PODCAST · comedy
The King James Virgin
by The King James Virgin
The podcast where Adam and Alan recount Bible stories from their childhoods to their friend Nick who has never heard them before.
Episodes
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None of This is Reel Trailer
Nick and Adam have a new podcast: None of This is Reel! Here’s the trailer for their new show, we hope you enjoy it and come join us as we explore movies while being sucked through time!
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Mary and Joseph Stay Together for the Baby Jesus
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Christmas Story. Nick learns that Jesus is a Josh-damn little shit.
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Capital “T” Truth with Will (an Ex-Pastor)
In this episode, Nick, Adam, and Will discuss “truth” and it’s various meanings. Nick learns that Will and Adam still have some lingering feelings about their lapsed beliefs.
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G.K. Chesterton: Pillars of Conservatism – Part 4
In this episode, Nick tells Adam about turn of the century religious writer G. K. Chesterton. Nick learns that Adam has very strong feelings about C. S. Lewis fans.
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Pat Robertson: Pillars of Conservatism – Part 3
In this episode, Nick tells Adam about conservative TV personality Pat Robertson. Nick and Adam learn than real life Bond villains might actually exist!
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Jerry Falwell: Pillars of Conservatism – Part 2
In this episode, Nick tells Adam about conservative religious leader and political activist, Jerry Falwell. Nick learns that Adam’s idea of turn-ons might be broader than first imagined.
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Car Episode: 90s Christian Culture
In this episode, Alan and Adam talk about their experience growing up in the 90s in the church. The two of them learn that maybe Alan being in charge of his brother’s church clothes inspired an eventual career.
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Russell Kirk: Pillars of Conservatism – Part 1
In this episode, Nick tells Alan and Adam about the author of The Conservative Mind, Russell Kirk. Everyone learns “paleo” has more than one obvious reference, and that Ren Faires need to be consensual.
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Evie’s Catholic Corner: Pope Hats (Corrected Audio)
In this episode, Evie tells Alan, Adam, and Nick about the Papal headwear. Everyone learns that sometimes when the Pope says he wants to be less fancy, what he really means is, “I want a lighter hat”.
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Abraham & Isaac Bond (and then Have an Awkward Ride Home)
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abraham and Isaac. Nick learns that child murder is in the eye of the beholder.
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Isaac & Ishmael: The Monotheist Gets Polyamorous
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abraham, Sarah, Hagar, and how the three of them tried to do God’s work for him. Nick learns that sometimes you’ve got to give up a little skin to get a new name.
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Abram Has a Hot Wife/Sister
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Abram’s (aka: Abraham) early life. Adam, Alan, and Nick learn that maybe Abraham made his millions from donkey futures.
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Hells Bells: Nick and Adam Watched a Doc, Part 2
In this episode, Nick and Adam watch the second half of the documentary: Hells Bells: The Dangers of Rock’N’Roll. Nick learns that maybe Pan was a lot more common in the 70s than he is today.
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Hells Bells: Nick and Adam Watched a Doc, Part 1
In this episode, Nick and Adam watch the first half of the documentary: Hells Bells: The Dangers of Rock’N’Roll. Nick learns that Adam is SUPER triggered by the ridiculous content of late-80s conservative rhetoric.
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Judith is Not Lilith
In this episode, Nick tells Alan and Adam about Judith AND Lilith. Nick learns that Alan puts in a ton of work, and does not envy him.
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Ranking Sin with Will (an Ex-Pastor)
In this episode, Adam and Nick talk to Adam’s friend Will about sin. Adam and Will learn that Nick’s lack of religious upbringing was even better than they assumed.
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David is Undignified (and Uzzah Dies)
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about David dancing before the lord (and Uzzah kicking the bucket). Adam and Alan learn that Nick sometimes offends his customer’s sensibilities.
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Psalms 23: David Plays the Harp and Jacob Plows
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Psalms 23. Nick learns that “praise band” can be a triggering phrase.
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The Temptation of Christ Was Probably A Vision Quest
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the temptation of Christ. Nick learns that the wilderness is more than just the forest.
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Hophni & Phinehas: They’re Bad, They’re Priests, They’re Gonna Die
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the second half of Samuel’s story. Nick learns that God likes to kill 50,000 dudes, just for peaking.
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The Ark of the Covenant Will Melt Your Face Off
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Ark of the Covenant. Nick learns that, apparently, God has a wide, yet shallow butt.
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Bible Battle Bracket- Round III
In this episode, once again, Alan and Adam battle it out in a tournament setup by Nick. Nick learns that Margot is out for blood, and she doesn’t care who’s standing in her way!
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The Tabernacle: Intense Incense in Tents
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the tabernacle. Nick learns that when priests be hungry, they prefer big ass bread.
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Samuel: The Tiny Lil’ Baby Prophet
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Samuel as a child. Nick learns that robes can be deadly.
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666: The Number of the Beast
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the mark/number of the beast from Revelation. Nick learns that his past experience with Cats has prepared him well for the more esoteric parts of the Bible.
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Gideon and His Band of Weirdos
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Gideon. Nick learns that there’s more to this dude than just leaving Bibles in hotel rooms.
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Fire Snakes on a Stick
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the Children of Israel and the Plague of Fire Snakes. Nick learns that fire snakes are probably a lot grosser than they sound.
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Ruth Gleans a Husband
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Ruth. Nick learns that he should have been on the lookout for his most attractive cousin.
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Hosea and Gomer: A Life of Harlotry
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Hosea and Gomer. Nick learns Alan has incredibly strong feelings about raisins.
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Evie’s Catholic Corner – Saints: Wilgefortis and Corona
In this episode, Evie tells Alan, Adam, and Nick about the Saints Wilgefortis and Corona. Everyone learns that palm trees can sometimes be more interesting than Jesus in a dress.
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BLACK FRIDAY: 1 – Acute Spontaneous Melanization
You may have noticed we didn’t drop an episode on Thursday, we choose not to post anything so that black voices could be heard more clearly. We also wanted to use our platform to elevate a show we really like called BLACK FRIDAY. It’s created by Tycho Newman, and we thought you might dig it. You...
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Cain & Abel Invent Murder
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Cain and Abel. Nick learns that his love of The Sandman has come to serve him well.
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BONUS – Aesop Abstinent: The Stag and the Oxen
This week, we’re giving you a taste of what our Patreon subscribers will get access to: new episodes of the Aesop Abstinent. This week, Nick tells Alan and Adam the fable of The Stag and the Oxen. Adam and Alan learn that figs have weirdly become a theme throughout this podcast.
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Adam & Eve & a Tree & a Serpent
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of how we fucked it all up. Nick is reminded that Adam and Alan used to spend WAY TOO MUCH time together…Nick Wooster is god.
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In the Beginning: the Six Days of Creation
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of how it all began. Nick learns that you don’t need the sun to have a light and that time is meaningless.
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Daniel and the Lion’s Den: The Greatest Adventure
In this episode, Alan is back, but we’re still watching the Hanna-Barbera cartoons. This week it’s Daniel and the Lion’s Den from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible”! Nick and Adam show Alan the ropes, and Alan still ends up schooling the other two.
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The Miracles of Jesus: The Greatest Adventure
In this episode, Alan is still out on paternity leave, Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of The Miracles of Jesus from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits (and/or lack there of).
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Queen Esther: The Greatest Adventure
In this episode, with Alan still out on paternity leave, Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Queen Esther from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits (and/or lack there of).
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Samson and Delilah: The Greatest Adventure
In this episode, Alan is still out on paternity leave, so Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Samson and Delilah from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits.
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Jonah: The Greatest Adventure
In this episode, Alan is out on paternity leave, so Adam and Nick watch the Hanna-Barbera cartoon of Jonah from “The Greatest Adventure: Stories from the Bible” and discuss its merits.
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The Four Horsemen of Our Current Apocalypse
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the end times. Nick learns that Alan and Adam grew up in a church obsessed with prophesy (and prepping).
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Naaman Has “Leprosy”
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Naaman. Nick learns that Alan and Adam have vastly different understandings of the sonic qualities of punctuation.
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Elisha Kills Some Youths
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick the story of Elisha and the Bears. Nick learns that just two verses can spark the imagination of a young Adam.
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Bible Battle Bracket – Round II
In this episode, once again, Alan and Adam battle it out in a tournament setup by Nick. Nick learns that DC Talk’s and the Talking Heads’s careers never overlapped…coincidence?!?
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Jesus Would Have Been a Socialist
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Jesus’s politics. Nick learns that Jesus probably would Feel the Bern!
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Unclean Animals – Peter’s Weird Dream and Leviticus
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about Peter’s weird dream that changed everything. Nick learns that he’s been eating ALL of the wrong types animals.
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David Gets All Oiled Up, Part 2 of 2
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick more stories about the life of David. Nick learns that it’s possible David and Oprah had something in common. Shhhh, it’s a secret.
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David Gets All Oiled Up, Part 1 of 2
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick more stories about the life of David. Nick learns that Saul was a really shitty dinner host.
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David Does a Bad Thing
In this episode, Alan and Adam tell Nick about the story of David, Bathsheba, and Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. Nick learns that Alan really doesn’t like Susan Boyle.
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Evie’s Catholic Corner: Self-Flagellation, Relics, and Stigmata
In this episode, Nick, Alan, and Adam listen to Evie talk about Catholicism. Nick learns that the (current) pope doesn’t like red shoes.
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
The podcast where Adam and Alan recount Bible stories from their childhoods to their friend Nick who has never heard them before.
HOSTED BY
The King James Virgin
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The King James Virgin have?
The King James Virgin currently has 84 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The King James Virgin about?
The podcast where Adam and Alan recount Bible stories from their childhoods to their friend Nick who has never heard them before.
How often does The King James Virgin release new episodes?
The King James Virgin has 84 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to The King James Virgin?
You can listen to The King James Virgin on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The King James Virgin?
The King James Virgin is created and hosted by The King James Virgin.
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