PODCAST · society
The Cult I Left Behind
by Amanda & Kyle Briggs
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
Episodes
-
100 - Goodbye for Now
One hundred episodes. Two and a half years. This is the moment when we pause and look back, say thank you, and close this chapter that is so dear to our hearts. Amanda and Kyle take a trip down memory lane, pay tribute to guests who came on the show, and share two important letters - one to the...
-
99 - What Kyle Knows Now
We've been crying for days, and we're not done yet. In this penultimate episode, Amanda and Kyle reflect on 2.5 years and nearly 100 episodes of The Cult I Left Behind — what it cost, what it gave back, and what they know now that they didn't when they hit record for the first time. Amanda shares...
-
98 - Good Girls Don’t Scream
Many of us who were raised to be good little girls are facing some hard realizations these days. This episode is a stark look at the links between cults, high-control religion, and sex trafficking rings, and their impact on girls and women. Amanda grew up inside the Institute in Basic Life...
-
One-Week Delay
We're focusing on our little family this week, but will release back-to-back episodes to make up for the delay. See you in a week! Support the show
-
97 - Fear: The Foundation of Cults
Fear lives in the stories we tell ourselves, the categories we cling to, and the way we decide who is safe and who is “other.” In this episode, Amanda and Kyle examine how fear quietly shapes worldviews in cults, families, belief systems, politics, and everyday thinking. Amanda reflects on a...
-
Emergency Statement: January 25, 2026
Support the show
-
96 - Exposure Isn't Change
We’re often told that exposure leads to change. That once harm is named, brought into the light, or made public, something will finally shift. But that hasn’t been Amanda's experience. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk through why exposure alone rarely produces real change and why, in many...
-
95 - Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Gothard, and the Architecture of Abuse
In 2024, as public conversations about abuse, grooming, and accountability unfolded again and again, Amanda found herself watching familiar patterns repeat. These patterns felt uncomfortably close to the high-control religious world she thought she had left behind. For Amanda, this was not just...
-
94 - Creating Joy When Life Has Been Heavy
The holidays come with an expectation of joy. For many people, that expectation can feel impossible. In this quiet, honest conversation, Amanda shares a truth she’s been sitting with for a long time: healing doesn’t automatically make you receptive to happiness or joy. When your nervous system...
-
93 – Am I a Bad Person? (Moral Scrupulosity OCD)
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like...
-
First Family Sickness & Thanksgiving Wishes
We’ll see you next week, when we’re feeling better, for an episode Amanda is so excited to share with you all! We’re grateful for you and we love you guys! Support the show
-
92 - A Day in the Life of a Deconstructing Parent
Sit in on the first conversation Amanda and Kyle have had together about what they’re learning on their journey as new parents. Amanda opens up about lifelong fears around the kind of mother she might become, and Kyle reflects on what he actually sees in her. Together, they laugh (and yawn) their...
-
91 - Holy Disruptor: Breaking the Silence and the Rules
Amy Duggar King joins us to talk about her new book Holy Disruptor, and she does not hold back. From growing up around the Duggar family and IBLP to setting boundaries and breaking cycles of silence, Amy brings her whole heart to shining a light on the darkness that shaped her childhood and…
more -
90 - From Resilience to Resourcefulness: Elizabeth Estabrooks on Trauma Recovery
Author, veteran, and advocate Elizabeth Estabrooks joins Amanda and Kyle to explore the realities of trauma, institutional betrayal, and what it truly means to heal. Drawing from her decades in sexual assault and domestic violence advocacy, Liz shares the inspiration behind her book Broken in the...
-
89 - Dear Diary, Everything Has Changed
In this episode of The Cult I Left Behind, Amanda once more opens up her old diaries from her time in the IBLP cult and the early days of leaving. She reads while Kyle reacts in real time. Together, they talk through what those pages reveal about life inside IBLP, the challenges of leaving, and…
more -
88 - The Time Kyle Acquired the Fire: Shiny Happy People Season 2 Recap
We’re diving into Shiny Happy People Season 2 — and this time, Kyle’s the one with the inside scoop. While Amanda expected to lead the conversation, it turned out Kyle’s past experience at an Acquire the Fire event made this season his wheelhouse. In this episode, we share our live reactions,...
-
87 - Chantelle’s Story: From Shame and Control to Healing and Freedom
When Chantelle was sent to the cult Headquarters as an “encouragement case,” she encountered Bill Gothard’s inappropriate and abusive behavior toward teenage girls firsthand. She shares what it was like to grow up in IBLP and ATI, survive both Headquarters and the cult’s finishing school for…
more -
86 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 2)
In the second half of our conversation with poet Jessica Jocelyn, we pick up where the shocking story of her mom left off. Jessica shares how poetry became a way to make sense of loss, love, and the wounds only a mother can leave behind. Together, Amanda and Jessica talk about healing mother...
-
85 - Mother Wounds with Jessica Jocelyn (Part 1)
In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, we’re honored to welcome poet Jessica Jocelyn—whose writing has been a healing touchstone for Amanda and may already be familiar to listeners of the podcast. Jessica is a best-selling poet whose work explores love, loss, motherhood, and the complexities of...
-
84 - Sometimes, You Get What You Want
Amanda has gotten a lot of questions about whether she would ever let anyone from her biological family back into her life. For a long time, the answer was no. But then something changed. It’s been a year and a half, and we've waited a long time to talk about it. This is the first time we're...
-
83 - Dear Diary
Amanda reads from her childhood diaries—yes, actual entries from her cult years—and then melts through the floor in embarrassment. It’s awkward, vulnerable, and a surprisingly raw window into growing up homeschooled under fundamentalism. Support the show
-
82 - One Story, Two Journeys
Amanda opens this episode with some never-before-shared stories from her early experiences in therapy—including one that caught even Kyle off guard. From there, the mic turns, and Kyle shares what it was like to hear Amanda’s story for the first time and slowly step into the world of advocacy and...
-
81 - Losing Parents the Second Time
In a deeply personal episode, Amanda opens up about the circumstances that led to the end of her relationship with her adoptive parents. What started as a long-building tension came to a head when Amanda asked to be treated like a real daughter—and was told no. She and Kyle walk through the…
more -
80 - Family Ended With Boundaries
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of sexual violence, including against children. When Amanda set boundaries with her bio family—and the brother who abused her—she expected it to be hard. But not like this. In this highly personal episode, she shares a glimpse into the painful...
-
79 - Mother’s Day, Mother Wounds
As The Cult I Left Behind listeners know, Mother’s Day isn’t a sappy Hallmark holiday for Amanda. In this episode, Amanda and Kyle talk about what the day brings up—not just for Amanda, but for anyone who experienced harm from their mothers. Amanda shares a letter she wrote to the mother figures…
more -
A Quick Update
Unfortunately there was a death in the family and we do not have an episode for this week. However, we have a short update about some interviews and an upcoming livestream. Stay tuned for more information. Support the show
-
78 - Discipline Outside the Cult
In this companion to the earlier episode on discipline inside the cult, Amanda and Kyle shift their focus to what healthy, respectful discipline actually looks like. They reflect on what they’re learning in their adoption training classes and how sharply it contrasts with the abusive tactics…
more -
77 - Unpacking the Past: Cults, Faith, and Family Truths
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into listener questions about what made Amanda’s parents susceptible to joining the cult, how they became involved, how the cult accumulated massive assets, and whether Amanda’s rapist brother ever received any mental health diagnoses. They also discuss how...
-
76 - Finding Peace in Denmark: A Journey from High-Control to True Relaxation
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle share their transformative experience during a recent trip to Denmark, contrasting it with Amanda's upbringing in a high-pressure religious environment and subsequent military service. Amanda discusses how the slower pace and quieter, more relaxed culture of…
more -
75 - How to Deconstruct
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into the process of deconstruction—what it is, why it happens, and how it unfolds across different areas of life. From faith and identity to relationships and worldviews, they explore the key domains of deconstruction and the challenges that come with...
-
74 - Big Changes, Listener Q&A, and Cult Realities
Some big life changes are on the horizon, and Amanda and Kyle share a bit about their next steps as a family. They also dive into listener questions, discussing the most effective therapy approaches Amanda has found, how the cult handled cases of incest, and its stance on queer folks. It’s a raw...
-
73 - Growing Up in IBLP: A Male Survivor’s Perspective on Trauma and Healing
In this episode, we sit down with Nate, an IBLP/ATI cult survivor and trauma survivor, to unpack the deeply ingrained conditioning we experienced growing up in the cult. From childhood grooming and the loss of personal identity to the twisted teachings that framed God’s love as something to be...
-
72 - Protecting Kids from Sexual Abuse: What Every Parent Should Know
When we think about keeping kids safe from predators, we often imagine dangers lurking in the shadows—but the reality is much harder to face. Most abuse is committed by people close to the family, making prevention both challenging and deeply personal. In this episode, Amanda shares practical,...
-
71 - Your Stories, Our Answers: Family Rejection, Advocacy, and Healing
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle tackle listener questions surrounding the impact of purity culture and sexual trauma. They dive into Sadia’s poignant voicemail, discussing how rigid purity culture affects perspectives on sex and consent, and dissect the harmful black-and-white thinking that can...
-
70 - A Conversation with Cult Survivor and Author Daniella Mestyanek Young
What happens when you escape a world built on control, fear, and secrecy? How do you begin to heal after a life of indoctrination? This week, we're joined by Daniella Mestyanek Young, author, TEDx speaker, and cult survivor, to dive deep into the harrowing and inspiring journey of leaving a...
-
69 - Sex, Healing, and Breaking Generational Cycles
In this episode, Amanda and Kyle are joined by Marian, a sexual health and pleasure educator, for a powerful conversation about breaking cycles of shame and stigma. Marian shares her positive experience growing up in a family where vulnerability, honesty, and support were the norm when it came to...
-
68 - Wrapping Up & Moving Forward
Amanda and Kyle reflect on an incredible year of connection and growth and share their heartfelt gratitude for the listeners who’ve supported the show. From messages and comments to thoughtful questions, your voices have made this journey meaningful. Amanda and Kyle also drop some news about...
-
67 - A Forced Apology
Amanda shares a pivotal moment from her childhood: being made to apologize to the person who raped her. She and Kyle discuss the circumstances that led to this event, the family and cult factors at play, and how the experience continues to affect Amanda today. Together, they explore the long-term...
-
66 - Defying Gravity and Cults
In this heartfelt and personal episode, Amanda opens up about the unexpected role the musical Wicked played in her journey of leaving the IBLP cult and rediscovering herself. From its powerful themes of challenging authority to embracing individuality, Amanda shares how the story of Elphaba’s...
-
65 - Amanda's Post-Cult Dating Adventure
Amanda finally shares some of her dating history post-cult, pre-Kyle. Stories include the Taco Bell incident (Kyle's favorite), trad-wife-seeking encounters, insurance scammers, and that one time Amanda asked a guy out (see social media for the whole story). Also, as a public health professional,...
-
64 - Happy Thanksgiving & Exciting Announcement!
Join us for a quick Thanksgiving episode and special announcement! Kyle shares his family's special Thanksgiving meal tradition and Amanda shares some memories of Thanksgivings from her childhood. For all of our listeners with tough family situations this holiday season, we send you love and a...
-
63 - You Asked, We Answered
Amanda and Kyle respond to listener questions about head coverings, cult practices around the Sabbath, if Amanda thinks her boldness and intelligence caused her to be targeted for abuse as she grew up in the IBLP cult, and how Amanda thinks sexual abuse against one of her brothers would have been...
-
62 - Elections and Cults
What do Cabbage Patch Kids and the 2024 election in the US have in common? A lot, as it turns out. This episode was recorded in response to a poll posted on social media asking listeners to share topics they would like to hear in an episode. Amanda and Kyle discuss correlations between Bill…
more -
61 - Kyle and Sex
Kyle is in the hot seat sharing his background in the Christian church, his thoughts about purity culture as a young adult, and the way he handled sex and relationships as someone who attended Baptist church. Amanda learns a shocking revelation about Kyle's past. Kyle shares his deconstruction...
-
60 - Deconstruction
Amanda shares her deconstruction journey, which began a decade ago when she was a worship leader for a church. That was awkward. She talks through attending seminary after Bible college and her process of realizing there were aspects of Christianity and religion that were irreconcilable with…
more -
59 - The Story of Us
Following up on the marriage purposes series, Amanda and Kyle share their non-courtship story that basically ignored all of Bill's relationship guidelines. However, Kyle almost followed purity culture with room for the Holy Spirit for a whole lotta dates. Amanda will never let him live it down....
-
58 - Coming Home
Amanda flies solo for another episode. This time, she shares about her journey out of a very checked out or dissociative state and home to her own body, mind, and emotions. Amanda went on this journey as she left the cult and began abuse recovery, and also more recently. She shares the ups and...
-
57 - On a Journey to Trust
Amanda and Kyle are joined by a special guest! Skye's story caught our attention right away—her mother, the owner of an adult toy business, sent her to a fundamentalist Christian elementary school WAIT WHAT?! The part about her mom’s business is a great story and will make you chuckle, but...
-
56 - In Which Amanda Tries to Convince Kyle to Try Bill's Abstinence Program for Science
We reach the end of our Six Purposes of Marriage journey! Amanda and Kyle procrastinate and talk about a lot of other things, including how the violin is the most righteous instrument, before diving into Bill Gothard’s strange teachings about what marriage “illustrates.” Amanda and Kyle recap the...
-
55 - Protection of the...Seed?
Mothers aren't protective. Divorce taints godly seed. A woman finally matters because she made a lot of kids who went and did church work. We talk about these topics and many other confusing aspects of Bill Gothard's teachings about pure Christian family lines. Amanda and Kyle also answer…
more
We're indexing this podcast's transcripts for the first time — this can take a minute or two. We'll show results as soon as they're ready.
No matches for "" in this podcast's transcripts.
No topics indexed yet for this podcast.
Loading reviews...
ABOUT THIS SHOW
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded Amanda’s childhood, and the abuse she endured before leaving the cult. Through it all, they talk about what it takes to break free from a cult and what gets left behind.
HOSTED BY
Amanda & Kyle Briggs
Loading similar podcasts...
Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Cult I Left Behind have?
The Cult I Left Behind currently has 106 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Cult I Left Behind about?
Newly-ish married couple, Amanda and Kyle, discuss Amanda’s upbringing in the IBLP cult of Duggar infamy – a story Kyle learns about along with listeners. Through sometimes humorous, sometimes heartbreaking stories, Amanda and Kyle explore the cult’s ideology, the strange rules that surrounded...
How often does The Cult I Left Behind release new episodes?
The Cult I Left Behind publishes regularly with 106 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to The Cult I Left Behind?
You can listen to The Cult I Left Behind on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Cult I Left Behind?
The Cult I Left Behind is created and hosted by Amanda & Kyle Briggs.
URL copied to clipboard!