You know, the women that come into the Navigate Method, they’re feeling differently about themselves. Their identity is changing, and so they’re no longer willing to put up with what they used to put up with. Like they’re drawing a line in the sand and saying, this isn’t, what I’m worthy of anymore. And I think once you embody that new identity, then your subconscious starts working to make that true. It starts scanning for evidence that supports this new story. Like I’m worthy of more, which many times women in my program, they’re, they get closer to their husbands, their husbands react to that new identity, right? It will attract the right resources and ideas and people who align with that energy, like all kinds of things line up and that’s how come you can’t wait to feel ready. I hear sometimes people say, . You gotta, fake it till you make it. And I don’t think that’s it. I don’t think that’s it. But I think you, you become it. You have to become it. And when you become ready because you decide, and I know, , sometimes the decision that you’re facing doesn’t have a clear right answer. Right. And I don’t think there’s any right answer. And maybe you’re deciding whether to stay or go right in a relationship or in a job or in a city. That’s one I’ve been thinking about. So you might be waiting for the perfect sign, like the magic thing that just tells you exactly what to do. , And I wish that was like how energy worked, but it’s just not. So the energy of decision isn’t about having a perfect choice. It’s about. Your energetic commitment to move forward in alignment with who you are becoming. So even if the external decision isn’t final yet, you can decide internally, and I always say this to my ladies, like, you can decide and not take action so you can decide. I will no longer stay in confusion. I will no longer postpone my peace. That’s an energetic decision. And from that place, then your mind quiets down. You can get a handle on your nervous system. All of a sudden, your unconscious mind starts working for you and the path starts to reveal itself. I got a message from somebody not long ago, and they said that they. Found me and it was all like a kismet of crazy circumstances that brought them to me. And I smiled to myself because I thought, no, she made a decision that she was, done and she needed help to figure out what to do. And the path began to reveal itself. So I have experienced this. Myself in many, many different ways, but in my own marriage, right in the thick of deciding whether to stay or leave. And I spent years in that energetic wobble, analyzing and journaling, like hypnotizing myself or meditating to oblivion, just to try and figure it out or to get myself to just stay. I told myself I was doing the work, . What I was really doing was avoiding the feeling of making a decision because I knew that once I decided everything was gonna change, and at that time, that terrified me. But the moment that I decided, I actually know the exact moment that I decided energetically decided. And it was like something just clicked and it was done. Like I, it wasn’t that I suddenly knew all the answers ’cause I didn’t, but my energy shifted from what am I doing to this is what I’m doing. That shift changed my whole life. It wasn’t easy, but I stayed really grounded in it, right? Calm and aligned, and I could see what to do next because I wasn’t vibrating in confusion anymore. I, I always say to my ladies, , we calibrate on action, not on words, right? We’re calibrating on what is actually happening. And in that, I could really see how powerful that. Decision energy really was, it organizes your internal world in a different way, and then your external world has a chance to catch up. So, and I think this is true, not just with big decisions like marriages or job career changes or things like that, but I think it’s for small stuff too. If you’ve been stuck in small decisions, joining a program or setting a boundary, it’s the same energy. But the moment you decide, your subconscious mind starts catching up, your nervous system begins to calibrate with a new identity. Remember, it’s not a role. It’s who you are, and because you’ve shown it by making that choice that it’s safe to move forward. You might be wondering like, how do I actually do that? Here’s something I wanna say is that decision energy is less about doing, it’s more about being, and I know I keep saying that, and if you’ve listened to this podcast over the years, you know I’ve said that. Who are you being, and I want you to imagine the word, the word being with B, capital. B, capital E, lowercase ING. Who are you being right? Is about becoming a woman who decides it’s about becoming a woman who has clarity. It’s about a becoming a woman who is decisive. So maybe take a little breath and ask yourself, who am I being in this situation? Am I being a version of me? Who’s afraid of the unknown? Or am I being a version of me who trusts herself to handle whatever comes? You feel the difference in that? I always say, you don’t have to know what is gonna happen. You just have to trust yourself. You don’t have to trust anything out there. You just have to trust yourself that you can deal with whatever is out there. And so when you start tuning into that version of you, the version of you that’s already decided. And your nervous system is calming and you start to feel grounded. You might even start to feel a little excited. It’s like a momentum. You could feel it in your body, right? Because your energy is finally getting someplace solid to land and, that’s the place really where your subconscious can start to follow new commands. We talk about those like affirmations and saying stuff. If you haven’t done all this other stuff, like the affirmations are just words. When you get to that place where your subconscious is, paying attention, it begins to open doors you didn’t even know were there. And because your subconscious now believes you’re capable, it starts looking for the places that you can move to the next phase and the next phase. The subconscious mind is always listening. I always say this, it doesn’t care about logic. It cares about your energy. So if you keep repeating, I don’t know what to do, I’m so upset this isn’t working, I’m so frustrated if, that is where you are, it, , doesn’t know what to do, right? It’s gonna take that as a directive and just create more confusion for you. But if you settle into, I am decided, I just don’t see the full picture yet. Then your subconscious begins scanning for proof that’s what’s true. And so the words that you say really matter. I know I, we’ve said words are like a spell, right? That’s why they call it spelling it. It really is because it is like a spell on your subconscious telling it what to do, and you can literally retrain your subconscious to believe that clarity is safe and train your nervous system to believe that clarity is safe. I mean that’s, we’ll talk about that next week ’cause I really have a lot to say about that. So one of my favorite practices. Is to close my eyes and take a big, deep breath and imagine pulling my energy back from all of the what ifs. And to say out loud, I get to choose this. Even if I don’t know the full path, I get to decide the energy that I’m standing in. And I always tell my ladies, when you have your hand on your heart to say, if nobody got hurt. And money didn’t matter. What would I choose? And that moment in your body that you feel that’s an energetic shift, claim it. And then that begins a chain reaction. So sometimes I think we’re afraid of decision because we associate it with some kind of finality, right? Like once we decide, then we’re trapped. But that is not true decisions, not a cage. It is a key. And it unlocks movement. And when you have movement, I think that is how you live a big life. So if you have been circling an indecision, big or small, I wanna just invite you to think less about what to do and more about who you are being. Are you the woman who’s waiting or are the you, the woman who knows? All right. I can help you with anything. You know where to find me. Also, make sure I will say this before you go. We’re gonna be doing some fireside chats, a place for us to all get together as a community, not a training but a community gathering. I am really gonna start trying to do those often. I’m gonna be announcing them on my Instagram, but also on my email list. So get on my email list if you’re not already. And we’re gonna be doing a monthly training, like a monthly webinar. So the fireside chat is more of a community gathering, and then we’re gonna be doing a monthly webinar where you can learn a little something different and some of the steps for you if you are in indecision and you’re trying to figure out what to do next. So make sure you’re on my email list or follow me on Instagram so you can get all the deets on that. And if this was helpful to you, share this with somebody. I love it when you guys share it. I appreciate that so much. It’s how we get the word out, and I will see you all next week. We’ll talk about nervous system next week. All right. See you guys then. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In a world that glorifies visibility, productivity, and constant sharing, what does it mean to rest…not just physically, but spiritually? In this episode, Betsy explores the radical act of reclaiming your privacy and stepping out of the performance of being “seen.” This is about choosing peace over proving, stillness over striving, and alignment over approval. You’ll learn how to recognize the subtle ways you’ve outsourced your worth to validation, how to create sacred boundaries around your energy, and how rest becomes a reclamation of self-trust. Betsy shares her own reflections on quieting the noise, finding comfort in solitude, and remembering that your life belongs to you—not to the algorithm, the audience, or anyone else’s expectations. Listen if you’re craving: Permission to rest without guilt Space to breathe and feel safe being unseen A reminder that your value isn’t earned through effort or exposure Transcript: Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, everyone. Hi. Welcome to the show today. I took out my Invisalign. I took out my Invisalign to be able to talk to you. I am almost done, you guys., I’m like three weeks out from getting these brackets off my teeth and getting to be done with Invisalign. , But it, it does make me sound a little lispy, so I am. I’m proud of myself for remembering to take them out before I’m like halfway through this recording. So I’m excited that you’re here with me today, Invisalign free. I wanted to talk to you about something today and it’s been something I have been thinking about and I was really trying to think about like, [00:01:00] how do I explain this in a way that makes sense , and I’m gonna just be really honest. It doesn’t make me, . I don’t wanna seem like there’s more self-importance in this topic than there needs to be. ’cause that’s not my intention. But I think the gist of it, you’re gonna get, because I think this is a universal, although the experience may be a smaller segment of the population that has experienced this, I think , the intent of it is something that’s universal. Let me explain what it is that, I mean, so really what I wanna talk about , in the essence is about, is about rest and privacy and visibility. , And I think that I wanna talk about social media a little bit. I think that right now there’s so many things happening on social media and I think it can be so depleting.[00:02:00]  I wanna talk about what happens when you are really seen on something like social media. You know, a few years ago I had a post that went viral. It, was a series of posts really. I had, I mean, a lot of posts over a million views, but I had one post in particular that I would say went mega viral. That’s how I would describe it. Now, even as I say this, I’m like, you may have had a post that went more mega viral. , You may know people that have had way more mega viral posts than me, but I had, a, a lot of posts that were over a million views. And then I had one in particular that was 9 million, 8.9 million, so almost 9 million. And it wasn’t something that I expected. It happened really fast when I started posting about the Navigate method and about women being unhappy in their [00:03:00] marriage and just trying so hard to make things happen. So I knew that it would resonate. I figured, I hoped that it would resonate. I didn’t expect it to resonate in the way that it did, and I didn’t expect the viralness and I, I didn’t try to to make that happen. It just sort of caught fire. And in that one post I got, I think it was close to like 19,000 new followers essentially overnight. And I remember this really strange mix of emotions about it, like excitement. It was exciting. I remember one of the very first posts that I posted on this subject and it, I remember it was like at eight. Thousand views and 9,000 views and 12,000 views. I remember it got to 13,000 views and I messaged with one of my friends and I was like, oh my God. This is [00:04:00] crazy. , It just keeps going and it’s wild. Now. That was just about two years ago. I get 13,000 views regularly in a day, so that doesn’t even phase me. But I remember at the time having that creep up , , and feeling like excited and gratitude , , and if I’m being really honest, I think a level of overwhelm that I didn’t really know how to name at that point. It was. Beautiful and dizzying all at the same time. I was so, so happy with that. My message resonated, although simultaneously sad that it resonated because it was really about people being frustrated, extremely frustrated in their marriage and at their wits end. But I was grateful that I helped people feel seen through that, you know. But what happened from there, I think was really something that I didn’t anticipate. And when that many people [00:05:00] suddenly have opinions about what you say and who they think you are, you know, it starts to change how you think. I started wondering what people might expect of me. I felt like I had to keep showing up and explaining myself, and I felt like there was a lot of people in my real life who were unhappy or didn’t understand, but didn’t try to either, and I was living in this space , it was. It was kind of like being waterboarded by eyeballs as you, I mean, that’s the only way I can describe it. So it was connection. Totally. And I felt seen because I was posting something real to me at the time, but it also had a underlying feeling of pressure. Right. You know, at first one hand it feels like a dream. I wanted my message to be seen. I wanted my message to reach people. [00:06:00] I loved the conversations that were happening. It felt like real impact. And I had been in my business for a long, long, long, long time, like a decade, more than a decade before this post. So it felt like, oh, I’m, the hard work and the hard and the good work that we do is finally getting access to have a real impact. And over time I started. To realize how easy it was to kind of get caught in the performance of being helpful, you know, and to start creating from an expectation of, I’ve gotta have another big post instead of just from my intuition. You know, during that time where things were really getting hectic , and people were really seeing my posts, it was a good like 10 months probably, where this was like ramping up sort of, I guess you could say. And I noticed , I would wake up sometime in the [00:07:00] middle of the night just to check messages. It got, my nervous system was really activated from it. I checked notifications before I checked in with myself, and sometimes I would rewrite posts and I would think about all the different ways people could take this the wrong way and then try to rewrite so that it would land perfectly right? And little by little I started to lose track of what was mine and what was sacred and private and what had become part of this. Exposure or this show. And it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just what happens when you have like a piece of your life that becomes visible, right? So maybe you haven’t gone viral online, but maybe you know this feeling right? It’s this feeling of being needed everywhere by everyone all the time. It’s the same energy. So you give and you give and you give until you [00:08:00] don’t know how to stop. Then, you know, for me, I was posting all this stuff. I mean, a year goes by, right? I had my own life that shifted. I went through my own divorce. So, you know, as divorce is like a, a really, really hard thing combined with a ton of relief, you know, and honestly, this changed me in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. It gave me access to healing that I didn’t even know that I needed. And over the past year. I have learned and grown and become quite a different person than I was when I posted those very first viral posts several years ago. You know, this last season, my daughter has been struggling with her mental health, and if you’ve been here for , a long while, you know we’ve talked about this. She and I have talked about it on the show. She’s an adult. [00:09:00] This particular season has been a long, ongoing season, and I have been helping her and fighting through this. Well, we try to hold other things together and that has also changed me, and what I realized was that. I started caring less about being understood and more about being grounded, less about how something looked and more about how something felt. I didn’t wanna keep explaining my life to strangers online. I wanted to live it quietly. For me and for people who really know me. And there’s something really humbling about that. You know, when life hits you really hard and you stop caring about optics, and you start caring, , caring about energy, about peace and the things that actually sustain you. So here’s what I wanted to bring to you because for sure you’ve had these seasons too. [00:10:00] And what I found myself asking is what’s actually important. Where does my energy go? Who actually gets access to me? And I realized that I’ve been pouring from an empty cup, you know, for a long time as we do as women. Like my story isn’t unique , and it’s, it’s manageable, right? And I think that’s what happens is it’s manageable, so you just keep going. But we can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. And when you’ve built a rhythm around being productive or being available, slowing down feels a little bit like betrayal and you probably know that too, right? You’re juggling work, you’re drug juggling, family, emotions, responsibilities, right? And it all feels like if you stop, everything’s just gonna fall apart. So you keep on running, right? Even though you’re tired. Even though you’re exhausted and you tell yourself, [00:11:00] I’m gonna rest later, like this weekend, maybe I’ll have a chance to slow down. But then that never really happens, right? Because somebody needs you or something happens, and underneath it all is this quiet question that’s asking you, how long can you really keep this up? So for me, somewhere along the line I realized I didn’t want to disappear. Like I don’t want to just opt out and run away, but I do want to be intentional about living differently. I wanna stay connected to my purpose. The work we do at the Navigate Method is so impactful and I see so many women. Say to me like, my life is different than I ever would. And , I will tell you that is the, that brings me more joy than I could possibly even tell you here. Like just, , it’s the greatest thing. It, the navigate method [00:12:00] comes from years and years of, my own healing and work. And so to see , that was. Something that created change, not only for myself, but somebody else is really fulfilling. So it’s great, and I wanted to stay connected to that, but I also wanted to have a level of peace, and so little by little I was pulling back, not disappearing, but just being way more intentional and taking time to listen instead of perform and to rest instead of explain. I used to think that my success was all about reach, like how many people heard my message, and now I think it’s about depth. It’s about how true can I be in what I share. Even if fewer people see it, I still wanna help people. I still wanna speak truth, but I wanna do it in a way that’s authentic and [00:13:00] sustainable, where I’m allowed to grow and change and to make different decisions, right? Because we are multifaceted people, we have angles and layers and seasons, and we all evolve, like we should all be allowed to evolve. So if you’re listening to this, maybe you are in your own redefinition right now, so maybe the life that you have built doesn’t quite fit anymore. Maybe the goals that you once felt really motivated by just don’t even feel aligned anymore, and that can feel really disorienting. And I also think it’s a really powerful piece of evolution. When I first stumbled upon this feeling and had to get true with myself, there was a feeling of being crushed. Like everything that I thought isn’t what I thought, but now I realize it’s actually an opening. It’s actually better. And I [00:14:00] started asking myself this question, and it might be worth asking yourself too, but it is, what is it that you truly want right now? And I’m gonna explain a little more about this because I, I don’t want you to ask yourself like what you’re supposed to want, not what once made sense, but in this season right now, what matters in the navigate method? Lots of times I’ll tell women, put your hand on your heart and just say, if, if nobody got hurt and money didn’t matter, what would I choose right now? About any decision you could do this with any decision, try it. Put your hand on your heart. If nobody got hurt and money didn’t matter, what would I choose? And when you strip away the audience and the approval and the pressure, what’s left is your truth, and that’s your compass. So what do I want right now? Maybe it’s [00:15:00] not to be seen by 9 million people, but it is to be known. Not to be everywhere, but to be home. And for me, that means peace. It means being present with my daughter. It means work that feels honest. It means having a smaller circle, but a deeper one. It means knowing where I have the bandwidth and where I don’t, and being able to say no and surrounding myself with people who honor that. It means quiet mornings, giving myself extra time, going for walks. Having deep conversations that don’t have to go anywhere. So success for me, how I’m defining it, is aliveness. I feel an expansion in my chest, and that’s how I know that I’m there. It’s not a rush from eyeballs or attention, but it’s the calm of alignment. [00:16:00] Maybe this is where you are too, right? Maybe you have given so much of yourself that you feel depleted, you can’t stop, but you don’t wanna keep going like this either. And so I wanna just offer you an invitation to pause. We don’t have to exit our lives. A girlfriend reached out to me from home and said, how are you doing? Can I do anything for you? Just knowing what a hard season I was in and I said, can you help me fake my death and we can move to the beach? And she said, I’m sure there’s a way to do that. And when she said that, it almost was like the permission and it made me realize that’s not really what I want. But I do want to check in. I do want to pause. I wanna ask myself, where does this end? And so I wanna ask [00:17:00] you, maybe more importantly, where could it begin again, but differently. Slowing down or stopping doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re listening. It means you’re evolving. It means you’re making room for what’s next. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to want peace to want less noise. You’re allowed to build a life that fits the person you’ve really become. When I think now about the things that I post online, if you follow me on Instagram, you’ll notice the post might feel a little different. I’m really leaning into what feels good to post, like what’s authentic. And if you notice in my stories, I’ll post my outfit with my good things. That’s like one of my most favorite things to do. It gives me that feeling of expansion in my chest and I get so many messages about it. And so I know when we are in alignment, that’s what reaches people. [00:18:00] That’s what was reaching people. Several years ago when I finally was posting my truth on online, I used to think that my power lived in how people saw me. But now I know in a visceral way that my power lives in how deeply I see myself. And so if you’re tired of performing or explaining or keeping everything afloat, I wanna give you a permission slip just to rest, to be private, to let life belong to you. Again, you don’t owe the world constantly. Any part of you, you owe yourself. Your own presence to take a deep breath and to exhale and to be home. And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. Thank you so much for being here with me. [00:19:00] I love you so much. If you know somebody that needs a permission slip to rest that has been doing everything and juggling all the things, has too many balls in the air and they just want a moment. To decompress. Send them, send them this episode. It is your permission slip, permission slip to finally settle and to rest. All right, my cat is calling. I’ll see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger.Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep [00:20:00] reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

We love to tell ourselves that some people are just lucky, born under the right star, in the right place, with the right opportunities. But luck is not magic, and it is not as random as we think. In this episode, Betsy explores the science and psychology of luck, and why what we call “good fortune” often comes down to patterns of thinking, awareness, and action. You will learn: The research behind why some people consistently experience “lucky breaks.” How attention, openness, and mindset actually create opportunities. Why unlucky people often miss signals and possibilities right in front of them. Practical shifts you can make to increase your own luck, so you are not waiting for chance but setting the stage for serendipity. This is not about superstition. It is about training your brain to see and step into opportunities. If you have ever wondered why certain doors keep opening for some people, and how you can make that happen in your own life, this episode will change how you think about luck forever. Transcript: Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. Welcome to the show. Happy Thursday. I have been thinking about luck. I’ve been thinking about luck, and I wanna say I’ve been thinking, well, I’ve been thinking about this for like 54 years. I have always thought of myself as really lucky. You know, things always work out for me. I always know that in the end, things are gonna go the way that I want. I am lucky enough to have. Really cool experiences and synchronicities [00:01:00] happen and many times I win things that are unexpected. When I was in high school, I won a gift card to $500 worth of shoes at a shoe store that I didn’t even remember putting my name in the fishbowl. You know, which $500 of shoes back in 1988 was a pretty significant amount of shoes. I had shoes for years. I have won iPads at events and iPods at events. I have won everything under the sun from cakes and cookies to chicken sandwiches. I have always found a way to get the good stuff. I feel like I’m really lucky and not to mention, I think that it’s kind of luck how I grew up. Who my parents were that they had money to send me to college. Like there was a lot of things that I think you could lean on and say those things were really [00:02:00] lucky. Privileged in many ways, right? And not to confuse those two things, I wanna stick with luck, but I just wanna point out that a lot of things weren’t necessarily something that I did Now. If you’re already feeling like kind of some pressure here, I wanna tell you another quick story and then I wanna really talk about this because who doesn’t want more luck? Right? Why not? Why not have luck on our side? So years ago, probably five years ago, I took a class and in the class it was a business class, like a coaching class. And in the class somebody mentions it might have been me, mentioned something about luck. And there was another woman in the class that got really upset and she said, I am not lucky. I work really hard for everything that I have. And I thought it was so interesting because she was so adamant about it. I just never thought that [00:03:00] my luck took away from my hard work. ’cause I work hard too. But honestly, if I could work in ease, like I. I don’t know that my goal is to like work really hard. I would like things to just kind of happen and have it be fun and flowy, right? Who doesn’t. But I remember how much this woman who was great, I really liked her, but I remember how much she fought to hang on to the idea that she wasn’t lucky that everything that she got was simply. A matter of her hard work and determination, and I think both things can be true. But what I wanted to talk to you today about is really the idea that we could think about life as a little mystical, a little bit out of our control, and a little bit lucky and. You know, sometimes you’ll hear [00:04:00] people say like, Ugh, she’s just so lucky, or, I never get those lucky breaks. Well, I wanna flip that story around because I don’t think that luck is nearly as random as we have been taught. And so I wanna talk about the science behind luck, why some people always seem to land on their feet, and more importantly, how you can make yourself luckier. So this isn’t about like superstition or. You know, carrying a rabbit’s foot around in your purse. This is about mindset and about awareness and about action. Okay, so let’s get into it here. When we hear this word, luck, I think what a lot of us default to is that we think that it’s chance, right? Like winning the lottery or. Stumbling upon the right job or meeting the right person in line at Starbucks. I mean, we watch romantic comedies that create these magical run-ins that seem [00:05:00] totally like Chance, and I believe those moments do feel that way. I think they do feel random, but the truth is that there’s a lot more patterns behind them. And so I want you to think about the last time something really, really good happened to you. So did it just fall from the sky or did you put yourself in a position where it could happen? So most of the time, luck isn’t something that just randomly strikes you down in the driveway. It’s really about being in the right place with the right mindset, and that’s what we’re gonna talk about and actually recognizing something as an opportunity when it shows up. Sometimes inside the Navigate method, somebody will talk about something that’s a problem, and I always like to call it something different. Is it a problem? Is it an opportunity? It’s an opportunity to [00:06:00] learn something new. Learn something about you. Learn something about somebody else. Learn a new way of doing things, and you might think it doesn’t matter what I call it, like you could call it not a problem, but it’s still a problem. And I would say that you can call it whatever you want. But which one feels better in your body? If you say out loud right now, maybe you’re in your car driving ho, hopefully not like in an elevator with a whole group of people, but I want you to just say, I have a problem and I want you to feel how your body feels. Does it kind of constrict a little bit? Maybe you feel that in your chest, but if you say, I have a challenge. How does that feel? A little bit better, right? Like it’s something I’ve gotta work through, but it’s a challenge. But what if you say, I have an opportunity. I know for me, I feel like my chest really [00:07:00] opens. I almost feel like I’m sitting up a little bit taller. Like that feels different. And you might think that the way that you feel doesn’t matter. It absolutely matters because your brain and your body are talking, and when you notice that you feel something, that’s how you can recognize what your brain is actually talking about. Sometimes people are like, how do I know what my unconscious mind is thinking if it’s unconscious? And I say, how do you feel? How do you feel? That is gonna be the gauge that’s telling you what’s going on upstairs, and I wanna be. In an expansive, open place in order for me to be able to see the most opportunity, the most synchronicities, the most ways I can solve this problem. Look, there are infinite ways to solve every problem, but the more constricted you are, [00:08:00] the more narrow your focus becomes and the harder it is for you to be able to see. Other options that may be right under your nose. When we start to see all these options, what do we do? We go, God, I got lucky. I got lucky. I just happened to walk in when there was a sale. Right? Maybe there was a sign a week ago that there was gonna be a sale, and you didn’t notice it consciously, but your unconscious mind did. These little things happen all the time. There’s a guy on the internet, there’s a guy on YouTube. Darren Brown, Darren, D-E-R-R-E-N, I think is how you spell it. Darren Brown, and he is an illusionist, but he does some incredible things with putting out, he does these elaborate, I’m gonna call it a hoax, right? Elaborate. Experiments where he puts out little tiny signs all along somebody’s [00:09:00] path, you know, their drive to an event, , in the parking lot. Little things you’d never notice, and then he can get them to. Say a certain song based on all of the different signs that they saw. They don’t remember seeing any of those things yet when they show up and he has them come up with any song they want, they say the exact thing that he has been dripping out to them throughout the day. So our brain is constantly picking up information. Check him out on YouTube. His videos are fascinating. He’s fascinating. But I want you to be thinking like if my brain is always scanning for information and it’s gonna be scanning, like opening or closing, depending on what I’m telling it, then wouldn’t it make sense that if I told it that things were magically happening all the time? And that there was constantly opportunity and that things always worked out for me. Doesn’t it make sense [00:10:00] then that they would, I’ve seen this trend on TikTok, it was probably a year ago, called Lucky Girl Syndrome, and basically it was the idea that the more luck you think you’ll have, the more you have it’s science. It makes sense. So there is a science of luck and there’s this researcher named Richard Wiseman. He studied people who call themselves lucky versus unlucky, and what he found is that lucky people aren’t magically blessed, but they do think and act differently. So here’s what really stood out in his research, he found that lucky people. They’re really open to new experiences. So if things don’t go the way they think they’re gonna go, they go, uh, well, what could be, what could be, what could happen for me here? Right? They don’t shut down before things begin, right? We have things that go sideways every single day. That’s just life. But if you close down [00:11:00] or you go, oh gosh, darn, uh, here we go again. That is telling , your brain, and the universe that you’ve gotta constrict and get really narrow. But what we really wanna do is we wanna open up to new experiences. He also noticed that lucky people tend to notice opportunities that other people missed, and that’s because they’re relaxed and they’re paying attention. Again, if you think about it, when you get really stressed or we get hyper-focused, everything narrows, right. We get really honed in. I mean, if you think about it from a biological perspective, this makes sense. If I am walking down a dark alley and. I see something that is a danger to me. I’m gonna get really high, like I’m going all of my attention, my peripheral vision’s gonna come in. Everything’s gonna come in so I can really like focus in and fight or whatever it is I need to do. Right? Lucky people. They’re more relaxed. They [00:12:00] have a calmer nervous system. This is why we teach this inside the n, the Navigate method. They, know how to operate their nervous system, and so they notice things that other people would just let pass right by. Again, when I say other people would just let pass by, it’s not that they’re trying to ignore things or they’re just letting things go, they literally don’t see it. You could be. In the same exact spot as somebody else. One person thinks they’re lucky, the other person doesn’t, and they will see and notice different things, different opportunities in the same experience. The other thing about lucky people is they trust their gut. More importantly than that. ’cause I hear, I talk to people all the time. They’re like, I have an incredible intuition. And then when we are talking and then they’re like, Ooh, but I knew I should have done that, but I didn’t. So the trick is they trust their gut, but they actually follow it. Gosh, this sense that we have [00:13:00] is so important, and I think we miss all the time. We think it’s not as important as our hearing or our seeing or our smelling or our tasting, but that gut feeling, that thing can be honed, that thing is important. It tells you so much. And the other thing he found is that. Lucky people carry an expectation that things are gonna work out, which weirdly makes them more likely to act, and those actions create more luck. So I actually asked on Instagram, I put a poll and I said, how are you lucky? That’s what I asked. Are you lucky? Are you not lucky? Or do you think that luck doesn’t even exist? 14% of the people that filled out my poll that chose to interact said that there’s no such thing as luck, which I also wonder how are you defining it, right? 22% said they’re [00:14:00] not lucky, and 64% of people said they were lucky. Now the people that see themselves as unlucky. Are more likely, according to this research, to be stressed out or anxious or focused on what could go wrong. So they get this tunnel vision. That means that they don’t even really see some of the good stuff that might be right in front of them. So here’s the thing. A lot of what luck is is really tied in to how your brain is wired to pay attention. So we have this thing called the reticular activating system. You’ve probably heard of this, right? It filters what we notice. I think of it as like a little guy in a mail room and the male is coming down the chute, right? And the little male guy is looking at it and saying, is this important? And it tosses it to your conscious mind. If it is, if it’s not important, it throws it behind him and goes, eh, that’s not [00:15:00] important. But this. Reticular activating system that’s constantly filtering is determining and deciding what you consciously notice. You’re unconsciously noticing everything. So, you know, I noticed this like when I bought a new car and I’ve noticed it. Every time I buy a new car, I’m like, nobody has this car. I’m so unique. And then I drive down the street and I’m like, why is every car in the parking lot the same exact car that I got? Right? So your brain is gonna be showing you what matters to you, and it determines what matters to you based on what you spend the most time thinking about. Repetition or what has the most emotion. So pause for a moment and imagine if you are worrying. Highly emotional, super repetition. Now what? Now your brain’s like, show her more of that or him more of that. [00:16:00] So lucky people are essentially programming their brain to look for opportunity. They just expect good things. And so their brain says that little filter, the little male guy says, Hey, look at this one. Look at this one. Here’s another one. And the filter of the unlucky. People just expect the opposite, and then they get more of that. So it’s not just what you notice, either luck actually really favors action or motions, right? So if you’re taking little small risks, you’re saying yes, or starting conversations, you’re, you’re doing things different. I know one of the things I’ve really been focused on, hyper-focused on is, um, I’m gonna say it like this, but Neville Goddard, if you are familiar with Neville Goddard, I should do a whole. A whole podcast on him, uh, inside one of my programs, um, Voyager, which is for people who have already made the decision or [00:17:00] decided to stay or leave in their marriage. We, every other week we dive into some concept and Neville Goddard is one that we’ve been working on, and really, Neville Goddard talks about being in the feeling, again, remember what our feelings are doing, right? So being in the feeling of it is done. Whatever it is you want, that’s the outcome that you have. It’s done. You just have to linger in that feeling, right? So luck really loves this. Because as you linger into the feeling of it is done, you’re, first of all, you’re not worried anymore, you’re totally relaxed and your brain is looking for like, how did this happen? And suddenly you’re gonna be feeling like doing things. So I have been hyper-focused on Neville Goddard, and I have been living in the future in terms of how I’m feeling. The goals that I have, they are done. And I have [00:18:00] noticed that I am way more apt to do things that I would have put off or been shying away from because I’m already living in as that other version of me and that other version of me had to do those things to get there. And so. You dramatically increase the odds of bumping into something good when you’re taking different actions, right? You’re seeing totally new things ’cause you’re taking different actions and when you believe that those things are gonna work out, you’re more likely to follow through. Right? I’m doing those things because I believe it works out. ’cause I know what it feels like to be at the end result. Essentially, you’re turning possibility into reality. Okay. So if you’re with me on all that, let’s just talk about how you can actually become luckier. So here’s some practical shifts that you can make. One of the things that I think is super important is to [00:19:00] pay attention to the people that you surround yourself with. So when we surround ourselves with people who are lucky, right, who see opportunity, who think differently, we begin to become like them. So they say, you know, we are the top. We are the average of the top five people that we spend the most time with. This is why I think groups like I’m in a, I am a coachee. I’m being coached in a group that I have been in for a long time. The people that are in there are really big thinkers. They create their opportunities. They don’t wait. They are excited about life. They want to have new experiences and. That’s important for me because I will become the average of the top five people I spend the most time with. So I wanna curate who I’m spending time with. I don’t want it to just default. Now, you may [00:20:00] be working at a job where you don’t like it, or the people you work with are just. Terrible or makes you unhappy, like all of that stuff is fair. You might be in a relationship that doesn’t feel like it’s feeding your soul. You might feel, you know, just really unhappy and unsettled in that. And so in those experiences, if you’re like, I can’t do anything about that. Like I can’t just pick and choose everybody I spend time with, sometimes the people are picked to by my boss and who I have to do projects with or all those things. I can still curate my group, and I do that sometimes by checking on podcasts, who do, whose voice do I wanna be hearing? I do it by reading books. I do it by attending different groups or events, saying yes to invitations. So every new connection that I make is [00:21:00] essentially a doorway to a different possibility. Almost like I could open the door, look through and be like, do I like this one? Mm, that one’s probably not for me. Find another one. So expanding your circle can actually make you luckier because you’re gonna be exposed to different people. The next one is shifting your state. So stress, like I was saying, makes you really blind to opportunity, but when you start to regulate your nervous system, this is, this is I, I swear this changed my life. Really knowing how to regulate my nervous system and doing it every day, you can actually start to see opportunity that’s in front of you because you’re not constricted and laser focused. So this is why we teach this to women inside the program because. You need to be able to see opportunity if you’re unhappy in your marriage. Our program does. It doesn’t mean you, you stay and it doesn’t mean you go. It means you get to really see, and you get a totally different vantage point so that you can make a really clear [00:22:00] decision. So, shifting your state, noticing when you’re dysregulated and knowing how to shift it into a regulated state life, changing it, it’ll, that’ll shift everything. The next thing is to really practice optimism. You know, if you follow me on Instagram, you know, almost every day I post my outfit, nobody sees my outfit, but you guys, because I sit in front of the computer all day, I joke that I do it for that one picture every day, but it, it makes me feel good, right? That I’m dressed. It is a creative outlet. It helps me feel motivated and like I’m ready for the day. But if you notice when I post that picture. Because nobody really, ’cause, well, some people care about my outfit, but nobody really cares. So on the side I put all these things that I’m thinking about that are good things. So every day I have a list of good things and I try and think about stuff that I never would think of, you know? ’cause I can say [00:23:00] like, well, it’s a good thing to have a paycheck. It’s a good thing to, like, there’s things that are obviously good things, but what about the things that we forget about? So the things that I tend to post are like, uh, I go into my kitchen and I just flip a switch and clean water. Clean water just comes pours into a basin in my kitchen. Do you know how many people would kill for that? Like that is insanity. I can go into a grocery store, like it’s a giant warehouse full of food. Like every kind of food I could think of. Do you know how many people. Would be in. Complete awe of that. Like there are magical, , lucky things happening all the time. So train your brain to practice optimism and gratitude and noticing those three things. You don’t have to write ’em down, but you could just have a rampage of appreciation. You know, sometimes I’ll take my coffee and I’ll be like, [00:24:00] I love this coffee. I love that it’s the perfect color. I love that it’s warm. I love that I get to drink it, and it feels good. I love that it wakes me up. I love my mugs. I usually will pick a mug based on my mood, right? So I get to pick my mug and how cool is that? And I have different mugs, like, do you see how it’s simple? Simple. But this is what lucky people tend to do just automatically. They also, they micro risks, so they try something, right? They have a, a competence enough to make little, small, bold moves. Then they end up stumbling into like a lucky break, right? Like that was lucky. Well, I mean, she did 19 other things before that thing happened. So taking micro risks to reach for something, to go for a goal, and when it doesn’t work, those other 18 times that it didn’t work and it goes wrong, ask yourself, what was I [00:25:00] learning here? What, door might this have opened? How. Did this actually work for me? That’s a question I love to ask. How is this working for me? What are all the ways that I’m learning new things from this? How is this gonna move me forward even faster? I always think this with my setbacks. Not always. Often I think this with my setbacks, like, this is actually working for me. How are all the ways this is working for me? When I ask a question like that, then my brain. Has to answer the question, how is all the ways this is working for me? Instead of, wow, why does this always happen to me? Do you feel the difference again, feel it in your body. Expansive or constrictive. So here’s the thing, with luck, you can just choose. You can choose right now, you can be like, I’m the luckiest person ever. ’cause it’s not about fate, it’s about focus. [00:26:00] So you don’t sit back and wait for luck, you create it. And I think about that lady that said I worked really hard for everything I did. Absolutely. And that’s why you’re so lucky. So I wanna leave you with the challenge. So I want you to notice one opportunity today that you might have overlooked. I want you to say yes to some really small thing that normally would’ve dismissed, and I want you to just see what happens and pay attention to your body and how it feels. So when you can do that and you can start to create and be the creator of your life, I think that is how you live a big life. Alright, it was so good to see you. Thanks for being here with me today. I love you guys so much. And again, if you want some help, you wanna join the Navigate Method or even Voyager, just reach out to us. You can message me on Instagram or just go to my website. You can book a call with us right there and I’d love to talk with you. See you guys next [00:27:00] week. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember. The world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big. I.

In the 3rd and final podcast in the series entitled Finding Clarity in Your Marriage, Betsy talks about the importance of inner strength and how we can create it for ourselves. Betsy goes over the ‘ladder of change’ and offers listeners practical exercises like stability statements to help us train our brains to create stability from within. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello and welcome to the show today. So this is part three of the three part series. This is lesson three, making Confident choices in an Uncertain World. Look, the world feels so unpredictable and really kind of scary in a lot of ways. People feel really divided, and it’s hard to find your grounding. So in this episode, we’re gonna talk about how to do that, how to find that, and a tool that you can use. All right. I hope you enjoy. Welcome back. This is episode three of How to Find Clarity in Your Marriage, even when the rest of the world feels uncertain. So far, we have covered in episode one why this uncertainty sort of feeds indecision and why your brain keeps you frozen. ’cause your brain works really well, right? It’s keeping you alive. So that’s a great thing. And in episode two we talked about the hidden cost of waiting. How postponing decisions actually costs you a whole lot more than you think, right? Energy, peace, self-trust, all of those things. And now in this final episode. What I wanna do is give you a bit of a path forward. So this is where the fog really starts to clear, and this is how you’re gonna learn a little bit more about creating stability inside of yourself. So that you can start making confident choices, even when the world outside is so unpredictable. So let’s start off this episode with talking about why stability actually matters, right? So let’s start with the truth, and that is that clarity doesn’t come from your husband changing. I know this can feel really hard because like me, you’ve probably thought at some point or maybe many times, if he would just change. If he would just listen to me. If he would just hear what I had to say, if he would just take into account how I see the world, right? However it is that you say that, then things would be better. But the truth is that it doesn’t come from him changing. It doesn’t come from your kids needing you less. It doesn’t come from the world calming down. Clarity comes from you. It comes from you feeling stable enough to trust yourself, but that’s why you felt stuck for so long. Because without stability, every choice feels like danger. But with stability. You can finally see clearly. So I want you to think of it this way. Just imagine that you’re standing in the middle of a storm holding an umbrella, right? The storm is wild, like there’s rain coming in sideways, there is wind toweling. You can’t stop the storm. But if your feet are grounded, if your grip is really good, if your umbrella is steady, then you can stand there without being blown away or drenched. That’s what inner stability does. It doesn’t take the storm away, but it does let you stand in it and feel confident. So one of the things that I wanna frame here as we talk about a shift that I want you to make, and this is really an identity shift. This is the root of really all the work that I do and have ever done. I want you to think of our, our brains as a ladder. So I want you to just imagine a ladder leaning up against the side of a house, and this is gonna be one of those, it’s gonna be one of those decorative ladders that you put towels on. Okay? So a smaller ladder, just a few rungs. But I want you to think about the very first rung of that ladder is environment. It’s your house. It’s where you are. It is the gym. It is an environment. Okay? The next one, the next rung up is your behavior. The things that you do, the patterns you run, the way you show up. Now I’m gonna go up one more level and this, this level, this level we’re gonna call capabilities, right? What you think you’re capable of. Now, behavior and environment are very conscious. You choose those, right? I’m gonna choose to go to the gym, I’m gonna choose to meal prep, for example. So my behavior is the meal prepping. My environment is the gym. Right. So if we’re thinking about our family life, so the environment is my home, my behavior is the patterns that I run. I might notice those things, right? And those are conscious. I’m aware of them, I’m choosing them. I’m making dinner. That is something that I, my behavior that I’m doing at night, at the house. Okay. Now when I move into this next thing, potential right or capability, this starts to get unconscious. Now what is unconscious? What does that even mean? It just means things that operate without me thinking about it. When I go brush my teeth in the morning, I don’t even hardly remember. I just know I’ve done it right? It’s sort of unconscious. I don’t have to watch a YouTube video first. I know how to do it. My body just sort of does it right. It’s unconscious. I know how to do it so well that I don’t have to think about it. So I’ve got my rungs on the ladder. I have my environment, I have my behavior, I have my potential or my capabilities, what I think I’m capable of. And then the next few rungs up are gonna be my values, my beliefs, and the very tippity top is gonna be my identity. Now the cool thing about this ladder is that whatever is above it influences what’s below it. So as I get into my beliefs, my beliefs don’t matter as much as my values matter. Those are generally really deep seated things, right, that I probably learned as a little kid. And then when I get into my identity, it’s who do I think I really am? And this can be because it’s unconscious. Can be hard for you to figure out or to identify, but many times it’ll come from when we say something like I am. That’s like my deepest part of my identity. If you could think of an Olympic athlete that was prepping for the Olympics, would it matter if they were in a room? With a whole bunch of Sweetss, like, probably not. ’cause they’d be like, I am an Olympic athlete. I don’t eat that kind of food. I eat the kind of food that supports my sport. So my identity, who I think I am an Olympian, impacts everything below it. So with that said, the way to make real long lasting change. The kind that is like brushing your teeth that you don’t even have to think about is by going to the top of the ladder. It’s by changing your identity and who you think you are. So when we start thinking about what happens when I delay, and in the last episode we talked about that cost of delaying I am creating over and over and over, and reinforcing. My identity isn’t a one of someone who makes decisions, who is worthy of more of all of those things. And when we’re living in this kind of situation, we are in reactive mode. So I talk to women every day that say they react to their husband’s moods, um, their scanning for how he feels every day. They react to their own fears, right? They have their own thoughts about fears or things that could go wrong. Typically, they’re not spending a lot of time thinking about all the things that could go, right, right? And that’s normal. But they’re reacting to their own fear, thoughts, they’re reacting to politics or the economy. All of these things outside of themselves. And when you’re reacting, you’re always chasing that stability someplace outside, which is impossible. So the shift is to become intentional. It’s to stop waiting for the outside, to calm down, and to start creating calm inside. By becoming the identity of the person who doesn’t matter what’s happening outside, inside, all is well, and I control how I respond to things and what happens to my life. So that shift again is to become intentionally intentional. And the best way to make that shift is to ask yourself, what do I wanna model for myself and for my kids? And if you don’t have children, or your children are grown, what do I wanna model for myself? How do I want to show up for myself? Because here’s the thing, whether you realize it or not, you’re teaching your kids right now. My daughter is 23. She sees everything I do. She notices every little nuanced side comment that I make that I think doesn’t even matter, and she’ll see it and say something. That’s the kind of relationship we have, but she’ll point it out and it just makes me realize how much they’re really watching. I talk to women every day who are the best moms and want good things for their kids. When we start talking about their kids, they say, I don’t think they really know. They don’t know that we’re unhappy. And I, I disagree. Even if they don’t know the extent that you’re unhappy, they feel the tension. You know, when you walk in a room and you can feel that they watch you freeze. They watch you postpone. They know that you’ve put your life on hold for things, right? They learn that that’s what adulthood looks like, and maybe you learned that by watching somebody else, right? We come by all of these things. Honestly, the one thing I know about our brains is that it wants to do the thing that is looking out for us, right? It wants to do the thing that it thinks is safety, and so. Although what happens might not be good for you, your brain thinks it’s good for you, and I think that’s a really important thing to notice. You’re not doing any of this stuff to harm yourself. You’re not doing any of this to harm your kids. You’re not doing any of this to make life harder for anybody. You’re doing it because that’s what your brain is telling you is safe. And so if your kids watch you. If you watch, you freeze and postpone and put everything on hold, then you learn that’s what it’s supposed to look like. That’s what relationships look like. That’s what adulthood is. But if they watch you stabilize yourself, if they watch you ground your energy, if they watch you move forward with with intention, they learn courage, they learn resilience, and you get to live that, not just hope for it. I wanna share a quick story. Uh, we have inside the Navigate method, after, after people are done with the course, they move into our alumni group. And our alumni group gives them continuing access. To get help, and we have groups every single month to support them. So the program is done, they’ve completed the program, but we still get together. And I always joke that this is really for me because I grow so attached to everybody, but inside one of our groups a few months ago, someone said that when they started, they came so overwhelmed, right? Overwhelmed by her marriage. Overwhelmed by money, stress, overwhelmed by what was happening politically. And she said, I, I, I felt like I couldn’t make any decisions. Like I just kept thinking I’ve gotta wait for things to calm down. But I mean, the truth is things didn’t calm down right. And the longer you wait, the louder it gets. And she realized that she couldn’t keep living like that. Like it just wasn’t working anymore. And so through this work, she started practicing. Little small acts of stability, journaling, telling herself one truth a day, making one small choice instead of circling, becoming curious about something her husband said, and something shifted. She said Everything didn’t get less chaotic. I just got way more solid and once she felt solid, she could finally see her marriage clearly, and that clarity brought her relief. Okay, even before she made her final decision. So I wanna give you the same practice that she used. It’s a stability statement, and so every day you’re gonna write this down and you’re gonna finish it. Okay? So, and I sometimes will have this, depending on how chaotic things feel in the world. I will write it on a post-it note, and I’ll just put it on my mirror. So when I brush my teeth, I see it, right? So that’s just a really good way to create a habit. Because I’m stacking it onto a habit I already have, which is brushing my teeth. So now when I go to brush my teeth, I see the little post-it note, and then after a while I didn’t even need the post-it note. But what it says is, even when the world feels uncertain, I choose to create stability by and then just fill it in with something different that you’re gonna do every day. So having a real conversation instead of avoiding. One of the big things we work on is creating a space between if you start having a conversation and you feel yourself, right, getting activated, creating a space so that you can just be quiet and listen, and then have your response so powerful. It makes you feel so steady and solid. So having a real conversation instead of avoiding right, courageous conversations. Going for a walk to clear my head. Right When the world feels uncertain, I’m gonna create stability by making one small decision instead of spinning, reminding myself that I am capable of handling whatever comes. So one of the things that I say all the time in group is you don’t have to trust that it’s gonna work out. How about that? You don’t have to trust that it’s gonna work the way you think. You just have to trust in yourself. You just have to trust that you’ll know what to do. When the next right thing happens. So here’s why this statement works. It’s because your brain is always scanning for safety. And so when you start to give it evidence that you can create the safety, it relaxes. And when your brain re relaxes, then clarity can come into focus. So do this for a week. Put that little post-it note up on your mirror. You won’t even need it after a while, and that will become your default thinking. It starts to become your identity. So you’re gonna notice after you do it for 5, 6, 7 days, you’re gonna feel so much lighter. It’s not magic. It might be a little miracle. It’s not magic though. It is you training your brain to see yourself as stable instead of waiting for the world to stabilize for you. So let’s step back across these three episodes and just kind of talk about what we’ve gone over. In episode one, we talked about why uncertainty freezes you in indecision and how to start with 5% more stability every single day. In episode two, we explained why waiting isn’t neutral, right? It’s actively costing you energy and confidence and joy, and I will just say it again, even though I know I talked about it in episode two, but the confidence piece that is just so far reaching. It’s so far reaching, and I think that might be the most heartbreaking. I think that was the most heartbreaking thing I saw in myself, right? And maybe that’s why my heart breaks for women when I talk with them, and I can see how much that’s corroded and they may not even notice. And then episode three, this episode we talked about how to create inner stability with daily practice so that you can finally trust yourself to make decisions with confidence. Now. Now you know, now you know how to get unstuck. You know how to stop circling and how to start moving, and you know how to begin to build a foundation of stability that’s gonna hold you steady no matter what’s happening around you. So here’s a little truth. These tools I think are really cool. They happen really quick and easy. They’re not hard, it’s not complicated or a lot, but they’re just the beginning. So having a framework. Guidance, it’s gonna make all the difference. And that’s what we do inside the Navigate Method. We do not tell you whether you’re gonna stay or go in your marriage. We have lots of people that decide to leave, and we have lots of people that decide to stay and they see things with fresh eyes. But what we do is we give you a proven process to clear that fog, to build the stability, and to make decisions that feel solid and true to you. Here’s my invitation to you. You’ve got some momentum here. You don’t wanna let that die and you don’t wanna go back to the way things were. Remember, that’s how your brain is gonna work. It’s gonna tell you that’s the safest thing, and what we’ll do is we’ll book a call with you. It is a clarity call and it is a time for us to help you get really clear on what’s really going on. If we think we can help you, then we will explain to you how that can work. And if you book the call before your week is over, you’re gonna get some special incentives. So we’re gonna see that you booked it before your call, your time expired, and we’ll make sure on the call to give you those new options. So don’t keep waiting, don’t let indecision keep costing you more days of your life. You already know now how to create stability. So let’s walk this out together. So if you go to betsy pay.com/ let’s talk and you can book your clarity call there. This is your moment. Let me know what you decide. Thanks so much for being here with me on this three little mini podcast episodes. It was really nice to be with you. Talk to you soon. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Here is part 2 in the 3 part series entitled How to Find Clarity in Your Marriage. In part 2 Betsy delves into how waiting impacts one’s unconscious mind which can drain energy and erode self trust. Stay tuned until the end when Betsy offers an exercise to identify the effects of waiting. Transcript: Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello and welcome. Welcome to the show. So this week, if you listened to the last episode, we are doing a three part series. This one is lesson two. It’s the hidden cost of waiting. It’s the things that actually happen to your unconscious when you choose to delay. I hope this gives you some new thoughts, new ideas, and helps you along your journey. So without further ado, here’s the show. Hello everyone. Welcome back to episode two of How to Find Clarity in Your Marriage, even when the rest of the world feels uncertain. So last time we talked about why your brain keeps you frozen and indecision and how to start stabilizing yourself. And today we’re gonna be talking about something that most women don’t ever really see clearly, and I include myself in that. This is a hard thing to see. When you’re in the middle of it, and it is the cost of waiting. So today’s episode is called The Hidden Cost of Waiting, and Why Delaying Clarity hurts you way more than you think. I think this is, I think this is such an important one, especially as women because we handle so much stuff, right? We are the ones that are handling so many of the things in our families. And for our children, for our homes, just to keep our homes running. And we’re also working and making decisions at work and being counted on for things. And so all of this starts to build up. And when on the background, like we learned in the last episode, there’s this. This underlying current of I’m not making a decision. I’m allowing things to stay in a way that does not feel good to me. And I will go to the liberty of saying, and that’s what I deserve, right? Because if we thought we deserved more, that’s what we would get. And so I think there’s an illusion here of safety. When you say, I’m gonna decide about that later, or I’m gonna push that off till after the holidays, or I’m going to wait until somebody graduates from college or high school or dance, or whatever it is. It feels like you’re hitting pause, right? Like you’re giving yourself a break. But waiting isn’t a pause. It’s still playing in the background. It’s not like you shut this off or you stop thinking about it. You just have delayed a decision. And what that does, because it’s still playing in the background, is it begins to drain your energy even when you are going about your day. So now, if you could think about this, if you have a hundred percent when you wake up in the morning, your battery is on a hundred percent, which whose is? ’cause you’ve probably spent half the night tossing and turning thinking about this. In the back of your mind, so, but let’s just say you wake up at a hundred percent, but 20% of your brain is still thinking about the fact that you’re putting this off, or it won’t be that much longer. Or you might be calculating or thinking, or wondering or changing your mind, going back and forth. You’ve only got 80% to do everything else that you’re doing. And so this is what this looks like. It’s gonna show up like thinking about your marriage like on a loop, right? It’s gonna show up as feeling really distracted or disconnected from people that you actually really love and that you wish you were closer to. It’s gonna look like carrying tension right in your body. ’cause you’re avoiding decisions. So you might notice your shoulders are like up in your ears. You might notice that you’re breathing really shallow. You know you’re gonna start to notice that you’re waking up in the middle of the night. Maybe you’re tossing and turning, or you get this idea in your head and then you just can’t let it go. And it’s gonna manifest in ways that maybe you’ve got a lot of headaches or you’ve got belly aches. Or before you go to bed, you like grab the Zillow and you’re like, I’m just gonna look up just to see what it would cost. So like your brain needs that moment of relief, right? And so what ends up happening is a compound effect. It’s like adding. A stone into a backpack every single day, and at first you kind of don’t notice. You’re like, it’s okay. I mean, it’s fine. I know it’s on my mind. But after months or even years, you are completely bent under that weight and it starts to erode your self trust because every day that you don’t choose, you reinforce the idea that you can’t choose. And it robs you of a lot of joy you could be having in the present, right? Because you can’t fully live in today when your mind is tied up on what ifs. You can’t fully enjoy the time with your kids. ’cause in the back of your mind, you’re scanning for something that could be going wrong, that you’re gonna have to handle, or that you wanna see if you can have a preemptive strike against, right? Some way that you can start to control things so that things don’t go outta hand. And so. You are constantly churning on the sidelines thinking about this, and so you can’t be fully present. You can’t be fully enjoying things because you’re always in scan mode. Now, here’s the truth is that waiting is actually a decision. It’s not neutral. It’s a choice to stay stuck. Once you know you’re stuck, it’s no longer a habit. It’s a choice. And it costs you way more than making a move ever Could. Once you begin to make any kind of decisions about anything, the angst is really in the lead up, not in the actual doing, and I’m sure you find that over the course of your life. I even remember way back when I was in college, I’d have a paper to write. Writing the paper wasn’t as bad as the two weeks that I put it off and thought about it and let it stick in my craw if I had just done it and got it over with, things would’ve been a lot more simple. Right. So the decision is being made, the decision is waiting, and that is not a neutral thing that has a high cost to it. So what I want you to do is I want you to grab a piece of paper and I want you to draw across on the paper that makes four quadrants, and I want you to label them like North is Thoughts, south is feelings. East is actions and west is results. And in each quadrant I want you to write what waiting has created in your life. Okay? So the thoughts might be like, I don’t know what to do. The feelings might be anxious or frustrated. The actions might be procrastinating, or I have to have a glass of wine every night just to like deal with what’s going on. Or I’m venting to my friends all the time, whatever that action is. And then the results still stuck. Less energy, less joy. I feel drained, I feel nervous, I, whatever that is, what are the results? And I think that when you see it mapped out, you can’t keep telling yourself that waiting. Is harmless. There’s no way to look at that and walk through that and see that there’s no impact. I believe that when we can get really honest with ourselves, that is when we can start to create change, because we can’t, if we’re still living in denial, like I was saying, once something is seen, it’s no longer a habit. Now you’re choosing. It may be that even as I say this, you’re like, I’m not gonna do that little exercise because I already know. I already know I’m drinking a bottle of wine every night, or I’m. Just opting out or I know that I’ve shrunk. I know that I’m like getting smaller. I know that I’m overeating to compensate to make myself feel better, which that too makes a lot of sense once you understand your nervous system and what happens when you eat to calm your nervous system. There’s so many things here. So although we think I’m being safe, I’m I’m, I’m gonna wait until conditions are right. The conditions are already wrong. Well, you’re waiting because that choice isn’t a choice that’s actually healing or moving you forward. So I really want you to do this even if you’re like, I, I don’t need to do this. I already know. Do it on a couple different things, right? What is the thought that you have? And maybe there’s a thought that you have, you can look back on like last night, what was it like in the evening last night, and what were the thoughts I started to have? Or during the day, maybe you’re at work and a thought comes into your mind. Use that our unconscious minds present information to us so that it can be healed. And it presents it at the time that it believes you are ready to deal with it. That’s why we get so many thoughts when we’re driving in the car or we’re standing in the shower because we’re having a moment where our brain isn’t full of other stuff. And so the information that’s being served up to you, the ideas, the thoughts, the concerns, they are so important because they are things that your unconscious mind has sifted and sorted through and decided this was important and. She’s ready to deal with it. And if you push it away and say, I am not ready to deal with it, you’re telling your unconscious mind that it is wrong. You are not ready. And the more you tell yourself you’re not ready, the more and more deeper you get stuck. So. Do this today. ’cause in our next episode, we’ll, we are gonna cover the path out. So how to create inner stability and finally make really confident choices in a really uncertain world. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.  

In this 3 part podcast titled Finding Clarity in Your Marriage, even when the rest of the world feels uncertain, Betsy explores how we can find inner stability when the world around us feels chaotic. Betsy offers a helpful tool at the end of each podcast in this series so listen into part 1 and enjoy. Transcript:  Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi everyone. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I am doing something a little bit different this week, so I created a three part series called How to Find Clarity in Your Marriage, even When the rest of the World feels Uncertain. Now, you could take the like clarity in your marriage and input anything, so if you don’t have. Non clarity in your marriage. If you’re not confused about your marriage or wondering if you should stay or go, this still may be helpful information to you because it’s really about resting your nervous system and how to get centered when the world feels like a little crazy on fire, right? So. What I’m gonna do, I created this three part series and I was offering it on, on Instagram and it, I had it set up as like a, a private podcast. I don’t necessarily know why I did that, other than I wanted to keep it like this three part series that people could enter into to get this information. But the truth is more people will get it if I just put it on the podcast. I, I, sometimes I try to make things more complicated than they need to be. So we’re gonna do this, it’s gonna be three episodes, but I’m going to give it to you all at once. So that you can get it all at once, so you can just listen if you want. So altogether, it’s maybe only like 45 minutes, so it’s kind of like one big long episode. But I do think it may be helpful to listen to one of the mini episodes and then try it. Because I give you a tool at the end of every single one. Um, and then the next day, maybe listen to the next one. So even they’re all available. So lesson one is really about why uncertainty feeds indecision. So we’re gonna talk about like what’s really happening inside your body. The second lesson is about the hidden cost of waiting. This is something I don’t think we think about very much, whether it’s your marriage or anything else, like what that indecision is actually doing. And then our third lesson is about making confident choices in an uncertain world. So how on earth do I make decisions about things big or small when I don’t know what’s happening? Right? And the truth is we never know what’s happening, so we will, we’ll teach you how to find some certainty and get grounded. I think you’re gonna really like the episodes. I hope you do. So without further ado, we are gonna give you these next few episodes all at once, and let me know what you think. All right, see you in a See you next week. See you next week. Hi everybody. Hi. Welcome to our private podcast mini series. This is called How to Find Clarity in Your Marriage, even When the Rest of the World Feels Uncertain and Uncertain is probably such an understatement. So I’m really happy that you’re here with me. I hope that this gives you a lot of value, gives you some new ways of thinking about things, and some tools to be able to shift a little bit. If you’ve listened to my podcast, the Art of Living Big, or been around me or in my vortex for any amount of time, you know that I believe that these shifts that we can have, these little aha moments can happen. Without any kind of delay. They can happen all the time, and they are little pieces and reminders that miracles happen all the time, and so I’m happy that you’re here. Let’s have some miracles here together as we spend the next three episodes together. If you’re pretty new here, my name is Betsy P. I’m the founder of the Navigate Method, and I’ve hosted the podcast, the Art of Living Big for like the past. Eight or nine years. So it felt like a really good idea to be able to do this private podcast for you and share this information because that’s the format that so many of you have heard me and listened to me over all these years, and I feel like this information. Can really be a big shift in how you’re experiencing the world. And you know, when I say like, even when the rest of the world feels uncertain, like uncertain is probably like a huge understatement, right? So over the next three episodes, I am gonna walk you through why you feel so stuck. Indecision and probably about a lot of things. You know, we’re gonna be framing this around your marriage, but it’s probably a lot of things and there’s a real reason for it, a biological reason for it. It’s not your fault, it means your brain’s working really well. So we’re gonna dive into that. In the second episode, we’re gonna talk about the hidden cost of waiting, how postponing decisions actually drains way more from you than you realize. And finally, the last episode, we’re gonna talk about your path to inner stability so that you can start making confident choices no matter what’s happening outside of you. And I wanna say. And I will reiterate this as we get to episode three, but that is a practice. It is something that you learn and you continue to practice and get better and better and better at it. So if you have been circling the same questions like, should I stay? Should I go? What’s happening? What if I go and I regret it? What if I stay and I lose my life? How long do I stay? When is this gonna end? Can it get better? Look, all of those things. Then this series is gonna give you some relief. Finally understanding why you’re stuck and how to start moving forward. And by the end, you’re gonna know exactly what steps to take to stop living in limbo and start building stability in your life whether the world comes down or not. Alright? So right now I’m gonna state the obvious, which is that the world feels really chaotic, right? There’s politics, there’s the economy, there is the news cycle. I know when I go on social media, maybe I’ll get on TikTok and I try to swipe really fast if it’s not something that will bring my vibe up, right? I try to teach the algorithm that I really want fun, happy things in cat videos, you know, because I go there to get away and to have an escape, but it’s inescapable. Right. There is constant division and there is constantly people telling you their side of things in a very authoritative way that. Then leads everyone in the comments to begin arguing, right? So many times we see this and you know, people comment and argue in the comments around CAT videos as well. So it is just everywhere. And then I go to Instagram or I go to Facebook and people are arguing there. And gosh, sometimes it’s people that I’ve known my whole life and I think like. How do I disagree so deeply with what they’re saying? And so we’re seeing all of these things all the time that that cause us to feel constriction. If we watch the news, we feel constriction there. And then if we have constriction at home in our own marriage, just over little things that are happening or big things in our lives, right? So the truth is you really just cannot get away from it. It’s everywhere. And when the world outside feels really unstable, it’s natural to tell yourself, now isn’t the time to deal with my marriage. Like I have to wait for things to settle down. I think this makes a lot of sense, and I hear this from women over and over and over again. Like, I need to wait till I know what’s happening in the world before I deal with this. But here’s the truth. That is that waiting actually isn’t the thing that gives you safety. Waiting’s actually the thing that’s keeping you stuck and that stuck feeling. That is a really exhausting place to live. And the longer you stay there, the more depleted you actually get and the more depleted you get, the less able you are to be able to cope with what’s happening. So. Let’s talk about why we get stuck in the first place. So when the world starts to feel really unpredictable, right? Our, our what we’re seeing out in the world, but also inside, right? When our world, the world, our world, our brain naturally defaults to survival. So. I have said probably on the podcast a million times, but I, I like this example because I think we can think about this from a biological perspective. If I am walking through a field and there’s a rustle in the grass, I have to know that there’s a tiger, right? I have to know that there’s something that maybe unsafe to me, something that might harm me, and so I begin to become, become acutely aware of the rustle in the grass. But the truth is now I can go outside and walk my dog and I don’t have to worry about a tiger, right? But my brain. Still has that high alert and so it kind of like swoosh really up close. So now it’s scanning for patterns, right? Patterns of anything that I see that will also trigger that, oh, there’s a tiger in the grass. It might be a a. Something on TV or a comment or something that our brains are like, that’s the pattern. And right now we’re being fed so much information that it can become really alarming and our brains don’t know what’s real, what’s not real, when to shut off. Uh, I will go from a horrific. Video to the very next one of somebody’s birthday party. And my brain’s not designed to go from tragedy to happiness in, in a swipe. And so what happens is that fight, flight, or freeze kicks in and it kicks in at times where I, it may not have in the past. And in marriage limbo freeze can tend to really take over. That typically is the, the version of that that I see really, really often is just freeze. I get stuck. I don’t know how to make a decision, so I just stay where I am and I’m just doing everything that I can to maintain the status quo. Like just to keep things like, so it feels like there’s an equilibrium, right? And so that looks like running through the same pros and cons list in your head. You know, I’ve even talked with people that have like a running list and a notebook by their bed, and every night they pull it out and look and add things to it and delete things. Um, it looks like avoiding conversations, right? Because you’re really afraid of what the fallout is. Or you’ve had this conversation before, or you know, this doesn’t go anywhere. Or, you know, no matter how many times you try it, it’s not gonna make you feel better. And so when you feel that pattern start to happen, you just like opt out. You’re just like, I’m gonna go in my own room and I talk to women every day that say. You know, right. As soon as dinner’s done, like I just leave, I go in my room, do my thing, he goes and watches tv. Like there is just this separation, right? Um, that can look like telling yourself like, I’m gonna figure this out, but it’s gonna have to be later because the graduation is coming. Or it’s my son’s final year of school, or, I have that trip planned. Or Christmas, the holidays are coming, all of these things. But the truth is later just never comes. And every day that you stay in that purgatory. You’re spending energy that you’ll never get back, right? I mean, the day is done. You’ve spent the energy on those things, and you’ll never be able to get that back. So here’s what’s really happening, is that your brain is actually wired for safety. So it’s not wired for happiness, it’s not wired for joy, sadly, that would be amazing. But our brain is actually wired to just keep us alive. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter to our brains if we’re happy doing it, safety means stick with what we know, even if it hurts. So when you imagine leaving, alarm bells go off, right? What about the kids? What if I regret it? What if I have to move to a different town? What if I, where would I go? What would happen? And when you imagine staying. There are more alarms, right? What if this is all there is? What if I waste my life? What if I, you know, turn 70 and then realize I should have left when I was 50? Like, what if, what if, what if? And because neither way feels safe. Your brain decides that the safest option is gonna be to do nothing. It’s just gonna cause you to freeze, and that’s why you feel so paralyzed. So here’s the thing that I have recognized that most people don’t realize, and that is that indecision isn’t neutral. It costs you sleep, it costs you energy. And I think from my own experience, one of the biggest things that it costs you is self-trust. So the longer that you sit in purgatory, the heavier that cost gets. I know when I was going through my own indecision for years and years in my marriage, I would have ups and downs. I would try so hard to get myself to a place where I felt like this is sustainable. I just didn’t wanna be thinking about it every single day. But the truth was that it was taking up most of my brain power. And when I look back, I think of all the things I could have done for a decade. That I didn’t do, that I didn’t experience because I was frozen. And I also can look back now that I am living a different life, which, we’ll, we can talk about, but I can look back and I can say, I. I, I hum. Like I got myself really in a huddle, right? Like, I didn’t go out and meet friends. I didn’t go out and create relationships that I wanted or have experiences that I wanted. Now that might not be anybody, everybody, but what I’m saying is it starts to pull you in. This indecision starts to pull you into a protective pattern, however that looks for you. So it may be that you just get really quiet. It may be that you just disengage. It may be that you exit and you spend more time with friends because you don’t wanna be at the house. Maybe you spend more time at the house ’cause that feels safe. So, however your brain is processing this, I just want you to notice that the indecision isn’t neutral. It’s causing you to do things that you wouldn’t do if you were on a stable trajectory. So here is the grounding question for you and the tool. So we wanna start breaking down that freeze response. And so there are some practices and you know, inside the Navigate method, do we really teach nervous system regulation? And I think this is something that is, that everybody should learn. Everybody should learn because it serves you in so many ways. It change your life, being able to regulate your own nervous system. And for this, we’re gonna give some gr a grounding question that is gonna be a way for you to start to get in touch with what’s really happening inside yourself. You know, we tend to have so many things on our mind and so many places that we’re being pulled. So when we get out of bed, the first thing on our mind is, I gotta get going. I know that’s like the first thing I think is I gotta get going. And so then I get going. And if you’ve got kids at home, if you’ve got like just a busy schedule, if you’ve gotta get to work, if you’ve got multiple things that you’re juggling, then you’re moving forward into the future and bringing that instability with you. And so it’s sort of shutting down this place that you. Could get grounded and starting your day off in a freeze state, right? Just doing what has to be done to be able to move forward and it becomes rote like the things that you do or the things you always do, and that’s how everything plays out. Yeah. Then we start moving into all of these patterns that we play out in our relationship that create the same thing over and over and over and over again, right? So here’s how I want you to start breaking up this freeze response every morning. I want you to ask yourself, what would make me feel 1% more stable today? Maybe it’s what would make me feel 5% more stable or 10% more stable. As you start to get a handle on what that would be, just kind of play with that. But giving yourself that percentage, what would make me feel 5% more stable today? And then write that down and then do it so it doesn’t have to be something big. Maybe it’s go for a little walk and I tell people, start very small. Walk down your street and turn around and come back, right? Don’t leave your phone at home and just walk for a minute and come back. Maybe it’s telling yourself one truth that you’ve been avoiding. Maybe it’s something simple like cleaning out a junk drawer, right? So that your environment feels calmer. Getting into work and really organizing your desk before you get going. Maybe it’s clapping your hands together and rubbing them together. You’ll notice, take a big deep breath when you do that, and you’ll start to feel a little bit calmer. So these small actions create an internal safety and the safety is the foundation for your clarity. So that’s your challenge for today. Find your five. And in our next episode, I’m gonna show you why waiting feels like the safe choice, but it’s actually costing you way more than you think. And how to finally see the price that you’re paying for staying in that limbo. All right, I’ll see you over there. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

We all do it, what are you putting off until tomorrow that you could do today? In this episode, Betsy talks about some things she recently tackled instead of kicking them down the road and how empowering that can be. Sometimes we let fear and anticipation stand in our own way, so listen in, and consider something you want to challenge yourself to stop kicking down the road. Transcript: Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome. Welcome to the show everybody. So right before I started talking, I was like, I’m gonna take these Invisalign out. You guys know I’ve had this Invisalign now for a while, a couple of months. It. Lots of times people say they can’t tell I speak any differently, but it sure feels different to me. So anyway, as I was taking them out, I was like, oh my gosh, it’s already September 17th as I’m recording this and I only have to keep this a couple until the end of October. Like I’m almost done. And I just started thinking about that when I went to go get [00:01:00] them. I had been putting this off. Like literally for years I had a bunch of teeth work that had to be done, a crown and a filling and all kinds of stuff. And then this was like the final step right in me having glorious teeth. And so I had braces as a kid, but then as I’ve gotten older, my teeth were shifting like a lot. It was really bothering me. And so finally, I was like, I’ve gotta take care of this. And I really didn’t wanna go through it. I really didn’t want to. But the time was gonna pass anyway. And , I gotta tell you, like I’m so glad that I did, and I know that there are sometimes things that we’re like, I have to deal with that, but I don’t want to. And I think the anticipation of it. Is way worse than the actuality of it. Right? This past week, if you’ve followed me on social media, you know, I’ve been posting about how I have been in the middle of a five day CLI Siri journey. So [00:02:00] CLI Siri is a cream that you put on your face and the cycle is like five days. And I’ve heard other people have to do them 10 or , 15, 20. Like people do them much longer. And it is for pre-cancerous. AKs, I forget what the word is, but it’s like little scaly patches that show up on your skin. And when I went to the dermatologist last time, she said, , there’s so many of these that were burning off your skin every time. Like we should just go do a big cleanup and have you do this five day Cly Siri treatment. And so I Googled it and it’s pretty new. I think they used to use a different kind of product before, but I think this is pretty new. So there wasn’t a lot of people talking about it online or a lot of pictures or you know, journeys that were shared. And the ones that I did see looked so terrible. So I get this five day. Cream and it’s little packets. So you get five [00:03:00] little packets and you have to put the whole packet on your face every night for five days. And the dermatologist said to me, you’re gonna do one. And then day two, and then day three, like right before you go to bed, day four, day five. And when you wake up day six, your whole face is gonna be red. And you know, it’ll take a few days to a couple weeks for it to feel better. And then when I Googled and I saw photos. It was complete insanity and it looked terrible. I saw a woman on TikTok that actually like kept track of her journey, and she talked about how the pain was so bad that she just laid on her bed and listened to podcasts and had a fan on her face. Like it was so terrible. And so I kept putting it off, putting it off, putting it off. I had the medicine, I paid for it, and finally I was like, I think I gotta just do it. Like if I’m gonna do it, do it. The time is gonna go by anyway. And if I do it now, I can be done next week. Right? Or I can keep [00:04:00] worrying about it and do nothing and the next week will still come. And so I started doing it and I have to tell you, and I, I’ve posted, so if you might have seen it online, but I mean, it looks bad, I think it looks worse than it feels and. Tylenol took away the pain. I was never laying on my bed. Maybe I’m a complete badass, I dunno. But I was never laying on the bed with a fan. It was fine. I mean, it was uncomfortable and it wasn’t the greatest. And of course I can’t, nor would I want to wear makeup or anything like that over it, but you know, whatever. I’m just living my life. The time would’ve passed anyway. And the worst part. Even now having gone through it, ’cause now I’m through, I’m like on day eight, I can tell it’s a lot better. The anticipation of dealing with it was worse. So sometimes it’s not the actual thing. It’s the anticipation of the thing that [00:05:00] we like, spend all this time really working up in our brains, right? Making us feel like it’s gonna be so much harder or so much bigger when we actually just deal with it. When we’re actually like, you know what? I’m gonna roar. I’m gonna lean into who I really am and just take care of this. . I mean, I know it sounds so stupid. I’m gonna do the Invisalign. I’m gonna do this crap on my face. I’m gonna take care of the things that medically needed to be taken care of. And I think we have this in so many parts of our lives. I think that this shows up in work. It shows up in hard conversations. It shows up in like having to deal with big things in our lives that have been big things for a long time. And , I think the longer. We have those things, the harder it is because what we’ve done is built up a lot of momentum around the idea that it’s going to be really hard, right around [00:06:00] the idea that it’s going to be bad or uncomfortable. But the truth is you can deal with bad or uncomfortable. You can, all you have to do is trust that you can deal with whatever is gonna happen. And I gotta tell you, I was so trepidatious about doing this Cly Siri cream on my face. I really didn’t want to. I almost didn’t. I almost was like, you know what? It was only a hundred bucks, which it’s a hundred bucks. It was only a hundred bucks. I’ll just trash it. Like I just, and then I was like, wait a minute. What I’m doing is telling myself the deepest part of myself, the identity of myself, the part that I really want to protect, the part of me that I really want to enforce in the way that I want her to be. What I’m doing is I’m telling her, you know what? You’re not worth dealing with this. Medically, [00:07:00] like you have precancerous spots on your face, you’re not worth fixing that, right? That’s what I would be saying. And more importantly, mindset wise, I’m telling her, you can’t handle it. Whatever happens, you can’t handle it. And I had to pause and say, what is it? It makes me think I can’t handle it. Now I know dealing with having Invisalign, I mean, my God, there’s worse things, right? Dealing with having to do cly Siri cream, although I will say on day four when it was raw and red, red, red, having to put that cream on again was like, uh, I was like, I don’t wanna do it. I’m gonna do it. I don’t wanna do it. I’m gonna do it. Like it was so stressful, but I can handle it and you can handle it too. You’ve got things in your life you’ve been pushing off, kicking the can down the road, right? Not dealing with the stuff you have to deal with. Maybe it’s a big thing, like something in your health. Maybe it’s something at work. [00:08:00] Maybe it’s a project you’ve been putting off. Maybe it’s something in your relationship, like a really courageous conversation that it’s just time that you have. Maybe it’s getting your teeth fixed, whatever it is. Big or small, it’s important because if it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t be thinking about it. You wouldn’t be dreading it. I don’t have this kind of feeling when I go to brush my teeth in the morning. I don’t go, oh, I don’t want to. It’s not important. I just do it, , but when things show up like that, it is a sign that this thing feels scary to me. So it’s important and it’s an opportunity. It’s an opportunity for me to grow, to change in this. And I did that episode a month or so ago about walking down the hallway, and about how we always, we’re constantly becoming [00:09:00] someone new. Every time you make a decision and when you choose to do the hard thing, you’re making a huge decision. A huge shift in your identity, showing yourself and showing up like a really brave person that you most likely wanna be. You know, my daughter and I have had our moments like all mothers and daughters, and the one thing that I’m really proud of with her is that if I say to her, we need to have a courageous conversation, she can do it. She can do it. She might not like it, but she’s able to show up and to keep her emotions in check, right? To understand herself. I think she knows that I’m a safe person to listen to her side of things, but we can have courageous conversations. Now, if I said I need to talk to you about [00:10:00] something, it would not go the same way, but by framing it as. We gotta have a courageous conversation. Can you do this? Then she can. And I think sometimes there’s that moment where we have to say to ourself, alright, self, we need to have a courageous conversation. Like it’s important to me to be able to take care of pre-cancerous cells on my face and I can move through this and it might be uncomfortable, but that’s okay. I can do it. I’ve done hard things before and I’ve come out on the other side, and I can do this too. I keep saying that. I don’t feel like the Cly cereal is that big of a deal, but it’s a good example, right? Sometimes it’s just about cleaning out your junk drawer, right? You’re like, oh my God. Every time I go to that drawer, it makes me feel yucky. I get annoyed ’cause everything gets caught. I mean, that’s such a small thing, but that’s the same way. [00:11:00] How you do one thing is how you do everything. And if you can tackle that thing, you can tackle the big thing too. I really think that this is an important part of my growth and lessons of not pushing things off. I think sometimes we get in situations where pushing things off becomes the norm, and then we have to really catch ourselves when we have the power to decide how things go. Do we push things off or are we ready to stand up and do the hard thing? And I think when you can do that, that is how you live a big life. All right. Thanks so much for being here. You know, if you’ve been kicking the can down the road about your marriage and you really wanna fix it, or you wanna figure out what to do and get that clarity. We have that free video on my website if you just go to betsy pick.com. But if you’re ready to book a call, you can just message me and we’ll send you the link to our [00:12:00] calendar. We can help you kinda walk through and get the clarity that you need on whether you need our help or if we can even help you. So if you’re ready to take that step, just reach out or go to our website and there’s a place to book a call there. All right. Have an amazing week. I love you guys so much. I’ll see you guys next week. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay. And on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, host Betsy Pake asks us to replace the term starting over with starting wiser as we never truly start over. We build on our life experiences, which make us wiser and we recognize our past as we continue with our present and future. Life is an evolution, not a series of restarts. Transcript Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big Today. I have a thi, this is like a theme that keeps coming up and so I thought there’s gotta be something in this, right? Like any, anytime something keeps coming up, I’m like, alright, maybe I need to slow down and really think about what is happening. And what the lesson is in that, for me, typically I try and figure out what’s the lesson in this for me? And then , if it’s any good, then I bring it to you in case it’s like a universal. So here’s how this started. So my daughter [00:01:00] is going back to school. So if you’ve been here for a long time, you might remember she went to scad. She is 23. So she went to SCAD like three years ago, four years ago. And she did amazing. She was on the dean’s list her first semester, her second semester Dean’s list. The third, well, they do like, it’s a little different, but in the, the way they divided up, so , in the fall when she started Dean’s list, Dean list, then in the spring dean’s list, and then that last bit of the school year, it was like April. She just like crashed out. It was so stressful. And, uh, there’s a lot to that story, but she just was like, I hate this. I can’t do it anymore, basically. So she decided to leave school and it was really, it was disappointing, but I also felt really sad for her and she was like, I gotta figure out what I’m supposed to do, you know? So in the meantime, she’s had a couple jobs that she’s [00:02:00] really liked and she’s really liked the people. The one job she had actually led to the second job and , she felt like she was moving up right, getting new opportunities and felt really good about it. But I think there was always something sort of gnawing at her. And maybe you’ve had this happen too, where you’re like, I made a decision to stop doing what I was doing. And now I’m in a holding pattern. I haven’t really moved on to the next thing. I’m just in this like in between. And with her, I think there was a feeling of I’ll know when I know, and also a little bit of like maybe I’ll never know. So she would kind of go back and forth between this. Okay. So over the years, since she was like six. She has loved Anthony Bourdain. It’s been her screensaver on her phone like for years. I think it’s one of her earliest memories that she talks about is watching [00:03:00] Anthony Bourdain on TV with her dad, and it’s like such a good memory. And so she has talked about being a chef, about maybe I should be a chef. It would be fun to be a chef. There’s not really any culinary schools here in Atlanta. Fast forward. About two months ago, we were chitchatting one day and she said, I looked up culinary school and the culinary school where Anthony Bourdain went is in New York, and you guys may know of that, the Culinary Institute of America. And she decided that she wanted to apply. Now I really decided she needed to figure it all out. I wasn’t gonna, not that I wasn’t gonna help, but I wasn’t, I was gonna let her figure it out. ’cause I wanted to see if the drive was strong enough to move through some of the hard parts of figuring it all out. And she did. She figured it [00:04:00] all out and she got accepted and she’ll be hopefully starting in a few months. She’s going up in just a couple weeks to look for an apartment and really her whole life is about to shift. She’s moving into the next phase out of the in-between and into what’s next. And she said something to me about how she sort of regretted that maybe that she left SCAD years ago or that she even started, like there was this. I’ve wasted time and I could relate so deeply to that, right? And you guys probably can too. There’s a million different things where we think, oh my God, I’m starting over., Maybe you got left. Let go from your job and now you’re gotta start over. Maybe you’re really wanting to shift careers. Maybe you’ve gotten divorced and you’re starting over. Maybe you suffered a really big financial [00:05:00] hardship and you’re starting over. Whatever it is, it feels like you’re starting over. And when I was talking to her, I totally understood that feeling and that she was coming from, but also, you’re never starting over. It’s a myth. It’s a myth that you’re starting over, you’re not starting over. You’re starting wiser. And I felt so strongly about that with her. It made me take a look at some things in my own life. Now, here’s a really quick little story, but I have a really nice camera that I bought during COV and I have never really, I’ve never really figured it out. Last summer, I hired a photographer to help me, teach me all the ways, and she made a PowerPoint for me and I have. Information to reference. [00:06:00] And I practiced a little bit after, but this weekend I thought, I want to figure out the camera, maybe I’ll pull it out again. And then I was like, ah, I’m gonna be starting over. And it reminded me of that conversation with my daughter and I was like, are we ever really starting over? And when I say this is a myth, you know, we have this idea that. Of, I’m gonna say it this way, many of us, maybe not you, if, if it’s not you, I’m so jealous. But of this like all or nothing. I know I have had that over the years. I feel like it’s something I’ve begun to get under control over the past few years. But this all or nothing, so. If I’ve screwed up, I have to scrap it all and start over. Like if I’m doing something and I mess up, I’ll just start again next week. Like, I gotta start on a Monday. I gotta start on the first of the month. I gotta wait till New Year’s. I gotta like, it’s, it’s done. But the truth of [00:07:00] that is, is not that it’s done. That is a myth. It is a myth that you erase. The slate and the slate is wiped clean. Right? That’s a myth. The slate isn’t wiped clean because you have experiences, you have knowledge, you have new ways of doing things and seeing things. You have new neuro connections from the first time that you learned how to do it or took an interest in it or tried to figure it out or took the leap or whatever it is. You’ve got new skills and so. Recognized because so often we don’t recognize it necessarily in ourself unless we pause, right. To really notice. But I recognized it when it happened to me because of the conversation that I’d had with my daughter and that language of, ugh, I’m starting over, can feel so disempowering. It was so easy for me to look at her [00:08:00] and say, oh my God. Of course you’re not starting over. You have all this new information, right? Life is a progression. Each thing really builds on itself. You’re not losing anything, and that thought that there is something that you have to start over means there is some finish line and there’s just never really a finish line. There’s not a reset button because it’s a continuum. There’s not a start and a stop. It’s, I’m always learning lessons and I’m always changing how I’m seeing things, and I’m always growing, and I’m always being exposed to new things. So the idea that you have to restart, you could think of it instead, like I’m relaunching. And that’s what she’s doing. She’s relaunching with loads of upgrades, loads of skills that she didn’t have before, a maturity she didn’t have before. [00:09:00] Her brain has grown a whole lot, right? ’cause she’s almost 24. So her prefrontal cortex wasn’t even close to being completed when she started school before. Now it’s close to being completed. So I want you to be thinking. About the ways that you’re disempowering yourself by thinking either about things that have already happened or things that you perceive will be happening or that you’re fearful of happening because you think that this is a starting over. But really the skills and the lessons and the resilience begin to stack up even if the setting changes. So I wanna talk about a couple quick things that I want you to be thinking about that might give you a different perspective. So a couple things that you could, almost like a checklist in your mind. Right? The first thing is emotional [00:10:00] intelligence. So this is a hidden asset and we learn a lot about ourselves as we grow older. If you’re paying attention at all, which I’m guessing you do, pay attention ’cause you’re here, right? If you’re, you wouldn’t be listening to this if you were not paying attention. So our emotional intelligence, the more we pay attention and the more we grow and the more we get to know our ourselves, the older we get, it’s such a gift. To be older and have challenges is so much easier I think. I think, than being really young in a lot of ways. So. One of the hidden assets that you probably overlook is your emotional intelligence. Just how much you’re able to conceptualize and understand things and see things in a new way, and. Relate to people in terms of that challenge that you have, that opportunity that you have, you probably have a way bigger network now, and connections. You know, I even, my daughter found that, [00:11:00] and she’s only 24, right? Where she was like, oh, you know, I know somebody that knows somebody. And you know, the, the front, the front part of. The Culinary Institute, when you drive in, there’s like this huge plaza, it’s called Anton Plaza, and there’s like a big fountain and the Antons donated all this money, right, to have it. We know them. They gave Olive of baby clothes when she was young. Olives nano worked for them for years and years and years and years and years, so. All of a sudden we’re putting all these things together, right? These networking and connections, and you have those too with things where you’re like, oh my gosh, there’s so many connections I didn’t even realize like I lost my job, but now I’m looking for a new job and I’m realizing the place I wanna work that I’ve always wanted to work has like three other people I know. There’s just things that come up when you open your mind to it. . This perspective, I’m gonna say this perspective and maturity that [00:12:00] you have can really empower you to think of this as not a start over, but a movement forward. A relaunching with upgrades, right? And so I want you to just think about your toolkit. Think about the things that you have that you didn’t have when you went through something similar, right? That you didn’t have last time you had this challenge. And then I want you to think about looking at your own story and finding the through lines. Look at the things that have happened and say what’s similar in all these, like what are the times where I went through something really hard and now I can draw on the experience , that I created with the success at the end? And it doesn’t mean the experience went the way you wanted. But it means that you moved through it. That’s a success at the end. So what was it that you had to think about or believe or surround yourself with or change your [00:13:00] mind about and start bringing in that piece of that through line of that old story into your new story? Use it as fuel for the experience that I can move through this thing because I’ve moved through other things that were challenging too, and all I did in that experience was grow. Like that’s what happened to me. We either have success, right? I’m using success in air quotes, I’m using air quotes, like we either have this success, which is things going the way we wanted. That’s all that means, right? Really things going the way we thought they should have, or we have growth and learning that maybe sets us up for a bigger success, a greater success, something that we really desired even more an experience we wanted even more. And so it’s never really about starting over because you can never get rid of all of the great things that you’ve learned already.[00:14:00]  It’s not starting over at all. It’s starting from a place of being wiser. It’s starting from having all of these resources that you never had. So when you start thinking about your challenges, your problems, maybe as challenges, and then move those challenges into what are the opportunities here so that I can see how my past story is actually creating. A huge avenue for success for me moving forward. I think when you can do that, that is when you live a big life. All right. Thanks so much for being here. I will see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger.Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. [00:15:00] You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Get ready for the ‘ah-ha’ moments in this episode of The Art of Living Big. Take a drive, go for a walk, or just cuddle up and press play whilst Betsy delivers the advice we all need to live a more intentional, and more joyful life. Betsy reminds us that we must be present in our unhappiness rather than avoiding discomfort because that is when we see growth in ourselves and those around us. Transcript: Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventurers. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show today. I have a quote that I saw that stopped me right in my tracks. And if you are fairly new here, you might really like this and align. And if you’ve been here a long time, you might really like this too. , there’s more for me to think about with this quote and I wanna talk about it. But I also have something really specific I wanna talk about today. So here’s the quote. Real men have a happy woman. The rest. Have a strong woman. Ah, I [00:01:00] really liked it. I was like, oh, yes, that resonates so much with me. So I want to dive in today and I wanna talk about a couple things. , I was in California, , a week and a half ago, two weeks ago for my coaching group. Where I am a coachee. I met with my coach and the whole team of people who are also coached, sort of like if people come into the Navigate Method. , I believe in coaching and so I always have a coach myself. So we meet, , about three times a year. And this time we met in California and the location where we got to meet every day. I’m not sure if you follow me on social media, but you may have seen it was this. Just really beautiful beach house. It was right in La Jolla, right on the, like on the cliff overlooking the ocean. It had those big giant doors, that you. Push and they’re like [00:02:00] windows, but they push open like giant doors. And so you could smell the ocean, you could hear the ocean, you could hear all the seagulls and birds. And I mean, it was, it was so beautiful. And when we were meeting, we were meeting at this big, huge, long dining room table. While we were meeting and somebody was talking or giving a presentation, I could hear the waves in the background and I was like, oh my gosh, there is very little. That sounds better to me than that sound. It really was so calming. I could feel like my nervous system. Just sort of toggling down and I just really, really enjoyed my time there. , It was really so incredible. I think it was one of my favorite times getting together with this group. I’ve known many of the people in this group for years and years, , and we meet together every week on Zoom, and so it’s so wonderful to be able to get together live. It was everything that I wanted it to be. , And really, really a [00:03:00] good use of my time. I kind of wish I’d stayed an extra day to sort of integrate and process. I think sometimes we can take in a lot of information, but if we’re not integrating it, if we’re not making it part of who we are, then it can kind of get lost when we get back into the regular hustle and bustle , of life. But one of the things that I was thinking about, I was laying in bed last night actually thinking about those giant windows and how far you could see when you opened them up and you were able to poke your head out and you could see more than you could if you were just sitting on the couch looking out the window. Right, and this makes sense. You’ve experienced this before, like clearly if you stick your head out the window, you’re gonna be able to see more to the left and more to the right. And as I was laying there last night, I was like, , that’s really what I wanna do. I [00:04:00] want to be able to help people stick their heads out the window to see more. Because what we see in our lives typically is this narrow view. Of what we’ve always been shown and that view sometime becomes so normal and ordinary that we think we know what it is. Years ago I went , and stayed in an Airbnb down in Florida for a month, and it was a condo right on the ocean. And I was so excited about it. If you’ve been here a long time, you know I love the ocean. , It was so beautiful and nice. And those first couple days, I mean, I was like, this is amazing. This is so incredible. And then I noticed by like day six or seven, like I didn’t even really pay attention. It already had become pretty normal. Right. And I think that’s what happens in our lives, right? We have this. Vantage point, and if you can imagine looking [00:05:00] out the window and seeing the same space of the ocean or looking at your life. Seeing the same things over and over again. The ocean may be changing, your life may be changing. Things may be different. But if you’re always expecting that very same thing you’re going to be searching for and finding that very same thing, which isn’t bad if that thing is exactly what you want, but the truth is that there’s way more. To see. There’s more to see when we just have an awareness and we look by being mindful and being present. But there’s also a way more to see. When you lean your head out the window and you’re able to look to the right and look to the left, you’re like, wow, there’s way more to this picture than I thought. And I think one of the things that happens when we start looking at our marriage or at a [00:06:00] relationship that we have that’s important to us, and it has been unhappy for quite a long time, is that’s what we see. That’s the frame in which we are experiencing the relationship. And so to be able to experience it in any other way, we have to be willing to be really present in it. And when that is uncomfortable, when we don’t like what’s happening, we really. We really repel against being present in it because we’re like, I already know how bad this is. I want to disengage. I want to disconnect from it. I’m gonna have a glass of wine at night just so I don’t have to think about this, or I’m gonna retreat into the other room, or I’m gonna turn on TV or sports or movies or whatever it is. I’m not going to be present in this, and I’m not saying any of those things , in and of themselves is bad. [00:07:00] It’s just when we use it in order to disengage from the thing we don’t like, we’re no longer present. That thing. And if we’re no longer present, we’re not seeing anything different, and we’re also not able to create any change. So when we start to do the work of really disseminating what we have in our lives, whether it’s a relationship or something in your career, or just how you feel about yourself or anything, any part of your life, it’s ultra important. To be able to notice where you’re disconnecting, where you’re opting out, and then ask yourself, what is it that I’m trying to avoid? When you know what it is you’re trying to avoid, it becomes much easier to actually face that thing now. Here’s what I really, really wanna talk about [00:08:00] in all of this, because the women that I work with in the Navigate Method, , many of them have been struggling for a decade or two decades. I mean, it can be a very long time. Sometimes women have been married, , 30, 35 years, and they’re. Yeah, looking back on the past 35 years and they’re like, this really hasn’t been good. , I’ve focused on other things, or I focused on my kids when my kids were young, or I, , created good friendships, but I used all of that to opt out. I know for me, I really used something that you would think is really good, which was meditation. I would meditate sometimes for hours, and I always thought, this is, really good. But I was meditating in order to withstand the level of frustration and stress that I had. I wasn’t meditating to what we [00:09:00] typically think of as meditation, right? Of like being still and , getting in touch with ourselves and exploring new things. There was a little bit of that. But , the drive for it was to be able to cope with extreme unhappiness. And so I think sometimes you have to look at the things that you’re doing and , those things may be like quote unquote healthy things, right? You may be working out excessively, you might be off with friends all the time. The, tipping point for that is, is it. Helping you to withstand more unhappiness, and if it’s helping you to withstand more unhappiness , there’s a point where you have to stop and you have to be present with the unhappiness or else nothing is going to change. One of the things when I talk with women, and they’ll ask me, , why is this always up to [00:10:00] me? Like, why am I the one? And people ask me this sometimes on social media, like they’ll post on my posts and say, why is it up to us? Like I’m exhausted. Sometimes people , will even say on my posts, this feels very patriarchal. Like, why am I the one that has to , do this work? And I always say, you don’t have to do it, but this is your life. I’m not even talking about your relationship. This is your life and if you have to opt out in order to withstand what’s happening on a day to day in your life, then it’s time you do something different. If you have been asking your husband for years to listen to you, to go to therapy maybe, or to change in some way or. Just to hear you. If you [00:11:00] have been asking for years and he’s not doing it, then he’s not going to do it. And you need to take control of your life and create a life that you really love. And you can’t make a decision on whether that life includes him or not until you get a handle on your own side of the street until you look at your own stuff and you figure out what it is that caused you to make the choice to be with that person. What caused you to withstand that for so long? What are the things that are happening in you that makes you feel like that’s what you are worthy of? I don’t think that you can really make , a shift or a change or a decision to change your relationship until you look at that stuff. I mean, can you technically Yeah, you absolutely can. [00:12:00] People do it all the time and then they end up in the same relationship again like five years later. Right? So. In order to do it and not feel regret, not look back and think you’ve made, wonder if you’ve made the wrong decision or if there’s anything else you could do. When you get that clarity around your own life, you’re really clear on what your standards are, what your values are, how you wanna live your life, the ways that you deserve to be treated or respected, until you get really clear on that stuff. Then you’re never going to be able to make a decision that is without any kind of, , second guessing or regret or wondering or any of that stuff. But when you can get really clear on that, you can feel really solid in the decision that you make. And. Are there times where women make these really big, huge changes? These shifts in how they’re [00:13:00] operating and their husbands act different? Absolutely. All the time. And the reason is because when you learn how to hold boundaries or you value yourself in a different way, everybody around you has to react different because you no longer put up with what you used to put up with. But here’s the thing. Is that, will that be enough? Will it be enough now? And I see this over and over again and I see it in my program all the time, that when women get to the place where , they have made these really huge changes. They see themselves differently. They’ve done that deep work. Their husband is starting to react differently or respond differently to them. I’m gonna say it’s not enough. It’s they’re just responding differently, but they’re not seeing it as an opportunity to grow together When you have a relationship that’s not working, it’s a huge, huge opportunity for spiritual growth. It’s a huge [00:14:00] opportunity to come together and really work things out. It can be a great thing. I also think it is important. To be able to look out that window and be able to see to the right and to the left and to say, if I have been asking this person to listen to me, to help me to show up as a partner, if I’ve been asking for that and they weren’t stepping up. They weren’t listening to me or they weren’t trying anything or having a conversation, then . That is information where they’re telling you they’re okay with you being at this level of unhappiness. And I think that is a really important thing to recognize because that is a values difference. You wouldn’t be okay [00:15:00] with them being at that level of unhappiness and they are okay with you being at that level of unhappiness, then there may be a values difference there. And so, you know, lots of times women will say to me, will, my husband, change? Absolutely. Is totally possible and it’s totally possible. He’ll see it as an opportunity to begin to grow with you because. If he doesn’t, if he only does, I see this all the time. Once women are out, , they’ve moved outta the house and then suddenly , they see it as an opportunity. They wanna do the work. I would say , they’re choosing to do the work so that their life doesn’t change, but they’re still okay with you being at a level of unhappiness that was intolerable to you. And so getting you to a place. Where you can be looking out the window and really see things for what they are is only going to help you. [00:16:00] To be able to make better choices, to be able to understand what may or may not be happening, and to be able to evaluate if that’s true for you, right? Or if you see him making changes that you really wanna give this a shot, right? , I always say there is a moment where you may decide to leave. And then there’s hope and you can lean into hope and you can stay longer and see if anything changes. There’s no shame in that this process , can take as long as you need it to, to come to the conclusions you need in your relationship. The only thing I would caution about is if that process is including you stepping back from the window. It takes 10 years because you’re not wanting to pay attention. That’s something different. But if you are actively involved and doing the work and moving through this and building [00:17:00] your own life and cleaning up your side of the street, then it’s okay if it takes three years or two years or five years. These processes are really important to be able to move through, and I think you can get the skills. To do this in a short amount of time and then you’ve got to look for the evidence. Is this working? Is this moving me to the place where I really wanna be? , So going back to what people ask me, like, why is it always up to us? It’s totally not, but it’s your life. And if you’re not doing this work of cleaning up your side of the street and you’re just sitting on the couch, then you’ve gotta be okay then with. Life not going the way that you want. If it’s not going the way that you want, you’ve got to actively do something different. And that doesn’t mean try and change your husband because we all know that doesn’t work. If it worked, it would’ve worked a decade ago. That doesn’t work, [00:18:00] but working on yourself. Looking at your own stuff, looking at your own standards and values, and then making an educated choice from there is the way to go, but you can’t do that if you’re sitting on the sidelines, and that is how you live a big life. All right. Thanks so much everyone, for being here. I love you so much. I’ll see you next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today.You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living [00:19:00] big.

In this episode, Betsy discusses the emotional transition of moving into her own space and the significance of self-regulation. She emphasizes the importance of discovering personal happiness by embracing new experiences. Betsy concludes with an exercise to help listeners identify what brings them joy. Transcript: 395 how i find more joy in my life [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventurers. Hi everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I am pre-recording this,, usually I record like. Right before the show, a couple days before, or the earlier in the week, but I’m going to California. So as you’re listening to this, I’ve probably just come home from California. I am in a coaching group as a coachee, and every year, several times a year, we all get together. And so I’ll be heading to California to meet up with fellow entrepreneurs that have been on the same journey as me. And it’s always really, really, empowering and [00:01:00] fills my soul to get to be with these people, we all keep in touch so much throughout the weeks and we all get together once a week on Zoom and , get help and get our questions asked and those kinds of things. But just to have that comradery is so important. I think being on any kind of journey, you know, and this is how come inside the Navigate method, the community is such a big part of it. And getting together live. I have found more and more to be just. Really important and exciting. We’re actually pulling together a live event for Navigate People next year, and it’s been so fun to look at that and what we could do together, live different than maybe what we could do together, , together online, uh, like hug. I can’t wait. Like I’m really, really excited. A couple weeks ago, one of my clients was in town. For a training. And so I got to see her and so I asked her, I was on staycation that week and I said, can I come and meet you and we’ll go to breakfast? And she was like, sure. And so I did, and it was so lovely to [00:02:00] see her. Then I was like, can I come get you tomorrow? She was like, sure. But like it was. It was so, so great. I think there was something really wonderful about being able to do things online and to be able to have Zoom and to be able to make those connections. And I think there’s something really fabulous about creating space to be together in person too, you know? And I think. COVID kind of taught us that too, right? Like , that personal piece of it can just be really so lovely and such an addition to our lives. So anyway, I’m looking at all that and so I’m recording this a week before, so I wanted to share a little bit about some things that have been happening with me because I get this question a lot on social media. So I wanted to. Shift and to share a little bit about some things I’m discovering. So this may not be a very long episode, but I wanted to answer this question so people reach out sometime to ask me about my divorce or what happened [00:03:00] or any of that. It’s boring. I’m not gonna bore you with any of that, but I am gonna tell you how. Good things are and what I’ve discovered about myself moving forward. So if you have been along on this journey, or you’ve followed me on social media, you know that my husband, former husband and I separated. We tried to work it out, didn’t work out, and so we sold our house and moved our separate ways. I wish him all the best, but my life still continues on. And that’s really where my focus is. And so what I have found that has been so incredible, and I’m gonna give you a thought or a action, a little exercise that you can do at the end of this episode, whether you live alone or not, and it’s something that I did when I was married. And it’s something that I have found to profoundly grow while I have been alone. So if you are on the fence or you are just [00:04:00] recently separated maybe, or you’re getting divorced or you’ve just got divorced,, whatever your situation is, I hope that this episode brings you some comfort and some excitement about what could be possible, right? What could happen. So let’s start. Let’s start at the beginning. One of the things that I think happens no matter what is going on in your marriage or your relationship, maybe you just live with somebody and you’re moving out. Maybe you just have a roommate and it’s a , platonic friendship and you’re moving out. There’s something that happens when you leave. A home with somebody else and you move into a space that just includes yourself. And I think that transition is something really important to recognize and to honor because your nervous system has to re acclimate. And what our nervous systems do when we’re with somebody, even if we’re unhappy, [00:05:00] is it begins to co-regulate. So many of the women that I work with talk about how they feel like they have to be the one that regulates their husband, right? So if he’s in a bad mood, they feel like they need to manage that, or if something’s going on, they’re just constantly scanning, right? So. I think that’s like a worst case scenario. But then even if you are with somebody and you’re happy, or it’s just a platonic, like a just a roommate situation, and there is a feedback loop, right? When you’re with somebody else, energetically, your nervous system is regulating to them. You get into ways of being and being in a home with somebody else, and so when you make that shift and you suddenly are all by yourself, I wanna just offer the thought that it’s gonna feel different. It may feel a lot better, but it also, because remember last week we talked about holding two truths at once. It can also feel a little [00:06:00] dysregulating because you’re like, wait a minute, I’m constant. I’m normally constantly scanning for somebody, or I’m normally co-regulating with somebody. And so I noticed when I moved into my own space that there was one night when I first moved in that first week, it rained like insane. My apartment is on the top floor. It’s the penthouse, as I call it., It’s the top floor of an apartment. It’s a penthouse, and the building looks like a shipping container. Do you know what I mean? It’s like that corrugated metal. And so when the rain hits it, it’s amazing. It sounds. So, I mean, you could sleep for a hundred years in here, right? It’s so great. And so that week that I moved, it was insane rain, just downpours for days, like every day and all night long. And I woke up to some thunder at like two or three in the morning and. Woke up and I scanned for my dog, [00:07:00] which I, who I didn’t have anymore ’cause he would be upset. So I scanned for him and then recognized I was alone. And so I got up and I put my bathrobe on and I went out to the living room and I sat in the living room in the dark and I just listened. And I remember it feeling like I could exhale, like just really could be present with myself. And I could listen. I felt, you know, lots of times we’re on our phones, maybe you’re not. I am. Lots of times I’m on my phone and then I realize like, oh my God, I’ve walked all the way down the hallway and I haven’t even noticed. ’cause I’ve been checking messages as I’ve been going from one place to another or whatever it was so present, I felt like I could take like a big, deep exhale and I could feel my nervous system just. Toggling down, like decompressing. It was the sound, it was the dark, it was [00:08:00] the comfortable space I was sitting. It was the space to allow myself, I didn’t have anything to do. It was three o’clock in the morning and I remember being like, this is a place that I can heal, right? And we all have healing to do, but this is a place where I’m gonna really grow and I’m gonna discover who I am in a new way, and I’m gonna create. A life that makes me really happy. And I feel like that was a bit of a declaration of we could beat ourselves up for a multitude of. Things or experiences or ways of being that we’ve done in our lives, right? If I could go back to being 20 and do it over again, would I do it differently? Like we could do that, but I remember feeling like this is a demarcation from this place forward, I get to choose. I can’t fix what I’ve already screwed up. I can’t fix what went wrong. I can’t fix my part or someone else’s part in any [00:09:00] part of my journey. But I can choose from here how I create my life and how I respond to things moving forward. And I think that moment of feeling my nervous system, like it felt like junk, you know what I’m saying? Like where it just settled in and I could be so present with myself. And I could say , from here forward, I’m gonna get to choose something different. I think that can be a really, really important space to live in and to give ourselves like that gift of saying , there’s nothing I can do about what’s happened, but here’s what I’m gonna do moving forward. And one of the things that I thought about in that time was how I really wanted to experience my life and. , We all see things that we’re like, oh, I wish I had that. You know? And one of the things that I really wished was that I felt really alive like that. I had experiences [00:10:00] that I felt really alive. If you guys have been here for a while, or maybe you’ve listened back when I went to Iceland, which I think was like four years ago, that I remember that experience I chose because I knew it would make me feel really alive. So if I’m feeling really alive, what kinds of things am I doing? I’m super present, right? I’m finding things that bring me joy. There’s novelty, like there’s new things and I’m trying things. And I think that sometimes we get a bit set in our ways, whether we live with someone else or not, where we’re doing the same kinds of things. And then we’re feeling like, I wish I felt a spark of like aliveness. But I think that aliveness can also be novelty, and I think novelty comes from trying new things or trying the same things with new people, and so you create a new experience in that. [00:11:00] So the next thing that I was just thinking through was like, what are the things right now that I really like? I remember several years ago, probably about five years ago, I was at a training. And someone asked me, what do you do that makes you happy? Which I remember being really mad that they asked me that. I know this is so vulnerable that I’m telling you this, but I remember being really annoyed. Like, what do you know about me?, I didn’t know this person. So , what do you mean what makes me happy? And she asked a totally valid question. Maybe it was the tone, like maybe there was something else that I sensed. But the point is that it made me uncomfortable because I didn’t really know that I, there was aspects of things that I knew, but a lot of my joy came from helping other people. And that’s not bad. And that still exists today, but there also has to be more. Right. There has to be more. And so when I was sitting there, I was like, what [00:12:00] makes me happy? And I thought about that moment where that woman asked me that. I don’t even remember her name, but I just remember being, I just remember being like, what do you know? But I thought, what makes me happy? And I thought, so on one side of the stick, I thought, I don’t know. And on the other side of the stick, I thought, I get to find out. I get to find out. And so I started trying a lot of new things and some of the things I really liked, some of the things were fine and, I may or may not do them again. And some of the things I was like, meh, I don’t like that. So I wanna go through a variety of things, and this is just my personal things. It may be interesting to you, it may. Spur thoughts or ideas of your own, which is what I hope. , But I wanna just tell you the range of things because I think that sometimes we get [00:13:00] where we only see what’s right in front of us, and I still do, there’s more for me to explore, but , I’m trying to be exposed to lots of different things, so. Right off the bat, one of the things that I did was, I start, I had gone to Mahjong, so there’s this Chinese restaurant near me that has Mahjong like every other Monday night, and I had went several times last summer and I really liked it and. , Mahjong takes a table of four people and so when they have Mahjong nights, you can go and rent a table and have four people and you all go and it’s so fun. They teach you how to play Mahjong if you’ve never played. Or they’ll give you a refresh every other week. ’cause my brain completely deletes everything that I know. And so every other week I need to have a refresh. And then they feed you,? So they bring around dumb sim and you can get drinks or whatever you’re into, right? And so they have, it’s really just so fun. They have really [00:14:00] good food and it’s a fun atmosphere and the whole place is packed. The tickets sell out. And so I was like, I really wanna go, but because I never have, like I don’t have four people that I know that I could go and play Mahjong with. That is hard for me to find. And maybe you’re like that too. You’re like, who the heck would I go play Mahjong with? So they sell individual tickets. And so I started just buying individual tickets and going. Getting sat with people that I didn’t know. And the really interesting thing was that the people that I was sat with ended up being like the same people every other week. And so I started to know them and then they would bring a friend and I would get to know their friend, and then I brought a friend and they got to know my friend. And so I don’t always make it every other week, but I try to and it’s something that is really fun. And so. Taking the thing that had an aspect of it that felt fun and being like, how can I make this work for me? I don’t have four [00:15:00] people, but how can I make it work? And now my girlfriend and I are thinking like, how can we just create Mahjong at our house? I have Mahjong tiles at my house. I’m like, how can we make this like a monthly thing that we do with people that we know? So do I know one other person and she know one other person. And then we could create this really fun thing where we all get together and we all bring, , food and have our own experience at one of our homes. So. This one small thing started to create something that felt a little bit bigger. The other thing that I started doing was there is, and you may have heard me talk about this, but there is this app called Time Left. So time left is where you buy like a membership to Time left. I’m using Air quotes membership, . It’s , I don’t know, six months is 40 bucks or something like that. But what it does is it every week you can RSVP to go to dinner. And they match you with strangers. So when I started going, it was only Wednesday [00:16:00] nights and then they added Wednesdays and Fridays, and now they do a women’s only Tuesday night, which is fun. And so it gave me this exposure to a ton of different people. Now the interesting thing is I started going like once a week and there were times where I really didn’t feel like going, but I, and mostly ’cause it was like raining and it’s late and I don’t wanna be out late. I like to go to bed at eight o’clock, but. I made myself, I’m like, it’s once a week. Fridays became a little easier. And so I started going and I started meeting people that were just really fun. A lot of people came from the suburbs, like I live in Atlanta, so they were kind of far outside, so they wouldn’t necessarily be people that I would get together with. But at one of them, my real estate agent was there. She had seen my stories where I was sharing this, and so she decided to join and it just happened. We were sat at the same table, so every week it’s different and we just randomly got set. So it was so fun ’cause I got to see her. I get to meet some new people every [00:17:00] week, like five new people, and I got a really good girlfriend out of it, and she lives just right around the corner from me. And she’s brilliant and it’s been so fun to get to know her and to have somebody to do things with. So every week I would go and I would just count it as that experience. I’m just having dinner with a bunch of people and I’m getting good conversation and to learn about lots of different people. And that’s it. Without an expectation that like, I gotta meet a best friend. Right? But I went for a long time before I met, somebody that I’d really hang out with, and that happened to live nearby. There were other people I would hang out with, but maybe they lived a little farther. So it, became just something where I could start to recognize, so this is important. So something that I could go do, right? Something to look forward to. I work from home, so it got me outta the house, but also. I wanna, I’m gonna go back to my trip to Iceland. One of the really important parts of my trip to Iceland, and one [00:18:00] of the things that I try to recreate inside the Navigate Method is this community portion where you’re with people you don’t know. So in that experience, , you’re starting to realize how you wanna show up. And in noticing how you wanna show up, like what you wanna share about yourself is actually the things that are really important to you. So I remember when I was in Iceland, the things that I was sharing with them were things that weren’t necessarily , I was sharing a lot about,, when I used to be a weightlifter. And so I, it really caused me to go, what is it that I’m missing about that? So fast forward to these time left dinners. I could recognize what is it that I wanna share with people, and that is probably a place that I could lean into. And so I started trying out different gyms around. I’ve gone to those bar classes. Which I like it. The times [00:19:00] never work for me ’cause I have a very interesting schedule, but. Just noticing that. I was talking about when I used to own a CrossFit gym, when I used to be a weightlifter, and then being like, okay, I need to bring some of that back. Where can I do that? What can I do differently? I’ve gone and checked out different gyms, I’ve. Settled in on an app that I like that I’ve been doing at our community gym. I still am not consistent. So it’s something that I’m trying to figure out and it’s something I’m actively thinking about and I’m gonna do a episode on it once I get some more clarity around why is it. There are things that we really enjoy and like to do, but we put them off. So that’s something I’m exploring. But my point is going to, these time left dinners and they’re in cities all over the place, so you might have them near you if you wanna try that. Allowed me to also understand myself better and to listen to people and to hear different perspectives and to just have an experience in and of itself without having it mean anything more than [00:20:00] that. Right? If I got a friend out of it, that’s great, but if I didn’t, it didn’t matter. But I was just going for the experience. Okay. So that’s another thing. , I have been part of a book club, so there’s a group of women there. All in their sixties and they’re divorced. I think one of them is a widow. , But they all are magical and. So impressive. They own their own homes. They’re happy, they have friendships that are deep. They go on vacations. I have learned so much by spending time with them, and I can’t always go every week, and I always joke that I don’t have time to read the book, so I just go like , I’m just going to participate in the social aspect of this. But they’re fine with that. And so being part of that group has been really inspiring for me. So I think there is something to finding a group of people that you can look at and say , they’re doing [00:21:00] this right and how do I wanna live my life? , One of the things that I think can be really helpful, fascinating, , insightful, I think is recognizing when I meet somebody. I ask Will, would I want to be them? Would I want to be like them? And would I switch places with them if I could? I think this gives me a interesting perspective on things. I get a lot of feedback on the internet, which I actually don’t mind. I like it. , But I do get a lot of feedback and I actually got some feedback recently from somebody that told me, Hey, I really liked your podcast this week, but also I hated last week. I ask myself, would I wanna be like them? , So does their opinion matter to me? Would I switch lives with them if I could? And so when I’m with this book club people, I’m like, I would,, I would switch lives with, I don’t wanna switch lives, but you see what I’m saying? . They got great things going on, so it [00:22:00] inspires me to be around them. So I think finding people that really inspire you, that are where you wanna be. I know the people inside my coaching group that I’m a coachee person, being around them inspires me. They always have incredible ideas. They’re making huge transformations in people’s lives and watching them , is a joy. And so the, those things I think of ourselves , if we are. , Play-Doh, everybody that we’re around is like a hand squeezing the Play-Doh and is that an indentation that you would want? And I only wanna surround myself now with people whose indentation I would want on my life. And I think that’s really changed a lot of things. I’ve been finding concerts that I really wanna go to, so. , I have a friend from college that lives nearby. He and his wife, he’s from Vermont, but he and his wife live nearby with their [00:23:00] kids, and he. Introduced me to a friend of his who’s a therapist, and she’s amazing. And so he was like, I really want you to meet her. And so we all went out for brunch one day and now she and I are hanging out and she’s very fun and it’s now we’re going to a yacht rock concert. So these little things like making these connections. And then saying like, what feels fun? And we were talking all about yacht rock one night when I went to my girlfriend’s house for dinner and then all of a sudden we were like, let’s go, let’s, there’s a concert in a couple weeks. Let’s go. And so we’re all gonna go. So we got tickets to go as a group. So leaning in to , what are the things that really feel fun to me? , I like music. But I’m not gonna go in the middle of the night and like pound beers and watch a concert. I did get tickets to see Ludovico and Aldi. I hope I said that right. But I love his music and I was like, if I could see that live, it would heal something in me. So I found he was [00:24:00] coming. So I bought two tickets and , I don’t know who will go with me. I think one of this new friend that I met at time left might go, but it was so fun to be able to. Pick something that actually brought me a lot of joy and just choose it. Right? There was no toggling back. There was just noticing and choosing. My daughter and I both really love, , John Mullaney. Do you guys know John Mullaney? I find him hilarious. He’s a comic and he’s coming to Atlanta, and so as soon as I saw the tickets, I was like, we’re going to that. Like we’re going. And so it’s about choosing the things. That really bring you joy, right? Just about choosing those things and not worrying about having it be all perfect, but about choosing them and seeing where it leads to. And one last thing, my daughter asked me to go to the movies. She asked me to go see Superman, and I was like, yeah, let’s go. Let’s go do that. It has been a long time since I’ve [00:25:00] been to the movies and last time I went, I think it was $15, right? So I was like,, why is it $25 for one movie ticket? But I noticed that a MC has this thing that’s $25 and 99 cents to get a pass for the month. Do you guys know about this? So basically you get to go to four movies a week for 25 99. A month plus you get discounts on popcorn and stuff, which I need. So I was like, let’s get the passes. And then it basically, even if I go to just one movie a month, I’m breaking even basically. And if I go to other movies, it’s free. Right? That’s like girl math. I’m like, this is totally free. So. I got a pass and it has been so fun. There’s this thing that I didn’t know I really was gonna enjoy. It’s been raining here a lot in Atlanta and I can go to the movies and I have like now like a system, I have the perfect sweater that acts like a blanket when I’m sitting in the [00:26:00] reclining seats. We went to the store and I got. Special snacks, like gummies and stuff that I could fit in my purse so I don’t have to pay a million dollars at the kiosk to get food. But it’s really just about finding these things like, well, I do the movie thing forever, probably not, but it’s fun right now and I’m just enjoying being entertained, right? And I’m meeting new people, doing things and just leaning into what feels good. So if somebody asked me today what makes me happy, I would have a whole laundry list of things to tell them. And besides that, I would know how to do it. And how to do it is really just about creating space to listen to yourself, to sit on your couch at 3:00 AM and allow your nervous system to settle and say, what would feel fun from [00:27:00] here? At the beginning of this episode, I said, I have an exercise for you. And this is something I tell my clients all the time, and I know they hate it, but it’s really about spending time thinking about it, like noticing the contrast, what feels good, what doesn’t, and how can I follow the breadcrumbs of that to get to someplace better? And I think there’s always things to learn. There’s always things that. Will make us happy in the future that don’t make us happy. Now there’s always new things that are unfolding, but I think when you can be really present, you can find out what that is now, what that is in this moment, and I think that is really how you live a big life. So I hope that this episode inspired you a little bit, maybe gave you some new ideas. If you try any of those things, you’ll have to let me know and I will see you guys next week. Thanks so much for being here with me. I love you so much. I’ll talk to you then. [00:28:00] Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy discusses how an everyday task can have a profound effect if you can shift your perspective. She explores the importance of focusing on happiness and contributing positively to the world. If you are looking for actionable steps that will improve your outlook, this episode is perfect! Transcript: 394 Never the same person twice [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventurers. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show, and I’ve got a couple updates and then I wanted to share something that I have been thinking about that maybe will spark something inside you too. So my first update is about Dean Martin, if you’re new here. I got this cat from the pound back in April and I named him, well, he came with a name Dean and I, couldn’t, anyway, he’s Dean Martin, but actually I think most of the time I call him Kitty. So Kitty had his second birthday. Which I was so excited about when I got him and they set his birthdays August 2nd. And [00:01:00] they gave me the date and I wrote it on my calendar and we had a little birthday party. I got sushi from H Mart and some shrimp, fresh shrimp, and I got this really cute little birthday hat and like bib thing that said Happy birthday. I, it was like really the cutest little thing. I got it from Amazon. If you have birthday parties for your animals. Then somebody told me on Instagram that just any animal that’s as stray or that is at the pound, they give it all the same birthday, like August 1st for dogs and August 2nd for cats. I guess. I don’t, I was so, I was like, no, it’s really his birthday. So I don’t know. I guess it’s kind of like Christmas, like you’re celebrating, but who knows what the real day is. But we did, we celebrated and it was really so fun. He has been such a joy and it’s so fun to see how much we can love a pet, right? I had my Miley, which is a dog I had that died about four years ago, and I was so devastated and I thought, I’ll never love [00:02:00] anything like Miley. And it is different from Miley and cats are different from dogs, but I have really grown to love him and it has been like such a fun, joy thing that I’ve been doing. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that every day I will post like good things, like just little things. You know? I think there’s so many little things we forget about that are really good, and so many of my things include Dean Martin, like little, I mean, even getting to sleep in or he’s starting to purr now or get, he’s starting to cuddle with me or really hang out with me. I got one of those. Beds that cat beds that like attach to your desk. So like, he’s right here just watching me do the podcast. So anyway, he has brought me a lot of joy and it’s really fun. So, all right, so what have I been thinking about? So, I live in an apartment right now and. I have so many things to share about that, which I will share in the coming [00:03:00] months. But I’ve been living in this apartment and I actually really like it. It’s a, really cute apartment and, has been lovely to live here. And when I get a package, I have to go down the elevator and to the front of my building and there’s a package room. And so I had a package and I went to go get it and I got my package and came back up. And then I got an email that made me think something. Okay. So I got like an email or a phone call or text or something and I started really thinking about change and I started really thinking about what causes us to change. And , so many times the women that we work with inside the Navigate Method, at the end. They have an opportunity to give us feedback. Good or bad, I want it all. And so many times we get these really incredible testimonials from people [00:04:00] about how their whole life was transformed, and I’m always so grateful that they share that with me. But I’m also like, it’s 10 weeks. So this goes to my whole thing where I am like, change happens in an instant. We have been told this like pack of lies, that it takes 21 days to change a habit, right? Have you ever heard that? And change doesn’t take that long. Like we don’t go to the therapist for 15 years and then one day we’re at the therapists and we have an aha moment. The aha moment happens in the moment, right? It didn’t like slowly unfold or. Like pixelate into our awareness over 15 years. Now, I’m not saying all of the experiences that we have lead up to the aha moment, but the aha moment happens in an instant. It is a miracle. It’s a tiny moment of miracle where we get a different perspective and we get to see the world different. And I started [00:05:00] really thinking about this and about what creates. This level of transformation so quickly. And then I got a text that I had another package, so I was like, oh dang. Like I just came, it’s not far y’all, but I, you know, I’m like, I gotta walk. I’m not just walking to my front door anymore. So I’m like, I’ll run down and get it ’cause I have time. And as I was walking down the hall, I thought I just was walking down this hall like 20 minutes ago, but I am different. I’m different than I was when I walked down the hall 20 minutes ago. And the reason is lots of reasons. I’m older, right? Probably a lot of things metabolically have happened in my body. Like my physical structure is different, but I’ve had different thoughts. I’ve had new thoughts, and I’ve thought about change and I have a different perspective. And so now as I walk down the hall. I’m [00:06:00] experiencing the hallway different. So I’m having this awareness that I’m experiencing the hallway in a different way. Now, I know this probably sounds really traumatic ’cause you’re like, Betsy, you’re just going to get, you’re just going to pick up your Amazon package. But the thought is so important, I think because it is the awareness that we are allowed to change. We’re allowed to transform. We’re allowed to think different things. We’re allowed to have new perspectives. We’re allowed to change our mind, and it doesn’t have to take some big monumental thing to happen. It doesn’t have to take a ton of time, and it doesn’t have to take something interacting with us. It can happen inside ourselves. And so I wanted to kind of. Explore through this thought because I believe that we get held back a [00:07:00] lot,. We are held back completely by the ideas and beliefs that we have. Like there is no non-limiting belief, right? Like you hear about limiting beliefs. Every belief is limiting in and of itself, right? So then. Am I toggling myself back constantly by thoughts or beliefs around experiences that are allowed or not allowed to transform me? So on one hand, can I release the idea that something monumental has to happen or important needs to happen that I deem as important? In order for me to get a different perspective. Can I just allow many different perspectives to exist inside me at once? Is it okay for me to hold [00:08:00] to ideas that may seem opposing, but I can understand or. Experience and have alignment with aspects of each of those components, right? So I work with women who are trying to make this really tough decision on what to do about their marriage. Like, do I move forward and stay in this and get some new skills so that I can see and experience things differently? Or is it time for me to go. And both of those experiences can be held in your body. At the same time, I can want and hope that things will change and get better, and I can have an awareness that there are attachment issues they need to heal, or things that they need to do in order for this to be acceptable [00:09:00] to me. Both of those things can happen at the same time. And I think what’s happening inside our program is that when we accept all those aspects of ourselves, there’s no longer this push or pull and that clarity comes into place and then it’s really. Aligning and clear on what feels like the right thing to move forward, I think the push and pull of there’s a right way and a wrong way to think or be is it, causes us to spin, whether it’s spinning an indecision or spinning in unhappiness or spinning in, I’m fully, accepting myself. And so I lean towards one way or the other, right? Everything’s either black or white. I’m not living in the gray, and I think I really live in the gray a lot. And so when I can do that, I can pull aspects of the black and the white , [00:10:00] that work for me, and I can create a reality that starts to move me in a way forward that I feel happy now. Okay. So now if that’s happening, and I wanna go back to this idea of, I feel happy and why that’s important. So on the other hand, if I’m doing that and accepting all these parts of me, there’s another side of this that when I’m not doing it, something that’s happening. So when I’m not understanding that all of life. I’m gonna say this thing, I say this inside the group and sometimes I can feel tension, , but hear me out. But that all of life is neutral. Like what’s happening is we are putting our beliefs on it and that’s what’s giving it the story that’s telling us if it’s good or bad. Okay? Which is important. It’s important to be able to. Make judgements for yourself about how you wanna live and what’s [00:11:00] good and what feels good to you, right? So all of that’s important. But it’s also important to recognize that it’s neutral. So you walking into the kitchen and seeing that your husband has left stuff all over the counter and left for the day, that in itself is neutral. The story that you have around that, like maybe he doesn’t respect me or he’s not paying attention, or he thinks I’m supposed to pick up after him. That story is the thing that gives it meaning. Okay, so I’m walking down the hall. I have this awareness that we can change in an instant. Okay? So I’m recognizing on the one hand that I can accept the gray. I can understand that there’s black and white and I can live in gray, and I can accept all those parts of me. But on the other hand, if I’m not accepting those parts of me, if I’m pushing something away, what happens when we push [00:12:00] like a swinging door, right? It comes back and hits us in the face, right? So when I’m pushing something away, there’s resistance there. And so if I’m actively pushing a thought, maybe it’s not even a thought I’m aware of. But a thought or a concept or a part of myself away, it’s always gonna be coming back to get me. It’s always gonna be coming back where it’s gonna be like, Hey, remember me, this is the thing that you hate. And then you’re gonna have all these experiences of that thing because there is resistance in it. On one hand, I can walk through the world and say, I’m gonna just accept all these parts of me and then see what makes me feel the best. Or I can have really strict parameters on what’s right or wrong, and I can be pushing away and then continue to see the thing that I don’t like over and over again.[00:13:00] Does this make sense so far? So bringing it back to why it’s important for you to find out what makes you happy, you know? I’ve had people say to me before online, when I’ve posted something in stories typically about my only job today is to be happy. They’re like, well, that would be great, but I have to go to work. Your only job is to be happy. That’s a concept. We could do a whole show on that. In fact, I probably have, but when you’re thinking about all of the things that are happening in the world that we can focus on and. You’re recognizing that everything that you’re thinking is changing who you are, then why would you spend time focusing someplace that you don’t want? Now, I’m not saying ignore things that are happening, and I’m not saying spiritually bypass. I’m saying use what’s happening to create the real change that you [00:14:00] want so you can continue to focus. On the unwanted and pointed out and re-share it on social media or think about it. My daughter said to me last night, she said, you have a really hard time talking about things that are sad or unhappy politically, things happening. And I said, I don’t have a hard time. If you wanna have a discussion about it and talk about it, like I’m happy to do that. I’m not gonna just talk about it in order to make myself aware of how terrible it is. So I wanna say that in a different way. Instead, I wanna figure out, I wanna focus on the side of the other side of the stick. Like, what could I be doing? What could this propel me forward to do? How can I take an action that would counteract the thing that I want? Or that I don’t want the thing that I’m [00:15:00] finding that’s unhappy. There were some changes recently and there was some talk about, school lunch programs losing funding. Oh, I like my heart. Like I just, it broke my heart and I saw somebody post online. That kids that, oh, it’s gonna make me cry. I’m gonna have to pause. I’m not gonna pause. I’m gonna work through it. Kids that have food scarcity, when they get offered food, they don’t play, they’re not fooling around at the lunch table, they are so focused on the food and then they’re scanning to see what’s left over that they could save for later. Okay, so the idea of those kids losing. Some funding and not getting enough food or any of that. Like I could look at that and I could be like, that’s so bad. Who did this? I could spend a lot of time, and instead what I decided to do was how could I find something locally that I could start just funneling [00:16:00] part of our proceeds too, that would pick up the slack for these kids? ’cause this is the thing that. Caused me pain. Does that make sense? So I think that, like when my daughter said last night, you don’t wanna talk about things that are hard. I’m totally happy to, as long as you’re willing to talk about the other end of the stick. So bringing it back to what makes us happy, it’s really important. , I believe, and you can choose to believe otherwise, but I believe it’s really important for us collectively to stay in the. I’m gonna use the word vibration, right? The vibration above, like the worry line, right? If you think about the emotional guidance scale, like I wanna be above worry. I’m not contributing anything to the world. When I’m in fear, desperation, stuckness, anger, like I’m [00:17:00] not adding anything to the world in that state. I can’t come up with really good solutions to things when I’m in that place, whether for my personal life or for the world. So how do I impact the whole world? I know this might sound crazy, but think about if everybody in the world was doing this. How do I impact the whole world as I, I stay in a higher place of awareness so that I’m constantly shifting towards the side of the stick that I want, and so. That way when things come into my life that are unwanted, it becomes a natural reaction to shift to the place that I do want. And then from there, I can find solutions and answers that move me forward. And in that aspect, I’m never the same person. Because I’m getting contrast constantly. A [00:18:00] thought that is unwanted, but I’m immediately seeing the other side of the stick. Now it takes training to do that. Am I the best at it? No, not at all. I’m on this journey too, but I see something and I say I can focus on it. I can go down the rabbit hole. I can reshare a million terrible things and or ’cause I can hold both things. I can also. Be like, what can I do right now that would make me feel better? Because when I feel better, I’m gonna come up with some sort of solution or idea that would be helpful either for my life, for somebody else’s life or for the collective. I believe that when we can start thinking this way, and I have a really specific training that I do inside my program on how to start to shift that on a really easy exercises so that every day I sit down and I go, how am I feeling? [00:19:00] And then how can I move myself up the scale into a higher place of meaning before I do anything? And so when we can do this, then. I walk down the hall, I’m one person. I’m getting contrast constantly. That’s we’re constantly getting experiences. Good or bad. Good or bad. Good or bad, right contrast. But if I can teach myself self to shift, then the next time I walk down the hallway, am I different? Yes. Is it improvement? I’m using the word improvement. You gotta define that in the way that feels right to you. But is it improvement for me would be me always feeling good. I’m not helping the world at all. If I’m not feeling good, I’m not getting good ideas. I’m not all those things. Okay, so how can I continue to accept that there are lots of things going on inside of me, black and white and gray, and release [00:20:00] the resistance to the unwanted so that I can move up the happiness scale. Get new perspectives and ideas in order to impact the things that are really important to me. So I think when we can do, that is how we live a big life. Thanks so much for being here with me. I. Appreciate you guys that are sharing the show. It means a lot to me and I am still doing my YouTube. We’re going to get back at it this week. It’s coming out this week, so I appreciate you guys checking me out over there too and being so supportive. And yeah, if I can do anything for you, you can always email us. At [email protected]. I see all those emails and if you’re interested in coming inside the Navigate method, you know I have a free masterclass on my website. You can check that out. And if it seems like something you wanna explore, we will do a free clarity call with you. So a whole hour long call [00:21:00] where we really explore your situation and help you get clarity and then see if we can help. And if we can, we can tell you the next steps. So thanks so much for being here. I will see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pake and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode Betsy asks us to think about the feelings that we felt when we were the favorite version of ourselves. Were you concerned about perception during those times or fully confident and present? Listen in to discover how freeing it can be to accept that you can live everyday as your favorite version and leave your best version to the side. Transcript: 393 How to be your favorite self [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventurers. Hi everybody. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I have a. A big topic that I wanna talk to you about, a big concept, and I hope that I do it justice. I hope that this makes all kinds of sense as I talk about it. So before I get into that, I wanna give you a couple updates. If you’ve been here for a long time, maybe you like my updates, I don’t know. I wanna give you a Dean Martin update. So Dean Martin is my kitty that I rescued from the. Pound I got him from the pound back in beginning of April, so I’ve had him now four months. His second [00:01:00] birthday is this weekend. I ordered a hat and necklace and, oh God, some stuff for cat. Birthdays from Amazon and we’ll be getting sushi and I’m really looking forward to this little celebration with Dean Martin. He has grown into being such a nice kitty. If you were here back then or you were following me on Instagram, like he was sort of a terror in the beginning. And I even got a little bit worried like, oh my, what have I done? Always been a dog person, but I thought a cat will be easier. And then he became like this total hellion. But over the last month or so, I mean, every month I feel like he’s gotten more settled, but over the last month, even more so, and now he’s purring. He hasn’t pured y’all. And so it’s like when you’re taking care of an infant, but there’s no feedback and you’re like, I’m doing all this work for what? And then they smile and you’re like, oh, it matters. Right? That’s what it felt like. [00:02:00] I was like, oh, he does like me. So he’s purring and this is a big deal. So I’m excited about that. Okay, so I wanna get into this whole thought, this whole idea that I have, you know, as we. Move through our lives and we grow and I think we get this heightened self of awareness about who we are, hopefully, right? Hopefully as we grow, we get a heightened sense of awareness about who we are, and I know for myself over the past 15 years, I think I have been on a path to discover myself. When I look back before that. I was walking through life very unconscious, and that’s not necessarily bad, it’s just where I was. And so as I have moved through and learned more about myself and been a coach over the last decade, [00:03:00] I’m starting to recognize certain patterns or ways of being that I have, and because I believe that everything is neutral. It’s only the truth that I put upon it that makes it what it is. I’ve started to evaluate how I’m actually thinking about those patterns. So not just the thing that I do, but also how I think about the thing that I do. And , just like you, I have a little voice in my head. That’s like a little gremlin that will tell me things that are lies. You know, you’re not good enough or why are you doing it like that? Or, oh my God, you’re so cringey. And I have been thinking a lot about that. There’s this thing going around social media that’s like, you have to be cringey in order to grow, to do something new, to learn something. There is that moment of [00:04:00] cringey. But I also, when I see that meme that’s going around, I also think, well, is it cringey or is it just what we think about it that makes it seem cringey? But it is in itself totally neutral. And so I started evaluating when I feel that cringiness, what’s the lens that I’m looking through? And so many times that lens would be. How other people would perceive what I’m doing. So me and myself, it didn’t necessarily feel cringey, but it would be when I would evaluate it through a lens of how somebody from the outside may perceive it. And that’s a big may because I’m totally mindreading, right? I’m totally saying. I think they would think of this, but I have no idea. And the truth is probably some people do think that and some people don’t. [00:05:00] And I know just from the work that I do, that if they do think it’s cringey, it’s something that’s going on inside them and probably less to do with me. So why do I have this voice in my head? Why do I evaluate myself through this filter that doesn’t actually serve me? A couple years ago I saw a woman on TikTok and she has this little thing. You might know who I’m talking about, and I don’t remember her name ’cause she’s not somebody that I follow, but I would see her come up. But she would say, have a great day, not just a good day. Do you know who this? It’s a young woman that was like, at Alabama University. So have a great day, not just a good day. And she was very cute, but she would say things like. I wasn’t being my best self or I wanna show up today as my best self. And I really, I kind of liked that, but I thought about it a lot. And in [00:06:00] this like evaluating things that I do through the lens of other people that I know or don’t know, or that I hypothetically think about, right? That may not even exist. Just what I think people might think. And then, am I being my best self? I started to recognize there was this correlation between the two, and that me being my best self felt very external. It felt like if I was being my best self, it meant I was showing up as my best. And if I was showing up as my best, then it was less likely that I was being cringey or that I would be perceived in a way that I didn’t wanna be perceived. Okay, so are you tracking with me so far? Is this making sense? So I’m starting to question the voice in my head that’s telling me things about myself. I’m recognizing that I’m putting parameters that are only made up in my own mind, and it’s coming from this place of wanting to [00:07:00] show up as the best version of me to the world. Haha. And so over the past. Probably two months, three months, maybe four. ’cause probably since I’ve gotten Dean Martin, I would say I have been thinking about this in a different way. I started to think about what was the favorite version of me. If I look back over my life, I can think about times where I was the favorite version of me. But when I compared those times with. Was I perceived as being, I’m using air quotes, right, worthy or good enough? I don’t know. So the times where I was being my favorite version of me, I was so in myself, like I was so fully embodying [00:08:00] myself that I wasn’t even using the lens of perception. From some outside entity. Okay. So there’s a version of myself that’s like my best self, putting my best self forward. And there’s a version of myself that’s my favorite self. My favorite self is the times where I’m not even perceiving how other people would see me. I’m so fully embodied in myself. Those times are also times where I’m most present. Right. Which makes a lot of sense ’cause you’d be super present. Yourself so you wouldn’t be perceiving outside of you. So my favorite version of myself is the times where I am fully embodied and present. Okay. So now fast forward like a couple like a month maybe after all that, when I started thinking about that. And I come to you here on the show with like things that [00:09:00] I’ve been thinking about for a long time. So. I hear , a video comes onto my YouTube and you may know this guy Bahar. I don’t follow Bahar. I knew who he was when he came to my. My YouTube video. Lots of times I’ll turn on YouTube at night, like when I’m doing laundry or whatever, and I just have it on, and lots of times I’ll be listening to something positive, like I want something positive. So I’ll have like Abraham Hicks. Now, if you’re familiar with Abraham Hicks, then it would make sense why Bahar would come into the next video for you, right? So I just had it on and I wasn’t doing something else, so I wasn’t shutting it off. I didn’t skip past it. And so I was listening and a woman was asking Bashar about moments where she felt not good enough, and Bashar said, for what? Good enough for what? And [00:10:00] she said, well, like, just good enough. And he said, for what? To be yourself. Who else could be better at it? And , I got, I paused, so I’m gonna pause here. To, you’re not good enough to be yourself. Who could be better at it? So even if I’m being perceived as cringey or I’m, whatever the thing is that I’m doing, if I’m fully being myself, then there’s a zero chance that I’m not being good enough. I’ve eliminated the opportunity to not be good enough. Nobody else could possibly be good as good at being me as I am and nobody else could possibly be as good as being you as you are. And so are we gonna make mistakes? Are we gonna do things [00:11:00] that are air quotes, like cringey? Yeah, that’s me being me. Which makes me fully embodied and totally good enough because I’m fully experiencing life., I think that there’s this idea, and maybe it’s unconscious, and maybe you’ll listen to this and you’ll be like, I don’t have that, and if you don’t have that, I am so happy for you. Like I love that. Please call me. I think we all have these moments where we’re like, oh my God, why am I so cringey? Why am I so dumb? Why? Why did I do that? Or I look back on things in my life and I think, like, I, God, I wish I hadn’t done that. Why did I do that? Why was I living that way? Why was I making that choice? What was my decision process? But the truth, is that I was being fully me, which is I was learning, I was figuring out what was right. I was discerning,, and if I don’t have the bad, I don’t know what feels [00:12:00] good. And so those times in my life then where I feel shameful about or I regret or I just hate, or I wish I hadn’t worn that terrible style in that phase of my life or whatever, big or small, I couldn’t be me right now without those experiences. And when I started to have these thoughts, it started. To change how I was perceiving myself and really quickly how confident I felt in myself, because I released the need, not totally, i’m still on the journey, but I released the need. There have been instances where I’ve felt it, where I have felt this total alignment to being myself and when I am that it’s my favorite self. So now I no [00:13:00] longer wanna be my best self because I don’t wanna care about how I’m perceived in terms of somebody else determining if I’m worthy or if I’m good enough or if I am doing things right, because it may be that I’m doing something that I’m learning through. And it may be that I’m making mistakes because that’s how I decide what feels good and what feels bad, and there’s a place for me. Being my favorite self, that if I harm other people in that process, that it is in my alignment to be fully me. To apologize for those things, to say I wish I had known something different. I wish I had been able to perceive something different and now I know, and so I can make amends and I can move forward and I can. Forgive myself for whatever perceived failures [00:14:00] I had. I think there’s also a space in this for some things that aren’t perceived failures from the outside, but you may know. I did that, I, bypassed for way too long, or I put myself second or third or fourth, or fifth or 19th for way too long. And now, my favorite version of myself just fully embraces myself and forgives myself for whatever I put up with whatever I wished I hadn’t done, whatever I wished I hadn’t lived in, because right now I am in a place. That I can be in alignment and I can be my favorite version of myself. So I wanted to share that thought with you because I think that there is, especially in the world of social media, of comparing ourselves and am I worthy? Oh [00:15:00] my God, did I do that good enough? Am I, doing things right? Is my relationship good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I doing my work good enough? Am I a good enough marketer? These are the things that come up for me, right? How can I compete against a standard that’s constantly changing and constantly somebody else’s version of maybe their favorite self or their best self? How could I not be good enough to be myself? ’cause who could be better at it? Nobody else could possibly be as good at being you as you are. So I wanna offer you the thought this week that maybe you lean back and say, what’s my favorite version of myself do today? When something feels constricting, something makes you [00:16:00] upset or something is triggering for you, you say, what is my favorite version of myself? What is the real, real deep down version of me? How does she handle this? And if you were triggered or upset by something later, you can say,, how does she heal from it? Now. Anytime I’m hysterical. I’m like, I know it must be historical. There’s something deeper in there. And so it may be in the moment I just accept myself for whatever I’m going through, and then later I say, what does the favorite version of me do? How does she proceed from here? And from there, I can knock off all the comparing. I can always know that I’m being present and doing the best that I can in any moment, and that is, I think, how you live a big life. I hope that this was helpful. I hope that this made sense. [00:17:00] I’ll listen back, be like, I hope this made sense. It was a lot of different thoughts in my mind, but it’s a real, a concept and an idea I really wanted to share with you. So I love you so much. Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next week. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode Betsy hosts Adrianna, a mindset coach within The Navigate Method, to ask her what she does to make life more magical. This episode has the ability to change very big things in your life, enjoy! Transcript: 392 episode with adrianna [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventurers. Hi everyone. Welcome. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. So I’m gonna see how this sounds. About a month ago I got Invisalign. I feel like I talk weird. Nobody else seems to notice it, so we are just gonna see how this sounds. But if it seems weird next week, I will sound different because I won’t have these in. You’re supposed to leave them in an absurd amount of. Time, like 22 hours a day, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you realize that in the morning when you have your coffee and you’re hanging out, like [00:01:00] it’s an hour easy, and then you only have 30 minutes for each of your other meals. Anyway, I’ve so lost weight because I don’t, I can’t eat. And I don’t, I only have these tiny windows of being able to eat, but anyway. Straight teeth are in my future. And so that’s exciting. So I’m excited to be here with you today. I have a little interview and this interview that I’m gonna share with you is really a thought that was shared with me in our team meetings. So we have team meetings every week, and one of the mindset coaches for the Navigate method is Adriana. She’s amazing and I just, I love her brain. It’s, so good. And I love how aligned she is to where she wants to be and after we had that meeting, I thought about it for like a couple weeks and I had shared it with one of my friends and one of my girlfriends was like, I keep thinking about it. So then I was [00:02:00] like, I wanna tell you guys. So I had her jump on Zoom with me and just talked about it for a minute, but I want you to hear what Adriana does to make life a little bit more magical and. You know, that’s how I think you live a big life. So here you go. Here’s the little idea from Adriana. I hope you like it. All right everyone. I have a really special guest today that I’m really excited that she’s here, that she took a few minutes out of her very busy schedule, and I’m not kidding, she’s very busy. But my friend Adriana is here. Adriana is a coach inside the Navigate Method, and she’s really incredible. A couple weeks ago when we were . In our laser coaching group that we do once a week. I said something about Adriana and everybody cheered. , I was like, what? What is happening? It was so great. So Adriana, thank you for being here. My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. So tell everybody just a little bit about [00:03:00] you so they can know who you are. And then I want you to tell us this thing that you said in our team meeting recently that I was like, oh, everybody needs to hear that. I love that. Yeah, sure. So I am , how do I even describe myself? , I’m , a student of life and throughout my life I was, , introduced to the idea of, , NLP neurolinguistic programming by my dad, but I didn’t know it until years later that’s what he. Used with his, , clients, students, patients, if you will. And it was so fascinating to me when I went through my own journey, it’s like in your twenties you think you know everything and you know, and then you realize as you’re getting, gaining more experience, like, oh, I don’t even know anything. Yeah, right. And I had a big move in my thirties and , and then in my late thirties, I,. Finally put my foot down for exactly what I wanted to find as far as what I wanted to do to help people in life. I have always been the go-to for advice. People connect with me in all of , the jobs [00:04:00] I’ve ever had, but it wasn’t fulfilling. I wasn’t like serving people in a way to really affect change long-term. Right? It’s like they had their moments with me, but they didn’t have the long term. So. I became a professional organizer, but I’ve named, that work for the soul and the space because what is in our outer world is a representation of our inner world. So now being,, certified as a trainer of NLP and using it in my own life, coming to understanding how, why maybe my dad and I had an awkward relationship it’s so wild to me that your dad did it. Yeah. Yeah. . Actually trained with one of the co-founders, right? So that’s really cool. It was, it was wild. To have this come around and have my mind like blown, like, oh my God, I now understand what he was trying to do to help me, how this works in my life, and what I started to do to peel back the layers of things that. Weren’t serving me that, weren’t good for me anymore that I could do. And it’s just changed everything. So [00:05:00] now,, I look at my life very differently and I look at it very purposefully and what I create. And so what I’d mentioned on our meeting yeah. Was, , that I call , the things that occur well, I’ll just say, I call them rich life stories, and when I think of the word rich, like there’s rich as in like chocolatey fudge, that’s rich. There’s rich as in your bank account has multiple zeros. There’s rich that you feel so loved by family and friends and you know that there’s rich in joy. So for me, rich life stories, what is that? It’s kind of akin to the romanticizing your life, but. It’s also way more than that because it’s a way of looking at even the smallest things like,, I live so close to an airport that I can fly easily out of, here to go to all of my,, fun events and things that I get to do. Yeah. So lemme kinda frame this though so people know what we’re talking about. So we’re on a team meeting and you were at an event [00:06:00] and you were saying that you missed your flight or your flight was running late and you had extra time or something and you said, but it’s fine ’cause I’m gonna make it a rich life story. And right off I was like, what do you mean whatcha talking about? Yeah. And when you started describing this, it’s like we have these moments in our lives. That can be seen as so routine or even as something that is a challenge or this screwed up my schedule or whatever. But you had this spin on it, and so tell me a little bit about how do you take a situation or a moment in your life and make it so that it is a rich life story? Yeah. So I was just the other day thinking about this. So maybe this will like on my walk, just a walk where I walk every day from my house out the front door, down the hill, and I can take any one of like choose your own adventure paths because there’s just umpteen different streets to go to. Yeah. And they all [00:07:00] kind of circle back around. And I was smelling orange blossom and roses and night blooming Jasmine. And it’s like you could pay attention to those things and or ignore those things. You could not even be o open. Your sense of smell could be completely blocked because your brain is so busy thinking about what you did during the day, but taking those moments of the mundane. Or the challenging, like, oh, I’m just gonna take a walk to clear my head. I’ve been so busy. I’ve been stuck to the computer all day, but I actually got out and it’s like, what a rich life I have that I live in the safest place. And it’s like all of, summer is coming out with , the trees blooming and the plants blooming , and all of these wonderful things. I have neighbors who say hello. I have people who don’t know you that like still wave as they’re driving by. It’s the little things like coming out of la. No one. Like they don’t wanna look at you, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So it’s a rich life to me, whether it’s I’m [00:08:00] in Hawaii or I’m in my own little town. Yeah. Because it’s the way that I look at it and it’s the way I’m open to how things are magical, you know? And it doesn’t matter. Like, yeah, I almost, I almost miss my flight and, or, you know, if planes are delayed or things like that. Like if you’re in an airport, you are around the possibility of meeting the most amazing souls. So instead of like, oh my God, like I’m late, I’m gonna miss my connection. It’s like, well, what am I meant to be here for? Like, what do I get to go and do now? Who am I gonna get? What is here for me? Yeah, yeah. What’s here for me? I mean, I noticed that when I come from that perspective of like, how is this gonna be a rich life story for me, of what I’m capable of doing, like the fact that I’m even in an airport getting to travel is a rich life story. ’cause not everybody gets to do that, right? Yeah. Yeah. So. If I operate from that, that’s what I exude. And it’s how people start to respond to me in ways that it’s like, it’s such [00:09:00] a good vibration. Like, I’m smiling, I need you. I’m, you know? Yeah. And even, even if we, you know, it’s like you have to understand too, how you are speaking to somebody else, how you’re responding to them even if they aren’t meeting you with that same high level mm-hmm. We don’t go down to that. We send them like the most support and the most love that we can. And just try to make their day a little bit better. I was checking into a hotel, there was a long line, okay, so I’m gonna stand here, I’m gonna look around, I’m gonna enjoy the fact that my luggage made it, you know? And I got to the. The front desk person, and she just had a struggle with the person in front of me. I heard her say , I can sense that you’re, not happy right now, so let me give you your waters and why don’t you come back? , She basically like sent him off on a timeout. And she got to me, she was still down. She wasn’t looking at me. She was, , frustrated. I could tell, and I just thought, hmm. Okay. How can I shift this for her? How can I be. [00:10:00] A just an ease part of her day. And I thought almost to say something like, Hey, don’t let that guy like, , bring you down. Yeah. But then I thought, I don’t have to say it. I can just be it. I can just act like, and then she was lovely and like, oh wait, let me get this for you and let me get that for you. And, and she turned around and it was just because. Of how I responded to the situation. Yeah. And to me, I’m like, it’s rich. Like my life is so rich, it’s so full. I’m so wealthy and abundant of so many great things. And that’s what I take the time to notice. And so that’s why my life is just filled with rich life stories. You know, every morning, not every morning, almost every morning I’ll post. Like my outfit on Instagram and I always, yes, I love to see them. You do see, I see. I got a lot of hate. So I was like, well, I will also include a list of good things and then how can you hate on good things? So I always put kind of on the side things that I’m appreciating. And you know, yesterday it was like, I really like my toenail color, you know? Yeah. It’s new color that I got. I have a magical [00:11:00] machine in my kitchen. I don’t know if you have one, but it cleans my dishes while I sleep. I mean, is that not amazing? Yeah. So things like that, and I, what I loved so much about framing it in the rich life story was like, if I’m about to have an experience, it reminded me of Abraham Hicks segment intending, do you know who Abraham Hicks is? Yeah, totally. So segment intending like, I’m about to have this experience. How can I make this a really cool story, , because if we’re framing it like that, I’m gonna tell this story later. What are the amazing things I wanna be able to tell? Yeah. And I really liked that. Like when you were talking, that’s what I was thinking of. Every experience gets to be a really cool commentary on your life. Mm-hmm. How do you want it to go? Intend it before and say this is gonna be a really rich life story. I shared this with a friend and she , like when that happened, which was like a couple weeks ago. Yeah. And she messaged me this morning. She’s still doing it. I tried to make it a [00:12:00] rich life story. So I hope that everybody listening, we’ll kind of take that and say, what is happening in my life today that I could make into a really rich life story? ’cause there’s really so much magic and cool things happening all around us all the time. There is. There’s one thing that I think helped me get there to this, which was a Joe Dispenza talk where he drew a diagram that showed us in the, like on a timeline in the moment of now. But our mind having all of these lines back to the past, creating what he called a predictable future. Yeah. And I thought, oh man, like if you’re , already connected, if what my past is full of rich life stories, then excellent. Because that’s what I’m creating going forward. But if what we’re connected to in the past is how like. , Your luck ran out and things went wrong and you, this didn’t work out and you weren’t here when you need whatever. You’re already there in your mind. You aren’t even in the present for it to be a rich life story. For you to see that [00:13:00] possibility. So to me, I’m like, what is my predictable future? How is my mind creating that for me? Yeah. So the rich life story helps me. Stay focused and intentional about how I’m framing what I’m seeing or being open to opportunities and possibilities as opposed to seeing , only your box of problem. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. Really good. Thank you so much for coming on and talking with us a little bit about your rich life. Thank you. Thank you for having me. So fun. So good to see you. Yeah. Good to see you too. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your [00:14:00] potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy reflects on the power of nervous system healing and how it’s been showing up in her everyday life. She shares the concept of the “Thinking Chair” and how intentional reflection can help us uncover deeper truths. Betsy also introduces the idea that many of our “problems” aren’t really problems at all…just things not going as expected, and how reframing them can lead to growth. With updates on The Navigate Method, the Navigate Chronicles on YouTube, and more, this episode is full of inspiration and practical takeaways for anyone on a personal development journey. Tune in to explore how small shifts can lead to big breakthroughs. What You’ll Learn: How nervous system work can create real, physical change Why intentional stillness (like a Thinking Chair) matters A new way to think about your “problems” How to find evidence of your healing in everyday life Links Mentioned: Learn more about The Navigate Method: www.betsypake.com Subscribe to Betsy on YouTube (search “Betsy Pake” to find her channel) Connect on Instagram: @betsypake Get your CozyEarth sheets and Pj’s at 40% off using code LIVEBIGBETSY at https://cozyearth.com/ Transcript: 391 Is it really a problem [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I’m excited that you’re here. If you’re new here, welcome. There’s a lot of episodes to listen to. I’ve been getting messages from people asking like, which specific episodes should I be listening to? Or, which ones would you suggest first? And I always suggest just starting from where we last left off every episode. Is typically like a little story and then a lesson, and hopefully it applies to your life and entertains you a little bit as you listen. So. I have a bunch of little things to [00:01:00] talk about today, and one really big thing that I’m really excited about is we have someone new on our team that’s gonna be helping me. I’m so excited to be able to show up a little bit more regularly. In fact, I’m thinking, is there a way that I can begin doing this every week again, because I really liked having episodes every week and, I still have so many things to share. If you haven’t checked out the YouTube channel, make sure you go over there. I think if you just search my name, you’ll find me. But I’m doing the Navigate Chronicles, which is something that’s coming up every week inside the Navigate Method. And even if the Navigate method. Isn’t for you. You might find something helpful in what everybody’s talking about. You know, I think so many of our problems and concerns and all of those things are just so universal. That there’s always something to connect with. So this week, like I said, I have a couple fun things to share with you and, a thought. So if you ever have [00:02:00] listened to my episode on the Thinking Couch, you can just search for that. It’s only a few months back. the Thinking Couch and now I have a thinking chair is really just a place where I go to spend time to think. You might do this already. You know, you might go for walks and really think, you know, you don’t have podcasts on. Maybe you do if you do. I celebrate that if you’re listening to me while you’re walking. But you know, you might have moments where it is meditative, it might be doing laundry or. Going for a walk or in your car, or sometimes those thoughts or deep thoughts kind of come to us when we’re in the shower. It’s in the times where we have some space, right? And so what I like to do is create that space by sitting in my thinking chair. So I have a chair that’s in my office that I use specifically to be able to just think about the things that are on my mind. So I wanna talk to you a little bit about that. You know, one of the things that we teach inside the Navigate [00:03:00] Method is this idea of regulating our nervous system on purpose and learning how our unique nervous system works. Understanding ourself and what shows up for us. In any instance, you may operate totally different than somebody else. In that same instance, you may have a fight or flight response where someone else would have a freeze response. You might not be bothered at all, and then you’ll notice you’ll be bothered later. Your heart will race, or you’ll just notice you’re really tight. You might notice that in your shoulders or your neck sometimes. That’s where I get it, where I’m really tight. I don’t even realize that I’m stressed or that my nervous system is activated until I notice those signs. So we teach how to really understand all of that inside the Navigate method and, how to. Tone your nervous system, kind of like going to the gym and how [00:04:00] to be able to move past some things so that you can regulate around the things that activated you in the past, and so that those things don’t activate you in the future. It’s super powerful and I don’t think we can do any work on. Relationships or our lives really, without taking into consideration this component of our nervous system. You know that book, the body keeps the score. Well, that’s what it is. Like even if our brain can conceptualize things, our body. Keeps the score. Our body knows and remembers what has happened. And so giving that some healing is just so important. One of the things that I’ve talked about, for years on the show, is going to float. Have you guys done this before? So you might know what I’m talking about, but if you don’t know what I’m talking about, it is floating in a sensory deprivation tank. So you could just Google like float tanks. Like float tanks near me. [00:05:00] And it’ll come up with some float tanks near you. There’s several in Atlanta and I think I’ve been to all of them, but I have one that I really like and I have not been in, I don’t know, maybe like about five or six months. Yeah, five or six months, maybe even a little bit longer. I had a membership for a long time and I would go a couple times a month really regularly. Floating is where you get in this pod typically. It’s dark, so it’s totally dark in the room, the air in the room and the temperature of the water is your body temperature and the water is 10 times saltier than the Dead Sea. So you actually float. As soon as you get in the pod, you get in totally naked so there’s nothing touching your skin, and you lay down and you float and it’s totally dark and there’s no sound. Even just thinking about it, I can feel my body take a big, deep breath. It’s [00:06:00] so wonderful and relaxing. Now, about six months ago, I had this really weird interaction with the, owner. It wasn’t even that big of a deal really looking back, but. He was not feeling well. And just said something really rude to me and I just, I couldn’t bring myself to go back, you know? So I took quite a long break and then I regulated my nervous system around it. I decided I wanted to go back. I still had, active floats that I could take, that I’d paid for, so I went last week. And one of the things that I would tell people is when you get inside the float tank, you know it’s gonna take a little while to relax. It’s gonna take a minute for you to catch your breath and to actually remind your body that it’s safe to just relax and slow down, and it doesn’t have to have any armor up. And typically when I would get in the float tank, I would take many big, deep breaths trying [00:07:00] to remind myself, of this safety and that I was in a place that I wanted to be and I could just float. And then I typically float for 90 minutes. So about 15 or 20 minutes before it would be time. To get out. I could feel my body start getting ramped up. It’s like it almost knew, okay, we’ve just got 15, 20 minutes left, like we gotta get ready. Almost like this armor that was beginning to go up. Anyway, I didn’t really think all that much about it. I kind of thought that was. A process that you went through when you went to float. Like you’d have to take some big deep breaths. It would take a little while to chill out and then before you got up, your body would kind of know and it would start, adrenaline and reactivating so that you could get up. Right? Not so, you know, as we heal our nervous system and our body begins to know that we’re safe things. That typically you thought were normal, start to [00:08:00] feel different? They start to show up differently. And when I went to float last week, I was so shocked at how when I got in the the water, I immediately relaxed. There was no deep breaths, there was no waiting for my body to UNC Unclench. And interestingly, there was no activation at the time. I would be getting ready to get out of the pod. In fact, I didn’t know it was time to get out until the , it’s like this French lady’s voice. She says, hello, it is time to get up. I didn’t even know till that ding happened, and she started talking and I was like, wow. I immediately went into a relaxed state, which tells me that my nervous system. The, threat level is so much lower, right? And I say threat level, that’s a term that we use inside the navigate method to determine where [00:09:00] we are in terms of activation or our nervous system being on guard, for example. But my threat level, and we use, the, analogy of like a big bucket of water. So if you’re always kind of stressed and the water in your bucket is really high. Then something happens at work in your relationship on the road with the road rage or whatever, and it doesn’t take long for that water in the bucket to get to the place where it’s about to overflow. And because our bodies are so amazing. Your body does. It doesn’t allow the overflow. Instead, a spigot opens at the bottom, and that is what we see as evidence of our stress. We, clench our jaw. We can’t relax in the float tank like we feel all this tension on our shoulders maybe, or our neck, right? We feel rigid or stiff. We can’t fall asleep. We [00:10:00] wake up at 2:00 AM Those are all indicators that our nervous system. Spigot is opening to be able to keep the threat level at a place where it doesn’t overflow. And so one of the things that I was so surprised about was that there was such evidence in doing that. There was so much evidence that my day-to-day threat level was so much lower that I could just get in the float tank. So there’s little things that we can look for for evidence. Another piece of evidence that I’ve had is I have used a mouth guard for years. I clenched my teeth so bad. I’ve cracked my teeth. I haven’t used a mouth guard in months. I don’t even clench at night. I don’t have any jaw issues. I’m not clenching or exhausting the muscles in my jaw anymore. And in fact, I feel like my face has gotten. Where it’s thinner ’cause that muscle isn’t being like tensed and expanded so much. And so I think we start to see evidence when we [00:11:00] continue to do the work on our nervous system, we continue to take actions that help bring us to a place where we’re surrounded and we have an atmosphere that. Allows our nervous systems to relax. This is why we talk about like finding the people in our lives that help our nervous system relax. It impacts everything. That threat level we may not even realize is so high. We just know we’re so activated by things. And then when we begin to bring that down, all of a sudden we start to see all this evidence and all these things start to shed where we just feel so much better. So that’s one of the things that I have been noticing recently and I was actually pretty surprised cause I’ve done so much nervous system work but as I always say, I am so much on this journey along with y’all and learning and. Healing and getting better. I posted something on Instagram, I don’t know, maybe a month ago that I think I’m like one of the [00:12:00] happiest that I’ve ever been. I feel so much more relaxed and I have. Such good people coming into my life and good friends, and I’m doing a lot of things, and all of those things start to impact our nervous system and the threat level that we experience on a day to day. So being able to recognize who is good for my nervous system and being able to. Seek those people out is just such a huge part of healing and showing up and being able to make big changes in your life and to be able to feel like you’re living a life that feels really good. It doesn’t mean we don’t have problems and issues don’t arise, but man, it’s so much easier to deal with those things. I was dealing with some problems this month, and this is one of the things I wanted to talk to you about, and I was like, I know that these are. Issues. I know the problems. I know that these are things to solve. But it feels really fun to be able to find the [00:13:00] solution, like it feels fun to move through this problem. It doesn’t feel like full of angst and awfulness. I have control. I can do actions differently, and they actually impact my environment and I can make changes and I can move forward, and it all just feels really fun. Which leads me to sitting on the thinking couch because I was thinking about problems, and the problems that I have been experiencing. And the funny thing is, as I was thinking about this and I was really trying to identify, what is it I’m actually saying. So even if I say I have a problem, well, how do I know? How do I know that it’s a problem? What’s the indicator that says that’s a problem? And when I was really breaking this down, and this is the thought that I really wanted to share, is that most of my problems, and I’m curious if this is the way for you, so message me, message me on Instagram, [00:14:00] shoot me an email. I really wanna know, if you look at the problems and I, and things that need to be solved, is it. That things are going wrong, or is it that things are just not going the way you thought they would, and when they don’t go the way that you thought they would, you think that it’s wrong, but maybe it’s actually right. But the way you were thinking about it was wrong. So the problems that we have are actually working to move us in the place we need to go. We just weren’t aware that we had to go there. And so if that’s true, then all of the things that happen are actually working and there isn’t a problem. There’s just a new way that we need to [00:15:00] think in order to move forward. I realized that so many of the things, when I tried to identify my definition of problem, a problem would be something that I couldn’t impact. I’ve said before, and you’ve probably heard me say this, but if money can fix it, it’s probably not a problem. If your hot water heater breaks money can fix it. It’s not a problem. It’s just something you have to solve for. Now, if it’s something that money cannot fix, that’s a real problem, right? Health issues or things like that are just outside of anything you can do anything about other than move forward, learn all the lessons that you can and take the next right action. So when I was looking at my problems, if that’s sort of my definition, then I didn’t really have any problems and. It was really my redirection [00:16:00] and it helped me learn things about myself. It helped me recognize places that I needed to heal and some of the challenges that I had, opportunities that I had gave me bigger boundaries that were necessary in order for me to continue to heal and to move forward. And that is actually not a problem, it’s just not what I was expecting. So. I hope that gave you some food for thought this week. I am looking forward to seeing you over on YouTube. If you catch me over there, drop me a comment, so I know you came from the podcast. We are doing the Navigate Chronicles every other week, and then we’ll see if I can show up here every week. You know, I like to. Have this time with you where I do this podcast., Thank you so much for being here. I love you so much. Keep working on yourself, keep moving forward. You got this. All right, I’ll see you next time. Thanks for joining me [00:17:00] on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In this episode of The Art of Living Big, Betsy explores the concept of life patterns and how to break out of those cycles to foster growth.  Use code LIVEBIGBETSY for 40% all products at Cozy Earth! Betsy has the peoney sheets and loves their pajamas. https://cozyearth.com/ Transcription: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello. Hi. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I am, I’m doing [00:01:00] things a little bit differently this time. I don’t know how this is gonna turn out, but I am recording with video. If you’ve been here for a little while, you may remember that I mentioned that I tried to do this, I don’t know, many months ago. It, it. It bombed. It didn’t really work, but we’re trying again. We’re gonna see. We’re gonna see how it goes. So I’m excited to get to be with you. You’ll hear on audio and if the planet’s aligned, you could go to YouTube and you could actually see me recording it. I don’t know. I mean, would you even wanna do that? I don’t know. But I’m happy that you’re here with me, whichever way that you’re seeing this. So I’ve got a couple updates and I’ve got some cool stuff to talk about, and I have. A thought that I have been thinking about over the last few days, and I’ll get into that. I’ll get into that. So, okay, let’s, let’s start with the most important update, which is about Dean Martin. So [00:02:00] Dean Martin, if you’re new here is my cat that I adopted from the shelter, and there’s a crazy story about me adopting him. You could go back a couple episodes and listen to that. Um, and. He’s really wonderful and sweet and he’s the cutest little thing. I don’t know. Something about his little mouth and his nose is like the perfect little pink. He’s just perfect. And because two things can be true at once, he’s a total terror. He’s a real terror and he is just tearing things up. I have posted on Instagram about him. It’s kind of the joke. It’s kind of funny. Um, but he continues to tear up my life. I have gotten, I play with him. I mean, I play with him so much. I’ve even paid somebody to come and play with him. Yes. Because I need to work and I need to sleep. And both of those things have become increasingly difficult. And [00:03:00] so, um. I’ve bought, I, I just, I mean, an insane amount of toys for him and he likes some of them and some of them he doesn’t. Mostly he likes the boxes, right? So my point is, I’ve done all of the things the vet has even given medication to help calm him down at night. Uh, and I tried that once, but it was hard to give it to him. And so I’ve kind of abandoned mission there. But here’s what I wanted to share with you about that. ’cause we all have the Dean Martin in our life, right? Whether it’s a cat or a person or a situation. And so I decided I was gonna really pause here and think like, what is this here to teach me? Like why is this like I, I, I didn’t get a kitten. I got a 2-year-old cat. Why did I get a 2-year-old cat that is challenging [00:04:00] me in so many ways. Like what is there in this for me to learn? And I think that there is a level of, I mean, patience would be the obvious thing, but I think that there’s something deeper here. And I have not, I have not noodled through it all, but I’m gonna continue to keep you updated because. There’s something really important in this for me, and I know that that may seem like, you know, Betsy, it’s just a cat and you just got a cat that’s got some extra energy or is anxious ’cause he is new living with you, or whatever the case may be. But I have the belief, and you can choose to believe this too or not, but I have the belief that we. Our, I’m gonna say it like the, I’m gonna say it in a crazy way. Okay. But the, our reality is completely coming from inside. It’s coming from inside the [00:05:00] house. It’s not external. It’s coming from inside and, and you know, if you’ve listened to me for some time, what I mean by that, which is there’s science and physics that I can use to explain. Why, what I think is correct, and if that’s true, then it, this is me sorting something out. It’s me being given an opportunity to sort something out. And whenever something happens like this, I always want to be able to pause and to get the lesson. So it, it just occurred to me that the, that there’s something in here for me to learn instead of just like, how many toys can I buy and how, how many times can I play with him? I share this because, well, because I’m gonna continue to give you updates and so you might wanna know the backstory, but also I want you to be thinking about your own thing, [00:06:00] your own Dean Martin, and what is happening and how you’re reacting to it. What you are learning or adapting in that experience? We don’t have experiences to just move through them. There’s a, before the experience, there’s a, through the experience and then there’s an after the experience. And when you get to the after, you are not the same as the before. Whether your change has been positive or negative is up to you. And I think so many people are on autopilot, not you, because you wouldn’t be here listening if you were an autopilot person, but so many people are on autopilot that they are just impacted and molded by things without having any awareness and essentially then any control. Right? So. [00:07:00] That’s my Dean Martin update. I’m gonna continue to keep you updated. What is the, what in the, what is the dang meaning of this? I don’t know. We’ll, we will figure it out. I do have a new sponsor for today’s show. You’ll hear it in a little bit, but I’m super excited about it. You know, I get reached out to a lot to share things or, um, you know, promote things and I ne I never do. I never do because it has to be. It has to be something that I really like. It has to be something that actually is meaningful for me and I have something. So I’m really excited for you to hear that and you’ll hear it in just a little bit. So stay tuned for that. Alright. I’ve told you guys how I have this new YouTube channel. I’ve had the YouTube channel, but I’m becoming intentional with the YouTube channel. And so on the weeks where I don’t have the podcast, I have been uploading a YouTube video and I have done two of them now, an introduction and then two videos. When I make the video, because I’m trying to [00:08:00] do things, how can I do things in the easiest way possible, right? How can I make this the least amount of stress? And like, how can I make this simple? And what I found was that I was recording and then if I would make a mistake, I would stop the recording and then I would restart the recording and kind of take off where I was. Which led to me having like 14 videos that I had to slice and dice together. And so what I discovered was it was just easier to just let the video run while I figured out what I was gonna say or what was gonna happen. Okay. So once I finished the video, then we edit it. So that it like makes sense and flows. And I take out the weird stuff where I’m like, wait, what was I doing? What was I, what was that quote I wanted to share? Like, well, I’m doing all of that stuff. So we do some editing. I. It was slicing and dicing some video of the YouTube [00:09:00] video so I could put it on Instagram. And when I sliced and diced the video, the slice that I diced was me going, what the, and I’m gonna curse. What the fuck was I gonna say? I don’t even remember what I was gonna say. Oh my God. Oh my God. Like that’s what I say in the video. Okay. And so that snippet that was sliced and diced, I was like, wait a minute. Where did this video, where is this slicing and dicing from? Did I upload the video to Slice and Dice, or is it pulling it directly from YouTube? Because if it’s me just uploading it, maybe I uploaded the wrong video, like the unedited video, but no. No, no, my friends, it was taking it right from YouTube. And so, you know, I have talked before about being a beginner about how, about how we make mistakes. We have to be [00:10:00] comfortable failing, and I use the word air quotes, like with the failing, but making mistakes, like being a beginner means you’re gonna screw things up because you’re figuring things out. When I saw that little snippet, I was like, I, to be honest, I immediately just started laughing like hysterically. I was like, there’s no way I’ve uploaded this. So I go right to YouTube. Luckily, not many people are looking at the YouTube. I had 32 views, you know, it had been up for like 12 hours. I was like, oh my God. So he immediately took it down. No, that’s not true. I immediately scanned the video to see if I actually had this huge pause. You guys, it was like 30 seconds where I was like scratching my head, what was I gonna say? Cursing at myself. I mean, it was all in that video, so I took it down, found the one that I had actually edited and uploaded that one. This is why I can’t do this job. This is why I’ve gotta hire somebody else to do some of [00:11:00] this stuff because, , I am more of a, a thinker than a tedious details person. So I share that because we all, well, because it was hilarious and because nothing goes the way we think it goes. You know, we see all this stuff on social media. It all just looks perfect and figured out. And I mean, with. Editing and AI to slice and dice stuff. Like who knows what’s real, you know? And so I think it’s really important when we do find something that feels authentic, something that feels real, I think it’s, I, I think it’s still real to be able to edit out errors or bloopers. Right? We all have our bloopers reel, but I wanted to share it because I. Because I don’t have it all figured out, and I think if you’ve been here for a while on the show, you know that because I talk about, I’m on the journey with you, like I’m constantly learning. There have been [00:12:00] mistakes that I have made in my life that I will regret until I die. Like there are things that I wish I had done different or had experienced different or risks I wish I had taken. You know, there are a lot of these things and I think it’s really important to be able to acknowledge where you screwed it up and fix it and go. That is part of learning and that is part of being human and that is part of being authentic on this journey. When I moved, if you’ve been here for a little while, you know that I moved back in January. I put my house on the market, like in last, I don’t know, September maybe decided to put my house on the market. It went on the market. It was, it just took a while. I had a very old house that I owned. Um, a hundred year old house. And, and with that, you know, it, and the market was rates, interest rates had gone up, like things had slowed down. It. I have [00:13:00] historically been really lucky when I have bought and sold houses because I have typically bought when it’s pretty easy to buy and I have sold when it’s really good to be a seller. And things in my life have gone really quickly. Like I make a decision and I’m ready to go. Like I am pretty decisive once I’ve made a choice, right? And so put this house on the market took dang forever. There was issues and all kinds of stuff. I have, I I, and I’ve talked about this so I don’t have to go into it, but I had done more repairs. Like I had taken care of that house, like it was my part-time job. I did so much stuff, so. By the time it was time to sell the house and it, and it sold and we were getting closer to closing on it, I was so tired. I was pretty depleted and I had been living differently. Do you know how you live differently when your house is on the market? You don’t live like you live in your house, right? You [00:14:00] have to hide your towels and do you know what I mean? Like put your. Knickknacks away or whatever. And so I had been living for many, many months, a little bit different way. So then I move into my apartment, like it’s all new for me. I’m living alone and I’ve, I’m, I’m figuring out where I want things and how I want things. And I noticed that I was getting up in the morning and what was my pattern when I lived in my house? Was that I would get up, I would get my coffee, and then I would either go sit on my porch or if it was cold, I would go into my office and I have my thinking chairs in my office, and I would sit in my office and read my coffee. I would journal, or I would read, or I would do something to fortify myself for the day. I like to do gratitude or just think about the things that are happening, right? And then I’ll, I’ll share it on Instagram so often. [00:15:00] So what I found was that worked for me in that environment, and then when I got to the new space, I was sitting in my thinking chair, like the same chair y’all. The chair was the same, the coffee was the same. You know, for the most part, I think I had shifted to espresso, but it was the same. I was sitting and I was doing what I needed to do. All of my morning routine stuff. And then I found it was really hard to get going. Like I would, I was sitting, but whereas before I would sit and then I would feel complete and fortified and ready to go, I was not. I was feeling depleted and I was feeling like sort of lethargic and not very motivated and even what I would say down. I’m gonna use the term down. Um, because my mood was just [00:16:00] lowered and after a couple, I mean, it was probably a week or so I would say, I was like, I am having such a hard time getting going. Like, what is happening? And you guys have probably experienced this too, right? Where you’re like, what is happening? Like. Is it a hormones? I mean, anything could be possible, right? Am I getting sick? Am I burnt out? Am I just over tired? Do I need a vacation? Like what is going on? And in that experience, what I know from the work that I do is that I was in a pattern and patterns, and I wanna explain this because patterns are. Things that our unconscious mind plays out that leads us from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. So when we have a pattern, there is a trigger, like something that happens. Like I get up, I get my coffee cup, [00:17:00] right? And then there’s a series of things that happen after I sit down. I get my book, I do my journaling, like whatever those things are. Think about it like this. When you go to brush your teeth, you probably get up in the morning. You have a system, like a way that you do your teeth brushing, you probably don’t even think about it. It is so unconscious. Our habits are unconscious. So what happens with a pattern is that the feelings that are associated with that become part of the pattern. So now I’m sitting in my chair, I’m getting my coffee, I’m journaling, I’m feeling. Melancholy, right? I’m feeling tired. I’m feeling those begin to get embedded in the pattern. So the longer that I do it, the way that I’m doing it and not getting the result that I want, the deeper I am creating that [00:18:00] divot in my brain, right? For lack of a better way to say that. It’s like a well worn pathway, right? A neural pathway that continues to fire. The longer I do it, that neural pathway becomes stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger to the point where I could eventually just sit in the chair and immediately go into feeling melancholy. Like those two things would become so patterned and entrenched that one trigger would lead to the next, and I would not even realize that there were like five or six steps. Internally that were happening, that led me from one thing to the next. It would just look like, I don’t know, in the morning, I just feel melancholy. But no, there’s a series of things that are happening. Okay. So because I recognized that there was this shift happening, what I know about patterns is that I don’t wanna keep doing the pattern because I don’t wanna keep having the outcome in coaching in the way that I coach specifically. [00:19:00] We calibrate based on outcome. We calibrate based on, well, what is that action? What’s the action at the end of that? Like, what’s happening? Not like, well, I wanna relax. Well, I wanna be thoughtful in the morning. Well, I want, it’s not what I want, it’s what’s actually happening, is what I’m calibrating on. And that can be hard to decipher as well because we, we know what it is we want. We think that that’s the intention is sitting down to get motivated. I’m sitting down to be insightful, but no, I’m actually sitting down to be melancholy ’cause that’s what’s happening. So we’re calibrating based on the outcome. So I recognized that pretty quickly and I was like, all we have to do when we have a pattern that is running is we have to disrupt the pattern. That’s it. And all we have to do is change one piece of the pattern. It doesn’t matter typically [00:20:00] what piece that is. We just want it to be before the outcome. Okay? Here’s what I wanna say about that. If I let the pattern run became melancholy and then tried to change something after, so that I was no longer melancholy, and I don’t even know that that’s the emotion I was having, but we’re gonna use that as. For the example, if I have done it after, I already had the feeling, I’m not breaking the pattern. ’cause I’m already having the feeling and now I’m having to dig myself out of a hole, right? So what I wanna do is I wanna change before. So what did I do is I sat down with my coffee. Noticed was just one day I noticed, oh, I’m running this pattern. So I stood up, I brought my coffee to my kitchen island and I put music on. So there’s this guy named Lincoln Jesser and his music. Is just peppy and happy. And I think he talks [00:21:00] on Instagram about how it is like a certain frequency to help your brain. So I picked up my co. The moment I noticed, I’m like, oh, here it comes. It’s happening. I stood up, break the pattern that just by standing up, I broke the pattern, walked over to my kitchen island, was like, I’m gonna drink my coffee standing. At my kitchen island, I went over, I put Lincoln Jesser song on, and before I knew it, I was dancing, like I had my hands above my head, which I like to do. My daughter doesn’t like it when I do that, but I feel like it helps elevate my mood and my body wants to move. Like I, there’s emotion, right? That wants to be moving through my body. Just like that, the pattern shifted, the, the pattern no longer existed now. If I had gone back the next day to sitting, I could have reestablished that pattern. The pattern [00:22:00] still existed. It still was there. It probably wasn’t completely derated by by one day, but it would have been less because I did something different. So those neuro pathways can be formed and get really strong. The longer you do the same thing over and over and over again, or they can become less. The more pause you put in things, the more you change things, the more you disrupt the pattern. So I, I don’t even know that I’ve ever really gone back to sitting in the way that I did. Sometimes I’ll sit just to drink my espresso, ’cause espresso cups are so tiny, it doesn’t take long. But then I almost always, now I’m moving into music, almost always music in my kitchen, moving around, moving my body became really, really important. Opening up my blinds, getting that morning sun, especially now that it’s getting into summertime and the light is earlier in the day and it feels really [00:23:00] good opening up my sliding glass door and getting some fresh air. So I, I noticed this pattern and I began to change things. Now why do I tell you this? Because you may have patterns like that, but I also want you to recognize, and I wanna point out. I wanna point out so that you recognize that that pattern I was able to shift because it hadn’t lasted very long. But even with that shift, it would, I could have gone back to the pattern if I had just reverted back. Okay. Now I want you to think about patterns You’ve been running for years, patterns you’ve been running with your partner. Things that you don’t like. You know, I talk to women every day and I so get it, like I understand, but they’re unhappy in their marriage. They’re [00:24:00] unhappy with their relationship and with their union and the way things go. They don’t like the patterns. They may not call it a pattern, they may not recognize it, but the important thing to know is that both people are running the pattern. I am guilty of this too, of being like, oh my God, it makes me crazy. Right? When I was married, he makes me crazy, but until I could recognize my part in the pattern, I couldn’t change it and I couldn’t change my nervous system regulation around it. And if I had never done that work. If I had just been like, screw this, I am out, which I hear people tell me all the time on Instagram, I didn’t wait. I just left. I mean, that’s great. Do what you have to do. But if you’re not using the environment to understand yourself, you’re missing this huge opportunity because you are running a pattern.[00:25:00] You are running these things too, and the truth of it is, is that your nervous system feels, it feels normal to you, so normal that you may not notice you’re running it. Remember I said the moment where you sit in the chair and you suddenly feel melancholy and you don’t realize there’s six steps in between that. Imagine if you’ve been doing something for five years, 10 years, 22 years, 36 years. Like there’s a immediacy that happens, but there’s steps in between that you don’t even recognize. So yes, you could just leave. Yeah, go ahead and leave. It will solve your problem in the moment, but the truth is you are regulated to those patterns, and so as much as you will try, you will go out with other people. All right? If you choose to date again, you’ll go out with other people. And then you’ll be like, I don’t really like them. I can see that they’re probably a [00:26:00] good person, but it’s just not my person. Right. And that’s fair. But then there’ll be somebody that you’ll be attracted to and then after six months or after a year, you’re gonna be like, oh my God, he’s doing the same things as my ex. Why do I do this? I’ve even heard people say, I have a bad picker. You don’t have a bad picker. Your brain’s working perfectly to find something that matches what you’re comfortable with. So perhaps the other person would have been a great match if you didn’t have those patterns, but because you have those patterns, you’re just gonna replay with somebody else. Now we can disrupt patterns in relationships in our lives. Like I said, just in my morning routine so that I am not. Living in a feeling, feeling melancholy. And that’s a really simple example, but I wanted to share that because I recognized it the other day. I was thinking, I actually was going through my [00:27:00] journal and just reading back. ’cause I always find it fascinating to like have that rear view mirror check to be like, how much have I changed? Like what’s happened? Do I think differently? We get a different experience when we are different. So I wanna say this is really important. I wanna say this again. My life right now today looks a great deal different than it did a year ago, I am different in relation to that, but I didn’t become different when my situation and my life experience changed. My life didn’t change, and then I changed. I changed, and then my life started to organize itself around that. So the changes that you make, whether it’s in those patterns or whatever it is, right? And we talk about all of this in the Navigate method, but those patterns start to change. Your outside [00:28:00] circumstances are just suddenly gonna start to rearrange themselves. It no longer matches who you are because you are someone different. So when you start to look at the way that you are contributing to your own experience is the moment when you can start to live a big life. So I hope that gives you food for thought. If you’re interested in learning more about how we do this, you know, inside the Navigate Method, I have a free video on my website. Like if you go to my website, it’s like the very first thing right there, and I lay out the steps. Five shifts. That’s a really great place to start and I’ll tell you, um, once you watch that, at the very end of that video, I explain how to talk to us to see if we can help you. We tell people every single day, and I’m not exaggerating, we tell people every day, we’re not the right fit to help you. So if you’re [00:29:00] struggling with your relationship and you wanna see if we can help, we only help people. We know that we can help. And there’s certain things we talk about where we know if we’re a good fit. Um, and then you can decide if that’s the right next step for you. So. If you wanna check that out, you can just go to my website, betsy p.com. Thank you so much for being here with me. And if you were here on video comment and let me know you were here on video. I don’t know why it feels exciting. Hopefully this one, I don’t even think I have much to, to, to edit this one, so I should be safe. But I, I appreciate you being here with me. Thank you so much for listening today. Um, I will see you next week on YouTube with the Navigate Chronicles. Um. And I’ll see you then. All right. I love you so much. See you guys next time. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. [00:30:00] I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

On todays episode Betsy talks about a big idea that could radically change the way you view everything in your life. Listen in and learn more about creating opportunities and miracles around every corner. Transcript: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, fellow Adventure. Hi everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I have a couple thoughts. Well, I have a couple things I wanna tell you before we start and then I have some thoughts, things for you to think about as you kind of go throughout your week. So before I forget, did you know if, if you follow me on Instagram, then you know, but did you know that I started. YouTube, I’ve had this YouTube channel. I, I’ll say that I’ve had a YouTube channel and what I’ve done historically, like years ago I used to do Facebook Lives and then I would put the Facebook Lives on the YouTube channel. So there was never any intention with it. It, [00:01:00] you know, there was never any. Real plan for a long time. We had the podcasts automatically put out anyway. I just was like, I wanna do something on YouTube that feels more intentional and more meaningful. And so one of the things that I felt was a little bit of a missing link and also something that I really wanted to share was what’s happening inside the Navigate method. You know, many of you are probably listening to me ’cause you found me on Instagram or you found the Navigate method and you hear me talk about all the things that I think about relationships and, and women and how we show up and how we’ve been encouraged to show up throughout our lives. And a shift, a really big shift that I think is happening right now in the world. But. I never really talk about what’s going on behind the scenes, like what actually happens inside the Navigate method. Now, of course, I’m not gonna [00:02:00] talk about people’s individual stories of what happens, but there’s typically a theme or a thread. It’s so funny because we’ll do groups. We have a part of the program, it’s a, it’s a multifaceted program. There’s a lot going on, but with the groups we meet every week. And there’s always a theme, like one person will say something and then somebody else will be like, oh my God, I wanted to bring that in. And someone else. And someone else. And we kind of joke that everybody’s married to the same person. Like how are we all having the same exact experiences? Everyone in the group, so. With that, I really wanted to create a place where I could talk about some of those threads and be able to give you a little bit of insight as to what’s shifting for people and, and what happens and a new way to think about things. And so I decided that I was gonna do the podcast. As you know, if you’ve been here for a while, I did the podcast every week for years and years and years now I do it every other week. And [00:03:00] now on those weeks we don’t have the podcast. There is the Navigate Chronicles, which is my YouTube show so it’s like on the off week. So if you like this, you can get this kind of thing over there. I have it linked everywhere. If you follow me on Instagram, just go to my bio and click on the link. I send out an email with it every other week. If you’re on my email list, you’ll get that. But subscribe, it will alert you. I suppose you could even go to YouTube and just put in my name and it would probably pop up with my channel. So I wanted to remind you of that and let you know about the YouTube channel. I sent out an email this past week when the episode went live, which was like the first real episode. And. It was so hard to do. You know, I started doing the podcast every other week, several months ago with the intention of doing the YouTube, and I had a, well, first of all, I had a lot of technical difficulties. This is gonna lead into what we’re gonna talk about, but I had a lot of technical difficulties, [00:04:00] like weird things where I was like, why is the universe trying to stop me or slow me down? And. E eventually, you know, I, I recorded, I mean I think it was like six times there. Either, either was an audio or the video screwed up, or, I mean, there was something always. And so finally I got it locked in. We got the episode out. So it’s not the greatest in the world, but I’m doing it and it’ll get better and better. And just like when I listened to my old podcasts from years ago and die of cringey. However, I sound, you know, I’ll continue to get better and how cool that we can be beginners. So join me over there. That’ll make me feel better if you come, if you come and visit. And then I also wanted to tell you a little update on my cat. So if you were here a couple episodes ago, I talked about how I got this cat, and if you haven’t listened to that episode, I, I, it’s, [00:05:00] it’s, it’s a, it may be an entertaining story for you, but I ended up, they gave me the wrong cat, so I had this strange cat under my bed for a day until I could get the cat that I had actually adopted. I just wanna give you an update that I have not been a a cat person my whole life. Like I’ve always historically had dogs, you know, my daughter had a cat, but. It was her cat. I it, it has been a new adventure and it’s been an adventure getting used to not having something totally obsessed with you. Like dogs are right, but it’s also a lot less work. So I feel like the trade off there is really good. So, all right. So I wanted to talk with you today. I have, this will be a little bit of a shorter episode, but I wanted to talk with you about this idea that things are gonna go differently than you want them to, and when they [00:06:00] do, how do you deal with it? So when things don’t go the way you want, what do you do? How do you respond? What’s your reaction? What is it that you are thinking now if you are new here? I wanna kind of give a frame around this conversation. So when we experience our world, it really is our world. It’s not the world, it’s our world. And what I mean by that is everybody is experiencing something just a little bit different. It may be a lot different. It may be a little bit different, but it all depends on what your brain thinks. Is really important. And so your brain, your unconscious mind is scanning constantly for information that it is taking in from your nervous system. And it is putting that through a set of filters. And the filters are gonna be things like what you believe and it’s really like what your [00:07:00] parents taught you was true, right? What, what your values are. Also what your deepest identity is, what you think about yourself and who you are. And so all of these things kind of come together and they create a filter and so your reality is yours. This is how come inside the Navigate method, we talk a lot about understanding our own reality and. How to understand our partner’s reality so that we can find that overlap, right? We can find that consistency and we can talk in ways that help each other actually understand what kind of reality we’re trying to communicate about. Right? So this is not a small thing. This is a huge thing, and I think when people get this wrong, it leads to a lot of suffering. So. We have our own reality, and that is giving us our version of the world and how we see it. And this is how come, you know, we have people that you’re [00:08:00] like, how? How do they not see that this is wrong? Right? Something happens in the world and you’re like, how do people think that’s okay? That’s not okay. It’s because it’s your reality. Their reality is different. Now, I’m gonna take a wild leap that’s going to make you unhappy, but I want to just say it for the. The fact of this conversation. Okay, what if there’s no right or wrong, but there just is. Now right off you may think like, I know there’s things happening in the world right now that are wrong. I will agree with you because we probably have a similar frame. Okay? Our reality probably overlaps, but the truth is that it’s not the thing that’s wrong. It’s that. Our thinking about it is what makes it wrong. I’m gonna give you a totally different example, so just hang with me. There was a interview that I saw years ago. [00:09:00] With Dr. Wayne Dyer and he talked about how he was doing a speech. If you’re inside the Navigate method, you’ve heard me say this, but he was doing a speech on nine 11, right on the actual nine 11 and on the days that he would give a speech, he wouldn’t watch the news. That was part of his locking in and you know, keeping out any. Outside noise. He wouldn’t watch any media. He would just get in a really good feeling place, show up and do his speech. And when he got there at the event to do the speech, he’s like, everybody was so upset, he couldn’t figure out what was going on. And then somebody told him backstage, it’s, this thing happened. This is what happened. It’s terrible. It’s terrible. We can all agree. It’s terrible. Right? But what Dr. Dyer said was. I didn’t know about it, and so I didn’t feel bad. So it’s not that it was terrible, it’s that my processing of it is what made it [00:10:00] terrible. It’s my view, my lens, and I’m looking at it and that’s what’s making it terrible. He was like, I didn’t have a terrible morning. I wasn’t worried. I didn’t know anything was wrong. Then when I found out what was wrong. Is when I felt bad because then I placed all this meaning on it. Right? And I think that that’s a, it, it, that can be a hard concept, right? ’cause you’re like, some things are just wrong. And, and I get it and I want for this conversation just to open up to say maybe life is neutral and what makes things right or wrong is our view of it. Okay? So life is happening. So with all of that said. What do we do when things don’t work out the way that we want? And one of the things that I think is really important is to understand anytime something doesn’t go the way you, you like or you want, is to [00:11:00] recognize that the reason that you wanted it to go a certain way is because you thought that was gonna make you happy. You thought, if this thing works out, if this marriage works out, if this job interview works out, if this conversation with my kid works out, if I pick up the, the great coffee, like this is gonna make me happy, and then I get home and I brew the coffee and it’s crappy, then I’m really disappointed. Right? Then I’m like, this didn’t work. This is bad. We label it right? So. In our world, and it’s really normal, but we begin to label things good or bad. It goes in one of those buckets and typically the good bucket is gonna be the thing that you think is gonna make you happy. So when it doesn’t happen, then you’re left with a whole bunch of stuff going on. And that’s really what I want to talk about is all this stuff that’s going on. I [00:12:00] have a belief and you can believe differently, but I wanna share my belief, and this is how come when I start the podcast so many times, I say, welcome fellow adventurers. So I have a belief that we are spiritual beings. We have come here into this physical experience to experience life. To experience the highs and the lows, to have a really wide range of all of the emotions. I think one of the saddest things that happens is when people really limit their emotions, right? They have something traumatic happen and then they go, I never wanna feel that again. And so I’m gonna really limit and bring things in and I’m never gonna get disappointed ’cause I’m never gonna get excited and I’m just gonna live in this kind of meh. And then they get older and I think they get sick of meh. And they wanna live, you know? And so when I say fellow adventurers, that’s what I mean. We’re here having this adventure. And [00:13:00] if that’s true, then shouldn’t we feel all the things? Shouldn’t it be okay to feel something really bad or something really disappointing, or something really great, or something that’s a lot of love or something that is going a different way than you wanted? So I have this belief that we came here to have all these emotions and that this is just an adventure. And so I wanna offer you the thought that if things don’t go the way you want, then maybe it’s opening you up for a different adventure. Maybe it is a way for you to experience an up or a down that you didn’t expect, and it might not be a down. It may be things don’t go your way, and then you have this amazing thing that happens and then all of a sudden you get this experience that you never even dreamed of. I think that we limit ourselves so much in terms of [00:14:00] experiences and miracles and amazing things that can happen because we try and reign in our emotion because we don’t wanna feel something uncomfortable. So what do you do when things don’t go the way you want? Do you constrict? Do you push against it? Is it the kind of thing where you’re like, no, no, no, no, no, I don’t want this to happen. Or can you start to train yourself to relax into it? That your thought process could be, well, this adventure I didn’t expect. I wonder what could happen from here. Do you see how that can shift so many things? Not only because of what I said at the very beginning, that your experience, it’s your reality and your brain is funneling through information and showing you things that it thinks is important. And if you are allowing [00:15:00] instead of constricting. Your unconscious mind is gonna show you way more opportunity. It’s gonna show you way more options, way more excitement, way more ups and downs, all of it. But we’re here to have that experience. And so maybe when we constrict, when we go, oh, this isn’t going the way I want now. I’m not going to be happy. Maybe that’s not true. So maybe everything that you’ve thought about, things going right or wrong, good or bad, maybe it’s not even true. And if you can open up yourself to the possibility that it’s not even true, then you can start to imagine what could be instead. How does it get better than what I had? I think we have this idea that when we don’t get what we want, it’s going wrong, right? We’re not getting what we want. And so that is wrong, that’s bad. [00:16:00] That’s now heading down a path I don’t want. But what if that’s totally false? What if you don’t get what you want? It’s because you’re going on adventure or a path that’s even better. So when you can accept what is a couple things happen. You limit your suffering. You know, we get this idea, I want this thing now I’m not gonna have it. Oh no, now I’m sad and I’m creating my own suffering, right? Because think about what Dr. Dyer said. Nine 11 happened, but I wasn’t upset because I didn’t know so, so. I can open up to what could be. I’m not suffering anymore. I’m not creating my own suffering. Now I’m on an adventure. And now I can say, well, I wonder what it will bring from here when we can do this. I think we really [00:17:00] start living way more in the flow. I think we become overall a lot happier, right? A lot more what some people may say aligned, right? ’cause we’re not. So constricted. We’re not so stressed. We probably don’t feel as much tension in our body. Our nervous systems aren’t as activated or alert when we can, and this is simply a thought process. So I, I want you to recognize that that may have felt like a huge jump. Like if something goes wrong, I, I’m not gonna be all of a sudden like in the flow and being like, oh, great, I’m done. This is, I’m down for whatever happens like, and. That really can happen quickly. We have been told this, what I believe is a lie, that change has to take a long time. Right? We, we have to. Work at things for a long time. We have to struggle and and really figure things out. My point is that change happens. When your thoughts [00:18:00] begin to shift, when you can see a totally new way of doing things, and that comes from a lot of different ways of thinking being introduced, right? That comes from listening to podcasts like this or other ones that you probably love, like that change in that shift. Doesn’t have to take you 10 years to be like, oh my gosh. I have always been really worried when things didn’t work out the way I wanted. And I’ve been in a lot of suffering and I’ve been worried about things and thinking about things and like worrying things were gonna go wrong and, and, and wouldn’t it take a long time to undo that? Okay. So now you’ve, you kind of got your mind around that, but now you’re thinking. What about really bad things though, Betsy? Because bad things happen. You know, my kid gets sick. My, my best friend dies. Like my, like bad things do happen and I’m gonna label ’em as [00:19:00] bad, bad things can happen. You know, when I was in high school, my, my mom died in a car accident when I was at school one day, it would I change that? Like, would I love to have my mom around? Heck yeah. I never got to text her. We didn’t even have cell phones then. You know, like I, I’ve wonder about all these things. She didn’t go to my high school graduation, my college graduation. Like I didn’t get to experience so many things. My first apartment, buying my first house, I mean, a million things bad. Right, right. Sure. And it also led to some of the. Purpose in my life, some of the greatest things that have happened to me happened to me because my mind was shifted by that experience because I chose to grow. Right. And you’ve had things like this too, where you’ve chose to grow when things have gone, air quotes bad, so Absolutely. Would my life be totally [00:20:00] different? My life would absolutely be totally different. You wouldn’t be listening to this for sure. Right. If my mom had. Not died that day. Absolutely. But I don’t label it as bad. It’s, it is, and I suffered a long time, but I don’t suffer about it anymore. It’s, I’ve really changed the way that I think about it now. Did my suffering go away? Did my suffering evaporate? Did my, does it mean my suffering never needed to exist? No. I think we have processes. We’re humans. But remember, I believe we came here to have this experience, this adventure, and so I want to have all the emotion. I wanna deeply grieve my mom. When my dog died four years ago, deeply grieved. I wanted to, I wanted to feel how bad that was because that. Showed me how much love there was. There wasn’t a good or a bad. The [00:21:00] grief wasn’t labeled as bad to me. Now, I don’t have this all figured out. I’m not trying to sound like I have everything figured out, but I do think that maybe there’s a thought here that will click something in you, right? Maybe you’ve been. Partway here or had thoughts about this, about what do you do when things don’t go the way that you want? And maybe this will give you another way to see things to say maybe. I get to have all the emotion. All of that is totally normal. Please don’t think you need to have no emotion. I, I like having all the emotion. That’s part of the, this whole experience having tears and having joy and laughing. All of that is part of it. But when you accept what is, is the only way that you can grieve what isn’t right, that you can decide that you’re gonna lean in to What else could be possible from here?[00:22:00] You know, I have a really cool relationship with my mom. Now, she’s not in the physical, but I don’t believe that she’s very far away. I got to create a new relationship with her in a different way. Do I miss her physical form? Yeah, absolutely. But I got to create something new. Something else came from that that I never would have had or I would’ve had when I was much older. So when we grip really tight, we stop the flow and the dance of what we’re here to do and experience. So if you start to think of instead of disappointment. There can be discovery, right? What else is here for me? Instead of attachment, it’s gotta go the way I want it to go. It can be flow. You get to pick, and that’s really what I wanna say. Life isn’t about controlling everything that’s in your path. It doesn’t work that way. I wish it did. I would [00:23:00] map it all out. You know? I would be so organized. I would have a whole map of how this was all gonna go, but that’s just not real life. And so expanding your capacity to move with life’s current events, that is really what shifts you into a place where you can feel aligned and you can feel like that is how you live a big life. So I hope this gives you a little bit of a different way to look at maybe some of the challenges that you have going on in your life right now. Maybe where you’re constricting instead of flowing, and maybe reframe what it is that you do when things don’t go the way that you want. All right. Thanks so much for being here with me this week. I will see you next week on YouTube. Then I’ll see you back here on the podcast the following week. Thanks so much for being here. I love you so much. I’ll see you guys next week. Thanks for joining me on The Art of [00:24:00] Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at Betsy Pay and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

Today Betsy tells a story about her new cat… and how she had to lean into hope. You’ve had times when you had to choose hope too. Listen in as Betsy shares more about how hope may be influencing your life too. Transcription:

In todays episode, Betsy shares insight on how to navigate your desires when you aren’t aware they exist! What DO you want after so many years of taking care of what everyone else needed?She examines why this is such important work for you to do, why it happens the way it does and gives you two great tips to start to open up to thinking a new way.Transcript: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy P, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hello. Hello everyone. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I’m excited that you’re here today. I wanna talk about something. Well, I have a little story to tell you and then I wanna talk about something that people ask me a lot and it’s something that I have given a lot of thought to because it is a really, really good question. So here’s the question people ask me. How do I know what I want? And I don’t think they’re asking me this about marriage necessarily, although that is what people come to me for, right? To figure [00:01:00] out what they want in their relationship. But I think when people message me this, they’re talking about it in general. I had someone recently that reached out and said, I listened to your podcast and you talk a lot about goals, but I don’t even know what I want. So I think this is such a great topic. And I have , a couple things that you can do, but I also wanna talk to you about why I think you don’t know. Recently I moved into , a new place and you may have heard me talk about this. I sold my house last year. It closed right after the new year, and I moved into a new place and I decided I was gonna live here for a year. Before I got a pet, I have historically always had a pet, if you’ve been here for a long time, you know, my sweet dog Miley died like four years ago in April. And I was devastated, like devastated for a long time. And I’ve always had pets and, and we had Henry, you know, [00:02:00] if you’ve been here for a while, you’re familiar with Henry, which is Craig’s dog. And when I moved into this apartment, I was like, I am going to. I am going to give myself a break from having to take care of something. I wanna be able to get up and go if I wanna go, and I don’t wanna have to worry about getting a pet sitter or, you know, worry about any of that stuff. And that was great. You know, I went to The Bahamas a couple weeks ago. I took off and left. And the truth is, I mean, my truth is that I miss having something around like I miss. Talking to something I miss, having something to snuggle with, you know? And my truth is also that I don’t want to have to take care of something to the effect of a dog where I would have to walk it every morning and walk it every evening and. Walk it all during the day. Right. Like I, I, I didn’t want that level. When I was growing up, and you guys were probably [00:03:00] like this too, right? I grew up, I mean, I was born in the seventies, but I think of myself as growing up in the eighties. We always had so many pets. When I was growing up, we had fish and gerbils and Guinea pigs and cats and dogs. Like we had all of it. So over the last couple months, I have really given it some thought, like what? Would be enough, almost like the, the lowest effective dose of, of animal that I could still have some freedom and, and be able to have something around and something to take care of. So. I finally decided and landed on a cat. A cat would feel fun. They’re independent enough. I could leave it alone overnight. You know, my daughter lives really close. I mean, walking distance, and she could take care of the cat and it wouldn’t be a lot of work. It wouldn’t be like walking the dog, right? And so I thought, I’m gonna get a cat. And I started looking online. Now, the reason I’m telling you this story is [00:04:00] because I felt myself. Think I should check, I should check in with my sister and see what she thinks. I should check in with my dad and, and see what his thoughts are. I didn’t take action on those, but I thought those things, like how would this be perceived? Would this be seen as irresponsible? I, I’m, I’m almost 54 years old, like I’m about, it’s not irresponsible for me to get a cat. From the pound, you know? But I found myself pushing it through those filters. And here’s the thing, when we are trying to determine what it is we want, or make a decision on what it is we want, if we have spent a lifetime pushing it through a filter of what everybody else wants, then that is gonna be our default nature. It’s gonna feel, it’s gonna be what [00:05:00] feels really normal. It’s gonna be what feels right. The problem with that is that if you do that all the time and you get used to doing that, and your nervous system gets used to doing that, then what happens is that now you don’t connect to what it is you want from the get. You are immediately putting it through a filter of how it would be perceived. And I don’t think this is like, well, what will people think of me? Will I be judged? I don’t think it’s that at all. I think it’s that we get to a place where we have put it through this filter so much that we think that’s how we make decisions. And so then when we think, what is it that I want? We’re like, I don’t know, because I don’t have anybody to put something through a filter of, right? I don’t have the thing to say, is this okay? What about this? And if we don’t have the thing to say, [00:06:00] those filters don’t work for us. Here’s the thing. I think it’s so, so, so normal to have the filters. I think it’s normal to. Want people around us to approve or even to give us feedback. Like, is there something I’m missing? Is there something that I’m not thinking of that I should be aware of? Like, all of that I think is so normal and really good. And like I said, I’m 53, so I was born in 71. I believe that there’s this, I wanna say this generation, but I believe it could happen for young women right now too. I, I don’t believe it’s to the extent that it was for my generation, which is the idea of checking for everything. When we’re really young, we have to be putting things through a filter of like what our parents approve or not like, what our parents [00:07:00] like this, um, what would, you know, our teachers say, all of that is necessary for our, our growth and for us to make and learn how to make wise choices. I mean, as long as your parents are making wise choices right? And guiding you through that. But I think that for my generation, and I’m open to being wrong here. But I think for me and my friends, there was this feeling of if that doesn’t work for other people, you probably shouldn’t do it. Like if that is something that would make other people have to do something different or bend in a different way or put anybody else out, then maybe you need to rethink that and that when we look at the hierarchy of our. Choices and the things that are, I’m using air quotes like right. For us, the hierarchy doesn’t start with us. [00:08:00] It starts with our, our partner. It starts with our kids, it starts with our parents or whatever. Like I said, I don’t think that’s inherently wrong. I think when that is the default, and that’s how it happens all the time. That tends to give you an outcome that pulls you away from what it is you really want, and then all of a sudden you’re in your fifties and your kids are grown and your relationship kind of sucks. And then you’re like, I don’t even know what I want. And now I’m trying to make really big, huge life decisions for myself, but I don’t have a really. A really crystal clear compass or way to do this internally, and I think that’s where we start going sideways. I think that’s where it becomes really overwhelming. And what happens when we get really overwhelmed, our nervous system puts us into a state of fight or flight or freeze, where we just don’t make decisions. It doesn’t [00:09:00] matter if we’re unhappy. I think that’s an important piece of this to understand. It does not matter if you like it. It doesn’t matter if you’re super unhappy. It doesn’t matter if you’re like the most unhappy you’ve ever been to the point where your doctor’s like maybe you should look at antidepressants. It it, none of that matters to your brain if what is normal for your brain and safe. For your brain is that you push everything through a filter of what everybody else would want or think or desire or like all of those things, right? So now you’re in a place where you’re like, I, I’m, I’m 54 years old and I unhappy and I don’t know how to make change and I’m wondering if maybe I’m depressed and I don’t know what to do from here. Now I. I think there are ways, I know there are ways to start to unwind this. This is the work we [00:10:00] do inside the Navigate Method is a really starting to investigate why you still think those filters are so important and are they, and when are they like the distinctions and the, the, the way this needs to be picked apart is super important. You know, I always say to women that come into the program, it’s like we have this bowl of cold wet spaghetti noodles and they’re all sticking together and wound about each other. You don’t know what one follow one noodle through it. It overlaps and goes under and swings around and it is so hard to know which noodle is which, you know, and so this is the work of, of uncovering. And so I have a couple. Ways that can start that process. Now, when I say start the process, start the [00:11:00] process of thinking differently, dreaming differently, there’s still gonna be the process of unwinding the nervous system regulation piece around why that feels so safe to you. Because what happens with. Habits and patterns. You know, we talk a lot about patterns and things. Those patterns and habits and ways of being and tendencies and all of those things are only true when they are unconscious. Once that pattern becomes conscious, it is a choice. And so there is work to be done to change the way that you’re making that choice. And so much of that has to do with your nervous system believing that something is safer than [00:12:00] something else. So if we wanna really try to dig in. To, what is it? What could I even want? If you’re at a place where you’re like, I don’t even know what I would want, like that, it, I, I don’t know. I go through the motions every day. I take care of my family, I do the laundry and I go to work and I make sure everybody has food, right? But if you’re like, what, what, what would I really desire? Like I have no idea. This year when I moved into this place, I. I really was thinking through this, like, what is it that I want from here? And one of the things that I started doing was just jotting down everything that I saw that made me go, oh, that looks cool. Or, and, and it, and I wanna say something. That feeling of that looks cool and the follow up that comes behind that, which is, that’s not for me, happens really fast. You might not even catch the, that looks cool [00:13:00] because you just think that it’s not For me, I saw a organization that’s like brings people out on whale watches and I thought, oh my God, that’d be so cool to see a whale. Like that would be really cool to be able to like pet a whale, right? If I could pet a whale, like how cool that would be, and then I immediately thought, I don’t have time for that. I don’t have time that, God, I’d have to go somewhere Alaska or something. I, I don’t have time for all that. It’s so not true. If it’s important to me, I could find time and it’s worth writing it down. And so I wrote it down and every time I noticed I felt jealous, like envy. I’d see something and I would go, Ugh. That, uh, I wish. That’s so cool. I wrote it down and after a couple of weeks, I had a pretty good sized list of things that I actually didn’t know that I wanted. Now, am I [00:14:00] gonna do everything on the list? No, I’m not. But having the awareness that that triggered a feeling in me started to make the feeling more safe. I started to notice a whole lot more things that would feel fun and then a really interesting thing started happening instead of having to see the thing that was laid out for me, like that looks fun going on a whale watch that looks fun. Having a group of friends to go play Mahjong with, like that looks fun. I started getting ideas of things that were. My own right. I started to get ideas and make up things that would feel really fun to me. Like, you know what would feel fun is taking a creative writing class, but in Paris like, like all of the sudden these little pieces started to come together and [00:15:00] I was able to start to see how I could create the thing that felt fun. It didn’t have to be given to me as an example. I don’t think I would’ve gotten there as quickly if I hadn’t done the work to follow the envy, to follow the, the other people, right. The other things that were shown to me and to notice when I was shutting it down to notice when I was saying, oh, but that’s not for me. That’s cool, but that’s not for me. I, had to be able to make. This, shift and to say, instead of viewing this as negative, I’m going to view this as a compass and I’m gonna use it to try and help myself define what it is that I want. The other thing that I wanna offer you as an idea, and I think this can work so well, because I think when we allow [00:16:00] ourselves to write. Like real paper and pen. Do you know what I mean? Not type on a keyboard, write things out. There is a flow that starts to happen, a creative flow. And remember knowing what it is you want is creative. It’s a creative flow, right? So we wanna get into a creative flow. So one of the things that I think can be so impactful is if we write down. An obituary for ourselves. Like right now, if you were to die today, what would your obituary say? Like, how have you lived your life? What would you want people to remember or notice? What would be important to you in this life? Now, once you do that, I want you to write another obituary, but as if you’re 95 years old and you. Had every single [00:17:00] dream that you ever dreamed come true, you petted every whale that you wanted. You showed up on every stage that you wanted. These are my dreams by the way. You, you had your cats, you did your thing, you connected with people, you felt alive. Now write the obituary from that place, and what does that obituary say? What’s different about it? What’s showing up? What’s important to you? And that is gonna give you so many clues into what it is you really want to experience. I’m gonna guess. It’s not gonna be like she spent two months out of the year scrolling on her phone looking for things that other people were doing to feel alive. Like I, I get that we all scroll on her phone. [00:18:00] I’m not saying that’s bad. That’s probably how you found me. So I support, I support, that’s how I find so many people. But there is this thing that like. Is this how I wanna live my life? You know, recently I put a post up on Instagram. If you wanna find it. It’s like a pink post and it says netflix and scrolling isn’t normal. I think that’s what I said. And if you hate it, this post is for you. That’s what I say. It’s really coping, right? If we’re, if we’re sitting next to our partner and we’re just scrolling every night. We’re not interacting, it’s coping. And somebody got mad at me and said, oh, please, this is real life. My partner is there with me. And I said, look, if you’re happy with that, I said In this post. And if you hate it, air quotes and if you hate it, and if you don’t hate it, keep doing it. But that is not, I mean, and I didn’t say this part, but I’m thinking in my head like, that’s enough. Is that like, is that, [00:19:00] is that really enough for you to spend every night just scrolling next to your partner? I, I, it’s totally fine if it is, but I’m guessing if you’re listening to this show, it’s not, it might be okay once in a while. Like that is life like, but that’s not when I write my obituary when I’m 95, that is not, that is not how I wanna be thinking of my life. That’s not how I want my life to be remembered. And so I think this exercise can give you so much insight into what it is you really want. I swear you already know. You already know so many things that you want. But you’re so used to pushing it through the filter of what everybody else would think, that it’s getting lost in the shuffle. And it is a simple mind shift that can help to start to make that available to you. It doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to take months. [00:20:00] You could get some ideas today, but you’ve gotta be willing to slow down the process of what’s happening, what you’re seeing. The decision and the story that you’re making about what you’re seeing immediately after that is causing you to dismiss it and not even notice that you had the desire. And I think you know when you can really start to do that, not only are you gonna start to see stuff every day, all day, that feels fun and like a great idea, you can change the story that it feels like envy. ’cause it doesn’t, it feels like your compass. And I think that is how you start to live a big life. So thank you so much for listening. It was so good to have you here. I love you so much. Keep going, keep dreaming about all the things and if I can help you, be sure to reach out. You can find [email protected] and I have a new downloadable with my process on there. So go ahead to my website. [00:21:00] Right underneath the big header part, you’ll see Mirror Mend or Move process. See if that might help you. You can download it there, and if I can help you, you can always book a call and we can chat. All right, I’ll talk with you soon. Have a great week. See you next time. Thanks for joining me on The Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram at betsy pa and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life. It’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

On todays episode Betsy dives deep into your truth and how you know your following your own path. She tells a story of her recent travels on a solo trip to the Bahamas and the strange incident that happened that made her choices seem even more important. Transcript: Betsy:Welcome to the Art of Living big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master coach, and creator of the Navigate method, here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big. Hi. Good morning. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to the show. Betsy:If you’re new here, I’m happy that you’re here. Thanks for giving it a listen. And if you. You are old here. Hi. Hi. I’m so happy to see you. I hope you’re good. Betsy:All right, so this week, I. There’s something. There’s something really important that I want to talk to you about. And also, I want to tell you this crazy story. And I don’t think the story is crazy, but I know from the outside it probably looks a little crazy. And if you follow me on Instagram, then you may have witnessed the crazy while the crazy was in route. So I’m gonna explain to you kind of what has been going on. So a couple weeks ago, I decided I just needed to sit in the sun. Betsy:You know, I wanted to just sit and feel the heat on my face, feel the sunshine, you know, listen to the ocean. I just really wanted to be someplace warm, and I thought maybe I’ll run down to Key west, because I love Key West. But I wanted hot. I wanted to make sure that I had hot. I live in Atlanta, and it really doesn’t get super cold here, but it had been cold, and I just get sick of the winter, you know? So I am a Delta girly, and I have lots of Delta points. And so I looked up where could I go and was able to book a flight to the Bahamas. So the intention was that I would go on a Friday and stay till a Tuesday. Okay. Betsy:So I would be. It’d be like a long weekend, basically, which felt good to me because I didn’t want to miss group. I know this. I know I’m allowed to miss group with my ladies in the navigate method, but I don’t. I don’t like to. I think maybe I miss, like, once a year. I’m really. I really like doing it. Betsy:Unless I have, like, an event that I just can’t be there for whatever reason. So then I have one of my coaches do it, and they’re great and they do a great job. So there’s no. There’s no harm, no foul. But I really like to be there. And so I thought, I’ll leave. Group is on Thursday. So I thought I’ll leave on Friday, and then I’ll just be there a couple days, and I’ll come home. Betsy:So I worked my magic with the points, and over the last couple weeks, I have really liked thinking about going. Like, I’ve really liked thinking about how much fun it’s going to be to feel the sun on my face and, like, what I’m going to order from the restaurant. And, you know, the. The place that I decided to go was Bah Bahamar, which is in the Bahamas. And it’s this huge resort with, like, three different hotels and tons of restaurants. I mean, I think there’s, like, 17 restaurants. There’s, like, six different pools, and they have really good mocktails. Now, I’m not afraid of having a cocktail every once in a while, but it’s not totally my thing, so I was like, that’ll be fun. Betsy:I started thinking, like, what kind of mocktail am I going to get? Like, what am I going to sit and drink by the. By the pool and the sound of the pool and all of that? I just. I have really enjoyed the last couple weeks thinking about it. Okay, so part of the joy of the whole thing was me thinking about it. I remember years ago. I mean, years and years ago when I was, like, in college, and then, like, a young adult out of college and going to visit my grandmother. And if you’ve been here for a while, you know, I was close with my grandma, and I remember thinking, I’m gonna go surprise her. And I remember saying to my sister, I’m gonna go up and see Grandma, and I’m gonna surprise her. Betsy:And I remember my sister saying to me, you should tell her, because she really likes to think about it, and it brings her a lot of joy to, like, think about it for the couple weeks or the month or whatever until you arrive. And I remember thinking, like, okay. I mean, I guess the surprising seemed fun to me, but I wanted it to be fun for her. So I always told her, and she was always excited. And every time I talked to her up until I got there, she would be talking about how I would be there and what we would do and all the things. So I’ve been thinking about that because the last couple weeks, I’ve gotten a lot of enjoyment from thinking about going. I. I booked the trip. Betsy:It was, like, one night. I was like, should I do this? And I looked it up, and I had the delta points and I had the hotel points. I mean, like, the whole trip cost me, like, 150 bucks. Do you know what I Mean, like. I mean, I was like, this is so fun. I’m getting to go basically for free. And, like, it’s. It’s fun to think about. Betsy:So Friday comes, I pack up my bag, I get a couple swimsuits. I’m like, ready to go, and I fly there. I get there. It’s awesome. It’s great. I’m having the best time. I spent the first day by the ocean. The second day, I got a private seat at the pool. Betsy:Like, you pay for the pool seat, but then you get a waitress and you get the amount you paid in the pool seat, in food. Do you know what I mean? So I was like, I’ll totally do that. And so I. I mean, I sat there, I had a turkey club. I. I ordered, like, just French fries. Then I ordered, like, just nachos, because who could eat $150 worth of food? Do you know what I mean? So I was just, like, getting stuff I wanted. Felt so fun. Betsy:At one point, I got up, and they had these seats that are, like, water seats. Almost like they had, like a section. There was two different pools there, but they had a section of ring around the pool that is kind of like a lazy river, but it’s shallow. It’s not a lazy river, but you know what I’m saying. It’s like a little river. And they have these chairs in the pool. You know what I’m talking about? You’ve seen those pool. Those pool chairs in a resort. Betsy:So the pool. The chairs are in the pool, but there’s, like, a waterfall behind me. So I go to lay in these chairs. Like, nobody’s around. Nobody’s in these chairs. I don’t know why. So I’m laying in the chair. You’re kind of buoyant because you’re, like, in the water kind of. Betsy:I have headphones in. It’s, like, the best music. I look up, all I can see is, like, blue sky and seven different palm trees. I can hear the sound of this waterfall behind me. Like, I’m like the sun. I’m like, this is. This is. I’m so, like. Betsy:I’m like, this is heaven adjacent. I’m so, so happy. Okay, so that’s Saturday. I’m so happy. Sunday, I’m back at that pool, and I’m like, this is. It’s okay. Like, it’s okay. You know, I. Betsy:I’m. I’ve traveled alone. And so there was a part of me that was kind of. I wasn’t lonely. There was no part of me that was lonely. No part of the trip. That I was lonely, but I was a little bored, if that makes sense. And so, you know, I was going to the restaurants in the evening, and I was going by myself, which was fine. Betsy:I would chat with people or with the waiter or whatever. But by that Sunday night, I was like, I’m ready to go home. Like, I’ve had three days in the sun. I’m. I’m feeling like I’m done with the sun. You know how you kind of get where you’re like, I don’t really want to be out in the sun. I wasn’t burned. I did such a good job with my sunscreen, but I was just kind of getting, dare I say, tired of it. Betsy:I got what I needed. That’s what it felt like. I got what I needed. And so I thought, well, maybe I just need, like, a little variety. I needed an adventure. So I looked and I was like, I could go. I could book a spot on a ship, on a cruise, like a. You know what I mean? Like a catamaran cruise for the day. Betsy:And then looked at that, and it didn’t feel really fun. I mean, I’ve done those many times, and I like them, but it didn’t feel like the thing I was gonna do, flamingo yoga, but I couldn’t get a spot. And, like, I just was like, what am I? What do I wanna do? And when I really, really sat with it, what I really wanted to do was just come home. Like, I was just like, I’m ready to go home. I wish I was going home tomorrow. And then I thought, I could. I could just go home tomorrow. Now, in my head, I did this thing where I went, like, I’ve paid. Betsy:I’ve got the hotel till Tuesday. Like, my flight’s not till Tuesday. Like, I’d have to change my flight. I’d have to. So then I thought, well, I’ll just check and see if I could change the flight. And I could. It was easy to change the flight. And I left the screen and didn’t change it. Betsy:And then I noticed I felt regret. I felt regret that I didn’t hit change the flight. And again, I had this moment, and now maybe you’ve done this before, and it might not be something like a trip to the Bahamas, but it could be anything where you’re like, I really want to do that, but it makes no sense. Why would anybody leave the Bahamas? You’re on vacation and it’s paid for. But I wanted to go. And so I opened the app back up. And I hit submit and I changed my flight and I felt immediately so good. Now, I want to talk about this for a minute, and then I’m going to get to my travel day, which, if you follow me on Instagram, you saw the crazy travel gift day. Betsy:But I want to talk about this. So there is something that happens, and I don’t know if this happens when we’re. I think it probably happens when we’re kids, where we put the filter, the question or the intention through a filter of, like, what would my parents say? Because that’s really important when you’re little, right? You. You’ve got to be thinking about what your parents would say, or what would my teacher say? Like, what would other people say? And then the second question that came into my mind was, like, what’s the right thing to do? The right thing. And I thought that was so interesting that the. The right. That there was a right or wrong. And then I thought, the wrong thing to do is not listen to myself and what I want. Betsy:Leaving didn’t hurt anybody. Like, it didn’t. Who cares? And I thought, people are going to think I’m crazy. People. I’m using air quotes. I don’t know what people. People in my life, I guess. I don’t know. Betsy:Will my friends think this is silly because I’ve been so excited about going, but I got what I needed. I was done, and so I booked that flight. And in the morning, I headed to the airport, and I was really in such a good mood. Now, if you followed along on Instagram, I’m going to give you the quick and dirty recap. But I got on the flight. I got upgraded for free. I was sitting down. We’re about to take off. Betsy:Like, we’ve already backed up from the gate. And the pilot comes on and says, hey, everybody, sorry to let you know that as I’ve been sitting here, we got a crack in the windshield, which. Which impacts our pressurization. And so we can’t ride this plane. So we’re going to pull back to the gate and everybody’s going to get off. Now there’s no. I mean, was I like, oh, we’re not going to. But there was something about it. Betsy:I know this sounds so weird that made me really happy. I was like, oh, I didn’t know what adventure I was going to have on the flight. And this is turning out to be an adventure now. I want to say, like, I was ready to come home, but it wasn’t like, I want to be home. I just want to get home. It wasn’t like I was sick and I was like, oh, I just want to get home. Like, I just was done being there. So they tell me they’re bringing us back to the gate, and I really don’t care. Betsy:Like, I’m really, totally fine. Now, as I keep going with this story, there’s going to be a point where you’re like, you weren’t totally fine. And I want to tell you. I want to tell you that this was one of the best days of my trip. I know. I know. So we go back to the. To the gate, everybody gets off, and they tell us that they’ll let us know, you know, they’re going to give us some passes for Quiznos or Wendy’s. Betsy:Like, the airport’s little in the Bahamas, you know, so you’re gonna get these passes for some crappy food. Keep in mind, I left a resort where I could have had really luxury food, and they give us these passes. And, yeah, I went and got some pizza. I hung out. And then I got a text that said, your flight’s gonna leave, you know, four hours later. Now, I know in my head, I thought it probably, that’s a long time, but I didn’t care. I was, like, having a good time. I was super, people watching. Betsy:I went to Wendy’s and got a Frosty. I walked around. I did a couple laps around the airport, like, just to get some movement in. It felt good. I had some podcasts on in my earphones. Like, it was fun. I went back to the gate and noticed that they had changed our gate. So I went to the new gate. Betsy:Nobody was there because I was, you know, two hours early. And then I got another message that said, the flight’s been delayed again. So now where I was supposed to leave at, like, I don’t remember what time my first flight was maybe like 11:30 in the morning. Then I was leaving at 1:45. Then I was leaving at 5:45, and then I was leaving at 7:45. Get home at, like, 10:30. And I was like. I noticed how I felt. Betsy:I felt like, I’m totally fine with that. And it feels late to get home. I would like to have an earlier time getting home. I don’t care what time the flight leaves. I just don’t want to get home that late. That’s what I thought. And then my second thought was, I hope that doesn’t get delayed, because if it gets delayed too much further, we probably wouldn’t go home. You know, they’d probably move us to the next day. Betsy:So I thought, well, let me get up and walk around. And I wanted to see how I feel again. I’m feeling, this is like a fun day. I’m getting to interact with people. I’m walking around, it’s kind of windy and outside it’s not like the most beautiful day. I was there the most beautiful days in the sun. And it felt good to not be in the sun. I was like, I’ll walk around. Betsy:And then I noticed there’s this other flight that’s starting to, that’s starting to board. It’s like 4:30 and it’s going to Atlanta. And so I open up the app because I’m platinum on Delta. I open up the app and I text with them and I say, is there a spot on this flight? And they were like, there is. There’s one spot, you want it? And this is the beauty of traveling by yourself. So they moved me to that spot and I got the flight. I got, I mean literally, they were about to close the doors. They confirmed my thing. Betsy:The I get to the thing to check in and the guy’s like, do you have a boarding pass? And I was like, no. I just talked to the guy and he looks me up and he’s like, you’re not in the system. And then he said, let me refresh. And then he refreshes and I’m there. Okay, so there’s, there’s one spot on the plane. I get it. So he’s like, give me your baggage claim number. I’m going to pull your baggage. Betsy:Make sure your baggage gets on there. I’m like, okay, amazing. So he does that. Like, I’m like, this is great. I get on the plane, I have one of those little apple like, you know, little things that keeps track, whatever they’re called, that you put in your suitcase, you know, and you can track it. Find my suitcase. I can see that my suitcase is getting on the plane. I’m like, this is so great. Betsy:This is so great. I get upgraded. I’m still in an upgraded seat. And then, and then this kid in first class starts throwing up. And when I say kid, I mean 22 year old. Ish. My guess is that in the layover he was drinking at the bar maybe, I don’t know. I get that’s what I’m guessing. Betsy:Disgusting. The person sitting next to him was not his dad. His dad was like behind him. So the person next to him is like wiping off like their briefcase. I mean it was so bad. And they were like, we’re going to have to go back to the gate. We had already backed up the, the airline. The flight attendant was so annoyed, I could tell, but he was a trooper and he was like, we’re going to have to go back to the gate and get this cleaned. Betsy:So they bring us back to the gate, the kid gets off, his brother jumps out of comfort plus goes with him and they bring a whole cleaning crew on and they spend the next like 20 minutes cleaning. And so our flight is delayed like I don’t know, 30 minutes or 40 minutes or something. I don’t even know because I’m fine. And then we take off and I get home and it was easy. And I know that it doesn’t sound easy, it was fine. So I know that this sounds kind of crazy because you’re like you wanted to leave and then you spend the whole day in the airport, like, how was that better? I didn’t get home till 9:00 at night or something, right? So 8, 30, I don’t know, something like that. Here’s why, here’s why it was so great because I did what I wanted to do. I didn’t push it through a filter of what I should do, what other people would think, if it made sense, if it was wasteful, if I was missing out. Betsy:I just paid attention to something inside my body that said, this is what I want to do, this is what I want to do. And it doesn’t have to make any sense at all. It doesn’t have to make any sense to anybody. It doesn’t even have to make sense to me. This is the part I want you to know is that it doesn’t have to make sense to me. The feeling of it is enough. You know, people come to me to make really, really big life altering decisions in their life every single day. And there is something in them that have, that has done decision making the same way for years and years and years and years. Betsy:And in that decision making they have pushed aside or put through filters or whatever it is that they’ve done. And then they know that something isn’t right, but because they can’t label it, they have a really hard time accepting it and understanding that things need to change. There is something about our world that tells us that a feeling isn’t enough, that we’ve got to have like a justification or rationalization. It has to make sense, there has to be sequenced things and there has to be good reasons. But I want to offer you the thought that the good reason is that you feel like it, the good reason is that you feel like something’s not working right. The good feeling or the good reason is that I know something’s wrong, I don’t know what it is and I don’t know how to label it. And that is okay. You know, I wanted to leave. Betsy:I was just done. I was just done. And I was like, well, this will be my party trick, is that I just leave because I want to, not because it makes sense. Not because two week earlier me would have understood this, but just because I’m ready to go. You know, when women come into my program, one of the things I hear all the time after like three days and I, and I get it, but after like just a couple days, they’re like finally relaxing into the idea that what they’ve been going through and the mental gymnastics that they’ve been going through as they’ve tried to make these really big heart wrenching decisions about their marriage. And one of the things they’ve been going through is pushing away the idea that they have a truth and that their truth could be theirs alone. Nobody else has to understand it, make sense of it. Doesn’t have to look right in the world. Betsy:Your parents don’t need to get it doesn’t have to be something somebody approves of. None of that. And then when they recognize that, that truth, they want to be comfortable in that truth right away. But I want to offer the thought that getting to that truth takes time. You know, when we’re pregnant, when we’re pregnant it takes nine months like to have the baby and then it takes nine months or 18 months to get back to feeling normal. You know, you’ve been through a lot. And when we start to do this work where we start to really understand who we are and what we want separate from the way that we’ve lived our life for lives for, you know, 30, 40, 50, 60 years. It’s going to take a minute, it’s going to take a second to recognize what it is you really want first of all and then to be okay with it. Betsy:And it’s the being okay with it that I think people have the hardest time with. You know, we’re given all these senses. We can see things and hear things and feel things and like, feel like tech, like texture, like we can touch the table. But when it’s an emotion, when it’s something like that, we, we label it as not as real and we kind of push it aside and you know, it, you know, not to go down the whole patriarchy rabbit hole. And you heard me say this in the last episode, but I’m not saying that the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts everybody. Everybody. Man, woman, child. Betsy:It hurts everybody. But also in that structure, we’ve labeled things as masculine or feminine. And if it’s feminine, it’s not as good, right? If it’s feminine, then it’s. It loses its value, is diminished somehow. And so having an intuition is been labeled. Everybody has it, but it’s been labeled as feminine or witchy or whatever, however you’ve heard it called. And so it diminished its value. And we go, oh, well, it must not be real, or it’s not as good as seeing or hearing and, or smelling or tasting. Betsy:So it’s not as good. But the truth is everybody has access to it. It’s not masculine or feminine. It is. It is another sense. I know when I’m talking to my dad, if I say I have a gut feeling, he so more accepts that than if I say my intuition told me, like, the gut feel. He understands, right? It’s. It’s. Betsy:It. It is more acceptable. So I want to offer you the thought that you can have a feeling and that’s enough. And a step, a first step is recognizing that you have the feeling even if you don’t do anything about it. Even if you’re like, I. I have the feeling that I want to leave the Bahamas, but I’m not going to do it because it doesn’t make sense in any other way. Just having the realization that I have the feeling is a step towards breaking that habit of pushing it through everyone else’s filter. Now I want to offer this thought. Betsy:I want to say, putting decisions through filters of how it will impact other people is not a bad thing. That feels aligning to me. That feels like honoring myself. So, you know, when I made my reservation, I messaged my daughter and said, hey, I’m going to be going out of town. There’s nothing going on that weekend, right? Like, I can. You don’t need me for anything. And she was like, no, no, that sounds fine. Go. Betsy:That felt aligning to me. That wasn’t me. Like making. Having somebody else made a. Make a decision for me. That’s not what I’m saying. We can take other people’s experience into account when we make decisions based on how we feel, because that impacts how I feel. If I was with other people, it may have felt better to stay because that improved their experience. Betsy:But my truth could still be that I wanted to go. Knowing the difference between those is super duper Important. And I think that we forget about that. And that leads down a pathway of a lot of disconnection from ourselves and I know from working with women, you know, trying to make big decisions in their marriage. But anytime we’re trying to make a big decision, if we have spent a lifetime or a decade or two decades or a marriage where we have put everybody’s experience before ours, we start to lose touch with what our experience actually is. We start to lose touch with what our truth is. And you start to second guess yourself. You start to say, well, I don’t know just because I feel it, I don’t know if that’s what I feel. Betsy:We start to pause before speaking up because we run it through all those other filters of what will happen if I say this, what will happen if I say my truth? Will I be cut down? Will I be ignored? And after a while, if you’re cut down or ignored enough, you stop saying it. You stop saying what your truth is. And once you start stop acting on it and then you stopped saying it, and then pretty soon you stop recognizing it. And it’s a process to move back into that alignment and into the touch that you have with who you are and what you want and how you want to create your life. You know, I have this little post it on my, on my computer and you’ve probably heard me talk about this over the years. But the little post it note says this is just my current reality in the process of changing into something better. If there’s anything that I don’t like, I always think this is just my old reality. This is just me getting in touch with the feeling of that thing. Betsy:And if I can disconnect from that and instead connect with where I want to go with what I really want, then my, my reality is going to change into something better. And by better means more aligned with who I am and what I really want. So, you know, I know going coming home early from the Bahamas may not be that big of a deal. Who cares? I was by myself. It doesn’t affect anybody. Like it’s not that big of a deal, but it’s one of the biggest deals ever because it’s being in alignment. And when you make a choice like that I’m going to do what’s right for me, then that is the message that you’re sending out. That is what you’re creating. Betsy:When you’re creating your current reality, when you’re changing it into something else, make sure that it’s something better. Make sure that it is in alignment with you and who you are and how you want to live your life. You know, we have this one great, wild, wonderful life. And I think I mentioned this maybe on the show last week or, I don’t know, probably years ago, but I have this app on my phone that alerts me like four or five times a day, hey, just a reminder, you’re gonna die. You’re gonna die. Like, is this what you want? It’s okay if it is. There’s no right or wrong, but is this what you want? And if it’s not, what are you gonna do? How are you gonna show up? And what’s the process that you’re gonna go through in order to change your reality into something better? And when you can do that and have that level of awareness, I think that is how you live a big life. All right, thanks so much for listening today. Betsy:I will see you all next week. I love you so much. Bye bye. Thanks for joining me on the Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram, Etsy Paik and on my YouTube channel. Betsy:Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless. And your life, it’s yours to shape. Until next time, keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

On today’s show, Betsy shares how she’s used rest to help define what is right for her or wrong.Listen in as you get new ideas of why rest is revolutionary. transcript: Betsy:Welcome to the Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master coach, and creator of the Navigate method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go Live big. Hello. Hi, everyone. Welcome. Welcome to the Art of Living Big. Betsy:If you’re new here. Hi. We’re excited you’re here. And if you’ve been here for a long time, I’m going to reference el. Kinds of old stuff, I think today. So today’s episode, I really wanted to talk to you about rest. This is something that has been coming up for me a lot over, I’m going to say, like, the past month, but when I look back, I think this transition or awareness or shift in how I’m thinking about rest really probably started about 18 months ago. You know, probably a lot like you. Betsy:I have always been really busy, and I think that I liked it. I think that that was just who I was and how I operated. In fact, I used to say this thing. I used to have this thing that I would say which would be like, I will outwork you. Like, I might not be the smartest, but I will outwork you. And I remember when I started my business back in 2012, I was like, I will outwork everybody. Like, I’m gonna get what it is I want because I will not stop. And I worked all the time. Betsy:I mean, I worked on weekends. I worked at evenings. I mean, I did anything that had to be done just to be able to say that I was doing everything that needed to be done. I remember years ago working for a company where I had a quota. Historically, in my career in corporate America, I always had a quota. And I remember it being really pretty early in the month and thinking I should go home. But I’m. But I don’t deserve to go home because I’m not at my quota. Betsy:And it was like, early in the month. Like, I specifically remember that. And, you know, I think that there are times in our lives where we’re really tired and we push through. Right. Have you ever done that where you’re like, I am. I’m exhausted. Like, I’m exhausted. Like, sort of like it’s a badge of honor. Betsy:I have done this. So I’m coming at this totally point of view of, like, I have lived this. I know this feel. I was trying to think back recently of, like, when did that begin for me? And I remember being in second grade and I was taking ballet class, and ballet class was on Saturday mornings. I remember it was with two of my very best girlfriends. And I really was excited to do it, but I wasn’t good at it. I was not. It was like a dance class. Betsy:We learned different kinds of dance, but it was ballet focused, I think. Oh, my God, I was terrible. I was so bad. And I remember what I really wanted was to be able to stay home and watch cartoons. Do you guys remember, like, Saturday morning was, like, the cartoon? Like, you couldn’t watch cartoons other times other than Saturday morning. But I remember feeling really proud of myself that I wasn’t just relaxing, like, in second grade. I remember being like, I’m going out and I’m doing something, like going to a dance class, that even though my friends are in it, I really don’t like it and I suck. So I think that this way of being has been ingrained in me. Betsy:And I say it that way really specifically because I don’t think this is how I was popped out. Like, I don’t think. And I’m gonna say something. You may choose to disagree, and I’m okay with that. I don’t think anybody comes out feeling like they’re supposed to be busy all the time. Babies nap. Babies aren’t constantly looking around like babies are napping constantly. Every time they get tired, they cry, and then they fall asleep. Betsy:And so I think there is something in our world that starts to teach us that this. This busyness, this. This way of being, of constantly having things on our plate and shuffling a lot of things around, that that is the thing that gives us a lot of value. And, you know, I have been doing my own work, and I’m not going to dive into all of this, but I will just reference it. And that is that we live in a capitalistic society and a patriarchal culture. And when I say patriarchy, I don’t mean against men. I don’t believe the patriarchy helps men, but it is a concept and a construct that defines how we operate within it. And the things that are celebrated in a capitalistic culture are very different from celebrated just in terms of you being a human being. Betsy:If you just were born, taken care of, but dropped off on an island somewhere, I don’t think you would believe you had to be busy all the time. I think it’s tied to our worth. And I think as women, especially in our culture, and I live in the United States, so I’m, you know, basing it off of my experience. I mean, all of this is My experience. But I try to learn other people’s experiences, too, around a lot of things, and I’m going to touch on that. But I think that we are taught that to be worthy, we have to be producing. And to be producing, we have to be busy. And to be busy is to not only be successful, but it’s also to be obedient. Betsy:And I think there is a perspective on. I’m going to say on girl. I grew up a girl, so this is my perspective. But on girls specifically. To be busy, to be taking care of things, to be doing the dishes and tidying the house. And I always knew when I was young that I was going to grow up and have a job. I knew I was going to go to college. My father worked at the university, and we talked about going to college all the time. Betsy:So I knew that I was gonna have a career. And I also knew that I would probably get married and have kids. I knew that I was gonna probably take care of a house and probably own a house someday. Like, those are things I expected. But what I didn’t expect was really how exhausting trying to do all of that would be. And then, you know, you’re also supposed to stay in shape and have friends and hobbies. So over the last, I’m gonna say, 18 months, maybe two years, I have been really looking at myself and my life and how dang busy I am and how tired I am. Like, how really, really tired I am. Betsy:Tired not only of having to do all of those things, having to take care of everything in the house and having to work and having to. You know, I had a kid who now is 23, and she’s really doing great. If you’ve been here a long time, she’s doing so good. So good. But she struggled for a long time. And so my parenting wasn’t just parenting a typical kid. It was parenting a kid with severe mental health issues that was in and out of the hospital all the time and going to doctor’s appointments multiple times a week. So I was, like, juggling a lot of things. Betsy:And when I look back and over the last. I’m gonna say 18 months again, I have been looking back, and I’m like, have I rested? Like, have I done hardly a thing for myself? I think this is where my obsession with the beach came. You know, I do love the beach, but I have found over the past few years, I also really love the mountains, and I also just really love nature. And I also really love things in a city, like going to the theater. And doing those kinds of things. But the beach was the only place I was allowed to rest. I think my obsession with the beach came from the idea, unconscious belief or knowledge that the only place that I could really just sit, just sit, not be meditating. You know, I’ve been a big meditator, but it’s because it accomplished something. Betsy:It was still a doing, but I could just sit by the ocean, watch. And that was acceptable. Now, I want to point out that nobody was telling me per se. Nobody was saying, you should be busy. You know, nobody was making me get up and do things. But there was a lot to do, you know, in my life. There was a lot to do and, you know, to kind of gloss over this. And I think if you’re a woman listening, you’ll get this. Betsy:But, like, I had to pick up after a lot of people. I had to make sure everything was okay for a lot of people. I had to, like, fix everything in the house and coordinate things and adapt to deliveries and contractors or whatever. Like all those things was. It was so overwhelming. Now, as I’m saying all this, I don’t think I’m alone. I think if you’re listening, you’ve probably experienced this or are currently experiencing it. And, you know, I have people message me often, very often, and say, can you do an episode on, like, how to know what you want if you don’t know what you want? Like, just for goals, just for dreams. Betsy:And I am going to do an episode on that. But I also want to say the things that you want and the dreams that you have become a lot clearer when you’re. When you have a moment to rest. Like, how could you possibly know what you want if you’re so busy doing other things? There’s no time for dreaming. There’s no time for just space, like empty space to just expand and discover new things. And if you think about it again, I’m going to go back to this, like, patriarchal culture. I’m going to say they. But again, I’m not talking about men. Betsy:I’m just saying they. The they I’m talking about is the. Is the patriarchy. It is a system, okay? So the patriarchy, they don’t want you to rest. They don’t want you to rest because then you might have time to dream about something different. Then you might have time to really discover who you are. Then you might have time to sit and be recharged and have energy. But if you’re too tired or if you’re hungry because you’re constantly on a diet because you’re trying to fit the mold, you can’t do all the things that you could be capable of doing. Betsy:And so over the last 18 months, I’ve started to realize that maybe I could move towards what I wanted in a different way. I almost wanted to say quicker, but I don’t think the speed or the. I don’t think the speed has anything to do with it. Although it could be faster, but I think with the clarity. You know, we hear a lot about, like, manifesting, which. I’m a big fan. I’m a big fan, and I say that kind of jokingly because we just. Manifesting presents the idea that we’re only creating something good and that there is a path to manifesting. Betsy:And if you don’t know how to do the path, you don’t know how to do it. But we all know how to do it. You’re constantly creating your reality all the time. You might not be aware of it. You might not have labeled it manifesting. It might not be giving you what you want, but we’re constantly creating what it is that we want by the things that we’re focused on. And so. And there’s science with your unconscious mind. Betsy:I mean, I could dive into all that. I’m sure I have in many episodes. But think about it. If you’re too tired, you’re gonna be. I’m using air quotes. Manifesting whatever is the, like, default, easiest path of least resistance. You know, when you get in bed at night, if you’ve been going, you know, balls to the wall all day, like, you’re not gonna be. You’re not going to be dreaming about your future when you get in bed. Betsy:You’re just going to be like, oh, my God, I can barely. Like, I’m. I’m. I mean, there have been times I’ve gotten in bed and I felt like I was, like, vibrating because I’m just like. So I’ve been working all day, moving constantly. And so over the past year or so, I have been really thinking about my life and what is it that would feel really good for me? And I think that takes a level of slowing down, you know? Over the past six months, I’ve had tremendous changes in my life. And I think that me being able to just have a moment to say, like, how do I want this interaction to feel? How do I want this next two hours of my day to feel? I’m going to go to the grocery store, but how do I want it to feel? And you know the weird thing Is that I also was a big meditator. I also was a sit on the thinking couch. Betsy:I have been like that for years. But again, I want to point out, that was a doing, and that’s not bad. I still want to be that. So what’s the difference then between the meditating doing and what I’m actually talking about? So what I have been leaning into is disengaging from the idea that everything is up to me. I accepted that everything was up to me and I did everything. And maybe you’re like that too. And I have thought, and I believe I was probably right was that if I didn’t do it, then it wouldn’t get done. And so if it was important to me to have it done, then I better get busy and do it. Betsy:Like I said, I’ve shifted this thought and over the past six, eight months have really tried to create space in my life so that I don’t have to be doing anything. I don’t have to be doing anything. I can lay around, okay? I have laid around before. And then if I hear somebody come home, I would jump up because I’m supposed to be busy. Nobody told me this. Keep this in mind. Nobody said, betsy, you should be busy. It is just what I learned and accepted. Betsy:That my worth was coming from that place. That my worth was based on my productivity, right? That my worth was based on my output. That, you know, I was good if I got good grades, I was good if I worked out every day, I was good if I had a clean house, I was good if I was successful in my work. Like, those are the things that made me good. And I have deconstructed this to a place and there’s more deconstruction to go, but to a place where I don’t associate those two things. If you’ve been here a while, you remember last summer, I got a custom hypnosis to work on some things around challenges I had around people that were saying things to me on the Internet. Which I gotta tell you, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but that feels very silly to me now. I don’t care what anybody says to me on the Internet. Betsy:But it was debilitating. So there was something there, but it was touching on that. Are you good? When I had this hypnosis, a lot of things shifted for me, but it made me recognize that I was worthy. Now, keep in mind, the doing is what I thought made me worthy. But it shifted me to say and to believe I am worthy simply because I decided to Come here. And by come here, I mean have this physical experience. I believe that we’re souls here having a physical experience. So all the. Betsy:All the things, I don’t have to do anything to be worthy. Now, are there actions that have to be taken to get the thing that I want? Yeah, absolutely. That’s what moves things forward, is action. But I don’t have to do actions that completely deplete me. I don’t have to be like a walking zombie. I don’t have to take care of everybody else and everybody else’s emotions and everybody else’s experience. I don’t have to be the one in charge of every single thing that happens. I don’t have to be busy all the time. Betsy:I can sit, I can rest, I can relax. And none of that impacts my worth. You know, my dad was a farmer. When I was growing up, we didn’t live on a farm. He worked at the university, but he grew up on a farm. So the mentality, you know, the farmer mentality, like, you get up early, you get going. And so I’m sure that was a component of it. But I don’t live on a farm. Betsy:I just want to sit and relax. And I realized that that’s actually something that I really wanted to do. If you have followed along on the podcast for a long time or if you’ve gone back and listened to old episodes before COVID you probably heard me say, I don’t watch tv. I never watch tv. Now, I’m still very careful about what I watch because I’m really influenced by. By what I’m seeing. But that was my thinking of, I don’t watch TV because I’m better than that. Like, if I’m being honest. Betsy:And again, you know, if you’ve been. If you’re new here, I hope you’ll stay and you’ll learn that I am constantly saying, I am on this journey with you. Like, I am learning and changing and evolving. There have been times where I have listened back to an old episode. Like, somebody messaged me and said, oh, my God, I loved episode whatever. It was 76 or whatever. And I think, what episode was that? And I’ll go back just to listen for a minute. And besides the fact that it’s hard for me to listen to myself, I think, like, oh, wow, I’m so different from that. Betsy:You know, I’ve been doing this show for almost eight years. So if you can imagine anytime, like, if you went back and listened to your self eight years ago, you’d be like, wow. But that’s one of the things that I noticed is this like idea that I don’t watch tv. I don’t think at the time I thought I’m better than everybody because I don’t watch tv. But that was the vibe. When I listen to it now, I’m like, oh. What I was really saying was I’m really busy. I’m really busy. Betsy:I don’t have time for such frivolous things like rest. And now I’m like, okay, I do have time. So let’s talk about this just a little bit in terms of what I mean by rest right now. I believe that there are times where we want to hustle. Like, I love a good hustle. I love when I get focused. I’m recording this right now on a Friday. I come to a community. Betsy:What do I want to call it? Like, it’s a. It’s like a work space, but it’s really a membership. Like it’s like a giant coffee shop you have to be a member of. And they have these little booths that you can rent. So here I am in a little booth recording. But I got here really early this morning. Like I think I left my place at like 7:30 in the morning. So like, it felt like getting going and like I wasn’t lally gagging. Betsy:I gotta. I’m gonna spend some time thinking about that word too, how I feel about lollygagging. Because maybe lollygagging isn’t a bad thing. But I wasn’t spending time wasting away. I was getting going. It felt good though. That’s what I wanted to do. So I believe there are times where we’re hustling, where we’re hustling and where we’re busy and where it feels creative and good and we are energized by it. Betsy:Years ago on the Internet, there was this whole like hustle culture that was really being promoted, you know, boss, babe thing and like, hustle, hustle, hustle. Go after what you want. So the grind, it was around the time of CrossFit gyms becoming really popular and, you know, pushing yourself beyond your limits. And I do think there’s a time for that. I also think there’s a time to not do that. And I think the problem is that we punish ourselves when we are not doing that. But it’s not the time. You know, there’s summer and there’s fall and there’s winter and there’s spring and the springtime, metaphorically the summertime is where I feel more like a hustle and Every day I have to assess what’s today. Betsy:Is it winter, is it spring? How do I feel? What kind of output do I have or do I want to have? And so I wonder if that idea, that hustle culture has created even more of a moving in the point of I’ve got to keep going right in our minds. We see it online all the time, so it’s like being reinforced constantly. You’ve heard me talk about that Cecilia that I watch on YouTube. I have found her content to be so soothing. But she lives in Svalbard, which is this little island north of Norway. It’s in the Arctic. And so she gets six months of total darkness and then six months of daylight. And I’ve watched a lot of her. Betsy:Her youtubes. I like to have them on in the background, like, as I’m doing other things around the house. It’s calming. She has a lot of really pretty visuals of northern lights and just a totally different culture because she’s in the snow and all of the things that that means. And what I notice with her is she talks about how the times where it’s dark all the time. She’s sleepier, she wants to sleep in, she wants to go to bed really early, she takes naps. It’s the ebb and flow of life. You know, plants aren’t constantly growing and pushing seedlings through the ground. Betsy:No. There’s a time where all the leaves fall off and it just rests and is dormant. Like that’s how it’s supposed to be. And so how this has started to look for me is me really assessing and having a level of awareness first, a forgiveness. Like, I don’t have to be busy. And I forgive myself for thinking that I did. And I do believe that that hypnosis that I did was just so, so helpful. And if you weren’t here for that episode, I did an episode on it, but I hired a hypnotherapist to do like a guided meditation. Betsy:Right. If you’ve ever done a guided meditation. I know a lot of people that reach out to me are so afraid of hypnosis, but there’s nothing. It’s not regression. We’re not doing anything that there’s nothing that’s going to harm you. It’s a guided meditation, but guided with a purpose. That is what a hypnosis, just a general regular hypnosis is. It’s to get you in a super relaxed state so that you let your guard down and you believe the things that are positive that are being told to you. Betsy:And so I hired somebody to specifically help me with this, with a problem that I was having. So I think that there is an evaluation that had to happen of, how do I feel? Like, how does my body feel? How does my energy feel? Just, like, how do I feel? Not I should get up. Some mornings, I’m like, I should probably, if I was participating in that patriarchy. But I’m no longer participating. So what does this version of me do? I’m participating now in the matriarchy, and she wallows in the happiness of just laying around for a minute, getting acclimated to my body. I’ll do a body scan a lot in the mornings or even at night, but where I’ll just lay on my back, Savasana, I think they call it in yoga. And I’ll feel, where are my toes? Where are my feet and my heels and my calves and my kneecaps? Like, can I feel everything? And I’ll scan all the way up my body, and then I’ll feel like, okay, now I know where my body is, and I’m ready to go. Something I noticed earlier this week was that when I was doing this body scan, which I have been doing now for months, I noticed when I got to my hips, it felt like a long time to get to my heart, where I did the scan back and forth. Betsy:I went back down. I went all the way back down on my knees, actually, and then I came back up. Once I hit my hips, there was this long space until I got to my heart, and I realized that I was, I’m gonna say, skipping from my upper thigh to my heart. That whole section of my body, I had just dissociated from. Like, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t notice that I didn’t feel it until I did feel it. But that comes from slowing down, right? That’s where my root chakra is. Like, I had felt unrooted for a long, long time, and that started to come back, and I could sense it now. Betsy:Why is it important that I sense it? Well, because I think anytime that I understand and I connect to myself and the vessel that I’m in, I’m better able to make decisions for myself. I’m better able to know what it is that I really want. I’m better able to dream. I’m better able to know what kind of life I want to have and creative and choose what’s right for me. One of the other things that I have found to be so helpful in this season is to be really honest with people. In my life to the point of being okay. If it sounds ridiculous or if they don’t understand, I will tell you that the women in my life seem to really understand. I’m going to give you an example of what I mean. Betsy:So I may make plans for dinner. I made plans with a friend for dinner yesterday. And earlier in the week. We made plans to go out yesterday. I had some coaching at night one night this week. And then I went to a group dinner, which I’ll tell you about. And so by the time the day came for us to get together, I felt really depleted. My body was showing me I was depleted because I had a huge headache and I don’t get headaches. Betsy:And so I drank a lot of water. I sat, I took some Tylenol. Didn’t get rid of the headache. So I was like, there is something else. How many times do you get a headache and then you’re like, I have to push through. Unless it’s a migraine, you could just keep going. But I sat on the couch and I just sat. Like, I didn’t look at my phone. Betsy:I wasn’t scrolling. I just was like. It was quiet and silence and I took a big, deep breath and I thought, what does my body want right now? I wanted to see my friend. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see her, but more I wanted to just sit. I wanted to not have something to do. I even thought, what if I just have her come here and then we could just like, order doordash or something. But even that felt like too much. I moved into an apartment and I’m on the fourth floor and I’d have to go down and meet all of it. Betsy:I just was like, I don’t want that. And so I messaged her and I told her, this is how I’m feeling. And she was like, oh, girl, I don’t care. We’ll do another time. No problem. And thank God, those are the kinds of people that I surround myself with. But having to get really in touch with what I want and being fearless in sharing that. But I do think when we share it from a place of not like a, hey, I’m so, so, so sorry I can’t meet you. Betsy:Like, I really want to, but, you know, or blaming it on something else or, you know, outright lying about why, I just was like, I have a huge headache. I think my body’s telling me to slow down. I need some space. Is that okay? So being able to do that, I think came from a place of really Understanding where I was. And I don’t even know if I could have really done that in the same way, even, like, eight months ago. I think that has been an evolution as I have been working on this and deconstructing this and figuring out, you know, maybe why, the reasons, like, maybe the thing that I believe. This is always the thing I’m about to say, may make you itch, but I’m gonna just offer it as a thought. And this is something we really, really work on deeply inside the navigate method. Betsy:But maybe the thing that you think isn’t even yours. Like, maybe the thing that you think that you have thought your whole entire life and that you’ve lived your life by and that you’ve reacted to and that you’ve made decisions by. Maybe it’s not even yours. Like, maybe you don’t even believe that. Maybe if you were really being you, you would be acting totally different, behaving different, having different activations, triggers. Like, maybe it’s not even you. And I think there’s something really powerful to it being you. I have a small group that I work with every week called Voyager. Betsy:And in that group this month, we have been focused on authenticity and how to really be authentic. And how do you know when you’re not being. And if you are busy, so busy to the point where you don’t know what is up, you don’t know if you’re being authentic in a lot of. In a lot of cases. And so being able to have really good boundaries to be able to say no, but to be honest about it. My hope is that if I’m really honest about it, the. The women that I share that with, they’ll be really. They’ll go, oh, I want to be really honest about that too. Betsy:It’s not bad to say I need some rest. It’s not bad. I remember when I first moved into my apartment. So I’ve been in my apartment a month now, and I remember sitting on the couch like that. Maybe that, like, first night, I was really settled, and I sat for a minute, and I was just looking at everything. I really love my place. It feels so good. It’s so me and perfect. Betsy:And I remember sitting there and just observing. Like, it was so quiet, there was nobody around. I was like, this is like, I’m just going to sit. And I sat for, like, 20 minutes, maybe even 30, because I remember being like, oh, my God, how long have I been sitting here? But just allowing my nervous system to decompress, just allowing myself to actually be you. Know to be instead of do felt really powerful. It felt powerful to just sit. So doing my body scans, having boundaries, being able to say no, being able to be really honest and super open and knowing that the right people will come to me and the wrong people will fall away, and noticing when that conditioning comes up that says I have to be really busy in order to be worthy. Now I know that I’m. Betsy:I can get everything that I desire. And you have to be quiet and slow and rest enough to know what you desire. But I get to have that simply because I chose to come here and have this experience. I have to do some work, of course, but I also have to listen to my body. And that season will come. There’ll be a hustle, there’ll be a rest. There’ll be a hustle and a rest. And sometimes that happens within one hour. Betsy:Sometimes it’s a day, and sometimes it could be weeks where I am in one or the other. This week, I started feeling really good. I mentioned I’ve been in my apartment for a week. I started feeling so good. I was like, I’m back like myself. But over the past three weeks, I was resting all the time. I was really just exhausted, mentally fatigued, emotionally fatigued, physically. I’d moved. Betsy:I mean, it was just a lot. I had that drama sell in my house, like, so the rest. So now for me, resting looks like a couple different things. It looks like just sitting. Like, sometimes I just sit. I’m not meditating. I’m not trying to be productive. Even in my rest, I’m not trying to be productive. Betsy:I’m just sitting. I’ll get my little espresso. One of the things that I really love is in my apartment, I set up. They had like, a desk area off the kitchen. You know how some places have those? And I set up a whole coffee bar. And I have an espresso machine, a really, really fancy espresso machine that I love. And a special, like, really good bean grinder. I have a subscription to Coffee Delivery from Custom Specialty Roasters. Betsy:And I get specialty roasts every month delivered. And I grind the beans in the morning. And I’m so present, I’m not looking at my phone. Sometimes I will put on music, but it’s yacht rock. You know what I mean? I am smelling the beans and roast, grinding the. I’m not roasting the coffee. I’m grinding the roasted coffee. I’m making my espresso shot. Betsy:I have had so much fun figuring out how to pull the perfect shot. I am putting it in these. The cutest little cups with the cutest little cup. Saucer. Holder. Cup holder. Saucer. It’s a saucer, I guess a cup and saucer. Betsy:And then I go and sit in my special chair and I open the blinds and I can see the sunrise. And I just am. I am just being. I have been listening to podcasts, but not always ones that are teaching me something. Sometimes I do, but if it feels good, I don’t have to be productive in my podcast listening. Although I will tell you one podcast I have really loved. It’s called Diabolical Lies. Do you remember the guy that was on the Chiefs? He is on the Chiefs that did that graduation speech and said that there’s a diabolical lie that women have been told that they have to work and really they need to just set their lives aside and be moms. Betsy:There’s nothing wrong with being a mom, but I think there’s space to be a lot of things. And he said it was a diabolical lie. And so they break down the patriarchy and capitalism. And I have really learned a lot. I have a subscription to their podcast, so I pay to hear the extended versions. I think it’s like five bucks a month, and it’s really just so worth it. So I’m learning things, but in a way that feels it’s fun. I am reading, but I’m reading books that have no purpose other than to entertain me. Betsy:I’m watching tv, the thing that I used to brag that I don’t do. I have been watching Severance. If you haven’t watched that, it’s just so fun. The new season of White Lotus started, and I really loved the other seasons, so taking time to be able to just enjoy myself. Like, I’m allowed to just lay around and enjoy myself again. I want to reiterate that nobody told me explicitly that I could not do that before. Nobody sat me down and said, you’re not allowed to sit and enjoy yourself. It was just what I picked up unconsciously from the world around me and the way that I felt deserving and worthy. Betsy:And so this feels like a really big shift. And again, like I said, it’s really like the past, like 18 months, but probably. Probably eight months, much more intensely that I have been going through this. I’m just sitting. Sitting in the stillness and really, actually enjoying that. I’m actually planning days where I don’t have anything to do typically. Like, if there was a weekend, I’d be like, okay, well, this would be a chance for me to catch up on a lot of work? No, I get to have nothing on my calendar. I have a girlfriend that reached out to me and she’s in town and I really want to see her. Betsy:And she offered to get together in the afternoon. And I just. I didn’t want to schedule anything. So I asked, is it okay if I get back to you that day? I have been through a lot in the last eight months, and I have moved and sold a house. And like I said, that was all so chaotic. I need to be able to see what season I’m in on any given day, and I won’t know until that day comes. On Wednesday night, I went to a dinner. It’s a dinner where you go and you meet five other people that you’ve never met. Betsy:I did it last year, and I think I probably talked about it, but it’s called time left. And you just sign up. It’s like a membership. And then they pair you with five different people at a new restaurant every Wednesday night. And it’s kind of late. It’s 7pm I eat dinner at 4:30. But I was like, I want to meet new people and I want to get out. And it’s my thing that I can go and do now. Betsy:I committed, and so I did go because I committed, but I felt like it was gonna be a thing that I could do that could be just for joy. Does that make sense? Like, just the. The intention, the goal was just to have joy, just to experience it and have fun. You know, this is not about just laying around, and it’s not about not being productive, and it’s not about not having goals or being successful, because I love all of those things. This is about reclaiming your right to exist without constant output. When we rest, we resist a culture that values doing over being. And your rest can be revolutionary. You know, I remember years ago, my aunt and uncle live in Maine, and my uncle got me eating clams when I was young. Betsy:And there’s this thing about clams. If they don’t open up, when you heat them a little bit, then you throw them back, they’ll make you sick. So it becomes apparent which ones are the ones that are okay to eat and which ones aren’t. But the ones that do open, those are the ones that are really yummy. And so I’m trying to surround myself with people and things and ideas that make me open up with ideas and people and things that show up who make me feel good even when the heat rises. So don’t hesitate to let go of what remains closed up. That’s to be thrown away. It will make you sick. Betsy:Throw away what makes you feel unlike yourself, the things that don’t nourish your soul. But you won’t be able to distinguish what those things are if you remain utterly exhausted. And that, I think, is how to live a big life. Thank you so much for being here with me. This was kind of a long one. It was fun. I love you so much and if this spoke to you, please share it with a friend or share it on social media. It’s important to me and I love it when you do that or when you leave me a review. Betsy:So thank you, thank you and I will see you next time. Thanks for joining me on the Art of Living Big. I hope today’s episode sparked something within you, maybe pushed you to dream a little bit bigger and live a little larger. Don’t forget to subscribe. Leave us a review and share this podcast with someone you know who might need a little inspiration today. You can find me over on Instagram, Etsy Paik, and on my YouTube channel. Remember, the world is vast. Your potential is endless, and your life, it’s yours to shape. Betsy:Until next time. Keep reaching, keep exploring, and keep living big.

In todays episode Betsy is giving an update on the past few months, shares with you her fun magical story of turning away from worry and how everything is working in your favor and gives a tip on why you have more influence on your world than you think!Listen in to this episode for a new spin on how you see the world. Transcription Betsy [00:00:00]:Hello and welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live big. Hello, fellow adventurers. Hi everybody. Betsy [00:00:35]:Welcome to the Art of Living Big. I have a lot of things to tell. I have a lot of things to update you on, so I’m really happy that you’re here. I have a really magical story that I think might be kind of fun and I have a couple thoughts. Some things that I have been thinking through this year as we kind of kick off 20, 25 and honestly January of the 72 year long month that it was. So last time I talked to you, I had put my house on the market. It was something that I had been thinking about for quite a while and just decided that it was time to sell the house. Now, if you’re not familiar or you’re new here, welcome. Betsy [00:01:20]:But I have lived in Atlanta, Georgia, in a house that’s like a hundred years old. And you know, I think now looking back, this house that I bought is the cutest. It’s the cutest house. It had the best front porch and I have fully, fully enjoyed sitting on the front porch and spending so much time out there, like all spring, all fall, I mean, just the middle of the winter, in the middle of the summer, it became unbearable. But I mean, I was out there for hours and hours every day. I did a lot of work out there and just really enjoyed this little house. You know, when I bought it, it was this idea that I really wanted to live in the city and live in east Atlanta, which is where I live now. And this house, I was ready for projects. Betsy [00:02:12]:I don’t know if you remember listening to any of the episodes back then, but I had this big house in the suburbs and sold, sold that and moved into the city and was renting. I thought I would rent for a year. I ended up renting for like almost three years and then was ready for this house and to do all these projects. So now looking back, I think what happened, this is my thought, is that I bought a house that probably wasn’t really well maintained. It looked good on the surface and the inspection wasn’t necessarily bad, but there were a lot of things in the inspection that I knew I was gonna have to fix. And I did A lot of that work right after I moved in. But it became a real. A real money pit, I guess you could say. Betsy [00:03:02]:I mean, you guys, I expected projects. I didn’t expect the thousands of dollars that it consistently cost me every single month, on top of just what it costs to pay for the house and the utilities and all those things. So it became this huge drain. And every time one thing would go wrong, the next thing would go wrong, or I’d have somebody out to fix something, and then they would notice something else, and it just became like something from a movie. It felt like. So I had fixed everything. I feel like at this point, I probably should have just kept the house for 30 years, because I think I had fixed everything. I had replaced every appliance, the havoc unit, entire bathrooms, toilets. Betsy [00:03:50]:You name it, I have done it. But I was pooped. And I just felt like, you know, I think there’s just some changes, you know, that needed to happen in my life, and it was time to make those changes. So back early fall is when those changes started to happen. So I put the house on the market, and I thought, this house is going to sell really fast. It’s so cute, and it’s insanely well maintained at this point. And I thought, it’s going to go, like, within the first week. And, you know, I’ve been really lucky. Betsy [00:04:22]:I think this is the eighth house that I’ve owned, and I’ve been really lucky when I’ve sold houses because they’ve sold really fast. And so I think I was expecting that. So here’s my magical story. So I decided, I put it on the market, and then I decided I was going to go to where I was going to go live. So I was going to go to an apartment. It’s an apartment, like maybe a mile down the road. I wanted to stay in the same community. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next or where I really wanted to go, but my daughter lives right here. Betsy [00:04:53]:And so I was like, this will make a lot of sense, and I’ll do that. So I go to the apartment, you know, they give me the tour. It’s actually really fun because I’m like, you know what? Something goes wrong, and they have a maintenance department, they have a gym on site, a coffee, you know, place, whatever you call it, coffee house, coffee bar. They’re just, you know, big, huge pool. A lot of the stuff that I was missing from my old house. And I have a huge soaking tub, right? So I was like, this is going to be so Great. I’m a big huge bath person. And I couldn’t take a bath at my old house because it was so old. Betsy [00:05:31]:And the, you know, the, the house was not built to have big huge soaking tubs. So I go to this apartment, they give me a tour and I look at a couple places. I’m like, this is the unit or the style of the unit that I want, right? So I’m really clear. And I told them when I was gonna want it. I thought I’d move like in a month. Cause I thought I was gonna get, I thought as soon as I get a contract and we’re through the due diligence period, you know, where they do their inspection and everything and then we’ll move, I’ll move. Well, didn’t sell right off, but every night I was getting in bed and I was just imagining where I was. I was imagining that apartment. Betsy [00:06:15]:And although the apartment that I saw was the model, I knew it wasn’t going to be that exact apartment. But since that’s the apartment that I saw, that’s the one I was imagining, you know, the apartment I was going to get was like flip flopped, you know, it was like an upside down version, you know, of the model. So it was flip flopped. Different view, of course, and all of that. But every night I’m laying in bed and I am just thinking about what it feels like to be in the bedroom. Like where would the walls feel because it would be different than the house. Where is the bathroom door? Like where would I go for those things, you know? I imagined wiping down the islands on the kitchen and it like the island overlooks. This is like a new style, I think, where the island in the overlooks like the living room and there’s a sink in the island. Betsy [00:07:04]:Do you know what I mean? So it’s all like this open space, a lot different than a hundred year old house. So I’m imagining this, right? I’m imagining like looking out the window and what do I see? And of course I’m imagining what I see from the model because that’s all I know. But it doesn’t matter. Matter because I’m just envisioning, you know, anytime there’s something that we really want to happen that’s not happening, right? I really wanted the house to sell and it wasn’t selling. The more that I look at the fact that it’s not selling, the harder it’s going to be. It’s like, it’s like a watching a pot boil, right? It just seems like it takes Even longer because you’re staring at it. And so I was like, I want to be doing something different. I don’t want to be thinking or looking at the fact that the house isn’t selling. Betsy [00:07:48]:I want to be looking at the fact that I’m going to this other place and how fun it’s going to feel and how good it’s going to feel and what a relief, you know? So I go to the. The apartment, I see the model, I tell them I’m going to take it, but the house doesn’t sell. So after about a week, two weeks, I message them and I say, I don’t think I’m going to be able to take the apartment because the house hasn’t sold, and I can’t really move the furniture out even if I wanted to pay for the apartment and the house. Like, I have to have furniture in the house to sell the house. So I said, I need to wait. And they said, that’s fine. We can hold it for you for a couple more weeks. Which all I need is an offer and for them to go through due diligence. Betsy [00:08:31]:So it could really happen in a week, you know, couple weeks might be good. So I say, okay, okay. So every night I’m continuing to envision, you know, what I saw at the model, but this apartment and how it feels, right? Really getting into how it feels. So pretty soon I get an offer. So I’m like, okay, great. So I reached out to the apartment. They were like, you know what? The unit we were going to give you is gone, but I can hold another unit for you. So I’m like, okay, great. Betsy [00:09:00]:Hold the. Hold another unit for me. And this offer, I think, is going to be good. And then on Christmas Eve, that offer fell through. There was all kinds of things that they wanted us to do that showed up on their inspection that wasn’t even listed on the inspection as, like, you have to do it. Do you know what I mean? It was just, like, stuff they wanted done, and that’s not what I was going to do. So we let that deal go. So I called the apartment and I said, for the second time, I’m not going to take the apartment because I don’t have a deal on my house. Betsy [00:09:30]:And she was like, well, I can hold it for you until the 31st. So. So it’s like, what, a week and a half or week or so? So I’m like, okay. But I’m still feeling like this. I’m starting to feel this, like, pressure, because every time we get close to the date that they’re holding. I have to reach out and tell them my house hasn’t sold. And I’m really trying not to focus on the fact that the house hasn’t sold. I’m really trying to focus on the fact of how good it feels to be where I want to be, right? So the 31st rolls around, and I’m like, I can’t take the apartment. Betsy [00:10:04]:Okay, Ms. Betsy, just let us know if anything changes. So now I’m apartmentless once again. I’m waiting for the house to sell. Within just a couple days, I get another offer, and I can feel it this time. I’m like, this one’s gonna close. I can tell. Seemed like a really good offer, and everything was fine. Betsy [00:10:24]:And the woman that was buying it has lived in the area. Her family lives in the area. The agent has sold old houses, right? Because it’s a different kind of thing, you know? So I’m like, this is really good. So we go through. We start the due diligence period, and I’m like, I’m gonna reach out to the apartment because I don’t want to not have an apartment. And this woman wanted a really quick close. It was like, three weeks, start to finish. And so I reach out to the apartment, I message them, I email them, because I’m like, I can’t have this conversation again. Betsy [00:10:55]:I’m starting to lose my mind. So I email them and I tell them, I’m ready. I’m going to take the apartment. And they email back and say, you know what? The apartment’s actually been rented. Somebody came in and took it. The very next day after your, like, hold on. It expired. And she was like, I am so sorry. Betsy [00:11:14]:We don’t have any more apartments until the end of February. Now, this woman that put the offer on our house that we accepted was February 3rd. She wanted to close. You know, so I’m thinking, like, I know I really have no place to go. So I had this moment right where I get the email. And, you know, if you can imagine, like, I’m reading the email, and my hands. It’s like slow motion. My hands are going up to, like, cover my mouth. Betsy [00:11:39]:Like, oh, no. Like, no, you didn’t. Oh, my God. And so as my hands, like, two hands get close to my mouth, I’m like, nope, I’m not gonna be horrified. I’m disappointed. And that’s okay because I can handle disappointment. And I put my hands together and I said, universe, I know that this is going to be something really great, Like, I know this is working out for me. Like, if I’m not getting this, then there’s something better. Betsy [00:12:12]:And you know what? I really felt that. Like, I felt it, you know, I spent three months envisioning this apartment. And I just was tired. I was so tired. I just was like, whatever. Like, whatever happens at this point, just throw me across the river. You know what I mean? I just was like, I am so tired. And then. Betsy [00:12:33]:And I checked later, it was six minutes after I got that email in my inbox, the phone rang, and it was the apartment complex. And the woman said, hey, Miss Betsy. Hey. And I. I’m sorry about the apartment. And I said, I totally get it. Like, you guys, you know, you’ve been over backwards. I appreciate you so much. Betsy [00:12:53]:And I’m so disappointed. Like, because in my head, I’m thinking, like, now I gotta figure out not only where to go. Like, not only, like, a different apartment. Like, now I gotta go to a different, like, apartment complex. And I only have a couple weeks, you know, like, I gotta apply and all of those things. And I work for myself. So it’s not like an easy. You have to, like, you know, give a blood sample. Betsy [00:13:15]:So I’m like, it’s an apartment. Oh, my God. Like, let this happen. So I. I’m listening to her and she’s like, I’m so sorry about that. And the lady came in and, you know, took the place right off. I said, I understand, I understand. And she said, but then I started thinking, what if we just took the furniture out of the model? Do you want the model? And right off I was like, oh, my God, yeah, that would be amazing, because I’m thinking, I need an apartment. Betsy [00:13:42]:And then I hung up. And then I thought, it’s the model. It’s the model that I have been imagining. I didn’t care about it. Like, I didn’t. It’s an apartment. Like, I didn’t. I was fine with wherever I got, but it was the model that I was imagining. Betsy [00:13:58]:And, you know, we talk on this show so often about how important it is to be really clear about what you want and to focus on where it is you want to go. You know, the problem, and my problem, too. I am not excluding myself just in this particular instance. I did a good job. But the problem is that we focus on the thing that’s not working, like, over and over and over again. And it takes some training, I think, to be able to shift that and to be able to consciously catch all the times where you’re unconsciously Focused where you don’t want to go. And you’re creating a lot of momentum towards where you don’t want to go. You know, this closing with this house had a lot of bumps in the road, and it would have been really easy to focus on that. Betsy [00:14:50]:It would have been really easy to say, this is never going to sell. Like, this is not where it gets to. Although the climate, the environment isn’t right right now, it’s not a good time to sell. Real estate’s down. Like, I could have. Interest rates are high. Like, there’s a lot of things that I could have said. In fact, when I would talk to friends, I would say, I can’t tell you what’s happening because I don’t want to give any attention to it, but I want to tell you where I want to go. Betsy [00:15:17]:Like, I would purposely not talk about it. I would say, when this is over, I’ll tell you about it. So now it’s over, so I’ll tell you about it. But moving away from that was such a big lesson for me because it made me recognize how insanely important it is to keep your focus, not only for your mental health component of it, but remember, our unconscious minds are scanning all of the environment to be able to show us the things that it thinks is really important. And if it’s scanning for the things that it thinks is important and what you’re focused on is the negative stuff, like the stuff you don’t want or the worry, it’s scanning for that. It’s learning that that’s what it should be paying attention to and that’s what it’s going to show you more of. And I really was like, I am not going to do that cycle in this because this is so important. And so when we can start to shift to where we want to go, then the bumps in the road take a different viewpoint, right? They don’t seem quite as bumpy and you get new ideas about things you could do. Betsy [00:16:31]:That moment of, like, disappointment of seeing that email, but being able to shift really within like, four seconds before any momentum was created to a place of, I know this is working for me with, like, absolute certainty was really, really a powerful thing. Now, later on, I hit the skids later on about a week before closing. So one thing led to another. Like, we found out in we had a super cold spell in Atlanta and we got rats and squirrels that came into the attic right at the time where she was doing her inspection. And so we had to eradicate the rats and the squirrels that had moved in. Right. Which makes sense. We don’t want. Betsy [00:17:15]:I don’t want that in my house. So in that process, when they came out, the. The. The people that were, you know, the pest control people were like, they’ve chewed the wires on your HAVOC unit, which are made of soy. So that happens a lot. And so I had to have a HAVOC guy come out. Do you know what I mean? Like, one thing was leading to another, to leading to another. So now I got everything done. Betsy [00:17:40]:Everything that they asked me to do is done. And, I mean, it was a lot of stuff and a lot of moving parts. And then a week before closing, the title company reaches out and tells us that there’s an easement. Our fence is actually on the neighbor’s property. But the people we bought the house from had entered into that easement agreement, and we were never told. It wasn’t disclosed to us, and it wasn’t disclosed at closing. So it became a issue. We worked it out, and it all came out fine in the end. Betsy [00:18:16]:But that week of working through that was really, really tough. I had to use a lot of my tools to, like, regulate my nervous system and to make sure everything’s okay. We closed on the third, like we were supposed to, and then they closed several days later after. After a survey was done, and some other things were done. So it was like the extremes of the extreme, and one thing led to another, led to another. I just was like, before we look at anything else, because one thing is gonna lead to, like, seven other things that need to be adjusted or fixed or changed. But we made it, and it’s a cool little house, and it’s an awesome place, and this woman is gonna love it, and everything is finalized, and I am fully moved, and it all feels really good. It feels really good. Betsy [00:19:03]:So I wanted to give you that update and that fun, like, magical story, because I think it’s just such a good example of how we can control our experience and how we experience certain things. You know, I can’t control if somebody else rents the apartment, but I can control my reaction to it, which changes my whole experience. I did a podcast, actually, when I moved. The last time I did a podcast, it was episode 349, and it was on the Quantum and about how our. It was the science behind how when we are observing something, it can change. So our observation of things impact things. So what is it that you’re looking at? What’s the side of the situation that you’re spending the most time lingering on or worrying about? I heard somebody say something years ago, and it stuck with me. And it was that worrying is a form of prayer, right? Anytime you’re wishing for something is a form of prayer you’re worrying about. Betsy [00:20:13]:Wherever you’re lingering is you telling your unconscious mind that’s important. Essentially, that’s what you want. But also. And if you listen to episode 349, I really break this down about how when we are observing something, it can change. And that’s true. When we observe something, it changes. So a little food for thought of what is it? Where is it that you’re spending the most time focusing? Are you focusing on what you want, or are you focusing on the thing that’s making you worry? Are you spending time lingering on all the ways you could find solutions, or are you focused on the thing that. That is driving you insane? Right? Where are you spending time? And that shift. Betsy [00:21:04]:That shift is really important. And it’s a skill, you know, it’s a skill that I don’t really think we’re taught necessarily. And it’s a skill that has to be learned in order for us to be able to really create lives that we really love. And I think we hear that thrown around a lot, like live a life that you really love or create a live a big life, all of that. But that comes down to you having like this control over your experience. And by control, I mean controlling your own perception of things and understanding what your perception is and why it is so important. And so, you know, this is the work we do with women inside. The navigate method is really helping them deconstruct their reality and what that is and make the decision on if it’s working for them. Betsy [00:21:58]:You know, if something’s working, leave it be. But if it’s not, there are a million different ways to see things and a million different ways to go about things and to find the solution. And so often I think we live in this world of black and white, right? I either have to get the apartment that’s available, or I can’t have the apartment. But the truth is, there was another option there that I hadn’t even been aware of, but I was focused on it, which is I could just move right into the model where nobody else had lived. And it has really cool paint colors. So maybe there’s an option that you hadn’t even considered because you didn’t know it was an option. So listen to episode 349 if you want to get another perspective on that or go a little bit deeper there. But I wanted to Share that magical story, because I think it’s just such a good illustration of, like, when we think about manifesting, right? Which I kind of hate because it’s turned into this funny, weird thing. Betsy [00:22:53]:But manifesting is really. We’re constantly manifesting. That’s what we do as humans. Good, good, bad, indifferent, all of it. We’re creating that experience because our unconscious mind is sifting and sorting through all the data and showing us what leads to the creation of our experience. Anyway, I could go. I could spend a lot of time there, but I wanted to just share that I’ve got a bunch of new episodes coming for you guys, so I’m excited about that. We’re gonna roll these out every other week, so we’re gonna have two a month. Betsy [00:23:26]:I was getting back on my. I’ve been so busy and just really working with women inside the program and getting focused. Plus all of this with. With changing the. The apartment and selling the house, I really decided that I was gonna put things on the back burner and put my mental health first in all of that. So I was gonna do what I could do with this space that I had and not push myself because I wanted to be healthy through this whole thing. And so. So I’ve. Betsy [00:23:56]:It’s been a little bit since I’ve had a podcast, but I have a million ideas and I have a giant list, and there’s been so many things that I wanted to tell you, and I think if I can commit to something that’s achievable, which is going to be, like, every other week, so that I can bring you some really good episodes that have real meaning for you instead of just trying to put something together. So that is my plan. I’m so happy that you’re here. Thank you so much for spending time with me, and thanks for coming back to the show. And I will see you all in two weeks. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. Betsy [00:24:35]:And thank you for leaving me a review on itunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik, and that’s my website, too. Betsy paik.com and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me just shoot me a dm, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Betsy [00:25:18]:Thanks again for listening and I will see you all next week.

On todays episode Betsy shares some ways of thinking through the “magical in between” so you can have new ideas, feel satisfied and notice all the ways life is working for you. Transcript: Betsy [00:00:05]:Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live Big. Hello, everyone. Welcome. Betsy [00:00:34]:Welcome to the Art of Living Big. If you have been here for a long time, hi. It’s good to see you. I hope things are going well. If you’re new here, I’m excited that you’re here with us, so. Okay, so I have a couple things to talk about today. A couple things are just random things that I wanted to tell you. Okay. Betsy [00:00:53]:One. One of those is about two months ago, two months ago, maybe three months ago, I needed a new mattress. I kept finding I was waking up and, like, my back was so out of whack, I had to go to the chiropractor. And after, like, the third week in a row of going to the chiropractor, I was like, this is not normal for me. I’m not, like, a person that typically has to go to the chiropractor. And I realized that my bed, you know, when your mattress just gets shot. And I felt like I was hanging on for dear life. Like, I had fallen into, like, a middle. Betsy [00:01:29]:And in the middle of the night, I woke up one night, like, gripping the side of the bed, like, so that I didn’t fall into the hole. And I was like, oh, my God, my mattress is dead. And it is hard to figure out what mattress to get. I know that sounds dumb. As soon as I said that, it’s hard. It. It can be hard. It’s hard because so many of the things you buy online and they say that they’ll deliver them and then come pick them up if you don’t like them. Betsy [00:01:56]:I don’t know. That just feels, like, a lot and kind of scary. But also, I don’t think you can just go to a store and lay on a mattress and be like, oh, this is the thing. Like, you gotta sleep on it. Right? So I asked one of my girlfriends, and she said, oh, I have a purple mattress. Do you guys know that? Have you seen the purple mattress? It always seemed really hokey to me, like a gimmick. You know what I mean? But she said, oh, my God, I love my purple mattress. In fact, I love it so much, I bought it for all three of my kids. Betsy [00:02:25]:So then I Was like, you did? And she was like, yeah. And when I go away on vacation, I always, even if it’s like the most comfortable hotel bed, I always miss my bed. So then I was like, what? I give me a purple bed. I bought a purple bed. She told me, give it a couple weeks because it takes a couple weeks to get used to it. No, no. Like, the first night I was like, this is the most amazing bed I’ve ever had. It. Betsy [00:02:56]:It. It’s amazing. I didn’t buy the most expensive one and I didn’t buy the cheapest one. I bought the one right in the middle. So I’m telling you that I just bought like the plain old purple bed, but not like the minimalist purple bed. And it is so good. It is like these little grids. The mattress is like, I don’t know, it’s like these little grids and you can almost feel them. Betsy [00:03:21]:When you lay in bed and you, like, rub your feet against the mattress, you can almost feel the grid. Which, I know it probably doesn’t sound like a good thing, but I don’t know, there’s something magical about it. I did go out of town last month. Remember, I went to California. And I. When I was there, I thought this mattress, although the mattress was really good and I slept fine, I kept thinking, this isn’t like the purple mattress. So I wanted to share that because I think it can be really hard to, like, find a mattress. And anytime I know in the past when my mattress has, you know, cropped the bed, I’m like, oh, no, I gotta figure this out. Betsy [00:03:58]:But purple mattress is the way to go. Okay, so now my next. I’m really not being paid for any of this. I probably should be. Okay. So my next thing is I get those ads for olive and June nail polish. Do you get these on Instagram? Like, I get the ads for the Olive and June nail polish. And I’ve seen it before at tar. Betsy [00:04:19]:I just, I, you know, I have known about this nail polish for a long time, and I’m just not into it. I go through phases where I don’t go get my nails done for years. Literally, I’ll do them myself. And that’s like a whole thing that I really like doing. And then I’ll go through a phase where I want to go get them done. And I am just coming out of that phase. It was like a six month phase where I wanted to go get them done. And then, you know, it, it rolls over into this like, like feeling. Betsy [00:04:47]:I like, it’s A burden. Like, I just want to be able to drop my hands off and pick them up later. Like, so I needed to just get back to doing my own nails. So I started seeing these ads again, right, for this olive and June nail polish. Now, I guess the thing that makes it good is that it supposedly lasts as long as gel. So I’m kind of down for that. And then I went to this event in California, my mastermind. And when I was there, one of the women in my mastermind had like the prettiest nail color on. Betsy [00:05:18]:It was sort of purple. It was called Raisin. I like raisins. It was called. And I was like that. I like, I kept looking at her nails, like the whole time. Like every time she’d be talking, I’d be like that. I don’t know, something about her nails look really good. Betsy [00:05:32]:So I said, your nails look really good. And she said, oh, it’s that olive and June nail polish. So that. So now I’m like, like, I’m listening, right? I’m like, oh, what color is it? She tells me the color, it’s that raisin color. And I’m like, it looks so good. She’s like, I. It’s weird because I don’t usually do my nails, but this polish stays on forever. That’s all I needed to hear. Betsy [00:05:54]:That’s it. That’s all I needed to hear. Next time I saw the ad, I was like, I’m going to get that. So I bought like their little set so it comes with like the top coat and nail file, you know, the oil, stuff like that. But it comes with six polishes. And so I got the polish and I got the long lasting. So they have a gel version. But I didn’t want to stick my hand under the light and do all that. Betsy [00:06:19]:I wanted just polish, polish that I could take off with a regular nail polish remover. So I got this polish. I got like a couple reds, like a deep red and a brighter red and that raisin color and a blue and a green color I got. It’s called something like it’s. No, it’s green. No, this is green. Don’t get that color. That’s the only color I didn’t like. Betsy [00:06:44]:But maybe I need to do more coats. But it’s so pretty and it lasts forever. So it just stays on forever. So I wanted to share that when I did it. They’ll have coupons. Like every time I’ve seen the ad, they have like a coupon so you can get it cheaper. But I think it was a really good deal for everything that I got and how long it lasts. So the colors I got were really deep, like fall kind of winter colors. Betsy [00:07:11]:But, yeah, it would be a really good gift, I think, too. So sharing that, those are my two things. Get the purple bed. Get the olive and June polish. All right. So while I’ve been recording, I got a message from my kid. She was like, I got my Spotify wrapped. So, you know, I had to hear. Betsy [00:07:28]:I had to pause and go listen. And then I was like, who’s on my Spotify wrapped? I don’t even have to tell you, if you’ve been here for a little while, we already know it’s Taylor Swift, every single thing. Except this year. Because always it’s like my top five songs are Taylor Swift songs. I don’t know. I’m nothing if not consistent, I guess. So it’s always Taylor Swift’s my top person. And then all the songs are Taylor Swift. Betsy [00:07:52]:But this time I had Chapel Roan on there. That Pink Pony Club was like my most streamed song. Apparently. I was really digging that back in September quite a bit. So anyway, the Spotify wrapped is always fun, but once again, I’m. I’m a swifty over fifty and it is. It is shown in my Spotify wrapped. Ah. Betsy [00:08:14]:All right. So I want to talk to you a little bit today about the in between. You know, I mentioned over the last couple episodes that we decided to put our house on the market and it’s not selling. In fact, I haven’t had a showing in two weeks. They lowered the price, so I think it will things. The tide will turn, things will change. But that was a frustrating time to be in. You want something, right? It’s this moment where you want something that you’re not getting and you’re doing all the things you know how to do. Betsy [00:08:54]:And the truth is, the realtor is the expert, so I’m leaning on her to say, what’s next? What do we do different? And there’s this moment of how do I show up in this space? And, you know, I think it can be selling your house. I think it can be a million different things where there is this, like, in between. Like, I’m not quite where I want to be, and I’m not where I was, but I’m sort of in the middle and how do I want to show up in the middle? And so I want to talk about that just a little bit. One of the things that I decided early on. So I say early on two weeks ago, Two weeks ago. But early on in this process, when I got back from California and we had, like, two showings that weekend I got back, and then that’s been it. So maybe it’s even been three weeks. It’ll be going on three weeks this weekend. Betsy [00:09:55]:So I haven’t had any showings. But also, like, trying to keep the house really clean and trying to, like, keep it all put, everything put away so that if someone does want to see it, it’s ready to go. And so in all of that, there is an opportunity to get really frustrated, and there’s an opportunity to get really mad, and there’s an opportunity to think like, this is just never going to work. And I have done all of those things. I’m not coming to you here saying, and I didn’t do those. Oh, no, I did those. But what I realized really quickly was that that wasn’t doing anything to move the needle, right? Like, me getting mad wasn’t doing anything. Me getting impatient wasn’t doing anything. Betsy [00:10:42]:So there was something here for me to learn. And so what I decided for me was there is this space, and this space is here to give me something, and I need to learn everything that I can and figure out what my lessons are in this so that when the next thing comes, I will be ready. And so I wanted to offer you that thought because I think there are times where we can get really impatient with what is. But the key. The key to all of this. This. I say this, like, air quotes. This, this life, this struggle, right? This challenge, anytime we’re in that, there is an opportunity to practice. Betsy [00:11:33]:To practice releasing and accepting what is. And what was was that nobody was looking at the house. Now I’m all for, like, what are the strategic things we need to do to move the needle forward. And I agree with all of that. But I don’t think you find the thing to move the needle from a place of being angry and frustrated and unhappy. I think the only place that you find the strategic levers that are really going to push the buttons you need pushed is from a place of acceptance and peace and recognizing that there’s lessons to learn and being open. Because when we get frustrated and we get really uncomfortable with things, we close down, right? We constrict, and when we constrict, we’re not open to any other energy. You know, one of the things I always say to the ladies in the navigate method is there’s a couple things that we have to do, right? We’ve got to be practicing every day. Betsy [00:12:40]:So we can’t just come to group and be in group or just do the curriculum and listen to the curriculum and then never implement. Right. So all of our curriculum is designed to have things to implement because you have to be practicing that every day. And I feel like this experience, like, you know, change doesn’t happen in group. Change doesn’t happen on the yoga mat. It happens in the times where there’s a struggle. Right. That’s the chance that you get to practice. Betsy [00:13:10]:So I think, number one, you’ve got to have practice. You’ve got to be doing the things that lead you to who you want to be. And so this was giving me an opportunity to practice, and so I could just appreciate that. The number two thing is we’ve got to really focus on where we’re going. I think there’s great value in acknowledging where you’ve been, acknowledging past hurts or struggles or healing things that are painful. I think there’s a lot of value in that. And at the same time, I think a problem happens when we continue to regurgitate the same things over and over and over and over again. Right. Betsy [00:13:53]:Which is what happens so many times when we go to, like, couples counseling. Right. We just talk about the painful things over and over and over again. We’ve got to shift to the things that are working. And so to bring this back to my experience with the house, like, it gives me an opportunity to practice. And then I’ve got to be thinking forward. Like, if this house was selling, how would I be feeling? What would I be stepping into? Right. Who would I be? And that brings me to the third thing, which is understanding that there is a magic that can happen when we relax and accept that. Betsy [00:14:31]:I’m going to say it like this, but the universe always has our back, right? That there is always space for us to be supported and to grow. I think it’s when we do that constriction that we cut ourselves off from that. You know, I was in group this last week, and somebody said something about how uncomfortable it is because I don’t know what’s happening. Oh, it was in our alumni group. I think so. Well, once you become an alumni of our program, then we meet once a month. So it was in our alumni group. We do a monthly coaching, and I love it because we get to connect with everybody. Betsy [00:15:06]:And someone was saying there is still this, like, in between. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Right. I don’t know if this is going to happen or that’s going to happen. And I hate that. And I thought. And I said, this is. This is amazing because when you don’t know what’s going to happen, it means you’re getting something new. Betsy [00:15:27]:Like, if the path was laid out, then it would be like, this is the same old thing I’ve done before, right? I’m going to get the same outcome I’ve done before. But we want new stuff, right? We want new experiences, we want new problems. There’s always going to be a problem, right? That’s just life. That’s just life. But if we’re having new problems, it means we’re not stuck. It means we’re not just churning in the same thing over and over again, right? It means we’re moving in some direction. And I think that’s one of the big keys to this life, you know, to really enjoying this life. And so when we’re stuck. Betsy [00:16:06]:I’m using air quotes again. When we’re stuck in this, like, I feel like I’m. I don’t know what’s going on. That’s the best. Because you’re not really stuck. So in this house, I get an opportunity, right? I get to see what it is that I have to learn here. I get to practice not constricting and being open. And I get to trust in the magic of the universe, of this could lead to anything. Betsy [00:16:34]:There could be something that I never even dreamed of that can happen. But when I constrict up, I’m cutting out possibility. Like, somebody could just walk up to my front door right now and say, I want to give you cash, but you have to be out by this weekend. Like that could happen. That can happen. Like anything can happen. But we cut ourselves off and we say what’s probably available to us instead of what would be amazing, what would feel so fun, what would be totally different? And I think that when we can do those three things, you know, when we can be practicing, right? Life is a process. And if you want to change the process, you have to practice it every single day. Betsy [00:17:25]:And we can be focused on what’s coming instead of rehashing the crap, right? Heal the crap, but then move forward. And we can start to trust in the magic of the universe and know that the universe has our back and that all the things are working for me. But I’ve got to pay attention to be able to get the lessons and to be able to move forward in a way that really serves me. One of the hardest things I think that I see for people is this idea of maybe it’s not the way you thought. Like, I know you think you see it that way. Like, I know that seems very real. Like, I know you are so sure that what you see is what is, like, the person your. Your spouse that they are that way. Betsy [00:18:14]:Like, that is who they are. I’m seeing it like, or my life is this way. The way that this is. This is what will always happen. Or, you know, wherever it is that I’m going, I know this is how it’s going to turn out, because this is how it always turns out. Like, that idea is one of the hardest things to be able to shift, because the truth is that the past will just replay over and over again unless you start to become the person who does something different, right? You begin to change. That process begins to change for you. Now you’re reacting to things differently, and now your outcome is different. Betsy [00:18:56]:And that maybe what you see is just what you’ve always seen and you’re hypnotized to look for it, but that there is something else. And so as I’ve been here in this process the last, like, three weeks now, I guess, of having nobody look at the house, I’ve really had to lean into these factors, right? These structure of how I decide I want to live my life. And I could have sat here and stewed and bitched at the agent or complained about everything, or, you know, a number of things. Who knows? All the things I could have the rabbit holes I could have gone down, but instead, really shifting to focus on what can I learn here, how can I practice who I want to be, what is it that I can look forward to, and how can I just lean into this magic? So I feel. I feel it coming. I think I’m going to get some people this weekend, and then I think on Monday I’m going to get an offer. That is what I can feel coming. And I’m just leaning into that. Betsy [00:19:59]:And whatever happens is working for me. And so I’m going to just allow whatever happens. But I’m excited. I. I’m excited, too. So I wanted to offer you that my process and way of thinking when things get hard or when you feel stuck in the middle of the in between, but the magic happens in the unknown. And when you can remember that, that is how I think you live a big life. All right, thank you guys so much for listening. Betsy [00:20:26]:I love you so much. And I will see you. I’ll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much and thank you for leaving me a review on itunes. Betsy [00:20:45]:I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to like figure out how to even make that happen. Now if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik and that’s my website too. Betsypake.com and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a dm, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening and I will see you all next week.

On todays episode Betsy shares some new ways to look at the “In between” and to find some joy even when things feel like they are going sideways. Transcript: Betsy [00:00:05]:Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live big. Hello, fellow adventurers. Hi, everybody. Betsy [00:00:35]:So I’m here. I’m here recording today in my office, and my dog is just such deep sleep and he’s snoring, and so we’re gonna hope for the best. Sometimes when I’m recording, I try and wake him up before I start recording, and then he’ll fall back. I feel like he falls back asleep deeper if I do that. So we’re just going to roll with it. I have a lot of things to catch up on because it’s been a couple weeks, you know, so I’ve got a lot of things to tell you, but I want to start off with the really important things, which is I cut my hair off. Yes, that’s right. And I’m. Betsy [00:01:10]:I’m sharing this with you as a warning. If you don’t have really thick hair. Okay. If you don’t have really thick hair, perhaps reconsider if someone is going to razor cut your hair. I just. I think razor cutting your hair can be. So I have a friend that does it and her hair always looks amazing, but my hair is not that kind of hair. And I have been trying to. Betsy [00:01:36]:It’s. It turned it into the biggest flyaway mat. And finally I just was like, I can’t. I’m just chopping it off. So, I mean, I chopped a ton off. It’s short. It’s. It’s a bob. Betsy [00:01:46]:It’s well above my shoulders. And I gotta tell you, it made me feel a little bit like jumping up and clicking my heels together. So I have cut my hair off. And, you know, anytime you cut your hair, amazing things start happening, like new things. I saw an interview with a guy recently, and he was saying that he thinks, you know, historically, when do we cut our hair, right? We cut our hair off. Like when we break up with a boy, right? But this guy was saying he thinks that when you get a new hairstyle, right? Or if you break up with a guy with your boyfriend and then you cut your hair off, it’s a way for you to look in the mirror and have a visual reminder that you’re not that person anymore. And this morning I looked and I had a visual reminder that I was not that person. And I thought, who’s she? Who is she that does something different? And I wonder, you know, if you’ve been here for a while, you’ve heard me talk about how I had this hypnosis, this custom hypnosis, and you can go back a couple episodes and start to hear about that journey. Betsy [00:02:52]:But I. I can’t help but wonder if the desire to cut my hair off, although there was a necessity because I felt like my hair was so thinned out at the bottom from this razor cutting. I have lived with it for a couple months, so it’s not like I was dying every day like I was living with it. But I can’t help but wonder if it then became uncomfortable to be in the suit that I have been in, because so much has changed from that hypnosis. Now I’m going to be sharing more, and I’ll share more, you know, as we do, as I do over the months to come. But this has significantly changed a lot of things. And like I said on the last episode, it’s still unfolding, but it still is unfolding. But one of the things I decided to do is my husband and I decided to sell our house. Betsy [00:03:48]:I have talked about my house. I love my little house. If you’re looking for the cutest little house in Atlanta, I. I have loved my house and I love my porch. I love it so much. There’s so many things that I love about this house. And we’ve lived here, you know, almost two years, but it is a bit of a drain. I think we have fixed everything. Betsy [00:04:10]:Honest to God, I have taken better care of this house than probably any house in my life. And when we moved in, I didn’t realize how many little things were left undone. Do you know what I mean? Like. Like an outlet that didn’t work or all the. Every single. Every single appliance within a few months had to be replaced. Know we had to get a new hav unit. We had to get the crawl space reinforced. Betsy [00:04:34]:We had to get the roof replaced, part of the roof. We had to get the roof internal, the attic reinforced. Like, there were so many things and so many of them weren’t like fun things that you could see, you know, I would have rather redo my kitchen, but instead I redid my bathroom, you know, got a new toilet, got all that. So there has been so many projects. And it’s interesting because when I owned my last house and then I sold my house and I decided to live in an apartment. Tons of people messaged me, and they were like, why would you do that? Like, why are you living in an apartment? And I said, it’s because I. Like, I just don’t want the projects, you know? And so I lived in an apartment. And then I was like, I’m ready. Betsy [00:05:13]:Like, I’m ready. I did not anticipate the projects. Like, I really didn’t anticipate not only the number of projects, but the expense of the projects. And I don’t mean regular. I do not mean regular expenses. I mean, like, almost every month, I felt like it was like three to $5,000 in expenses just for upkeep, not the mortgage. And so we made the decision, let’s sell it. We’ve done a lot of things. Betsy [00:05:38]:It’ll be a great home for somebody else. Because she’s been so well loved and taken care of, and all the little things have been tended to, and now we get to go decide what’s next, you know, And. And that will be continued to be unveiled. And I do wonder if that has anything to do with the hypnosis. Do you know what I mean? So, so many things. I’m like, tracking back to this, and I think I mentioned on one of the episodes, but inside my program, inside my program, we have. There’s the navigate method that you’ve heard me talk about, and then people can continue on. And in that continuation program, we call it Voyager, and we are starting now to do custom hypnosis for everybody that comes that. Betsy [00:06:24]:Because I’m like, let’s really. Let’s. Let’s do some experiments here. Let’s see if we can get, you know, some. Some really big shifts here, really get to the root issues of problems and start to shift them so it changes who you are. And I think that started to change in how I was reflected in where I lived and what I looked like when I looked in the mirror. All these little things. So it’s been really kind of fun. Betsy [00:06:50]:And in that process, also, I have found, you know, anytime. And you guys have sold houses before, I’m sure. And, you know, you have to make it look like a hotel, right? You have to make it look like really, you know, very Zen. I. I went to California for a conference last week and got to see so many of my friends. And I’ll talk about that in a minute. But I showed them, you know, here’s the MLS listing. Look at my house. Betsy [00:07:19]:And they were like, oh, my God, it’s so cute. This is so cute. That’s so cute. And one woman said, do they use somebody, like, local to stage? And at first I was confused. I was like, what do you mean it’s a stage? Like a stage? Like, no, what? Like, I live there? And she was like, yeah, but I mean, all the furniture and everything, is it staged? And I was like, no, that’s mine. And, and somebody, like, across the table was like, oh, my God, I saw your pictures and I just assumed, assumed it was staged. Which, it brings me a lot of joy. That’s why I share that. Betsy [00:07:48]:It brings me a lot of joy. But it also means, like, things look rather sterile right now, you know, like, like, my furniture is super cute, but there’s not any pictures up. There’s not, you know, there’s very few tchotchkes out. There’s not a lot of things around. And so I was really thinking, like, especially as we’re about to roll into Thanksgiving and know, I, I don’t know, I probably need to ask my agent, but, like, can I put any Christmas decorations up? Like, I, I don’t even know, because you want it to look sort of generic so someone else can imagine themselves in the house. But here’s what I did, and I, I, I want to know if you had one of these growing up. So when I was growing up, we had this, this gold tealight holder that had, like, a cherub with a trumpet that sat on the top. And it had, like, these little bells and, like, things, like long gold metal pieces that, like, hung down. Betsy [00:08:52]:And then the tea light, you would light, and it would create heat, and the air would change, and it would push this little, like, fan, and the little, the little metal pieces would rub up against these bells, and it would make, like, a little chimy sound. And it was always out at Christmas. Do you guys know, you guys know what I’m talking about, right? It’s like this rotating tea light. Anyway, I started thinking about that, and I was like, you know, I just want one of those. I just want one of those. So I went to Amazon and I, I couldn’t find, I couldn’t even really find. I tried to just Google and I tried to find, like, what that, A picture of what that was, right, with the cherub baby thing with a trumpet, which I guess is an angel. But I, I couldn’t find, I couldn’t Google and find an image of the old one that we had. Betsy [00:09:45]:And I couldn’t totally remember it. So, like, there was some that I thought looked similar, but I couldn’t totally remember. But I found one on Amazon that is. It’s silver, so it’s not gold. And it has the little fan thing, but it has these, like, just hanging Christmas trees. And it was like six or seven bucks. So I was like, I’m getting that. And I got these Frasier fur Christmas candles that are little tealights that smell like Frasier fur. Betsy [00:10:12]:And I have to tell you, there was this moment. I set it all up, and it’s cheap as f. You know, as cheap as can be. I’m sure I could bend the whole thing and just break it in half. But I set it all up and I was very gentle and I lit the candle and I just. I feel like I could have watched it. I put it on my bedside table and I laid in bed to go to sleep. I watched it. Betsy [00:10:36]:I Bet it was 20 minutes. Like, really, it was just, like, so soothing or calming. You know, sometimes if you watch, like, watch like fish in a fish tank. Do you know what I mean? Where it’s like, this is so calming. And I just watched it go around and round and it cast this really cool shadow on the ceiling. And I don’t know, just. It made me really happy and it made me think about sometimes we. We. Betsy [00:11:01]:We don’t have to have everything be totally perfect to have it really feel really good. You know, I. I think I was thinking, I’ve got to decorate this whole house. I want all my Christmas decorations up. Like, if I don’t have a tree and the thing on the hearth and the. All the things from I’ve had for 20 years, like, if I don’t have all of those up, it’s not going to feel like Christmas, you know, it’s not going to feel good. And it was. It was sort of leading me to a place where I’m like, this doesn’t feel good. Betsy [00:11:33]:And I thought my house was going to sell super fast. And it’s been over a week, week and a half now, and it hasn’t sold. And it surprised me. And it started to make me realize, like, I started to recognize, do I have resistance? Because there’s things I really love about the house. Like, I love the poor. You know, do I. Do I have resistance? Am I holding on so tightly that nobody else can come in? Right? And it reminded me of the saying that I’ve heard before that said, if you don’t learn to find joy in the snow, you’ll have less joy in your life and exactly the same amount of snow. And I thought, there’s joy in this. Betsy [00:12:15]:Like, this might feel like a transition it might be, like, the in between. It might be, but there’s a possibility of finding joy. I don’t have to have my whole house decorated. Like, I don’t have to have, like, a team of decorators come in. Not that I would ever do that, but that would be nice. Like, I don’t have to have, like, somebody come and create some winter wonderland. It really was as simple as me spending, like, 6.95 on this little metal tea light. That just brought me, like, a level of peace, I’m going to say. Betsy [00:12:50]:Like, that’s the only word I can use to describe it. And I don’t. It’s not like I have specific memories, although I have memories of looking at it as a kid, watching it as a kid. And maybe I was just. Maybe I spend a lot, a lot of time as a kid just staring into the flame, you know, like I do now. But, like, it made me realize that sometimes it’s really simple things. And if I want to sell my home, right? The outcome I want is to sell my home. If I want to sell my home, and I don’t want it to be a miserable experience because I’m living my life still. Betsy [00:13:23]:Like, how do. What’s the highest and best? How do I show up in this and feel the most gratitude and be so excited for the new people coming? And I don’t have to be sad. I don’t have Christmas decorations up because I can have one thing that I get end up. Like, I think I got more joy. I think I got more joy from that one thing. Because my whole house wasn’t full of stuff, and it wasn’t like, oh, the same stuff is up. You know, I got to, like, really focus and appreciate and notice and remember and experience this. This very simple thing. Betsy [00:14:03]:And I thought, I’m finding joy in the snow because that’s. That’s it. Like, that’s it. Like, there’s no outcome. Like, I think the outcome is selling my house. But once I do that, there’ll be something else. So there’s no outcome. It’s me just being here now, recognizing this in this moment and finding the most joy in it. Betsy [00:14:26]:And so I offer you that thought because you might be in the same place as me. Like, things are changing or you’re feeling a little bit like, in the. In between or the world isn’t going the way you wanted it to go, and you’re just like, now what? And I. And I firmly believe. And I know I’ve talked about this, and I don’t always Live it. I’m being honest. I don’t always live it. I try. Betsy [00:14:50]:I try to remember. I try to notice when I’m not living it right? But I have moments where I’m not living it, which is in this moment. There are things to appreciate, and if I keep focusing on the things I don’t like, I’m adding energy, my life force, my precious, precious time and energy to the unwanted. And in the end, that’s not. Like, I think of this all the time. Like, when I’m an old lady laying in my bed, like, about to die, like, what do I. What do. How do I want to look back on this day, right? Not my whole life. Betsy [00:15:28]:Because honestly, that’s so abstract. Who can look, who can. Who can imagine being in bed in the old lady about to transition to the next great adventure? And you’re like, my whole life. You can’t even imagine that. I can’t even conceptualize my whole life. That’s already happened. But I can conceptualize today. And how do I want to live today or this week? What’s the main feeling that I want to have? What’s the highest and best? How do I act with the most dignity and bravery through all the hard things that are happening, right? So that’s where I am. Betsy [00:16:10]:That’s where I’m moving through. And I offer you that in case you are in a transition or an in between, or you’re about to go through a transition, or in between, or you just got through a transition, it’s always something. You’re either going into a problem, about to go into a problem, in the problem, or about to leave the problem. So there’s always stuff, but what if we can shift how we’re experiencing it so then the problem just becomes the adventure. You know, there are times where I will really sit. And I know you’ve heard me talk about this, and when I was in California, somebody asked me, they asked me, betsy, do you think everybody has access to that thing? Because I always talk about, like, this inner knower, this inner part of me, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, yes, that’s like, I got nothing special. Like, everybody. Betsy [00:16:55]:Of course, everybody, everybody, everybody. But when I’m going through a specifically hard time or a especially. That’s the word I want an especially hard time. And I sit and I go into my life force, right? My life force, my inner source, whatever you want to call her. Like, when I visit with her. Oh, she’s so pleased. Sometimes it makes me mad because I’m like, why are you so happy. This isn’t good. Betsy [00:17:28]:And I. And I feel her, and I feel like she’s like, no, no, this is the adventure. I wanted this. I wanted to experience the ups and downs. Let me have it. Let me. Let me find joy in it. It’s so fun. Betsy [00:17:41]:I love figuring out problems. That’s what she says. And then I say, you’re dumb. Let’s have it be easy. But it can be even in the hard thing. And I say this if you’re new here, I say this from somebody whose mom died in a car accident when I was at school one day. I say this from a woman who has a child, who’s been mentally ill and struggled for a decade. Like, I say this from a place who’s been. Betsy [00:18:09]:Woman who’s been divorced, who’s had struggles in her current marriage. Like, I am saying this not from a person that’s. I’ve had it so easy compared to so many. And I. Yes, I will say that I have so many privileges in my life, but I’m saying it from a place of knowing hard stuff, too. And when I check in with my deepest part of me, she’s thrilled. She loves the up and down. And when I know that, it really does make those hard things a whole lot easier. Betsy [00:18:40]:A whole lot easier. You know yesterday, and you’ve heard me talk about how I’ve gotten hate comments on the Internet, and it really used to bother me. Remember, this is what started the whole thing with the. With the going to the hypnotherapist, right? This is what started it. So yesterday I started getting this kind of vile hate. It was a new kind of hate. It was a new brand of hate, which was good because I was over the other. So I felt like, oh, well, now it’s time to step it up. Betsy [00:19:08]:Give me something a little harder, because I’ve grown accustomed to the other. But this was more sexual in nature and it was a little more aggressive. I don’t ever post anything political, but it. A lot of it was politically based, which was kind of weird. There was a lot of people calling me, calling me a boomer, which I thought was weird because I was like, well, I mean, I guess my hair is gray, like, not a boomer. And calling me a Karen, which also was weird because I’m not posting anything. I don’t think that’s Karen, but whatever, whatever. But I found myself being more activated. Betsy [00:19:45]:Like, not in the same way that I was at all, but more. I felt on alert. Like, I should check. I should check. I Need to be on alert, you know. And sometimes I worry about the things people post, honestly, because I don’t want the women that are part of my community and coming to my page to see something awful and feeling like it’s about them because they agreed with my post or they saw themselves in my post. Do you know what I’m saying? So like a lot of my vigilance is like, I don’t want anybody to see that and feel terrible. And some of it was a little bit aggressive about, you know, waiting for me. Betsy [00:20:28]:Basically they were saying, I can’t wait till you die. That’s basically what they were saying. And that was start. So I really checked in with my inner knower and I was like, do you like this? Like, do you like this? This kind of up and down. And I didn’t feel the joy in her of the woo. This is fun. But I felt this steadiness of. I want you to notice. Betsy [00:20:55]:This is for you. This is for you to notice. What in you is left to be healed. This is a gift. Consider it like a 48 hour gift. What are you noticing? What are you learning? What are you finding out about yourself? Where do you need to go? Because right now you’re in a cocoon. Like right now you’re in the incubator, right? You’re. You’re not in the birth canal right now. Betsy [00:21:21]:You’re in the womb and you’re being formed into this next version of you. And you need to be looking at this and figuring out what there is to learn from it. And I was like, oh, okay, well that’s different than like you taking joy in the. In my hardship. It felt better, I guess. Or it felt more authentic, I guess. And so I’ve really been thinking about that. Like, what is this teaching me? There is something. Betsy [00:21:51]:There is. I don’t. Well, I don’t have words for it yet, so maybe it is not yet to be shared. But there’s something. I am in the cocoon, but I don’t know what the butterfly is. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s. She feels sort of like a moth. Betsy [00:22:08]:Like she’s just gonna be. She’s gonna be an old, worn out moth. But we’ll see if it’s a beautiful butterfly. But I don’t need to worry about that. I need to be where I am. Be where you are. And you’re in the goo. You know the. Betsy [00:22:24]:You’ve heard this a million times. The. The caterpillar goes into the cocoon and turns to goo, you know, turns to goo and then reforms. I don’t know if she cuts her hair off, but she changes. And then when she comes out, she’s someone new. And I don’t have to worry about who she is, what she looks like, what, how big the butterfly wings are. I just have to worry about becoming the best version of the goofy, learning everything I can in the goo so that when it does emerge, it’s everything I need her to be. And that’s what this is about right now. Betsy [00:23:01]:Although the feeling like they want me to die, that part didn’t really feel that good. And there was a lot of stuff about, like, blowjobs and stuff. And that just didn’t feel good either. Like, I just was like, can we not. Can we not have this conversation on my page? So there was just a lot of deleting and blocking. It’s fine if they said something that seemed violent. I reported it and then moved on. So, you know, in all of this, and I think with all the things that have happened and just our world right now, our world even. Betsy [00:23:31]:I mean, even since COVID Right. Or before, like, the status quo is that nothing is status quo. Right. The status quo is constant change and new things and just feeling. I think everyone feels, no matter who you are or where you are, I think everyone to some extent, feels this sense of unease, like. Right. Like what’s. What’s coming. Betsy [00:24:00]:I even said this morning, I need some things to be certain. And so I started really thinking, especially when I started getting these comments roll in. I was stomping my feet in the office, and Craig stuck his head in, and he was like, are you okay? And I said, I just am discharging some of this. And after he left, I put a really good song on, and I put my hands in the air and I just yelled because I wanted it verbal. I wanted the vibration of it in the world. All the good things that we’re doing, all the good things that I’m doing that my program is doing, the feedback that we get. I talked about specific women in the program and things they’ve said. That’s. Betsy [00:24:37]:That even when they say it, I’m like, holy crap, that’s amazing. Like, that’s an outcome. I didn’t even know what happened. You know what I mean? Like, that’s so cool. And I think that there’s something in this and, like, finding certainty. And I was. And that’s really what I was doing, was I was finding certainty in myself, in my knowing, in my experience, not other people’s. Experience of me on the Internet. Betsy [00:25:03]:But in my experience of myself, what is that and what does that look like and what’s true. What’s true for me? And, you know, this past week, I was in California, and you’ve probably heard me talk, and I went back in March. I went. I go twice a year with my coach. He has a live event, and there’s a whole bunch of us. And so it’s people that I see, you know, I see them every week and in our zoom calls and stuff, and people that I connect to through Voxer and Marco Polo and all those kinds of things. It was so cool to get to see them. You know, I haven’t seen them since March, and so to connect. Betsy [00:25:43]:And a couple of the girls, we went to the spa and, like, there’s this big spa at the hotel and, like, just to have those connections. And I think that right now, what all of this may be driving us towards is connection. That is our certainty, right? It’s not this like this. I’m going to say it like this because this is what it felt like all of a sudden, like a radio wave, right? Like all the Internet, all the static, It’s a radio wave, like a wave pattern in the. In the. In the air. But we’ve got to find our people, you know, we’ve got to find our support systems. We’ve got to find that structure and find that center for ourselves so that when all the things are going, we can stand up and yell out loud what we know to be true about ourselves. Betsy [00:26:40]:And we’ve got that grounding force behind us to say, yes, you’re right, that’s correct. I see that in you, too. Like, I can reflect that back. And I think more and more, us finding our community is going to be more and more important. And, you know, I’ve been trying to think about ways to do this. One of the things that I’ve heard inside my program a lot is women saying, I wish they’re, like, the way that people learn, you know, I’m going to say it this way. My program really teaches people to think different. And the way that they think then starts to change the kinds of people that they want to draw into their lives. Betsy [00:27:23]:And they have said, I wish we could. I wish we were all in the same place, right? I wish we had a community. I wish we had a live event, which that’s something I’m going to do for them because so many people have asked me for that. And I started thinking, like, there’s enough people that listen to this show, that we could do some sort of gathering, right? Where if I was there and gathering, you all, you all could meet each other because you’d all be in that area. You know, I had to speak in Baltimore, I don’t know, a year ago or so, and I invited a bunch of women to. I invited anybody come and have lunch with me. And so a whole group of people came and had lunch, and then they all got to meet each other, and they’re local, you know what I mean? So I’ve been thinking about this idea of connection and finding our people. And although I do that virtually, how is another way to do that? And what could that look like? So in this. Betsy [00:28:23]:In this environment, right in this incubator that I’m in, and maybe you guys are in too, what is the grounding piece and how can you find your people? And what does that look like? And then before I close up, I want to just remind you, if you have been following along on Instagram, maybe you’ve booked a call with our team and, you know, the navigate method wasn’t something that you were ready to do at that moment or you’ve been curious about learning more about it. If you go to Instagram on my. On my bio, it’ll say, subscribe. It’s 10 bucks a month. And I do a Q A in there every week. I think what I’m gonna do is a coaching call every month. I’m trying to figure that out, like, where I would coach one person and then have it to share just to the people that are inside the subscription. So somebody could get specific help. Betsy [00:29:17]:Because I know from doing the work that we do in groups, one person says something and everybody’s like, oh, my God, that’s me. And so I know helping one person specifically with an issue could help tons of people, but I’m always posting Q&As. Like, I’ll always answer questions. I usually post kind of a theme around what our weekly meeting was, so people know that. And then yesterday, I posted something that was a little bit more teaching. I’ve been trying to figure out how to do that because I only have access to reels and stories in there. And so, like, how do I do that in a way that I can get the most information in? Sometimes my concepts are longer than a real. But I’m really trying to figure that out. Betsy [00:29:58]:But somebody was like, oh, this is so good. This is exactly what I needed. So I was like, okay, we’re on the right track here. So I think we’re getting this figured out, so come and join me over there. Like I said, it’s only 10 bucks a month. You can cancel at any time, but it’ll give you some extra access to me. And I really hope to be able to do some fun stuff with people there, too, to bring us together in another way and in a deeper way. So. Betsy [00:30:19]:All right. Thank you so much for being here this week. I love you guys. And I have ideas for next week’s show already. So I’m excited to share with you a little bit more and I will talk with you soon. See you next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. Betsy [00:30:42]:I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on itunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik, and that’s my website, too, betsypake.com and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a dm, shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Betsy [00:31:27]:Thanks again for listening and I will see you all next week.

On todays episode Betsy shares some stories about friends, living big and the secrets to the universe…. well, sort of! Listen in this week and discover how you can impact a shift in your reality and start walking toward what you really want. Transcription: Betsy [00:00:05]:Welcome to the art of Living. Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live big. Hello, fellow adventurers. Betsy [00:00:34]:Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show today. This has been like such a busy, crazy week in so many ways. The hurricane came through, Milton came through Florida, but impacted us in Atlanta. I’ll explain why it impacted me specifically. And there’s been some updates that I want to share with you about my hypnosis. If you have been listening the last couple weeks, you know that I got a customized hypnosis to work through a really big core issue. So I’ll recap and kind of give you the rundown on that. Betsy [00:01:10]:Last week, as you probably know, that Hurricane Milton came through Florida. And, you know, we were kind of watching it. And I live in Atlanta, so I wasn’t expecting to get weather, but it’s so close to us. And my dad has a home in Florida. And so I was really watching and watching the path. One of our friends is the meteorologist in Tampa. So, you know, she was posting a lot on her instagram and on her private Facebook page, just talking about how she was preparing so that she could go in to work and not have to worry about her home, you know. So all of this I was just kind of watching, it was so fascinating because I talked to my dad and my dad has a home in Florida and he has a home in Vermont where I grew up. Betsy [00:01:58]:And he has this house in Florida. It’s outside Orlando. So we’re not in the direct path, but still, like weather and, you know, tornadoes, possibly all this stuff. And although he wasn’t there, so I wasn’t worried about him and his safety. But I did call him and say, like, do you know anything about your house? Do you have to do anything? Do you have to pay anybody to go board it up or like, what’s going on? And, you know, my dad is, he’s 83. He’ll be 84 in February, beginning of February. And he’s, he seems really young to me. I don’t know if I’m like, I just see him still as like 60 or if he really is young, but I think he really does seem young. Betsy [00:02:39]:He rides his bike all the time, you know, that kind of 80 year old. And he’s super active. He goes back and forth between these two houses and, you know, has. Works on. Has board. He works on boards. Like, he’s on the museum board in Vermont. He goes down to Florida, and he’s active and stuff. Betsy [00:03:01]:He still does stuff with his fraternity and goes around and works with the kids at the fraternity houses with different things. So, like, do you know? You know, you get the idea, right? So I say to him, like, do you have to do anything for the house? And he was like, what do you mean? And I said, well, it’s, like, in Florida. So, like, do you have to have anybody do anything? And he said, you know, I bought that house 25 years ago, and they told me it was hurricane proof, so we’re just gonna go ahead and put it to the test now. My dad is not a dumb man at all, and it was far enough outside where he felt like he didn’t have to do anything, but it made me laugh so much, because sometimes that’s exactly what we have to do. Like, we have to just say, I’m safe. The people around me are safe. Everything’s put up, you know, because he doesn’t have outdoor furniture or anything there because he hasn’t been there. And I’m just gonna. Betsy [00:04:01]:I’m not gonna spend my precious energy on worrying right now, because the things that really matter are totally fine. I don’t know. Also, I strive to be that unbothered about things. But you know what? His house was totally fine. It was totally fine. He was really lucky. I think there was a little bit of damage in his neighborhood from wind and that kind of thing, but he was fine. On Wednesday last week, I got a message, and I had been getting messages for a few days before from a friend of mine whose mom lives outside Tampa. Betsy [00:04:37]:And she said, you know, my mom is down there. She lives in a trailer outside Tampa, and that hurricane is coming, and I’m trying to get her out, and she’s supposed to get a flight out, like, the next day. And so she was messaging with me, and then the next day came, and she said that the flight had been canceled. Like, she didn’t even know she got to the airport, and that’s when she found out it had been canceled. So my girlfriend was like, get in your car and just drive. Like, just start driving. Which, if you saw any of the news or, you know, you have friends or family that live there, it was like, wall to wall to wall traffic trying to get out. Like, it was just packed, and it took, like, you know, hours and hours and hours. Betsy [00:05:22]:Would have taken an hour. So it was a big project, right, to load up her car and to head out. And so she grabbed one of her neighbors, who is an older man who was 89, and they started driving. And she told me when they started driving, she said, they’re driving, and they’re going to drive. She lives in Virginia, so she’s like, they’re going to drive all the way to Virginia. And I was like, that just feels, like, really too far to drive. Like, she’s 85, he’s 89. And I said, why don’t they stop in Atlanta? They can park their car at my house, and I will drive them to the airport. Betsy [00:06:01]:And then they could take a flight from Atlanta to go to Virginia to see her. And so she was like, that’s great. That’s a really good idea. So she was trying to figure it out and then ended up calling me back, like, that morning, early that morning, and she said, my mom is driving now, and can you drive her the rest of the way from Atlanta? Can you drive her? So she has her car. And I was like, I really can’t. Like, it was just 10 hours or something each way, and I had to work, and I had group and all these things. So I was like, I really can’t, but I want to be able to help, so what else could we do? And so she decided she was going to fly down. I was going to pick her up at the airport. Betsy [00:06:38]:Her mom was going to drive right to my house, and then they would be reunited, and she would drive her mom back to Virginia. So I had a doctor’s appointment that morning. Um, and after I left my doctor’s appointment, I got a phone call from her, sort of frantic, and she said, oh, my God, Betsy, my mom had a car accident outside Atlanta, and she’s totaled her car. Can you go get her? And I was like, oh, my God. Yeah. Where is she? And so she told me, like, the cross streets. Like, she’s on the corner of Memorial drive and this. And I was like, I don’t. Betsy [00:07:14]:Like, I don’t even know where that is, but let me go see if I can find it. So I did. I found it. And it didn’t take me that long, 30, 40 minutes to get there. And there her mom was, like, on the side of the road, the car just totaled. The police hadn’t even gotten there yet. And so, anyway, long story short, I spent the day with her and her friend and brought them both to my house, fed them, got them situated. I mean, it was, they were so nervous. Betsy [00:07:44]:You know how, you know, you get shaky after something like that anyway, and then imagine you’re, like, fleeing. You don’t know if your home is going to be okay, and you’re older, and it just all feels unsteady and just really hard. And I just. My heart just broke for her. So I got them on my porch. If you followed along on my instagram, you know how much I love my porch. So I got them settled, I moved the tv out to the porch and got some pizzas. And it’s like, we’re just. Betsy [00:08:13]:We’re gonna make this as fun as we can, right? So whenever something goes sideways, I always like to think, like, what is the easiest path here? What could feel, like, the most fun in this situation? It doesn’t mean the situation is fun. It just means what could feel the lightest? How can we make this the best it could be? And, you know, I’ve talked about this before, but that’s kind of what I think about as living biggest. Living big isn’t having, like, some big, extraordinary life that everybody wants or celebrity, like money and wealth. It’s not that. It’s like, what’s the highest and best, right, in this situation, how can I make this work for me? And being able to live and to grow in whatever environment I’m in is really. Is really what that’s all about. So I feel like we really made the best of it. And, you know, I don’t know that they would say it was fun, but we made it as light as it could be. Betsy [00:09:07]:And then we picked up Michelle, got them home, got them to a hotel for a couple days. They stayed in Atlanta and until they could get a flight out. And then, because there was no car to drive home to Michelle’s, she flew her mother back, and her mom’s going to visit her for a little while before going home. So it was sort of a lesson, I think, in. In being present, right? Like, how can we make this the best? Because there’s lots of ways to look at things. You know, we can say we’re safe, and that’s the best that we could hope for, and how can we make what we’re going through now seem as light as it can possibly be, right. And we can kind of lay that formula, I think, over lots of different areas and times of our lives. The other thing that this all reminded me of, and years ago, I talked about this when I had gone to Vermont to stay with my best friend, growing up with her mom at the hospital while she transitioned. Betsy [00:10:12]:And I talked about Jesse Itzler Eitzler. I should know how to say that. It’s Sara Blakely’s husband. And you know how I’m a fan of Sarah Blakely and Jesse. I was in his coaching group years ago, and one of the things that I remember he said that really stuck with me was when your friends need you, you show up. Like, you don’t send a card. You don’t, like, shoot him an email, you show up. And I’ve thought of that so many times over the years, and I remember I talked about it back then when my girlfriend’s mom was transitioning and in the hospital, I found out, and literally within 40 minutes, I was at the Atlanta airport. Betsy [00:10:52]:Like, literally, like, I got a flight and, like, ran to the airport. I was like, I can catch that first flight out in the morning and be there, right? So to be there. So honestly, it felt like an honor to be able to be there. I love the opportunities where there’s something that happens that I can help and make things easier. You know, how can I make this the best and lightest that it could be? So it felt really good to me to be able to be there and to help. So. All right, so I want to give you an update on the hypnosis, because if you remember, a couple weeks ago, I talked about how I hired a hypnotherapist, and it’s Joseph Clough that I hired. I’m going to explain to you a little bit about him, but he has an app that I have used for years. Betsy [00:11:42]:He and I went through a coaching group together back in 2018. And in fact, I, as I listened to his hypnosis, I think we were probably trained in a similar school of thought for hypnotherapy. I’m a trainer of hypnotherapy, and the things that he says or the way that he does his inductions reminds me a lot of the training that I had. I think we were probably trained. There’s many different kinds of hypnotherapy, but I think we were probably trained similarly. I have listened to his app and used his app for several years, and I really like it. A lot of it’s amazing if you look up hypnotherapy, like, if you go to the Apple Store and I don’t know about the other phone, what is it? Android? But on the Apple store, if you just put in hypnotherapy, I think it’s like the first one that comes in, it’s a little white square with a JC for Joseph Clough. And it’s really the best. Betsy [00:12:36]:It’s really, really good. And if you have the paid version, you can switch it to nighttime mode so that at the end of the hypnosis, it just puts you to sleep instead of says, wide awake, well aware, you know? So I really love that. Okay. So in all of this, I was like, I have something that’s really holding me back. And I was starting to recognize it because I was getting weirded out by mean things people were saying on the Internet or things I perceived as mean. I have an update on that. So, anyway, I was like, there’s something going on because I feel this, like, intense shame. And I don’t feel like shame is the appropriate response to, like, a stranger telling me they hate my glasses. Betsy [00:13:15]:Do you know what I’m saying? Like, it just seemed really weird. And so I was. I mean, I had done. And historically, over the past, like, 15 years, I’ve done a lot of work on myself. But, you know, like you, I’ve got. I got stuff. You know, I got my stuff. And so I was like, you know what? I don’t know what this is, but this issue that I’m having is a gift, because if it’s showing up like this, then it’s been showing up for years, and I just haven’t noticed it because there hasn’t been enough pressure behind it to put it into the forefront of my thoughts, right. Betsy [00:13:53]:And so I hired him to do this to create a custom hypnosis for me. And in that process, we had to get to the core issue, right. Because the symptoms are, like, when somebody says something on Instagram, I feel yucky. That’s just a symptom. That’s not the thing. So anytime I’m working with clients, I’m always like, what’s the belief or the story? So that we can try and get to the core issue. So I hired him. It was a real investment in myself. Betsy [00:14:25]:I will say that it was a real investment. And so I was like, I am going to get to the core issue. So that when I tell him what the core issue is, it will really take care of the problem, because otherwise, I’m paying a lot of money and not being honest with myself and getting to the root. Right. And I think we can do that sometimes because it feels hard to touch the things we don’t want to touch. Right. And so many times, we don’t change until where we are is too uncomfortable. And when it gets really uncomfortable, that’s when it’s worth it to go through the pain of healing it or changing it or looking at it, right? And that is absolutely where I was. Betsy [00:15:09]:I actually didn’t even. I wasn’t even aware of it, that this existed. And so I was like, I’m gonna get to the dang root of this thing and figure this out. And so I mentioned this on the podcast, so I don’t want to rehash everything, but I had a dark night of the soul. I had a whole night where I was, like, up basically all night, and I was thinking of things and remembering things. And when it got daylight, I was like, I have a belief that I’m bad. That was the belief. I don’t think I mentioned that before, but it was that I am bad. Betsy [00:15:48]:And if I didn’t mention it before, it’s because I still sort of believed it, and I couldn’t say it out loud. But when I saw it, like, I am bad, which you might be like, Betsy, how would you think you were bad? Well, you know, just like everybody else, I’ve had things in my life that have happened. And after my mom died when I was 16, it was really traumatic. And some things happened to me, and over and over and over, some things were said to me, and I asked for help, and I told people these things were being done, and nobody helped me. And I think my 16 year old brain decided, well, you must be bad, because if you weren’t, somebody would help you, right? If you weren’t, somebody would listen. And I think that because I was smart and not an adult, by any chance, and my brain certainly wasn’t even, you know, my brain was ten years out from being fully formed. But I think I had enough intellect wherever I was. Like, I got to keep going. Betsy [00:16:52]:I have to keep moving forward. And so I had another year of high school, and then I went off to college, and those years were excruciating for me. And I think I really solidified that belief during that time, because that’s when it got really bad, too, when I was asking for help, and nobody would help me. And so I had. I had really adopted the idea with, well, I mean, the only thing that really makes sense is I must be bad, and so I must create patterns around all of this to protect myself, because I can’t keep living. When I look back at those years, like my not even, well, probably my senior year of college or of high school, it started a little bit, but it really intensified when I went to college, I think, because by that point, my dad was married to the woman he started dating after my mom died. And there were a lot of rules around me being able to do certain things or to come home. And so I was in so much deep grief and so vulnerable, and then all of these changes, and so I created some really, really heavy patterns. Betsy [00:18:05]:Right. Because that’s such a sensitive place for your brain to be, and especially a developing brain. And so over the past six months, I have really started to unpack some of that. And, you know, historically, over the past decade, I’ve worked on so much of that and healing that and moving to a place where I took responsibility for my part in creating the patterns, certainly not in the trauma, but in my part in creating the patterns. Because when I could. When I could accept my part in creating the patterns, that means I could uncreate them, right? When I didn’t give anybody my power and I kept my power. And so all of this was starting to unravel. But when I finally got to that night where I was like, oh, my God, I remember this, I remember that. Betsy [00:18:50]:Like, I was remembering stuff I hadn’t thought of in forever, and it was painful and awful. And then when I saw I am bad, it was like, I don’t know, like the sky opened up, because this 53 year old version of me can look at that and say, oh, my God, of course not. Of course not. And so things changed, like, immediately. Once I had the root cause, it changed. But there was still work to do, and I noticed this beginning to unravel things that I have done. I started to really notice patterns and how I was showing up. And then once I got the hypnosis, I was. Betsy [00:19:29]:I mean, immediately, the very first time I did it, there was this lightness, but there’s this really interesting thing that happened. So I got this lightness, and I’ve got, you know, I’ve got the hypnosis. I do it at night. There’s one that I kind of do in the morning. It’s called create your day. And that was a custom. Create your day. So that I started my day thinking the way I wanted to think and being the way I wanted to be. Betsy [00:19:55]:But the interesting thing that happened while I was doing the hypnosis was at one point, I, you know, if you’ve ever done a hypnosis, it’s. It’s really very much a guided meditation, right? It’s a guided meditation for all intents and purposes. It just is a meditation with a purpose, right. So it’s leading you somewhere. And so when I was doing it, I noticed at one point, I was really, like, there was a point where I was sitting with myself. Like, I. This version of me come up and I sit. When I do my meditations, if I’m not in bed, I sit. Betsy [00:20:33]:I have these two gold thinking chairs in my office, and you may have seen them on Instagram. They’re mid century modern, and they’re very cool, and I love them. But in my hypnosis, I was sitting in one, and this other version of me came and sat in one. I don’t know that she was older, but she was, like, way wise. Like, she was centered and fully present and confident, and she came and, you know, if somebody sits down like, you are sitting in a chair, but your elbows are on your knees, do you know what I’m saying? So you’re leaning forward, and she did that same thing, and she put her hands over my hands, right? So, like, kind of, like, cupped my hands, right. So she’s holding my hands, and she started telling me stuff, and she was telling me, so I’m going to tell you. So she was telling me all this incredible stuff, things I needed to know, how to do, things, where I was going to go, what choices I had. Like, if you do this, you’ll get here. Betsy [00:21:38]:If you do this, you’ll get here, like, this. Most insightful. And as she was telling me, I knew that she was telling me, like, the secrets to the universe. It was amazing. And then she got up and walked away. And the only thing I remember is that I thought, why is she walking like that? That’s it. I don’t remember the secrets to the universe. I don’t remember my options or where I’m going. Betsy [00:22:09]:I just remember, like, why is she walking like that? So, okay, so then how was she walking? She. And I’m gonna say this, and I’m gonna say this with a lot of love towards myself. And I don’t mean this in a negative way at all, but I want to explain it. She was walking really feminine, powerful and feminine. And I had never. It had never, ever occurred to me how I walk before. Like, me walk. Like, you know, like, there’s things I don’t like about myself. Betsy [00:22:40]:Like, I don’t like my thighs, but, like, my walk has never been the thing that I’m like, oh, I wish I walked different. But all of a sudden, I was like, she walks different. Which is honestly such an unconscious thing, right? I mean, I didn’t even notice that about myself, that that was even a thing. And so she walked with purpose. I’m gonna describe it like, there was an elegance to it. Her spine seemed very straight to me, but she was looking straight ahead. It made me realize that when I walk, I look down. Like, I look at my feet, almost, like, to make sure I don’t trip or fall. Betsy [00:23:20]:I just. So I start so immediately, I was like, how do I walk? I opened up videos so I could see if I could see myself walking in videos. And sometimes I take b roll while I’ll walk down a path when we’re at the beach. And so I started looking at those, and I was like, I walk like a linebacker, kind of. And I don’t say this to be cruel to myself, but I. It’s a masculine walk. I was like, I don’t know that I ever noticed. And what does that mean, you know? And so I actually asked my daughter, I said, hey, how would you say I walk? And without missing a beat, she said, like a man, she said, you walk very square. Betsy [00:24:07]:Your upper body is very stiff, and you look down. I was like, is this a thing? Like, is this a thing people notice? So I said, well, how is it different from other people? And she said, well, typically, women walk with their hips, and they look straight ahead, and you walk like you’re almost leaning forward, right? So at this point, I’m like, obsessed. It’s like all I can think about. Every time I get up to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water at my house, I’m like, how am I walking? What’s happening? The version of me that does all the things that I want to do. Apparently she walks totally different, which to me is such an unconscious way of embodying yourself, right, of showing up as yourself. And there are times when I talk to the ladies in the navigate method, and you’ve probably heard this before, but if you want to change your state, your internal state, you can simply change your physical aspects, and it will impact your internal state. There’s a loop, right? So my brain and my body are connected. And I know you’ve heard that, but if I am feeling sad, I want you to think about, like, a time you felt really sad and then just picture yourself in that sadness. Betsy [00:25:32]:Are you kind of slumped over? Are you kind of looking down? Right. Are you, are your shoulders kind of slumped? Like, if you’re sitting, are you kind of, like, dumpy sitting? I call it, you know? Or are you, like, looking up? Are your shoulders back? Like. No. So we, our physical body shows up as our internal being. And this is how come when you walk up to somebody you’re like, oh, are you okay? You just seem a little down. Well, what seems down? It’s the way they’re presenting. Right? So the version of me who does all the magical things apparently is embodying a totally different way of being. And I knew because I saw her walk, and it just occurred to me, as I say, that, that that’s all she needed me to know. Betsy [00:26:18]:She didn’t need me to know how it all went down. She just needed me to know who she was being, and that’s who she was being. And so I said to my daughter, like, okay, well, how do I walk different? Because I want to embody something different. So let’s play around with it. Let’s see if I can change the way I’m walking, if it’ll start changing the way I’m thinking, right? Absolutely it will. This is how come Tony Robbins has you put your hands in the air and jump up and down right when you’re at his event, because it moves you to a different state of being. And so my daughter was like, well, let’s check some reddits for people that are trans, that are trying to learn how to walk more feminine, which was such a brilliant idea. I have gone down the rabbit hole. Betsy [00:27:04]:I have watched so many YouTube videos. I have watched. I have found people on Instagram that teach elegance. I am not successful just yet, although I feel like I have a heightened sense of awareness around it. And I’m starting to notice that this shift, if I am not bad, which, think about it. If you think you’re bad, and I’m not saying men think they’re bad, and that’s why they walk like that. But if you think you’re bad, you’re probably looking down, right? You’re probably walking more blocky because you want to be ready to fight, right. Nervous system wise, I felt like that made a lot of sense. Betsy [00:27:41]:And so I have gone down the rabbit hole to adjust my walk and see if it begins to shift who I think I am. I will tell you that the idea now that I have about me not only not being bad, but being good, it almost felt weird to say that. Like, embarrassing to being good, but I. But not. But not totally. I think maybe a couple weeks ago it would have felt more weird. But what I’m noticing now is, like, my standards for myself are totally changed. Like, the level of things that I deserve are much different. Betsy [00:28:17]:Like, the things I’m willing to tolerate has absolutely changed. What I think I’m worthy of and capable of has absolutely changed. This has been actually such a dramatic thing, and I have always believed in hypnosis. You’ve heard me talk about it over the years, but it’s been such a dramatic thing that I think I’m gonna. So I have inside the navigate method. When people complete the navigate method, what happens is they go into our alumni group, which is a free group, so they can stay in that group. And I meet with those people every month. I always joke that it’s for me because I love everybody and I don’t wanna not see them or not keep up with what’s going on. Betsy [00:28:59]:So sometimes people come every month. Sometimes people just come when they need extra help, but that is always, always available to them. But what I found was a lot of people wanted to go to the next level, right? They were like, I want to keep doing this work. I want to keep. So we launched last month. It’s something called Voyager Circle. It’s a year long mastermind, and that’s for people that have come through the navigate method and want to keep going. But I think, and if you’re listening and you’re a Voyager, let’s do this. Betsy [00:29:27]:Let’s do custom hypnosis for everybody that comes into Voyager, and let’s do something to get to the Root. Let’s do a workshop to get to the root issue and then get you a custom hypnosis. Because I feel like this has been entirely game changing. And I think you’ve got to go through navigate. I think you’ve got to learn these basic principles of operating in the world in a totally different way. And then I think you’re ready for, like, that next big transition. So, anyway, I’m excited to kind of do a little experiment with some of the folks that are inside Voyager and, like, test this out, right? Because I’m all about experimenting and testing things and seeing, like, can we make a really big shift? Do you feel really stuck in some certain thing? And how is it showing up? And, you know, like I said, for me, it was showing up because I was getting so much shame around these comments and Instagram. And what I have found to be so fascinating is that I don’t even want to open up the apps in the morning. Betsy [00:30:30]:Like, before. I used to anxiously open so that I could, I don’t know, take care of whatever I saw. But now I. It’ll be like, I’ll be already getting my coffee and moving on with my day, and then I’ll be like, oh, I haven’t even checked, so I’m not even unconsciously scanning for danger in that area at all anymore. It’s like, people can write whatever they want. Like, I don’t. It’s not my job to even respond to them all the time now, other than I know the algorithm likes it. So sometimes I’ll say, hey, thanks for commenting. Betsy [00:31:04]:You know what I mean? Like, whatever. I don’t care. I don’t care. Oh, I can’t even tell you how amazing, amazing it is. So I’m super excited to see what continues to happen over the next year. If you see a video of me and I’m walking like a damn princess, you let me know, and I will keep you posted on how this continues to unravel and how I notice the external starting to impact the internal. And of course, I’m going to keep some stats on anything we do inside Voyager because I feel like there can be some really cool outcomes here. I’ll keep you guys posted on what’s working. Betsy [00:31:43]:So. All right, I hope this is helpful. I hope it gives you some new ideas of what you can do for your life. And I love you guys so much. Thanks so much for being here. I’ll see you next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. Betsy [00:32:04]:I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Pake. And that’s my website, too, betsypake.com. Betsy [00:32:32]:and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a dm. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram, and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.

On todays episode Betsy talks about her journey the past 37 days of getting in a good feeling place before taking action on any areas of her life. She shares some ways you can begin this process and start retraining your mind and nervous system for more clarity and happiness. She explains how she’s seeing this show up in her day to day life and how it’s impacting her future. Listen in to the show today to get started on your own alignment journey. Transcript: Betsy [00:00:05]:Welcome to the art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, everyone. Hello. Betsy [00:00:34]:Welcome to the art of living big. I’m excited to do today’s show. I have quite a few updates, and if you’ve been here a long time, you know, sometimes I call these like coffee talk episodes. So go get your cup of coffee. And we’re going to just pretend that we’re really good friends and that I’ve got some things to share. You know, over the last month or so, I have shared some of the things that I have been working on personally, and I told you about how I had hired a hypnotherapist and sort of that whole experience. So I want to give you an update on that. And I want to talk to you just about a process, let me say it this way, a process that I have been doing now for the past 37 days and sort of how it started, starting to shift things. Betsy [00:01:21]:So, you know, in our last episode, if you haven’t listened to that one, I talked about really being in a place of, I’m going to use this word, but a place of alignment, like a place where you felt joy. And we talked about the levels of consciousness and about how to move up and down the emotional scale and how sometimes moving up the scale may seem counterintuitive. If we’re really bored or we’re depressed, moving into anger is actually moving us up the scale closer to joy. Right. And the idea is that we’re always moving closer to a place that feels good. And if we go to, you know, think about Eckhart Tolle and him talking about how we have to be present in the moment, that’s the only place that you can start to move in this way. So, you know, as we all have, like, these journeys and ups and downs and moving towards and away different practices that have really worked for us over the past 37 days, I have been moving into a place of shifting so that I’m moving up the scale of consciousness. Now, if you’re inside the navigate method, you’ve heard me talk about this, but we want to be in a really good feeling place as we make decisions. Betsy [00:02:43]:If we’re making decisions from a place of really low energy, a place of feeling depressed or angry. The solutions that we’re going to get are going to be solutions from a place of being depressed or angry. And those aren’t typically the most creative solutions to problems. So what we want to do is we want to get in the feeling of what it’s like to already have solved the problem and then take a look around and see what’s going on. So then how do we even do that? Like, how do I get into a place where I feel like I’ve solved the problem? Like, that all can be really confusing, and I think it’s a practice, and so I want to talk about that practice and really how I have been doing it over the past couple months. And some of the things that I’ve noticed, you know, I say 37 days, so 37 days. I really started refining my process. But probably about two months ago, every morning, I started simply writing a short paragraph. Betsy [00:03:45]:Like, it wasn’t like I was writing pages and pages. It was a short paragraph about my life as it is, with all the things that I would really like to experience in doing that. It got me really hyped for it. It’s really as simple as that. I started writing about it, which made me feel like I was in it, which brought me to this place of feeling really good. And so I didn’t start any work before I got to that place. And then 37 days ago, I decided to go on another process. I decided for 40 days I was going to really hone in on appreciation. Betsy [00:04:28]:And, you know, I think appreciation and gratitude are, like, a little bit different. Like, if I’m like, oh, my God, I’m so grateful, it feels to me, and maybe not to you, but to me, there’s a little tiny edge of thirstiness in that. Do you know what I mean? Like, oh, my God, I’m so grateful. Thank you. But if I say, I really appreciate that, that. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I really appreciate those things coming into my awareness today. And so how I’ve been starting every day is still doing that same practice of writing that quick paragraph. Betsy [00:05:05]:And like I said, y’all, it’s like, you know, four sentences. It’s not like some big, long rampage. It’s just something quick to pull me into the feeling. And then I write down five things that I appreciate. So it is so easy in the morning to get really focused on all of the things that we need to do or to get focused on all of the current worry that we’ve decided is really important to think about. And if we want to shift that pattern, we’ve got to fill it up with something else. Like, you know, nature abhors a vacuum, right? So if we take something away, we’ve got to fill it with something else. And so many times when people get in a pattern or a habit of worry, which, when you’ve got big stuff going on, worry is. Betsy [00:05:59]:I mean, I get it. You know, like, that’s a typical or really conventional sort of response, is to mull it over, right? To, like, really think about it, dissect it, think about all the ways this could go wrong and what I need to be on the lookout for. And our brains are wired for that. You know, our brains don’t want us to miss something important. And so it’s scanning all the time for danger. So if we want to shift that, then we’ve got to really be conscious about it. And that’s the whole idea of staying in the now. Because if I’m not noticing and I’m not in the now, that pattern can go on and on. Betsy [00:06:38]:And what happens when I’m spending a lot of time worrying is the same exact thing that’s happening when I spend a lot of time appreciating, is I’m creating momentum. And so it’s just a decision of which way you want to create momentum. And I decided I really wanted to create momentum, and I wanted to make decisions. Mostly, this was, like, a big thing for me. I wanted to make decisions based on what felt really good, so not necessarily what seemed reasonable or even what I could afford or what made sense. I wanted to just be able to make choices based on that feels so fun, or that feels, like, so expansive. And so 37 days ago, I started doing this practice where every day I would write down not only my little thing about how my life is in the now, right? So it’s already that way, because I want to get in the feeling of it. Then I would write down five things that I appreciate, and one of the things that I realized right off in the morning was that I was getting hooked on worry or thinking about things that I didn’t want. Betsy [00:07:48]:Right. The unwanted. And so to take that time and to say I’m going to just really, really intentionally choose things I wasn’t going to write down, like my health, my family, which all those things may be true, but I wanted to be really specific. So, like, the sound of the birds and how I can feel that calming my nervous system, right? The sweetness of the creamer in my coffee. Or let’s be honest here, it’s like the coffee that gets put in my creamer, it’s mostly creamer, but like that, the sweet of taste of that with the coffee, like how good and yummy that is, right? If there’s a breeze. You know, one day I wrote that I appreciated so much that, that I was sweating. I was sitting out on the porch and it’s supposed to be fall here, but I was sweating. And then I was like, but how cool that my body is doing that. Betsy [00:08:46]:Right off I thought, ugh, I’m so sweaty. And then because I had started this practice, I’m sure of it, immediately my brain shifted and said, that’s really badass that your body is able to do that. I’m sure there are people in the world that aren’t able to sweat, and I bet that’s a huge problem, right? So writing down these things so that my brain is starting to learn how to move into a place of looking, almost like looking for the bright side. I mean, that moment, you know, where I thought, I’m sweaty and this is gross, I was able to shift really fast, and I unconsciously, like, that happened without my conscious pushing. And that happened because I had been doing this every day, every day, every day. And when I have gone about my day, you know, I’m writing down those five things in the morning, but then I’ve got a day, right? And a lot can happen in 24 hours if I’m not being present. And so I started to really notice where I was feeling alignment, like, when I was doing something and it felt really fun. I would think, like, this feels really fun. Betsy [00:09:54]:Like doing this right now, this feels really fun. Like, I love recording the podcast and I love sharing all this stuff. I love that it doesn’t have that. I don’t have notes, you know, that I just talk like I have an idea and then I just talk like, I think that’s really cool. I mean, I think probably a lot of people can do that, but probably a lot of people can’t. So it feels a little bit like a cool thing. Like, I really enjoy it. I’ve had Halloween candy, and I put up my Halloween decorations, and I love my Halloween decorations. Betsy [00:10:27]:So I’m pointing this stuff out because sometimes the ordinary stuff to us, the stuff that’s just like, well, yeah, well, I get on and record the podcast. We’re doing it for eight years. Of course it’s easy, but that’s really cool. And you have stuff like that, too. Like, what do you do all the time that you just take for granted because you think well, that’s just what I do, but that’s actually really cool. And when you can start to be in the present moment and start noticing when you feel in flow, right. When you feel really good, then it’s easier for you to not only rise up that emotional guidance scale, right, that consciousness scale, and for you to be landing in a much better place over and over and over again throughout the day. Right. Betsy [00:11:14]:We’re gonna go up and down as things happen. I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to just be flat and in, like, absolute joy all the time. Like, I don’t think that’s. I don’t think that’s real life, and I don’t think that’s what we came here to have. I think we came here to have a really wide range of emotion. And so I’m great if I feel sad or if I feel angry or if I feel any of those uncomfortable emotions, you know, that sometimes we think of as, like, unwanted. Like, I am totally okay with that. And I love that. Betsy [00:11:47]:I can then shift it. I can have it. It’s giving me information. Oh, I don’t like this. I’m doing this task, and I really don’t like it. I should see if I can hire that out as opposed to before, when I wasn’t being as conscious. And I really think this practice that I’ve been doing over the past 37 days has started to retrain me. Where then throughout the day, it becomes much easier to be aware of it. Betsy [00:12:18]:You know, I posted inside our Facebook group, there’s the art of living, big community Facebook group. And, you know, I have really spent some time thinking about this group and sitting thinking because there’s not a lot of interaction. If you’re in that group, please post, interact with each other. Like, there’s so much brainpower in that group that I wish people would share and ask questions and get feedback from other people and me as well. But I think that there’s so much happening in there that could be really amazing. One of the things that I posted was years ago, we used to do something in there called the possibility posse. So Pam Grout has been on the podcast several times. If you’re familiar with Pam Grout, she wrote that book e squared. Betsy [00:13:07]:She’s a hay house author. She’s really incredible. And she’s been on the show a couple times. And one of the times she was on, she talked about how she had this possibility posse with her girlfriends, and what happened was they would spend the day and they would start collecting joy. And at the end of the night, they had a group text, and they would all just text each other with, like, the top couple things that felt really fun that day. There wasn’t an expectation of everybody responding. It was a way for them to be training their brains and also to share that, those little sparks of joy. And then their friends would see it and they would go, oh, that’s cool, like, she’s having a good day, or this cool thing happened. Betsy [00:13:52]:And I loved that so much. And so many years ago, I started doing a possibility posse inside the Facebook group where how we did it was on Mondays. I would post something like picture of an owl or a fish or whatever, and then throughout the day or throughout the week, people would be looking to find it, right? And it was fun. It was sort of like a scavenger hunt, but it’s also you training your brain to be looking for something, to be scanning for something that you want. And so. And plus, it was fun, you know what I mean? And you don’t need a reason for joy. So I started that again. I posted, so if you’re in the Facebook group, go and look for that this week. Betsy [00:14:28]:It’s a fish. I thought we would see a fish. I thought with everything going on in the world right now, a fish might be something that we see. And if all else fails, somebody is on match.com, and there’s plenty of men with fish in the profile photos. So I thought this would just be a fun one. But maybe start a possibility posse with your friends, but start a practice of being in appreciation. And again, I’m going to say it like that, gratitude is great, but I like the edge of appreciation. I like how that feels. Betsy [00:15:04]:You know how it feels. To me, it’s like the same font as when you’re late. And instead of saying, oh, my God, I’m so sorry I’m late, you say, thank you so much for waiting. Do you see what I mean? Like, there’s, like, this little shift that I think moves us to a higher place. I think it feels really good. So as I’ve been going throughout this process, so this is the next thing I want to talk about. So, as I’ve been going through this process, I have been really trying to notice, not trying, I have been really noticing where and when I feel really good and also choosing to do things that feel good. There have been times, and maybe you guys do this, too, where I’ll get an idea and then I’ll be like, yeah, but I don’t know how to figure that out, or I should do that. Betsy [00:15:53]:But maybe someday, like, I really want to learn how to, um, how to knit, which makes me feel very old. I just said that out loud. But I do. I want to learn how to knit, and at some point I’m going to. But even when I say that, there’s, like, a lot of pieces to it and I’m working on some other things right now, but I decided those little things that came up, I was going to move down the path, right? And so one of the things that I really noticed over the past two months probably was that I eat out a lot. We eat out a lot, pick up food, eat out a lot. I hate it. Not only do I hate, like, spending money for it’s always crappy food, it’s never good. Betsy [00:16:35]:It never makes me feel good. Like, I hate eating out. But I was doing it all the time because I wasn’t being present, I was being mindless, and I was just, like, having a pattern, you know? And so when I realized that, I was like, you know what? I really hate this. I’m not gonna do it anymore unless it’s something I really want. You know, sometimes on the weekends, my daughter and I will run and get bagels from this bagel place I really like. And I really love the bagels. And it feels fun, and it feels. It’s a cool place, and it feels fun to go there. Betsy [00:17:07]:Cause it feels cool. And it reminds me that I live in the city, which is so fun to me. And so all of that around, all of that feels really good. But picking up wings or whatever heck else it was that we were getting, it doesn’t feel good to me. And so I started to think about, like, well, I’m not a. I’m not a cook historically. Do you notice how I said, I am? I am not a cook. But then I was like, I talk every day about how you can be things you’ve never been. Betsy [00:17:37]:So maybe I like to cook. Like, what if I do like to cook? But I had always been in a state of emergency or stress, you know? And if you’ve been here for a long time, you know, like, I was a single mom for a long time, and then my daughter was really sick for years. Like, there was a lot of stress where cooking really felt like a luxury. And I don’t know that I could get to a place. I’m going to say it like this because this is how it feels right now, but get to a place where I could take the time to actually cook. Like, it felt like just a waste of time. There was so much to do, and I realized that that now was a pattern and that I don’t feel like that anymore. And so I really. Betsy [00:18:22]:I went on TikTok, and I started finding recipes, and I created a folder, you know, for recipes. Food. Food. My food folder on TikTok, and I found some really fun things, and I have been making some really yummy things that include a lot of chopping. And I have found that I really love chopping. Like, if there is a salad that says to chop something to a size of confetti, I’m like, I am all in. I will chop. I have grown to really love my knives, and I have gotten into, like, sharpening my knives and, which sounds kind of sinister when I say it out loud, but sharpening my knives and. Betsy [00:19:05]:And just being creative and having these big salads. If you guys have seen, like, the dense bean salad trend on TikTok. So I’ve done the dense bean salad, that goddess salad, which is like the chopped up, like, confetti cabbage with the green dressing, and you use tortilla chips to eat it. Like, I’ve had so much fun and have eaten so much better, but also, it created a mindfulness for me. It gave me a place to connect with my daughter in the kitchen. She’ll come over sometime, and I’ll cook, and she’ll sit at the island and just talk to me. And it actually is. It. Betsy [00:19:41]:It really brings me a lot of joy. I have been listening to podcasts more, and I’m going to talk about that, but getting into some podcasts that I really wanted to listen to, or music that I really wanted to listen to, or audiobooks and just having my head set on and chopping away, you know, creating stuff. I’ve been making bread, which I turned into my whole personality for about two weeks. So I have been noticing that there are things that feel really aligning, and I have been allowing myself to do those things. I use that word really intentionally allowing, because I think that we stop ourselves many times from doing the things that feel joyful, I think. And I. And I raised my hand in this. I’m not saying you. Betsy [00:20:30]:Me too. But I would be too busy or too stressed. Right. And over the past year and a half of really working on my nervous system, I can feel that there’s more room for joy. You know, there’s more room for me to be able to explore these things. One of the other things I realized is that I’m getting more and more interested in like, longer form content. So I was, you know, in the TikTok thing for a while, short little videos, and that felt fun to me. I tried to be intentional, but I wasn’t always. Betsy [00:21:06]:And then you would find that I was in a TikTok, like, scrolling videos, you know, like you would like a real scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, but more as an opting out. And so I really started noticing when I was doing that, and then what was the underlying feeling that I was avoiding and then dealing with that feeling. I’ve been doing a lot of NLP. I have my own coach, like we’ve talked about. And so I’ve been really identifying those so that I can bring them to the coaching session and say, this is something I’ve noticed. Can you help me process through this thing? And what that has led to is me enjoying a lot more long form content. And one of the things that I have found, there’s a woman on YouTube. Her name is Cecilia Blomdahl, and she lives in Svelbard, which is north of Sweden. Betsy [00:21:58]:And I started her. Her videos are so cozy. You know, it’s snowing outside, and she’s cozy in front of the fire, and she’s interesting and talks about where she lives and all the different things that they do there. She’s swedish, but she speaks incredible English. And so it’s easy to listen to and to follow, and it’s making me wonder, you know, several years ago, I went to Iceland, and I really loved it. Like my soul, like, soul loved it. Somebody messaged me soon after that and asked me about my astro chart and about how there’s, like, lines in the globe where we sort of line up and belong. You might know what that’s called. Betsy [00:22:46]:It’s escaping me at the moment, but it’s like astro charting or something. But in that I remember I went to a website and looked, and my line went really close to Iceland. It was in the middle of the ocean, which makes sense to me because I have that weird thing with salt water. But it was really close to Iceland. And I remember when I was in Iceland, I don’t know. You know, I grew up in Vermont, but I haven’t been back in snowy weather in so long. And I don’t know if it just was nostalgia or the cozy. I forgot what it was like. Betsy [00:23:19]:I mean, I’m in Atlanta, so it’s, like, hot and sweaty. I mean, it’s October and it’s hot and sweaty, and I forgot what cozy felt like. And so as I found this Cecilia, it just started making me wonder if I’m going to flow towards another trip, you know, to Iceland, maybe. I would really like to go back to the blue lagoon. It was so beautiful and cool. It just felt really good to me. Or if I’m gonna go to Svelbard, I don’t know that I’ll go that far north, but there’s something pulling me. So I have found both this, like, long form content being really interesting to me and also, like, being drawn to this, like, cozy, cool weather kind of adventure, you know, and what that could really mean for me. Betsy [00:24:07]:Some of the other things that I have found to be really aligning when I’m doing that morning writing. And I have been an iPad girly for a long time, and you may have even heard me talk about when I do my deep streaming, which is like my meditation and automatic writing, where I ask my. My inner knower questions. I have always been an iPad or typing, but I have been really loving paper and writing. I got an ink and volt goal planner, so it’s not like a planner, like a day to day planner, but it’s like you set your goals for the week, and I have been really into that and colored markers and different pens that has been really aligning and fun, and it’s something that I use throughout the day that puts me in this aligned place so I can notice. And it might sound kind of silly, but that’s. Those are the kinds of little things that I’m looking for. Right. Betsy [00:25:04]:So as you’re thinking about this, like, what can be bringing me into alignment if you’re a pen girly, like, if I have a good pen, I mean, that is like, it’s bliss, right? So I have just been leaning into that. What feels really good, you know, writing on pen and paper, the whole analog, like, thing going on, moving my body. You know, I have really created space for myself. In the morning, I started doing the kind of morning journaling thing here in the last couple months, and then I was like, now that I’m in this good feeling place, I want to move my body. Which if you’ve been here for a long time, if you’re new here, then I’ll tell you. Years ago, I used to own a crossfit gym. Like, I have been movement my whole life. And then I think perimenopause sort of slowed me down and probably being busy and stressed, and when I move into stress, that’s sort of edge where I cut off everything else because I get really, like, aerodynamic, focused on what it is that’s causing me stress, which isn’t always healthy. Betsy [00:26:14]:So this practice of getting aligned every morning in a really intentional way created space for me to want to move my body again, which to me means my stress is becoming lower and I’m getting in a place where I can really start to see what’s good for me and what’s not good for me. And I think that moving is really good. I mean, it feels good, right, when you do it right, when you’re doing something that’s fun and your body feels good and you feel like that good body tired after or even a little sore the next couple days, you know, just to have that movement in my body again. But on the other side, I’m also noticing things starting to fall away, maybe things that I used to do or people I used to spend time with. There just isn’t the alignment anymore, and it doesn’t feel forced. It doesn’t feel like I’m having to make this big decision to, like, cut somebody out of my life. I don’t mean that. Or cut a practice out of my life. Betsy [00:27:20]:It’s not that. It’s more like I’m moving so much into adding joy and alignment that there’s not room for the other. So it doesn’t feel like a running from something. It feels like moving towards more good. And so much good is coming in that the other is just dropping off. And there’s things that happen now that I look at, and it just feels bonkers. And I’m like, the alignment, the alignment has shifted so much that it almost seems like a different person. Right? And I think that we all grow and change, and I think there are times in our lives where there’s a leap. Betsy [00:28:05]:You know, I mean, you could say like a quantum leap, but a big shift in who you are and how you’re showing up and how you’re thinking and then how you used to be just seems bonkers. Right? It just seems like. Well, that seems really funny that that’s that I thought that. Right? It seems really funny that that’s what I did. It seems really funny that that was me, because that seems so different now, and I kind of love it when that happens because I want to grow and change and learn and become more of who I am. And I feel like over the past couple months, that’s happened in such a rapid rate. You know, a few months ago or a few weeks ago on the show, I talked about how I had hired that hypnotherapist and how I had to get to the root cause of a bunch of symptoms. So I went to him with all these symptoms, these things that were happening that I really wanted to shift. Betsy [00:29:00]:And I just said to him, you know, these are all the things. And he said, those are all the symptoms. We’ve got to get to the root cause of it. And I had that night, and I talked about it a couple weeks ago on the show, but I had that one night, it was like a Friday night, and I was, like, up all night and really think, I mean, all these memories coming in, right? All this real, like, all this pain, and, I mean, I really. I. And I think I mentioned this, but sometimes when I hear people talk about how they do, like, plant medicine, and it’s like this awful, dark night of the soul thing that happens for them during the plant medicine ceremony, and they see all the ways that they’ve been sabotaging themselves and all of that. That’s what it was like. But there was no plant medicine. Betsy [00:29:47]:It was just me, really. Like, really. I wanted to use the word harshly, but that’s not it. It’s like, really looking at my stuff in a raw way, like, not trying to sugarcoat it for myself. And I think we do that a lot, but really being honest with what experiences I had had, that created a lot of patterns that weren’t serving me. I mean, it was. They were hurting me at this point. They were just really, really causing me a lot of pain. Betsy [00:30:21]:And when I could move through that, I mean, I think I napped a couple times that night, but I was up all night and, like, journaling and writing stuff and moving through stuff and doing NLP on myself. So, like, doing a lot of my own self coaching and trying to get myself to the place where I could really understand what the root cause was. It was a belief, and when I got there, just seeing it, it was so obvious to me. It was almost crazy that I could be, like, skirting around it for so many years, you know? And it was such a relief. It changed things before I even got the hypnosis back. But I think I said, at that time, when I get the hypnosis, it’s going to be wild to see what happens. And I got it back last week, and I have been doing it every day, a couple times a day, so I’ll do it at night. There’s a nighttime one, I’ll do a morning one, and then there’s one I do in the middle of the day, really going in. Betsy [00:31:18]:And the first time I did, it was such a relief. I felt so light one of the symptoms, and I had taught. I did a whole show on this. One of the symptoms that I was having was that when people would comment on my instagram in a way that I perceived as negative, I would get this feeling that I can’t quite describe. It wasn’t like, oh, I’m mad that they’re saying something. It consciously I was like, there’s nothing wrong with what they’re saying. But it made this feeling of, like, deep shame in my body that I was really having a hard time showing up. I would have times where I would just be like, I. Betsy [00:31:59]:And you guys know, if you. You guys know, like, I love what I do. Like, I love it. I have done this for over a decade. Like, I love it. And there was a moment where I was like, do I not do this anymore? Cause this is such a terrible feeling. That’s what prompted me to hire this guy. That feeling is totally gone now. Betsy [00:32:19]:Totally gone now. In fact, I get messages now all the time, and I just. I don’t even care. I don’t even have to respond if I don’t want. And if I really don’t like it, I just delete it. Like, I don’t have to explain myself to them. I don’t have to get them to understand me. Like, before, there was just a lot of, like, please understand me. Betsy [00:32:38]:And that is just so gone now. Now all I have to do is get into a really good feeling place and make decisions from there. I don’t need anybody to understand me. I need them to either come along or not. Like, it’s totally fine. Everybody’s on a different journey. Everyone’s on a different path. And, like, that feels so good. Betsy [00:32:58]:So I know that there’s more and more and more changes to happen as I keep doing this and keep going down this path with the hypnosis. I love hypnosis. It’s so magical. And all you do is relax. Like, what could be better? So those are the things that I’m doing right now. Really starting to lean in to some new stuff. You know, cooking and writing, analog life, really getting in touch, you know, doing that deep streaming, moving my body and just really being present and letting go of all the baggage and shame and weird crap that we all tend to hold onto. You know, it takes some work and effort, but the other side of it is so amazing. Betsy [00:33:43]:Like, who knows what will happen? I’m so. I remember last year, I hired my coach, and I’ve worked with my coach on and off, like, since 2018. So I wasn’t new. But I remember last year saying, I want to work with him again, with his whole team. I want to work with him again, and I’m going to commit to that. And I remember thinking, I actually remember saying it out loud. I wonder how much I’ll change in the next year. Cause I knew I would. Betsy [00:34:09]:I don’t even think I anticipated this level. It’s been just a year now. I don’t even think I anticipated how much was gonna happen, you know? Yeah, well, I was gonna go down a path and tell you another story, but I don’t think I wanna just stick with what I’m saying here. I don’t think I knew. And as I’m here on the precipice of the next year, I’m like, what? Kind of wild, amazing. I feel like it cleared out all the cobwebs and now there’s like a free flowing river that I’m on. And I’m like in my own little boat, my happy boat, where I am looking up and I can see all the trees and I can hear the water and I can see the birds and rainbows and probably unicorns. And it feels so good. Betsy [00:35:03]:And I’m just flowing, rushing down the river and I don’t know what’s going to show up as I’m observing, like, as I’m looking around, like what will show up and come into my awareness that aligns with where I am right now. Whereas before, it felt like I was really in a lot of cobwebs, you know, and I, you know, over the last ten years, I’ve done a lot of, a lot of work, but it was like the last bit. That’s really how it feels. And it feels like now I wonder what’s going to happen this next year. Because this next year I think it’s going to be a lot of outer, like, I think I’ve gotten through so much of the inner that now there’s going to be this lot, a lot of outward change. And that feels really fun and exciting and like, who knows, who knows what will happen? So if you are on the path, which I know you are, because you wouldn’t be listening to this if you weren’t, and maybe you’re farther along than me, and if you are, then you know how great it is to come out on the other side. And if you’re not on the other side yet, it’s worth the work. It’s worth doing. Betsy [00:36:09]:It’s worth looking at your crap. It’s worth showing up for yourself. It’s worth hiring help to move through stuff. It is so, so worth it. So that is my thoughts for this week. Moving into a place of alignment. Take that practice. Count the days. Betsy [00:36:26]:I’m telling you, within 20 days of doing that, you will start to feel different. You’ll start to notice different things. Come into the Facebook group. Come into the Facebook group and jump in on the possibility posse. Share in there if you have questions or there’s something you want me to talk about or create something, a reel for. You know, I had a couple requests this week and I created reels specifically answering their questions. So, you know, please let me know. And I am going to be launching a subscription on Instagram. Betsy [00:36:59]:That’s sort of a new thing that has felt really fun, the thought of it. So I’m going to try it and see how it goes. So there’ll be extra content that you get, that nobody else gets. If you want to join me, it’s not going to be. I mean, it’s like $9 a month. You know, subscriptions are pretty inexpensive on Instagram, but it’ll be a place where I can really share a little bit more, give you some inside info, share some skills, and, yeah, and just be able to connect in a closer way. So look for me over there on Instagram. If you’re not already connected with me on Instagram, you will see it. Betsy [00:37:35]:And, yeah, let me know. Let me know how things are going. I love you guys so much. Thanks for being here, and I will see you next week. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. Betsy [00:37:57]:I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik. And that’s my website, too, betsypake.com. and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a dm. Betsy [00:38:33]:Shoot me a direct message on the, on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening and I will see you all next week.

On todays episode Betsy takes you on a journey to discover the true path to get anything you want… and why it works! Transcript: Betsy [00:00:05]:Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the art of Living Big. Betsy [00:00:35]:Today I have, I have a really fun topic to talk about today, and it’s something that I have, I would suspect I did a podcast on this probably like five or six years ago, but I have been really, I’m going to say, like, diving into it recently. Orlando, you know how an idea will come, and although it is still a frame that you see the world through, you’re not as aware of it because it becomes like an unconscious habit, like an unconscious way of seeing the world. But sometimes it’s really helpful to bring those unconscious things into the consciousness so that we can refine them, really make them useful to us, make them something that is really prominent in our life. I think it’s sort of like when people say, I’m getting back to the basics, right? This is what I’m doing. I’ve been getting back to the basics. So I wanted to talk to you about it today because I think it can be so profound. If it’s something you already know about as a good reminder. Right. Betsy [00:01:48]:Or it will be like the greatest knowledge bomb that I’ve ever dropped. If you’ve never heard of this before, I know. And now you’re like, you’re like two minutes in Betsy. What the heck is it? So let me tell you. So the last couple episodes, I’ve sort of talked about how I have been really diving into an unconscious pattern that I’ve had and discovering what that is, I hired someone, a hypnotherapist, to be able to help me with that. And I’m walking through this process. I will tell you, and I know I’ve said this before, and there’s a reason why I say it, but let me say this. I have invested really heavily in myself over the years, and this year, probably the most heavily that I have ever invested in myself. Betsy [00:02:41]:The reason that I tell you that is because I would love for you to adopt the idea that you’re a sure thing. You know, sometimes we have things that come up in our lives, and we’re like, I want to take action on that. I want to shift that. I know I could get hypnosis but I don’t know if that would work for me. Like, I’m not sure I am a sure thing. If I am paying you to do something for me, I will suck every ounce of goodness out of that that I can. I will ask for help when I need it. I will do whatever it is people tell me to do. Betsy [00:03:20]:If I hire them and I choose them, then I will listen and I will do the thing. And this is how come I always say, like, I’m a sure thing. I’m a sure bet. And when I say this, I don’t mean this in a small way. Like, I don’t know how to tell you how much I’ve invested in myself this year without saying it’s. It’s almost, it’s almost six figures. So intense amount of importance I have put on moving past my own blocks and moving into the next level of what’s there for me. And the reason why is because I have a vision, and I know that there’s a reason that that vision was taking me so long. Betsy [00:04:01]:I was like, okay, I’m done. Like, sitting on my thinking chair every day and, like, thinking about it, like, what is really holding me back? And I think I’ve done, I mean, I have absolutely done a lot of work over the last ten years to move past things, but this year I got really aggressive. I was like, yep, we’re not playing. The moment that I notice something, I am like a dog on a bone. I’m like, ooh, I notice a piece of resistance and I’m going to talk about that. I notice where I, I’m allowing myself to drop down to a frame of mind that is not helpful to get me where I want to go. I am all about you shifting your goal. If you decide that your goal needs to be shifted, if you have a vision for what you want your life to be like, and then you’re like, ah, you know, I thought I wanted to go to the beach, but now I don’t really think I’d want to live full time at the beach. Betsy [00:04:57]:Now I think it looks different. Absolutely. Shift your goal. But I never want you or me to shift my goal because I can’t get to where I want to go. I never want to, like, dummy it down and say, well, I guess that’s just not available to me. I don’t believe that. I really, really don’t. And so one of the things that I want to teach you today is about the thing that is really going to make the difference for you for the rest of your life. Betsy [00:05:29]:So even if you were like, I don’t know, you know, I would never invest that much myself, which, I mean, I get it. Or if you’re like, I don’t know how to find the things that need to be shifted, you know, there is some learning that needs to go on. Like, I totally get it. Even if you never learn any of that, if you learn this, you will move so much faster, you will have so much more joy. And by moving faster, I’m going to come back to that. But you will have so much joy. You will enjoy your life. You will feel like it is a life that has felt worth living. Betsy [00:06:10]:The day that you are an old lady or an old man and you’re laying in bed with all of your family and friends around you and you are about to transition, you will be like, I did it. I lived the best life that I could just by doing this one thing. I know, I know. This is exciting, right? What the heck am I going to tell you? Okay, so let me tell you. But before I do tell you, I want to go back to the whole moving faster. When I say moving faster, I do not mean not being present and appreciating where you are. I don’t want you to think that. I mean, the best part is way out there and you’ve got to hustle and keep going. Betsy [00:06:50]:That is not what I mean. What I mean by moving faster is I believe that we have to feel like we are experiencing greatness and that we’re really content in that moment and we’re reaching for more. And if we feel like we’re stuck or we’re stagnant, then we don’t have that feeling of being really content where we are and reaching for more. Do you feel the difference in that? So I want to make that distinction by moving faster, I just mean all the little things that you want to experience in the present moment, you’re not only experiencing, but you’re able to recognize because you are being present. Right? You know, a couple years ago, I posted, and I think I posted this on Instagram. And in fact, I bet I did a whole podcast about it. But I typically will take one vacation a year by myself. It’s like a long weekend and it’s a meditation weekend. Betsy [00:07:49]:I go to the beach, I get an oceanfront room, and I sit. I don’t get on my phone, although usually I do give updates on Instagram stories because that brings me joy. But I don’t. I’m not like, on TikTok, like, I am present I’m listening for what it is that I need to hear. I might be thinking about the things that. That are causing me unhappiness or distraction or the things that might be troubling me. I’ll journal. I’ll really listen in. Betsy [00:08:24]:And what always happens on those weekends is I get these really wild moments of extreme clarity where I almost feel like there’s a voice. Like a voice. It’s not outside of me, but it’s in my head, but it’s so clear and not necessarily something that sounds like me. Do you know what I mean? And I’ve had these times where I’ve been on my meditation events and my own little private meditation retreats, and I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a sound, like a quote, an idea. And I remember one time in particular. I actually went to Daytona beach, and I was staying at that Hilton right there that’s, like, you know, right on the ocean. And it was the middle of the night, and I woke up with this really great thought. And I thought, oh, that’s good. Betsy [00:09:20]:I’ll remember that. And then that little voice said, no, you won’t write it down. And so I did. So I was like, okay. And what it was was who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. I actually had to go back to my instagram way back. When was this? 2019? Yeah. April 21, 2019. Betsy [00:09:47]:Who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. I know this sounds so, like, yeah, duh. But who we choose, you get to choose how you’re being. And I know so many times, we’re like, eh, that’s just how I am. No, like, who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. If you want to be somebody different, you want to live a different life, you want to have new experiences, you get to choose, but it happens in that moment. So when I say moving faster, being present but choosing so that you’re moving faster towards who you want to be, in fact, you get to be it right away, even if outside circumstances don’t yet reflect it. I already am somebody that you haven’t seen yet. Betsy [00:10:39]:She’s just that my physical experience has got to catch up with me. But, dang, it’s good. I can’t wait for you to see. Okay, so, let’s talk about this. What am I talking about, and what is it that I want to share with you today? So, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Doctor David Hawkins. So, Doctor David Hawkins has written numerous books. There’s a really great book called letting Go, if you’ve never read that. And it’s really just about giving up resistance, you know, stopping resisting what is and accepting what is. Betsy [00:11:10]:And in that book, he talks about a map of consciousness. So he created this map of consciousness. In fact, he has another book that he has where he just talks about this specifically. It’s called the map of consciousness explained. I think you could read that book, but I think it would make more sense maybe if you read the other book first. But the map of consciousness explained when I read that, I mean, it’s a thick book, and a lot of times I hear people say, like, it’s dense. Do you know what I mean by that? Like, there’s a lot to me like that. It made so much sense to me. Betsy [00:11:49]:So inside this map of consciousness is a really, he has layers of our consciousness, and he discovered these by, and put them together using muscle testing. And then he talks about them and sort of breaks them down. In that book, basically, if I were to break down like this, this map of consciousness, it is layers of emotions from lowest to highest. So if you could think of like guilt or shame, being really low on this levels of consciousness, higher levels of consciousness would be love and joy and acceptance. And so he’s got all these different layers to this map of consciousness. I’m going to explain this to you in a second in an easier way, but I wanted to introduce this map of consciousness first. Basically, what Doctor Hawkins is saying is that people vibrate. And I’m sorry if this is getting a little woo woo, but I’m going to come back to this, okay? But people vibrate at a certain level. Betsy [00:12:59]:You’ve probably heard, like, what’s your emotional home? Where do you go? So somebody hurts your feelings, where do you go? Do you go to anger? Do you go to be feeling hurt? Do you go to sadness? Do you go to shame? Like, where do you go? So sort of like your emotional set point if something happens. But then where do you spend most of your day? And you’ve probably met people, you know, that are pretty pessimistic, right? They always kind of see the, I’m gonna say, like the harsh side of things. Nothing is good or bad. It just is, okay? So I don’t want you to think, obviously, we would love to be living in love and abundance, all of that, and not in shame. I think you could probably put a good or bad label on that, but I want you to stay away from it just for this experience. But the top of the scale, right? It’s going to be joy and knowledge and empowerment and freedom, love, right? Kind of in the middle is like optimism, feeling hopeful or content, even boredom, frustration, that’s sort of in the middle. And at the bottom of the scale is going to be more of that, like fear and grief and despair, feeling powerless. Okay, keep that one in mind. Betsy [00:14:18]:Okay. So he created this level of consciousness to kind of see where people are vibrating. Now, when I say vibrating, when I say that, what I really mean is, you know, when you walk into a room and you’re like, ooh, I can just tell everybody’s upset in the room. Do you know what I mean? Like, there’s nothing happening. You can just feel it. To me, that’s a vibration, right? There’s something, I just know it. It is a sense that we don’t talk about, right? We talk about hearing and smelling and tasting and all of those things. But that sense, right? That sense of just knowing, it’s a gut feeling. Betsy [00:14:58]:Like, I just have a gut feeling about stuff. I think that is our vibration. Now, where does our vibration come from? I think it comes from something unconscious. It’s from our unconscious view of the world or of our situation. So consciously I might be like, yeah, I mean, I’m having a fine day, but unconsciously, where do I go when something happens? I saw somebody post something the other day, and you’ve probably seen this, I’ve seen it a million times over the years. But it’s, if you’re walking down the hall with a cup of hot coffee and somebody hits you, what happens? Does what spills out of your cup, like coffee spills out of your cup? Is it because they hit you? It’s not because they hit you or ran into you, it’s because you had hot coffee in your cup. If you had tea in your cup, hot tea would have spilled out. So it’s not what they’re doing, it’s what you’ve got going on. Betsy [00:15:57]:Okay, so this idea of these levels of consciousness, and one of the things that Doctor Hawkins talks about is the idea that you can impact where you are on this level just based on you looking at it. You’ve heard me talk before about how things change when you look at them. That’s quantum, right? There are things that change just by looking at them. I’m going to give you an example. Over the past couple weeks, I talked about how I had hired this hypnotherapist and I had to get to the core issue. I had to answer a ton of questions, basically journaling questions. I went down the rabbit hole of every crappy emotion I’ve been avoiding, and I got to the core issue, and when I saw it, I was like, oh, my God, that’s it. It was like a ray of sunshine came down and blessed my body to be like, you made it through. Betsy [00:16:59]:You see the thing that your unconscious mind has been trying to hide from you in order to keep you safe. I told the hypnotherapist so he could give me a hypnotherapy on that. He said, it’ll take three weeks. It’s been two weeks, so I haven’t gotten it yet. I am already so different, so different because I saw it. So if that’s true and I had to go through, like, a whole dark night of the soul and a whole Kleenex box to get there, but then isn’t it true that if I pause and I ponderous my dog Henry, who’s snoring underneath my desk, and I watch him, and I look at how sweet he looks, and I listen to his little snores, or when I see him drinking out of the water, and I just watch him drink, and it’s so cute. I swear to God, if I heard my husband making sounds like that when he was eating, I would lose my ever love of mine. But when my dog does it, I’m like, it’s the sweetest thing. Betsy [00:17:59]:I need to video it. Just that watching that changes my vibration, too, right? And you’ve experienced that. You feel it. Like, all of a sudden, you feel, like, a little more calm, right? A little more present so you can impact where you are just by what you’re doing, who you’re being in any given moment, who you choose to be impacts who you are. Okay, so now, here’s the thing that I think I want to tell you next. Okay, so have you heard of Abraham Hicks? If you have never heard of Abraham Hicks, I want to welcome you to go down the rabbit hole. I have a couple podcast episodes that I did introducing Abraham and what this is. So if you scroll back, if you get on the way back machine and go to episode 70, I have three, no, two episodes about understanding the law of attraction. Betsy [00:19:04]:Now, if you’re like, ah, I don’t do that. If the woo is, like, totally counterproductive to how you think, I totally get it. If you’ve listened to my podcast for any amount of time, then you know that I can actually explain to you the brain workings, the inner workings of how your mind organizes and operates that supports the law of attraction. You know, the law of attraction is a marketing term? I think so. So if you listen to those episodes, though, I introduce the idea of Abraham Hicks. Abraham Hicks. There’s a woman named Esther who. I’m using air quotes here, but, like, channels, a group of entities called Abraham. Betsy [00:19:51]:Now, if this totally, like, if you’re like, oh, my God, Betsy, I’m losing you, just hang with me for a second, because even if that seems totally crazy to you, the message from Abraham is really good. The message is really positive. And the message has actually helped me see things totally different. And when I see things totally different, remember what happens is it starts to shift where I am hanging out on the map of consciousness, right? It starts to shift how I’m experiencing the world. What happens when I start to shift how I experience the world is I start reacting to things differently. When I react to things differently, what happens? I get a totally different result. Okay? So if you don’t like where the messenger is, just don’t worry about it, but like, just hang with the message. Okay? Okay. Betsy [00:20:47]:So Abraham Hicks has something very similar, and they call it the emotional guidance scale. Okay, so the emotional guidance scale is. Is very similar to the map of consciousness. There’s a low and a high, right? So down at the bottom, I have things like fear and grief and depression and despair and powerlessness, right? Think about if you have come here recently and you are struggling in your marriage, and you think about it all the time, where are you most of the time? Powerlessness. So many times we are in a place of powerless, what do I do? I’m stuck. So that is the very lowest on the emotional guidance scale. Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t move up and down throughout the day, but I want you to remember where we’re vibrating is from where unconsciously I think we live. And if this is why I always say to people, how is this issue, whatever your issue is, but I’m just going to use the one with your relationship. Betsy [00:21:57]:How is this issue with your relationship impacting your work? I ask that question for a really specific reason because I want to know how much awareness they have about how much this issue is impacting every single area of their life. And many times women will say, it’s not. I’m really able to compartmentalize. Well, remember, consciously, I absolutely know that’s true. You probably can compartmentalize, but unconsciously you can’t. You’re emotionally living somewhere. Okay? So the reason I’m asking that is just because I want to get a feel for, I want to understand where they are. And that’s a question for me, to be able to understand where they are. Betsy [00:22:39]:Now. I will tell you, like, nine times out of ten, when people get into, like, week four of the program and they come to group and they’re like, you know how I said that it wasn’t impacting my work? Oh, my God, I can tell. Yeah. Because one thing impacts everything. No matter how much consciously we are able. You still might be able to show up at work and be, like, a pro, but I promise you’re not doing it in the way you could be doing it if unconsciously you weren’t living in a place of powerlessness. Because you’re always thinking about your relationship and how this isn’t working and how you’ve tried so many things and how you’ve asked and how you can’t get him to do anything different and how frustrating it is. Do you get it? Okay, so this is the bottom. Betsy [00:23:23]:Then I move up insecurity, guilt, unworthiness. Next up is jealousy. Next up is rage. Hatred, rage. Next up, revenge. Higher than that is anger. You’re better off on this scale being angry than you are being powerless. Anger moves you. Betsy [00:23:45]:It moves you to take action. It moves you to getting unstuck. Right. So what’s above that? Discouragement. Above that? Blame. I want you to notice that blame is still really low on the scale. And I think it’s very much tied in with powerlessness. Because once I blame somebody, I immediately move myself to powerlessness because I’ve given them my power. Betsy [00:24:11]:It’s their fault. Right. Okay, let’s keep going. Hang with me here. Worry is above that, doubt, disappointment, overwhelm, frustration or impatience. Like irritation, I’m going up higher. Pessimism. Higher is boredom. Betsy [00:24:32]:Right. Contentment. Okay, so now I’m getting into content. The feeling of content. I love that I could live in contentment. That feels so good to me. If I can get to a place of content, I don’t want to be dropping down with worry. Right. Betsy [00:24:47]:And that’s where I go sometimes. I go right to, oh, what’s going to happen? I hope this where I got this problem. How do I fix it? Okay, so let’s go back. So I got contentment. Above that is hopeful. Then I’m optimistic. Above that, positive expectation, positive beliefs. Above that. Betsy [00:25:07]:And then above that is happiness, eagerness. Right. I always say I’m eager for more. I’m totally content. Eager for more enthusiasm. Above that is passion. And above that, love, appreciation, empowerment, joy, knowledge. So do you see how this like moves? You can move up the scale now we move up and down the scale all day, right? I mean, there’s moments where we’ll have moments where we’re worrying or maybe we doubt something, but I’m really thinking about like, where are you living, right? Where do you live most of the time? And when something goes wrong, where do you go? I know for me, when things were really struggle, when I was really struggling in my marriage, I went right down to the bottom. Betsy [00:25:51]:Powerlessness. I can’t get him to do anything that I want. He won’t listen to me. I can’t do anything. I can’t leave. I can’t like, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Like, that’s where I was. So if you’re there, I promise it can be different. Betsy [00:26:08]:And as I start to move up, as I start to make new decisions or get new awareness, one of the very first things we teach inside the navigate method is an idea that is meant to shift people right out of that. I can shoot you out of that so fast you’ll never go back. And the reason I want to do that is because I need people higher on the scale in order to really start doing this work, right? So one of the things that happens as we look at this scale is when I’m in a place where it doesn’t feel good, that’s my sign that I’m moving in a place down the scale if it doesn’t feel good. So we have an emotional guidance system built in, right? But most of the time we sort of ignore it or we people please and go, ah, I’ll just do it, I’ll just deal with it, right? Or we sort of push it aside because we’re really busy. There’s a lot of things on our plate, the things that we need to get done. If I don’t do them, nobody’s going to do them. I’ve got to take care of it. And so knowing where I am and where I’m living on the emotional guidance skill can be really, really powerful. Betsy [00:27:26]:But here’s a, the big, the big kicker, okay? When you have a problem, and remember I said when women come into the program, I do the very first lesson, I teach them something that pushes them out of fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness. I move them out of that. Because when you are in that, even I’m going to say, even if you’re down low, hatred range, revenge, anger, when you’re in those lower places. That is nothing. A place to make decisions but listen to what I’m about to say. It’s not a place to get ideas on what to do different. This is why problems and we get feeling stuck and it’s so frustrating is because we are making and coming up with ideas from lower vibration from a lower place on the guidance scale. You know when I talk to women on the phone I actually, and so much of what I do, it’s very thought, it’s very thought out. Betsy [00:28:37]:I mean I know you could probably figure that but it’s very thought out. Like I don’t ask questions like there’s reasons behind every single thing that I do, truly. And one of the things that I do is I ask women to decide if they want to fix their problem when we’re on the phone because I want to call them to courage. I want to see if they can move up to a higher place on the emotional guidance scale. Like can they access that? Because if they can and they can have that moment where they’re like, okay, I’m going to trust myself. I’m going to take this leap like I’m going to bet on myself. It changes everything because now they have, they’re coming into the program already at this higher level where they can see things they’ve never seen before and they’ll be able to solve problems from a place that they never ever, ever have been able to solve before because they were living in a place that wouldn’t get the answers that they needed. If I’m trying to come up with a solution to a problem let’s say I’m at work and I have to learn how to, I have to figure out how to stack pencils. Betsy [00:29:47]:Okay, I’m just picking something totally silly but I got to learn how to stack pencils and there’s like 5000 pencils and I’m so pissed. I have to do it and I’m mad. My boss is making me do this and this is so stupid. What am I going to do? And so I’m just like I’m just going to stack them up. Like I’m just going to stack them up. Then as soon as you make a little stack they all roll, right? And now they’re like just flat on the floor. You’re like oh my God, I’m so mad about this. And then you move into like rage, right? You’re like this is dumb. Betsy [00:30:14]:And then you start like putting up like maybe your foot or your shoe to kind of hold them in place as you stack if you can stack them up high enough. But if you were in a place where you’re like, and again, this is just an example, but if you’re in a place where you’re like, I’m gonna get to do this thing that nobody’s been able to do yet, like, I get to be super creative and figure out a solution to this. Like, I have a job where I’m making money to stack pencils. Holy smokes. How cool is this? I get to be really creative. Like, I get to take a problem and figure out a whole new solution. How lucky am I? I wonder how many cool ways I could come up with this. Then all of a sudden, you’re like, oh, well, let me stack them like, sideways and sideways, like. Betsy [00:31:00]:Like, stack like Lincoln logs. Do you know what I mean? And now all of a sudden, they’re not rolling. And then all of a sudden, it feels really cool and really fun. And then you’re like, I could make houses. And I could make. Do you see what I mean? When you make a decision and you solve a problem from a higher level on the emotional guidance scale, it changes the outcome. It changes the trajectory, the way it feels on the way. It changes the place that you live. Betsy [00:31:30]:Right? Because the more that you can hold a higher vibration, the easier it’s going to be for you to acclimate to that and stay there. This is why I also teach nervous system regulation, because I want people to get to that higher scale and then train their nervous system that that is totally safe. Totally safe. Okay. So then, if you are in a place where you are, like, stuck and struggling, I want to offer you this little thing that I do, and I use this with my clients, and it helps to move you out of the place of powerlessness or despair. And it is a process that I learned years ago from my friend Andy Dooley. So Andy taught me this. And basically it’s called. Betsy [00:32:32]:That’s right. It’s the that’s right game. And I have played this with my husband. I play it with myself. And lately, which I told you I was going to do what I’m doing lately, and I’ll tell you, but lately I’ve been doing it, like, every day. So, basically, you get to the place where you are and you say it. I think there’s something really powerful about saying stuff out loud. But I also work from home, and I’m alone all the time, so, you know, take that for what it is. Betsy [00:32:56]:But I am so pissed off that I have to put these pencils in a pile. Okay. So you say the first thing and then you go, that’s right. And all you have to do is. Is feel for the next thought. That feels better. So if we are in powerlessness, so many times people think, well, you just got to get. Be happy. Betsy [00:33:23]:Just get to joy. Find something to be happy about. No, I don’t think that works. Like, you might be able to find something to be happy about, but it’s easier to move the thing you’re unhappy about and move yourself up the scale. So I’m pissed about these pencils. That’s right. I was given a job that I don’t want to do. That’s right. Betsy [00:33:45]:I have a job. That’s right. I’m lucky that I get to make money. That’s right. I love being able to pay my bills. That’s right. Paying my bills feels really good to me. That’s right. Betsy [00:33:57]:It allows me to do a lot of cool stuff. That’s right. It allows me to have a house that I love. That’s right. I love my house. That’s right. I can have friends over that’s right. I get to have friends over at my house. Betsy [00:34:08]:Do you see how I’ve used the word? The wording? That’s right. Because I want to keep my brain busy while I’m searching for the next good feeling thought. If I just pause and I don’t say anything, I’m going to start to drift. I’m going to start to think about other things. My brain stays busy when I say, that’s right. I can only have basically one thought at a time. This is how come snipers, you know, when they teach snipers to snipe, you know, when they teach them how to be snipers, they teach them to repeat a set of instructions over and over and over and over again while they’re getting ready to shoot and while they’re shooting and while they’re watching their target. The reason is because they don’t want their mind to start going to like, who is this person? I wonder if they have a family. Betsy [00:35:08]:Do they have kids? I wonder where they go. They don’t want that. Right. And I don’t want you to be like, drifting off into something else. So. That’s right. It’s going to keep yourself focused. Will you search for the next good feeling thought? It may be that you get stuck and you’re like, I’m kind of going around in a circle saying the same kind of thoughts, but I think you’ll start to notice there is a little bit different vibration. Betsy [00:35:32]:Like there’s a little bit different in how it feels. Right. And so as you keep doing this and you start practicing it, it’ll start to shift things. Okay. So now I wanted to tell you now we’re 35 minutes in. I’m gonna tell you what I’ve been doing to kind of wrap this up. So I decided that I was going to really probably about two months ago every morning I started writing out in a journal, handwriting in a journal what I was moving towards. So it’s so great this morning to wake up at my beach house knowing that I’m running back to Atlanta this afternoon and then jumping on an airplane to go speak at this most amazing resort in Colorado. Betsy [00:36:22]:Do you see what I mean? Like, I was just writing and I was really haphazardly, like writing anything, but it would get me to this really high vibe feeling place before I started any work, especially before I talked to anybody because I wanted and I always want to be able to show up, whether it’s my client or with somebody that’s booked a call with me to see, you know, if I can help them, if they can become a client. And so I want to be in a really high flying place because I want to be able to reflect back what they’re not seeing. Right. I want to reflect back what they’re saying to me. So I get that was really working. You know, it was really working. I did it for probably about 18 ish days, 1718 days. And then I decided I’m going to get really focused and I wanted to see if I could create a lot of, I’m using going to use this word tension. Betsy [00:37:17]:I wanted to create a lot of tension towards a particular event that was coming up. So I am going to California in November, as I do twice a year to meet with my coach. And I wanted to have made some huge shifts by the time I was boarding the airplane. Okay. So I started writing on September 1. I started writing every morning. That moment. The moment that I’m boarding the plane. Betsy [00:37:51]:And I’ll tell you, over the past 27 days, it has gotten so real. So real. I’m boarding the plane. I’m looking down. I can see my feet, my hands. I can feel my bag. I’m so excited. I can’t. Betsy [00:38:04]:I’m just, you know, I don’t want to go into all the things, but, like, I have made these humongous shifts over the past ten weeks. Like, it’s incredible. This has happened. This has happened. This has happened. I feel yddeh new things that I never even dreamed of. Every day, I feel so fulfilled and right alive. I am writing this every day. Betsy [00:38:22]:Every day is a little bit different, but it’s always me getting on the airplane, okay? It’s that moment that I want to know that I have made these shifts, because when I get on the plane, I’m like, I am so proud of you. You did it right. Okay. So as I start doing this, I start doing this work. I’m writing the past two months, I’ve been writing and then writing over this past month on this particular thing. I’m getting in this really high vibe place, and then I’m writing several things to start my day that I really appreciate. Now, I’m not writing. Like, I appreciate that I have. Betsy [00:39:01]:Like, it’s. I’m trying. I’m finding the subtle things. The other morning, I was sitting outside in my bathrobe, and I was sweating because it was hot out still in Atlanta. And honestly, I’m ready for it to be cool. But instead, I wrote because this was true. I noticed I was starting to sweat. I’m like, dang it, it’s like October or September. Betsy [00:39:21]:But I thought, how cool that my body sweats to cool me down. Like, I have a built in system to keep my body temperature correct. How cool is that? Like, that’s pretty badass, right? And so I try and notice these really subtle things. Now, remember way back at the beginning when I started this episode, I talked about when you notice things, they start to shift. So now I’m creating my own shifts by noticing the things that would have gone undetected. And now it’s like, just I notice stuff all the time where I’m like, oh, that’s a really cool shade of blue for that marker. So appreciation. Now, where’s appreciation on the scale? It’s pretty darn high. Betsy [00:40:08]:It’s all the way at the top, actually. It’s number one. Love, appreciation, freedom. So I’m getting myself there throughout the day. Now, have all the things that I wanted to. Well, actually, a lot of them have started happening. But have all of them? No, not yet, but they are. They will absolutely. Betsy [00:40:25]:I don’t even have a doubt. I can tell you with certainty, absolute certainty that that day that I walk onto that airplane, I will absolutely have all those things. And I will feel the way that I want to feel, and I will know without a doubt that I created that. Because I’m making decisions from this really high vibe place. I’m only operating from there. And if I’m in a low vibe place, then I’m like, stop what you’re doing. Stop. Go do something else. Betsy [00:40:51]:Go for a little walk. Take a little nap. Go get yourself a apple juice. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, get to a place where you feel really good. Last month, I actually bought uncrustables. Do you know what those are? It’s like the world’s greatest peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do you know what they are in the freezer section? I freaking love those things. Now can I eat them every day? No. Betsy [00:41:15]:I mean, I’d probably get sick of them, but something about them I love. So if I’m. I have used them to move up the guidance scale. I’m gonna go get me a little uncrustable from the freezer, and then I pull it out and I give myself 15 minutes. I have eaten them half frozen, and they’re actually good half frozen, too, but that’s neither here nor there. So I’m moving up the scale. Now, what else has happened is I started getting totally new ideas. The idea of hiring Joseph to do my hypnosis, I want you to know, and you’ve probably heard me talk about this, I have used his app for years. Betsy [00:41:50]:Almost every day for years. I have been friends with him on Facebook because we went through a program together in 2019. That’s five years ago. Have I ever thought of hiring him? No. I never even thought about it. Now, why did I think about it now? Because I was in alignment with him. Because I moved to a place where that seemed like the next obvious right choice. It became important because I could see how he could move me to a place that I needed to go. Betsy [00:42:22]:But I couldn’t have seen it before because I wasn’t ready to move to that place. I had to really put in the mindset. Work. Now, is this taking me hours every morning? No. It takes me like 15 minutes. Takes me five minutes. It takes me way less time than it takes for me to ponder how pissed I am about stuff of. So I wanted to offer this to you as a thought and go look up the emotional guidance scale, if that sounds fun to you. Betsy [00:42:54]:We’re actually doing some deep dives into that. Inside my. I have a well inside the navigate method. When you’re done, if you want to come into a little circle with me, then. But this is one of the things I’m diving deep, deep into next month. Because there are ways, there are loads of ways to actually create change in this. But if this is something that you’re interested in, this process, and if by all means, if you’re feeling like, oh, my God, this is the thing. I need to move to this to fix my relationship. Betsy [00:43:26]:And by fix, it might not be heal it, it might be healing yourself so that you know exactly what you want. And then it becomes really obvious if he can meet you there, if you’re vibrationally in the same place, sometimes people will be in group and they’ll say like, I’m fine. And so then he says something, and then I feel like, ugh. So again, if you think of somebody on a vibrational scale that’s lower, you’re higher. Are you allowing them to pull you down, or are you holding yourself at this higher place so that they are forced to rise or they’ll just wander off. Do you see what I mean? So making decisions from this high vibe place, this place of feeling optimism, hopeful contentment, positive eagerness for what’s next is the place you want to live. And then, and I will wrap it up, I promise. But then. Betsy [00:44:26]:Then your goals, it’s not about going after your goals. It’s about living in the place you want to live. And so then when you’re an old lady in bed about to die, you will say, about to transition. Let’s say it that way. About to transition. You will say, I freaking did it. I lived. I took every moment, and I moved into such a higher place. Betsy [00:44:49]:I savored every moment. I lived all the life that was there. I wasn’t worried about stuff in the past, and I wasn’t too worried about what was happening in the future. I was there, and I took action. Who I chose to be in every moment is who I became. And that, I think, is how you live a big life. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend. Tag me on social media. Betsy [00:45:16]:Everybody that’s left a review. I freaking love that. Thank you. It makes me want to jump up and click my heels together. It brings me right up to appreciation. So move up to appreciation by leaving me a review of appreciation, and we could be there together. So thank you so much. I love you so much. Betsy [00:45:34]:I hope you have an incredible week, and I will see you next week. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Betsy [00:46:03]:Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Pake. And that’s my website, too, betsypake.com. and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram, and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.