the friend I needed

[ ep 5 ] when facing obstacles, it is helpful to find ways to better yourself for the sake of establishing more inner peace. but, efforts for constant self-improvement can become counterintuitive if we never let ourselves have peace in where we are. today we’ll be discussing our need to allow ourselves to simply BE – to exist just as we are and to release all agendas and be immersed in the wonderful world of the present. we are taking rest from productivity within the self but ALSO from our outer world. the pressure we put on ourselves to be productive is the exact thing preventing us from being in a flow state of creation. this practice of “just being” is intentional time we set aside but can be applied in all moments through the art of not rushing. let's get into it :)I love you very much, you beautiful creature

[ ep 4 ] come here. we’re going to group therapy. today I’ll be sharing a particular life struggle and sowing seeds of positivity and growth. I share vulnerable moments so you don’t have to feel alone if you’re experiencing similar times.the other week I had dealt with an utterly overwhelming situation in a better way than I ever had. I'm experiencing utter burn out from being someone’s emotional crutch for far too long. Compared to before, I would have drowned in the emotion and gone to a dark place. I’m going to walk you through my exact process that allowed me to properly process these emotions without supressing nor letting them overrun me. this process included creating space between me and the emotion, intention setting and connecting to the light and love around us. this ultimately allowed me to go to bed in a relative state of peace.more topics include:- worry being your minds attempt to help you but recognizing when it’s counterintuitive.- creating a positive and larger perspective on a situation we see as “negative” in the moment- stillness being the answer- improvement not being linear- being there for ourselves even when it is uncomfortable and not choosing the easy way out - letting go of the need to learn and absorb information, and knowing that we are already equipped to practice or enact the tools we haveI’m here to give you the reminders to support yourself but also to challenge you to discover more strength and wisdom within you[I never mentioned..but to clarify possible concerns, all of my sister's symptoms are a product of panic and extreme anxiety]

[ ep 3 ] I’ve been having invasive social anxiety at work worrying about other people having negative thoughts of me. these consistent worries have been draining me of my energy and I am aware how unnecessary it is. so I have been asking myself…WHY? why do I care so much? how can I stop this? a dream came to answer my question. it took me down a path of looking further into the ego and the way we relate to it and how we must change our relationship with ego to truly be free from caring about other’s thoughts and free as a whole

[ ep 2 ] if you're feeling overwhelmed in thought and emotion right now, you're not alone. today I am sharing the 2 ways I've been rewiring my mind to create emotional resilience and increasing quality of life. if you don't know how to help yourself right now, I think this is a good starting point because they can be applied at any time.let's discuss our ability to challenge negative thoughts, disidentifying with emotion, and creating greater awareness of our mind's patterns.

[ ep 1 ] come for a chat with gentle reminders. today we are talking about getting back into our creative work without so much pressure on ourselves, following nature's flow and the abundant lessons to be gained from observing nature. yes, maybe this was recorded as winter was beginning but it still applies okay !(remember, the only thing that matters is this moment here right now. you're doing a great job. take a deep breath and just be right here. you are exactly where you need to be. if we can have peace in the present then we have everything we need.)

[ep 0.13] am I too resistant to the natural discomforts of life? is that resistance making my life harder than it needs to be? we all know that mindset is everything…but this is a complicated issue when you take depression and other human pains into consideration because we feel we experience discomfort enough. can we make room in our lives to accept that life is inherently uncomfortable? I think this necessary acceptance can allow us to face the inevitable obstacles and mundaneness of life. modern day life has offered us reprieve from the challenges our ancestors faced and has elevated the human experience…but where there is more pleasure, there is more painDM me your thoughts on instagram @thefriendineeded

[ep 0.12] I’ve been isolating. if you have been too…you shouldn’t feel bad about it. today I’ll share what my isolation has been looking like. being around people I can’t show my full self to is exhausting. I’m over here busy trying to keep my mental afloat which makes it hard to socialize or listen to other people’s unrelatable and relatively ordinary drama. would I prefer to have close ones to be with? of course! but finding good people that understand you is hard, and I don’t have the extra energy to expend to find them when I don’t even know that it will pay off. people have definitely made me feel bad about myself for living this way, especially as someone in their 20s, but I’m here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with it.I care about you and I support you.

[ep 0.11] why are we here? why does anything exist? these questions are something that everyone has thought about and some more often than others. not knowing the meaning of life used to drive me into anxious states of panic. fortunately, i’m at a point where I have gathered enough questions, answers, and theories to form some grounding beliefs about life and the universe. today I will be sharing my thoughts to perhaps give you some answers, reaffirm your own beliefs, plant some seeds for new ideas, and pique some questions within yourself. of course, this will involve discussing the dynamics of modern day life and the human conditiontime stamps: 4:11 - my theory on the meaning of life14:07 - why does it feel like we are chasing something?43:12 - God?1:01:26 - a higher power and metaphysics1:14:47 - existentialism

[ep 0.10] SOC=stream of conciousness episode. me unfiltered with no episode plan. just speaking my mind in what I can see now in retrospect was an anxiety episode. a night where I am so sick of feeling like shit. I'm trying my best to do better for myself and things go up and up and then I am back at the bottom again. how many times can I hit the bottom and still have the energy to get up?I'll let you into my psyche during this moment. you know why? because when I am going crazy, it would be nice to know that other people were going crazy too. I hope this makes you feel less alone in your crazyI talk about God, catastrophizing during anxious moments, my brain being convinced I can think my way out of my problems (when thinking only makes things worse), the war between 'what I think I should do' vs. 'what actually helps', deescalating from an anxiety episode, and lows being a fire under your ass that give you motivationyou're awesome for listening and know that you are my friend and are not alone.

[ep 0.09] we have 2 options in life - to resist what is happening to us or to accept it; I call this the 2 option dilemma. by conceptualizing our nature to toggle between the two of them, I better understand the way I operate. intellectualizing emotions helps to bring a greater sense of calm and control over my life because I am understanding my emotions and nature rather than being overwhelmed by a wave of it. resistance is usually me overwhlemed by the uncomfort of my reality and not wanting to exist at all and acceptance is when I am ready to persist and work for a better tomorrow. let's talk more about it. you don't wanna? ugh, well I think you should listen anyway

[ep 0.08] reading a journal entry from start to finish - no intro or outro. being in touch with your emotions and thoughts can be perceived as being weak. after minorly opening up to someone about my struggles this person started preaching about discipline and strength of mind. this person is only one of many with the same out-of-touch sentiment I've heard so many times and even had myself once...I think this interaction inspired this journal entryto clarify the part when I say"our life's work is more easily fulfilled"... I mean that our perceived purpose in life is no longer just focused on staying alive. this objective feels far beneath us now and we are expectant of ourselves to fulfill things much larger than that. this phenomenon among us shifts our reality from feeling normal and healthy. we search aimlessly for meaning when there is none and we use our extra time to search for extra problems to solve. we are here simply to be...but it's hard to be okay with that. our bodies aren't wired to be okay with just existing just as the trees do - an issue of the modern world

[ep 0.07] receiving a diagnosis can cause a flurry of emotions...fear, embarassment, overwhelm...but you also feel validated and relief. I want to share a little bit of my reaction from my diagnosis with OCD, the thoughts that came to my mind, and how I made myself feel like just another ”normal” human being rather than someone with ”something wrong with them”. what is normal though? no such thing. I also discuss how my diagnosis has been SO good for me and my relationship with my OCD.it kind of feels like it’s my turn to talk in group therapy lolif you’re enjoying the podcast, please give my podcast a rating and leave some feedback :) it is super helpful to gauge how helpful the podcast is to you. I appreciate it and I appreciate you!!!

[ep 0.06] content warning: passive suicidal ideation, existential crisesI have a blend of a nihilist, existentialist, and absurdist view on life — overall believing that life has no inherent meaning. I walk a fine line in this belief because when I’m doing well, this life philosophy feels great! but when I am not doing well...I ask myself ”why am I even enduring this suffering if its for NO REASON? it is not necessary for me to be experiencing life as a human being if it is going to be this painful”. I’ll take you through my thoughts trying to rationalize pain and a bit of my journey in finding something that has given me a reason to endure the suffering we do as humans. I will discuss how making a positive impact on others is critical to feeling purpose in our lives, the goodness that comes from enduring hardships, and how we can find small things in life that may make us a little more content in being human beings experiencing life.can we have things in life that make us okay with having pain? how can we be more at peace with being alive? let’s talk about it friendsthank you for listening and giving me a voice :)

[ep 0.05]  currently, my life is lacking external sources of validation in the form of school grades, social interactions, career achievements, friendships, and more. I've been feeling a void, like a need for someone to tell me I've been doing a good job or that they see me and appreciate me for the person I am. although, internally, such as emotionally and mentally, I have been making strides...but it is hard to fully believe myself when I say that I am doing impressive work or am doing a good job as a human being.today, I want to talk about our innate need for validation: how it has been affecting me lately, why we all crave it, how we can fulfill this need when we don't have others, and whatever else pops out of my mouth. It is hard to strike the balance of needing others and trying to be enough for ourselves.....it's complicated so let's just talk it out p.s. IM SORRY FOR THE RANDOM THUMPS IN THE AUDIO. I think I passionately pounded the table because I am so dang passionate about validation I guess!!!!!! (?) youtube account mentioned: @afterskoolthey have great spiritual/existential videos I love you and you are a beautiful person.

[ep 0.04]  of course I find myself in an uncomfortable state of mind and am in the mood to just spill my stream of conciousness. my mental jumble actually made me want to talk about how I like to remind myself how small I am in the grand scheme of the universe. I do this thing where I look to the sky and envision our vast world in 3D. I know I know, we all see in 3D...but I think we tend to look at our world at face value or, as I like to think, in 2D. being reminded of our cosmic insignificance can feel liberating because it reminds us that our problems are not as big as we feel they are. it can also make you realize what a miracle it is that we are here experiencing this world at all and make life seem a little magical. come along for a chat friends and I'll share what I've been doing to ground myself. I also have some space facts that will probably make you feel like dust (in the best way!!!!!!)

[ep 0.03] I woke up this morning feeling extremely frustrated. I woke up with my aggravating chronic neck and back pain. it sucks when you are doing everything you can to help yourself and it just isn’t enough. I wanted to just soak into my frustration and allow myself to feel angry. however, a lot of the time we don’t allow ourselves to ~feel~ freely — we censor ourselves, try to be level headed all the time, or suppress our instincts to channel our emotions. I think that we DO need to take the time to be freely ”dramatic” and expressive with our strong emotions, and you might just find that the sooner you stop resisting, the less the emotion will keep persisting. I want to be an advovate for you to shamelessly emote and so I’m sharing some of the ways I let myself sink into what I am feeling which is also the way I cope with strong emotions.

[ep 0.02] SOC=stream of conciousness episode.it’s honesty hour again. I just woke up and I started scrolling on instagram which triggered uncomfortable feelings of discontentment; feeling like I am bored with my life and wondering ”what am I doing with my life?” I’m sharing my stream of conciousness about comparing my life to other people’s supposed happy and healthy looking lives. also, sharing my general feelings of ”needing to do more” and ”be more”. let’s de-escalate from these uncomfortable thoughts and regain perspective. I think that we are all unique souls but at the root are truly equals. we just need to remind ourselves of that.

[ep 0.01]  content warning: passive suicidal ideation, suicide. SOC=stream of conciousness episode.okay...I'm gonna set out to do what I told myself I was gonna do which is be completely open and transparent here. The reason I don't want to be right now is because I don't wanna send anyone down a rabbit hole or to get in their head. But, I think that if I were on the other end and I had spiraled about a topic...it would be nice to hear someone talk about this exact same topic. I don't think anyone is gonna spiral. I'm not in a crazy headspace, but I am a little anxious. I think talking about it out loud will 1. feel good and 2. I think I will find some clarity. I don't think that people always need to hear advice; I think that hearing someone experiencing something similar to you is enough. A common topic came up tonight related to existentialism and depression. I want to read something I wrote while I ate dinner about existential dread, some rhetorical questions I posed, and more. Then after, I want to elaborate on parts I wrote and afterthoughts I had...plus find some place of peace through it all. Listen to me talk to myself through this moment of disconcertment. DM me your thoughts on instagram @thefriendIneeded ! also share with a friend that might be struggling with the topics discussed in today’s episode. let them feel heard!!

this is a podcast I wanted to make to make people feel less alone. I wanna share thoughts and experiences related to mental health as well as just creative ideas I have. I wanna put it all out there so you can have a friend willing to be as vulnerable as you. listen to hear what I want this all to be about and what type of things I am looking forward to share :)