The Jar Podcast | Dignity, Restored, Marriage, Healing, Forgiveness

You may or may not have noticed there wasn’t a new episode last week. Maybe you’ve been around long enough to know I haven’t missed a week in over 2.5 years, really, 3 years at least if you count the FB lives I did each Saturday before the podcast came along. There’s been a shift in my heart, and I wanna talk about that today and what that means for The Jar Podcast, for you, and for me. Resources mentioned by Dr. Carol: Sexpectations course: Learn how to address your sexual story with honesty and compassion and write the next chapter with hope. Having the Sex Talk with Your Spouse Find a local Re|engage group near you! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

I don’t think anybody goes through a painful experience in their life and thinks, “Wow, this is a good thing I”m going through right now” or “Wow, this pain is really serving a purpose.”  I don’t think that perspective is often a first instinct, but it doesn’t mean that the pain that you’re going through right now in your marriage or in your heart is for no reason. In fact, pain can be a gift that we can actually use to start healing. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Have you felt like you’ve worked really hard to be a good wife? You take care of all the things.  You keep up the house.  You read marriage books. You listen to podcasts. You check the boxes and set more goals. But you feel like all your hard work is for nothing, like a deficit or you've overdrawn your relationship bank account. And it’s left you feeling pretty discouraged…  Piggy backing off of last week’s episode about how to cultivate contentment, this episode will get a little bit deeper, to more of the the root behind WHY there may be discontentment and offer 3 biblical lessons to apply to your marriage and battle your discouragement. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

Last week I went mountain biking for the first time. I was visiting my boss for a midyear work retreat and after a full morning of working, we put the bikes on the back of the car and headed to the trail. In between some iffy moments, some bumps and scrapes and pauses to catch our breath, she’d say at every sharp turn or near any ledge “where you look is where you steer, so look ahead, not right in front of you.”Which got me thinking… where is your focus in your marriage and where is it steering you? When things get rocky or steep, sometimes it’s easy to focus on each obstacle, get discouraged by each slip, get impatient when you have to slow down, wish you were already to the downhill portion. Discontentment can begin to creep in and skew the beauty around us. It’s hard to be content when things are precarious, when circumstances or behaviors are disruptive, or our relationships are rocky. But it’s possible. Here are 4 ways to cultivate contentment in your marriage. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Some call it sassy. Some say it’s strong-willed. Others call it normal. When a wife purses her lips and puts her hands on her hips and corrects, finger shakes, eye-rolls, bites back with a comeback, or gives “the look.” The husband appeases, sits back, gives in, or avoids. She throws her hands up and exasperation.  Society can take this behavior and even create comedy routines out of it. Social media pokes fun with Reels and calls it #relatable. But is it excusable? If something is so normal… is it wrong? Don’t all wives get upset, get a little snippy, or sassy?  How’s that workin' for you, friend? Are these attitudes and angry moments making your marriage stronger? Are you ok with your words, thoughts, and actions in those moments or do you often feel guilty or wish you knew a better way to communicate?  Take a deep breath– let’s talk about where your anger’s really coming from, understand it, and then learn how to regulate your emotions so you can calmly communicate with your husband. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Does Your Husband Expect Sex Even When You Don’t Want It? Have you experienced trauma in you past that makes intimacy difficult for you? You want him to feel fulfilled but you just don’t enjoy it? You WANT this area of your marriage to be healthy, strong and comfortable, but there’s a lot to unpack. You WANT to open up to your husband about it, but you also don’t want to make him feel bad… plus, it’s just plain embarrassing sometimes! Whether it’s a phase of life, low libido, damage or baggage from past relationships, or your own past sin, this is NOT what you expected for your sex life in marriage. Whether you’re an exhausted mom of littles just trying to make it to bedtime with nothing left over, a newlywed just trying to figure this out, or a busy mom of teens chauffering everyone all over the place and managing all the schedules… this is for you. Let’s hear from Dr. Carol Tanksley today on this one super important factor that can lead to healing and a healthier intimacy with your husband.  Resources mentioned by Dr. Carol: Sexpectations course: Learn how to address your sexual story with honesty and compassion and write the next chapter with hope. Having the Sex Talk with Your Spouse Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

You think you’ve gotten away with it… maybe he didn’t notice how you side-skirted the truth. He was so focused on getting his point across that he ignored the eye roll you just gave him. Man, he sure gets angry. Did you hear what he said?! He knows his actions were hurtful but he keeps doing them! You walk away from the conversation and around the house the rest of the day quietly fuming about what he did wrong. But girl, aren’t you tired of your own reactions? Aren’t you sick of your outbursts or your attitude? Caught in a cycle of pitting your sins against his and keeping tabs on who’s better? You keep a running list and his is pages long, while yours could apparently fit on a post-it note. Last week we talked about how to make an effective apology, and today’s topic is along the same lines, but perhaps even a precursor to making an apology or… an apology at a deeper level, on a broader scale. This goes beyond the in-the-moment or minor mistakes or mean words to say you’re sorry for, but zooms out a bit to an overall view of the issue really going on… and spoiler alert: the record shows the score’s a little closer than you might’ve thought.  But this ONE thing we’re talking about today will help you begin to put an end to or slow down the tit-for-tat, the record-keeping, finger-pointing, and blaming. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You and your husband have just been fighting or you did or said something that was unkind. Maybe you’re keeping something from him. Either way, you’re feeling the tension, the space between you, and the guilt is getting heavy. You know you need to apologize. You think you understand your part in the conflict. You’re willing to take ownership, and you recognize the wrong on your end.  You want to say you’re sorry and get rid of the weight of the guilt and work toward a resolution… but you’re nervous. You’re scared to apologize. You’re worried about feeling rejected by your husband and maybe a little embarrassed. You’re not sure he’ll forgive you and actually, HE needs to apologize too!  Today we’re gonna talk about 3 steps you can take to make an effective apology, from a place of strength instead of shame. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Is your marriage unprotected and at risk for the enemy to attack? Or your own sin causing damage or destruction from the inside out? How do you fight back? I know you want to feel safe. I know you want your marriage to be healed, your heart to be whole, and for restoration to be possible. Today we’re countering the 4 dangers I mentioned last week with 4 ways to protect and safeguard your marriage from destruction. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

I’m guessing you probably lock your front door at night, right? Do you lock your car when you park at the store? Maybe you don’t struggle with thoughts like “I better not sit with my back to the door” or “What’s the plan if there’s an intruder or a mass shooter” like I do, but I’m sure in today’s society it’s a bit more prevalent than it was even 3 years ago. You’re on guard. You’re more vigilant. You’re even leary and skeptical, at best: you’re prepared and on high alert, ready for anything. What about in your marriage? Are you just as protective of it as you are your house? Do you have a routine and habits in place to safeguard it, “locking doors” relationally as you do physically?You might be able to list a few dangers you know you could recognize quickly… but are you aware of both internal and external threats? I know you want to protect your marriage from things that could destroy it or tear it apart. I can tell you these are 4 dangers I wish I would’ve been more aware of before they wrecked mine… and they might be causing damage to yours right now. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Do you need a safe place where you can be vulnerable with your struggles in marriage without feeling judged, shamed, or embarrassed? Ideally, it’s great to be able to do that in person with community in your church, but I know what it’s like to feel like you belong in the back or skip church altogether because what you’ve done is just too bad or shameful. Not here, sis. Come join the Christian Wife and Marriage Community and get biblical guidance, encouragement, and prayer that can help you heal and find your identity and wholeness in Christ. Loads of Love, Lydia

You and your husband are sitting at the dining room table or in bed, or, our favorite place to have difficult discussions or arguments: the couch. The conversation is escalating, feelings are getting hurt, and you’re feeling more and more confused.  What were we originally fighting about? Why is this communication thing so HARD?! You feel misunderstood and that he’s misinterpreting everything you’re saying, and, if you’re being honest with yourself, you might be misinterpreting some things he’s saying (even though in the moment you won’t admit it). What is going wrong here??  Today we’re talking about two elements of communication that are a 2-step process that help make your communication more effective and lead to mutual understanding rather than confusion! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

Do you consider yourself dependent, codependent, independent to a fault, or independent and proud of it? Whether it's physical, emotional, social, etc. Where you fall? Kinda like Goldilocks and the 3 Bears… How do you know what’s right? How do you measure the temperature to know it’s not too much or isn’t left alone for too long? How do you know if you are independent to a fault, dependent on your man, or caught up in a codependent dance that isn’t healthy? And, is there a healthier way?  There is! Today we’re going to just scratch the surface with the first step to building a healthy INTERdependence in your marriage. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

It probably wouldn’t take you long to think of a mistake you’ve made in your marriage, a sin you committed, a moment of selfish action that you wish you could take back, or some poor choices you aren’t proud of. Whether it’s a string of explosive words during an argument, the angry look you gave, retaliating in bitterness, or the worst form of betrayal, no matter how justified you feel in the moment, regret inevitably sets in. You know that feeling that comes immediately after: the sinking pit, that heat rising to your cheeks, the strong urge to run and hide? Then there’s the lingering side effects you can’t seem to kick: the restless nights, the tears, the feeling sick to your stomach, the distance between you and the other person. Regret can wreck you. It can ruin a relationship almost as much as, if not more than, the sin originally committed, the wrong initially done.  What if instead of letting it wreck you, instead of it holding you back from having the marriage you want, you actually used it to your advantage? What if it actually made your marriage better?  Related episodes: Hypocrite or Holy Transformation? 4 Ways to Tell If It's Real Change GIRL, Get Off the Spinning Wheel! What to Do When Sin Has a Hold on You Are Your Past Mistakes Haunting You? A 3-Step Strategic Battle Plan to Help You Combat Shame and Guilt Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

How do you know what a healthy marriage is?  What would you say constitutes a healthy, God-centered relationship?  How do you get healthy if you don’t know what healthy looks like? It’s time to gain some insight and learn from an example. Today I’m bringing to you, my parents, who are celebrating their 39th wedding anniversary today!  Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

“I try so hard to work on communicating better with my husband. I don’t understand why I still can’t manage to have a happy marriage.” “I deserve to have a good marriage, so why am I struggling with loving my husband? After all, isn’t this marriage  a blessing from God?” “I’m tired of being the one making an effort. I’ve tried so hard to do what the Bible says, so why hasn’t God  made my marriage easier?” “I just did all the laundry, put groceries away, cooked dinner, and kept the kids alive. Don’t I deserve to take a break?” You don’t sound very happy, Linda. You sound disappointed in your marriage, with your husband, and even with God. I’m right, aren’t I? You’re starting to get uncomfortable, aren’t you? I see you… cuz I’ve been you, and I get it. We think we deserve some things from our husbands, and even from God. We should get a certain outcome for our hard work. Y’all. I’ma tell you why you might be feeling this way today’s episode, but, Linda, listen. I’m saying this with the same tough love I needed and still need sometimes: Girl, you've an attitude problem (and so do I). We’re gonna dive deep today into something we don’t like to admit and may not want others to know about us as wives sometimes. Let’s check our pride at the door and talk about it. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

It’s all fun and games and “inspiration” in the beginning: She searches “Farmhouse style” homes, “succulents” and “shiplap” after watching HGTV He turns on the news again to stay informed and know what’s going on in the world Til someone gets hurt… She complains about all the things in the house and how nice so-and-so’s is He turns off the news only to walk around the house with anxiety and irritability toward his family Who said what she has isn’t enough and she has to have the next new thing? Who said the news knows everything and we have to be inundated with “information” if it leads to anxiety and fear? Who’s saying those things and holding your attention? Who’s influencing you? What’s really behind the bad attitude or the change in behavior? Without knowing it, you may be imitating the wrong thing and becoming discontent or unsatisfied in your marriage or life. Today we’re gonna dig into at least one of the reasons and some truth behind why that’s happening. You might need some tough skin and big girl pants on today. Go grab your coffee and let’s do this. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

I remember the feeling: it’s over. There’s no way our marriage can bounce back from THAT. There’s no way I can forgive him after what he’s done. He’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done. Too much damage. Too much pain. He isn’t even talking to me, and we’ve been separated for months! We’ve already met with our lawyers. We’ve already started to sign the papers!  It’s done.  Not so fast, Linda. Listen. That was me. Those words came out of MY mouth 8 years ago. And if you’ve said some of those same things, then, girl… my heart hurts for you and knows that pain so well.  I posted a testimony in a couple of groups on Facebook the other day, on a special anniversary for my husband and me. No, not our wedding anniversary, but one of our benchmarks, one of our altars built during our reconciliation journey. And that post is causing a little bit of a stir… Just when you think it’s too late for you and your husband, I hope that you, too, will leave inspired and know that there is HOPE, still. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

He’s not exactly throwing a temper tantrum, but pretty darn close to it. You know those moments when your husband says or does something that just seems… immature. You’re minding your business or you’re doing what you do and suddenly he is sulking about something or getting loud and upset about something. It seems so out of left field or disproportionate to the actual circumstances, and it’s draining.  He can’t seem to figure it out or work through it, and he expects you to help him out of it or worse, is treating you as a scapegoat to whatever is going on in him. You’ve tried ignoring it, but that hasn’t helped. You’ve tried telling him it’s not your problem. THAT made it worse. And in your frustration of his prolonged silence, pouty mood, or angry outbursts, you’ve ended up calling his immaturity out and tell him to get over it and figure it out. You’ve got enough kids to deal with and teach how to handle their emotions, you don’t have time and energy for another one, an adult, who should know better, right? I know you’re tired, friend. I know you’ve been spinning your wheels on how to help him change or even see how immature he’s being or how it affects the family and you’re just… over it.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and this won’t be fixed or resolved that quickly either, but these steps will begin to help you handle his moments of immaturity in a mature way, in a God-honoring way, and with consistency, you’ll begin to see some change. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

“God, I’m tempted to lose hope because my dreams are shattered. I’m in so much pain, but I don’t see you fixing things, and that hurts, too. I know you see my pain but I wonder if you’ll do anything about it. I question your plan, why you aren’t stepping in or healing this.” I wrote these words in my journal during a time about 8 years ago when God felt silent. Have you ever felt like God is silent in your struggle or pain? Doesn’t He care? Doesn’t He see you’re hurting, lonely, and rejected? You hold onto hope with everything you have. You cry out in anger – but God seems so distant. Why isn’t God answering? Isn’t He listening? Why is He silent? The silence after a noisy, traumatic event like a marriage ending, an admission, a confession, or a long, cold distance in your marriage, leaves you in shock, feeling abandoned and surrounded by deafening silence.  What do you do now? Suffer in silence?  If you’re in a season of silence, feeling like God just isn’t interested in your suffering or in healing or restoring anything in your life, here are 4 steps to follow when God seems silent. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You feel the burning sensation in the pit of your stomach. The tightness in your chest. The inability to take a deep breath. The clenched jaw and gritted teeth. Your mind goes spirals downward with a string of things that he’s done wrong, you’ve done wrong, the list goes on and on to eventually you can no longer decipher the reality from the made-up lies. You act out. You have big outbursts with words you can’t take back. You hurt him where it’ll hurt him most. You betray his trust. You yell and cry and want to throw your hands up and say I quit! I’m out. You’re angry. This can’t be good, right? Anger is… wrong… right?? It feels scary and uncontrollable and unpredictable…so it’s bad, right? What if I told you it might not be? What if I told you that it can be a tool when used correctly? Here are 3 ways you can use your anger to invoke change and cause spiritual growth instead of sabotaging your marriage. Tyson & Jules Morlet: wedintowar.com Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Your husband is not leading you spiritually, and you’re tired of always being the one to start family devotions and just wish he would take initiative. You feel like you have to force him to grow in his relationship with the Lord and lead your family. You’re trying to be a Godly wife and support him but you’re frustrated with his spiritual immaturity. How do you stay patient? How do you wait for him to lead? How do you obey God when your husband isn’t even trying? How can you possibly be a Godly wife, Holy Spirit-led, grow Fruit of the Spirit, and raise your kids well, when he isn’t stepping up to the plate? Or worse…What if your husband refuses to be a spiritual leader? Sadly, it's a question I hear all too often. Many Christian wives cry out in frustration and disappointment, longing for their husbands to do what God has called them.  Well, Linda, listen, this isn’t easy, and I don’t have easy answers but I do have some questions and insight that can help you be a Godly wife even when your husband isn’t leading.  Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

What makes you feel loved by your husband? Is it kind words, when he thanks you for a job well done, or when he calls you his favorite pet name? Is it when he pitches in around the house, does the dishes without being asked, or changes a dirty diaper?  How about when he comes home with flowers, brings you a beautiful necklace for Valentine’s Day, or your favorite cookies on his way home from work? Perhaps it’s when he puts his phone down and has a real, undivided attention conversation with you? A babysitter is called and he takes you out on a real date? It might even be when he holds your hand, lets you put his feet on him as you watch a movie on the couch, or gives you a big hug. If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably heard the term “Love Languages” before. If you haven’t, we’ll get into it a bit today. Most people would say knowing these about each other are super important to the marriage… and I mostly agree. But I also have a unique perspective that might surprise you or make you mad, either one, I’m here for it.  Go grab your coffee and let’s go. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You know when you get a comment from someone like “wow, your son is getting so tall!” and you hadn’t really noticed because you see him every day or when you turn to talk to him and the light hits just right that you notice peach fuzz on his upper lip and realize puberty is already here? It’s kinda like that– healing happens with time. Hearts mend piece by piece, and God moves in sometimes obvious but other times subtle ways. He wants us to notice, pay attention, see it, acknowledge Him, thank Him, and build altars to look back and remember. To build altars for future generations to come across, markers of His provision, His peace, His presence. I remember how broken I was at one point in my marriage. Broken to the point of literal skin and bones, a scarlet letter, and on the edge of social situations, ostracized and sinking in shame. But Hope was found in the dark, in the sleepless nights, in the gasps of breath between sobs as I learned how to look up instead of in. Out of that pain, this podcast was born. To quote a song by Maverick City Music: “So I’ll look back over my life and see how things have changed… to say You are good.” All I can say is You are good. Come celebrate with me as I look back over the journey of The Jar Podcast as it hits 2 years old and hear some goals for a brand new season! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You’re frustrated with how you and your husband seem to be communicating better but then you’re suddenly back to arguing. You feel like you keep trying and trying to make a change in your marriage, only to be back at square one. The lack of growth is discouraging, and you just want to call it quits, cry, or give up! You’re stretched thin in exhaustion, tired of returning to the old you, the old ways of doing things. What you want is to start fresh, start over, or spark a new fire between you two. This unlikely answer won’t be easy to hear… but hey, we can do hard things. Come on, go grab your big girl pants and get your coffee and let’s go. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Does your anxiety get the best of you during conversations with your husband? Do you notice your anxious thoughts (and heart rate) racing as you try to keep up with all the things? Have you ever felt like everything would fall apart if you just stopped doing even one thing? Come hear my not-so-funny (but kinda funny) story of what happened last week when 8 family members decided to show up with one day’s notice and my anxiety skyrocketed and brought on some things about myself I’m facing. Together, we’ll learn and apply these 3 components to handling high anxiety moments and how to work through hearing hard truths about our shortcomings, without shame. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

He looks at you one day and says, “I don’t love you anymore.” You check the mail and there’s a large brown envelope with a thick packet of divorce papers you weren’t expecting. Or maybe you’ve sensed it coming but still stand there in shock as he says, “I want a divorce.” Now what? Everything you knew, everything you thought would be is suddenly crumbling apart. You have flashbacks of standing on the altar vowing forever, and it’s suddenly being cut short. This isn’t what you want, but you feel helpless in this moment and frozen in place. Now what? How do you handle the hard news and the stress of your marriage suddenly ending? Oh, friend, I know the pain. Whether this is unexpected or you think you deserve it, there’s no condemnation here. Just compassion and some experiential wisdom of what helped me walk through this. I wanna share 3 ways to handle this difficult news and navigate your next steps with grace. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

If you’re in a place right now where you don’t feel heard by your husband, Your feelings aren’t validated, and the sadness creeps in, Your disappointment deepens every time he says “I will” but it turns into a “he didn’t,” Or you’re sitting there thinking “how did we get here? How did I get here? I don’t deserve this…” But you feel stuck because, well, you’re the one who made this choice, and you’re here because you decided to be... Then, listen, Linda, this message is for you today. I feel the weight of your disappointment. I’ve been there, and I sometimes still battle against it!  Today I’m going to give you some biblically-based truth, friend-to-friend feedback,  that will shift your mindset and can help decrease the weight of disappointment in your marriage so you can find hope again. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Demanding? Dominating? Forcing someone else to adjust their behavior to fit my sudden needs? All definitions of THIS one very toxic trait you may not be aware you bring to your marriage or how it's ruining your marriage, one conversation at a time. Today, there's one simple trick to take this toxic trait and turn it into a tool to stop damaging your marriage and start to improve communication with your husband. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Do you know you should be trying harder in your marriage but you’ve essentially given up? Have you ever been so tired, you just stop putting in the effort? You’re so exhausted that you just don’t care what you say or how you say it, even if it’s unkind? These conversations and times of exhaustion are so difficult because we think we just need more sleep, eat healthy, or we’re told to just do some self-care routines… and yet we find ourselves right back in this position again and wonder why nothing’s working. Like we talked about in the last episode, the problem here probably isn’t physical, our exhaustion isn’t just from chasing toddlers, overloading our calendars, or from lack of sleep. It’s true soul fatigue, and rather than applying bandaids of self-care, we’re in need of SOUL care. So if you’re showing up today kinda in a fog, tired of your marriage, sick of your husband, and sick and tired of feeling this way, let me offer you 3 remedies that can begin healing your soul and make an improvement in your marriage. Book referenced: Soul Keeping by John Ortberg Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Are you walking around your house right now feeling… heavy? Is the weight just making you so exhausted you wish you could stay in bed all day? You’re so hungry, but also too tired to eat anything. Or maybe you just don’t care and eat everything in sight, cuz, whatever, who cares anymore. I’m not actually talking about the number on the scale or how you look in a mirror… What’s weighing you down is deeper within you. Your hunger is more than physical. It’s the heaviness in your heart, the sadness in your soul, and the exhaustion from exerting all your efforts to doing all the right things, keeping up with the kids, the house, and the husband. You’ve become accustomed to distracting yourself with more chores, more screentime, less eye contact, fewer conversations, more work. More shrugging, sighing, irritability, and you can’t seem to shake the funk you’re in. It feels like this dark cloud looming over you and is pretty depressing. You are most likely experiencing something more than being overly tired or even utterly exhausted… even deeper down, you may be experiencing soul fatigue. Today we’re going to talk about 3 Reasons why Soul Fatigue is Dangerous and how it impacts our marriages, relationships, and worse…our relationship with the Lord. Book referenced: Soul Keeping by John Ortberg Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST STRUGGLES IN YOUR MARRIAGE COMMUNICATION? Not necessarily arguments, because, well, it takes two to argue and you’re just trying to get your husband to either open up and talk or respond to you when you’re talking! You try to say something to him once, but he doesn’t seem to hear you and you end up repeating yourself because he doesn’t respond or acknowledge what you’re saying? You feel like you’re just talking to yourself or the wall, or ya might as well be talkin' to the dog because at least then you wouldn’t have to expect a response. You’re feeling pretty ignored and unheard…and honestly lonely right now. As you’ll hear in today’s question from a listener, you are not alone in this feeling or struggle, and today I want to offer both some practical ways and also a deeper challenge to you to partner with God to help your husband listen to you and communicate better. Related episodes: #68 - Tired of Feeling Invalidated or Unheard During Conversations with Your Husband? 5 Steps to Having Better Communication in Your Marriage #35 - Feeling Disappointed and Misunderstood When You Communicate with Your Husband? This Is For You. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

SHOULD YOU STAY IN YOUR MARRIAGE OR LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND? What does God say about it? So many questions, so much confusion, and so many voices giving you permission in today’s society, how do you determine what God is saying about your marriage? Your friends have probably already weighed in over a glass of wine with some “mm mmm’s” and some “uhh uhhh’s." Your mama’s already done given you a piece of her mind about “that man," and this one preacher you follow on social media said you deserve to be loved… and… well, who do you listen to? How do you know if it’s ok to walk away from your marriage? Have you wondered if God would be ok with you leaving your husband? If it’s biblically sound or acceptable? What if you think you’ve tried everything you possibly could have and nothing’s changed? Are you just supposed to stick around and wait for him to change? When is it ok to separate from your husband or even pursue divorce? Should you? How do you know what God is telling you to do? Linda, listen, we need to talk. I have 5 biblically-based tools that will help you begin to make the right decision (warning: I don’t have all the answers, but I got some experiential wisdom I wanna share). Come on, go grab your coffee and get ready, cuz here we go. Books referenced: Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Are you feeling alone this New Year's Eve? Not filled with much hope for your marriage as you prepare for the new year? I've been there. In fact, 7 years ago today I sat all alone, uninvited, broken, and filled with shame, separated from my husband and unsure of the new year.  Here are some questions that can help you reflect on this year, set goals for next year, and determine some action steps to take so that you can go where God's called you to in your marriage. This is a clip of the Live episode in the Christian Wife and Marriage Community (<----missed it? Join the group and watch the full thing!) You are NOT alone, and there IS hope!  Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

I remember what it felt like… reading through the divorce papers, first through tears, then with a burning sensation in my stomach when I saw the section explaining the holidays we’d split with the kids.  How can I EVER spend a Christmas away from my boys? I literally didn’t think I could survive that. Weekends were hard enough. I’ve never spent time near the holidays feeling so…hopeless. It felt dark, depressing, painful, and permanent. And maybe that’s you today. It’s Christmas Eve and the joy of the season is nonexistent and all hope is lost for what used to be or what could be. Listen, Linda, I’ve been in that cold, dark place before, and although I can’t promise an outcome, I CAN show you how to hold onto hope in the middle of your broken marriage, in the pieces, in the night because Hope Himself has come and you CAN find hope in Him. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Someone says “Merry Christmas” and you could just roll your eyes. You see two friends laughing while shopping and you want to barf. Even worse, someone asks you how you’re doing or what your plans are for the holidays, and you just instantly start crying. Not everyone is looking forward to Christmas… in fact, this year? This year you would rather hide from everyone because the pain is too much to bear and things are just too different and difficult. You feel swallowed by sorrow. You’re sitting there in sadness over your recent loss, your separation, your first Christmas divorced and sharing the kids, or a past hurt that resurfaces this time of year… you’re suddenly lonely and filled with regret or longing during a season that should be filled with joy and used to be so happy. Today in part 3 of our Advent Series, you’ll find that your sadness is very real… and that there is One who sees you, sympathizes with you, and sits with you in your sorrow. But He won’t leave you there, and there is hope. Go grab your coffee and let’s talk. Here we go. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Just one more glass… and the regret and headache the next morning. See him one more time… and cry in shame on your drive home the next morning. Let those angry words fly… and choke on the shame of destructive words you can’t take back. Deny the choices you’ve made… and hide the shame of lying until it burns inside. We are faced with decisions on a regular basis: to continue to choose to give into temptation or to surrender our will to the Lord’s. To satisfy our immediate desires and gratifications or sacrifice in the moment for a deeper, more fulfilling satisfaction. To quit trying to surrender because the chains are too heavy and just give up and give back in. Are you TIRED of Carrying the Weight of Shame in Your Life or Marriage? Come learn how to surrender your shame to the Lord and walk in FREEDOM as a daughter of the King! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You’re going about the motions of showing up to the parties, baking the pies, hanging stockings, decorating the Christmas tree, and you’re putting on the smile and the “Merry Christmas!” to your neighbors when you walk outside. But when you walk back inside, there’s a heaviness. There’s a deep longing in your heart for more but you can’t quite put your finger on WHY you feel this way. I KNOW you want to truly feel the joy of the season– you just would like the arguing with your husband to stop. You wish you wouldn’t snap at your kids who are so full of energy or suddenly yell at someone for asking the gazillionth question while you’re trying to bake that pie you signed up to bring to the potluck— sound familiar? Most people chalk it up to the normal business that comes with the season. You don’t know that there may be a secret burden you’ve been carrying around that’s weighing you down and affecting your marriage and your mindset. Today we’re digging into 3 signs you’re holding onto a secret burden of shame and how it’s impacting you. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Your husband asks “What’s the matter?” and you want to yell “EVERYTHING’S THE MATTER!” because your to-do list is a mile long, the house is a pig sty, and you’re feeling all the pressure to say yes to every holiday event or get together with friends or sports teams or family. The overwhelm hits, and you feel like all you can do is scream, cry, or escape. In today’s special guest episode, my friend and fellow podcaster Lisa Lizotte gives us 3 simple things to minimize overwhelm and simplify our mindset so we can function from and experience wholeness. Lisa is happily married to her high school sweetheart, and 3 kids. I serve as a professional home organizer and habits coach at habitsandhome.com. If you want to DECREASE overwhelm, frustration and pressure to perform yet continue to serve your family, love others, and have more joy in your daily routine, then come listen to her 3 simple things you can start doing today. Check out Lisa's podcast The Habits and Home Show Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Oh man, it’s Thanksgiving next week– and just the thought of multiple get-togethers, feasts, cooking for large groups, seeing extended family, the hustle and bustle, the extra busy season, expectations on showing up or getting gifts, can really cause anxiety to be at an all-time high. And that means you’re primed and ready for the smallest thing to trigger big feelings and arguments. Are you traveling this year? Or hosting at your home? Do you have a good relationship with your inlaws or is it strained? Already rolling your eyes at how conversations will go and dreading the anxiety and moment of frustration? Today we’re going to talk bout 2 ways to improve your communication with your husband over the holidays and lessen the tension between you so you can navigate high-stress or busy seasons well! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question for me to air on the podcast! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Raise your hand if you’re sittin' in your car right now in your driveway, not wanting to go back inside because you know another fight with your husband is inevitably going to happen the second you walk in. Maybe you’re at work and the way you left your husband and your home this morning was NOT pretty and you regret fighting with him before leaving the house. Or girl, you’re standing at your kitchen sink with your earbuds in while he’s playing with the kids and everything looks normal on the outside but inside you’re screaming about how defeated you feel from all the arguments. Well, hold on, before you go inside or before you take your earbuds out or turn the volume down, listen, Linda, I KNOW you’re tired of fighting! Worn out from the disagreements, the ugly words, the accusations being flung, and the bitterness creeping in. What if I told you there was a way to stop fighting against your husband, but against the right thing? What if you knew what to fight FOR instead? Come on, go grab your coffee and sit with me. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

“That's just who I am!” or “I’m willing to work on that.”  Which one leads to growth and which one keeps you stuck? The answer is obvious. But why do we care?  When my marriage crumbled, and we were causing a lot of pain then began to reconcile, we worried about our boys. Did we scar them forever? Will they have tendencies and habits that stem from this time? Are there traits and things in our boys that will cause them to say in the future “that’s just how I am” not realizing that it's rooted from in their childhood?  Are YOU stuck in a generational sin pattern? Do YOU claim “That’s just how I am?” when you can’t seem to function any other way?  Listen in today for my #1 tip to breaking the cycle of sin in your family and find healing to make a generational impact.  Loads of Love, Lydia  --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show!  --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review  --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

I know you’ve been there before. Exhaustion. Pure exhaustion. A sudden awareness of how empty you are. The clutter in your home, conflict in your marriage, and chaos in motherhood come out as angry overstimulation, overwhelming emotions, and then… just… fumes. The fiery panic turns to apathy, going about the motions, glazed-over looks, almost numb, and you wonder how much longer this can on until you just can’t. One more disagreement might be the end. But in our exhaustion, we push through. We keep picking things up. We keep wiping toddler butts. We keep correcting, redirecting, explaining, cautioning, staying on high alert, knowing where every remote is in the house, answering countless questions, cooking dinner, doing all.the.things.  WHY? Listen in today for the #1 reason you're running on fumes and how you can begin to F.U.E.L your soul! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Are you flying under the radar? Is your sin going undetected? Does it come out only inside the four walls of your home, but others outside see a smiling face and someone well put together? Do you scream and rage OR keep information to yourself and hide, and feel like it’s eating you alive? What if the way to uncover your sin, expose your darkest struggles, and actually start healing, finding wholeness, and LIVING is actually found in something we all were told growing up is something to run from? Something to fight?  Temptation. (dun dun dun) Uncomfortable yet? Who just started squirming in their seats? 🙋‍♀️GOOD.  Lean in cuz guess what: Today we’re gonna flip the script on temptation and learn to USE it. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Tears fill your eyes, a fire is burning in your chest, and you’re reeling with confusion and you don’t know how to respond. Your husband’s just confessed a sin struggle or you’ve just discovered hurtful things he’s done. You’re instantly thrown into this very physical reaction, a surreal feeling, where senses are heightened, feelings are BIG, and your every sense of security and peace and normalcy are uprooted. What do you do? How do you walk through this? It’s new territory (or maybe it’s not, and this time is the last straw!). The more important question is: how do we respond biblically? In a way that is actually productive, keeps our sanity intact, and keeps us anchored in this confusing, painful storm? Today I have a super simple, 3-step action plan to help you process the pain and determine a biblically-based response so that you can begin to heal. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

It’s like an elephant suddenly sat on your chest. Instant physical and emotional reactions begin brewing and brimming as your mind starts spinning with the news your husband is confessing, the sin you’ve just found out about: his infidelity, porn addiction, gambling habit, lustful thoughts, dishonesty, etc. Fight or flight mode begins instinctively to kick in, and you either want to punch and scream or grab your keys and drive far far away. How do we process such hurtful information, such destructive choices from our most loved person? Does our reaction have to be impulsive and explosive? Or is there another way? There is, friend, and we’re going to talk about 3 steps to take so you can respond instead of reacting to this pain. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Does your marriage feel dull, lifeless, and empty? Are you feeling neglected, forgotten, left behind, and unimportant? Maybe you want to change that, to reignite a spark, and to bring some LIFE back into your dying marriage by reviving your OWN heart toward your husband. You're sick of feeling so hardened toward him, angry, and bitter. But you just don’t see how it’s possible. You feel so numb and hopeless that it’s easier to just leave things as they are. Maybe you’re sitting there and things in your heart are looking pretty dried up. Kinda like the single plant I received as a gift... it’s crispy dead. Like you even get close to it and a dry, crispy leaf just falls right off. No coming back. Maybe that’s where you are. Let’s talk today, Friend. About the one thing that starts to move you in the direction of revival, of signs of life in your heart again toward your husband. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Why do we wives lean into control or feel the need to fix? What is that actually about??  Did you know the root cause is often..... shame? So what do we do with that? How are we supposed to unravel the curse of shame in our marriages? Can we really find wholeness? Tune in to Part 2 of my conversation with guest Jules Morlet today and hear how she and her husband worked through shame and how you can, too. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Has your marriage turned out nothing like you expected? You’ve faced some pretty tough and dark moments and feel pretty hopeless about it. Maybe you’ve walked through some difficult things like infidelity, deception, porn addiction, or worse and you’re wondering if it’s too late to recover. You just want to know that it’s possible! My guest today, Jules Morlet, helps us understand the curse of shame, its effect on us, and the war the enemy rages on our marriages, since the beginning of time… and the healing hope and path to recovery we can find in letting go of control. It's time to unravel the curse of shame in your marriage and find wholeness. Grab your coffee and come join us for our conversation, here we go! Get in touch with Jules Morlet & learn more about Wed into War. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Hey, Friend, I’m glad you’re here. Something in this title made you click and listen, and my hunch is: you’re feeling a bit distant from God. You want more but you aren’t sure why you still feel that longing in your heart, that distance or emptiness. And it’s even impacting the intimacy with your husband– you feel far from him, too. You’ve tried “drawing near to God so He will draw near to you.” You’ve spent time reading the Word and going to church…and still you long to feel closer and be able to hear Holy Spirit when He’s speaking to you and draw on His strength when you’re weak. Well, Linda, listen… there might be something standing in your way: you. But as you know, I’m not gonna sit here and point fingers. Today I’m sharing 3 things that have held me back and can be keeping you from a more intimate relationship with God. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community